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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 1 year

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DOI: https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/pspa0000314

Pre-Print: https://xlab.berkeley.edu/connect/Intersectional%20Implicit%20Bias%20Pre-Print.pdf

Intersectional Implicit Bias: Evidence for Asymmetrically Compounding Bias and the Predominance of Target Gender

Abstract

Little is known about implicit evaluations of complex, multiply categorizable social targets. Across five studies (N = 5,204), we investigated implicit evaluations of targets varying in race, gender, social class, and age. Overall, the largest and most consistent evaluative bias was pro-women/anti-men bias, followed br smaller but nonetheless consistent pro-upper-class/anti-lower-class biases. By contrast, we observed less consistent effects of targets' race, no effects of targets' age, and no consistent interactions between target-level categories. An integrative data analysis highlighted a number of moderating factors, but a stable pro-women/anti-men and pro-upper-class/anti-lower-class bias across demographic groups. Overall, these results suggest that implicit biases compound across multiple categories asymmetrically, with a dominant category (here, gender) largely driving evaluations, and ancillary categories (here, social class and race) exerting relatively smaller additional effects. We discuss potential implications of this work for under standing how implicit biases operate in real-world social settings.

[...]

General Discussion

Implicit bias is central to the study of social cognition. Given that people are multiply categorizable, understanding the influences of such intersectionality upon implicit bias is likely to be vital for understanding its effects in everyday social contexts. In the present research, we examined implicit evaluations of multiply categorizable social targets, testing two competing theories about intersectional intergroup bias. We also developed and tested the reliability of a novel method of measuring and modelling implicit bias at the level of individual targets.

In Study 1 we observed implicit evaluations of Black and White males to be driven solely by targets’ social class, with bias favoring upper-class over lower-class targets. In Study 2, we measured implicit evaluations of targets varying in race, gender, social class, and age, and found results to be primarily driven by a specific positive bias favoring upper-class female targets. In Study 3, we used similarly intersectional targets, and explored the impact of portraying targets in full-body versus upper body photographs on implicit evaluations. Here, we observed effects of targets’ race, with Asian and White targets evaluated more positively than Black targets, and of targets’ social class, with upper-class targets evaluated more positively than lower-class targets (though only when targets were displayed in full-body presentation). Most striking, however, was the dominant effect of target gender, with positive/negative evaluations of female/male targets accounting for the majority of variance in implicit bias.

In Study 4 we tested the generalizability of these results by recruiting representative samples of US adults, and measuring implicit evaluations not just via ST-IATs, but also via EPTs and AMPs. Across all measures, we observed target gender to be the largest driver of implicit evaluations, though its dominance was less pronounced in EPTs and AMPs than in ST- IATs. We also again observed effects of targets’ social class and race, though the effect of race was inconsistent across tasks, with participants displaying anti-Black bias in the ST-IAT, pro- Asian bias in the EPT, and anti-White bias in the AMP. Finally, in Study 5 we conducted an integrative data analysis to test a number of potential moderating factors. Results showed that while all groups of participants displayed pro-female implicit gender bias and pro-upper-class implicit social class bias, both biases were stronger among women than men. Results also showed the effect of race varied across racial groups, with Asians displaying a preference for Asian over White and Black targets, Black participants displaying a preference for Asian and Black targets over White targets, Latinos displaying a preference for Asian over Black targets, and Whites displaying no significant racial bias.

The present work makes theoretical, empirical, and methodological contributions to the study of implicit evaluative bias toward multiply categorizable targets. On a theoretical level, we believe our results are best accounted for by a synthesis of compounding bias and category dominance approaches. Consistent with the category dominance model (Macrae et al., 1995), we observed a single social category to exert a dominant influence on implicit evaluations of intersectional targets in each of our studies. In Study 1, social class was dominant. In Studies 3 and 4, target gender was dominant. And even in Study 2, despite its more complex results, target gender still uniquely accounted for substantially more variation in Target D Scores than any other target-level predictor. These results are consistent with the notion that when faced with complex social stimuli, social perceivers act as ‘cognitive misers’, and make implicit evaluations that are strongly influenced by specific social categories, and are relatively unaffected by others.

