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gloryintheflowers · 1 year

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I miss you so much I can’t breathe (and I mean that literally)

My dearest aunt barb,

How are you? Where are you? And what is it like there?

I never used to think much about what happened after death. Even when I was suicidal, I could only think of my pain ending— I never put a lot of thought into what would happen after. I didn’t have much of an opinion— sometimes I would think that you might live on somehow. Other times I would think that you became worm food. And then Evie told me that you died and I immediately changed my mind, suddenly of the strong opinion that there is some sort of life after death. I’m biased now, I know that. But I have to believe you still exist somewhere; that you are among the people you love who have died; that you are still you, that you still love all of us and that you can feel our love, too. That you are with us in our pain and in our joy. That you are still here, even if we can’t see you, or touch you, or hear your voice.

I’ve been missing you pretty terribly today. Which isn’t that different from how much I miss you every day. But today has been one of those days where I’ve felt it down to my bones with every breath. Saturday was exactly 4 weeks since we spoke, and Sunday was three weeks since we buried you, and today was 4 weeks since it happened. A month this Saturday. I can’t believe it’s been this long. It feels like time is passing so quickly and I can’t bear it. Every day that passes brings me further away from you— from your voice and your smile and your love. It takes me further away from what feels like a different life entirely, a life where you were here and you loved me, a life where talking to you was the best part of my day and could make me smile no matter what. My life shifted on its axis when you died and I still feel wildly disoriented— kind of like when you go away to summer camp, or you move to a new apartment, or start high school or university— equal parts dizzy and homesick.

Speaking of being sick— I’ve been feeling like complete and utter shit since you died, but the last two weeks especially I’ve been feeling like fresh garbage, and it keeps getting worse. I had the flu or something last week (not covid, unless my four rapid tests were all wrong), and I thought it was getting better but then the cough came back with a vengeance. It’s been getting worse every day, and the last few days I’ve had fevers on and off, a vicious cough, chest pain, shortness of breath, the whole shebang. I had a chest x-ray and we’re assuming it’s bronchitis and I’m using an inhaler and trying to take it easy and hoping it doesn’t turn into pneumonia. The cough is awful but the shortness of breath is the worst part— sometimes it gets bad enough that I get dizzy and my heart starts racing and I really have to focus on getting air in. My friends and my mom keep telling me to go to the ER if this continues to worsen but I would rather avoid it. I just…don’t care, sort of? Like obviously I don’t want to feel like shit, but if I pass out…I don’t know, maybe being unconscious for a while wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. If I stopped breathing entirely in my sleep…well, I promise you I’m not actively suicidal, even if that’s only because you’d kill me if I did that. But I do feel…mildly apathetic? Like, I don’t necessarily want to die, I’m certainly not going to attempt to die, but if it just happened, maybe while I was sleeping, so similarly to how it happened for you…maybe that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It is so difficult to navigate this world as a disabled person. I have been trying very hard to do so anyway. But without you here life has lost all of its colour and all of its joy. It just doesn’t feel worth the effort anymore. Especially not when I feel so sick. Maybe this is what I get for thinking “I miss you so much I can’t fucking breathe” about ten times a day since it happened. But missing you does make it hard to breathe. In fact, this shortness of breath reminds me of the moments and hours after Evie told me on that crisp, sunny October morning. My breath came in rapid gasps, I vomited into my Auntie Glenna’s flower bushes, and sat by their fire pit— a little bit away from the main house so as to have a little bit of privacy— crouched into myself, struggling to inhale, sobbing in a way that sounded like heaving, choking, gasping for air. Dizzy with shock and grief. It was similar before the funeral— i woke up at 5am having such a bad panic attack that I ended the night curled up on the bathroom floor and crying to my mother on the phone, traumatized by my own imagination which had made me dream of you dead, still and silent, looking nothing like yourself, being cleansed, being prayed over, being shrouded. Imagining you in a casket being flown across the country. Dreaming of your hands— those hands that I loved so deeply, that held mine so often and without hesitation, that introduced me to the idea that physical touch could make me feel loved— could make me feel like I was somehow worthy of love. Those hands that squeezed mine, that ran your fingers through my hair, that rubbed my back as I cried. I kept imagining them cold and stiff and still, never to hold mine again. It made me feel like my throat was closing. I had to take several Xanax just to get off the floor. So you see, you being dead does steal my breath. Bronchitis just does it a little differently.

