I'm finally playing the original Fossil Fighters and in the first 10 minutes of the game an npc crashes into your character and knocks you over. However, this game was apparently made on a budget of about $15, and 14 of that went into the dinosaurs, so there's no animation for your character falling over. Instead, they just took the model, spun it around once, and then had it tilt 90 degrees to the side. And when your character gets up, the model just tilts back up. Not once did it change from the default standing pose. This is the greatest game ever made.
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Hello! Can I request Starscream with a reader who loves video games, especially older "retro" ones please?
Anon you have waited so long, please accept this humble word train of inconveivale proportions, becuase this went from 'haha Screamy vs tetris' to 'holy shit I can't stop typing-'
Starscream x RetroGamer!Reader
HA!
Such primitive, meagre entertainment. How can you engage in something barely even fit for newsparks??
Yeah, Starscream is waving his ‘technological-race superiority’ around again. You’ve long since learned to roll your eyes, tune him out and turn the tinny volume on your console to maximum just to annoy him.
For all that he snorts and rolls his optics and waxes lyrical about how his games were played in high-speed roulette 5D stratospheric-chess - or whatever - you don’t fail to smugly notice how his wings twitch in time with the music. (Don’t bring it up or he’ll screech about how he can’t get the bouncy little tunes out of his head at 3am. It’s not worth your eardrums.)
And when he DOES pay attention, he’s the kind to aggressively backseat drive.
What’s worse, is that after breathing down your neck and screeching at you to “Jump HIGHER-” (Mario Bros is a relationship tester), he’ll cluck his tongue and smarmily coo at your game over screen until you finally snap and shove the comparatively tiny controller in his face.
The affronted shock lasts a millisecond before he huffs and says such childish little things are beneath him. Obviously.
Your petty revenge is to chat obnoxiously loud to Knockout and spread a rumour on the Nemesis that the Mighty Commander Starscream is too outdated to try anything new, clearly, I mean he’s just so old-
- much screeching shouting and scratched paintjobs later, you find out that he’s simply downloaded the games into his brain and fully intended to not breathe a word to you about it apparently until you died. Prideful bastard.
He HAD intended to tell you, but only after he had gotten an impossibly high score to beat so he could rub it in your cute squishy face.
In a beautifully ironic twist of fate, being as advanced as cybertronians are, the highly simple nature of most retro games actually renders them incompatible, like trying to run a floppy disk through a hadron collider. So while yes Star can play tetris on his break, he cannot simply blitz the levels as expected and call it a day, because the old games have such simple parameters in comparison to how he usually operates.
So he has to actually play.
With no instructions because of course this high strung high maintenance metal bird could not possibly deign to ask you how to play first. That would be demeaning. And he won’t google it either.
You can sit in smug, satisfied peace as you watch him slowly tick through several layers of frustration: wings twitching, claws tapping, optics whizzing to focus on platforms and little 8 bit enemies you can’t see.
But Starscream is still the Second in Command of the Decepticons. And the Decepticons have very stringent security measures.
Soundwave fucking manifesting outside your window one evening was enough to have you pray to every god you’ve ever heard of. Inscrutable, all knowing fucking Soundwave. You regret every conversation you’ve ever had on the Nemesis, oh god your house is probably bugged-
His face screen flickers to life. You blink, as a live stream of the Nemesis command deck appears.
You have, by dint of hanging around too much and a few close encounters with the Autobots, seen cybertronians on the battlefield before. It is nothing compared to the later levels of Pacman on the Nemesis bridge at 1 am.
Soundwaves inscrutable smiley face emoji pings your phone, almong with a simple, translated glyph.
“More? :)”
PS-
Soundwave is Pacman god. Knockout has a soft spot for the Mario games. Starscream fucking loves Galaxian and will die before he ever tells you this. Shockwave, logically, finds Tetris soothing.
Megatron plays pong on his throne sometimes when his usual brooding gives way to inevitable drug induced boredom. It spaces his eyes out to either side nearly completely. Starscream has screenshots of his gormless mug taped to his hab wall to shoot on occasion.
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