However, our results are also consistent with the notion that implicit biases compound–– at least to some extent––across multiple categories at once. In Studies 3 and 4, which used the most tightly controlled set of targets, we observed simultaneous effects of targets’ gender, race, and social class. And in Study 5b, we found little evidence that these results represented separate groups of participants attending solely to each factor. So, although we found little consistent evidence for the kind of multiplicative interaction effects suggested by the multiple jeopardy/advantage hypothesis (Ransford, 1980), we did find evidence of biases compounding additively––albeit highly asymmetrically––across multiple social categories, with the most negative implicit evaluations consistently being made of targets displaying multiple intersecting stigmatized social identities (in this case, lower SES males), and the most positive implicit evaluations being made of individuals displaying multiple intersecting positively-valued social identities (in this case, upper SES females).

The overall picture emerging from the present work is therefore one of theoretical compromise. Implicit evaluative biases toward complex multiply categorizable targets do appear to compound across categories, but do so asymmetrically, with a dominant category (here, target gender) playing a leading role, less dominant categories (here, target race and social class) exerting relatively small additional effects, and peripheral categories (here, target age) having little detectable influence.

“The Patriarchy™” being all mysterious ways again.

This study demonstrates the flawed and ideological nature of present workplace “unconscious bias” trainings. They’re shallow and univariate, to the point where the results are not replicable.

If you’re being put through an IAT that does not control for multiple categories, such as gender, age, and social class, what you’re being subjected to is essentially ideological dowsing.

It’s interesting what you find when a concept like intersectionality is taken seriously and studied methodologically and statistically through (social) scientific processes. Rather than ideologically and religiously through the Grievance Studies units within the Hypothetical Humanities by people who have no idea what a p-value is. And reject the notion that they should. It’s often not what the latter presuppose to be there.

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alwaysbewoke · 21 days

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the idiocy is killing kieran lmaooo

#white people being white people #white french people being usual racist selves #kieran culkin #julie delpy #sundance film festival #wiener-dog #cringe #uncomfortable #african american #oscars #academy #diversity #inclusion #racial insensitivity #cultural awareness #social media backlash #entertainment industry #racial remarks #sensitivity training

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silentreigns · 7 months

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Why does AlphaTauri keep making promotional posters with the rising sun flag symbolism? You got a Japanese driver quit doing that shit, I know the social media admins see the comments

#formula 1 #f1 #japanese gp 2023 #like why does it feel like nobody in the redbull camp has done racial sensitivity training

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tom-foolery-incorporated · 10 months

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A blurb about Ganon fingering you >:3c

Ganondorf x gender neutral reader, racially ambiguous, AFAB reader, pussy smacking, sexual punishment, masturbation, fingering, dirty talk, degradation, no specific version of Ganon in mind

Ganondorf smacked your pussy earning a shrill moan from your lips. "You make a mess in my bed-" he stopped talking only to focus on giving your cunt another slap. "And expect to go unpunished?" The massive hand not currently spanking your sensitive cunt was holding your thigh to keep you from closing your legs. Your hips squirmed and you cried out in a mixture of pain and pleasure with every slap he delivered to your drooling cunt.

While Ganondorf was out in war meetings and performing his kingly duties, you were in here rubbing your pussy to the thought of his cock splitting you apart. While Ganondorf was out slaving away to finally have Hyrule in his grasp, you were here drooling your pussy juices onto his sheets. He especially didn't expect to walk in and see you squirt all over your shared bed. What was he going to do with such a lustful little whore in his sheets?

Well, a punishment was first.

Ganondorf reveled in the way his fingers became damp with your juices after every slap. The way your body squirmed in a puddle of your own squirt like the filthy slut he was going to use you as later. His orange eyes became fixed on the tears pooling from your own eyes at the mixture of pain and pleasure. You gritted your teeth and squeezed your eyes shut. An aimed slap to your clit made your body shoot up and your eyes snap open. "Look at me," Ganondorf ordered, "don't you dare close your eyes when I'm fucking you." You whined when he tenderly rubbed your abused clit with the pads of his fingers. Your eyes remained open and trained on his chiseled face.

