#put them back in poetry

[introspectivememories]

"evan, i find you adorable". adorable as in able to be adored. as in capable of being adored. as in i find you worthy of adoration. adorable, from the latin adorare (to worship) to adorabilis (in the sense 'worthy of divine worship') to the current day adorable. as in maybe if we had made it to the movies or if eddie didn't show up, i could've showed you just how much i want to worship you. as in i look at you and there is a font of adoration in my heart for you. adorable as in i flew into a hurricane with you and yet this date is a thousand times more thrilling than that. adorable as in there is a person in your building who saw me jump up and down like a little kid in the lobby after i had kissed you for the first time. adorable as in i kissed you and immediately thought fuck i could do this forever if he lets me. adorable as in i want to press kisses to your birthmark. adorable as in i spent the entirety of the days leading up to our date wondering about you, if you liked your coffee with two sugars or one. if you liked storms or if the lightning strike had put you off on them all together. if you liked cats or dogs or if you were the kind of weirdo who liked goats instead. if you thought about the kiss as often as i did. if your stomach tangled into twisted knots as saturday drew closer. if you would be agreeable to sitting in my lap. if you would blush as prettily as you did the day i kissed you. if your world also realigned when our lips met. if our orbits had matched up now that we flew into a hurricane together. if the gravitational pull between us had finally been too strong for either of us to resist that night in your loft. or maybe, more simply, adorable as in, "evan, i find you adorable."

#SOMEBODY SEDATE ME #what is this #i heard that line and was like how can i wax poetry about this #tommy kinard the man that you are #like it was just an interesting line to me. it literally keeps me up at night #and then tommy immediately following it up with 'i just dont think you're ready yet' #because it's true!!! idt buck was ready for the restaurant and maybe if buck had told tommy this was his first 'dude date' #they could've picked a more secluded spot and maybe then the movies could've still happened and they could've sat in the back #as some stupid movie plays onscreen but buck would ever so carefully tangle his hands with tommy's bigger ones and tommy would #squeeze them once and buck would be so nervous he wouldn't be able to look at tommy and would stare resolutely ahead at the movie he #doesn't care about but the whole time he'd be thinking about the way tommy holds him so gently but eddie did happen and buck is freaking ou #so tommy steps back and tells evan 'i dont think youre ready' w/ the implication being call me when you are and he puts the ball back in #evan's court. and maybe tommy thinks that's the end of it. it takes people years to be ready. hell it took him years to be ready except #beautiful brave evan calls him less than a week later and says 'maybe i'm not ready but if there's anyone i'd like to find out w/ it'd be y #i need to be sedated #911 abc #evan buckley #tommy kinard #bucktommy #buck x tommy #911 spoilers #911 season 7

[teeth-draws]

“What do you mean he’s scary!! Look at him!”

— taking artistic liberties to scrunkle the face of @shepherds-of-haven’s Blade Bronwyn - a man with 0.6% body fat lol

#shepherds of haven #if games #blade bronwyn #this is mc privelage at work #hc mcs but especially the ladies are like no he’s fine!! look he’s a lamb!! but if someone else tried this they’d get their wrists broken #being an artist (like being a writer) makes your proclivities rly obvious because in this instance you can tell that I love #babying men who could kickflip me into the sun #picking fights with famed assassins like… wow blade ur so confident for your height! and leave #blade likes girls with good hearts and Halle is not quite that but she IS an efficient worker so she always comes back with the win… #and a bunch of rescued orphans and mages and stuff it’s… not a reflection of her personality but rather her work ethic which even then #is reluctant and put-upon #she didn’t want to be a captain let alone commander she was meant to be using this gang of do-gooders to fulfil her fate and then bounce #but they’re all so wholesome and now she loves them despite her better judgement #and he’s so cute!! with his poetry and plants and the googly-eyed clam he keeps on his desk and talks to about his feelings!! #what’s a girl to do? #there’s only so strong you can be in the face of a man who tells you straight-faced he’d mcfucking die for you #talking the talk and walking the walk even to the most wary of wilderness orphans #as always blade you are a nightmare to draw I lost sleep over your skin tone #my foe of four years aka blade’s left elbow is cunningly hidden #their child would be a serious force of nature and also really tall #fanart #shoh #can you imagine the name? between austere ket names and whack mage names… #these are my parents: blade and halwendi. my name is steele mechanicus and I DONT want to talk about it #just realised that if his brother saw this shit he’d get blade stoned for being a public hussy gosh sorry better make an honest man of him #new blade hairstyle is a shaggy wolfcut bc I think it’s cute on him lmao #this is a really autistic couple honestly #not quite sure where to put his hands #like when you flip a shark upside down

