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sly-merlin · 3 years

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S A C R I F I C E

SACRIFICE - A STORY OF LOVE, BETRAYAL, REVENGE AND BARGAINING

CHARACTERS : prince jaehyun x princess y/n

GENRE : fluff, angst.

WORD COUNT : 7k

TIME PERIOD : OF SHY GLANCES AND BLOOD BATHS. WHERE LOVE IS FORBIDDEN AND HATRED NOT.

WARNINGS : Includes dirt play, revenge. Major character deaths like MAJOR, mentions of blood, murder, killing, assassination and an explicit scene of killing. Cw : food mentions SMUT WARNING : kissing! mentions of undressing.

DISCLAIMER : THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. FICTION. FICTION. NO DESCRIPTION REPRESENTS OR GIVE ANY HINTS TO JAEHYUN'S REAL LIFE CHARACTER.

a/n : part of heartbreakhotel monthly event by precious network @nct-writers

SUMMARY : heart in one hand, a blade in another. Which one goes down under the weight of other? Who is brave enough to sacrifice the other?

The shimmering, colourful, geometrical patterns of the bronze kaleidoscope motivated your heels to exultant jumps, simply sending tingles to your friend's mind who quietly stood beside you wondering what new pattern had caught your eye this time. She was equally excited yet waited for you to be absolutely gratified. After all, a pattern viewed once could never be seen twice or remembered long enough to be claimed to have hit our eyes.

The light hues of the unreachable sun coloured the small market in its natural glow making terrible winter evening walks a little more bearable .You loved it. You loved the scenery, all the more so because it was deemed to be yours. Every corner of this small kingdom had your father's crown engraved on it yet you weren't permitted to move around in a place you dared to call your own. Hence the poorly patched long cotton skirt and lazily stitched full sleeved shirt covered you like you were a fugitive in disguise or maybe belonged to some impoverished village. Same was the case with your pretty friend who, once averse to your youthful shenanigans, found the silver jewellery most fascinating in the whole market and not to omit the street food that turned the palace food to be flavourless.

You had never been very keen on lying to your parents, popularly called the rulers of the kingdom and your poor attendants who thought you were busy with your evening naps that you had suddenly taken upon a liking towards since the past month. But it was a necessity for you. Roaming in the same humongous rooms no more satiated your travelling mind. You wanted to be out, to be free, to just breach all the restrictions you were placed under as a princess to satisfy the hollow rules. As much as your morals and conscience despised hiding truth, this little game you played harmed no soul. Your safety was their priority and you were safe and secure as long as you didn’t leave her side. And this excuse inadvertently spiralled you in this endless circle of hide and seek taking control over your better judgement, throwing the need to pause this rendezvous in the background. What once done out of curiosity and to experience the fanatic lives of your subjects, was now a sine qua non. From patiently performing and learning new tasks suiting your position to skillfully diverting your maids, you indeed had all the prerequisites to be the best queen of your future kingdom. Even though the praise of achievement always resided only in your head, you found yourself to be impressively regal.

"Let me have a look too, y/n" zara, your dear friend pleaded not so politely.

Reluctantly removing the device from your eyes, you pushed it onto her hands, backing away slightly, allowing her in the space.

"Why don't you go and look at some silver jewellery instead?" Huffing, you suggested to lure her.

“The new ones arrive next monday!” Not paying heed to your tender, she kept smiling, enthralled by the beauty captured between the pieces of mirrors.

You nudged her playfully, the action meant to drive her to the end of her patience but she dogged your efforts with continuous giggles. Relentless you were too and she was always reminded of that in a hard way. What your elbow failed to do, your fingers completed. As soon as your fingers in her ears, she bitterly pulled herself away to face you.

“This is unfair y/n. This hour of freedom is not for your pleasure only” puckering her lips, she said while her eyes squinted at you.

Suddenly, her forehead was smeared with thoughtful lines, “y/n! It’s been twenty minutes already. Where is your lover?” surprise rained over her whole face, “Do you think he got caught?”

You were almost ready to refute her former statement that he certainly wasn’t your lover yet but her latter question of suspicion appalled you and there was no need for her to ask you any further as she noticed your face shrinking, distorting your pretty lips into a worrisome pout. She immediately left the metal device, focusing on you.

“hey! I am not serious. I was just trying to distract you” as she cupped your face, a pout of her own greeted you.

Her words were not reassuring at all. There was no unlikelihood of what she said. Jaehyun was, without any doubt, illustrious in the fouled game you both played but neither his family resided here nor was he allowed to enter the premises of your kingdom. The said man was corrupted by his youthful glow that granted him enough courage of frisking around the walls of the forbidden territory.

Inhaling sharply, you uncloaked your worry,

“do you think he real-

“no no absolutely not love. He’s too clever for that and he’s been doing since months, way longer than me and you! Let’s wait for a few more minutes.” Cupping your chin, she jested and cooed, “Also won't he perish without seeing your beautiful face. He would be here any minute!”

Just when you responded to her with a grim nod, a well acquainted shoulder bumped into you, mitigating your distress with a familiar touch. eyes closed in relief, you looked at zara for approval which was given right away with a playful wink.

Giggling like a little child, you skipped to the back of the market where jaehyun waited for you every evening. Hiding your face in the silk grey scarf, you sneaked away avoiding everyone’s sight and waiting for your arrival, Jaehyun stood there with the lower half of his face concealed with a black cotton headcover.

As soon as he saw you, the hand glueing the cloth to his face fell down and his face lit up with a smile worthy of putting stars to shame if compared. The wrinkles on his face and the dips in the cheeks had you wanting to hide in those spaces, away from everyone who had heralded this union to be forbidden.

There you stood, staring into his dark eyes like he wasn't someone you were supposed to keep a good distance from.

But the light in his eyes diminished on seeing your excited face.

"You did that again! Why don’t you follow anything I say to you? At least, look back and confirm my presence. What if someone had followed me?” deeply whispering, he frowned at you.

And fondly, you smiled at him, something that he never found fascinating but it still left him flustered.

"Don't smile at me like that. I won't melt this ti-

"I apologise?"

You blurted out taking him by surprise. His mouth opened and closed several times, body slightly rocking in confusion. Finally, he spoke,

"I didn't mean it like that." His voice softened, "i just can't -

Cleaning his muddy hands on his pajamas, he placed them on your cheeks, engulfing your whole face with his long fingers.

"I just can't see you in danger. If any of my uncle’s spies came wandering and recognised you at this hour, they'd not hesitate to slit your throat y/n" the way his face contorted as he recited the known truth, it was evident how just the mention of it was painful to him. "Don't follow unless you see my face. I know there's no one harming you in your own country but you never know when odds might defeat you"

"Do you-

You began but his questioning eyes stopped you. His eyes talked only in worry and love. Both for you. But even if you were content with what he showered you with, greed for little more was something you never deemed unnecessary.

"I what?"

You wanted to continue but the perpetual worry planted on his face disturbed you as well.

"Jaehyun-'' your fingers brushed away the strand of hair on his face, “I mean don’t you find it tedious? Giving me the same instructions every other day, wasting the ten minutes of the limited time we get.”

He left your face and focused on cleaning the remaining dirt from his hand. To avoid suspicions and blend into the environment, he always covered his hands in mud, giving an impression of a forlorn daily worker. Nobody questioned a person who looked homeless and unhappy, even if he meandered near the barbed wires.

“I got in trouble.”

You hadn’t even sat down on the bench and he was already bombarding you apprehensions.

“how?” inaudibly, you asked.

He broke his eyes away before responding,

“they saw me leaving the palace yesterday. From tomorrow, I shall be accompanying my cousin to verify the supplies in the production department.” his chuckle forced you to let out one as well. his irresponsible behaviour had fables of its own, as jaehyun had told you once. the little penalties he was subjected to weren’t discomforting either but this time it involved you as well.

“for how long?”

“my family’s care agenda would hopefully end within two weeks and then I shall be free again. but we might need a new place and new time too.”

His words were muffled in the back as your eyes remained transfixed on his hand sheepishly rubbing his neck. Under your inappropriate scrutiny, he found himself tinting and your strong gaze posed more problems for his already thumping heart.

He coughed you out of your daze, eyes wavering everywhere. Picking your lip, you suppressed your giggles.

Finger under your chin, you pretended contemplation. Your comical stance earned a groan from him,

“how about you get serious for once and I’ll buy you steamed food.”

Smiling widely, your greedy stomach took the offer immediately.

“not everyone lacks intelligence, prince jaehyun.”

He huffed and crossed his arms, feigning offence at your statement. “Now what are you implying princess y/n.”

“that I might already have a place decided. So hurry up now and feed me food while telling me about your day.”

“You are impressive, my lady! How am I going to live with your notorious self?”

“you plan on living with this notorious princess?” you clowned even though his question showed you more than just a hope.

“the inquiry hour is closed princess and so would be the shops if you choose to delay more. Soooo, shall we leave?”

Responding to your sharp gaze, he took your hand and pressed his plump lips onto them, disrupting the chain of your rational thoughts.

As the atmosphere tuned cooler and he bid adieu, you went back with a new assurance, ready to put your life on hold for the next few weeks.

lying on your back, you let out muffled giggles to celebrate another successful classified evening. clothes were changed, chess was out. You were prepared for any intrusion.

Zara's laughter soon died down, happy and heavy breaths replacing them. Seated on your bed, she faced you,

"So my courageous y/n, did you confess today?"

Abruptly you raised yourself, looking at her in bewilderment,

“Of course not!”

“What? Why not? What are you waiting for? Time is slipping away love.”

“I know. I just want to be a little more sure before taking this a step further. I do not want to misjudge his momentary affection for a promised future.The detestation our families share for each other has always proven to be deadly. Unless I’m sure that jaehyun’s feelings are indisputable, I shall not be proceeding." Mumbling out the last part, you began playing with the hem of your deep blue skirt to hide the disappointment that settled in within your heart.

"Okay. I can't force you but do know that saving your heart from misery is better. Oh and does the poor boy have any hint about me." Zara advised lacing her words with a chuckle in the end.

"Don't worry. You are just a maid friend whom I love and trust the most. He believes each of my pretty lies you know.”

"Oh my love. He truly fancies you. I wish your brother wasn't so incapable of harbouring feelings. How delightful life could have been only if he was like you." She wistfully spoke just like other times. Your heart hurt for her. She never got the love she was capable of giving yet the kindness never withered away. She was just like that.

Soon your peace was interrupted and you were escorted to the dinner table.

There sat your parents with their favourite child. You weren't loved any less yet it weakened your heart, watching them walking past your capabilities to applaud his undistinguished skills. His gender screamed for power when his capabilities barely had any knowledge of whispering about them. You abhorred it. Not your brother for he was raised with a rode in his neck but the stars that never aligned in your favour crushing your dream of wearing the crown for your own kingdom, under the grime rules made by those who were dead. Only god and zara knew how much hatred you held for your ruthless ancestors who never favoured women.

Sans any relish, you bit on the food which definitely tasted better for something you were not very fond of. but the almost good meal was ridden of all the salt as you felt conscious of their eyes on your face.

"Is there something you want to say to me?" you asked with a reluctantly polite voice.

That's when you noticed how their attention was divided to both you and zara. Your brother Donghae’s serious eyes bored into her face as she tried to avoid him while sitting right across him on the dining table.

Finally your mother spoke.

“Donghae was looking for you throughout the whole evening, zara.”

Zara lowered her head, look on her face screaming help which only you understood so you took the charge on her behalf,

“We were in my room.”

“And what is so important in your room that you both chose to ignore constant calls from your maids?”

“After an exhausting and unentertaining day, we both play chess, share all the amusing stories of our respective days, details of which can be given to you if asked with some enthusiasm and then we sleep for an hour, in peace without anyone spitting orders on our faces and since when have my brother changed so much that he actually got some time to look for his wife?”

“May I know from where this disrespectful flow of words is coming through? Is this a way to talk to your elders?”

“I mean no disrespect, mother.”

“This ends today. From tomorrow you shall be spending those two hours with our bakery chef.”

Instead of your mother, you directed your next plead to your father, who was an expert in nodding at household matters

“No! This is the only time I get with zara. within a year or two i’ll be married off to some rude man who won’t even let me put my feet outside the threshold of his palace.” pouting, you said.

Waving his hand, he dismissed the matter that meant whoever got the last sentence was the conqueror of the discussion.

"Why are you here?" Counting and aligning the stars to form another shape, he interestingly asked.

"I wanted to explore this dead garden. What about you? What brings you here in the enemy land?" You jested.

"to meet a very beautiful enemy."

"a woman?"

"Yes yes. She's a woman. A very pretty one I must say but very feisty and dangerous to be around."

"Oh how so?" You asked now genuinely interested in his description of yours.

"I've heard she has a heart of stone."

"Huh? Have you seen her heart to be so sure of your accusation?"

"I've enough instances to prove that."

"Like?"

"She meets a handsome prince, spends an hour staring at his eyes with all but love and still chooses to stay silent. It's a dangerous game she's playing with him. It almost - it hurts him."his fatalistic expression left you stunned. The ancillary confession beleaguered your heart instead of calming the storm.

Nibbling on your bottom lip, you tried your best to focus on the constellations instead. you pulled the poor blade of grass harder in a futile attempt of breaking it apart but it was snatched from you.

“answer me.” He demanded the answer that was resting on the tip of your tongue.

"I love you."

He blurted out and you felt his fingers finding home in yours as he interlocked them. the moisture of the grass swamped your hands and you finally found your warmth within each other.

“the whole palace is under your charm y/n” you stopped the stirring at zara’s words.

“how so?”

“they haven’t seen your wrath in the past few weeks. You didn’t shout at minji for throwing your burnt cake either.”

Swatting her hand away from the pot, you replied, “let them enjoy their peace days.”

“may god bless jaehyun! The whole palace is saved until you are happy.” Bumping her shoulders into yours, she took the charge from you. “what about the haunted garden y/n. aren’t you afraid of going there. it’s been weeks and I haven’t heard you screaming about any ghost.”

You scoffed at her naive self, “the only ghost that haunts the garden is in ME!” dragging the last part, you successfully scared her into dropping the ladle in the hot pot. Resultantly, she chases you off in the whole kitchen until you agree to turn the muddle of vegetables into something edible.

Jaehyun’s presence generated so much happiness within your soul that you were afraid one unfortunate day would snatch him from you yet you never fought against the urge to drown in the love he poured on you. He mirrored the boy you met in your books, just as dreamy, if not more. His princely chiselled face was a sight to die for. He was a typical example of a lotus, a beautiful flower born in mud where it lived and died and you wanted to change that for him.

“What do you fear the most?”

Nestling your face in his neck, you couldn’t help but ask the question. He snuggled you closer to him, the sheet beneath you crumpling making the leaves and the grass it covered rustling under you. He shifted his head only to face your hair. Removing his one hand from your waist, he moved your chin to inspect you. He never understood how you came up with most bizzare and inquiring questions. But he was always more than happy to speak or in this case, express.

“that I will forever remain indebted to you.”

grasping his hand that held your chin, you saw him gulp down the words he hesitated to utter.

"Love is not a debt jae. Just keep loving me like this, make me hap-

Abruptly your view of him changed as he floated over your figure. Resting your head on the sheet, his fingers traced the path along your face, feeling every inch of the skin he had learned to admire from afar. With adoration filled eyes, he drew nearer.

His lips were delicate against yours. Moving gently, he comforted your vulnerable ones, winning a pleased and dry whine from your throat. Hands dropping to your neck, his lips travelled down to your jaw where he sucked lightly at a candied spot and the little tickle kisses he gave you reaching your collarbones left you squealing in its wake. He hovered over your face again, this time to taste the bliss you felt and courageously, you pulled him closer and like it was designed, Mist of delight clouded your minds as you forgot your fingers in his nape. If finding stars in his eyes was your expression of love then dancing against your pulsating lips, he perfectly found his interpretation as well.

He drew back when he was done with bruising your skin. Staring into your eyes, he asked for something. With a blink of the same, you conveyed it.

Curving your back, you allowed him to unzip the lavender dress you were wearing. As he uncovered your skin, he greeted it with beautiful, praiseworthy kisses, covering you with his undying love.

That night he resuscitated you, sending you into an oblivion.

The reason being the incantations that he served you with.

I wish to give you a ring!

And the simple words resonated the promise that you could hardly wait for him to fulfill.

Sympathy combining some unknown feeling washed over you as you heard your father talking about the neighbouring kingdoms and the pitiful state they were in. you had always known about the lack of resources those people lived with but that was the end. It was just a topic of discussion and theory to learn about the blunders of their ancestors and the brutal history of their treason to an old ally, your father and grandfather.

With a contempt laced tongue, once again, your father recited the story of betrayal of the lees and the jungs. The story was religiously told to every child once they were old enough to understand the terms like loyalty, allegiance, infidelity and betrayal.

You had vowed to change that. a seed of hatred planted in a younger mind would only yield a crop of vengeance. you aspired to end it. Jaehyun, too, wanted to wash the stains of treachery from his family name.

To your dismay, the army was out to roam the small towns and villages, looking for trespasser enemies.

One day, you were resting in jaehyun's arms and the next day, you were left to sulk as the guards had suddenly decided to reaffirm the reliability of all the hinges. The doors were smacked, locked and unlocked, leaving you with million suspicions and a heavy heart.

The only assurance you had, was in Jaehyun's capability of fooling the security forces. Proud as you were, the unsettling feeling of a blurred future did not let you sleep. For three nights.

Jaehyun wrapped his arms around your waist, hugging you tightly from behind.

“easy jaehyun! it tickles!” you exclaimed while controlling your giggling.

“i thought you won’t be here tonight but yo-

“but i managed to sneak!” you finished, turning in his arms to see his beautiful face glistening in the moonlight. “and i don’t know for how much longer i can fool my attendants, what if one day they got in trouble for negligence. The security is doubled outside all the chambers. If I pulled anything, father would not hesitate to behead them.” your face dimmed with the mere thought of the fate of your precious maids and if anything happened to them, your soul would be forever encumbered with the guilt.

your worried eyes didn’t escape jaehyun as he leaned forward to give you a small kiss, soothing your nerves. the small peck left you wanting for more as you bit your lower lip in anticipation of his further actions.

“nothing would happen. it’s been 2 months and nobody in the whole kingdom knows where and with whom their gorgeous princess spends her nights! and besides i’m here to ease the worries of your forever wandering mind. "

"Why do you always have to talk in riddles jae!"

He laughed through your smacks before circling your figure twice, leaving you staggered and dumbfounded.

"What are yo-

"I'm serious. I’m just here to fulfil my promise love.” he caught and pulled you again, keeping just a little distance between you both

“what promise? i don’t remember anything!” you asked genuinely perplexed by his words. as far as your memory too you, the only promise he made was-

your eyes widened at the realisation! jaehyun removed his one hand from your waist, putting it inside the pocket of his pants.

at this point, you could hear your own thumping heart whilst looking at him expectantly.

“let’s relieve you of a huge burden my princess!” he said with a smiling face but as you tried to mirror his expression, a sharp pain coursed through your abdomen.

you wobbled as he left your waist, the pain doubling when he pulled the small knife out of your body, a smirk adorning his features instead.

your body felt hotter than ever as the blood slowly oozed out of your abdomen. no scream left your lips as you pressed the wounded area in a try to lessen the ache.

The solemn tears falling down the cheeks were not for the physical damage but for the broken promise Jaehyun had bestowed upon you with.

“wh-why?” was the only word you could form before your other hand went to grab his arm but was only met with air.

jaehyun loomed closer and his knife met your stomach once again, this time a grievous shriek filled the silent garden.

Your legs lost life, your body finding it harder to withstand the twist of the knife as you fell on the grass, darkness consuming your soul.

“because i couldn’t be on the throne as long as the heir of this kingdom was alive. but your death won’t be worthless love. I shall wear the crown of your sacrifice and reclaim all the lost honour.”

Instead of a deep breath as you had expected, a choked sob left your lips and the whole body convulsed with the painful effort.

Your eyes remained glued to him as he rubbed his face with this sleeve regarding you with the cruelty you never knew he was capable of.

contempt in his orbs served as his last offering towards you as he exited your sight, calling for someone.

After what felt like years, you heard a human voice again but your body gave up before you could comprehend anything.

“you did it my boy!”

Jinyoung broke his hateful glare from the throne and patted a demented jaehyun on the back, congratulating his prime pawn for the successful acquisition. The so called disqualified heirs were now the rulers, a dream that was once broken by their backstabbing friend, the now murdered king of this kingdom.

“and you shall be rewarded for you have made your deceased father proud.” Hand caressing Jaehyun's shoulder, he pretended to wipe the few tears that escaped due to the bitter memory. Cleaning his eyes with the sleeve of his dusted robe, he took the gold crown from his younger brother, jinseok and ran his eyes from jaehyun to the majestic chair on the silver podium.

