#pretty sure that second dude is just straight up pooping but even so

[neptuneofthesky]

MCC 15 WINNER'S POV [RECAP]

RED RABBITS

DREAM

MICHAELMCCHILL

QUACKITY

SAPNAP

I was a little bit late, I first joined Quakcity’s stream to listen to his mcc song, which was great by the way!! (go listen to it!!)

Quackity said that he is Florida, that is why he isn’t using the green screen, Dream is in the next room, and Sapnap is streaming from the bathroom.

Then I joined Dream’s stream and I was there the whole time.

1st Game, Parkour Tag

Dream was a god in parkour tag, like, it was literally a manhunt, he hunted them faster than me desperately trying to fall asleep. That's all I want to say. He popped off.

They ended up in 3rd place overall.

2nd Game, Battle Box

The pinks dunked the reds lol.

Quackity popped off in battle box.

They did really good at the beginning of the battle box but then the victory ✨ got in their head ✨ but they still won 6/9 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), they overall did really really well.

Quackity was doing really well, he was in Hall of fame at 8th place after battle box, and Sapnap was in first!

They were still in 3rd place overall.

Dream told Tubbo that he hated him, then jk<3. He also said hi to Niki.

3rd Game, Sky Battle

First-round

Dream said that his aim was very off today.

Quackity said that don’t let it get to his head.

Dream laughed and said that it's already in my head.

Dream got 3 kills.

Michael got 1 kill.

Quackity got 1 kill.

Sapnap got 2 kills.

The round ends and they got 2nd place.

Second-round

Dream got 5 kills.

Michael got 1 kill.

Quackity got 2 kills.

Sapnap got 3 kills.

The round end and they end up in 3rd place.

Third-round

Dream got 8 kills.

Michel got 2 kills.

Quackity got 2 kills.

Sapnap got 7 kills.

The last round ends and they end up in 2nd place in Sky Battle.

They end up in second place overall.

p.s. pink parrots did really well and ended up in the first place overall<3

4th Game, Sands Of Time

Dream had a bg of a different dteam fanart this time.

I don’t really know what to put about sands of time, because it was really fun just to watch, they had really nice communication and coordination.

And Michael popped off.

They coined 2754 coins.

And Dream threw tomatoes at Tommy and then twerked.

They end up in 2nd place overall.

Sapnap was in 2nd place, Dream was in 4th place, Quackity was in 10th place and Michael was in 13th place.

p.s. pink parrots were awesome and were in the first place then<3

5th Game, Hole In The Wall

Hbomb subbed in Pete, they were happy because of that, they were also happy because they manipulated the votes. (in this round, it was the fan voting for the game thing)

Dream privately messaged Wilbur.

Dream: ily

Dream: jk

Wilbur: I need space

Dream: wtf

Also, Sapnap went to change his pants because his balls were getting bigger.

First-round

Dream said that they were not colorblind so they won’t have any problem.

Sapnap won the first round, he did the Hbomb glitch thing, and he said he loved glitches and he loved Hbomb and he wanted him to be his cat maid.

Second-round

Everyone said ranboo looks snazzy and complimented him in the chat.

Also, they had this conversation:

Sapnap: "I am so hot and sexy."

Dream agreed with him.

Quackity: "You have a hot and juicy ass."

Sapnap: "You would sure like a piece of it."

Quackity: "Oh wait, I didn't put my clothes back on."

Sapnap: "No, no, keep them off."

Dream: "Okay guys, spam space harder than Quackity spams his mother- wait I mean how hard I spam his mother."

Quackity: "That was messed up, dude."

Dream: "Spam space harder than George tries to see colors."

Quackity: "Yes, I like that. I will spam space harder than I spam George's mother."

Sapnap again won, this time it was a glitchless win.

And Quackity said that is why Sapnap has big balls.

Third-round

They kept talking about how big Sapnap's balls will get when he wins this one too.

Sapna ended up in 10th place.

Dream ended up in 4th place.

Sapnap ended up 1st in top players of hole in the wall.

Their team also ended up in first place in hole in the wall.

Red rabbits ended up in first place overall.

Sapnap was in 1st place.

Dream was in 3rd place

Quackity was in 16th place.

Michael was in 20th place.

Sapnap said that he was nervous about TGTTOSAWAF, so Dream hyped him up, then Quackity and Michael followed, then they continued to talk about Sapnap’s balls.

6th Game, Ace Race

Sapnap went to pee, they said it's a part of Strat.

Then started to diss Sylvee during their second lap.

They all did trash, except sapnap, he ended up in 12th place.

Tommy whispered to Dream, 'dumb fuck'.

They all agreed that the map was indeed pretty, but they didn't like it.

Then everyone hypes up Niki<3.

They end up in last place in Ace race.

But still, Sapnap was in 1st place overall and Dream was in 4th place overall.

They dropped to third place overall.

7th game, TGTTOSAWAF

Greens dunked pinks lol.

First-round

They ran the freaking ad everywhere, so I couldn’t see the first half.

Michael, unfortunately, couldn’t complete it, so they hyped him up.

Second-round

Michael again didn’t make it, so they hyped him up, and told him and Quackity to follow Dream.

Third-round

They all made it this time, and Michael ended up in 6th place!

Fourth-round

Again, they all finished, and their team was in 4th place.

Fifth-round

Sapnap ended in 2nd place! Unfortunately, Quackity couldn’t complete it.

Sixth-round

Tommy was pissing off Sapnap since he also screwed him up in the 2nd round. Unfortunately, quackity couldn’t complete the race again so they hyped him up.

Then they ran ads so I don’t know what they were talking about, but according to the chat, they were still hyping each other up

Red rabbits ended up in 4th place overall.

p.s. Pink parrots ended up in first place overall<3

8th game, Survival Games

They decided to do the buddy strat, Michael will stick with Dream, Quackity will stick with Sapnap.

Quacky: "You are my side bitch Sapnap."

Sapnap: "No, YOU are my side bitch."

And Sapnap got excited so Dream told him to not be out for blood. [that is such a cool dialogue I am definitely using that in their dynamic]

They also decided to stay away from people.

Their coordination was really good, even tho someone straight-up went in, the other pointed it out. They all listened to each other.

Survival games were really really fun to watch, they freaking popped off, like actually popped off, they were in first place. I recommend watching it from their pov!

They overall got first place<3.

Also, Sapnap got 4k points and was in 1st place, Dream was in 3rd place.

The Final Showdown: Dodgebolt

Red Rabbits vs Yellow Yaks

Sapnap went to take a piss.

I myself had to take a piss, but the hype was too much. And it was 3 am then.

They all said it's a win-win situation, because if they win they will be happy, and if yellow wins, which has Captain Sparklez in it, which will break his curse, will also make them happy.

First-round

Sylvee and Quig hyped red up.

Tommy said he’ll be happy if red loses and he’ll clip it. (/j)

Sapnap got Punz and Jack.

Seapeekay got Quackity and Michael.

Dream got Captain Sparklez and Seapeekay.

Red rabbits won the 1st round.

Second-round

Captain Sparklez got Michael.

Sapnap got Punz, Seapeekay and Captain Sparklez (king popped off).

Sylvee was continuously hyping them up, along with Wilbur.

Jack got Sapnap.

Dream got Jack.

Red rabbits won the 2nd round too.

Third-round.

Sapnap got captain sparkle

Punz shot Sapnap.

Dream shot Punz and Seapeekay and Jack.

WIN FOR RED RABBITS!!

Sapnap got 1st place AND 4k points, so close to Techno’s record! Congrats Sapnap!

It was 3:16 am, and it was worth it!

And then Dream raided Sapnap, and stayed on his stream along with Michael, Scott, Ant, Punz, Hbomb (these were the only people I could comprehend). Niki thanked Sapnap and Dream and because their chat sent support to Niki during ace race, Dream and Sapnap said thank you for acknowledging that we sent you support(/s), and Quackity was talking with the pinks and Jack.

Then they just discussed the game and a couple of other things, I wasn’t really concentrating because I was pooping. At 3:30 am.

Quackity raided sapnap and joined their call along with Jack.

And the thing I comprehended was that Sylvee was so supportive of red rabbits that she drowned all the “hate”(/j) comments. And they again talked about stuff.

They talked about who they want to team with next mcc.

And then Sylvee joined their call and talked about the game

And then they continued to talk about things, I was drunk by then. I was drunk on the fact that I am not asleep yet, and its almost 4 am.

Quackity popped off in battle box. Congrats to him for his first win ever!

Also, Michael popped off in sands of time, also congrats to him for his first win! (/j) [this is based on a joke guys made in the beginning that it's first time for Michael to play in a mcc ever]

They also made jokes about how Michael is a mcc virgin(/j) and Quackity lost his mcc virginity last time. and Sapnap also mentioned that Dream was there when Sapnap lost his mcc virginity

They fucked it up in the ace race, but their comeback in survival games was amazing and phenomenal.

And truly, survival games, ugh, they popped off my lord. and if it was build mart instead, they were fucked.

They broke a curse too, this was the first win for a red rabbits team!!

Also, pink did really well, but they screwed up in the survival games., that's why they got third place.

During the survival games, Dream said that they won’t engage on the pinks because they didn't want to mess up their first place.

Everyone had really fun, and I also had really fun watching it. I’d recommend you all to go listen to Quackity’s song if you haven’t already, and watch the survival games from different povs!

And once again, CONGRATS RED RABBITS!!!

#mcc #mcc15 #mcc 15 spoilers #mcc 15 #mcc 15 red rabbits #red rabbits #dream #dreamwastaken #sapnap #quackity #michaelmcchill #mcc 15 recap

[characcoon]

The Way of Business

Words: 2143

Summary: How Donnie first met Charles. 

----------------------

"I'm trying my best to not question, but… "Cat claws, be sure they fell naturally" and he wrote the last word with capital bold letters." Donnie pokes the shopping list with his finger "And my favorite, "Coffee beans (digested)", which, by other terms, means coffee that has been shat."

"Keep not questioning." April says, hands on her pockets "It's witchy, magic stuff. We already went through this, Dee. Sometimes it doesn't make sense and that's fine."

"I'm aware. But it's not everyday you have poop coffee on your grocery list. What's he even going to do with these?"

"I don't think that anything Barry does should be our business."

April and Donnie walk around a busy street in the shopping district of the Hidden City, trying to identify the things on Draxum's list only by looking at the shops and vending stands, since the old sheep Yokai didn't think of writing where exactly to find the stuff.

"Maybe it's a cake." Donnie mumbles, stopping by a counter and quickly examining some items "Mikey's been teaching him some more recipies, he might be returning the favor by making Yokai food."

"Pooped coffee cat claws cake! Yummy." April gags, then points at a jar filled with sparkly deep blue glitter labelled mermaid bone powder "I think we need that one."

They continue shopping for another 20 minutes until they reach a part of the district that is definitely more shady and quiet. Sales are made among whispers and the shops have much less products on display, everything of importance stocked in the back. 

As April intimidates a merchant to lower the price of the cat claws, Donnie spots something familiar in a corner and curiously turns around to look. It's one of Big Mama's guards, but not just any guard; it's that specific one that seems to be on a higher rank, that was at the scene when the spider Yokai first took the Shredder to make him her champion. Donnie hums, watching as the guard dives between two stores and vanishes into another street.

"Got it for half the price." April comes to him, smiling proudly and shaking a tiny bottle filled with cat claws, then notices Donnie isn't paying attention "Earth to Donnie?"

"Wanna put some noses where they don't belong?" He sends her a trickster smile, bumping his fingers together.

"That depends, are you going to explode the whole street again?"

"Scoff!" the turtle scoffs "I saw one of Big Mama's guards going that way."

"And we need to go after them because…"

"Because it's her personal guard. The personal, stealthy, silent guard. The guard she sends to kill people without leaving a trace. The guard that probably has a cool name that makes people shiver in fear upon hearing it. The guard I just saw going that way."

April puffs her cheeks and blows out air in sections, a thoughtful expression on her face. Then she sighs, puts the bottle on Donnie's hand and starts walking.

"Alright, let's seek trouble, why not."

Donnie silently celebrates and dashes across the street, April right on his tail, following the same path of the guard. They go between the stores and find themselves in a smaller street with much less stores that are much more shady, to the point of being just holes between the brick walls. They reach the end of the street, turn to the only side available into another short road that hits a dead end. The guard is on that far end, with their back to the two curious teens who are slowly and quietly getting closer by using the little things around that can be used as barricades.

“We could make business faster if you tell me what you want straight up, I don’t do well with riddles.”

Donnie peaks behind a depression in the wall he and April are hiding in and notices a big trashcan shoved inside the wall with some christmas lights dangling from the sides and some mechanisms bending the lid and forming a roof. The guard is in front of whoever’s speaking, neither Donnie or April can see who.

“Or you could send the Great Milf here personally! Would love to catch up with her, if you know what I mean.”

Donnie gags in silence.

“She wants the Barnacle.” the guard speaks, voice muffled and distorted.

“The Barnacle! Wow! And why would I have that, exactly?”

“You were seen with it, at the docks. Took the package from Captain Piel.”

“Stupid lump of rotten flesh ratted me out, huh.” the other mumbles and sighs “Alright, I’ll get it, gimme a minute.”

April and Donnie glance at each as they hear ruffling and some crashing, the immovable form of the guard giving no indication of noticing the eavesdropping happening behind them.

“Is she gonna pay me at least?” the guard doesn’t answer “Y’know, in my land we have this saying. Quem cala consente. It means “silence means yes”, so I’m expecting some good cash unless you say words. No? Nothing? Talking to a door is funnier than talking to you.”

“The Barnacle, Charles.”

With a flicker of their wrist, a kunai appears between the fingers of the guard. Donnie instinctively moves his arm to his back, near his staff, and April gets into a better position to either fight or run.

“Is that handle made of Calligraphy Stone?” the merchant, possibly named Charles, speaks with excitement “Oh, damn, how much do you want for that?”

“Not for sale.”

“Oh, c’mon, it’s Calligraphy Stone!”

“Not for sale.”

“You’re boring. Y’know that? Boring. Wanna know what’s for sale? The Barnacle inside this box, this pretty doormat I made this morning and this GUN!”

A loud bang can be heard and the guard violently flies backwards, a blast of light illuminating the whole street. The guard smacks hard on the floor, smoke coming out of their chest, unmoving. Charles can now be seen; it’s a raccoon, very short, doesn’t go past Donnie’s knees. His tail is pink and orange, he wears duffle bags strapped to both sides of his hips, metal bracelets taking both his entire forearms and a gray sleeveless hoodie. On his face, big steampunk goggles and a wide, manic grin. On his hands, a gun definitely made out of garbage and nonsense, reminiscent of a grenade launcher, bigger than his whole body.

“I lied! The gun is not for sale!” he laughs and points the gun to the guard again “Now scram before I blast you into pieces!”

April notices the guard starting to move first, but doesn’t have time to warn everyone; they’re up and running in a second, blade slicing where Charles’ standing. The raccoon hops above the slash, smacks the guard in the head with the gun and drops it, then dashes towards the exit, but takes a sharp turn and bumps into the two teens. Before any of them can make any noise, he removes a disk from one of his bags, puts it on the floor and clicks. A translucent green wall blinks for a second before going orange. Donnie opens his mouth to speak, but the raccoon turns and shushes him so hard he even forgets what he was going to say. April goes equally quiet.

The guard finds his footing again after the blow and walks a few quick steps to the exit of the road, stopping right in front of the hideout of the other three. Charles silently clicks on his bracelets and long, sharp claws form as gauntlets on his hands and he gets into position, fur standing up, body tense and ready. Donnie’s breath gets caught on his throat when the guard swiftly turns their head and locks eyes with him, even knowing that the disk on the ground is some sort of cloaking tech making them all invisible.

The guard stands down, turns to the end of the road and walks back to the trashcan. They’re after the Barnacle, after all. Before they can reach it, however, the raccoon takes a small switch from his pocket and clicks on a button. The lid of the trashcan slaps close with a car alarm noise and the entire thing, wall included, poofs out of existence.

The road, not a dead end anymore, extends back to the one Donnie and April were previously on. Passersby and merchants turn to look at the wall that vanished and the guard just standing there, hand stretched to grasp nothing. Their stance slowly becomes neutral and it takes another minute for them to go away as a blur of movement.

Only then Charles snorts, so sudden and loud that Donnie jumps away from him.

“Idiot.” he continues laughing, disengaging his gauntlets and the cloaking device.

“That was so cool!” April speaks up “You played them so hard!”

“Yeah, I-” his ears go up and he flinches, remembering there were other people there too. “GUN!”

He turns around with two properly sized guns on each hand, pointing one to each of them. Donnie shows his hands and April smiles.

“You’re a human.” he shakes a gun at April “The hell you doing down here?”

“Shopping.”

“And the mecha-frog?”

“Frog?!” Donnie makes an offended expression and scoffs “Frog!”

“Are you a pokemon, only speaks your own name?”

“Wh- no! I’m a turtle!”

“Be nice, Dee. This dude’s super cool. And has a gun pointed at your face.”

“You should listen to the lady, Dee.”

“My name is Donnie.”

“Okay, Donnie Dee.” Charles opens his hands and his guns turn into liquid metal that surround his arms and turn back into being bracelets “I gotta go now. See ya around.”

He pulls the same switch he used to make the wall disappear and opens a side panel.

“Wait, you sell stuff, don’t you?” April takes Draxum’s list from Donnie “Do you have crystallized coral?”

“I do, yeah. But the shop’s all the way up to the surface now, so you should finish everything you have to do down here first. Y’know, time efficiency.”

“We are done here, right?” Donnie asks and analyzes the list “If you have the coral, digested coffee beans and petrified wood. Did we get the owl feathers?”

“We did.” April answers.

“Then.” he turns to the raccoon “Do you have those other three items?”

“100%.” Charles smiles “Hold onto me and we can warp there, pronto.”

Charles extends one hand to them and they grab one finger each, April making a squeaky noise. He clicks on his switch and they all teleport away.

Donnie recognizes the street they appear on, it’s not too far from the Lair. The trashcan store shoved into the wall is there, creating another dead end that he’s sure didn’t exist before. Charles rushes to it, opens the lid and jumps inside, sighing in relief.

“Alright, let’s get to business. Coral, wood, coffee. Talking about coffee, would you like some to drink? I always have one jar ready.”

“It’s not digested, right?” Donnie makes a face.

“No, it’s black coffee. From the store. Completely normal, I assure you.”

Donnie asks for a cup and the raccoon serves him, then asks which street they’re on. The turtle answers, gets a thanks and watches as the small merchant goes around opening drawers and boxes.

“What’s the Barnacle?” Donnie asks “And why would Big Mama want it?”

“It’s an invisible creature.” Charles answers, putting one big box with crystal coral by the counter “A plague. Sticks to the boats and sucks out life force to grow bigger. When a ghost ship is found and they can’t find out why everyone’s dead, they blame the Barnacle. 80% of the time they’re right.” another box, with petrified wood balls “And I think you can guess why Big Mama wants it. The damn thing might have a preference for boats, but it can stick to any wood structure.”

And finally, a bag of digested coffee beans.

“Pick as many of these as you need.” he points to the coral and wood “Only have this bag of coffee for sale. Stupid spider shut down more of my contacts.”

“You two seem to have some history” April starts to collect some wood balls.

“Oh, dear, if only you knew.” the raccoon laughs “You gotta keep a hold of the competition. It’s how business go.”

After taking the necessary quantity and paying, they say their farewells. Charles slides two business cards to them before they leave.

Quinquilharias, the card says, with a resume of the services and products in the back of it. Donnie hums as he reads it, considering returning more times soon, since it’s so close to the Lair and he’s the most charismatic merchant he’s ever met. And his coffee is decent enough.

And of course, he would be lying if he says he’s not curious about what’s his deal with Big Mama.

#The Tiny Trash Uncle #rottmnt #rottmnt fanfic #rottmnt self insert #rottmnt oc #rottmnt april #april o'neil #rottmnt donnie #rise of tmnt #2k words #fanfic #writing #char writes

[bamfdaddio]

X-Men Abridged: 1978

The X-Men, those take-me-to-the-ballgame mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. Want to unravel this tapestry? Then read the Abridged X-Men!

(X-Men 109 - 116) - by Chris Claremont and John Byrne, Tony Dezuniga

Yes, the plan here is to toss Kurt at Magneto and yes, it’s objectively the best panel of 1978. (X-Men 113)

If the X-Men were a tv-show, the Phoenix mending the M’Kraan Crystal would probably have been the finale of season 1 of X-Men: the New Generation. Now that we’ve had this big finish, Claremont takes his time to sow new plot seeds and navigate his team of merry mutants in new directions. Compared to 1977, 1978 is a lot more laid back, with smaller arcs and more character moments.

Take the first two issues of the year, for example. The victorious X-Men come home from their space capers and for a moment, all is well. Ororo is a plant mommy, Kurt is a grade-A cutey and Jean comes out to her parents as the Phoenix. (Intrigued? Read more here.) And, because Moira going back home to Scotland, the X-Men say goodbye to her through… a baseball game! (Which, I guess if you’re comic book character bound by the comic book code, is the next best thing to just getting drunk together.)

It’s all very straight-edge wholesome.

Lilandra is very absent: I’m assuming she is sleeping off the space jetlag somewhere. idk

Sure, there’s still a few action-packed B-plots: a fight scene is mandatory in a comic book, after all. Weapon Alpha tries to claim Wolverine in the name of the Canadian government and some nobody named Warhawk sneaks into the mansion as a phone repairman to rig the Danger Room into a Death Trap.

(Look, you have a danger room. Why are you calling phone repairmen? During breakfast, did Charles go around the table, asking anyone if they wanted to fix the phone and everyone was like “nnnnnno, I am le tired”.)

Anyway, how would you unwind after a baseball game? Scott has an awesome idea! (I'm betting Scott would have embraced the Comics Code.)

This is the one issue not drawn by John Byrne this year. Dezuniga does a fine enough job, but Jean using her powers looks like she’s barfing psy-energy all over the place. (X-Men 110)

Warhawk traps the rest of the X-Men in the Danger Room. Wolverine gets a moment to shine as the team’s rogue, finally getting a win after getting knocked on his ass lately. Also, Kurt calls Warhawk Krieghabicht. (Hee.) Jean, meanwhile, is startled because despite her phenomenal powers, she was taken out so easily. She makes the formal choice to rejoin the X-Men.

And the next time we see them… THE X-MEN HAVE VANISHED? (yes, i know this sentence contradicts itself, shut up)

We find Beast at a circus in Texas, investigating their disappearance while on a sabbatical from the Avengers. See, Lorna called him because Havok was kidnapped in Scotland and the X-Men did not pick up, so she called good ole Hank McCoy. We know Charles is honeymooning with Lilandra, so where are the X-Men?

Cerebro leads Hank to a circus and, dude, for someone who’s supposed to be a genius, you draw the conclusion that these are the brainwashed X-Men way too slowly.

I by no means wish to belittle Storm’s situation, but Wolverine is in equally skimpy clothing while chained the fuck up, Beast. Can’t spare a little sympathy for him? (X-Men 111)

Beast continues being the worst detective mutantkind has ever known: even Jean, who’s currently a cigarette smoking trapeze artist named Miz Destiny, barely convinces him that these are the X-Men. When Beast finally confronts the Ring Leader, it turns out to be… Mesmero!

This pose: appropriate for a super villain or suitable for a Harlequin novel cover? Especially with all this talk about enthralling? (X-Men 112)

Apparently Mesmero doesn’t give a fuck that half these X-Men aren’t the same X-Men that fought him before. Revenge is a dish best served cold and to the wrong table, apparently. Beast fighting ole Messy causes Wolverine to spring free from his hypnotic influence. Wolvie proceeds to slap Jean out of it (literally) and they free the rest of the X-Men. But when they come and confront Mesmero in his little circus wagon, their villain is knocked out…

By Magneto.

dun dun DUN

Magneto proceeds to kidnap them, like this:

Magneto, who has no patience for narrative baggage, also yeets out Mesmero over the Andes, no big deal (X-Men 112)

Just like Mesmero, Magneto wants misplaced revenge. Instead of exacting vengeance on Charles, Moira and the Defenders involved in (literally) infantilizing him - no, seriously, he was a baby - Magneto comes for these All-New X-Men. (Look, logic has never been one of Magneto’s super powers.)

He takes the X-Men to his secret base below the South Pole, tucked away under a literal volcano. (He really should be on the tourist board for Amazing Antarctica, this is his third base there.) The X-Men, after they have safely landed, attack him, but they are tossed around like rag dolls, falling one by one - even the Phoenix.

Jean does have the right idea, though: it’s my theory that the key to defeating Magneto is being equally dramatic and hammy. (X-Men 112)

Somewhere on a cruise ship, Charles loses contact with the X-Men and proceeds to do absolutely nothing about it. Damn, but Elizabeth Taylor Lilandra must have some pretty choice moves in bed.

YOU COULD TRY FINDING OUT, CHARLES. (X-Men 113)

When the X-Men wake up, they're bound by Nanny, a robotic… uh, nanny! And Magneto unveils his revenge: he has scrambled the X-Men’s brains: they are fully conscious, but are trapped, powerlessly in their bodies, which won’t follow the instructions of their brains. It’s as if they’re the minds of adults, trapped in the bodies of infants - just like Magneto was. (He does not succumb to an evil laughter, but he’s definitely drifting into Evil Overlord territory.)

Look, a lot of this is very silly. Magneto hasn’t really been codified by Claremont yet: he’s still very much the sixties super villain and he doesn’t have his Holocaust-past yet. His motivations don’t make much sense: it’s never made clear why he needs the base, for example, or why he doesn’t just kill the X-Men. And yet, he seems more menacing than he used to be. Might be because these X-Men actually have a hard time beating him.

A lot of this era works like that. There’s the occasionally very silly trappings of a superhero comic, but there’s also glimmers of exceptional writing. Take the following scene, for example, which I’ll just include in its entirety, because fuck it. Storm is trying to break free, on the flimsy premise that she was a highly advanced baby who had the motor skills of a toddler. (I’ve met babies. They basically eat, sleep and poop. They can’t really do this.) And yet? This scene kind of works.

Like, the fact that this scene works despite the fact that Magneto thought to give his Nanny-robot a sixties copper bob-cut and a aluminium French maid headpiece is a testament to effective writing. (Also to Magneto’s attention to detail.) (X-Men 113)

No worries, Storm succeeds the second time she attempts this.

Together, the now free team manages to almost defeat Magneto, but Phoenix grows a little too zealous, destroying precious machinery. It proves to be their undoing: the roof to the base cracks open, letting lava in. Things grow dire and Magneto gets the nope out of there.

The lava turns on the heat and the team gets split up. Phoenix escapes together with Beast, and they both collapse into the freezing snow in the Arctic. A helicopter saves them, but what about the rest of the team? Are they dead?!

They’re dead enough for Professor X, and I really have questions about the effectiveness of Cerebro. After a brief mourning period, Beast rejoins the Avengers. But what really happened to the X-Men? Well, they fled into the Savage Land!

So, are we getting a sexy costume change with every new locale and/or story arc? What is this, Charmed? (X-Men 114)

The Savage Land plot is… kind of messy and confusing? First, Storm is attacked by Sauron (yay!) and he even hypnotizes Wolverine and uses his love for Jean against him (ew!), but as soon as Karl Lykos gains control again (boo!), he explains how he

Did not fall to his death;

Is suppressing his pterodactyl side (ain’t we all);

allied himself with the Savage Landers.

Then Ka-Zar, Marvel´s discount!Tarzan, explains how someone named Zaladane transformed a hapless innocent into Garruk, the Petrified Man, who is some sort of… living god? Who stopped some sort of interdimensional invasion by mending some sort of… portal rift? And then he set up shop in the swamp and built some sort of futuristic city? And he wants to enslave all of the natives of the Savage Land? And he built his city on the geothermal fissure that heats the Savage Land, so now the jungle is being choked out by snowy tundra?

Such a mess. And I know Zaladane gets important later, but, ugh, the socio-political tensions in the Savage Land is generally not what I’m here for.

One of the few Savage Land scenes I do like is also messy, but the emotional kind of messy. See, the X-Men on their part believe Jean and Hank are dead, and Scott takes it rather… lightly? When Storm confronts him about it, he confesses he does not mourn Jean as much as he thought he would, as if she were a different woman ever since they crash-landed the shuttle. Storm rejects this confession, always solidly in Jean’s camp, and basically tells Scott to man up. Scott has a point: Jean has changed and it’s not like people have fallen out of love for less, but there’s something to be said for Storm’s firm “for better or for worse”-argument. The scene ends unresolved, and I like that.

Anyway, there’s some X-Men fighting dinos and flying lizards, so there’s at least that. Oh, and Colossus develops a suddenly intense bond with a Savage Lander with a mohawk, which is a detail that becomes important later. Another significant detail?

There’s a lot of weight to that snikt, bub. (X-Men 116)

The implication is that Wolverine simply kills the guy in cold-blood. It’s a little weird that both Storm and Kurt are so okay with this, especially because Storm tries to save Garruk later. This, however, also marks an important direction in which they’re taking Wolverine, becoming the most ruthless of the X-Men.

