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ghostlyschizophrenic · 3 years

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Why being forced to hide psychotic symptoms is detrimental to recovery:

Hi! it’s your friendly neighborhood schizoaffective and i have a story to tell, a story that’s backed by research.

my psychotic symptoms were early onset. my earliest memory of psychotic symptoms was 6 years old, when my parents were changing the locks on the house and i had an intense belief that changing them would mean someone had broken into our house and hadn’t left. i believed my toys had human emotions and felt sad if i played with another toy, so i refused to buy new toys because i was so scared of making my toys sad.

i had a very flattened emotional response (which i would later learn is a symptom of schizophrenia), and in kindergarten and first grade when we learned about emotions, i learned to fake the look of emotional response. i learned how to put a smile on my face when i felt happy and to put a frown on my face when i felt sad. when i was alone, i would practice, but some days i was too tired to do it and i kept my face in the natural way: flat. it wasn’t that i wasn’t feeling emotions, i just couldn’t express them the way people wanted me to

during my elementary school years, i made up words constantly to communicate. i couldn’t form proper sentences, something was blocked in my brain and everything felt scattered and scrambled (disorganized thoughts and speech). my teachers broke that habit in me, not by helping me learn to organize my thoughts, but by teaching me not to speak unless i knew exactly what i was trying to say.

then came middle school and i started hallucinating and my delusions got worse. but everything i had learned from teachers and tv was that hallucinations are scary to people, and i didn’t want to be scary. i would be laughed at if i told anyone about my strong beliefs (delusions) so i didn’t tell anyone. i didn’t tell anyone that i believed that the characters in my tv show were real and the government was hiding their existence and if they knew that i knew they’re real, they’d put me on a watch list. i didn’t tell anyone i was hearing sounds that came straight out of a horror movie. i hid that.

i hid it so well that i avoided treatment. i had an acute psychotic episode, and all i said was that i was having panic attacks. i didn’t tell anyone about the delusion that school was going to literally kill me, or that i heard blood curdling screams in the hallways and when i was trying to sleep at night. i avoided early intervention.

for other reasons that i won’t get into, i was put on seroquel as a mood stabilizer, but as many of you know, it’s also an antipsychotic. this was the first time in my life i felt some kind of relief from my symptoms. i didn’t connect the dots because my psychiatrist called it a mood stabilizer, not an antipsychotic, so i didn’t know why i was feeling better in those areas.

it wasn’t until 10th grade when i was taking a psychology class from a teacher i trusted that i connected the dots. by this time i knew i had psychosis. i had access to the internet and i had googled what was wrong with me, but it wasn’t until a class where he emphasized getting help that i thought ok, now i should bring it up.

by this point, i had had 2 more acute psychotic episodes that kept me out of school, but because i was taught to hide everything, i still didn’t tell anyone the real reason why i couldn’t function. “paralyzing panic attacks” became code for “whatever the real reason is that’s keeping him out of school”. but my teacher made me think i needed help, especially because we were learning about schizophrenia in class and i had a sneaking suspicion that i, someone with a family history of schizophrenia, had it.

i brought it up to my doctors and i was started on antipsychotics, this time with the official name of antipsychotics. but it was a bit too late. my psychiatrist told me that if we had caught it earlier, i may have reacted to treatment better.

i’ve been in treatment for years and the longest i’ve gone without an acute psychotic episode is 5 months. i’ve done my research and in patients with psychosis, the first few months after psychotic symptoms are present are vital to the treatment and recovery of the patient.

it’s not just, oh you won’t suffer as long, it’s literally you will have a better chance at recovery. if you catch psychosis in the prodromal stage, it can greatly reduce the chances of another psychotic episode happening.

by being taught to hide my illness from a young age, i lost the chance at having an easier recovery. yes i learned to confine myself to societal expectations and appear “normal”, but i caused myself more pain in the long run.

early intervention is key to an easier recovery, and i’m going to leave a few links to show you what i mean.

ted talk about early psychotic intervention

psychosis prodromal phase

talking with a psychiatrist about early psychosis intervention

early intervention of psychosis

benefits of early intervention

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psychosispsositivity · 4 years

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Text: you can write horror without stigmatizing psychotic people

The horror genre doesn’t have to stigmatize psychotic people and other people with mental disorders. You can write stories that explore the deep fears of the human psyche without relying on stereotypes about psychosis or DID. There is a lot of opportunity for psychological depth in horror, if a writer is willing to put in the work.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

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astrifica · 5 years

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I don’t get how anyone feels that actively arguing against someone’s delusions if they haven’t been asked to, or if they don’t know how to do so for said individual, is helpful in any capacity.