"Do you hear that?" Ganondorf slipped his middle and ring finger inside your pussy. A juicy wet sound emanated from your core as he sunk his fingers down to the knuckle making you groan in pleasure. "Absolutely no shame," he tsked.

You gripped the sheets beneath you like they were your only lifeline. Ganondorf was an intense lover on a good day but it seems like you truly awakened his brutality today. Although Ganondorf could easily hold you down with only a hand sprawled across your chest, the grip he had on your thigh was bruising. A subtle way to make his mark on your body and to remind you what happens when you test him.

He drilled his fingers in and out of your hole. The wet noises only grew louder with the speed he was fucking his fingers into you. Your arousal dripped around his fingers and slid along the curve of your ass. "My dear sweet pet," Ganondorf cooed in a mocking tone, "look at you. You haven't even had a cock in you and you're already been fucked stupid." Your eyes were half lidded and your mouth hung open in a pant. The tears flowed freely down your cheeks as Ganondorf fucked your pussy with his massive fingers. His fingers were practically the size of a regular Hylian's cock. He was truly splitting you open to take as much of him as you could. While your pussy had gotten used to and adjusted to his size, Ganondorf was still no easy fit.

"You get to spend the whole day touching yourself while I work myself to the bone," Ganondorf growled with a tight grip on your sides. His fat cock lay overtop your mound easily reaching to cover your belly button. You panted in excitement to finally have his dick rubbing against you. He slid his throbbing member through your folds teasing your body with what was to come. The head of his cock would push and bully your clit with every slide through your vulva. "Such a tight pussy," Ganondorf growled grabbing your jaw to keep eye contact. "I can't wait to ruin it."

#Ganondorf #ganon x reader #ganondorf x reader #ganon #ganondorf smut #ganondorf x reader smut #ganon smut #ganon x reader smut #my writing

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iridessence · 2 years

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so tagging any random person as “mommy” is not the wave, but especially not the wave if you are a white person calling a plus size black person “Mommy.” come on now, y’all. do we have to go back to summer 2020 racial sensitivity training class

#text post

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wejustvibing · 7 months

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okay it's the next morning and i'm still seething. this is why diversity and inclusion is required. this is why just dei and racial sensitivity training is not enough until it's implemented all the way through. this is why bipoc are needed in every department of an organization top down. this is one of the things lewis is fighting against. this is one of the many many ways that team is failing him.

i get it, it's AI generated and the database isn't well fed yet. but publishing it was ultimately a human call, i'm guessing of course, because who knows what bozo's been handling their socials lately. a simple look at that entire post tells you how racially coded and stereotyped his images are. and, that tiktok that posted some more such images, make it clear to me that picking these specific pics was a choice. and a terrible one.

#idek the faces they fed— drivers & tp even consented to that mess but i guess that's another thing i'm being sensitive about #i'm shocked but weirdly enough a lot of things are making sense now

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princesswithsomeinterests · 6 months

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Cory so weird saying meme screamed at him on the way out… bb’s racial sensitivity training fails every year chile

#bb25 #meme has never raised her voice she was completely calm on her way out #every year someone tries to paint a black hg as aggressive smh

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queenofcoquette · 1 year

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my new habits

hey loves! right now i’m in the process of healing and trying to work on building a more stable state of mind. as such i want to list 5 habits i want to remove out of my life, and 5 habits i want to add into my life!

