#probably gonna end up deleting this tbh it's a wonder i even decided to post this

[passingdaysthings]

03.5.2023 - Oh boy, peace?

Today is Sunday 

It seems like I really like writing on Sundays, and as usual, I read my last post before writing this one. Taylor and I slightly discussed why I deleted the pictures and videos, and I told him, it was just awkward for me when he would flirt with Victoria. This was something he decided to address only after drinking quite a bit. It seems like he didn’t think it was hardcore flirting, but I said I thought it was and it make me feel awkward. The man literally said he wanted to buy her flowers for Valentines, and he asked her to be his Valentines. Tbh, I didn’t think much of the Valentines thing, and it was more of the flowers thing. He wanted to send flowers to her even though that is not something he would do for anyone. I also told him it was just weird for me because she is my best friend, and she knows about our “friendship”. I guess it’s not weird to him because he probably thinks she doesn’t know anything about our “friendship”. I wonder if he will start acting weird or changing how he acts since I voiced my opinion about it. I really wish our friendship could go back to the regular friendship that it use to be. None of the sexual talk, no sleeping together talk, and just completely delete those 2 months of very relationship type stuff. I may have deleted the picture I sent, but then we just sent new ones. Life would be so much more peaceful if I could just stop this, but I just can’t help it. Why am I like this? I’ve never been like this before, and to be honest, Taylor could go date someone else, and I wouldn’t have much thought about it. I think I need to stop trying to understand Taylor too because that is not going to happen since he never speaks his mind. I need to get over it. I must really be bored or something to let these things continue bothering me enough to write about it.  

Onto other things, I am really annoyed with how my school teaches class because I feel like I am just getting the definition of things and no example. It’s like they expect to know how to work a problem based purely on knowing the definition of something. Like sir? Can I get an example or something related? I just don’t understand why school is taught so different from how things would be taught in real life. I am 100% that I will have to go through training at my future job regardless of what I learned in school. No way I am gonna start a new job, and they just throw me into the deep end without training. That’s how school is currently so it makes no sense to me. Thank you for the example, now would you please work on a problem similar to the one on homework. That would be useful. Also, I hate that homework is graded for correctness rather than completion. My problem with that is homework is used for us to practice what we learned in class, and mistakes are gonna be made because it is our first time learning or doing a problem like that. I don’t understand why it’s graded for correctness like an exam or test. I think that homework should be done, graded based on completion, and then feedback should be given so that our mistakes are something we can use to study for the then graded exam. That just makes way more sense to me. I think I am doing fine though, but it’s annoying how hard I have to work. I would have to say that I am pretty proud of myself for how well I am doing for someone who hasn’t done Calc 1 since high school, and has never taken calc 2, calc 3, dicrete math, and linear algebra untli now. From what I know, most of the people in my program already have a background in this, and I am really part of the minority that hasn’t done any of this before. I am iffy with my python skills though because I googled a lot of that stuff. I have learned that coding is a very interesting thing that no one seems to really know how to do, and everyone resorts to asking others on the internet about it. I am also pretty sure that I signed myself up for a hard time next quarter because I am taking 2 classes which consist of Prob and Stats for Data Science and Python Software Dev. 

Reasons for incoming poor mental health: 

1. I am pretty harsh on myself so I get pretty upset when I don’t understand things right away. Prob and Stats was a class I struggled in during undergrad and Python is very new to me. Failure is happening. 

2. I have been getting distracted pretty easily, but I think that I have just thought of a solution. I am going to use Tracy’s room as my work room. 

3. I definitely won’t have time to play video games so I think the lack of friendship will take it’s toll. Ofc, I will still have my volleyball friends so it won’t be too bad. 

4. I get annoyed when things are taught the way they are currently being taught. I hope that it gets better. I don’t think it was that bad the first quarter. 

I think that is enough for this post because I need to get back to watching Khan academy videos since the async lectures from class are useless. 

-P

[naturesgender]

oh wow okay. so. heartbreak. huh. haven’t felt that one in. a while

#god rlly decided to just straight up drop kick my emotions right into hell tonight huh #anyways how we doin tonight lads #emotional piece of shit time with ro #probably gonna end up deleting this tbh it's a wonder i even decided to post this #i'm constantly bitching about my emotions on this godforsaken website and 99% of the time i end up deleting it before i even post it #so we'll see how long this super vague and unhelpful and utterly useless post lasts!!

[liberolove]

Testing the Waters (pt. 2)

Summary: youve finally graduated high school and now youre moving on to college. youve decided to go to sendai university. its summer and youve become curious about checking out the dating pool in miyagi, so you download a dating app. you figure you might as well have fun before delving too deep into your studies

Part: [part two] out of ???

Pairings: nishinoya x reader / kuroo x reader / oikawa x reader / kiyoko x reader

A/N: theres tons of ships here, just me living out my hoe phase lmao please dont judge me. let me know what yall think

Genre: fluff, smut, crack

Warnings: flirting, college shinanigans

It’s been three days since the last time you saw Yuu. Gosh, even saying his name to yourself gave you goosebumps. You two have been texting non stop and honestly, it felt so refreshing. You were a pretty bad texter but he knew how to keep the conversation going. 

One of his favorite things to do was play 21 questions with you. He wasn’t like those fuckboys who would use this opportunity to ask you if you were a virgin or what your favorite position was. Yuu was different. He came up with the craziest scenarios and judged you on the way you answered. One time he asked you how you would escape a 300 lb lion that just broke out of the zoo you were visiting. You honestly had no idea how to respond but eventually you replied, 

“I’d make sure to run with a crowd and ‘accidentally’ trip a slow runner so that the lion could get distracted and probably (most likely) attack them. This would buy me some time to get the hell out there.”

This response caught Noya off guard but he loved the way you thought. You continued to come up with barbaric schemes to survive all the scenarios he would throw at you. He kept you guessing and that was what you liked so much about him. He was wild and so were you.

You were getting a little impatient over your next date so you took a deep breath and eventually asked him.

Y/N: Heeey, Yuu. I was wondering when you’d like to go out again. I’d really like to go out with you again.

Nishinoya Yuu: hey cutie! I’ve been wanting to see you again but I haven’t had any days off from work lately.. (; ･`д･´) IM DYING!! I just wanna see yoouuuuu

Y: Aw man.. :( That sucks. When do you think you’ll get your next day off?

N: idk tbh but hopefully it’s soon!!

Y: no worries, just let me know.

N: will do!!

Well, that was that. Now you wondered what you should do to pass the time. You were bored again and needed something to do. “Oh wait. I should check the app. I haven’t checked since I messaged Yuu on there. Maybe I have more matches.”

You opened up the app and you had 10 notifications. You had gotten some likes on the selfie you posted and several people viewed your profile. You checked who looked at your profile, and it was mostly ugly, older, men. “Gross,” you thought to yourself. Besides this, you noticed some new messages. 

You opened up the first message. 

“Hey sexy! Wanna come see me play? Click my link https://…..”

“Damn bots. So annoying.” You deleted the message. Next message:

“DTF?”

“I mean like yeah, but you could’ve been less forward in your message. What a turn off..” You had one last notification left. Maybe it wouldn’t be a let down.

“Are you made of Fluorine, Iodine, and Neon? 'Cause you are F-I-Ne.”

To be honest, this pick up line did make you giggle a little. You checked out the profile of the mysterious stranger who sent it and you were surprised that it was a bulked up biker. And damn, was he hot as hell. 

His hair stood up in an organized, weird bed head kind of way. It made him look like a rooster. Rather than smile in his photos, he smirked. And his eyes looked like he could undress you solely with his gaze. He looked like your typical bad boy, but that didn’t make sense. Why would he use a chemistry pick up line?

This made you become even more interested, so you replied back with another cheesy pick up line.

Y/N: I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.

Kuroo Tetsuro: Hey, kitten. I thought you’d never reply. You had me waiting.

Y: umm??? calling me kitten already?

K: What’s wrong? Are you flustered already? We haven’t even met up yet.

Y: woah there cowboy! hold your horses

K: I’m not a cowboy, but I’ll gladly have you ride me instead.

Y: skskskks i cant even-

K: Sorry. Too much?

Y: YES TOO MUCH

K: Alright. Let me start over. Ahh, a fellow chemist, I presume?

Y: yeaaah, kind of. I have a love/hate relationship with chemistry.

K: Is that so? Maybe I can help with that.

Y: oh really? how so?

K: I am a chemistry major after all. I go to Sendai. Do you go to school?

Y: uhhh i’m going to start there in the fall. I still haven’t decided what to major in, just yet.

K: Maybe you’ll end up being a chemistry major like me and I can give you private one on one lessons? 

Y: I highly doubt that, but nice try. 

K: Have you gotten a tour of the campus yet? Or are you waiting for freshman orientation?

Y: nah, I haven’t seen all of it yet. 

K: Would you like to?

Y: um sure! When are you free for my private tour? (:

K: How about tomorrow in the morning? Maybe around 9am? I can pick you up too if you’d like.

Y: Sounds good and no thanks. I’m not riding on that motorcycle! Looks scary :(

K: Don’t worry, kitten. I’ll drive safely and make sure nothing happens to you.

Y: there you go again.

K: Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. No, but really. I don’t mind picking you up. Have you ever been on a motorcycle before?

Y: nope

K: Then, let’s change that. Send me your address tomorrow morning. And get some rest.

Y: alrighty it’s a plan then!

K: No. It’s a date.

Y: sksksk omg

After that conversation, all you could think about was how the hell did you get into this mess? Motorcycles are dangerous, yet this rooster convinced you so easily to take a ride with him.. 

It was an understatement to say that you were nervous for tomorrow.

You set an alarm for 7 am the next day and went to bed.

Your alarm woke you up and you immediately remembered why you were awake so early. You rushed into the shower and once you were out, you spent 30 minutes deciding on what to wear. You opted for some black, ripped skinny jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt. 

At 8am on the dot, your phone’s notification bell went off. It was Kuroo.

“What’s your address, baby?”

You sent him the details and continued getting ready. You put on some light makeup and brushed your hair. You checked the time, and it was already 8:55 am. Then, your phone went off again.

“I’m outside.”

Your heart almost beat out of your chest. You grabbed your purse and put on some chapstick. You know, just in case..

You locked up your apartment and walked down the stairs. You were greeted by the biggest shit eating grin on the sexiest man you’d ever seen. You never went for the bad boys but college is a time for experimenting. 

“Hey, Y/N. You ready to ride? I brought an extra helmet for you.”

“Hi, Kuroo. And yeah, I guess,” your voice shook as you replied. You were really nervous but you tried to hide it.

“Don’t worry, baby. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’ll keep you safe.”

His words made you melt and you had just met him. The way he cooed at you and looked your way made you blush. You felt your cheeks get hotter by the second.

“Alright. Hop on and hold on to my waist. Hold on tight or else you’re gonna fly away when I take off. Okay?”

“..okay..” you managed to mutter. You were shaking but you put on the helmet he gave you and lifted up your leg to sit on the metal machine. You slowly hugged Kuroo from behind and held on as tight as you could. Your head was smashed right up against his large, broad back.

“Ready?” he asked.

“..yeah,” you squeaked.

Before you finished saying this, he had taken off like the devil was chasing him. If this was his meaning of safe driving, you didn’t want to find out his meaning of reckless driving.

The ride to Sendai University only took about 5 minutes, when realistically it would take 20 minutes by bus. You arrived and Kuroo teased, “are you going to let go, kitty?”

You hadn’t realized you were still gripping onto him for dear life. You released him from your hold and your hands still tingled from the amount of force you applied to his shirt. “Sorry!”

“No worries. Hey, look! I brought you here alive. Aren’t you glad?” he cackled. 

His laugh sounded like a dying hyena but it did sound a little cute at the same time. “Yeah. Thank goodness. Your driving is insane, dude.”

He showed you all over campus, from the administrative buildings to the gymnasium, to the fields. Sendai was a pretty big campus, and it made you glad that you had a personal guide to show you all the different buildings. 

After your little tour was over, he asked, “wanna grab a bite to eat? I’ll be a gentleman and pay for you too.”

Of course, you couldn’t say no to food. Much less, FREE FOOD! You nodded and got ready to ride the devil’s machinery again.

He took you to a nearby sushi bar. “Order whatever you’d like, princess. Today, I want to spoil you rotten.”

You melted at his words and also at the variety of rolls on the menu. You didn’t ask him if he really meant that you could order anything. You just kind of went for it. You ordered everything from shrimp tempura, to octopus, to eel. Sushi was your favorite and being told that you could order everything was a dream come true.

“Damn, girl! I had no idea you had such a huge appetite!  I didn’t know you’d take me seriously on my offer. You’re gonna run my pockets dry.”

You blushed and looked away. “Sorry, Kuroo. I really couldn’t help myself. I love sushi so much.”

“I’m just teasing you, baby. You deserve to be treated like this everyday.”

You had no idea how to respond so you just kept stuffing your face with sushi.

After you finally had your fill, it was time to go home. It was getting late. Kuroo took you home and you were definitely more relaxed this time on the bike. 

