#rabbits are smart as fuck

[lovesickeros]

☆ even the gods bleed [ pt 4 ]

{☆} characters arlecchino, furina, lyney {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, multi-chapter, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings blood {☆} word count 3.7k {☆} previous [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ]

Fontaine was bathed in darkness, not even the moon daring to illuminate where the common man fears to walk. The streets were bleak and empty save for the constant, rhythmic ticking and clanking of machines marching on endlessly, dauntlessly wading where even the bravest dared not to venture. Not even the sharp click of the Gardes boots followed the occasional hisses of steam as they walked the barren streets.

It was haunting, and it'd been like that for days now. It showed little signs of stalling in the slightest, too. Every inch of Fontaine was practically crawling with Gardemeks– like a swarm of rats skittering about.

Arlecchino had secluded herself in the Hotel Bouffes d'ete for days at this point, waiting– biding her time. Her nails clicked against the wood as she tapped at the table in a stilted rhythm, the subtle click of the clock mixing into the clanking outside, weaving in and out of earshot as the patrols slipped by. She reached forward after a moment of thought, reaching for the white king.

She leaned back against the chaise, tilting her head just enough to catch a glimpse of a patrol of Gardemeks as they vanished behind the rows and rows of buildings. It wasn't enough to keep her attention for long, however, her features twisting in disinterest as she glanced back to the chessboard– and the letter neatly resting beside it. The seal was unmistakable and a sobering sight, demanding her attention– the soft hues of blue etched into the shape of a dragon stared back at her in a way that almost unsettled her.

She had already parsed through it's contents hundreds of times, but she was met with only vague, flowing script that only served to irritate her more then anything– it filled the page top to bottom yet managed to say nothing at all. Her hand reached out again, but instead of reaching for the letter she plucked the black rook from the board, setting it down with a soft click.

Arlecchino had all the time in the world to sit back and observe her prey, but all that time would be useless if she lacked the information to act.

And he was quite tight fisted about it, evidentially. None of her inquiries or attempts to decipher any potential codes in the letter left her empty handed. She could not act without even knowing the reason for his summons– it was almost worded like a personal affair rather then one would expect for a foreign diplomat. In truth, she'd expected a scalding report on her operatives, but it lacked any mention of anything of the sort.

She was no stranger to people masking hostility behind pretty words and compliments, not that it was ever unwarranted per se– the Fatui did not create connections through honesty and genuine kindness. They have strong armed more then their fair share of people into cooperation to the point distrust is all the Fatui are met with outside of Snezhnaya. Every word was meant to conceal the deceit, every action meant to conceal the price later paid.

So she had been..skeptical of the letter, to put it lightly. She doubted the Iudex of all people would offer a hand to the Fatui without a price attached– a trap, perhaps, meant to lure in the most powerful piece left on the board. Her eyes narrowed, reaching for a white rook and moving it to the right.

Or he was hiding something. Something that he simply couldn't risk getting out to anyone, not even the Divine themself. A tempting prize, whatever it was.

..A dangerous prize, too.

She'd considered burning the letter and forgetting it all together– the risk was great, and she couldn't risk getting caught up by whoever else the Iudex may have on his side of the board. But she could hardly pass up the challenge and the prize that he fought so hard to keep from prying eyes and ears. Even her agents came back empty handed each time. She lazily picked up a black rook, sliding the white pawn aside.

"Lyney," Arlecchino drawled, crossing one leg over the other and turning her gaze to the door as it slowly creaked open. The pale visage of Lyney stepped through, though his siblings were noticeably absent. The weariness that weighed down on his shoulders was apparent in the slightest furrow of his brows and the subtle creak of leather as he clenched his fists behind his back. "Father." He choked out, the title dragged out by the sharp inhale and shaky exhale.

He looked out of breath, she noted.

The silence that lingered after the small exchange was punctuated only by the click of another chess piece being moved. She sets aside the black rook, letting it sit among the dozen other pieces that had been wiped off the board. She can see the conviction glinting beneath the fog of exhaustion, but if he would utilize it was another matter all together.

He had seemed to make his choice quickly, at the very least.

"Our contacts and operatives within the Fortress of Meropide have gone silent– all we have is their final confirmed missive.." His voice is confident, but it is rigid as the words spill from his lips. He takes a sharp step forward, unfolding his arms from behind his back and opening his hands– the small, water stained and messily folded note catches her eye, plucking it from his palms with a half hearted interest. "They believe the Duke left the Fortress of Meropide..and that he may be coming to the Court of Fontaine."

Her eyes narrow dangerously, nearly crumpling the thin paper in her hands– yet just as quickly, she collects herself.

But she cannot get rid of the bitter taste on her tongue, lingering as she sets down the note and slides it to the side, her lips pursed into a thin line.

So the Iudex had shown one of his pieces..she tightly grasps a black rook, tipping over the white rook, letting it roll against the board.

If the Duke was involved, things were much more complicated then she expected– he would be a problem, she was certain. She couldn't blame the lamb for fearing the wolf, either. Whether her agents had been killed or captured by the man mattered little. He had his ways, and he was a force that could instill fear in even them.

Which meant the possibility that her operation was already compromised was far too real.

What had the Iudex so concerned he had gone through the trouble of bringing in the Duke and herself? The Fatui was one thing, but to specifically request one of it's Harbingers..

The Prophecy? The thought had her clenching her fist, but..no. If it were to rear it's head now, the Iudex could simply not afford to waste time on his contacts deciphering his nonsensical script– If the prophecy were to be the issue, there time would be limited to mere minutes in the worst of cases. Which meant it was worth biding his time in order to ensure absolute secrecy.

So if not the prophecy, then what?

Her next moves were..limited. She was already walking on eggshells considering her position and the reputations of the Fatui– especially with a Harbinger in the midst. If they caught wind of her operations, they'd weed out her operatives and be on guards for any snakes that lingered in their garden.

She reached for the chessboard again, picking up one of the white rooks from the board with a scowl. The sharp click as she sets down the white rook and sets aside the black pawn draws a shaky inhale from Lyney as she moves another black pawn, the dull click of the pieces drowning out the distant clinking of machines.

..A draw, perhaps.

The pieces were all falling into place– the players of this game were slowly being revealed. Whether she could secure her victory..she was unsure.

She wasn't even sure who her opponent was. Only that the Iudex himself was but another piece in their game.

Arlecchino reached for the board again, yet this time she hesitated. Perhaps she could still swipe the win from beneath them, if she played her cards right.

She would simply have to capture the king– or, if need be, let it end on a draw. Either way, she would not concede. She could not afford to concede. Down to the last piece, she would drag out this match until she was in a position to force their hand into the outcome she desired.

She stood slowly, picking up the king piece and observing it for only the briefest of moments before she set it down on the table, taking measured steps around the table and across the room. She was hunting a much more dangerous quarry today– it would be no simple runaway traitor this time.

"Do you remember the directive?" She inquired coldly, her hand lingering on the door for that long, tense moment. "..Yes, Father." Lyney faltered, taking a hesitant step back and bowing at the waist. "Then do not stray."

All that was left was the silence and click of the door shutting behind her as she disappeared down the hall, her boots clicking harshly against the floorboards. The rest of the agents knew better then to linger in her path as she stepped down into the lobby, adjusting the cuffs of her sleeves. She barely even acknowledged the Fatui agent standing at the ready by the heavyset doors, their gloves hands held out with her cloak held loosely in their palms. She quickly snagged it from them, tugging it over her board shoulders and clasping it around her throat.

With a quick tug, she brought the hood up over her head to conceal her sharp features, lifting her hand and placing a neatly folded note within their waiting hands. She had only one chance to make the right moves and secure her victory– no matter the cost.