With pride clotted blood, Jaehyun bowed to him before taking his seat.

The crown was set atop his head, fitting him without any doubt.

It weighed more than he thought.

With a sinister smile, his uncle ordered the assassination of all the loyal members of court.

Guards were beheaded and bodies were counted.

The palace was foraged, to find and kill all the runaways.

A manhunt was announced for the one who wasn’t found.

Nobody knew there were more to be found.

The triumphant smile lit Jaehyun's face for he lost nothing.

Three weeks later.

Donghae’s hands lost all the strength, the plastic bag filled with potatoes now rolling down the uneven and mud washed floor of the hut.

The day he had been anticipating with broken hope and glistening eyes was not a dream anymore.

Your fingers finally trembled against the hard, rugged and rough mattress.

You had decided to open your eyes after three weeks.

Finally he allowed himself to cry.

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me

Crown hanging between his fingers, his gaze pierced the ground.

You were lying there three weeks ago.

Were you taken away?

Were you no more?

There was no probability of inhaling after how perfectly he had spun his knife.

No man had ever survived his knife, not even his own teacher. There was no way you could have. All the odds were in his favour for all the cards being played with accuracy.

Did he hope for your life?

You were an enemy, just a play. Then why the thought of never beholding you again hurt him so much.

why the weight of the crown crumbled on him with such intensity.

Why did he choose your chamber to stay in?

Yet Why was he unable to sleep?

He grew up seeking answers and taking orders and this time there was no one to respond to his cries.

Neither did anyone care enough to ask him the reason for his quotidian visits to the garden.

I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug

It wasn’t home. But the eyes looking back at you undeniably reminded you of it. A day has passed since you saw the light of the world again but all you did was listen to the gut-wrenching fate your family had met with. Half of the family!

Your parents were murdered in the coup premeditated by none other than the neighbouring jungs. What was equally agonising was the fact that your brother never got to give your parents a respectable farewell. The troops had charged upon their sleepy selves and the mere hanging crown on the naked and bloodied sword of jin young was enough of a proof of the successful attack. Their escape hadn't been easy either but with a little help from the general, they had managed to flee. Zara had led them to you.

Unknown fear consumed you as you read your surroundings. But it was time you admitted to your mistakes and faced the consequences. If there were any brutal ones left. There was nothing you would be unable to endure. So you began with the unanswered questions.

“what is this place?” you asked with a sore throat.

“this is jung’s territory. They are too blinded by their victory that this barren land is the last place they would send their troops to.” donghae replied, feeding you spoonfuls of the soup.

“But how did we reach here?"

"Through the underground war doors. They once joined both of our territories before the jungs were disqualified from trading. This end was opened by our general when we lost too much blood. Their bloody nephew is sitting on the throne, uniting this useless kingdome with ours." He seethed.

You bit your lip to compose yourself. you knew you had to tell them about jaehyun and a broken trust was the last thing you wanted to inject in him but necessity clawed on your heart to reveal everything.

Caressing your face, he acidly began,

"We'll take back everything. No one shall be spared. We are contacting our alliances. By next month, our kingdom would be in the state of siege. Every drop of blood shall be avenged. Jaehyun would pay for what he did."

At his mention, you withdrew your sight from him. Guilt crept up within you as you tried to affiliate every past event with the current one. It was clear as day you were a mere instrument to find a place for the entry of their troops. You were just a puppet. Unknowingly, you had allowed them to enter your parent's bedroom too. You had blood on your hands. Of countless people.

A single tear slipped and the lack of his expression on your face scared zara. She ran to occupy the other side of the bed and caught your head before you broke down in her arms. Jaehyun's lies and betrayal of your love was left somewhere in an old rusted chest of your mind and the pure anguish shattered you into millions of pieces.

You wailed yourself to sleep.

Jaehyun visited you that night. In the form of dust. And he continued breaching your peace as if killing you once wasn't enough.

Now the day bleeds, into nightfall and you are not here, to get me through it all.

Jaehyun woke up in cold sweat. When was the last time he slept with an easy mind?

Maybe the week before he was ordered to finish off what he had started.

He changed rooms.

He changed floors.

But his eyes never closed for even the minor chances of meeting you in the dreamland scared him to death.

With a trembling hand, he picked up the crown and threw it away.

Amusingly, you were still dead.

Were you really that foolish?

Perhaps you resembled every other weak hearted person for whom a pinch of affection was a desperate call to sell their soul and rationality.

You had just wanted to walk down the markets without any constraints pulling you back in. Skipping in the shadows while hiding from the sun was the only desire you had.

Why had he bumped his shoulder into yours? Why had he repeated it again and again until had grown to recognise his touch even through the thick layers of clothing and masked faces?

It's amusing how we end up finding each other in the same place at same time everyday

He had said with a sugary tone when you had questioned him sternly.

You had believed him.

I'm prince Jaehyun, from the other side. I just came here to see the beauty that our place doesn't possess. It's all barren and discarded. No healthy vegetables. No dry fruits. I just enjoy myself every evening and buy some good food for some poor kids. You won't mention this to anyone right? I’ll leave right away if you want though!

How righteous had he sounded!

We'll propose unification and then everything will come to life again. No bloodshed. No backstabbing. No spy plays. We’ll never let history blemish our future.

How had he managed to contradict each and every word he had spoken.

he just changed like the patterns in the kaleidoscope as if you had never reflected in the mirrors of his heart.

Perhaps you never did.

You despised his way of fulfilling his Imperishable love for you!

You were relieved Zara had been the one to inform your brother of this leading cause.

How ruthless he could have been!

You wanted to give his whole kingdom a new life and all he could give you in return was a knife.

I was getting kinda used to being the someone you loved

Jaehyun's fingers turned green for how harshly he picked at the grass. Picking at those innocent blades didn't bring you back.

His cries thundered in the air. He begged for the time to turn itself. He yearned for the love you had shown him. He missed your warmth. He missed your careless laughs. His heart shrieked for you. The only person he had ever loved. The only being who had ever loved him.

Why he couldn't have saved himself from being the traitor of the heart he could've ruled!

You stared at the heavy corset that was made to safeguard you.

You were no expert with a blade but still one was handed over to you as precaution.

The general read you the instructions, mainly focusing on the need to remain hidden underground until the war was over. You and Zara were to be kept away from the weapons.

That was what the commandments directed you to follow.

Today, the wind blew harsher. Maybe he was the only one to feel the strange stillness in the disorder. Everything had been imprudently loud for him lately. Even the riots that shook the doors of the palace. How long could they have held onto something that never belonged to them!

As he dismissed the servant who called him to take charge against your brother, his mind pressed upon bolting all the heavy doors to ignore the murderous stream. He had led one army before but now lacked the courage to pick up his knife and sword, the ones he buried right in the garden where you once laid.

You.

The broken look on your face was the image he wanted to delete from the depths of his mind so desperately yet your presence never left him alone. Maybe it was the sanction of the heavens that you were always there with him. In his days and in his dreams. He got all of your portraits removed yet here you were, standing in front of him with a smile on your face. A quiet rare sight. The radiant face, if not impossible to find, was still very infrequent even in his dreams. The air smelled of you. The atmosphere was enticing. Suddenly, he wanted to chase his dream, to go after you.

So he followed his heart.

Your illusion stayed still, with curved lips making you look ethereal. Even in the darkness, your face illuminated the way for him.

His hand rose, hoping to touch you even though the rational part of his head screamed that it was a lie created by him to save himself from another night of misery but he failed to listen and caved in. Like each time, he expected his hand to pass through you, breaking the charm of his fabrication of you.

But here he was.

Instead of passing through the smoke that you were supposed to be, his hand rested upon the gentle skin that your face had. Retracting his fingers immediately, he fell back in fear, eyes widening and chest heaving.

You were anything but an illusion.

His hand grazed against your cheek before he fell down, stumbling upon his own feet. The crown that decorated his head too withdrew its support, lying on the floor like it had recognised its lawful owner.

"My king." Solemnly, you addressed him. "I hope you are enjoying your new home and title."

As you talked, you watched him collecting himself. As he unclogged the blocks of his mind, awe transformed his face momentarily shaping itself into trepidation. To your disbelief, he brightened up once again. Had he not been liable for the ghastly crimes, you’d have sympathised with the deranged state of the always self possessed jaehyun. Alas! You had nothing to offer him.

Shuffling on his knees, with his head bowed lowly, he spoke with dead voice,

"Forgive me, please." He cried into his joined hands.

"Get up jaehyun. A mighty and worthy king like you doesn't look very honourable bowing to a mere woman like me." Your dangerously honeyed voice resembled the ominous dark clouds brooding atop his head.

But you admired his valor for he kept apologising, burning himself with the false hope of undoing the indelible smudge he had left on you.

"I thought i never loved you y/n but i was utterly wron-

"You are a deceiver King jaehyun. Do not expect me to believe you."

"Don't call me that please!"

"Get up jaehyun." you barked.

"I hate myself for doing that to you y/n." Getting up slowly, he repeated twice. You were yet to see his face and when he rose to his full height, you were met with his bloodshot eyes that could've ached you if your heart hadn't been damaged to the core.

"Don't hate yourself please. You made your family proud. That is what we kids should be aiming for right. I truly admire you for that King jaehyun." The emotionless stress on the end made him close his eyes in pain as he choked out another heart wrenching sob.

"I'm truly sorry y/n, please. I can't take your hatred. I don't want this crown nor do i want to live here anymore."

Your stomach churned at his cries. You had truly underestimated his capability to surprise you but it only made you grip harder on the knife that was tucked in your waistband.

“How naive of you to think that I'll fall for your lies again, jaehyun.”

Rubbing his face with his palms, he looked heavenward,

"No no. I love you. I really really love you.I never realised this until now. I just can’t live without you” and continued as his glistened eyes met yours, “Why are you not listening to me?"

"Don't you think you are a bit late for a true confession."

"Yours was true right. Your love was conditionless. I swear on your love! Forgive me once please. Love is the strongest, you told me this right. I just need you y/n. not this crown. Not anyone else. Just you, Please."

A mean scoff left your lips, "Yes, i was the one who told you about love being the most powerful but that was until you taught me the strength of hatred, jaehyun. You knifed me out of the fairytales i dreamt with you and i don't think i can ever thank you enough for that. The love you are so profoundly swearing to is lying under the debris of the hollow pride and the abhorrence you sheltered for my family. You never once heard my pleas of affection and now you expect me to listen to yours?how can you stoop so low?"

You watched him screaming into the air and crumbling down. You saw him going through the pain you would never recover from yourself and you wanted to end it. For him. It was rather painful to watch him so you mumbled his name.

With newfound belief, he loomed closer with open arms, anticipating a change of heart from you. Maybe you weren't really as unconcerned to him as he had been with you.

but the long blade mutilated his lungs and silent gasps of pain escaped his throat. His miserable eyes ruined the shield you wore and you screamed at him while repeating the thrusts of the sharp blade. Droplets of vengeance imbued the chilled air, drizzling down your neck in the form of sweat.

Somehow the hall was lit and you were forced to see what you had done to him. His grip on the ground faltered and the blade slipped through your fingers, the clink dangerously reverberating in the hall.

Before your hand could reach for him, something pointed grazed your shoulder. You wanted to turn around but more and more spikes pierced through you; the heaviness and the pain that seeped through your back launched you forward and you fell down on another body that had been hosted by the marble a few moments ago. The ache of the arrows left you breathless. Once again, you struggled with your eyelids. within a few seconds, relief padded your back and you discontinued your wrestling.

and perhaps your dead heart was finally at peace.

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ramblingguy54 · 3 years

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Sonic & Tails R: A Love Letter To Miles Tails Prower’s Characterization

Warning: This will contain massive spoilers for the short radio play series of Sonic & Tails R. If you haven’t listened to the radio play yet on Youtube, I’d highly recommend any hardcore Sonic fan who hasn’t seen it check it out. It’s one Hell of a treat.

For as far back as I can remember in my childhood, Tails’ story of trying to step outta Sonic’s shadow has been such a resonating one for myself. Even when I was a much younger kid playing my Dreamcast, during entries like Sonic Adventure 1 & 2, there was some idea lingering about why Tails just stood out more emotionally in his journey to grow beyond depending on Sonic all the time for help. Now here I am a young adult in my late twenties having such a deeper appreciation of this little two tailed genius kiddo because he’s got an important element that’s made him so beloved for good reason.

In spite of his genius being a rival to that of Eggman’s high IQ and of course proving to surpass it plenty of times when scenarios boil down to being a high stakes battle, Miles Tails Prower beneath it all is still just like any one of us. We’re all trying to find our place in this world about what defines us for who we are as unique people. He wants to be more than just seen as someone who’s alongside Sonic The Hedgehog’s never say die attitude, but prove he’s plenty capable of standing on his own two feet to protect everything the kid holds dear to himself. Underdog stories, when they’re naturally executed very well, can reel me in so easily. They are very much my bread & butter trope I adore seeing.

To no one’s surprise, the two Sonic Adventure’s iterations portrayal of Tails’ characterization are hands down some of my favorite writing for the two tailed fox, regarding what the 3D era has done toward him, development wise. It gave him more of an existential struggle to endure like, “What happens when Sonic isn’t around to help stop Eggman? What if I’m not strong enough to accomplish what he can?”, making Tails plight to be seen as an equal all the more endearing when stopping Eggman in his climatic battle against the Egg Walker in Station Square. This here is a great use of a timeless lesson you can apply in life that if you set you heart and mind on anything, there isn’t a thing you can’t accomplish on your own, which is why many fell in love with Sonic Adventure 1 & 2′s writing for Miles Tails Prower’s journey of independence.

As someone who comes from a large family tree of relatives, I feel the weight of my existence on my shoulders at a number of points more than I’d care to count, admittedly. Seeing Tails struggle with his sense of purpose, in contrast to observing how much Sonic has accomplished with his carefree, yet deeply compassionate attitude, means the world to me in watching another trying to comprehend their value as a whole on how much they matter, overall. This is a big part of why my fondness for SA1 & 2′s quality has never wavered over these years, besides still obviously enjoying most of their game play mechanics. People can try to debate to their heart’s content on whether the Adventure games still hold up in their own eyes, but I’ll always respect them for how they tried to develop certain characters, such as Tails, Gamma, and Shadow The Hedgehog notably, to attempt expanding upon their characters, as well as world building.

I won’t bother going into a rant about how Sonic’s recent 3D games have butchered Tails’ personality & relatable nature, due to the current writers in charge of handling the cast of characters. More or less, I greatly empathize toward the notion many have already stated about Tails being so cowardly and God forbid, looking at Lost World, downright severely mean spirited. Rather, I’m obviously writing this lengthy post to breakdown why Sonic & Tails R succeeds, where these certain 3D games have greatly faltered in exploring Tails’ emotional dilemmas as an insecure, yet still having the courage to prove himself, talented boy full of hidden potential he doesn’t quite realize, until his back is against the wall in life threatening situations.

“That day, I realized I couldn’t depend on you forever. Not that I can’t depend on you, but like, “What happens when Sonic isn’t here?”, you know?”

Sonic & Tails R further delves into this fundamental rule of what has defined Tails in Sonic Adventure 1 & 2′s stories of events where Sonic wasn’t there to aid his best bud in taking down Eggman’s evil efforts for global domination, most importantly his fear of defending the Earth without his role model. Besides what I already stated in SA1′s events in Station where he stopped the Egg Walker, as well as the missile Eggman launched from detonating before their climatic battle, Tails watched Sonic blow up in ARK’s capsule presuming him to be dead after Sonic imparted how much faith he has in the kid’s abilities to be truly strong in the face of any foe. Sonic & Tails R manages to use fan service in a way that doesn’t feel like “pandering” for the sake of it, using this past canon material to do more of an in-depth study about Miles’ anxieties of existing without Sonic.

Wouldn’t put it past them if EmuEmi & crew were using SA2′s Sonic death fake out scene in that space capsule to further add trauma to Tails’ psychological attachment to Sonic, as well as his insecurities of depending on him too much, to boot. While it’s never obviously outright stated in their radio play, I definitely believe they were factoring this element into adding dramatic exploration for why Tails is so self-conscious about the worst case scenario of permanently losing Sonic. Watching Sonic supposedly die put Tails into a deeper state of self-reflection, so I very much enjoyed how they went using these past events to create a thorough exploration about him learning just as it’s important to realize you need to stand up for yourself without using someone else as a crutch all the time, it’s doubly important to remember there’s nothing wrong about asking someone for help when you’re about to be down and out with little options left.

Sonic & Tails R beautifully builds upon the foundation these two games’ stories left behind years ago, creating new damn great material to explore with the most iconic characters of this cast, Sonic & Tails brotherly dynamic. I’ve been praising Sonic & Tails R out the wazoo for how well it captured Tails underdog story of overcoming death defying odds, but it managed to remind me how simply adorable and outright wonderfully endearing their brotherly chemistry is as a whole. This is a big friendly reminder Sonic isn’t all about being cocky wise cracking character making meta jokes left and right, but he can be plenty capable of showing serious compassion to anyone he values as an ally and friend. This is no greater evident, than with him verbally lifting Tails up in his time of need when he’s self-depreciating his own significance. It can be seen in Episodes 2, 4, and 7 giving Tails motivational pieces of advice.

Episode 2 In Adabat’s Cavern

-Sonic: Wasn’t it your radar that helped us find these Emerald shards in the first place? How could you be slowing us down when you’ve gotten us this far?

-Tails: But, I...

-Sonic: I could never make something like that. You’re the smartest person I know, Tails. One way or another, we’ll figure this out, count on it.

Episode 4 In Holoska After Helping Silver Save The Chao

-Sonic: So, what was that back there? At the cave, in Adabat? -Tails: What do you mean? -Sonic: Frozen stiff. Confidence shot. It’s not like you. It was more than feeling like you were “slowing us down”, right?

Episode 7 Inside The Egg Carrier 3

-Sonic: Let’s split up! I’ll distract them and you can go after the energy source. -Tails: You’re gonna take them on all by yourself!? Let me help, Sonic! -Sonic: No time for this, Tails. Stop overthinking and just go! If I can get their attention, I’ll take the heat off of you and that room you’re going to probably won’t have any security. Take this emerald and I’ll take the other one we have. It’ll lead me right to you after I beat these guys. -Tails: O-Okay... -Sonic: Hold on, Tails! Listen to me. Don’t stop moving and be careful. I’ll be fine and so will you!

Sonic & Tails R remembers the most crucial detail of their important relationship. One isn’t better than the other and needing to always rely upon that notion for helping one outta a jam, but instead showcases how they’re equals as a team/bros. Sonic may be super fast and strong, however Tails has his intelligence to analyze situations in a different angle Sonic wouldn’t necessarily consider, per say. Which isn’t to say Tails couldn’t put up a fight either, as we’ve seen in SA1 & SA2′s stories where he faced Eggman one on one with no outside help to best him at his own game of wits & strength.

We get see the apex of this idea through Tails facing Eggman in his super improved mecha walker. Although Tails may get thrown for a loop here at first by Eggman, it’s his villainous speech about winners and losers in their world that ironically does the exact opposite of what he intended. Eggman wanted to crush Tails’ sense of self worth before finishing him off, but all it did was reignite the very lesson Sonic told him earlier before running to distract Eggman’s robotic minions. That said lesson of he’s more than capable of facing dangerous threats

-Eggman: Poor boy. We all have to learn this lesson, sooner or later. In every game there’s no one you can depend on. You’re all alone and you’re either a winner, or a loser. And as you know, loser’s lose all of their lives. Say goodbye, fox!

-Tails: You’re wrong! I can depend Sonic! I won’t let him down! I can’t because...Because he’s depending on me! And because of that I won’t lose to you!

This radio play strikes a good balance in utilizing the grey moral area about depending on someone vs it being an unhealthy display of attachment derived from serious insecurity. Word’s can’t begin to describe how much I loved this moment to pieces because it’s oh so important for writing Tails’ characterization. If you’re going to tackle him being super self conscious about his reliance on Sonic, then you gotta remember why they are so close to one another to begin with. Sonic & Tails have an unbreakable connection, considering they’ve brought out their best qualities in themselves from being together as individuals. For Sonic, it’s his older brother compassion to Tails to bring him outta feeling melancholy. For Tails, the kid finally understands there isn’t anything wrong with depending on Sonic when he needs it most.

After all, that’s what a real healthy friendship is all about. Whether you’re giving someone a dose of tough love, or simply a piece of motivational advice, it defines how much you truly care about someone, period. Sonic & Tails have this very same power from their bond, which is why new emeralds form from their compassionate friendship that hasn’t been shaken after all the years they’ve been together. Another detail worth noting is it adds to the lore in an impactful manner when Tikal expresses in Episode 8 about positive connections and thoughts from users of the Chaos Emeralds having a strong will & heart. Using the ideas they had for encapsulating Sonic & Tails’ dynamic to create new emeralds from their love for each other as brothers adds an emotional weight.