“I hope you had a great time today, kitty. And I hope I met your standards.”

“Yes, I did! Thank you so much, Kuroo! This was honestly so much fun. Thanks for everything.”

“Of course. Nothing but the best for you. I just need one little favor from you, baby.”

“Oh? What is it?”

“Can I get a kiss from your soft lips? I know you want to. I saw the way you kept staring at me, today.”

“Oh.. uhh.. Y-yea-yeah. Sure, of course.. Yeah,” you stammered. 

You looked at him with soft, shy eyes and before you knew it, he leaned in quickly and kissed you on the lips. Your eyes were wide open in surprise but as he deepened the kiss, your eyes slowly shut.

The kiss felt like electricity coursing through your body. You didn’t know what it was, but this man definitely already had you wrapped around his long, slender finger. 

As soon as you realized his hold on you, he backed off, and left you wanting more. He was such a tease.

“I can’t just let you have everything today, kitten. I need you wanting more.”

You didn’t know what to respond so you looked down at the ground shyly. 

“I’ll message you later, y/n. Don’t make me wait too long, again.”

You waved and muttered, “Thank you, Kuroo.”

He revved up his bike and was gone in seconds.

You remained in a daze as you walked back up to your apartment. Once you got inside, you plopped down on your couch and released a long sigh. “Who knew that college was going to be so exciting..”

[link to kuroo pic i found]

#liberolove writes #lblv.kuroo #kuroo #kuroo tetsuro #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #hq #haikyu #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #smau #crau #smut #crack #hq imagine #hq imagines #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu imagines #kuroo imagine #kuroo scenario #nekoma #karasuno #sendai #sendai university

[foreveralwaysanauthor]

As previously warned, I have a huge number of questions for the fanfic author ask thing. So, here we go: 4, 5, 6, 12, 13, 14, 15, 17, 20, 21, 24, 25, 26, 27, 29, 30, 31, 33, 36, 37 and then, if that wasn’t already enough, and there is anything you want to answer that I haven’t already asked, then pick one of your choosing to answer as well! 💕

Holy crap you weren’t kidding! lol this is gonna be so much fun!

4: What made you start writing fanfiction?

My 3rd grade teacher, Mr. Gula, gave me a challenge to write out my own ending to my favorite movie or TV show. As I was never really one to back down from a challenge, I went home and wrote out my own story about the first Transformers movie and another one about what I would do if I had been in HIgh School Musical. Yeah... needless to say, I was the Hermione of my grade.

5: Favorite pairing?

I know I don’t write for them, but my top is probably either Dee Dee and Frankie from the Beach Blanket Bingo, Bikini Beach, and Muscle Beach type movies or Seaweed and Penn from Hairspray. Something about those types of romance are sort of sweet to me. Guess I’m just an old soul. I also adore Cory and Topanga form Boy Meets World, but I’m mostly here for the older romances.

6: Least favorite pairing?

I’ll probably get flack for all of my answer, but I’m a little bit opinionated about this lol. The way Ginny and Harry’s relationship in the films was, was just confusing and so not what I had expected from them. The books gave them so much more than the movies ever did. The books were way better. Another case I don’t like was Bella and Edward/Renesmee and Jacob from Twilight. I think the other relationships in Twilight were better (Jasper and Alice are so sweet!) and Stephanie Meyer just kinda tossed Bella and Edward and Renesmee and Jacob together in the hope it would work and it just didn’t.

12: What’s the weirdest fic you’ve ever written?

I can’t believe I’m admitting to this.... I used to write full stories about One Direction. I had a full Niall x OC story I posted on a 1D Imagines group on Facebook that got almost 2,000 likes. It was silly, but, my word, it was almost as long as Broken Record. It spanned over the month of October 2014 and I can’t believe it ot the attention it did. It wasn’t all that good, but I guess it was good enough for people to like it, so that’s alright by me lol

13: Weirdest fic you’ve ever read?

I don’t believe it’s on fanfiction anymore, but I remember the basic info on it. It was Make a Wish by FireBladePrime. It was pretty much a girl made a wish on a shooting star and it made her favorite toys come to life as full size humans. I believe she ended up falling in love with one, but I’m pretty sure it just ended up being something that she came up with in her head when she was in a coma due to a car accident. Definitely a weird one, but it was pretty well written as far as memory serves.

14: Do the people in your life know you write fic? How do they feel about it?

Well, quite a bit of my family knows, actually. It started with just my parents, but my dad was always wanting to show off whatever his baby princess did (I was his only biological child, my older siblings were from my mom’s ex-husband). Dad shared with his siblings, mom shared with her siblings and my grandfather. My nieces and nephews know as well, but I believe that’s it. As far as I know, they are all very supportive and have no problem with it. My neice, Lorali, and nephews, Erek and Drake, have read all of my Teen Beach fics and quote things from them daily just to see if I’ll react, but they mostly just like reading them or having me read to them. They’re very loving and supportive of my writing.

15: Favorite fandom to write for?

I don’t know if I could pick one! I love Teen Beach so much, but I also have a certain affinity for writing small oneshots or “x Reader” style stories for Avengers and Harry Potter which can be found here and here. I do share the Harry Potter page with my sister, but she handles reblogging things to our page. Anyway, those would probably be my top fandoms!

17: What is the harshest criticism you’ve ever gotten on a fic?

Holy crap. Okay, I may or may not have repressed this for a long time, but I have more than one that I can’t decide between. The other one was from a girl in my class who stole my writing notebook and read my writing. Fuck you, Ashley She gave it back to me later that day with marker scribbles all over my writing. She said that I was horrible. The next day, I stole the makeup bag she had brought from her mother’s bathroom and buried it on the playground.

I was a good child that believed in getting even. Nobody found out about that btw.

Anyway, the first real criticism I had on a fic was someone who said, “You have no talent and you shouldn’t be writing. It all sucks and you’ll never go anywhere as an author.” I had actually written this down and, when I felt it no longer mattered to me, I burned it. It took me a couple of years to come to the realization that their opinion didn’t matter to me.

 20: What’s your biggest struggle when it comes to writing fic?

Having time to sit down and write, probably. I usually have great ideas, but, in order to write them out and have them come out alright, I would need to sit down and feel it all come together while I write. I need time that I just don’t have most of the time.

21: Your biggest strength?

When I sit down to write, it all just flies out of me. Once i start, I don’t stop until my idea is all out into either m notebook or my computer. I can have a simple idea that somehow spirals into an eight page chunk that I never thought was possible. I like to think of that as my biggest writing strength.

24: What’s your process?

Write out the “backbone plot” (The stuff that has to happen, no matter what)

Decide on characters. Figure out appearance, personality and basic traits. (Sorta like a sim, I guess)

Bounce ideas with whoever will listen/listen to music (Gain ideas and write them in a small notebook)

Wait for inspiration and time to line up accordingly.

Write as much as I can.

Go back into that later on and edit what needs to be there and delete what isn’t necessary.

Publish!

I hope that’s what this means, at least.

25: Of all the fics you’ve written, which is your favorite?

Most definitely Broken Record and Creating a Rift. It was one of my first published stories and I just adore them.

26: Which of your fics is your least favorite?

I don’t even know how to find it anymore, but it was called Life’s a Rollercoaster. It was a Transformers fic that I had written when I was 11. Never finished it bc I lost the login stuff and it, now that I remember it, sucked hard.

27: What’s your most popular fic? Do you think the popularity is warranted, or is there another fic that you think deserves it more?

Any of them really! I love that Broken Record has had almost 10,000 reads, but I don’t believe it. As I go back over it, I wonder how on earth it gained popularity in the first place, but I couldn’t be happier that it did!

29: Which of your fics was the hardest to write?

My book. Probably the Christmas one, tbh. I only feel the pull to write it around the holidays and that kinda sucks lol

30: Favorite fic writers?

You better know you’re number one, girlie! For those who don’t know, Eleanor here is one of my closest internet friends and she’s practically family to me at this point!

As for other authors, I love Ulurnaga’s Primary Mechanisms story (Transformers). I know she hasn’t updated it since 2014, but it was so good that she could’ve left it at multiple parts and it would’ve been fine. I think it has abot 118 chapters to it. I have a few favorites from AutobotGuy710 who does a lot of Transformers stories basing around adoption (helps for my references and also a better understanding of what goes on a bit in adoptions/foster care). On Tumblr, I have a few faves, but not a ton. I like imagine-and-marvel and potterlyimagines fics a lot, but that’s about it at the moment as I haven’t sat down to read fics in a little while.

31: Do you write just for fun, or would you ever consider pursuing writing?

A bit of both, actually. I mostly enjoy writing my fics as a bit of an escape from reality. I enjoy being able to place myself in a world that doesn’t exist and sort of play around a bit. However, I do actually write as a job. I was working for my county newspaper for a while and that spiraled into me writing my first book, Feather Picked. I am currently writing one of the sequels to Feather Picked which takes the focus from my original main character, Melody, and moves it to her best friend, Roxy. I am planning on publishing a total of at least 5 books, the first four being the chronological 4 that take place over the course of a full year, each taking one season. The last one will be a look into the future, hopefully.

My first book can be found here!

33: Fanfiction pet peeves?

Goodness gracious. As someone who loves English classes, when people don’t place paragraphs correctly or spell simple words correctly, it reeeeeeally grinds my nerves. I will still sit through a story if it’s a well plotted story, but, come on people, at least do proper paragraphing!!!

Also, when people spell “definitely” as “defiantly”...... uuuuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhh

36: Which charachter(s) would you never write for?

For this one, I don’t really have much to say.

Probably characters from shows like soap operas or shows that never seem to end. If I can’t grasp the character’s backstory or personality after watching it because it never stops changing whenever it benefits the story or what the writers have planned, I refuse to write for them. 

Mary Sue types like Bella Swan who are merely the damsel in distress  and are only there to play out the author’s wish to be put in some type of scenario where everyone fawns over them constantly (can be applied to male characters as well).

37: Which character is your favorite to write for?

Out of already made characters: Butchy, Lela, Cheech, Evie, Ben, Harry Hook, Bucky Barnes, Draco Malfoy, Luna Lovegood.

Out of my OCs: Mick, Malina, Roxy Madden, Candi DiMaggio

Since you said I could pick one if I wanted, I’m going to pick #40.

40: Imagine yourself 10 years in the future; do you think you’ll still be writing fic?

I think I will be, yes. I don’t think my ideas for movies and books will ever stop. Especially knowing what I have planned after Creating A Rift is done. But... that’s a story for another time, lol

[cuddleslutloki]

2018 fics, a year in review

i’m a madman, but even my crazy ass probably won’t finish and post another fic in the last 6 hours of 2018, so here are all the fics i posted on ao3 this year, plus some thoughts on each!

Hemlock Honey and Silver

this was my last ever supernatural fandom fic. literally the end of an era for me since i was in the spn fandom for so damn long and wrote so much fic, about two-thirds of which has been orphaned on the archive at this point because i didn’t like the stories anymore lol. 

i do like that one, though, and i’m actually alright with it being my last ever spn/destiel fic

Fire In Your Veins

this was my first time posting thorki fic! i was so, so nervous about it, but everyone in this fandom is so chill and lovely. i still like this one, and i don’t think i write enough 69ing lmao. also this fic was obvs the start of something bigger bc. i mean. i’ve written so much damn fic now lol since i only started posting in june. i was worried that i wasn’t going to be writing anymore, or that i’d never be posting on ao3 again because it had been literally 2 full years between hemlock honey and silver and the fic that preceded it. then i fell into thorki and i started writing fic and it’s just been such a huge, huge thing. bc i’m also writing original stuff again for the first time in forever.

Underdressed and All Out of Time

a direct sequel to fire in your veins, i really like it. i felt like i was able to characterize loki fairly well in this one bc i was very insecure about the way i wrote loki when i started out

A Thousand Teeth, Yours Among Them

who doesn’t love a fic title from a hozier song? i remember writing this fic and wondering if it was any good and if my characterization was okay and still being nervous and insecure in my writing, but it’s been very well received so i kinda got my inner critic to stfu which is nice lol. i also really enjoyed doing this vignette style story

To Always Face the Sun

what if :) loki was happy :) and thor had his brother back :) lol i really liked writing this and having loki being such a little shit tbh. can we tell that i like a happy ending in fic?