Each piece had it's purpose.

Oft, that purpose was a bloody and horrible end– but for the grand goal of the Fatui built on the backs of the dead, it was an honor.

She didn't bother speaking a word as she dismissed them with a wave of her hand, pushing open the heavyset doors and stepping out into the barren, damp streets. The rhythmic clink and whir of Gardemeks was still distant– she needed to move. Her boots clicked and splashed in the rain soaked stone of the streets as she slithered between the buildings, ducking through the openings in the patrols.

It was almost too easy.

She tilted her head back, taking in the towering Palais Mermonia with a scowl, her hands clenched into fists. The final moves were being played– the king was within her reach, yet she felt no more confident then when she began.

The air carried a sense of unease, thick and heavy, filling her lungs until she felt her breath still in her chest– listening to the empty, bleak night that seemed so..quiet.

She'd done her fair share of research, had more then her fair share of her agents try to peer into the Iudex's office or the Archon's supposedly hidden chambers, but every attempt was a failure. She had to give them credit, they were quite elusive when they wished to be. Though now she only thought about it bitterly– this was all a risky gamble, in the end, and only time would tell if it paid off.

With minimal effort, she'd managed to pull herself to the flat, tiled roof, eyeing the massive tower peaking out of the center cautiously. At least here the wandering patrols down below weren't likely to notice her..she could hear them passing by the spot she'd been in only a few minutes ago, just beneath her. She pulled the hood further over her face, peering through the sheer darkness of the night for any oddities, but it was almost impossible to see in the dark.

Her boots clicked softly against the tiles as she approached the tower jutting out from the Palais, her hand gliding along the smooth stone, pressing against odd indents or crevices. If it was for the Archon's chambers, she doubted they made it very difficult– she'd only met the woman once, but she doubted the Iudex make it all that complex just from a brief glance. And it surprised her little when one of the stones sunk into the wall, gears whirring as the walls split open to reveal a stairwell straight into an inky black hall. Only the barest hint of light peaked under the door at the bottom, but it's occupants must have heard her, considering it went out not a moment later.

She cautiously stepped down into the small crevice, her breath visible in the bitter cold air– her shoulders tensed at the subtle sound of muffled footsteps behind the door, her vision flaring with a molten heat between her shoulder blades as she reached for the worn handle of the door. The heat of her vision was enough to just barely heat the metal, her vision flaring like a quickly building inferno.

Arlecchino was prepared for a fight, if it came down to it.

The door creaked as she pressed against it, shoving it open with a grunt of effort and surveying the room with narrowed eyes and a biting remark on the tip of her tongue– the lavish opulence was expected, she supposed, but the lack of the towering figure of the Iudex was not.

Yet before she could get a word in or even take in her surroundings properly, the light flickered back on and she had to squeeze her eyes shut with a hiss at the sudden brightness. She could hear the door being shoved closed behind her, the hurried footsteps retreating just as quickly as her eyes adjusted to the light.

..This was a joke, wasn't it? It had to be.

She'd expected the Iudex, perhaps even the Duke if she'd been unlucky, not the Hydro Archon. She had half the mind to test her worth as an Archon then and there, her temper flaring like an uncontrollable blaze, barely kept at bay. It took all her self control to force herself to smile politely at the woman rather then snarl.

"Miss Furina," She sneered beneath her hood, x shaped pupils locked onto the startled, trembling Archon with thinly veiled contempt. "What a..pleasant surprise. You'll have to forgive my manners, I assumed I was meeting with the Iudex." She observed her body language carefully– the way her eyes darted about like a frightened rabbit seeking escape, the slightest tremble of her lips..

Arlecchino opened her mouth to offer another scathing remark, but her jaw audibly clicked shut as her entire body seemed to lock up. Even her vision went cold against her back, a chilling feeling creeping up her spine as someone, or something, crept up behind her. Their footsteps were almost silent, the slight rustling of their clothes the only thing she could hear over her heart pounding against her ribcage.

Arlecchino had always prided herself on being on the other end of that sensation– she was the monster, and her target was the prey frozen like a deer between the hunters crosshair.

It was a chilling feeling to have the dynamic shifted on it's head.

She couldn't even swallow, her jaw clenched so hard she could hear it creak as she tried to reason with her quickly splintering mind– a futile effort, her joints locking up almost painfully. Black spots were quickly swallowing her vision from the lack of air in her lungs, the sound of shuffling behind her barely audible over the ringing in her ears.

For a moment – a moment too long to have only lasted the seconds that it did, yet so quick it gave her whiplash – she thought she would hit the floor dead before she could even glimpse her assailant.

And then it was gone. She came crashing back into reality with a startled inhale, her lungs burning and her knees nearly buckling under her. The instinct to lash out and kill whoever had done it was intense, yet she couldn't bring herself to move even a finger– it would be so easy to twist around and ignite them with searing flames, but her feet were rooted in place.

She almost didn't notice the surprisingly gentle hands unclasping her cloak, tugging it off her shoulders, if not for the sheer intensity of the presence still lingering behind her. Her mind was still fractured, struggling to right itself after the ordeal, and it had her seething.

"..Are you certain you held back enough?" Furina croaked, the normally soft lilt raspy and almost hoarse. "Not– not that I doubt your capability, most Divine!"

Arlecchino felt her nails dig harshly into her palms, heat swelling beneath her skin– Divine? Had she lost her mind? The Divine was..

The Divine was upon their throne where they belonged. She'd seen them!

"Hm. Well, maybe? Sorry, I didn't think it'd affect you too." Their voice was sickeningly soft as they stepped around her like she wasn't even there, focusing their attention on the Archon who seemed more then delighted about it. "What gave you that impression, most Divine? Aha, I..was completely unaffected, as you can see! Perfectly fine."

Furina let out a small squeak when they pinched her cheek, but the almost affectionate smile that tugged at their lips revealed the lack of malice behind the action.

"You're a bad liar, Furina. You might want to sit down..please?" They didn't take her protests for an answer, gently pushing her to sit on the bed before abruptly turning to face Arlecchino once more, a forced smile on their lips. "Oh, good, you're..uh, not dead. That's good. I thought I fried your brain. Sorry?"

..Had she hit her head on the way here? The Divine should still be on their throne, yet she couldn't shake the weight of their stare– it felt tangible. She felt like she was standing face to face with the stars– galaxies and constellations bearing down upon her.

She grit her teeth and clenched her hands until she felt the sting of her nails against her palms, grounding herself in the pain through the sheer overwhelming nature of their existence.

"You.." She croaks, reaching out with a shaky hand and grabbing them by the collar of their shirt, lifting them up until their feet left the floor– she pays no mind to the startled protests of the Archon. Arlecchino would crush her like a bug before she even got the chance to intervene and they both knew it. "You shouldn't exist– you aren't them, and yet you..you're the imposter, aren't you?" Her grip tightens yet they face her without an ounce of fear, meeting her unyielding glare with a pondering look.

Arlecchino wanted to make them bleed just to see if she could, the urge to sink her teeth into skin welling up in her chest to the point she visibly snarled, her mask of politeness long . "You're the imposter." Her expression falls for a moment before she schools it into one of apathy, setting them back down and holding them there for a moment, finally releasing them after a tense moment. "Or you were supposed to be."

Hers brows furrow– she wants to demand answers, to throttle them for damning them to being nothing more then dolls for the supposed Divine to break at their whim, but none of the words come to her.

"..Why now? The current Divine has been in power for years, yet you descend now?" Her shoulders tensed, lips pursed into a thin line– it's impossible to ignore the truth that lay before her. The Divine is a fraud and this..imposter is the true Divine. How many years had they been in power, now? How many years were they waiting? Why did they wait? Was the suffering of Teyvat not enough? Was the blood that painted the steps of their stolen throne not enough?

