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jjungkookislife · 4 years

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The Key to My Drawer Ch. 5

pairing: taehyung x reader

genre: bf2l, angst, smut 18+

wc: 3.6k

warnings: cursing, virgin!tae, virgin!reader, sex on the beach, marking (hickeys), unprotected sex, creampie, alcohol mention/use (drunk phone call), ~_~ = flashback

date: June 29, 2020

Despite getting ready for bed, which you admit, you have done prematurely; you stay up a little longer. You’re now on the 23rd letter, your hands gripping it tightly. The sheets are pulled up to your chest as you wiggle in further to get into bed.

Your mom called today, she wanted us to come home for the weekend because our parents want to have a cookout. We packed our bags and drove down and we stayed at your place. It wouldn’t have mattered if I had gone to mine and you to yours, our parents know I’d wake up in your room or you in mine.

You woke up before me though. I tried to pull you back to bed, but you insisted you get up and start making our coffee. You stroked my hair until I fell asleep once again.

When you came to wake me, you had my coffee in your hands. You refused to give it to me until I sat up, but sleep called my name. You set the coffee on your nightstand, grabbed your pillow and smacked me with it, which caused a pillow fight to ensue.

Your mom came into your room, smiling when she saw us laughing on your bed. She said it reminded her of old times. Then she told us to come down for breakfast because she had something she wanted to give us.

After breakfast, your mom sat us down in the living room. I thought we were in trouble; I was sweating beside you, but you held my hand and calmed me down with a smile. I think your mom noticed the way I stare fondly at you. I think she knows that I love you…

Relief flooded through my body when she gave us each a photo album, she said all our pictures were in there. From our moms’ maternity pictures to the last visit we made home. Everything was in there...everything.

I’m not that surprised to see your mom had a picture of our first kiss. I’m sure my brother is the culprit behind that… I want to be mad at him, but I’m secretly grateful. It was at our fifteenth birthday party and you had made me play spin the bottle with you and our friends. I didn’t want to; I thought it was dumb, but you wanted to play and so I did. I know at the time I loathed the idea, but now looking back, it makes me happy that we could have shared that first together.

~_~

I was nervous. I didn’t want to fuck it up and everyone had their eyes on us. My hands were sweating, and I worried my breath may have been bad, but you looked so excited; I couldn’t say no.

The bottle spun and spun… and then suddenly all the girls moved out of the way. I’m not gonna lie, it offended me… was I that bad? Turns out, my brother had told them I liked you. Like liked you. Which wasn’t true at the time, but the girls thought it was romantic and the bottle landed on you, anyway?

I felt like throwing up. Not because I had to kiss you, but because I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing. Where do I put my hands? Do I hold your waist? Do I use my tongue? Do I give you a peck and call it a day?

I didn’t have time to decide because you grew tired of waiting! You gripped me by the collar of my Resident Evil shirt and kissed me. It was one hell of a kiss! You took me by surprise and of course, my brother had to take a picture of it and send it to our moms.

~_~

I wonder if our parents knew that I would fall for you; if that’s what they hoped for?

I thanked your mother, hugged her.

You know what she told me, Y/n?

She said, “I know, Taehyung. I know.”

The color drained from my face, panic clear in my eyes as I looked over my shoulder to check if you had heard. You were too engrossed in the album to pay us any attention. I looked back at your mother. She winked and left us alone in the room.

“Tae! Look!” you exclaimed, waving me over and patting the spot beside you. I sat, my shoulder brushing yours. You pointed at our prom picture. I cringed, my hair wasn’t as cool as it was now. I remember how badly you wanted to go to prom, but I didn’t want to go because it was lame. It baffled me when you kept turning down everyone who asked you… I thought you had wanted to go?

Maybe I was an idiot or maybe I… I don’t know, Y/n. It confused me. Why were you turning down dates if you wanted to go so badly?

It wasn’t until Jimin came up to me after school two days before prom. He asked me if I had asked you to prom already. My brows shot up. Me? Why did you want me to ask you? Jimin smacked me upside the head. Apparently you had told his girlfriend you wanted to go with me.

My heart sank to my chest. You only wanted to go to prom with me, as a friend or as more, I’m not sure. I felt like an asshole, I’m so sorry, baby. Forgive me?

