#proof Jess cares

[quietwingsinthesky]

something very tragic about looking at dean's relationships with most of the women he knows especially through an aro!dean lens because he so clearly wants deeper relationships with them but because he's dean and has Problems and A Role To Perform, he can only allow himself to have it through romantic attachments that he isn't even comfortable with.

#ack #he just wants trust and he wants security. and whenever he finds that he wants that with someone who is a lady #he automatically forces himself down this path :((( because that's how he's Supposed to interact with women #and then obviously whenever he gets close to men who aren't sam he gets scared that he's being too gay. because he has All The Problems #can't accept that he can just be emotionally intimate with the people around him without romantic love being involved... aahhhh #sam of course being the Exception because sam's his brother and exempt from all this. which is probably why he's happiest when its just him #and sam. (in canon.) it's less a matter of like 'he only cares about sam' and more #'caring about sam isn't complicated'. or well. it is. but that's Sam&Dean specific complicated. not a wider societal narrative complicated. #they have their own little world with its own issues. #actually dean is most stressed out when sam is bringing the outside world into theirs. jess. ruby. amelia. #they're proof to dean that sam is not immune to the wider world. that he might value a romantic relationship over the one he has with dean. #which he does not ever react to in a healthy way because he's dean. but v relatable to be upset by honestly. #anyway. dean and gender and romantic orientation. not heavy topics at all. #spn #aro!dean #dean winchester

[seattlesellie]

Jealous. 🎀

pairing: ellie williams x fem!reader

cw: mean dom!ellie sub!reader, jealous kinda toxic ellie, eating it through the panties, orgasm denial, spit play (literally spits down ur panties like), exhibitionism, some dude named michael.

an: pls be gentle, i haven’t written in a long time! 💗 credit to angel gbc for the mod used in the picture above <3

something we can all agree on is the importance of aftercare — right?

Ellie is big on that obviously, as she should. Caressing her slim fingers down your body, planting wanton kisses on your shoulders, running her palms across your shaky thighs, whispering words of encouragement in your ear;

“Did so good for me, babe”

“I love you, so much”

“Need anything? hm?” She’d murmur against your skin whilst cradling your body from behind.

And she always insists on cleaning you up. She consistently renders you nothing but an achy mess, dried up juices staining your wobbly jelly thighs, combined sweat on your breasts and ribs, back of your neck. The ritual of bringing a wet towel to bed, swiping it’s fabric across your inner thighs, your face, your behind — is a sacred one for her. Not solely because she loves hearing your sweet, exhausted sighs of relief as she cleans the soil away, but also not solely because she gets to see your naked body in all of its glory again.

It’s the act of taking care of what’s hers. In a way, when she wipes your cum away, she’s taking care of herself — too.

Here, lays a solid proof that she can break things apart and put them back together again. She’s not a total fucking fuckup.

The ability of making you scream and cry, then moments later have you whisper in that saccharine voice of yours an airy “love you s’much, Els…”

It’s fucking exhilarating.

She loves it every time, she does it every time.

But today… today you pissed her off. You poked the bear, for real this time.

There’s this new Michael guy in Jackson. He’s handsome, tall, has coal black curls that somehow stay soft and shiny even in this apocalyptic hellscape. He told Ellie and you where he was from, what he did, why he came. Ellie didn’t listen to a thing he was saying. It was like he turned into a fly and started loudly buzzing in her ear. He kept looking at you weird. Smiling at you, smirking, laughing at your jokes, even the ones that weren’t all that funny. She knows you have this affect on people, that damn charm, hell — you have this affect on her.

And she’s usually just playfully jealous, manages to keep it relatively tame and simple by tightening her grip on your waist.

But you just wouldn’t stop bringing him up. “Michael” this, and “Michael” that, “Michael invited us for dinner”, “Michael said this funny thing earlier”,

For all Ellie knows Michael could die in a ditch and she wouldn’t give a fuck.

You're on your way back home from the Tipsy Bison on a chilly Thursday night. Jesse was there, Dina, Maria... and Michael. She thinks of his name and it leaves a bitter taste in her mouth, tart, pungent.

"Meh, I'm more of a Tequila girl, Whiskey tastes like shit" you announced with a giggle. Michael rested his hand on your thigh, and agreed with a nod and a chuckle. For you, it meant nothing.

For Ellie, it meant everything.

Her blood pressure was usually low, steady, healthy as a bull. As of now, Ellie felt like she just ran a marathon. The blood rushed to her head and her brows furrowed without intention. She cracks her neck and moves it left and right, takes a long and burning sip out of her Whiskey and shuts her eyes. She repeats a mantra in her head; "I'm not angry, I'm not angry, It's fine."

But you're so damn intuitive.

"Els? y'tired?" you murmur towards your auburnette girlfriend. She suckles on her bottom lip and considers saying no, but she lies.

"Exhausted"

You leave the humble bar hand in hand, wrapped up in her big coat that smells of mint and wood and Ellie. She prays you won't mention his name, prays you could just go home and forget about this whole thing, but you do, innocently.

"Oh, Michael said one of the horses is sick, I'm thinking of helping out in the barn tomorrow an—"

She stops you mid sentence with a scoff and a tightening grip on your hand. "Oh, mhm, Michael said that?"

Her voice mocks your own a little.

You stop and shift your gaze towards Ellie who has her lips tucked in a tight line. Internally, she's cussing herself out. You don't deserve her anger, but she can't help herself. Your answer is an unsure hum. Her grip tightens even more, and it hurts your palm but you keep on walking side by side, quietly. Five minutes manage to pass with no words being muttered by no one. That's until she shakes her head and lets go of a husky chuckle.

"Did I do something?", you mutter doe eyed. Ellie stops in her tracks and inhales. She grabs you by your waist and walks towards you, making you have to clumsily pace backwards until your back meets a cold grey brick wall with a resounding thud. "Uhg!" You hiccup, breath catching down your throat. You even sweetly giggle, thinking in your head that this could possibly be just a sweet attack of PDA.

But her eyes are dark, gone from emerald to pine, pupils pitch black as big as a button. Her warm whiskey breath meets your nose and your top lip, you gulp. Why isn't she laughing? teasing?

"El?" your voice is still candied, always. Ellies mouth is agape, scarred eyebrows scrunched and furrowed as if she's confused, or pissed, or provoked. Her forehead meets yours so automatically, you attempt to connect your lips with a kiss but she backs away meanly. Albeit her taunting position, how intimidating and truly scary she looks whilst you're caged within her frame, your'e still smiling, you're still thinking she's just teasing.

You're not used to this, she knows, but god knows she yearns to teach you a lesson.

You don't fuck with what's hers.

She licks her bottom lip before she starts speaking.

"Take off your skirt"

Her voice nearly renders you drunk, It's huskiness, gruffness, it's depth, and really, you've only had one shot. Your cheeks heat up and your ears feel as if they're nearly burning. Her lips are so damn close to yours and she still won't let you kiss her.

"Wh... we're in public, we can't—" you stutter, eyes shifting downwards towards the knee she has shoved near your barely covered crotch. When she brings it upwards just to brush delicately on your inner thigh, you let go of a small gasp.

She responds to your gasp with a barely audible "Mhm?", her eyes sharpening with intent.

"Yes we can", she tsk's, and her voice taunts. Her eyes graze over your face, and you expect her next sentence to bite like the last one did, but her voice goes softer. "For me?", she cocks her head to the side.

And it simply pushes you over the edge.

You peel your skirt off of your body, asscheeks plastered over the brick wall as her body squeezes you further back, and you're left half naked with a piece of fabric scrunched below your knees, resting on your shoes. She eyes your body up and down, meeting your pleading and still confused eyes — and for a moment, thinks of just carrying you home and taking care of business once you get there. No jealousy, none of that.

But it's still bitter down her throat, and she can still picture his disgusting hand meeting your soft thigh, her soft thigh — as your body is hers, so that thought is ever so fleeting. It's either now or now.

Her cold as ice finger traces faint circles on your lower tummy, making the fine hairs of your body rise like soldiers. You whimper quietly as her finger snaps the elastic band of your panties and lets it smack down your pelvis. You rub your thighs together, but you're ever so pliant as she makes your legs spread wide with a boot covered foot opening up your calves like a gate.

She whispers in your ear. "Are you wet?", it makes you shiver.

"M'cold" you whine.

She scoffs.

She kneads your bra cup with her palm, squeezing an erect nipple with her thumb and middle finger. "Didn't ask that"

Her eyes meet your gaze and again she reconsiders this whole thing — because you truly look so needy, and your lips are so pouty and sweet and red with cold, you look as if you'd die if she didn't kiss you right now so how can she even be worried, let alone be jealous?

She knows how much you love her, how much you yearn for nobody but her, how her touch leaves you speechless time and time again.

But it's like something takes over, a dark figure, a figure that's thirsty and starving and wants to prove a thing it already knows.

It's an internal struggle, she doesn't want to be possessive,

She can't help it.

Your panties are striped with pink and white, and she looks at them as if they're the most expensive lace in the whole entire world. Her breathing gets heavier as she curls her fingers inside the cotton fabric, pupils darkening when she notices a sweet clear string of your arousal clinging from the entrance of your cunt to the bottom of your underwear.

She chuckles, followed by a sigh of relief that you notice. You are wet, right in the middle of the street where an innocent soul could catch you at any given moment. "Didn't answer cause you're shy?" She knows you so well. You bite your lip and nod, butterflies fighting in the pits of your stomach. A chaste kiss on the lips is all you get from her, and you deeply whine into the air. "At least kiss me!" you beg, — god, you're so cute when you're pissed.

Before landing on her knees, Ellie looks from side to side in order to check that there's truly nobody around, and no — not because she's scared to get caught, but because she'd die before she let someone see her girlfriend half naked with her skirt down her thighs.

Ellie is face to face with your quivering, pantie covered cunt. A wet patch greets her — a fuckin' pleasure, one she can't help but swipe her tongue across. Your choked up, terrified sound of a moan is a symphony to her hears, fuck Mozart. Her eager muscle of a tongue is so warm against your pussy you nearly forget it started snowing yesterday.

You buck your hips inwards, she groans. "No moving", she warns — simply to assert a dominance that has already been asserted. She kisses your little clit, coo's at the way it slightly pokes out of the fabric, erect and pumping on her tongue. "Ellie... Ellie... Ellie", you babble like a prayer, which she nods to. "S'my name, that's fuckin' right", she groans as her husky voice is muffled by your soaked panties.

"Ellie..." you repeat, thighs beginning to ache as you try and spread them further apart, almost sitting on her face.

Ellie, not Michael.

She smiles, greedy, triumphant.

She flicks her tongue on your clit, once, twice, three times before biting on your meaty pussy lips. You bite your knuckles in order to keep your voice down, but she glares up at you. "Do that again n'I swear to god I'm stopping" she growls.

You're not used to this side of her at all, but her voice makes your hole leak a small stream from deep inside. She feels it's wetness on her tongue, eyes closing in ecstasy as she audibly suckles your sweet, tangy, heavenly juices from the now sheer fabric. Her own spit runs down her chin, she doesn't even bother to wipe it off. All you can hear are your breathy, whiney moans, tiny begs of "take 'em off, please", regarding your panties, and Ellie's throaty groans. You're so wet from your own juices and her saliva it nearly gets uncomfortable, but then again you're so goddamn close to cumming.

You try taking matters to your own hands, attempting to peel off your panties from your waist with a shaky hand but she snarls and slaps your wrist away.

"Nuh uh, pussy's fuckin' mine, don't touch it"

With relentless sucking on your drenched clit, and soiled panties, she opens her eyes to merely glare at you again with a warning look. "When you're close, you let me know" she bites.

You don't respond.

A stinging slap meets your pussy, which makes your thighs shake, whole body jolt, and throat ache with a high pitched yelp.

"You're not listening" Ellie warns.

"You listen when I talk" she warns again. Her tongue meets your clit and it pushes it further and further up. You shake, eyesight gone blurry, you're close, you know it by the way the coil down your stomach threatens to snap, and by the way it tickles down there so damn bad.

"M'close" you brokenly wail.

She grunts deeply and stops completely. your heart nearly breaks, no no no no no. "Ellie, Ellie, Els, no!" You try and buck your hips forward but she holds you in place with an iron like grip. You buck them again and she peels off the fabric of your underwear, slightly rising up as she stares inside at the mess she made of you. There's a devilish smirk that creeps up from her lips, apple of one cheek rising. You let out a sigh of relief, thinking that perhaps she'll actually fucking eat you out properly instead of letting you suffer inside a warm, wet material of a mess that truly doesn't look like something wearable anymore. Instead, she audibly spits inside with a "Ptu'", letting the band snap shut. Her saliva mixes with your warm sleek. You're so confused she nearly feels bad, but she's such a cunt that she really doesn't.

"Were going back inside," she murmurs so casually as if she didn't just fuck you up in the middle of the street, as if her chin isn't shiny with your precum. "N'if Michael puts his hand on you again, I'm eating it in front of him"

#ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie x reader #ellie williams smut #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams x you

[fadedin2u]

switch!ellie headcanons

okay i know this has been a much debated topic, but in my expert personal opinion as a switch, i think ellie is canonically a switch (maybe a dom-leaning switch but definitely still a switch)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

✮ she’s usually the one to initiate, and it’s not necessarily purposeful either

✮ she’ll just come back after a grueling patrol, exhausted, planning on just cuddling with you and passing tf out

✮ but as soon as she’s touching you, monkey brain will take over and she’ll start smoothing her hands over your waist and hips

✮ “don’t get turned on-“ you warn, knowing that she needs the rest

✮ “too late,” she’ll say as she palms your ass

✮ as much as i love the hc of ellie dirty talking depraved shit during sex, i don’t really see that in canon ellie

✮ when she’s in a dom mood, she’s definitely more of a service top than anything (u saw that girl on the farm, u cannot honestly tell me that she’s not)

✮ she’ll start turning you on and she’ll be all up in your ear like “tell me what you need, baby, whatever you need i’ll take care of, i promise-“

✮ ellie’s a certified munch (obvs)

✮ eats pussy like it’s her last meal

✮ is also absolutely the type to eat it after she hits it, telling you that she needs to ‘clean you up’

✮ this has been much discussed atm but it’s true, your girl LOVES tribbing

✮ loves fucking you with her strap too, but it’s a completely different ballgame to be skin to skin

✮ specifically loves tribbing in missionary (bc she’s a slut for watching your reactions) and reverse cowgirl, kneading your ass with both hands as she helps you grind back on her

✮ (unpopular opinion, ellie’s an ass girl. proof: have u SEEN dina)

✮ can’t help but praise you, and she’s overly chatty during sex

✮ “you take it so fucking well, jesus fuck-“, “so fuckin’ gorgeous”

✮ loves to watch your expressions, and is the kind of person that loves to be making some sort of eye contact during sex to feel connected to her partner

✮ tends to enjoy the act of giving her partner pleasure more than receiving it (a little bit of an anxiety thing tbh)

✮ but truly, sometimes your girl just needs to be taken care of for once in her life

✮ so when she’s more subby, she’ll just be overly grabby and handsy, but won’t initiate

✮ eventually, you just flat out ask her, “els, do you need something?” and her freckled face will get all red awww

✮ like u know how ellie got when jesse and dina were talking in seattle? that’s def similar to her energy when she feels more submissive

✮ she definitely gets self conscious about how whiny and high pitched her moans get and tries to restrain herself when she’s feeling more dominant

✮ but when she’s on bottom?? you make it your GOAL to make her as loud as possible

✮ likes wearing the strap more than taking it, but ends up liking getting fucked with it WAY more than she thought she would

✮ (more of a modern!au hc but) when you ask her why she’s mad about that, she says, “it pisses me off that a dick feels good inside me, that shit’s homophobic!”

✮ but she tends to get the loudest when you eat her out, mostly because it’s just so hot to have your head between her thighs

✮ absolutely LOVES to get finger fucked by you, and will borderline (or actually) beg for your fingers inside her

✮ she begs sooo pretty whether she’s dom or sub

✮ afterwards, she’s the kind of person that needs to cuddle for a minimum of 1 hour or else she’ll get a little depressed (me core)

✮ luckily, you’re happy to oblige

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

okay i need to go get spayed luv u babes

#ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #tlou2 #tlou #ellie headcanons #ellie williams hcs #ellie williams fanfic #ellie x reader #ellie tlou #ellie williams smut #rose writes

[no-nameno-face]

Taken Care Of Audio (read story first)

TAKEN CARE OF (WITH AUDIO)

Pairing: Reader x Ellie Williams

Summary: NSFW, 18+ ONLY, minors do not interact. You will be blocked. Ellies had a long, hard day on patrol, and after stitching her up she requests some TLC. 

Warnings: Smut heavy, sub!reader, dom!ellie, face riding (E!receiving), oral (E!receiving), masturbation (R!), cum eating (kinda)? Praise kink, minor blood kink, pain kink, stitches, boob play (E!receiving), first time smut writing, did not proof read (but probably should have...)

Author's Notes: Soooo I've never written smut before, lmfao. I made the audio first, for my thirsty Ellie girls on tiktok but this audio got a bit… out of hand (wayyy too graphic) so I didn't want to post it on there. I had a whole scenario in mind with the audio so I figured I might as well write it down and share it here. I am also very obsessed with Ellie receiving so I subconsciously brought that to life while editing the audio. I know it's not great, but it was very fun to make and write soo.. Please be nice to me, I'm sensitive. Lol. (I put in the story when the audio clip applies, the story starts with context) I’d like to improve my writing cause this was a good time so any advice would be appreciated!!

I hear the door downstairs creak open and shut, a bit louder than normal. I can track the footsteps marching to the stairs and I listen with a small smile as the thuds make their way up. I hear soft profanities getting closer. Ellie is home. 

Sitting on our bed I turn my head right in time to see the door open, grinning at her as she walks in. She has that crease in her brow that I recognize as her tell-tell sign that she had a shit day. She shoots me a sly glance before looking away to take her flannel off leaving her in a white tank, dirty and disheveled she pulls it over her head. 

My eyes trace down her back, scarred and bruised. Muscular, and toned. Heart flutters, and a familiar heat builds. It's crazy how after all these years just seeing her still triggers these primal feelings. She just does something to me. She always has. My eyes stop wondering when I see a deep fresh cut following the curve of her hip. 

“Shit els? What happened” I get up and pace towards her keeping my eyes on the wound. 

She bends over pulling her shoes off, losing her balance a bit and mumbling a frustrated “fuck” under her breath. Now behind her, I prod at the gash and she swears again. I can feel her flinch. 

“I'll go get the stitches, sit down.” I say pulling her to the bed. She hits the bed with a thud and leans her elbows onto her knees.Shaking her head “it's not that bad babe, im fine.” She looks up at me and gives a half-hearted smile.

“I know you're fine,” I say, giving her a gentle look “I just don't want it to get infected, okay?” 

“Anything you say doc” she says with a smirk before turning to address the cut herself. She touches it lightly and winces when her fingers make contact. I head to the bathroom across the hall from our room and grab the small white kit from the medicine cabinet, and make my way back to our room. She's still sitting at the end of the bed, now rolling her neck side to side. 

I plop on the bed behind her, “okay, are you gonna tell me what happened now?” trying to distract her as I begin stitching the gash closed. Her back flexes and I hear her sharp intake of breath. Heart flutters. 

“Fucking stalkers. I hate those things” she says, shaking her head and looking up to the ceiling. “I was on patrol,”

“With Jesse right?”

“Don't remind me,” she says with a scoff that is cut off by another huff as I add a new stitch. Damn. Every breath in sync with the sutures releases a morbid butterfly into the pit of my stomach.  “Yeah, I was on patrol with jesse. We were checking out that one restaurant by the lodge, and I found an entrance to the attic. That place has been cleared out for like forever, so I went up on my own and got jumped by a stalker.” she shrugged her shoulders. “Fucking thing nailed me into an old piece of plywood. Piece of shit.” I tie her last stitch off, and give her a gentle pat to tell her she was finished. I got up and made my way to the bathroom to put the kit back.

I turned in the doorway on my way out, “Maybe you should’ve been more careful.” She swings her head at me with squinted eyes. I shrug and turn, heading to the bathroom “just saying!” 

“Fuck off” she calls back, I lightly laugh.

Back in the bedroom, she's lying on her stomach, head resting on her hands. “And then of course Jesse had to give me a fucking lecture about not going anywhere on my own, team communication! All that bullshit.” She turns onto her side propping herself up with one arm, “I’m just so fucking over it.” she looked absolutely exasperated. Oh how I love her dramatics. I sit facing her and her free hand falls to my hip. She looks at her hand, then up to me. Those green eyes, familiar and warm. Home. I smile at her. 

“That sucks. I'm sorry. I mean Jesse should know by now, there's no getting through that thick skull of yours. What's a lecture gonna do?” I smirk at her.

“Ouch.” she sneers at me, one brow up. She lets out a quiet laugh, and looks back down to her hand on my waist. “Thanks for stitching me up babe.”

“You know I don't mind.” I say casually. She smiles, an inside joke painting a picture on the walls of her thoughts. 

“So weird that you're into that.” she chuckles

“I'm not into that.. I just..” her eyes darted to mine. My heart pounded in my ears. She's right, but it was just so blunt. “There's just something about a strong woman who needs my help.” I say fawning innocent eyes, partially joking, but subconsciously egging her on. She sees right through me.  

She raises her eyebrows, taking her hand from my hip and pushing herself up so she's sitting opposite of me. She smiles, “so stupid.” her eyes drift down to my lips, then back to me. I feel red flush my cheeks. Her gaze darkens slightly, noticing. She tilts her head looking at me. “I mean it's okay that you are, i'm not kink shaming” Her hand meets my thigh, electric, and she gives me a sideways smile. I gape at her, trying to make light of the tension building between us.

“So you like taking care of strong women? Yeah?” she says quietly with a smile in her voice as her eyes trace down my body to her hand. Her thumb started circling the sensitive skin of my inner thigh. “Funny, you're normally the one that begs to be'' she looks up at me teasingly “taken care of.” Fuck. I feel heat pool in my belly. My knees squeeze together by their own volition. She feels it and her teasing gaze turns to something else as her eyes shift to them. She bites her lip subtly. This woman. 

Her hand moves to the button of her pants, “well i did have a hard day,” she undoes it and glances at me with an evil smile. “And since you enjoy taking care of strong women” she pulled on her zipper. “Mind doing me a favor?”

Jesus Christ.

“What do you have in mind?” I say, wide eyed. I try to sound cool but my voice comes out hungry. Starved. I watch the switch flip in Ellie's eyes at my words. 

“Take your shirt off.” she demanded with raised brows, and before I could think I was pulling her baggy shirt I was lounging in over my head. I'm left sitting there topless, with nothing but my black underwear on. She rolled famished eyes over my bare skin for what seemed like an eternity. Her eyes settled back on mine. I fidgeted my hands in my lap, feeling suddenly too vulnerable. She leans in slowly without breaking eye contact and my breath catches. Inches from me she whispers “Take off my pants.” 

Immediately I am in her service, at her beck and call. She knows all she has to do is ask. I'll do anything for her. She leans back onto her hands and lifts her hips slightly as I peel her jeans down the soft, yet lean, curves of her hips. Down her thighs, over her knees, and then calves, my eyes tracing every line of her legs. I toss them on the floor, and look back up to her awaiting further instruction. Her eyes are smiling with a dark inflection. 

“Lay down.” I looked at her confused, thinking I was the one taking care of her. Her tone was not a question however, so I obliged. I centered myself on the bed and pulled the nearest pillow under my head, keeping my eyes on her as she stood up and took her white boxers off. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of her. Pretty, untamed. My knees squeeze, I don't try to hide it. She looks at them, and scans back up to my eyes. She stares into me as she walks around the bed to my side. I bite at my nail anxiously. 

“I want you to take care of me, make me feel good m’kay? Can you do that for me?” she asks with a small smile. I nod.

She looks over me once again (START OF AUDIO) “fuck, you look so pretty.” She climbs onto the bed, looking at me like prey to a predator. “Be a good girl for me” she whispers, as she swings one of her legs over my head. Shit, I get it now. Her pussy meets my lips and she lets out a soft “fuck” at my eager mouth. My arms wrap around her thighs, hands gripping soft flesh. She starts to move, pleasuring herself on my tongue. She moans softly, “needed this” she says desperately as her eyes drift close and her head drifts to the ceiling. Her taste envelopes me, her wetness growing by the second with the addition of my saliva wetting her folds. 

“Okay,” she moans, picking up her pace, grinding against my face. She looks down at me, before her eyes dart shut “There!”  I feel her body pulse at the peak of her thrusts and I know she's found her spot. Her bud flicking roughly over my tongue. “Oh shit.. There. There we go” she continues at her pace for a moment. Her pulsing getting stronger. Her eyes snap open and peer at me “Jesus, you feel so good.” she says as her head rolls back and her eyes closed again. She continues her rhythm as I pull my arm from under her leg and skim my hand up her body “okay” she says lost in the sensation. My palm cups her right breast and I squeeze impatiently, then rub a loving thumb over her nipple, circling it. “Damn… yeah” she sighs then her hand meets mine and squeezes the sensitive flesh with me “Baby just like that.” she bites her lip with a whispered “fuck” as she rides my face. 