[itspileofgoodthings]

one time my mom was talking about something, I don’t remember what, and she said “have you ever known the poverty of having nothing to say?” and when I say nothing has ever punctured my heart quite like that statement

#I don’t even fully know why. also I don’t think she even meant it how I took it #but there is just some part of me that does believe that that is the greatest poverty #when there are no words in your mind or heart. no phrases—nothing to rely on or fall back on #and you just have to struggle with the human condition and be able to express none of it #and I know that not everyone uses words like I do or relies on them that way but people need some words. they need something #this is why a) I never make fun of those Instagram accounts that are all cheesy inspirational quotes or whatever because people are trying #they are REACHING #also b) that’s why villains who are wordlessly violently destructive make me cry #because it’s just like—-yeah I can understand turning to violence if I didn’t have expression #if I couldn’t get anything out #also also this is not related but I watched some movie or tv show the other day (and I cannot for the life of me remember which one it was) #but there was this couple on a date and the girl asks him to complete all these proverbs after she gives him the first half #because ‘a man who knows his proverbs can’t be all bad’ and it shook. Me. To. My. CORE. #also also!! this is why I teach! it’s the heart of it for me!! And why I make them memorize poetry. like. #and put quotes on the board every day. like. You will have words and images in your mind and your heart from my class if I have anything #to say about it #anyway sometimes my mom says things and casually devastates me #and I think (I think) she was just talking about the poverty of having no news because nothing is going on #and so you have nothing to share with someone. and she was talking about my Grandma and how sometimes she was just so sullen and quiet #but it’s just because there was nothing to say #anyway anyway anyway that is also why the one time on the phone my grandma said who has known the mind of the Lord —shook me so much #because she never really said anything. words were not her thing and she never quoted anything #and suddenly her saying this line of scripture that said more than any words I’d ever said —one of the defining moments of my life #tbh. anyway this is very long I’m sorry. I have woken up this morning crying about this. idk.

[mangledmouth]

SEVEN YEARS OF POETRY IN A BOOK

HELLO ALL! I've been working on this project for a while; copying a lot of poems from my blog that had broken formatting from the old days, collecting the ones that I was the proudest of, adding in a number of poems from the archives that never saw the light before; and the result is this, DETRANSFORMATION, an extremely transgender anthology of forty-nine poems, which is 7x7, which I literally only realized now. What can I say, I went for quality over quantity over the years.

Do you like horror movies? Fairy tales? Complicated feelings about Lovecraft? Do you have familial trauma? Depression? Long slow years of regaining life? Do you like it when poems are about a specific ass situation? Do I ever have the loosely grouped into five sections that create an arc that's about 7x as clear in real life poetry ebook for you!

Gumroad was the easiest platform to upload to, and set a 'pay what you want' price of $1 and up; I wanted to prioritize people being able to read it if they want, with room to be more generous if you feel like it and can afford it. If you don't/don't want to use Gumroad, or want me to get the money without Gumroad fees, I've done my best to make the thank-you email for my Ko-fi a link to download the epub; the base price of a 'coffee' is 1$, so you can set your own price from there on up. This is my first attempt at both making and distributing an epub, so if anything is broken or inaccessible you can get in touch with me on here. If all else fails I will literally email it to you. I will convert it as needed. We will make this work.

that's it! I wrote a lot of poems and put them together (and made the cover! look at it it turned out so good!) and I hope you check them out. 🪦💚

#poetry #poets on tumblr #I feel a bit bad for putting poems in a book when they're still broken on here #but tumblr's formatting has been so frustrating for posting stuff #i didn't have the energy to tackle fixing them all yet #and I did make the book cost basically nothing lol #I will try and get back and start fixing formatting on the old broken ones sometime #but for the moment if you wanna support me/get some old and new poems I appreciate it!!

