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#psych notes

I know this is a rough time for everyone and I’m super lucky to have a safe place to stay and to not have lost my job.

But damn, it’s hard being at home 24/7 again, like when i was super unwell. Not just because it’s so weirdly, wrongly, familiar, but because a lot of my coping mechanisms with my mum involve me being not here to have to deal with her. And unfortunately she does not cope well with being forced to stay home. So it’s a perfect recipe for her driving me absolutely mad.

I hope this all ends sooner than expected.

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Just had a nice morning cry session about my mum casually saying multiple times recently that shes so glad our family has never been touched by serious illness. To my face. Without missing a beat.

As if I didn’t spend 10 years actively wanting to die. As if I didn’t have multiple hospital stays for months at a time. As if I never admitted in front of her to having plans to kill myself.

But our family has never been touched by serious illness. Just my little silly head illness.

Really rams home to me that I did go through all that alone. That the gravity of my situation never hit her at all.

And tbh it makes me scared that if it comes back, because my experience of depression is that it does come back, that I will still be alone in it.

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I’ve only been properly fat (above size 16) since I was about 22. I got put on some meds and gained a bunch of weight.

So my experience as a fat person is limited to my adult life, my time in uni and my time as a mental health patient. This is my first time in a work place as a fat person. My first time having to socialise and be friendly with people I don’t choose at all.

And boy am i learning some lessons about how people I can’t escape treat fat people.

Today a woman looked me in the eyes and sincerely said “I was worried that getting an office job would mean I’d get fat”.

Another woman has chosen me to divulge a lot of personal details about her previous eating disorder.

I ate a Timtam while another woman explained to me how calories in / calories out works.

My fatness is both invisible?? And also apparently very on people’s minds.

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Rewriting my notes for my psych exam next week (!!)

I don’t know who needs to hear this, if anyone, but something I always remind myself when writing my final notes on the right is

‘They don’t need to be perfect, they just need to be right.’

I used to get caught up making sure every single detail was exactly right, ripping out whole pages of my notebook and starting again. Because I used to scroll through studyblr and see these notes that looked so beautiful and I wanted to make mine like that. But at the end of the day, notes are there to study from, so I try not to worry about making them perfect anymore, as you can see from the scribbled ourt word in the photo and how the centered heading is not actually centered. But I do make sure they cover the content accurately and thoroughly, because that’s what notes are for.

They don’t need to be perfect, they just need to be right.

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🌸august 2, 2019; 1:07pm🌸

just a reminder: your notes don’t have to be perfect in order for you to learn from them

I do not have the neatest of handwriting. I do use white out more often than I’d like to. I do have a terrible habit of if I mess up I’ll just write over it slightly darker and continue on. I do have things scratched out in pen in the notes I knew I was going to post to my studyblr. but that doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter that my notes aren’t perfect, aren’t the most aesthetically pleasing places. what matters is that it’s helping me learn.

in other news, I spent half an hour making flashcards for all the different subtypes of psychologists just so I could get through 20 questions of a practice exam faster. I’m currently outlining the “brief history of psychology” section of my textbook in order to complete the other half of my practice exam.

in other other news, my first day of senior year is august 14th, and I need to really crack down on this summer homework of mine.

in other other other news, I’m in love with this coral colored crayola supertip marker I picked from my jar without lookin

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  • how to explain name change to family
  • how to explain going on T to family
  • the whole thing of wanting to be sick because that’s my identity but not wanting to die
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  • return of the flat affect
  • no interest in things that i used to enjoy
  • numb
  • detached from body
  • delusions of being something other than human, like, i Guess
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hello, studyblr! it’s the weekend, and so i’m taking some time to relax from a very stressful week. here’s a picture of my ap psychology review sheet on sensation + perception (easily the unit i had the most difficulty with besides developmental psychology)

question of the day: how are you feeling about the new format of the ap test this year? i’m scared because i’m taking apush and my entire grade depends on one document based question. eek! 

studieswithrose
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