Her moans and the graphic sound of her wetness fill the room. I reach my other hand down into my underwear and begin circling my own clit firmly, unable to avoid the tension building within my own body. “Fuck me.” she whines into the air, before looking down to me with adoring eyes, “that's my good girl.” her eyes tighten, “lets go” she whispers as she begins to grind harder and faster into my mouth. “Come on.” My hand on my core meets her pace. “Good. There. Okay. There we go” I love how she talks mindlessly when we fuck. Her voice is enough to bring me closer to my own apex. I begin moaning beneath her, unable to contain my own pleasure. She looks down at me “shhhh shh shh shh” she hushes as she pulls my hand from my aching clit before I can reach my undoing. I whimper in disappointment as she pulls my arm from beneath her leg and takes my other one from her chest before pinning them above my head in her strong hands, deepening her weight into my face. “Shut up” she corrects. 

Her rhythm continues and I can tell the new pressure she's added is building her quickly. “God damn.” she says as her eyes squeeze shut. “Okay” That same wrinkle between her eyes deepens again, this time out of pleasure. She rides harder pushing the back of my head further into the pillow. Her moans grow louder, more animalistic. her hands on my wrists tighten to the point that I am sure that there will be a mark. “Holy fuck” she gasps. She pushes hard against me and I can feel the pulse intensify, her sounds grow and grow until suddenly her hands let go of my wrists and bury deep into my hair, pushing me even further into her just at the right time when her head falls back in quiet breathy moans, she rides out her high on my mouth. Her legs shaking and clit pounding as I suck against it,  encouraging her. Tasting her. Worshiping her. She lets out a whimpering breath at the end of her climax and looks down at me beneath her. “Oh my god babe.” She slowly lifts off of my face and I see her flinch slightly at the air touching her sensitivity. She takes a breath before looking at me with a lazy smile.

 “All right. Your turn.”

#ellie williams #ellie x reader #ellie williams tlou #ellie smut #ai audios #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams x you #the last of us #the last of us ellie #ellie williams x reader #ellie x y/n

[urfavoritegirlkisser]

"Midnight Rain" II - Rockstar!Ellie Williams x Popstar!Reader

an - wow i did not expect you guys to like this idea so much, if you haven't read part one i would go ahead and read it first before reading this part!! Enjoy!

I don't consent to anyone sharing my work anywhere else, I only post my writing on this tumblr account, do not steal my work

Tags: Fem!popstar!reader, rockstar!Ellie, we're burning slow here my loves, fake dating trope, no outbreak au, angst, slight anxious!reader, Ellie is a little bit of a player and kind of an asshole sorry pookies, lightly proof read, listen to "lucky" by britney spears it literally inspired this entire idea

So apparently you lied to yourself and no one forgot it happened

Two months. It had been two months since you had seen that article and left Ellie’s hotel room, and people couldn’t seem to let it go.

Edits of the two of you filled your for you page, fans brought signs to your shows asking about you and Ellie, and honestly, you were sick of it.

It didn’t help that your management thought it was a great idea because it gained traction for both you and Ellie’s fan bases.

So now you sit in a meeting with Ellie and your managers as they discuss another appearance from the two of you together.

This was your least favorite part of being a pop star, the fame, and your fans were amazing, but most of your choices weren’t your own; they were for the “brand” your management wanted to maintain.

“Sounds good to me” Ellie speaks up, breaking you from your thoughts as you look at her like she has two heads and scoff

“I’m sorry but weren’t you the one telling me that you had your precious reputation to uphold and couldn’t be tied down with anyone?”, you could feel your anger at the situation growing but knew you should keep yourself from completely losing it

“We both benefit from the attention, that’s more important to me than some silly reputation sweetheart,” she says with that infuriating smirk that lets you think for a moment that her words are truthful

“Fine,” you say, “But this is only going to be a thing for a few months, after my tour is over we are over, got it?” 

Your managers go over the agreements and discuss appearances before the both of you sign, basically binding yourselves to each other for the next six months.

The first appearance was simply Ellie coming to one of your shows

She hangs out with her bandmates Dina and Jesse in the VIP box where they are visible to the fans attending but are secure enough so they don’t get mobbed and can enjoy the show comfortably.

You make sure to direct most lyrics in the more romantic songs on your set list toward Ellie and can tell that your fans are eating it up.

After the show, your manager escorts you backstage where Ellie is waiting, noticing that it’s visible by some fans lingering in the upper levels.

Your manager pushes you toward Ellie and you plaster on a fake smile, running up to her and hugging her tightly.

Ellie kisses your cheek lovingly and it sends a jolt of sadness through you as you look into her eyes, wishing the look of care on her face was real.

“Smile, people are watching” she whispers into your ear while letting her hand slip to your waist and letting the other cup your jaw to tilt your face to hers.

You shake off the creeping feeling of anxiety at so many cameras on the two of you and smile softly, letting Ellie lead you into a quick kiss before parting and being led back to your dressing room by your manager.

You get back to your hotel that night and scroll mindlessly through your feed of constant videos from tonight, some of you performing, some of Ellie in the VIP box, and plenty of when the two of you met after the show.

You scroll through the comments of fans raving about how happy the two of you look with tears in your eyes

If only they knew

an - I listened to my sad girl hours playlist for this, I hope you enjoyed it!! Now go drink water you girl kissers xoxo

#wlw fanfic #urfavoritegirlkisser #ellie x reader #ellie williams x reader #ellie x fem reader

[elsweetheart]

HELLO KITTIE, i have a request 🤭🤭, what about poly! Relationship w/ abby & ellie x reader, obv smut (god im such a whore)

Hear me out; the 3 of them living together, and one night they come from patrol to find reader high & masturbating themself with a pillow thinking of them 🫦🫦

im sorry im down BAD for them

-🎧

been thinkin abt this request since i got it 🙀

high tide.

🎀 mentions of weed, abby and ellie share reader typa relationship, masturbation, mentions of the strap on but it’s not used, not writing another part to this sorry !

you hated being bored. therefore, tuesdays were your most despised day. it was the day abby and ellie were both scheduled to be out on patrol together, whilst you sat in your shared home all bored and lonely. the least you could do was get high and pass the time until they returned.

“you sure you wanna smoke without us? not gonna get all scared again and disturb jesses peace like you did last time, right?” ellie smirked, tilting her head at you as she pulled her jacket over her shoulders, abby stood behind her zipping hers up. you recall the time you smoked waaaay too much weed, got super panicked and ended up knocking at jesses door crying, telling him that you think you’re allergic to snow.

before you got the chance to respond, abby’s head whipped around, braid falling over her shoulder as she came and stood by ellie to look at you where you were sprawled on the sofa clutching a bag of weed. “i told you that was a bad idea earlier.” she argued, making your head lull back up at the ceiling with a defensive whine.

“but it’s boring. i know my limits now.” you sat up, baggy tshirt that belonged to abby jostled— exposing some of the skin on your stomach as you did so. you bat your eye lashes playfully, bringing your fists up beneath your chin. “i’ll be good, i swear.”

abby shrugged, giving up on telling you what you couldn’t do, knowing you were likely to do it anyway. “fine, have at it.” she was now occupied by looking around for her gloves, snatching it out of ellie’s hands when she saw the brunette trying to pull them over her own palms quietly, having lost hers. “i think not.” abby tutted, not in the best of moods about having to leave her sweet girl in her tshirt all alone to go on patrol.

“sheesh, what happened to sharing is caring.” ellie muttered, flicking her eyebrows up at you making you giggle.

“abby shares sometimes, i’m living proof.” you jest, wiggling your fluffy-sock adorned toes into the couch cushions to keep them warm. ellie smiled, huffing a quiet laugh out her nose before her eyes flickered to the pre roll you’d made from your bag before they’d entered the room.

“y’want me to light you up atleast, ‘fore i go?” ellie took a few steps towards you on the couch as she pat her pockets for her lighter before leaning her palms against the back of the seat. you scrunched your nose, looking at it before looking back at her shaking your head.

“i got it. gonna wait til’ i get really bored and desperate.” you smiled and she pat the back of the couch in a quick rhythm before pushing herself off.

“alright. god you’re so fuckin’ lucky—”

“come on, ellie.” abby called from the door, before her heavy footsteps rearrived in the door way, giving her a look telling her to hurry up before her gaze softened, looking at you.

“we won’t be too long. be careful, okay?” she instructed, pleadingly — telling you basically not to smoke more than you can handle again.

“i will. bye guys, miss you already.” you pouted, arm extended as you waved with your fingers.

“bye, babe.” ellie leant forward and ruffled your hair before following abby out the door, the sound of them bickering outside muffled as they trudged further away.

a few hours passed, and you could no longer entertain yourself. to be honest, you hadn’t tried too hard— you hadn’t even moved from the couch. you were set on having a lazy day, and that you were having. you rolled around on the couch trying to get comfortable again, kicking off the blanket and hoisting your leg up, abby’s t-shirt bunched up around your waist exposing your underwear and socks. you gazed at the pre-roll, enough was enough.

abby had gotten in your head a little about smoking too much, so you made sure you were careful — smoking half the zoot right there on the couch (knowing abby would complain about you smoking inside, but hey, it was punishment for her getting in your head.) before stubbing it out, enjoying the relaxing buzz it brought you. this was it, you thought. maybe abby was onto something, there was a limit — and you’d done a great job at not reaching it today, getting just high enough to feel good and hazy without it being all too intense. you relaxed back on the couch, stretching your arms out beside you.

the good feelings had made you feel all mushy and affectionate, and you blinked your red eyes open to stare ahead of you, pouting at their absence. you wished that they were here right now, experiencing your joy with you. you pictured ellie to your left and abby to your right and smiled, practically being able to hear their pointless bickering. the only time they could make true peace with eachother, was when they were making you feel good. most of the time, anyway.

something stirred in your underwear, a warm familiar blanket of pleasure washing over you thinking about the way they doted over you, letting you fall into that glorious submissive space just to take care of you. you wanted that right now, you wanted them to come home and take care of you.

the submission creeping in made you feel higher and you sucked your bottom lip into your mouth as you sunk down lower on the couch, letting your legs fall open. the heat had wedged itself between your thighs and you felt the urge to touch yourself tingling in the tips of your fingers. you indulged, running your hand down your stomach the same way one of your girlfriends might and wasted no time letting the pads of your fingers climb over your clothed clit, the sensation heightened by your high. you let out a shaky breath, rubbing with more vigour as you brought one foot up, bent to sit flat on the couch giving your more access. you cursed, slipping your hand into your panties and wondering how you could get so wet so fast.

you spread your juices through your folds, fingers darting around your swollen button making you mewl out. you wanted to whine one of their names, but your heart ached trying to decide who’s to moan first, not wanting the other to feel second bested despite their lack of presence. you fucked your own hand until you came, loud, desperate and easy. almost too easy, as it was proven that the second you came down the burning ache hadn’t subsided. you felt insatiable.

more desperate now, you decided to switch up your tactics. as soon as you had grabbed the cushion, yanking your underwear down just to your knees, too eager to take them off completely — your eyes were clamping shut, stuffing the folded cushion between your legs laying on your front. from the way it was folded, it nudged directly against your sensitive clit, folds spreading around its shape. your cheek smushed itself into the couch as you ground your hips, slow and lethargic, each move tugging your panties slightly lower down your legs, still binding them with its material.

patrol hadn’t been too long, luckily for the two girls. as usual, they were driving eachother up the wall with small disagreements and ellie’s inappropriate jokes. they were more than happy to arrive back home to their sweet mediator, hoping to be greeted with an excited embrace as usual.

abby unlocked the door, turning her nose up immediately as a warm pungent wall of cannabis hit her in the face. ellie shuffled in behind her, dragging her feet slightly to kick any snow and mud off. “fucking freezing out there— oh, somethin’ smells good.”

“neither of you listen, do you?” she sighed, unzipping her coat as the two of them walked through to the living room, expecting to see you napping or engaged in a book. ellie heard the telltale mewl of your pleasure before abby did, distracted by pulling her coat off as they walked towards the room. the brunette briefly stopped with a growing excited smirk before continuing to follow the broad blonde into the entrance of the living room.

they stopped at the door, watching your grind your cunt into the delicately stitched cushion, pathetic whimpers distracting the two of them momentarily from the smell of weed. abby’s demeanour softened, feeling the way her body heat up at the sight. your leg hitched up, making the swell of your ass more plump as your folds shimmered in the low light. ellie particularly enjoyed the view of your panties not even pulled fully down your legs, suggesting your desperation to get yourself off.

you were only alerted of their presence when abby’s heavy boots creaked the floor board— but you were in no rush to lift your head and stop your movements. infact, your hips slowed to a stop reluctantly as you just stared back at them guiltily, unsure of what the reaction might be.

“having fun?” abby crossed her thick arms over her chest and you tensed, pushing your cunt more firmly into the pillow at the sight.

“was just… i…” you were lost for words, you’d totally been caught. your eyes dragged over to ellie, the sound of her backpack thudding against the floor drawing your attention. she strode over, dropping to a kneel in front of you. she was smirking with amusement which only made you blink your eyes at her more innocently like you hadn’t been doing anything at all, her hand reaching out to take a hold of your chin, tilting it up to face you into the light more.

“just as i expected, high as a kite. damn, we can’t leave this one alone for five minutes.” she shook her head and you began to push yourself up off the pillow, the shame finally reaching you as a flushed heat crept up your cheeks from behind your ears. a weight dipped in the couch beside you, abby taking a seat. her strong hand clasped the back of your thigh.

“you can stay like that.” it wasn’t an offer, nor a suggestion— more like a thinly veiled threat. ellie nodded sympathetically and you dropped your cunt back down onto the pillow. abby’s hand casually slid up your thigh, her thumb just missing your folds as it reached your ass, taking the meat of it and jiggling it slightly. “you’re actually in the perfect position to get fucked, i just don’t know if you deserve it after smoking inside again and all.” she pretended to contemplate, hand sliding back down to your where your panties were bunched up around her, dragging them down a few inches. you knew she was staring at your soaked folds and the way they were spread around the cushion— you knew abby was strong willed, but she wasn’t that strong willed.

ellie glared at abby, scoffing as if to say ‘i’ll do whatever i want, actually.’ and turned to you almost stubbornly. “sit up for me babe, i’ll help you out.” she emphasised. you pushed yourself up by your clammy hands and repositioned yourself so you were sat on the couch, panties still pulled half way down which felt even more embarrassing from this position. ellie readjusted her squatted position on the floor, before taking hold of the backs of your knees and yanking so your hips were up where she needed them. “there ya go.” she muttered, pushing your knees up as she leant in, taking a long lick through your soaked folds and enclosing her mouth around your clit, sucking. you whined, folded legs flailing a little as you tried to ignore the imposing mountain of abby beside you, staring, almost plotting.

you thought you could ignore her intimidation, enjoy ellie’s tongue lapping you up, and you were — but your attention was briefly stolen when she spoke. “spoiled.” was all she said, a slow shake of her head paired with it. you turned to look at her, and then it was her turn to feel weak. you just looked so pretty — eyes glossy and pink, mouth swollen, flushed and drooly, hair a little out of place, chest rising and falling with pants with the brunette between your thighs, your hand gently caressing the back of her head. fuck, abby thought— and she couldn’t stop herself from her hand sliding round the back of your neck like a snake and gripping you there, not wanting you to tear your gaze away. your brows furrowed at her touch, continuing to whimper from ellie’s ministrations.

the blonde pulled you in for a kiss, messy and barely giving you a chance to breathe. she fucked your tongue with her own for a while before you broke away when you felt ellie’s mouth disappear from your cunt. you turn to face her but was met immediately with her lips on yours — jealous and attention seeking. you barely had time to register the change-over, a gasp wracking through your chest when her slender middle finger slid right up inside you, pressing hard against the delicate gummy spot within. she kissed you through your shocked noises of pleasure, and you noticed abby’s hand still gripping the back of your neck, always somewhat in control.

“yeah, needed that huh?” ellie whispered against your lips, and you felt abby’s hand start to travel. she was grasping the back of your shirt now in her fist, like you were a bag of fruit or something. it was almost humiliating, the same way kittens get lifted by the scruff of the neck. she waited for the right moment before beginning to tug your shirt up, removing it over your head and from your body. your nipples peaked now in the sudden change of temperate and abby shuffled closer, big palm running across them before grabbing one, thumbing the nipple. the sensation made you buck your hips against ellie’s hand, overwhelmed and oh god — you were going to cum again already.

abby’s hand left you as soon as she sensed this, and so did her warmth from beside you. she stood up infact, and ellie actually pulled away to let you look up at her, taking the opportunity to take abby’s seat so she could kiss your neck, fingers finding your cunt once more.

“don’t let her cum yet. you wanna slut yourself out on the couch when we come home, you get fucked properly. those are the rules.” she looked so big, her long sleeve off-white henley gripping her biceps like it was it’s day job, her shoulders squared and her chin lifted and determined. she held your watery gaze before walking away to her bedroom to retrieve what you can only imagine to be the strap on. ellie’s fingers only sped up, thumb tapping against your clit as she suddenly began the race to get you to cum before abby returned.

“els.” you whined warningly only making her chuckle against the shell of your ear.

“what?” she smiled, your fingers clenching around her at just her voice.

“abby said—”

“i know what she said.” she whispered meaningfully, making no effort to slow her hand down. oh. that’s what was going on here.

“y’gonna— mmh— get me in t—trouble.” you were panting and you felt the sweat gathering at the back of your neck, almost a marking of abby’s absence.

“so get in trouble, we all know you like being punished anyway.” she shrugged, green eyes boring into the side of you face. “you’ll still be my good girl atleast.” she purred, trying everything to push you over the edge as you began to hear abby’s feet descending back down the stairs. your cunt spasmed around her fingers and she smirked, knowing she was about to be victorious.

“ellie!” you squeaked, feeling yourself tipping over the edge, almost frightened and panicked.

“thats it, baby. you take whatever you want. fuck, i love this greedy pussy.” she cursed as you exploded, the unmistakable sounds of your orgasm filling the room, just as the footsteps of abby returned — her strong shoulder leaning against the door to watch. your eyes were closed, but you knew her arms were crossed, face unreadable, thick strap very much present.

“hope you enjoyed cumming.” her strong voice carried once you’d come down, making your pink eyes flutter open from dream-land. ellie was kissing your jaw, smug smirk on her face as she wiped her fingers on your thigh. abby stepped forward into your hazy view. “because it won’t be happening again tonight.”

#abby x reader x ellie #abby anderson smut #ellie williams smut #ellie williams x reader #abby anderson x reader

[elsplaything]

benefits // ellie williams x fem reader

summary: you’re ellie’s plaything and you’re SICK of it. so, you go to confront her about it, and you can’t seem to get your point across…

warnings: male groping, intoxication, switch!ellie, strap usage (r!receiving), oral & fingering (e!receiving).. there’s probably more i just don’t remember

not proof read im sorry

you missed her. you didnt want to accept it, didnt want her to win, but you really, really missed ellie.

this friends-with-benefits-dirty-secret thing that you guys had going on was so confusing. she would barge into your room, all hot and bothered and cruel, forcing you to submit to her. she would have you face down on her bed, panting and broken and pathetic, but then right after she spoke to you like you were her angel. "youre so perfect, i cant believe i have you." "my perfect girl." "dont leave me, baby, let me hold you a while longer.."

but then, the morning came, and ellie was gone. you were left alone, in an empty house with an empty bed. she left you aching, yearning for more. the worst part of it all, though, was how she treated you outside of the bedsheets. like she didnt know you at all; you were a mere stranger to ellie in the public eye. every party, every gathering at jesses', she would just brush you off like another bystander.

yet you still missed her. even now, as youre standing alone in jesse's kitchen downing a redbull mixed with vodka, watching ellie flirt with yet another drunk and horny girl in the living room. did she even know you were there? did she even care?

"hey, babe. what're you doing back here?" dina's sweet voice brings you back into focus, forcing you to look away from ellie for what seems like the first time tonight.

"oh hey, uh- jus' getting another drink." you threw your cup into your mouth, chugging the entire bitter taste then pouring another. you needed to forget everything tonight, and this was the only way to do it.

"whoa there, cowgirl. lets go get you on the floor.. and away from the drinks!"

dina dragged your drunken state onto the "dance floor" (jesses living room) and you both danced closely to one another.

your hands moved up your body as you jumped and swayed against random people in the dance mob. you felt hot and sticky, but it was at least a good distraction...

ellie could see you from across the room. her jaw clicked as she saw your ass in that short black dress peek out as you grinded on a random frat guy. bile rose in her throat as she saw him place his big hands on your soft hips. those hips that were bucked up against her own, just a few nights ago...

"hey, get- get your hands..off.." you slurred at the guy, just now realizing that he wasn't dina, he was a big drunk asshole who's touch was getting too much too fast.

"cmon, ma, lets take this upstairs-"

"dude, she doesnt want to go up with you." somehow, ellie found herself in the middle of the dancefloor, holding your hand and defending you to this random jerk.

you looked up at her with your pleaded doe eyes, and she almost fell to her knees and died right there.

"hey, d, think i need to take her home for the night." ellie talked into dina's ear over the loud music.

"yeah, i think that would be best..." dina gave you a small smile and then proceeded to yell at the weird touchy guy.

ellie plopped you into the passenger seat of her old trunk, and you rested your head onto the headrest and looked over at her.

she sat down and turned the key over. "lets get you home, 'kay, pretty girl?" her long fingers brushed a strand of hair from your face.

you scrunched up your eyebrows and looked straight ahead, pouting. "dont do that, els."

with one hand on the steering wheel, she looked over at you and her expression softened. you looked so cute, all drunk and tired in your best dress. she loved that one, she even picked it out for you a few months ago.

"do what?" her voice was soft and almost mocking.

you sniffled, looking out the window to try and hide the tears falling down your cheeks. you were a sad drunk, thats for sure.

"dont call me that. don't act like i matter to you.. its all bullshit." your words were slurred and messy, but at least you sort of got your point across.

she pulled into her driveway, turned off the car and fully turned to you.

"youre drunk. get inside, ill run a bath. we can talk in the morn-"

"no! im not gonna-- talk in the fucking morning! tell me why you dont fucking love me or care!!" you spat out, full on sobbing in the passenger seat.

ellie had that little crinkle between her brow that you adored so much. she looked at you with sorrowful eyes, she knew this had gone too far.

"i.. fuck. i do love you, y/n." she caressed your cheek with her hand, trying to comfort your burning skin.

suddenly, you felt a little more sober. you unbuckled and got out of her truck, and started to storm off into the empty street.

"what the fuck are you doing??" ellie yelled after you, grabbing your forearm before you got too far.

"i'm sick of your lying, ellie. you've told me that before, told me you loved me and you would never leave and blah blah, then you go and ignore me, flirt with all the fuckin' sluts in the fuckin' world and then you tell me you don't want a relationship because you hate labels and i'm fucking sick of it!"

you finally snapped. your breathing was erratic, your eyes were glaring into hers, and all ellie could think of was how incredibly hot you were when you yelled at her.

she walked closer to you, and she could literally feel the heat emitting from you.

"then why do you keep coming back to me?" her voice was low as she looked into your eyes with something you've never seen before. they grew dark, even in the moonlight, and you didn't even know what to say.

she grabbed your jaw before you could get a word out and practically hit her lips against yours. you moaned at her forcefulness, pulling her hair to deepen the kiss.

before you knew it, you were dragged inside and thrown onto her bed.

ellie's lips sucked hard on your collar bone, marking you as hers. her hands roamed all over your sides as she writhed on top of you, needing to be inevitably closer to your warm skin.

"fuck- you're so fucking pretty when you're mad." she mumbled against your skin, her hot breath burning you.

your fingernails dug into her biceps, anger searing at her comment. you wrapped your legs around her waist and pulled her hips onto yours harshly, digging your feet into her ass.

"fuck you." you breathe into her mouth and flip her over so you straddled her waist. you unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down her thighs, your fingers plunged into her grey boxers and rubbed along her folds. she was soaking wet.

ellie whimpered underneath you, propping herself up on her elbows so she could get a better view of you on top of her. she liked it when you took control, though she'd never admit it.

you quickly shoved two fingers inside of her, making her cry out the prettiest moan.

"you take it so well, huh, pretty girl?" you panted out, leaning down to kiss her slick forehead. her bangs were stuck with sweat, she looked so beautiful.

she clenched her eyes shut as you went deeper, earning breathy moans and "fuck, right there" from her.

ellie's long fingers clung to your shoulders as she came fast around your hand. she's never come that fast, only when she ate you out..

she began to move you over, but you stopped her by moving down her legs so your face was met with her cunt. "nuh uh, not yet." you told her; she looked at you with confusion before she cut herself off with another pretty whimper as you sucked harshly on her swollen clit. she was sensitive from her previous orgasm, and her hands pulled at your hair at the overstimulation.

