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#quiet bpd

‍‍"You lost a lot of weight since the last time we saw you. Are you alright?“, they asked.

"Thanks”, I said. “Yeah I’m fine. I really am”

“I still feel too fat and so insecure. No I’m not alright. I’m doing really really badly actually.”, I thought in my head.

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Splitting on my bf

It’s a dangerous game, but if I get upset with him it’ll go to hell, and if I get mad just the right amount and pull it out in time, I can act like everything is fine. I feel like I’m playing a game where you have to click a moving bar as it passes color bars and you have to click it as it gets to the smallest sliver of green. I only get one try.

Ive been feeling iffy with him lately, but right now it’s just so bad. It feels like something he had said to me was a lie. I know it wasn’t, I think it was what he said, but also idk if I’m remembering it right or not.

All I know is I want to be his first choice amongst everything, but idk if that’s possible…

Part of it is knowing how he tells me his friend helped him through everything, and yet when he goes through shit I feel like I ask too much of him and become a burden. I’ll never be like her or his ex. I’ll always consider the concept that maybe Icwont be enough, no matter how hard I fught it.

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my friends simulator.

would you like to befriend someone with a mental illness: yes / no

you picked yes

would you like to be warned ahead of time of their symptoms yes / no

you picked yes

uh oh they’re showing symptoms what’s your next move

show them support and understanding / abandon them without warning

you chose abandon them without warning

congratulations your awful

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i just wanna fucking die i am so fucking tired of all this bullshit my friends told me today i am dramatic for having anxiety attacks because of school and one of them even told me to go fuck myself which i never thought one of them would ever say this to me i am just so tired i am fighting everyday with my mom and i know i am just a burden my existence has always just bring pain to those around me i had enough honestly but i dont know how to take my fucking life and its killing me inside i am so so so fucking tired 

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I have a deep crush on a guy that I’ve been talking to. My friend told me yesterday she has a crush on me. It sent me into a whirl wind of thinking. I have Borderline Personality disorder, I always assumed that I didn’t know the difference between platonic love and romantic love until she told me how she felt for me yesterday. I made a post about how I now knew the difference between platonic love and romantic love. Someone with borderline personality disorder, as well, asked me how I could tell the difference. I screenshotted my response. I hope this helps at least one person. It is very important.

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note: i have not been diagnosed

does anyone else get like chills or feel like their skin is crawling when they have abrupt changes in mood? 

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A healthy reminder to take time for yourself!! Things are really stressful and scary in the world right now so don’t forget to take some time out of your day to recharge!!!

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intrusive thoughts I’ve had this last week:

I hope I get the virus and die

Swerve into my lane and kill me, someone, anyone. Please.

Use the clippers to jab my neck

Swallow all my pills

Just drive and don’t come back, when I’m out of gas, hitchhike and hope to be kidnapped and killed

Contact abuser just to say fuck you

I shouldn’t have survived my attempt, I’ve fucked people over so badly since then, it all could have been avoided

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Fucking feeling like I need to reach out but I’m struggling to keep my bf my main FP and the only other person I want to talk to is the person I’m trying not to make my main and my bf is scared that the more I interact with him the harder it will be…he’s not wrong but I need to talk to someone. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to withstand this.

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