#pretense for self defence and higher priorities... fuck the higher priorities are SO painful and SO delicious

[teeforhee]

very pleased to think about the lonely eyes potential if I can just. bear to think about Peter Lukas for longer than a second.

#they are ALL the angst and awfulness form a certain twisted kind of jonmartin but without having to justify myself in being awful abt jmart #we have the contradictions between two opposing powers... we have them both being manipulative bastards... we have so much history #so many possibilities.... so much heartwrenching awfulness.... #and YET peter lukas has a very lonely typical effect on me. I can't bear to think about him. i try to and he just falls away from me. i can #picture his voice but not his word choice. i can picture his vibes but not his actions. peter lukas is shrowded in fog in my mind #which is very in character but!! also!! not useful for writing the bastard!! #come out from the mist peter lukas i want to angst about you and the terrible eye man #mine #tma posting #gd tho yeah.... theyre exactly perfect. they're exactly what i want from a ship. any and all genuine feelings are so buried under layers of #pretense for self defence and higher priorities... fuck the higher priorities are SO painful and SO delicious #we get the conflict between two different kinds of immortal... oh ho ho!! #i once read a fic where peter fell in love with elias pre-jonah and when jonah picked him as his new vessel it fucking Broke peter's heart #AND HE WAS GRATEFUL FOR IT. because the heartbreak and insuing loneliness serves his patron. he was angry and then he drifted away. #and he was safe and alone and aching again. like... yeah that FUCKS. that is FLAWLESS. THATS WHAT ITS ALL ABT BABEYYY #its all so painful and horrible... its all so complicated and wrong... it's any and all sincerity drowned out by static and cloaked in fog #it is i-want-to-know-you and i-will-not-be-known and its the thrill of chasing prey that cannot ever be caught or maybe its the tragic #inevitability of peter's fall (because i cannot see elias abandoning the eye for Anything) and the selfishness to pull him out of everything #he knows and is and loves-fears just because you want to know how he will react. you will destroy him just because you want him and you can #ohhh many thoughts head full. MANY thoughts head full. some thoughts only half good but. oh ho ho! #i love this ship deeply #tma spoilers