[agentark]

Jenny Han, To All The Boys I've Loved Before // Brenna Twohy // unknown // Florence + the Machine, "Long & Lost" // J.R.R. Tolkien, The Two Towers // Aelsa Trevelyan, The Fernweh Saga, Book 1 // Euripides, Herakles // unknown // k.tolnoe // Taylor Swift, "Death By A Thousand Cuts" // Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

will you remember me when I'm gone? if we never meet again? if we can't? I'll remember you. I hope I'll see you again.

#on forgetting and remembering and the people we love #on growing up and growing out #of people of places #something something what is grief if not love #when you want to beg and plead w/ someone to come back or to stay but you know you can't so you just ask them to remember you #god I would've been so good at this shit when I was 17 and had folders and folders of quotes saved #trying to figure out what to tag this as for my own cataloguing purposes but also fearing it showing up in search tags #the duality of man #today's to do list included making myself sad about the people and places I've had to leave behind #web weaving #poetry #writing #quotes #lyrics #words #idk if i like this but i had to get the feelings out of my brain #so whatever #I should put this effort into actually journaling offline #I have a migraine i'm just going to post this and stop thinking abt it

[ullybug]

do not let your spirit wane by gang of youths

(x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x)

#the quality on these is a little questionable but i have got to stop looking at them #i also dont go here but sometimes when you have ideas thats more important. besides his miserable demeanor and cursed fate have bewitched m #body and soul etc #connor mcdavid #edmonton oilers #hockey poetry #mine own edit #lyrics this time. and admittedly i did switch them a little but i could not NOT put great on his back #edit⁵

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

idk I think someone who knows how to edit images should add Emily Dickinson’s ‘love is immortality’ over images of Ava and Beatrice

Unable are the Loved to die

For Love is Immortality,

Nay, it is Deity—

Unable they that love—to die

For Love reforms Vitality

Into Divinity.

#it just seems very ~them~ does it not?? #genuinely do not think it could be more fitting #(it’s 2am so i’m not going to get too into it but) #(blah blah- Ava’s lust for life- Vitality- plus Beatrice’s acceptance of love- for herself for another- creating something new and Divine #if i had an attention span and enough money to pay for Microsoft word i’d be back to writing fic just for them #but alas i have neither of those things #so i just spin them slowly in my brain like a ballerina in a music box #anyway if someone actually does this i will cry #Emily Dickinson #poetry #Avatrice #Warrior Nun #Sister Beatrice #Ava Silva #Save Warrior Nun #ALSO bc i need this opinion to be heard by somebody but i don’t feel brave enough to make it it’s own post #my take on Ava’s pet names for Bea is that she would also use ‘Sweet Bea’ like ‘Sweet Pea’ for the sake of the pun #entirely unrelated to this post i just needed to put that out there #personal

[coveredinsun]

day 4 or something of gimleaf insanity. looping florence and the machine and outlining a fic

#not sure when i’ll write it because i literally start my next semester in TWO FREAKING DAYS #IM SO FUCKED. #anyways… i would put them back in poetry….. IF I ONLY KNEW HOW…….. #AND I WOULD GIVE ALLLLL THIS ANS HEAVEN TOO! I WOULD GIVE IT ALL IF ONLY FOR A MOMENT THAT I COULD JUST UNDERSTAND! #THE MEANING OF THE WORD YOU SEE! CAUSE I’VEEEE BEEN SCRAWLING IT FOREVER BUT IT NEVER MADE SENSE TO ME AT ALL!!!!

[slowtides]

Frank O'Hara, two excerpts from "Poem Read at Joan Mitchell's"

[Begin text ID] "This poem goes on too long because our friendship has been long, long / for this life and these times, long as art is long and un-interruptable, / and I would make it as long as our friendship lasts if I could make poems that long. / I hope there will be more.... / .... but ideas are obscure and nothing should be obscure tonight / you will live half the year in a house by the sea and half the year in a house in our arms / we peer into the future and see you happy and hope it is a sign that we / will be happy too, something to cling to, happiness / the least and best of human attainments" [End text ID]