Blue On Gold

so i wrote an arranged marriage fic where they never actually get married and it’s still 15.8k lmfao. also the return of the vignette style, which was fun bc i got to do short, impactful scenes and build the narrative with them. i remember sitting at my desk at work, on my phone, writing this fic, then coming home and editing on a damn tablet bc my laptop bricked earlier this year

the warmth of your doorway

i meant to capitalize the title but at this point i’ve decided to leave it lol. i really loved writing this bc i felt very confident in the way i was building the scenes and the detail i was able to incorporate. i feel like this is where i really kinda go my voice back and i start to come into my own, if that makes sense? one of my fave fics i’ve ever written tbh. there’s a longer ‘verse for this, but after i finished this fic i got too distracted by new projects to try and continue it lol

Tell Me

this was my first trans!loki fic and he’s a trans man, and god i love it. i’ve got another ftm loki story as a WIP in my gdocs bc this story showed me how much i fucking love writing trans characters, and i really enjoyed the dynamic i put into this fic. there’s a sequel planned lol it’s gonna be dirty

Interwoven

i still haven’t managed to ever find the post that inspired this damn fic and if you wonder whether that drives me up the wall the answer is yes (: and fun fact! i intentionally never describe loki’s genitals in this fic, bc i was picturing him as a trans guy since i’d just written tell me and now i have a massive obsession with writing trans romance and erotica

Tie Breaker

in this house we love and appreciate bottom thor!!! also i loved writing the sparring at the beginning. it makes me wanna write more fics w/ brutal fight scenes lol. thor’s slutty drunk cape outfit is iconic and i’m gonna read that comic just for that outfit honestly

Pretense of Subjugation

i became drunkenly obsessed with loki manspreading on the throne of asgard and this was the result. this was the first thorki fic of mine that i’d had beta’d and it was vastly, vastly improved by it. the tips @ktspree13 gave me when she helped with this fic have affected literally every single fic i’ve written since

Double and More

so this is not the first thorki fic i ever posted, of course, however it is the first i ever started writing. i got to the point where loki’s in thor’s lap and then i kinda blanked out and let the fic sit for like... 2 or 3 months? then i opened it back up and i was like “oh i like this i should finish this” which is why i don’t delete anything anymore bc there’s always a chance i’ll come back to it

Ringback Tone

y’all owe @thotki for the wondrous idea they presented in discord that ended up creating this fic. i think i wrote this fic in like 3 days bc of how much fun i was having with it. the dirty talk was my favorite thing to write in this and i remember distinctly having this [:< moment when i was daydreaming about it

Seldom All They Seem

there was an impromptu bottom thor day back on 20 oct and this fic was my contribution. we can never have enough time travel, can we? i remember i think i took like a four day weekend from work and part of my motivation was literally wanting to finish this fic in time to post it lmfao

Fluffy Thorki Sunday Ficlets

i started doing fluffy thorki sunday back when i was on bourbonbucky and i continued it here, and i’m proud that i’ve written at least 1 piece for fluffy thorki sunday every sunday since i started. i love doing fluff and smut, and honestly even when my mood has been shit, i’ve always felt motivated to try and improve it at least enough to write some nice fluff. i put all of these on ao3 once i moved blogs

Let Love Disrupt

this is another fic we owe to discord lmao. i remember posting this when i was either very drunk or very tired and having to keep going onto ao3 on my damn phone browser to correct minor shit, and some not so minor shit like a typo in the title bc at first it said “distrupt” and that’s why i only post when i’m awake and sober now lmfao

Without Fear

i love werewolves (: a whole bunch (: and this fic is something dirty and wonderful that i’m proud of and THERE’S ART bc @nekokat42 is a blessing and takes commissions. kot i love u :3

On the Other Side Like Always

i have a lot of feelings about this fic. there’s an entire future in this ‘verse that i would so love to write, but i’m stuck on where to go with it. as it stands i am satisfied with this as a story of thor and loki coming together, and a story about how loki does something out of desperation but is finally given something genuine and comforting in his life like he’s always deserved. THERE’S ART from the wondrous @boltplumart / @mrhiddles bc allie is perfect :]

Runaway

when i tell y’all i’m a trash gremlin king. i do have a thing for writing underage characters with adults (probs due to messy personal history lmfao ain’t gonna look at that too closely) and so writing this one was a fun little bit of self indulgence. also it’s dirty and really plays into codependency, which i always like writing bc it’s a fun thing to explore in fiction

Sunset Rhapsody

this fic. was supposed to be. two thousand words. at most. then thor smiled at me, as the writer, and was like “i want to own him” and we ended up with 11k of thor’s obsessive bs and loki being brutal. joking aside, i love this fic, i love what i did with it, i have an original story i wanna write for my size kink anthology that will follow a similar thread to this one. also that torture scene. i don’t recall if i ever properly wrote torture before, but this did kinda make me squirm a bit when i was writing it and if you’ve read it you know precisely which scene i’m talking about lmfao

Right to Guard

this fic was honestly very emotionally satisfying for me in a pretty visceral way. writing thor just surrendering to love and spoiling the fuck out of loki was pretty damn cathartic. 

A Bite of Lamb

me making sure i never lose my title as a trash gremlin king. honestly writing thor’s POV in this fic was like >.> at myself a couple times bc it felt distinctly dark in a way i’d never written another character. a very, very unhealthy kind of obsession and this twisted logic where he’s trying to make it all okay. i really fucking love this damn fic tho and i’m happy with how it came out. 

Seamless

i was so, so frustrated and pissed off at work that i needed to let that shit out, so that was channeled into this very guilt-ridden turned tender fic, and i really enjoyed writing it. loved writing thor taking care of his baby sister. also! KOT IS FUCKING AMAZING and drew this bc they’re such a good fucking person ;A; like they sent me a message and just said “really liked this scene” and i was D Y I N G and i still am. thank you again, kot!

The Way A Rose Blooms

this was written for the thorki secret santa exchange! i drew @chickcheney and honestly the list of prompts was so, so good. bottom thor, arranged marriage, semi-public sex and trying not to be caught, body worship. i was like “damn did i draw myself wtf” bc that is all up my alley. 

Sugar Cookie

i honestly could not think of a better fic to finish off 2018 for me than sugar cookie. porn and emotions that’s all this is, but it features loki as a trans woman being loved and appreciated as she is with nothing extra expected of her and it was so satisfying to write. it makes me want to write original romance with trans women, which i’ll definitely do bc i loved writing this hungry and tender story and i’m very happy with how i ended it. 

so that was 2018 for me! 

#baylen fic

[mothraballs]

Sketchbooks From Over The Last Seven Years

I have a box of sketchbooks and random sketches that I’ve been adding to since I was about 12.  Today I went through it all and I decided I’d make a post about it because. idk. why not I guess? So obviously its not every page of every book but like if anyone wants to go through about 7 years of bad sketchbooks and loose sketches and doodles its under the cut. Some nudity

.Going through this sucked a little because like who in the world ever wants to go through their middle school art??? Its hard not to get rid of that stuff because like not only does it suck but it makes me remember middle school and things like anime club and like. ew. But it’s nice to see how much less I suck at this, even if i’m not nearly as talented as I’d like to be. It also makes me sad to think of art i’ve lost, even if it was bad. I don’t have pretty much anything that I did digitally from like age 13-16 because I either deleted it or lost it when a computer broke because i didnt back that up since I didnt think id care but l kinda wish I still had some of that stuff, just like to compare improvement over such a big time period.

 I wanted to find some of my actual finished art to post with this, but I couldn’t find it today, so it’s only sketchbook stuff (but I dont finish a lot of things anyway lol). Maybe I’ll make another post comparing old things I actually finished with new stuff once I can find it because I know it’s around here somewhere anyway heres sketchbooks!!

This is from 7th grade, so I guess I was 12. It’s god fucking awful, complete with drawings of memes (which I will spare u from), slenderman fan art, and a weird message about my middle school bike, which I still have in my garage, being stolen, which it never was. And the brakes do work.

 why

  This one is also from when I was 12, but it’s only about 1/4 of the way full. 

i think i had a mental brakedown here lmao

@douche-mccoosh​ ‘s sexy page

This one was either from 7th-8th grade or just in 8th grade. Idk. Either way I was probably 13 years old. Just a warning: Mlp fan art starts here

1 (ONE) wolf

idk what this is supposed to be honestly

long forgotten OC

This one was also from when I was 13

I had this from age 13-14, I started drawing digitally a LOT more around age 14, so I guess I wasnt rly using my sketchbook as much

this was like straight copied from a piece I saw at an art magnet school I applied to (obviously I didnt get in lmfao) and I really did not understand how dark I needed to make the paper in some spots. And then I never finished it

A pony OC... she was a robot ok

I think I had this one age 14-15. The paper ended up being translucent so I stopped using it early on. Im kinda glad I didn’t fill it up because that actually might be kinda useful to me now

Sweet notes from @lmkno​  

This one wasn’t in the picture on the top bc I found it later. I think I might also be missing like 1 other one too tbh but oh well lol I think I had it when I was 15? really stopped drawing like a lot around this time, I wasn’t doing digital stuff either cuz my computer was broken at the time

This is also about when I stopped throwing away every single thing i drew on a loose piece of paper, so here’s some random sketches from the general timeframe

First sketches of my OCs Vonn, the fish man and Elliot, the girl with pigtails

Some of my art I’ve sorted correlating to the OC’s and the universe they belong in or whatever so here’s some OC’s that sort of came about around that time, some of the pictures are from when I was older though

Ginger

the TV head robot guy was named Seven

the guy with the fuckin,, circle head and weird face is Wolfgang, I still draw him a lot today but ive changed how he looks a  l o t

I had this age 15-16, so like 2014-15. Maybe early 2016? There’s a lot of blank pages and scribbled out things. I 

Wolfgang again

fukkin,,,, gaye ass furry roleplay oc

Sketches on loose paper from the time I think??? I honestly cant tell when all of these are from but they’re gonna go here.

first design of an OC named Eryl

A random D20 character

Eryl

Early drawings of an OC named Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy aka Lucy Ninetimes

Lucy & Wolfgang

And heres more stuff I had sorted by OCs/universe or whatever

main OCs here are Pidgenfinger, with the blue or possibly stylistic black hair, and Chrissy, shes like. A mouse or something

main OCs here are Roland and Ansel, they were like siamese twins and then one of them died at birth and now this guy just has a ghost twin idk it was stupid

Finally we’re at the point that my phone started recognizing faces in my sketchbook. I had this one age 17, i might have started it like right before I turned 17?

Lucy & Wolfgang

Vonn and Elliot on the right side of the page

Pidgenfingersa

Roland & Ansel

Dont Starve fanart on the right

Elliot on the right

Lucy on the bottom left

Vonn & Elliot on this page too

Lucy & Wolfgang, this is dumb but w/e

Von, Elliot, and another OC, Eryl. The lady with horns never got a name

Random Sketches

Lucy

Wolfgang

I got this sketchbook a few months after id turned 18 if i remember correctly 

Lucy, but decapitated

Lucy

Lucy again

Lucy yet again

Lucy!!!!!!!!!!

Wolfgang

(and Lucy)

I got this sketchbok as a gift from my wonderful boyfriend @the-lost-professor​ early january of this year, so technically when I was 18, I’m now 19

Eryl on bottom right

Stuff I did for mermay

some random sketches

My current sketchbok ft. Tsu This one was also a gift from my boyfriend ♥ I got it late June of this year

Wolfgang

Lucy

Wolfgang

Lucy

Wolfgang and Leah, and OC that i made a long ass time go and I dont have the original picture but I redrew her

Wolfgangs and Lucys

Eryl on the left

The last thing I did for mermay, which I technically finished after may ended

Lucy

and the most recent page! With Lucy and Wolfgang on the right

uhhhhhhhhh

im really fucking hungry now and im gonna go eat bye

#art #artists on tumblr #sketch dumb #sketch compilation #sketchbook compilation #sketchbook #sketchbooks #drawings #pencil #colored pencil #marker #doodles #sketch #sketches #sketching #moleskine #OC #OCs #Original Characters #original character #draw #people #bodies #old art #art comparison #uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #yeah

[ditchedxxx]

Director's cut on that kuroyaku fic you posted recently the 5 things one

Okay so that was a commission i got almost within hours of posting that i was open for them, and I had never ever written for them before, but damn was I gonna try.

So I started brainstorming and the list style fic was something I'd always wanted to try? So I pitched it to the client and she liked it, so from there I just kinda started brainstorming the lists.

Yakus was tons of fun to write. I liked the idea of him being soft and cute, so i had the teas and milk thing-- originally, he'd been the one with the lock thing? But i ended up giving that to kuroo bc yaku gets treated enough like a mom, so it was nice making him like. A little looser, here.

The next thing was the kouhai thing right, which was my way of still including the whole mom-ish thing, and like tbh the thing where kuroo starts teasing him and being lowkey sexy was SO UNPLANNED it wasnt even funny. I just realized midway through typing dialogue that, hey, wait, why is kuroo just talking to yaku what happened to the kouhai-- the whole point of this item is the kouhai-- and rather than like. Deleting my hard work (all of 2 paragraphs), i just went and typed in the bit with lev about parents and stuff. It was funny and i could totally see it happening, and from there i was like yeah, kuroo would roll with it. He likes provoking people anyway. So that was fun.

Also i think a lot of why i went in that direction was bc even tho the client actually gave me th freedom to decide whether i wanted it romantic or not, im a sucker for sexual/romantic tension, so i totally. Just like. Ran with these statements that werent like explicitly romantic or whatever, but you could sorta feel a bit of tension-- like when kuroo leans over yaku, right? Theyre pressed together, back to chest. Kuroos head is near yakus ear. Its all very to-the-point. But you do know that something is up, bc yaku notes that its probably uncomfortable, not to mention the fact that yaku actually notes that he can feel the rumble of kuroos laugh or whatever, rather than just saying, oh, hes here, etc-- like that says something. Hes paying closer attention that you probably would if ut was just. A Thing if you know what i mean.

