Police - okay blackleg Sanji you cannot lie to us now. Now we are going to ask some questions and you at going to answer them clear.
Sanji-yeah, yeah just get on with it already
Police - what is your name
Sanji- usopp
Police - liar! That this seriously
Sanji- so it does work. Who ok knew.
Police - who was your first kiss
Sanji mutter
Police - what was that
Sanji mutter louder
Police -louder
Sanji- NO ONE! You happy now.
Police -Llar! You are lying again
Sanji blinks-huh!
Police - let try this again.
Sanji- I am not lying I haven't had my first kiss
Police - well the mechanic doesn't lie
Sanji is now confused And broken.
Sanji,- I had my first kiss, but I don't remember who it was! How the hell can I forget this!
Police - and you are actually telling the truth,
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Everyone has seen those those Reddit posts where men force their girlfriends to open the relationship and then get mad when she’s the one who ends up enjoying herself and they don’t find anyone interested in them- that but with Zoro and Sanji 👀
Sanji is in a toxic relationship with Pudding and she gives him an ultimatum- either open the relationship (and let her keep cheating on him) or break up
Our poor boy is so desperate- he agrees.
Now. Right after she forces this on him they go to a house party at Luffy’s and the news spreads kind of fast. Nami goes to Zoro and rants about it to him (Sanji’s friends hate Pudding) and she says she hopes this will finally be what breaks those two up. Despite being in similar circles Zoro and Sanji haven’t interacted much, but he’s had a small crush on him- he’s exactly his type (fiery, strong fighter, nice ass and legs, kind, earnest)
Sanji, bless him, is surprised that quite a few people are flirting and interested in him at this party- with Pedro making a very obvious pass at him after lighting his cigarette in the most homoerotic way possible, and Ace telling him the news of his opened relationship are a dream come true for him and that he’s been waiting for an opportunity to get a taste (he does the call me sign haha)
Sanji’s flattered and flushed a bit from the embarrassment and the alcohol (he’s trying to drown the sorrow about Pudding and her sleeping with other people away). Eventually he starts letting it get to him and he confidently joins the dance floor and has fun with his friends.
(Pudding is seething from all the attention he’s getting, and for the fact that his friends have managed to cheer him up a bit, ie he’s not fretting over her and trying to get her attention.)
Zoro’s been watching all of this go down and is like- “honestly this is my opportunity to finally steal him”. He’s gonna show the shorty cook a fucking great time and what it’s like to be wanted, treated right.
He walks up to Sanji and to everyone’s shock he actually has a lot of game- their banter becomes more and more flirty and explicit, and Zoro gets more and more touchy- Sanji is a bit tipsy and mirrors this, Nami’s encouragements of getting back at Pudding and exploring this for real egging him on- why not indulge in this for once?
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I have a Zosan fic inspired by a post I think I saw on Tumblr, but it being Tumblr, I can't find it to reblog it, but I'm gonna post it anyway (just a heads up, it's kinda long)
Sanji Accidentally Reveals Who His Partner Is During A Livestream! (NOT CLICKBAIT)
“Welcome back to Cooking with Sanji, this time we’re Live! Thank you my mellorines for being such sweet, loyal and gorgeous fans and taking time out of your busy schedules to attend my livestream today!” Sanji crowed, making finger hearts at the camera.
He was in the location of all his videos and livestreams, his kitchen, which straddled the line between cluttered and cosy and straight out of a magazine, with its industrial grade appliances and overfull cabinets and refrigerator covered in random memorabilia, such as postcards, polaroids and for some reason, an absurd amount of fish related pictures, magnets and posters.
“Today we’ll be cooking my partner’s favorite, Onigiri!” Sanji continued, going on to list the ingredients while chatting with the stream and answering any questions that pop up and highlighted by his mods.
Sanji’s partner was an elusive mystery his fanbase (and that of the Straw Hat Pirates, the group of content creators he was part of) had long wondered about.
It was no secret the man was married, the man in question having made comments mentioning his partner more than once and flaunted his wedding ring on occasion when it was brought up, though he didn’t often wear it on his hand when he was cooking, choosing to wear it on a chain around his neck.
They knew the man lived with his partner, as he often made mention of them while filming and streaming through snarky comments that would nevertheless dissolve into lovestruck looks and loud confirmations of his love whenever one of the audience (usually a newer fan) wondered why Sanji stayed despite his complaints.
Many of his fan base assumed that the person in question was female, what with Sanji’s womanizing tendencies, believing it to be one of the female straw hats or their associates, though this was quickly disproven as they came out or started dating other people.
