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#ptsd for ts

At work I recently set up access for an academic journal called, I kid you not: “PILOTS: Published International Literature On Traumatic Stress" 

The gffa version of this journal would actually be about pilots. First issue’s about Rogue Squadron and Wedge’s survivor’s guilt. There’s one about Poe. Anakin gets a whole special issue. So does Hera.

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[relates to a frickton of adhd posts] is it the cptsd?? or is it my actual brain pre-trauma?? is it how the cptsd manifests in social anxiety and depression and insomnia and sensory processing disorder and dissociation???? would my brain be like [adhd symptom] if there hadn’t been trauma???? does it matter?????? who’s to say i guess????

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matt suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, both from his time in vietnam as a soldier and his transformation into a vampire shortly after being shot and left for dead during the war. the vietnam war was one that matt was drafted into against his will and personal politics which didn’t match with those held by the american government at the time, as was common with those of matthew’s age. american soldiers were typically taught to fight in what were termed as ‘world war II’ practises, leaving many soldiers ill-equipped to deal with the guerrilla war fare that they were facing. during his time there matt saw many of his fellow soldiers die in terrible ways, he’d never made many close friends whilst over there, but watching them die was no less unpleasant and frightening for him to witness. 

upon becoming a vampire matt was again very much alone, now forced into a unit of ‘vampire soldiers’ attempted to be fashioned into weapons to speed up the end of the war, with plans to execute them once it was over. his transition being naturally very traumatic, matt was pushed into giving into his new nature, already adding to the body count he had contributed to as a human soldier, encouraged by the doctor who had forced him vampire blood in the first place. though matt was eventually able to escape, he’s struggled with his time at war. matt can experience distressing flashbacks to both his time fighting in vietnam and becoming a vampire. matt he can have difficulty sleeping and suffer from nightmares. he can also experience emotional numbness and episodes of dissociating from his environment and people around him. 

further symptoms of matt’s ptsd include negative behaviours and mindsets, generally seeing himself as untrustworthy and the world as a lost cause, making it difficult for him to experience positive emotions.  he also blames himself for his own traumas, this is particularly associated with his becoming a vampire, even though it was clearly forced on him by those involved, namely doctor anderson. he can become irritable and aggressive with exaggerated startle responses to certain types of danger similar to the conditions he faced in vietnam, for example under gunfire. he’s also hyper-vigilant and has problems with concentration, especially when others are talking, his attention span is generally short by comparison to others. 

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Theme: PTSD rumination 
Characters: Heine. Einstrüzen
Genre: Angst, hurt/comfort
Warning: ptsd, biting, self-harm
Posted: 05/05/2018

Good boy.
I love you the most, I don’t need the rest of them.

He can smell her perfume, something of a ghastly flower that invaded his nostrils and making his skin crawl. The latex rubbing against his skin where she moved to wrap her gloved arms around him made every muscle go taunt. Her hair was brushing against him, threatening to devour his crucified form whole.

Good boy. 

Haine’s eyes snap open, the whites flaring as he shot up from where he lay prone in bed. Pale skin was beaded with sweat and goose pimples as anger bubbles up in his throat in the form of a loud, animalistic growl. The sound was quickly cut by the feeling of bile as the world around him spun and spun.  Fuck. He bit out, hands shooting to his head, throbbing in the wake of everything he had to feel in her wake.

That bitch. His lips pulled back into a glower as he gritted his teeth, canines sharpened like a hound that grind against each other in his stiffened jaw. Fuck you, fuck you — “ He continued to swear in a mantra, his heart hammering hard against his ribcage and in his ears before brought his forearm to his sneering mouth. The maw opens briefly before closing around his skin, biting down and puncturing skin. The sting climbs through his body in a sobering wave, hot in his nerves as every noise in his head whitens out into a blur. Steam begins to form in his mouth as the wound began to close slowly around his teeth. He pulls them back, revealing the angry red of flesh. The wound was wet with blood that began to drip from the quickly closing wound. He tastes it in his mouth, a wet fruit as his mouth found a new place and bit down once more.