In the end, Cyclops blasts the foundations of the citadel to smithereens, solving everyone’s problems and putting a neat bow on this tangled plotline. Also, all of a sudden? The X-Men are monthly again! (yay!) And they’ve upgraded from All-New, All-Different to Uncanny on the cover, though the name of the comic won’t officially change until issue 142.

Best new character: Like Hell I’m giving this to Weapon Alpha! So instead, it’s going to the two stylish, mohawked ladies who “show the island” to Piotr. (Again. They’ll be relevant later. Sort of.)

What to read: X-Men 109, for the denouement of the Phoenix Saga (or the first part thereof). The rest is rather inconsequential.

#x-men #x-men abridged #abridged x-men #cyclops #phoenix #storm #banshee #colossus #nightcrawler #professor x #lilandra neramani #Tony Dezuniga #chris claremont #john byrne #magneto #mesmero #sauron #savage land #moira mactaggart #warhawk

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Forever

One Shot: Changes

Intro: Dealing with the changes of growing older can be a right, royal pain…

Warnings: SMUT (NSFW, NO under 18s!”)

Pairing:Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: So this all came from that damned photo of Evans and Dodger…and my mind went to a very warped place, sorry not sorry. (You can blame @icanfeelastormbrewing​ and @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ for encouragement!)

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Stark Spangled Forever Masterlist // Main Masterlist

July 2029

The Rogers household was at times with three kids all under 10 was chaotic. Before school, after school, at dinner times and bed times. But later at night, it was quiet, a time for Steve and Katie to relax with one another, ready to face it all again the day after. Well, that is when Bucky and Sam weren’t around, eating them out of house and home.

Tonight was one of those nights. All younger kids in bed, Emmy away with Brooke in Miami attending some beach party, and getting up to all sorts of mischief which Steve didn’t want to think about, leaving the two of them to snuggle on the sofa with a beer and a glass of wine, simply taking time out. And it wasn’t like they had to talk either to enjoy it. Like right now, Katie was curled up, her back nestling into Steve’s side as his arm lay across her chest, her nose buried in a book. Steve was watching some documentary on the History Channel, every so often dropping a kiss to the back of her head as she would reach up to rub his arm.

Domestic? Yes. Mundane? Yes. Absolute bliss? Yes.

The door the living room pushed open and Stark wandered in, tail wagging as he flopped down on the rug next to the fireplace, rolling onto his back, his preferred sleeping position. Katie eyed him for a moment and snorted.

“Thinks he owns the place.” she muttered, reaching out for her glass of wine. Noticing it was empty she gave a low groan and sat up.

“I’ll go…” Steve offered but she shook her head.

“No, honestly its fine…you need one or?”

He nodded, draining his bottle and she took the empty off him.

She headed out of the room and as soon as she had left Stark hopped up onto the sofa, laying his head against Steve who chuckled, giving him an ear scratch, his concentration still on the TV.

“Seriously.” Katie deadpanned and he looked up as she placed their drinks on the table. “I was gone for like 3 minutes if that…”

Steve shrugged and gave her a grin. “Guess he wanted a snuggle.”

“I don’t give a shit. Down.” Katie said, looking at the dog. Stark glanced at her reproachfully and instead twisted slightly so that he was on his back, looking up at Steve. “Fine…don’t listen to me…Steve, move him.”

“But look at him, baby…” Steve chuckled, glancing down at the dog.

“He’s in my seat.”

“Awww he’s comfy…”

“Steve!” Katie said louder this time and he turned his head up to see his wife stood there, arms folded as she glared at him then the dog. “I’m being serious…”

“Don’t shout you’ll upset him.” Steve said, not being able to resist teasing her a little more, but where as she would normally just laugh and call him a jerk or a dumbass, her eyes narrowed and her face grew stony.

“I’m not fighting with a dog over a seat on my fucking couch.” she said, “I said move him Steve…”

“Ok…” Steve said, holding his hands up “Stark, down…”

The dog gave a huff and slid off the sofa and Katie settled back into her seat.  Steve glanced at her, his eyebrow raised.

“Don’t look at me like that Steven.” she warned him “You let that dog get away with murder.”

Steve took a deep breath, and bit back the response that she had been the same with Lucky. He knew now wasn’t the time so instead he made a joke “Well, I have a soft spot for Starks…” he muttered as he dropped a kiss to her lips.

“Yeah, and it’s gonna stay soft tonight too.” she said, pushing on his chest causing him to laugh. “Seriously though that dog’s a menace…” “He’s not that bad…” “Not that bad…” Katie sat up “Steve, 4 days after he arrived he ate 3 boxes of crayons-” “Yeah but it made his poop multi-coloured-” “He chewed up my favourite pair of Laboutins-” “I told you not to leave them by the stairs. I’ll buy you some new ones-“

“And last week he ate the keys to my Camero Steve, my fucking keys!”

“Yeah but you got them back-“ “And I put up with all of that…” she rambled on, her tone and pace increasing and Steve frowned slightly as he could sense now there wasn’t a bit of humour or good nature in her voice any more “What I’m not gonna put up with is him stealing my fucking seat next to my fucking husband on my fucking couch!”

She finished her rant and Steve blinked, raising his eyebrows.

“Are you done?” he asked her a moment later, his voice flat.

She took a deep breath and moved to grab her book, resuming her previous position. “Yes.”

“Feel better for getting that off your chest?”

“That’s not what I was doing.”

“Sounded like it to me.”

She groaned and slammed her book shut “I’m going upstairs…” Steve signed “Katie, come on sweetheart…don’t be like this.”

“Like what?”

“All pissed off over the dog!” he said, shaking his head “You’re being ridiculous.”

As soon as the words flew out of his mouth he grimaced inwardly. The worst thing he could ever say in the middle of one of her outbursts was exactly that.

“Really… ok, well how’s this for ridiculous? You love the dog so much? You can sleep with him in his basket tonight…” she snarled at Steve, before she stormed out of the room.

Steve watched her go, his mouth dropping open before he let out a groan and threw himself back against the cushions. In a second Stark had jumped back up into the spot Katie had vacated.

“What the fuck just happened?” he asked the dog, who promptly thumped his tail as he turned his head to Steve, before sneezing straight in the soldier’s face.

******

“And that’s all you did?” Bucky eyed Steve suspiciously.

“Yeah…” Steve protested his innocence “She just absolutely lost it! Then she gave me the cold shoulder this morning, and maintained radio silence all day other than to reply with the word OK when I said I was coming out to meet you guys after work.”

“So is it all down to the dog then?” Bucky asked.

“Possibly.” Steve conceded “He’s a little…different to Lucky…”

He trailed off, pondering what Bucky had said, wondering if his best friend had hit the nail on the head. Stark had been with them just over 7 months now and whilst Katie wasn’t overly hostile towards him, she wasn’t as loving either as she had been with Lucky. Steve got it, well he thought he did, she’d loved Lucky to pieces, but Stark was just as good a dog. Ok, so he was a little boisterous and far more mischievous than Lucky had been and had taken time to settle in. And he still had a habit of eating and chewing things but, all in all, the kids loved him, Steve loved him…

“Well, whatever it is I do know one thing…” Sam said, drawing Steve’s attention back to him.

“What?”

“The more you try and make sense of it, the less sense it’s gonna make.” he shrugged “Dude she’s a woman, just…”

Steve shook his head, whilst Katie was prone to her little moments and bratty outbursts, he was normally pretty good at getting into her head and understanding what was wrong with her. That was something that came from knowing her for 17 years and being in love with her for 16. Or 17 as he often admitted to himself that he was pretty sure he’d fallen for her that day she’d given him her cell number as they waved goodbye to Thor. Hell, if you added in the 15 he’d spent back in time after taking the stones back it was over 30…

“She’s not like that.” Steve said, “Ok she can be a bit hormonal at times but…”

“There you have it, maybe it’s time of the month?” Bucky shrugged and Steve rolled his eyes.

“She’s never normally that bad…”

Sam pondered for a moment “How old is she?”

“45 just gone, why?”

Sam made a noise as he clicked is finger and pointed at Steve “Menopause?”

“What?” Steve looked at him as Bucky scoffed.

“Shut up Birdbrain.” Bucky shook his head “That’s far too young to-“ “I’m being serious man…” Sam shrugged “That’s about the time my mom started going through the change and it was like living with a fucking velociraptor…” Steve took another drink of his beer.

“She been having any other symptoms? Hot flushes? How’s the sex life?” Sam pressed.

Steve groaned, his neck and ears flushing “The sex is fine, it’s great, as always…” he trailed off, refusing to discuss this anymore but even as he shook his head he thought back to a moment a few days ago when Katie had been complaining that she was really warm, despite him cracking the AC on full whack.

Bucky, sensing Steve’s discomfort changed topic and they spent the rest of the evening discussing far less dangerous subjects than Katie’s potentially dwindling ovaries before they called it a night and set off home. Sam headed for the subway to go back into Manhattan whilst Steve and Bucky continued towards their relative homes.

“Don’t worry about it.” Bucky said “She’ll be waiting when you get home with an apology, maybe in the form of a blow job…” Steve snorted “Maybe.” “And don’t listen to Sam. He talks shit.” Steve bid Bucky goodnight, and as he walked the few blocks back to their house he pulled his phone out and started googling symptoms of the menopause, grimacing as he read them.

Hot flushes, night sweats, weight gain, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, memory loss, sore or tender breasts, headaches, difficulty sleeping, vaginal dryness…

Fuck.

…a reduced sex drive

Double fuck.

…, mood swings, palpitations, joint stiffness, recurrent UTIs.

“Jesus” he groaned to himself, shoving his phone back in his pocket. He could attribute at least 10 of those to Katie over the past few months, remembering clearly the other day she’d flipped out at the fact her jeans were a little tight at the moment, and she’d had a banging headache yesterday morning, and had managed about 4 hours sleep…then there was the memory loss as she’d gone into the kitchen with the remote control and come back without it, having put it in the fridge, she’d complained last week her boobs were constantly sore…

Steve shook his head, if she was going through all this then she was entitled to be a little off and he was going to have to just put up with it as best he could.

He pressed his palm to the pad on the gate and once it was open enough he slipped through and walked to the door, sliding his key into the lock. Stark instantly shot out to greet him and after bending to give the dog loves he stood up and followed the soft tones of the piano to the den where Katie was playing with Rori on her lap already dressed for bed.

“Ok, now you try…” his wife said softly, and Rori placed her hands on the keys and began to track her mother’s movements.

“Almost…” Katie grinned, looking down at her, before her hands moved back and she played up a slowly “Try again.” This time Rori nailed it and let out a squeal as Katie laughed and dropped a kiss to her head.

“Nice work Princess…” Steve said, and they both turned to look at him.

“Daddy!” Rori said with a grin, shooting off the stool to run to him. He swept her up and gave her a big kiss on the cheek.

“Hey.” he smiled at her “You had a good day?”

Rori nodded “We did err…that thing where you do the numbers with each other and…what was it momma?”

“Times tables.” Katie smiled and Rori nodded.

“Yeah that, and then we did some reading and I got a gold star for doing a full chapter.”

“No way!” Steve grinned “You’re a brainbox just like your ma.” “So Momma made us all tacos for tea as a treat and then I did some piano!”

“I saved you some.” Katie looked at Steve “Wasn’t sure if you’d have eaten or not.” “Thanks.” he smiled at her taking her gesture for exactly what he knew it was, an apology. “The boys in bed?”

“Harry is. Jamie is in his room on his computer.”

“Ok, I’ll pop up. You ready for bed munchkin?”

Rori nodded “Story time?”

“You bet.”

With Rori in his arms he crossed the room to drop a kiss to Katie’s head before he took his daughter upstairs, Stark following. By the time he’d read Rori a story, tucked her in, checked on Harry and then had a hushed argument with Jamie about how he had another 30 minutes before lights almost 40 minutes had passed before he finally headed downstairs.

Katie was in the kitchen loading stuff into the dishwasher and he made his way over, wrapping his arms round her waist.

“I’m sorry.” she said gently, turning to face him, her hands gently scratching at his beard “I was out of order yesterday…” “It’s ok…” “No, it’s not.” she sighed “I’ve been up and down all over the last few months and taking it out on you and the kids isn’t fair.”

“Do you know why?” Steve asked, wondering how on earth he was going to broach the subject.

“Yeah, well, maybe. I spoke to Pepper before when she rang asking what time she should send Happy for the kids tomorrow, and she suggested I might be…” Katie took a deep breath “…going through the change, so to speak…” If Pepper had been in the room right there and then, Steve would have probably kissed her for being the one to bring this up so he didn’t have to.

“Anyway, I’ve made an appointment to go to the Doctor’s tomorrow.” Katie shrugged.

“Do you want me to come?” Steve asked.

“No.” she said, “It’s the middle of the afternoon. You’ll be in class.” “Ok.” he said, “Well, whatever it is we’ll work it together, yeah” “I know.” she smiled, as he leaned down to give her a kiss.

“And as the kids are at Peppers tomorrow, I think that means we can spend a bit of time alone…” he nudged her nose with his and she smiled “Take out, bottle of wine…” “The dog…” she smirked and Steve laughed.

“I’ll lock him in the hallway…” “You can’t do that to him!” she said, scoffing. “Poor Stark…”

“You hated him yesterday…”

“I don’t hate him.” she said softly “He’s just not Lucky…but Jamie made me realise something before. He pointed out that he has so many little personality traits that are different to Lucky…he’s his own dog, in his own right…I’ve not really been fair to him…”

“Hey…” he said, spotting the tears in her eyes. “Honey don’t…” “See!” she blurted out, spluttering a laugh as she wiped at her face “This is fucking ridiculous…”

Steve chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her again and she pressed her cheek into his t-shirt, breathing in his smell as she always did when she needed to ground herself. A mixture of the sandalwood notes in his aftershave, the soft linen smell of his clothes and, well, another smell, a manly type of note that she simply called his Steve scent. One that she insisted no other man smelt like and that she told him she was convinced came from the serum.

“I don’t wanna be going through the menopause” she moaned, “I don’t wanna get old, and wrinkly, and fat and…barren…”

At that Steve laughed, because he couldn’t fucking help it.

“Barren?” he looked down at her, shaking his head “You’re such an idiot…we have 4 kids…you gave birth to 3 of them.” “Don’t remind me.” she pulled back and narrowed her eyes “Rori’s birth still haunts me.”

“You know I was so proud of you that day.” he smiled at her. “Still am.”

“I’ve never been so frightened in my life.” she said, “And I mean that…even when we fought…and Tony…” she trailed off and swallowed “But I’d do it all again in a heartbeat because she’s so damned perfect and amazing…”

Something washed over Steve at her words, a feeling of pure love but also unadulterated absolute, heartfelt desire and he tipped his wife’s chin up so that she was looking directly at him, and he dropped his face.

“God I fucking love you…” he mumbled, pressing his lips to hers again, his arms pulling her closer.

“Yeah?” she asked as his hands moved to her hips and he gently lifted her up onto the counter.

“Yeah…” he said, standing in between her legs, his mouth dropping to her neck. She rolled her head back, giving him better access as he nipped at her pulse-point, before his lips moved to that hollow at the bottom of her throat, his beard scratching her skin. She let out a soft sigh as he smirked a little, her legs hooking around his waist to pull him closer.

“Want something baby girl?” he asked and she let out a groan at his words.

“Yeah, you…” she said, shamelessly.

“Well we all know that you always get what you want, brat…” he muttered, his lips sliding up to hers and he kissed her hard, his tongue sliding against hers as his hands moved to pop the button on her denim shots before he gently grasped at the waistband and she shifted to allow him to pull them down over her legs, tossing them to one side. His hands slip up underneath the t-shirt she was wearing, pulling down one side of her bra, his hands gently teasing at her nipple, all the time listening to the soft noises and groans she was making as he continued, his nose brushing against hers, smiling softly.

“You like that?” he whispered, knowing full well that she did, but he knew she liked his soft dirty talk and she gave a sigh and a nod, followed by a little squeak as he pushed two fingers insider her.

Her head fell forward onto his shoulder as her hands grasped at his back through his T-shirt, and as he continued to stroke and coax her she bit down on his neck causing him to hiss slightly at the bite of pain.

“Need you…” she purred into his ear “Please.”

And when she asked like that, he was always powerless to refuse. This woman was his absolute weakness.

He moved his head to kiss her again, and removing his hand from her panties he reached up and pulled them down before he stood up, and she reached for his belt, opening it easily and quickly before doing the same to the button and zip on his jeans. She pushed them down, over his hips as Steve’s hands moved to her back and he gently pulled her forwards, sliding her towards him, letting her feel how ready he was. She reached down and gently gave his hard cock a pump up and down and he let out a groan as he pulled her off the counter slightly, her legs wrapping around his waist, arms round his neck, her lower back resting against the side of the worktop both of them letting out a load moan of satisfaction as he pushed forward, all the way home.

Steve’s head dropped to Katie’s shoulder, his mouth once more on the pulse point in her neck as he thrust again, his hands on her back, keeping her supported slightly

“God you feel so good…” he said, his lips moving back to hers as he set a pace that was torturously slow, and deep, and loving. Thrust after thrust he kept his lips either on hers or centimetres away, watching her intently as her pupils blew as he worked her up, driving into her, as deep as he could go, one hand resting at the back of her spine to keep her back from slamming into the harsh marble edge of the counter, the other guiding her head so he could kiss her, hard.

Her hands moved, the nails scraping lightly at the nape of his neck, and Steve felt himself falter for a split second at her touch.  

“Fuck doll…” he groaned into her mouth as she grinned cheekily, her hands sliding down to his bare ass as she urged him on, desperate for him to pick up the pace. So be obliged, giving her what she wanted.

Because he always did.

She held on to his ass for dear life, moaning with her body arching in his hands, the fabric of his jeans chafed delectably against her thighs, the belt buckle hitting her hard with every thrust and before long she let out a loud groan, her hands tightening on his skin as she cried out as he quickened his pace even more, causing her to gasp his name, a broken mumble of the word “Stevie…” before she let out a breathless gasp, her voice catching in her throat as the world began to tip on its axis.

“Come on, come for me doll…” he whispered, his breath hot on her ear. And that was it, she dropped over the edge, her head falling back as her hands slid up and grasped tightly on the hem of his shirt as she clenched around him, again and again, groaning and trembling, powerless to stop her body’s reactions. It took him another couple of thrusts before he gave a soft “oh” of pleasure, her name tumbled from his mouth before he bit down on her shoulder softly, reacting his own end. He gave a few erratic thrusts, pumping with short, deep strokes which sent Katie over another peak, but this was feeble as she collapsed forward, her head laying on his shoulder, utterly spent.

They stayed still for a moment, the only sound in the room was the ticking of the clock on the wall as Steve gently held his wife to him, as they both evened out from their high.

“Love you…” she said softly, kissing the tip of his nose causing him to smile, that cheeky smile he saved just for her before his lips met hers again

“Good, because I love you too pretty girl, more than you could ever know.”

***** If he was honest, Steve had forgotten all about Katie’s appointment until just after lunch, when he ushered his students into the seminar room and smiled at one of them, a small, slight red head, also called Katie. With a quick curse at himself, he fired his wife a text telling her to call him when she’d been seen, and that he loved her, before he closed the door and sat down in his chair and began to talk the group through the notes from the lecture before he invited them to discuss the subject of Money, impressionism and the understanding how the juxta positioning of colours against one another reflected the effects of light on objects.

Katie didn’t reply, other than to say that she was ok, the appointment had been fine and that Happy was on his way to collect the kids to take them to Pepper’s for the weekend. He’d said goodbye to them this morning, the 3 of them not in the slightest bit bothered they wouldn’t see him until Sunday, which was always something that slightly peeved him a little, but also made him glad that they had a good time with the Auntie and Cousin whilst they were at the lake house. It was important to him, and Katie, that their kids kept a good relationship with Pepper and Morgan, as they’d all be so close before Tony had died, so once a month all their kids headed up there, and then 2 weeks later Morgan would spend the weekend with them.

Steve drove the relatively short distance home and walked into the house, finding Katie at the kitchen table, face-timing Emmy and Brooke. He dropped a kiss to her cheek and waved at his eldest and he best friend, joining in the chat until they declared they had to get ready for the next round of partying and bid them both goodbye. Katie dropped the phone to the table as Steve stood up and retrieved a beer from the fridge. Katie waved off his offer and ran her hands over her face, a tired expression on her features as she stood up.

“Hey, you ok?” he asked, a little concerned as he flipped the lid off his beer. “Yeah…” she nodded, her eyes flickering to the white bag on the table which bore the Pharmacy logo on the front.

“I take it the Doctors gave you something then, for the…” he said, nodding towards it, taking a drink from the bottle. “It’s not the menopause.” she cut him off, shaking her head.

Steve frowned, “It’s not.” “No, I err…” she swallowed and looked at him “Steve, you might wanna sit down.”

“Are you sick?” Steve frowned, ignoring her instruction, his mind flying all over the place. That was his worst nightmare; that she got sick and it was serious, meaning she’d end up leaving him and the kids behind…

“Steve…” “Baby you’re worrying me…”

“I’m pregnant.” she blurted out.

The bottle Steve was holding slipped from his hand and landed on the tiles, shattering at his feet, showering the bottoms of his trousers in beer but he paid it no attention. Instead, he blinked, his wife’s words echoing around his head.

“Pregnant…” he whispered. “How, I mean…you’re on the pill…”

Katie shrugged “It can happen, apparently, and of course it would happen to us…”

Steve looked at her as she stood, her eyes locked onto his. They had certainly not planned this, one iota. Harry was meant to be their last, their little “one more” as they’d put it. But here they were, with another “one more” on the way.

“I…” Steve was struggling to find his words. “Honey…this…I…shit…”

“You know I expect this one…” she pointed to her belly “To be more articulate than you’re being right now when they’re two…”

He looked at her, blinked and then his face split into a huge grin and he pulled her to him, pressing his lips to hers in an excited kiss. “Oh my baby momma…” he pulled back, his hands cupping her face as she smiled up at him and he grinned cheekily “I got you pregnant 4 times…”

“Yeah, now I come to think of it the plants in the hallway are withering a little. Maybe you can go jerk off in the pots, bring them back to life.” she quipped.

“I’d rather fuck you if it’s all the same…” he grinned, reaching down and grabbing the back of her thighs, hauling her up against him as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

“Take me to bed Soldier” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, and not one who needed asking twice, Steve kissed her again before he backed them out of the kitchen.

N/B SURPRISE MOFOS…BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMING!!! Baby Rogers no 5 is on the way!!!!!

**Original Posting**

#stark spangled forever #steve rogers #Katie Stark #steve rogers x ofc #steve rogers x original female character #steve rogers fanfiction #mcu #mcu fanfic #chris evans #chris evans characters

[staticscreenwriting]

The loneliest time of the year || Part two

Part 2 of 4

Summary: With a broken heart and the fear of having failed as a father, Frankie returns to his parents house for Christmas. What is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year feels quite lonely. Though when an old friend shows up unexpectedly with her young son in tow, Frankie’s Christmas seems to gain a little more happiness. Can they help each other fight the ghosts of their pasts and overcome their fears ?

A/N: This is part of my 12 days of Christmas / Advent special. Likes, reblogs, comments are all much appreciated.

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Four messed up pies

By the morning of December 9th a heavy blanket of snow rests upon the world like a tick coat of marshmallow fluff. 

A restlessness surges through Frankie as he turns from his left to his right to his back then repeats the process all over again. He kicks away the blankets then pulls them back. Sleep doesn’t come easy these days. In fact sleep hasn’t come easy in a while. It’s a price you have to pay for leading the life he leads, has led. For doing the job he did. You see things, bad things, and they stay with you. Not always but in the quiet moments they creep back into your mind and all you can do is stare and hope they fade again soon. Fill your brain with other things. Occupy your mind.

It’s moments like these that his fingers are twitching and his body is aching for release. For something to numb his mind. Help him forget. 

There aren’t a lot of things that Frankie is proud of. In fact he can count them on one hand. One of them is his ability to fly. He's a damn good pilot … most of the time. (He is when someone doesn’t force him to navigate an overloaded plane across the Andes). He’s proud of Rosie. Despite his flaws and shortcomings he managed to create something so utterly perfect, that’s something to be proud of. And the. There’s the little coin in the pocket of his jacket. The one he fumbles with whenever he’s anxious or stressed. It’s gold and smooth and it proudly displays a big number 10 in the middle of a triangle on the front of the coin.

10 months. That’s a proud achievement. 

It could be more. It should be more! He really tried but after coming home from Colombia, one man less than they went in, after his girlfriend broke up with him and took Rosie with her. After everything. He needed the psi to stop. Just for one goddamn minute. He felt immediate regret wash over him when he woke up the next morning. Called Pope. Entered a 12 step program.

10 months and he feels better. He likes himself more now. But in those 10 months the voices have gotten louder, the images clearer, his heart feels heavier. 

With sleep being so far out of reach, he kicks off the blanket and drags his body out of bed. The smell of coffee hits his nose as soon as he steps out of his room, it drifts from the kitchen all the way up the stairs. 

His parents are sitting by the kitchen counter, mom holding onto a big steaming mug of coffee while his dad is deeply invested in the morning. Paper, glasses perched low on his nose. This is home, it sends him straight back to his childhood. If only, he thinks, if only he could provide this sense of warmth and domesticity for his own child. 

A knock on the front door shakes him from his thoughts. As he swings it open, a sharp sting of cold winter air whips at him, nips at his nose, his ears and his bare feet.

“Frankie hey, oh sorry did I wake you?”

(Y/N) is once again bundled up in layers of cozy clothes, keeping her warm and sheltered from the harsh weather. She looks cute. Absolutely fucking adorable. But in that moment, he doesn’t really notice that. Doesn’t notice Leo standing behind her either. His entire attention rests on the steaming pie she holds in her hands. 

“You made a pie?”

“She made 4.” Leo speaks up, his voice dripping with irritation and annoyance. 

“Thanks for throwing me under the bus, dude!”

Frankie regards the exchange with a fond smile pulling at the corners of his lips. There’s something so distinctly familiar in the way she interacts with her son, so unapologetically her. The way she’s always been. But now grown up entirely. A mother. 

“Why did you make 4 pies?” He asks, eyebrows raised in amusement.

“Well I didn’t plan on making 4. The first one I mistook salt for sugar so you can imagine how it tasted. The second one I put way too much sugar in, might’ve been trying to compensate for my mistake with the first one but yeah that one did end up in the trash as well. The third … well I got pretty invested in an episode of unsolved mysteries and forgot it was in the oven so it turned out um — “

“Black. It was burned to a crisp.” Leo chimes up again, this time more amused than annoyed by his mother’s baking escapades.

“Yeah. It burned. But number 4 is looking pretty good.”

She looks up at Frankie with a smile so radiant it rivals the sun reflecting on the snowy ground. Pride shines in her eyes as she holds the pie towards him.

“Did you make me a pie?”

“Not exactly. It’s mostly for your folks. They agreed to watch this one while I got shopping for his Christmas presents.” (Y/N) explains, her tumb motioning towards the little boy over her shoulder. “This is a thank you to them for being literal angels. “

“Oh man you wouldn’t be saying that if you had to live with them growing up. I can’t tell you how many times dad unplugged my console while I was in the middle of a game.”

It’s a joke, of course it is. He really lucked out in the parents department and he’s not too proud or too shy to admit it. Maybe, he thinks, the good parent gene might’ve skipped a generation with him. His ex will surely agree with that statement. 

“Hey uh — you mind having some company while shopping ?”

“You wanna go shopping for toys?”

“I need to get some presents for my daughter.”

“Oh that’s right, you have a kid too. “

He doesn’t blame her for not remembering. He doesn’t strike people as the father type. And really, he hasn’t seen his little one in quite some time.doesn’t see her during the entire Christmas time. Is he really much of a father anyway?

“Sure yeah! I’d love some company.”

Maybe, Frankie thinks, this will help him drown out the voice. Those that tell him bad thoughts, whisper mean things. Maybe it will help him filter out the images. The blood. The suffering.

Frankie was never overly fond of the extreme commercialization of what should be a peaceful family holiday. But maybe this year he is,a little bit at least. Because those bright colors, the loud noises, the crowds, the ads assaulting you from every corner, that all will help drown out the dark. At least for a moment. 

“Alright lemme just get changed real quick.”

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Five days a week

“What the fuck is this?”

“It’s uh … it’s a … a game?”

“A game where you have to catch a piece of … poop.”

A wave of laughter tumbles from (Y/N)’s lips as Frankie holds up the brightly colored box, proudly displaying a drawing of a smiling turd. 

“It’s so dumb. And that says a lot coming from me, I can appreciate a good fart joke. But this is …. this is just dumb. “

“ It's what the kids these days want. I guess …”

“Would you buy this for Leo?”

“Absolutely not,” (Y/N) replies before taking the box from his hand and placing it back on the shelf between several more games of a similar kind. “But he wouldn’t like it anyway. Leo likes books and animals and fantasy movies. He’s so smart sometimes I wonder where he got it from.”