However, some fans still held onto this conviction, many of them shipping Sanji with his female friends, or with Pudding, a baker that Sanji had collabed with before, who had then insisted she was Sanji’s partner, despite not having a ring or being mentioned by the Straw Hats, who had confirmed they had long met Sanji's partner, before that moment.
Sanji had long since spoken out to disprove these rumors about their relationship, but still, some of his crazier fans insisted on shipping the two, along with many of Pudding's hardcore fans.
Most of Sanji's fan base however, couldn't care less about when or if he would ever reveal who the person was, or even their gender, respecting his right to his privacy.
They were more than fed on the scraps they were given, after all, as the look Sanji would have on his face and the way he gushed over his partner spoke volumes about his love for them.
At some point, Sanji’s dad, Red_Leg_Zeff, pops up on the stream’s chat and starts scolding Sanji through his comments, urged on and enabled by his mods and audience, who cheer him on and highlight his comments for Sanji to read, much to his chagrin. He complains loudly about how his old man needs to stop worrying and get off his stream and isn’t he supposed to be getting ready to open up his restaurant, the Baratie?
The stream adores the interaction, though some of the newer viewers need to be reassured that this is just the way the father-son cooking duo interact, and that they truly adore each other.
It was just the way Sanji showed love, whether to his adoptive father, his friends, or when he spoke about his partner.
Eventually the stream settles down and Zeff leaves to work, as Sanji continues to deftly shape onigiri balls as he chats with his audience.
The stream runs longer than usual, thanks to Zeff’s appearance, but it is just about to end when they hear a door opening off screen.
Sanji however doesn’t seem to notice, wrapped up in excitedly explaining what the All Blue he mentions in his bio on all his social media is to a new fan. This distraction would be his undoing.
From out of frame, a very familiar man to those who were fans of the Straw Hat Pirates as a whole appeared, sending those that noticed him into a tizzy.
It was the half naked, sweaty form of one Roronoa Zoro, the group’s resident sports addict, or as he was better known in the words of Sanji himself, ‘Directionally Challenged Mossbrain’, who often got lost and ended up being dragged back to the group by Sanji. He was also known to most as Sanji's rival.
The two were known for their spats, spitting insults and jabs at each other at the slightest slight or provocation, the arguments often devolving into brawls with kicks and hits thrown by Sanji and Zoro respectively. So it was a surprise to see the man so casually ambling about the house that was known to be shared by Sanji and his partner.
This surprise and interest continued as the man, who seemed to have just finished one of his morning workouts, walked up to Sanji as he used the towel around his neck to wipe away the sweat on his forehead.
The chat waited with bated breath for something to happen, for Sanji to snap and shout at him or something to break the tension created by the man's appearance.
And break it did, as the man bent his head down towards Sanji and tilted his face towards him, kissing him right on the lips, cutting off the man's words with the action.
The chat started screaming, filling with comments that rushed by quicker than the eye could catch. More viewers started appearing as people called their fellow fans in to see the shocking moment, the mods struggling to tame the hoards.
All this went unnoticed by the two lovers as Sanji melted into the kiss, seeming to forget where he was for a moment.
Finally they broke apart, a look of lovestruck bliss on Sanji's flushed face as he stared into his lover's eyes.
Only for him to redden furiously and start to bluster, flustered as he realized what just happened.
He started screaming, as a fans had foreseen, hitting Zoro as he shooed him away, the man calmly avoiding the hits as he scooped up an onigiri and moved away. Only to double back, calling Sanji's name, making him shout.
“What do you want, Marimo!”
At which his head was cradled and another kiss was bestowed on to his forehead, causing his squawking to redouble in its intensity and resulting in Zoro leaving his haloed kitchen chased by whatever objects were in reach that Sanji could throw.
Sanji finally calmed down at his disappearance, breathing heavily as he stared after the other man.
Finally he turned back to the screen.
A bright, furious blush creeped slowly across his face as he realized who exactly, had just seen the chaotic interaction.
He lunged forward, over the countertop and the stream ended abruptly, sending the viewers back into the waiting room, where they tittered to each other about what they had seen.
It was a moment that would not soon be forgotten, against Sanji's best wishes, and it was the most talked about, dramatic and chaotic coming out of any content creator.
Though despite its suddenness, all Zoro and Sanji's fans would agree that it was utterly, irrevocably, them.