"fuck- i cant- stop it, y/n!"

"you can take it." you mumbled into her pussy as your fingers found themselves buried deep inside, again.

ellie was getting a taste of her own medicine. and she liked it.

she liked to watch you as your eyes fluttered while your mouth and fingers worked on her. your dress was scrunched up at your hips, exposing your tiny panties and big ass. god, just looking at you had her cumming on your mouth.

"god, youre fucking killing me." ellie groaned and leaned her head back onto the pillows as her back arched into your tongue. you had to hold her waist down with your free arm while ellie rode out her high onto you.

you climbed back up so you were straddling her again; she was panting like a dog and her green eyes were glazed over as she looked up at you like you were a literal angel sent from heaven.

your hand cupped her cheek, brushing away the loose hair. her eyes fluttered closed, taking in your soft touch.

"you liked that, huh?" you whispered to her and kissed her nose.

"mmhm," she mumbled sleepily, "but it's your turn now."

her hands suddenly grabbed you and flipped you over so ellie was the one on top, and it felt oh, so familiar.

soon enough, her biggest strap was plowing into your abused cunt, your face was pushed into her mattress, her hands on either side of your head.

your screams filled her ears, making her thrust faster. she pulled you up by your hips so your pretty ass faced her. you supported yourself on your elbows and your head hung as she hit your spot over and over again.

"never gettin' away from me again, angel." she panted to you, and all you could do was moan in response.

"too- too much, ellie.. god!" your fingers gripped the sheets and you tried to get away from the brutal thrusts of ellie's strap, but as soon as she saw what you were doing, she grabbed your waist with one arm and pulled your back against her chest.

"dont you fuckin dare. do not run from me." her voice was clear in your ear, and your head fell back onto her shoulder as she pushed up into you. "thats it, thats my girl."

her free hand went to your clit, pushing you over the edge. you screamed her name, probably waking up the entire apartment complex.

ellie's long arms wrapped around you as your eyes drooped. you loved to listen to her heartbeat when you laid your head on her chest, completely fucked out.

"i really do love you, you know that, right?" her voice was so gentle, she was scared to lose you after tonight. after all you said.

you sighed deeply, still laying on her. "then stay."

#ellie williams #tlou smut #tlou x reader #ellie williams x reader #the last of us #ellie williams smut #abby anderson smut #abby anderson #abby x reader #abby anderson x female reader #ellie williams x you #ellie the last of us

[withyouwithoutthem]

Eat, Sleep, Wake (Nothing But You) Ellie Williams

Modern College AU. Dealer!Ellie x F!Reader

Summary: When Reader and Ellie find themselves locked in a room together they’re forced to face the misunderstanding that occurred between them three years prior. Reader isn’t ready to let it go, but Ellie is willing to persuade her otherwise. 

WC: 9.5k Buckle up, it’s a long one.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI!!! consumption of alcohol, smoking marijuana, brief description of reader’s outfit, mentions of divorced parents and foster care, ANGST, mutual pining, reader and ellie are both idiots, ellie being a little manipulative, SMUT, fingering and oral sex (r recieving)

A/N: i got super stoned last night and considered not posting this. second half is NOT proof read and feels a bit rushed. it's also very different from anything else i’ve written and i don’t know how i feel about it. initially i didn't intend for it to be this long (like 18 pages in gdocs, might be overkill) but it seems i don’t know how to write anything that’s not shakespearean in length, so sincere apologies. are people even into fics this long? i know i am but thats not the point. first time smut writer soooo that was fun! remember that feedback is always highly appreciated as well as like and reblogs! enjoy!!

You had dragged yourself to the party tonight in hopes of easing the heaviness that had settled in your stomach following the news delivered by your father that morning. It was hardly an appropriate conversation to have over the phone, yet your father could not give you the luxury of speaking about  it in person. His words had been pinging around in your head all day, so when your roommate and best friend, Dina, brought up the idea of going to a party— you jumped at it with no questions asked.

Getting ready had been a small distraction for the time being, the notion of getting all “prettied up” for the night seeming good enough. Pregaming with a couple shots of tequila each had you feeling a new kind of sexy as you did your makeup; black eyeshadow skillfully smudged around your eyes in a tasteful wing, a light layer of glitter swiped across your lids. You’d dressed yourself in your favourite pair of jeans—the ones that hugged your ass in the best way— and a black open back top. 

You and Dina were both a giggling mess on the bus ride over to the frat, earning a fair share of odd glances from a few of the other patrons. Had you not been buzzed already, you would have felt embarrassed and maybe even apologized to those around you, but alcohol was buzzing in your veins on the track to having a fun night out.

The music could be heard from outside the frat house, but as soon as the two set foot through the doorway, it pumped right through their chests, leaving them with a buzz different from the alcohol. Sweaty bodies packed together tightly throughout the main floor, spilling out into the backyard where the party continued. In the kitchen they found the counter littered with bottles of booze and plenty of snacks— which you had learned not to touch the hard way, when you caught a god-awful stomach bug during first year. 

Dina’s eyes scanned the labels, fingers dancing overtop the bottles as she searched for one in particular, “Aha!” She exclaimed, “This’ll do.”

“Dina, there’s like seven different bottles of whiskey. It’s all the same.”

“Nuh-uh,” Dina shook her head, pouring a shots worth into the two plastic cups you set out. “This is the good stuff, no wonder they had it at the back.”

You didn’t have a chance to see the label, and couldn’t find yourself caring about the brand as you clinked your cup against Dina’s, sending your friend a wink before throwing the shot back. Dina had been right, this was the good stuff; smooth but smokey, warming your chest on the way down yet still sent shivers up your spine. 

The pair were quick to down a second one, and it wasn’t long before the girls found themselves being joined by their friends Jesse and Kate. They celebrated their arrival with a third before mixing their fourth with some semi-flat ginger ale they’d found. Dina had managed to convince you, who wasn’t much of a dancer, to join her where the mass of sweaty bodies moved in tandem with the music pulsing through them. 

You stood behind Dina, a hand on her hip as she slightly swayed side to side. The girl in front of you seemed to let the music consume her, dancing back onto her friend unaware of the attention she attracted from those around them. A sheen layer of sweat began to perspire on your back, hair sticking to the exposed skin. The heat of the room and the alcohol bubbling in your veins had you loosening up, but as Dina encouraged her to dance more freely— you knew you’d need another drink to do so. 

“I’ll be back! Gonna get another drink.” you spoke into Dina’s ear, who smiled and turned to dance with Jesse and Kate.

Back in the kitchen, you grabbed a new cup and searched for the bottle of whiskey Dina had stashed away again. You were bumped from behind as you poured the shot, more of it ended up spilled on the counter than in the cup. You cursed and grabbed a rag from the sink to wipe it up. As you moved to bring the cup up to your mouth, you found yourself stopping once it touched your lips, catching sight of who stood just outside the sliding doors. 

Ellie Williams.

Dressed in black jeans and a white tank top with an unbuttoned red and brown flannel overtop, Ellie Williams stood with a small group on the back deck, occasionally smoking off a joint as it made its rounds. Even though Ellie no longer attended school, she was still the resident weed dealer on campus, and had quite the reputation for not only how good her stuff was, but also how quickly she made her way through the school's population of queer women. 

The two of you had been friends once, meeting through your mutual friend, Dina. You had developed a certain fondness for Ellie during the times you found yourselves together. Ellie’s quick witted responses and terrible jokes made you laugh even when nobody else found them funny. It was Ellie’s little touches here and there that had your skin buzzing with a fire that couldn’t be put out; grabbing your elbow to pull you back from crossing the street when you weren’t paying attention, interlocked fingers in crowded spaces, and a soothing hand on your back that time you emptied your stomach onto some poor ladies flower garden during homecoming week.

Ellie’s voice often had your stomach doing somersaults—low and raspy during morning classes, knowing the auburn haired girl had probably only rolled out of bed fifteen minutes prior. Silky smooth in the late hours of the night, where on occasion you found yourself sitting alone with Ellie in Dina’s living room long after she retired to bed. You would be buzzing with a high courtesy of Ellie’s weed paired with whatever alcohol you’d drank that night. Ellie would be speaking at no more than a murmur, flirty remarks falling past her lips that had you scooting to sit closer. Heart pounding in your chest at the feeling of Ellie’s body pressed against your side. Though, when it came to Ellie, it was hard to know whether or not the words coming out of her mouth held any merit. She was a serial flirt afterall. 

You two grew close, no longer needing Dina with them as an excuse to hangout. By then, your fondness for Ellie had grown into a full-blown crush. Ellie’s touchy side had become more apparent the more you hung out, always touching you in some way; whether it be a hand on your knee under the table while surrounded by friends, a hand in your back pocket while walking, lips brushing the shell of your ear as she whispered. It had even gone so far as a heated makeout on your couch. Ellie had insisted on walking you home after leaving Dina’s apartment, it was late and upon arriving at your place the two of you realized they didn’t want the night to end. 

It was under the orange glow of streetlights that you admired each other for what felt like an eternity. You took notice that the scar in Ellie’s right eyebrow that she’d always hide with her bangs was out in the open for the world to see. The freckles that littered her cheeks and nose were more noticeable in your close proximity, and you could just make out a small fleck of brown in Ellie’s green eyes. Just as you opened your mouth to invite Ellie inside, hand reaching out to trace a finger along the scar in her eyebrow did the auburn-haired girl quickly surge forward, moulding your lips together in a gentle yet somewhat sloppy kiss. 

You were buzzing, alight with so many feelings that all you could do was grab at Ellie with greedy hands and fumble backwards into your apartment. Close was not close enough as Ellie led you blindly to your couch, shoes haphazardly strewn in the entryway, accompanied by long forgotten jackets as hands pulled one another tighter. 

This was it, you thought. Solid evidence that the feelings you had for Ellie weren’t one sided, every touch, every locked gaze from across a crowded room, and every sweet endearment shared between you meant something. 

Ellie’s hands were in your hair, tangled in the strands keeping your lips married to each other as you found your place seated in her lap. There was a fire ignited between you two as your hips canted downwards into Ellie for some much needed friction. Ellie gasps into the kiss and you take that as a moment to catch your breath. It’s all droopy eyes and kiss-swollen lips as your eyes meet, giggles falling from both of you at the other's appearance. You’re both filled with such giddiness from heavy makeout. 

You’re playing with the hair at the back of her neck when you smile. “I really like you Ellie.”

It stings to watch her face fall, head slowly reeling back as if to get a better look at you somehow. Too soon is Ellie lifting you off her lap to stand from the couch, placing a fleeting kiss on your cheek and calling out a quick goodnight over her shoulder as she turned and made her way home.

“Ellie? What’s wrong?”

She’s at the door in the blink of an eye, tugging on her sneakers and grabbing her jacket, “I uh. . . Just remembered that I needed to help Joel out with this super important, uh, thing. Like really early in the morning. Yeah. And it’s pretty late so I should probably head out.”

Your shoulders deflate with the disappointment twisting between your ribs. “Oh, okay. . .” 

Ellie’s wringing her jacket in both her hands, struggling to maintain eye contact with you before she’s turning around and making her exit out your front door. “See ya soon! Goodnight!” She calls out over her shoulder.

That was the last time you spoke to Ellie Williams. 

The next time you saw Ellie—over a week later— she was wrapped up in the tattoo covered arms of a girl with short black hair. Later, Dina informed you that the girl with Ellie was her new girlfriend, Cat.

You were left confused and hurt for a long time after seeing Ellie with Cat, not knowing where along the way things between you two may have gone wrong. Ellie had avoided you and if she wasn’t going to talk, you would do just the same, never seeking out more of an explanation. The hurt and confusion you initially felt had turned to some form of hatred along the way, every time you saw Ellie and Cat it seemed to take over another part of you. At least that’s what you tried convincing yourself, and for some time disguising the feelings of adoration as disgust and hatred did work.

But avoiding each other altogether would be difficult.

Even after Ellie didn’t return to school for second year, and sharing a mutual friend in Dina, you could not seem to shake yourself free of Ellie. It felt like wherever you turned Ellie happened to be close by; whether that be walking on campus, or attending a party like tonight. For Dina’s sake, when you found yourself within unavoidable close proximity to Ellie, you kept things civil despite the slow boil rising in your blood and the pain that festered in your chest.

Ellie and Cat broke up after almost a year of dating, and her other flings never seemed to work for more than a few weeks, at most a couple months which had only happened one other time. You doubted that Ellie had any idea of the humiliation and grief her rejection had caused you.

It was as if Ellie could feel your gaze boring a hole into the side of her head, because in an instant she was turning to look inside where she found you standing at the kitchen counter. Ellie sent a slight smirk your way, continuing conversation with the people standing around her, never once letting her eyes move away from you. The smell of the whiskey suddenly had your stomach twisting unpleasantly when Ellie shot a wink your way, a wave of nausea rolling through you saw the cup  discarded in search for the nearest bathroom.

You skipped trying to find one in the crowded space of the main floor, quickly making your way up the stairs and to the second floor where you found yourself knocking on closed doors in search of an empty room. You had no luck on the second floor either, and dreaded the idea of having to climb another flight of stairs to the third. The only empty room happened to be at the end of the hall, and while it wasn’t a bathroom, the air in the bedroom helped in quelling the nausea, no longer heavy with the scent of sweat and alcohol. Breathing deeply through your nose and out your mouth, you sat on the edge of the bed to steady yourself.

You blamed your intoxicated state for the reaction that seemed to spur as a result of the interaction with Ellie from across the kitchen. You thought you’d metabolized the idea that Ellie’s flirting with you had meant nothing and moved on. Having had a fair share of face to face interactions since, but either Dina or Jesse had been there with you.

God, you felt like such an idiot. All you’d done was make eye contact with Ellie and it had you hurtling towards a downward spiral you tried your hardest to stay afloat in. You hadn’t realized the chokehold Ellie seemed to have over you for the three years you’d known each other, and in your drunken state it had not fared well. You’d figured the feeling that grew in your stomach any time you saw Ellie with a new girl had just been disgust. Disgust in not knowing how Ellie could feel good about herself when she rotated through women like they were a picture book. But now, you had some idea that the feeling washing over you had not been disgust on its own, but paired alongside something akin to hurt.

Ellie was the bandaid you hesitated to rip off. 

There was no scale to measure how frustrated she was with herself. No scale to measure her disdain for the Williams girl. Deep down, you knew that she still harboured some feelings for Ellie that couldn't be disguised as hatred.

You must have sat there for a good five minutes, willing yourself to get up and rejoin the party, enjoy yourself and not let Ellie get to you. But you found that something was stopping you from leaving, wanting to stay in the solitude of the bedroom just a little longer. Sending a text to Dina, letting her know you were alright, you laid back on the bed and closed your eyes. 

You were startled awake no longer than fifteen minutes later by the door opening, the sounds of the party filtering into the room for a moment before drowning out again as the door shut. The person's back was to you as they took a deep breath, but you recognized the flannel they wore immediately. Your groan had Ellie turning around to face you fully, lips tipping up into a slight smirk.

“Hey.” Ellie greeted slyly. Hearing your name fall from Ellie’s lips had a flame flickering in your stomach. “Finally found ya.”

Your eyes narrow in Ellie’s direction, annoyance hanging onto your furrowed brows. Standing from the bed, weight shifting from one foot to the other as you think on your next move. You had left downstairs over twenty minutes ago, meaning Ellie had to have run through whether following you was a good idea or not. “So, what? You were lurking, followed me up here.”

“I didn’t follow you. Ran into an ex and needed a breather.” Ellie clarifies, lazily gesturing around the room, “And here we are. . .”

“Yeah, well, I came up here to be alone. You being here is the opposite of that.” came your snarky reply. Ellie would not be spared your hostilities. 

Ellie laughed, brushing her side swept bangs out of her eyes, “I saw the look on your face down there, almost barfed on the poor freshman beside you.” she shrugs her shoulders, “Didn’t see you come back downstairs so I took my chances with all the doors, this was the only one unlocked. Thought you could use someone to hold your hair back.”

“You wanted to help me?” You were baffled. That hot, stuffy feeling begins to creep its way back up your neck the longer Ellie’s presence lingers by the door. The air of confidence that clings to Ellie is suffocating as she stands there, biceps bulging in her flannel as her arms cross over her chest, bottom lip tucked between her teeth. Ellie’s green eyes are intense as they hold your gaze; half lidded and filled with something you can’t decipher. 

“Well,” you clear your throat. “I’m feeling much better now, so if you’ll excuse me.” Making way to the door that Ellie is standing in front of. You hope of being able to make it out of the room before choking on your words—not wanting to say something you’ll inevitably regret. 

Ellie moves in front of the door handle, blocking your seeking grip. You reel back, perplexed that Ellie blocked you. Trying again, you reach around the left of Ellie, but the auburn-haired girl moves with you. Move to the right. So does Ellie.

Stepping back in frustration, your stare is burning, “Move.” You grit.

Ellie lifts her gaze to the ceiling, eyes darting around playfully as she whistles a low tune, rocking back and forth on her feet. She’s messing with you and you know it. Always the jokester, Ellie is never one to take things too seriously.

“Ellie.” You refrain from stomping your foot. Ellie would only tease you relentlessly for acting like such a brat, “Ellie, let me leave.”

A low hum comes from Ellie’s throat, “What’s the magic word?”

No longer wanting to deal with her infuriating presence, you surge forward and push Ellie to the side enough that she’s out of the way. Wrapping your hands around the cool metal of the doorknob is your first lick at freedom, awaiting the moment you step through that door and go home to curl up in bed. You’ll likely wallow in self deprecation, unable to think of anything other than your first interaction alone with Ellie in a while.

Your hope is squashed when the door doesn’t budge. No, this cannot be happening. Twisting the handle again, you give it a good tug, hand slipping off the doorknob as you stumble back a few steps.

“Did you lock it?” You ask Ellie without looking at her.

“No.” Ellie replies, coming to stand closer to you. “Must be jammed.”

You groan, a string of expletives rushing past grit teeth while you jostle the doorknob with all the force as you can muster. You twist and tugs and rattle but the door stays solidly in place, sealing you and Ellie together in the room.

Kicking the door has a laugh slipping past Ellie’s lips. She can’t help but think of how cute you look when frustrated—the pout of lips she just wants to sink her teeth into. The glare from over your shoulder has Ellie coughing to cover her laugh, scratching at her neck and cheeks blazing red like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

You bang your fist against the door in hopes that someone may be able to hear her pleas for help. The chances of that happening in the secluded corner of the third floor is unlikely, but you’d rather take your chances than be stuck in a room with Ellie. “Oh, just fuck me right?” you mumbles to yourself.

Behind you, Ellie fights the urge to respond. 

“Are you gonna help?” you sigh heavily, gesturing towards the door in an exhausted manner.

Ellie’s nodding, eyes dancing around the room for something she can use to try picking the lock. She doesn’t see a screwdriver or a pair of scissors on the desk, and she doubts that the frat boy this room belongs to owns any bobby pins. Ellie moves towards the door in the far corner of the room, opening it to reveal the small ensuite she’d hoped it would be. 

Rummaging through the medicine cabinet is a dead end, as is the first drawer of the vanity. In the second drawer her mission is made successful—finding a small pair of scissors that she waves in the air triumphantly as she passes you.

“There was a bathroom here the whole time. . .” you mutter to yourself in disbelief. 

Ellie drops down to her knees in front of the door, eye level with the small keyhole as she tries jimmying the scissors around. Her tongue is poking out the side of her mouth, one eye squeezed shut in concentration as she tries to unlatch the lock's inner mechanism. Had the circumstance been different, you may have let yourself linger on the thought of how good Ellie looked down on her knees before you. 

Ellie thinks she might have gotten it, but mistakenly looks up at you hovering close by— brows furrowed expectantly, and lips pouted slightly— that she’s fumbling and dropping the scissors while thinking about how much she likes the sight of you above her. She grabs them hastily, returning to her previous task while reminding herself not to look back at your expectant gaze. 

“Have you picked a lock before?” you accuse.

“Uh. . . yeah.”

“Well you’re kinda shit at it.”

“Never said I was any good.” Ellie twists the doorknob just when she thinks she hears the lock click, but it still doesn’t give. 

Standing to her full height, Ellie forgoes trying to pick the lock with the scissors and puts all of her weight into pulling the door open. She grunts as her muscles strain, jostling the handle in the same way you had. Both girls are left wide eyed and stunned when Ellie suddenly staggers back, catching herself before she can fall. A loud and heavy thud draws your eyes to the floor; where the doorknob rolls around at your feet. 

A deafening silence settles over the room as both of you watch it stop rolling. Ellie is the one to bend down and grab it, staring at the broken metal doorknob in disbelief, while your hands shoot to grip your hair.

When both of you realize the gravity of the situation you've found yourselves in together, you’re quick to panic. The headache that blossoms was unrelated to the copious amount of alcohol you’d consumed up until that point, and more so due to being stuck in a room with a busted door alongside the one person you tried your hardest to avoid. You eyed the broken off doorknob in Ellie’s hand, tugging at fistfuls of your hair. Ellie groans, head tossed back and eyes shut in annoyance before sitting on the bed.

“Fuck,” Ellie let out a breathy laugh, beginning to toss the doorknob in the air like a baseball. “These old houses are something, huh? Practically falling apart.” 

Holding Ellie’s gaze for a moment as you pull out your phone has a spark of hope flickering, but the screen remains black. Great, stuck in a room with Ellie Williams and your only chance is dead. Tossing your phone on the bed you turn to Ellie. “Dead. What about yours?”

Ellie nods and reaches for where she kept her phone in her back pocket, only to be met with emptiness. She let out a nervous laugh under your intense stare, patting at all her pockets in search of her phone, “I don’t have it on me.”  

You scoff, “Fucking great. Do you think this guy has a charger?” Moving to check the bundle of cords at the single bedside table has you throwing it back onto the floor in frustration when you come up empty handed. “Android.”

“What is it that they say about guys who have Androids. . .” Ellie made an attempt at a joke, but was only met with a glare, watching as you made quick strides towards the window, unlatching the lock and yanking it open.

You looked around outside to see that it was a straight drop down to the ground from the third floor window, no lattice to climb down or shrubs to cushion a fall, “No roof access and it's too far up to jump,” you stated. “Maybe if we just—” you stuck your upper body out the window, flailing your arms, “Hey! Up here! We’re locked in can someone help—”

Ellie was quick to pull you back inside. “Hey, would you stop that? You could have fallen! Everyone outside is too drunk to hear you.”

“Well someone has to be at least partly sober.” Now it was your turn to sit on the bed, head in your hands in a clear display of frustration. Ellie was hesitant to move from where she stood by the window, the feeling of your presence was somewhat suffocating, and she didn’t know what might set you off. 

“Ya know,” Ellie started. “We’re probably gonna be stuck in here for a while, so we could always try to enjoy our time rather than pout our way through it.”

You turned to look at Ellie over your shoulder, weary of what the auburn-haired girl might try suggesting. “And what is it that you have in mind?”

Reaching into her jacket pocket, Ellie produced a bag of pre-rolled joints, shrugging her shoulders in a playful manner. You could only roll your eyes, annoyed over the fact that Ellie managed to keep hold of her weed stash but not her phone. Smoking with Ellie would mean breaking down part of the barrier you had put up between the two of you, something you weren't so sure you were ready to explore quite yet. But, neither of you knew how long you’d be cooped up in that frat boy’s bedroom together, and you found yourself caving.

“Oh fuck it, sure.”

Ellie smiled and walked over to sit beside you, grabbing a single pre-roll and stashing the rest away. She placed the joint between her lips as she fished through the tight front pocket of her black jeans for her lighter. Flicking the lighter a few times to get it going, Ellie inhaled deeply as the end of it began to burn a bright red. She pulled the joint away from her lips as she breathed out the ghosted smoke, holding it out to you. 

Truth be told, you hadn’t smoked in a while—not since dropping your plug for getting too handsy on more than one occasion—and had been too proud to swing by Ellie to make a deal. You knew first hand and from the inner mumblings throughout the student body of just how good Ellie’s stuff was, so whatever was smoked tonight would have you ripped.

Inhaling shortly on the joint, and letting the smoke settle in your lungs before taking another, longer drag. On your second exhale, you sputtered, coughing on the smoke and releasing it in a dense cloud. You continued to cough into the crook of your elbow while passing it back to Ellie whose lips were pulled up into a slight smile.

“Too much?” Ellie teased, taking an easy five second drag.

Shaking your head, you rub at your chest to soothe the mild burning in your lungs, a light laugh falls from you, “Just been a while.”

Ellie gives a nod of her head, leaning back on her right hand to get a better look at you, watching the way hair falls in front of your face as you look down at your lap, or the way you would lightly snap the hair tie around your wrist. 

“Sooo. . .” Ellie brushes her long bangs out of her eyes. “What had you drinking whiskey like it was water?”