AH the drunk thing is next this was my fave. So i couldnt think of drunk shenanigans on my own, and i ended up brainstorming with a friend over chat. The married joke ended up being brought up again while we were talking and i was like oh yknow, this could be useful. Thats how the joke ended up lasting the whole fic instead of being like. A one time thing. Honestly it was tons of fun thinking about clingy, very loose and free drunk yaku, and kuroo as a gay disaster is my fave kuroo to write, so obviously he made it in here too.

The relied on thing... that was something i put in bc i wanted something a little deeper than the random everyday stuff id put in, and i figured considering hes so often considered like. Team mom, and hes a libero to boot, like noya, he probably likes being the one to give his team faith to play their best, bc he has their backs. Thats kinda it really.

And the last thing was just me liking sappy yaku again lmao. And btw, 36 questions is totally a legit podcast musical, listen to it, it made me cry just about the same part yaku cries at.

////

For kuroo, the first item was the thing with the locks that id meant to give yaku... but. Eh. If youre wondering where it came from, its something i do. I check the locks repeatedly bc my dad gets mad when i forget, bc obvs, safety concerns. But actually, kuroos list was a little different at first. (Ignore yakus, i cant figure out how to delete the picture from here goddammit mobile)

Now obviously most of the items stayed the same, especially for yaku's, but kuroo's item 2 fucked me over bc i dont. Actually remember enough of my chemisty to produce a full-blown fanboy ramble. Sorry kuroo.

So what ended up being there was the thing with the whole "looks mean, is a dork" item. It was actually the very last thing i wrote, bc it took me a while to come up with it as a replacement.

Item three was cute and i liked the idea of it, but it took me a bit to decide on how to show it! In the end i figured it would be nice to see yaku being appreciated and how close theyve grown, so thats what i went with. I was really happy with it.

The fourth one was planned almost from the start. Once i came up with the idea for it, i knew id probably show it through kuroo getting over a break up. I didnt intend to actually include the break up. Just sorta mention it, but... it felt too short without it.

I was actually iffy about yakus sorta confession here. I had a friend who, apparently, got confessed to while she was crying in a guys lap? And thats? Dont take advantage of other peoples weak moments to get yourself in their good graces, kids. But i felt like yaku would have wanted to be honest. Thats why i didnt have kuroo discuss it with him right away, and why i let yaku pretend it didnt happen. Bc thats not the time. Yaku would want to prove it over time, and kuroo would want to be over his gf first. Its healthier that way.

The leader thing is something i feel is a given for most people, but in my head kuroo isnt the type who like. He doesnt aim to be leader. He just is, sometimes, as necessity dictates. Hes not ambitious in that sense that he runs for class president or whatever. And i felt like it was interesting to kind of play with that idea here.

Anyway!!! Thats it lmao thanks for indulging me and listening to me ramble about my work.

[elizabethschoices]

The Freshman, Book 4, Chapter Four: My Thoughts

So like, why bring luggage in the place if you were just gonna leave the next day? Seriously, save the arm work and just grab a few clothes to wear to bed and then to get dressed in the next morning. I’m either efficient or lazy.

So we’re going to go to a club, and apparently we gotta get there early because it fills up fast. Chris says we just had lunch, but then James explains that it’s in Manhattan, which is two hours away, more with traffic. Which means we gotta go now.

Someone texted James, and he got all frowny-faced. Who is it? Is it Yasmin? Some other chick? MOFO WE JUST BROKE UP LIKE?!?!

It’s his friend Teddy (Let’s have a game on the Teddy Picker) and apparently ol’ boy is trying to make it big in comedy. He invited James to open mic night. Apparently James has to rain check for poor timing. And I’m sitting here like bruh, fuck the club let’s go have a laugh.

I’m up for some comedy. Aww, Chris mentioned Tyler. I miss him! He’s always been a sweetie and a good friend. I wonder how he and Abbie are? Hopefully the exact opposite of Zack and Brandon.

Yay, we’re gonna go see a show! I’d much rather go to stand-up than some stupid club that’ll be jam-packed with too many people.

🎶ON THE ROAD AGAIN!🎶

By the time we get to Soho, it’s late afternoon and walking through the streets. Judging by how Zig and Zack (lmao alliteration buddies) are talking about how casually everyone is dressed, I sense a premium clothing option coming up. Yaaay.

😒🤑😟

So we get to the club and apparently it’s some kind of secret shit because James knocked and then a god damn eye slit opens up. They want a password.

Hello, The Freshman, allow me to introduce you to some bullshit trope we used in Rules of Engagement.

The password is given and literally WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE POINT?!?! WE WEREN’T EVEN GIVEN THE DAMN PASSWORD.

Whatever. Now we’re in the club and Teddy is on stage now. He was kinda hot until I lifted my iPad up a bit and actually looked at him.

Also, I don’t care what your joke is. If it ends with the punchline being ‘floundered’ then your joke isn’t fucking funny. Oh god is this guy gonna flop? Are we gonna have to act like we think he’s hilarious?

Apparently Teddy is actually pretty funny. I’ll believe it when I see it.

This game stresses me out sometimes. So we ditched a club for a comedy show and missed his show? Or did he finish it out and we got to see the rest? I’m lost and a detail-oriented person, Pixelberry.

Yeah, I’m not a fan of yours, Theodore.

So if we’re good friends of James, what is Teddy? Absolutely none of these options, that’s what. Whatever, I’m single so I’ll flirt. He’s *shudders* easy on the eyes.

Yeah, no, I take it back. He’s not hot and he’s damn sure not funny. His jokes are old and stale, and I can’t actually hear his delivery so it’s technically not applicable, but in my head that sucks too. He’s a god damned Amy Schumer.

I like him more when he’s not trying to be funny. We shake hands and then he squeezes into the booth. Together we all watch other stand-up artists perform, and then the emcee asks if anyone else wants to perform.

MC volunteers Zack (heh puns sort of whatever Tyler would appreciate it) who says he’s not that funny. I think he’s pretty humorous. Zig is probably funnier though, tbh. But Vasquez gets top marks.

(“Top marks for not tryin’!”)

Chris is such a Mary Sue, omg. Knock everyone’s socks off? Who says that? Ngl, probably me at some point.

God dammit MC I can’t be funny on command. I’m just a salty bitch. Oh fuck I brought the joke book no. This dumbass thinks a fucking joke book will woo the crowd who came for funny shit, not stupid, unoriginal stuff THAT SOMEBODY ELSE CAME UP WITH AND EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS. I hate my MC.

Ohh, roasting. My area.

I. Love. Zig.

The group is okay with it so we head onto the stage. Thank fuck she’s not gonna read out jokes from the book. I’d have deleted the app, s2g.

Yet implies we’ll be roasting ourselves. Well that’s no fun, having self-awareness. Breaks up her narrative without actually developing the character!

They say intelligent people have a hard time finding love. They say the same thing about assholes.

We’re gonna roast Zig because I’m sure there won’t be any ties to my failed relationship with James because that’d just be too hard.

Someone should pull MC off the stage because this is not funny at all. Ever noticed that when you try to do humor, you aren’t funny? But when you’re not, you can be hilarious?

Jfc so what you’re the Deborah of the group also what happens if you’ve named your MC Deborah? #NotAllDeborahs

I wear low-riding jeans, thank you very much.

Not funny, 0/10, thumbs down, DO. NOT. RECOMMEND.

Zack decides he’ll get on stage and I hope he’s actually funny. I don’t have high hopes. It’ll probably turn into a meltdown about Brandon and the single life.

FUCKING HELL THIS IS A CURSE NOT A GIFT

Sad music and talk about being single already. Fucking A, man. Hopefully it perks up.

No audience would say 'tell me about it’ about this shit, you cannot fucking play me Pixelberry.

I gotta lay off Louis C.K.

Zack has probably from the minute we met him been all about Brandon. What does he actually like? Idfk. Outside of Brandon, who is he? His entire story arc seems to revolve around crushing on Brandon, being in a relationship with him, struggling with long-distance with him, and then finally missing him post-breakup. I’m ready for a change, Zack.

Also, I came for comedy, not for Slam Poetry.

OH MY GOD THIS JUST TURNED INTO ONE OF THOSE OBVS FAKE TUMBLR POSTS WHERE EVERYONE CLAPS AT THE END

I hate this book.

Can it end? Please?

Do I want to go to Club Fuse? No, I want the chapter to end.

Is Teddy seriously trying to give us tips? Or wanting to collaborate? Or an experienced guy wanting to get some tips from two people who don’t know the field? Idk anymore, man. This has turned into some Full House type shit.

MC spots a red pantsuit and lmao Hillary Clinton, 2k16. Kaitlyn is calling us now. Honestly, despite previously not liking her all that much because of Book 3, I’ve cooled off a bit. She’s pretty cool for the most part. And I think this book would be ten times better with her in it full-time. We’ll see what happens when we get to her.

Again, wtf was the point? We got her approval on the outfit that I’m not going to buy, big fucking whoop. No new information was presented. No drama bombs. Absolutely nothing to forward the story in any way. This is all just filler content. This is just a bullshit story for money and not for the sake of telling a god damned story. I’m legit considering not reading this book any longer. But I need diamonds, so I’ll do it anyway. Doesn’t mean I’ll waste my time reviewing it.

We’re sticking to our old clothes.

I’m ready for this chapter to be over. I’m not even trying anymore. Ugh.

We get to the club and flirt with Teddy a bit, he bullshits with Zack. Asks for roasting tips. Hm. I am pretty fucking good at it.

He leaves. Another pointless conversation. MC says he’s into Zack? Good god shoot me. Teddy was screaming 'fuck me MC’ but nooo, we’re gonna turn it on Zack because why the fuck not, not like my MC is single, right?

I hate, hate, hate this book.

It’s great 'cause he’s fucking friendly, idk.

Also, MC, fuck off. He’s heartbroken still about Brandon so stop pushing him to someone else. He needs to fucking heal and he can’t do that by just “moving on” all of a sudden.

Zack says Teddy is into us. Fucking obviously. And of course this moron is gonna say he’s into both. I truly hate my MC. The boys come back with drinks. Fucking give me twenty, I wanna die.

And now we get the 'Zig is bi’ drop which would be fine if we weren’t talking about Teddy who is not fucking hot.

MC wants to go dance. Fall down and get trampled then, bitch. Ugh. I am so salty right now. Sorrynotsorry.

I am not wasting diamonds on Teddy. Let someone else grab him, idgaf. And great, throw Zig at some one-off character instead of me, someone who is single and also the main character.

Zack starts panicking because there are too many people and didn’t he happily go mosh last book? Whatever. I’m happy we’re out because the club wasn’t our scene.

We eat hot dogs for dinner and chill out. We start singing. Someone throw us a dollar or something. Or shoot us. I’m open to all kinds of things.

End chapter. I’ll consider reviewing the next one tomorrow, since I’m a week behind it but also very much hate this book right now.

#the freshman #the freshman book 4 #choices #playchoices #choices stories we play #choices stories you play #i'm salty #there are a lot of f bombs in this post #i regret none of them #i'm really upset right now #i hate this book

[herkingdomcome]

all the odd numbers :|

honest meme // accepting only the even numbers apparently

What would prevent you from following someone?

Well immediately if they have no rules then I won’t follow unless they’re someone I know or follow on another blog. For oc’s no bio. And if both of those things are there then I really look at the mun’s vibe in the rules. If they post call outs a lot and things like that then I’m not here for it. If I read some of their writing and it feels like we won’t mesh then I won’t follow. 

What current rp trend do you hate?

Uuuuuh I dunno, I’m not a fan of like the super tiny stuff or when the links mesh into the blog to the point where I have to go full Nancy Drew to find them. Or like the super aesthetic writing because sometimes that can be really hard for me to read. But yeah tbh I don’t care much about trends as long as shit is readable and accessible like do whatever makes you happy lol.

Do you prefer interacting with male muses or female more? Why?

I genuinely don’t have a preference. I think all muses can bring something unique and fun to the table regardless of how they identify :3

What’s your opinion on call out posts?

They suck ass. While I do think some can be necessary like warning people about someone who is predatory and genuinely harmful, I think there was a minute there where it just became a way to bitch about people you didn’t get along with. I had one done about me, though it was more of a long vague, but it was like four paragraphs saying I was ungrateful literally because I politely let them know that I wasn’t sure how to reply to their starter but I’d still be happy to write with them. Which was just such a shitty feeling. So really I think a lot of them are just unnecessary. But I am okay with the ones that come with genuine warnings because we all know tumblr won’t do fuck all about reported people lmao.

What is your opinion on exclusivity? Do you practice it? Why / why not?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. Some of my muses just connect so deeply to another one that writing with a duplicate would just feel wrong. It does kind of suck in smaller fandoms. Like I had a muse I wanted to write and legit most of the blogs I found in that fandom were exclusive with the same one of that muse and it was really unwelcoming. But at the same time I can’t fault anyone for doing what they want to make their experience the most fun it can be!