“You kidding me?” Frankie exclaims, “you’re so smart and if I remember correctly, you always carried around books when you were younger.”

(Y/N) just shrugs at his words though Frankie can’t make out a faint blush of red dusting her cheeks. “Leo is such an easy kid, always has been. Sometimes I wonder if that’s really the way he is or if he just tries to be that way because of me. Because he knows that I have to do all the parenting by myself and he feels he’s responsible for helping me along.”

“Don’t be silly. You’re doing good with him. Least you know what to get him for Christmas, what he cares about, what he’s interested in.”

His heart feels so heavy. His words seem to weigh down on his tongue like a stack of bricks. To admit your own failures to yourself is one thing, to admit them to someone else is quite another story.

“What do you mean ?”

“I — I have no idea what to get for Rosie. I don’t even know when I’ll see her next. She stays with her mom 5 days a week. I only get her on the weekends and even then her mom often finds a reason not to let her stay. Special occasions? I don’t get to spend those with her. Bet she doesn’t even recognize me anymore next time. She’s just a baby …”

This can’t be happening. He’s not going to start crying in the middle of a Toys R Us like a hyperactive toddler on a temper tantrum. Not in front of a beautiful girl who has been nothing but kind to him. This can’t be happening.

(Y/N)’s hand settles on his arm with a gentle touch. Almost as if she’s afraid he’ll break any minute now. And honestly, he might.

“Tell me about Rosie. I know she means the world to you and that’s all that matters Frankie. You’re trying. You’re trying so hard and I’m sure there’s lots about her that you know that no one else does. She’s your baby too. So tell me about her and we’ll figure out what to get her.”

And so they sit down on a swing set, one that’s definitely not meant for adults to sit on and have deep discussions, and Frankie starts talking. Once he starts it’s like a cork has been popped. It pours out of him, all of his pride and admiration and love for Rosie. All that has been brewing for so long now bubbles over. 

“... and she, she loves cuddling onto my chest and just listens to me. She doesn’t understand a word but she looks at me with her big beautiful eyes and it feels like I’m telling her all the biggest secrets of the universe the way she looks at me. Sometimes I sing and she — she falls asleep immediately.”

“That’s adorable.”

“Nah I think it's because my rendition of Eric Clapton is just real bad and boring.”

Their laughter is quiet, almost as if they are afraid of breaking the spell of this moment. Sometimes you find yourself at your most vulnerable during the big moments of your life and sometimes you do in the middle of a Toys R Us, sitting on a swingest that just barely holds your weight while a plastic giraffe looks over your shoulder and Kacey Musgrave’s rendition of “I’ll be home for Christmas” plays over the same overhead speakers that have been installed there in 1983.

“I just don’t want to disappoint her.”

 He’s already disappointing himself and that hurts bad enough.

“Frankie, let me be honest with you. She’s a baby, she’s not gonna care what you get for her. This is more about you than her. Whatever you get she’s gonna like it. Babies are easy to please, gets harder the older they get. We’ll find something cute for her but um … I think you should call her.”

“She’s a baby, she doesn’t have a phone yet.”

“ Really? I had Leo on a newborn data plan the second he popped out.”

Frankie raises his eyebrow in confusion.

“I was joking you dingus. Of course you’re gonna call her mom. There’s this thing, I don’t know if you’ve heard about it, it’s called FaceTime. You can actually see ther person on the other side. “ 

“ Very funny. I know what facetime is … “ 

“ Then call them. You said it yourself, the little one doesn’t understand a word of what you’re saying but that doesn’t matter. You’re there. You’re showing interest and taking initiative. It shows you care. And I think seeing her might be good for you too, even if it’s not in person.” 

“ You know, that sounds like a pretty good plan. “ 

“ Yeah? “ she asks him, a hopeful glimmer in her eyes, in her voice, in her entire being.

“ Yeah. “ 

“ Alright! Now let’s go find some presents for the little princess. May I suggest a cellphone? “ 

This time her laughter isn’t quite. It’s loud and radiant and the way her own joke amuses herself, is so goddamn endearing to Frankie. 

“ Ah shut up. “ he replies though his voice too is dipped in amusement as he throws his arm around her shoulders and they walk down the shiny linoleum floor, past dolls and teddy bears and Star Wars action figures.

And it feels right. Like the fit together perfectly. Like puzzle pieces slotting into place. 

And that feeling is damn scary.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Six-hour flights.

The floor of (Y/N)’s living room is covered in wrapping paper. Reds and greens and silvers and golds hide what once was a nice dark cherry wood floor. There are bows and ribbons and gift tags in all shapes and sizes and colors. 

“ Looks like Santa’s workshop in here, “ Frankie exclaims as he drops down on the floor next to her. All the presents they’ve purchased, neatly lined up in front of them, ready to be wrapped. Though to be fair, Frankie is quite sure he’s not gonna do a lot of wrapping himself. Sometimes you gotta admit defeat. And he ain’t too proud to admit that he is a horrible, horrible wrapper. 

“ Yeah, I know I’m making a big fuss over things like this. Wrapping and the tree and stuff like that. I just — I don’t know it just makes me happy when I see that my actions put a smile on the faces of the people I love. “ 

“ Oh I wasn't judging. It’s sweet. “ 

For a while they stay in comfortable silence. Just them and the radio playing old Christmas songs. (Y/N)’s hands do quick work on the presents, Santa’s elves would be jealous. 

It’s the first time in a long time, that silence doesn’t make him feel uncomfortable. That it doesn’t open up the gates for the voices to grow louder and the bad images to consume his head. No, this silence feels comfortable. It’s soft and warm. It’s tinted in golds and reds. 

Maybe, he thinks, maybe seeking the company of someone who exudes joy and warmth does him good. Someone who knows him but not the bad. Never the bad. The faults, yes, the fears even, but not the blood that stains his hands or the vices he so desperately tries to fight.

“ What was the best Christmas present you ever got? “ (Y/N) speaks up as she glides a pair of scissors along the ribbon turning it into shiny curls. 

“ Millennium Falcon playset.” 

“ You and a million other little boys. “ 

“True. What can I say, I was easily pleased. What was yours ?”

(Y/N) thinks for a moment before a wistful smile settles on her face. 

“My bubblegum pink roller skates.”

“Oh, I remember those!”

And he did. Squeaky pink roller skates with 4 pastel blue wheels and glittery silver laces.

“I remember the following summer all you did was skate up and down the street.  “

“Yeeeah but that wasn’t entirely because of the skates.”

Frankie combs his hair from his face, he really needs to get it cut, and looks at her in confusion. “Huh?”

Another chuckle falls from (Y/N) ‘s lips. “I can’t believe you didn’t notice.”

“ Notice what?”

“That I had the biggest crush on you.”

Frankie is grateful for the fact that he’s not taking a sip of his drink right then, it surely would’ve ended in a spit-take. He was a nerdy kid, a nerdy teenager too. Kinda shy, a little lost. He wasn’t usually the boy that girls fancied.

“Me? You had a crush on me? “

It doesn’t make sense, not really. She was the one that was fascinating and exciting. Though he didn’t think of her that way when they were kids, he knew she was beautiful even back then. He hadn’t been interested in her romantically because she was a few years younger but that didn’t meanie didn’t realize the magic she held.

“Yes, you. You were cool, Frankie. You were older and you knew stuff about cars and planes and you could name every Star Wars spaceship and you had a skateboard. “

“I was a horrible skater.”

“Sure but it wasn’t so much about the skating as it was about the aesthetic. You were cool and you still are cool”

Frankie shrugs his shoulder nonchalantly. She thought he was cool, still does. No one ever thought he was cool. He isn’t a smooth talker like Pope and even he himself can admit that look wise he isn’t even playing in the same league as Will and Benny. But if (Y/N) thinks he’s cool that must mean something. Right ?

“You were the one traveling all over the world with your dad and you thought I was cool?”

She sets down the scissors, let’s her hands rest on her lap. There’s a sense of nervousness exuding from her now. Like the words she wants to speak are resting on the tip of her tongue and yet they are so difficult to speak.

“Maybe that was part of it too. I never had a real home. Nothing stable at least. Except for my grandparents’ house. This was home and you were, you are, forever entwined with my idea of home. Sometimes I missed this place so much that I’d sit in my room and my little brain would think of all the fun adventures we could go on if only I was old enough to hop on a 6 hour flight by myself. I’d ask grandma about you every time I called and she always told me what trouble you got into.”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yeah and that only made you more exciting in my eyes. Then she’d offer to let me speak to you but I was too chicken shit to do it. Thought you might look right through my facade and realize how into you I was.”

“I was so oblivious, I can assure you I wouldn’t have noticed.”

“Well … it’s too late now.”

“I guess so. Just — next time you fall in love with me let me know, alright.”

Her laugh rings through the room like bells, like songs, like whispers of a childhood magic long forgotten.

“That only sounds fair. It’s a deal.”

“Good, now …. would you mind wrapping my gifts for Rosie?”

“Nope, but in return would you come see Leo’s play with me next week? My dad can’t come and I think Leo would like to have some more people there that support him. And he seems to think you’re cool so …”

“Huh guess if you both think so it must be true.”

“Don’t let it get to your head.”

“Of course I’ll come. “

She smiles and it sends a weird flicker through him. Like fire, like electricity. 

“ Now let me teach you how to curl the ribbon properly.”

#francisco morales x reader #frankie morales x reader #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal imagine #frankie morales x you #francisco morales imagine #frankie morales imagines #triple frontier imagine #triple frontier imagines #catfish imagine #catfish x reader #catfish x you #jos2020xmasspecial

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Forever: Changes

Intro: Dealing with the changes of growing older can be a right, royal pain…

Warnings: SMUT (NSFW, NO under 18s!”)

Pairing:Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: So this all came from that damned photo of Evans and Dodger…and my mind went to a very warped place, sorry not sorry. (You can blame @icanfeelastormbrewing​ and @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ for encouragement!)

I love your re-blogs and comment, as always.

SSF Masterlist // WIYPT Masterlist

July 2029

The Rogers household was at times with three kids all under 10 was chaotic. Before school, after school, at dinner times and bed times. But later at night, it was quiet, a time for Steve and Katie to relax with one another, ready to face it all again the day after. Well, that is when Bucky and Sam weren’t around, eating them out of house and home.

Tonight was one of those nights. All younger kids in bed, Emmy away with Brooke in Miami attending some beach party, and getting up to all sorts of mischief which Steve didn’t want to think about, leaving the two of them to snuggle on the sofa with a beer and a glass of wine, simply taking time out. And it wasn’t like they had to talk either to enjoy it. Like right now, Katie was curled up, her back nestling into Steve’s side as his arm lay across her chest, her nose buried in a book. Steve was watching some documentary on the History Channel, every so often dropping a kiss to the back of her head as she would reach up to rub his arm.

Domestic? Yes. Mundane? Yes. Absolute bliss? Yes.

The door the living room pushed open and Stark wandered in, tail wagging as he flopped down on the rug next to the fireplace, rolling onto his back, his preferred sleeping position. Katie eyed him for a moment and snorted.

“Thinks he owns the place.” she muttered, reaching out for her glass of wine. Noticing it was empty she gave a low groan and sat up.

“I’ll go…” Steve offered but she shook her head.

“No, honestly its fine…you need one or?”

He nodded, draining his bottle and she took the empty off him.

She headed out of the room and as soon as she had left Stark hopped up onto the sofa, laying his head against Steve who chuckled, giving him an ear scratch, his concentration still on the TV.

“Seriously.” Katie deadpanned and he looked up as she placed their drinks on the table. “I was gone for like 3 minutes if that…”

Steve shrugged and gave her a grin. “Guess he wanted a snuggle.”

“I don’t give a shit. Down.” Katie said, looking at the dog. Stark glanced at her reproachfully and instead twisted slightly so that he was on his back, looking up at Steve. “Fine…don’t listen to me…Steve, move him.”

“But look at him, baby…” Steve chuckled, glancing down at the dog.

“He’s in my seat.”

“Awww he’s comfy…”

“Steve!” Katie said louder this time and he turned his head up to see his wife stood there, arms folded as she glared at him then the dog. “I’m being serious…”

“Don’t shout you’ll upset him.” Steve said, not being able to resist teasing her a little more, but where as she would normally just laugh and call him a jerk or a dumbass, her eyes narrowed and her face grew stony.

“I’m not fighting with a dog over a seat on my fucking couch.” she said, “I said move him Steve…”

“Ok…” Steve said, holding his hands up “Stark, down…”

The dog gave a huff and slid off the sofa and Katie settled back into her seat.  Steve glanced at her, his eyebrow raised.

“Don’t look at me like that Steven.” she warned him “You let that dog get away with murder.”

Steve took a deep breath, and bit back the response that she had been the same with Lucky. He knew now wasn’t the time so instead he made a joke “Well, I have a soft spot for Starks…” he muttered as he dropped a kiss to her lips.

“Yeah, and it’s gonna stay soft tonight too.” she said, pushing on his chest causing him to laugh. “Seriously though that dog’s a menace…” “He’s not that bad…” “Not that bad…” Katie sat up “Steve, 4 days after he arrived he ate 3 boxes of crayons-” “Yeah but it made his poop multi-coloured-” “He chewed up my favourite pair of Laboutins-” “I told you not to leave them by the stairs. I’ll buy you some new ones-“

“And last week he ate the keys to my Camero Steve, my fucking keys!”

“Yeah but you got them back-“ “And I put up with all of that…” she rambled on, her tone and pace increasing and Steve frowned slightly as he could sense now there wasn’t a bit of humour or good nature in her voice any more “What I’m not gonna put up with is him stealing my fucking seat next to my fucking husband on my fucking couch!”

She finished her rant and Steve blinked, raising his eyebrows.

“Are you done?” he asked her a moment later, his voice flat.

She took a deep breath and moved to grab her book, resuming her previous position. “Yes.”

“Feel better for getting that off your chest?”

“That’s not what I was doing.”

“Sounded like it to me.”

She groaned and slammed her book shut “I’m going upstairs…” Steve signed “Katie, come on sweetheart…don’t be like this.”

“Like what?”

“All pissed off over the dog!” he said, shaking his head “You’re being ridiculous.”

As soon as the words flew out of his mouth he grimaced inwardly. The worst thing he could ever say in the middle of one of her outbursts was exactly that.

“Really… ok, well how’s this for ridiculous? You love the dog so much? You can sleep with him in his basket tonight…” she snarled at Steve, before she stormed out of the room.

Steve watched her go, his mouth dropping open before he let out a groan and threw himself back against the cushions. In a second Stark had jumped back up into the spot Katie had vacated.

“What the fuck just happened?” he asked the dog, who promptly thumped his tail as he turned his head to Steve, before sneezing straight in the soldier’s face.

******

“And that’s all you did?” Bucky eyed Steve suspiciously.

“Yeah…” Steve protested his innocence “She just absolutely lost it! Then she gave me the cold shoulder this morning, and maintained radio silence all day other than to reply with the word OK when I said I was coming out to meet you guys after work.”

“So is it all down to the dog then?” Bucky asked.

“Possibly.” Steve conceded “He’s a little…different to Lucky…”

He trailed off, pondering what Bucky had said, wondering if his best friend had hit the nail on the head. Stark had been with them just over 7 months now and whilst Katie wasn’t overly hostile towards him, she wasn’t as loving either as she had been with Lucky. Steve got it, well he thought he did, she’d loved Lucky to pieces, but Stark was just as good a dog. Ok, so he was a little boisterous and far more mischievous than Lucky had been and had taken time to settle in. And he still had a habit of eating and chewing things but, all in all, the kids loved him, Steve loved him…

“Well, whatever it is I do know one thing…” Sam said, drawing Steve’s attention back to him.

“What?”

“The more you try and make sense of it, the less sense it’s gonna make.” he shrugged “Dude she’s a woman, just…”

Steve shook his head, whilst Katie was prone to her little moments and bratty outbursts, he was normally pretty good at getting into her head and understanding what was wrong with her. That was something that came from knowing her for 17 years and being in love with her for 16. Or 17 as he often admitted to himself that he was pretty sure he’d fallen for her that day she’d given him her cell number as they waved goodbye to Thor. Hell, if you added in the 15 he'd spent back in time after taking the stones back it was over 30...

“She’s not like that.” Steve said, “Ok she can be a bit hormonal at times but…”

“There you have it, maybe it’s time of the month?” Bucky shrugged and Steve rolled his eyes.

“She’s never normally that bad…”

Sam pondered for a moment “How old is she?”

“45 just gone, why?”

Sam made a noise as he clicked is finger and pointed at Steve “Menopause?”

“What?” Steve looked at him as Bucky scoffed.

“Shut up Birdbrain.” Bucky shook his head “That’s far too young to-“ “I’m being serious man…” Sam shrugged “That’s about the time my mom started going through the change and it was like living with a fucking velociraptor…” Steve took another drink of his beer.

“She been having any other symptoms? Hot flushes? How’s the sex life?” Sam pressed.

Steve groaned, his neck and ears flushing “The sex is fine, it’s great, as always…” he trailed off, refusing to discuss this anymore but even as he shook his head he thought back to a moment a few days ago when Katie had been complaining that she was really warm, despite him cracking the AC on full whack.

Bucky, sensing Steve’s discomfort changed topic and they spent the rest of the evening discussing far less dangerous subjects than Katie’s potentially dwindling ovaries before they called it a night and set off home. Sam headed for the subway to go back into Manhattan whilst Steve and Bucky continued towards their relative homes.

“Don’t worry about it.” Bucky said “She’ll be waiting when you get home with an apology, maybe in the form of a blow job…” Steve snorted “Maybe.” “And don’t listen to Sam. He talks shit.” Steve bid Bucky goodnight, and as he walked the few blocks back to their house he pulled his phone out and started googling symptoms of the menopause, grimacing as he read them.

Hot flushes, night sweats, weight gain, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, memory loss, sore or tender breasts, headaches, difficulty sleeping, vaginal dryness…

Fuck.

…a reduced sex drive

Double fuck.

…, mood swings, palpitations, joint stiffness, recurrent UTIs.

“Jesus” he groaned to himself, shoving his phone back in his pocket. He could attribute at least 10 of those to Katie over the past few months, remembering clearly the other day she’d flipped out at the fact her jeans were a little tight at the moment, and she’d had a banging headache yesterday morning, and had managed about 4 hours sleep…then there was the memory loss as she’d gone into the kitchen with the remote control and come back without it, having put it in the fridge, she’d complained last week her boobs were constantly sore…

Steve shook his head, if she was going through all this then she was entitled to be a little off and he was going to have to just put up with it as best he could.

He pressed his palm to the pad on the gate and once it was open enough he slipped through and walked to the door, sliding his key into the lock. Stark instantly shot out to greet him and after bending to give the dog loves he stood up and followed the soft tones of the piano to the den where Katie was playing with Rori on her lap already dressed for bed.

“Ok, now you try…” his wife said softly, and Rori placed her hands on the keys and began to track her mother’s movements.

“Almost…” Katie grinned, looking down at her, before her hands moved back and she played up a slowly “Try again.” This time Rori nailed it and let out a squeal as Katie laughed and dropped a kiss to her head.

“Nice work Princess…” Steve said, and they both turned to look at him.

“Daddy!” Rori said with a grin, shooting off the stool to run to him. He swept her up and gave her a big kiss on the cheek.

“Hey.” he smiled at her “You had a good day?”

Rori nodded “We did err…that thing where you do the numbers with each other and…what was it momma?”

“Times tables.” Katie smiled and Rori nodded.

“Yeah that, and then we did some reading and I got a gold star for doing a full chapter.”

“No way!” Steve grinned “You’re a brainbox just like your ma.” “So Momma made us all tacos for tea as a treat and then I did some piano!”

“I saved you some.” Katie looked at Steve “Wasn’t sure if you’d have eaten or not.” “Thanks.” he smiled at her taking her gesture for exactly what he knew it was, an apology. “The boys in bed?”

“Harry is. Jamie is in his room on his computer.”

“Ok, I’ll pop up. You ready for bed munchkin?”

Rori nodded “Story time?”

“You bet.”

With Rori in his arms he crossed the room to drop a kiss to Katie’s head before he took his daughter upstairs, Stark following. By the time he’d read Rori a story, tucked her in, checked on Harry and then had a hushed argument with Jamie about how he had another 30 minutes before lights almost 40 minutes had passed before he finally headed downstairs.

Katie was in the kitchen loading stuff into the dishwasher and he made his way over, wrapping his arms round her waist.

“I’m sorry.” she said gently, turning to face him, her hands gently scratching at his beard “I was out of order yesterday…” “It’s ok…” “No, it’s not.” she sighed “I’ve been up and down all over the last few months and taking it out on you and the kids isn’t fair.”

“Do you know why?” Steve asked, wondering how on earth he was going to broach the subject.

“Yeah, well, maybe. I spoke to Pepper before when she rang asking what time she should send Happy for the kids tomorrow, and she suggested I might be…” Katie took a deep breath “…going through the change, so to speak…” If Pepper had been in the room right there and then, Steve would have probably kissed her for being the one to bring this up so he didn’t have to.

“Anyway, I’ve made an appointment to go to the Doctor’s tomorrow.” Katie shrugged.

“Do you want me to come?” Steve asked.

“No.” she said, “It’s the middle of the afternoon. You’ll be in class.” “Ok.” he said, “Well, whatever it is we’ll work it together, yeah” “I know.” she smiled, as he leaned down to give her a kiss.

“And as the kids are at Peppers tomorrow, I think that means we can spend a bit of time alone…” he nudged her nose with his and she smiled “Take out, bottle of wine…” “The dog…” she smirked and Steve laughed.

“I’ll lock him in the hallway…” “You can’t do that to him!” she said, scoffing. “Poor Stark…”

“You hated him yesterday…”

“I don’t hate him.” she said softly “He’s just not Lucky…but Jamie made me realise something before. He pointed out that he has so many little personality traits that are different to Lucky…he’s his own dog, in his own right…I’ve not really been fair to him…”

“Hey…” he said, spotting the tears in her eyes. “Honey don’t…” “See!” she blurted out, spluttering a laugh as she wiped at her face “This is fucking ridiculous…”

Steve chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her again and she pressed her cheek into his t-shirt, breathing in his smell as she always did when she needed to ground herself. A mixture of the sandalwood notes in his aftershave, the soft linen smell of his clothes and, well, another smell, a manly type of note that she simply called his Steve scent. One that she insisted no other man smelt like and that she told him she was convinced came from the serum.

“I don’t wanna be going through the menopause” she moaned, “I don’t wanna get old, and wrinkly, and fat and…barren…”

At that Steve laughed, because he couldn’t fucking help it.

“Barren?” he looked down at her, shaking his head “You’re such an idiot…we have 4 kids…you gave birth to 3 of them.” “Don’t remind me.” she pulled back and narrowed her eyes “Rori’s birth still haunts me.”

“You know I was so proud of you that day.” he smiled at her. “Still am.”

“I’ve never been so frightened in my life.” she said, “And I mean that…even when we fought…and Tony…” she trailed off and swallowed “But I’d do it all again in a heartbeat because she’s so damned perfect and amazing…”

Something washed over Steve at her words, a feeling of pure love but also unadulterated absolute, heartfelt desire and he tipped his wife’s chin up so that she was looking directly at him, and he dropped his face.

“God I fucking love you…” he mumbled, pressing his lips to hers again, his arms pulling her closer.

“Yeah?” she asked as his hands moved to her hips and he gently lifted her up onto the counter.

“Yeah…” he said, standing in between her legs, his mouth dropping to her neck. She rolled her head back, giving him better access as he nipped at her pulse-point, before his lips moved to that hollow at the bottom of her throat, his beard scratching her skin. She let out a soft sigh as he smirked a little, her legs hooking around his waist to pull him closer.

“Want something baby girl?” he asked and she let out a groan at his words.

“Yeah, you…” she said, shamelessly.

“Well we all know that you always get what you want, brat…” he muttered, his lips sliding up to hers and he kissed her hard, his tongue sliding against hers as his hands moved to pop the button on her denim shots before he gently grasped at the waistband and she shifted to allow him to pull them down over her legs, tossing them to one side. His hands slip up underneath the t-shirt she was wearing, pulling down one side of her bra, his hands gently teasing at her nipple, all the time listening to the soft noises and groans she was making as he continued, his nose brushing against hers, smiling softly.

“You like that?” he whispered, knowing full well that she did, but he knew she liked his soft dirty talk and she gave a sigh and a nod, followed by a little squeak as he pushed two fingers insider her.

Her head fell forward onto his shoulder as her hands grasped at his back through his T-shirt, and as he continued to stroke and coax her she bit down on his neck causing him to hiss slightly at the bite of pain.

“Need you…” she purred into his ear “Please.”

And when she asked like that, he was always powerless to refuse. This woman was his absolute weakness.

He moved his head to kiss her again, and removing his hand from her panties he reached up and pulled them down before he stood up, and she reached for his belt, opening it easily and quickly before doing the same to the button and zip on his jeans. She pushed them down, over his hips as Steve’s hands moved to her back and he gently pulled her forwards, sliding her towards him, letting her feel how ready he was. She reached down and gently gave his hard cock a pump up and down and he let out a groan as he pulled her off the counter slightly, her legs wrapping around his waist, arms round his neck, her lower back resting against the side of the worktop both of them letting out a load moan of satisfaction as he pushed forward, all the way home.

Steve’s head dropped to Katie’s shoulder, his mouth once more on the pulse point in her neck as he thrust again, his hands on her back, keeping her supported slightly

“God you feel so good…” he said, his lips moving back to hers as he set a pace that was torturously slow, and deep, and loving. Thrust after thrust he kept his lips either on hers or centimetres away, watching her intently as her pupils blew as he worked her up, driving into her, as deep as he could go, one hand resting at the back of her spine to keep her back from slamming into the harsh marble edge of the counter, the other guiding her head so he could kiss her, hard.

Her hands moved, the nails scraping lightly at the nape of his neck, and Steve felt himself falter for a split second at her touch.  

“Fuck doll…” he groaned into her mouth as she grinned cheekily, her hands sliding down to his bare ass as she urged him on, desperate for him to pick up the pace. So be obliged, giving her what she wanted.

Because he always did.

She held on to his ass for dear life, moaning with her body arching in his hands, the fabric of his jeans chafed delectably against her thighs, the belt buckle hitting her hard with every thrust and before long she let out a loud groan, her hands tightening on his skin as she cried out as he quickened his pace even more, causing her to gasp his name, a broken mumble of the word “Stevie…” before she let out a breathless gasp, her voice catching in her throat as the world began to tip on its axis.

“Come on, come for me doll…” he whispered, his breath hot on her ear. And that was it, she dropped over the edge, her head falling back as her hands slid up and grasped tightly on the hem of his shirt as she clenched around him, again and again, groaning and trembling, powerless to stop her body’s reactions. It took him another couple of thrusts before he gave a soft “oh” of pleasure, her name tumbled from his mouth before he bit down on her shoulder softly, reacting his own end. He gave a few erratic thrusts, pumping with short, deep strokes which sent Katie over another peak, but this was feeble as she collapsed forward, her head laying on his shoulder, utterly spent.

They stayed still for a moment, the only sound in the room was the ticking of the clock on the wall as Steve gently held his wife to him, as they both evened out from their high.

“Love you…” she said softly, kissing the tip of his nose causing him to smile, that cheeky smile he saved just for her before his lips met hers again

“Good, because I love you too pretty girl, more than you could ever know.”

***** If he was honest, Steve had forgotten all about Katie’s appointment until just after lunch, when he ushered his students into the seminar room and smiled at one of them, a small, slight red head, also called Katie. With a quick curse at himself, he fired his wife a text telling her to call him when she’d been seen, and that he loved her, before he closed the door and sat down in his chair and began to talk the group through the notes from the lecture before he invited them to discuss the subject of Money, impressionism and the understanding how the juxta positioning of colours against one another reflected the effects of light on objects.

Katie didn’t reply, other than to say that she was ok, the appointment had been fine and that Happy was on his way to collect the kids to take them to Pepper’s for the weekend. He’d said goodbye to them this morning, the 3 of them not in the slightest bit bothered they wouldn’t see him until Sunday, which was always something that slightly peeved him a little, but also made him glad that they had a good time with the Auntie and Cousin whilst they were at the lake house. It was important to him, and Katie, that their kids kept a good relationship with Pepper and Morgan, as they’d all be so close before Tony had died, so once a month all their kids headed up there, and then 2 weeks later Morgan would spend the weekend with them.

Steve drove the relatively short distance home and walked into the house, finding Katie at the kitchen table, face-timing Emmy and Brooke. He dropped a kiss to her cheek and waved at his eldest and he best friend, joining in the chat until they declared they had to get ready for the next round of partying and bid them both goodbye. Katie dropped the phone to the table as Steve stood up and retrieved a beer from the fridge. Katie waved off his offer and ran her hands over her face, a tired expression on her features as she stood up.

“Hey, you ok?” he asked, a little concerned as he flipped the lid off his beer. “Yeah…” she nodded, her eyes flickering to the white bag on the table which bore the Pharmacy logo on the front.