Jimin helped plan a cute way to ask you. He even arranged for his mom to do your nails, hair and makeup that day. He’s a lifesaver.

My mom called your mom, and they took you dress shopping the following day. Trust me, I got an earful from both of them about asking you so last minute, but they both had been browsing shops for your prom dress since middle school, so they knew which places to hit.

We were a tad late to prom, but you didn’t care so as long as we got to take our picture together. Most people only go for the picture, anyway.

We left prom after slow dancing, your hands wrapped around my neck as we swayed to the music. You still look at me the same way you did back then when we dance, although less often. I always want to hold you, always want your hand in mine.

Remember how we ended up at the beach that night? I held your heels in my hand as we walked down to the shore while the rest of our friends and their dates partied in Jin’s beach house.

You looked at me, your hair still piled beautifully on top of your head, thanks to Jimin’s mom. You smiled, “Tae?”

“Hmm?” I looked away from the waves crashing, smoothing out the blanket we were sitting on. You pulled the blanket wrapped around your shoulders tighter around you as you looked back at the ocean.

“Are you scared too?” Your voice trembled, I laced my fingers with yours.

“Scared of what, Y/n?”

“Graduation. Being an adult. The world. We just turned 18 in December and now we’re being tossed into the wild not even 6 months later, Tae. We still have to ask permission to go to the bathroom and they expect us to go to college, pick a major, and work for the rest of our lives. What if it all goes wrong?” You sigh as you look out at the ocean, the full moon illuminating the waves.

“Hey, Y/n. Look at me, love.” You did, your cheek resting on your knees that you had pulled into your chest.

“I’m going to be right by your side, okay?”

“What if we’re not friends anymore in college, Tae?” Your eyes watered but I kissed your cheek.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily, Y/n. It’s been 18 years, 19 if you count gestation,” you grimaced before laughing and shoving my shoulder.

“Don’t be gross!”

“I’m not!” I protested, but you continued to laugh. The stars had nothing on the sparkle in your eyes. Maybe I already loved you then?

The laughter died down, you squeezed my hand, “I just don’t want to live in a world where you’re not the only person I’ve kissed.”

I gulped, I didn’t know what to say. Now I think I realize that you probably loved me then… I’m an idiot, aren’t I?

I didn’t know what to say, but it didn’t matter. You kissed me and time stopped. Nothing mattered but you and me as we kissed. You pulled the lapels of my tux, nearly choked me with my tie as you pulled me on top of you.

I barely caught myself on my hands before your lips were back on mine. I remember every moment in significant detail… every kiss, every touch, every moan.

Never in a million years did I think we’d give ourselves to each other on prom night on the beach. Your dress was a nightmare to get you out of, I’m still sorry I ripped it… haha.

Do you still think of that night? It’s been so long since I last did, but it’s all coming back now. The way your hair unraveled, framing your face as you got on top. Your hands planted firmly on my chest, my hands on your hips as I sat up to hold you tighter.

My lips marked the column of your throat, your head thrown back as you moaned my name. Fuck… that still sends shivers down my back, baby.

That was the best night of my life, I swear. Having you in my arms, holding you close as the moonlight illuminates your body as you throw your head back, grinding down on me. Your back arched, your sinful moans drowned out by the crashing waves as you cum around my cock.

Fuck.

Fuck!

We went all night, into the early morning. You fell asleep in my lap with my arms wrapped around you under the blanket.

Jimin came looking for us when he woke up the next morning. It worried him when he hadn’t seen us go inside, but once he saw that you were sleeping he left. I think he knew then… he had to have known.

I wish I could say everything was sunshine and rainbows when you woke up, but it wasn’t. We watched the sunrise before we got dressed. You put my suit jacket on and I held your heels as I took your hand and led you to the house.

We didn’t talk about it… should we have?

Would we be dating right now if we had? Or would we be strangers? I don’t know, honestly. I loved you then, Y/n. Never doubt that but I wasn’t in love with you like I am now. Or maybe I always have been and I just never realized it.

You know, if I could express my feelings, we wouldn’t be twenty-three letters deep, Yet. here we are, babe. You’ve got an emotionally constipated best friend who’s hopelessly in love with you.

I’m sorry, Y/n.