What do you know now about rp that you wish you knew when you first started?

This is a weirdly hard question… I guess…I dunno I can’t remember specifically but I was told by an ex friend all of these etiquette things that really were just kinda bullshit. So it made my initial experience kinda stressful. Sooo yeah I’d just wanna know that it’s not so uptight and rigid lmao.

Have you ever thought about leaving rp? What caused it? What changed your mind?

I actually did leave for a while. Someone decided to be really horrible to me because I wasn’t smiley and friendly to them after they’d mugged me off. That whole experience was so painful and stressful that I couldn’t open tumblr without feeling like I couldn’t breathe. So I left. It wasn’t fun and I no longer felt safe. And it was the best decision I could have made because when I did come back it was on my terms, there was no pressure, and I felt a lot better. I did end up having to leave again though because of real world stuff and I did’t know if I’d be able to come back which sucked. But I was able to and honestly I’m happier than ever and feeling so much better about being here :3 ( mostly thanks to @manichaeisms who’s the fucking best even tho she sent me all of these which is rude af )

How has rp changed you personally?

I don’t know. I mean I think it’s given me a good outlet and space to explore which has made me a happier person. Especially when my mom passed away, the whole world felt broken, but I had a place to turn which was really important. And now it’s still a really good outlet because my life is so weird and I don’t get out much but I have such a lovely place to turn and it’s given me the chance to meet quite a few wonderful people. So yeah, happier, it’s made me happier lol. 

Have you ever sent a message to yourself on anon? Why?

Nah, I can’t even really imagine doing something like that. Plus I think if I did do it I’d then just be so panicked that someone would find out it would just be a stressful ordeal. And like…so embarrassing?? I dunno, seems like a silly thing to do lmao.

Do you delete anon hate or post and address it? Why?

Well thus far I’ve actually been quite lucky not to receive very much. I can’t remember what the first time I got some was, but I’ll never forget someone being a dick to me because I said Lev Grossman isn’t great at writing people. Even though I did say he was great at world building. So I did reply to that mostly because it was like just so ridiculous. And then they forgot to hit anon on their last message and outed themselves which frankly was funny karma. So I guess if it’s something that’s not like just cruel hate I’d probably post and address it. As for cruel hate I’d like to think I would delete it but I guess I won’t really know until faced with it.

Have you ever followed someone because you felt like you had to, not because you wanted to?

Kind of? I mean if it’s a small fandom and I’m writing a main character from it then I’m more likely to follow. But I’m not like that anymore. If I followed you or followed you back it’s because I have a genuine interest in writing with you.

Have you ever stolen something from someone else?

Absolutely not. I’ve had little things taken and that felt like shit I can’t imagine doing that to someone. It’s a shitty practice and I just don’t understand people who do it tbh.

Are you open to duplicates? Why / why not?

I absolutely am! I completely understand why people feel insecure with them, and even I do sometimes as well. But I think it’s so rad how so many people can write the same muse and still bring something different to the table. And I’m 110% here for twin au’s and shit like that because it’s just fun to bond with someone over their good taste.

Do you follow people even if they don’t follow you back?

For a bit. But like I take not following back as a sign that they don’t wanna write with me which it totally fine. I’ll unfollow though because I’m not writing with them which like I would assume people would do the same with me as well so it’s not a big deal at the end of the day.

What is your opinion on “reblog karma” and do you practice it?

I have pretty mixed feelings about it. Personally I believe that if you can send in a meme then you should if you’re gonna reblog it. Otherwise just reblog it from the source. But also it’s not like I’ll unfollow or freak out if someone doesn’t send it in. Though I do follow that, if I can send it in then I will. 

Is there something you don’t know the meaning of but you haven’t asked anyone because you think it’s supposed to be general knowledge? Was there ever something you had to ask someone to explain?

I’m sure there has been but I can’t think of it rn. Most rp terms my friend kind of just laid out for me in the beginning so I wasn’t too lost. And google usually has my back as well. But since nothing has happened super recently I don’t have a proper example lol.

How do you feel about personal blogs following your rp blog?

I don’t love it. But I’ll usually just soft block and move on. It’s nothing against personals, they just don’t know the etiquette usually, and also don’t necessarily think to look at rules or anything like that because most personals don’t have rules the way rp blogs do.

Do you read other people’s threads or do you only read your own?

Sometimes I read other people’s but not all the time cause keeping track of my own threads is hard enough with trying to keep track of other’s to see what’s going on lmao.

How do you feel about tagging triggers? Do you tag them? How do you determine what is triggering content and what isn’t?

I think it’s great. I do my best to tag them but I also don’t think I post too much that’s triggering. The only things I won’t tag are ones that are common to my muse. Like alcohol and drugs wouldn’t get tagged because it’s something that a muse partakes in. But again, I’m not reblogging stuff like that very often. And if someone asked me to tag something specific that doesn’t appear often and I missed then I will happily do my best to do so and remember in the future that someone needs it tagged.

#krumovik #*:･ﾟ✧ ❝ you think i don’t already know which type of donut i would be ?? ❞ ( ooc )

[whambamthankyoubram]

on marriage and weddings

sooo i’m gonna delete this later but i felt the need to get this out to strangers on the internet who don’t know me irl because honestly it is so easy to talk to people who don’t have preconceived ideas about me and my life and my relationship. plus, boothang follows my personal blog and i don’t want to freak him out by posting there. sooo here it goes.

we attended an absolutely beautiful wedding this weekend, it was a ways away from home so we had to stay at a hotel two nights. the ceremony was beautiful, it honestly made me cry because i’ve known the bride since i was four or five years old, and it felt so moving to see two people devote their lives to making the other happy. and selfishly i wondered if i would ever find anyone who really felt that way towards me, or if i already have, our relationship is still young by marriage standards and i don’t know if i’m ready for it. scratch that, i know i’m not. there’s still a lot i have to accomplish -- personally and professionally -- before i can even think about saying “i do.” i wondered what, if i ended up with him, his vows would sound like. he is not really good with words, when it comes to expressing his love, it’s more in actions and kisses and things like that. i love pouring out my soul in words though (obviously, i mean, i’m writing all this, aren’t i?) and as i was listening to theirs, i started thinking about what mine might sound like. i thought about him seeing me for the first time in my gown and how i would definitely fucking cry like a bitch because i was tearing up at the wedding i was attending, so surely i would cry at my own.

i’ve spent an hour looking at pinterest boards. i found some affordable engagement rings that are way under the tiffany price point (because those rings are so idealized, tbh). please don’t think i’m crazy. (my therapist would tsk tsk me for saying that, she would say, you don’t sound crazy, you sound like a woman who wants to gets married. you sound like a woman who is wondering about the future. i know my therapist so fucking well, it’s honestly gross. and she’d probably ask me why i chose the word ‘gross’ to describe that, too). 

i know i’m rushing my moment, i know i am not getting married anytime this year or next or maybe even the year after that one, but i do want to get married. i think it’s really beautiful to say, thank you for being my person, you are my rock, and i love you, and i want you to be as safe and happy as you make me feel. there’s something to be said about people who not only utter the words but live by them.

but then i wonder if all the disagreements that come up between us, if that means we’re not right for each other. we communicate them out most of the time. if we’re not, it’s because i’m too nervous to speak up or i decide i’m harping over nothing and it’s easier to just let it go. last night before the afterparty we got into an argument, i was being paranoid and i don’t like myself when i’m paranoid honestly, he got a little explosive and mad at me but he came back and apologized. we danced and had a conversation after the party about something else that made me frustrated. he listened to openly and i was surprised he didn’t get defensive or angry again.

is that ok? does that mean i need to break up with him? i feel like i second guess things because i’m so used to people leaving, i’m so used to people prioritizing other things before me, and when i feel like the going gets tough...well, the s gets going.

here i am going between marriage and breakups. because realistically this is going to end in one or the other, right? we’re either going to stay happy together and tie the knot or something will happen and we won’t. the thing is, i’m living in a point of my life full of unknowns despite the fact that i know i want to get married, and i can potentially see myself marrying this person, but...i don’t know if it will happen, or if my feelings will change. more unknowns.

sigh.

#stfu s #this got long real fast #sorry y'all

[rfa-squad-blog]

Hi! Uhm hc on how would RFA+V+Saeran would do and feel of MC sometimes feels hurt whenever her ex talks to her. She says she had already moved on but she still feel pain sometimes. Thanks!

I’m not sure if we did these right but I hope you like them. Sorry for any spelling mistakes i’m sick AF right now. Also these ex boyfriends say some mean shit so be careful! Love you guys - Mod MC

Zen:

Your ex was such a huge flirt and because of this nature he was basically a playboy

Because of his fickle nature he ended up cheating on you and when you found out it broke your heart and you broke up with him.

It had taken months before you got over him but you were with Zen now for more than two years and you honestly thought he was the one.

You were shopping for the holidays when you ran into your ex and even though you had a messy breakup he was still flirting with you hardcore.

When you basically rejected all of his advances he started to get angry.

“So I heard you were with that popular musical actor Zae or whatever, how’s that going for you?”

“His name is Zen and I don’t have to tell you anything about my life anymore so mind your own business.” You snapped at him tired of being around him.

“Woah, easy there. I was just asking because I know you left me because I had an affair, you know since he’s so popular he’ll probably end up cheating on you too. After all you are very naive. Oh man it was so easy to lie to you.” He started to laugh in that fake laugh of his that you always hated

“Zen would never do anything like that to hurt me. He loves me and will always be a better man than you will ever be.” You spat out.

“I’m just saying that you aren’t anything special and he is a pretty famous guy, why would he even stick around with you? I’m telling you now so you won’t be shocked in the future but he will cheat on you.” You couldn’t stand being around this jerk for a second longer and quickly turned around and walked away.

Even though you were over this jerk it still hurt when you thought about how he cheated on you, and his words today hurt more. You walked back to Zen’s place in a daze.

You knew you weren’t anything great compared to Zen and he could do honestly better.

Your ex’s words started to replay in your head and before you knew it you were curled up on zen’s couch crying your heart out.

One of your biggest insecurities was that you weren’t good enough for Zen, and even though you knew Zen would never stoop as low as to cheat on you it still hurt to hear someone else point out your flaws.

Zen would be home soon and you tried your best to look like you weren’t just crying your heart out, you really did not want to talk about what happened today, especially since your ex’s were always a touchy topic to Zen.

“MC, were you crying your eyes are all puffy? Are you okay? What happened?” Zen said as soon as he saw your face. Well so much for acting as if nothing happened.

Upon hearing Zen’s voice you started to tear up again and in three short strides Zen was right in front of you hugging you tightly and petting your hair.

“Z-zen, you aren’t going to cheat on me are you?” You sobbed out, you knew you were being ridiculous but you couldn’t help it.

“What, MC what are you talking about I would never cheat on you. I thought you knew that.” Zen asked, shock clearly on his face but he continued to hug you tightly.

“I know! I know you wouldn’t cheat on me but ever since I ran into that jerk and he said that since I am basically nothing compared to you I can’t stop thinking about it. I know its stupid. But you are just so amazing, and I-I’m not.” You said in a small voice, saying outloud hurt worse than hearing your ex say it.

At your words Zen grew stiff and he gently pushed you away from you but still held onto your shoulders. He looked furious though.

“Who was this bastard that ever made you doubt yourself. Who is this asshole, tell me right now so I can go kick his ass.” Zen growled out.

You quickly told him about your encounter with your ex and the horrible things he said to you, by the end of your story Zen looked livid.

“Who the hell does he think he is talking to you like that. First of all he was the dumbass who cheated on you and now he tells you are not good enough for me? I am gonna kill this guy. Listen here MC you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You help me grow as a person and you are so kind and beautiful and if there is anyone in this relationship that isn’t worthy is me.”

You looked up at him in shock when he said those words.

“MC I love you so much, you mean the world to me and honestly I would be so lost without you here with me. Please, you mean so much to me don’t listen to that jerk you are so perfect and amazing.” Zen said pulling you closer to him again.

“Zen I love you so much too. I’m sorry.” You said and then he gave you the sweetest kiss ever. You were silly to ever think that Zen would be anything like that toxic jerk.

4 months later you were happily engaged and the next time you ran into your ex you showed him your engagement ring and then showed him the finger before he got another word in.

-Mod DK

Yoosung:

You were chilling with Yoosung and playing video games

It was just supposed to be a quick study break

While the two of you were playing you got a text

It was from your ex boyfriend

“Hey kiddo, I see you’re still playing games. You always did act like a child”

Attached was a picture of you playing video games.

Yoosung took it and you posted it on instagram

Your ex liked to keep tabs on you

And boy did he try to worm his way back into your life at any chance

But you were over it, he never took you seriously

He just treated you like a kid

And so you ended it

That’s part of why you identified with Yoosung

Because he wanted to be taken seriously too.

And so the two of you were a perfect match

You respected and understood each other

So instead of responding to your ex

You took a silly selfie of yoosung and yourself and posted it on instagram for your ex to see.

Seven:

You were waiting for seven to finish work and laying in bed

Your phone vibrated with a notification

Miss me?