“So, Sonic’s not the only one who harness the power of the Chaos Emeralds? I can too!?”

“Yes, you have a strong heart! There is a power waiting to be unlocked within you, as well.”

I’d always daydreamed about in my childhood seeing Super Sonic & Tails take down a threatening villain, whether it was Eggman or different powerful creature such as Chaos or the Biolizard. You can imagine how fucking giddy I was beyond belief to see this artwork of Episode 9′s cover for the radio play. Tails not only got to have another one on one with Eggman, but a team up with Super Sonic in his own respective Super form? Sign me the Hell up! Talk about an all you eat buffet of good writing for Tails’ journey reaching its climax. Getting to hear this play out, alongside the amazing song of Fly With Me, made it authentically feel like something straight outta if there were an installment of Sonic Adventure 3 being brought into reality, which certainly feels like it now.

Episode 9 has so much awesome stuff with Sonic & Tails working together in their super forms. Particularly, my favorite scene is at the beginning when Sonic teaches Tails how to navigate his newly acquired speed in his respective Super form. My heart melted hearing Sonic help Tails through it all, while he was overjoyed about how fun this new form is for himself. Wholesome Sonic & Tails content is the perfect daily serotonin for me, easily. It’s an awesome fun fact to know they used a scrapped boss from Tails Tornado segment in SA1 for Eggman’s flying dragon three headed robot in their big final battle, once again using old canon material in a very effective manner to boost the quality of their fan made story.

It’s been a real thrill to hear Mike Pollock play a straight forward serious Eggman making my day in more ways than one, considering that’s another thing I’ve been yearning for desperately besides Tails being a competent character again. His performance in Episode 9 when Eggman gave that speech about how long he’s been at odds with Sonic & Tails stubborn will power was simply excellent. The moment he told his mechanical dragon to crush them I got serious chills. That’s the Eggman I remember and grew up with. He could be a hammy villain sure, but Eggman wasn’t a doormat that could be swiftly beaten. Robotnik can be considered a serious threat in his own right and this radio play nailed it down to the very letter with how much he predicted their actions.

“Sonic, all I ever wanted to do was be like you. You’re not scared of anyone or anything. I could never be like that. At least, so I thought. I grew from that, but then I got so caught up in trying to prove it that thought it wasn’t okay to depend upon anyone, especially you. I just didn’t want to be that scared little kid in Station Square anymore, but now I understand. It’s okay to depend on your friends. It all means is that we’re stronger together, so the next time Eggman comes back and wants to start any trouble with you, or any of my friends. Emeralds or no emeralds, he’s gonna have to get past me and he won’t!”

Sonic By Episode 1′s End: Aww, yeah! Adventure, here we come!

Tails By Episode 10′s End: Aww, yeah! Adventure, here I come!

Turn your thoughts into power. Be all that you can be.

The ending legit got me choked up because what of they decided to do for wrapping up Tails journey in a poetic fashion. Having Tails go off on his own separate journey to grow more independence pulled on my heart strings perfectly. Very much so, as I’m transitioning slowly, but surely, into gaining more freedom to go out into the outside world in my own life. Concluding the story, by Sonic & Tails holding onto the two Emeralds their bond had formed from positive energy, due to their powerful friendship, was so heartwarming. This is how you write an overview of what makes Sonic & Tails chemistry work so well as it does.

Sonic & Tails R’s ending represents while some things never change, like Sonic and Tails bond for each other, it also shows there’s very much a necessity for people to grow, hence Tails’ whole solo journey in the epilogue. People can’t stay in the same place forever and will need go about finding their own path, even if it means saying “goodbye” periodically for a notable amount of time.

It’s for these reasons I’ve listed in great explanation above throughout this detailed post cement Sonic & Tails R high on my list of favorite Sonic fan projects. They captured the magic of what made the Adventure games so beloved. Gonna be looking back on this passion project for many years to come. Everyone involved in this year long effort of a project dating all the way back Summer of 2020 ought to be immensely proud for how much their hard efforts paid off in the long run.

Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts here!

Hope you enjoyed.

#sonic and tails r #emuemi #sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #sonic analysis #long post #dr eggman #sonic adventure #sonic adventure 2 #this fan project means so much to me #everyone poured their heart and soul into it

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capituloperdido1 · 3 years

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Traitor Pt 3 (Final)

Hello everyone!

So happy that you guys liked my little story, i am hoping to write much more in the future. So please let me know if there is anything in particular you would like to read. Here is pt3 and last part of the Traitor fic. There is a 'prequel' and it is very angsty, if you guys want that as well let me know.

Enjoy!

It had been three days, three days without seeing Azriel. He didn't show to practice, neither he looked for her in the library.

Coward, coward, coward

She was so mad, how was saying sorry so hard for him?

Or was he embarrassed that he lost to her? no, Azriel would never be embarrassed about that. He was just too afraid to face her.

Or maybe he didn't care, maybe he wanted to fix things with Elain and not her.

Yeah, that might be the answer.

That afternoon Nesta had asked her to come over to the house of wind and stay over with her while Cassian was away in a mission. She climbed the stairs of the library, while preparing to be in the same house as Azriel.

He was not talking to her, fine, she would not talk to him.

Nesta was waiting for her at the door, "please don't kill me, please, please". She said while grabbing Gwyns bags, "my sisters came over for dinner and have not left, i can kick them out but we have to wait a bit for Rhysand to leave Nyx at Amren's"

She smiled

Perfect this night has started perfectly.

"Of course, yeah no problem."

They arrived at the room, and Gwyn felt panic rising to her throat at the sight of the middle Archeron sister. She was probably pissed at Gwyn for all that had happened, she probably hated Gwyn because of it.

"Hi Gwyn!" said Feyre.

"Feyre" she bowed, "thank you for having me".

Elain looked at her, smiled, and kept talking to Feyre.

Well, that's better than the slap she had expected.

She sat besides Nesta and prayed that her High Lord would come soon.

------

An hour past, and the four women were tangled in a conversation about wine when a knock came at the door.

Gwyn felt a tug at her chest; he is here it seemed to say.

Fuck.

"Im sorry to interrupt ladies" a breathy voice said, " i am here for my high lady and her sister". She turned around and faced the male speaking, he wore rather casual clothing compared to the illyrian leathers. His black tight shirt and cargo black pants accentuated his muscles, and his hair was messier than usual.

His eyes landed on hers, and his slight smirk fell.

Oh, great. I'm not happy to see you either, she thought.

Elain stood and quickly walked towards Azriel, but he did not break Gwyns stare; not even while he grabbed the arms of both women and they said bye to Nesta and her.

He looked at Nesta, "is this... a sleep over?" he said softly.

"yes, and you are very much not invited" Nesta responded.

He smirked, "ill be back" he looked at Gwyn.

"Don't leave" he said.

She looked away.

"Please" he said to her, his voice pained and desperate.

And with that, he left.

Nesta smiled and crossed her arms. "You planned this didn't you?" Gwyn asked her sister, "mhm, he helped me get a mate i help him find the balls to talk to you" she answered.

-----------

Gwyn was not one for drinking, but waiting for Azriel to come had made her so anxious that she had considered asking the house for Cassian's oldest bottle of Whiskey to drink it all by herself. Instead, she had been served a big, fat piece of chocolate cake; accompanied by water.

Nesta was in front of her, watching with admiration as Gwyn devoured the cake.

Mother, she loved chocolate.

The tug at her heart began once more, the feeling of comfort and hurt that Azriel brought upon her growing as the seconds flew by.

"He is here" she whispered to Nesta, "I am not ready to face him".

"He is not ready to face you" she answered.

A soft knock came at the door, and the creak of the wooden door was the most terrifying thing Gwyn had ever heard.

"Shadowsinger" Nesta said, "you are just on time". Nesta stood, grabbed Gwyns hand and squeezed it softly, "i need to go fix some paperwork for Cassian, could you please stay with Gwyn while i come back?"

Really Nesta? Thanks.

"Sure, thank you" he answered.

-----------

She did not feel Nesta leaving, neither she looked up to see where Azriel stood in the room. Her hands had become the most entertaining thing in the world at that moment, and nothing would change that.

"Gwyn" he called.

She felt him getting closer, and it took all her will not to jump to his arms.

He stopped, "please, look at me".

"No" she said, "you don't get to demand for me to stay, for me to talk to you, for me to look at you".

Cauldron was he clueless, did he not have a sense of communication?

He is trying, the voice of her heart seemed to say.

"I know that, but... I need... I need to see your eyes" Azriel said. Slowly, she felt him kneel in front of her; not too close as to startle her, but close enough that she could feel the smell of night-chilled mist and cedar filling her nose.

"May i touch you?" He said, stretching his hand towards her.

Yes, please

She only nodded softly.

His hands grabbed her chin and lifted it to face him. "There you are" he smiled, "there they are". His eyes looked deeply into hers, as if he was trying to memorize each feature in them; he seemed... desperate to memorize her. As if what he was about to say would make her disappear from his side forever.

" I have a whole speech prepared" Azriel said, "but i don't think you're the type to want to hear rehearsed words, so let me give it a try..."

Quieter than she had ever heard him, Azriel began " I have always been alone, the shadows and the dark being my best friends..."

"I only knew friendship and love when Rhys opened his home to me; but even as my brothers and i grew, i still felt alone.... empty. I longed for something that would be entirely mine, something that no one else would share, something i would never have to part with." His voice breaking, Azriel inhaled and tucked his hands in his pockets.

"I met Mor when she was very young, she was such a happy girl; always teasing and playing, always happy even with the shitty family she was born into. She lightened my days, she gave me a reason to wake up in the morning; i began to love her before i expected" his voice filled with pain he said, "and i loved her for five hundred years..."

"I thought she had to be my mate, because no one else would make me as happy as her; and i waited for five hundred years for the mating bond to click. Disregarding her feelings, her insecurities and fears; i pushed my feelings down her throat, hoping she would pity me enough to give me a chance".

His confession broke her. What kind of thoughts went through the mind of this beautiful man to say anything like that?

"Meeting Elain was different, i was finally able to help someone as broken as me. I had a purpose beyond violence. I looked forward to sharing time with her, i wanted push her to be better, to forget about that undeserving human boy" He continued, "once she began to get better, i realized that i was not the only thing grounding her. Her sisters, the wraiths, gardening, and even her mate gave her courage to keep going. And i am so selfish, selfish enough to begin loving her; demanding from her what she is not ready to give".

"The winter solstice that i tried to give her the necklace, i did it out of a desire for her to be mine. My thoughts were never about how much i loved and admired her, but rather that i deserved Elain, that three brothers and three sisters made more sense than what the cauldron had chosen".

Gwyn shuttered, her heart squeezing lightly at the words coming from his mouth.

"But i realized long ago, that Elain deserves to choose her own path; neither Lucien nor me are entitled to her, she should be master of her own destiny" He said, no pain noticeable in his voice. "I had to let go, for my sake, my court's sake; but most importantly, for her".

"I could tell you more about my mistakes, and i will, but i have to explain why i gave that necklace to you." He moved closer to her, their knees touching. "That night, Gwyn, the conversation we had made my heart sing; you changed my mood so quickly, and you didn't even know it. You looked, so free, so competitive, so happy".

"Then, after i left that night, i realized that i wanted to see your smile again; so i left the necklace to Clotho and asked her to bring you some joy in that lonely solstice night. And my mind pictured your smile once you received that necklace. The selfish being that i am, has kept that memory in my heart; selfishly locked away so that no one will steal it from me" He smiled and looked into her eyes, "and then you kept showing me so many surprising sides of you. No one challenges me to better as you do, no one wants to see me bite dust as you do. No one is interested in what i think about coffee, or what my favorite mystery novel is. You have heard my voice more time than anyone before."

"You have showed me many times that you're my only match Gwyn".

He paused, as if the words weighted on his heart as much as they weighted on hers.

"You are my best friend, the person i admire the most in the world. I admire your courage, your patience, your perseverance, your happiness. I love the way you show love to your friends. I love how much of a fierce warrior you are. And even though i made a mistake by re-gifting the necklace, i could not think of anyone that deserves to be pampered and loved as much as you"

He stopped, inhaled and touched the top of her hands.

The happiest feeling crept into her heart, her feelings were not one sided.

He saw her.

She saw him.

But his eyes did not show the happiness she expected, not did they show the same desire that burned deep in her.

They showed fear, sadness, longing.

"But with all that i have said, i know i don't deserve you. I have hurt everyone I've ever loved, i have always been so selfish. I have been looking for a bond so desperately that i was blind to what i had right in front of me..."-"I have avoided confronting my fears of being alone, of facing my nightmares and acknowledging how much of a monster i can be. When i look at you, how much you have given me; i regret every moment i have not spent loving you".

He moved his hands away from hers, looked at them and shuttered.

She realized then, unlike her, his biggest fears and insecurities were visible for everyone to see. He hated his hands, he believed them to be the proof of his monstrosity.

He did not know how wrong he was.

Finally, after what felt like eternity he said, " i am sorry Gwyn, i have not been the man you deserve; and i will forever regret that i lost you before i ever had you."

Tears falling down her cheeks, Gwyn grabbed his hands and placed them in her face. How much courage had those words taken? How much courage had even touching her taken?

"Az... you're so blind" she responded with a sob. She turned her face to his hands and placed a slight kiss inside of his hands, "these hands saved me, they are so precious... you are so precious to me"

She looked into his eyes, "i was hurt because i wanted.... i wanted you to be honest with me"

"I thought the necklace had meant that you thought of me" she smiled sadly, "for the first in my life i thought someone had chosen me, someone had thought of me first".

He looked away sadly, "i know that, and i am sorry".

She interrupted him, " I lied when i said i never wore it, i wore it every day, every hour" she laughed softly and grabbed the empty space in her neck that once held her necklace, "i even bathed with it".

He smiled. And damn if she wanted to kiss him now even more than ever.

"Once i found out it had been you who had gifted it to me, i ... finally was able to confirm my feelings towards you" Gwyn confessed. "I knew i fell in love with you the moment in the training ring when you admitted you had given the necklace to me."

Was she really saying this?

Yes

She closed her eyes and talked before her courage disappeared.

"Azriel i am in love with you" she breathed, "i fell in love with the man saw the darkness in me, and did not run away. The one that taught me to fight my nightmares way. The one that listened to me ramble about the silliest things. The one that made an effort to open his heart to me, and answered every question i asked him" she laughed. "After the first night on the training ring; i knew you would be my best friend, my confidant. Once i shared more and more nights with you, i couldn't stay away... i can't stay away from you"

Placing his hands in her chest she said, "i love you, all of you; the spy, the friend, the brother, the shadowsinger"

She didn't dare to look deeply into his eyes, afraid of what feelings laid beneath them.

"You are my center, you are my hope, my ladder to keep climbing up the pit of darkness my mind is. I will never be enough for you; for the pure and innocent heart you have. But if you give me a chance, i will treasure you for eternity". Tears scrolled down her face as she spoke, "I am not you mate, nor i am what you were looking for. But i will fight beside you every step of the way, because you more than anyone deserves happiness".

There. I said it.

She took her hands away from his, looked down and waited.... Waited for him to stand and leave, to laugh and mock her.

But he didn't.

He kneeled there, in front of her.

Shocked

Happy

.... Happy

He was happy; in fact, he seemed joyous.

A grin emerged in the male's face, bigger and brighter than she had never seen before.

Grabbing her hand, he pulled them up.

There they were, facing each other; looking deeply into each other's eyes when Azriel said: "the one that does not deserve you is me". He came closer to her, grabbed her waist and pulled her body towards his "my best friend, my love. I want you to be my entire world Gwyn".

He smiled and pulled a strand of hair behind her ear. His face coming even closer to hers, "i am not worthy of your confession, your heart, much less your body". His nose touched hers, "but give me a chance, i will treasure you until the end of times".

She smiled, nodded and closed her eyes.

Warmth filled her body as Azriel's lips closed upon hers. Soft, warm and gentle. Moving in a pace that would not startle her, he grabbed her neck to pull her even closer to him. He took his time to explore her mouth, kissing every corner. "Thank you Gwyn, for choosing me" he said, "i have found my light where i never thought looking". He kissed her nose, her forehead and her lips. "Now that i have you" he said, not leaving an inch of space between their mouths, "i will never leave you".

-------

As they kissed, something golden and long appeared in Gwyns mind, her chest seemed to swollen at the sight of it. The golden string settling in front of her and pulling her to reality.

She flinched at the same time Azriel did.

Their eyes meeting once again.

And right there, she knew...

"Mate" they said.

#gwyn acotar #gwynriel #gwyneth berdara #azriel #azriel fanfic #fanfic #acotar #post acosf #nesta archeron #nesta and gwyn #acotar fanfiction

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junova · 3 years

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↬ 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 | 𝐬. 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬

abstract — the one where the tables are turned.

pairing — steve rogers x fem!reader

wc — 1.6k

warnings — unrequited feelings, fluff, angst, teasing!steve, cussing

[m blabs] — this is not my best work but it was really fun to write! hope you enjoy nonetheless. happy reading! :’) ps this so cheesy i was in a moooooddddd pls it was fully inspired by the amazing tune love me again by raye (give it a listen she is a pure goddess)

Do you think he feels the same?” You questioned Sam as you watched Steve talk to Bucky.

He looked good enough to eat with his tight button up, muscles practically ripping into the material of his shirt.

“You could just ask him.” Sam watched as you didn’t make a movement to break your gaze away from Steve. Especially, when Sharon slithered her way right next to him.

“I could, but doesn’t mean I’m going to.” You finished the rest of your white wine before hopping off the bar stool.

“Besides, it seems like he’s going home again with her and I’ll be going home alone.” You couldn’t help but notice how she flattened her palm against his chest, pushing you into the grave.

“It’d be different if he actually knew how you felt.” Sam sighed. Genuinely he was growing tired of the ‘will they won’t they’. “You rejected him, he’s not going to go out baring his feelings if he does have them.”

“Really? That’s what you’re playing at? We were in high school.” You honestly hadn’t thought about it in years and would be surprised if he had. “Yeah, it was seven years ago but he was in love with you.”

You didn’t really like to think about it because it wasn't a version of yourself you liked to acknowledge. As much as you love Steve now, it was in a completely different way back then.

Now? It seems like the universe really, really fucking hates you.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You questioned him, while eyeing the exit. Upset you even poked the bear in the first place. “It means he wanted nothing more than to be with you and he got rejected. Shit stings no matter who it’s coming from.”

“Especially since the two of you were inseparable.” You kind of got what he was saying, but really hadn’t given it too much thought. “He had girlfriends after me. He even dated Peggy for two years.”

“Have you ever thought about why he wouldn’t commit?” Sam drilled you, trying to help you connect the very two simple dots. “Lots of people in their twenties don’t want to settle down. It’s normal.” You reasoned with him, almost like you already knew the answer.

“Yeah, but you know why he broke up with her.” With furrowed eyebrows you looked up quizzically at him.

“Weren’t you leaving, princess?” Sam’s endearing tone could have fooled anyone, but you knew what he was playing at.

And you didn’t like it one bit.

A simple, exasperated grunt directed towards Sam and you were just about stomping out of the runned down pub you couldn’t stop from requesting at.

What you didn’t notice was Steve watching your body funnel out the exit, detangling himself from Sharon making his way to you.

He didn’t reach you until you were sitting down on the wooden bench across the street. It wasn’t like you intended to stay here, especially downtown but seeing Steve be so close to her just didn’t seem better than this.

Perhaps, you were being a bit of a child. Steve loved you seven years ago, you couldn’t be mad because he moved on. No matter what Sam was insinuating you knew better.

It just really sucked your feelings only started to develop now you’d gone through a laundry list of boyfriends to realize none of them could give you what you needed. He was fundamentally better in every prospect.

“Hey, stranger.” There he was. Your knight in the darkness coming to your protection. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t make you beam that he’d left Sharon alone to be here with you.

“Hi, Stevie.” He was smiling wide and part of you questioned if he was just saying goodbye, too. “You alright? Sam and you seemed to be getting into it, a bit.”

Was he watching you?

“Yeah, it’s fine. Sam was just helping me with some guy trouble.” You exhaled, not wanting to get into. Obviously.

“He just wasn’t much help so I stormed off kinda pissed off. You know? The usual.” You were about to steer the conversation in another direction, but Steve didn’t want to leave it alone.

He just became more insistent.

“Maybe I can help. What’s going on?” Making his effort valid, he sat down right next to you with his thigh pressing against your own.

“C’mon, Stevie. I don’t want to bore you. Let’s just go for a walk.” You watched him think for a second, with his eyebrows raised and eyes to the sky.