If you’ve loved me since then and I’m just now realizing. I want to ask you, but what if you don’t anymore? What if I've missed my chance with you? Oh god, please tell me I still have a chance? Oh, no. Oh no, Y/n.

Please.

Please tell me I’ve got a chance.

Y/n, I love you!

I will tell you.

Today.

I will tell you today, baby.

Wait for me…

You fold the letter back up, flashes of prom and the days leading up to it hit you like a ton of bricks. It’s been so long since you thought of your school days, but you remember clearly now.

~_~

Jimin’s girlfriend, Adriana, had been going on and on about prom, while you hummed only half-listening as she talked about Jimin’s mom doing her hair and makeup before the grand event.

“When are we picking you and Tae up?” Adriana asks as she shoves her books in her lockers.

“You’re not, he didn’t ask me. He thinks it’s lame,” you mumble as you clasped your books to your chest. Adriana slammed her locker door shut.

“What do you mean he didn’t ask you?! Is he going with someone else? Because I can fix that real quick! Who is it? I’ll settle this right now.”

“Adriana, no! He just didn’t ask, and I turned down everyone else who asked. I don’t wanna go if Tae's not going, okay?”

Adriana scowled but nodded before she walked with you to your locker so you could grab your bag.

Later that same night, Taehyung had shown up at your house with a huge cake with a picture of the both of you. ‘Will you go to prom with me?’ was written in icing.

“You wanna go to prom? With me?”

Taehyung nodded, his boxy smile making an appearance.

“Did my mom put you up to this?” you asked as you looked over your shoulder where your parents were smiling at the two of you.

Taehyung’s eyes widened, shaking his head, “no! no! “

You accepted and allowed him to eat cake with you as you talked about all the details before he went home that night.

Once he had left, you had run up to your room to write about it in your diary. You were going to prom with your best friend, Taehyung. Taehyung who you’d had a crush on since he gave you your first kiss all those years ago. Your fingertips brushed your lips, a smile tugging at your lips as you squealed in excitement and kicked your feet on your bed.

Prom had been a blur for you. You didn’t care to remember the bland food, the shitty music or the people. All you cared about was that night on the beach with Taehyung. You loved him then… so, so much. You felt sparks every time he touched you. His touch elicited a surge of heat throughout your body. He’d made the night so special for you despite not wanting to go originally.

You had often sat in your room wondering if he felt the same way about you. You didn’t think so, so you never said a thing. That night, however, you wanted him. You wanted him to be your first (and only), so you gave yourself to him and he to you. You didn’t care about the consequences. You would worry about those when the morning came, not when his cock was buried inside you to the hilt, drawing out sweet moans from your lips.

You knew nothing would change between the two of you. If he wanted to talk about it, you would, but if not, you’d let that night be a once in a lifetime moment.

And so it was.

~_~

Your thighs pressed together at the memory of that night. Taehyung had handled you with so much tender love and care. You had fallen deeper for him then, but it hurt when nothing came of it.

You wonder if you should have said something? Would he have loved you then? You didn’t think so.

Your phone rings, a picture of Taehyung kissing your cheek while you smile with your eyes closed, mid-laugh, lights up your screen. You fumble with your phone as you answer it.

“Tae?”

“Shit, it’s late…” Taehyung’s words are slightly slurred but you know he’s still coherent.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, baby. I just… I miss you. And Tannie, yeah, Tannie.”

You nod, sitting up, “he’s fine, Taetae. Go have fun with Jimin and Kook. I’m sure they won’t be too thrilled that you’re on the phone with me instead of drinking.”

“Fuck ’em. I miss you so much and that’s more important than taking another shot,” Taehyung mutters, but you’re unable to make any of it out.

“Tae…?”

“This is the furthest we’ve ever been from each other. I don’t fucking like it,” Taehyung sighs, a bit of anger coming through in his tone.

He’s right, though. The two of you have always been either next door, with each other or in the same city. You had never parted without the other. Hell, even your family went on vacation together because the two of you would sob hysterically if they separated you. It happened once when you were both 8 and never again.

“I wanna see you, Y/n.” His whisper has you rolling on your side, thighs pressed together. You ignore the heat that pools deep in your belly.

“You saw me today, Tae,” you remind him in a breathy tone that has his breath growing ragged as he excuses himself from his friends to go outside of the bar they’re in.

