You know that need to create and do something productive so that you feel like your existence is not just a matter of wasted oxygen?? That’s where am mentally rn.
There’s a boy I can feel myself developing a crush on but I don’t know what to do because I could pursue him and try to start a relationship but I’ll be in Uni in nine months and I’m not interested in a long-distance relationship.
But what if we do get together and my stance changes?
I’m stuck - entertain the crush or let it die?
I dunno, just needed to get it off my chest to people that won’t immediately make fun of me.
Screw waiting until after the holidays to lose weight! Let’s do this now! 💪🏼
My calorie tracker does however have me meeting my goal weight on December 25, 2020, so that’s great & also gonna beat that by a couple weeks!
Ah yes, to be a barista and abused on the daily ✌🏻😙
***friendly reminder that the people serving you your almond milk extra shot extra hot latte are human. If you have an issue with your order we are more than happy to assist you by remaking it if you are polite to us. Yelling at the tired barista who hasn’t had a drink or toilet break in 5 hours makes you look like an absolute twat.
Give it to God and get some rest.
Ever want to be alone….
But at the same time wanna be snuggled…
At the same time, you want your brains fucked out your skull….
Here we go. Another friend black listed me, as what it seems like.
She seemed the very honest and wholesome being in the planet. In hopes that I am mistaking that things aren’t as they seem.
She has a group chat for her art channel, have joined it about a year ago. The way it started was that I had showed emotions for her but she gave a reply that sounds far too familiar. Obviously she reflected feelings for someone else, though it wasn’t anything personal.
My cousin had passed away, and I was saddened by the news. Nothing to do with Covid-19, something far more worse. Wont go into details. The death of my cousin made me depressed and sadistic, I was destroyed inside since she was my childhood cousin.
I had gifted her a record album based on the motion picture Grease. By Elton John and Olivia Newton John. It was a gift I meant with my heart.
Well I didn’t talk to anyone only with a few friends that I chat and play games with.
Now, this friend I am writing about. She might’ve taken things the wrong way of which I never messaged her back and thought I was upset from her denial. Every time I try to make a conversation with her she deflects me and answers to a different person. Friends are there to listen and to see what problems they are going through. Not assume the first thing they see or think of.
I am trying to talk to them without being awkward. I don’t want her to think I am still trying to get to her or also believe that I am strategically wanting to get to her.
I promised an art trade, which I haven’t done. I will work on it. Her character and her BF’s character. Something I can show and not affected by it. Truly am happy of her and her BF.
Honestly I don’t know who is at fault in this scenario. Just want things to go right for once. 2020 has been the most strangest year for everyone.
a problem isn’t gonna change if you continue to run away from it every time and don’t actually address it
Does anyone else have that problem where your period starts at the most inconvient times like every month?? Theres never a time where i feel like oh yeah this was great timing. It might just be me.
so, fore some reason i need to be loved and i need other people to show me they don’t hate me.
i can’t explain it, but sometimes i get irrational feeling that someone i like actually hates me. and at that moment, i need that person to tell me they like my company, or tell me anything at all.
but it often ends up just by silence, i’m not talking to them because i have the feeling they don’t want to talk to me. and all i need in that situation is to know people don’t hate me all the time.
and i know this is the result of my anxiety disorder mixed up with irrational insecurities, but still. i need attention, i need to be appreciated, i need to be loved.
Today, I studied so much, that I can say without a doubt that I was productive. And yes I feel it a bit, the productivity, yet I feel nothing but emptiness, and that I didn’t do much.
I don’t really know what to do. Should I study more, do more research or should I not care, or take it easy?
This is the clash of the feelings that I have and the anxiety is gradually growing day by day, every night I think about this, trying to find the answer without hope…
Mam dość tego życia. Chciałabym to już skończyć.
“When you are full of problems, there is no room for anything new to enter, no room for a solution. So whenever you can, make some room, create some space, so that you find the life underneath your life situation.”
- Eckhart Tolle, 2002 “Practising The Power Of Now”
New coloring. Very bad day. Or week. Or more. I’m just so glad that I have few friends which are helping me so much right now.
The most difficulty I have had in this project has been trying to get the water correct in scale and movement. Unfortunately, I don’t have many pictures of the different processes I have tried. I used various water textures, ocean shaders, fractal and noise filters attached to an aiStandardSurface shader to try get the water as realistic as possible.
In the image below you can see some deformity in the water plane create by a noise filter but it just wasn’t prominent or realistic enough.
I did have a little bit of success using a texture deformer then animating it to be mellow waves but due to the lack of animation knowledge it stopped working.