“Fine. We’ll go for a walk, but we’re definitely still talking about this.” He left it alone for a bit. Until you wandered to the city park, side by side on the swings, when he brought it up again.

“Okay. Out with it, Bambi.” You looked at him defensively. “You did not just call me ‘Bambi’.” You made sure to gesture air quotes to the nickname you despised.

“It’s endearing coming from me. I promise.” You wanted to push him further, but you decided not to. “Now, lay it on me. Who fucked you over this time? Was it Owen? I never liked him anyway.”

“No, um, I broke up with him like three months ago. Where have you been?” You swung so your side bumped into his, but all Steve did was giggle.

“Too far away from you.” You tried to look anywhere but his cerulean pools. Surely, you would drown.

Especially if you analyzed his words, you might think he was coming on to you and he wasn’t. This was Steve.

“So, what’s the issue then? I thought you really into Owen. Sam said the two of you were thinking about moving in together.” He was questioning with intent, but you couldn’t sense where he was headed.

“We were at the time, but I couldn’t go through with it. I had this self-realization, I guess.” He hopped out of the swing, until he was standing in front of you. Looking down at you, with a glimmer of light in his eyes.

“You know you can tell me anything, right? I hope you’d feel safe enough to know I’d never judge you for anything.” And you did know it, but it was hard to think with his body so close against yours.

“I know. It’s just hard for me to talk about.” You breathed out, trying to muster up some courage. Even if it was indirectly, you had a feeling he would pick up on it.

It wasn’t like you were going to great lengths to try and hide it.

“Well, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I’m one hell of a listener.” Steve grabbed you by the hand, intertwining it with his own as he tugged you off the swing and walking by his side.

Smoothly, he brought his left arm around your waist, tugging you into his side.

“It’s just, there’s a guy.”

“Hun, I figured that much.” Ironically, enough you were afraid of the rejection you had served him on a silver platter.

“I’ve never really been good at this stuff, you know. The big R. It always seems to tip south no matter what I do. Then I met Owen, and I just kept thinking this is the guy. He’s got to be it. He was sweet, kind, and committed, but something was just missing.”

God, you couldn’t back away from this now. The way Steve was gazing down at you nearly made you want to.

“Okay. Then what changed your mind?” Steve challenged you, daring you to finish.

“I had a long conversation with Sam, funnily enough. He asked me who I saw myself with five years from now and it wasn’t with Owen.” You deeply sighed, hating yourself for rejecting someone else who had been so good to you.

“Who did you see yourself with?” Steve stopped walking as you continued on, but he’s the one who didn’t miss a beat.

“What?” Oh shit. Had I said that outloud?

“You said it wasn’t Owen. Who was it then?” You felt your body run cold as you stopped with a determined Steve making his over to you.

“Oh, you know. Sam, Bucky, Nat, and You. You guys are my family.” You tried to play it off, but you weren’t too sure if he was buying it.

“Bambi, stop playing games.”

Fuck. You were screwed.

“I’m not. Some of us just don’t wear our heart on our sleeve.”

Ouch.

You knew it would sting and maybe that’s why you said it. Self sabotaging your chance with him would hurt much less than a rejection.

“Then just tell me who it was you saw yourself next to. If you don’t wear your heart out it shouldn’t matter.” He grunted out, his patience wearing thin.

“It doesn’t matter, Stevie. Leave it alone.” You pulled away from him, dashing into the other direction. Maybe you just didn’t have the guts to lay it all out there like he did.

“I love you.” You whipped around, the same puppy dog look he’s given you seven years ago etched on his face. The same one begging for reciprocation many heartbreaks later.

“You don’t.” Even if he did, you were sure you weren’t deserving of it.

“I’ve been in love with you since I was eighteen and I know it’s a lot to ask but just don’t break my heart twice, Bambi. If it wasn’t me you were talking about, we’re pretending this never happened.” Before your brain could catch up with your heart, you threw yourself into his arms.

“Never. Just love me again.” That he did.

#this was so rushed sksksks #but i havent posted in like a month so #m.writes #steve rogers #steve rogers au #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers angst #steve rogers smut #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x fem reader #steve rogers fanfiction

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ibijau · 3 years

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Futures past pt10 / on AO3

Nie Huaisang gets in a bit of trouble with Jin Zixun

A week after returning from Yunping City, Nie Huaisang still hadn’t had a single chance to spend time with Su She, which was starting to thoroughly annoy him. His friend had been punished for getting into a fight with one of the guest students, and so hadn’t had time at all for Nie Huaisang. At the same time, Lan Xichen had been too busy to actually give those promised music lessons yet, though they had decided on a date for the first one which Lan Xichen has promised he would free himself for. But even with this to look forward to, Nie Huaisang still felt lonely and missed his actual friend.

Which meant that when one afternoon he found Su She waiting for him at the door of the classroom at the end of the day’s lecture, Nie Huaisang was thrilled. There was a lot he wanted to chat about with Su She, and some candies he’d bought in Yunping City to share, and he had to announce that he too was learning music now, and…

“What’s that merchant’s son doing here again?” Jin Zixun asked, pushing Nie Huaisang to the side so he could get to the door first, planting himself in front of Su She. “Hey, what are you doing here? Got something to sell this time?”

Nie Huaisang froze.

He didn’t like Jin Zixun.

Of course, that didn’t mean much. Everyone disliked Jin Zixun, as far as he could tell. The other guest students didn’t like him. The teachers didn’t like him. Even the other Jin kids who’d come with him didn’t like him, and only pretended otherwise when he was around to threaten them. Apparently his uncle and his cousin liked him well enough but they were the only ones, while his aunt preferred to see as little of him as possible, for obvious reasons.

Nobody liked Jin Zixun, but nobody could really stand up to him either, except some of the older Lan disciples, the Lan Jades if they were around, and of course Lan Qiren who remained convinced he could turn even that bully into a decent person and wouldn't put up with misbehaviour from anyone.

Su She, who already stood at the bottom of the pecking order in his own sect, couldn't do much when harassed by someone like that. He still had a faint bruise on the side of his face from his last encounter with Jin Zixun, but just clenched his fists and gritted his teeth and didn't dare say anything. It was what worked when other Lans teased him, he’d told Nie Huaisang before. It was what all Lans were taught to do when confronted with someone rude who tried to bully them.

But Jin Zixun was no Lan, and laughed at this demonstration of fortitude.

“So, are you selling or buying?” he mocked, pushing Su She around. “If you’re buying, I know where you can get pills to improve your cultivation. Then maybe it won’t be so obvious to everyone that you’re just a merchant’s son, right? Or maybe they will. The love of gold never goes away, right?”

“You’d know that, being a Jin,” someone said.

To Nie Huaisang’s consternation, the person turned out to be himself.

It was just that someone had to say something, right? And the teacher, that day, wasn’t Lan Qiren. If it had been, Jin Zixun would never have dared to behave like this, Nie Huaisang knew. But it was another Lan elder who had taught them, one who’d given them a few lectures before and whose attitude had made it clear he thought it beneath him to teach a bunch of outsiders. He’d never intervened before when there had been skirmishes between them unless they got too loud, and it was unlikely he’d come to the defence of a Lan disciple he probably also saw as unworthy. So someone had to do something.

Nie Huaisang hated being the one having to do anything.

He hated it even more when Jin Zixun swirled around toward him, one arm raised to punch him in the face…

But the punch didn’t come. Jin Zixun was a bully but he wasn’t an idiot, so he just grabbed Nie Huaisang by the collar, lifting him up just enough that Nie Huaisang had to stand on his toes.

“What did you just say?” Jin Zixun asked. “Do you have something to say about my family?”

Nie Huaisang shook his head, mostly out of sheer terror. Then, figuring that if Jin Zixun was going to punch him he would already have done so, Nie Huaisang found some courage and nodded.

“I’m saying Lanling Jin was founded by a merchant,” he squeaked. “And you’re right about this at least, the love of gold doesn’t ever leave.”

Technically, the venerable ancestor of Lanling Jin had been the son of a merchant and a rogue cultivator, and his mercantile father had only provided funds while his mother had helped in every other aspect of creating the sect, but it was irrelevant. Nie Huaisang, who only cared about history if it sounded like gossip, had just memorised the fun parts of that story, the bits he could use against the next Jin who'd have called him the son of a butcher.

Using that piece of history to insult Jin Zixun wasn't bad either.

Of course after such an attack on his sect's honour, Jin Zixun again raised his fist, ready to strike. But again, he lowered it quickly, and instead just shook Nie Huaisang violently, making him dizzy. If it had been anyone else Jin Zixun wouldn't have hesitated to hurt them, but only a complete fool would have risked Nie Mingjue's ire over such a small matter.

"You're only playing tough because of your brother," Jin Zixun spat.

"And you're doing the same with your uncle," Nie Huaisang replied while trying to gesture at Su She to leave. "Except I'm sure my brother would stand with me. Are you sure of Jin zongzhu?"

Su She, instead of making his escape, crept closer. He had a worrying glint in his eyes, as if he might try to attack Jin Zixun to rescue Nie Huaisang. Considering how badly Su She had been scolded after his previous brush with Jin Zixun when everyone agreed that he'd probably been the victim, and with several of his teachers already disliking him…

Nie Huaisang gestured more urgently at Su She to go, which was made difficult when Jin Zixun resumed shaking him.

"You little son of a whore, you're just…"

"Don't you dare talk about my mom!" Nie Huaisang shouted, all other worries burned under instantaneous rage. "Not when you don't even know who your dad is!"

He realised, a little late, that it was probably the worst thing he could have said.

Jin Zixun's fist connected with his face. Nie Huaisang felt and heard his nose make a crushing noise, causing a pain intense enough that he promptly fainted.

When Nie Huaisang started coming to, he was in a quiet place, nearly silent save for the respiration of another person nearby. With some effort he opened his eyes to a room that wasn’t his quarters at home, nor his cabin in the Cloud Recesses. Judging by the style of that room and the unbearable silence, he guessed he was still in the Cloud Recesses, but in a part he hadn’t visited yet. Considering that his face hurt a lot less than it should have after being punched like that, Nie Huaisang guessed he had to be in the infirmary.

Nie Mingjue was going to be so annoyed. His stance had always been that fights weren’t bad if they were righteous, but he expected his disciples and relatives to come out of them victorious. To be taken down in just one blow was embarrassing, and it meant Nie Huaisang would be subjected to so much training when he got home, so he wouldn't lose so fast next time he fought someone. And then, Lan Qiren too would probably have something to say about this incident once he heard about it. No private fights was pretty high on the list of Gusu Lan's rules.

Nie Huaisang, whose back had just recovered from the punishment he’d received after Yunping City, sighed deeply.

“Nie-xiong, you’re awake!”

Turning his head, Nie Huaisang realised that the person whose respiration he’d noticed was none other than Su She, who was kneeling next to his bed and had a rather fresh looking new bruise on his face.

“Tell me you didn’t fight with Jin Zixun,” Nie Huaisang sighed, only to wince when speaking caused some new pain on his face.

“I didn’t fight him! But everyone else was too slow to rescue you, and he was going to punch you again! So I put myself between you and him to protect you.”

“That might be even more stupid than fighting him,” Nie Huaisang mumbled, trying to move his lips as little as possible. Trying not to smile, also. Aside from his brother, nobody had ever taken a hit for him before, and it touched him more than he could have said. “Are you ok? They aren’t going to punish you, right?”

“Jin gongzi said it was our fault and the Jins backed him,” Su She said, looking down at his knees. “The Nies say that Jin gongzi struck unprovoked. Everyone else says they didn’t really see and hear anything, because they're cowards and they know Jin gongzi will target them if they don't stay out of it. So for now it’s probably just you and Jin gongzi that will be punished for fighting, unless you agree that I also caused it.”

“But you didn’t, it was all me,” Nie Huaisang said, sighing again. “He shouldn’t have said that about my mom, but saying that about his dad, that wasn't too smart either I guess. My mom was an honourable woman, and all the rumours are just fake, but Jin Zixun…”

He sighed once more, while Su She threw him a puzzled look.

“Wait, you don’t know, for Jin Zixun?” Nie Huaisang asked, wriggling on the bed until he was on his side and could look more easily at Su She. “I figured everyone had heard that one.”

“Gossip is forbidden,” Su She replied. Somehow, he made it sound both like a scolding and a request for details.

Whatever faint guilt Nie Huaisang had felt for having thrown something like that at Jin Zixun’s face evaporated at the perspective of being the first one to share a juicy scandal with someone else.

Before he could get started with that particularly awful story, the door to the infirmary opened so a few people could come in. Nie Huaisang hurriedly returned to laying on his back and put on his most pitiful expression. He didn’t even have to force himself too much. His nose really did hurt, and his cultivation just wasn’t good enough to help with that. As for Su She, he jumped to his feet so he could politely bow before Lan Xichen, Lan Qiren, and another inner clan Lan who Nie Huaisang guessed to be a doctor, a certain Li Fang he learned later.

"You can stay," Li Fang told Su She when he saw him trying to leave. "I'm sure your teachers can spare you, while your friend needs you."

Su She frowned, trying to find hidden insults in those words as always, but still obeyed and went to stand a little out of the way. Meanwhile the other three came to stand around Nie Huaisang's bed, making him feel just a little cornered. Lan Xichen, to his credit, was smiling in a comforting manner, but it did little to offset Lan Qiren's very severe expression.

"I know I shouldn't have done that," Nie Huaisang quickly mumbled. "But he shouldn't have either, and he was trying to make way worse trouble than what happened."

"And so you took it upon yourself to play the hero," Lan Qiren said, stroking his beard.

"Nobody else was doing anything," Nie Huaisang whispered.

"The teacher should have intervened before it got this far," Lan Qiren conceded, sounding irritated at his fellow teacher. Maybe he was. That man, Lan Xingyu, was despised by all of the guest disciples and by Su She, though the same Su She claimed inner disciples liked him well enough. "After reviewing this and other incidents, Lan Xingyu will no longer teach guest students. And Jin gongzi should not have reacted with violence to your taunt. Still, because you did taunt him, you are both at fault, and will both be punished."

"More beatings?" Nie Huaisang whined. His poor body couldn't take much more pain, he would die for sure if he was beaten again.

"Not this time," Lan Qiren said. "But for a week you and Jin gongzi will kneel together in the discipline hall after lessons every day, and then again for a shichen after dinner. At the end of it, I expect both of you to have reflected on your faults and to make sincere excuses."

That sounded pretty boring and awful, Nie Huaisang thought, but probably less painful than the discipline rulers, so he could deal with it. And making an apology didn't bother him, he was pretty good at those since his brother and him argued frequently.

"I will also demand an essay on how you should have dealt with this situation," Lan Qiren added, and that was such a torture that Nie Huaisang whined. "If you do not wish to be punished, then act appropriately."

"And don't pick fights if you can't win them," Li Fang added. Nie Huaisang could have sworn he saw the man roll his eyes in a very un-Lan manner. "You're lucky your friend was here, or your face might be in a worse state than this. As it is, your nose should be fully healed in a week or two, and it will look mostly the same as before."

Mostly was not exactly, and Nie Huaisang couldn't help the wave of despair that washed over him. He liked his face. He wasn't the most handsome person in the world, but now that puberty was starting to set in and he was getting closer to forming a golden core, he thought he didn't look half bad. A normal person could probably have pulled off a broken nose, but for a cultivator…

"Oh, true, let's not forget about this," Lan Xichen said, before turning around to look at Su She.

Su She, always suspicious whenever he attracted attention from his elders or from inner clan disciples, startled at being addressed and gave a quick bow.

"Shidi, thank you for protecting Nie gongzi," Lan Xichen said with a smile that might almost have passed for sincere. "I will make sure to mention it when we inform Nie zongzhu of the incident. I'm certain he will be happy to hear his brother has made such a loyal friend."

Even though it hurt his face, Nie Huaisang couldn't help a faint grin. He hadn't been sure Lan Xichen would keep his word about being more fair to Su She, but he figured even just something like this counted as a first step. Su She, for his part, was so surprised to be complimented that he could only bow again while trying to think of something to answer.

"Lan gongzi is too kind," he said after his bow, throwing a glance at Nie Huaisang who pretended not to notice. "I know I also failed to act appropriately, and so Jin gongzi was hurt by my fault. I will do better next time."

"I'm sure nobody would punish you because Jin gongzi bruised his knuckles on your cheekbone," Li Fang scoffed. Su She said nothing, only averting his eyes, but that was an answer in itself. "Really? Under what excuse?"

"Teacher Lan Xingyu said I should have better deflected the attack instead of taking the hit. I also had no reason to be there at that moment, and should have been practicing cultivation instead of socialising."

If he hadn't been in pain, and already in so much trouble his brother was going to murder him when he got home, Nie Huaisang would have cried out in outrage at this unfair assessment. The others looked just as startled, and even Lan Xichen seemed to be genuinely unhappy to hear about this. Li Fang in particular appeared quite aggravated by the news, perhaps because he too was an outer disciple.

"Some things don't change," Li Fang said with a sharp look at Lan Qiren who also looked annoyed. "I'm pretty sure we have rules about that."

Nie Huaisang had the impression of an entire conversation silently happening, one that perhaps the two men had had many times before. This impression was strengthened by Lan Xichen somewhat hopeful expression, and his brief smile when his uncle gave in.

"We do have rules, and I will talk to Lan Xingyu," Lan Qiren said. "It cannot hurt to remind teachers that they are not exempt from following our principles, and must be an example to younger generations."

"Good, go do that," Li Fang ordered with good humour. "And if old man Xingyu makes trouble for you, just tell me. I wouldn't mind having a chat with him either, if you'll let me."

Lan Qiren did not grace that comment with an answer. He took his leave, followed by his nephew. Su She too tried to leave, but Li Fang insisted he could stay longer, and even told him that if elders made trouble for him again, Su She should complain to him about it. They might not be part of the inner clan, he said, but they were still Lan disciples, they followed the same rules, and deserved to be treated with as much respect.

That was something Su She himself said often, of course. But hearing it from someone of an older generation, and one as respectable as a doctor, appeared to shake him up. If his face hadn't hurt so bad, Nie Huaisang would have grinned. He couldn't regret getting punched in the face if it might have finally given Su She an ally inside his sect.

Still, even with that good news, Su She found something to be unhappy about.

"I told you not to involve Lan gongzi," he complained as soon as Li Fang went to deal with other things in another part of the infirmary. "Now that it gets known I've complained…"

Nie Huaisang shrugged, shifting on his bed to try and find a comfortable position. Gusu Lan beds really were too hard for his tastes.

"I didn't say anything, so don't blame me for this," Nie Huaisang said. "Maybe Lan gongzi just decided to finally uphold the ideals of his sect after seeing what a loyal and morally upright person you are."

"Surely you can lie better than that."

"Not when I'm in pain," Nie Huaisang said. He poked gently at his nose and winced. The pain was one thing, but feeling how it had tripled in size was a true horror. “Oh no. Tell me the truth, Su-xiong. Am I ugly now?”

Su She scoffed, fighting a smile.

“Is that really what you care about right now?”

“My good looks are my only quality! How will I ever find love if I’m not handsome anymore?”

“Then I promise you that your chances of finding love are exactly the same as before.”

Nie Huaisang beamed, smiling as much as he could when his face hurt like that. It took him a moment to notice Su She’s expression, after which he repeated his friend’s words to himself.

“Hey! That’s mean!” Nie Huaisang whined. “I sacrificed my amazing beautifulness for you, and that’s how you repay me? Rude, very rude! Su-xiong, you’re the worst best friend I’ve ever had.”

Su She went very still for a moment, before a light blush crept over his face.

"How many other best friends have you had before me?"

"None. I was holding on for someone really great, and then I met you at last."

"You're an idiot," Su She grumbled.

"Maybe. But I'm your idiot best friend, right?"

Su She scoffed, but still nodded, averting his eyes almost shyly. Nie Huaisang beamed.

He'd been wondering for a while now, but now he was sure of it: he had to have misunderstood when his future self mentioned Su She, because there was just no way his best friend would ever become a bad person.

#xisang #nie huaisang #jin zixun #su she #lan xichen #mdzs #jau writes #double time travel

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coloraturadiva · 4 years

Text

A mistake - Chapter 3

Pairing: Napoleon Solo x F!Reader (You)

Summary: Napoleon realises he had made a mistake

Chapters: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Warnings: angst, fluff, pregnancy (I’m sure I forgot something...)

Word Count: 2692

A/N: a special thank you to my lovely beta @iloveyouyen ! This is the third and last chapter of this story, I hope you’ll like it 😉

Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.

Feedback, reblogs and constructive criticism are appreciated!

Please don't post any of my content anywhere else without my permission. Comments and reblogs welcome!