He had done this before. It was almost a vice, taken in sharp bursts and in unexpected moments when his dreams come and she haunts him. They all do. He snarls into his own skin as the sting continued to make his nerves sing, searing hot. Real pain. He wasn’t in the lab, there were no needles even though he felt his neck ache around the collar lodged in his spine.

No. The spine was the other’s. He hears him, a chuckle rumbling low in his ears. Heine ignores it in favour of relishing his own pain. It wasn’t long before her laugh and her words were out of his ears, the cries of Lilly and everyone they knew were but echoes. His mind was cotton, his hands coated in closing specs of angular red marks, half crescents smiling back at him long in form of blood stains. Laughing at him long after his wounds close.

This was just another night. He pushes off from the tattered mattress when he grew numb enough before staggering to the bathroom.

The lights were kept off as he washed his arms and mouth clean.

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ENANTIODROMIA: What's the most extreme personality shift they've gone through in their life?

When Sela died, Josefine snapped. As a means of avoiding dealing with her feelings, she instead opted to ignore them and became a merciless killer from the late 1600s to the mid 1700s. It was a lot of sex and violence, but she never delighted in killing the way some vampires did. She was angry, and each death did nothing to satiate her bloodlust or her heartache. Around 1750, she returned to Italy, so shellshocked by her own misdeeds that she couldn’t bring herself to speak for weeks. She was a shadow of her former self for the entire duration.

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To that anon about PTSD characters Idk where the heck you were but the moment you say anything bad about Tony motherfucking Stark you get an assfull of anon hate about how he's a precious little baby that needs to be protected at all costs uwu.

Tony Stark is pretty much The Most Popular Marvel Character tm with a horde of defenders. You can’t even sneeze in the direction of the character without getting bashed for it. He has no business being compared to Jamie and Theon. All his flaws or shit he did gets excused all the time.

anon chill, other anon has a point anyway because while tony is a lot more liked than either theon or jaime a lot of people do throw the ptsd under the bus and there’s a lot of tony hate never mind that I still remember the whole THEY HAD TO MAKE THE DOCTOR STRANGE MOVIE BECAUSE RDJ ISN’T DOING IRON MAN ANYMORE AND THEY NEED A WHITE MIDDLEAGED CISHET LEAD BOOOOO debate from what three years ago, and like I’m in the… side fandom that ship-wise is into tony less than about everything else and he does get a lot of hate especially from our side, which is why I don’t engage with mcu anyway outside occasional stuff because I do like tony myself even if he’s not my fave and I’m 100% done with seeing people hate on whoever

long story short, tony gets defended because he has a fanbase while theon has none and jaime has half of the fandom getting his character wrong and half of the other half thinking he’s going from bad person to good and not good to bad to good again, but it doesn’t mean tony doesn’t get hate nor that his issues don’t get thrown under the bus so on that, there’s business to compare him without excusing his flaws.

/two cents

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Feel free to not answer but... I saw on your sideblog you used to post a lot on ptsd. I took time asking cause I wasn't sure you'd want to speak about it... so hm you have ptsd then?

trigger warning ptsd ; cw ptsd ; tw ptsd ; ptsd for ts

what a random ask… but yes. And I won’t speak about the reasons here cause it may trigger a lot of people and it’s really not funny…

but if you have questions, i invite you to ask them not on anon. I will answer if I am able, and I’d do that privately, of course. (keep in mind i’m rly bad at following conversation though, it’s not against you)

but if you have ptsd too, and this is what your ask makes me think, I really advise you to find a professional for help. And I take the opportunity to tell you that a good therapist is like a good shoe, you might have to try a lot before finding the perfect one.