“I take it the Doctors gave you something then, for the…” he said, nodding towards it, taking a drink from the bottle. “It’s not the menopause.” she cut him off, shaking her head.

Steve frowned, “It’s not.” “No, I err…” she swallowed and looked at him “Steve, you might wanna sit down.”

“Are you sick?” Steve frowned, ignoring her instruction, his mind flying all over the place. That was his worst nightmare; that she got sick and it was serious, meaning she’d end up leaving him and the kids behind…

“Steve…” “Baby you’re worrying me…”

“I’m pregnant.” she blurted out.

The bottle Steve was holding slipped from his hand and landed on the tiles, shattering at his feet, showering the bottoms of his trousers in beer but he paid it no attention. Instead, he blinked, his wife’s words echoing around his head.

“Pregnant…” he whispered. “How, I mean…you’re on the pill…”

Katie shrugged “It can happen, apparently, and of course it would happen to us…”

Steve looked at her as she stood, her eyes locked onto his. They had certainly not planned this, one iota. Harry was meant to be their last, their little “one more��� as they’d put it. But here they were, with another “one more” on the way.

“I…” Steve was struggling to find his words. “Honey…this…I…shit…”

“You know I expect this one…” she pointed to her belly “To be more articulate than you’re being right now when they’re two…”

He looked at her, blinked and then his face split into a huge grin and he pulled her to him, pressing his lips to hers in an excited kiss. “Oh my baby momma…” he pulled back, his hands cupping her face as she smiled up at him and he grinned cheekily “I got you pregnant 4 times…”

“Yeah, now I come to think of it the plants in the hallway are withering a little. Maybe you can go jerk off in the pots, bring them back to life.” she quipped.

“I’d rather fuck you if it’s all the same…” he grinned, reaching down and grabbing the back of her thighs, hauling her up against him as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

“Take me to bed Soldier” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, and not one who needed asking twice, Steve kissed her again before he backed them out of the kitchen.

N/B SURPRISE MOFOS…BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMING!!! Baby Rogers no 5 is on the way!!!!!

@the-omni-princess​  @momobaby227​ @geekofmanythings16​ @angelofhell-666​ @thewackywriter​ @marvelfansworld​​  @cobalt-gear​  @asgardlover75​ @jennmurawski13​​​  @jtargaryen18​​ @saiyanprincessswanie​​  @navispalace​​ @patzammit​​  @joannaliceevans-fanficblog​​  @icanfeelastormbrewing​​ @djeniiscorner​​  @ayamenimthiriel​​  @coldmuffinbanditshoe​​  @disneylovingal​​ @official-and-unstable-satan​ @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​  @anika-ann​

#stark spangled banner #steve rogers x original female character #steve rogers x oc #steve rogers #oneshot #bucky barnes #sam wilson #stark spangled forever #katie stark #mcu #mcu fanfiction

[lookatallthosefreckles]

Where’s The Romantic Music?

When you were born, you had a 'tattoo' (technically it's a birthmark, but tattoo sounds cooler) with your soulmate's last name on it. Cas had always liked tracing the loopy lines of the 'W' in 'Winchester' as a kid, loving the ups and downs of the cursive that was imprinted on his lower back.

Sam had loved the straight, sharp lines of 'Novak', the word written on the back of his neck.

Neither of them really liked the word all that much when they got introduced to their college room mate.

"Hey," Sam said with a smile, holding out his hand to the blue-eyed man he was to be rooming with. "I'm Sam Winchester."

Cas almost dropped his bag.

"Is everything alright?" Sam asked, his eyebrows scrunching together in concern.

"Casti.... Castiel Novak," Cas choked out.

The two men looked at each other in alarm.

According to literally anything that has romance, when you met your soulmate, you were supposed to feel  something. There were supposed to be fireworks, sparks of some kind, possibly red hearts floating in the air. You were supposed to fall in love with every little thing.

But all Cas felt was surprise.

And maybe a little bit of disappointment. How on earth was he supposed to fall in love with this giant? Cas was 6"1 (A/N: im going off a Pinterest thing thing thing I saw a looong time ago for his height so possibly  not the best source), and he had to crane his neck  to be able to see Sam's eyes.

"Oh," Sam said, feeling incredibly awkward. According to his brother's chick-flick movies (that he swore  he did not own), there was supposed to be romantic music playing in the background. Sam was supposed to just have rushed here from the air port, or maybe the hospital, thinking that he'd never love someone again- and then he meets his soulmate.

In reality, Sam had just spilled his coffee on his top layer of flannels, took the shirt off, and (much to the surprise of the rest of the people at Starbucks) walked away with the other 4+ layers still on his body. He'd bumped into a door (maybe he was the clumsy side of the pairing?), gotten his car pooped on by a bird, and run here to meet his room mate.

Not exactly the starting of an incredible love story.

"Uh," Cas repiled.

"I guess, we should, uh..." Sam gestured to the door of the dorm room, his keys jingling.

"Yeah. Yup."

Sam swallowed, and tried to fit his key into the lock.

It was, evidently, the wrong key.

He tried a few more, swearing each time another one didn't work, while Cas stood behind him awkwardly.

"Uh," Cas started, stepping forward when the fifth key didn't work. "Maybe I should try?"

"Oh, yeah." Sam backed away from the door, feeling stupid.

Cas unlocked the dorm easily and stepped inside, tossing his bags on one of the beds.

Sam sat down on the second bed, and they stayed like that. About six feet apart (A/N: mm good the boys are practicing social distancing), both of them silent.

Just all-around awkward.

After a few minutes, Cas cleared his throat. "Do... Do you wanna... I mean, we should probably go out on a date, right?" He winced. Wow, he really knew how to ask someone out, huh?

"Oh, yeah," Sam answered. "Probably. Do you... I mean, I know a bar that's open tonight."

"Yup. Okay. See you... tonight. Yeah."

And they saw each other that night. And, you know, every other second of that first day. Because they were fucking room mates.

Cas honestly just wanted to die right there.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cas had drunk a lot of alcohol.

The 'date' (aka two people sitting at a table and repeatedly ordering drinks) had been the most awkward two hours of both guy's lives. So, to make up for it, the had both gotten drunk.

Cas was definitely more drunk (he was pretty lightweight), but whatever.

While they were walking up their hallway, Cas tripped on a fold of the rug that was sticking up. Sam caught him. It wasn't romantic, like you would expect from your soulmate; there was no pausing as they both realized how close their lips were- it wasn't even the kind of catch just before you kissed the bride at a wedding -, no blush heating their cheeks. Sam just sorta... grabbed Cas's arm.

Sam pulled him up. "Thanks," Cas muttered.

"No worries."

When they got to their door, Cas searched his pockets for the key. "Shit," he grumbled. "Must've left it in the room. Sorry."

"Uh, it's fine," Sam coughed. "My, uh... my brother knows how to pick locks? I'll just ask him if he can come over."

"No, we shouldn't bother him," Cas rushed. "It's like twelve,"

"Honestly, it's fine," Sam laughed. "I'm not sure he actually does  sleep. He texts me from like twelve to three am every night without fail. He'll be fine with it."

"Okay," Cas conceded, still unsure.

Sam took out his phone and searched through the contacts. The phone hadn't even finished the first ring when he said, "Yeah, hey, Dean."

Silence for a moment.

"Me and my room mate are sort of locked out of our dorm." A moment of silence on Sam's part. "Why are we out at- Dean, we're in college!  Of course  we're out late! I-" he paused. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I know,  Dean! God," He muttered. "Could you just get over here? We need you to pick the lock." He waited for his brother's response. "Thanks. See you soon."

He hung up and sighed. "Dean can be such a jerk  sometimes," he rolled his eyes, and Cas laughed. "What?" Sam asked, confused.

"It just sounds like me and my brother," Cas explained.

"You and your... wait, you have a brother?" Sam's mind whirled.

"Yeah. Why?" Sam didn't respond, and just then a man with blond hair came strolling down the hallway.

"This the dude, Sammy?" the guy asked, nodding at Cas.

"No, Dean, this is actually the guy who just murdered my room mate," Sam responded, sounding exasperated. "Yes, this is my room mate."

"'Sammy'?" Cas repeated, raising an eyebrow.

Dean laughed. "Alright, alright," he addressed 'Sammy', then looked at Cas. "What's your name?"

"Castiel Novak," Cas felt flustered for absolutely no reason.

To be honest, it sucked.

"Novak?" Dean asked, surprised.

Sam watched carefully. "Cas, you said you had an older brother?"

Dean's face fell, but only for a second. Then he stitched a smile right back on and said, "Is his soulmate's last name Winchester?"

"Yeah," Cas was slowly realizing what Sam had already figured out. "But mine is, too."

Dean blinked. "Oh," he said. "So, you and Sammy are...?" he pointed at each of them with one finger, then pointed the fingers at each other.

"First of all, ew," Sam answered. "Second of all... no, I don't think so."

It took Dean a second to realize what this meant. He squinted at Cas, and shrugged. "Always thought I had a thing for blue eyes."

Cas gave Sam a once over. "My brother is really small," he said.

Sam paled. "Like... he's really young?"

"Oh, God, no," Cas laughed. "He's just..." Cas took his hand and held it up to the middle of his stomach, then made a patting motion.

"Oh," Sam swallowed.

"Heh," Dean smirked at his younger brother. "Looks like you'll have lots of excuses to pick him up and... ya' know," he pushed his two pointer fingers together again.

"Ew," Sam shivered. "Please, please  stop."

Cas smiled apologetically. "My brother is like that too. He'll want to..." he gestured to Dean, not wanting to do what the green-eyed man had done. "a lot."

Sam held his stomach. "Can you just please  get us into the room," he asked Dean.

Dean grinned. "'Course," he took out an old card from an arcade that was probably long since shut down, and edged it into the slant of the lock. He pushed it forwards a couple of times, and the door unlocked (A/N: that wasnt the best description of this but whatever). "There ya go," Dean announced, stepping back from the door.

"Thanks," Sam muttered.

Cas smiled at Dean, noticing for the first time that when the light caught his eyes just right, you could see flecks of gold in them. Then Cas looked at Dean's lips.

Cas rushed inside his dorm, blushing like crazy, trying to forget what he'd just thought of doing to that man. "Oh, God," he groaned, collapsing on his bed.

Completely forgetting that Dean was still right there.

"Oh, I can't wait  to find out what you just thought of," Dean said with a  mischievous smile. "Hopefully hands-on learning."

Cas covered his face with his hands.

Dean laughed and shut the door.

Good lord, that man was going to kill Castiel dead.

#destiel #soulmates au #soulmates #dean winchester #sam winchester #cas #castiel #castiel novak #mentions of gabe #mentions of alcohol #fanfiction #fanfic #my fanfic writing #my fanfic #also found on wattpad #under Johnlock-Destiel #gn frens #not really though ill be awake for a while

[miraculous-ash]

My thoughts on episode "Ladybug"

-Adrien wanted to make sure that his lucky charm that he made for Marinette was perfect, so perfect that he literally sought the council of his fashion designer father!! -Lila, this bitch, honestly I can't even. But really her watching the class have fun at Marinette's party was pretty funny -Why would stolen test results matter after the test has been passed in? Like on the scale they were treating it with anyway -I'M SO GLAD ADRIEN IS STANDING UP, THANK-YOU -I thought the test thing was already dirty, but the second Lila went to stairs and I knew what was a foot, I screeched. Like this mofo -Honestly we needed the fireman back in here to prove that she wasn't injured again, because obviously the school couldn't. -Tom and Sabine aren't standing for this BS -Okay, so let me get this straight. Lila has A) Framed her for stealing the test results B) Framed/accused her for pushing her down the stairs and now C) FRAMED/ACCUSED HER OF STEALING AS WELL -Marinette really ain't getting any breaks here -NOT TO MENTION ALL THIS IS CONSTANTLY GOING DOWN IN FRONT OF HER FRIENDS -Was a little confused when Hawkmoth showed up here since I know this episode deals with a sentimonster.. BUT OH SHIT WE REAKUMATIZING CATALYST. DAMN. -Alya didn't let the lies get to her this time and believed her friend dodging an akuma -CHLOE PROTECTING SABRINA FROM THE AKUMAS, absolute queen honestly, didn't let the negativity get to her either -But oh SHIT. The other classmates, SABINE, AND MARINETTE?!?!? Damn dawg, poopy is hitting the ceiling hard -The fact that Marinette getting done this dirty is equivalent to season two finale's events with all this reakumatization? I stan -She was legit 50% away from Hawkmoth getting the earrings. Damn. -Again the knowledge of the sentimonster has me ??? but okay, Nathalie is down, this ain't good, but that was close, way too close  -Also, is this the first time we've fully seen Hawkmoth retrieve an akuma? Like 100%? Because I think it wasssss (he always just reuses it, or keeps it close by for reakumatization) -Yes Gabriel, finally being responsible, Jesus, take that broche away from her!! Interesting how he worded what was happening though, what was it? That the damaged miraculous transfers its wounds to the holder? -Tikki berating Marinette from that really big almost -Thank-you Alya, for finally standing by your girl -So wait, they were just gonna straight up put Marinette to working in the bakery full time? Interesting -NATHALIE I SWEAR TO *pterodactyl noise* -I had been wondering for a while there if it was Gabe that was gonna make the sentimonster though, using the peacock himself -This was an interesting creation process for making this amok -Pretty smart plan on Nathalie's part though, not gonna lie, she had poor Chat fooled and was playing him like a fiddle -I loved the old detective film type look to Alya's snooping, nice touch -Marinette trying her gosh darn hardest to leave the bakery, RIP girl, Tom, whyyy my dude -RIP to Chat too honestly, this poor boy's heart, hitting him right where it hurts -Me basically having a heart attack until real Ladybug steps in, I could've believed a reveal happening there if not, since it was just him with senti, even if Mayura saw, it's right before a season finale, I could see a reveal happening here -CHAT BUDDY, THIS IS A BIG OOF MAN, haha how does Ladybug feel about her partner guessing wrong when she guessed right back in Copycat? -Like always though, Marinette and her quick thinking to the rescue -Hahahaha "Senticharm!" *big gun* "Oh yeah? I'll show you a real, Luckycharm!!" *fork* "Yeah, you're definitely the real Ladybug" HAHAHAHA -Me sitting here having a heart attack at an ALMOST MAYURA REVEAL, my heart was already breaking thinking about Chat's reaction!! -ME HAVING AN ABSOLUTE ANYEURISM AT HAWKMOTH ACTUALLY SHOWING UP, MY GOD!!?? -Adrien calling him grandpa, god I'm dead, what's real anymore -Okay, oh shit, just, holy poop, my sweet goly jeepers. Honestly expecting someone to get revealed here right before the season finale, was 100% expecting it to be Mayura (And if so, I don't think Adrien would make the connection to Gabe being Hawkmoth after the events of the Collector, but Ladybug would definitely revisit the thought, but to be honest, Adrien would probably be too crushed to think about it in the moment) -OKAY THEY JUST BOTH YEETED THEM, THAT'S COOL. -Oh Chat, my poor sweet boy -Yes, take the miraculous and DON'T GIVE IT BACK TO HER. Honestly I could see her dying soon at this rate, what a finale that could be -Also, did she just say that she was the reason Hawkmoth was able to discover Master Fu's identity? That's an interesting tidbit -I just realized I don't think I mentioned Duusu yet, well she's precious -LILA, SWEET NIBLETS WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE. -I am HERE for Angry Adrien™ you tell her boy -This is a very interesting turn on Adrien's part though, he is very much like his father in this scene and that unnerves me greatly.. -My sweet innocent Marinette thinking that Lila has actually changed her ways and want's to be friends after all, but she's smarter than that, we don't need to worry -Gabriel making Lila his new muse/model?? Hoh boy. This is going to be interesting in future episodes I'm sure -Also weird that Nathalie witnessed Adrien confronting Lila at the shoot? Like she nodded to her with the approval to obey Adrien, like WHAT WAS THAT?!  And why is NOBODY talking about it?? -This episode was great for soo many ships, like come water your crops people, we got Adrienette, Ladynoir, and whatever Gabe and Nathalie's ship name is -I really can't wait for the season finale after this build up guys. And honestly, I don't think I'm going to be ready for it. How does one even start to get emotionally prepared for what's to come?? Over all, I really liked the episode. It kept me thoroughly entertained and on the edge of my seat. I'm glad that Marinette got some justice. The animation and direction was beautiful. Very pleased

#miraculous ladybug #ml #mlb #ladybug #episode:ladybug #episode: ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #chloe bourgeois #sabrina raincomprix #lila rossi #sabine cheng #tom dupain #gabriel agreste #nathalie sancoeur #hawkmoth #mayura #chat noir #ml season 3 #fan reaction #sorry it got so long #adrienette #ladynoir #gabenath #??

[artificialqueens]

Tree House Kisses, Chapter 19 (Adorney) - Scorpio and Veronica

A/N: Click here for previous chapters. xoxo!

Chapter Summary: Romance is in season. And as Courtney’s big day approaches, Adore continues to spoil her. Some people appreciate this more than others...

Chapter 19: We Go Together

As the recording of “Greased Lightning” finished for the second time, the boys all sighed and sat down. “Can we please take a break?” Bob asked.

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea,” Roy agreed. “Besides, I could really use some advice.”

“I already taught your girlfriend everything I know, Del Rio,” Willam offered, settling against the wall and stretching out his legs.

“Not like that. It’s just that Adore is doing this whole ‘ten presents for ten years of friendship’ thing. You just know they are all gonna be super deep and meaningful and Courtney cried at the first one and I have to think of something better. I cannot let Adore Delano beat me here.”

Bob laughed. “Okay, well, how about diamonds?”

“I’m also not a fucking millionaire, you idiot.”

“Okay, then how about a real sexy thong and some condoms?” Bod suggested with a wink.

“Yeah, great idea, Bob. I’m gonna give her condoms and a thong in front of her mother. You’re a genius.”

“You’re the genius that asked me for advice!”

“Anyone else? Jamin? Please?” Roy begged.

“Don’t ask me,” Jamin said. “My ex is a cunt who broke my heart.”

“Well, actually, you cheated on her, but potato potahto, I guess.”

Jamin scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

“Will? Come on, you hang out with all girls, you must have an idea.”

“I saw these really killer thigh high boots the other day. You should get those for her. Size 12.” He fluttered his lashes up at Roy, pursing his lips seductively.

“I hate all of you,” Roy moaned, resting his head against the wall. “Fucking Adore, she’s totally gonna win. I hate her too.”

Bob scoffed. “Roy, you’ve known Courtney longer than Adore has. You should be using that to your advantage.”

“That’s...true…” Roy considered this. “You know what, you’re right, Bob. Thank you!”

-

Courtney sat beside Roy in the front row of the theatre, watching the girls do the sleepover scene. They were working on Adore’s solo, “Freddy My Love,” and she was enjoying watching her friend ham it up. Mrs. Maguire was encouraging her to play around, going into the audience to “flirt” with people.

Adore pranced over to where she and Roy were sitting and shimmied her shoulders, then leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Courtney giggled.

“Yes, we know Courtney’s cute. Now try it with Roy,” Mrs. Maguire urged.

“You want me to give Roy a lap dance? Um, first of all, VOMIT--” Adore began.

“Thanks,” said Roy.

Adore rolled her eyes. “And second, I’m gay, so I’m pretty sure you asking me to do that is like, a crime against nature?”

Mrs. Maguire laughed. “I said flirt with him, Adore, not give him a lap dance. Like blow him a kiss or wink at him when you walk by. No touching required.”

“Oh.”

“Also, I am aware that you’re gay. And we’re all very proud. But your character is straight.”

Adore smirked. “See, I’m not so sure about that.”

“You’re telling me that you think Marty is gay? The character with 40 boyfriends?” Mrs. Maguire raised her eyebrows.

“Well that’s exactly it! She has forty boyfriends! So she’s obviously not very romantically minded with these boys, is she? I mean, she’s just using them for like, presents and money. She’s just kind of...using the assets she has at her disposal.”

Courtney laughed. “She’s an ingenious business person, actually.”

“Exactly!”

Mrs. Maguire tapped her foot. “So we’re playing Marty as a lesbian?”

“I mean, her name is Marty. Come on.”

“Alright, alright.” Mrs. Maguire laughed. “You’ve convinced me. Proceed.”

Adore raised her fists in triumph and then looked down at Courtney. “Get ready for a lap dance,” she said with a wink.

“I was born ready!” Courtney giggled.

Roy shot her a dirty look.

“What?!” she leaned her head on his shoulder, batting her eyelashes. “Like you’d say no to a lap dance?”

As rehearsal wrapped up, and the kids gathered their things, Adore sidled up to Courtney, slipping a wrapped package into her hands. Courtney looked up at her with a beaming smile, happiness filling her chest.

Adore grinned, knowing she was scoring extra points by giving her the gift in front of everyone, as the blonde excitedly unwrapped the slim box, emblazoned with the numbers “1997” in glitter. Inside, it contained a simple slip of paper, a rubbing of their names from the wall of Adore’s tree house.

-

“Come on!” Adore shrieked, dragging Courtney by the wrist, not even letting her swallow the cereal she’d just shoveled into her mouth.

“Alright, alright,” Courtney giggled, stumbling after her into the bright morning light and following her into her backyard, where she proudly showed off what had to be the most beautiful tree house Courtney had ever seen. “WOW!”

“I know, right!” Adore ran up to the ladder, pulling Courtney along.

They both scrambled up the ladder excitedly. Inside was even cooler than outside. Beanbag chairs, built-in cupboards, art supplies all ready to decorate it and make it their own...Courtney would be 100% jealous if it wasn’t for the next words that left Adore’s mouth.

“And I mean, I know it’s in my backyard, but it’s basically OUR tree house, ya know? I mean, ‘cause you’re my best friend. It wouldn’t be any fun without you.”

Courtney lunged forward, wrapping her arms around Adore’s shoulders happily. “It’s the best house ever and you’re the best friend ever.”

Without any warning, two heads popped up through the trapdoor. Roy and Bob. Ugh. Adore shrieked and slammed the door shut, nearly hitting them. “NO BOYS ALLOWED!”

“OW! ADORE!!” Bob yelled. “YOU POOP HEAD!”

“Jesus CHRIST, Adore, we just wanted to see it! What the FUCK!” Roy bellowed.

Adore stuck her head out the window. “Next week maybe, this week is girls only. Sorry!”

Courtney giggled and pulled her down onto one of the bean bags, cuddling together.

-

Courtney gazed at the rubbing, eyes misty. “Remember how we wanted to carve our names but no one would give us a knife so we had to steal the screwdriver from your mom’s toolbox?”

Adore nodded, giggling, and kissed her on the forehead. “And no one lost any fingers.”

Roy huffed. “Dude, you're making me look bad with this sentimental stuff,” he whined.

“Sorry, bro,” Adore replied with a smirk.

Courtney giggled. “I guess you’ll just have to try harder, babe.”

He crossed his arms. “And I’m still a little peeved about that ‘no boys allowed’ stuff.”

“Well, maybe if you didn’t bathe in Old Spice, I’d have let you in,” Adore commented, flipping her hair.

“Old Spice smells good,” Roy defended, then turned to Courtney. “You like it, right babe?”

“Totally,” Courtney assured him, cutting her eyes at Adore slightly, both of them laughing.

-

“Hey, Shea. Glad you took my advice.” Pearl pulled a chair next to her sewing machine and leaned casually on the table.

“Hey, Pearl,” Shea flashed her signature coy smile before going back to her work.

“Whatcha makin’?”

“A dress.”

“What kind of dress, Shea?”

“The kind that requires concentration, Pearl,” Shea quipped, with a hair toss and some side eye, trying to hide the mischievous glimmer in her eyes that told Pearl how much she was enjoying their interaction.

“Oh, well in that case...see you later, Shea.”

“Bye, Pearl.” Shea continued to concentrate on the sewing machine, not looking up until the last second, when Pearl paused in the doorway, tossing a wink over her shoulder. She quickly looked back down, cheeks heating up in embarrassment.

-

“Okay, everyone, please settle. We’ve just heard that there were no fatalities and all injuries were superficial, but we need to remain on lockdown while the police finish casing the school. So just sit tight, alright?” Mr. Harris was trying to maintain a semblance of order in the classroom after a shooting in the parking lot had led to a lockdown.

“Ughhh, this suuucks,” April whined. “I just finally heard from my brother, of course the asshole didn’t respond for like 30 minutes so I thought he was dead for the last half hour.” She shook her head. “He said it’s between the Cambodians and the South Americans.”

“Great, I guess I should call my brother,” said Violet, “Hopefully he’s not headed to Juvie.”

Pearl looked at Courtney, shaking her head. “It’s so awkward to be white in these situations, huh?”

“Actually, I’m a quarter Brazilian,” Courtney replied.

Adore’s head snapped up from her phone, where she’d been texting her cousins. “Courtney, there is serious gang violence going on. Shut the fuck up with that Brazil bullshit.”

Courtney slouched a little, whispering, “Sorry.”

“Oh, leave her alone, Adore. No one’s dead.”

“Yeah, this time,” Adore said.

“I said I’m sorry! I know it’s serious. I’m sorry.” Courtney reached for Adore’s hand. “Are your cousins okay?”

Adore sighed. “Yeah. Luckily they barely come to class, so…” Adore reached down into her bag, pulling out a box. “While we’re trapped here, might as well make the most of it…”

Courtney took the box, which had “1998” written on it, and opened it, smiling.

“Thanks, Dory.” Inside, it was filled with candy - Fun Dip, Sour Patch Kids, Tootsie Roll Pops, Pixie Stix, Pop Rocks. She clapped her hands, squealing. “Alright, who wants a sugar rush?!”

-

“Be quiet,” Adore shushed a giggly Courtney as they crawled past Bonnie, who was napping on the couch, and into the kitchen.

“Sorry,” Courtney smiled, as they stood up, Adore flicking on the kitchen light.

Adore lead Courtney to the cupboard, trying to quietly opened the door in hopes that the squeaky bolts wouldn't wake Bonnie.

“We went to the store yesterday and bought so much candies and cookies and chips.” Adore said excitedly.

Adore looked back at the kitchen entrance before climbing up the shelves. Courtney watched, mouth agape, before spinning around, the thrill of sneaking candy making it hard for her to stand still.

“Here,” Adore tried to whisper-yell as she threw the candy down from the bucket.

Courtney laughed in delight as she tried and failed to catch the candy. Adore jumped down landing with a loud thump.

“Adore?” Bonnie's voice caused both the girls to freeze in place, “Is that you in the kitchen, Dory?”

Courtney covered her mouth, scared that they’d been caught.

“Uh… Yes. I’m getting water,” Adore tried her best to sound like she wasn’t stealing candy.

“Okay, baby… Just keep it down.” Bonnie replied, sleepily.

“Yes ma’am.”

-

Candy wrappers were scattered across the tree house. Adore was splayed across a bean bag listening to the crackling of pop rocks in her mouth and Courtney’s leg shook as she dipped the stick into the sugary powder, mouth stained blue.

“This is soooo good!” Courtney said, wiggling in her spot.

Adore smiled as her best friend continued to do a little dance, “Did you try this? It pops in your mouth.”

Courtney’s expression turned into one of confusion and shock, “Pops!?”

“Yeah,” Adore nodded, scooting over to Courtney, “say ahh.” Adore said as she poured a few pop rocks into Courtney’s mouth.

She burst into laughter as Courtney let out a squeak of delight, green eyes going wide. “More more more!”

-

“Omigod, you were such a little hyperactive crackass when you ate all that sugar. You know what, this was a terrible idea, give me that candy back…” Adore said, reaching for the box.

“NO!” Courtney shrieked, holding it out of her reach. “It’s my birthday and I WANT CANDY!”

“Nope, I changed my mind…” Adore lunged forward, and the two girls laughed as they started play wrestling, Courtney holding fistfuls of the candy in her hands, trying to shove a lollipop into Adore’s mouth. “It’s mine, you bitch!” she laughed.

Pearl glanced up with a grin on her face, and caught Violet’s eye, the brunette looking as irritated as ever by Courtney and Adore’s weird dynamic. She suppressed a small laugh, reaching over to the open box and taking a package of candy, then walking over to Violet’s seat.

“Hey, Vies. Found some candy with your name on it. Wanna share?” She held up the package of Sour Patch Kids.

“Hilarious,” Violet said drily.

Pearl opened the candy and perched on Violet’s desk. “Would you lighten up? Come on…” she held out the open package.

“You know, you’re not nearly as cute as you think you are,” Violet commented, taking a few of the sour candies with an eyeroll.

“Oh yeah? And how cute am I?” Pearl asked, fluttering her lashes.

“Go fuck yourself…” Violet pushed her off the desk.

Pearl laughed and blew her a kiss. “See you later, muffin. Always a pleasure.”

-

“Hey, Adore what’s up?” Raja asked as Adore slid into the booth across from her, grabbing the plate of pizza that Raja pushed towards her. Adore loved that Raja worked at Cici’s Pizza because it meant free pizza for Adore and she was not one to turn down free pizza.

“Hey. I was wondering if you had any plans for next weekend?” Adore asked, picking at the cheese of her pizza a bit nervous.