Your heart clenched

You knew exactly who it was

Your ex boyfriend who was emotionally abusive

You had finally broken it off a few years ago and hadn’t looked back since

He still tried to contact you from time to time but he had no idea where you lived so he couldn’t get to you

All he could do was text

You always blocked the number

Seven knew about the ex boyfriend but he didn’t know that he still tried to contact you.

He found out that night when he came into the bedroom to see you crying.

You handed him your phone and he saw all of the nasty messages your ex sent you.

“None of what he said is true MC. You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever met in my life and I plan to spend the rest of my life making sure you know how amazing you are.”

He held you close to him as you fell asleep, reassuring you that you wouldn’t hear from your ex again.

Let’s just say your ex woke up the next morning to a completely useless phone, computer, and toaster.

Oh and an empty bank account

Seven still isn’t sure how he hacked into the toaster tbh

Jumin:

You had only dated once before Jumin.

This guy was an asshole.

All he ever wanted to do was smoke weed and hang out with his friends.

He never made you feel special.

You hadn’t been in the relationship just for the dates but a few outtings would have been nice.

When you finally ended things you had decided to look for a more mature man the next time you decided to enter a relationship.

Enter Jumin. He may only just be sorting out his emotions but dude is hella mature other than when he picks on the RFA members.

He’s got a stable (well paying) job and his own apartment.

You were in love with him for far deeper reasons than that but the fact that he was a real adult only helped things.

You had completely moved on from your ex, or so you thought.

He texted you one night while Jumin was away on a business trip.

Guess you got what you wanted.

You aren’t sure why that text sent a shock to your stomach.

You texted back, slightly confused about his cryptic message.

What do you mean?

His response was instant. I saw a magazine with a picture of you and that rich CEO guy. You’re such a gold digger.

You clenched your hand around your phone in anger and hurt.

Leave me alone. I love that man and not for his money. You’re just jealous. I guess you never grew up.

He texted back something else that was nasty but you chose to ignore it and deleted all of the messages. Tears welled up in your eyes at the nasty names he called you and you fell asleep like that.

The next morning you awoke to the sounds of Jumin moving around in the kitchen.

You ran to him, excited that he was finally home and grasped him tightly.

He wrapped his arms around you and chuckled, placing a kiss on your messy hair.

When you looked up at him he frowned.

“MC, have you been crying?”

You used your phone as a makeshift mirror and sure enough there was mascara dried in tear streaks under your eyes.

“It’s nothing don’t worry about it.”

“MC I will always worry about it. Anything that hurts you hurts me as well.”

“My ex called me a gold digger.” you mumbled with your head down.

“MC, what was that?” He tilted your head up so that you had to look him in the eyes.

You repeated yourself. Jumin was furious.

“How dare he. Love you’re nothing of the sort, you’ve more than proven that.”

He gave you a tight hug and reassured you that the love the two of you shared was nothing superficial. And then after a smouldering kiss he excused himself to speak to seven.

When he came back the two of you cuddled to make up for the time he spent on a business trip.

You aren’t sure exactly what strings he pulled but you never heard from your ex again.

V:

You had told one of your friends from before you joined the RFA about your fiance.

She was curious about him so you explained that he had very poor vision and that is was because of his ex fiance.

You also told her about his career as a photographer.

A few days later you received a text from your ex. He was always rude to you and it didn’t seem as if that had changed in the three years the two of you had been broken up for.

Heard you’re marrying a blind photographer. Good luck with that one.

You didn’t bother to text back. He always said hurtful things.

Your phone pinged a second time, you really downgraded, not like you could’ve done better than me anyways.

That stung. V was your everything.

You let your feelings get the better of you and messaged back.

Why don’t you go mind your own business.

You assumed that would end the conversation but you know what they say about assuming.

Your inbox once again had a notification.

You always were a loser. Thank God we broke up.

You had never been more thankful that you broke up with him when you received that text but the loser comment was a blow to your self esteem.

You let out a high pitched noise drew V’s attention from his office.

He came out to see you curled up on the couch, moping.

He could see alright when he wore glasses and right now he saw you frowning.

He sat down and put your head in his lap, stroking your hair.

“Honey, whats wrong?”

You shoved your phone into his hand and he read the messages.

“You don’t think i’m a loser do you?”

“Of course not love. I think you’re wonderful, you’re the love of my life. If anyone is a loser it’s him. He lost out on the most amazing girl in the world.”

You sat up and moved into V’s lap kissing him on the mouth tenderly.

“Thanks babe, I don’t think you’re a downgrade either. You’re the most important person in my life.”

The two of you spent the rest of the afternoon cuddling.

Saeran:  

Saeran was at the grocery store getting ingredients for dinner.

The two of you were planning to try a new recipe.

You were messing around on your phone when a message from an unknown number popped up.

Thinking it was Saeran trying to mess with you, you texted back.

“Saeran, honey when will you be home I miss you!”

Your phone buzzed with a notification.

“Who the fuck is Saeran, you slut. You always did move on quickly.”

Your blood ran cold and you cautiously texted back.

“Who is this?”

You got an immediate response, “Your ex boyfriend, we broke up a year ago, have you whored around so much that your forgot.”

This man was the worst person you had ever met and the reason that you hadn’t dated for nearly a year before you met Saeran.

Tears ran down your face, they blurred your vision to the point that you couldn’t text back even if you had wanted to. Which you didn’t.

You heard the front door shut and tried to escape to your bedroom so Saeran wouldn’t see you crying.

He came into your bedroom immediately after setting down the groceries and he caught you wiping away your tears.

He pulled you into a loose embrace and pressed your face to his chest saying nothing until your tears slowed.

“What happened?”

His tone left no room for negotiation and you handed him your phone.

By the time he was done reading the short conversation he was fuming.

“I’m going to ruin him. How dare he speak to you that way. You are mine. He has no right to call you a slut. I love you MC. Don’t believe what he said to you it’s bullshit.”

You said nothing and decided to put all of you love into the kisses that you peppered Saeran’s face with.

He picked you up and carried you to the bed where the two of you cuddled and talked until you needed to get up and start cooking.

Later that evening you checked your phone and noticed a picture had been sent to your ex.

It was a picture of you and Saeran, he was kissing your cheek and flipping the camera off.

You giggled and kissed Saeran once again. 

-Mod MC

#tw emotional abuse #ex boyfriend #mysme #mysme headcanon #mysme imagines #mysme fandom #mysme 707 #mysme zen #mysme jumin #mysme yoosung #mysme v #mysme scenarios #mysme saeyoung #mysme saeran #mysme seven #mysme luciel #mystic messenger #mystic messenger imagines #mystic messenger requests #mystic messenger reactions #mysme mc #mm yoosung #mm zen #mm jumin #mm luciel #mm v #mm saeyoung #mm saeran #mysme yoosung

[sorreltail]

ill delete this soon

bad cop hogwarts au

@pouncival

points to cover: houses, prefect stuff, meetings, classes, Naughty Stuff, other cats, pets, life after hogwarts, quidditch >:((, HYDRATION, teachers, uhhhhh and anything else i can think of

HOUSES: rumples a gryffindor. the sorting hat took about three seconds. alonzos a hufflepuff even tho his family have always been ravenclaws and he desperately wanted to be a gryffindor, he cried after the sorting ceremony also: jenny is huffpuff head, skimble is p much hagrid, jelly is raven, gus is gryffdor and grizabella is slytherin,,, headmaster deuteronomy lmao

PREFECT STUFF: alonzos a prefect. Obviously, i mean come on. he takes it so seriously,,, hes already dating rumple when he becomes one and she delights in the fact that he can sometimes b persuaded to let her go with a warning bc yo thats what u get for fucking a prefect,,, once she wanted to get in ravenclaw tower and she didnt know the answer to the riddle so she was like "LONZYYY I HAVE A RIDDLE THAT I NEED TO FIND THE ANSWER TO FOR HOMEWORRKKKKK" and hes a library fiend so he spent like an hour looking it up and then he told her and she was like "ok thanks im going off 2 ravenclaw tower now" and he was so distraught he took ten points from hufflepuff for helping her. the other prefects Donut Understand their relationship ghdkhgd bc mungo and rumple r worse than fred and george but eventually it gets to the point where they catch her doin some rulebreaking and shes like... do u seriously feel like dealing with me so they just go get alonzo. she gets drunk on firewhisky one time and he takes her back up to gryffindor tower and spends ten minutes trying to get the fat lady to let her in but the fat lady is annoyed and refusing and it goes like "rumple tell her the password" "nooOooOoOooOo" "do you know the password" ">:3c" "rumple teLL HER THE PASSWORD" for another half hour and eventually gives up and decides to wait for the next gryffindors to come along and let her in but the next one to come along is mungo and then its twice as bad when alonzo becomes head boy (munk is the year above them) he cries, and rumple opens her letter like I GOT HEAD GIRL??!!!!????? and hes like. What. and shes like hehehehehe just kidding who the fuck do u think i am,, also. prefects bathroom. he ends up letting her find out the password and then shes constantly in there and then Somehow (i wonder how) mungo finds out and then they have to change it before the whole school knows,,, oh my god the other prefects tease him so much and at first hes like eh..heh...yeah but after a while hes like fuck off please, stop shittalking my girlfriend to me, and he gets a wee bit defensive about it so they give up especially in their final year when hes head boyyyy

QUIDDITCH: OKAY so alonzo wanted to play quidditch as a seeker bc ofc he did right?? i mean theres so many rules. such nice uniforms. but he never made the tryouts bc he wasnt willing to take the risks needed to get the golden thingy (also, vitiligo, hes got autoimmune shit and he has 2 b careful w his health),,, rumple however. rumples grown up loving the harpies and desperately wanting to be a beater. then she meets mungo and the two of them are fucking terrifying beaters, they are So Good, its honestly the only reason why gryffindor hasnt lost the house cup every fucking year, them helping win p much every game kind of balances out all the points they lose for being shits lmao,,, we had a thought that she gets hurt sometime in a game, and alonzo is. so terribly smothering he brings in all his books to study by her bed in the hospital wing and takes notes for her and is way too cautious after that and begs her to stop playing and she just. Looks at him. :| anyway she does eventually become quidditch captain nyehehe and so shes captain, hes head boy, they are a glorious power couple,,, the nerds love alonzo, the delinquents and sportheads love rumple, together they are So Respected,, it also means she gets actual access to the prefects bathroom which changes very little except for how sneaky she has to be to get in

MEETINGS: okay so in true hogwarts au fashion they first meet on the train as first years,,, rumple: hi can i sit here (she says as shes sat down) are u muggleborn im a halfblood alonzo: im from an old wzarding family my name is draco malfuck you rumple: wow u sound like an asshole. what house r u gonna be in. im gryffindor alonzo: me too rumple: u dont seem like one alonzo: you do :// rude fuck. this is my owl her name is aegolius im pretentious rumple: cool name. this is my cat her name is gwynog GO HARPIES alonzo: ive never had physical contact with a living thing in my life can i pet her rumple: sure alonzo: soft anyway after they get sorted they never talk again. End Of Au. jks but forreal they dont talk for years until they get their electives and theyre partnered in care of magical creatures and finally talk again and it goes like rumple: hey youre that kid who cried at the sorting ceremony alonzo: rumple: sup somehow the whole Falling In Love part is the one bit we havent really talked about but it happens and its cute

id also like to add that alonzos parents are an old italian wizarding family but they pride themselves on being chic, modern wizards who incorporate certain muggle things, mostly fashion, his mums a fashion designer, so all his clothes are beautiful and tailored and more Modern than most,, ANYWAY they also Want The Best for him and when he tells them who hes dating (A HALFBLOOD RAISED AMONG MUGGLES??? A GIRL BEATER???? LOOK AT HER SCHOOL RECORDS DARLING SHES A DELINQUENT!!!!!!) and they refuse to let him stay at her house or let her come over,,, until he writes home one day like. shes captain of the quidditch team what more do u want shes going to do it professionally) and theyre Sporty Folks who are So Fucking Into Quidditch and by this point theyve realised that she's not turning him into a Bad Kid so they finally accept her

CLASSES: ive forgotten like all of their classes kmn anyway alonzo wants to be an auror. thats all he wants. thats his ambition. so he studies his ass off from day one and gets perfect grades and is a model student. rumple is. perhaps not. just think fred and george thats her and mungo, shes a terror but somehow she still manages to pass everything through an annoying natural talent. alonzos kind of hellbent on making her get good grades and they spend much of their time in the library, hes in there Every Day, he pretty much has a reserved table, rumple sits around practicing jinxes on any unfortunate passerbys and trying to pester him and/or make him kiss her he loves presentations, hes so good at them, he prepares for weeks and then the entire time rumples in the back of class making Naughty Gestures. he chokes on his water when she does presentations theyre short but shes really charismatic so he just kind of sits there staring at her like an idiot because gosh she has a nice voice rumples a pro at brooms obviously, alonzos Hella Nervous on them, he has the best and safest model, she offers to give him private lessons but really its just an opportunity for dick jokes what can u do. he gets her a really good really SAFE and fast broom for christmas one year bc what else does a rich boy get his girlfriend who kicks ass at quidditch which brings me to