You shrugged, seeming to not know what to do with fidgeting hands as you contemplated telling Ellie the truth. Had you been having this conversation in a sober setting, you would have quickly shut down Ellie’s question. But in a hazy state of mind, you find herself letting the words slip easily, “Got a call from my dad today telling me mom filed for divorce after she found out he was fucking the book keeper at work.” you nod at Ellie’s shocked expression, “Yeah. Tried playing the victim card before mom had a chance to tell me herself. She’s better off without him anyway. He was a dick.”

Letting out a loud groan, you’re rubbing at your eyes in frustration as the phone call from that morning replays on a loop. Ellie didn’t grow up in a two-parent household, rather making her way through the foster care system ever since she could remember. Her behavioural issues saw her never being in one place for very long. Instability was something she grew used to at an early age, but she’d often imagine what it would be like to have two functioning parents who loved and adored her. Though she has never experienced family in the way you did— at least, not until Joel had come around— she knew no matter the age, a drastic shift in family dynamic like that wasn’t easy.

“It’s just me and my dad,” Ellie finds herself offering in an attempt at comfort. “Well, he’s not actually my dad. Joel he’s my. . . Joel. Took me in a while back when I found myself in a boatload of trouble, and it’s been the two of us ever since. Oh, and his brother Tommy.”

“And does your. . . your Joel, know that you, ya know, deal drugs to college students?”

“Not just college students, I’ve got some middle aged customers— a lawyer too if you can believe it.” Ellie laughs, and you follow by hiding a smile behind your hand. “But yeah, he knows. Wasn’t too keen on it at first, but the money has helped us through some tough times.”

A stale silence falls over the room, and it has a bitter taste flooding your mouth, saliva gathering under your tongue unpleasantly. Ellie seems so at ease that you wonder if she ever thinks about how things ended. You sure do; though it's lessened over the years, you still hold Ellie on some tightrope of contempt, a terrible balancing act teetering between holding on and letting it all go once and for all.

“I hope you know this changes nothing.” you admit quietly, rolling the joints filter between your thumb and forefinger. “Still don’t like you.”

Ellie looks up at you for a moment and she can feel her heart clench as she takes in your rigid shoulders and determined eyes. Her hand motions for the joint as she nods solemnly, eyes downcast while she takes a long drag. “Yeah I. . . I kinda figured it didn’t.”

As the joint continued to be passed back and forth, you could feel the haziness cloud your mind, eyes glazing over and the only thing you could do was stare at Ellie’s hands. Watching as her nimble fingers grabbed the joint from you, thumb rolling over the filter after she toked off it. How when she wasn’t the one holding the joint, Ellie had to keep her hands busy; whether that be running them over the top of her thighs, playing with the bedding, or watching the tip of her pinky finger turn purple as she wrapped a stray piece of thread around it tightly.

You had been so zoned out watching Ellie you’d almost forgotten about holding the short joint, or that no smoke filled your lungs when trying to take a pull off of it. It wasn’t until Ellie’s hand reached out into focus to grab the joint from you did you snap to it.

“You let it go out. Here,” with the joint now in Ellie’s hands, you watched as she held it between her thumb and middle finger, running the flame of her lighter over the tip of the joint before bringing it up to take a haul, keeping it lit. “There you go, babe.” 

The word must have fallen out of Ellie’s mouth so naturally that she didn’t notice it, but you sure as hell did— brain just about short circuiting. With one last pull off the finished joint, you stand up and make your way to the attached bathroom, turning on the tap and running the smouldering end under water to extinguish it before tossing it in the trash. You bend down to the height of the sink, hands cupped to greedily drink down the cold water to soothe your dry throat. When you stand up to be greeted with your reflection in the mirror— eyes red and glazed over, lids slightly droopy when you’re not pretending that Ellie’s stuff didn’t hit you as hard as it did, cheeks flush from the drinks earlier in the night, you know you’re fucked.

Ellie is standing by the desk on the far wall when you lean on the bathroom doorway, head craned as she scans over the trophies and picture frames decorating the shelves above it. With Ellie facing away, you now have the chance to stare at her unabashedly. Eyes trailing over Ellie’s shoulders, broad yet slim, and muscular arms that flex under her flannel with even the smallest of movements. Down to her taught hips hidden behind her relaxed jeans. Her auburn hair sits in a half up half down bun, and you want nothing more than to run your fingers through the strands; braid it, twirl it, pull it. . .

Your cheeks are burning hot again, but this time the alcohol  can’t be blamed for your flushed appearance. With hands still cold from the running water, pressing them against your cheeks in an attempt to cool off works as well as you’d expect it.

When you catch Ellie’s gaze, you’re tearing your eyes away impossibly fast, busying yourself with making it look like the football poster on the wall is the coolest thing ever, “Ya know, for a frat boys room this is surprisingly well organized.” you comment.

“Yeah, this is Ryan’s room.” Ellie fixes a crooked trophy. “Pretty chill dude.”

Humming, you make herself comfortable on the bed, laying down on the soft pillows. As you adjust yourself, a crackling noise comes from underneath the pillow that has you shifting to reach under to grab it. The last thing you expected to pull out was a mens porn magazine, decked out with a raunchy cover of an oiled up man in a tiny speedo. You let out a yelp as you’re tossing it to the other side of the room, wiping your hand off on your pants.

The yelp catches the attention of Ellie, who whips around concerned, “What?” 

“That!” you exclaim, pointing towards the end of the bed where the magazine sits on the floor. Ellie bends down to pick it up, but you’re calling out in protest, “No, don’t touch it!”

“Oh wow,” Ellie lets out a loud laugh as she scans over the front cover, moving to flop down on the bed beside you.

“Ellie, gross put it down!” 

Ellie leans away from you who tries swatting it out of her grasp. “Hold your horses! I wanna see what all the fuss is about.”

You groan, watching as Ellie flips through the pages. You don't think it can get any worse, but page after page proves to be more unpleasant when the next portrait of a man posing with nothing but a scrap of cloth to cover his junk comes up. Your lips are downturned in disgust, but your ears are in tune to the chuckles Ellie lets out at the pictures, and her dramatic reading of the explicitly detailed  little captions. 

The next page is folded in on itself a couple times, falling open when Ellie holds the magazine above your heads, “Oh man! How the hell does he even walk around with that thing?” She exclaims.

You turn your head away, fake gagging. “Dicks are so gross.”

Ellie snorts, “Don’t gotta tell me.” Eyeing your side profile from where your head is ducked into your hands, eyes shut. It’s then that Ellie decides to play a trick on you. “Uh. . .” she begins trailing off, ruffling the pages as if she were flipping through them, “Why are these pages all stuck together?”

Your head whips up to look at Ellie, “Gross!”

The laugh that Ellie lets out is straight from her belly, deep and contagious as she tosses the magazine away. “I’m just messing with you.”

When your eyes meet, Ellie’s hold their usual mischievous glint, slightly narrowed and crinkled at the corners where her smile pushes at them, and yours show nowhere near as much annoyance and malice that’s usually directed towards her. Ellie flips onto her back, hands going behind her head while you stay on your stomach. You’re still laughing quietly at the joke Ellie pulled on you, which has the smile on Ellie’s face pulling even higher as she looks at you, oblivious.

With you laying on your  stomach, Ellie was given a full view of your exposed back. It made the collar of her flannel suddenly feel itchy where it was rubbing against her neck. Ellie could feel the red hot flush that blossomed over her as she pictured teasing her fingers along your back. She could practically feel the shudder you’d let out, hear your complaints of being ticklish.

“What are you looking at me like that for?” Ellie is snapped out of her daze when your voice cuts through. 

You’ve got your chin resting on your hand, leaning to the side to look up at Ellie who’s sitting taller. Your legs are bent at the knee, legs swaying in the air. The look in your eyes is smouldering; lids droopy as they buzz with something Ellie can only connect with so much need that it's beginning to overwhelm her.

“Like— like that! You’re giving me bedroom eyes.”

“Well,” Ellie sits up a little straighter on her elbows. “We are in a bedroom.”

Your forehead falls to lay on Ellie’s arm as you let out a howling laugh. Ellie’s skin burns through her flannel at the feeling of you on her. Ellie finds herself feeling reminiscent of a time three years ago when she might have found herself in such close proximity to you and it has her chest clenching with a raw ache, knowing she’d gone and fucked it all up.

“Hey,” Ellie begins with a laugh. “Remember that time your mom surprised you and caught you, me, and Dina all smoking—”

You remember in that instant why you’d been so determined to get out of being locked in a room with her. Although inebriated, it seemed that for a little while tonight you and Ellie had managed to slip back into something similar to that of your old friendship. As if you had almost looked past the last three years. Falling back into joking with each other like it was the most natural thing.

“No.” You’re firm, tone dripping with finality. “You don’t get to do this.” 

“Please—”

“Ellie. No.”

“I’m sorry.” 

It’s so quiet you almost don’t hear her. Ellie herself almost misses the words slipping past her lips, but she feels you go stiff, the sound of your sharp inhale rings in her ears. She can't help herself when her hand moves up to your head, brushing some of the strands behind your ear and twirling the ends.

Three years of waiting. Three years of wanting and avoiding, and the need to hear those words fall from her mouth, and all it took was getting locked in a room together and sharing a joint. You’d imagined the apology a few times. Ellie showing up on your doorstep, soaked to the bone in the rain, on her knees grovelling her apologies. Sending flowers. Some huge declaration of love.

But not in a frat boys bedroom, stoned with Ellie Williams.

“Do you remember how we first met?” Ellie continues when you don’t speak, still twirling your hair around her finger. “Homecoming freshman year. Dina said she had someone from her compsci class to introduce me to and I was ready to clam up because I’m terrible with new people. But then there you were—”

“Ellie—” you try cutting her off.

“—Vodka in your nalgene, and being around you just felt so easy. You were the prettiest girl I’d ever met. Even later that night when I held your hair as you puked all over that poor lady’s flower bush. She came out yelling and all you did was say something about fertilising her plants.” Ellie laughs as she recounts the day you two met.

Your headache from earlier is back as you pull away, your hair falling from Ellies fingers. Shutting your eyes in hopes to quell the splitting pain resting just between them, Ellie’s voice fades slightly to the background of your focus. God, you hoped to get out of there soon. It had already been long enough, and it had led to your guard being brought down.

Ellie’s still talking when your ears focus again,“—for the last three years I’ve been trying to work out how to apologize to you and make things right, but fuck, none of them are good enough. And I’m so incredibly sorry about how everything turned out.”

“Ellie.” you interject, sounding exhausted. “Please just stop.” 

She shakes her head, sitting up and moving closer to you, “No, please. If this is the only chance I get at this I need you to listen to me—”

“It won’t change anything, you know that. You still did what you did.” You rub at your eyes and shift away from her.

“And it was by far the worst thing I’ve ever done, and believe me there's been a lot of fuck ups on my part. If I could take it back and make it right I would. . . I will.” 

Ellie’s practically on her hands and knees begging you to hear her out for just a moment, but the hurt of her leaving you stings just as fresh as it had in the beginning. All you can do is shake your head and try putting some distance between the two of you, “Ellie, you’re being mean.” 

It seems that in your attempts at putting some much needed distance between you and Ellie, you failed to notice how close you were to the edge of the bed. You’re about to fall off when Ellie reaches out, her arm wrapping around you to keep you on the bed. The two of you are closer than ever before, her forehead is pressed against yours as she scoots back, bringing you further onto the bed with her arm still secure around you. Your breath stutters in your chest as Ellie’s eyes fall shut. 

“Baby just. . .” Ellie breathes out shakily, eyes opening again to meet yours. “I clammed up and lost the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

You swallow down the lump that’s formed in your throat, voice just above a whisper as you speak, “Ellie why are you doing this?”

She shakes her head against yours, bringing the hand that she had around your back, up to cup your face, “I hope you’re willing to forgive me. . . or at least try to.”

To hear Ellie make this attempt after wanting nothing more for three years had your mind short circuiting in an electrifying blaze. You know that you shouldn’t give in to her, that this apology is probably no more than a half-assed attempt at easing whatever guilt she may hold. Why wait three years? Three years you had spent wondering what you had done wrong for her to throw away whatever it was you two shared.

Ellie watches your eyes glaze over slightly, and in what might be a lapse of judgement is quick to make her move while you’re still stunned, moving forward and kissing you. You grow stiff under the weight of Ellie’s lips on yours, eyes open and looking at Ellie’s shut eyes. With your face now sandwiched between both of Ellie’s hands, do your eyes fall shut and mind catches up to the fact that Ellie William’s is kissing you. 

You’re kissing Ellie Williams.

The kiss is all consuming, tasting of the tequila and whiskey on your tongue. It’s messy with the clashing of teeth, nipping of lips and hands tangled in hair. All rational thought is thrown out the window once you feel her body pressed against yours. Breathing is the last thing on either of your minds as one of Ellie’s hands splays out across your back to pull your body into hers solidly. The searing heat of Ellie’s hand on the exposed skin of your back has you shuddering,  arching into her to try moving away from the touch. 

Your lips stay moulded together as Ellie rolls onto her back, taking you with her, hands holding onto your hips. Ellie can’t get enough of you, her breathing is heavy as she pushes her lips a little harder against yours, a groan escaping the girl's throat as you fist at her flannel. You break apart for a moment so Ellie can shrug out of  her flannel, admiring the swirls of ink marking her right forearm before your lips are on her.

Your teeth are lightly nipping at the slim expanse of Ellie’s neck, hands wandering down the firm muscles of her arms. You’re sitting up together now, you seated in Ellie’s lap, legs on either side of her thighs. Your teeth are still working at Ellie’s neck, which you follow up with sloppy kisses to soothe the sting of making your mark. Ellie’s eyes fall shut at the feeling, but she has to stop before it gets too far. 

Tonight is all about you. 

Grabbing a fistful of hair and gently pulling your head out of her neck, Ellie leans into you, but doesn’t let her lips touch your skin, just letting her hot breath fan over you. Her nose is nudging the column of your throat up to the hook of your jaw. You’re whining, filled to the brim with impatience has you shifting in Ellie’s lap in the attempt to get closer, grinding your hips where the two of you meet.

Ellie groans, dropping her head fully into your neck, lips pressing firmly to your collarbone. Here, your perfume wafts up her nose, a sickly sweet and seductive twinge that has her mouthing at your neck in the same fashion done to her own. Lips dragging lazily up from collarbone to the pulsepoint where your heartbeat thumps erratically beneath the skin. 

With your head thrown back and hips starting a slow and steady drag, you’re all heavy pants and loose whines that never fully slip past your lips. The friction caused by your hips grinding down onto Ellie feels euphoric all the same as not being enough. One of her hands is still stationed on your hip, the other taking place at the small of your back to aid your movements against her. 

The breath in both yours and Ellie’s throats is choked out when the fabric of your jeans catches against your bundle of nerves in just the right way. It must feel just as good for Ellie as she’s grinding her hips up into you at the feeling, panting against your neck. 

“Ellie.” Her name slipping past your lips in a garbled mess of need, “Ellie, please. . .”

She only hums in response, finally kissing you again. It doesn't last as long as you’d have hoped as Ellie pulls away slightly to speak against you, “Mmh, what is it baby? C’mon.”

Your hips cant down into her again out of pure desperation as you pant out, “More.”

Suddenly, you’re being guided by Ellie’s capable hands to lay down on the bed. But in your still muddled mind it feels as if you’ve just gone down the slope of a rollercoaster, stomach dropping and heart in your throat. Ellie is situated above you, looking everything like a dream with her short hair falling around her face, eyes catching the light of the desk lamp and sparkling. She smiles down at you as you both take a moment, and your stomach somersaults, legs locked around her taught hips to pull her down closer to you. 

Dropping to her elbows, Ellie’s body is flush against you as she brings a hand up to grab your face, “What is it you need? Hmm, baby’s gone all needy on me.” The teasing lilt to her tone has you pushing your hips up against hers, lips searching for hers again. Ellie pulls back slightly, getting a better look at your flushed appearance, apples of your cheeks bursting a bright pink.  “Tell me what you want.”

“Need you to touch me.” You pant out.

A smirk pulls at her lips as she dips down to kiss your neck. “I am touching you baby.”

You groan, frustrated and needing for her to do something. “Want your mouth, your fingers. Anything. Please.”

“Atta girl.”

Ellie’s kisses trail down your neck to your still clothed chest, where she graces the swell of your breasts, followed by grazing her teeth over your nipples poking through the fabric. She continues her way down until she reaches the waistband of your jeans, eyes flickering up to yours for confirmation. When Ellie hears you breath out a wispy yes, she’s working at undoing your pants. You’re kicking off your shoes and aiding her in taking off your pants by lifting your hips, her fingers brush over the skin of your thighs in a hot trail.

Your pants and underwear are tossed to the ground with a dull thud, now laying before Ellie bare from the waist down. Her eyes are hungry, looking like a woman starved of everything she’s ever needed. The intensity of her eyes taking you in has you closing your legs self consciously, but Ellie tuts and spreads them open again, laying on her stomach between your legs.

“Look at you, so wet for me.” Ellie purrs, dragging her middle finger through your folds to collect some of your slick. You gasp at the touch, gaze locked on Ellie whose eyes roll back into her skull as she sucks your slick clean from her finger. “So fucking sweet baby, I knew it.”

“Ellie please. . .” you mewl, growing impatient.

Without another second wasted, Ellie’s head is level with your cunt as she licks a bold stripe from your hole up to your clit. Her mouth is hot against you, and even though you’ve just started the feeling is so overwhelming that your legs move to clamp around Ellie’s head. Her strong arms curl around your thighs, prying them away from her head, pinning them down against the bed as she moves your feet to rest over her shoulders. 

Something delightful burns in your stomach as Ellie’s tongue moves through your folds again, warm and wet. A pleasurable sigh leaves you, head thrown back and eyes shut. Your hands are trying to find hold of anything, one gripping at the bedspread and the other wrapped around Ellie’s forearm, feeling the ridges of muscle and tattoo beneath your fingers.

Ellie’s tongue passes through you a couple more times before she’s wrapping her lips around your clit, sucking the bundle of nerves into her mouth. “Mmm, tastes like heaven baby.”

You’re a needy, gasping mess beneath her. Your moans are music to her ears, and Ellie thinks they are the hottest thing she’s ever heard, encouraging her to keep going. Ellie releases your clit from her mouth with a pop, flicking her tongue over it has your hips bucking up into her face for more, “Fuck. . . right there Ellie.” 

Her groan vibrates through you, rustling the tightening coil that sits heavy in your belly. Ellie keeps giving you exactly what you wanted, working at your cunt like it’s her last meal. You pry your eyes open and the sight of Ellie between your legs pulls a loud moan from the back of your throat. Her pale veiny hands tighten their grip on your thighs, fingers pressing into your flesh deliciously. 

You’re not sure you’ve ever felt anything as good as this, with Ellie’s nose nudging at your clit as her mouth moves lower on your cunt, running her tongue along your entrance once, twice, before dipping in. She’s groaning into you, spurring you on. You release your grip on Ellie’s forearm to palm at your breasts, gaze locking with hers from over your mound. Ellie’s hand moves from your thigh to encase your hand with hers where you palm at yourself. 

Ellie takes this moment to catch a breath, leaning her head against your leg. The bottom half of her face is slick, glistening with your arousal that her tongue licks from her lips. She’s panting in a similar fashion to you. “Doing so good f’me baby.” The kiss she places to your inner thigh has you jostling into her touch. 

“Ellie. . . more, I need more.”

She smirks and moves the hand that was on yours back to your cunt, dragging her fingers through your folds and circling them around your clit lazily. It’s too soon that she’s abandoning her ministrations on your clit and moving down to your entrance, teasing her fingers along your opening before she’s pushing them into you.

They move in and out of you slowly at first, Ellie working them up to a steady pace, going as deep as she can,  “Oh god. . .”

“Nope, just Ellie, baby.” She sends you a wink that has you letting out a small chuckle, one that’s cut off by your own moan as her fingers curl against that sweet spot inside you. “My good girl. Lovin’ this, huh?”

You nod weakly, clenching around Ellie’s fingers. She knows you’re probably close, knows that soon, the coil that’s been building in your belly will snap. This has her leaning back down to kiss at your clit. Your hands leave your body and where it grips at the bed to thread through Ellie’s hair, moving the strands that have fallen in front of her face out of the way so you can see her fully. Ellie leaves a series of pecks on your clit before sucking it into her mouth, tongue flicking at it. 

The combined pleasure of having Ellie’s fingers buried deep inside your cunt and her mouth working your clit has the muscles in your legs clenching as you fight the urge to close your legs around her head once again. It’s all too much, your hips are rutting up into her mouth as she continues to lap at you, and you can feel your release hurdling towards you. 

“Ellie,” you whimper, head thrown back against the bed. Your chest is heaving erratically, but Ellie doesn’t let up. The feeling that’s been sitting so heavily in your belly finally lets up as your release hits you, thighs trembling. You twitch and moan as you fall apart against Ellie’s tongue and fingers. The room feels so unbearably warm as your fingers tighten in Ellie’s hair, eyes screwed shut as your mouth drops open in a loud moan. “Fuck! Oh god. . . fuck fuck fuck, Ellie!”

Ellie works you through it, lapping greedily at the arousal that gushes from you, fingers still working steadily as you clench tightly around them. The feeling of her flicking at your clit and fingers curling inside you becomes so overwhelming that you almost push Ellie away from you, but she’s pulling away on her own. 

Both of you are panting, your hands fall from her hair to brush back your own which you’re sure is an ugly tangled mess. You hiss at the loss of Ellie’s fingers as she pulls them out of you, breath  stuttering and catching in your chest as she maintains eye contact with you as she brings them up to her mouth like earlier. Ellie groans at the taste of you on her fingers, acting like a woman starved as if she wasn’t buried between your thighs just a moment ago. 

You hide behind your hands, slightly embarrassed as you let out a laugh. You feel the bed move and soon enough Ellie is above you again, moving your hands away from your face so she can see you properly. She’s smiling down at you, letting out a soft chuckle, “That what you wanted, pretty girl?”

The flush in your cheeks only deepens and you can’t find it in you to form any coherent words, only nodding in response. Ellie’s smile widens —as does yours— as her eyes dance around your face before she’s leaning down to press a sweet kiss to your lips. This kiss is unlike the others you’ve shared tonight, this one is slow, lethargic and full of something you can’t name. 

It’s over quicker than it lasts, a loud banging on the door has you and Ellie pulling away from each other. “Hey, is there someone in ‘ere?” calls out a slurring voice.

In an instant, any and all euphoria mulling about in your body is swept away as you come to your senses. The sounds from the party that still rages on outside filter through the open window, no longer muffled by your cross-faded state. 

Quickly, you’re rolling out from under Ellie, standing up so fast you almost give yourself a head rush. You’re pulling your underwear and pants back on as fast as you can, shoving your shoes on as you ignore Ellie who calls out to you to hang on a second, and the sounds of the door jostling against the frame. 

You need to get out of here as soon as possible. The weight you’re feeling in your chest right now is worse than when the door knob broke and you realized you’d be stuck in here with Ellie for god knows how long. Now, you don’t know how long it's been, but certainly long enough to have landed you in such a sticky situation you don’t know how you’ll recover from this lapse in your judgement. 

Ellie is still trying to get you to calm down when the door swings open on its hinges and in stumbles the drunkest frat boy you’ve ever seen.

“Ellie, what’re you doin’ in ‘ere?” He slurs, using the door to hold himself upright. Suddenly, his eyes light up, “You got any weed?”

She hesitates for a moment, before nodding, “Uh. . . yeah I’ve got some.” Ellie’s shrugging on her flannel and wiping at her mouth with the sleeve, looking between you and who you assume is Ryan. She looks like she wants to say something, brows furrowed deeply, but you don’t give her the chance as you’re squeezing past Ryan.

“Gotta go.” you call out over your shoulder. You hold onto the railing as you hurriedly make your way down the stairs, chest aching with an Ellie sized hole as you wonder what the fuck just happened.