5 habits to get rid of:

flucuating sleep schedule- i want to go to bed earlier on weekends (instead of like 12-1 am which is what i do now) and i want to wake up earlier on weekends

acting irrationally/mood swings- i want to stop being so moody and unpredictable. i think it impacts my relationship with my parents negatively.

better communication- as a 5 day boarder who only sees my parents on weekends, i definitely could have better communication overall, as well as expressing my feelings

procrastinating- some days i don’t get done much work and just waste a lot of time

spiraling thoughts- once i have one negative though it’s like a train of irrational thoughts that makes me feel even lower

sensitivity- to put it lightly i live in a really racist, bigoted area (ultra conservative). i lived in a pretty liberal town before hand, so i’ll get racial comments made to me, and have heard negative comments to others which is so miserable. in the future i want to not care about what people say to me.

new habits:

building a better sleep routine- i’ve started going to bed earlier, as well as having a routine before bed, and waking up earlier

keeping a thought journal- instead of acting on impulsive/thoughts and feelings i’ve started to journal my thoughts instead

fixing my relationship with my parents- my mood swings are bad for this one lol. when i feel like they’re upset at me i’ll retract, and then they’ll assume i’m rude and it causes a mess. i want to start expressing myself more and being kinder to them

managing my emotions- emotional journalling, meditation and deep breathing to help improve my stability

working hard on my hobbies- going into the next year im finally hitting the age where i can get a job, and im also going to create an etsy shop, which im working on now. from there i’m going to stay busy and keep up my creativity, i have a lot of plans next year for music :)

#that girl #that girl 2022 #motivation #coquette

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shoezuki · 1 year

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Tbh the way ranboo always seems to like. Have to address issues of racism in his community n is always held accountable for the asshole bigots some his fans are. Baffles me. Cuz i feel like this is a constant recurring thing like. Some his fans are bigotted, act bigotted, and then ranboo is expected to rectify it. N i dont get it.

Like tbh what is he sposed to do? He already establishes he doesnt tolerate bigotry and condemns people who are racist in his community. What else is he sposed to do? Should he do these same 'serious' streams once a month jus so people know he doesnt like that? Is he supposed to be holding courses on racial discrimination and sensitivity training courses? Should he personally find every individual in his online community who has been racist and block them?

Its just. So strange to me tbh. Like of course there will be an issue with racism in his community, because racial discrimination is an issue in EVERY COMMUNITY. the entire world population has issues with racism and bigotry. No matter how much ranboo condemns it or tries to take responsibility for it or does these 'serious streams', racism will exist in the community. Because bigots arent going to be like 'oh ranboo is unhappy :( i will now take accountability and restructure my entire personality and worldview to let go of my prejudices'. Like the people who act maliciously towards racialized groups wont give a shit.

Its jus strange to me tbh. I dont get how people seem to attribute all issues of his community directly to him. In areas like his discord or his chat, he can control it and should take responsibility in more ways. But he cannot possibly eliminate all issues from all online spheres that like him. Its unrealistic and honestly takes away from how racism and bigotry is such a huge and prevalent issue. It makes it seem like it is soully his fault.

#discourse #I GUESS.#its like.... so strange.#not to mention that ranboo fans isnt one giant group. like i dont think those ppl who dont have twitter or social media #are a part of this issue. like idk.

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gatheringbones · 2 years

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[“Through intense negotiation over the course of several months, organizers hashed out an extensive list of principles, positions, and demands that was subsequently endorsed by sixty-nine progressive and radical organizations. In it, they outlined their reasons for emphasizing community accountability and censure over “criminal justice solutions,” declaring that “the majority of men who rape or batter are not arrested,” those who do get “convicted serve time in prison where violence is constantly reinforced,” and those who serve time are eventually released back into a “society which condones and even fosters violence against women.”

In the final analysis, they argued, the criminal justice system manifests the racial, economic, and gender inequality of society as a whole, making an investment in criminal justice remedies misguided and dangerous. Marshaling examples such as uneven access to quality legal representation and racial disproportionality in capital punishment, the group argued that criminal-justice racism could not be separated from sexual and domestic violence. Rejecting a carceral approach to male violence, the document proclaimed: “We seek to increase women’s mobility and freedom of movement without relying on the criminal justice system to restrict men’s freedom of movement.” Only through genuine “re-education” could men’s violent behavior be transformed.