“Nothing concrete. What’s up?” Raja shrugged, biting into her slice of pizza.

“Well, Courtney’s having a party on Saturday...”

“Who’s Courtney?” Raja asked, nose scrunched up in confusion.

“My best friend,” Adore was slightly taken aback that Raja wasn’t familiar with her, “The blonde, she’s doing the Radio Voice part...” Adore tried to jog Raja’s memory, but she only shook her head. “I gave a birthday present to at rehearsal the other day.”

“Oh, she’s the one dating that Roy dude?”

“Yeah… she’s dating Roy.” The tone in Adore’s voice changed. Maybe inviting Raja wasn’t the smartest idea.

“Mmm, nah. I think I might be busy, but if you want to hang out after then just text me and let me know, okay?” Raja smiled, looking at Adore with those hypnotizing brown eyes.

The butterflies fluttered in her stomach and Adore nodded. She figured that Courtney’s party wasn’t exactly Raja’s style, but it hadn’t hurt to ask.

-

Trinity and Fame laid spread across Violet’s bed, staring down at the dark-haired girl as she stretched her legs; complaining about school and school related things.

“When is your next recital?” Trinity asked, changing the subject, fingers drumming against the frame of Violet’s bed.

“In May.” Violet said, switching to the other leg.

“We're all going again?”

“Maybe,” Violet shrugged, “If I want to get you all tickets.”

Trinity rolled her eyes, before looking over to Fame, raising an eyebrow posing a silent question. Fame shrugged and nodded at Trinity.

“So, can we talk about the elephant in the room,” Fame said twirling her hair around her fingers.

“You shouldn’t talk about yourself like that,” Violet sat back on her hands a smirk on her lips.

“Fuck you!” Fame laughed, throwing a pillow at Violet.

“I’m kidding. You’re incredibly beautiful.” She smiled sweetly at Fame.

“Well, I wasn’t going to bring it up but since Fame did… let’s talk about it.” Trinity sat up, folding her legs under herself.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Violet said, moving into a split and stretching forward.

“You and-”

“Adore,” Fame finished for Trinity.

“Who?” Violet asked, staying in her position to avoid looking at either of the girls.

Trinity and Fame glance at each other, concern apparent on both their faces.

“Don't play dumb, just tell us what happened.”

“You were there, Trin. She told us, nothing happened.” Violet stood up, grabbing the stray pillow and tossing it back onto the bed.

“That’s what Adore said, but from the way that you’re acting it was more than just nothing.” Trinity rolled her eyes at Violet’s stubbornness.

“I’m not acting like anything,” Violet shot back. “Nothing's wrong.”

“We’re just trying to solve whatever this is between you two, because lunch is starting to get a bit awkward for everyone,” Trinity snapped back.

“Yeah…” Fame nodded.

Violet crossed her arms, looking down at her carpet with sudden interest, before finally sighing, “Fine whatever, it won’t be awkward at lunch anymore.”

“Good, as long as you and Adore are still friends, the group--” Fame started.

“I didn’t say we were friends.” Violet said pointedly, gaining groans of frustration from both the girls.

-

Courtney sat at her desk, half-heartedly working on her English essay while exchanging pictures of possible ideas for the centerpieces via AIM with Darienne, who was the queen of crafting. She’d already helped her with the invitations and was turning out to be a real lifesaver.

Courtney turned her head when she heard knocking on the window, puzzled to see Adore’s face pressed up against the glass. “Let me in!”

Courtney walked over to the window and opened it, giggling. “What are you doing?” She helped her wiggle through the window.

“I was trying to--OW! Be like, cute and it sort of relates to the present, but it would have been a lot more dramatic if you weren’t on the ground floor.”

Courtney laughed and helped her up off the carpet, taking the offered present, labeled “1999.” She opened it to reveal a DVD of Dawson’s Creek, and burst out laughing. “Okay, I get the window thing now. Thank you.”

They moved to sit on the bed. Adore grinned. “Remember how our parents found out that they like, talked about masturbation in the first episode and so they thought it was inappropriate and didn’t let us watch, and so we had to secretly tape it and watch in your sister’s room?”

“Yes! Which was totally hypocritical because like, masturbation was a frequent dinner table conversation in my house. I think my mom was just trying to make the same rules as Bonnie or something dumb like that.”

“Does your mom still try to talk to you about--”

“No, thank goodness, but she did ask me if I thought she should wax her vagina last week. Like I’m supposed to know what’s trendy in vagina grooming.”

“Oh my GOD, Karen.”

“I was like ‘I’m pretty sure that’s a personal decision, mom, and I support whatever choice you make.’”

“I’d have probably left the room and not talked to her for a month.”

“Well she accosted me in the dressing room while we were buying my outfit for the party! But at least she let me get the dress I wanted.” Courtney grinned.

“Was it really worth it?” Adore grimaced.

“You’ll have to tell me.” Courtney rolled over, laughing, chin resting on her arms. “So what are you up to tonight?”

“Uhh...I’m supposed to be hanging out with Raja later, when she gets off work.”

“Has anything...happened with her?” Courtney asked tentatively.

Adore groaned, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to her chest. “Ugh, no, and it’s driving me nuts. Like...I like her so much, and I think she likes me too, but then...sometimes I think it’s all in my head. I feel so stupid.”

Courtney swallowed, ignoring the strange feeling in her stomach whenever she thought about her best friend with the beautiful senior. “It’s not all in your head,” she said softly. “She definitely likes you.”

“Then what is TAKING SO LONG?!” Adore whined. “I mean, it’s not like I wanted a fucking Valentine, but why isn’t she making any moves?”

Courtney tilted her head. “Why does she have to make the moves?”

Adore looked at her. “Well...I mean…I don't know. Cause she's the grown up.”

Courtney raised an eyebrow. “Dude.”

“Good point.” Adore giggled. “I guess I better put up or shut up.”

“Guess so.” Courtney bit her lip.

Adore sat up. “I should probably get going.”

“Wanna use the door?”

“Well, that depends. What are the odds that Karen’s gonna ask me about pussy waxing on my way out?”

“Well. You’re a lesbian, so she’ll probably really value your opinion in this area. Thirty percent?” Courtney grinned.

“I’ll risk the window.”

Courtney laughed and stood up. “I’ll give you a boost.”

-

Courtney paced around her room with a clipboard, talking to Darienne on the phone.

“Yeah, so Thorgy and I finished the video yesterday and he’s gonna film the party and edit that together too. He’s a real lifesaver, actually. My mom did thankfully cave on the still photographer, but she’s making me hire this guy that’s like her friend’s son in film school so hopefully he doesn’t fuck it up...Yeah, I know.”

Roy reached for her hand as she passed him, but she shook him off.

“No, Todd is taking care of that. My mom’s boyfriend. He’s proving very useful.” Courtney laughed. “I know, it’s really helpful that she’s dating a guy 15 years younger than her right now. Can you come over tomorrow to finish the place cards and centerpieces and stuff? I’m finally done with the seating chart. That took FOREVER.”

Roy attempted contact again, this time crawling towards her when she sat down on the bed, trailing his fingers up her back.

“Thanks, Dari. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.” Courtney hung up the phone, then consulted her clipboard with a furrowed brow.

“Hey, babe…”

“Yeah?” Courtney pulled a pen out of her hair and wrote a note down on the clipboard.

“Maybe you could like, take a break from the party stuff for a little bit?” He flashed his dimples at her.

Courtney looked up at him with an irritated expression, sighing.

“Roy, I really don’t think you understand how many details there are to worry about. I still have to finish the song list for Tomas, and make all the centerpieces, and make the shopping lists for Costco for the drinks and supplies and I know I’m gonna forget something and what if something goes wrong--”

Roy held up his hands. “Alright, alright, I’m sorry. I just thought we could relax for like, a minute.” He leaned forward to kiss her shoulder and she swatted him away. “Do you want me to leave?”

“Do you want to leave?” Courtney asked.

He looked up at the ceiling, muttering a silent prayer, and then said, “I am trying to be here for you, but it feels like I’m just annoying you.”

Courtney bit her lip. “Maybe you could be here for me without making me feel like I’m neglecting you because I’m not making out with you every second.”

“Well...but you are neglecting me,” he said, attempting another charming smile, hands sliding around her waist.

“Roy!” Courtney threw up her hands.

“One kiss…”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re so irritating.”

“I know, my persistence is my best quality.”

Courtney leaned over and kissed him quickly. “There, happy now?”

“No, because I’m an addict and you’re my drug…”

Courtney crossed her arms and glared at him, looking at his pouty lips and finally breaking into a smile, tossing her clipboard down and climbing on top of him.

“You’re impossible, you know that?”

“I know, but that’s why you love me, right?”

She rolled her eyes again. “I guess…” He tickled her ribs and she laughed, squirming, until she was gasping for breath and begging for him to stop.

“Hey…”

“What?”

Roy took her face in his hands. “Happy almost birthday.”

Courtney smiled and pulled him in for a deep kiss.

-

COURTNEY: Are you home? Just got out of practice.

ADORE: Nope, at Raja’s. Srry

COURTNEY: I was really hoping we could hang out today : (

COURTNEY: Could use your help with last minute planning for my birthday party.

ADORE: Thought you’d have everything together by now.

COURTNEY: K

ADORE: Look under your bed.

Courtney couldn’t help the smile that stretched across her face as she dropped to the ground, looking under her bed. She pulled out a decorated box, “2000” written across it in gold glitter. Courtney tore the top off, eager to see what her present was. A mixed of emotions flowed through her, but she couldn’t help but laugh with joy as she pulled out a silver plastic necklace, the word “BABY” in sparkly block letters. The note simply said:

Darienne was right. You should have been Baby. And I should have been Ginger. You’re a cunt.

She laughed and sat the box on her bed, grabbing her phone.

COURTNEY: FUCK YOU I’M NOT BABY! I’M GINGER 4 LYYYYYYFE

ADORE: so when you said I would be Ginger next time, that was a lie?

COURTNEY: duh

ADORE: CUNT

COURTNEY: lolz

COURTNEY: Although...this does give me a perfectly wonderful idea for the party…

ADORE: I’m afraid to ask.

COURTNEY: MWAHAHAHA

ADORE: See you tomorrow?

COURTNEY: Of course! Love you

-

ADORE: Outside

A minute later, the door flung open and Manila Luzon was smiling at her.

“Hey, girl! We’re upstairs,” the older girl turned, leading her into Raja’s house. Adore’s brows furrowed as she closed the door behind her. When Raja invited her over to watch a movie she thought it would just be the two of them. Adore had yet to properly meet any of Raja’s friends, other than Manila who came over once while they were hanging out to take back a dress that she’d left over.

Adore followed Manila up the stairs, the girl complaining about how they’d yet to choose a movie to watch because Raven was being difficult.

“She’s always bitching and it’s makes things a lot harder than it should be,” Manila groaned pushing open Raja’s bedroom door.

“Fuck you!” Raven said, “I’m not watching Mean Girls for the billionth time,” Raven rolled her bright blue contact eyes before shuffling through the stack of DVDs in her lap. Raven sat on the floor in front of Raja’s bed, where she was joined by Manila. A plumper girl with bleached hair and dark eyebrows sat in the chair at Raja’s desk clicking through her phone. Adore hovered in the doorway when she saw Raja laying on her bed--head in Carmen’s lap. Adore was somewhat familiar with the dark-eyed junior, since she’d dated Roy back when they were all in Junior High. Although she’d gotten a lot taller and more beautiful since then. Damn.

“Hey,” Adore said with a small wave of her hand. Manila looked up at her with a smile, Carmen gave a small wave back, the girl at Raja's desk only glanced up from her phone and Raven continued looking for a movie, completely ignoring Adore.

Raja raised up from Carmen's lap, “Hey,” she smiled. “Come sit by me.” Raja patted the bed, maneuvering so Adore could have some room.

“Don’t you think it’s a little crowded with all three of us?” Carmen's nose wrinkled.

“Be a doll and move over, or I’ll make you sit on the floor!” When Carmen crossed her arms, turning up her nose, Raja started to tickle Carmen's side, causing her to yelp and burst into a fit of laughter.

Adore made her way to sit on the end of Raja's bed, trying to ignore the burning jealousy in her chest. Even though she was ninety-six point five seven percent sure that Carmen was straight, watching Raja be so physical with the pretty girl made the wheels turn in Adore’s head. They've been hanging out for a few weeks now and nothing had happened. Nothing. The most Adore had gotten were a few lingering touches on her shoulder or arm that didn’t seem to mean much when all added up. Adore had really thought that Raja was interested in her, the same way she was in Raja.

Apparently, she was wrong. She tore her eyes away from the giggling girls, situating herself on the edge of the bed. Her phone then lit up with a text from Courtney, wanting her to come over. Adore tried to block out the two girls behind her, focusing on texting Courtney.

“Hey, Adore.” Manila called, and Adore looked up to see Manila holding one DVD case and Raven another. “Bring It On or Scream?”

“Uh…” Adore thought for a moment.

“I don't even know why you asked her, she’s a plus one. She gets no vote,” Raven sneered, before calling on the girl in the chair to choose. “Delta?”

Adore frowned. She’d heard Raven was a bitch through rumors, but she didn’t expect her to be such a bitch. She made Violet look like a teddy bear.

“Um, I think I’d rather watch Bring It On,” she said.

“Yay!” Manila clapped.

“Really? You have awful taste,” Raven groaned.

“I would vote for Scream,” Adore butted in, not wanting Raven to think that she got the best of her.

“Okay, well at least your taste in movies isn't as bad as your taste in clothes,” Raven said, snickering to herself.  

“The fuck--” Adore started, completely forgetting where she was for a moment. Manila elbowed Raven and Raja shot up from where she had been wrestling with Carmen.

“Woah! So first of all: We're not watching a scary movie--”

“It's not even scary.” Raven defended.

“Whatever,” Raja rolled her eyes at Raven, “Out of the question and second: Adore is my guest, so… don't fucking insult her.”

“Whatever.”

-

Adore couldn’t focus on the movie. Her mind was racing and her eyes kept glancing over at Raja who was mindlessly playing with Carmen’s hair. Adore already felt out of place amongst the older girls, but seeing the way Raja interacted with Carmen really made her feel like an idiot. This entire time she thought or hoped that Raja was interested in her romantically to some degree, but it seemed that Raja just wanted to be friends.

Adore tried to put together where she should have taken the hint or might have misinterpreted any signs, but she couldn’t find any.

Soon, the movie was over and Delta stood, stretching.

“I need to head out. If I'm late for dinner my ma will kill me. Plus tonight she's making tamales and my Tio acts like he doesn't understand the difference between a family dinner and a buffet,” Delta grabbed her bag. “Carmen, need me to take you home?”

“Yeah, let me grab my stuff,” she scurried to put on her shoes.

A warm hand on Adore’s arm grabbed her attention, “I'll take you home,” Raja said in a low voice as she leaned in; face inches from Adore’s. Adore only nodded.

“I’ll walk you guys out,” Raja stood at her door as the girls gathered their things.

“Bye Adore,” Manila waved as she left the room.

“Yeah, bye Adore. Tell Roy I said ‘hey’. You guys still hang out, right?” Carmen asked as she finished putting her shoes on.

Adore had to stop herself from making a face. As all eyes were suddenly on her.

“Roy? Del Rio? Your ex?” Delta asked, surprised.

“Mhm,” Carmen nodded and Adore avoided looking at Raja, as she felt the older girl’s eyes on hers.

“Yeah, uh, we grew up together. Live on the same street,” Adore nodded, running her fingers through her hair.

“Don’t he date... Uh what’s her name,” Carmen pondered, and Adore had a suspicion that she hadn’t really let Courtney’s name slip. She had all night to think about it.

“Courtney,” Adore said, sitting up.

“The cute blonde?” Raja asked, her dark eyes never leaving Adore and Adore couldn’t help feeling cornered, as if this had been planned.

“Yeah. Um, I’ll tell him you said ‘hey’ next time I see him,” Adore said, desperate for the conversation to end.

“Cool,” Carmen gave a sly smile and Raven mumbled something under her breath, causing Delta to cackle, before turning to leave, followed by Manila and the rest of the girls.

Adore put on her shoes as she waited for Raja to come back up and take her home, but she couldn’t stop thinking about her conversation with Courtney the other day. Maybe she should be the one to make the first move. She wouldn’t know how Raja felt until she asked her.

“Ready to go?” Raja startled Adore, who stood up quickly.

“Yeah... well, actually I wanted to uh… ask you something,” Adore’s heart thumped in her chest as Raja raised a brow.

“Shoot,” she said, leaning back against her dresser.

“Do you actually like me? I mean, like like me, because at first I thought maybe there was... Um something between us. But now I’m kind of confused. I mean if you don’t its cool. I don’t want to make things weird or anything, but I just thought-” Adore’s rambling was cut off by Raja pushing herself off her dresser.

“You’re too cute, you know that,” Raja’s husky voice rang through Adore’s ears as she approached.

Once Raja reached Adore, all she could focus on was the older girl’s long arms wrapping around her waist, pulling her closer. Adore leaned forward on her toes, eyes fluttering shut; the feeling of Raja’s warm breath on her face was hypnotizing. She smelled of weed and something else intoxicating, almost floral.

“Can I kiss you?” Raja asked and Adore made a noise of agreement that she’d let herself be embarrassed about later.

But all thoughts were lost as Raja pressed her lips to hers. She tangled her fingers into Raja’s hair, a giddy smile spreading across her face as she melted against the older girl’s body.

“Fuck,” she whispered, giggling slightly.

Raja smiled and pulled her head back, tilting her chin up. “What?”

“You’re just...really hot.”

“I know,” Raja replied with a wink, letting go and sashaying to the door. “Come on, let’s go make out in the car, where my mom won’t walk in.”

“Deal!” Adore exclaimed, running after her, cheeks pink with happiness.

#rpdr fanfiction #tree house kisses #scorpio #veronica #adorney #adore delano #courtney act #bitney #rajadore #pearlet #pearl x shea #bianca del rio #violet chachki #pearl liaison #raja gemini #shea coulee #lesbian au #high school au #angst #fluff

[miraculouslycool]

Classifying all the akumas:

The ones you actually feel sorry for:

Stormy Weather - Both times. Poor Aurore needs a break.

Bubbler - Getting akumatised just to throw your bro a birthday party is one of the most purest reasons ever. Never get in between Adrino.

Pharaoh - Jalil’s dad is an asshole who doesn’t know how to treat his kids equally, especially when said son is only trying to impress him. ....No wonder people thought he was Hawkmoth at first.

Lady Wifi - You mess with my girl Alya, you mess with me.

Timebreaker - I don’t know about you, but I would be pissed if my miraculous birthday present was irresponsibly ruined by a person you trusted it to.

Evillustrator - Getting humiliated and mocked for having a crush on your birthday? Not a rollercoaster ride of joy.

Rogercop - Poor dude was just trying to do his job. (Since when did the MAYOR have the power to fire police officers?)

Dark Cupid - Kim was only trying, Chloe!

Horrificator - I can’t for the life of me figure out why Mylene is afraid of Ivan wearing a cloth mask when she literally encountered him as a stone monster - but who am I to judge her fears?

The Mime - Quite understandable. What his understudy did was unforgivable and I’m surprised they still let him be an actor in the play.

Kung Food - I mean.....back then.......who wasn’t mad at Chloe for the stunt she pulled?

Vanisher/Miraculer: Sabrina really needs to branch out her social circle.

Reflekta/Reflekdoll: It is scary how much I relate to Juleka about feeling invisble.

Guitar Villain: Any artist would be livid if one of his ‘peers’ straight up insulted your art.

Simon Says: Gabriel was being an ass on purpose, but why did Alec lie to him about the purpose of the call and didn’t even let Simon participate fairly?

Stoneheart: How ironic, because Ivan is a sweetheart who just wanted to tell Mylene he loves her.

Santa Claws - Because akumatised victims safely drop runaway kids at their homes, am I right, Ladybug?

Riposte - Kagami took losing much better than Max did AND she has all that parental pressure and other emotional baggage hanging over her.

Robostus - Markov kind of has a point. Humans suck.

Dark Owl - C’mon, he was adorable as a pretend superhero! Him getting mocked online was sad. (Did I mention I hate Alec? Because I do.)

Gorizilla - I LOVE this dude. The day he adopts Adrien, I will personally build a shrine for him.

Zombizou - Caline Bustier sucks as a teacher, but she actually tried to resist the akuma!

Syren - Poor Ondine. Kim gives Adrien a run for his money when it comes to being oblivious.

Frightningale - Clara Nightingale is an adorable bean and seeing her cry made me cry. (Props to Laura Marano for voice acting her sadness so well!)

Troublemaker - Penny manages Jagged’s career, and deals with Bob Roth and Alec’s bullshit all while having feelings for Jagged. Where is her respect?! (Probably the same place where Gabriel’s respect for Natalie is.)

Reverser: Nathaniel, why on earth would Ladybug - a full-time superhero with her own life and duties - be writing fanfiction about your art and leave it lying in random places?! I ship Marcanthiel, but he treated him very poorly in this episode.

Frozer- He’s just a desperate man trying to save his business.

Queen Wasp - The one time I genuinely felt sorry for Chloe. Yes, she made some hasty and rash decisions,but at the end of the day, she just wants to please her mother. *Jalil and Adrien want to know your location* And she did learn from her mistake.

Malediktator - Poor Andre. Chloe and Audrey were being bitches.

Backwarder - Welcome to the Heartbroken Club, grandma.

Weredad - Tom is an amazing father. I’m not blaming Chat Noir, although Marinette went a little too overboard with her ‘distress’. (She was an absolute mood, though)

Animaestro - “Pah! Who would want to see Ladybug and Chat Noir as animated characters?” Definitely not all the idiots who came to the movie premiere. 

 Oni Chan- Raise your hand if you secretly dreamed of hunting down Lila to give her a Pinocchio horn. *raises both hands* 

Desperada - Imagine getting fired because you ate your boss’s cereal. *shudders* 

Startrain - That moment when your entire life depends on you passing or failing that test. 

Kwamibuster - All she wanted was to become known for becoming the second Nicholas Copernicus discoverer of those weird creatures. And she even understood the need to keep it a secret in the end.

Gamer 2.0 - Max learnt from his first time and properly accepted defeat. 

Chat Blanc - YOUR SON IS NOT A BASEBALL GABRIEL,YOU PIECE OF SHIT.

The ones who don’t deserve any sympathy:

Mr.Pigeon: Dude, if you love pigeons so much, adopt one. Don’t go about encouraging them to poop everywhere.

Copycat - Chat Noir should not have lied, but what tf is Theo doing lusting after a girl who is half his age? 

Darkblade - Corruption and politics aside, like Chat Noir said, the public had made their choice and they chose Andre Bourgeois. This big baby really needs to grow up. 

Gamer (The first time) - Max was definitely a sore loser, and may I admit, a little sexist too. Why did he feel the need to explain the rules to Marinette? Would he have reacted the same way if Adrien had beaten him out of the tournament? And he really should have accepted that Marinetter and Adrien beat him fair and square and not have played in the tournament because he DIDN’T GET IN.

Antibug: Sorry that Ladybug didn’t believe the one true thing you said because of you lying to her about literally everything else, Chloe.

Pixelator: Creep alert.

Volpina/Chameleon : She’s the bad guy......duh.

The Collector : Do I need to explain?

Prime Queen: Nadja was making Ladybug uncomfortable with her prying questions. ANYBODY would react the same way. 

Befana: Marinette’s grandmother didn’t listen to her son and daughter-in-law about the surprise birthday party, and gets butthurt AFTER her granddaughter tells her the truth about why she is leaving and spending half her birthday with her.

Captain Hardrock - Anarka, you don’t name your houseboat ‘Liberty’ and proceed to interfere with everyone else’s liberty to hear.

Anansi: What the hell was Nora trying to prove by kidnapping Alya? The world is dangerous because SHE created the danger in the first place?

Style Queen - Rich people are petty. (Except for Adrien, of course)

Bakerix - “I disowned my son because he put rice flour in dough!” Uh huh, sure, whatever helps you sleep at night, you racist jerk.

Ikari Gozen - Take a chill pill and let your child breathe, blind lady.

Felix - Not an akuma, but a villain all the same. 

Loveater - Am I the only one getting tired of the Bourgeois family (except for Chloe)? Also they had the opportunity to become a cool double headed Cerberus but noooooo....they had to become a two-faced egg instead.

Miracle Queen - Highly disappointed in Chloe, but I know she can become better.

The necessary evils:

Silencer: Luka really stepped it up for Marinette! Bob Roth deserved it.

Oblivio: Oblivio is not a villain. Oblivio saved the love square’s life, and is thus, deemed a hero.

Chat Blanc - Only because he murdered his father......and technically Lila as well.

The dumb ones:

Animan: Really? Getting akumatised because a kid insulted his precious panther? A panther which should not have been offended because it’s a panther and a zookeeper who should have let it slide because he is a goddamn adult?

Gigantitan - Sure, we got a funny episode out of it, but Gabriel, you are better than akumatising a literal baby THREE times.

Glaciator - The only reason this is not in the ‘No sympathy’ category is because I’m not able to understand why the adults in the show are behaving like children.

The Miscellaneous ones:

Puppeteer (both times), Christmaster and the Sapotis: They’re literally kids acting their age. Yeah, you should not condone their behaviour but they aren’t evil.

Princess Fragrance: Can’t really place this one because what Chloe did to Rose was too cruel, but she was still an obsessed fan who was trying to have her celebrity crush for herself. (Before you say Kagami and Ondine did basically the same thing, Kagami actually knows Adrien. Adrien is her friend who she had developed feelings for. Ondine and Kim are even closer than Adrien and Kagami are. Say what you want, but these two girls’ heartbreak was real.)

Despair Bear: He was only trying to help Chloe but mimicking her teddy bear in front of her classmates was too much. 

Sandboy: Again, just a kid afraid of nightmares. He could easily be a gender-bent version of me.

Catalyst - Nothing special to say about her, since her motivations were pretty one-track minded.

Feast and Sentibug - Self-explanatory. They’re both sentimonsters.

Time-tagger - We have no idea why he was even akumatised in the future.

Party Crasher - Wayhem’s disappointment was too trivial for me to feel sorry for him....but we did get a powerful villain out of that so.....*shrugs*

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous season 3 #miraculous season 1 #miraculous season 2 #akumas #theories #ml rants #ml analysis

[myshittybrainwontshutup]

I had a dream where I was wandering in the woods and I found some weird abandoned facility. The Dream Works logo was painted on the side and the door was open, so I just sauntered inside. There were tons of big, drab concrete rooms all full of toppled over desks. Giant pillars held up the ceiling and plunged down into the earth. I thought that this place would be a magnet for graffiti artists, or just delinquent teens in general, but this place looked untouched by everything except me. There wasn’t even rat poop or cockroaches to point to a sign of life. Like the dumbass I am, I started walking down the staircase that wrapped around one of the concrete pillars. On the forth or so level down it stopped being the same old rooms full of desks and started being bedrooms and showers. There were literally hundreds of bunk beds, all with the same cheap white sheets. I investigated the bathrooms and found that the showers still worked and even better, they still had hot water. I guessed this place had an independent generator and the dim ceiling lights supported my hypothesis.

I decided I needed a shower and scrubbed down, then wandered over to one of the beds for a nap. (Yeah, sleeping in your dream is kind of weird, but I do it rather routinely. I guess I’m just that tired.)

My thought process for using the beds is that they may be dusty, but I hadn’t seen any evidence of any other life, so bedbugs were unlikely.

After I woke up I pulled on my clothes, which I vividly remember being a burnt orange tank top patterned with tiny carrots, high waisted jorts and my three-sizes-too-big black jacket.

I kept going all the way down to the bottom level where I was confused to hear talking. I crept around the corner and saw this old dude in a lab coat and these two blond collage age girls drawing a circle on the ground. The amount of sigils inside the circle made me think that this couldn’t be anything good, but before I could really do anything about it one of the girls spotted me. She shouted, “Hey!” and pointed at me. I didn’t waste any time getting the hell out of dodge, and I heard the old dude yell, “Stop them! No one must know!”

The two girls started chasing me. Because I don’t ever skip leg day, not even in my dreams, I made it up the stairs before they could. I made it through the door and almost made it back to the woods, but instead of going forward and disappearing into the flora I was suddenly going up. Out of freaking no where, I was caught in a tractor beam and being towed up into a space ship. I didn’t get to see if the girls had seen me getting abducted, but my prior circumstances were quickly ripped out of my head as I was blasted with water. Even though I’d just taken a shower I guess I was too dusty for these aliens to handle. I was “disinfected” and my wet clothes were confiscated and replaced with a very unflattering blue-gray jumpsuit. These particular aliens were very octopus like, but slightly taller than humans and their version of an invasion force was capitalism.