She'd personally been on the wrong end of the Divine's wrath– she wonders..had they watched? Had they seen the cruel hand of their imposter and turned their back on Teyvat?

"I.." They hesitated. It made her seethe, her hands clenching into fists at her sides– her vision flickered, flames swelling within it's casing just to be smothered by the presence of the Divine. But once that spark had been lit, she refused to let it go out. "I didn't know."

The answer does not satisfy her. There is an itch beneath her skin that she cannot scratch, a fire that burns in her chest so hot it scorches even herself.

"And what about now? Are you content to cower like prey in the safety of the Palais Mermonia?" She snapped, taking a step forward, her brows furrowed and her glare intense– she can see the slightest bit of worry in their eyes. She revels in it. "Will you let them use your acolytes like pawns? How many more need to be broken on the steps to your throne before you act?"

Again, her vision flares and dims– it refuses to be used against the Divine that created it.

"Have you no answer?"

The room is silent. They do not speak and neither does she.

Even the world itself seems to quiet in the face of her accusations, fury boiling to the surface so hot it incinerated all it touched.

"I will kill them myself."

Their words are quiet, but they are not soft– there is a vindictive, searing anger that explodes out like dying stars within their eyes. The sight of constellations replaced by a void that would not be . The smell of ichor grows stronger– to the point she feels almost lightheaded.

"..I am aware that I have failed in preventing this, but I had no choice in the matter. Still," They muse, their voice like the tolling of bells. A solemn melody that stills the swelling fury burning in her chest, if only for a moment. "I will rectify it– I will tear down their throne of lies and let not even the earth tarnish itself by burying their corpse among it's soil."

They pause for a moment, holding out their hand– scarred and bandaged by the weapons of the devout, yet still they take upon the burden of dirtying their hands to save those who did not save them.

"Do you trust me, Arlecchino?"

Did she?

"Will you help me?"

She exhales heavily, meeting the starry iris' of the Divine with a scowl still tugging at her lips. Arlecchino trusted no one but herself.

"..Yes."

#sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #fic tag #imposter au #genshin cult au #genshin impact cult au #arlecchino #lyney #furina #you do NOT wanna know what i got put thru writing this fic #trying 2 find out where arle was in the few times we DO see her and going down a rabbit hole of fuck fontaine and its layout actually! #I spent like 3 hours looking it up and checking in game it gives me a migraine thinking abt it. ew #anyway trying to write a really smart character is surprisingly difficult when ur as dumb as rocks #also used an actual chess match for this and gave myself an even worse migraine trying 2 make sure i didnt repeat moves or smth #furina doesnt get a spotlight yet just imagine her sitting in the corner trembling like a wet kitten you found on the side of the road #arlecchino goes thru a crisis more at 11 #shes a tired single dad shes isnt getting paid enough for this okay #hands u a fic over half the length of the other THREE PARTS #ehe :] #is arle actually on ur side??? is she gonna double cross u???? who knows!!!!! #shes unpredictable she might stab u for funsies #anyway im gonna go nap in a ditch now this took SO LONGGGGG OH MY G-D #also just think acolytes who arent buddy buddy w reader and even resent them is so tasty #bc how r they supposed 2 know reader was a human vibing 5 minutes before their got eebied 2 teyvat.. #reader gotta roll up their sleeves and get 2 WORK sometimes murder IS okay #they gotta fix some shit around here and that means committing several crimes all at once. sometimes more #a group can be g-d (just got here) their dragon (neuvi) their cat (archon) their dog (wrio) and their wolf (arle)

[riacte]

so hey guys i finished dungeon meshi yesterday and i'm still thinking about it

#ria.txt #i spoiled myself so at first i was like 'this is bonkers wtf are they doing in those last few chapters?????' #but then it was like. yeah. i see #love those ch when it's just clearly putting the squad into Situations #also. izutsumi #what i really liked was how tightly the protagonist and the deuteragonist were wound up in the overall themes #the plot the themes the conflict the characters it was very neatly connected #hence i am also now accidentally invested in whatever going on between laios and marcille #not just platonic not romantic not enemies i just think they work well tgt and deeply care for each other its great watching them develop #it's the leader + most trusted advisor / anxious girlfailure + the annoying freak she's somehow attached to vibes #haha that rabbit chapter with marcille. hahha i was like what the fuck man. it was funny and then boom whump [tears streaming down my face] #those shapeshifter chs were sooo much fun esp seeing other chara's perceptions of each other. stealing that #the changeling ones were great too elf senshi is the fucking funniest he looks sooooooo unserious #marcille's evolving perception with death starting with saving falin and saving the squad and her nightmares of outliving everyone- #-and her dad and her 'temper tantrum' and UGH when at the end she said she was fine with falin not coming back.... WAAA. OUGH. #i think dunmeshi handled the trope of 'prophecy of chosen one becoming king' pretty well and it makes sense why laios is the protag #the worldbuilding is so thoughtful as well i liked seeing different characters with different worldviews interact #very solid and well rounded series wooo #the main 4 has such a fun dynamic together #anyways. dunmeshi au..... #more like borrowing the worldbuilding bc charas are too nuanced for a one to one comparison #ren is like some prince of his own species but he's like 34th in line and no one cares about him so he fucks off to eat monsters #which is why he's both snobbish AND a total freak when it comes to his food taste #false is originally in for the money from ren and plans to scam him but unfortunately the cringefail swag captures her #martyn is Obnoxiously Clueless and thinks he's smart but he's not. he's resourceful but also pathetic and crazy #stress cant cook but she thinks she does so everyone goes (≖_≖ ) when she picks up a pot. they delegate her to killing and chopping duty #the mvp is iskall who keeps on saving everyone's asses and somehow has resources for everyone #i think ren is actually aware false is going to scam him but he has too much money to spend anyway and he thinks shes cool so he lets her?? #and somehow she doesnt take the money and run. and goes back to eating monsters w/ the party. everyone is crazy

[leopardgeckoz]

Zoro’s Favorite Thing

The Straw Hats sat around in a circle on deck, some were stretched out with limbs haphazardly thrown across another, others were sat up straight, and someone else (Chopper) was sitting in the lap of the dearly beloved archaeologist.

The Straw Hats had been sailing for some time, the logpose telling them they still had another few days before the next island, and much to the crew's dismay they had begun to get a little bored.  Out of a need for entertainment and also as some sort of bonding experience, the crew began sharing some of the more personal details of their lives.  Most importantly, their likes and dislikes.

Nami's interests surprised no one, her likes? Money and competence.  Her dislikes? No money and incompetence.  A woman of simple pleasures, or so Sanji commented.

"What about you?" Nami asked, the question directed at the cook.

"Everyone knows what Sanji likes!" Chopper said, hopping up from his spot on Robin's lap.  "My name is Sanji and I like pretty ladies," the reindeer said, his voice slightly deeper as he pranced around the deck, walking over to Nami.  "Oh Nami dear!" He mimicked.  

Sanji frowned, crossing arms over chest, while Nami and Robin laughed at Chopper's example.  "Yeah! Well! I have fine taste, and the ladies of the ship just so happen to be the finest." The blonde argued.

"I'm only teasing you Sanji," Chopper said, waddling back over to Robin.  "What are your other likes?"

"Food," the crew groaned.  Obviously.

"Well, I-I don't like when people disrespect the kitchen!"

"We know!" Nami said, "you're like an open book.  I don't know why I asked," her words were harsh but there was a smile on her face.  

Sanji pouted before casting his gaze onto Robin.  "What about you, my sweet?" He asked with hearts in his eyes.