Despite the group’s centrally stated desire for the march to “take emphasis away from the police and criminal justice systems,” however, when it came to formulating immediate demands on the city, the focus and onus boomeranged back to criminal legal approaches. Calls for sensitivity training of criminal justice officials, crime victim compensation, more police foot patrols, and more women and people of color on the police force sat awkwardly alongside the organizers’ anticarceral stance. The document thus betrays the difficulty activists faced in identifying tangible methods of violence intervention and prevention that did not inadvertently reproduce an ideology that preventing violence against women was principally a matter of crime control.

[…] Implicit in the argument for reeducation was an understanding of rape and battering as fundamentally social problems, rather than the results of individual pathology. During the workshop entitled “Working with Men Committing Violence,” center staff discussed their long-standing relationship with Prisoners Against Rape (PAR), a black prisoner–led organization inside Lorton Reformatory, which was operated by the Washington, D.C., Department of Corrections in nearby Fairfax County, Virginia. William Fuller and Larry Cannon, both self-described former rapists, founded the group in 1973. In an essay published in FAAR News that year, the men declared that their “project was fundamentally concerned with attacking the historical, political, social, and economic ingredients” of a culture of rape that is “ingrained into the masses from the cradle.”

Fuller participated in the workshop by proxy, sending a short essay to be read by his colleagues. In it, he explained that his involvement in prisoner organizing in the early 1970s led him to recognize the “anti-social” nature of the violence he had committed “both in the street and prison.” A “reformed violent and aggressive individual,” Fuller and other members of PAR sought to produce their own model of rehabilitation, based on “liberating and educating counseling” led by people who are “politically conscious of the oppressive practices of our society and how it influences the behavior of its people.” He urged the workshop attendees to recognize the possibilities of men’s expanded participation in antirape organizing, with the caveat that “women be in the majority of any decision-making process.” This view had led him to contact the RCC several years earlier to request collaboration.

Center staff made regular trips to Lorton to participate in a study group with PAR, packing in copies of feminist reading material. Although Ross remembers that her organization was initially ambivalent about working directly with men who had been convicted of rape, unsure whether the prisoners were sincere in their motives or if time spent with PAR would be a misuse of their finite organizational capacity to serve survivors, the RCC-PAR alliance became a point of pride as well as an influential dimension of the center’s activity. Ironically formed inside of, and in spite of, a prison environment, the study group represented the potential of radical political education-based interventions. Discussions with PAR about the prevalence of rape perpetrated by both guards and prisoners inside the men’s facility at Lorton informed the RCC activists’ critique of the prison system as an inherently violent institution that only extends the use of rape as a weapon of domination.”]

emily l. thuma, from all our trials: prisons, policing, and the feminist fight to end violence, 2019

#emily l. thuma #currently reading #history stuff #cw rape

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officialyourdailyinspiration · 1 year

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IMAGINE IF YOU WILL...

...a world where drag queens perform highly sexualized dance routines in front of 4-year olds in public libraries. Where teachers in public schools explain their homosexual lifestyle (including the sex they have with their lovers) in graphic detail to 5th graders. Where men are allowed to dominate women's sports and a woman who could not define what a woman is was elected to the Supreme Court simply because she was a woman. Where people are cancelled for calling a man "sir" and a woman "ma'am" out of respect and not by their imaginary preferred gender pronouns. Where the U.S. military places greater emphasis on LGBTQ sensitivity training than on combat training and where the popular sword and sorcery game Dungeons & Dragons erases bi-racial characters because bi-racial relationships are "racist", while claiming that only by keeping all races "racially pure" and separate can we fight racism.

No this isn't the Twilight Zone. Honestly, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. This is the real world in the 21st century.

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unwelcome-ozian · 10 months

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When social, politically correct trends grab the attention of democratically free societies, the governmentally controlled military system often takes on a role as society’s social-psychological experimental laboratory. The military is a closed-loop system, in which uniformed personnel literally belong to, and work for, their military bosses 24 hours per day, 365 days per year. In many countries, military personnel are provided with housing, food supply, pay, and medical care systems. Compared with performing social studies in society at large, conducting military ‘social experiments,’ collecting performance data, and obtaining feedback on how well ‘treatments’ work in the military is almost assured.