A few years ago, in summer 2020, Jade and I took a course through Western called “The Psychology of Physical Health,” and in that course there was a chapter on psychoneuroimmunology— or basically, the study of how our psychological state impacts our immune system and our overall state of health. It’s a growing field and I remember finding it interesting. Like, did you know that depression can make you more likely to succumb to cancer or develop heart disease? Or that anxiety can trigger autoimmune disease, or cause it to flare up? And did you know that grief affects your body in several ways— including releasing stress hormones that, among other things, cripple your immune system?

What I’m trying to say is that when I looked over at your photo the other day after a painful coughing fit and croaked out “I’m blaming you for this, by the way,” the science backs me up on that.

(And also, I was joking. Mostly. I would take this a thousand times over if it would bring you back.)

(Please come back to me.)

It’s not surprising that grief and being ill don’t exactly make each other better. A few nights ago my fever spiked. I dreamt of you, as I often do, but this fever dream felt so real that when I woke up into this hellish reality where you are dead, I was immediately launched into a bad panic attack. I took a Xanax and went onto my balcony for cold, fresh air and I tried to steady my breathing, which despite my breathlessness was trying to form sobs. Whenever I feel, for even a moment, the full truth of this— that you are gone forever, that I will never hear your voice again, that this is not temporary and I will never hug you again— I violently push those thoughts to the back of my mind. If I let myself really think about it I think I’d go mad. I think I’d start to scream and never stop. I think I’d want to die too.

You never told me that so much of surviving grief is trying not to think about it. You also never told me how impossible that feels.

Today, everything has reminded me of you. I came home after being out for a few hours and feeling awful and exhausted and my first thought was “I can’t wait to just go lie down and call Aunt Barb.” And then my breath caught in my chest as I remembered. Small things kept cropping up— like when I’d think of something I wanted to tell you, or when I passed the greeting card aisle at the drugstore and remembered the birthday card I already bought for you that is still sitting on my desk. Or when my dad and I talked and my first thought after hanging up was that you’d probably have something interesting to say about some of the things he said. And when he told me just to be grateful for the time I did have for you. I wanted to scream— because I’m so grateful for you, and I was just as grateful when you were here. But I can be grateful for the time I was so lucky to have with you and also miss you more than I can bear. I can be grateful for nearly ten years feeling so loved by you, while simultaneously needing more time with you. And I know you’d understand that. So when he said that to me it made me ache. I never thought you’d be the first one to go, you know? Somehow I was always sure it would be one of my other grandparents. I feel like a horrible person for saying it but I wish it was. My Baba, talking about you, told me “I never thought I’d outlive her. She was healthier and stronger.” And I’m not proud of it, but my first thought was— I thought so too— I’d hoped so, even. Obviously I’d have rather no one died at all, but I always kind of took for granted that I would have you there as a source of love and comfort when I experienced my first real loss as an adult. You have taught me so much about grief, but I still kind of thought you’d be there to help guide me through it when I lost someone myself.

I never thought it was likely that you’d be that someone. It happened so suddenly. No one was expecting it. I’m sure you weren’t either. Did you know, in that moment, that you were dying? Did it hurt? Were you afraid?

I didn’t take much with you for granted, other than, apparently, the belief that we had more time. I know you know this. I felt such love and gratitude for you— still do, always will— and I thanked G-d every day for the incredible gift of having you in my life. There is very little that brings me comfort when it comes to you being gone. I know I should take comfort in the fact that you lived a long, full life and that you died quickly and didn’t suffer. I’m sure those things will bring me comfort, eventually, when I’m less shell-shocked. What I do take comfort in is the fact that, when it comes to the things that are most important, there were no words left unsaid between us. You know what you mean to me and vice versa. I do have regrets, and I won’t get into them now, but they’re smaller. I know that when you died you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt how loved you were by so many people. How loved you are by me. I can at least take comfort in that.