"I suppose my favorite things would be...well, all of you of course.  Exploring, reading, learning, and history," she rattles off.  The Straw Hat Crew collectively had tears in their eyes from saying one of her favorite things was them.  Little did she realize just how much her appraisal meant to all of them, tugging at their heartstrings in ways she wasn't yet capable of understanding.

"And what about your least favorite things?" Usopp asked, casually wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Oh, easily the World Government," Nami and Usopp fell backwards, shocked by how massive her answer was, but equally not as surprised considering all they had just been through.

"We should have expected that," Nami noted,

"I don't know why I even asked," Usopp muttered,

"What about you Zoro? You've been awfully quiet," Robin asked,

The Straw Hats turned their attention to Zoro, the swordsman had been dozing in and out of sleep for the better part of the conversation, not really paying attention to his friends.

"What about me?" He asked, lost from the conversation.

"What are your favorite things? And your least favorite," Robin clarifies,

"Hm.  Well, my least favorite thing is being woken up from a nap, and...." Zoro's eyes flicker over the crew for a moment, pausing, then he looks back to Robin.  "I don't have a favorite thing,"

"Oh that's bull! Everyone has a favorite thing! Luffy's is meat, Franky's is being the center of attention, Chopper's is-" Nami pauses her rant to look at the Reindeer, "What's your favorite thing again?"

Chopper's face fell, saddened that the navigator didn't remember his favorite thing.  "Books and my best friend, Usopp."

"I'm your best friend?!" Usopp chimed in, hand placed over his heart, "I'm touched, Chopper, thank you."

"That's beside the point!" Nami interrupted, rounding on Zoro.  "What.  Is.  Your.  Favorite.  Thing." She said, stepping over to the swordsman and poking his chest with every word.  Zoro's eyes flickered again, but this time Nami followed his gaze.

"Obvious, right?" Robin asked upon seeing an epiphany cross Nami's face.

"Oh!" Nami broke out in a grin, "I know your favorite thing, Zoro,"

"Well that's impossible, I don't have one."

"I wanna know Zoro's Favorite thing!!!" Luffy, who had been uncharacteristically quiet during the exchange, (he was focusing on a fidget toy Nami had given him earlier that day to shut him up) piped up.

Zoro's face shifted hues.  The pink dusting his cheeks an exact opposite to the green of the hair on his head.  "I told you.  I don't have a favorite thing." He insisted, getting to his feet to walk away and leave the nonsense behind.  But Luffy wouldn't take no for an answer.

“Oh, c’mon Zoro!” Luffy was on his knees, hands clasped in front of him as though he were praying.  Begging the swordsman to answer what, at this exact moment, the captain deemed to be the most important question in the world.

“No.” Zoro said simply, utterly unphased by the captain’s antics, though he couldn’t help but let his eyes linger just a touch longer than usual on the dark haired pirate, burning the image of Luffy on his knees into his mind forever.  Not that he wanted that image for any particular reason, heavens no.

“But everyone else told us their favorite things! C’mon! It’s not fair!” Luffy complained as he walked on his knees over to Zoro, gripping the hem of the swordsman’s shirt, eyes wide, lips pouting.  For a moment, Zoro’s knees were weak, but it was only a moment.  Passing as swiftly as it came, mostly by Zoro’s own willingness to shove whatever was trying to surface in the expanse of his mind—his heart—back down.  He buried the feeling beneath a mountain of denial.  Whatever it may have been could not be if no one else ever saw it.  At least, that’s what the swordmaster told himself.  (Little did he know that two of his crew mates had already seen what he was so adamant to refuse.) 

“Yeah, Zoro, Luffy’s right!” Usopp chimed in, arms crossed over his chest, nose pointed to the sky as he narrowed his eyes.  “Why wouldn’t you want us to know what your favorite thing is? We can get it for you, sing it to you, make it for you!  You just don’t want to be our friend do you?!” 

“What! Zoro doesn’t want to be our friend?!” Chopper gasped, eyes turning on the green haired man.  Zoro’s heart dropped at the expression on the reindeer’s face.  The poor little guy looked heartbroken.

“I never said that!” Zoro argued,

“But you implied it!” Usopp countered, the swordsman’s eye began to twitch, a habit he had developed in his time with the crew.  The more they agitated him, the worse it got.

“Zoro…” Luffy’s begging pout turned into a sad one, eyes brimming with tears as he said, “you don’t want to be our friend?” 

“Not you too!” Zoro snapped, shaking Luffy from him.  The rubber man fell back on his rear, still staring up at the first mate.  “It isn’t something you can gift me, or make me, or find for me.  So drop it, I’m not telling you.” the swordsman stormed off, leaving the crew behind to watch him go.  Not that he could go very far considering they were on the ship, in the middle of the sea, with the next island still a ways off.

"So you do have a favorite thing!" Luffy called after him, and Zoro cursed himself under his breath.  How he had let it get this far he didn't know.

Roronoa Zoro wasn't the praying type, never had been, but over the last few months he'd developed a habit of silently begging to whichever gods were willing to listen.  This only occured in very specific instances, including a very specific person, because of very specific feelings--

No.  No.  There were no feelings.

Well, for whatever reason Zoro deemed it necessary to grovel, this situation was one of them.  The swordsman had retired to his cot with the falsified notion that the captain would drop the subject, forgetting all about it.

He was wrong.

"Zoro!" Luffy called from his post upon the figurehead of the ship that following morning. "Are you ready to tell me!?" He slingshotted himself at Zoro, causing the man's eyes to widen as he instinctively opened his arms to catch the captain.

The force of Luffy's assault sent them both sprawling to the floor, Luffy upon Zoro, hands firmly on the swordsman's chest as he looked down at him.  "C'mon, c'mon, tell me! We're friends, right?" With every word Luffy inched closer and closer and much to Zoro's dismay he wasn't able to back away.

"No." Zoro answered, cheeks that specific shade of pink again,

"Woah, Zoro, your face is all flushed.  Are you okay? Do you have a fever!?" And before Zoro knew what was happening, Luffy placed his lips firmly against Zoro's forehead.  His temperature rose, his face reddened moreso, and Zoro's heart beat in his chest with such force he was certain if not for his ribcage the organ would leap straight from it.

"You feel kinda warm," Luffy murmured against Zoro's forehead.

"Get.  Off." Zoro said as he pushed the captain off of him,

"Zoro! Hey! Careful!" Luffy hollered as he rolled back, using his strength to push back on the floor, he hopped to his feet.  "You really should have Chopper take a look at you, you're all red in the face and clammy.  I think you're sick!" 

Zoro might not have been sick, but he felt like he was going to be sick.  Butterflies fluttered in his stomach, his palms were sweating, and by the gods was Zoro hot.

"Plagued by your own misguided decisions?" Nami called down from the lookout, a cheeky grin on her face.  "You should know better than to think you can keep a secret from him, Zoro." 

"I'm not keeping a secret, I don't have a favorite thing!" Zoro yelled up at her.

"Spoken like a man with a favorite thing." Luffy observed.  "Fine.  Don't tell me, but I'll figure it out.  Don't you worry," Luffy's tone was serious, his eyes narrowed into a scrutinizing glare.

Zoro was worried.

Zoro was very worried.

Still, he humored Luffy, taking the captain's concerns to heart, Zoro asked Chopper to look him over.  Because why else would his heart rate quicken and his palms sweat and his face get all red and feverish if he wasn't sick? Luffy was probably right, he had a cold or something.

"Or something," Chopper confirmed after giving Zoro a thorough exam later that day.  "you don't have any of the symptoms now and you seem perfectly fine.  Your heart sounds normal and healthy, your lungs are clear, your temperature is average, and you're not sweating any more than usual." The doctor assessed, "what was happening when you experienced these symptoms?" 