Anyway, good luck Anon, be brave ! I’m with you <3

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any tiny sound and my hands are tight fists and i can feel the flinching right down inside my body and i feel these weird shiver things i’ve never been able to describe that happen where it’s like i’m shaking or vibrating and it’s especially strong at the base of my skull and just below the bottom of my ribcage and i cannot close my eyes

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this is something i’ve been thinking about a lot lately, with sansa interacting with characters that she sees as similar to joffrey etc. 
firstly, let’s define PTSD:
Post-traumatic stress disorder is a particular set of reactions that can develop in people who have been through a traumatic event which threatened their life or safety, or that of others around them.

lets begin by talking through the reasons i believe she has ptsd:

  • watching her father die; a lot of people believe that sansa did not witness her fathers beheading, though, with in the books it is clear that she witnessed the entire thing: “…and he father’s legs… that was what she remembered, his legs, the way they’d jerked when ser ilyn….when the sword…”
  • thoughts of self harm; due to this quote, “if she flung herself from the window, she could put and end to her suffering” … “sansa went so far as to cross the bedchamber and throw open the shutters… but then her courage left her, and she ran back to her bed, sobbing.” 
  • abuse; see my scars headcanon HERE where it goes into more about the physical abuse sustained by sansa. 
  • psychological manipulation; prior to her fathers beheading sansa is manipulated by the queen and by joffrey into believing that she can trust them, after her fathers death, when both joffrey and the queen reveal themselves to sansa she is unable to trust people. but she is still being manipulated to think that not only what is happening to the rest of her family is her fault, but she is being punished for actions that are not her own. all of this causes sansa to stop speaking her own thoughts, but also causes her to repress her feelings. 
  • fear for the lives of others & the loss of those closest to her; when sansa looses bran and rickon as well as loosing her mother and robb, the lannisters speak to her about it as though she should be happy they’re gone. not only that, but due to her position she is unable to grieve properly for her family, which leaves her in an unhealthy mental state.

her symptoms include:

  • nightmares; nightmares of seeing her father die, and anything pertaining to not only joffrey, but of the knights that abused her. “…for when she dreamed, she dreamed of Father. waking of sleeping, she saw him, saw the gold cloaks fling him down, saw ser ilyn striding forward, unsheathing ice from the scabbard on his back, saw the moment…. the moment when…. she had wanted to look away, she had wanted to, her legs had gone out from under her and she had fallen to her knees, yet somehow she could not turn her head, all the people were screaming and shouting, and her prince had smiled at her, he’d smiled and she’d felt safe, but only for a heartbeat, until he said those words…”
  • flashbacks/visions; it is my head canon that sansa often has trouble around men of a similar look to joffrey. for example; characters such as peter pevensie may evoke feelings of distrust within her and may cause flashbacks or visions of joffrey where sansa is unable to discern what is real and what is not.
  • inability to concentrate; she others finds herself distracted by other things happening around her, causing her to have lapses in conversation with others as well as finding it difficult to focus on one set task for a long time.
  • feeling unsafe; this is something sansa suffers with whilst being within kings landing at all times post her fathers beheading. not only that, but upon her entrance to the eyrie, she feels not only unsafe with littlefinger, but also fears that the queen will catch up with her and have her killed.
  • inability to trust; as a child sansa was very trusting, after her fathers death it is something she deeply struggles with. not only did her first love betray her, but also the queen –a woman that sansa admired and trusted. she no longer trusts people in power. growing up she was taught that she should trust her elders as well as people in power; like those of kings, queens and knights. she no longer trusts anyone in a position of power as they may try to use her for their gain, the same can be said of those of lower birth. see also, her inability to trust anyone of a similar look to that or joffrey or the queen. “…once she had loved prince joffrey with all her heart, and admired and trusted his mother, the queen. they had repaid that love and trust with her father’s head. sansa would never make that mistake again.”
  • increase in fight or flight response

sO tl;dr –i believe sansa stark is a sufferer of PTSD, she is prone to nightmares and flashbacks, her fight of flight response is greatly heightened, she has trouble trusting others and often feels unsafe. it is also my belief that sansa is un-diagnosed and is there for untreated. this stands in all verses. i’m sure i’ll have more to say on this at a later date. 

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I haven't rewatched season 11 yet, but, to me Cas's main symptoms seemed to be apathy, anhedonia (a lack of pleasure from or interest in participating in life), irritability, and low energy and I interpreted that as pretty intense depression. Whereas Dean exhibits very traditional symptoms of complex ptsd, like hypervigilence, inability to trust, and an inability to enter into relationships with other people. Idk, though. I need to rewatch season 11. Sometimes it's possible to have symptoms of

A psychiatric disorder without having the full blown disorder, though. And, of course, my own experience is very close to the way Dean exhibits the disorder, and by no means is my experience universal. I might just be letting my own experiences color my interpretations of the characters.