I dreamt of you today. I couldn’t sleep last night (can I ever?) but I’m so sick I’m just exhausted and I basically slept through the day. I dreamt of you, as I have often both before and after— well. Both before and after. This was the first time I dreamt of you actively dying since it happened. You were in a hospice (although that hospice room looked a whole lot like the porch I slept on when I would come to visit). David and Evie were there. You were breathing but not really conscious. I kept begging you to stay with me. There was no response. Waking up was a rollercoaster ride; my first thought was “oh thank G-d that was just a dream”; my second thought was “Is it a good time to give her a call?” It took a good long moment this time for my brain to catch up to reality and when it did I wanted to die. I couldn’t cry so my jaw just dropped in a silent scream. It was waking from a nightmare and into a night terror. I’m so glad you were never sick or suffering like that. I’m so glad you lived in that home you loved until the end. I’m so glad for those things. But that was a dream and this is reality. You can wake up from a dream. There is no escape from this. And days like today— four weeks without you, feeling so far from you, wanting— no, needing— to talk to you, missing you so acutely I can’t bear it, my fever making everything feel worse— I would do just about anything to escape.

I don’t know how you did this. I always knew you were stronger than I am. I could’ve done without this clear demonstration.

I miss you so much. I love you so much. Please, please come back to me. In any form. Show me you’re still here. I can’t feel you. You’re like a dream. I don’t know who I am— I never realized that you were such a significant part of my identity. I feel like a stranger to myself. I miss you. Please make this end. Please.

I love you forever

Emily

#grief tw #grieving #grief #aunt barb #psychoneuroimmunology #mourning

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almondemotion · 2 years

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Psychoneuroimmunology and all that

We are the finite of our bodies and we are the infinite of our minds. We are a walking anachronism. #functionalillness #microbiome #medicallyunexplainedsymptoms #limitsofmedicine

I wasn’t going to write anything today. Not many people read my blog about long-distance relationships. I get all the data. Nothing personally identifiable just country and number. Yesterday didn’t seem to connect. I had one ‘like’ on Twitter – thanks Debbie. The first time I heard about Psychoneuroimmunology (PNI) was back in 1994 when I was writing my Bachelor’s thesis. The topic was Near Death…

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#Claudius van Wyk #Functional illess #Holism #near death experiences #PNI #psychoneuroimmunology #Psychosomatics #Spiral Dynamics

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bakesforsport · 3 months

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isn't it fucked up that "www" and "psychoneuroimmunology" have the same amount of syllables

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truths89 · 8 months

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Psychoneuroimmunology

Although hope is not a strategy, it does provide an immunity against despair.

Similar to probiotics not being a panacea, but when that microflora is healthy, your serotonin feels like a natural analgesia.

The environment of your psyche and microbiome informs the praxis of your spirit— Understand that in your genetics, self-preservation is implicit.

#poetry #negressofsaturn #spirituality #zisa aziza #evolution #healing #energy #Immunity #energetic #genetic #spiritual #microbiome #psyche #probiotics #Truths89

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foreverfitnesspositivity · 1 year

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When studying mindfulness and mindfulness behaviours....you come across some hard to pronounce words such as .... Psychoneuroimmunology .... As I have audio on some of my courses I thought I would switch it on during this subject so I could hear the pronunciation....have a listen 🤔��🤣🤣

#pronunciation #lol #what did you just say

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greyhound007 · 2 months

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YOUR HEALTH

Belief in the power of self-belief in your health is a transformative mindset that can shape your well-being in profound ways. It encompasses the trust in your abilities and the faith in your own potential to maintain and improve your health. This belief system acknowledges the intrinsic connection between mind and body, recognizing that one's mental state can significantly influence physical health outcomes.

Central to this concept is the understanding that our thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs can impact our physiological processes. Studies in the field of psychoneuroimmunology have shown that positive beliefs and attitudes can strengthen the immune system, while negative thoughts and stress can weaken it, leaving individuals more susceptible to illness.

When you believe in your ability to maintain good health, you are more likely to engage in behaviors that promote well-being. This might include regular exercise, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, stress management techniques, and seeking medical care when needed. Your belief in your own potential acts as a driving force, motivating you to take proactive steps towards improving and maintaining your health.