#ellie williams #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams angst #ellie x reader #ellie x fem reader #ellie x you #tlou x reader #tlou angst #ellie tlou #tlou #the last of us #ellie the last of us #tlou fanfiction #wlw #wlw ship #ellie williams smut #tlou smut #tlou fic #tlou au #ellie angst #ellie au #ellie williams au

[elleloquently]

invisible string [8] : ellie williams

part seven

| college!ellie x female!reader - welcome to the final part of invisible string! i am so sad to be ending this short series, but extremely excited for you all to read it!! i really hope you'll like it... a lot of time was spent getting it right (: thank you guys for being so patient with me! also- thank you to all of my readers <3 special shout out to those of you who have been following this story since the first part was posted. your kindness and encouragement has meant everything to me <3 ilysm

| c/w - anxiety, swearing

it was jarring, the transition from speaking to not.

your friendship with ellie started all at once and fizzled out even quicker, no lasting proof besides the sticky notes that remained on your wall.

it felt silly, looking at them everyday. you wondered if it was inappropriate, keeping them around and on display. truthfully, you still had a little bit of hope left. if you took them down, that would certainly be the end.

she was only a part of your life for a short time, but the week had felt empty without ellie.

ellie hadn't made a move, so you didn't either.

the time apart made it easier to think though, easier to differentiate your thoughts without ellie clouding your senses.

normal friendships shouldn't feel so dramatic. they shouldn't have so many lingering stares, ghosting touches, and unsaid words. at least, you didn't think so. you hadn't experienced a friendship like that before. desperate to say it all yet too scared to say anything at all, you simultaneously wanted to tell ellie everything yet keep yourself a secret, a closed off book forever.

normal friendships shouldn't require that much thought.

the idea nagged at you continuously and you had no choice but to allow it. it was december, finals were wrapping up and the promise of winter break was no longer just around the corner, it was here.

things were always a little awkward, even when they were good. tension.

things hadn't felt weird in a bad way until the mention of jesse and dina. any color had promptly drained from ellie's face, and she was too quick to get away. you were confident that you hadn't misspoke. surely it was something on ellie's end, but it bothered you nonetheless. you had to have been apart of it.

thinking about ellie made you feel selfish, because it almost felt vain to weigh the ways in which she could potentially care about you. reading into stolen glances was a pastime that possibly could've been increasing your vanity. you didn't typically have such thoughts such as oh, i look pretty today, that must be why she keeps looking at me.

you missed looking at ellie. how pathetic but true, it had only been a few days but surely your journal was tired of hearing about it.

you quickly learned that ellie seemed a little impulsive, driven by her stubbornness. well, two can play at that game. you wouldn't even text her.

you half hoped that your absence would make her grow more fond at the idea of you, though maybe you had only pushed her away further. no texts, no anything.

sure, it was finals week. but still.

half of your clothes were packed away, piles around your room that you would swear was an organized method. studying didn't really do you any good, your last final was here and you were drained. you felt like an idiot for being more concerned about ellie, but you had done fine in the class all semester anyway.

snow was finally starting to pile on the ground. you would appreciate the beauty more after your final was finished, when it didn't matter if your hair grew wet from the melting flakes.

campus was quiet and relatively empty as you hurried to the building in which your final would take place. you liked being early, and refused to push the time limit for an exam. maybe the thought of seeing ellie again made your feet move a little quicker, but you focused on rehearsing the study guide in your head during your walk.

your heart pounded with every step. despite actually enjoying the class, you never felt relaxed at the idea of an exam. you had been so focused on ellie, it didn't really sink in that you would be sitting still in a silent room, clock ticking quietly as you would try your best to answer each question. what if you couldn't even focus?

it was too late to worry, and too early to resign yourself yet.

you made it in time, twenty minutes early, your specialty, but quite a few people already occupied the classroom. it wasn't anything out of the ordinary, though. people usually arrived early for finals. the satisfied smile slipped off of your lips however when you noticed that ellie wasn't around.

your heart dropped.

did she opt to take the exam early? what if you had already saw her for the last time, and you had no idea?

you sunk into your seat, wanting to text ellie but you were starting to forget the wording of a definition that you were trying to memorize last minute. sparing a quick glance at your phone, you decided to pull out your study guide instead for a last review.

how the fuck were you supposed to focus?

it was technically still early, but you pulse quickened everytime someone that wasn't ellie walked into the room.

what if ellie wasn't coming? even if things were weird, you guys had become friends. it would be fucked up just to never say bye, right? unless she wasn't as emotionally invested in the situation as you were... which, let's be honest...

the door was heaved open once again and you tried not to look disappointed when in walked a guy from your class. you refocused your gaze on your study notes when suddenly a muttered "thank you" pulled you out of your thoughts.

the guy was holding the door open for someone, but you didn't need to look to know who it was.

in walked ellie, shoulders straight and eyes set. you opened your mouth, ready to say something, but she walked right past you and towards the desk that she previously sat in, before you became friends.

your eyebrows furrowed and it felt like the final nail.

but she hesitated.

ellie hesitated before backpedaling and sat down in the empty spot next to you. the act alone practically gave you an ego.

she didn't glance at you even once, and somehow that felt even more obvious than if she would've looked at you. despite the circumstance you felt giddy, determined to redeem yourself for a mistake that you didn't even make.

you eyed ellie. she was trying so hard not to glance in your direction, it was cute. you had to try. you'd regret it if you didn't. you mentally debated which was worse, regret or embarrassment.

"so," you began, wanting to sound confident instead of squeaky with nerves. "on a scale of one to ten, how fucked do you think you are for the final?"

ellie's eyes widened and you tried, you really did, not to break out into a grin.

you continued. "i think i'm standing at a solid..." you pretended to think, drawing your eyebrows together as you looked to the ceiling, but you already knew what you were going to say. "...six?"

ellie snorted. "do you just memorize everything that i say?" she quipped, finally turning toward you.

your smile was sly once you looked away from her. "i don't know what you're talking about?"

ellie rolled her eyes, but you were finally speaking again and it was so good. a little late maybe, but good.

"don't copy me," ellie said, her words clipped. you knew she was joking. "anyway, you're gonna do better than a six. you organize your notes like a crazy person."

you frowned at the teasing statement but your heart skipped a beat anyway. ellie couldn't seem to meet your eyes and it made you feel greedy, desperate to get to the bottom of things.

"how have you been?" you asked, casually enough.

ellie looked at you as though you had posed a trick question.

"it's finals week," she replied flatly, but there was something else there.

you nodded. "right, but..." you quietly trailed off. there was no point in starting a big conversation with the exam merely minutes away.

ellie seemed visibly uncomfortable.

"the last time we talked, i..." ellie began to speak without knowing where she was going to end her sentence. you really needed to memorize that definition from earlier.

you flung open your notes. "it's fine," you dismissed. it wasn't really, but maybe you didn't want to do this now.

ellie winced. "it's not," she disagreed.

last week she had practically left you in the dust. now she wants to get confrontational?

"ellie," you frowned. "do you want to look through my notes? i have the ones from the section that i helped you with, that day in the library?" you looked up curiously, hand hovering over the pages incase she accepted.

ellie laughed, short and breathy. "i'm okay."

her tone was polite and light, a drastic change from how awkward she was just being. you carried on, quickly scanning paragraphs. cramming was never helpful, but you couldn't help yourself.

"i didn't really need your notes," ellie mumbled, looking away from you and at her hands instead.

you barely caught on to the uttered confession. "hm?"

her words took a second to register in your brain, to which you finally pulled your gaze away from your notes.

"are you declining my help in a passive aggressive way, or do you have something to say?" you asked quickly, the words tumbling out of your mouth before you could think it over. the classrooms were always too hot this time of year. your hands felt too dry and the feeling of them against paper was driving you crazy.

"what? no," ellie quickly corrected, shifting nervously in her seat.

you leaned over to unzip your bag that was on the floor, leaning against your chair. "i was just asking," you mumbled, pulling a small bottle of lotion from it's secure place in your bag.

ellie watched carefully as you applied a small amount to your hands. the sweet, floral notes reached her nose and she craned her neck in an attempt to read the scent name on the decorated tube.

"ellie?" you pressed, zipping your bag shut once again when you were finished with the lotion. ellie's sentence was unfinished, and you were running on little to no patience.

"i'm sorry," she breathed out. it wasn't what you were expecting and you blinked in surprise.

you would've clung to her every word, but you'd rather it be saved until your finals were over. you couldn't tell if it was a good i'm sorry or a bad one, and the result might genuinely impact your grade. it had to be discussed, you couldn't live with it being left alone. you debated biting the bullet and just asking if she wanted to hang out, but the idea of rejection made you hot in the face.

there it was again, regret or embarrassment.

if she said no, the embarrassment would most likely creep over you every night when you tried to sleep, but at least you wouldn't have to face her again. last chance.

you came out of your thought by noticing the dejected look on ellie's face. right, she said sorry.

"ellie," you tried again. "are you busy after this... or, or tonight?" you tried not to make it sound weighted, but you didn't think that you succeeded.

something of a surprised smile registered on ellie's face that she tried to suppress.

"after this?" ellie questioned, her words rushed. there wasn't much time to converse anymore. the final exam was looming.

you nodded. ellie blinked. "yes. sure," she responded, a little dazed.

satisfaction bloomed within you. it wasn't over yet.

thank god, you didn't have to work your way through this exam battling tears of rejection and heartache.

you wanted to say more, but the time that you had been prepping for weeks was finally upon you. you were stupidly emotional about the class ending. this class brought you ellie. this final was the reason for your budding friendship with ellie. you didn't want whatever this was with ellie to end with the class. you would finish the exam, and then you would talk.

"hey," ellie muttered, getting your attention quickly before the exams were handed out. "good luck," she said warmly.

you didn't bother hiding your smile. "good luck," you replied sincerely. you spared ellie one more quick glance before tuning in to focus.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

ellie left the exam before you did. she had finished first, only by a few minutes, but your heart raced. you were nearly done, just checking over answers when ellie had stood up, turned in her final, and left. she looked back at you before she had walked out of the doors. you had made eye contact. and then she was gone.

you skimmed all of the pages, making sure you had answered every question. your stomach hurt. did she leave? did she just leave?!

granted, of course, you could text her later. hopefully she would respond. but it was hard to make sense of any rational thoughts after the image of her leaving.

you did your best. you even felt fairly confident. you blindly gathered your things and turned in your exam, wishing your professor a final farewell and a happy winter break.

you pulled your phone out of your pocket upon exiting the classroom, hoping to see a text from ellie. instead, you simply saw ellie.

"oh," you said audibly.

ellie's head snapped up as soon as you appeared in the hallway. she was sitting on a bench outside of the classroom. she was waiting.

"how'd it go?" she asked hopefully.

you breathed a sigh of relief that turned into a laugh. she waited for you. the weight of the exam had been lifted off of your shoulders. now the only thing left that was bringing you down was where you stood with ellie.

"it's over," you mused, relieved that for a little while, there would be no assignments or tests to leave you in a tizzy. "what about you?"

ellie smiled in response, but her expression was lacking happiness. "we're free."

you nodded slowly, wanting to get on with it but at the same time feeling perfectly content with the small talk.

"so," you started, but the classroom door flung open causing you to flinch. another student completed the exam, exiting into the hallway. you stepped aside, drawing closer to ellie. "wanna get out of here?"

"do you have the time?" ellie questioned, looking at you almost accusingly.

your eyes narrowed. "yes," you emphasized. "that was my last exam. I am officially on winter break. also... you were the one that disappeared the last time we talked."

ellie paled, focusing her gaze on her converse. "yeah. about that..."

a small group of people came down the hallway. ellie stood up and gave you a look. "let's get out of here," she affirmed.

you trailed behind her, wringing your hands. what exactly were you even supposed to say? was this supposed to be some sort of all or nothing situation, because you really weren't very good at those...

once ellie noticed that you weren't at her side, she halted. "are... you okay?" she asked, looking unsure.

you nodded, eyes wide. you could see out of the doors, snow was falling once again. it was really starting to stick to the ground, too. the sight made your heart swell. "'it's snowing," you mumbled, awkwardly gesturing with your hand.

ellie let out a dry chuckle. "yeah, it is," she remarked, a soft smile painting itself on her lips. "wanna go to my dorm?"

you nodded once more, absentmindedly. ellie held the door open and you stepped outside, mentally welcoming the snow.

the walk was quiet. awkward. neither of you bothered with anymore small talk. it felt weird, saving the conversation until you arrived in ellie's dorm. you were anxious to see if she still had your doodles on her wall.

you made it in record time, motivated by the cold and slippery sidewalk. ellie laughed at you once you entered the building, stomping your shoes to rid them of any snow.

"you have snowflakes. in your eyelashes," ellie murmured, placing a careful hand under your chin to direct your gaze so she could examine them.

you stilled and held your breath, the feeling of her touch warming your body so much that you felt desperate to shed your coat.

"they'll melt," you whispered with an uneasy laugh.

ellie caught herself and removed her touch. your stomach flipped.

"i thought one time you said something about not liking when they melted on your eyelashes. something about your mascara running?" ellie teased, leading the way to her room.

"yeah, so i buy waterproof," you explained as if it were obvious.

ellie clicked her tongue and unlocked her door. "right. silly me," she breathed, stepping aside to let you into her room first. every action like that brought you butterflies.

you tried not to make it obvious, but you immediately looked for the notes on her wall. once your eyes landed on them, you breathed a sigh of relief. they were still there. suddenly you didn't feel so weird about keeping them on your wall either.

the room smelled like ellie. you wanted to soak it in.

ellie took off her coat, placed her bag on the floor and then dropped her coat on top of it. you followed suit, tucking your bag into a corner and shrugging off your coat. you were going to put it on the floor too, but ellie grabbed it from your hand and hung it on the back of a chair.

your cheeks warmed and you looked away.

"i feel like we should be studying or something," you tried with a small laugh.

"or something," ellie mused.

she sat on her bed, legs hanging over the side. you stood in front of ellie, avoiding eye contact.

"can i get you anything?" ellie awkwardly offered after a moment. "i don't have much left but i can offer you the water that's left in my bottle."

you rolled your eyes despite the corners of your lips, which quirked upwards. "charming. i'll pass, thank you."

"suit yourself," ellie sighed.

you were both trying way too hard to sound nonchalant. you hated it.

you stood awkwardly, not sure what to do with your hands. after a moment of hesitation, you finally made the plunge.

"ellie, did i like... say something? or do... something?"

you were scared of her answer, scared that maybe you really had been embarrassing yourself all along and now you wouldn't hear the end of it.

she looked resigned. you could tell that she was debating something, the way her eyes flicked away from your face and her eyebrows drew together.

"you didn't do anything," ellie confirmed. you could tell that she was physically working up to something. "i thought maybe... dina and jesse? i thought they might've said something stupid," she uttered.

you tilted your head in confusion, but your heart beat sped up. your mind flashed back to that moment, someone that ellie likes.

"they didn't," you reassured.

"yeaah, that's what they said too. i guess i just kinda... freaked." ellie replied, scratching the back of her neck.

"they were really nice," you offered awkwardly. "i didn't mean to make you feel weird or anything."

you even tried to avoid it, but you didn't have to explain that now. it's not like you would have actually hung out with dina and jesse... no offense to them of course, but you didn't know them so the idea made you feel extremely uncomfortable.

"you didn't," ellie pressed, adamant about not making you feel bad. "i thought that maybe i did."

you scrunched up your nose. "is that why you said the thing about freaking me out? because you really didn't."

ellie nodded. "i just thought they said something dumb. or something they shouldn't have said," she reiterated. ellie kicked off her converse.

your eyes widened, immediately thinking the worst. surely ellie was not the type of person to be nice to your face and then talk poorly about you to her friends? you honestly felt that if she didn't like you, you obviously wouldn't be standing in her room. still, the nagging thought persisted.

"something like what?" you asked, your voice coming out sharper than you intended.

"nothing bad, i just- dude, i feel like i'm on trial when you're just standing there like that."

your cheeks heated in embarrassment. "sorry," you mumbled, taking off your shoes and carefully tucking them next to your bag. you sat on the edge of her bed, and ellie turned to face you.

ellie's eyes scanned your features once you sighed.

"this is so dumb," you muttered. to your surprise, ellie laughed in relief.

"i was being weird. and i shouldn't have been," ellie clarified. "i'm sorry i made you feel bad."

the sincerity made you feel awkward. "it's okay. we're good?"

"we're good," ellie confirmed.

you blinked, forcing a smile onto your face. you were ready for this part to be over but there was still so much to be said.

you tore your eyes away from ellie, studying the solar system poster above her bed. "i still haven't seen the planetarium," you uttered wistfully.

ellie tilted her head, staring at you while you were unaware. "i'll take you," she said automatically, the words leaving her before she was able to doubt herself.

a ghost of a smile flickered on your lips.

"i think i've only been to a planetarium a couple times, as a kid," you said, eyes glancing over the starry map.

ellie smiled, quickly glancing from your lips to your eyes.

"for my sixteenth birthday, joel took me to this awesome museum," ellie began. her tone was wistful yet determined, voice laced with her best storytelling inflections.

you turned to face her again. ellie's eyes lit up while she spoke.

"it was a science and history museum," ellie explained. you smiled at her easy enthusiasm. "-and it had this planetarium that was the coolest fucking thing i've ever seen."

the smile quickly left your lips once your mouth dropped open in realization. "oh! the pictures!" you scrambled off of ellie's bed, leaving her to look confused and mildly concerned.

"pictures?" she questioned, getting up to follow after you. you lead her to the wall that was covered in all of her drawings and photos. you could've sworn that you remembered them. you scanned her wall, looking for two pictures in particular as your face scrunched up in concentration.

"there!" you pointed excitedly. the two photos that you remembered, ellie in an astronaut helmet grinning wildly at the camera, and ellie and joel wearing hats, posed in front of a massive dinosaur display.

"are those from your birthday?" you asked, stomach twisting with your words. you hoped that you were right, or else it might be embarrassing. maybe it was embarrassing anyway, the fact that you had so vividly remembered those photos.

ellie chuckled. "yeah actually, they are."

ellie bumped your shoulder, causing you to grin at her decorated wall.

"i love how many pictures you have," you sighed. "i have such a cute camera, but i always forget to take pictures in the moment." you explained with a frown.

"bring it when we go to the planetarium," ellie suggested plainly, as if her entire sentence didn't completely cause your pulse to quicken.

when.

we.

"okay," you replied flatly, wondering if ellie could tell how uneven your breathing had gotten. fueled by blind courage, you stared at astronaut ellie when you spoke. "i'm leaving tomorrow, though. going home for break."

"we'll go after break," she clarified, looking at you.

you turned your head to meet her eyes, willing yourself not to flinch at how close your faces were. the green of her eyes were always enchanting, but this close?

you swallowed hard. "okay," you agreed.

and it was official. ellie wanted to keep seeing you after break. you had done the impossible college task, turn a class friend into a real friend.

friend. honestly, it was laughable.

"okay," ellie repeated in a whisper. her eyes bore into yours and you were frozen, wanting to pull away but your body stayed still, feet planted. she was so intense.

you forced your body to move, turning your head away from her and taking a step back. you heard ellie sigh as you moved.

"i was never trying to blow you off," you confessed suddenly, once your back was to ellie.

you obviously had caught her off guard by the way in which she hummed in surprise. admittedly, you had caught yourself off guard too, but it had been weighing on your conscience too much. you couldn't ignore the signs anymore, and as much as you would have loved to wait around for ellie to make the first move, she was too concerned about potentially freaking you out.

"remember when you asked me if i wanted to go to the dining hall with you? the first time," you clarified. "and i said that i was free the rest of the day." you busied yourself by straightening the green throw blanket on ellie's bed.

ellie nodded, even though your back was turned. "yeah?"

"and then i stopped hanging out with you after class."

"yeah."

"i... um, i lied," you confessed suddenly, whirling around to face her.

ellie's features were etched in confusion. "lied about what?" she pressed, her voice low.

all of your insecurities felt heightened by how intensely she was staring at you. you felt cowardly, explaining the next part.

"i lied about being free?" you mumbled, face hot.

ellie's eyebrows knitted together, as if to say go on...

"i have another class on those days, like, about an hour later. but... i lied and said i was done for the day because... i wanted to... hang out?"

you mentally lost your footing but got there eventually, holding your breath once you finished your sentence. the silence was daunting until ellie suddenly laughed.

"are you fucking kidding me?" she asked, eyes wide.

"n-no?"

ellie shook her head. "why didn't you just tell me that?" ellie laughed, clearly amused.

"because it's embarrassing?" you said, believing it to be obvious.

"well, yeah," ellie mused. you visibly deflated.

ellie managed to hold back her laughter as she took a small step towards you. "you could've told me," she reiterated more seriously.

"sure i could've," you mumbled, rolling your eyes. "i was too nervous. it felt so stupid."

"you skipped class to hang out with me?" ellie's eyes glinted with bemusement. you wished she would stop looking at you, you needed a break. you quite literally felt like you were burning up.

"so what?" you snapped in defense, and ellie's laughter escaped her. you frowned, crossing your arms.

"i just wish that i knew that before," ellie shrugged, taking another step towards you. you countered it by taking a small step backwards.

"yeah well..." you shrugged. "i'm sorry. it's weird."

ellie immediately shook her head. "it's not," she pressed. she went from joking to being serious so quickly. god she made your head spin.

"i just didn't wanna-" you were quickly cut off by ellie.

"freak me out?" she finished. your blank expression was enough of a confirmation.

"imagine how i felt," ellie pointed out. "i thought that maybe i... i don't know," she shrugged it off. it wasn't fair, you were totally embarrassed and she kept brushing things off. it was infuriating. she looked so cute in her hoodie.

"maybe you what?" you pressed once again. finish your sentences, ellie.

ellie took a deep breath. "maybe i scared you off."

you shook your head slowly. yeah, these conversations were not typical in normal friendships.

"you didn't," you said. your words were quiet but weighted. you prayed for ellie to catch onto the implication. please please please-

ellie took a step closer. you took a step back. your body knocked against ellie's bed and you straightened your knees.

"good," she said simply, not breaking eye contact.

"okay, enough about that," you laughed weakly. "why did you want to hang out with me in the first place?" you questioned, attempting to change your tone.

ellie's eyebrows raised. "seriously?" she asked flatly, unimpressed with your question.

whatever. this so wasn't fun.

"how would you recommend going about making friends?" ellie asked tauntingly.

"oh, you're putting me on the spot again. let's not do that anymore," you suggested. ellie laughed suddenly and rolled her eyes.

"my bad," she joked, throwing her hands in the air to resign. you smiled but the butterflies in your stomach made you feel sick.

you threw her an accusing look but she grinned, enjoying whatever this situation was. you almost felt jealous, wondering what it was that you could have possibly done that managed to boost her confidence.

"besides, you never answer any of my questions," you argued.

"well you just have so many," ellie mumbled and then frowned. "and yes i do," she defended. "i just answered your question about those pictures being from my birthday."

"ellie," you complained.

ellie mocked your tone, saying your name as a complaint.

you appeared unamused, willing the corners of your lips not to turn up.

ellie dropped the joke-y smile and genuinely appeared to be conflicted. you worried that you pressed too far, maybe things didn't need to come out right now, but you stayed silent anyway.

"fine," ellie finally said. "ask me."

"ask you what?" you quickly questioned.

"just ask me."

heart pounding, you remained still as ellie took another hesitant step towards you. you felt as though there were so many things that could go wrong. it was all dangling, right in front of you. one wrong move or one right move, you couldn't decide which it was, and everything would be out in the open. you were terrified, wanting to immediately backpedal but at the same time, you were starting to feel addicted to the adrenaline of being around ellie. you wanted to ask her so many questions but also, nothing at all.

at once it came to you, and the final exam that you had just taken felt like it had been days ago.

you wrinkled your nose. "what did you mean when you said you didn't really need my notes?"

the expression that registered on ellie's face made you feel as though you had asked the incorrect question.

"i just mean, you didn't say that you don't need my notes, you said that you didn't need my notes which doesn't make sense because-"

"i lied," ellie cut you off.

you gaped at her and ellie took another step, this one even more hesitant. you couldn't move away any further. you resigned and sat down on her bed.

"about what?" you asked, and your voice came out more quiet than you had intended. you felt like your heart was pounding in your ears.

"i didn't need your notes."

"i know, you said you didn't but-"

"no, i didn't need your notes," ellie tried again. "i never needed your notes."

she was treading lightly and you could tell. ellie tried meeting your eyes, but you stared down at your hands in your lap.

"you never needed my notes," you repeated softly.

ellie nodded once, encouraging your train of thought. she let it linger, only for a moment before clarifying. "in the library. the study group."

what?

"you never needed my notes?" your head snapped up, eyes wide as you finally met ellie's gaze. she slowly shook her head, trying to gage your reaction.

you felt humiliated, as if you had forced ellie to study with you even though that certainly wasn't the case at all. she had even encouraged it, initiated it even, but dread still filled a pit in your stomach.

"but you said that you were there for the study group!" you said, grasping for straws. ellie chuckled.

"yeah, i was. just not for the reason you thought."

you tilted your head to the side. "go on," you said, raising an eyebrow.

"i didn't need help. i wasn't there to get help. i was actually there to give help, but the person didn't show up," ellie explained.

you blinked once, slowly. you repeated her words in your mind. you let it sink in.

"oh my god," you muttered, partly in disbelief. "why did you let me help you?"

"becauuse," ellie carefully sat next to you. "i figured... if you thought that i needed help, you would stay."

her expression remained stoic despite the red blush that was creeping up onto her face. your stomach flipped.

"and i stayed," you uttered.

"you stayed," ellie confirmed. "mission accomplished," she offered weakly.

she wanted you to stay. she acted like she needed your notes so you would stay.

ellie was watching you carefully, but you didn't feel pressured to react. you wiped your palms on your pants.

"okay," you began calmly. "i hate study groups. i hate the awkward conversation, being around people that never actually speak to me. i never go to those things. the only reason that i went was because you asked me about it in class. and so i thought that i might see you there. and i wanted to see you," you added the last part, letting the words fall into the open.

"you're fucking with me," ellie immediately said.

"i'm not," you argued, defensive and buzzing.

ellie clicked her tongue in disbelief, eyeing you. shorter strands of hair always fell into her face. you wanted to swipe them away.