Tagging some people that never asked for it and others that actually did: @iloveyouyen @littlefreya @aletheladyinred @madbaddic7ed @promptandpros @mrsaugustwalker @jencanbeyouryengeralt @radaofrivia @henrythickcavill @ladyreapermc @mary-ann84 @onlyhenrys @qualitynightkoala @eefjedegraaf @summersong69 @minillamakeup-blog @trippedmetaldetector @maan24 @bichibibi @rn7rocks

Knock knock

“What are you doing here?”

There he was. You had heard no words from him for the past 2 weeks. As he said, he came to the house the day after he left to collect his things when you were at work and left his keys in the mailbox.

Now he stood on your doorstep looking like he was the one suffering from morning sickness. He was looking terrible, not his usual spit and polish self. Pale, his lips dehydrated, the eyes dull and puffy, the hair messy: he looked like he had aged 20 years in 14 days.

“Can I come in?”

“Of course” you felt unsure about his intentions, but you let him in nevertheless . “This is still your house anyway”. You didn't hear a word from him or his lawyer. You had expected a phone call or even papers delivered to you in a couple of days, but nothing happened, and you thought that he had been whisked away on a mission before having the time to arrange the situation with a lawyer.

“What do you want?” you asked him, not daring to look at him in the eye, fearing you'd burst out crying. You had cried so much during the past weeks that you thought you had no more tears in you, but his sudden appearance made you feel teary all over again.

“I left two very important things there” he answered in a soft, but raspy tone. Even his voice didn't sound like it used to be.

“Really?” you tried to sound polite, even if a million of different emotions were raging in your head: anger, fear, sorrow, loneliness, the urge to kiss him one last time... “What? I haven't seen anything...”

“My wife and my baby”.

“What?” your head span. You didn't trust your legs and went to sit on the closest seat you could find: an armchair in the parlour.

He followed you, terrified. His face turned even paler than before.

“What happened? Are you unwell?” he kneeled in front of you, his voice trembled with worry.

Your head snapped up. You looked at him in the eye for a second and... slapped him. You slapped him with all the force you had in your body. Maybe slapping a CIA agent wasn't the best idea for your safety, but you couldn't help yourself. He had to steady himself on the nearby sofa not to fall.

“YOU IDIOT! You come here out of nowhere after having left your PREGNANT wife and you even have the courage to ask me what happened and if I am unwell?! Of course I'm unwell, you broke my heart!” you were flushed, your breath laboured.

He looked at you wide eyed.

“I'm so sorry...” he began in a pleading tone, looking at his hands: he was still wearing his wedding band. Like you. “I panicked. I fucked it all up big time. I know I don't deserve to ask for anything and I'll understand if you won't get me back, but I had to try. I couldn't let go of everything we have built this way. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I hadn't tried to get you back.”

“You did, all with your hands” you retorted bitterly.

“I know. And I'm the most stupid and undeserving man in the world. But I'm madly in love with you and I can't let you go for any reason.”

“Except an unwanted child” you bashed him.

He bowed his head.

“I... I wasn't expecting it. Coming home and seeing you with a bump...”

“No, you never wanted it, it's not the surprise factor. That would have caused you to stay speechless, to panic for ten minutes, to say something stupid, not to leave me in less than two minutes, without giving me the opportunity to explain, with those bitter words.”

“Bitter words?” he asked lost.

“I knew a baby would have come to separate us. That's what you said. It's not the baby's fault! How can it be? It's your fault! You went away treating me like a broken object, without even looking at me. Not even an animal deserves to be treated that way! And you started to talk about divorce papers in less than three seconds after having realised I was pregnant. That broke my heart, you know that? That physically broke my heart! That evening I thought I was gonna die right on the floor, where you had left me! And why did you do that? Because things weren’t going like you wanted, because I displeased you! How awful! And it happened ONCE. Once in all the years we have been together! Well, sorry, but I was not born with the sole purpose to please your cravings and your ego, I’m human too and I have my interests and my wishes as well. You always knew, from the very start, that I wanted to build a family with you, but you were so obsessively against the idea of having kids that I renounced my own wishes because I wanted to be with you. I’m sure you believe that I did get pregnant on purpose, but I didn’t do it, I swear. I was as surprised as you when I found out. I’m not the one that goes behind other people's backs, you are... So you wanted to punish me for something that’s not my fault, or, at least, is your fault as well. Of course! You are the important one here, while I’m the stupid, lovesick woman that offended you by getting pregnant, but I’ll never feel sorry about loving my baby! You can’t throw away people like a broken toy because things aren’t going like you have planned. I won’t accept it.”

He felt ashamed of himself like he never felt in his whole life. Stealing, the black market, spying, that was nothing compared to what he had done to you without even realizing.

“And you know what's the worst part of it?” you continued. “That I loved you. I kept on loving you anyway. Even if you had treated me so bad, I couldn't bring myself to hate you. Hating you would have made everything easy, but it was impossible. When I arrived home after work the day after you left, I hoped to find you there, or at least that you hadn't come to take away your things. That would have meant that you were in doubt, that you were still thinking about it. But when I arrived home, I saw that all was gone. Your wardrobe was empty, your drawers were empty, your library was empty, even the comforting smell of you was gone from this house. My heart broke yet again. It was really the end...”

You started sobbing, all the emotions of the past weeks washed over you at once. You felt overwhelmed.

"Do you want to know why I left?" he asked looking at the floor after having taken a deep breath. "Because I'm scared…"

"Oh, don't tell me!" you answered sarcastically. "The hero, the great secret agent is scared of a baby! Please, I'm not that stupid…"

"I'm not scared OF a baby." He whispered. "I'm scared FOR the baby. And for you".

"What?" you asked not getting his point. What was to be scared about? Women get pregnant and babies are born everyday. It's normal, it's natural.

"I… I've always been worried about your safety…" he hesitated. "You know who I am, you know what I have done, you know what I do… I can't control everything, I can't be here to protect you all the time. I'm constantly worried that one day someone could decide to seek revenge against me by hurting you. It's something that has been burning me from the inside since the very first time I saw you. I can't bear the thought of you getting hurt because of me. You don't deserve it, it's not right. I've done my fair share of bad things, but you are innocent, you shouldn't be in this mess… But you are right, I'm an egoist. Even if I wanted you to be safe, I loved you too much, I wanted you to be mine… Even if it was a risk for you… That's why I never wanted a baby. Thinking of you being in danger is already a big hardship for me, but a baby… That's too much. That's not a life for a baby. I know very well how it hurts you having me to stay away on missions all that time, not knowing if I'll come back all in one piece. That's wrong. A baby and a young mother shouldn't be living like that… That's why I panicked, that's why I left. I thought that with me gone, maybe you could have been safe, you could have built a new and better life for the two of you. Maybe with a better man… That’s it. I panicked and in my head, going away was a way to protect you..." he paused for long minutes, playing nervously with his wedding ring. "What can I do to make amends?” he begged. “Please, tell me.”

You kept on crying. You had no idea. You loved him, but he had hurt you so much you didn't know what you really wanted.

He was devastated. Seeing you crying, so trembling and fragile and all because of him made him feel physically sick.

He didn't think too much about it, or at the consequences: he went to sit on the armrest of the armchair and took you into his arms. He didn't move, he didn't caress you, he just held you still.

At first you were stiff, unsure about the unexpected contact, but soon enough you melted in his arms. It felt so good to be back where you felt you belonged after such a long time. You were unsure if you could ever forgive him, but you also knew that you couldn't live without him.

“What made you change your mind?” you suddenly asked in a whisper. “Why did you come here today?”

“You. Both of you.” He hesitated, his voice trembled. He sounded deeply emotional. “I mean, I love you. It's you, it's our baby. I don't want you to be with another man… I want to see our baby grow… I know it's a risk and I don’t know if I can protect you, but at least I want to try. I can't let you go… "

“Our baby” you sobbed.

“Yes, of course you were right. Like you are always right. It takes two to make a baby. I can't blame everything on you. I'm sure I did my part… I’m just a scared idiot, but I love you. It only took me too long to realise how much I love you and how important you and the baby are for me. More important than my fears.”

“The baby as well?”

“Yes, the baby as well. I love both of you so much”.

You sighed. He sounded like he meant his words. He sounded like himself again. A tired Napoleon, but your Napoleon.

“I... Your... Your grandmother visited me.”

“My grandmother? How? I don't know where you are staying now. How does she?”

“She probably has been a secret agent for all her life and never told a soul. I can't find a different explanation” he smiled. “Her methods are also quite... effective. I was there, tormenting myself to decide when was the best moment to come to you, if today was too soon, or already too late, when she knocked on my door, stormed in and gave me a lecture. She talked for 15 minutes straight, I think. She didn't let me say a word. And she beat me with her walking stick.”

“WHAT?”

“I told you her methods are effective. I said something that displeased her, and she wanted to make it clear.”

“You probably deserved it...”

“Indeed. I deserved that and your slap too.”

“You had already decided to come back before her visit?” you changed the subject.

“Yes. Two days after I left you, when I found myself with all my things in a house that wasn't ours and without you and having left you alone, I realised that I made the biggest mistake of my life.”

“That was nearly two weeks ago...”

“I know, but I didn't have the courage to come, I had no idea what to say...”

“And waiting made a difference?”

“Yes, because the more the days passed, the more I was sure that I missed you and that leaving you alone wasn’t the best way to keep you and the baby safe. I realised that I made a big mistake. Not being with you was a mistake… By leaving you I was only hurting you, not protecting you...”

You both fell silent. One secretly praying to not have ruined it all with his own hands, the other reflecting on her feelings, trying to understand if forgiveness was an option.

“Could you ever forgive me?” he asked tentatively after several minutes, still holding you in his arms.

“No.”

He froze. He felt like he had been slapped again. But more forcefully, this time.

“I already did. The moment I let you in, I had already subconsciously forgiven you. I love you too much to live without you, I want to have you there with me. And you came back to me...” you sighed. “You know I can't stay mad at you for too long...” you softly smiled.

“Even after what I did?” he still didn't dare to look you in the eye.

“Even after what you did... I would like to believe that I'm doing it for the baby's sake, but the truth is that I'm doing it for myself. I'm terribly greedy when it comes to you.”

He dared to kiss you on the top of your head. You didn't resist.

It felt so good. It felt simply right.

You suddenly disentangled from his arms and got up from the armchair. You started to walk away.

Napoleon was startled. What was happening? Why did you start to move so suddenly? The kiss was too much?

“Come with me”. He heard your voice from the corridor and bolted in your direction.

He caught up with you in the guest room.

You turned to face him, standing close to a big box.

"Yesterday I saw this crib in a shop and even if it's a bit early, I had to buy it. But I'll need your help to put it together" you smiled weakly.

Napoleon looked at the big box. It was white, decorated with cute pastel green Teddy bears. He always had a penchant for beautiful (and expensive) things, he was an expert in art and antiquities anyway, and was used to treating himself with ridiculously expensive clothes, but had never paid attention to these kinds of things, thinking they would never interest him. However, right now that box looked to him as magnificent as a Raffaello painting.

He neared you gingerly, afraid of doing something wrong.

"Are you sure?”

“Yes. I want to put this crib together with you. And all the rest of the things for the baby. And us. I want us to be together...” you trailed off.

“I miss you”.

“I miss you too.”

You looked down at your growing belly.

“Come here” you threw your arms around his neck. One of Napoleon's hands went instinctively to your belly. You looked carefully at his face. He looked like he was on the verge of tears, but was trying hard not to break apart in front of you.

“How are you?” he sounded suddenly concerned about your health. “How do you feel?”

You cupped his cheek.

“I'm good now” you smiled at him.

“I'm sorry. For everything” he uttered, deep affliction clearly ringing in his voice. "You'll be safe. Both of you. I promise…"

“I know” you answered softly. “Let's forget about the past weeks, shall we? Let's start anew from today.”

“I love you Y/N”.

“I love you Napoleon”.

Thanks to everyone who read my story and made it to the end! 😘

#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #napoleon solo #napoleon solo fanfic #fanfic #fan fiction #the man from uncle #napoleonxreader #napoleonsoloxreader #napoleon solo x reader #napoleon solo x you #xyou #napoleon solo x female!reader #female!reader #female reader #wrinting

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fandom-puff · 4 years

Text

Arthur Shelby Fluff Alphabet

as requested by @beautifulfigment !

Arthur is my absolute fave, and I’ve had a few requests to do the smut alphabet for him too :)))

Warnings: some mention of arthur’s issues (PTSD, alcholism) mentions of suicide attempt

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

Arthur adores your laugh, the way your whole face lights up and your eyes twinkle. He especially loves it when you’re trying to hold back laughter, rocking silently with the giggles at the most inappropriate moments (normally when Tommy’s doing one of his lectures)

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

He wants children. Aside from Finn, he’s the last of his siblings to have kids, even though he’s the oldest. there’s always the worry in the back of his mind, however, that he would be a terrible father, just like his own. You tell him, firmly, that that is utter bullshit, and he’d make a brilliant dad.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

He is a GANGLY man, all long limbs. So long as he’s close to you, he doesn't really mind how you cuddle. His favourite way to cuddle is with his face buried in your chest and his arms wrapped around your waist.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

He very rarely takes you to posh nightclubs or restaurants. They’re loud and busy, and he hates feeling like everyone is staring. Instead, he’ll take you on drives through the country, spread out a picnic blanket in a field and have a proper little picnic (thank God for Aunt Pol).

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…))

You are his little angel.

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

He knew he was head over heels in love with you when you kicked some bloke in the balls in the Garrison. He was behind the bar, pouring drinks, noticing the man bothering you. Until then, he had all of these feelings for you that he couldn’t put into words. But when the man tried to grab your waist, his anger flared and he was about to shout and jump over the counter when your foot made contact. You walked away as the man fell to the floor, brushing your hair out of your face, and ordered yourself a drink. Arthur simply stood staring, mouth slightly agape. Tommy grinned. “Oi, Arthur. Get the lady her drink and invite her to the pictures,”

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

He is so gentle. He knows how much damage he can cause with his bare hands, so he makes every touch as light at possible. You have to tell him off eventually, saying that you’re not made of porcelain and would very much like him to hold your waist in public, as well as other public displays of affection. He also speaks much quieter with you as opposed to his normally booming voice- it often seems as though you two are in your own personal bubble as you talk

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

Arthur ALWAYS grabs your hand when you walk by him, unashamed to hold it in front of everyone. You’re his girl and he loves you, so of course, he’s gonna hold your bloody hand (fuck off John, go see to your own woman). When he starts getting angry, you tend to slip your small hand into his, and it mellows him out fairly quickly. You both have a system of squeezing one another’s hands for encouragement, reassurance or a code for ‘shall we go home?’

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

That you didn’t belong in Small Heath. It was too industrial, too dangerous, too dirty for you. You seemed to innocent for the drunks and the whorehouses and the dodgy bookies like him.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

Yes. If he’s sober, he’s more likely to close up and become distant as his brain goes into overdrive; what if you leave him? what if he’s simply not good enough for him?

When he’s drunk, he’s more likely to speak up, though he doesn’t throw fists straight away, unless you’re clearly uncomfortable. More often than not, the situation defuses to him holding you proudly to his side saying (rather loudly) “That’s my girl! My YN!”

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

You initiated the first kiss. he was walking you home after your second date as an official couple, and it was clear he was apprehensive about something. He eventually admitted his true feelings, how he had loved you for a long time, yet he was nervous and didn’t want to wreck it.

You cupped his cheeks in both your hands, forcing him to look at you. “You can’t wreck it, Arthur,” you had murmured. “Because I feel the same way about you,” the first kiss had been sweet, no tongue, and you stroked his cheek gently.

In general, his kisses are tender, even the chastest ones filled with passion and longing. Often, he’ll be in a rush and press hurried kisses to your cheek or forehead while you’re in the middle of getting ready.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

Arthur. He’s hungover and you get him water and aspirin, before settling next to him. He grabs your waist and snuggles close, kissing you (but missing your mouth slightly) and mumbling “I bloody love you,”

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

When he asked you to marry him. It was by no means a perfect proposal, and it took him ages to pluck up the courage but seeing realisation and happiness spreading across your face as he got on one knee was worth every second of apprehension

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

Arthur loves to spoil you... the only problem is he’s useless at picking stuff out, always worrying whether or not you’d like it. He often ends up getting Ada and Polly to help him pick something out, though he always makes sure he goes with them.

“What about that frock? She likes them pretty patterns,”

“Arthur, that’s a maternity gown,”

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

sky blue. It was the colour of the dress you wore on one of your first proper dates. He was speechless when he saw you, unable to believe how lucky he is

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

Love, darling, my angel

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

He loves when you send him letters when he’s off for work- you never send telegrams, or use the typewriter for the notes. He keeps them in his breast pocket, and when he’s stressed, he holds the paper close to his heart, inhaling the wafts of your perfume to calm down

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

Stay in bed with you, slipping in and out of sleep, All spft caresses and gentle kisses, huddled up under the blankets

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

Whiskey and snow used to be his go to. But with you, he has other ways.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

Anything and everything with you. He’ll ask questions, genuinely curious about all sorts, cooking, your family etc... one evening you ended up showing him how to crimp the pastry at the edge of your steak pie because he asked how you got it so pretty.

He talks about work, often glossing over the worst of it. Even with the glossing over, he feels much better, like he has someone who understands how the war and the business effect him, especially as his closest brother never seems to listen

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

Laying in your arms, holding your hand... generally just being close to you makes him feel calm

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

You. You’re his girl, and he wants everyone to know it. If you tell someone to piss off, he’ll grin like mad, leaning to his brothers and saying ‘that’s my girl’.

He’s also proud of how far he’s come with you, how much more mellow he is as well

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

He proposes a while after you start dating, once he is certain you’re the one. He proposes on your birthday (read this!!) and you have a quiet wedding, just close friends and family, in a quaint little church. Tommy let’s you use Arrow House for the reception, and Arthur stays sober the whole night

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

‘In the Bleak Midwinter’ is every Shelby’s song.

But his song with you is Moonlight Serenade by glen miller (I know the dates don’t quite match up). He remembers being the last two in the garrison, slow dancing with you, your head on his chest as he swayed with you

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

Once he is sure you’re the one, he knows he wants to marry you, and he wants to do it properly. Nothing arranged like John and esme, not because you’re pregnant like Tommy and Grace and Lizzie. He wants it to be because you love eachother deeply, wholly, truly.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Arthur wants a great big dozy dog who’ll just trot behind you and nearly knock him over when he comes through the door. He’d give it a human name too, like Dave. This makes you giggle like mad.

Tag list: @the-makingsofgreatness @peakyswritings @haphazardhufflepuff @diksy1112 @zodiyack @theunderlier @soleil-dor @hiddensapphic @fckingpeakyblinders @snugleo @alittlebirds @satanxklaus @glamsaturn @thegirlwithoutaname87 @queenofmankind

#arthur shelby fluff #arthur shelby x reader #arthur shelby x you #peaky blinders #fluff #arthur shelby headcanon #request

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tuff-and-fluff-archives · 3 years

Text

Baby, You’re my Number One

Word Count: 1,486

Content Warnings: None

Pairing: Ruby + Arthur (Mystery Skulls Animated)

I know this is the first time I’ve ever done something like this, but since I first got a crush on Arthur over four years ago, I figured I would celebrate finally shipping with him by writing a lil drabble of him finally confessing to me. This fic is really messy and borderline incomplete, but I just wanted to get it out so I can start enjoying my ship with him. I hope you enjoy reading anyway! ♥

Tag List: @cringyalienships @gorillazgirlfriend @nanonami-loves @selfshippinglover @weirdoslovingweirdos(Thank you all for participating in the f/o takeover and giving Arthur some words of encouragement! :3c)

Ruby let out a yawn as she propped her head up on her elbow at the front counter of the Pepper Paradiso, the family restaurant owned by her foster parents. Even with the eatery's popularity in the small town of Tempo, hardly anybody had walked through the front doors in the past hour. Ruby had expected this to happen, though; it was a slow Monday night in the middle of autumn, when the tourist season was already long over, and most of the warm-blooded Texas citizens weren't willing to brave the cold night air, even for a good meal.

Ruby glanced over to the clock. 6:18. God, she still had to endure nearly four more hours of just standing around and doing nothing. All she could hope for at that point was for someone, anyone to come through the doors and give her something to-

Dingy, ding!

Ruby stood up straight and snapped her attention towards the front door as she heard the bell above the entryway chiming, but she quickly relaxed again as she instantly recognized just who had entered the restaurant. It was Arthur, a close friend of Ruby's older brother Lewis. She had hung out with Lewis's group of friends plenty of times in the past; in fact, he had nearly insisted on it, as the young introverted girl struggled to make friends on her own. Even if she preferred being on her own, however, there was one reason why she was always more than willing to comply with her brother's mandatory invites.

And that reason was walking towards her right now.

"Hi, Arthur," she greeted him shyly as she tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear in a last-ditch attempt to improve her appearance for him. "What brings you by tonight?"