When I’m experiencing delusions and someone decides to argue against them, I either just start believing the delusion more, involving them in the delusion, losing touch with reality faster, feeling really unheard and invalidated, feeling it’s not possible to open up to them, or a combination of all of those.

If you’re a non-psychotic, please don’t argue against someone’s delusions unless they’ve told you it helps them, and you’ve discussed which ways of doing so work for them. But even then, please still ask us with each instance. I say this because different delusions and circumstances can affect us in different ways, so what might help in one instance could do the opposite in another.

Don’t just assume you know how to help us because you saw the term reality checking used once (reality checking ≠ arguing against someone’s delusions), because you saw it in media once, because you know of a psychotic it does help, because it helped us in one specific instance, etc.

And especially don’t take it personally and blame us if your so called help doesn’t actually help us. Listen to the individuals you try to help rather than assuming.

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elvisistuuoikealla · 4 years

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Just watched a documentary that had Ted Bundy in it for like 5 minutes and I already feel like really anxious wtf why is he so triggering to me and my psychosis??

(Might be because my last ex bf, who I broke up with last week, manipulated me, kinda raped me and was very toxic. His ex said he tried to strangle them... etc etc. I’m happy I got out of it early enough.)

#actuallyparanoid #actuallyschizophrenia #actuallypsychotic #pseriouslyschizophrenia #pseriouslypsychotic #psychosis #schizophrenia #pseriouslyschizophrenic

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dysfucktion · 5 years

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Daytime me: Ah, i feel so good not taking my meds, especially my antipsychotics. I am much more free now.

Night time me: I KNOW YOURE WATCHING ME I WILL KILL YOU BEFORE YOU CAN KILL ME GET OUT OF MY HEAD YOU CANNOT HURT ME

#pseriouslyschizophrenic #pseriouslyschizospectrum #pseriouslypsychosis #schizospec #schizoaffective #schizoid #schizophrenic #seriouslyschizophrenia #seriouslyschizophrenic #pseriouslyschizophrenia

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psychoticsposts · 5 years

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That one spot on your arm that itches pretty much all the time because there are bugs under the skin. Fuck tactile hallucinations. Fuck hallucinations in general.

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angry-rubber-duck · 4 years

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hey, i have a question for the schizophrenic/psychotic community:

so, i’m creating a psychological thriller-type comic, and the main character (jaxon) is a paranoid schizophrenic. i want the reader to become convinced of one of jaxon’s delusions, because i think this would be a good way to show how immersed people with psychotic disorders can become in their psychosis. so, my questions are:

how would i go about doing this?

is it ableist/does it have the potential to be ableist?

does it sound like a good idea?

i don’t want to paint schizophrenics in a bad light by doing this, so some help would b really nice! even as someone with a psychotic disorder, i get worried abt my stories sometimes ;w;

#actuallyschizophrenic #pseriouslyschizophrenia #pseriouslyparanoid #pseriouslypsychosis #actuallyschizophrenia #please help!!

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eforest · 5 years

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Happy Trans Day of Visibility to all psychosis spec trans and non-binary individuals!

Your illness doesn't make your gender identity any less valid and you're all deserving of the same recognition, respect and support as neurotypical trans and non-binary individuals!