Furthermore, self-belief in health can enhance resilience in the face of challenges. It allows individuals to approach health setbacks with a sense of optimism and determination, knowing that they have the inner resources to overcome obstacles and bounce back stronger.

Cultivating self-belief in health involves nurturing a positive self-image and challenging limiting beliefs that may hinder progress. Affirmations, visualization techniques, and surrounding yourself with a supportive environment can all contribute to strengthening this belief system.

However, it's important to acknowledge that self-belief in health is not about denying the reality of illness or dismissing the importance of medical treatment. Rather, it complements traditional healthcare practices by harnessing the power of the mind-body connection to support healing and recovery.

In essence, believing in the power of self-belief in your health is an empowering stance that can lead to greater resilience, improved well-being, and a more fulfilling life. By trusting in your abilities and having faith in your own potential, you unlock a powerful force for positive change in your health journey.

#mental health #life #quotes #inspirational #healthy diet #healthy eating

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irons-supplements · 2 months

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Unlocking the Power of the Mind-Body Connection: Transform Your Health and Well-being

Welcome to our exploration of the fascinating and transformative concept of the mind-body connection. In this comprehensive guide, we'll delve into the profound relationship between your thoughts, emotions, and physical health, and how harnessing this connection can lead to greater vitality, balance, and inner harmony. Join us on this journey to unlock the secrets of the mind-body connection and transform your life from the inside out.

Introduction: The Power Within

The mind-body connection is a remarkable phenomenon that underscores the inseparable link between our mental and physical states. At its core, it recognizes that our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs can profoundly influence our physical health and well-being. By understanding and nurturing this connection, we can tap into our innate healing abilities and cultivate a greater sense of wholeness and vitality.

Exploring the Mind-Body Connection

The Science Behind It: Research in fields such as psychoneuroimmunology and mind-body medicine has demonstrated the intricate ways in which our thoughts and emotions impact physiological processes in the body, including immune function, hormone regulation, and even gene expression.

Stress and Health: Chronic stress has been linked to a myriad of health problems, from cardiovascular disease to digestive disorders. By managing stress levels and cultivating a positive mindset, we can mitigate its harmful effects on the body and promote overall well-being.

Mindfulness and Meditation: Practices such as mindfulness meditation offer powerful tools for cultivating awareness of the mind-body connection and promoting relaxation, stress reduction, and emotional balance.

Harnessing the Power of Positive Thinking

Affirmations: Positive affirmations are powerful statements that can help reprogram your subconscious mind, fostering a mindset of self-belief, confidence, and resilience.

Visualization: Visualization techniques involve mentally rehearsing desired outcomes or experiences, activating the brain's neural pathways and priming the body for success.

Gratitude Practice: Cultivating an attitude of gratitude can shift your focus from scarcity to abundance, promoting feelings of joy, contentment, and well-being.

Quotes to Inspire Your Journey

"The mind and body are not separate. What affects one, affects the other." — Unknown

"The body achieves what the mind believes." — Napoleon Hill

Embrace the Power of Your Mind-Body Connection

Are you ready to harness the extraordinary power of the mind-body connection and transform your health and well-being from the inside out? By cultivating awareness, practicing mindfulness, and nurturing a positive mindset, you can unlock your body's innate healing potential and embark on a journey of greater vitality, balance, and inner harmony. Embrace the power within and embark on the path to holistic wellness today.

"Explore our website success stories to see how others have benefited from our expertise."

#mind body connection

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megacreator · 2 months

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- ПОЗИТИВНИ МИСЛИ ЗА ЗДРАВО ТЕЛО -

Чистиот и бистар ум е половина здравје!

Хранете го вашиот ум со позитивни мисли и вашето тело ќе биде поотпорно на болестите. Старата поговорка вели: “Во здраво тело, здрав дух“, а исто така и “Здрав дух во здраво тело”. Резултатите од бројни студии кои се спроведени јасно покажуваат на поврзаноста помеѓу негативните мисли и разни нарушувања на телото, наспрема позитивните мисли и правилното функционирање на сите органи и системи на телото. Затоа, со позитивни мисли за здраво тело и здрав дух.