#Frank O'Hara #poetry #you will live half the year in a house by the sea and half the year in a house in our arms #what can be done about a love like this #these two excerpts are not back to back because the poem is really quite long #so in true tumblr fashion I am taking excerpts and putting them together

[draconicace]

i got maybe possessed a little bit and wrote fandom poems which i don't think i've done since. uh. at the latest i was in high school. anyway. the power of disco and love compelled me

#aiden's monologuing #ailbde #ailb #i'm not gonna post them yet. or maybe ever. #fandom isn't exactly known for poetry lmao #i'm worried since i've only played through one chunk of the game and i know there's lots more #what if my poem is actually inaccurate if enough points are in one specific stat in one specific interaction #i'm bein a lil ridiculous. i'm really sleepy rn #i'll look at them tomorrow and see how i feel then #i like the poems. i periodically edited them over the past like. ten hours #ghshfks. bed #i could put them on ao3. and also put a fic there i wrote back in the summer #though technically they don't have to be read as fandom poems. intentional choice to not be Too specific #anything written could just be taken as Symbol #ok goodnight. love love. sleep

[catgirlkirigiri]

With practiced precision I trapped the animal beneath a clear cup.

I waited for it to crawl onto the paper so the transition could not break its legs.

The single barrier was not enough for me.

What if my hand slipped, and the paper fell away?

What if it slipped between the page and the cup?

I held the chamber upside down and watched the creature slide down to the safe bottom.

I tipped the cup into a clear container, and as softly as I could, let it fall inside.

I tried to be gentle.

But it is difficult to care for that which you fear.

I watched in horror as eight small legs curled around their cold body.

Maybe some things cannot coexist.

#zoracontent #tw death #tw bug death #I call them animal out of respect because it feels more caring that insect or bug or spider #but still a bug #tw spiders #to clarify the contraption here. I am very paranoid so when I cup and paper anything I then put the cup upside down in a plastic container #and close the lid while I take it out side #poetry #? I feel like people would call this poetry but I don’t really know what makes something count as such #and um for added context. the edge of the cup crushed it when I put the cup in the container. it’s uh. actually stuck there still #I don’t have the heart to scrape it off so I just. left the cup on the back deck. with the dead spider stuck to its rim.

[milkyspine]

—what do you see when you look into my eyes?

#mine #writers of tumblr #spilled ink #poetry #writing #okay to rb #poem #spilled words #tw: trauma #tw: csa #wrote this after talking with my mum #she wants to get professional photos taken of our family #it's just getting harder and harder to deal with the disconnect between her (& everyone else in my family) and me #it's just a lot #it's a lot of nothing #me putting in everything i can and getting nothing back #the resentment builds and builds and i don't want it to be like this but it is #i find myself wishing for a lot of things #for one of them to somehow find this account #for someone else to tell them the truth #for time to turn back and for me to not keep these secrets for so long #my psychologist keeps telling me i can have what i want. i can tell them #i can break the disconnect #but i don't know that i'll ever be able to #i think i'll die with these secrets still kept firmly inside #i just feel a little hopeless because nothing ever changes here. not really #anyway #i want you to know life is what you make of it #but sometimes choosing what is best for yourself is the hardest thing #and i understand

[my-entire-personality-is-fake]

I think one of the worst things someone can experience is having their fears about themselves confirmed by someone they care about after they've been telling themselves it's just their anxiety or depression talking. Being told by a friend that you're annoying. Having a close family member tell you they wished you weren't around. That. I think that is the worst pain someone can go through.

#it sets all your progress back #and you realize people only put up with you #they dont care about you #theyre just being polite and wishing you'd leave them alone #sad poem #sad poetry #ig #idk if this counts #ill be okay #i always am #im projecting

[itspileofgoodthings]

literally always thinking about the Chesterton quote about St. Thomas Aquinas saying that Aquinas knew that in order to argue honestly you had to argue at great length, that there were no shortcuts. comforting to me. 