During their military careers, most US military service personnel have typically participated in one or more ‘social experiments.’ Examples of social studies targeted toward military personnel include the following: (a) integrating the work force through inﬂux of members of all religions, racial and ethnic minorities, women, and, more recently, homosexuals; (b) instituting sexual harassment awareness and other sensitivity training in the workplace; (c) implementing tobacco-smoking cessation, control of recreational drugs and alcohol use, family advocacy programs, personal weight control, physical ﬁtness, and uniform dress regulations; (d) adoption of the British Army’s regimental unit replacement personnel transfer policies whereby a whole military unit’s personnel, and dependent families, relocate together as a group from one military assignment to another; and (e) making it mandatory for military personnel to subject themselves to inoculations, experimental drugs and therapeutics, or, owing to insuﬃcient supplies, withholding drug treatments for some personnel.

Military psychologists, therefore, have the opportunity to participate in the enactment of social and organizational change in the military, and their work can have far-reaching implications for society at large.

#document dump #military psychology

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beardedmrbean · 5 months

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AUGUSTA, Maine (AP) — Teachers and science advocates are voicing skepticism about a Maine proposal to update standards to incorporate teaching about genocide, eugenics and the Holocaust into middle school science education. They argue that teachers need more training before introducing such subjects that are both sensitive and nuanced.

While critics of the proposed updates said they are borne of good intentions — the proposal states that science has “sometimes been used by those in power to oppress and abuse others” — they also said that injecting the materials into a middle school science curriculum could distract from conventional scientific principles and could jeopardize science education.

The proposal states that science education in the state should reflect that “misinterpretation of fossil observations has led to the false idea of human hierarchies and racial inequality.” The proposal also states that “historically, some people have misused and/or applied the ideas of natural selection and artificial selection to justify genocide of various groups, such as Albinos in Africa or Jews in Europe.”

The proposed updates have drawn the attention of teachers' groups in the state as well as national organizations that advocate for a better understanding of science. The concern in Democrat-controlled Maine contrasts conflicts over education in some more conservative states, where criticism has focused on the teaching of climate change, U.S. history and evolution in recent years.

The Maine Science Teachers Association testified before the state that adding the proposed content to education standards without providing professional training for teachers could jeopardize science education. The updates, which are geared toward middle schoolers, could also make it harder for young minds to absorb the more basic science concepts they are encountering for the first time, said Tonya Prentice, president of the Maine Science Teachers Association.

“As far as critical thinking skills, middle school students are still developing those, and that's just putting it at a level that is fundamentally higher than we should expect them to handle,” Prentice said. “That's a lot for adults to take in.”

Others said they felt the state is well-intentioned to try to incorporate social history into science education, but agreed Maine needs to first ensure that its teachers are equipped to do it. The contributions scientists have made to theories like eugenics belong in science class, but it needs to be done right, said Joseph Graves Jr., a professor of biology who is on the board of directors of the National Center for Science Education, which includes hundreds of teachers.

“The question is, should those things be incorporated into science class? My answer is absolutely yes,” Graves Jr. said. “But it comes down to when to do that and whether the people doing it are doing it in a way that is knowledgeable and pedagogically sound.”

The Maine Department of Education is performing the update, which is part of a review of standards that is required every five years. The proposed updates would have to ultimately be approved by a committee of the Maine Legislature.

The Maine Department of Education took public comments about the proposal until the middle of November and the next step is for the Legislature's Education and Cultural Affairs Committee to make a determination about the standards, said Marcus Mrowka, a spokesperson for the education department.

The updates are the result of new requirements from the Legislature to include certain kinds of education into the curriculum, Mrowka said. Schools are now required to include content about Native American and African American histories as well as the history of genocide, including the Holocaust, Mrowka said. Mrowka said the update doesn't constitute a change to the standards but rather represents the inclusion of a further explanation section to provide educators with additional contexts and opportunities to encourage critical thinking.

The recommended updates that are up for adoption were made by teachers, and the education department opened up the revision process to any science teachers who wanted to be involved, Mrowka said. A group of two dozen Maine science educators met several times over the summer to lead the review of the science standards, Mrowka said.