Zoro shrugged, "our captain was pestering me,"  he answered honestly. 

"Ah, what was he pestering you about?" 

"My favorite thing," 

"Which is?"

"Lu- CHOPPER! I told you I don't have a favorite thing!" He yelled, Chopper squealed, covering his face to hide his laughter.  

"I almost got you, Zoro!" The reindeer was jumping up and down, excited giggles pouring out of him.

"No, you did not.  There's nothing to get." Zoro argued, but there was.  Zoro knew it, not that he was willing to admit it just yet.  

"Mhm, Zoro has a favorite thing! Z-or-o has a favorite thing! It starts with an L!" Chopper cheered, and as if summoned by the gods themselves, Luffy burst into the room.

"An L!?" Zoro was convinced the scenario had been staged.  There was no way they were that in-sync, it wasn't possible.  Anything is possible with Luffy involved, a small part of him whispered.  The same small part Zoro had been shoving aside and actively avoiding.  Every time he thought it was buried, he was proven wrong.  That part of him kept clawing its way back to the surface, pounding against his skull, demanding to be seen.  

"This makes the search much easier!" Luffy stated.  "We'll figure it out Zoro, you can't hide it for long!" And what was worse than Luffy's determination? Zoro fully believed Luffy would figure out what his hypothetical favorite thing is.  Not that there was anything to figure out, Zoro didn't have a favorite thing.  Though, the more he protested it, the less he believed it himself.  

"Lavenders?"

"No,"

"Lilacs?"

"No,"

"Lutefisk?" 

"No!" 

"Lye-" Zoro put his hand over Luffy's mouth.

"Shut.  Up." the captain had been at it for hours, literal hours, going through every L word he could think of, but alas, to no avail.  Much to Zoro's appreciation, Luffy was still too dense to realize the truth.

Except there wasn't a truth, Zoro wasn't hiding anything, and he most certainly did not have a favorite thing.

Luffy stuck out his tongue, licking Zoro's hand.  The swordsman's face warmed, cheeks once again that gods awful shade of pink, and he tore his hand away from Luffy.

"Gross!"

"You liked it," Luffy proclaimed with a confident grin, and that grin made Zoro's head spin.  He did, in fact, like it.  Just a little bit.  A smidge.  An itsy bitsy bit.

"That's disgusting," 

Luffy rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest with a huff.  He'd been at it for hours trying to get Zoro to tell him his favorite thing, and while the others had all let it die, Luffy was still intent on finding out.

At first, Zoro didn't tell him because he firmly believed he didn't have a favorite thing, but now it had started to become a game.  How many outlandish things starting with L could Luffy guess before finally giving up?  The number climbed higher and higher, and when Luffy would run out of guesses, he would leave Zoro be.

And then he'd be right back at it with a new list, watching intently, analyzing Zoro's reaction to each of them.  Sometimes, Luffy would notice that Zoro's face would turn shades or his voice would crack, but the swordsman swore up, down, and sideways that what Luffy had guessed wasn't his favorite thing.  Luffy would huff, cross his arms, and plop on the ground to sulk, contemplating what other L words could be Zoro's Favorite Thing.  This went on for days until suddenly Luffy stopped and Zoro believed that the captain had given up on it.

This was not the case. 

When finally the Straw Hat Pirates docked at the next island, Luffy spent the better part of their excursion asking everyone he came across for things starting with the letter L.  Some of the more common ideas included: lollipops, licorice, leprechauns, leopards(which happened to be Luffy's least favorite thing since Enies Lobby), leopard geckos, laughter, lions, lemon(no, not the type one eats), lemons(yes, the type one eats), limes, lying, and lastly, love.

"Love? That's absurd, Zoro doesn't love anything," Luffy said.  It was a mother and her daughter that he was talking to.  The little girl had been crying, having scraped her knee on the ground, only to stop when she saw Luffy stretch his arm to grab a kebab from a nearby stand.  The mother stopped him, asking about his devil fruit powers, and Luffy took the opportunity to ask her about her thoughts on things starting with L.

"Luffy Luffy Luffy!" The little girl chanted.

"What what what?" Luffy asked, a broad grin on his face.

"Luffy starts with L!" 

Click

A devilish smile made its way to the captain’s face.  Luffy did start with L, and now that he thought about it, Zoro didn't react to the words he was saying, but the actions he was doing. 

Though Luffy was one to often leap before looking, he deemed this a delicate situation, one with which he couldn't dive head first into–no matter how little patience he had.  No, no, Luffy had to play the long con.  He wanted Zoro to admit what his favorite thing was, and Luffy had just the brilliant plan to get Zoro to confess.

"Nami!" Luffy called to the navigator upon spying her and Usopp across the way.

"What?" 

"I know what Zoro's Favorite Thing is." His tone was so severe, his face so serious, that Nami couldn't help but raise her brows.

Somewhat condescendingly she says, "oh yeah? What is it?"

Luffy’s grin only widened, "it's not an it, it's a who." Usopp looked between the two of them,

"His favorite thing is an owl? I can't see why that would be something he would want to keep hidden from us.  I mean, it's just a bird." he deadpanned,

Nami slapped her forehead, dragging her hand down her face, she looked at Luffy.  "Who?" Wanting to be absolutely sure that Luffy knew who it was, not wanting to give what she already knew away.

Luffy pointed to himself.

Nami made a face, her expression reading something like 'not bad,'

"Alright, now that you've figured it out.  What exactly do you plan to do with that information?" 

"You'll see,”

It wasn’t until they were back on the ship, sailing off towards their next destination, leaving Zoro with no escape, that Luffy began to enact his foolproof plan.  It was late, Zoro was up in the lookout on the first watch giving him even less room for escape, when Luffy snuck up on him.

“Zoro!” The swordsman jumped, hand over his chest as he let out a heaving breaths.

“What the hell!?” Zoro asked, but Luffy didn’t answer, merely plopped down beside the swordsman.  Right beside him.  So close their knees touched.  Unfortunately, the dark of night prevented Luffy from getting a good look at Zoro’s face, but the hitch of his breath and stillness in his posture told the captain all he needed to know.

“I know Zoro’s favorite thing,” Luffy sing-songed, the tone of his voice leading Zoro to believe the captain absolutely knew what his hypothetical favorite thing was, but Zoro was nothing if not a stubborn man.  So, rather than admitting defeat, he met Luffy with defiance.

“Impossible, I don’t have a favorite thing,” he repeated for what felt like the millionth time.

“Hm, that’s true,” Luffy agreed, Zoro let out a relieved breath, but his relieve was short lived for Luffy continued speaking, “you have a favorite person,” 

Zoro’s eyes went wide, his palms were instantly sweating, his stomach turned in knots, and his heart.  His heart thundered in his chest once again, loud, angry, obnoxious.  Zoro wondered if Luffy could hear the beating of his heart, but he didn’t say anything.  The green haired man didn’t want to give the captain any more ammunition than he already had, but silence felt violent and Zoro feared giving it all away if he spoke.  He was at a crossroads with what to do.  Especially with Luffy inching closer and closer, his hand on Zoro’s knee, and–wait–why was he so close?

Luffy leaned closer and closer until Zoro could feel his breath on his neck as Luffy asked into his ear, in a tone so soft Zoro was certain he’d never heard it before, “are you going to tell me?” 

No.  He wanted to say.  I don’t have a favorite anything and most especially not a favorite person and that favorite person is absolutely not you.  He wanted to argue, but Zoro didn’t get the chance.  He turned his head to look at Luffy, their faces centimeters apart.  Luffy closed the space between them, pressing his lips to Zoro’s.

