"I stand there and wonder whether, when I am twenty, I shall have experienced the bewildering emotions of love."
All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque (1929)
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“I never wish pain on anyone, but I hope one day someone hurts you the way you are heartlessly destroying me. I hope someone crushes your heart, destroys your self respect and leaves you naked and bleeding too for the world to laugh at when they see.”
Nikita Gill
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The heaviest weights can be invisible and weightless. They lay themselves on your chest, atop your shoulders, pulling your feet like magnets to the ground, clouding your mind crushing every organ in your body, all while being weightless leaving you perfectly fine.
- hj
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Having someone you love walk in on you while you are s3lf harming and walk out without saying anything or trying to stop you, is one of the most painful feelings I never thought I would experience
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"Who has not asked himself at some time or other: am I a monster or is this what it means to be a person?"
Clarice Lispector, The hour of the star
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Pain is an interesting thing. You think you have reached your limit and you can't possibly feel more tortured. Then you discover there is still another level of agony. And another level after that.
-The Burning Maze
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I knew you would break me, but I also knew that if it's you, I'm happy to be broken.
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Momento mori
Depression is like forgetting how to fly, but missing the feeling of it. Depression is wanting to function so badly, but your brain and body just tell you that today you have to give them a break. A break to lick their wounds, to shush themeselvs, to try and make some sense out of eveything around you. Inside you. Depression can make you see black, white, and all the colors in between. There is no time involved. There are no seconds running around. There's just void. And as peculiar as it sounds, sometimes the void is full of feelings. Repressed ones, released ones, running around, houling, scratching, jumping, ripping you piece by piece. And sometimes they get out of control and they make you toss and turn, and sometimes they're silent and still for a little while. And you learn to live with them. Live with the void. Live with the feelings. And at some point you even learn to love it all. Love the void. Love the feelings. Love the silence, the stillness. Love the tossing and the turning. And some mornings you tell your brain << please let me function today>>.
"today i can't." stilness. silence. void.
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"The more you love, the more you suffer."
Vincent van Gogh
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“maybe if I thought about him enough something would actually happen between us…or the constant nagging thoughts would make me go mad, one of the two.”
-hj
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