"Uh, h-hey, Ruby," he weakly returned the greeting. "I just wanted to drop by for a visit, heh…” He looked the other way and cleared his throat before turning back to Ruby with a sudden intensity in his amber eyes. “Actually, there’s something I wanted to ask you.”

Ruby raised her eyebrows and stood up straight, her attention now fully captured. She’d never seen him look so determined. “Oh, is something up?”

Arthur’s slouch returned as he suddenly stared at the floor and rubbed the back of his neck. “W-well, it’s not that important. If you’re busy right now then I can just, like, come back later...”

“Dude, c’mon,” Ruby chuckled as she gestured to the empty restaurant behind her, “does it look like we’re busy right now?” She stepped out from behind the counter and walked around to stand in front of Arthur. “I’ve got time.”

A sparkle came back to Arthur’s eyes as he confidently stood up straight again, inadvertently looming over Ruby and unknowingly making her heart skip a beat as she looked up at him and admired his gentle smile.

“Uh, do you mind if we head outside for a bit?” Arthur asked bashfully. “I would just r-rather do this without any interruptions.”

Do what?, Ruby couldn’t but wonder. “Oh, sure,” she answered, and she quietly walked behind Arthur toward the front door, where he held it open for her and allowed her to exit before he followed. He’s always such a gentleman…

The two stood in the cold night air under the warm glow of the restaurant’s neon sign, a soft breeze tickling Ruby’s cheeks as she stared up at Arthur expectantly. “So,” she broke the awkward silence, “what did you wanna ask me?”

“Well, uh, it’s not so much a question, but just like, something I’ve been thinking about.” Arthur took a deep breath, as if he was centering himself, before he continued, “Ya know, w-we’ve known each other for a few years now, and even if we’ve never hung out, like, alone or anything, I still have a really good time when I’m with you. You’re always totally nice to me too, and I think you’re super funny and smart too! A-and I share more interests with you than anyone else I know, so maybe it’s just me, but I’ve always felt like we go really well together...”

Ruby felt her knees going weak and eyes growing cloudy as she listened with a widening grin to Arthur’s sudden bombarding of compliments. She brought a hand up to shyly cover her dopey grin as she continued to listen and try to calm her racing heartbeat. She didn’t want to get her hopes up, and yet she couldn’t help but think that this almost sounded like some kind of confession.

Arthur nervously rubbed his arm and looked to the side, but found the courage to go on, “Maybe I’ve just been takin’ it the wrong way and you’re nice to everybody the same way that you’re always so nice to me. B-but I really love hanging out with you, and listening to you talk, and making you smile… and it’s okay if you wanna say no! But I r-really want to be someone who can keep making you smile as much as possible, and I would be honored if you felt the same about me…”

There was a stillness to the air as Ruby fully absorbed everything she had just heard. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply through her nose, trying desperately to stop herself from shedding any tears in front of the guy that she’d had a crush on for years. The guy who had actually felt the same about her, after all this time, he really loved her too!

Arthur looked at her patiently, a drop of sweat running down the side of his face as his eager grin began to falter. “R-Ruby?.. C’mon, don’t leave me hanging. What… what do you think?”

Ruby let out a deep sigh, and at last she opened her eyes and tilted her head up to look at Arthur, with the tears in her eyes being instantly recognizable in the light. “Arthur,” she said with a shy smile, “are you… are you saying that you love me?”

His eyes went wide as he bit his lip in near reluctance, but at last he was able to overcome his fears of rejection and finally tell her, “Y-yeah. Yeah, I am.” With such a heavy weight off of his mind, he at last had the courage to smile at her as he affirmed, “I love you, Ruby.”

Even though she had figured out what he was trying to tell her by then, hearing him finally say those three words to her made her heart swell with joy, and before she could stop herself, she sprang forward and tightly wrapped her arms around Arthur’s waist as she buried her face in his shirt. Arthur just knew his face was burning red as she felt Ruby push her smaller body against him, but he still returned the the gesture as he gently put his arms around her as well, even daring to run a hand through her soft, curly hair. “Heh, I suppose this means you feel the same?”

“Yes. God yes,” Ruby answered, her voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt. “I’ve loved you for so long, Arthur.” She just barely pulled her face away to look up at him, a few stray tears escaping from her eyes. “You have no idea how happy I am right now.”

Arthur let out a chuckle and leaned down to press his forehead to hers lovingly. “I think I’ve got a pretty good idea of how you’re feeling.” He wiped a few tears from her cheek with his thumb, and his heart skipped a beat when she nuzzled against his hand with her eyes contently closed. Her eyes fluttered open again, and as she looked back up at him, she found her gaze abruptly stopping just below his nose. She began leaning in closer, and before either of them truly realized what was about to happen, she softly pressed a kiss to his lips for a brief moment before pulling away just as quickly. As she looked back up into his eyes, it almost seemed like they were sparkling as he stared down at her with a starstruck open-mouth grin and bright blush in his cheeks.

“Sorry,” Ruby said, “is it too early for kissing?”

All Arthur could do was shake his head as he attempted to regain his senses. Finally, he was able to stutter, “No, that w-was okay.” He pulled her in closer as he began to lean in himself. “In fact,” he mumbled against her lips, “that was amazing.”

And before a single word more could be uttered, the two new lovers closed the gap between each other and let their lips gently mingle as they held each other tight. The only thing that existed to them now, even if it was just for the moment, was each other, and frankly, they couldn’t have been happier.

#ruby's writing #self shipping #oc x canon #self shipping community #self ship writing #💜: long live the king #also the title is a mystery skulls song!! :3c #honestly im not proud of this and this fic is more like a rough draft but oh well #its done so now i can just simp over arthur freely hhh BYE #f/ovember

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shy-violet-soul · 4 years

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Dream for a Mermaid

Summary: When she struggles under the weight of a lost goal, will her heart start buying the lies her head is spitting out? Or will she let her family speak the truth she needs to hear? Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel, and a precious friend Warnings: discussions of anxiety & depression, so very much fluff Word count: 1600-ish

A/N: This is for my precious friend, @pinknerdpanda . Always listen to your heart, sweetie. And when your head starts lying, listen to me! Xoxo

The air in the Impala hung like a wet blanket. All she wanted was to get in her room and hide. Under-the-blankets hide. Under-the-bed hide. Dig-a-hole-in-the-world hide. Every time she saw Dean stretch his neck to the left at the kink there, every time Sam absently rubbed at his relocated shoulder, or Cas shifted gingerly around the remnants of his slashed ribs, the guilt squeezed her throat and burned her eyes. While Bob Dylan crooned out “Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door”, only one note thrummed through her.

Failed. Failed. Failed.

The tunnel into the bunker’s garage filled her with a dizzying mess of relief and panic, her system overloaded from the last three hours. When the driver’s door creaked and Dean groaned his customary back popping, she arrowed herself out of the car and hurtled towards safety.

She didn’t see her boys staring after her before turning to each other. No explanation needed. They’d all lived it, too.

Failed. Failed. Failed.

Ammonia wrapped around her in a fog. Familiar, bracing, she let it fill her head as she militantly painted. Color came and went under her hands as she sloughed off a new vision and pulled the comforting customary into its place. Grief dripped free in ribbons of salty soot. The tap on the door went unnoticed, swamped beneath the cacophony in her mind.

Failed. Failed. Failed.

“Hey.”

Color slopped astray when she jumped at the voice. Her eyes snapped to the mirror, fixing studiously on the man behind her and not her own reflection. The reply she gave was all croak and no fooling to a Winchester.

“So...blue hair again?” Sam queried, offering her a hesitant smile.

She cleared her throat of the guilt before slapping out the truth.

“Well, brown hair is for blending in. You know, for real hunters.”

The bowl and brush slammed into the sink, blue showering wet and shiny onto the white porcelain as she ripped her gloves off. Her chin trembled as her chest clutched hard, and the need for air churned with the nausea in her belly, anxiety spiking sharp and cold along her body. She squeezed her eyes shut, blocking Sam out because she didn’t deserve his understanding. This was her problem.

Failed. Failed. Failed.

“What happened wasn’t your fault.”

A croaking, choking sound broke from her as her head sagged down.

“Are you kidding me? How was it not my fault? You were there, Sam! It was a complete shit show!”

“Hunts go sideways all the time! How many times have you bandaged us up because it didn’t go the way we planned?”

She scoffed, swiping at her dripping grey tears.

“You guys are wired for that crap, Sam. It’s practically in your DNA. Have Cas check!” she snarked. “I trained for days for this. Days! The shooting and sparring with Dean, the research stuff with you, what-kills-what quizzes with Cas, and hours, frickin’ hours of what-iffing enough scenarios to fill a book. And for what? Nothing!”

The juggernaut of grief ripped free, shoving her anxiety up into her heart, throat, and head hard enough that her vision swam, pressing her down, down until the weight became too much as she wobbled to the tiled floor. Sobs, all the more painful as she tried to choke them back, filled the sudden silence like an uneven fall of breaking glass - sharp, hitching, hurting.

Slow, steady, Sam stepped close and sat. Near enough to reassure, far enough to not crowd.

“I just wanted -” Stopped as she dove her face into her drawn up knees.

“What?” The gentleness of his question squeezed more tears free.

“I just wanted it... to work. I thought being a hunter was what I wanted. All I wanted. And I just wanted it to work so bad. Why didn’t it work, Sam? Why couldn’t I make it work? Why?”

Sam’s chest vised hard and painful at the pure heartbreak on her face. He scooted himself closer, long fingered hands resting on her shins.

“Hey. Hey, hey, hey,” he husked to her. “Listen to me.” Sam waited until she raised her gaze to his. “Now, you listen to me, alright? You did not fail.” His hands squeezed her legs for silence when she rolled her eyes to protest. “You didn’t. Hunting in the field...it’s fourteen kinds of crazy. And yeah, not gonna lie - the adrenaline rush in the moment? Wow. The feeling that gets me here,” he rubs one hand over his heart, “when we do save someone? Or put a tormented soul to rest? Knowing we made one little piece of this messed up planet better? There’s no feeling in the world like it.

“You didn’t fail. If you truly feel like being out in the trenches isn’t for you, that’s not failure. That’s courage! You know how many people keep clawing after something that isn’t for them? And they’re miserable. I know it hurts right now, and I’m so sorry you’re hurting. But, think about it. Having the guts to say ‘no’ to one dream, as awful as it feels in the moment, puts you on a path to a new one. And you?” Sam let all his admiration and care for her shine in his warm smile. “You are freaking amazing. And you’re going to do amazing things. Just..be gentle with yourself. And remember - we’re here for you. Whatever you decide to do.”

She let his words wash over her. Let their truth sink into her and loosen the stranglehold panic still scrabbling at her throat. A deep breath pulled in, and she nodded weakly, still heavy under everything. Ready to try and put some of it down.

Sam’s smile widened as he watched her nod, watched her body soften just a touch.

“Besides, I like your blue hair better, anyway.”

She snorted at that, swiping a wet blue strand out of her face and wiping the smudge of color left behind on her pants.

“So, did you draw the short straw for this deeply emotional encounter?”

A true laugh coughed from her scratchy throat as Sam’s eyebrows did a comical up-and-down dance.

“What? No! Just...no!”

A gentle tap on the door, and Dean poked his head in the bathroom.

“Hey, short straw. You finish telling her how kickass she is? And that Cas is currently stuck in the ice cream aisle at the store, trying to figure out if there’s any dangerous bits of porcelain in her favorite Ben and Jerry’s ‘Kitchen Sink’ ice cream?”

Chuckles bubbled up as Sam leveled his bitch face at Dean while the older man stepped over to help her to her feet.

“You’re bringing the mermaid hair back? Awesome! You gonna put any purple in with it this time? That look on you was my favorite!”

She let herself have the hug Dean pulled her in for, smiling tiredly.

“I don’t have the stuff for purple. But I’ve got enough to give you some blue.”

When Sam laughed at that, Dean scoffed at him.

“Bitch, please. I could rock me some blue hair.” Draping a companionable arm around her shoulders, he rubbed his hand on his chin as he pondered. “For Sammy, I’m thinking green. Bring out his eyes.”

Sam rolled those eyes hard enough to see inside his skull, and she shooed the brothers out so she could concentrate on her timer and color. For the moment, grief had let go. She wasn’t ready to think about new dreams yet, but in this instance, setting down this one didn’t sting as badly.

***********************************************

3 days later

“C’mon, girl, it’s movie night!” came Dean’s voice down the hall. She yanked her favorite hoodie over her head, grabbing her pillow as she sailed out the door.

“I’m coming, I’m coming, keep your shirt on, Winchester,” she hollered back. Quick steps navigated to the Dean Cave, heart light as she welcomed the R&R with her family. Dean had even agreed to let her pick the movie. Turning the corner into the room, she stopped short, and burst into hysterical laughter.

Dean had aqua blue and teal strands glistening in his dark hair. Sam smiled, chagrined, when she took in the shamrock green throughout his own strands. And Cas, dear sweet Cas, looked preciously confused about the hot pink tufts poking up out of his fluffy tresses.

The look of delighted pride on Dean’s face, coupled with Sam’s resigned grin and Cas’ adorable but supportive bewilderment, had her leaning on the back of the couch as hilarity pealed from her in waves.

“Now we can be as awesome as you with our hair! Bring it in, mermaid.” Dean pulled her into one of his famous bear hugs as Sam tucked her pillow into her preferred spot on the couch. Cas proudly offered her a pint of ice cream and a spoon.

“I’ve thoroughly checked this for porcelain and nickel traces, it’s contaminant free from any kitchen sink particles.”

It was a sheer force of will that kept her from laughing right in his face as she snuggled into her spot.

It was never easy letting go of something so deeply desired. A part of her would always hurt at the loss, would always cry out ‘what if’. But today? Today she let her heart tell her the truth. Today, she knew she was loved, and she knew tomorrow was another chance.

Another chance to find a new dream.

#dean winchester #Sam Winchester #castiel #supernatural #Supernatural fanfic #spn fanfic #anxiety #depression #dean winchester x reader #sam winchester x reader #castiel x reader #dean winchester fanfiction #sam winchester fanfiction #shy vy writes #dream for a mermaid

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sadaboutniall · 4 years

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something about you;

introduction | masterlist | tag | wattpad

Twenty Six. August, 2017.

It all happens so fast. It’s like one morning he’s talking about how to best release This Town, if they should just throw it up on SoundCloud or give it a proper release, and the next he’s on a world fucking tour of his own, album in his back pocket, screaming fans lining up outside once again. He hadn’t expected this, didn’t really think anyone would care so deeply about him, on his own.

They come up with the idea for Flicker Sessions and Niall thinks it’s fucking brilliant, a great way to ease into a solo career, a perfect way to showcase his album—his life’s work—the way he wants it to be heard. It’s fucking brilliant and he can’t wait to kick it off—until it actually happens.

Because he hadn’t thought, really, about what it would be like to sing Flicker in front of people for the first time. Hadn’t really considered that this record, so intimate, so personal, such a reflection of his soul, would be something that he doesn’t want other people to hear. The prospect of it is fucking terrifying, and he’s got fifteen minutes to get over it before he goes on stage.

‘I think I’m going to go out there now,’ says Isla, who’d been in the dressing room with Niall, watching him get ready. They’d made out against the wall for ages, his hands on her thighs under her sundress, her lips soft on his neck, careful not to leave any marks. It calmed him, being close to her like that, but she wants to watch the show from the crowd like everyone else, wants to experience it properly, and Niall’s not sure how he can manage fifteen more minutes alone with his thoughts. ‘You ready?’

‘Not really,’ Niall admits, fiddling with the sleeves of his white t-shirt. ‘Fucking shitting it.’

‘Yeah, I would be too,’ Isla says honestly, pressing a kiss to Niall’s throat. ‘But you’re going to do great. They’re gonna love you.’

‘Just feel so,’ Niall drags a hand over his face. ‘Naked?’

Isla tilts her head, eyebrows raised. ‘I mean, if you want to be—’

‘Please don’t tempt me right now,’ he whines, and Isla laughs, eyes warm as they trail over Niall’s body. ‘Tonight,’ he lowers his voice for her, leans in for a kiss.

‘Ah, you’ll be too drunk to get it up,’ she says it in the same low, sultry voice as Niall, smile pulling at the corners of her lips. ‘Don’t make promises you can’t keep.’

It really does feel like he’s on stage naked. He had thought the Jingle Ball tour was exposing but this is totally new, a different level, an intimacy he didn’t even think was possible. Almost everyone he grew up with is here tonight and everyone knows—they all know this is about Isla, who’s standing with them, singing along to songs they’re all hearing for the first time. He’s literally laying his heart out for people he’s known since he was a child: dissecting the intricacies of the love that has defined his entire life, for the entire world to hear. He never knew he had it in him to do this.

He relaxes into it a few songs in, feels like he fully finds his groove by the middle of This Town, when the whole crowd can sing along. He finds Isla then, too—he’d been searching for her the whole set to no avail, and something about it feels particularly fitting, that his eyes land on hers at that moment. She’s the only person in the room as far as he’s concerned—fuck the Capitol execs, the journalists, the musicians he grew up listening to who are here now to listen to him. It won’t make him any better, worrying about them; this is for her.

During Flicker, he has to close his eyes. It feels impossible to look at anyone when he’s this vulnerable, this honest. He can only think about how he felt while he was writing it, how terrified and clinging to hope he was—and then how it felt to play it for Isla for the first time, to watch her break down over the things he never found the courage to tell her properly. He could’ve saved them both so much pain, if only he hadn’t been so afraid.

He gets it together, though, after Flicker and then Too Much To Ask. He finds his footing when the setlist speeds up, when he glances back into the crowd to see Isla and Emilia dancing, drinks raised above their heads, to Since We’re Alone. It’s smooth sailing from there out—he tries not to look at Isla too long during Slow Hands, for an entirely different reason this time, and feels his heart swell and nearly burst with the crowd’s reaction to On My Own. By the end of the set all he wants to do is keep going. Again, again, again, again. He wants to keep doing this on his own.

The afterparty is in Coppers, which feels ridiculous but perfectly stereotypical. It’s part business meeting for Niall, who spends the first half of the night talking to the Capitol team and to journalists, accepting claps on the back and handshakes and congratulations, watching out of the corner of his eye as Tara collects business cards and phone numbers on his behalf. It’s all good news, Niall knows that, but it’s making him itchy and antsy, standing here doing this while his friends and family mingle around him, dancing, laughing, throwing back shots and raising pints. He wants to be with them, too.

He escapes near midnight, when the execs have gone home and Tara’s disappeared with some guy who went to uni with Deo. Part of him wants to take a few seconds alone just to breathe, but he’s not willing to risk it, sure that someone will come up and interrupt if they see him alone. Being with Isla is better, anyway, than being alone.

He finds her with the Mullingar crew, no surprise. Mully’s got one arm slung over Mia’s shoulders and the other slung over Isla’s, and the sight of it makes Niall’s heart do a few flips in his chest, a smile rise on his face.

‘Something you need to tell me?’ He asks, sidling up to the group and gently touching Isla’s lower back. She’s beaming when she turns to him, and very, very drunk.

‘I’m her surrogate fella,’ says Mully, stupid smile on his face. ‘Her real one fecked off to make business deals.’

‘How’d everything go?’ Isla interrupts, shrugging Mully’s arm off her shoulder and leaning into Niall instead. He feels a rush of pride in his chest, as if there had ever been anything to worry about.

‘Really well, I think,’ Niall drops a kiss to Isla’s hair. ‘But I don’t wanna talk about work shite anymore. Shall I get us drinks?’

‘I’ll come with you,’ she says, smiling. ‘Anything to escape these eejits.’

Their friends shout after them as they walk away, Niall’s arm fitting comfortably around Isla’s waist. She drops her head onto his shoulder and the butterflies don’t let up—he doesn’t think they ever will, no matter how long he and Isla stay together. He loves this: walking through a crowd of people with his hands on her, her body pressed up against his. He likes that everyone in this room knows they belong to each other.

It makes him itch for more of this, more moments and places where they can be open, together. But Niall’s seen what going public with relationships does for people like him. He swallows the idea, tells himself he’s not thinking straight. He’ll let Isla make the decision when she’s ready.

At the bar he gets a Guinness for himself, and another vodka coke for Isla. They find a quiet spot near a window and this is all Niall wanted, he thinks—just some time with his girl, alone, before he has to face the rest of the world again.

‘How do you feel?’ Isla asks around her straw, already deep into the drink. This is so typically her, piss drunk and still asking how everyone else is doing. ‘You were fucking brilliant. I fucking cried. Like, a lot.’

‘Did ya?’ Niall wishes he had his eyes open during Flicker, all of a sudden. He hates the idea of Isla crying without him. ‘I was that bad?’

‘Fuck off,’ she giggles, reaching up to cup his cheek. ‘I’m so proud of you.’