“Yeah,” he breathes, his voice huskier than he intended it to be, but it drives you wild. “You stole my shirt, Y/n”

You bite your lip, “I think it looks better on me. Don’t you agree, Taetae?”

Taehyung leans against the brick wall, his head lolling back as he puts the phone down to his side, with his other hand, he cards his fingers through his hair, murmuring, “fuck, she’s fucking gonna make me hard calling me that.”

When he places his phone back against his ear, he can hear you calling his name.

“Tae,” you breathe, he can almost hear the pout on your lips.

“I’m here, baby.” you want to squeal at the endearment but you refrain.

“You left,” you whisper, your finger toying with the hem of your shirt.

“Just for a second,” he laughs, you’re so cute.

“I know but I miss you,” you admit rather bashfully. Taehyung grins, he knows this is the first time you’ve been apart and he won’t see you tomorrow unless he video calls you and even then, that doesn't seem like it’s enough. He doesn’t want to think about it.

“Taehyung, man! Come on! We’re going to 201!” Jungkook shouts as Jimin and the rest of their friends pile out of the bar to go to another. Taehyung sighs heavily.

“I gotta go, Y/n. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yes, Tae. Be safe and have fun,” you whisper back, sad that he has to go but you eye the next letter. You’ll spend all day tomorrow reading the rest of them, but you can read one more tonight.

“I will, Y/n. Goodnight, b-” Taehyung stops himself, he’s already let himself slip a few times tonight. He sighs, “Goodnight, Y/n… dream of me?”

You smile, “always, Tae. Always.”

I fucked up.

It’s over…

I waited too damn long!

Fuck!

I went over to your place today, ready to tell you, but when you opened the door and let me in, you told me you had to tell me something. I was worried, but you said it wasn’t anything bad…

I asked what it was, my hands trembling as I slipped them in my pockets.

“I have a boyfriend,” you giggled as you showed me a picture of him on your phone. I swear I could hear my heart crack right down the middle. I felt the familiar sting of tears in my eyes but I blinked them away.

“I… uh, I didn’t know you were dating.”

“Well, I didn’t want to say anything just in case it didn’t go anywhere but Justin is amazing. You’ll like him,” you assured me, but I didn’t want to like him. Hell, I didn’t want to meet him.

“Yeah… sure. Listen, I have to go. I forgot I told Jimin I’d return his book.”

“But you just got here,” you pout, but I looked away. I couldn’t look at you, I might sob in front of you and that’s the last thing I wanted to do. I shook my head and rushed out of there, promising to text you later or the following day.

I won’t stand in your way, Y/n. No matter what happens in our lives or who comes into them, your happiness will always come first.

I’m glad you and Jonathan are together.

You deserve to be happy and I’ll be here cheering you on.

Be happy, Y/n… be happy.

You grimace before laughing at Tae changing Justin’s name to Jonathan. Justin and you hadn’t lasted too long, three, almost four months at most.

You didn’t like him all that much once you truly got to know him, but he was the first boy who had caught your attention since Taehyung. You had kissed Justin a handful of times and no more. He eventually broke up with you when you wouldn’t sleep with him. Good riddance.

You grab one more letter, not surprised it’s a short one.

Fuck yeah!

Fuck! Yes! Yes!

Oh, I’m so happy I could cry!

Y/n and Jackson broke up! I never liked him, he was an asshole to me, but I socked him in the face when I found out he tried to pressure you into sex. Fuck him! He’s out of our lives for good.

It was torture seeing you in another man’s arms, but if he made you happy at the time, then I’m happy for you. You’re mad at me for punching him, but I caught you smiling while you scolded me. You were more worried about me going to jail than me punching him.

Should I tell you how I feel?

Should I wait?

You just broke up with that scumbag…

I should wait… give you time to get over him, right? I don’t wanna be a rebound. Yeah, I’ll wait a bit. Not too long, though. I don’t want to lose you again. Once was enough.

Wait for me, baby.

I promise, I’ll tell you soon enough.

I love you, Y/n.

I love you...