"jesus," ellie mused.

"is that why you wanted me to stay? you wanted to be friends?"

ellie winced at friends, and you inwardly cringed.

dear god.

"not friends," you quickly clarified. "well, friends, but..." your voice failed you, but maybe it was for the better. you wished you weren't wearing a sweater, too warm.

ellie said your name, quietly to get your attention. you met her eyes. her mouth slipped into a sly smile when she spoke.

"i sat next you because i thought that you were pretty," she uttered pointedly.

oh! like like like!

your mind and face went blank. "oh," you laughed after a second.

"oh?" ellie questioned, watching you carefully.

ellie leaned into you, elbows propped on her legs. you swallowed hard. you felt like you were watching yourself instead of actively experiencing what was happening. it was dreamlike.

"you're the only reason i haven't skipped class all semester," you blurted out. you grimaced, twisting it into a nervous smile. okay, sure, no time like the present.

ellie looked at you curiously, cocking her head to the side. "really?"

"really," you confirmed, running your fingers along the blanket on her bed.

"you definitely weren't obvious," ellie murmured, looking at you in amusement.

"i wasn't supposed to be, are you kidding? this is humiliating."

"is it?" ellie questioned, eyebrows raised in concern despite the smirk on her face.

"sort of? oh my god, i feel so dumb. i had the biggest-" you paused in hesitation, the word crush hadn't been used yet and you were reluctant to be the first.

like like like!

"i wanted to talk to you all semester," you corrected, still burning with embarrassment. "and when you sat next to me, well, i know that technically i sat next to you but that was my seat first so really all i was doing was sitting in my normal seat where i had sat every other day but then you decided to move seats so really-"

you rambles were cut off, surprisingly, pleasantly, by ellie leaning inwards and placing her hands on your shoulders. you were suddenly pulled towards her as ellie closed the gap between the two of you.

her lips, warm and a little chapped, met your own without a moment's notice. your eyes widened in surprise before you forced them shut, melting into ellie as she brought a careful hand to the side of your face. your heart pounded, butterflies exploded in your stomach and yet you tried not to think, only to enjoy it.

like!

the kiss lasted merely seconds before ellie pulled away, lifting her hands away from you. they hovered above you, the ghost of her touch lingering. you already missed it. ellie quickly scanned your face for any indication of feeling.

you were lost for words, every hopeless hope that you had held and carried with you for weeks turned out not to be hopeless after all. now probably wasn’t the best time to feel shy, but nerves consumed you.

despite them though, you laughed. “so when jesse said someone that ellie likes…”

“yes,” ellie confirmed.

you grinned. “me too.”

“yeah?” ellie asked softly.

you hummed in response, allowing your eyes to flutter shut as ellie leaned in once again. you allowed yourself to be kissed, drowning out your nervous feelings with complete and total bliss.

you pulled away first this time, drawing your knees up to your chest.

"how long?" you inquired, peering to the spot on the wall where the sticky notes were on display.

"since the first day, when a pretty girl was in my class and i had to take the seat in front of her."

"me?" you whispered, as if you were being let in on a secret. in a way, you supposed, you were.

ellie nodded enthusiastically.

"me too," you said with a frown. "good thing you finally spoke to me, 'cause class would've ended before i had the chance."

"good thing," ellie agreed with a hum. you wanted to kiss her again.

"so, is there a reason i got invited to lunch? they said something about you canceling all the time," you mused.

ellie waved it off. "just dina being dina. i was canceling but... there was only so much time left in the semester to try and impress you," ellie joked wistfully.

you shook your head in disbelief. "i can't believe this."

"you? what about me?" ellie countered. "when i saw you that night at the bar, with that guy? god, i was fucking praying that you didn't have a boyfriend or something."

"cute," you responded simply, to which ellie wrinkled her nose.

"oh, and when i gave you my number?" ellie continued on, talking animatedly now. "and you didn't text me at all during the entire weekend?" ellie shook her head, letting out a breathy laugh. "i thought it was over for me."

"i was so scared," you admitted.

"it's okay," ellie reassured you. "we got to the bottom of it."

you smiled, looking at your hands. the silence that ensued was comfortable.

"were you ever going to tell me?" you asked finally.

ellie sighed heavily, scanning your face. "i don't know. i wasn't sure if you wanted me to. i had to be sure." she looked down at your hands, fidgeting and wringing.

you nodded in understanding. "you were sort of driving me crazy these past few weeks. i couldn't tell if you actually liked me or if i was overreacting to everything."

"oh, join the club," ellie mused.

okay, note to self, trust your gut feeling. unless anxiety is controlling your gut feeling. then… disregard completely. other note to self, try to figure out the difference between a real gut feeling and an anxious, fake gut feeling.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

you talked and talked with ellie until the sun went down. you had hardly noticed it had gotten dark. the shades and curtains were open, once letting in the natural light from the day. the room grew dark as night fell, but neither of you moved from the bed. you sat, talking and laughing and whispering and you wondered how cheesy you would seem if you pinched yourself.

time ticked by no matter how much you opposed it, and the threat of morning weighed heavy on you.

"i'll walk you," ellie insisted once you were putting on your shoes.

you glanced out of the window. snow was piling up quickly. it was beautiful to look at, but you dreaded the walk back to your dorm.

"are you kidding? no way," you refused. you felt bad enough the last time that ellie had walked you home, and that night's weather was nice compared to tonight.

"are you kidding?" ellie began putting on her shoes, lacing up her converse.

"i'm just going to go," you threatened flatly.

"okay, i'll just trail behind you and try not to look like a total creep," ellie retorted.

you pushed out a breath of air, trying not to smile. ellie had her jacket on quicker than you did anyway.

when ellie asked if you had gloves this time, you were proud to pull them out of your coat pocket to show her.

"a hat?" ellie questioned next.

"i can't find my earmuffs," you grumbled.

in response, ellie placed her own hat on your head, tugging it down so that it covered your ears with a look of determination on her face.

the walk was peaceful, though trudging through the quickly fallen snow had proven to be difficult. it was beautiful though, and ellie guided you with a careful hand on your arm so you could focus your gaze upward, at the falling snowflakes.

when you arrived at your dorm, you both hesitated in the cold despite your noses turning red.

"ellie, do you want to come in fo-"

"yes," ellie quickly answered. you grinned.

yourself and ellie spent two more hours talking together. you stood back and observed while ellie paced around your room, looking at pictures and trinkets. everything about her was endearing. the shy smile that graced her lips upon seeing the sticky notes on your wall was the reason behind your third kiss that night.

when ellie finally had to leave, she parted with promises to text when she had made it safely. and she did.

you traced her name from the sticky note over and over, emotions swelling inside of you. despite the calm you felt fairly overwhelmed, left with so much to process. positively overwhelmed, at least. no longer would you lose sleep, analyzing and overthinking trying to figure out if ellie could truly like you.

like like like!

you would see her again after break, it was certain. you would text her, not worrying if ellie didn't really want you to have her number.

after all, she gave it to you for a reason... just as she reminded you before leaving for her dorm.

so of course, you promised to text her.

and you did.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

tags :

@pinkfillerose @whore-era @lilisvlibrary @elliefilms @whteflwcrs @jasontoddsdreamgirl @icedcold @sarahsmileslikesarahd0esntcare @evanpetersluver @muthafuckingstargirl @pctcr @illicitghosts @mell0w-mushr00m @queen-arya22 @deafelliewilliams @urmyheartshaka @yourfrenchteacher @me-and-your-husband @blairfox04 @saturnsrem @poopedmypants47 @shehitdenaenae @jrjlc

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams college au #ellie tlou x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie tlou x female reader #ellie williams fanfic

[multific]

Sugardaddy Jesse Cromeans - Preference

Jesse Cromeans x Reader

Warnings: Smut

You were nothing like the woman he killed. You were so different and yet, you piqued his interest more than anything.

He knew he needed to have you in one way or another.

You were too precious to kill, so he used the one thing he had, money. 

Seeing just how bad of a financial situation you were in, he knew he didn't need to use much convincing. 

And soon you became his sugarbaby. Although you hated the title so he just called you 'My Girl'. At least that was your name in his phone.

You at first found his text to speech thingy a bit scuffed, but it was a good communication form. And you got used to it quickly.

At the beginning of your relationship, he wouldn't tell you about his hobby. It is because he decided to distance you from his bad side.

You are the most precious flower, how could he ever taint your perfection with such horrible scenes? You were not meant to see blood and bodies laying around. 

He would often tell you that he is on a trip and he would always come back with many many gifts. Forget any clothing you had in the past, Jesse would hire a stylist to help and create a new wardrobe for you.

Clothes, jewellery and anything you can ask for.

It was all yours within moments of you saying anything. No matter the price.

You would fail to notice, but in a way, these techniques were so you wouldn't start poking your nose around. 

He would walk around with you, showing you off to everyone. You wouldn't know why he loved to see you in silver metallic dresses, but who were you to ask?

When he finally decided to share that side of him with you, if you were honest, you kind of expected it.

He was happy to see you not freaking out, he paid special attention to you and you not even once tried to call the cops.

He loved that.

It was proof you were fully his.

And as a reward, he planned a romantic weekend.

Now, sex with him before and after knowing wouldn't be different.

First and foremost, he would never do something you are not comfortable with. Communication is key. So expect him to bring up topics like that during dinner.

He loved to tie you down. Of course, he is the dominant, no matter what position you two are in.

You would call him Daddy, of course. 

Loves to hear you moan and groan. Wants you to keep making those sounds, he even records them if you give permission. He would use it as your notification sound.

Imagine him, sitting in an important meeting, all business, everyone serious and then, you send a text. Your loud moans echo in his meeting room, everyone freezes as he reaches into his pocket and replies to your text. No one dares to ask. No one dares to comment or even give a side eye to him.

In bed, he could be rough, never to the point of hurting you. He would love to edge, overstimulate and make you squirt. Even if you say you can't, doesn't mean he wouldn't try.

Aftercare with him is always sweet.

He would never run off after, he would stay and make sure you are okay. You can be fucked out to the point of being delirious, he would always take care of you. Clean you, shower you, and give you many many kisses.

Being his sugarbaby would not last longer than a couple years, because after having you around long enough, he would have to have you fully to himself so he would ask you to marry him.

Taglist: @fleursirvart @greenarrowhead @thisismysecrethappyplace @sincerelyfan @theoneanna @aestheticsandmarvel @rororo06 @castellandiangelo @destynelseclipsa @spilledinkindumpster @capsiclesdoll @puknow @alwayshave-faith @soleil-dor @alex12948 @lxdyred  @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @anonymoussherlockandmarvelgeek @praline357 @trshngyn @avengers-r-us @violet-19999 @top1bbgloak​

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

             DO NOT REPOST OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORKS

#jesse cromeans #jesse cromeans x reader #jesse cromeans imagine #jesse cromeans imagines #chromeskull #chromeskull x reader #chromeskull imagine #chromeskull imagines #chromeskull laid to rest #slasher #slasher short #slasher x reader #slasher imagine #slasher imagines #slasher x fem reader #sugar daddy chromeskull #chromeskull preferences

[frazzledsoul]

A non exhaustive list of terrible things Liz Danes did/said after she showed up:

- Makes a beeline straight for the pot the minute she shows up

- Hasn't called to check on Jess once in the nine (!) months he's been gone from Stars Hollow

- It's established that she generally has a terrible track record with men/employment/stable housing

- It's also established she is easily able to manipulate Luke into doing her bidding and in pretending that every new terrible idea is no big deal

- Makes a show of introducing Jess to TJ and acting like she's the best mom ever despite his obvious discomfort

-Makes several statements to Lorelai to the effect that Luke has been cleaning up after her for her entire life and finding her jobs, apartments, helping her out financially, getting rid of dangerous men

- To quote Jess verbatim: "I don't like this guy. I don't like any of the guys. She doesn't give a crap what I think. I've got nineteen years of proof to back me up". She always chose her men over him, no matter how terrible they were.

- Luke is involved in sussing out Jess's whereabouts and living situation, giving him a place to sleep (thanks to Lorelai), offering him money to fix his car. Liz is not involved in any of that and doesn't offer. She signed off on being the parent a long time ago.

- Liz shows back up for the wedding and immediately manipulates Luke into helping arrange the wedding, selling jewelry in the diner, inviting strippers to the diner...when she's around, he ends up doing her bidding almost automatically. Zero boundaries.

- There's more references to her sketchy self-employment and the many times Luke watched it fall apart.

- Luke's the one who goes to New York, finds Jess, has him go back to Stars Hollow as a favor to him. No comment from Liz on his lifestyle or offering him a place to stay. Luke is the only one who fights with him about it. Luke's also the one to give him romantic advice as Liz is not involved in that at all.

- Liz reveals her romantic history right before the wedding. Second husband was okay, third husband was not and died mysteriously, boyfriend after third husband was also okay. This is also the only wedding she's not been drunk at.

- Liz assumes Jess broke Rory's heart even though she has no idea who that is. Lorelai steps in and defends Jess, saying it just didn't work out.

- Luke is roped into taking care of Liz and TJ for several weeks after they are in a car accident and following them around on the Ren Faire circuit. I only mention this because he is, as always, forever her caretaker.

- Liz and TJ get into a screaming fight early in S5 and ruin Luke and Lorelai 's date.

- Sometime in S5 or S6 Liz mentions that she's never made dinner, not once. Jess is around 20 years old at this time period. How did he eat?

-Liz manipulates Luke into letting TJ work at the construction at Lorelai's house. She cries and throws a tantrum until he gives in. TJ somehow knocks a big hole in the upstairs of Lorelai's house.

-Liz does not show up to Jess's open house, nor does she ever mention it (or him at all) afterwards. Luke shows up to support him and tells him he's proud of him. Mom can't be bothered.

-When Liz finds out she's pregnant with Doula, she casually mentions to Luke (in public!) that she binge drank while she was pregnant with Jess. Luke isn't shocked by this.

-Liz claims to Luke that TJ abandoned her after she told him she was pregnant. Luke goes to TJ and TJ reveals that Liz got violent and threw half the household objects at his head and kicked him out when he was excited about it. Luke goes to Liz afterwards and she rants that if she stays with TJ her kid's going to end up ruined and she'll have to send it away. Luke is the one who reminds her that Jess turned out OK and that he's actually doing great (not that Liz has any knowledge of this at all or should receive any credit for it). Liz and TJ reconcile.

- Liz and TJ invite Luke over for dinner in early S7. Their stove is broken. He has to make dinner himself (because of course he does). Despite formerly being supportive, they tell him Lorelai was bad for him and Liz says some mumbo jumbo about how they were never meant to be together. Luke runs into Lorelai at the grocery store and says the whole thing was a bad idea and he'll be civil to her, but he's not interested in a personal relationship again. Lorelai basically doesn't go anywhere in town she could run into him for the next six months (okay, the romantic advice isn't terrible per se but Liz is seriously inconsistent on this issue).

- Luke attends Doula's birth. Liz is excited about April being a free babysitter.

- Liz dumps Doula on Luke at work a few weeks after she is born because she "needs a break" and disappears for hours.

-Liz and TJ invite themselves to stay at Luke's apartment some weeks later, shortly after Lorelai and Christopher have broken up. Now Liz is all excited about Lorelai and Luke getting back together (pick a lane, woman).

-In the series finale, Liz tries to dump Doula on Luke at work AGAIN (how often does she do this?) Luke stops her before she can leave, and makes her take the baby with her.

-Liz and TJ are mercifully offscreen for AYITL. Jess fulfills the role of being Luke's sounding board and attempting to comfort him when he has problems with Lorelai and there are already enough quirky townies, so she isn't needed. TJ and Liz are involved in a mysterious vegetable cult that they eventually get kicked out of, which provides a reason for Jess to come into town every so often. He's now the support to his family that Luke used to be on his own. It's implied that this is not the first time TJ and Liz have gotten involved in a cult over the past few years

My point to all of this is that Liz is not stable, she's not a decent person, she has not "redeemed" herself, she may be clean and sober but she's still horribly selfish, unreliable, and a pain in Luke's ass. There's a bunch of stuff that is implied in Jess's behavior that indicates she was a horrible mom, but we don't get the full picture until she shows up. The full picture is...a lot worse.

#liz danes #anti liz danes #seriously #she's the worst #gilmore girls

[elliesswhore]

Who’s your daddy?

Warnings: BAD WRITING READ AT YOUR OWN RISK, dom!ellie, sub!reader, smut, cunnilingus, r&e!receiving, strap-on use r!receiving, breeding kink, daddy kink, degradation kink, choking, slapping, spanking, spitting, language, pictures are taken.

A/n: I know I said I’d finish the other one butttt I’ll get to it. This feels more important. NOT PROOF READ IM TOO LAZY

Wc:3.5k

You’re sat on Ellie’s bed waiting for her to get home from patrol. It’s getting late and you’re worried, but you know Ellie can get through anything. She’s the strongest person you know, and you’re so happy that she finally asked you out two years ago. Dina and Jesse got fed up with the mutual pining and made it happen.

As you were reading a book that Ellie found for you on patrol a week ago, she walks in with a tense look on her face. You could tell it had been a rough night. She still looked as beautiful as ever though and you were happy to see she didn’t look very injured. There was a tiny cut on her cheekbone, with a bruise surrounding it.

She sets her stuff down and looks over at you. This isn’t the first bad patrol she’s had so you aren’t surprised at the hard look in her eyes. You always let her take her anger out on you. You guys made a safe word after a particularly bad patrol. She was worried that she might hurt you but you showed her that you could take it, and since then she’s not so shy anymore.

Even though all Ellie has on are some jeans and a hoodie, you can’t help but think about what’s under the layers. You want to unwrap her like a piece of candy. She’s so fucking pretty.

You’re snapped out of your trance when she starts to move. She slowly stalks towards you, standing between your spread legs and looks down at you. Ellie lifts her left hand to cup your cheek, using her thumb to tug your lip out from your teeth. You look up not even realizing you were biting your lip.

"What are you thinking about?" She asks in a low voice that has you pushing your thighs together for any sort of friction. You’re stopped by her legs. "hm?" She hums after you stay quiet. Ellie moves her hand to roughly grab your jaw, making you look right at her.

"I asked you a question, little girl." You’re so turned on you can barely form a proper sentence. "I-um," you stutter, "I don't- I-"

You’re interrupted with a light slap to your face. You moan lightly as she weaves her other hand in your hair, tugging the back so your head is tilted up even more. Your pussy clenches around nothing.

"Such a dirty girl, I've barely even touched you and you can't get any words out."

"Please." You whine. She moves the hand on your face to wrap around your neck, squeezing harder than you were expecting. You moan, closing your eyes. That earns another slap on your cheek with her right hand. Her left hand lets up a little.

"Eyes on me. Who's your daddy?" She demands.

"You." You whisper.

"Louder."

"You." You say a little louder.

Ellie leans down so her face is hovering over yours, the hand choking you squeezes harder and she slaps you again. "You can do better than that. When I say louder, I mean fucking louder." She roughly slips her middle and ring finger in your open mouth and starts to fuck your throat. Her fingers thrust in and out of your mouth, pressing down on your tongue. The feeling of your hot, wet mouth around her fingers makes her clit throb. Her fingers come to a stop after a minute. You stick your tongue out, and she lightly taps it with her fingers.

She removes her fingers using them to hold your jaw, spitting in your awaiting mouth. She removes her hand to play with the neckline of the tshirt you’re wearing, paired with just underwear. Her hand still choking you.

"Ellie-" "That's not my name." She deadpans.

"Fuck, daddy, people could hear."

"I don't care." She moves her legs to straddle your thighs, using the hand on your neck to push you to lay on your back on the bed. Ellie hikes your tshirt up with her other hand, admiring the black lace panties you decided to wear. Also something she found for you on patrol.

Her fingers toy with the hem of your panties as she moves the hand on your neck down to grope one of your breasts through the shirt. You were going to bed soon so you didn’t have a bra on. She was certainly enjoying it, and now so are you. You could see her eyes darkening above you.

"This time I want you to moan it." The hand toying with your panties moves down, and she starts rubbing antagonizing slow circles on your clit, through your underwear.

"Fu-" "Who's your daddy?"

"Fuck, you, you daddy, fucking you." You moan out as her fingers begin to pick up the pace. She leans down and places a kiss on your cheek, grinning. "Good girl."

Her fingers stop, making you whine before you gasp as her hand makes its way into your panties, rubbing with the same pace as before.

"Shut up, good girls don't whine. They take what they’re given."

"Fuck I'll be good, just fuck, do something. Please, daddy." You beg, hoping she gives in.

She does. Ellie pulls your tshirt over your head, her mouth instantly going to lick, suck, and bite at the new area of exposed skin.

"Such a little slut, dressed like this. Were you hoping I'd come home and fuck you?"

You whine.

"Huh? Wanted me to rough you up tonight so people know exactly what we did tomorrow? I bet you'd like that, my little whore."

"You're being extra naughty tonight. If you don't answer me one more time daddy's gonna have to punish you."

You weigh your options and finally decide you’re in the mood to be a brat. So you stay silent. She doesn’t like that very much. Her lips twitch in a small smirk. She knows what you’re doing.

Ellie grabs your waist and turns you over on your stomach so fast you think you might get whiplash. She straddles the back of your thighs. You cry out as her palm connects with your ass with loud smack.

No doubt if anyone was outside they could hear it. You could feel how angry she was. "Count, slut. And thank daddy after each one. Think you can manage that, dumb fucking whore?"

"Yes," You gasp. "One. Thank you, daddy."

Smack. "Two. Thank you, daddy."

Smack. "Three. Thank you, daddy."

SMACK. This one is harder but god does it feel good. "fuck, f-four. Thank you, daddy"

She alternates between cheeks until your ass is raw, with her handprints starting to welt on your ass. It feels so good right now, but you know you’ll be sore after the adrenaline wears off. You can’t wait to take pictures for your collection.

Smack. "f-fifteen, p-please please daddy. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please just fuck me."

"Fuck, love it when you beg for daddy's cock." She kneads your ass in both hands, before smoothing them over, admiring her hand prints.

"Please, I'll do anything." You beg more.

"Anything?" "Anything, I'm such a fucking whore for you daddy. Want your cock all day." You’re still laying on your stomach, head turned so you could talk. The weight of her on top of you feels amazing and you want more.

"Careful what you wish for, little girl. I don't think your pussy could handle my cock all day."

"No, you're wrong I can, I can, please please." Ellie moves you onto your back, and you hiss at the contact of your ass on the bed. Ellie just grins above you pleased that her marks will be on you for awhile.

You gasp as she takes one of your nipples in her mouth, sucking hard. You close your eyes leaning your head back, relishing in the feeling of her mouth on your breasts. You feel a sharp smack on the side of your thigh making you look back at her. You find her staring at you with a look in her eyes. Keep your eyes on me.

She continues her descent downward, sucking hickies over your stomach and the inside of your thighs. All while making intense eye contact with you. It feels amazing. It looks amazing. She looks so pretty between your legs.

She positions herself more comfortably on her knees in front of you. She uses her insanely attractive and strong hands to force your legs apart. Ellie rests her head on your right thigh bringing her right hand up in between your folds, teasing you. It feels nice but it’s not enough and she knows that.

She moves her head in between your legs more and licks a stripe up your folds, you sigh in relief, but that's all she does. She kisses back up your body reaching her right hand up to wrap it around your neck. She squeezes lightly as she leans down to kiss you. Soon enough you feel her tongue lick your lips forcing her way in. You moan into the kiss, and she pulls away. Your lips chase hers and she chuckles.

"Always make such pretty sounds, sweet girl." She says rubbing her thumb up and down the side of your neck whilst she chokes you. "Please daddy." You’re desperate at this point.

“Aww, please daddy?” She mocks, “Sound so needy, baby.” She smiles at you.

Ellie pulls away completely making you whine. She pulls her hoodie and shirt off leaving her in jeans and her sports bra. You lay on the bed watching her. You think she’s the most gorgeous thing to walk this planet.

“Take ‘em off.” She demands, nodding down to her jeans. Happily, you sit up and reach your hands to unbutton them. You look up at her as you unzip them and pull them down. She smiles at you and takes them off the rest of the way.

“I think,” she says backing up a little, “that it’s your turn to get on your knees.”

You slide off the bed onto your knees in front of her. You hook your fingers in the waistband of her black boxers and tug them down and off.

“I think you still need to earn my cock, baby. Hm? What do you think?” She says, running her fingers through your hair.

“Yes, daddy.”

“Yeah?”

You nod.

The hand in your hair tightens, and she forces your head closer to her heat. You can see how wet she is now. She always enjoys manhandling you. She loves how easy it is to get you to submit. You look up at her waiting for more.

“What the fuck are you waiting for. Be a good little girl and make me cum.”

With those words you dive right in. You lick a stripe up her folds just as she did to you earlier, moaning at the taste of her. She always tastes so good. You lick and suck on her clit for a while before moving down to shove your tongue in her pussy. Your nose bumps against her clit. Ellie moans out at the stimulation, shoving your head even further into her. You can barely breathe and you love it. If you died like this, you would die happy.