Научната дисциплина на Psychoneuroimmunology, формирана само за потребите на ова истражување несомнено покажува колку негативните мисли, ставови и расположенија како што се страв, вина, завист, гнев, итн. докажано имаат негативен ефект врз човечкото тело. Од друга страна, љубов, благодарност, радост и оптимизам позитивно влијаат на нашето тело.

Придобивките од позитивното размислување се големи, бидејќи се зајакнува имунолошкиот систем и се намалува ризикот од срцеви заболувања, проблемите со дигестивниот, респираторниот, ендокриниот и други телесни системи. Со брзото и стресно темпо на живот на современиот човек и зголемениот број на здравствени проблеми јасно се забележува дека умот и телото не се две сосема одделни делови од нашето тело. Примената на некои од многуте достапни техники за релаксација, како јога, медитација, техники на дишење, или танцување, итн … сето тоа има позитивен ефект врз нашите мисли и врз здравјето на нашето тело.

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malikosensei · 3 months

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"Harmony Unleashed: Exploring the Profound Impact of Mind-Body Synchronization"

In the intricate dance of existence, the profound connection between mind and body shapes the essence of our being. In this modern world, achieving an ideal synchronization between mind and body is crucial for embracing our originality. This synergy becomes the sole communication shared between our thoughts and feelings, securing our individuality.

Imagine a person who continues to drink despite being unable to walk and experiencing poor health. This situation reflects a lack of synchronization between his mind and body, influencing not only proper functioning but also impacting health, overall well-being, and creative abilities. A symbiotic relationship between mind and body is a seamless partnership that enhances personal and professional growth in every possible way.

Let’s delve into this article and explore how the synchronization of mind and body, as depicted in Maliko Sensei's book "Mastering the Gym Within: The Journey of Cups," can improve our daily lives and contribute to the holistic nature of the human experience.

The Symphony of Synchronization

At the heart of mind-body synchronization lies a delicate symphony of communication. When our hormones maintain a balanced, choreographed dance, ensuring thoughts and physical sensations are seamlessly intertwined, a purposeful bond of symphony between mind and body evolves. Maliko Sensei, in his book, shares his experienced ideology that a synced mind and body allow us to experience the meaning of our existence.

The Physical Manifestations of Mental States

Consider your mind as the captain of a ship, and your body as the ship itself. It is ideal for the mind to fully control the body in reaching its destination. Our mind and body are not separate; the impact of our mental states resonates throughout the body. For example, stress can manifest physically, causing pain in body parts like shoulders, arms, and collarbone. Conversely, maintaining positive mental states is essential for long-term physical health.

Health and Wellness: A Holistic Perspective

Mind-body synchronization plays a vital role in maintaining overall health and wellness. Psychoneuroimmunology explores the intricate links between mental states, the nervous system, and the immune system. When the mind and body operate in sync, the immune system responds optimally, fighting against illness and germs to sustain wellness.

Practices Lead by Mind-Body

In our daily lives, activities like yoga, meditation, tai chi, and mindful breathing act as bridges, linking thoughts and physical well-being. Incorporating these mindful practices not only enhances self-awareness but also eliminates life's worries, ensuring the maintenance of a healthy mind and body.

Stress Reduction and Emotional Equilibrium

In the hustle and bustle of modern life, stress disrupts the delicate balance between mind and body. Mind-body practices, highlighted in Maliko Sensei's book, act as powerful tools in mitigating stress, promoting emotional equilibrium, and restoring harmonious interplay between mental and physical well-being.

Conclusion

Traversing the intricate landscape of mind-body synchronization, a profound realization unfolds - our mental and physical states are inseparable, each influencing and shaping the other in a dance of profound interconnectedness. Recognizing the impact of this synchronization opens the door to a more holistic approach to health, creativity, and overall well-being. Explore these insights further in "Mastering the Gym Within: The Journey of Cups" by Maliko Sensei.