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requingoestocollege · 5 years

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may 16th, 2019

I don’t know why I’m so bad at keeping journals. Maybe because there was...I guess a lot of really bad stuff happening. And a lot of really good stuff! I find myself torn on which to start with--the good stuff or the bad stuff. I don’t know if I should omit the bad stuff altogether and pretend the first 5 months of this year weren’t difficult as hell.

I guess that answers my question.

Let me just do the bad stuff quickly: Living in that apartment on 990 Geary turned my life into a living hell for a couple months. I couldn’t eat properly. I was scared of showering. Sleeping was a nightmare. I kept wanting to lock the door against everything scary in the world, like Inigo going to film school, my grades wobbling, having to sleep in the same room as the person who sexually harassed and gaslit me. Oh yeah. Things fell apart with Ray. I cried really hard in front of Fran and then Fran didn’t do anything and I felt so profoundly like no one really cared about my problems. It...sucked. I confronted Ray and they turned the whole situation back on me. It hurt. I got really close to self-harming again, then I did. I’m still mad about that. Inigo and I fought about the film school thing a couple times. That also sucked and hurt, but I’m trying to be cool about it now.

Okay, fuck all that stuff because let me talk about good stuff, in sort of chronological order.

Sage and Elliot finally got their dues after pestering us about all that BERT and OSCRR stuff--they went to the highest point and they STILL sided with us. Haha, in your face anti-Semites. Spectrum was great. Not the best thing I’ve ever done, but at that point, it was a reaffirmation of my friendships with people and a way of getting closer to God in a time that I really needed Them. Lent was HARD but then I got to drink juice again! I went to FRANK IERO AND THE FUTURE VIOLENT’S SHOW WITH EZRA!!! That was SO MUCH FUN and a fulfillment of a freshman year dream. I spent time with my sisters and and family and things felt really good and normal while I spent time with them all over spring break. Easter happened and I prayed a lot and felt really good.

Then, I got cast in She Kills Monsters as Tilly.

I guess it seems silly to be so uplifted by a play, but from the start, I finally got to work with Janelle and Tiana again, plus Katie and Robin directed it and Pippa was stage manager! Uh, here let me just do the whole cast list really fast.

Janelle as Agnes, me as Tilly, Eden as the Narrator/Steve, Aidan as Miles, Jon as Chuck, Tiana as Lilly, Eve as Kaliope, Isaiah as Orcus, Gabi as Farrah, Lexie and Kaitlin as the Succubi, and Annie as Vera. On the production side, we had Katie and Robin as directors, Pippa the stage manager, Adelaide on lights, Madison on sound, Bean on costuming, Bex, Gabby, and Angela on backstage crew.

Whew! Anyways. So I was really nervous coming onto the cast, but the show is awesome and again, at the point we started rehearsing, I was still living at 990 Geary, so I was also seeing it as an excuse to be out of the apartment all the time. But WOW! I was so excited to be a part of the play because it just means a lot to me as a younger sibling who’s also a BIG NERD. Honestly, in another life I guess I could have been Tilly Evans. Working with everyone was a TOTAL BLAST because everyone was so nice! I really felt safe, loved, and accepted while I was working on it, plus I got to explore my character, acting as a main role, doing all sorts of exercises with everyone, and fight choreography!

This was at a point in my life where I felt so crazy overwhelmed with negativity, so when our fight choreographer Dave (of Dueling Club SF!) and everyone else was complimenting me, I finally felt like I was free of the rut that I had kept getting pushed into. Here was a place where people recognized the work I put in, asked me to take care of myself, always checked in with me, and treated me with sorely needed kindness. Plus, being able to work on a show that so closely involved my special interests made me feel just PHENOMENAL all the time! My grades picked up! My friendships got stronger! And I feel like my acting really improved! All in all I really loved working on it and then the show came around and we FUCKING KILLED IT! The first night, we had some technical difficulties, but the second night was literally INCREDIBLE and I actually legitimately cried onstage because the show was powerful...and because I was sad about leaving such an awesome team.

I don’t know if I could have managed to do all the stuff I did this tough semester without the cast of SKM making me feel like a normal person. I got to move out of an abusive environment, pick up my grades, and get more emotionally stable because I had the wonderful support of everyone around me. I was so phenomenally happy and still am because of everyone.

Um, let’s see. Some mundane stuff.