Zoro didn’t think.  He merely reacted, his eyes widening for the briefest of moments before they closed and he kissed his captain back.  One of Luffy’s hands tangled in Zoro’s hair, the other gently on the side of his first mate’s face.  It was Luffy who initiated the kiss, and it was Luffy who ended it.  Pulling away he said,

“You’re my favorite too.” 

“Oh.”  

Cross Posted on AO3 

#zolu #zolu fic #italicized oh #fanfic #one shot #one piece #roronoa zoro #monkey d luffy #zoro x luffy #luffy x zoro #help #ive fallen down the zolu rabbit hole and i cant get up #i need life alert #heres another story about the same two fucks realizing they love each other #its literally the same fucking story istg #but like #this time zoro gets the oh #i love ace luffy so i cant write more than a kiss and tbh it killed me to have him initiate anything at all #luffy's dumb but also like scarily smart he just doesnt always possess the brain cell #usually chopper has it

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Housemate is letting one of her rabbits walk around at night again :/

#girl he's cute but that means i gotta leave the lights on #i can guess she's not asleep because there's light in her room and her smart tv was still pinging my phone with the casting notif #but like. you can let your own pet rabbit wander around the house with your door closed! #he's your bunny! you didn't say anything about it! #not even talking about the risk for the lil guy because this is in spirit a student house #like i'm the only full time student but we're all at that student-ish age and living consequently #by which i mean there's lots of crap on the ground that doesn't get cleaned often #the bunny is not safe walking around. he isn't. also i keep almost tripping on him #and it stresses me the fuck out personally to have to keep the lights turned on all night across the house #just because jasper's out and rabbits don't have night vision and i don't want him to be alone in the dark #but also there are for real screws on the floor of the bathroom just hanging out #like. this is not a house that is safe for rabbits to roam free around. it just isn't #and she's filled the only shelf in the bathroom with more hygiene products than anyone else #and and and and. she's a shit housemate i won't miss her when i leave to go back home #man i can't wait for the day i am not sharing living space with her. i like my other housemates! #mostly because they pick up after themselves #and they're aware that when they make a mess they have to take care of it afterwards #she just kinda does stuff and then doesn't think about it #if she lived on her own i would not give a shit but it's impacting my day-to-day life as well! #ARGH #anyway #wow i have a ramble tag now #england adventures

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

Since so many of us are on the Ace spectrum, are dumbasses, and desperately in love with Sun and Moon, we need a group name. Matching jackets maybe 👀

I SUBMIT TO THE JURY THE POTENTIAL CLUB NAME "SPACE ACES". BC WE LIKE THE SPACE THEMED BOYS AND ALSO ARE ACES

#i am. so fucking smart #my one braincell is off the charts today #silly bullshit #asks #midnightskydancer #sun/moon x reader #asexual #ace #fellow aces MAKE. SOME. NOISE. #bones of a rabbit

[from-the-clouds]

in my succ rewatch and i forgot how absolutely insufferable kendall is in the beginning of s3 like .... it's truly so bad

#succession #kendall roy #also poor jess how is she so smart and kendall has her fucking holding an ipad up to a giant rabbit she better make BANK #also fucking episode 3x04 the whole josh storyline is so fucking boring like #usually this show never misses but damn i it just was not the vibe #the best part of that episode was when shiv was mean to ravenhead #also tom is honestly such a little bitch like #basically not listening to shiv because of how it threatens his masculinity like grow the fuck up you dolt #shiv deserves to kill him in s4 idc #shiv roy #tom wambsgans

[sonicprim3d]

The one thing I can say about this AU's version of Madonna is that she is nothing like her Archie version

#𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗢𝗙 𝗧𝗜𝗠𝗘 [ General | OOC ] #(closer to a jessica rabbit type of character tbh) #(or like. the mj of the 80s/90s spider-man comics) #(a hot woman who's an actress that KNOWS she's hot and uses it to her advantage. but also is smart as fuck) #(but wants everyone to not know it so she can surprise people and also outsmart others) #(type of lady who'd get along with breezie if it weren't for the fact she'd make fun of her for her taste in men lmao)

[sanstropfremir]

....I have to ask..... what do you think about gidle song nude? The Marilyn Monroe inspiration was definitely there along with that jazz age sound in a way?? But man... I'm not sure what to think of it. Bc I can see what they're going for. The different shades of blonde remind me of red velvet ice cream cake era. I can see the message maybe about embracing sexuality? Something that exid would do in terms of messaging but way more obvious. Idk. It feels like soye*n is trying to make impactful songs which chart wise and album sale wise she does but it doesn't ever hit for me.

i wish gidle would actually do something that was worth the 'hype' that they get. i don't like the song but i've never liked a song from them so. the mv........it's complicated. there are actually a lot of good connections and ideas happening there, but the problem is that they just don't DO anything with them. like 90% of the mv is references to different types of 'scandalous' media or cultural touchstones, and from which ones they've chosen i can see that they're trying to make some kind of comment on the judgement and policing women's bodies and sexuality, but they don't really follow that through to anything meaningful. they themselves don't actually do anything scandalous, which, in my instincts, would be the logical conclusion in my brain. they just make references and call it a day.

the base format for the whole thing is vaudeville, which is pretty much the ancestor of burlesque and stripping; the opening moment with the pink velvet dress is just a knockoff version of marilyn's diamonds are a girl's best friend number from gentlmen prefer blondes; the cone bra is obvs a madonna reference; the cartoon is jessica rabbit from who framed roger rabbit; the book she's reading is (i'm assuming) walt whitman's leaves of grass; obvs also the marilyn white dress moment; also inexplicably there's a banksy reference too with the shredding frame. which was a scandal, but it's not at all related to gender or sexuality so i have no idea why it was included, unless they're trying to make the conflation between the female body and art as a bought and sold commodity, which.................well. there's better ways to handle that that make more logical sense. like clearly there was a creative team that had relatively lofty ideas, but you have to do something with those ideas. and they kind of set themselves up for failure in this instance, because they were clearly trying to make some sort of intentional statement (basically it wasn't just a spectacle piece), but you can't just reference a bunch of media and call it a day. you have to synthesize something new out of those references. that's the difference between why something like 2 baddies works and why this doesn't; 2 baddies makes something new from a ton of source material (literally in the case of the custom porsche too). it also isn't trying to be deeper than it is, yea it's based in a bunch of weird niche research but the mv isn't expecting you to know about the history of car manufacturing or art deco in order to appreciate the neon vomit chaos. it's there in order to give the visuals an underpinning logic. but if you don't know any of the references in the nxde mv, the theme means literally nothing. it's incomprehensible. they literally have to name some of the references at the end of the mv so people get it. and that's a cheap shortcut, instead of actually doing the work to make something that has artistic merit on its own.

#gidle w #kpop questions #like a lot of this mv explicitly hinges around jessica rabbit's ''im not bad im just drawn that way'' #but do you think a single kpoppie has seen who framed roger rabbit. or even knows who she is on sight? #tbh i think it's even a reach to expect ppl to know that scene from gentlemen prefer blondes at this point #idk like i guess its possible that they accidentally stumbled into the same themes since jessica is meant to be the same type of comment #but idk. i dont think they were smart enough to get there #and the animated/live action combo is like way too specific of a detail. esp with the style #also? extremely weird and racist to associate being blonde and pale with being 'nude' #and i'm not gonna bring up the chanel styling but there's another scandal reference if you want one #text #answers #like if they truly wanted to make the art/body connection what they SHOULD have done was referenced the marilyn warhol prints #not banksy. also who the fuck cares about banksy these days #like i hadnt heard that name in like five years at this point #like there's a ton of postmodern art references you can make here to talk about art market manipulation etc etc #like you cant just kind of vaguely gesture at the whole women/art thing without unpacking #bc it BOLD to make the inference that a certain type of person is bought and sold as a commodity????????? hello???????????? #anyways gidle made a thing i didnt like again. big surprise

[cinna-bunnie]

fictional or not, dragon lore is always so interesting.