Okay. Well I certainly agree with you about Dean. My own reading of it was based on what I thought the creators were trying to tell us about what was happening to Cas in early season 11 on the lead up to him saying yes to Lucifer, and I read it as PTSD and depression. But yeah Dean definitely suffers from PTSD. He has displayed the signs of PTSD for years. I guess I like the headcanon that they can help and support each other. Ultimately its about craving love and support for both of them so I view both of them as struggling with this so that they can be there to help each other out. I like it when their relationship is placed on equal grounds I suppose. However messed up they both are, with their own issues that they deal with, I like to read about them both helping the other with those issues. 

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To me, Cas seems like he's very depressed, but I don't think he had ptsd. He's certainly been through some shit, though. (I'm doing fine, btw, thank you for your concern ^_^)

Glad you are okay. :)

Hmm okay. That’s interesting because I took the flashbacks, the refusing to leave the Bunker, the addiction to Netflix and the panic attacks in 11x06 to indicate symptoms of PTSD? 

That Cas, through his depression, was suffering the trauma of what he had been through in 10x22, 10x23,11x01, 11x02 and 11x03. In the space of those 5 episodes, he had been beaten half to death by the man he loves, put under a seemingly agonising spell, forced to kill against his will, captured and horrifically tortured by his “brothers” including the threats to cut bits of him off thanks to his relationship with the man he loves, and all the while he never had a nice word said to him. Not once in all that time did a single person try to look out for him or take care of him. He was discarded and left to suffer in silence throughout. It was a horrible time for him. The way I see it, what he went through could easily cause something such as PTSD and I thought it was pretty clear that that was what the show was trying to portray in 11x06.

But then again, I don’t personally suffer from PTSD so I could be mistaken.

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Ok but Sam flinching every time the showerhead sputters to life in whatever dingy motel they're staying at for a case, his posture tense and withdrawn until dean's done with his shower. When dean comes out, he sees the panic still in Sam's eyes.

Dean sits beside him, a warm hand on his back. He frowns for a moment, and then - he knows. He just knows why Sam’s been acting strange. “Hey,” he says quietly, gently nudging him. “Want me to run you a bath?”

Sam swallows hard, but his whole body nearly relaxes right into Dean’s. “I’d - I’d really appreciate that. Thank you.”

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What are your thoughts on Bruce's PTSD? Any version really. Thank you :D

oh boy, am i glad you worded it this way and you’re not asking about whether he’s suffering from ptsd or not. oh boy, am i sorry this is long

i’ve seen people talk about batman and mental illness a lot (makes sense given his villains) but they somehow never unanimously agree he’s suffering from ptsd because he apparently doesn’t meet all the criteria. or maybe he does but it’s bastardized versions of some of the bulletpoints instead of being a textbook ptsd sufferer, which i find a wrong disposition altogether but we’ll get to that later. to kick off, ptsd symptoms mainly consist of:

  • the (re-)experiencing of a traumatic event in the form of anxiety/panic attacks, nightmares, flashbacks and/or intrusive thoughts
  • avoidance of anything that might trigger memories of said traumatic event and/or emotional numbness to said triggers
  • agitation in various forms (difficulty sleeping, jumpiness, anger)

clearly we can all agree bruce wayne experienced a traumatic event in the age of 8-12 (depending the medium) and, going mainly with the comics, he almost immediately started having nightmares and intrusive thoughts about his parents’ death. where people seem to disagree is that a) bruce wayne never avoided any sort of trigger that had to do with the waynes’ murder but instead actively seeked it out and b) batman is known for his exceptional control of emotions. when he does break people’s teeth, it’s because he’s apprehending criminals, not because he’s having sudden bursts of irrational, uncontrollable anger. alright, i agree. but i’m also here to disagree because that’s what i do