Moving in at 159 23rd has been cool. I guess it’s sort of weird because we’re not all moved in yet, so I’ve mostly been living by myself with a little bit of Morgan thrown in. (Psst my mom really likes Morgan which is funny to me! Hee hee!) I’m excited but also nervous for Aaron and Ian to move in, I guess because I’m nervous about how living with all of them will be! Will I be self-conscious? Will I accidentally fuck up and not know how to handle it? I don’t know!

In other news...I finished junior year today! Or yesterday, really. It didn’t feel as momentous as I thought it would, or at least, it didn’t feel as momentous as it did when I was a junior in high school, which WHAT THE FUCK that’s super far away now. Isn’t it weird how I remember high school better than college in some ways? I still think it’s kind of fucked up that I graduated high school three years ago and I’m like an adult that pays bills and lives on my own and stuff. I guess that’s normal. I mean, I’m gonna be 21 this year. And I hope this is the year that I keep making good things happen for myself and all that. I guess it just feels like in some ways I’m still 14 wishing I could go to college, and 16 wishing I could leave home, and 18 wondering how I was gonna make it and now I’m 20 and looking back. I hope I haven’t squandered my college years. I really think this last year, despite everything getting fucked up in crazy ways I couldn’t imagine, was also really great in a lot of ways. And I have a lot of hope for my future.

But for now, I should probably get to sleep because I’m writing this at 00:32 and I have WORK tomorrow for Christ’s sake! Anyways. Good luck future me. And just know that I love you and that you are loved by many people other than me. Stay strong, magical, and powerful!

