2 days under 500 cals, idk what's wrong with me I used to fast for weeks eating just sugar free jello and coffee ,now I feel all dizzy while having eggs... Getting old sucks,my body is betraying me, but I don't have any money for buying anything else so...wtv.
Over a year ago I lost 40 pounds by restricting and I was the happiest I had been in a long time, so I stopped and tried to "eat normally". That fucked me up because I gained back 15 lbs in a year. For some reason I couldn't get back into the mindset that I had. I'm back now and I'm happy. I'm happy to be cutting calories and to be exercising because I have energy now. I'm so mad at myself because if I wouldn't of stopped restricting, I could very well be at my goal weight, but I'm not and I'm so mad at myself for it.
i’m making up a rule that if i eat today i’m not gonna eat for the next two days and if i eat today and tomorrow i’m not gonna eat for the next 3 days and so on…
So, the good part of being this broke is that I have 0 money (for real) to expend on food, and I only have 6 eggs (that I have to make them last till Friday xD) instant coffee, low cal milk and instant capuccino. Let's see how this meaningless week from this fucked up year start...
Who else wants to post a full body check but can't stand watching themself in pictures? (I'm pretty paranoid about the idea of someone I know seeing them but then I remember all the people that knows me are my age, have functional life,and I'm 99 % sure don't know what Tumblr is, so the main reason for being reluctant to post them is the repulse I feel over my body).
At least my arms used to be kinda,just kinda thin, now even my fingers looks like sausages, disgusting. I want to get out of this human form, I feel so uncomfortable when I move, when I walk or.move my arms or sit I CAN FEEL the fat yk, walking to the groceries (we only can go out to there cause #fuckingquarentine) the feeling of my thinghs touching make me want to grab something sharp to cut all the fat off.
Yesterday I had to ask for some money to a relative cause i was at the point of being evicted from my department, I don't have an account (not even medical insurance for that matter),so she deposited it directly to the landlord and ask her to give me some for expenses. Last time I saw her was on March, and she told me I look skinnier now lol,you have to love normies standars ....I'm like 10 kg over my weight from last year, so nope lady ,I'm disgusting but thanks for make me feel a little less gross for 10 seconds x)
Ok, so much shit happend in my life after november that i can't even start telling them. I was abused on january, didn't tell anyone, and the people who knew what happen that day blamed me cause #alcoholic, so i deserve it i was just"parting and having fun" NO I WAS NOT, i passed out and then find this creep on top me,inside me,not even using a condom, i was scared about the though of being pregnant, then had to see him every day for a month acting like nothing was wrong, so i started eating af,binging every day. Finally i could move out from that place and guess what ?i was robbed, someone conned me, cause im that dumb, then this stupid virus happen, and im here with almost 20 kg more than last year but this ends today,fuck all that,im gonna put my shit together and go back to my boney body from last year.
Today I told my grandma that I couldn't fit into a shirt that my friend got me yet and she said, "well if you lost some weight you could, so just lose more weight." Well thanks for that, don't you think I'm fucking trying. Obviously I haven't made any progress yet.