The teachers also worked with scholars and experts to include the additional content areas that the Legislature required, Mrowka said.

“The teachers included a further explanation section to provide educators with additional contexts and opportunities to encourage critical thinking that incorporate the additional content required by the Legislature,” Mrowka said.

The state sought public comments about the current science standards earlier in the year and received numerous comments from educators about the importance of challenging students. Middle schoolers can grapple with “rigorous and relevant learning for the world that we live in,” testified Robert Ripley, a sixth grade teacher in the Oxford Hills School District.

“We want our students to be the builders of tomorrow, and they need the skills to create that unknown future world,” Ripley testified.

Alison Miller, an associate professor at Bowdoin College who served on the state steering committee for science standards, called the revisions “misguided.” Miller said the heavy subjects of genocide and scientific racism seemed to be shoehorned into the standards.

“This is not a shoehorn-able subject,” Miller said. “This is about context and nuance, and asking teachers to do it without the context and nuance that it takes to take on a subject so large and so important is asking them to do it superficially or not at all.”

#nunyas news #this might work for a psych class #not biology or any of those

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storiesofsvu · 2 years

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Her Everything Ch 9

Warnings: Language, talk of racially sensitive stuff (s17 episode related), character death (it’s just Dodd’s, don’t worry). A lot of talk of the job.

A/N: This covers all of season 17 in one chapter, I didn’t want to do a huge time jump at this point, and honestly, this year hit the squad/da HARD, so it made sense to include these kind of things in the story. Next chapter is somewhat similar but with a million times more fluff. Also I had to watch Dodd’s die like, 3 times to get this chapter out. You’re welcome

Buy me a Ko-Fi.

The next month and a half was definitely one of mourning, a disheartened fog hung thick in the apartment. Aside from grieving his Abuelita, Rafael knew you were going through the annually internal struggle of coping with your own Mother’s death. The two of you did your absolute best to stay strong for each other, making sure there was time carved out of your busy schedules to curl up on the couch together, reassuring each other that things would work out. You were lucky to have each other, and even more lucky that the events over the past little bit brought you tighter together rather than drive a wedge in between you. Especially considering what the upcoming year was about to throw at both the NYPD and the D.A’s office.

First it was discovered that the chief medical examiner was in fact, a serial killer, outed by the notorious Greg Yates, Rollins found out she was pregnant, you were thrown a new Sergeant who happened to be the Chief’s son and then Rafael brought home a case he was sure would spark a huge fight. Uni’s from another precinct had shot and killed an unarmed black teenager, quite literally emptying their clips into the poor kid. You’d been on the scene with the rest of the SVU crew to witness the aftermath. Olivia was quick to stand up for the uni’s, arguing with Barba, saying the cops were doing their job, and he expected the same thing from you considering you were part of the blue.

“Suppose this is the part where you yell at me for going after an indictment.” He muttered as he came in the door that evening, tugging out files to continue working.

“Are you kidding me?” You glanced up from your laptop and he could see the rage and melancholy burning in your eyes, “You weren’t at that scene Raf, there was absolutely no reason for one of those pricks to unload his entire round into that kid, much less all three of them. One or two shots and he would’ve been subdued, it’s like these idiots forget they have tasers.”

“And if they’re claiming they were fearing for their lives?”

“Three people with guns vs someone they thought was armed?” You rolled your eyes, shutting the laptop, “I’d tell ‘em they should wear their vests more often. And I’ll testify to that.” You moved around the island to where he’d set up shop, kissing the side of his head.

“I’d rather keep you out of this one.”

“Too prejudicial?”

“Yes.” You leaned in again, kissing his cheek softly,

“I’m gonna shower..” You’d made it a few steps away when he turned to you again, calling out towards the hallway.

“Carino?” Stopping, you turned to face him, leaning on the door frame. “Have..you ever killed someone?”

“Once.” You sighed heavily, “He’d kidnapped and raped an eleven year old girl. We managed to track him down to a hideaway house, my partner went in without backup, by the time I got inside the perp had a gun to my partner’s head, loaded and cocked, ready to shoot.”