He grasps her wrist, pulls her hand around so he can press his lips to her palm, a gentle kiss. ‘Love you,’ he tells her. ‘This wouldn’t have happened without you. Thank you.’

‘It would’ve,’ Isla whispers, barely audible over the loud music, the roar of people talking. ‘You would be just as talented without me.’

‘No,’ he shakes his head. ‘All this is you. I wouldn’t have even auditioned without you, let alone written an entire album.’

‘Ah, you would’ve found someone else to inspire your angst.’

‘No,’ Niall repeats himself, trying to convey just how serious he is through his voice. ‘It’s only ever been you.’

Isla doesn’t fight him, just runs her thumb over the outline of his lips, over his dusting of stubble. ‘Colm is here,’ she says eventually. ‘He came up to talk to me earlier.’

‘What?’ Niall feels a strangely specific tightening in his chest, one he hasn’t felt since secondary school. ‘How did he get in? I didn’t invite him.’

‘Came with Nicky as his plus one.’

‘For fuck’s sake, I’ll kill the bastard.’

‘S’alright,’ Isla soothes. ‘It’s been ages. Was weird, though. He asked me if I was happy with you, if I was okay with being kept a secret.’

‘He what?’ It kind of feels like the only word Niall can say right now.

‘I dunno, it really was weird. He was saying how I shouldn’t settle, how I deserve someone who doesn’t feel like he has to keep me a secret because he’s ashamed of me. I know he talks shite but, like, what a weird thing to say for no reason,’ Isla sips her drink, not quite meeting Niall’s eye.

‘He’s a fucking idiot bastard,’ is what Niall manages to get out, corners of his vision clouding with anger. ‘Just wanted to make you feel like shite one last time, and that was the best he could come up with. Petal, I’m so sorry, I wish you told me right away. Would’ve had him kicked out that second, but I’ll do it now, let me call Bas and—’

‘It’s okay, Niall,’ Isla touches his chest gently. ‘It won’t do any good to make him angry. I don’t even know why I told you it just… I’ve been thinking about it, is all.’

‘About what?’

‘What he said,’ says Isla softly, stirring what’s left of her drink with her straw.

‘Do you feel that way?’ Niall asks, bile rising in his chest. ‘Like I’m ashamed of you? Because that’s the furthest from the truth, Isla, I—’

‘No,’ she shakes her head quick, cuts him off. ‘But I know, like. I know that I don’t fit in. With your work friends and stuff.’

‘What are you talking about, yes you—’

‘I’m not, like, a model or anything. I’m not talented or stunning or charming or cool, like that. I know I’d make a tit of myself if you took me to any of your work events, and I know that, like, publicity-wise there are better choices for you in terms of a girlfriend.’

‘Isla—’

‘I just don’t want you to feel pressure, like?’ Isla still won’t look at him. ‘I love you so much, but if I’m not the right fit for your job—’

‘Isla,’ Niall raises his voice just enough to get her to look up at him, brown eyes wide, wet, sad enough to snap his fucking heart. ‘I don’t want you to think like this. I don’t want anyone but you—I’m never going to want anyone but you ever again. Every time I had someone who wasn’t you I was thinking about you, for fuck’s sake. Christ, if you knew the number of times I almost said your name while I was in bed with someone else… it’s fucking embarrassing. You’re drunk, petal, and I don’t want to have this conversation right now,’ he brings his hand up to cup her cheek now, hoping she can feel just how much he loves her this way. ‘But I want to carry it on in the morning, when you’re sober. Is that okay?’

Isla nods, swallows thick and closes her eyes for a second. Niall waits. He’ll wait as long as she needs him to.

When she does open her eyes, it’s like she was never upset in the first place. ‘You thought of me while you were fucking someone else?’ she asks, bringing her drink up to her mouth, wrapping her lips around the straw. It’s amazing, how quickly Niall feels a rush of heat through his body.

‘Every single time,’ he tells her honestly. ‘Listen, I’m gonna go find Bas and get McAnderson kicked out of here. But after that, I think I made you a promise earlier today that I’d like to keep?’

####

taglist: @stylishmuser @thicksniall @stayclose-holdsteady @niallhoranruinsme @ajayque @flickerswinehouse @1dfangirls35 @crocodileniall @halfpinthoran @awomanindeniall @booksncoffee @edgeofmyniall @kare38 @emmathefantomes @coconutdawn @irish-nlessing @niallspeachybum @perksmikey

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#one direction #1dff #one direction fan fiction #niall horan #niall horan fic #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan imagine #niall #something about you #you didn't think it could all be smooth sailing from here did ya!!#alskfjsudfksdf #SPOILER *ts *all g*nna b* *kay

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prettyboyspenceee · 5 years

Text

Mutual

Request: “Heyyy I have a very angsty request if you’re down. Maybe the readers being accused for a crime and everyone’s confused and some people at the bau believe r did it but spencer is one of the only people who believe r didn’t. And r knows who did it but won’t tell anyone cause r doesn’t want the other person getting in trouble for it. Thank you sm! Sorry if that doesn’t make sense and thank you for taking the time to read this.” - @lavender-writer

A/N: Hey! I feel like I’ve been on a writing streak. I’ve been feeling really inspired. Anyways, I kinda tweaked the concept a bit! I feel like the BAU would always stick up for the members of their team so in this fic they’re mostly confused. This is a long one so buckle up!

Description: When the Reader gets arrested by the DOJ when they’re suspected of murder the entire team races to clear their name. The reader knows who is framing them but won’t tell the team or the DOJ in fear of the team getting hurt.

Character Appearances: Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan, Jennifer “JJ” Jareau, David Rossi, Aaron Hotchner, Penelope Garcia.

OC: Leo Walker, Agent Clarence

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds! Once again, I wouldn’t be here writing and I would’ve already written myself into the show

Female Reader! X Spencer Reid

(Y/N) - Your Name

(Y/L/N) - Your Last Name

Word Count: 2,372

Posted: October 5th, 2019

---

You sat in interrogation room number 5, you remembered reading the room number before you were pushed in by Agent Clarence.

“I’m going to ask you again Agent (Y/L/N), where were you on the night of October 24th?” Agent Clarence asked you with a straight face, “I’m not playing games, (Y/L/N).”

“Neither am I, Agent Clarence.” You said curtly.

You were stonewalling him, “Bring the BAU in here. That is my only condition.”

“No.” He said. And then you went quiet again.

---

On the night of October 24th, you got a phone call. You knew it was coming, you had prepared for it for a good two years of your life. Even so, your blood ran cold.

“Hey, sis! It’s Leo, Leo Walker” His voice was as cold as ice.

You gulped, “What do you want, Leo?”

“Well, I want a lot of things. But you know the thing that I want the most?” He paused, “I want the life you took from me back.” He spat the words out and your throat went dry, “Something big is happening (Y/N) and if you tell anyone, especially that little team of yours, they’re dead. Blood will be on YOUR hands.” After the last sentence, he hung up.

That night you went straight home, not even bothering to tell the team you were leaving. The next week you were arrested.

---

Spencer couldn’t think. The BAU had never seen him like this, they watched worriedly as he paced back in forth in the conference room.

“Pretty boy, you need to calm down,” Derek said softly.

“Don’t tell me to calm down, Derek! (Y/N) was just arrested and charged for not one murder, not two murders, but FIVE.” Spencer yelled.

“Hotch, please. We have to go over there.” Spencer pleaded. His eyes were wild and his hair was a tangled mess. His clothes were wrinkled and it looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

The entire team knew he cared deeply for (Y/N). It went deeper than his brotherly love for the rest of the team, they knew he was in love with her.

JJ, Emily, and Penelope were always trying to convince him to ask her out, the day he actually plucked up the courage to, he got a call saying that she was arrested on the account for 5 murders. When he got that call, it was like the BAU came crashing down.

“I’ll see what I can do, Spencer. JJ, stay with Spencer. Garcia, Prentiss, I need you both to look through every little piece of (Y/N)’s life with a fine-tooth comb. Morgan and Rossi will be with me making calls to every department, this is officially a case for the BAU.

---

Before this mess, you were an agent with Sex Crimes. It was your second year with the unit when you were assigned your first undercover mission. You were always teased about looking younger than everyone thought you were, you were 22 at the time but everyone said you looked 16. You never thought that looking younger would help the Bureau. Your mission was to infiltrate a sex-trafficking ring involving foster parents and their foster kids.

You were placed with the Walker family, they had 3 foster children and one biological son named Leo Walker. Leo was fifteen when you met him and when his parents and countless others were arrested, he blamed you for ruining his life.

When the case was closed it was considered classified. The sex trafficking ring had ties with the Italian Mafia and the Bureau was worried about the safety of the children involved as well as the agents involved, especially you. The Walker family was heavily associated with the Mafia which was something you found out when you were undercover, you weren’t scared at the time, just worried for the children. After your mission you were transferred to the BAU, you had been with the team for about four years now and you couldn’t be happier, you had found your family.

Even so, you felt bad for Leo. You felt bad that he blamed you for ruining his life but you couldn’t feel too bad knowing the countless number of lives you saved.

You knew Leo would come back, you just didn’t know when.

---

“Alright. We are heading downtown to review the interrogation. (Y/N) specifically asked ALL of us to be there, Agent Clarence only agreed to get her talking.” Hotch announced to the team.

The team nodded. They were trained to get into the heads of serial killers but they never thought that one day they would have to get into the head of one of their own. They were confused, stressed and tired.

They all stood up at once and rushed to the SUVs. Hotch pulled Garcia aside, “Garcia, I need you to stay here. I want you to unseal file AXY-398, it was an undercover mission (Y/N) was working on before she was transferred here.”

“On it, Sir.” The sound of her heels echoed through the hallways of the BAU was the only thing the team labeled as normal on a day like today.

---

“Your team is here, Agent (Y/L/N).” Agent Clarence told you, “Now, I have all the evidence I need to convict you. Your DNA was left at all five crime scenes, your off duty weapon was used to shoot all five victims!” he hit his hand against the metal table that you were cuffed to, “I’m giving you one chance to explain yourself, now is the time.”

You took a deep breath, “If you looked into my history, you would know that the weapon that killed all five victims was my weapon when I was with Sex Crimes. I changed it once I got to the BAU.”

“Well, why is it still registered in your name?” Agent Clarence asked smugly.

“Someone must’ve registered it in MY name,” you replied.

---

Spencer perked up when you emphasized the word “my”. The rest of the team caught it too. You hadn’t emphasized any other words the entire time you had been held.

---

“Well, who would register it in your name, (Y/L/N)? Any ideas?” Agent Clarence asked sarcastically.

You knew you were innocent but this man was getting on your last nerve, “Well it’s not like I have a BROTHER. Do I? Or did you forget to check?”

Clarence rolled his eyes, “We looked in your file. We know you don’t have a brother.”

You checked your watch, “Well you didn’t look hard enough.”

---

The team shared a look, “A brother?” Emily asked in a harsh whisper.

“Spence, did (Y/N) ever mention having a brother?” JJ asked.

“No. Never,” Spencer mumbled.

All of a sudden they heard Hotch’s phone ring, “You’re on speaker, Garcia.”

“Okay, so, when (Y/N) worked at Sex Crimes she was a huge part of an undercover mission. Her main role was to infiltrate sex-trafficking through the foster system. Since our girl looks like she’s 18 now, she looked 16 when she was 22. I just unsealed the file and it turns out she was placed with a family named the Walkers posing as a foster kid. They had three foster daughters and, oh-”

“What is it, Garcia?” JJ asked.

“They had one biological son, Leo Walker.”

“Is that it?” Spencer asked hurriedly.

“No. The Walkers had ties with the Italian Mafia. That’s why the case was sealed, it was for the safety of (Y/N) and the children involved. (Y/N) wasn’t allowed to talk about it. Ever.”

---

“With all due respect, Agent Clarence, you have no motive and no witnesses.” (Y/N) said. You were getting tired, it was nearing hour 8 of your interrogation and you only got one break. You hoped the team got your message, you hoped they were safe.

The door swung open and it was Hotch, “I have an order from the director. Agent (Y/N) (Y/L/N) is innocent. If you looked deeper into her file you would see that she was involved in an undercover operation involving the Italian Mafia. I hope that you're competent enough to make the connection that Agent (Y/L/N) is being framed. I’m sure you’ll be hearing from your director.”

Agent Clarence eyed Hotch wondering if he should challenge him, he thought about it for a minute and then he uncuffed your hands. “Have a good night, Agent Clarence!” You gave him a sarcastic smile and your best wave. Hotch’s lips twitched into a small smile which you thought was equivalent to a laugh.

---

You were greeted with bone-crushing hugs as you stepped into the BAU, except Spencer. He was distant and tense, you noticed how he could barely look at you.

“Spence. Can you just talk to me?” You pleaded.

“No, (Y/N)! I can’t just talk to you. You never talked to me!” He yelled.

The team wasn’t surprised by his outburst, he had been through so much over the years but when something happened to you it’s like he couldn’t think. His brain was muddled by every memory of you.

You were speechless. After 4 years at the BAU, you and Spencer had gotten extremely close and he had never spoken to you that way. You felt defeated but you had to gather yourself, you had to catch Leo.

You turned to Hotch, “I know where Leo is, I know how he thinks. I need to find him, you can be my backup but I have to go alone. He wants me and he won’t stop until he gets me. I’m his endgame.”

Immediate shouts of protests came from the team, “Absolutely not, Little Mama. You go in, we go in with you.”

“No, Derek! He said he would kill you all if you knew. We have an advantage here. He doesn’t know that we all know, we have to use that,” you turned to Hotch, “Please Hotch, I’ve been preparing this for years now. I can’t have any more blood on my hands.”

Hotch looked at the team and then back at you, “I’ll get SWAT on the line, no one does anything without my signal.”

---

You drove alone to your foster house in Alexandria, you took a deep breath, this was it. The house was abandoned but you knew Leo was there because the curtains in his old bedroom were pulled back.

You kept your hand on your gun and you had your ankle holster in case something went wrong. You opened the door and there he was, sitting in the middle of the family room.

“I was wondering what took you so long. How did you get out?” Leo asked with a smug smile.

“That’s not important. What do you want Leo?”

“You.” He replied.

“Well, you have me. Now what?”

“Give me your gun. Don’t try anything, I have eyes everywhere.”

You slid your gun across the dirty wood floor, “Good. Take a seat, (Y/N). We have a lot of catching up to do.” He pointed to an old wooden chair.

You sat down and your hands were immediately being taped up behind the chair but you stood still, he wouldn’t hurt you, not yet at least. Leo wanted you to talk and he wasn’t going to kill you before you did.

“It was so easy to frame you, (Y/N). I kept the hairbrush you used when you stayed here. At first it was because I was lonely, but like you, it always came in handy.”

You said nothing, you were profiling him. Leo was obsessive, he wouldn’t stop until he had you dead.

“Ah. Paralyzed by fear? Not so tough now.” He giggled like a schoolboy, “I’m going to ask you a series of questions and once we’re done, I’m going to kill you.”

You nodded wordlessly, using that as a distraction so you could start trying to break the tape on your hands.

---

Spencer was anxious, he couldn’t stand that you were helpless with this maniac. He wished that he was in your place, he wished that you were safe.

“Hey Kid, we’re going to get her back. When we do, you can tell her how you feel.” Rossi said as he grabbed Spencer’s shoulder.

Spencer turned to Rossi, “My feelings? What are you talking about?” Spencer never told anyone about his feelings for (Y/N) because he didn’t want her finding out.

“I’ve seen the way you look at her, it’s a look I’ve seen on many men before you, it’s the same way Will looks at JJ, it’s the same way Derek looks at Savannah. You love her.”

---

“Why did you ruin my life?” Leo asked.

“It wasn’t my choice, Leo. I checked on you as often as I could, but life got in the way.” You said softly.

Leo paused to think, “Are you in love?”

“Yes,” you answered immediately. You thought of Spencer, the man who had captured your heart for the past 4 years.

“With who?” Leo asked, “Consider this your last words because, after this, we’re done.”

Leo turned his back to you and you finally had a chance. You pulled your hands free as silently as you could and grabbed your gun from your ankle holster and hid it underneath your arm.

“Who are you in love with, (Y/N)?” Leo pulled out your old gun, the one used to kill the first five victims.

“S-Spencer Reid.” You said. You watched as readied his finger against the trigger. Before he even pulled the trigger a shot rang out through the house. As Leo fell, you saw SWAT and the BAU storm through the house. You grabbed your sidearm and holstered it.

“(Y/N)!”

You turned and you faced Spencer. He pulled you into a hug, “Did you mean it?” He mumbled into your hair.

“Mean what, Spence?” You said pulling back from the hug.

“Do you love me?”

“I do. I’ve loved you for the past 4 years.” You smiled with tears in your eyes.

“I loved you ever since the day I’ve met you,” Spencer replied.

“It’s good to know that the feeling is mutual,” you chuckled.

“Yeah, it is.”

---

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yariibu · 3 years

Text

// finally wrote up a drabble for a super heavy conversation between koshiro & his mother , which got long & kind of irrelevant in most of my threads with him right now . but i was feeling angsty so i’m posting this anyway . enjoy . fair warning , i didn’t bother to spell check this . lmaooo .

also , this is entirely headcanon .

warning: csa & r*pe mentions .

-----------------------------------------------------------

❝ mom ? ❞ koshiro calls from outside his mother's bedroom door , peaking in from the small space where it stayed ajar . his step-father was on a business trip , not set to come home for another 2 days or so , depending on the train schedules . he'd come home that weekend specifically because he knew that man wouldn't be around , but even then it still took him until sunday evening to even build the courage for this conversation - one he'd suppressed for close to 15 years .

" come in , sweetheart ! i'm just putting some of my laundry away - " his mother's voice is as pure & chipper as ever . she's just as she always was , a bright woman with a beautiful smile as she stood by her closet door , comfortably dressed in pajama pants & a pastel-colored hoodie with the name of koshiro's university embroidered by the right sleeve . koshiro meanders into the room , closing the door so the dogs wouldn't follow him in & taking a seat toward the edge of his mother's side of the bed . " thank you so much for helping me out around the house this weekend , ko . you know your momma loves it when you come home to see her . "

koshiro smiles for a moment , but doesn't verbally respond . his gaze slowly drifts off toward the window , a hand brushing blond hair behind his ear as he feels the nervous energy in his chest build up . his habits could ever go unnoticed by someone as perceptive as his mother , though . the tall woman's expression immediately falls into concern , abandoning her place in her closet & approaching her son . " what's wrong ? you look like you've got something on your mind , " she comments , nearly reading him like a book .

❝ ..... ❞ he has a hard time finding the words at start , & his mother senses that . she sits beside him on the bed , a hand reaching out to shift platinum blond hair away from koshiro's eyes before resting her palm against his cheek . she was a spitfire compared to her son , but she also had a lot of patience , especially knowing how soft-spoken koshiro tended to be . she'd wait there until he was ready to speak . when he does , his voice is already starting to come out shaken . ❝ can i talk to you about something ? ❞

she giggles , brushing her thumb against koshiro's cheek . " you can always talk to your mother about anything . you know that , don't you ? "

he should know that .

❝ it's.... about my step-father . ❞

that seemed to catch his mother off-guard . throughout the time she'd been married to her current husband , she did notice that koshiro never seemed to be close with him . however , they always got along . she just assumed that even though that man told her he viewed koshiro like his own son , & koshiro had expressed in the past that he liked having him around - she didn't think there was any problems . she couldn't expect her son to be as close to that man as he could have been his own father , after all , he spent the first 8 years of his life without one . but from what she understood , they were still a happy family . " what about him ? "

koshiro couldn't suppress the deep breath he needed to take , unintentionally going silent again as he fidgets his shoulders . the palm on his cheek moved to his shoulder , giving it a concerned squeeze . now , his mother was worried . the way koshiro's expression twisted in on itself , the way he couldn't seem to settle . she knew something was wrong . " koshiro ? what's going on ? " she murmurs softly .

he never got any of the words out . instead , he just shook his head , & the tears started to flow . now , his mother started to feel a bit of panic herself , immediately taking her son into her arms as he quietly sobbed against her shoulder . " koshiro.... " she whispers , stroking a hand against his hair . " koshiro , please , you have to talk to me . what about your step-father ? " though , this wasn't looking good for her current husband . when her son mentions him , then immediately falls into tears - she knows there's information she's missing . something isn't right , & she's quite nervous that she doesn't know what it is .

her embrace tightens for a mere second before she pulls back , cradling koshiro's face in both hands & brushing her thumbs against the tears that stained his cheek . she looks koshiro directly into matching eyes , the worry on her expression intense . " koshiro , what did he do to you ? " she spoke slowly , every word falling off her tongue sternly but her gaze still comforting , letting him know that she will believe any word that comes from him .

koshiro puts one hand on top of his mother's , sniffling as he takes in another breath & finds his voice . he can't go back now - he can't go back to their happy little life where his mom was deeply in love with someone that made her happy , & koshiro could pretend nothing ever happened for her sake . ❝ he.... when you were still a secretary for that realty company.... & you were late one night , ❞ he starts , unable to maintain eye contact & taking multiple pauses to catch his breath between words .

that was so long ago , she thinks . koshiro was around 7 or 8 years old when she worked there . but instead of commenting , she lets him continue at his own pace . ❝ he got really drunk - ❞ the stress on the word ' really ' was strong , leaving his mother's brows to knit tightly . he told her he didn't drink was her next thought - again , a thought kept to herself in order to hear the rest of the story .

he swallows hard . ❝ i t-tried to talk to him , & he just.... ❞ koshiro's composure was starting to falter , the tears falling quicker & body trembling at the memory . he felt sick , he doesn't want to continue - but his mother needed to know everything . she needed to know the worst part of the story . her warm hands rubbed at his neck & shoulders , shaking her head as a silent way of telling him to take his time .

koshiro's voice grew more panicked , sobbing a bit louder . ❝ he took everything off , mom . i just - ❞ his story ended there as he divulged into sobs against his mother's shoulder . tears started forming in her eyes , too - because he didn't need to finish that story for her to put the pieces together . her embrace around her son is tight & protective , apologetic even .