Instead of being forced into hard labor I was forced into a job that is actually hell to me. An “internship” as they called it, where I had hours of paperwork to do. Paperwork is a punishment worse than hell to me, so I did the absolute minimum effort I could get away with. I was set up at a station with three other people. One was Merida from Brave, one was Miles from into the spider verse and one was Stanford from gravity falls. I didn’t let on that I knew them, but I did become pretty close with them. While we were just doing paperwork together time was sped up, but as soon as we were called out to test a new piece of tech that the squid aliens had invented time resumed its normal pace. We were brought out to this floating asteroid that seemed to have an atmosphere that I guess was their testing site. One squid alien on a three piece suit came along to supervise us. The thing we were supposed to test was a Portal esc wormhole gun. I had to keep from laughing my ass off for reasons that will become apparent later. The squid fired it off, setting of each side of the portal in mid air about twenty feet apart, gave Merida a rope and instructed her to walk trough it. Reluctantly she agreed and walked through. The portal didn’t immediately close or collapse as she entered and she wasn’t lost in some in-between place, so the squid was ecstatic. However, Merida and the squid pulling on the rope was apparently enough to rip a hole in space and time. The rip started to drag Merida and the squid in, but Miles, Ford and I were standing far enough away. Miles managed to pull Merida out of range of the rip’s suction, but the squid fell into the gaping black maw. It was growing larger by the second and I knew we would be consumed before long unless I did something.

One of my recurring powers in my dreams is that I can open my own portals, in addition to some others. I turned around and opened my own portal back to the woods I was wandering earlier and had everyone run through. I closed it off as soon as we were all through. We landed on a dirt road that was at least sixty percent mud. It must’ve rained since I was abducted.

Ford immediately turned to me, his eyes wide.

“How did you do that?!” He demanded. I shrugged.

“I just... can?” I said. I actually have a reason, but I didn’t feel like telling him. I opened another portal to the room where our stuff was being kept on the ship and let it just fall through into my arms. We each headed into the woods to suit up in our normal clothes, though Merida forwent a dress for jeans and a tee shirt. We started walking down the road as quite the marry band until we found a homestead. No electricity, no generator, just one small shack and the sound of a lot of voices. Out back was a pigsty and it looked like this place hadn’t been up kept in years. The others wanted to take the stealthy approach, but I just kicked in the front door. There were a bunch of middle aged men sitting around drinking, about fifteen children ages nine to four and six toddlers, all huddling together in the corner around the one teenager who seemed to be about sixteen. Most of them didn’t have clothes any more sophisticated than a potato sack, and all of them had bruises. The teenage girl had a black eye. Cold rage bubbled up within me. I have very strong opinions about how children should be treated, namely, they should be treated with dignity and respect, no matter what age they are and no one ever has the right to hurt them. Something told me that there used to be more older women, but they’d died due to either violence or childbirth.

The biggest beefiest guy stood up and demanded to know who I was and what I wanted. I could tell he wasn’t seeing me as a threat due to my appearance. I mean, I’m exactly five feet tall, very feminine and not exactly buff. I demanded to fight him for the children and he laughed. Until I summoned my weapon. In my dreams I also can summon quite the arsenal. This time, I summoned my whip made of razor wire and cracked it right across his face. He immediately grabbed a huge black iron sword off the table and rushed me. I sidestepped out of the front door and cracked my whip again. It happened extremely fast so I’m not sure on the specifics of the fight, but I do know it ended with my whip wrapping around his throat. One quick tug and his head was on the ground as his body slumped to the side. All the other men, enraged that I’d killed their buddy grabbed their own swords. My whip is an awesome weapon, but it’s only good against one opponent. I tossed it aside and it burst into glitter, just before I summoned my sword.

I really like my sword. It’s a short Damascus steel blade with a gold gilded hilt and a ruby pommel. I’ve been using it for a really long time and I’ve gotten really skilled with it.

These guys clearly didn’t expect me to hold my own against all of them, but in combination with my portal magic I’m a formidable fighter in my dreams. For some odd reason the thing that ended the fight was a misstep from one of the men that lead to me accidentally chopping off the toe of his boot and the toe of his foot. He fell to the ground crying and demanded that everything stop. They agreed to leave and wandered back down the road, carrying their now toeless friend.

I went inside and found a yellow construction paper crown sitting on the table. I picked it up, put it on my head and muttered, “I’m the king.” With a big fat smile. I was mobbed by the little boys that demanded I teach them how to sword fight, the sixteen year old thanked me for getting rid of the people who hurt her, Merida asked where I learned to fight like that. Everyone else hung on the sidelines, not exactly liking that I’d just straight up killed and maimed on a whim. Ford was mostly interested in how I could summon and dismiss weapons on a whim.

“That’s not all I can do!” I grinned and stepped back outside. I told the teenager to release the pigs into the woods and told the kids to grab any items that they would want to take with them. Then with the three other interns watching, I waved my hand and an oak tree started to grow out of the ground. It grew so big that at a glance you could think it was hundreds of years old. With a snap of my fingers a massive treehouse constructed itself in the cradle of the tree’s uppermost branches. I subconsciously made it Halloween themed because it’s my favorite holiday. There were leaf streamers and grinning jack-o’-lanterns all over the place. One more wave of my hand and it was fully stocked with food and clothes and solar panels for its own electricity. I instructed the kids to climb up. The bigger kids carried the toddlers up. After we were all on board I snapped again and the tree started moving, walking along on its roots. I headed up into the main dining room and tried to add a little more decor, but it wouldn’t work. The plate of Halloween themed sugar cookies started laughing at me.

“What the-“ Ford started.

“I’m loosing control. I’m waking up.” I interrupted.

“What? Waking up?” Ford asked. I pulled him in with an arm around the shoulders.

“Listen, I don’t have much more time, so you’re in charge. I may be the most powerful here, but you’re the smartest. Keep them safe.” I said and put my paper crown on his head.

And that’s when I woke up.

#dreams #dream journal #dream #slight gore #true story #you could probably do a whole psycological analysis of this and come up with a compleate personality prophile #but i dare you to tell me something i dont already know #short story #all critques welcome

[teaboot]

Yo so basically I need more funny family stories my dude. I also need 90s vocabulary for a dare but you don’t need to worry about that, bruh.

Okay okay okay so like I came home to my be place after dark a few months ago, right? And I live alone in this big empty house in a new town, so I'm a little jumpy, and it gets worse when I arrive at my door to see it already wide open.Now, I'm super careful going inside, sort of just quiet and listening for a moment, but when nothing jumps out I stand up straight and go, 'There are three people allowed in here after dark, and if you're not one of them then you've got ten seconds to get out before I come looking'.With that, I give to the count of twenty for someone to speak up, and when they don't, I grab a bat and lock the door.I go through all the rooms, one by one, turning the lights on to check and then closing up. I find nothing. Nada.So maybe I'm being paranoid, right? I go back to the front and take a sec.That's when I notice that the porch light is off, even though I left it on because I knew I wouldn't be back until dark.I look around one more time and go, 'You know, it's been a long ass day, and if I have to come find you I'm gonna be pissed', and that's when I hear a crash.I follow the sound into the office downstairs, not sure what to expect, but when I get there I hear a second loud 'bang' and arrive in time to see a huge orange blur bounce off against the glass doors.It turns out to be a massive orange tabby with big gold eyes, and he's losing his shit.So what happened was: I left in a hurry, the door didn't shut all the way, the heavy wind blew it open, a feral cat came in from the storm to warm up and got trapped and confused when I shut him in.So, I feel awful for scaring the poor thing, and I run upstairs to grab some tinned chicken and a water bowl. He doesn't come near me, and seems shy, but he eats all the food and when he's done I start chatting at him, and ten minutes later he's rubbing up all over my lap, purring like a motorboat and just loving the attention. He's got the most amazing eyes, too- like I said, bright golden-orange, absolutely stunning.And hell, I love making things, so I call him 'paulo'- Like 'Apollo', right? God of the sun, and all, for all the pretty colors he has.Once I'm done petting him, I let him outside, say goodnight, and turn to leave.But he meows at me, and I turn around. I ask him what's up, and he meows again, walks away, stops, looks back, and then mirps a third time.It's like he wants me to come with him, and I've got nothing planned, so I pocket a knife just in case and then follow him down the street.We go a few blocks. Every once in a while, he stops and looks back and makes a noise at me, and I keep going.Three blocks away, we come to a house, and he runs right up the driveway.Now, I don't like the idea of trespassing at the best of times, but wandering up to a strange house in the dead of night in an open-carry state feels like an especially bad move, so Icrouch down and look at the little guy from where he's curled up under a bit of yard junk.'Look, I don't know what you want,' I say, freezing my ass off now, 'but I don't have fur, and it's winter, and I kind of need to get some sleep tonight. You need anything, you come back, but I'm headed to bed.'So I do. I go home, lay down, and fall asleep upstairs in my coat under all my blankets, and try to figure out how the hell the porch light flicked off by itself, or if maybe I really did just forget to turn it on in the first place. 'maybe Paulo is a shapeshifter,' I think, because that sure would make an interesting story, but that's a little far-fetched.The next morning, I go outside to discover three totally unfamiliar strays on my front step, lounging like they own the place, and what can I do then but feed them, as well?I worry for a moment that encouraging feral cats to hang around might be a bad idea, what for the poop and the birds and the wailing late at night, but it turns out to be for nothing- they eat their breakfast and disappear, and never come back.Sometimes I see them around town, though- just for a moment. Magnus, Rollo, and Dan- but Apollo never turned up again.He was really a gorgeous cat, though, and he had the most beautiful eyes.

[z0mbi3b0ng]

i want to know more about chris and lewis like details about their relationship aahh is that vague... im not sure what to ask i dont know much about them yet thats WHY i wanna know shit 🤔

HEHE uh well here’s a master post which kind of explains a little about how they met and how they started their friendship, all of that good beginning stuff. i’m not sure if you’ve read it but here’s a link

BUT! i can tell u a few major details about their relationship and if u have any more questions just feel free to ASK!! i will happily answer (: 

so in case this has not yet been figured out, chris is the top and lewis is the bottom.... THATS JUST THE NUMBER ONE and it had to be said. 

in the beginning of their romantic relationship, after lewis sucks him off without knowing in mouths edge, chris will Not stop coming to see him. he visits him every day after that, checking up on him, asking him if he’s alright, if he’s hungry, because mind you AT THE TIME lewis is homeless and he just stays in motels whenever he gets the chance. lewis gets mistreated and used by grown-ass men all the time with his job and chris tries to lighten up the situation by joking with him and attempting to make him feel better, inviting him over to his house so he can sleep in an actual bed. and finally, after like six attempts lewis agrees! because hell yeah he wants a nice bed to sleep in. it’s kind of hard to explain how lewis feels about chris while they separate after middle school and everything that happens to lewis happens. he kind of loathes him in a way, because lewis thought so highly of him back when they were kids. chris was a prime picture of what lewis wanted to be as a boy, free and willful, and seeing him drugged out of his mind and high all the time with bruises everywhere looking like complete shite makes lewis angry. it makes him feel like chris is throwing his life away and that he’s taking what he has for advantage. in a way he’s right. but chris has bad coping mechanisms and he can’t help that he is the way that he is. after his parents' divorce shit just kind of got bad. he was alone with yafir, his father, more and it was hard not seeing his mom- who is his rock and is his Home- and being stuck with his abusive homophobic father. they’d get in arguments and fights all the time, and chris would always lay in his bed and write in his journal ranting about wanting to die and how he just wants to see that blonde-headed kid again, how he wants to see lewis and to feel his eyes on him and to feel that warmth that he’d feel electrify his entire body back in middle school, he wants and misses the first boy he ever fell in love with. so when they see each other again for the first time in mouths edge and chris is blasted out of his mind after just having gotten in a physical fight with his father, lewis can’t even tell that it’s chris. it’d been so long anyway, about seven to eight years, and when he sees the dude walking toward him ready to pay for services he obliges because it’s his job. but midway through the service, chris notices. he notices it’s lewis and damn if he’s not gonna say his name and attempt to see if lewis knows who he is. lewis refuses and tells chris not to call him that, because nobody calls him that and nobody has for a while. lewis went by Lory in mouths edge. but hearing chris say that was an instant give away. OF COURSE lewis knew who the hell chris was, and he was sucking his dick in the middle of a dark alley against a brick wall????? it was all so fucking panic-inducing and lewis quickly finished chris off before getting up and walking away because that was all he owed him. but OF COURSE, chris doesn’t give up that easily, and he bugs him, asks him all these questions. “Why are you here? prostituting? what happened?” and “Are you okay? do you have a place to stay? are you hungry?” and this begins chris’s everyday visits and thus begins how they start hanging out more and more and slowly start to rekindle their relationship as it blooms a little rosebud in the middle of both their hearts (: 

lewis stays at chris’s house and chris gives him the bed at first, making himself sleep on the floor. it’s all innocent and chris wants to make sure lewis is the most comfortable. especially at this time because lewis is fragile. but soon lewis invites chris up to the bed and they’ll lay beside each other like pin-straight needles, arms at their sides and legs together, eyes up at the ceiling. 

when they share their very first kiss, it’s weird. chris goes in first of course, eager and lips puckering, waiting, his chest buzzing and his hands slightly shaking because this ought to be the best fucking moment of his life, but when he goes to connect to lewis’s lips, it’s cold. his lips are cold and soft, not eager, not excited....not kissing back. and this upsets and confuses chris and he asks lewis why, but lewis can’t respond because he doesn’t know why, he doesn’t know how to tell chris why. “I liked it,” would be all he said and chris would stare at him with his big eyes and scrunch his brows because it was obvious that lewis didn’t. and he was confused. see, lewis’s thing is that all his entire life he’s been used and has been ‘programmed’ in a way that he believes he’s meant to be used and that it’s his job to give pleasures to others, that he’s expected to just sit there and let others do onto him whatever their hearts desire so he accepts it, whether he likes it or not. but he can’t explain all of that to chris just because of a kiss, and HELL lewis doesn’t even understand it himself he just IS that way. chris doesn’t EVER push him though, and he doesn’t make him do things, he’s very patient and kind with him. he’s not stupid and can sense that there’s something wrong that will take time to make itself right and not even wholly so. so he waits. and waits and waits. 

their first actual kiss takes place a good couple of months after that. there’s a moment shared between them that chris could have easily leaned in to kiss lewis during, but he doesn’t and it leaves lewis grasping for it for the rest of the day. he goes to work and can’t stop thinking about it. MIND YOU ALL THIS TIME IN BETWEEN THOSE MONTHS have been so tension-filled with small moments here and there, but this one moment was it, this was when chris was gonna kiss him. and then he DOESNT??? lewis is left PRETTY flabbergasted. but hes working at the junkyard with cody and he’s thinking about it, how close they were and how chris smelt like honey and lavender, how his lips looked soft and warm and how their shoulders were brushing the closer that they got. he thought about how his lips would taste and how they had both just eaten one of chris’s favorite snacks, those little Debbie cinnamon rolls, and he wondered if they’d taste like that. meanwhile, chris was fucking shitting himself. his face was entirely hot and in his head he was screaming “GO! DO IT! KISS HIM!” but then it was all “NO DONT DO IT! WAIT! DOES HE WANT TO?” and then again with the “HOLY SHIT WE’RE FUCKING CLOSE I CAN SMELL HIM HE SMELLS LIKE SWEET TAFFY THATS BEEN BATHING IN SUNLIGHT AND HIS LIPS LOOK LIKE FRESHLY BLOOMED SUMMER PEACHES THAT CAN JUST BE SUCKED RIGHT UP, SUPPLE AND GONE.” but of course chris DOESNT kiss him because hes an idiot and he insists he drives lewis to work because he’ll be late if they dont leave then!! and so he does. and lewis goes to work. and then chris sits back home in his room on his bed and kicks himself in the ass because YEAH HE SHOULDVE FUCKING KISSED HIM! and so GET THIS, he grabs his skateboard and BOARDS all the way to the junkyard where lewis is and he sees him as he skates up, hauling some sort of metal, and he kicks his board up and catches it with his hand and he walks over to him, and lewis looks at him slightly surprised and smiles and chris is close within seconds, and lewis whispers a soft “Hi,” and chris instantly hits him with the “can I kiss you?” and LEWIS NODS AND THEN THEY FUCKING KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSS!!! can you believe it they fucking kiss and it’s everything both of them could have ever wanted. it’s WARM and SOFT and it’s invigorating and ELECTRIFYING and it lasts a good TEN SECONDS before they pull away and smile all goofy at each other (: HEHEHEHEEHEH god i love that first real kiss man i could talk about it all day. 

uhhhh anyway enough detailed backstory. here are some minor details abt their relationship together: 

-chris is very into PDA and always has his hands on lewis, whether its on his lower back with his thumb brushing his skin softly or straight up on his thigh. and when their chillin in bens man cave with everyone, lewis will sit in chris’s lap on a beanbag together (: 

-CHRIS is very INSECURE and will easily get upset when someone that he feels in any way is better than him gets all up on lewis.... he’s very sensitive. when mikael hugs lewis for a little too long or when ben kisses lewis’s cheek in an obvious brotherly way, chris can’t help but to get slightly jealous because he’s an insecure piece of poop ): 

-lewis likes to stare at and touch chris’s ASS! and chris likes to do the same to lewis BUT THATS OBVIOUS. chris’ll be working on his board on the floor in a squat position and his crack’ll be showin a little bit and lewis’ll be like big eyes emoji 

-mikael is pretty much a voyer and loves to watch chris and lewis makeout UDYGUGDYUFHLF chris and lewis make out alllllll the time it’s one of their most favorite things to do hehe (: they’ll be chillin in the back on one of the beanbags while everyone else is up by the tv playin pong and they’ll be kissin. mikael’ll look back and grin and nod his head and be all. “damn that’s hot. love you guys keep it up” DKGKUDGYLD it’s stupid he’s dumb 

-lewis is very afraid of yafir! whenever lewis is over at chris’s he tries his best to stay up in chris’s room no matter what because going downstairs when yafir is home is very scary ): but when yafir leaves, chris and lewis’ll do tons of shit downstairs (: like cook together and shit in yafirs office 

-ok but i havent talked about chris’s momma a lot but. his mom is literally an angel. melanie is a very very sweet woman who loves her son with her entire heart. chris is her everything, chris is her sweet handsome boy ): and by god when she meets lewis she is in love.....lewis is her BAAAAABY!!! melanie is a huge kid person, she works at a daycare hehe (: she likes to wear long flowery skirts and soft flowy blouses or shirts and shes a huge hippie. she smokes weed with chris a lot. she collects rocks and stones and gems and believes in their healing and health powers. shes very aura and chakra oriented, is very good at telling peoples vibes and thats where chris gets it from. shes very beautiful too... her and yafir together were a very very beautiful couple :/ thats why chris looks like handsome squidward

KHFGBLUHDLFH OKAY IM DONE IM SORRY THIS IS SO FUCKING MUCH i cant help myself. i love you anon please ask me more stuff if you want to know anything else!! i have a LOT more that i can talk about hehe. this is just a pinch of chris and lewis :/ 

#chris #lewis #my ocs #mikael #ben #Anonymous

[littlecrookedheart]

Shadows

Pairing : Clove and Elliot | Tom x Clove

Rating : Fluff, M for language

Word Count : 6,080

Author’s Note : Please take caution reading this if you are sensitive to sexual harassment (in the family of cat calling / staring.) Please take caution reading if you struggle with grief / death discussion.

Disclaimer : I do not own these characters. I’ve added a bit of a flare to them for the sake of this piece, but they do not belong to me.

Clove grabbed her phone from the bedside table, jumping up as she saw the time and Elliot’s missed messages, quickly typing back a reply. She swiped a sweater and black jeggings from her bag, running her fingers through her hair like a comb and leaving Tom with a note and a kiss on the cheek.

She pulled up to the driveway, sending her text before seeing Elliot already running up to the car, a wide smile on his face.

“You look sunny today.”

“I've been up for awhile.”

“Nope, Scooter, not what I meant. You look happy.”

Elliot shyly grinned, playing with his sleeves as she drove off down the road.

“I um...I may have asked Robbie to a dance.”

“Whaaat!”

“I know I'm not going to school with him this year but he should still go, right?”

“For sure. How'd you do it?”

“It was so dumb. I wrote it on the inside of a box of breadsticks.”

“Carbs are never dumb, first of all. Second, that's really cute!”

“You think? They're his favorite, you know the ones from that pizza place that has the best bread?”

“Yeah, the one by the spice market?”

“Yep.”

“Okay, critical question. Does he dip them in ranch, garlic sauce, or marinara?”

“How is that a critical question?”

“He's practically my brother in law-”

“Clove!”

“It matters!”

Elliot rolled his eyes and mumbled, “Garlic.”

“Ah, see? That wasn't so hard. And now he has an extra stamp of approval from your favorite me!”

“You're my least favorite you.”

“Elliot, you know how much I love you, but I will dump you out of this car.”

“Right here? Nah. We’re by that diaper place.”

“You lost me.”

“This whole area smells like a diaper.”

“No way?” Clove rolled her window down, immediately making a face and closing it. “Wow. It really does smell like a diaper.”

He chuckled, turning away to stifle the sound, “Like massive diaper.”

“I've considered it and I think that this would be the perfect Elliot dumping zone.”

-

“Welcome! Just the two of you?” The hostess perked, smiling from behind a couple of menus. Before either of them could reply, she gestured for them to follow her, leaving the menus at the table. “Your server will be over in just a moment.”

“Sit next to me, Scoot. Miss you.”

Elliot rolled his eyes and slid in the booth next to her, immediately flipping to a place in the menu full of waffles and pancakes.

A few moments later, a server came to take their order quickly dropping off drinks and a basket of toast.

“This is what I live for.”

“Toast in a basket?”

“Carbs!” Clove spread butter and jam on two pieces of toast, stacking them before taking a big bite. “I could literally just have this and I'd be content.”

“What are you gonna get?”

“I don't know! What do you think I should?”

“We've been sitting here for like ten minutes and you haven't decided what you want? I'm getting the supreme pancake thing.”

“Oh! Do they still have those birthday cake pancakes?”

“We have the birthday cake waffles,” the server said as he reappeared, pulling out his notepad. “Your birthday?”

“Nah, they just taste like dessert and I like dessert.”

“I haven't tried them but they do look delicious…” He gave her a long, full bodied once over, “Those cakes.”

Elliot looked to her with a scowl, confused.

“Not even trying to hide it, huh?”

The server moved his eyes along her curves, obviously staring at her chest. She pretended not to be bothered, zipping her jacket up higher.

“I need a sec. Scoot, go first.”

“Um...okay...I want the pancake supreme breakfast.”

“Sausage or bacon?”

“Both?”

“Okay. And for you, sweetcheeks?”

Clove started cracking up, holding a finger up to signify that she needed a moment. She stood up, facing him straight on.

“You think I'm hot, right? Do you always creepy stare at hot girls?”

“I'm not supposed to flirt on the job, sweetie-”

“'Sweetie,' my foot in your ass. I hope you like the unemployment line.”

She marched up to the front desk, pounding her fist on the wooden counter. The server quickly followed over, murmuring under his breath.

“Hi! I'd really like to see the manager. Like, head honcho. Who is in charge?”

“Ma’am, if you'll please-”

“I'm ma'am now? Twenty seconds ago I was, ‘sweet cheeks.’”

Elliot grabbed his phone to record her, a man with a large beard approaching her at the counter.

“Hello, I'm Peter. I'm the manager, what can I help you with?”

“I came here for a breakfast with my kid brother. He's right over there,” she nodded toward him, “Instead, I'm being sexually harassed by the guy that's meant to be my server.”

“Are we sure this wasn't a misunderstanding?”

“Right, I suppose I misunderstood him staring at my tits and making a comment about my ‘cakes,’ along with calling me, ‘sweet cheeks.’”

Peter's face turned a deep shade of red as he whipped around to face the server, who stood with his hands up in surrender.

“Didn't mean anything by it! If she didn't have those things out in the open like that-”

“I'm wearing a sweater, asshole. I could walk in here completely naked and you being a creep would still not be okay!” She used her hands to talk, keeping her volume cool and collected despite the rage in her eyes, “Clothes don't determine consent! Having breasts does not mean I'm dying for you to talk to me like that! You need to take a few lessons on common fucking courtesy, because my dude, you are lacking.”

“My office, Clancy. Now.”

Peter turned back to face her, shaking his head, “I am so sorry. He will be dealt with and your meal today will be free of charge.”

“Thanks, but listen, Peter. First of all, don't doubt someone when they say they're being sexually harassed. Second, he doesn't need to be, ‘dealt with,’ he needs to be fired. Keeping him employed here poses a risk to every single female patron that walks through that door with your seal of approval. That isn't an establishment most people want to support.”

As she turned away, Elliot began to clap, attracting the attention of a few other customers who joined in. She did a little twirl and bow, elbowing him as she got back in the booth.

“Tom thinks you're a badass.”

“Did you record me?”

“Yeah, because you're a badass. So I sent it to Tom.”

“Don't ever be like that guy, Scoot. You're so much better than that.”

“I'm not gonna objectify someone's body. I know how bad that is.”

“You're right. And you're smart for remembering.”

-

“You sure you're okay? That guy was a creep.”

“I'm fine! No scratches. Plus, I felt pretty brave doing what I did.”

“Yeah..you were.”

She wiped her mouth, grinning at him, “So...why do you think that area smells like diaper?”

“Dunno,” he shoved a huge bite of pancakes in his mouth, “But it didn't smell like that until after the flood.”

“Something wicked in those waters.”

Elliot glared at her, pouring more syrup over his food.

“Sorry, jeez. Something more wicked. Like poop.”

He snorted, covering his nose and mouth, “Goober, don't say, ‘poop,’ at the table.”

“Okay, dad. I forgot we can't say any of the gross words.”

Elliot’s face went slack, a weak smile slowly curling on his lips. “Dad hated that.”

“He did! He was the only one who was allowed to talk about poop while we ate.”

“I don't know why that made me really sad.”

“It’s okay, Scooter. We’re allowed to miss them.”

At the front of the restaurant, a small girl sat beside her mother, looking up as she watched her reapply her lipstick after their meal. Elliot’s gaze locked on them, his fake smile beginning to become genuine. Clove turned her head and watched them for a moment before saying, “That’s adorable.”

“I remember you used to do that with mom.”

“You do?”

“I remember when we were younger and you’d sit on the hamper in the bathroom and watch mom do her makeup. She always said, ‘Clove, draw your eyebrows as high as your hopes will take you-’”

“And when you dream, aim higher,” she joined him in unison, putting her arm around him. “I miss her.”

“Me too.”

“Remember when she’d sing to you when you were little? You’d hum along but never sing. She told you that your lungs were made to belt it out and you were doing the world and injustice by keeping it in.”

“I really can’t sing, either. She was the one doing the world and injustice by wanting me to belt it out.”

“Nah, Scoot. She just loves you.”

“Do…you believe in heaven?”

“I’ve seen enough of it to know it’s out there.”

“I don’t know if I do…but if it’s real, mom’s there. Dad too, but…mom is like the queen of the angels.”

“You know something? It might sound crazy, but-”

“Can you feel her, too?”

“Yeah. Right now, sitting across the table,” she pointed her fork to the empty spot, “Telling you that this hair looks so nice since it’s grown out.”

“She’d like Tom, I think.”

Clove’s eyes welled with tears, picturing a world in which her mother may have known him.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“No, it’s okay. It’s just bittersweet.”

She wrapped her arms around him, feeling him sniffle against her.

“Mom would love Robbie. God, Scooter. She’d be so proud of you. I know she is, wherever she is. They both are.”

“Do you think..” Elliot poked at his breakfast, choosing his words. “Do you think they’d care? Y’know…about me…liking guys?”

“I don’t have to think, I know they’d be happy to know that you were being true to yourself. I know they’d care, but only about your happiness. They’d never treat you differently.”

“Yeah…but how can you know that? It’s not like I ever got close to saying anything.”

“Because I know they didn’t mind. You know, one time I told mom that I liked girls.”

“You like girls?”

Clove shrugged, finishing off her drink, “Yeah. Not super often, but if I met a girl and I got feelings for her, I wouldn’t think any differently. One time when I was younger than you, though? I had a crush on our old neighbor. Remember Mia?”

“The girl with short hair? She was so much older than you!”

“Yeah, but I didn’t care. It was just a harmless crush, anyway. I told mom, ‘I think Mia is really hot.’ and she just laughed and said, ‘I don’t blame you.’”

“She really said that?”

“Why would I make that up?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I feel bad that we’ve mostly talked about mom.”

“Dad was great, but Scooter, me and you were always glued to mom’s hip. Of course we’re gonna have these times where we just talk about her, but we will have those times about dad, too.”

“My favorite thing about dad was his Saturday morning speech.”

“Oh, God. Kill me now.”

Elliot cleared his throat and began to do an impression. “Today is Saturday and I am going to sit right here-”

“In my pj’s-”

“And no kid or wife-”

“Is going to make me put on real pants!”

“-So if you need anything today…”

“Ask your mother or call a delivery service.”

They both stared at one another for a moment before doubling over in laughter.

“There is no question where we get our humor from.”

“Hey, Clove? I know we can’t visit their gravestones…not today, at least. But could we do something for them?”

“Whatcha have in mind?”

“Maybe we could write notes and burn them or something.”