#junior year

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alexydury · 7 years

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London Marathon

Sunday 23rd April 2017 I was definitely ready for the morning of the 23rd April….. It had been a long time coming! I had entered the ballot for the London Marathon back in 2015 after my last London Marathon as I was still buzzing and had the post-marathon blues! Therefore, I was really surprised to be offered a place as there wasn't many people that I knew who actually got a place in the London Marathon for 2016. I still remember getting that magazine through the post - I jumped about and suddenly collapsed in my chair thinking ‘Shit! I’ve got all that hard training to do all over again!’ Unfortunately, I’ve still been struggling with repeated chest infections and coughs for a long time now. The doctors are still exploring and trying to find a diagnosis, which is a painfully slow process. Just 3 weeks before the London Marathon, I was hoping to do the White Horse half marathon for the last time before tapering down my runs. I ended up with my third chest infection for 2017 - absolutely crazy! I then had a week in Gran Canaria with my family and was disappointed not to be able to run while I was there. In the run up to the big day, I was fully focused and beginning to build up my mental strength of wanting to run constantly up to 20 miles and then to see how I got on from there. I didn't have as high expectations as I did for my first LM where I was dreaming of all the times I was going to get! Prior to the race, arrived at the Expo at the EXcel Centre to collect my running bib number and to explore the exhibitions and the different types of photo booths that were everywhere! I avoided the ones with long queues as I felt that I needed a good rest, especially the day before the LM. The last time I went there to collect my bib, I stayed there for about 4 hours with Steven and LJ and my feet were hurting with nowhere to sit! I didn't want to do that again! I bumped into 2 different deaf groups - one outside the Expo Hall and the other inside. It was lovely to chat with both groups of people. 3 of the deaf runners were so excited about the Expo, telling me what they had spent whilst in there! haha! The other group that I saw were not LM runners but had completed it in the past and just wanted to explore and enjoy the atmosphere. After a busy and tiring day at the EXcel, we were fortunate that my friend whom I was staying with overnight was in the neighbourhood, so after couple of stops on the overground train she came and drove us home passing the Isle of Dogs. This gave us a chance to see part of the LM route in preparation for the next day! My friend also helped out with volunteering to take all of the runners baggage to the lorries at the start of the LM early next morning. I didn't bother bringing any friends to the start of the race this time, knowing that they cant get across the boundary as security is much tighter now. On the day, I met up with two other deaf runners, Michele and Rebecca and we quickly queued for the last toilet stop before the start line. Unfortunately, we eventually realised that we were queuing for the urinals where you were given a “shewee” device to use for going to the toilet! However, one of the runners I was with needed a number 2! So, we dashed off to the portaloos to queue again! In the first queue for nothing! Luckily, the portaloos were mostly empty as people had already moved to the starting line. After the queue for the loo we were practically at the back of wave 9. I wasn't too worried about being at the back, but I could see that one of the other runners was nervous. She was probably just really itching to get running and start the race! I felt as cool as a cucumber and enjoyed soaking up the atmosphere. We finally ran over the starting line 20 minutes after the gunned fired. I looked over to the left after the start line and saw Prince William, Prince Harry and Kate there waving at us. I told the other runners to look over but a bunch of runners pushed us along the way. It was too hard to go back and it would be rather silly if we stopped immediately after the start! One of the runners, Michele eventually zoomed off running by herself - I was expecting that. She always was a serious runner. I ran with her before at the Bristol to Bath marathon and so knew what to expect. So i enjoyed running wth Rebecca, who wanted to take it easy and save energy for later on in the race. With my chest issue, I felt that it was wise to stay with her - a bit slower than my usual pace but I needed to save my energy for the last half! Rebecca was always behind me and I looked over my shoulder and slowed down a bit to wait. I was constantly looking out for deaf supporters around the 5-6 miles markers but couldn't find them! When I run, I am always at my worst for the first first 5 miles, so looking at the spectators helped keep me distracted. We eventually found Rebecca’s husband after passing the beautiful Cutty Sark (awesome to run round it!) I then waited for Rebecca to catch up and told her to look out for her husband and friends. Rebecca perked up at this point!. Knowing that I would be seeing Steven at the Buxton water memory lane (I won a competition beforehand) was great. Buxton Water selected 150 runners to run with a loved one in a special 80 metre lane and I was looking forward to it. I knew it was 12ish miles before Tower Bridge but it seems to take forever to get there. I was very emotional at this point and desperate to see Steven for a hug and to thank him for being there for me on the day! Before the Buxton Water memory lane I remembered a special place on the route where I spotted my daughter LilyJane holding blue balloons at that very spot 2 years ago. This brought me to tears thinking of LilyJane! I was wearing one of her hair slides - something borrowed! As well as my heavy silver necklace which is a continuous reminder of my father - He had the best seat in the house, up above watching over me…. I know he probably thinks I’m crazy but he was always proud of me whatever I did! Finally, I reached the Buxton lane for the selected 150 runners! One of the volunteers from Buxton did not realise that I was one of their runners….it was hard to talk to them to explain, especially when I was out of breath which was so annoying! Steven came out of the crowd and told the lady that we were due to run the Buxton lane together! I wasn't sure if the volunteers were prepared for me nor the speaker with microphone. Steven and myself just carried on and ran through the lane - not knowing what the speaker said or anything. I didn't see any cameraman on the day and I still haven't heard anything from them! They probably didn't film or took any photographs - rather disappointing! (Got only 4 photos 5 weeks after the LM!) At least Steven ran a bit of the London Marathon without really realising it! After a lovely hug, I joined the other runners back into the London marathon. My favourite part was running over London Bridge and then knowing that I had to