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magikalmads · 1 year

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when you learn to balance providing with receiving ~ thats when you allow yourself to tap into the true abundance that is available to you 🔥 im hosting a 14-day mini course extravaganza where we talk about how you can connect deeper to your personalized energetic signature while also holding space for whats going on in the external dm me to get inside 😘 #psychoneuroimmunology #somaticpsychology #somaticpractice #breathworktechniques #breathworkteacher #energetichealings #divinefeminineembodiment #divinefeminineempowerment #focusisfuel #understandingenergy #theenergybody #createyourreality⚡️ #manifestationtechniques #livingintheend #nevillegoddardwisdom #abrahamhickswisdom #transcendentalmagic #transcendthenorm #indigostarseed (at Divine Love Institute) https://www.instagram.com/p/CkyXFPipbcA/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#psychoneuroimmunology #somaticpsychology #somaticpractice #breathworktechniques #breathworkteacher #energetichealings #divinefeminineembodiment #divinefeminineempowerment #focusisfuel #understandingenergy #theenergybody #createyourreality⚡️#manifestationtechniques #livingintheend #nevillegoddardwisdom #abrahamhickswisdom #transcendentalmagic #transcendthenorm #indigostarseed

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ao3dorian-gay · 3 months

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works cited

general works cited, kept updated, that I've used in research for my fanworks.

[not all of these were fully read, and some I read years ago; I just have a Zotero full of the books, articles, etc. if I ever typed or copied something into my worldbuilding masterdoc]

Mental health and psychology:

Fast, Julie A., and John D. Preston. Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping Your Partner. 2nd ed. New Harbinger Publications, 2012.

Gartner, John D. The Hypomanic Edge: The Link Between (A Little) Craziness and (A Lot of) Success in America. Simon & Schuster, 2011.

Jamison, Kay Renfield. An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness. Reed Business Information, Inc., 1996.

———. Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament. Reed Business Information, Inc., 1996.

Phelps, M.D., Dr. Jim. “The Basics of Bipolar Treatment.” Psych Education (blog), October 8, 2014.

Rantala, Markus J., Severi Luoto, Javier I. Borráz-León, and Indrikis Krams. “Bipolar Disorder: An Evolutionary Psychoneuroimmunological Approach.” Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews 122 (March 2021): 28–37. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2020.12.031.

Wallon, Henry. “The Role of the Other in the Consciousness of the Ego.” In The World of Henri Wallon, translated by Donald Nicholson-Smith. Marxists Internet Archive, 1946.

Wootton, Tom. The Bipolar Advantage, 2005.

For my research on the Ainu history:

Dubreuil, Chisato. “Ainu-e: Instruction Resources for the Study of Japan’s Other People.” Education About Asia, Spring 2004.

Fitzhugh, William W., and Chisato O. Dubreuil, eds. Ainu: Spirit of a Northern People. Washington, DC: Arctic Studies Center, 1999.

Isabella, Jude. “How Japan’s Bear-Worshipping Indigenous Group Fought Its Way to Cultural Relevance.” Hakai Magazine, October 18, 2017.

Knight, John. Waiting for Wolves in Japan: An Anthropological Study of People-Wildlife Relations. Honolulu: University of Hawai’i Press, 2006.

Sakata, Minako. “Possibilities of Reality, Variety of Versions: The Historical Consciousness of Ainu Folktales.” Oral Tradition 26, no. 1 (2011): 175–90.

Siddle, Richard M. Race, Resistance, and the Ainu of Japan. London: Routledge, 1996.

For my research on East and Southeast Asian history, culture, religion, and politics [for worldbuilding]:

Bohnet, Adam. Turning Toward Edification: Foreigners in Choson Korea. University of Hawai’i Press, 2020.

Bossler, Beverly, ed. Gender & Chinese History: Transformative Encounters. University of Washington Press, 2015.

Brook, Timothy. The Troubled Empire: China in the Yuan and Ming Dynasties. History of Imperial China 5. Belknap Press, 2013.

Chen, Shangsheng. “The Chinese Tributary System and Traditional International Order in East Asia during the Ming and Qing Dynasties from the Sixteenth to Nineteenth Century.” Journal of Chinese Humanities 5, no. 2 (2020): 171–99. https://doi.org/0.1163/23521341-12340079.

Choi, Hyaeweol. Gender and Mission Encounters in Korea: New Women, Old Ways. Berkeley: University of California Press, 2009.