#I'm watching a DS3 lore video on the nameless king bc i wanted to figure out wtf is the dragonslayer armor's deal #but the greater lore around the dragons is SO fucking good and now I'm thinking about dragons lol #i could watch these dark souls/elden ring lore videos by VaatiVidya all day tbh #i LOVE how deep he goes with it. these worlds and their lore already feel huge but #as someone who's only played the third dark souls it rly makes me appreciate how complex and interconnected it is as a series. #sometimes i wonder if the creators ever watch these vids and think “we didn't mean all that but that's a great idea” #or if they watch it and get super happy like YES that is exactly what our subtle storytelling meant. #either way i have So so much respect for ppl who go and put together these lore videos #going as far as to look at game dumps and early releases/cut content and ALL the dialogue and item descriptions #for any one topic the lore is so scattered about and piecing together any single thing seems like such a massive undertaking. #like lmaooo i can't even follow a single questline without pulling up the wiki #a recent rabbit hole i went down too is how there are different times/realities even just DS3 takes place in? #like how in Untended Graves you see a world without light where darkness rules - and in ringed city when ur fighting those #dragons in the base of that big tree that's supposed to be the original firelink shrine and then the shrine u use is maybe The Past? #the past relative to the other shrine from the world where the flame went out w darkness ruling. #idk how the transition works from being in that one dude's garden in ur world to just walking right into the other one but idc. #just say i got twilight zoned or somethn lol. always. very interesting stuff :^} I'm not smart enough to pick up on anything in the moment #but it's SO fun watching what other people pieced together whose whole thing is that they go thru these games thoroughly. #and in a way it makes me not want to stop playing DS/ER bc there's just so much going on here that's so rewarding?? #like. on TOP of the suuper deep lore the gameplay is also just super fun and u get HELLA weapons and special moves #and the modding scene has made some hella streamline tools that are so good these have been the first games I've ever MADE mods for! #like i can't think of any other games that are like this where I'm really encouraged it make it my own with such a helpful and #engaging community. I'm sure there r other games out there that are similarly engaging with deep lore and streamlined modtools #and mod communities but (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠) 1. where?? 2. DS/ER are very beloved to me. #it's funny how little u have to know or do to beat their respective storylines. I've played them both a ton and still know so little. #and when i walk away from these lore vids I'm always like Woah 😵‍💫 yk? anyways.. that's my lil rant :3 back to work now

[dream-thief-forever-amen]

2023 is the year of the rabbit. May it fuck like one.

;)

#year of the rabbit #bring it #hotter than two bunnies butt fucking in a wool sock in a dryer on permanent press in the middle of hell #please tell me that expression exists outside my own childhood #cause I don’t think any of my friends were clever enough for such word play #we were smart enough to appreciate it though

[inkskinned]

it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.

anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."

just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.

i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.

when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.

but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.

i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?

most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.

now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.

and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.

go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.

#something something toxic relationships notwithstanding #(re: the friends stuff) #most people love you. automatically. for being alive. like people are just MADE that way. #and the reason kms jokes don't always land is bc people fucking love you and are like - ahhh how do i help #let them help you!!!!!!

[virtualduckbrigade]

Assume you have brought no weapons, and these animals are free roam.

If youre mean to any of these common pets in the tags i will burn you alive and turn off reblogs <3 You can say WHY, but please dont make it negative. These are still living creatures that are well loved and cared for by many.

Ferrets, Snakes, and Hamsters are intentionally left off. The first two are obvious weighting choices, (barring the fact that a snake would have also have to have escaped its tank, ive heard VERY little about free roaming your pet snakes) and Hamsters are solitary animals that are often unethical to keep free-roaming. If youre running from a single hamster in our imaginary breaking & entering + theft over ANY of these other animals, im calling you a bitch.

#youre getting quacked at #tumblr polls #birds #pet rats #guinea pig #cats #lizards #Personally in this list i would be most likely to run from an angry hookbill #Birds are SMART and the closest living relatives to dinosaurs okay im not here to fuck around with them #rabbit

[ladyseidr]

i know i posted abt it somewhere on will's blog but i forever think the potentials of harper interacting with springt.rap OR mike are SO funny

#☽—— ⸢ ooc ⸥ #.tbd. #f n a f / #the springtr.ap stuff is fsdhkdsfjdsklda #i Cannot find the posts but i know it started with me saying that i think it's funnier if phone du.de didn't get killed FKHFHSDJ #the whole like #harper: awesome i can't believe we found one of the originals this is so cool he'll be perfect f— [turns around and spring is just GONE] #but also i just fucking— #mike: that's my father // harper: ... // harper: you're projecting that's not your father that's a RABBIT ROBOT #sorry that harper is smart but also completely unaffected by Anything until it's proven to him #anyway shakes him at u

[palmettoshenanigans]

Every fic writer who has Andrew call Neil "bunny" instead of "rabbit" when he's feeling particularly fond or affectionate is right and they should say it

Like, imagine if you will, Neil pitching a lil bitch fit about something, running his smart mouth, ranting to Andrew about whatever it is, and when Neil pauses to take a breath Andrew just gives a little snort, barely audible, and deadpans-

"Bunny."

And Neil fucking blushes because he knows the fucking layers of meaning of what lies behind that single word

And then they bang

#all for the game #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil

[catboybiologist]

Me: hi I'm a barely functional idiot tranny faggot that threw my entire existence into academia as a coping mechanism and am now barely holding on through burnout. I probably have an unhealthy relationship with caffeine, alcohol, weed, and online attention. I've fucked up a LOT and regret a lot. I have a fucked up self image and nervously boymode to hide who I am day to day, and run like a scared rabbit if I see someone I know while I'm in girlmode. Even online, I hide my face. Starting HRT was the first decision I made in my life that made me happy after some traumatic events, and now I'm picking up the pieces and figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life, and I'm iust coasting until I do.

All y'all: omg role model?!?!? Accomplished and confident QUEEN?!?!? Everything is so perfect in your life?!?!? How are you so smart?!?!? How are you so confident?!?!?

#cw drugs #cw mental health

[brightbertalt]

just please teach me

michael gavey x bimbo!reader

authors note - i can’t resist this man…..he’s so nerdy and hot. also meant for female!reader

warnings - dumbification, kinda mean michael, a little praise, degradation, perv!michael, the word slut, breeding kink, accidental breeding?

god michael couldn’t wait for this.

it was your first tutoring session with him. after your failed your first math test of the semester, you decided to get some help from the smartest man you knew, who also happened to sit next to you.

“hey, you’re like super smart right?”

you asked him, peeking over at the 100% on his test. he turned his head, internally surprised you were even talking to him.

“uh, yeah. yeah i am. do you need help?”

you nodded, pouting and practically shoving your test in his face.

“i can’t even believe it! i got a 53% on this test, it was like, super hard!”

you complained, crossing your arms; which just so happened to push up your breasts. they looked so good in that tight tank top you were wearing.

“you’re asking me to tutor you?”

you scoffed out of frustration.