“Fuck. Good girl.” She moans. “Stick out your tongue, baby.”

You stick out your tongue, and she starts to grind her pussy on it. She’s using you for her own pleasure and your cunt clenches around nothing, desperate to be filled.

Ellie’s moans start to get higher pitch and you can tell she’s about to cum. “Fuck, dirty fucking girl, eating my pussy for some cock.” She’s breathing heavy, moans flowing from her mouth. You wrap your lips around her clit and suck hard.

“Holy fuck-FUCK.” Her hips buck forward and she moans as she cums on your tongue. You slurp up all she has to offer with a satisfied hum. You continue until she pushes your head away from the overstimulation. You kneel on your feet looking up at her. Ellie’s juices and cum covers the lower half of your face, and she thinks it’s one of the prettiest sights she’s ever seen. She lightly taps you cheek twice, smiling down at you.

“Good girl. Get on the bed.” You obey, taking your panties off and getting into the position she likes to start in. You lay on your back and rest your head against the pillows. She’s being nice now but you know it won’t last long.

She slips her boxers back on before walking to the nightstand and pulling out her strap. It’s purple, 8 inches, curves upward slightly, and she knows exactly how to use it.

Ellie climbs on the bed, forcing your legs apart and getting in between them so that your thighs are resting on hers.

Her left hand grips your thigh tightly as her other one reaches to grab her cock. She slides the strap between your folds, teasing you with the tip. You moan loudly, glad she’s finally giving you what you want.

"What happened to 'people could hear.' Hm?What? Now that the slut's getting what she wants, she doesn't care?" She looks down at you with raised eyebrows, a smug look on her face.

"mhm" you hum, your eyes are closed. You hope it’ll set her off and she’ll fuck you instead of just circling the tip over your clit. "Just wanna get fucked."

"Is that right? hm, I don't know. I'm quite liking where we're at right now." She says switching to rubbing her whole cock over your cunt.

"Fuck, it feels so good. Please, more" She doesn't listen continuing to tease you. You want more but Ellie was definitely enjoying herself. Her eyes are glued to your pussy, her mouth opened slightly as she watches her strap get covered in your slick. You hear her groan and she looks up to find you staring at her. She smiles leaning down to kiss you once more.

Leaning back she takes her hand off your thigh and lightly slaps your cheek again. Your eyes close, moaning at the little sting it brings. She stops teasing and lines her cock up with your entrance. Her hands are on your waist and you close your eyes feeling her enter you. She’s big, and the stretch feels fucking amazing.

You open your eyes when you hear her groan. Her head is tilted back and her eyes are closed. Ellie swears she can feels you around the strap. She looks so fucking hot. She looks down at you with a smirk and you clench around her cock. She bites her lip and begins to thrust in and out of you.

"Such a tight little cunt, made just for me."

"All for you daddy." You moan louder as she begins to pick up the pace, until she’s fucking you hard and deep. She’s leaning over slightly and it feels like she’s in your stomach.

"Yes, yes, yes, it feels so good. I can't I-" Tears prick your eyes and you feel like you’re in heaven as she goes even harder. Ellie’s looks down at you and you feel tears roll down your cheeks. She moves one arm so it’s resting right by your head and the other goes to wipe your tears.

"Look so pretty when you cry, baby. Makes me wanna ruin you even more."

"Do it, oh god. Do it daddy." Ellie pulls out making you let out a big whine. "daddy, why'd you stop?"

"Wanna taste you." Is all she says.

Before you can even register what's happening, she’s laying in between your legs. Her mouth is on your pussy sucking your clit in a way that nobody else can. She’s completely ruined anyone else for you. She flicks her tongue back and forth on your clit and you let out moan after moan. "Daddy, please just-"

Ellie slaps your cunt and it makes you jolt back a little, but she just grabs your hips and pulls you back. She puts your legs on her shoulders, wrapping her arm around to hold you down.

"Shut up and let daddy enjoy her girl." She continues to toy with your clit with her tongue as she brings her hand up to your entrance, pushing her ring and middle fingers inside. You moan and she groans against your pussy, the vibrations making the pleasure increase.

“Always taste so good f’me baby. Can feel how tight you are around my fingers. Fuck.”

She thrusts her fingers hard into your pussy, hitting the spot that makes you see stars.

When she said enjoy, she meant it. She’s groaning, and you can see her grinding against the bed. The harness of the strap giving her clit some much needed attention. Your hands tangle in her hair, and tug hard on it causing her to moan against you. You shudder and gasp at the feeling. You’re so close and she knows it. Of course, knowing this, she pulls away again. You whine out, you wanna cum so bad but she always drags it out ,but you know if you say anything she’ll take even longer.

She sits up and grabs your hips turning you onto your stomach, completely manhandling you. “Knees.”

You shimmy onto your knees so your face presses against the pillows and your ass is in the air. She knows exactly what she’s doing as she enters you again, you can feel her cock hitting that spot that makes you see stars. One hand is on your hip and the other is massaging your ass. She begins with slow deep thrusts because she knows it drives you crazy.

“Look so pretty like this, sweetheart. My own little slut, taking my cock so fucking well.”

“Say it.”

You’re a moaning mess under her and she loves it. She switches between looking at your face, your ass, and her strap sliding in and out of you. She’s groaning from the friction of the harness and you can tell she’s close.

Eventually she can't hold back anymore, and starts thrusting hard and fast. She moves her right hand to choke you again, lifting your upper half off the bed. You can feel her even deeper now and it makes you moan loudly. One of your hands reaches behind you, nails scratching at whatever you can reach. Her other hand comes up to your face. You know what she wants as you take her thumb in your mouth, sucking on it. She groans at the sight.

“God. You’re such a fucking whore, baby. What would everyone say if they knew how fucking naughty you are? Hm? If they knew how much of a slut you are? Bet you’d like it huh? Having everyone know who fucks you this good.”

She chuckles. “Although, by the looks of it everyone is going to know how slutty you are.” Her thrusts are starting to get uneven and you can hear her panting and groaning behind you.

Her words make you let out a pornographic moan, thinking about the bruises that’ll be on your neck for the next few days.

"I'm close." She breathes out.

"Fuck, me too daddy. Please. Please, can I cum? I’ve been so good, daddy. Please.” You whine and moan out around her thumb, practically babbling.

"Shit, fuck. You can come, baby. Come all over daddys cock." You moan as she moves her hand from your mouth to rub circles on your clit. You moan even louder as you come, clenching around her cock.

"Fuck, gonna fill you up sweet girl. Gonna get you pregnant. Let everyone know who you belong to." She practically growls in your ear. Her hot breath against you makes causes goosebumps to arise on your skin.

You moan, she’s only brought this up a couple times and it makes you go crazy every time. She continues to thrust in and out of you, chasing her high. "Do it, daddy. Fill me up, fuck a baby into me."

“Fuuuck.” She groans as she cums in her boxers. Both of you are breathing heavy as she pulls out. Ellie gently lowers your upper half onto the bed, settling back on her feet. “Fuck.” She sighs satisfyingly. “Did so good for me, baby. Always such a good girl.”

“Stay there.”

Ellie’s leaves to clean herself up and change boxers. She comes back with her polaroid camera and a warm wash cloth. She grins at the sight of your pussy dripping with your cum, and your bruising ass.

She grabs the camera and takes a picture of it. She flips you around to get another picture of her choking you. You have a lot of those but every one is just as hot as the last.

"My pretty baby looks all fucked out."

You smile tiredly, eyes threatening to close, "She is."

She smiles and leans down to kiss you before she takes one last picture of you face. Once she’s done she grabs the wash cloth and cleans you up. “Gotta get up, baby. You need to pee.”

You groan at her words, you would literally rather do anything else than get up right now.

“I know, I know, but you have to.”

“Ellieee-“

Giving up, she picks you up and takes you to the bathroom, setting you on the toilet. You pee, wipe, and wash your hands before Ellie basically drags you to bed. She puts a different tshirt of hers on you and some panties. “One more thing, baby.”

“Ughhhh”

“Stop being a brat, baby and drink this water.”

You do as she says and get under the covers. You’re two seconds from passing out. Ellie gets a glass of her own water before joining you in bed. She lays on her back and you cuddle into her, her arms wrapping around your waist.

“Are you okay?” You ask her.

She scoffs and smiles a little. “Am I okay? I should be asking you that.”

Your hand reaches up and lightly touches the bruise forming on her cheek. She grabs your hand and kisses it. She holds your hand and rests it on her body.

“It’s nothing baby, just got stuck with a shitty patrol partner. Fucking pissed me off. I’m okay.”

You lean up and kiss her lips. It’s soft and slow. “I love you.”

She pulls you even closer if that’s possible. “I love you too, sweet girl.”

#ellie williams #ellie williams smut #tlou2 #ellie tlou #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x y/n #ellie x fem reader #ellie the last of us #elliesswhore

[bingbongsupremacy]

The Letter Pt. 2

Pairing: Ellie Williams x fem! reader

Warnings: She/Her pronouns used, Homophobia

Summary: Ellie and Y/N are in two very different social groups at school. One day when Y/N's crush is cruelly exposed in front of the whole school, Y/N is brutally shot down. Finally, four years later the two run into each other again.

(I changed it to four years so reader could go to college)

High School AU

Next part will probably be the last part. I'll probably upload it tmr.

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3

*Not Proof Read* TLOU Masterlist

*****

Ever since the assembly my life turned into hell. Ellie dropped me as a tutor and I was placed with some random guy who constantly reminded me of what happened. Kids snickered in the halls. Certain teachers would shoot me looks of disapproval. Kids I've never talked to stuffed church pamphlets into my locker or invited me to church.

It went on for the last few months of my senior year. Whenever any major event took place, Vivian was sure to point me out in the bleachers and remind everyone what happened.

It got to the point where I stopped going to assembly's

At least I had Dina and Jesse. They stood by me through it all. I don't know what would've happened without them.

Whenever I saw Ellie in the halls I dodged her. If I didn't, she'd clearly talk about me to her friends who'd snicker and agree.

That stupid fucking letter made my life hell.

-----Five Years Later-----

My car beeps as I lock it. I glance up at the familiar bright sign before quickly making my way into the supermarket.

Things have changed.

With one look around I can already tell they remodeled the place. I have no idea where any of the shit Dina sent me to get is.

I guess that's what I get for staying away so long. I honestly didn't plan on coming back but I miss Dina and Jesse. I fell horrible staying away all these years.

The store is mostly empty. I mean, who the fuck wants to be out at 11 o'clock at night.

I look around for one of the workers. There has to be someone here.

A small laugh catches my attention.

A long strip of smoke floats up into the air. As I walk closer to the register I start to notice a smell: weed.

" Um, hey. Can you help me? " I ask, peeking over the side of the register.

A head jumps up in surprise, bumping against the top of the checkout stand. " Fuck. " They mutter in surprise, rubbing their would with the hand not holding the joint.

" Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. "

The woman shakes her head, shoving her phone into her back pocket. She snuffs the joint out. " It's fine. " She reassures me, not looking up. " Just don't call my boss, yeah? Fuck, I can't get another write up. Fucking Kaylee with have my ass. " She mutters.

I smile at her disheveled appearance. She obviously wasn't planning on anyone coming in. " Chill, I'm not a rat. I don't care what you do. I just need some help finding some stuff. It's been a while since I've been here. " I hand her the list.

I glance over her hunched form. She nods. Her hair is messily pulled back into a half up bun. A light green vest covers some band tee.

I glance down at the the register.

My heart stops.

" Ellie? "

The womans' head snaps up in confusion. The confusion soon spreads to surprise. " Y-Y/N? Fuck, is that you? " Her poster straightens and her grip on my list becomes visibly tighter.

Ellie's face looks much more tired then in high school. She looks much more mature.

My emotions hit me like a brick wall. Every angry and sad feeling I went through senior year comes tumbling back. Every mocking sentence and rude word hits me like a ton of bricks. It feels like I'm going through it again.

At the same time seeing her activates the old crush I had. While my heart feels like it's being torn to shreds, my stomach does summer saults.

My jaw tightens and I reach for the paper. " I don't need your help. " I mutter. I'll be damned if I let her into my life again. Even if it's just for a few minutes. " I'll go to another store. "

Ellie steps back, holding my paper away. With a head shake, she responds. " What other store? It's fucking Jackson. We're the only store here. "

She's right. We both know it.

" Then...then I'll just get it myself. Give me my fucking list. " I hold out my hand.

" Can we please talk. " Ellie's brows are furrowed. " I- "

I roll my eyes. " I have no interest in talking to you, Williams. " I snap. " Fine, I'll fucking find everything without it. " I begin walking away.

" Fine! " Ellie's voice trails after me. " Look, you don't have to talk to me. "

Fuck, what the hell did I put on that list? Why the hell did I give it to her? Fuck fuck fuck.

I think I'm supposed to get mayo? Wait no. Why the fuck would I need Mayo?

" All you have to do is listen. Please, Y/N. I know I don't fucking deserve it after what I put you through-what I did, but please. Just give me a few minutes of your time. " Ellie begs.

I turn to the girl. She doesn't look like the confident girl I knew years ago. She looks...regretful?

I sigh. " Fine. You have three minutes. "

A small smile of relief flashes across Ellie's features. " Fuck, thank you. "

I nod stiffly, crossing my arms across my body.

" I was a fucking asshole in high school. " Ellie swallows. " I let my friends dictate the way I acted. All I wanted was to be popular. During Freshman year, I got bullied so I started playing a bunch of sports. I befriended a bunch of jocks and eventually a bunch of other assholes who hung around them. I became one of them. I was so fucking scared of losing my place in the group. " Ellie blushes slightly. She glances up at the ceiling, obviously not proud of what she's telling me.

" Anyways, I did a bunch of fucked up shit to stay with them. What I did to you was by far the fucking worst. " Her green eyes meet mine. " And I'm so fucking sorry. I really am. The day of the assembly Vivian came into the room and took your letter out of your sketch book. She didn't tell me what was in it. I knew it was fucked up whatever she was planning, but I didn't think it'd be that bad. I thought she'd just...I don't know...Show a not so great picture you drew off to the school-which is still a dick move-but I didn't know what she was planning. " Ellie nervously wrings her wrist.

" I'm so fucking sorry, Y/N. I was so cruel to you. So fucking mean. " Ellie looks up at me. " I knew what I was doing was wrong and I still did it. I could've said something to help but I-I didn't. I was a fucking coward and I'm so sorry. I think about it all the time. What if I was you? What if it had been me? What if I had been outed in front of the school? What if people treated me the way they had treated you? What if I treated me the way I treated you? I was so scared people would find out I'm gay. I wasn't ready for people to know. I guess...I guess I thought that if the attention was on you, I could continue sneaking around without people finding out. I can't hide forever though, Y/N. And these past few years I've realized just how bad you had it. I'm so sorry. I don't know if you can ever forgive me, but I understand if you can't. Honestly, if I were you, I fucking wouldn't. " Ellie's face is red from embarrassment and shame.

She was scared. She was scared of what people would think if they knew she was gay.

" I was scared, Ellie. I was so fucking scared. I didn't want anyone to know either. I never planned on giving you that note. It was a stupid crush. Even though I was scared, I never would've done that shit to you. I never would've talked shit about you in front of my friends or mocked you in public or at games. " I'm so torn. I don't know how I feel.

Ellie nods, closing her eyes. " Fuck, I'm sorry. "

" I don't hate you Ellie. "

" You don't? " Ellie's voice is surprised.

I shake my head. " No. I just don't know if I can trust you. You hurt me so much. "

Ellie thinks for a moment. " Maybe there's a way I can make it up to you. "

I cock my head to the side, slightly skeptical. " How? "

" How long are you in Jackson? " Ellie leans against a shelf.

" About a week, why? " I'm supposed to be hanging out with Dina and Jesse all week.

" Perfect. Give me five days. I promise, I'll fix what I fucked up. If I can't, you never have to talk to me or see me again. I swear to god I will never talk to you again if you want. Just give me a week. " Ellie's gaze is unmoving, much more confident then moments ago.

Should I trust her? What if she does something? Well she did just bare her fucking soul to me.

With a sigh I reply. " Fine. I'll give you a week. "

Tag list: Idk if I missed anyone. Sorry if I did. Lmk if I did or if u want to be tagged in the next part.

@octavias-next-meat-bite @ximtiredx

#fanfic #fanfiction #ellie the last of us #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x reader #ellie x you #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie williams x female reader

[daddynattt]

Hi jess! Can you please do a fluffy/comfort f!R x Natasha Romanoff fic?

Where reader has been receiving texts, calls, threats and stalking etc. And reader gets scared that it’s her ex girlfriend that’s trying to come take her back because all her ex’s ex rejected her(crazy ex level). But reader tried to take care of it herself so nat does worry. So when reader gets kidnapped by her ex that’s when nat finds out why reader has been distant from everyone

This turned out more Angsty than i thought it would lol but it’s still fluffy/comfort. Nat is just soft for us <3 Hope you enjoy.

Crazy Ex

Summary: After getting a ton of calls and messages from an unknown number, you fear it’s your crazy ex girlfriend trying to get in contact with you again. You distance yourself from your girlfriend Natasha so you don’t worry her. What happens when your ex kidnaps you?

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x F!Reader

Warnings: Angst, Toxic/Controlling Relationship (past), Mentions of Killing/Dying, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Soft Protective Nat

Word Count: 2.8k

You feel your phone vibrate in your hand for what feels like the thousandth time as you look down at it once more. For the past few days you have been getting many calls and texts of someone threatening you and claiming to know where you live from an unknown number. You are certain it is your ex-girlfriend Amy as she is the only person that comes to mind and you are scared for what she may do. You don’t want to think about what will happen if she finds you. Amy was very controlling and it felt like you were being held hostage in your own relationship. She had a lot of ex’s who rejected her and left her for other people, and once your relationship became serious, she became very crazy. 

You tried to get out of the relationship many times but she didn’t let you, and it was a hard time in your life but you eventually were able to get out of the relationship and get a restraining order put out on her after lots of proof and many court visits. You met Natasha a few months later when she came into your job, the two of you instantly clicking right away. Something about you drew her in and she knew that you were going to become someone important in her life. Being in a relationship with Natasha wasn’t easy at the beginning but she was patient and took her time with you. She knew about your relationship with your ex-girlfriend, the love and comfort she provided finally showed you what a healthy relationship was supposed to be like.

You’ve blocked the numbers each and every time it calls or texts you, but a new one would call or text you again and again, not knowing what else to do to solve it. 

Unknown Number: Y/n, pick up the fucking phone right now

Unknown Number: I know where you live, don’t test me 

Unknown Number: When I come to your apartment, you’re going to regret not answering me

You shudder as you think of what can happen and you don’t know what else to do. You’ve been staying at the compound with Natasha for the past few days instead of at your apartment like the two of you usually do because you’re scared she will suddenly show up and something bad will happen. You don’t want to worry her about it which is why you haven’t told her what’s going on. Thankfully she hasn’t questioned anything but you’re feeling hopeless as the texts and calls are becoming more frequent. You worry she may possibly find out that you are at the compound and do something crazy to hurt Natasha. It wouldn’t be the first time that she has stalked you.

“Y/n baby, are you okay?” Natasha’s sweet voice next to you brings you out of your thoughts, the worried look on her face making you feel guilty. You smile at her as reassuringly as you can, nodding as you look around the room. You, Natasha, Wanda, Yelena and Kate were all watching a movie and they too had worried looks on their faces... How long have you been zoned out for?

“You alright Sestra?” you hear Yelena ask you from across the room. Yelena has become a sister figure to you, her protectiveness over you just as strong as her sisters when the two of you started dating. She knows about your crazy ex as well and even asked you if you wanted her to take care of her for you. You may just take her up on that offer soon if you can’t solve it alone. 

“I’m good, sorry guys. Let’s keep watching the movie”

As you continue to watch what’s playing on the TV, your phone goes off once more, and you fear that Natasha will see or hear it, the thought making you slightly uneasy. As a few minutes go by, you hear Natasha speak up again. 

“Sweetheart? Who keeps calling you?” you bite the inside of your cheek as you look at her, you should’ve known that you couldn’t hide anything from her as she is a trained spy. You smile at her as you put your phone in your pocket. 

“It’a my brother, he keeps calling and texting. I’m so sorry I totally forgot I was supposed to go help him today at his apartment. Is it alright if I leave and come by later?” she looks at you but doesn’t press any further.

“That’s alright love, there’s no need to apologize or ask. Would you like me to drive you there?” you smile at her kindness and deposit a sweet kiss on her lips, your hand on her cheek as you look at her. You love this woman so much. 

“I’ll be okay baby, stay here with the girls and keep them company, I know you’ve been wanting to spend some time with them this week” 

She looks at you hesitantly as if thinking about it, but you smile at her once more as you kiss her again. “You know he’s not far from here baby, and I could use the walk” she smiles softly at you as she nods. She doesn’t want you to feel like she is controlling you so she refrains from offering once again.

“Okay Detka, please text me when you get there okay?” you kiss her one last time and smile against her lips. 

“I will, I promise, i’ll see you later. Bye guys” you hear everyone say their goodbyes as you make your way towards the elevator and out of the compound. You take a deep breath as the air from outside hits your face, trying to regulate your breathing. You hate lying to Natasha but it’s better you figure this out on your own as it is not Natasha’s problem to deal with. You walk towards your apartment and think of what you can do. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few days have passed and you have been keeping your distance from Natasha and the others. You haven’t been talking to her much and you always come up with an excuse when she asks to see you. You feel guilty but you know it’s for the best. You know she is an Avenger and can protect herself but you wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself if something bad happened to her. You never know what may happen and what lengths your ex-girlfriend would go through. It’s late at night as you’re walking back to your apartment as you have just finished work, but you have the feeling someone is watching and following you. You look around you as you keep walking but you don’t see anyone suspicious. As you reach the front of your apartment, you feel someone grabbing onto you and sticking something in your neck, instantly making you pass out. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your eyes flutter open as you try to look around you, your vision blurry seeing nothing but an empty room, a painful ache passing through your body. You try to move but your movement is restricted, your arms and legs tied up as you sit in an uncomfortable chair. You try to get free but whatever is tied around you is tight, and your stomach drops as you fear what will happen to you. Before you can think or do anything else, the door opens and your ex-girlfriend Amy appears in front of you. 

“Hey baby, did you miss me?” your eyes are wide as you stare at her, your heart beating out of your chest as she moves towards you. “You’ve been ignoring my texts and calls, don’t you miss me? I miss you so much”

 “Fuck you! Why can’t you just leave me alone? What’s wrong with you, you psycho!” she slaps you hard, the force making your head turn to the side. 

“Shut the fuck up! You belong to me, not that stupid Avenger” she slaps you again, the impact even harder then the last, making you taste blood in your mouth. 

“You’re fucking crazy. Where the fuck did you take me?” the smirk on her face is sickening as she looks down at you. 

“You’re home where you belong, your little girlfriend won’t find you here. You’re mine again” you shiver as you look at her, your heart beating rapidly. Is this where you die?

“You won’t get away with this. They will find me and they will kill you on the spot. You’ve ruined my life enough, just let me go” her hand grabs a fistful of your hair as she smiles at you. 

“Why can’t you see that I love you! Why can’t you just stay with me and not be a stupid whore and leave me like everyone else hmm?” 

“I will never love you or be with you ever again, I hate you!” she slaps you again as she growls out in frustration, walking away and out of the room. You finally let the tears fall, letting your head fall back as you close your eyes. You can’t help but to blame yourself; if you had just told Natasha what was going on maybe you wouldn’t be here in this position right now. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Days go by as you are stuck in this room alone. She has come inside the room trying to get you to talk to her and willingly be with her again but you don’t budge. She doesn’t feed you or give you water and you would rather keep it that way then be with her again. You know someone will save you. Let’s hope she doesn’t get tired of waiting anytime soon.

“This is ridiculous! It’s been three days, we’re losing time, what if she’s-“

“We’re going to find her Natasha I promise. We’re so close. You can’t think that way it won’t do you any good. Y/n is strong and her ex will pay.” Natasha, Wanda, Yelena and Kate were all trying to find you. They enlisted Friday in trying to figure out your whereabouts, but so far they’ve had no luck. Natasha sits down and covers her face with her hands. At first she thought you were being distant because of her, but after the second day of you brushing her off, she knew something wasn’t right. You have never made excuses not to see her, nothing bad had happened between the two of you, and her gut was telling her that something was seriously wrong. When you stopped responding to her texts and calls, she went to your apartment and didn’t see you there. She called your work and you weren’t there either, and when she called your brother to ask if he’s seen you and if you showed up at his apartment that one day when you left the compound and he said no, she instantly knew what was going on. 

At first she didn’t know about the texts or calls that you were receiving, but after a few days your behavior changed and she noticed them on your phone. She didn’t want to think anything negative, she knew you would never cheat on her; the negative feeling in her gut made it’s appearance once more. She didn’t know it was something as serious as this. She blames herself for not taking action sooner, but there was no apparent threat with your ex, and you had always claimed that she was gone from your life for good, that nobody had to worry. She wishes she could see into the future to know that this was going to happen. 