Chung, Sung-il. “Foreign Relations between Joseon and Japan Seen from State Letters and Sogye in the Late Joseon Period (1600-1870).” Journal of Ming-Qing Historical Studies 52 (2019): 107–42.

Dai, Yuanfang. Transcultural Feminist Philosophy. Feminist Strategies: Flexible Theories and Resilient Practices. Maryland: Lexington Books, 2020.

Ebrey, Patricia Buckley, and Anne Walthall. Pre-Modern East Asia: A Cultural, Social, and Political History, Volume I: To 1800. 3rd ed. Cengage Learning, 2013.

Franceschini, Ivan, and Christian Sorace, eds. Proletarian China: A Century of Chinese Labour. London: Verso, 2022.

Hanh, Thich Nhat. The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching: Transforming Suffering into Peace, Joy, and Liberation. Harmony, 1999.

Hinton, David. Mountain Home: The Wilderness Poetry of Ancient China. New Directions, 2005.

———. The Four Chinese Classics: Tao Te Ching, Analects, Chuang Tzu, Mencius. Counterpoint, 2016.

Hui, Wang. The End of the Revolution: China and the Limits of Modernity. London: Verso, 2009.

Kerr, George. Okinawa: The History of an Island People. Tuttle Publishing, 2018.

Kim, Hyunchul. "The Purification Process of Death: Mortuary Rites in a Japanese Rural Town." Asian Ethnology 71, no.2 (2012): 225-257.

Mair, Victor H., ed. The Columbia History of Chinese Literature. New York, NY: Columbia University Press, 2001. [did not read this full thing]

Maltsev, Vladimir. "Lessons from the Japanese ninja: on achieving a higher trade equilibrium under anarchy and private constitutions." Constitutional Political Economy. 33 (2021): 1-12.

Mizoguchi, Yūzō. “The Ming-Qing Transition as Turning Point.” Inter-Asia Cultural Studies 17, no. 4 (2016): 526–73.

Ono, Sokyo, and William P. Woodard. Shinto the Kami Way. Tuttle Publishing, 2004.

“Re: ‘Why Was Pyongyang Once Referred to as “Jerusalem of the East”?,’” April 11, 2021. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/mokqsq/why_was_pyongyang_once_referred_to_as_jerusalem/.

Richey, Jeffrey L. Confucius in East Asia: Confucianism’s History in China, Korea, Japan, and Viet Nam. 2nd ed. Key Issues in Asian Studies. Association for Asian Studies, 2022.

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———. “Re: ‘Were the Ming and Qing Courts Actually Unaware of the Satsuma Invasion of the Ryukyus and Subsequent Japanese Incorporation of the Islands as Vassal States?’” R/AskHistorians, December 18, 2022. reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/zofi5x/were_the_ming_and_qing_courts_actually_unaware_of/j0oyc4k/.

———. “Re: ‘Why Didn’t China Splinter into Different Countries like Europe Did?,’” R/AskHistorians, May 31, 2018. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/8nh0yv/why_didnt_china_splinter_into_different_countries/dzvl249/?context=3.

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u/Julius_Maximus. “Re: ‘In Ming-Qing China, a County Magistrate Was Basically Police Chief/Judge/Jury All Rolled into One. Was There Somewhere Commoners Could Report Abuse of Power or Appeal the Ruling of the County Magistrate?,’” July 12, 2016. reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/4sckd6/in_mingqing_china_a_county_magistrate_was/d58ym1r/.

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Philosophy/theory:

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———. The War and the International. Marxists Internet Archive, 1914.

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Zedong, Mao. On Guerrilla Warfare. Marxists Internet Archive, 2000.

Vibes:

Liston, Bonnie Mary. “The Wildness of Girlhood.” Overland (blog), July 2, 2019. https://overland.org.au/2019/07/the-wildness-of-girlhood/.

Peyton. “Notes on ‘Feral.’” The Niche (blog), February 4, 2019. https://the-niche.blog/2019/02/04/notes-on-feral/.

#ref #i'm aware this is one of the more unhinged things i've posted.#you ever see like. painfully tangible proof of the whole 'stop researching and just write' thing.#posting so i can link to this. deeply embarrasing.#mine

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