-
We've come to the end, thank you for reading :) you might want to take a moment to rest your eyes before moving on
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headcanon that actually sanji's eyes are each of a different color (like, blue and soft brown kind of very yellowish. heterochromia is beautiful like that) and after the time skip, when he changes his hairstyle, nobody actually notices because after 2 years of not seeing each other of course they wouldn't remember his eye color. and he actually prefers it this way because he can't deal with them laughing about it now.
but then, one night, when usopp and him are on night guard together for the first time in ages (they're both pining idiots and lost the chance to confess when sabaody happened) usopp won't stop staring at him, focused on his eye, specifically. sanji takes a drag of his cigarette and he feels himself getting more nervous by the second. "is the smoke bothering you or-"
"no!" usopp replies a bit too fast, blushing and instantly bringing his hand to the back of his neck, looking around to avoid sanji's face for a while. "i was just thinking..." he takes a deep breath, and goes back to looking at sanji. the cook won't stop thinking about how long the sniper's hair is and the way it gently falls over his shoulders as he speaks. he doesn't even notice usopp's lovesick stare when he speaks. "your eyes. i liked the blue one. reminds me of the sea."
sanji's heartbeat stops for a second there, and he almost chokes on the smoke but covers it with a dry laugh. "so this one isn't pretty enough for your liking, then?" he tries to sound sarcastic and prays for usopp not to notice the way his voice falters with fear.
usopp's eyes are wide open. "of course it is! it's- it's pretty. really... pretty." the sniper feels his body shaking as he tries to fix what he said. they're both acting stupid, blushing and trying not to seem too focused on the other. but it's not like neither of them can hold back from staring at each other. silence comes, and somehow usopp has the courage to smile. "it's just like sand. or gold."
"that's the best metaphor you can come up with, longnose?" he says this as if he wasn't on the verge of tears.
the sniper shrugs his shoulders. "why would you cover one? together they'd be, you know, like the beach. sand, gold, the sea... it's- um- cool."
sanji raises his eyebrow at that, and scoffs as he takes another drag of his cigarette. he doesn't want to finish it that early, or he won't have anything to do with his hands later. "i wouldn't hear the end of it if i did."
"but they're beautiful!" usopp insists. they've been sitting closer and closer.
beautiful.
something inside of sanji breaks after hearing that word, looking up at the night sky for a moment with a bittersweet smile. "well, men aren't supposed to be be-"
"why not?" that catches him off guard. usopp's decisive eyes meet his. the sniper's hand is shaking, but he still makes an effort to touch sanji's hair ever so slightly, thinking twice about it. their faces are so close sanji refuses to smoke in case he burns usopp. "can i?"
sanji looks around for a few seconds, and thinks about refusing. about denying him the chance to see his face completely. to witness what he truly looks like. but he nods, anyway. "you tell somebody about this and i murder you. they haven't noticed yet."
usopp hums at that, a tiny, excited smile showing up on his lips. "because they don't pay attention to you. only an idiot wouldn't be able to notice."
"maybe you pay too much attention to me." and it kind of sounds like 'i don't deserve that you do'.
but usopp finally moves his hair to the side, and the way his breathing twitches says 'you deserve everything. you're everything' and the sniper kind of hopes he hears it. usopp takes a deep breath, letting his other hand travel to sanji's face so he can hold it better. the cook grabs him by the wrist but keeps it there.
they're both shaking.
sanji lets out an embarrassed laugh, something that usopp has never heard coming from him. "not that cool when you see both at the same time, huh? the eyebrows are also-"
"you're gorgeous."
before any of them can panic at usopp's sudden comment, sanji's grip on his wrist tightens. usopp notices, looking down at his lips for a second, going back at his eyes again.
they keep looking at each other for a while, realizing that usopp is kind of almost on top of sanji at this point, and that neither of them wants the other to move away. they just want- need each other closer.
sanji is so overwhelmed by his words he isn't sure of what to say, so he just slides his hand to grab usopp's tightly. beautiful. gorgeous. it's breaking him. it's too much. and yet, he wants more.
"can you- say it again?"
"you're beautiful." he breathes out. "gorgeous. the prettiest person i've ever-"
"oh, shut up!" sanji can't help but laugh at the exaggeration, but usopp is completely serious.
oh, fuck, he's being completely serious. because the sniper is now too close to him, and he isn't smiling anymore. "can i draw you someday?"
and perhaps it's the butt of the cigarette burning his fingertips, but he feels brave enough to lean into usopp. "can you kiss me first?" and it comes out instinctively.
the way the sniper jumps a bit, surprised at his words is endearing enough for the cook to smile right away. "what? yes? yes. of course. yes. yea-"
it's sanji who kisses him.
and he thinks, while all the ashes fall completely on the deck, that he'll keep covering one of his eyes. not because he doesn't think they're beautiful enough to be seen. not because he's ashamed.
he just doesn't want usopp to get used to them. he wants him to draw him and kiss him and hold him like this forever, every time he sees both of his eyes and eyebrows, like the first time. forever. and besides, the sniper is right. the others didn't even notice. perhaps they will after a few more days of being together, but for now?
maybe sanji really, really likes the fact that usopp is the only one that pays this much attention to him.
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