“I think we found her! I was finally able to get a location. There’s an abandoned house up on the mountains, I think she might be there. She’s four hours out” Everyone rushes to grab their things and make their way onto the quinjet.

“Let’s go get our girl”

Your body aches more and more each day that you are sitting in this chair, stuck in the same position. You are starting to feel hopeless, wondering if Natasha will be able to find you. You become nauseous as you begin to think of the worst. What if you die here?

“Please, just let me go.” You tense up as she puts a knife to your neck, applying pressure.

“Shut up. I’m getting tired of you at this point. I should just kill you right now and make you regret ever leaving me.” You jump out of your skin as the door gets kicked open roughly, Natasha appearing in your line of sight in her Black Widow suit with your other friends behind her. She throws her Widow Bites at your ex-girlfriend, instantly knocking her to the floor, the knife dropping. You sigh out in relief, your shoulders dropping as you close your eyes. 

“Detka? I’m here now, I’m so sorry, please look at me” she unties your hands and legs with her knife, grabbing your face as she looks at you, frowning at your injuries.

“God i’m so sorry I couldn’t find you sooner. We tried so hard. I’m so sorry baby” she lets her tears fall as she rests her forehead against yours. She doesn’t know what she would do with herself if she didn’t find you here, or worse, if she didn’t find you alive. You are her whole entire world and to think she almost lost you makes her absolutely sick to her stomach. You wrap your arms around her and hold her tight, needing her touch more than anything at this very moment to comfort you, tears falling down your face as well. You feel her arms wrap around you as she kisses your head and breathes you in. She Is not letting you out of her sight ever again; she just almost lost you today. You slowly get up and give your body a moment to properly adjust after being tied up for so long, holding onto Natasha for support.

“Y/n?” Yelena’s worried voice makes you smile at her, instantly wrapping your arms around her as you hug her close. 

“i’m okay, thank you guys, you saved my life” Kate and Wanda come to hug you as well, sighing in relief knowing you’re okay. 

“I’m going to take Y/n home, Yelena, you guys know what to do” Yelena nods her head at her sister, the two of you making your way towards the quinjet as she takes you both back home. She will send another one back for the others. She puts it on autopilot and sits down, pulling you onto her lap as she holds you close. 

“i’m so glad you’re okay, I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t there, or if I lost you or-“ you cut her off with a kiss to her lips, instantly calming her down. 

“i’m okay baby, thanks to you guys. I was slowly starting to lose hope that you wouldn’t be able to find me, but you did and that’s all that matters now” she presses her lips to yours again, keeping them there so she can feel you.

“Why didn’t you tell me what was going on? We would have taken care of it” the worried look on her face makes you kiss her again, feeling guilty that it came down to this and that you scared her.

“I didn’t want you to worry so I tried handling it by myself. It wasn’t your problem to deal with and at first I didn’t think much of it but then it was too late, I’m sorry Nat” you frown at her as you let your tears fall. You feel her wipe them away as her lips press to your forehead.

“Whatever problems you face are my problems as well. I want you to always come to me and talk to me when something is wrong or if you need help. I love you so much honey” you smile at her and wrap your arms around her neck, nuzzling your face into her neck. You love Natasha more than words can describe. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You lay your head on Natasha’s chest as the two of you lay in your shared bed together. You cuddle into her, the feeling of her strong but soft arms around you instantly bringing you immediate comfort. Her arms hold you protectively against her, her hand tracing small comforting patterns on your back underneath your shirt, the feeling of her hand on your exposed skin grounding you.

“I’m not letting you out of my site ever again, just so you know” you smile against her chest as you cuddle into her more. You don’t doubt that for one second. 

“I love you Nat” you hear the smile in her voice when she speaks.

“I love you way more sweetheart. I’ll never let anything happen to you ever again.”

#natasha x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff angst #natasha romanoff fluff #protective natasha romanoff #soft natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x fem!reader

[wosowrites]

Going Through It Part 2 (Caroline Graham Hansen)

warnings: misscar!age, depression

a/n: a lot of people were asking for a part 2 of the fic sooo let’s go! I also broke my own heart writing this it's super long and super sad.

prompt: in which different people come around in support for you as you go through all the stages of your miscarriage with caroline.

The 7 stages of grief. A myth? Definitely not.

Stage 1: Shock

When the medics told you they would bring you to the hospital to confirm that you really were indeed no longer with child, you just nodded blankly. You could see Caroline was trying to hold it together for you but you selfishly couldn't bring yourself to think about her. All you cared about was that they baby in your belly that you were supposed to protect was gone now. You felt as though you had failed it.

And then the doctors at the nearest hospital confirmed what to you had already been confirmed, so you listened as they told you for the second time that your baby was dead. Caroline held a straight face as she rubbed her thumb over your hand,, and you just stared blankly at the wall facing you. They said something about an abortion as soon as possible to get the fetus out, but you didn't listen. You didn't listen either as Caroline told you lovingly that she was going to go give the news to the Barca girls who were in the waiting room. A funny bunch they were, for sure, all with their tracksuits and sweaty hair.

You laughed at that. It started off as a quiet giggle but soon enough you were full on howling with laughter. Caroline had left the room by then and so had the doctors so anyone walking past your room would surely think you were a misplaced psychiatric patient. A few of the doctors came running in when it had been about a minute of your hysterics. They tried talking to you and calming you down but you just laughed harder. So they put you to sleep for a little, and when Caro walked back in with Ingrid, Mapi and Alexia, the doctors simply said that:

"She's in a lot of shock. She started laughing hysterically and we think its best for her to sleep before the procedure."

So, when Caroline heard that you were asleep, and that her actions wouldn't hurt you further, she started sobbing.

Stage 2: Denial

You and Caroline had already been excused for the UWCL and the rest of the season. Although the public knew very well that you were pregnant when you took the hit to the stomach, no one other than the Barca girls knew that the child had died. People just assumed you were not playing as a precaution, and Caro was taking care of you. Oh, and the Chelsea girls knew as well, having reached out in support and apology. Jess Carter had never felt worse in her life. But it wasn't their fault and everyone knew that. It was wrong place wring time. However three days after the abortion, Caroline found you in a worse situation than she could ever have imagined.

"Love?" Caroline called out in the apartment, having stopped calling you baby out of fear of even mentioning anything related to a child. There was no answer. "Y/n?!"

Caroline called out your name again as she walked through the house, poking her head into your bedroom, the washroom and every other room in the house. That is until she heard the faint sound of music. Her heart dropped. The only way she wouldn't have heard music playing was if it was from the nursery. You had both agreed to sound proof the room as you had heard that letting the baby cry it out was often the best solution. Caroline hadn't touched or even looked at the nursery since 'the incident' but she imagined today was the day.

The Norwegian gently pushed open the door, finding you sitting in the corner of the room on a rocking chair. There was My Funny Valentine playing from her phone in the room, the song you would always sing to your belly. Your hand was on your stomach, rubbing it gently though your grey tank top. Your eyes were closed and you were humming along with the melody, not noticing the presence of your wife. Caroline felt like she would throw up. She stared at you through wide eyes before slowly backing out of the room and closing the door again. Her eyes filled with tears as she leaned her back against the door. The Norwegian took a couple seconds to steady her breathing before rummaging in the pocket of her shorts and pulling out her cell phone. The woman quickly dialled a familiar number and waiting for a voice to answer. "Hola, Caroline," Mapi's voice said in a kind and gentle voice. "Hi. Uh, I don't know what to do. I- she's just sitting there and-" Caroline tried to rant but Mapi cut her off, noticing how clustered her words were. "Caro. Breathe. Breathe for me, do you want me to come over?" She asked gently. "No. No that's not a good idea. I just need you to tell me what to do because right now shes sitting in the nursery on the rocking chair, playing a song we always sang to her belly and she- she has her hand on her stomach like-" Caroline lowered her voice, "-like there's still a baby in there."

There was silence over the phone. Mapi felt sick and horrible for her friends. "I-I cannot give you advice on this. You just need to talk to her, I think. She's in denial."

And so Caroline did. She opened the door to the nursery and walked towards you. "My love," you said, smiling and opening your eyes. "Hi darling," your wife answered, kneeling next to you. She put her hands on your knees and looked up at you. Your hands still laid on your stomach, but not for long as the forwards hands reached out to grab yours in hers. "Don't make me tell you. Don't make me say the words," Caroline said, her eyes full of tears. But you just stared at her with a small smile. You freed your hands and cupped her face, wiping her tears. "What is it, my love?" you said gently, almost in a ghostly way. "We're not pregnant anymore, y/n."

Stage 3: Anger

You handn't meant to hit her. You hadn't. You. Had. Not. Right? It just happened. It had been the third time she had caught you with your hand on your stomach, humming to a child that wasn't there. And you had snapped. Right after you did, your head was cloudy, and you wanted to apologize, and kiss her, and tell her how much you loved her. But instead you yelled. "Shut up! Don't! I have already lost our fucking child and now you're not even letting me- I don't know! Hold out hope. Hold out some kind of belief that the universe wouldn't take my child away," you yelled, sobbing violently. Caroline looked at you, sobbing just as hard as you were. "I'm going through this too, you know?" She yelled back, catching you off guard. "Yeah. But at least your not going through the guilt of knowing that your decision killed our child."

It was mean. It was loud. It was hurtful from both ends. But then you slipped on your shoes, grabbed your car keys and then opened the door, pausing at the entrance. "We need to be there. Now," you said dryly.

Caroline nodded and followed you outside. You headed down to the parking lot, walking to your subaru. You both headed for the drivers seat, but as you reached to open the door, your hands hitting, you looked at her. "I can drive. I’m not pregnant anymore, remember? You made that very fucking clear," you spat at her.

Caroline flinched, but she went to the passengers seat.

You arrived at Ciutat Esportiva about twenty minutes later, the whole car ride being filled with awkwardness and the faint sound of Beyonce's vocals. You got out of the car quickly, trying to get away from Caroline. Jonatan had told you that there wasn't the need for you both to come if you weren't up for it, but you knew you needed to get out of the house. It was just an hour long meeting to discuss next seasons signings and departures, but it felt to Caroline like a reintegration into normal life, and to you, it felt like a reminder that you had failed your child.

You walked into the meeting room, your hair in the same dutch braids they had been in for the past two days, your Barca sweatpants on paired with a black hoodie. The girls came up to you and hugged you gently, you forced a small smile before taking a spot at a table with only one open chair left, means to get away from your wife.

The second the meeting finished, you stood up quickly. But due to your lack of sleep and food, your head swirled and you doubled over, feeling a wave of nausea come over you. Mapi, Alexia and Caroline were quickly by your side, la Reina holding your elbow and Caroline quickly letting you fall into her arms. But the second you had regained your bearings, you pushed her away. "Stop it. I'm fine," you basically growled. Taking your car keys from the table and rushing out of the meeting room and towards the parking lot.

Caroline was left, feeling shameful for no valid reason in the middle of the room. "I thought the whole 7 stages of grief thing was a myth but... shes going through them right now. I need the anger to be gone, Marta, I can't take her being mad at me," Caroline cried gently. "She's not mad at you. She's mad at herself and she's taking it out on you. Just- don't tell her shes going through the seven stages. If she knows she'll try to stop it and right now she needs to feel. And so do you, Caro. If you guys need anything, call me. Call us, any of us. We'll bring food or movies... anything really," Marta answered.

Stage 4: Bargaining

You got out of the anger stage the night after the meeting. You left your room, having finally showered and found Caroline watching Bridgerton in the living room. You sat down next to her and took the remote, pausing the show. "I am so sorry. I don't know what the fuck my problem is. I love you so so much and I just snapped," you said to her, putting your hands on her face and wiping away a stray tear. You kissed her softly on the lips as she thought about what Marta had said about not informing you about the grief process she was living. It was the first kiss you had shared since the miscarriage and it was welcomed to say the least.

It was on a walk down town that you reached the stage of bargaining. Caroline had been confused about that one. You weren't religious, and neither was she. But when you walked past the Sagrada Familia, and asked if you could go inside, she knew it was time for stage 4.

The Sagrada Familia was extremely impressive. Even after being in it multiple times, it never lost its beauty. It was a thursday, so it was open to the public, but you still sat on a pier, leaving Caroline to watch you from afar, wondering about the bargaining stage.

There was only you on the pier, looking up to the high ceiling of the Sagrada Familia, the architecture designed in a way that the ceiling looked like a forest. You didn’t believe in God. God had ruined your family. Or at least your parents wrongful actions in his name did. If there was a God, you knew he loved everyone and that he wouldn’t have wished for your parents to kick you out for your "sins" at 16.

But you still thoguht to yourself that considering you had already lost your child, talking to the person who the town you grew up in made you believe was the only source of power wasn’t a ridiculous idea exactly.

In your head, you started thinking.

Hi, fuck this is stupid. I don’t do this. I’m not talking to anyone. Jesus- I mean. No. Not. Okay let me start again can we just forget about the previous sentences.

You thought for a second, half expecting the voice of a man to appear in your head.

Okay. Let’s do this. I lost my baby. And- I guess I’m hoping that if you do exist then talking to you will make you care for him… or her but I felt like it was a him. I don’t think you’d let an innocent child go to… Hell or whatever but I don’t know. It can’t hurt to talk to you... I can’t believe you took my child from me. I want him back. Please, I want him back.

Tears were not streaming down your face and the thing that snapped you out of your tear filled gaze towards the ceiling of the Sagrada Familia was the creaking of the bench, indicating the presence of another person.

You turned your head and looked to find a man sitting there. He looked maybe 60, his hair whitening but not fully yet. The delusional part of your brain wanted to ask him if he was God.

"You do not look good," he said in spanish. However it didn’t sound like an insult, nor did it sound like a judgment. It was just a fact.

"I do not feel good," you answered him, unlocking eyes with him and looking forward to the tinted glass. "Tell me. You will never see me again, I’m a stranger with no right to- to pass judgment or anything of the sort," he told you. It felt weird, to say the least. Why would you tell this random spanish man about the loss you were facing. But you did. "I lost my baby. He died in my stomach-" you started saying. And although you were planning on holding back a little, you didn’t. "-I play for the Barcelona women’s team. And I got kicked in the stomach and it killed my baby," you told him.

He looked at you sorrowfully. "I’m probably the only spanish man in the world thst doesn’t know football. But I do know the loss of a child. And I do know that it gets better, no matter the pain you are in right now," he said to you, putting his hand over yours in a parental way. "I’m sorry for your loss," you told him. "Don’t be. She’s in a better place right now," he said to you softly. "Heaven?" you asked, looking at him. "Oh no. She was much too good for Heaven. I loved her but God would not have let her, such a… purer soul that him, near his gates. She’s just- she’s not in Hell, she’s not in Heaven, she’s just not here which is better. For some people, that is. The world is better with you in it, but some people are just too good for this earth. Your baby, your baby was too good to be here," he said.

You left the Sagrada, tears in your eyes but your heart oddly lighter. While walking back home, you held Carolines hand tightly. "He's in a better place, Caroline."

That thought, that calmness of heart lasted about two days.

Stage 5: Depression

Caroline started feeling joy, and wellness again a day after your conversation with the man at the Sagrada. She started going out for runs again, working out, cooking and signing. She was still heartbroken, but she knew there was nothing to do, and she had now chosen to move on. But you weren't ready. And you felt as though she was leaving you behind. As Carolines happiness escalated, yours fell drastically.

Saturday morning, Caroline let you sleep in as she went to training. It had been decided with Jonas that she would start training again to be fit and ready for the UWCL final vs Wolfsburg. She wanted to get back into her every day life and she missed football beyond words. You did too, but the thought of standing up, and then running, and then dribbling and shooting and... it just made you want to throw up to say the least.

So when Caroline came back home at 2:00 and found that the apartment was exactly how she left it, meaning you lying in bed, blinds closed, and the kitchen counter spotless as she had left it, she knew you had reached the stage she so wished you would manage to skip.

She peeked into your shared room, looking at the darkness greeting her. But she closed the door as quickly as she opened it, grabbing her keys and rushing back out of the apartment. Caroline got into her car and drove the first place that came to mind. If anyone could talk to you, bring you back down to earth, it was Alexia. Team mother.

She pulled up at her apartment and then rang the bell, a voice she didn't recognize answering.

"Putellas residence," a voice said in spanish. "Uh-hey, is Alexia home?" Caro answered in English, her spanish being shocking despite you trying to teach her. "Oh, yes. Are you her teammate?" the voice asked. "Yeah, I am. It's an emergency,"

That's all the person needed to hear for her to let you in. You rushed to the third floor and then opened the door of her apartment without knocking. "Alexia! Alexia!" Caroline yelled across the apartment. Alexia followed by a shorter brunette girl quickly walked out of the kitchen, the midfielder heading for your wife and quickly putting her hands on Caroline's face, trying to calm her. "What is it? Is y/n okay?" Alexia said quickly. "No. Yes. But no. I can't do this anymore. I can't move on and leave her behind. We're a team, it's her and me but I also don't want to be...depressed. I need you to talk to her because if I do-" Caroline started saying. "You're scared it could ruin your relationship," she finished the sentence. "Yeah," Caroline answered, letting out a heavy breath.

Alexia looked into Carolines eyes and nodded before turning to the woman behind her. "Mi amor, necesito manejar esto. Quédate aquí, vete a casa, haz lo que quieras pero tengo que irme." Alexia said before kissing the woman on the lips, putting on her shoes and then leaving with Caroline. "Is that your-"

"Girlfriend? Yes."

"What did you tell her?" Caroline asked. "That I needed to leave and that she could do whatever she wants at my apartment," Alexia said.

Finding you lying in the dark under covers was not something Alexia ever wanted to see. You weren't crying, you just seemed numb. Alexia had told Caroline to make soup and buttered bread for you, as if she could convince you to eat it would be ready before you could change your mind.

Alexia opened the blinds first, which she hoped would make you change positions, but you just stayed still. She then circled the bed and lied down beside you. She faced you in the bed and gently moved the hair from your face. "Hi sweetie," she said to you.

Your eyes focused a little bit and locked with hers. She knew that she now had you. She needed to talk before you zoned off again. "You need to eat, and clean yourself. You can't let the pain you're feeling win. Please eat. Sit up and just do something. Read, watch a movie? Talk to me if you want," Alexia said, making sure her tone didn't seem begging as she didn't want to guilt trip you.

You seemed to think about it for a while.

"No."

A week later

You hadn't gotten out of bed, you had eaten maybe a few pieces of cheese and a few slices of fruit, you were covered in your own filth and Ale had basically moved in with you guys.

"Today's the day, Caro. Mapi's been here, Ingrid, Patri, Aitana, Jonatan. Every one has tried something and we just need to bring out the tough love at this point. Make the soup, make her food and run a bath because-"

"Alexia," Caroline breathed out, looking past her head to the bedroom door that had just opened.

Wearing Carolines Norway hoodie and black nike pros, you trailed out of the bedroom, your greasy hair tucked behind your ears and your mascara from that day at the Sagrada, smudged.

Alexia turned around and looked at you. "Hi," she breathed out, her eyes widening with love and relief. Caroline rushed up to you, trying not to smother you, but you were the one to smother her. You dug your head into her shoulder and inhaled her scent. "I'm gonna do better. I'll be better," you whispered to her. "Its okay, it's okay," she let out shakily, brushing her fingers through your hair. "Do you want to eat, or bathe, or if you just want to sit on the couch and watch TV thats okay too it's-"

"I'll eat. And then bathe?" you said, your words sounding like a question. "Yeah. Yes," your wife said quickly.

You settled into the chair at the counter and smiled at Alexia. "I should go," she said gently, coming up to you and kissing your head.

Caroline hugged the spaniard and thanked her over and over. "Hey, Ale, tell Jonatan I'll be back in training next week,"

Stage 6: Acceptance

You accepted your baby's death fully two days later.

"Caroline! I'm gonna order pizza!" you called out to her from the kitchen.

The second you said those words, you really noticed. The few months you had been pregnant, the idea of pizza made you feel nauseous. The hormones from your pregnancy made you hate the food. Caroline poked her head out of the washroom, looking at you with wide eyes.

Do you... do you want pizza?" She said gently. "Yeah. I do," you said, placing the order and then putting down your phone to walk up to her. "He's gone," you said quietly, wrapping your arms around her neck as she put hers around your waist. "Yeah, he is. But we'll have our rainbow baby."

Stage 7: Processing grief

Caroline had made it very clear to all the staff and to all the players that she did not want to make you coming back a big deal. She and you wanted to move on, move past the pain, and just go back to being footballers. And they respected that. Your first training session back wasn't great, but everyone was patient and kind. You appreciated that a lot. After practice, you sat in the locker room and pulled out your phone. You hadn't been on social media in weeks, but it was time to tell the public.

y/n.y/l/n_ Baby boy, I wish your mother and I had gotten to know you. For the past weeks I've felt like a failure. I wish I had never gone in for that tackle. I wish I had never stepped onto that pitch. Things happen though, and I love you no less than I would have loved you if I had gotten to hold you.

graham95: love you both more than life

marialeonn16: the entire city of barca isstrong for you

chelseafcw: our thoughts are with you

fcbfemeni: Nosotras te amamos y te apreciamos

It was true. You didn't know for sure if your baby had been a boy or a girl, but you knew. A mother always knew.

#chelsea fcw #woso fic #woso x reader #caroline graham hansen #fcb femení #mapi león #alexia putellas

[hyperlexichypatia]

You don't have to be "happy" to deserve the freedom to control your own life.

It's easy to justify people's right to live their lives as they choose with "Let them do whatever makes them happy!" or "As long as they're happy, who cares?"

I've said this! But it's not a very effective argument. Because how can you prove that you're "happy" -- a subjective emotional state?

Queer people, disabled people, fat people, Mad/neurodivergent people, people in stigmatized relationships, are constantly told that we're wrong about our own happiness. That we think we're happy, but this false belief is part of our Mental Illness(TM). No one Like That could ever really be happy!

And this prejudice is fundamentally unfalsifiable. We can't prove our subjective feelings. If we could, people would somehow redefine "happiness" to exclude what they don't approve of.

I made the mistake of reading the comments on this article about age differences in relationships which literally has the headline "They say they're happy. Why is it so hard to believe them?" Of course, the commenters were all too eager to answer the rhetorical question. "If they were really happy, they wouldn't need to say so" (maybe they're sick of being asked). "People in situations like that don't know what's really going on, they think they're happy!" (what, exactly, is the difference between thinking oneself to be happy and actual happiness?).

(Side note for the relationship-specific version of this: I also see a lot of "They think they're in love!" and I have to ask: If people in relatively new relationships are told that "You only think you're in love, you're actually in lust/ a crush/ new relationship energy," and people in established long-term relationships are told that "You only think you're in love, but it's actually complacency/ not knowing any better/ helplessness," is there a magical medium-term relationship duration at which people can actually love their partners?)

You can never prove that you're "really happy," because if someone has already decided that your identity/lifestyle is incompatible with happiness, they will never believe you.

Arguing "I should be free to make my own choices or be myself, because I'm happy this way" will only prompt the response "The fact that you so mistakenly believe that you're happy is proof that you're mentally incompetent, and you should not, in fact, be free to make your own choices or be That Way."

Being constantly "happy" at all times is, also, just a completely unreasonable expectation. Humans have a range of emotions! Experiencing the full range of positive and negative human emotions is not a reason to deny us our rights.

In Jesse Singal's anti-trans hit piece, which I'm not linking to, Singal cites parents of a trans man who oppose their son's right to transition because, according to them, he was depressed after his transition. Now, notably, the son was not interviewed (and he was misgendered throughout), so we have absolutely no idea what his actual emotional state actually was (I don't know if the son ever went on the record anywhere with his own version of his story). But let's assume, for the sake of discussion, that his parents were correct, and he was depressed. So what? Trans people have the right to be depressed! Trans people have the right to the same emotional range as cis people! People's rights should not be dependent on what emotions they do or don't experience.

Additionally, this insistence on "happiness" as a prerequisite for rights, autonomy, and acceptance (willfully) ignores that the denial of rights, autonomy, and acceptance tends to make people unhappy.

Authoritarians think they have a real gotcha with "If you're happy this way, then why are you complaining?" as if people can't be profoundly happy with their identities and profoundly unhappy with how society treats them for those identities.

I am, for the most part, reasonably happy with being a fat, Mad, autistic, queer woman. At least I generally feel no pressing desire to change any of those things about myself. And I am extremely unhappy with the way I am treated for being a fat, Mad, autistic, queer woman.

But there are certainly times when I might think to myself "If I were taller, I could reach that top shelf" or "If I were thinner, I could maneuver into this tight space" or "If I weren't autistic, I could travel more." And at those times, I still deserve autonomy and basic human rights. I might be happy, sad, angry, anxious, excited, blase, or in a state of perfect Zen, and I would still deserve autonomy and basic human rights.

#mad pride #mad liberation #queerphobia #ableism #stop being ableist #neurodiversity