“Huh. Okay. You ready to go?”

“Yeah.”

Clove pulled her jacket on, slipping a twenty dollar bill to Elliot.

“What’s that for?”

“Being you. But can you run up and get grandpa’s to go? It’s free like the rest of this meal, thanks to Clancy.“

He made his way to the counter to grab the order while Clove pulled out her phone, swiping through a photo album she had complied of she and Elliot with their parents through the years. He met her back at the table and slid the change under his glass for a tip, looking over her shoulder.

“Come on, Goob. Let’s go.”

-

“Just up that hill.”

Elliot pointed ahead to a pathway of trees, dead and barren from Winter’s wrath, the surrounding woods plush with evergreens. Atop the hill sat a dead patch of grass, remnants of a bonfire still smoking at a makeshift fire pit.

“Someone had fun here last night,” Clove smiled, “I love bonfires.”

“Actually…that was me. I came up here to think.”

A look of concern crossed her face as she sat on the ground next to him, bumping his knee with her own.

“You’re not just playing with fire…right?”

“No, I swear. I just got the idea from the fire last night. Watching the branches and sticks curl up and basically just become ash? It..it was like..why can’t bad memories do that, too?”

“Because memories are a part of us.”

“I wish not all of them were.”

“Tom told me something once that helped me a lot. Can I share it with you?”

Elliot nodded, pulling his beanie off. He stretched it in his hands, looking into the distance.

“We are the people we are. Our grandpa is the guy who was involved with the cult. Our parents..were murdered by that cult. We can’t run from it, but we have to remember that it doesn’t define us.”

“I don’t know if I know what you mean.”

“When you look at me, do you see any of that?”

“No.”

“What do you see?”

“My sister. That’s it.”

“Exactly, Scooter. Because we aren’t our past. Nobody should ever look at you and see those things, especially yourself. You were amazing before, during, and now, after all of that. You aren’t, ‘Elliot, kid who almost died however many times.’ You’re Elliot, my baby brother. You’re smart, you’ve got a great head on your shoulders. You’re a big sweetie-”

“Don’t push it.”

“…Even though you don’t believe it.”

“Thanks, Clove. I guess you’re right. I don’t think Robbie is anything like his dad or something..that’s kind of similar, right?”

“Yeah, it’s similar.”

Elliot laid back, folding his arms under his head. Clove joined him, watching the overcast sky as the clouds drifted along. She thought of the moments in between the sadness, taking her brother’s hand in her own.

“We made it.”

“Yeah, we did, didn’t we?”

“And we’re gonna keep on making it. Somewhere up there in all of those clouds, mom and dad are there. They’re looking at us now and they’re proud, I can feel it in my heart.” She placed a hand to her chest, choking back tears, “One day in a couple years, you’re gonna graduate high school, and you’re gonna look in the seats and wish they were there. It’s gonna feel like acid in your heart, but I need you to know something.”

She turned to him, wiping her eyes with her other hand, “I swear to you, no matter what you feel, they will be there. I will be there. You still have a family, okay?”

Elliot dove forward, embracing her tightly.

“Why did they have to leave, Clove?”

She squeezed her eyes, desperate to hold back her emotions as he sobbed in her arms. Be strong. Be strong.

“I don’t know, Scooter. They are right here with us, right now,” she wiped his tears, pressing her hand over his, aligning it at his heart, “You can’t tell me you don’t feel that.”

“I’m so scared..I-” he buried his face in his hands, “It’s been this long and I’m still so scared to lose you, too.”

“I’m not going anywhere. You hear me? I’m not leaving.” Clove’s arms wrapped around him, rocking back and forth as she began to hum, her touch maternal against his heartache. “We’re okay, Elliot. Breathe with me,” she said, her voice soft. She inhaled deeply, waiting for him to mirror her, slowing down his sobs one breath at a time.

Once he’d gone quiet, her humming the only sound against the blowing wind, she kissed the crown of his head and tightened her embrace.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” He sat up, using his sleeves to wipe his face.

“Still wanna burn a note?”

“Yeah.”

She dug through her purse, taking out a miniature journal and a pen. She scribbled something of her own and handed him the items, digging a book of matches from her things.

“Do you want me to read it?” Elliot asked, pulling his hat back on.

“Only if you want to. I didn’t think you would.”

“Um…Doctor Ripley…wants me to be more open with you.”

Their therapist, a kind, plump man with thinning hair and very large, square glasses, had been working with Elliot twice weekly over the past year and a half. Clove joined him in seeing a therapist, sometimes the same, sometimes a tall woman with a harsh smokers rasp and eyes like a river. Always helpful, regardless - and she was delighted to see that Elliot, too, was having a good experience.

“Okay.”

He took a shaky breath and cleared his throat before starting, “Mom and Dad…I’m not mad anymore. I’m sorry that I was. I didn’t know how to..how to think about you actually not being here anymore. I kept..thinking about you, hoping we could go home again. I think it took me this long to let you go..and I just want to. I want to let you go. I love you so much…but you deserve to be free.”

Clove swiped the matchstick along the panel, placing the flame along the edge of his note. He dropped it, watching as it blew to the blackened pile of sticks. Once it dissipated, it was nothing but a clipping the size of a snowflake, and it floated off with the breeze.

“I’ll go now.”

She dug the tip of her boot into the dirt, doing her best to keep her eyes from flooding.

“Mom…Dad..”

Elliot placed a hand on her shoulder, feeling her body tremble beneath his touch. “You don’t have to, Goob.”

“It’s okay. Mom, Dad…you taught me love for so long I never actually realized that one day, I wouldn’t feel yours anymore. I just want to say thank you for Elliot…”

He looked to her, his brows bent in confusion.

“Thank you for Elliot because when I look at him, your love is everywhere. All around me. And I don’t think I could live without him for one second.”

She lit a new match, placing her note on the embers.

“I didn’t write this..but I want to add something. Grandma Josephine…wherever you are, thank you for my mom. Because she has always been an angel, and me and Elliot miss her so much. I wish I could have met you before you were hurt. But all of you…Elliot’s right. We have to let you go. You have to be free.” Clove reached for her brother’s hand, looking to the sky. “We’ll always love you.”

“Always.”

Their hands linked as they looked to the sky, taking in the crisp air. Elliot reached to hug her again, his eyes going wide as he broke away, “Grandpa’s breakfast!”

“Oh, shit! Okay, ready? I’m ready.”

-

She waved goodbye as Elliot ran inside, dodging many beginning drops of rain. She pulled up Tom’s contact and called him, leaning her head back against the seat rest.

“Hello, beautiful.”

“Hey. You busy?”

“Nope. Did Elliot tell you he sent me a video of you absolutely slaying that-”

“Tommy?”

Her voice was breaking, chest riddled in emotion and a heavy sound of tears.

“What’s wrong, angel?”

“I just really need you right now.”

“Okay, I’m here. Want me to meet you anywhere?”

“Are you home?”

“Yeah. Come over.”

“I’m gonna take a minute to myself and I’ll be on my way.”

“I’ll come pick you up if you need me to. Can you drive?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“It’s gonna be okay, my love. See you when you get here.”

-

Tom hung up the phone, scrubbing his face with his palm before sending Elliot a text.

He grabbed his keys and ran outside, speeding to the farmers market down the street before Clove arrived. Nearly slipping on the slick sidewalk, he pummeled through the door, running into an elderly woman who was sweeping the floor. The air smelled of fresh produce and rain, his eyes scanning around for plants and flowers.

“You okay there, son?”

“Yeah! Sorry, I slipped.”

“You’re in a real hurry.”

“The love of my life is on her way over and she’s bawling her eyes out. I need flowers. Can you point me-”

“What kind?”

Tom pulled his phone out to verify the texts from Elliot.

“Red carnations and white daisies.”

“You want the mini carnations?”

“What looks better?”

“The mini ones.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

The woman gathered a bundle of flowers and wrapped them in newspaper, tying a ribbon around the base.

“Wait, what are those tiny tiny white little things that come with flowers? On green branches?”

“Baby’s breath. I’ll add some.”

“Thank you!” He pulled out his wallet, but she shooed him away.

“You came in here and nearly bowled me over. I asked if you were okay and you didn’t say, ‘a girl I like,’ or, ‘my girlfriend,’ you said the love of your life.”

“Yeah?”

“Young people finding that is something special. On the house.”

“Thank you! Thank you so much!”

“Yeah, yeah, now you go on.”

Tom smiled and ran out the door, jumping in the car.

When he pulled up to his apartment, sheets of rain blanketed the sky, Clove’s car nowhere to be seen. Safe, he thought, darting from the car to the front door, pushing it open to see her already sitting on the couch, her hair and sweater soaking wet.

He set the bouquet down along with his keys and grabbed a towel from the hall closet, pulling the throw blanket off the back of the couch.

Her eyes were rimmed in red, face puffy from her tears. He pulled her into an embrace, holding her tight as she collapsed in his arms, crying with all of her might.

“I’m here, I’m here.”

-

Once her crying slowed, he unfolded the towel, scrunching her curls within it to dry them. Lifting her sweater over her head, he dried her skin, draping the blanket around her shoulders.

“Don’t go anywhere. I’m gonna get you a top.”

She nodded, sniffling, using her sweater to wipe her face.

Tom shuffled through his drawers, finding an oversized t-shirt and a washcloth, stopping by the bathroom to warm up the cloth before heading back to her spot on the couch.

“Okay. Hand me that towel?”

He took it from her, drying the top of her back and spots on her hair he’d missed as he stood behind her, unhooking her bra before handing her the shirt. He smoothed his hands over her shoulders, running his fingers along the imprint of her bra straps, noting the indentation across her back where the band rested.

She pulled the top on, kicking off her jeans as she nestled into the corner of the couch, Tom squeezing his way next to her. He wiped her face with the washcloth and kissed her cheek, pulling her into his embrace.

“You know..when I was little before Elliot was born, sometimes my mom and I would order pizza and have a girls night. She’d bake cookies and play with my hair…”

Tom zoned out for a second, her hair in his hands as she told this story, her voice aching in grief. And back to reality, he took her hand, kissing the top of it.

“…It was just…everything.”

“Missing them extra today?”

“Yeah. Elliot and I talked about them and it was so nice but just..I can’t help but be heartbroken when I think about some things.”

“Do you want to tell me about those things?”

“Graduation. I know it was just a sheet of paper, but I did it, you know? They weren’t there. They won’t be there when I open my store. They…”

She choked on her words, tears spilling from her eyes again. Tom’s own eyes began to water as he wrapped her in his arms even tighter, easing her through the moment.

“If I ever get married, I- I always dreamed of them being there. And I know I have Elliot, I just…it’s not the same. I dreamt of it my whole life, Tommy. They’ll never be there. They won’t see me fall in love with you every single day. They won’t see it if I…what if we have a baby one day? How can I explain to my kids how amazing they were, but ‘sorry, you’ll never meet them?’ It’s just…it’s not fair. And I’m angry!” Her voice grew louder, “I’m so mad and I’m so fucking upset because I deserved them to be there. I deserved them holding my hands as I walked down the aisle. I’m angry and I’m sad and I feel like my chest is caving in.”

Tom rubbed her back, gently holding her to his chest.

“It’s not fair. You’re right. It’s the opposite of fair. But you know what you’re forgetting? They see you, Clove. You know they do.”

“Seeing me from another plane doesn’t make me feel less alone.”

“It’s know, baby. I wish I could mend your heart a million times over. Let me see those eyes.”

She looked to him and gave him a small, sad smile.

“They’re so fucking proud of you. Look at you, you’re a powerhouse. Not only are you a total badass, you’re an amazing artist. You have the best heart. The best head on your shoulders. You’re everything, Clove. And if for one second you ever feel alone, remember that you will always, always have my heart and soul. Plus, you know what? You can be pissed off. Throw something, kick a wall in, punch me in the face! It’s justified. You are allowed to be angry!”

She blinked a few times in a deadpan stare, “Did you just yell at me to punch you in the face?”

“Yes. Punch me, baby. If you feel better after beating the shit out of someone, I’ll volunteer.”

She giggled, his laughter joining hers.

“I’d never hurt you. I just…I’m so..”

“You don’t have to explain. I’m gonna be here every step of the way, even if that means making you laugh at me.”

“Why are you so good to me?”

“Because you’re the love of my life. Oh! Speaking of.”

He hopped up and grabbed the flowers, handing her the bouquet.

“Tommy…”

“Do you like them?”

He kneeled on the floor next to her, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

“They’re perfect. My mom…you..you remembered?”

“Elliot helped me out, but yeah. I remembered the story where she put them in every window on your birthday. You said that’s where you got that from…and if you have kids, you’ll do the same for them.”

She held them to her chest and kissed him, his lips like feathers against her own, the warmth of his love radiating from where he knelt.

“I’m gonna love you forever.”

“I’m gonna love you for even longer. And so do they. Their love for you is limitless, angel. They see you. They’re proud of you. They love you.”

“I’m wish they could have met you.”

“Me too.”

-

Late in the evening, Tom stood in the open doorway, listening to the birds sing after the storm. Clove sat curled up on the couch, streaming YouTube videos on Tom’s laptop as she munched on Doritos.

“Do you mind if I ask Elliot over to stay the night with us? I just really want him here.”

“Absolutely. I’ll text him and pick him up.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s cool. We can get dinner on the way back.”

He sent the text, stepping inside to put his shoes on.

“Your hair looks nice like that.”

“What, like wild? You just like it down.”

“I do. You can’t blame me, you look like some fancy poet.”

“Now, that’s a compliment I’ll take. Elliot says he’ll be ready in fifteen. I should head over. What do you want food wise?”

“Can I say…junk? I want junk.”

“I can do that. Toppings?”

“You know me so well. Just a bunch of cheese…and some of that garlic bread?”

“Say no more, my lady. I’ll tell him to text when we’re on the way.”

“Tommy?”

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, angel.”

-

After picking up Elliot and a massive order of pizza, Tom pulled into the parking lot of a grocery store, taking the key from the ignition.

“Ice cream?”

“Hell yeah!”

Tom chuckled, raising his eyebrows. “Okay, what kind?”

“Anything chocolate.”

“You…really, really are Clove’s brother.”

“What of it?! Can you get me some tea? I have mone-”

“Shut up, dork. I don’t want your money. Do you also have a weird flavored tea addiction? I’m grabbing raspberry while I’m in here anyway.”

“I might like it.”

“I might dump it on you when I get back then. Put that money away.”

Elliot stuffed the bill back in his pocket, trying not to grin as widely as he was.

At Tom’s return, he grabbed the grocery bags, sifting through them to eye the items inside.

“You’re like, a really good boyfriend.”

“What do you say that for?”

“Clove is lucky to have you. She had a bad day and you went like,” he gestured with his hands, “Massively all out. People don’t usually do that.”

“I’m in love with her. That’s what you do when someone you love is hurting.”

“Thanks for being there for her. I know she loves you like that, too.”

“Can I…Elliot, I really want to tell you something. But it can’t make it back to Clove.”

“Okay?”

“Um..I have been thinking and I just-”

“Watch out!”

Tom slammed on the brake just in time to avoid a loose dog sprinting down the road, owners chasing behind.

“Who does that!”

“This town isn’t ever boring, huh?”

“I feel like I almost shit my heart out.”

“Same.”

They parked in Tom’s parking spot, unhooking their seat belts simultaneously.

“I’ll get the bags if you get the boxes?” Elliot smiled, reaching behind him to grab the few grocery bags they’d gotten.

-

“So wait, your mom was this jack of every trade, and your dad sold cars?”

“He said he’d been selling cars since he was seventeen.” Elliot chimed, slurping what was left of his ice cream.

“It sounds so boring!”

“Mom was the magic, dad was…the stage?”

“Scooter, what does that even mean?”

“Like, mom was all lights and colors, ya know? But dad was just stable. And he always would support her.”

“That…was a great metaphor. I’m sorry I doubted you.”

“You should be.”

“Oh! Another time, mom came in from being out all morning and called a family meeting-”

“Oh my god.”

“You remember, Scoot? Oh yeah. She came in with this old, hideous, weird beaded wedding dress from the thrift shop. She said she needed to work her magic and it would be as good as new.”

“Was it?”

Clove and Elliot looked to each other and said, “No!”

Elliot laughed, “She made it big enough for the neighbors dog. That’s it! Mia, right Clove? Her first girl crush.”

“I’ve heard of Mia.”

“What? You have?”

“He’s my boyfriend, Elliot, what did you expect? He just had no idea?”

“Maaaybe?”

“Nah, she told me about Mia the same day I told her about-”

“Ben Park.”

“The comic guy?”

“Yeah, and Tom’s first guy crush.”

“You like guys?”

“I don’t really have a preference. I’d be into anyone who made the world light up, but I don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

He kissed Clove sweetly, pulling away quickly as not to annoy Elliot.

“Wow. This is actually really cool to know. I guess..I guess more people get it than I thought.”

“You’re never alone, man. Even if it feels like it.”

“You guys are cooler than I give you credit for. Can we do this again sometime? Maybe Robbie could have dinner with us.”

“We can do this any time. My place is open to both of you whenever.”

“Oh…speaking of. Scooter, what do you think about me moving a town over?”

“Why?”

“We’ve just been thinking about finding somewhere-”

“Like you guys living together? That’d be cool. We could do this more. Plus, you could give me my dresser back that you took to your studio.”

“If we can, we’ll get a place big enough for you to have your own room for when you’re over. And close enough to not really make a difference, like less than an hour.”

“Really?” Elliot laid back against the couch, “Cool.”

Tom pulled an array of blankets from the closet, tossing them behind him.

“What are you doing, baby?”

“Fort time.”

“Oh my god! For real? Scooter, when was the last time we built a fort?!”

“Like your birthday that one year?”

“Oh boy. I love forts.”

They spent the next thirty minutes layering blankets over the furniture, tossing them over one another, laughing until their sides hurt. Finally, after many slips and fumbles, the three of them settled in beneath the fort, television streaming old Adam Sandler comedies.

-

“Elliot’s out officially,” Tom whispered, “We had fun tonight, didn’t we?”

“So much fun.”

“It’s kinda funny, when I was talking to him in the car before we got the food, he had much of the same sentiments as you regarding your parents. Like…different experiences, but still saw them the same way.”

He climbed behind her, holding her close.

“Elliot and I wrote them notes and burned them today. But we read them out loud and it…was nice.”

“If I could say one thing to them, I’d thank them for giving the world someone like you.”

“My mom would cry.”

“That’s where you got that from.”

“Hey! You love that about me.”

“I do. I love every piece of you.”

“Thank you for being here for me..for loving me. For loving him,” she nodded to her snoring brother, “He needs people like you in his life.”

“He’s a part of you. Of course I love him. I’ll always be here for him, too.”

“You’re amazing.”

She kissed him, sweet pecks, silently pulling beautiful affections from within him. Tom held her into the night, gently singing to her as she fell asleep. He grabbed his phone, going to her social media and scrolling down to find photos of them that she’d posted.

He felt his chest swell with emotion, blinking away fresh mist. He closed the app and looked toward the ceiling, imagining their faces as happy as they were in the photo. With a voice as low as a whisper, he said, “I’ll never be able to thank you for everything you’ve given me. I want to…I love her more than anything. I want to marry her so badly. I hope that if she says yes…if she says yes, I hope you’d approve. I hope I can make her as happy as she deserves. And I’ll be anything I can to Elliot. I swear to you, he has my heart, too. I’ll help him. I’ll guide him. Whatever I can do. Thank you…from the bottom of my heart…for these two. They’re my family.”

And he dozed away, his cheek resting in a bed of Clove’s hair, their fingers laced together. This night was full of quiet love, happy, happy love - the light of the moon dancing across the walls, much like the slow fade of two lingering silhouettes watching over them.

#it lives beneath #elliot vance #tom sato #tom x clove #write things

[winstonhcomedy]

“Dope A-F” - 5/1-5/7 - “Lot’s of Shows, A Riot at Castleburg, and Do You Have Twitter?”

I GOT BEHIND AGAIN!!! WHY LAYDEES WHYYYY!!! You’ve got to keep me on my toes lovely ones. I will get these shows done. I have a lot of mics to get caught up on, but I know we can do it! So let’s get right to it! xoxo

5/1

I was trying to hit three mics tonight. It was going to be tough, but I knew I could do it. It was also Jacob McFadden’s last night hosting Home Sweet Home before he moved to PA.

My night started by doing a happy hour and hanging with some coworkers for a bit. After that I headed to Main Stage Cafe which is the home of Jay Ron’s Weak on Wednesday’s comedy show. This was the first time I was going to be able to check it out.

I got there early to sign up, and got some fried chicken Mac and cheese. I met up with Bryan Williams, and we hung out and chatted. I took a phone call with another comic about some stuff they were gong through and wanted to discuss with me, and then when I came back in more comedians started to show up.

Jay Ron gets there and he tells us he is gong to wait for a few people to get there before the show starts. There are a few comics doing the open mic, and a few for the booked portion.  This is an urban show, so it was an exclusively black audience. Which is fine with me I love working these rooms. It’s a great way to try new stuff, and see if your material works across different groups.

I am told I am going to be up second. First is Bryan. He goes up after Jay Ron and they don’t really vibe with him at all. He gets a few laughs, but his self deprecating style doesn’t really click with he 8 or 9 people that are there.

After he gets off it is my turn. Jay Ron brings me up on stage saying I am his, “n word” and that gets a laugh. I then go up and go right into crowd work. Bryan asked if anyone used facebook and no one responded so I riffed on a lady who is obviously lying because she has been on Facebook this entire show. I then talk to a single lady about if she ever been with white guys she said no in a negative tone so I riffed on her being racist, and then went into my material. I talked about teaching and it got some good responses.

I felt good about my set because I feel like I woke the crowd up, and got them involved. I love being able to be the one to crack them, and make the show better for other comics. I’d give my set a B-. Some of the crowd work was lame, but it worked, and the material did as well.

I left immediately and headed over to Emiliio’s hosted by Sho. I was hoping I’d be able to get up quickly before heading over to HSH. I walk up to the venue and it looks empty. I walk in and there are like 5 or 6 people talking at the bar and Sho says I can go up if I want. Apparently only one other comic Aaron Shoemaker even did Emilio’s that night. Which is a shame that people did not take advantage of another mic so close to HSH.

I tell him I’m ready to go up and I have a super fun 10 minute set. I try all new stuff, and the people there are super into it. I riff quite a bit, and try some stuff including my R. Kelly joke (which has been doing pretty well) and legit this is one of the more fun poorly attended mics I’ve done in a while. I’d give this set a B+. I talk to Sho a bit and then head over to HSH.

I get there and it is packed. Like legit. The show is starting in five minutes and there are about 30 comics signed up, and an actual crowd, and Jacob is starting to get super emotional.

Comics drove from all over to go up.  Some came from DC just to get a spot and say goodbye, which was really dope to see. The comics meeting was held outside and it seemed like Jacob was going to cry. I take a few pictures, and then head inside. Everybody is here. Beswick, Velez, Anthony, Kusterer, Engle, Mike Shea (Brown Frown the Clown), Stella, Richard Woody, Alex Dejulio (came from DC) Bryan, and so many others including some newbies.

The crowd is into the show from the beginning. It is jammed upstairs so you people are having to stand all the way down the stairs and it is awesome. I am up eighth and I am watching comic after comic go up and have a good set. I am so nervous, but also so ready to go.

Finally it is my turn. I go up and Jacob gives me a classic bad intro saying that I am a bad guy that everyone hated, and that I lie about teaching at a school for autism. It makes me laugh and I go up. I do a little light crowd work. I talk to a new comic who is chatty and says his name is also Jacob, and I am like, “I like old Jacob better, this new Jacob is too chatty.” That gets a laugh and then I go into my material and I have a pretty hot set. Some things don’t hit as well as others, but everything gets a laugh and my R. Kelly joke hits really hard. This is the joke I am enjoying doing the most right now,. I also used my last 30 seconds to say something nice to Jacob and just when he was getting ready to cry I made sure to throw a joke in. I’d give this set a solid A-.

I get off stage and feel super good. After me is Anthony and he has a hot set as well. I go downstairs after his and just relax and chill. I am enjoying talking to everybody and just being in the moment. I make sure to stick around for Brown Frown the Clown. I also make sure to watch Jacob give Richard Woody the worst intro of all time. He finally got to do the bit again where he brings Richard Woody up as a convicted sex offender which he has done to Richard for the last 6 years of comedy. It got a laugh and Richard said some kind words and then got off stage.

When it is Brown Frown’s turn to go up all the comics try to pack it in upstairs. People are standing on the steps and even sitting on the floor. I make sure to make my way to the front to get some good pictures. Brown Frown is a drunken clown character created by Mike Shea and a staple of RVA comedy for years and years.

This performance he pretended to be breaking up with Jacob and the set included suicide jokes, sex with poop, sex with dolls, sex with Jacob, used condoms, maggots in someone’s pee hole, and parody songs about his love for Jacob. It was the best Mike Shea performance I have ever seen.  It made me laugh so hard and I am so glad I was there to witness it. Afterwards I headed downstairs said my goodbyes and headed home. This had been a long but fun night doing comedy in Richmond.

5/3

No mics so I took off Thursday. There was also nothing going on in RVA on Friday and I wasn’t booked so I hopped on three shows in DC. I got off work and headed straight up there. I was in traffic for what felt like forever and a 2 hour drive ended up taking about 3 1/2. I get there and park where I usually do. I take a 30 minute walk to get to Comedy Club DC (at Club Heaven and Hell) which is Tom Mango’s room.

I get there and go inside. I talk to Tom for a bit. It is crazy hot upstairs because the AC isn’t on yet. Reid Clark is hosting, and he and I watch this video about how Anthony Jeselnik built his newest hour. After this some people start to show up, but we are warned it is going to be a light crowd. I grab my stuff and move to another table.

Mark Mensh a comic from up there and I had a super long nice talk. We talked about comedy and he said a lot of nice things about the blog which honestly means a lot. I don’t know I assume no one reads this so when someone else does, and they tell me things they enjoy about it it really gives me the energy to keep doing it.

We then talked about him moving into the city, and how shows have been. We talked about Gary Gulman and his everyday tips, and just continued to discuss the art of comedy. It was a nice and very fun talk.

More and more comics showed up. I met a few, but it is mostly people I don’t know at all. Bob Siegel was there and I met a dude named Jamal. We are all chilling and the show finally gets started with about 11 people there.

Tom gets in a Gumby outfit and goes up to introduce Reid as host. The first half of the show is people going up and trying to crack them. It is tough because it seems like no one is able to do it. They’ll chuckle a little, but the energy is never there, and the audience definitely needed to wake up.

Comic after comic goes up. A few do well, and a few do ok. Most don’t do very well at all. Tom is freaking out, but it is no one’s fault. These are a lot of newer and inexperienced comics, and being able to wake up a tough crowd is definitely a skill you have to develop.

Finally it is my turn. I go up and do 15. My only goal is to make the show better for everyone else after me. I have to do some crowd work, and slowly get them on my side. I get a few huge pops, and really won them over. I was sweating so much, and working my ass off. Not my best set, but it was super productive. I felt like I got the room ready for comedy, and did my job as the dude closing the first half of the show. I got to do a lot of newer stuff and it worked like I’d been doing it for a while. I’d give my set a B.

After this Tom went up and did his time. He got a few laughs, and I just hope the next few comics can really grab onto the momentum and ride it.  After him everybody started to do really well. You could tell the crowd wanted jokes, and since I got on stage another 20 or so people had come into the venue. They all had good energy and everybody did well. Even though I wouldn’t say I got the biggest laughs of the night by any means, I definitely felt good about what I had done. Mark had a good set, and a few other dudes I had never seen before really did well as well. It was nice to see.

After this I said goodbye and thanked Tom for the time. I hopped in an Uber and headed over to DC Drafthouse to do Attack of the Comics hosted by Haywood Turnipseed JR.

I get there and I am a little early. I meet a comic from NYC named Irene who is down for a music festival, and I got to walk to a few comics I hadn’t seen in a while. I got to talk to Benjy for a bit because he was opening for Anthony Devito for the two early shows. Ross showed up, and finally Haywood decided to get the show rolling. I was going to be going second so I could hit Big Hunt.

Haywood goes up and does about 10 to 15 and gets the crowd warmed up. I can tell they are gong to be fun.  After him Al Williams goes up. He just moved back, and he had a good set. After him it was my turn.

I go up and have a super hot set. Everything is working. My R. Kelly joke absolutely murders. I am so upset that I left my camera in my car like an idiot. I am desperately trying to get a good video of that joke so I can post it online before it becomes wack. The rest of my set goes well and I close really hard with a teaching joke. I'd give this set an A-. Other than a few lines up top that were weird everything worked great. I say thanks and hit the road heading over to Big Hunt.  Ross tells me he dug the R.Kelly joke and I respect that dude a lot so that felt great.

I get to Hunt and people are hanging out downstairs. Sami Sfeir is hosting and there is a good conversation about strip clubs going on downstairs. I get to talk to Lafayette, Cook, Sean, Maddy, and a few others. Naomi showed up and we got to talk about some school stuff she has coming up soon so that was nice.

