If you haven’t gone through some kind of crisis where it makes you question everything about yourself and everything around you I don’t think you have lived . You just coast though life.
OK I have no real basis for this and want to come back to examine it with a less sleep-deprived brain, but like...
What if the Metatron is jealous of Crowley--not because of Aziraphale, but because of God. The Metatron is supposed to be the angel closest to God, the direct line, right? But Lucifer was God's favorite, Their most beautiful and brilliant child. Literally named Lightbringer and Morning Star.
And if we're right about Crowley being Lucifer...
What if that crotchety old scribe Metatron has been jealous since the beginning? Not only that, what if Lucifer's questions and ideas were welcomed by God? What if his thoughts always overshadowed the Metatron's?
What if the Metatron decided he needed to get Lucifer out of heaven? That he needed to install a himbo Gabriel as supreme arch angel--a stool pigeon easy to manipulate and sway? What if the Metatron encouraged Lucifer's less tolerated behaviors, manipulated events to cast him in an ever diminishing light, pulling the strings of heaven to ensure Lucifer would take the final bait?
What if that's how he knew how Crowley would react to Aziraphale's proposal? Maybe even worse--what if that somehow also informed him how Aziraphale would react to Crowley?
" for fucks sake , i mean with dane of all people ? .. maybe girls just don't want nice guys . i mean , what about you ? you'd want to be with a guy like that ? "
Why do they always feel the need to bring their friends and family down??
Why is it that they get away with sooo much bullshit??
Why do we have to take their insufferable abuse and intolerance??
Why is it that we bend over backwards to offer help and get them resources (like therapy), then they’ll just tell you that they don’t see anything wrong??
Why do they consistently blame us and their other Mental Health Disorders for their narcissistic actions??
Why do they guilt trip us into not leaving them??
Why do we get blamed and accused for questioning their behaviour??
Why is everything so Black and White with them??
Why should I put my own Mental Health at risk for them when I’m only going to get more hurt in the process??
When will they see that they’re playing with fire and one day the bridge will be destroyed beyond repair??
Why do I feel guilty that I want to walk away??
When is it going to be safe enough that I can walk away without dealing with the explosive
meltdown and trauma that will follow??
You made the choice to distance yourself from me in order to avoid being better for me.. You created unnecessary space between us & pushed me away when you should’ve pulled me closer. You gave me distance when I needed love.. You pushed me away, shut me out & let us become estranged in order to justify not having to change your ways.. You chose to avoid me to avoid accountability.. You let circumstances & outside noise misdirect you.. You let the world influence the outcome of your love for me.. You let life come between you and me.. You much have rather distance yourself..instead of fixing yourself for me. You chose what could’ve been avoided. You pushed for what could’ve been prevented. You allowed for the worst to happen.. You chose for the wrong outcome every time.. You chose to fail us when you could’ve done right by us.. You chose to make things worse when you could’ve been bettering the situation, when you could’ve handled things differently. It was your job to protect what we had at all cost but instead you chose to distance yourself, to avoid me, to walk away.. You chose to leave me alone, leave me behind, leave me out, leave out on me.. You chose everything that got in the way, all that tore us apart & everyone that came after me… You gave us distance, space & betrayal when you could’ve given us different…Because of it, I can’t forgive you for it.. You failed us.. You failed the mission. You failed us..You did.
Since you’re so good at goodbyes.. stay left..
Certain things you can’t bounce back from.. People know what they’re doing when they hurt you. They just don’t care. Consideration can’t be taught.
shoutout to the friend who told me i'm the straightest person they'd ever met when i am, in fact, a raging bisexual who is questioning her attraction to men that aren't fictional