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ghostlyschizophrenic · 3 years

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repetitive auditory hallucinations are literally like hearing a tiktok replay over and over and over while you read the comments. it’s fine at first but it doesn’t take too long before you start to see why people call you crazy

#seriously schizophrenic #seriouslyschizophrenic #pseriouslyschizophrenia #pseriouslypsychosis #pseriouslypsychotic #psychosis #ghost.txt #actually hallucinating #hallucinations #unreality #unreality tw #unreality /

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psychosispsositivity · 4 years

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You’re not a hypochondriac for having psychosis-related paranoia or delusions about COVID-19. You’re not being “dramatic” or “attention seeking”. Psychosis related to the pandemic is not your fault and is perfectly understandable, and you don’t deserve to be shamed. Remember your coping mechanisms and reach out to a mental health professional if you need to, it’ll be okay. 💕

#pseriouslyparanoid #pseriouslyschizophrenia #pseriouslypsychosis #pseriouslyschizophrenic #pseriouslyschizospectrum #psychosis #psychotic #schizophrenic #schizoaffective #schizotypal #bipolar #actuallypsychotic #actually psychotic #actuallystpd #actuallyschizotypal #actuallyschizophrenia #actuallyschizophrenic #written #covid 19

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psychosispsositivity · 4 years

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Text: psychotic people do not deserve to be slandered by the media

Stop calling us murderers. Stop calling us mass-shooters. Stop plastering it over every headline when a psychotic person commits a violent crime when the millions others of us are living peacefully. Stop the propaganda.

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psychosispsositivity · 4 years

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Sending my love to all psychotics struggling this holiday season. You are loved and you are a valuable, worthwhile person. ❤️✡️🎄💙

#pseriouslypsychosis #positivity #psychosis #pseriouslyschizospectrum #actuallypsychotic #pseriouslyschizophrenia #schizoaffective #schizophrenia #pseriouslyschizophrenic #actuallyschizophrenia #actuallyschizophrenic #actuallyschizotypal #schizotypal #actuallystpd #bipolar #happy holidays #hanukkah #christmas #written

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ghostlyschizophrenic · 4 years

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oh ho ho it’s me making a meme about my struggles instead of dealing with them

(don’t rb unless psychotic / on the schizospectrum)

#ghost.txt #actuallypsychotic #pseriouslypsychosis #actuallyschizophrenic #actuallyschizophrenia #schizophrenia #schizoaffective #schizoid #actuallyschizoaffective #pseriouslyschizophrenia #pseriouslyschizospectrum #pseriouslyschizophrenic #actuallymentallyill #mental illness

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psychosispsositivity · 4 years

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Text: having undiagnosed psychosis for a long time can be a major trauma and that needs to be recognized

I haven’t seen this talked about much, but I want to bring it up. I’ve had schizophrenia for pretty much my entire life, but it wasn’t diagnosed until I was a young adult. Going all those years with an undiagnosed psycho neurodevelopmental disorder really caused me trauma. People not understanding me, not accommodating, being awful to me, excluding me, etc really messed me up. It’s a lot to unpack and work through and I’m still working through the process. If you went a long time undiagnosed, I am with you in solidarity, you are not alone in your pain.

#pseriouslyparanoid #pseriouslyschizophrenia #pseriouslypsychosis #pseriouslyschizophrenic #pseriouslyschizospectrum #psychosis #psychotic #schizophrenic #schizophrenia #schizoaffective #schizotypal #bipolar #actuallypsychotic #actually psychotic #actuallystpd #actuallyschizotypal #actuallyschizophrenia #actuallyschizophrenic #reassurance

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psychosispsositivity · 4 years

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🌸

#story #positivity #positive #pseriouslyparanoid #pseriouslyschizophrenia #pseriouslypsychosis #pseriouslyschizophrenic #pseriouslyschizospectrum

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psychosispsositivity · 4 years

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Text: schizophrenic people matter

You matter. We matter. Our community matter. Our experiences, what we’ve been through matters. We have stories are worth sharing, our voices deserve to be heard.

#pseriouslyparanoid #pseriouslyschizophrenia #pseriouslypsychosis #pseriouslyschizophrenic #pseriouslyschizospectrum #psychosis #psychotic #schizophrenic #schizophrenia #schizoaffective #actuallypsychotic #actually psychotic #actuallyschizophrenia #actuallyschizophrenic #affirmation

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