I am set to go up pretty late in the show so I settle in ready to hang for a while. then I get the glorious news that Ross isn’t there yet so I get bumped up a few spots. The crowd has been drunk and weird all night. They didn’t really give Maddy anything in front of me. It derailed her set and their attention was all over the place. They didn’t seem fun, but I had to go up and work it.

I had a pretty good set all things considered. I hated it, but I know it was going pretty well. I got the R.Kelly joke to work well, and a few other things. They were drunk so I had to slow down what I was saying and try to sell it really hard. I feel good about it though. I just didn’t murder the way I wanted to. I’d give this set a b-. I then grabbed my stuff and headed right to my car. I was too tired to go home so I ended up going to TJs and passing out immediately. I have two shows tomorrow and I need my rest.

5/4

The next day I woke up and relaxed for a while before driving down to Richmond. I was going to be there pretty early and was looking for something to do. I was getting ready to go to a friend’s to take a nap but then Nathan Possum (my old partner from Comics and Consoles and the creator of Barry White Hanson) hit me up and we got lunch.

It was a lot of fun seeing him. We talked about comedy, and possibly bringing back Comics and Consoles in another form than the let’s play. Mostly we just caught up and talked shit. It was a super fun time and the best way to wind down before the first show.

I had e-mailed Mike Engle for a spot earlier in the week, but I wanted to get there early to write and relax. I head over to Castleburg Brewery to set up shop. I chill in my car a bit and then head inside once Bryan Williams gets there. We chill and talk a bit and more comics show up.

Mike gets there, a bunch of new comics, Stella, Ryan Mather, the headliners (Tim Truehart, Drew Robertson), Moe Singleton, Aaron Shoemaker, and  Ben Oliver.. We get a game of corn hole going, and legit it is one of the better hangs I’ve had doing comedy in a while. Everybody is joking around and we keep playing until showtime.

The way Game of Jokes works is you have several brackets of randomly selected comics. You don’t know when you’re going up, but when you go up you do 5 minutes and at the end of the round the audience votes on who they like, and it is up to the two judges to pick who they think had the best set. The only thing you win is an extra five minutes. Which is cool, but honestly it doesn’t matter that much.

Around the time the show starts Anthony Thompson shows up. The hang is still pretty good and there is a nice little audience. Mike goes up and he does ok. They are not vibing with his new, but I respect that he was trying to work out this new joke anyway. The first comic is this dude named Fancy Gym and he does a bit where he brings a huge red bag on stage and he goes “knock knock”. The audience goes, “who’s there”? He says, “banana,” and then proceeds to take a banana out of the bag. He does this for 5 minutes and brings out about 70+ bananas, when he finally gets to the orange it gets a pretty good laugh. He messed up the line, but it was entertaining to watch.  Kind of ridiculous, and five minutes is a long ass time to see that.

I then get a phone call and go outside. it is a dude trying to book me for a gig on Mother’s Day. While we are working out the details someone comes out and tells me it is my time to go on stage. I am kind of freaking out because this is a paid gig, but at the same time I’m not trying to ruin the show.  I ask the booker to let me call him back and as I am running inside I hear one of the judges yell, “if he doesn’t hang up that damn phone, and get in here he is gong to get bumped.” Which I felt was a little aggressive.

I get up on stage and go into my act and I have a super hot set. My R.Kelly joke gets a huge response and then I do a few teaching jokes along with my newish bit about sleep masks. I have the best set up to this point of the show. I dealt with a table of hecklers calling them juggalos after I mention Faygo, and then shitting on them a bit. They loved it and all in all it was a really fun set I was proud of. I’d give it a B+/A-.

I get off stage and go finish my phone call. I get done right as the final comic is on stage. I asked how people have been doing, and everyone says the rest of the comics in my group did ok/pretty well. I have another set to get to this night so I don't particularly want to make it to the next round, but it is definitely cool to be picked.

They ask the audience to vote for everybody. Each person gets a pretty good response, but I had a resounding response for my set. It felt cool to be able to crack them, and set the rest of the show up for success. Then it came time for the judges to pick. Tim picked his buddy Jacob who rode up with him, and Drew picked my buddy Ryan. No big deal. I was surprised but at the same time this solves the problem of sticking around for the second set.

They then have the audience vote between those two. They say Jacob’s name and no one really claps. They then say Ryan’s name and no one really claps. Mike goes, “ok well we are going to have to do it again.” As he says this a woman behind one of the judges goes, “everyone did really well, but this is bullshit we all know Winston won,” and then the crowd went insane. Like absolutely nuts. It was giving me so much anxiety because I’d never seen something like this before. In the moment it sucked, but looking back it was a pretty cool thing. One judge goes, “he is not in this so you need to pick between the two we picked.” This upset them a bit, and I had to go and be like, “hey everybody. It is ok. Pick between my friends this is a fun show.” After this they finally picked and they moved on. Tim went on stage and started his set talking about how he voted for who he rode with because he has to go back with them. Which is fine, and got a good laugh. I didn’t watch most of his set because I was feeling weird.

I went outside to kind of unwind. Like that whole situation gave me a lot of anxiety. It was weird for that to happen and feel like it was derailing the show. The vibe was just weird and I didn’t really want to be around it. While I was outside with my friends talking and relaxing the Drew dude came out to me and was like, “you had a wonderful set.” I told him he didn’t have to lie to me. I wasn’t upset, but for him to not vote for me it just means he didn’t dig my comedy which was ok. This stuff is subjective, the dude was obviously an alt comic and it wasn’t his cup of tea. He kept trying to talk to me, and I told him I didn’t want to talk. I was having an anxiety attack and this wasn’t productive. He said I had good stage presence and I was like, “dude. I do not want to hear why you didn’t pick me. It is ok, but this isn’t productive and I don’t want to hear it.” He finished with, “I’ll just shut up.” I told him that was a good idea and he went inside.

This also gave me more anxiety, but I feel like I did the right thing. It was weird for him to come out and try to smooth stuff over. I felt like everyone was making this thing a bigger deal than it was. I also just hate people being fake. Like he didn’t think I had a wonderful set. So it doesn’t make sense to lie to me about it. I felt like I didn’t get voted for because I’m a hack (I suffer from imposter syndrome quite a bit). I still hung out and watched some more of the show. I stuck around to watch part of his set, and they didn’t vibe with him up top for first few minutes so I grabbed my stuff and headed out. The vibe was wack, and I was upset because of how much fun the day was up until that point.

I got in my car as it started to rain and headed to the warehouse show I was going to be on. It is on the other side of town and it was hosted by Tom Hall.  The lineup is going to be fun, and I’m just ready to get there.

I get there at 10:40 and the show was supposed to start at 9:30 and it hadn’t started yet. Tom is pretty drunk and everyone is hanging out. It is a good vibe, and I tell a few people the story from Castleburg which alleviates some of my anxiety. LE Zarling is there as is Anne Meng, Kusterer, Paige, Buhse, Alida, Muñoz Jarvis, and a lot of others.

They have me going last and I have to ask them to bump me up because I’m exhausted and I cannot go up at 12:45 in the morning. They let me go first and we get the show started. Tom goes up and warms them up for ten minutes, and then I get to have a pretty good set.

It is as well as a show like this could go. Two doors down there is a hip hop show, and everyone had been here drinking since 8 pm. I have a good opening line thanking people for coming to a show on the set of Saw 3. That gets a good pop and the rest of my set goes well. I do ten minutes and I’d give it a B. I still feel weird, but I am proud I did my set.

After I get off stage several comics from Castleburg show up. Including Stella, Anthony, and the judge Drew. The show keeps going on and everybody is having fun. I find the cupcakes Tom made and shove about three in my mouth (I eat when I’m anxious). As the show continues the Drew guy comes up to me and we talk about it. He apologizes and I do the same. He is a nice guy and we talk comedy for a bit and it ends well. This immediately eliminates a lot of my weird feelings and we both get to enjoy the rest of the night. I think he understood where I was coming from, and got that it was a weird thing to try and do. I definitely understand he probably had good intentions, but it was not the time for it while dealing with my anxiety.

Everyone is having ok sets. I think I got the sweet spot because of how tired people were. Some people did well and people were coming and going. I had a blast and would totally do it again. Paige went up and worked some stuff out and it was definitely good to see. He and I talk for a bit and then I say goodbye to everyone. Stella and I talk about my anxiety and the night. This definitely helps. I feel a lot better afterwards and I get all my hugs in with my friends. It was truly a weird, but amazing night. I head home and pass out!

5/6

The open mic at The Southern was cancelled so I decided to do Jkogi. After work I kind of just hang around and relax. I get dinner and watch some tv and really just wind down.

I then head over to Jkogi a little early and get a nice hang in. Jack Parker is there and then Mike Engle shows up. I am trying to write some stuff down and figure it out. Ryan Mather comes in with his wife to chill. Eventually a bunch of comics are there. Moe, Rebecca, Anthony, Ben Oliver, and some others show up. The hang and vibe is pretty chill.

Kate is hosting and she has the comic meeting. I am going first and I am definitely ready to go. She goes up and works out some material about her car accident. She talks about a drawer in her car that has tampons on it. She brings me up next.

I get on stage and riff that it was exciting to find out that Kate doesn’t know that the drawer is called a glove box. This gets a laugh and I work out some material It all goes pretty well until Jacob McFadden comes in drunk and throws me off a bit (he loves doing this). I close super weak but that’s ok. I'd give this set a C-.

I get off and go outside. I decide to watch Jacob’s set. We are all hanging outside. I make a bunch of memes with him and Nate Izqieurdo and Jacob makes a setlist of what he is going to do.

I go in to film and watch him and the runs the hell out of the light. it is five minute sets and he does 10. His set is really funny, and I am glad I get to see some of those jokes one last time. He is absolutely wasted and is stepping on some of his own punchlines and messing up wording, but it was magical. Afterwards I say my goodbyes, and head out.

5/7

I am so excited for today. It is going to be three mics, and it is teacher appreciation week. So after work Kenn, Alex and I go grab some CiCi’s pizza. Which is legit one of my favorite restaurants. 

We talk about Endgame, Game of Thrones, our buddy Paige, comedy, and everything in-between. While at dinner Pat Buhse posts that Mojos is cancelled for the night because their computers are down. so now my only spots are going to be Vagabond and Fallout. 

I get to Vagabond and go in. There is one other comic and two dudes from DC hanging out. The other comic is Jack Parker and he goes up and does like 10 minutes. After him the two guys ask if I will go up.

I go up and do about 25 minutes of the most offensive stuff I have ever written. It is the kind of stuff they are into, and I haven't done that material in a long time. I don’t know if I worked any of it out, but they really enjoyed it. I felt good about myself while doing it, and realized how I dig those jokes but a lot of that stuff just doesn’t fit in my act anymore. I’d give this set a B- because it is very productive and I don’t think I could have made those two dudes laugh harder with anything else. 

One of the dudes goes up and he opens by saying R.Kelly didn’t do it, he is Afghan so he didn’t do 9/11, and that he f**cks really hard with the environment. He does his act and gets a few laughs and has a seat. It was a fun cool time. I had a blast. I grab my stuff and tell Jack I’ll meet him at Fallout.

I get to Fallout and talk to the bartender Shelby. I wait for some other comics to get there, including the host Jesse. The hang is good and Jesse finally shows up. He and I catch up and talk about what shows we have coming up. He tells me about the stuff he is going through with his dog and it is really tough to hear I feel for that dude.

Alex and Beswick show up along with Ben, Jack, Anne, Alida, Mu with Paula, and a lot of other comics. A bunch of newer guys so this is going to be fun.

I am up third. So Jesse warms them up, then Beswick works out his material (he has some really good shit cooking right now), then Jack goes and does a Kegel act out to close out, before I get on stage. 

I go up and I can’t get anything going. There is a nice little crowd and I am just eating shit on stage. There is a dude talking right at the stage and I try to address it and it doesn’t work. I have weird energy, and I have no won anyone over. Every bit that has been working lately is just dying on stage. I then do a bit and a girl in the audience goes, “do you have twitter? Because I know I’ve heard that before.” She is basically accusing me of stealing a bit off of Twitter and this sends me in a spiral. I finish my ten minutes and this set sucked. Even though I got laughs I feel like I am a piece of shit and a hack. I’d give this set an F. 

The first thing I do is go in the back and talk to Alex. We are busting balls, but I look up the joke online. I find one line of it on Twitter, but it’s an opening line. It is not the joke. I can’t find the joke anywhere, but I am leaning towards dropping it altogether (I eventually just rewrite it). I legit can’t handle that. Being a hack is the last thing I want. I want to be funny and relatable. I don’t want to play to the back of the room, but I also want to be respected.

 I am in a horrible headspace, but Brandon, and Alex talk me down.  They tell me to do some breathing exercises, and we all talk about stuff we used to deal with. They bust my balls some more, but I watch Alex’s set (really good. hot one for that crowd) and afterwards I grab my stuff and go. We talk a bit outside and I do some breathing exercises in my car before heading home to pass out!

We did it laydees! Caught up again. I’ve got some fun shows this week, and the rest of the month. Tonight I am in Blackstone near where I grew up. We will see if I am a draw at all in that area (forecast says not even a little bit.) I will be back tomorrow sweetie pies! xoxoxo

#comedy #bomb #hack #thief #jokes #standup #improv #riot #competition #alt #club

[henry-hart]

Mo’ Danger, Mo’ Problems s1 ep2

this one is long, just saying. lolol I just really loved it and had a lot to say :))))))

“OK HEN’S VOICE IS DIFFERENT IN THIS EP asjlksjk guess there was time btw this one and the pilot

he’s still incredibly adorable tho

“He’s gotta fix that elevator.” ...and then he never did lolol

OKAY so 13 yr old Henry found a way across town at almost 12 at night???? NO MY SON. THAT IS DANGEROUS (also does Swellview have a bus system??? did he walk??? I need to know.)

“’Put this watch on your wrist.’ Sure. What else would I put it on???” .....

hologram Ray pretending that Hen poked his eye out askjsl

“I’m gonna contact you on this watch now.” “What do I do with the old one?” “Toss it up in the air.” “.....Why?” “It’s about to self-destruct.” “Dahhh!” *tosses watch but it doesn’t do anything* “Hmm. That’s weird It’s supposed to--” BAM lololol

Do you think they chose Puerto Rico history for Hen’s test subject bc Jace is Puerto Rican??? I mean, it’s a lil specific to be coincidence (i hope they did)

“Ah, Puerto Rico. Land of....” “Puerto Ricans???” “Right.” alakjsklj

I FORGOT ABOUT THIS EP. THIS ONE IS SO FUNNY!!!! (I’m remembering what happens later in the ep lol)

antique bottle shop named “Glass from the Past” gotta love the witty names

“Let’s blow some bubbles and fight some crime.” so I see we aren’t into lame puns yet lolol

the “awwww my boot!” line is in this ep “Up the boot! Ow!” “HA!”

“Give me that pretty lavender bottle...because it matches my motorcycle helmet.” asjdlkj you can always count on hd bad guys to be goofy “You better bubble wrap that, chump! That ain’t no good to me busted.”

soooooo Ray walks in through the front door of the shop while Hen just....kind of.....walks in from...the side??? Like, Jace literally just entered from the side of the stage/set. wowowow lol

“Kid Danger.” “Yeah.” he looks so smug ajsklsjksjlk like, “that’s right. you know who i am.”

Ray telling the robber to try hitting him again lolol “Try to keep your arm straight.” 

*robber hits him* “Strike three.” Hen pops in “That was only two...” “Okay, don’t correct me in front of the criminals.”

RAY YOU JUST THREW THE ROBBER INTO THAT MAN’S GLASS. WUT R U DOING???

“You really want to fight us?” looks at KD “Can I just fight the kid?” Hen’s all “???” lolol

“No you can’t just fight the--” “Sure he can! Come on, tough guy.” “Ok.” *puts his helmet over Hen’s head*

poor Hen is just spinning around 

golf clubs in a store that sells glass. that’s gonna end well.

“KD! Catch this golf club!” *hits Hen in the head* aksjlsjsk

CM AND KD YOU ARE NOT HELPING!!!! YOU ARE BREAKING ALL THAT POOR MAN’S GLASS!!!!

“CM! Where are you?” “Follow the sound of my voice!” *a game of Marco/Polo w/ A LOT OF GLASS BREAKING ensues*

“Would you superheroes just leave!!!!” I feel for you, man.

Ray had to stop a wild, golf club swinging Henry lolol

“Where is he??? Did I get him???” he asks, standing amidst all the glass he broke while RAY got the bad guy 

“Yeah, you got him.”

“My whole store is destroyed!” “No need to thank us.” “Thank you?” “You’re welcome.” Ray y r u lik dis

Hen’s hair is all wild from the helmet ajskjlskj

“Let’s go, KD.” “NO!!! Nobody leaves until you boys clean up all of this broken glass.”

MY POOR BB HAS TO BE UP AT 7 FOR SCHOOL. RAY YOU DID NOT NEED TO CALL HIM TO HELP YOU. YOU ENDED UP GETTING THE BAD GUY ALL BY YOURSELF. HENRY JUST BROKE MORE GLASS. LET MY SON GET HIS SLEEP!!!!

“This will only take us like....5 hrs. I’ll get u a broom!” *Hen just sinks to the floor* :(((((

Ms. Shapen just gave Hen a wet willy. aksjlksj The ever classy Sherona Shapen, ladies and gents.

CHARLOTTE IS SO TINY. EVEN THE KIDS IN THE BACK OF THE CLASS ARE SO TINY. THEY’RE. ALL. SO. TINY.

“This is what happens when you stay up all night on Twitflash and Twittlegram.” alksjskjls

poor Hen slept through his whole test (much like in my fic....hee hee)

J....y wud u want....a....wet willy???? (I love Ms. Shapen’s answering face alksjlskj)

Hen just drops back down on his desk. my son :((((

THE FIRST EVER TITLE SEQUENCE!!!!!! (last ep just had the title of the show. this one has the whole “It all just kind of happened” shebang)

“Now I protect the good citizens of Swellview.” Do you Ray? Do you?? (peep him charging ppl for that “protection” in a few years)

Hen just pouring an ENTIRE POT OF COFFEE into, as Char calls it, “a comedically large cup.” askdksjslk I fell you. I don’t drink coffee, but i. feel. you.

never get tired of these whack shows they watch on here. Natural surgery???? Surgery w/ no anesthesia??? what is that???? lolol

“You’re 13. You can’t be drinking this much coffee!!!!” “But I need it!”

concerned friends ftw

Jasp asking Hen about puberty......

“I haven’t had any dreams bc I’m not getting any sleep.” my bb...:(((

“I always have the same dream. It starts with me getting a horse for my bday. Then Jasp shows up. Then the horse kicks Jasp in the face.” “But I end up being okay, right?” “No.” her face kills me lolol

SIREN HART IS BACK ON MY SCREEN AGAIN. IT IS A BLESSED DAY.

“We’re home! Hen come help me please.” “HENRY, COME HELP YOUR MOTHER!!!” gotta love that s1 Piper

“What what what???” that’s exactly how I respond too hen alksjslkj

HEN MAKING DINNER. :’)))) I. MISS. THESE. DAYS. THE. HART. FAM. IS. MY. FAVE. AND. THEY’RE. NEVER. TOGETHER. ANYMORE. *cries*

how does one make chili balls????

“Make them spicy this time.” I love Piper so much gah

“Seriously? I’m like so busy. I don’t have time.” Ya’ll....the way he said this. he sounds so stressed.....my bb....I’m crying.

remember the days when Piper used to be anti-having Jasp in the house?? lolol I mean, she probs still is now, but she used to be a lot more vocal about it. “Aw man, Jasper’s here???” “Piper be nice.” “But Jasper’s always here. It’s NOT okay!!!”

“I’m going to the bathroom.” “Oh no, mom. Jasper’s going to use our bathroom.” ajskjslj

Piper telling on everyone as soon as her dad gets home akjslksj classic

their dad was a lot more....tolerable earlier on. I don’t mean he’s a bad character or anything. It’s just, he’s usually played for laughs now instead of being a parent. We get to see him actually parenting Hen in this ep, and it’s so nice. 

“Jasper’s using our bathroom.” “Oh jeez.” Like father like daughter kajslkj (also looks like Hen got his phrase from his dad. cute!)

“and Henry said he’s not gonna make dinner.” “What??? It’s his night!” “I’M GONNA MAKE DINNER!” leave my son alone, Jake (he’s my son. not yours.)

YAS. JAKE SITTING DOWN WITH HENRY TO GIVE HIM A NICE PARENT TALK ABOUT MS. SHAPEN CALLING HIM ABOUT HENRY’S FAILED TEST. YAS. YAS. YAS. I LOVE ME SOME HEALTHY FAMILIAL CONTENT!!!!!

“She called you at work?!?.....Ah, that’s so rude of her. God.” alksjslk nice save hen

“Do you realize how important Puerto Rican history is???” aksjlkjs I really thing they’re doing this bc of Jace. Like, I really do. 

Hen apologizing for letting his dad down :’))))

JAKE. HART. BEING. CONCERNED. FOR. HIS. SON. YASSSSS. He sees that maybe having a job is causing Hen’s grades to slip THIS is how you parent. (wish i had me a dad like that...)

you don’t get your 12 yr old daughter to drive u home from mouth surgery.....looking at you s4

“I can’t quit! My job’s a really big deal.” *puts hand on his dad’s leg* “It’s a junk shop. *moves Hen’s hand* You sweep the floors.” ajskjskjskl if only you knew

Hen’s like “I’m gonna go upstairs and study right now!” he takes off and his dad grabs him at the last second and makes him do this spin and akjsljs I just thought that was funny

“You study after you make the chili balls. And make them spicy this time.” He and Piper share this look lolol they’re so similar. it’s crazy

Hen yawning as he serves dinner :(((( he doesn’t even eat. he’s going without food AND sleep. MY SON NO!!!!

“I posted a pic, and now it has 45 comments. So now i have to comment on the comments!” “I’m about to comment on you.” asklkjskl (too tru tho Pipes)

RAYMOND. STOP FUSSING AT MY SON. HE IS TRYING HIS HARDEST. HE CAN ONLY DO SO MANY THINGS AT ONCE.

“Why aren’t you on your way over here???” “Because. I got in trouble for sleeping in class....and i had to make chili balls.” “Chili...balls?” “It was ‘my night’.”  lolol I love the way Hen says that. so snarky

Hen stretching over his bed like “I’m just gonna....” slaps himself in the face to keep up “Maybe I can just....I’m just gonna lie down. 5 minutes tops. just 5 min” before he just passes out is SUCH a mood.

Okay, Ray coming in thru hen’s window all angry in covered in sewage is HILARIOUS

like, I love this little “I’m gonna kill him” angry dance thing he does aksjlkjs

oh my god he’s waving his smell in Hen’s direction asjksjsl

“Awww what’s that smell???” “I’m that smell!”

“Well, Ray, I guess I fell asleep.” “WeLl I gUeSs I fElL aSlEeP!!!” Ray u sound like scooby-doo aksjskj

“You know what’s down in the Swellview sewer???” “....poop.” “POOP!”

omg I forgot about Pipes being suspicious of the voices in Hen’s room 

“Who are u talking to in here???” “Nobody.” “MOM!!!!!” “Aw jeez.” using his dad’s phrase :)))))

Hen blaming the smell on piper aksjlslkj

“It’s Piper.” “What???” “She hasn’t had a bath in a week.” “That’s a lie!”

“You disappointed me tonight.” “I’m disappointing everybody. People should just call me ‘Kid Disappointment’.” Hen....:((( (but the way he said the last part was really funny akjdlskj)

WHAAAATTT???? RAY WANTS HEN TO TALK TO HIM TO HELP FIGURE OUT A SOLUTIONG TO A PROBLEM???? YOU MEAN HE’S NOT BEING UNJUSTIFIABLY PARANOID OR RIDICULOUS??? HE’S NOT JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS??? HE’S NOT BREAKING THE LAW OR HARMING OTHERS OR DOUBTING HENRY’S INTEGRITY????? WHAAAATTT????

^^^^^that was a jab at the Ray we’ve seen as of late

“Time. School. Working for you. My family. It’s just a lot to handle.” TOO TRUE HENRY. TOO. FREAKING. TRUE.

“I do know a guy who can get rid of your family.” Who, Ray. Who do you know?

Ray actually wanting to fix a problem rather than make it worse. Yes.

and so begins Ray’s crush on Siren. Nice try dude. My crush began the second she was on screen. 

“Who’s this?” “My mom.” “Niiiiiiice. Is she still, uh, married to your dad, or--” “Yes.” “Does she ever seem lonely or--” “Go home, Ray.” 

“The picture, Ray.” 

aksjdklj I love that interchange.

also Hen just has this portrait of his mom in his room lolol what a momma’s boy :)))))

Jasp x Char covering for Hen even tho they have no idea what’s up ;’))))

GOOCH. MY MAN.

Henry does NOT have hepatitis Japser!!!! ajslkjslk

Gooch and Hen harmonizing those weird sounds omg lolol

“Oohloolooloooloooo--why am I doing this?!??!?!”

“Relax, kid.” “I can’t. I’ve got a huge makeup test  tomorrow. I need to study, and you guys are making me go ‘oohloolooloo’“ “It’s ‘Oohloolooloo--” “I don’t care!!!!” I LOVE sassy Henry

all studying done in 30 seconds???? Where can i get me one of these???

“It’s a cerebral data transducer--or as we call it, the HRZ.” wtf???? lolol

“Why am i locked in a chair???” Hen asking the real questions. 

the way Ray says “Puerrrrto RRRRRicoooo!” 

“Will this hurt???” “Yes.” WHAT???” lolol

okay can you imagine the now jace being as extra as this jace??? No??? I didn’t think so. lololol

“Well?” “That hurt BAAAAD!!!”

“I don’t know anything about P--” *starts spitting out random PR facts* askjljsk “Wooooaaahhhh. I know Puerto Ricoooooo.” 

the amount of times they’ve said Puerto Rico in this ep is crazy. I’m definitely convinced they did this for Jace alskjskl

“Do you think it’s cheating???” “Ehhhh.” “It’s a gray area.” GOOCH X RAY ARE MY FAVES. (i love Schwoz, but Ray x Gooch had some good chemistry.)

“I really doing this appreciate you for me.’ ASKLJDLKSJ I LOVE THIS PART OF THE EPISODE. THE SIDE EFFECTS ARE MY FAVORITE PART. 

at first, i didn’t even register that he’d switched the order of the words. I was like, “Ok, I knew what he meant, but something about it made my brain feel weird???” lololol

I wonder if Jace had a hard time getting the mixed up order right akjsksl

I love the way Ray says “Uh oh.” with his eyes closed. Like, “I knew this might happen, but I was really hoping it wouldn’t.” lksjklsj

“Well you could’ve before that you told me!!!” THESE PARTS ARE MAKING ME LAUGH SO HARD.

Henry: *screams all high-pitched* aljsklsjls I’M CACKLING

I FORGOT HOW MUCH I LOVED THIS EPISODE!!!!!!!!

“So I’m gonna girl like a days for a few screams---wait.” LOLOLOLOL

*screams again*

“.......You guys wanna get lunch?” CLASSIC Ray. (can something be classic already in the first ep??? I guess the word is vintage. VINTAGE Ray.....but those r the same thing??? I don’t know ajksjlsk)

“The Vermont army finally surrendered and fled the coconut plantations.” “Coconuts in Vermont?” askjslkj school really be like that sometimes

Jasper just doodling the whole time. ME.

“Okay everyone. Get out.” Ms. Shapen is a constant mood. lolol

“100 my makeup test on I got!!!.....I mean, I got a hundred on my makeup test???” aksjlk I love u Hen

*randomly screams* “...” “.... That was inappropriate.” “I just got excited.”I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW MUCH THIS PART MAKES ME LAUGH ALKSJKLSJ

“I’m really proud of you, Henry. I’d give you a hug if it wouldn’t get me fired.” ajsksj 

“Have a good weekend.” “Too you.” “....”

Henry said “Yeah, baby!” to Char. :))))) (I know it was just a quick thing on the fly, but it’s still cute)

“Where were you?” “I go to had somewhere.” 

ya’ll. Henry’s mix ups are KILLING me.

“One more time???” “I. had. to. go. somewhere. Nailed it.”

*randomly screams again*

CHAR’S SCARED FACE. I’M DYING.

“You later see!” ALKSJKLJSK

I LAUGHED FOR THE ENTIRETY OF THE END OF THIS EPISODE. 

I JUST REALLY LOVE THIS EPISODE. I FORGOT HOW MUCH I DID, AND IT WAS GREAT TO BE REMINDED. 

this ep had it all

tired/overworked/stressed hen and his supportive friends and fam

then there’s that GOLDEN last two minutes with the side effects

just. wow.

props to Jace for doing an incredible job

he really delivered the goofiness. love my boy :))))))

rewatching these was such a good idea <3333

#this ep is def one of my faves #i was reminded how much i love it #hope this was enjoyable for you guys too #hd rewatch #mo' danger mo' problems