#i know there is an element of my working through things that is fussing. that is 'over-analysis' #and that is solved only by time and letting go and surrender and prayer #but also LEGITIMATELY things take a while to work through. getting to the bottom of things honestly takes a lot of words and a lot of time #and that's not fake work that's real and good and part of trying to be an honest person and a person who doesn't leave anything out #anyway telling me to stop overanalyzing things never works because i NEED to analyze #it's good it helps it keeps me moving forward it keeps me understanding #sometimes i need to let go i need to understand i have run against a mystery i cannot untangle through (my) admittedly feeble reason #and insight #sometimes i need to let time and distance speak as henry crawford says #(actually i always do) #but it's the pieces working together #anyway not everyone likes or appreciates or is up for how long i want to talk about the same thing #and i am NOT always valid in doing it. i am sometimes just getting stuck #but reality is so big. and vast. and there are no shortcuts in words that try to deal with them honestly #except maybe in poetry #but that's not really my speed #teaching is nice because it puts natural boundaries around my longwindedness #but also lets me come back to the same place again and again to keep discovering and growing

[foolishjellyfish]

NEW CRUSH NEW CRUSH NEW CRUSH NEW CRUSH NEW CRUSH NEW CRUSH THEY BLEW ME A KISS LAST NIGHT AS THEY WERE WALKING OUT THE DOOR AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#diary #well not new new crush per se #I met them at some random party thst I was only at by accident this one time in dec #and then we saw eachother at this event in feb and it was like omg hey it's u!!! #started convos that never got finished bc ya kno #there was a lot going on at the event and i had best friend duties #and then i went to a poetry event last night anf she was there anf she told me she liked my poem and gave me lil cheek kiss and #bc everyone was writing feedback on lil scraps of paper and then putting them in paper bags for everyone who read #she told me at one point 'i wrote u a lil love note' AHHHWEHHHEWHJWFE #AND THEN THERE WAS A FLIRTY MOMENT WITH ME AND THEM FLIRTING ON THE COUCH AJSNENIUDAWUINUIWA #AND at one point all these ppl came over to talk to me and say they liked my poem #at the same moment as that #she got pulled away by some ppl to a diff convo #and when i had had a bunch of exchanges with all these cute humans and was like now alone on the couch #I went over and gave her tHIS LOOK #AND IMMEDIATLEY SHE DITCHED THAT GROUP THAT SHE HAD SAT DOWN AT AND CAME BACK TO THE COUCH TO CONTINUE CHATTING WITH ME EEEE AWDAHBAUYBDWAYG #and then after a few moments of chatting and me giving her my number (I DON'T HAVE THEY NUMBER YET THO BC RELYING ON THEM 2 SEND ME A TEXT A #they were so kind and considerate and let me know they needed to leave soon and that they were gonna start doing the goodbye rounds and like #'i give u ur goodbye hug now' #so it waS A WHOLE ASS MOMENT WHEN THEY WALKED OUTTA THE DOOR AND BLEW ME A KISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS EHBEFWHJQWDBDWBIUWBIUDWIUDWBKDWBKWDBKDWBKWBKD #so also i learnt the other month that theyr lowkey famous hahahahahaha #the second time i ran into them i was talking to a friend after the event and was all 'omg who was that cutie who rode in by bike etc' #and said friend was like omg they're a well known cutie and proceeded to show me ttheir insta #i followed immidiatkey and they didn't follow me back HAHA #but last night they initiated the insta thing and i was like 'shIT I already fOLLOW THEM' - briefly considered unfollowing them so then #so then i could 'follow them back' #but then I was like yolo why should i play pretend #but nOWWWWW #big connundrum #i don't have their number but I DOOOO have their insta

[sleestakkk]

pleaseeeee i am being very normal

#And the heart is hard to translate It has a language of it's own It talks in tongues and quiet sighs #In prayers and proclamations in the grand deeds Of great men and the smallest of gestures In short shallow gasps #But with all my education I can't seem to command it And the words are all escaping #And coming back all damaged And I would put them back in poetry If I only knew how I can't seem to understand it #And I would give all this and heaven too I would give it all if only for a moment That I could just understand #The meaning of the word you see 'Cause I've been scrawling it forever But it never makes sense to me at all #And it talks to me in tiptoes And sings to me inside It cries out in the darkest night And breaks in the morning light #No words poor language It doesn't deserve such treatment And all my stumbling phrases Never amounted to anything worth this feeling #All this heaven never could describe Such a feeling as I'm hearing Words were never so useful #So I was screaming out a language That I never knew existed before #never been so normal