Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty
Like whole grain bread, face palmed and pushed down into astroturf, his hole was bred and filled up with white stuff, just like an Oreo is double-stuffed with its cream, just like a Twinkie is bred by automated industrialism, which caused eighty percent of the job losses in the world’s greatest country, ergo as the eagle screeches, and we all mildly muse upon whatever induced the sad devolution of Screech from Saved by the Liberty Bell, one must purchase an Americano at Starbucks, but being loose is how you lose, so log into Facebook and check Messenger, and sock it to them with a socked foot and order Dominos, so go break a leg or wear a cast for six weeks, rent a car via Hertz and update your Instagram with one of the many coloured heart emojis, but most impotently of all, order an Apple laptop from Amazon and use it to run a Google search about the purchase price of Elon Musk’s musk-scented Tesla stock, and catch ‘em all, every time the ball comes your way, for you’ve gotta catch ‘em all, be the best there ever was, just catch ‘em all, all the balls, every ball could be yours, balls, best, if you just catch ‘em all, have hope, take heart, be best, balls, all the balls, all the things, all the ball things, the best, balls, best, balls, best, balls including Walmart, ExxonMobil, Berkshire Hathaway, UnitedHealth Group, McKesson, CVS Health, AT&T, AmerisourceBergen, Chevron, Ford, General Motors, Costco, Cardinal Health, Walgreens Boots Alliance, JPMoron Chase, Verizon, Kroger, Freddy Krueger, General Elect Trick, Fanny Pack Mae Day, Phillips Sexty Sex, Valejo, Bank of Aunt ‘Murica, Fiat Currency Chrysler Auto Ho Biles, Microserfed, Ho Depot, Boning, Wuffs Fargo, Citigroup, Marathon Petroleum Jelly, Comcast, Anthem, Hi Ho the Derry-o the Farmer in the Dell, DuPunt, State Farmed, Big Johnson & Little Johnson, IBM, Big Daddy Freddie Mac, United Parcel Service, Lowe’s, Intel, FetLife, Proctology and Gamble, United Technologies, FedUpWithMyEx, PepsiHo, Archer Daniels Midland, Prudential Frynational, Centene, Albertsons, The Walt Gimme Corporation, Sisqo, Human Penis Breath Inc., Humama, Caterpunker, Money Transfer Partners, Headlock Martin, Pfucker, AB InBev, Goldman Sucks, Moron Stan Lee, Crisco, Cignut, FAIG, HCA Healthcunt, American Airsluts, Delta Airsluts, Charter Commruinications, New Pork Life In Sure Ass Company, American Express Yourself, Nationwide Mutual In Sure Ass Company, Bestguy, Liberty Mutual Group Sex, Merck & Ho, Honeycum, GlaxoSmithKline plc, United Airsluts Holdings, Teachers In Sure Ass and a Nudity Association of Aunt ‘Merica, My Son Foods, Accenture, Oracle Corporation, Allstate, World Fuel Services, Northwestern Mutual Masturbation, TJSex, ConocoPhillips, John Urinal Ho Deere, LyondellBasell, Tech Data, Enterprise Prod Fucks, Nike, General Dynamics, Exelon, Plains All American Pipeline, Schlumbergay, 3M4M, AbPee Inc., CHS Inc., Capital Wuff, Johnson Controls, Progressive Corporation, Chubb Unlimited, CocaLeaf-CocaLeaf Corporation, USAA, Hewlett Packers Enterprise, Jocktronic, Abbott Lab-Rateries, Northrop Gruntman, Band Aid, The Travelers Companies, Micro Technologies, Arrow Election Tricks, CNH Industrial, PBF Energy, Corporation Incorporated, Kraft Mac & Cheese and Teresa Heinz Kerry Catsup, Gaytheon Company, British American Baccy Ho, Mondelez International, Nutria, Flextronics, U.S. Gimme Your Money Corp, Macy’s, Inc., Dollar Ho General, Nudecore, Starfucks, DNC Technology, Eli Lilly and All His Gay Ass Friends, Thermo Fisher Science Stiff Dick, Duke Menergy, US Fools, Halliburstin’, Peccar, Cummings, Amgen, Stupid Company, CenturyDink, Penske Automotive Mafia, Quaaludes, International Pecker, Union Specific Corporation, Dollar Tree, Jabil, Bristol-Myers Squirt, Biblical Sciences, ManpowerGroup, Southwest Airsluts, Eatin’ Corporation, Aflac Duck Quacks Aflac!, AutoNation, Acronym Group, King Lear Corporation, Money Whirlpools Down the Drain Corporation, McRonald’s, Western Digital, Broadcunt, Inc., Marriott International, Lemon Corporation, Visa Inc., and Herb Kohl’s Slowly Going Out of Business Sale, and yeah, you caught it all with your hole as those nuts worked their way up inside you, following the shaft of his cock, his nuts plunging into your hole, first one whole nut in, and then slipping out but then the other, the other nut almost all the way in, and then the unloading of the whole load of it all, inseminating you with The Corporation Corporation and every other most pertinent iota of man’s reality that can indubitably be microtransmitted via the wriggly taps caused by subsequent squiggles of eager sperm, all twisting and turning in every drop of his splooge, which chose you for a Target. Nice catch, athlete. Make a beeline for the finish line so that you can win, throw your arms up, and claim your victory prize.
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