Looking for cozy Christmas gifts for hip-hop loving crafters, or are you a hip hop loving crafter looking to turn your crack house into a crack HOME? - then look no further!
We've a superb range of funny, quirky “home sweet home” embroidery hoop style throw pillows featuring classic hip hop, rap and r n b lyrics - cross stitched.
Great xmas gifts for friends and family this holiday season.
Shop the full range here, individual links below:
DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE A GANGSTA
LOSE MY MIND
A CRACK HOME
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Ambulon: I mean, what’s the purpose of throw pillows except to throw them onto the floor before getting in bed for the night? Nobody actually uses them, right?
First Aid, lounging in his berth with 10+ mini throw pillows scattered about him: Yeah, no, you make a good point.
(I headcanon that Ambulon is very much against throw pillows because they waste space and cost money that could be used elsewhere. First Aid supports this claim, but also owns a good twenty or so throw pillows, and he creates something of a burrow out of the pillows to sleep in every night without fail. Also, pillows are soft, so why WOULDN’T you want a bunch?)
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"Is it true that you had 700 wives?"
Solomon looks up from his book, to where you're laying on his bed, homework in hand. He'd convinced you to take the class "Rhetoric 101: How to win any argument with an angel using biblical quotes" because he'd figured it'd be fun to watch you try to spark up an argument with Simeon. It was a nice perk that you could study together. It hadn't even occurred to him that he might get mentioned in the coursework.
You read over the pages, eyes brimming with amusement. "What could you possibly need 700 wives for?" you ask and he shrugs. "Mostly politics and gaining land," he says but you don't seem entirely convinced. "Might I remind you that this was happening during a period of 80 years?" he says but you just raise your brows at him. "That's still like 9 wives per year, though. How on earth did you have time for that?" you're laughing now, really laughing and Solomon has to fight a smile.
"What, they'd get like a month and a half each before you were on to the next one," you say, wiping the tears on your cheek. "Actually, I never even met most of them," he says, hoping to help his cause, but it only causes you to laugh even harder. Solomon huffs and pretends to read his book again, letting your laughter subside, but once you read the next line of your homework you're laughing again.
"You had 300 concubines? How is that even possible?" you cackle and Solomon rolls his eyes. "That was a rumour. I did not have that many," he says but you're far gone, clutching your belly as you gasp for air. "I'll have you know that having a pact with the Avatar of Lust gives you a very high libido-" he begins.
"Oh, trust me, I know," you wheeze.
He's on you in a second, pushing you down on the bed, a hand on each side of your head. You giggle, when he presses kisses to your face, any surface he can reach, your cheeks, your forehead, your nose.
"Stop" kiss "teasing" kiss "me!" kiss, he whines, but you've only just begun. "Oh, I'm sorry, my lord, it's just I haven't seen you in three years, you've been so busy with all your wives-" Solomon shuts you up with a kiss on the lips and you bury your hands in his hair, leaning into it. He lays down on top of you, using your chest as a pillow, refusing to move an inch. "Sol, you're crushing me," you complain and he grumbles. He presses a kiss to your collarbone and grabs your homework, throwing it into a corner of his room, before getting comfortable again, this time crushing you a little less. You run your fingers through his hair, humming softly.
You both know that it doesn't actually matter how many wives or concubines or past lovers he's had. Sometimes Solomon thinks that it's all just been a build-up, that none of it actually mattered. His real life didn't begin until he met you and he's completely fine with that.
"Sooo, did you have a favourite? Or perhaps 30 favourites?"
"Oh, shut up."
a/n: thanks for reading! find my other stuff here <3
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Turn any whorehouse into a whore HOME with our funny, hunny range of “inspirational” quote throw pillows and home decor items.
Great housewarming gifts for motivational huns or Mother’s day presents for inspirational mums.
Available to buy online now, shop the full range here, individual links below:
LIVE LAUGH LOATHE
EAT A BAG OF DICKS
A WHORE HOME
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