Tumgik
#q'd on november 23
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i keep wanting to call you “baby” and i keep having to hold myself back. we’re not like that anymore, as much as i wish we were
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oh god...i love you, i love you, i love you
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i wish you felt more guilty for your actions, i’m sorry.
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I know its selfish but I just want you. I think its supposed to be you. I'm trying so hard... please. I love you.
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It's all bs isn't it? Everyone says "don't be afraid to talk about your feelings" "your feelings are valid" "don't be afraid to ask for help" but when you actually do you get told that you're too much to handle and need to learn to deal.
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I can't stop daydreaming about your lips on mine
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I forgot how many days it’s been now but it still hurts without you
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Oh god. Oh god. Don't tell me you're bored with me. Don't tell me you're tired of me. Please. Please. Not after I've gotten attached. Please.
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this is temporary. all of this? is temporary. the idea that i’ll be close to you forever is suffocating. people are temporary and that’s how it is. doesn’t mean i don’t like you. but i will not be living the rest of my life like this. even as i enjoy it, and know i’ll look back on it fondly, i’ve been waiting for it to be over since it began.
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Why don’t i have a genuine connection with anyone? I have a loving family, great sisters, best friends, and a loving boyfriend, but i don’t feel like i belong to any of them, really. Conversation doesn’t come naturally. I always feel like i’m acting when i’m around them. Like i’m showing them the side of me i think they will like. I just want to be completely comfortable in someone’s company. I just want to really, truly love someone. This is not meant for anyone in particular. I just can’t tell this anyone without hurting them, and it bothers me so damn much. Am I heartless? I feel like a fucking alien around the people that I’m close to....
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sometimes i wonder if we'll ever talk again. you said you dont want to get your hopes up for things ever working out and i dont have the courage to hope when its a onesided hope, when youve left so many times. still, i think if we talked one day when we're both healed, that would be nice.
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I'm deathly afraid of losing you. I love you with all my heart. You're my entire world but the more I try to make you happy, the more I seem to upset you. I don't understand but I am trying. Please don't give up on me. I need you.
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I just keep fantasizing about getting a hug from you. I miss you so much.
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I sometimes think that I shouldn’t have told you I love you. I know that you care about me a lot, but our relationship feels so one-sided at times. I don’t bring it up to you because I’m afraid I’m never going to be enough, that I’m never going to hear it, and it would kill me for you to tell me that my suspicions are correct. I’m afraid it’ll remain unsaid by you 50 years from now, and that I’ll marry you anyway because I’m so desperately in love with you that I don’t think I have any other option available to me. I’m sorry.
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I don’t know what you see in me.
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tw: self harm the person i love doesn’t love me and that’s okay. the person i love is in love with someone else and that’s okay too. the person i love hates herself and hurts herself and feels everything like it’s a knife and i can’t do anything, i can’t help, and i can only ever just watch when it all goes wrong and it hurts her enough that she hates herself loudly enough that i can see it. and i don’t know how to be okay with that. how can i be okay with it? i’m not okay with this. i can’t be okay with this
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