run the worst part of the LM, which was through the Isle of Dogs. I managed to run 16 miles before slowing down a bit. Before reaching the 16 miles marker, I spotted Michelle’s husband, Rebecca’s husband along with Nathan and Alistair Smith all in one place! I think they were at 13-14 miles. It was really nice to see familiar faces! I remembered seeing the same place where I stopped to change plasters on my blistered toes 2 years ago! My toes were okay at that point - but my chest was hurting and I felt a little nauseous and numb so I started walking. I took some painkillers and carried on walking trying to remain cool and calm myself down to get rid of the sickness feeling. I then walked for 3 miles soaking up the atmosphere. It felt a bit like I was sightseeing at his point, watching the spectators and looking at the variety of buildings, pubs, landmarks etc. I then started to feel better after 3 miles of walking, and ran a bit here and there after this. I don't know why, but I really enjoyed running under the long flyover through the tunnel! The other runners around me started to change their running behaviour too and practically everyone around was walking, or stopping to stretch. That tunnel felt like a proper runners haven! We all picked up and ran again after the the long tunnel. The worst part of the LM was behind us and I started to feel sorry for all of the runners passing us who were yet to go through the worst part! There was also a strange part of the LM where we had to run a bit on the dual carriageway and then back again along the same route!! I remember thinking… surly they could have found a better part of London to run along??!! Then, out of the blue I spotted my friends Jane Newman and her sister Joanne so I stopped for a bit of a chat and for some much needed hugs. This little stop seemed to give me a renewed sense of energy and motivation! Thank you Jane for the lovely support on the night before and for everything! later on, I was surprised to see Steven again after another small tunnel onto the Embankment where we could see the London Eye! Wendy Scott and her boyfriend Antino were there with him. My feet were staring to hurt around this point, my chest was manageable but I had zero energy left. I didn't want to take any more gels as I was worried getting sick again! So I decided to alternate between my Lucozade sport drink and water after the nausea. Again, I started to feel more motivated to continue running for the last 4-5 miles after meeting Steven and co. I would have tried to run more but it was so hard to run with no energy! It was a case of walk and run, walk and run along the Embankment. I loved the part where I passed the HeadsTogether supporters along the way! There were so many of them at different parts of the race cheering us on…. It really helped! Every time I saw them I picked up my pace as I ran passed them! I then came closer and closer towards Big Ben, knowing I was near to the finishing line. At this point I tried to look for the NDCS supporter post opposite Big Ben to see if I knew anyone there. And at the same time, remembering a bunch of my friends were there waiting for me so I gave each of them a big hug as they urged me to carry on running. That moment is something that I will treasure for the rest of my life, such a special time. Luckily someone filmed me at that part of the race (you can find it somewhere on my blog!). From that point onwards, it took longer to finish than I thought it would! Time seemed to drag on and on for a while before I reached Buckingham Palace where I know then that the finishing line was round the corner! I was then overwhelmed with emotions, and I don't know how I managed it, but I picked up my pace towards the end and put my hands up high as I went over the finish line! I was thinking ‘Thank you….. It is all over now’ I can move on with life and do different things! After crossing the line, I picked up a lovely heavy medal to add to my medal collection! Shortly afterwards I picked up my bag and goody bag and was off to the exit to the Royal Society where Heads Together had a reception area with a free massage and some food. Steven met me on the stairs by the news stand and we hugged with a mass of relief. A man suddenly came over and started talking to us outside the Royal Society. At first we thought he was just being friendly, then we realised that we actually did know him but were not sure as to where from. He then mentioned the ThunderRun 24 and Steven and I looked at each other as it clicked into place! It was amazing to see him again after 2 years and the fact that he recognised us was amazing! His name was also Steve he was one of the runners who won a magazine competition to be part of ThunderRun 24 and he reminded us that he was one of those people who slept in the car not in a tent! Anyway, I booked in for a massage and got myself some free pasta and drinks. It wasn't much really but I need food in my tummy. I was really happy that Steven was with me - it was really special and he enjoyed it much more this time round! (You will have to ask him why!) I had a lovely leg massage as I braced myself with the thought of walking all the way to the underground and up the stairs. I just had to grin and bear it as I walked through Green park to the pub where Oliver Westbury’s private party was to celebrate his 26 marathons. We then discovered that we had just missed him by half an hour! I wasn't surprised haha. He had been there for several hours as he finished much earlier than me! It was then time to go home, so Steven took me back to Harpenden from Kings Cross using the tube. There was a bit of a walk here and there and then I plopped myself into his van. I had to tell him to slow down a bit as he drove a bit rough round the roundabouts especially at MK on the way home. We had to hurry back for LilyJane, my big baby, who had made banners and put them on the front door as a welcome home! I’d like to say a massive Thank you for all the support and fundraising that I have received. I have managed to raise £300 even though I did this fairly last minute when I had actually registered with Heads Together before Christmas. Looking at Heads Together Facebook, I realised that a lot of the other Heads Together runners had a great deal of support from the HT team. Maybe this was because they could hear the loudspeaker and knew where to go etc. Unfortunately, I missed out on some of the best bits, such as meeting some members of the Royal family. I would love to have done that…. never mind. At least it is all finished now and I can move on to other challenges. I will need some time for my toes to heal as they are all blistered up, but not as bad as they were 2 years ago as I didn't run a 20 miler one month before the marathon this time, which I think helped with my feet. I still lost one toe nail this time, but better than losing 4 like I did on the last marathon! I really need to get my health sorted out once and for all! Thank you for reading this :)

#teamheadstogether #headstogether #londonmarathon

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