let’s begin with the very known fact that young bruce wayne loses his parents and at the same time the world under his feet. he begins falling into a depressive state that can only be described to those who have never experienced anything similar as a mellowed down, washed out, nearly muted state of things. what things? everything. he exhibits anger throughout his pre-teen and adolescent years, either by skipping school or having outbursts towards alfred and sometimes authority (that… seems like it stuck lmao), and avoidance… what about avoidance? my guy, he did go on a worldwide trip for several years that, sure, he spent training and bettering himself so he could become the perfect soldier capable of taking revenge on everything bad the world had to throw at him or innocents, but it’s also important to remember bruce never mentions gotham while he’s away. or his parents. or anything tying him to that traumatic event really. he pretends to be an empty shell ready to be filled with knowledge and physical prowess, and listen, that’s all good, i’m glad he learned how to raise his body temperature in the midst of arctic conditions, but i’m gonna go on a limb and say that looks like slight avoidance to me

and then, even those who support bruce wayne suffers from ptsd almost never include later events of his life and that’s so very strange? it blows my mind because, losing his parents was surely the starting/focal point and it’s naturally never forgotten since it’s become such an important part of batman’s character, but we also have batman, years later, after he’s established a family and the pain isn’t nearly as fresh in his mind because he’s got people there for him, and that batman starts losing people closest to him. again. either by their getting badly hurt or outright death. it’s the waynes’ murder all over again. and it’s like it doesn’t count for some? the logic goes “this is batman so he’s already too badass for more traumas”, so i guess that means losing members of his family and friends doesn’t affect him? he filled his yearly traumatic quota i suppose? my boy, no

i’m talking about a fictional character thrown in fictional circumstances so it’s natural not everything can line up… yet it eerily does. at least when batman’s handled by a writer that knows what they’re doing. if we throw a humor-me “what if” rule to batman’s universe, if we pretend his experiences and solutions to said events are real, it’s safe to say he’s not stable. but he’s also not a time bomb, not anymore. the batman who’s had the good fortune of surrounding himself with family (like.. suffocating himself with family, bruce stop), partially healed himself by opening himself to support. maybe not through a psychologist, but through pure familial ties. alfred was always there for him, even when he was too numb to appreciate it. his kids were there for him even when jason tried to bomb him three times a wednesday. even jim gordon’s friendship has given a helping hand, otherwise you wouldn’t see white boy batman smiling every time he gangs up on him from the shadows

my point here is, i could talk about this for days and i’m emotionally compromised when it comes to the pointy vase, but i want us to appreciate how batman mends himself every time he goes out and saves someone. not completely, not fully, of course not, but he’s got a family there to help

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i’ve decided to take a break from tumblr for a few days

what happened did not only put me in a bad mental state but also in a bad physical shape bc i haven’t eaten in days and i have been hallucinating from sleep deprivation

i have to take care of myself and i can’t bear any more triggers

you can still send me messages and asks and i will respond as soon as i’m back again, kind words are always welcome as they’ve been helping me a lot to make it through the past few days

i’ll be back asap

ps: don’t forget to drag anyone who tries to invalidate your/our feelings

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Send ✚ for a HEALTH headcanon.
Send ✚ for a HEALTH headcanon

Word of God states that Ikusaba received no wounds in battle during her years with Fenrir. That doesn’t mean she’s without her scars, both emotional and physical.

Having been a child soldier, Ikusaba suffers PTSD. Her symptoms are characterized as general discontent, guilt, hopelessness, loneliness, hypervigilance, social isolation, depression, flashbacks, panic attacks, severe anxiety, mistrust, emotional detachment and sleep deprivation. While this condition is exaggerated in the Despair Era, it still exists pre-Despair; albeit less seriously due to the presence of a team of expert psychiatrists and psychologists at Hopes Peak.

As for physical scars, Ikusaba may not have suffered any wounds on the battlefield, but she still bears the marks of her sister’s mistreatment. Her body is pockmarked with small scars, cuts, and burns - none of which are visible under the Hopes Peak uniform. While most of these marks are old and have faded with age, she does bear fresh bruising.

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Random Mass Effect headcanon -

(what if, what if…)

She raises bruised hands to the terminal, not knowing what to press, what to touch, but laying skin upon the console, there is a deep, resonating hum. A machine coming to life beneath her. And before she can make sense through the miasma of fatigue, the sky blazes with blinding light.