NAUGHTY STUFF: kittens look away! look for like. a full three months hes like Im Not Having Sex At School Its Against the rRULES!!!!!! and rumples like. well then we either abstain until we graduate or we can do it at your parents place and. No. The Horror. he changes his mind very quickly. they happen to stumble across the room of requirement a few times when.uh. the need is great. u know how it goes. im also gonna go out on a limb and admit that alonzo is rather fond of the Luxury Baths in the prefects bathroom and rumple is very good at catching him when hes in there and enchanting the door or some shit so nobody disturbs them :-)) this is from one of those hogwarts au headcanon posts but i love it, he gives a presentation on sex ed and shit (lets pretend hogwarts is better than it is) and rumple sits in the back asking the worst questions and inside he wants to scream u KNOW what that is we did it last nIGHT

other cats: yes ok here we go. in their year is misto, victoria, admetus, mungo, coricopat, tantomile and im sure im missing people here, year above them  is munk, tugger, deme, bomba, cassandra, macavity (???!!!???) and everyone else is younger by a year or two, also worth mentioning is etcetera being rumples younger sister and theyre adorable and lovely etcetera for president of the world munk and cass or deme are probably head boy and girl of their year,  cass is dating tantomile, bombas dating demeter, alonzo has the biggest crush on munk as well (optional polyamory for u fucks) (worth saying that the reason rumple went to sneak into ravenclaw tower was to see victoria btw),,, alonzo and victoria are head boy and girl of their year, and probably jemima andddddddd idk maybe g eorge fuck me man idk admetus is another prefect, so's tantomile tbh,,, id say victoria but she wants to focus on her studies

PETS: alonzo has this beautiful eagle owl, scariest of all owls, her name is aegoleius (pronounced ay-JEE-lee-us) it means bird of prey and he adores her. shes beautifully trained. rumple has a kitty that im personally in love with who is basically rumpleteazer as a cat lol shes a calico but her name is gwenog after the famous beater of the harpies <33333 eventually they'll get another cat thatll be a suspiciously familiar black and white patched triangle shorthair named Faolan (sorta like FWAY-larn) even tho it means little wolf because he thought it sounded cool and he read it in a book and thought it was pronouned faow-lahn, honestly they probably end up getting a whole ton of cats

LIFE AFTER HOGWARTS: WOO im excited for this bit. okay. so. alonzo wants to be an auror. hes spent his whole life training for this. he immediately applies after graduation and gets in and starts his rigorous three year training process. in the meantime rumples gone into professional quidditch, and shes really really good at it but shes like.... this isnt fun anymore. bc its not just a school game anymore, its a professional sport, and what do u mean u cant jinx the opponents!!!! so for a while she just helps him train "ok so if you walk like THIS and use this charm your footsteps will be totally silent blah blah boh my god i should be an auror" and hes like. You. want to be an auror. and shes like. Yup. and its a damn good thing he was so obsessive about her getting good marks bc her newts are good enough that she can apply. they do a criminal record check, but mind u that altho rumples done naughty stuff, shes never actually. Been Caught doing anything particularly bad. so her record is somehoW CLEAN and she gets in. its a miracle. "what did you do. who did you blackmail" "i sucked every single aurors dick lonzy" "HOW DID YOU GET IN" "EVERY! SINGLE! DICK!" but hes also really really prouD AND THAT MEANS THEY CAN HELP EACH OTHER TRAIN!!!!! cue training montage. rumple pulls a tonks and coasts thru a lot of it rlly easily and almost fails some but they both eventually graduate and become aurors and work together and she covers her trenchcoat in patches and he keeps asking if he has to wear his because sweet jesus it is ugly ITS BROWN, and at this point his parents r more than content with rumple lmao, anyway they live together in a lovely little house that is kept in perfect order, rumple enchants EVERYTHING to talk, its cute, fucking domestic shit yes please

HYDRATION LOL look this isnt even important but alonzo is so deeply into that health shit. he only eats dark chocolate, and most importantly he fucking loves spending time in the kitchen with jenny. she cooks, he makes custom face masks, and also infused water. so much infused water. he has different """recipes""" and he always has a bottle of lovely chilled water with fucking apple and ginger and lemongrass shit in it that he made the night before, and since rumple fucking hates drinking anything thats not tropical sunshine punch fruit juice he constantly is trying to figure out a recipe of infused water that she'll drink becUSE ITS NOT HEALTHY RUMPLE!!!!!!!! YOU NEED WATER, but she thinks its disgusting and eventually he gives up and carries a bottle of juice with him in case he sees her because its better than nothing,

yeah ok im,,,,, i assume there will be more to come but for now this is what u get

[ts-crossroads]

I have a treat for you! The final four castaways took a trip down memory lane with their Rites of Passage. Let’s see what they had to say about their fourteen fallen castaways!

Autumn: I wish we’d gotten to meet!! You seem pretty cool and from all the stories I’ve heard, you’re still a legend 

Dane: Hey what’s up. I’m sorry but I’m really happy you left early on. I don’t like knowing too many people in the cast , especially someone that I’ve argued a bit with. It would have been nice to play with you though.

Jake: hey buddy ; ) Lol obviously we didn’t get along well in the game. I tried talking to you and you ignored me and then made a chat to try to get me out, and then you called me a dick & deleted me for voting you out… bish weht? But I don’t hold grudges soooo it’s whatever to me 

John: ILYSM. I was shook to see you in this game and even more shook to see you go first boot. Rhohn would have been a thing everyone would have had to worry about in this game so everyones lucky.

Autumn: Me before Athena All Stars: FATUM IS UGLY EMILY DESERVED BETTER IN CROSSROADS Me after Athena All Stars: Karma does layaway? All jokes aside I love you as a person and Mongolia is lucky to have you

Dane: HI I barely knew you but you were like sociable with Bryan so you’re cool I guess. Good luck in Fans vs Faves! 

Jake: I lived for the fact that you understood all my vine references during One World and thought you were cool but then saw you deleted me after you got voted out like tf did I do? ☹ But it’s okay, good luck in fans vs favorites!

John: You were so wonderful to talk with and I felt awful about voting for you after you worked so hard on that scavenger hunt. I truly think it sent Fatum into the downward spiral it did, just for karma on all of us for voting out such a kind soul.

Autumn: We also didn’t really get to meet, which is tragic and I hope we get another shot in a future game. Oh and for the record, your exit wrecked Fatum and anytime your name comes up they all square up again it’s great

Dane: Hey I low key wish we could have gotten to play together to get rid of the awkwardness in the air between us. I like your makeup.

Jake: Hey Nicole, our only convo was about blankets lolol we just didn’t talk bc we were never on the same tribe but I heard u were iconic so slay and maybe we’ll cross paths in a game again one day ;o 

John:  I love you so much and you know that. I was ecstatic to see you in this game when the cast was revealed and the way you left pained me. I hope I have done you proud.

Autumn: Omg Bran!! I legit only voted you because I was afraid for my life and I knew people wanted to see Imperium suffer #foreshadowing. I hope things are going great and please know that I enjoyed the little time we did have together

Dane: I have played a lot of games, I have done a lot of shit but, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Bran, you are honestly one of my best friends in this community and like I said that you were always there for me and I would always be there for you, no matter what is going on. I feel like there is always this conception in Tumblr games that people are so afraid to vote out their friends and honestly, I am really afraid right now that you wont like me anymore because of this. I just want to say that if you are mad at me i’m so sorry, I really really am. I do understand if you are mad at me. I just feel like for my game, this is best thing for me. I wish you the best of luck in everything going on for you and that everything works out great. ILY.

Jake: Hi legend!! Ugh you were robbed but I’m glad we got to know each other on Optio bc you seemed like one of the most genuine people in this cast and I loved that. Your sense of humor always made me laugh and I hope that we talk or play other games after this because you’re iconic.

John: I really really enjoyed talking to you and to this day have wondered what could have been if we just voted you that one round. I hope we can be friends outside of this.

Autumn: Umm thank you for always watching and supporting the game! I stan fellow messy bitches who live for drama. You are another example of me being petrified and trying to get me and Chris back to Imperium. You’re a really cool guy and made me enjoy the time I spent on Fatum

Dane: Part of me is happy that you left early because just from my one world experience with you, I deemed you to be socially capable of getting far.... and you’re a straight frat guy. HOWEVER, you seem really chill and I can’t wait to talk to you post-game.

Jake: My secret partner and crime but not really bc we never on the same tribe LMAO. I’m happy that you finally got me to play Tumblr Survivor after nagging me to play for like 8 months cus I’ve had a blast in this. I wish we ended up on the same tribe at some point though, but tbh it’s probably better that we didn’t bc ur messy af oops.

John: We met in this game and you quickly became somebody I bonded with and could just talk to with ease. Unfortunately everyone else saw that too and wanted to separate us :/ I guess there was only room for one John in the game. But I love you still.

Autumn: Out of everyone in the cast and out of all the decisions I’ve made, voting you out is the hardest vote I’ve ever done. I actually didn’t think I’d get this far so I can’t believe I can legit explain myself right here and now instead of the reunion. I genuinely trusted you and I could tell you trusted me, but at the time, I felt closer to Dane and Rebecka. I also knew you would be the first to figure out I had really solid relationships on that small tribe so I panicked. And low-key I thought you could come between my original alliance since you were super tight with Chris. Thank you for being such a champ and being cool about everything

Dane: Okay honestly I wrote like one mean confessional about you. Sorry. In the game your introduction and your voting confessionals were like “HEY THE BITCH IS BACK” and “Hahah bitch try voting me out again! Or don’t because you’re gone 💁🏻‍♂️” but I hope that was just game you, I can’t wait to get to know you personally.

Jake: my original ride or die!! I was so thankful for you helping me not get 18th LMAO. you were such a nice guy and my first ally in a Tumblr Survivor so that’s iconic. You were also such a wild player and I loved your fearless attitude. Wish you made merge so we could’ve been reunited again ;(  

John: We met years ago in my very first org, on the messy ass Osin tribe. I didn't know what to think when I saw you in the game as we hadn't played together since. We voted together, we voted for each other, but I still love you personally.

Autumn: Honestly I wrote a whole confessional for you and Ned individually so I’m gonna be short and sweet right here. Your exit broke my heart and whenever people bring you up, I’m thinking he’s in a better place he’s in a better place. Anyway, thank you for everything. You always had my back, prevented me from wiling too early and ruining my game, and taught me a lot about the game just by letting me get to know you. Also you’re hilarious and like the embodiment of Survivor as a person? Ok cool. Our friendship is iconic and I’ll never forget like after a day of knowing each other you were like “we should call!” and I thought wtf call who does that haha. Catch you on the flip side Shaggy

Dane: So.... you lied to me..... I was supposed to ride your coattail to the end of the game but you decided to apply with your girlfriend!!!! Jk I’m not that mad about it, I was just shook. Smoke a fat one for me xoxo

Jake: Stonerrrrr. Hopefully ur still not coughing uncontrollably!!! Sorry for blindsiding you LMFAO but I knew you had so many connections and would’ve ran merge and I didn’t want to be on the bottom of an alliance which is why I had to make a move on you!! Hope you understand it was nothing personal cus I enjoyed talking to you in the game and really thought that you were a good guy.

John: Stonnerrrrr. You were awesome to talk to and such a great dude. We bonded from the very beginning and I wish we could have kept it going but shit happens. Hope to talk after this.

Autumn: WHY DID YOU AND CHRIS LEAVE BACK TO BACK?? IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FINISH THIS WITHOUT CRYING AND RELIVING THE DARKEST PART OF THE GAME DAMMIT. Ok here we go (you have a confessional waiting for you at the end too but anyway). Thank you for everything- like you don’t even know. I was devastated and you could tell I was dead serious about quitting Crossroads, but you wouldn’t let me. And to think that now I have a 1/3 chance of winning and made history in the series picking F2 vs. F3 is wild. You didn’t play for nothing and your arc- as rough as it was- had a greater purpose. You’re so kind, funny, and just awesome to know (and you not being wild and cracked like me and Chris is a huge plus haha). I miss Mystery Inc so bad you have no idea but I’ll catch you on the flip side Fred

Dane: Yikes. Sorry about that blindside. You were a really huge social threat and had a lot of people wrapped around your finger. As a viewer of the game I would have loved to see you play, but as someone playing against you, it was a little bit necessary. Alex says hi.

Jake: Ned!! We only got to talk during one world and the first round of merge, but I instantly clicked with you because you were so down to earth and easy to talk to. You seem like a genuinely nice guy and it sucked to see you get blindsided and I wish we had more time in the game together.

John: You're a really cool guy but it sucked that we were never ever on the same tribe so we never really got to bond on a game level. 