" oh my god , koshiro , " she sobbed right back . " koshiro , i'm sorry , i'm so sorry - " she whispers into his hair . in that moment , she felt like the scum of the earth . the worst mother on the planet . she preached for years about doing everything she could for her son , & something like that happened right before her eyes , kept a secret for nearly 15 years . & she never knew . she never suspected anything . what kind of mother can't tell that something so awful happened to her own child . from someone she thought loved him like their own . that man .

" that motherfucker , " she seethed , catching koshiro off-guard , who can't remember if he's ever even heard his mother cuss . " koshiro , i'm so sorry you thought you had to keep this from me . baby , please look at me , " she begs , placing those same comforting hands to either side of his face & pressing her lips to his forehead before their gazes met . " i should have been better , " his mother claims . koshiro merely shakes his head , because he knows how bad he is with telling people things .

the woman wants to ask him why he kept this from her for so long , wants to ask why he felt like he couldn't tell her - but she doesn't want to ask him now . she doesn't want to seem like she's blaming him for anything , because she knows not a damn thing was koshiro's fault . if anything , she had blame to take responsibility for , she was the one who brought that man into their lives & he got away with murder . it hurt , feeling betrayed by a man she thought she loved . who she thought loved her son . but her own tears are fueled by her anger for that man .

" koshiro , tomorrow morning , throw all of your things back into your bag . we're gonna take the train to chiba & visit your grandparents for a bit . "

koshiro leans back from his mother's embrace , his tear-stained expression confused . because from what he understood , he was going to go back to campus tomorrow afternoon . ❝ wait.... why ? ❞ he asks , his voice still unsteady .

" i'm leaving your step-father , " she declares harshly , expression bitter at the thought of that man entering their home again . she wants to burn his belongings , kick him out & tell him to never come back . file for divorce right that second . but it would be more complicated than that , & she wanted to be able to keep her son safe . this wasn't information she could simply hear & let her son wander back to university as if everything was okay . she wants to help him in the way she wishes she could have years ago . " honey , i'm so sorry to ask this.... can you drop the rest of this semester & comeback home for a bit ? just a semester . just one semester , & you can go back next fall . please.... stay with your mother . " every word divulged into a desperate whisper , desperate to make things right , desperate to fix as much as she could . to do everything she could for her son .

all of this was happening so fast , a part of him regrets every bringing up the situation with his mother . he feels like he broke their marriage , like he was the one who messed everything up . but when he looks into his mother's eyes , that flowed with tears of their own , she smiled at him . & he realizes that she still looks the same way she did when he was a little kid . koshiro nods . ❝ okay . ❞

he'll text his friends in the morning & tell them not to wait for him at the train station .

#** ( koshiro ) .#csa tw #rape mention tw

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pendingproductivity · 3 years

Text

2020 READING RECAP!

This year sucked ass in so many ways, but it might be the best year of reading I’ve ever had. I discovered so many new favorites, revisited some old favorites, and even read a few books multiple times. In this post, I’ve listed my top five favorite books from this year in the order that I read them because I don’t think I could possibly rank them against each other. They have all become some of my favorite books of all time. I’ve also included a few honorable mentions which are ranked with my favorite listed first. And lastly, I have two notable rereads of some old favorites. I also added links to each book on goodreads and bookshop so you can easily add anything to your tbr or buy it! This is going to be a long one, so buckle up. Without further ado, here is an overview of the books I read in 2020!

s t a t s :

reading goal: 30

total books read: 31

new (to me) books read: 22

average rating: 4.2/5 stars

t o p f i v e f a v o r i t e s :

Beartown and Us Against You by Fredrik Backman

(Yes, I know I’m kind of cheating by counting this as one book but just roll with me here) Beartown takes place in a tiny community in rural Sweden which is defined by their hockey club. When the junior hockey team has a chance at winning the national championships, the entire town throws their full support behind them. The burden of the pride of their community rests on the shoulders of a handful of teenage boys. For one, the pressure boils over and he commits an act of violence that leaves a young girl traumatized, and the entire community divided.

Late one evening toward the end of March, a teenager picked up a double-barreled shotgun, walked into the forest, put the gun to someone else's forehead, and pulled the trigger.

This is the story of how we got there.

These two books were downright spectacular. Over the course of this year, I’ve completely fallen in love with Backman’s writing style (we love a good onomatopoeia) but more than anything else I just adore his characters. Each one is multidimensional, and even the most infuriating residents of Beartown have their redeeming qualities. I also love the attention he gives to even the side characters whose motivations shape the story even if they only appear for a few scenes. These are stories about right and wrong, courage and fear, and most of all, humanity itself. I laughed and cried and felt more emotions than I thought was possible. Beartown was amazing, but I actually thought that the sequel, Us Against You, somehow surpassed it, so make sure to read both!! (TW: rape/sexual assault)

goodreads - bookshop (Beartown) goodreads - bookshop (UAY)

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

Paul Kalanithi was thirty-six years old and on the verge of completing a decade’s worth of training to become a neurosurgeon when he was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. His memoir, When Breath Becomes Air, follows his journey from being a naïve medical student, to a brilliant neurosurgeon at Stanford, to being a cancer patient and a new father confronting his own mortality.

I began to realize that coming in such close contact with my own mortality had changed both nothing and everything. Before my cancer was diagnosed, I knew that someday I would die, but I didn’t know when. After the diagnosis, I knew that someday I would die, but I didn’t know when. But now I knew it acutely. The problem wasn’t really a scientific one. The fact of death is unsettling. Yet there is no other way to live.

This memoir caught me completely by surprise. It was assigned reading for an English class and I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it let alone completely reevaluate my perception of the world around me because of it. Kalanithi discusses learning, medicine, life, and death as he seeks to answer the age-old question, “What makes life worth living?” and the unique perspectives that he offered fascinated me. When Breath Becomes Air is an unfinished manuscript, since Kalanithi died in 2015, but the epilogue written by his wife might just be the best part of the whole book. To tell you that I was sobbing while reading it would be an understatement. The reason why this book made this list is because I finished it in March, but I still think about it relatively often. When Breath Becomes Air has left a lasting impact on my life, and I highly recommend it!

goodreads - bookshop

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Evelyn Hugo was a Hollywood legend, but after her sudden departure from show business in the late 80s, she completely fell out of the public gaze. Now she is finally ready to tell the true story about her scandalous and glamorous life and she has specifically chosen Monique Grant, a virtually unknown magazine reporter, for the job. For Monique this exclusive is the opportunity of a lifetime. Evelyn tells her story of ambition, friendship, love, and of course each of her seven husbands. However, it becomes evident that Evelyn’s life has intersected with Monique’s own in tragic and irreversible ways.

It’s always been fascinating to me how things can be simultaneously true and false, how people can be good and bad all in one, how someone can love you in a way that is beautifully selfless while serving themselves ruthlessly.

This. Book. It was absolutely captivating. I’m honestly not even sure what to say here without giving too much away. The plot is truly a wild ride as Evelyn leads Monique through the story of her life. There are so many twists and turns: some that I saw coming and others that completely blindsided me. And that not even to mention Evelyn Hugo herself who is one of the strongest, smartest, most compassionate and deeply flawed characters I’ve ever read about. All the characters were complex and layered, but she was really something else. There were so so many emotions and so many tears and I really don’t know what else to say. I’m begging you to read this book; it will blow your mind.

goodreads - bookshop

A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman

Ove is a curmudgeon whose life is turned upside down when a young, vivacious family moves in next door. That’s it. That’s the synopsis.

Death is a strange thing. People live their whole lives as if it does not exist, and yet it's often one of the great motivations for living. Some of us, in time, become so conscious of it that we live harder, more obstinately, with more fury. Some need its constant presence to even be aware of its antithesis. Others become so preoccupied with it that they go into the waiting room long before it has announced its arrival. We fear it, yet most of us fear more than anything that it may take someone other than ourselves. For the greatest fear of death is always that it will pass us by. And leave us there alone.

You’ve seen the Pixar movie: grumpy old man meets young person who shows him life is worth living and they become buds etc. etc. Sure, you could essentially boil down A Man Called Ove to that simple plotline but it is so much more than that. It’s heartbreaking and hopeful and you’ll laugh and cry while reading it. This was the most wholesome story I had read in a long time, and I thoroughly enjoyed every last bit of it. I’ve already explained my love of Backman’s unique writing style, but this novel in particular does a beautiful job of tackling deep themes such as grief and purpose with a generous serving of humor. I also just adored the ending. While this book isn’t at all fluffy or entirely lighthearted, it gave me all of he warm fuzzy feelings I was craving. I cannot possibly recommend it enough!

goodreads - bookshop

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Elizabeth Bennet and her four sisters must find wealthy husbands because upon their father’s death, the entirety of his estate will be passed on to a male cousin, leaving them penniless. Conveniently, a wealthy gentleman called Mr. Bingley moves into the neighborhood, bringing along his even wealthier although most unpleasant friend, Mr. Darcy.

Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us.

I definitely didn’t think that I was going to enjoy this book nearly as much as I did. The story truly is timeless, and I absolutely adored Elizabeth and Darcy. The biggest surprise I had while reading is that the humor is still funny today and of course Lizzy is fucking hilarious. She is confident, principled, and more than happy to roast the shit out of anyone who deserves it. And then there’s the matter of Mr. Darcy being so sweet and kind (after he stops being an asshole of course) and greatly contributing to the unattainable standards I have for men. It was also nice to have a socially awkward male lead, and in many ways I related more to him than to Lizzy. This book is everything I want from a romance novel plus class criticism and feminism and Elizabeth being an absolute badass. Enemies to lovers is my all time favorite romance trope and I loved reading one of the OGs. Also, I’d just like to add that Mary is the most underappreciated character of the whole novel because she’s really just trying her best. Mostly I was just completely impressed with how this novel has withstood the test of time and it has become one of my favorite classics! Please please give this book a chance even if you don’t typically enjoy classic novels!!

goodreads - bookshop - barnes&noble (this is the edition I have and it’s just so gorgeous I had to include it!)

h o n o r a b l e m e n t i o n s :

The Martian by Andy Weir

Mark Watney is one of the first people to ever walk on Mars, and now it seems like he’ll be the fist person to die there. A raging dust storm forced his crew to evacuate without him and he finds himself alone on the red planet with the entire world believing him to be dead. This book just barely missed being one of my top five of the year, but it was absolutely amazing. I love reading about people finding clever solutions to problems and that is basically what this entire story is. I maybe understood half of the technical science jargon if I’m being generous, but the story is plenty enjoyable even without extensive scientific knowledge. I adore Mark’s wit and mindset, and I loved watching him wriggle his way out of impossible situations with the odds completely stacked against him. The Martian is a story of perseverance and humanity, but it’s also absolutely hilarious. I highly recommend this one if you haven’t picked it up!!

goodreads - bookshop

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

Shaker-Heights appears to be the perfect place to raise a family. It’s progressive, has low crime rates and is all around an idyllic bubble. This all begins to change when a single mother and her daughter move into town with a disregard for the status quo, and a custody battle erupts, dividing the community. This was a great book that ended up being surprisingly thought provoking, and I particularly enjoyed the novel’s criticism of liberal idealism. The story itself was entertaining and I think it’s definitely worth a read!

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Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

Alex Claremont-Diaz is the first son of the United States who finds himself intertwined in a damage control PR stunt with his sworn nemesis, Prince Henry. They have to pretend to be best friends to ensure that their confrontation at the royal wedding doesn’t get in the way of American/British relations. I’m sure you can guess where this is going. This is totally a feel-good love story, but it also finds the time to tackle real issues surrounding politics and societal expectations. I loved this book so much that I read it twice this year (the second time because I was so stressed about the election and I needed to distract myself with the fictional 2020 election that takes place in the novel) and also I’m just a sucker for enemies to lovers. (sidenote: the turkey catastrophe is one of the greatest scenes in literary history and you cannot convince me otherwise) 100% would recommend!

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n o t a b l e r e r e a d s :

The Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling

The Jim Dale audiobooks are my ultimate self-care tool when I’m stressed or sad; I just find them to be so comforting and I can’t explain why. Because of this I probably listen to at least one of the books every year, but it’s usually just whichever one I happen to be in the mood for. But it’s been so long since I’ve listened through the entire series, and this year seemed to be the perfect time to do so!

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

This used to be my favorite book of all time. I’m pretty sure I first read it in sixth or seventh grade and I’ve reread it so many times since. I’ve been planning on rereading this book my first year of university for such a long time, and the time finally came! The book especially hit hard this semester because Cath feels disconnected from everyone at school because she doesn’t want to go to parties or make much of an effort to find friends, and because of COVID, I ended up in almost the exact same situation, (except unfortunately my roommate doesn’t have a cute ex-boyfriend who hangs out in our room). This was definitely another comfort read like the HP audiobooks and it made me feel a bit better about being stuck in my dorm room.

If you actually made it to the end of all that, wow, you’re a real one. I hope you got a few new book recs out of this! If you want to see the thirteen other books I read this year, you can check out my 2020 reading challenge. I read so many amazing books this year I had hard time narrowing down my favorites, so there are still plenty more great reads that aren’t included in this post. If for some reason you feel like keeping up with the books I read in 2021, follow my goodreads account for dramatic and ranty book reviews. Happy New Year, and here’s to 2021 being full of wonderful books!

#booklr #reading #reading recap #reading wrap up #mine

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mvsicians · 4 years

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when despair for the world grows in me & i wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life & my children’s lives may be, i go & lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, & the great heron feeds. i come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. i come into the presence of still water. & i feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. for a time i rest in the grace of the world, & am f r e e.

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( TRIGGER WARNING : PARENT DEATH & CANCER )

♩ — 𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐆𝐈𝐋𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐓 & 𝐈𝐒𝐀𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐈𝐍 met during middle school & immediately became infatuated with one another. it didn’t take long for them to become a couple, & they entered into high school as a pair as well. the relationship was quite remarkable as they were a healthy couple, which was rare in their age group. however, at the age of sixteen, isabella became pregnant. after some meditation & consideration ------ she decided she would indeed keep the baby, & raise it no matter what oliver decided. her parents were reluctant at first, but later grew accustomed to the idea. the pair had broken up shortly after the discovery she was with child, but oliver grew into his role as the father once they’d graduated from high school. at the age of twenty, the two became wed.

♩ — 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘'𝐃 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐃 & 𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐎𝐔𝐓, oliver got a job as a stockbroker, whereas isabella was a waitress in a diner in their town. the hours were fairly flexible & allowed her to spend as much time as possible with her son. whenever he wasn’t with his parents, he was with his maternal grandparents. he grew to become very close with them & have a strong sense of family.

♩ — 𝐈𝐒𝐀𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐀𝐍 avid lover of classic rock, especially fleetwood mac, & would be the one to instill a deep love of music within her son. from an early age, he always expressed a keen interest in all things music, & have a natural ear. they purchased him his first piano at the age of seven & paid for two years of professional lessons.

♩ — 𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐀𝐓 the age of ten when oliver fell sick. these days, you don’t think of young people -- the picture of perfect health -- to get cancer. the doctors said he had a good prognosis, they caught it early & he should be fine. but doctors aren’t fortune tellers, & it’s better not to place all your faith in should’s. the amount of strength & courage he witnessed in his father in those two years the cancer drained him was far more strength than any superhero in the stories.

♩ — 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐍'𝐓 only his father who displayed a largely admirable strength -- it was also his mother. after he passed, isabella’s parents began to stay with them at the house. there was a copious amount of bills that needed to be paid & the waitressing job wasn’t enough to keep up. oliver’s parents eventually donated a sum of money to the family after witnessing their struggles & some parents at eli’s school also started up a fundraiser for them. isabella found this humiliating but was at her wit’s end.

♩ — 𝐁𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐆𝐄 of eleven, he began teaching piano lessons to some of the neighbor’s children. not a large sum of money, but it was better than nothing. he amassed a tiny sum of money for himself to rely less on his mother. by the age of thirteen, he was being heavily encouraged by isabella to begin boarding school at marble hill preparatory. she had faith in him -- that he could be something bigger than her. she wanted him to give him an opportunity to truly be something great. she believed wholeheartedly that: if anyone could do it, it was him. she’d been referring to him as ‘ mini mozart ‘ since he was five.

♩ — 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄 -- they’d never be able to afford marble hill preparatory on their own funds. eli had always gone above & beyond, excelling at school. there was only one b on his report card in all his years of schooling. he manged to get a full scholarship to mhp by his grades & a paper he had written on his father. it was difficult for him to leave his mother, but he was content in knowing this was what she wanted for him. they’d set arrangements that they would call one another as much as possible, as well as write to each other & for him to send her videos of him playing piano.

♩ — 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐈𝐄𝐒 & 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐂 were his priority in high school. he was always a quiet & shy individual, who lost himself in music. however it grew apparent in his freshman year that he had problems beyond ‘ just being shy ‘ & began seeing a counselor outside of mhp who diagnosed him with social anxiety. his therapist was his main support system during this time. it was quite lonely living so far from his family, but he did manage to make a few close friends during his time at marble hill preparatory. he had difficulties in making the friends that he did.

♩ — 𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐇𝐈𝐒 first kiss at the age of twelve with one of the girls in his neighborhood who was one of his only friends. she told him that he was cute & requested that he be the first girl that he kissed. this is the only interaction that he has had with the opposite sex. he had crushes on girls in high school, & one short - lived relationship, but he never actually lost his virginity.

♩ — 𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 get accepted into hatchett on a full scholarship not only because of his stellar grades, but because he composed his own sonata for the piano & then played it. he was began composing & writing his own music in high school. he was self-taught for the most part, due to his low income, & learned through music theory books from the library as well as youtube. due to his affinity for music, he picked everything up very quickly.

♩ — 𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐃𝐀𝐘, he has not outgrown his quiet demeanor ( though it has vastly improved ) & his friendship circle is quite small. he struggles in creating any sort of relationship with others. being a performer is difficult due to his social anxiety, but because it is something he deeply desires for himself & his mother -- he has put a large amount of time & effort into becoming a better performer. it used to be an impossible task but has improved largely since he began at hatchett.

♩ — ( 𝐒𝐔𝐁 - 𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓 : 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐓 ) : he has had his fair share of short-term jobs, but the longest one he has ever had was at SUNDAE BEST. he got along well with his boss & coworkers, & it was even helping him to come out of his shell. he was more than devastated when he eventually lost his job. he swore up & down that he was innocent ------ & he was ------ but he was still fired. that was one of the most strenuous times, & it was humiliating to phone his mother to tell her he’d been fired. luckily, she helped him cover the costs of everything short-term, & he managed to find another job within a month & a half.

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒. —

♩ — 𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇 𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐋 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒 ( 𝟎 / 𝟑 ) : he graduated from marble hill preparatory, & he didn’t have too many friends during his time there, but these were close friends in high school & hopefully still keep in contact at hatchett.

♩ — 𝐁𝐀𝐃 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐋𝐔𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 : he is extremely innocent & this person would corrupt him.

♩ — 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐋𝐔𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 : he brings out hidden positive traits of the other & some of his positive characteristics rub off on them.

♩ — 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐅𝐈𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐓 : a mutual friendship where they both have a deep trust & often go to one another for advice.

♩ — 𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 : someone who is a complete opposite to him that somehow still gets along with him.

♩ — 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 : someone who takes him under their wing.

♩ — 𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐄𝐒 : people who pick on him for various reasons.

♩ — 𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐒𝐋𝐎𝐓 : if there is are any plots that are not listed here that you can think of, come & message me so we can talk about it !!

#hatchet:intro #parent death tw #cancer tw

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