She cries out as her eyes burn with pigment as though staring into an exploding sun - first red, subsiding into blue, then green, and finally blurring into gray. She fights to focus, blinking through the leeched color, barely comprehending the beams emanating from somewhere beneath the observation deck. And they sweep across the space before her - wide crossing arcs that turn metal into ash, into nothing. Reapers. Alliance vessels. Gone as the light makes contact.

Her throat constricts around a scream she cannot release, a scream that shreds her soul. Evident retreat thwarted, leaving wisps of a vapor trail, a visual echo of something that once was there. In her peripheral, she detects a familiar shape growing distant, powering away to become a pinpoint, a star. Through a quagmire, her entire body weighted and slow, she turns her head - and watches the beam slice through the Normandy.

Light bleeds out of the gray expanse into the brightest red and then becomes black.

They find her leaning against the glass, forehead bloody, hands broken. She looks at them from across decades, across a nightmare, vacantly watching their mouths open and close as they crouch beside her. A pantomime of what she distantly recognizes as concern, or maybe duty. She’s become an object in the room, part of a crime scene to cordon off behind yellow lines. Evidence cataloged. Quarantine. Already dead.

They lift her gently onto a stretcher, and hovering there, suspended for a moment, her head rocks to the side, fluid, spineless. She sees them bent over a uniformed figure - corpse. Admiral. Father. The concepts are hard to grasp, her brain slips when trying to make purchase, but some muscle memory triggers and she croaks out a whisper - “no.”

It’s the only thing she utters for weeks.

They call her hero. All through her treatment, the gauntlet of endless tests, all through the investigation and the tribunal. The word is a burden hanging from her neck - penance for her sins. They tell her that sacrifices must be made, such is the cost of war, the price they were willing to pay. But there is no more war, and only emptiness cashed in for the return.

She hears whispers on loop, on repeat, a constant humming, a machine always on, always alive, louder between each heartbeat. She moves through a forest thick with ghosts that remain indistinct. She stretches out hands that never cease to tremble, but they elude her - shifting out and sideways, beyond her reach but always calling her name.

She wakes to darkness, and above her, only stars.

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Some days were harder than others.  Some days seemed to pulsate with reminders, echoes of memories that she had tried so hard to push back.  Memories of battle, the stench of war, the choking fumes of burning rubble and smoldering flesh. 

And memories of happiness.  Yes, those were the hardest memories to bear, because they could only be memories now.

Rose pulled her blue leather jacket more closely around her slight form, careful to keep her Beretta sidearm that sat snug in its shoulder holster out of sight.  

Jack had insisted she take a day.  She had resisted, asking him what on earth she was supposed to do with a day, that she hadn’t taken a day in so long that she wouldn’t know what to do with one if she had one, and he had told her that that was why she needed to take a day.  

She walked aimlessly, silently, unable to quite stop her eyes from warily scanning her surroundings.  A force of habit, one that she saw no reason to break, not here in this universe, not working for Torchwood.   

She passed by a small restaurant, and the scent of chips reached her, creating an instant craving.  Some things never changed.  Well, if she was to have a day, she supposed she could indulge a little.  Her mouth quirked in a slight smile as she pushed the glass door open and stepped inside.  

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Sam learns to bake after he comes back from the war- it’s something to do when the dreams jerk him awake at 4am and there’s nothing really left to do except walk out to the kitchen, open the cupboards, and crack his mom’s old recipe book, the one she wrote out for him when he went to college.

Baking occupies his full attention, you see, which means that his mind can concentrate on weighing out flour and sugar and whatever, while the rest of him, the Sam bit of him, makes the journey back from the desert, or down from the sky. By the time dawn streaks the clouds outside his window, Sam’s a bit more himself again and, hey, he’s got scones for breakfast.

He’s seen folks down at VA do all kind of things: they knit, or they do woodwork, or art, or work out. Sports are big. Sam likes the working out- but baking? Baking wins, in his opinion. Cause while he’s still kind of a crappy baker, and sure, he’s taught his oven ever dirty word he knows, he still gets to eat something at the end of it. 

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