“duh! i don’t wanna fail!”

he was going to be your tutor. it sounded like music to his ears. michael gavey was going to be personally teaching the cutest girl he knew.

and annoying.

you yourself weren’t annoying, but the fact that someone like you, who probably didn’t even know which direction an x axis pointed, could get into oxford university. probably on a huge helping of daddy’s money is what he thought. unlike him, who actually earned his place. nonetheless, he would tutor you.

he could have some fun with that.

he saw this situation in porn all the time. dumb schoolgirl goes to someone like himself to get help, and they end up fucking like rabbits. he didn’t have any experience with women in person, but he figured porn was close enough to the real thing, right?

he wondered how sweet your voice would sound begging for him.

“sooooo, does my place sound good? i have such a cute setup it’s like, unbelievable! and im free around 6 tonight.”

“yeah, of course. i guess ill be over then..!”

he knocked on your door, trying to stop his hands from shaking. he adjusted his glasses, waiting for you to open the door.

“mikey! you’re here!”

you opened the door and hugged him. he tried not to audibly moan from the sensation of your boobs pushing against him.

“just michael is fine!”

he blurted out, nervous that you were this close to him. would he even be able to survive this night?

“i dont have any extra chairs, so we can just study on my bed! how’s that?”

you asked, walking in your dorm and sitting on your bed.

he wouldn’t be able to survive. you said that so innocently, as if you didn’t understand what two people could do on a bed. as he walked over to your bed, he didn’t expect anything different. it was adorned with pink pillows and a huge fuzzy pink blanket. it was so you.

“the thing I wasn’t really understanding was number seven. i don’t even know where to start!”

he nodded, grabbing his supplies out of his bag. how could she not understand this one? it was the easiest by far. nonetheless, he explained it in the most basic way he could. you nodded, pretending to understand.

“okay, now you try.”

you smiled dumbly, attempting to try it on your own. you stopped shortly thereafter, flipping the pencil in your hand.

“i just don’t get it michael! maybe math just isn’t for me..”

you leaned in closer to him, putting your head on his shoulder. you felt defeated. defeated by some numbers on a page. he sighed in annoyance. he did like this feeling, but he didn’t like your dumb little brain. maybe he could take advantage of that. he only dreamed of that, though. tricking you into pleasing him. giving you a ‘reward’ for finally get 100% on your tests. you’d probably love that too.

“ill probably drop math. its too hard! i dont know how you do it. you’re so smart michael.”

“well you’re not even trying are you? you just have to think, y/n!”

“i am so trying!”

you loosely hugged michael. he could feel himself starting to get hard. why’d you have to be so handsy with him?

“thanks for helping me though! you’re so smart michael.”

he felt himself twitch in his pants. he couldn’t take it anymore. he couldn’t take the teasing anymore.

you felt his lips press against your own soft, glossed lips. he pulled away quickly, already preparing for the worst. you would push him off your bed, throw his bag at him and yell at him to leave. instead, you grabbed his sleeve.

“please don’t leave mikey.”

how could he refuse you?

he moved closer to you, going in for another kiss. you were an aphrodisiac. so irresistible. made for him to fuck.

you shook your head, kissing all over his face.

“it’s totally fine, please just stay here.”

he gently pushed you down onto the bed, kissing and sucking on your neck. fuck, you were so nice. your skin was so soft and plush, and your voice sent him into a spiral.

“is this your first time mikey?”

“y-yeah. i know you probably think that’s pathetic or weird or-“

“mikey. please just fuck me. i don’t care.”

those were the sweetest words he ever heard. he could cum right then and there.

“god, fuck, can i ask you something?”

he asked.

“are you on birth control?”

you shook your head. fuck, for some reason that was even hotter.

“ill pull out, don’t worry.”

you nodded, noticeably absentminded. you were so dumb, and it was so cute to him. he was known around campus for his smarts and talent in math. and now he had, which was quite possibly, the dumbest girl at his university under his thumb. it felt so good.

“i trust you mikey.”

he smirked as he pressed continuous kisses into your neck and chest, experimentally pushing his hands underneath your cute tank top and groping your breasts. you whined underneath him, taking your top and yanking it over your head to expose your chest.

“you’re so cute. just let me take care of you, okay?”

he licked and sucked on your chest, trailing his way down your body until he got to your little cute shorts. god this boy was a freak. you helped him get your shorts off of you, exposing your bare cunt to him. you squeezed your legs together, a feeble attempt in covering yourself.

“why be shy now? you already teased me for half the semester.”

you nodded at his remark, leaning your head back. he teased, kissing up your thighs. michael’s smirk was criminal as he placed a gentle kiss on your pussy. you bucked your hips and moaned on him. he gently prodded your entrance with his long fingers, slowly inserting two of them inside you. he chuckled as he moved his fingers in and out.

“mikey i-“

“you’re what? wet as a bloody fountain? because you are.”

you let out a pornstar-esque moan and feebly grabbed in his direction. you needed him inside you.

“mikey please just fuck me! please!”

you shouted out, rocking your hips into his fingers gently. he grinned and stood up to take off his pants, as well as unzipping his coat.

“i don’t get it.”

you said bluntly, looking up at him.

“what?”

“your shirt. I don’t get it.”

you pointed to his shirt.

‘not all math puns are awful. just sum.’

you shared a moment of brief awkwardness.

“it’s like how the result of an addition-“

“i didn’t ask for more math! just come over here michael!”

he quickly nodded and took off his stupid shirt, leaving it on the floor next to the bed. he climbed over you, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek.

“are you sure?”

“please just do it already mikey!”

you whined. he always knew you were bratty. he would love to put you in your place though. he slid himself into you, gasping at the warmth and tightness of your pussy. he slowly slid all the way in, swearing under his breath as he did. you were definitely made for him. so warm, so soft, so perfect. he placed a hand on your lower stomach, feeling himself inside you.

“you’re so warm holy fuck, I can’t believe im inside you right now.”

he blurted out, slowly starting to move. michael was definitely a little above average. so goes the trope of nerdy white guys. the largeness of him made you feel so full, so stuffed. you couldn’t handle it already. tears pricked at your eyes as you slung your legs onto his shoulders. michael wasted no time fucking himself into you, letting out all sorts of lewd noises.

“can’t believe im the one doing this. always thought you’d be with someone like felix, fuck.”

he grabbed at your hips, guiding you up and down on his cock. another loud, indecent moan was let out of you.

“im the one fucking you, no one else gets to have this dumb little cunt.”

he tilted his head up, overwhelmed with pleasure.

“im all yours mikey, please just keep fucking me!”

you cried, grabbing onto his hands on your hips. he grabbed your right hand with his left, pressing it right next to your head. his face was right next to yours as well now.

“nothing in that stupid head, huh? nothin’ but me fucking you right now. i always knew you were so simple.”

you clenched around him, leaving him to chuckle under his breath.

“you like that? me calling you dumb? knew you were a slut.”

michael’s smartass attitude definitely never left him. you shook your head unconvincingly. you did like it, but being a brat was so fun.

“i know you like it. you already feel like you’re gonna cum on me. poor little thing. probably forget everything you learned this semester just from this.”

he said with fake sympathy. it was true, you were close. you could feel his thrusts getting more erratic and needy, so you knew he was too. you just remembered you were supposed to have a math lesson today. oh well. you could always just google the answers.

“I don’t think im gonna be able to pull out, you’re so fucking warm and tight I can’t-“

you immediately came to your senses. you were admittedly dumb, but not dumb enough to let michael cum in you.

“michael please pull out-“

“i- fuck!”

he abruptly came inside you, his jaw slack as he aggressively rammed his hips into yours a few more times. the sensation of his filling you up was too much, and your orgasm shortly followed. he collapsed on top of you, breathing heavily.

“im so sorry y/n, you just-“

“ill figure it out mikey, just hold me.”

and he did. he laid on his side as he traced his thumb on your belly. you fell asleep soon thereafter, together.

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