Autumn: Omg I shouldn’t have done these in boot order the last two took all my energy and it’s like 4 AM rip. Ok you’re amazing Scrappy and I wish we’d become friends sooner. Bryumn is us both asking DID YOU FLIP and then us both saying WAIT YOU DIDN’T FLIP. You’re hysterical, always brought the drama, and everyone was secretly afraid of you cause you’re that bitch. I wish you’d gotten more time, but I think you actually would’ve killed someone so it’s probably for the best. I like to imagine that you’re watchdog of jury, living your best life just ready to pop off at any given time. PLEASE keep the conversation history on or at least screenshot everything hahaha

Dane: Look! I took your advice and got my head out of the gutter and I got a brain soekfkcmcmv. You were honestly so iconic I want you to be brought back another season so I can root for you in the VL. 

Jake: my petty king!!! Bryan, we bonded over Zelda and I instantly felt a connection and trust with you during One World that carried over into our tribe swap and merge. You were a great ally and a fearless player because you pushed to make moves. I was sad to see you go so soon at merge because I wanted us to go a lot further. I hope we keep in touch, you’re a great guy!

John: You and I had a rocky road since you were on my tribe once for the Emily vote. Once we swapped though and I got to know you I really loved talking to you and wish our circumstances could have been different. 

Autumn: Queen!!! I miss bonding with you over the people who we do like and the people we don’t like hahaha. You were so entertaining and a breath of fresh air. Honestly you did the absolute most and as iconic as you were, we still talk about all the hilarious moments you brought. The hexes? The Bryan fight?? The blow torch??? We aren’t worthy! I wish we had legit been on the same side because we would’ve fucked shit up. I felt I was next after Sam so that was the logic, but I still feel bad about how you went out so my apology gift will hopefully arrive shortly/ check the voting confessionals

Dane: Okay whew. On a completely serious note I am so happy that the both of us were able to look past our Vendettas with each other and not only play a game together, but enjoy our time together. We have a lot of bad blood and it was so stupid of us but I’m glad to say that we both grew as people enough to move past stupid internet drama. I’m ready to see my voodoo doll!

Jake: Hey wicked witch, pls don’t hex me!! Julia, I knew you’d be wild and hilarious from day one. You’ve always cracked me up and I really liked working with you until things fell apart for us at merge with the Ned vote. If I ever play another tumblr survivor I hope you’re in it just because you create so many iconic moments that still make me laugh. #IsThatABlowTorch? 

John: I was so upset I didn't get to talk to you until the merge because you were iconic. You pulling out your blowtorch at tribal was one of my favorite moments of the season and I am TRYING to get it into gif form

Autumn: This cast is too big jesus christ but you tend to speed read so let’s not waste time. Hi sis!!! I love you, I miss you, and I hope I’m doing you proud. I hate that you were collateral damage in the bloodbath that’s been merge. But I know you’ll do great things, both in life and in orgs. You are and always will be the baddest. Navarino Final 2?

Dane: Honestly I am so sorry that you got fucked up. Not only were you a good player, but you were hilarious and iconic and I honestly wish you could have lasted longer to keep the game entertaining. I feel like I ruined your game by aligning with you and I’m so sorry about that clfmmcmv 

Jake: Hey Rebecka! Obviously we didn’t have the best relationship in this game haha. But I think we both knew it was better to not BS the other which is why we didn’t talk much. You were always positive and pretty funny from when we talked in the main chats, oh and all the pictures of your dogs were the best!! If we ever play another game together I would be down to try working together because you always seemed genuine in the game. 

John: You were so lovely to chat with, I knew we would be cool because I knew you from Jennas DR LOL. I wish we could have been on a tribe together so it could have happened sooner. We voted for each other but hopefully there are no hard feelings. 

Autumn: Haley!!!! I don’t even know how to explain it but you just put a smile on my face. Is it a) your chill attitude, b) your adorability, c) you running Fatum from the backseat and letting the boys think they run things, or d) your association to Chris? It’s e) all of the above!!! Hopefully we get to talk more after the game now that all these men and conflicts of interest are out of the way haha

Dane: We barley spoke, which is so bad on my part. I love how you came to tribal councils stoned out of your god damn mind. I hope you’re enjoying your time with Chris though! 

Jake: Haleyyy, I love you now and I really wish that we talked more earlier on because when we actually did start talking I realized that we could have worked well together. But it just seemed like at that point it wasn’t smart for me to seriously flip on everyone again. It really sucked voting you out but I appreciate that you were understanding. You were so sweet to me in the game and I hope we stay in touch after this! 

John: You and I have had a rollercoaster of a ride together. From the messy premerge on original fatum, to you blindsiding johnny. We had so many good times too on calls whether we were talking game or about our lives. In the end I am so happy I have come out of this game with somebody I can call a new friend. 

Autumn:  I’m so exhausted girl and it’s 5 AM so if this is like 3 sentences don’t hate me haha. Let’s just start with this: YOU DID THAT!!! From the fight you gave every round to the fight you gave us on your way out, you never quit and always held your head up high. Velma you have such a remarkable spirit about you and I’m really glad we became friends. Thank you for being in the trenches with me and giving me something (and someone) to believe in this merge. I’m glad the end is near I miss talking to you and the rest of the squad so so so much but it’s fine I’m fine why wouldn’t I be fine

Dane: MOOOOOOOOOM! You were probably the biggest contender to win the game and I didn’t have it in my heart to vote you out, but thank god devil Ryan and John were here ! I hope you didn’t get a bad nannying job and I can’t wait to talk to you again once the season is over.

Jake: Sam <3 We’ve gotten along since the beginning and I’m glad that we got to work together closely throughout the merge. It was amazing that we managed to turn things around after Ned’s blindside and it sucked to see you go. You’ve always been so nice to me and a joy to talk to, thank you for being an awesome ally.

John: I was excited to see you cast for this game because you're such a sweet girl but the survivor swap gods were never on our side until we merged. I hated that we ended up on opposite sides and felt sick the times I wrote your name down. I hope we can be friends with each other when this is over.

Autumn: There’s a chance you could be really petty at the end and I wouldn’t blame you. I just want to say that I always wanted to earn your respect as a player rather than just as a person. I love our friendship, but I know you and many others perceive my game differently than it actually is. I will set the record straight in due time but I have a lot to prove, one of which is that I’ll do what no one else had the balls to do. You’re a fantastic player and I’m honored to have ever gone head to head with you, especially so late in the game. You 100% would’ve won and I’m sorry me making a big move came at your expense. It’ll probably cost me a vote, but if sending you out automatically changes the conversation around me as a player then that means you really are that incredible and that I’m just that legit. 

Dane: Weirdly enough you were in the same boat as Sam: you’re one of the bigger contenders but due to my personal relationship with you, I couldn’t vote you out. However, I could conspire against you WHEN YOU VOTED OUT REBECKA! You’re too thick, but not too thick to tick me in the finale! :) #DragonEscapeIsOurAlways

Jake: hey daddy! We got off on such bad footing since I voted for you at the beginning of merge fjfnfdj and it was obvious that we were on opposite sides for the most part but I’m thankful that you didn’t just cut me off after the vote bc I really liked the talks we had that weren’t strictly game related. Sorry for being a fake ass with you multiple times oWo!! But you played a fantastic game as an ex winner and I really could’ve seen you getting to the end again if I didn’t make that move last round. Still glad that we got to know each other in this game, and I hope that we can be friends afterwards.

John: I literally thought you were a 15 year old guy named Jared because of your intro video lmao. Playing with you has been so much fun and also a bit of a rollercoaster ride. We have pissed each other off on probably multiple occasions, but at the end of the day you always had my back and you were an amazing ally. Love you dad.

#tscrossroads #treemail #tree mail #rites of passage

[xxxchristinangocnguyenxxx]

My attempt of moving on ... I can’t really remember the exact dates.. but I wanna say it was about 2 years ago when I matched with this really handsome guy on tinder. He had a charming smile and seemed like fun (just kind of based on the pictures he posted). Tinder was just suppose to be a funny thing at first. I mean, I had met a couple of guys and had talked to some of them already so when we began talking it was nothing that I was really uncomfortable with. He was charming and said all the right things. He made me feel kinda special in like a weird way bc when I tried to stop talking to him, he called and continued calling and texting me and made it seem like he was dying to meet me. I know most people would say that’s really creepy and psychotic, but since I found this guy so handsome I really just couldn’t help myself. Fast forward a couple days later and I had finally built up the nerve to take him up on his offer to take me out. I called him and told him there was this new horror movie that I was trying to see and he gladly bought the tickets and picked me up that night. He was cute and kind of awkward in person but I just assumed it was because this was our first time meeting. I tried to break the ice by just making some jokes and just being super friendly. Once we were in the movie and it was about to start, he quickly changed his whole attitude about everything. He wrapped his arm around me as soon as the movie started and kept telling me to “lean on him” and was holding my hand and brushing my hair with his fingers..I felt kind of uncomfortable considering I barely knew him and we barely spoke for like 10 minutes but in a way, it was kind of nice getting that kind of affection from this guy who seemed to be so into me. I remember when he kissed me in the theater that night. It was right after I started laughing and shitting on the movie because the plot had went to shit. He kissed me pretty hard and pretty fast which he apologized for right after. I’m pretty sure I said it was okay, since we continued kissing a couple of times after. Once the movie ended I remember me feeling super flushed and red because I didn’t know what was gonna happen next.. we got into his car and he began to kiss me harder. Things were moving kind of quick and one thing led to another and I guess we ended up hooking up behind some building 5 mins from the movie theater. I lost my virginity and had only had sex probably twice or maybe three times before him and none of them were enjoyable. But with him, it was kind of different. It was hot and I was completely into it. It felt like something out of a movie tbh. I snuck him over to my house that night where we had sex once or twice more and it felt so amazing. He made me actually enjoy sex more than anyone and even made me feel so beautiful. I had never felt so wanted by anyone, or had anyone made me feel the way he did. But maybe that was the plan for him.. maybe he knew how easily I fell for him which is why he was able to make my life hell after just one wonderful night. I can’t even describe what the months after that felt like. I can’t remember the details. I remember the first time he walked out and blocked my number. It was right after he spent the night at my house. Everything seemed great. I remember the feeling of anger and frustration. How could he just leave my house and delete me off of every social media site and block my number? I felt disgusting. I felt heart broken. And I guess I should’ve saw the signs here, but I continued to give him the benefit of the doubt. As weeks went on without any word from him I decided to just move on and try to forget about it. It was obvious that he was over it. Weeks later, he decided to text me saying that he was sorry and that he liked me so much it scared him and made him leave. He told me that he had gotten his heart broken by the previous girl and that he was scared to like another girl. He told me that he got kicked out of his house and had no where to go and that I was the first person he called cause he didn’t know what to do. After the speech of which felt like him opening up to me, I decided to give him another chance. I drove to where he was (about an hour from me) filled up his gas tank, drove him back to my house where I made him dinner and let him sleep on my bed. It felt amazing to have him back in my arms. I was excited and felt like maybe this time it would be different. I don’t really remember exactly how long he stuck around this time but I remember him leaving my house one morning and again blocking me on everything. I was humiliated. I was falling in love with the biggest fucking tool I had ever met in my whole life. I was heart broken and angry enough to change everything about myself to make me forget about him. I dyed my hair blonde, I pierced my nose, and I tattooed my body. I became mean, self centered, bitter. I slept with guy after guy and drank and smoked and told myself that he meant nothing to me and I was using him for sex. That was my excuse to try and shield the pain that he left in me. He would come back into my life after that once or twice a month for almost 8 months. I took him back every time And I would try and act like it was nothing and everything was fine. I acted like I just didn’t care. We would meet up, have meaningless sex and he would leave and I would say nothing. I would tell him that I couldn’t see him because I was too busy fucking other guys just to piss him off. I wasnt too good at keeping this up considering I would have melt downs every now and then, confessing my feelings for him and telling him he’s the only one I wanted. I wanted him so bad and it made me crazy. It made me feel like as long as he would show up and fuck me one or twice a month that it was okay bc at least I could see him. I was completely vulnerable and wrapped around his finger. This wasnt the whole story. I didn’t put in any details about the arguments and the times he stole my money and accusations he made about me or even just the times he lied about his life to make me feel guilty and take him back. I wanna tell whoever reads this, that it took a year of my life to finally say I was done. It took me meeting a new man who treats me how I deserve to be treated to finally let go. I was used until there was nothing about myself that I loved left. To this day, I still can’t listen to certain songs, see certain cars, go to that movie theater, or even hear his name without feeling that pain in my chest. I wanted to forget about it. I wanted to just pretend like the part of my life didn’t happen. For the year that I have been with my boyfriend, he has tried to contact me several times and I denied them all. I recently got a new phone and assumed this number was just a future client asking to book a hair appointment. The anger that I hid away for a year spilled out of me yesterday morning ray. I don’t think I can ever forgive u for what u put me through. And maybe one day I can finally learn to accept and let go. The hell that u put me through, All the manipulations, and the accusations, the constant mental abuse you caused me left me feeling nothing but a lot of grief that I’m still trying to fix and repair. I hope that u never treat anybody else the way you treated me. I hope u think about me and realized how amazing I was and what u lost. Thanks to you, I know that nobody should be treated the way you treated me, not even me. So I hope u think about this for a long time. And go fuck your self.

#emotional abuse #fuckboys are the worst boys