“Sounds like you’re not the biggest firearm fan.” You let out a huff of a laugh,

“Listen Raf, some of these guys, they head straight to the academy after high school, rising through the ranks if they feel like it. For them, all they care about is the power, feeling cool cause they’re a cop. I didn’t do it for the gun and the badge, I do it for the victims. I went to school, I got a degree, I took extra courses in psychology, crisis counselling, I’m heavily trained in first aid so if someone is shot on a scene I can do my best for them to make it to a hospital, even if it is a perp. I’m here to solve their crimes and get them back into the world on the right foot. I could give a fuck if I had a gun on my hip or not. It may be protocol for me to draw my weapon in situations, but I do my damn best not to fire it. Indict these trigger happy bastards, it’s what they deserve.” Rafael couldn’t help the small smirk at your words,

“You did once say you were the cop that kept other cop’s toes in line.”

“I do my best to make sure innocent people don’t get killed. Just wish we would’ve gotten there faster, might’ve been able to stop them.” You turned at that, traipsing down the hallway as Rafael called after you.

“It’s not your fault!”

“I know.” You shouted back wearily from the bedroom.

You noticed Rafael a little more on edge as the trial for the three uni’s started, to be fair, everyone was a little on edge. The entire department was shaken up by the matter, and there were definitely more than one or two blow outs over the entire situation, not to mention the media. You did your best to keep your head down and keep doing what you were doing, there were plenty more cases to be working on. And it seemed like SVU wasn’t going to be let off easy. Benson got herself into a hostage mess in a townhouse, Yates and Rudnick managed to somehow escape Greenhaven which meant more visits from the Chicago P.D team, and then there was a giant mess of a sex ring involving the Catholic Church, corrupt cops, A.D.A’s and Judges.

To say you were beyond exhausted was the ultimate truth. By the time May rolled around, you were more than thankful to be able to have a few days off. Rafael had suggested a nice dinner to celebrate your three year anniversary, you only groaned in response, not even wanting to think about putting on a dress and going out right now. You apologized when you saw the rejected look in his eyes, promising him you could do something in the following weeks, but for right now, you just wanted to curl up with take out and wine. You picked a date and Rafael softly kissed you, telling you that he’d plan it out, you had nothing to worry about.

Then came the Munson case, things were all hands on deck, and it was busy as ever at the precinct, as if you hadn’t taken down enough influential perps this year, you were now dealing with a corrupt C.O from Rikers. You’d spent the evening going over things with Dodds, files scattered across your desks, working much later than anticipated. It was only when Liv insisted the two of you be done for the night that you finally left the precinct. You were surprised to find Rafael at home already, thinking he’d still be at the office, this was a tough case, with a lot of pressure coming from higher ups and other departments.

“Rafael…?”

“Hmm?” He didn’t bother looking up from the file he was reading.

“Wanna enlighten me as to why there’s a protective detail downstairs?” His head shot up at that, sputtering in response, his heart racing in his chest.

“I..uh. What?”

“You think I can’t recognize an unmarked car or two plain clothes? Did something happen with the case?”

“It..may not be related to the Munson case.”

“Oh?” He sighed heavily. Rafael hated the fact that he’d been keeping this secret, he just hadn’t thought it was that important until today, and he hadn’t wanted you to worry over nothing.

“I’ve been getting threats since the Terrance Reynolds case. Nothing serious!” He shot out, seeing the sense of shock and worry on your face, “Just, hang up calls from burners, texts, things like that.”

“Okay…so I’ll repeat; why is there a protective detail downstairs?”

“Carino, you might want to stay somewhere else for a few days.”

“Rafael what are you not telling me?” You cocked a brow, crossing your arms over your chest challenging him to continue withholding whatever it was.

“Today some punk threatened to throw me down the court house stairs and crack my skull.”

“Raf!” You started to move towards him, dropping your detective stance in worry, he cut you off with an extended hand.

“And I may have given him our home address.” He definitely should’ve seen the swift smack to the back of the head coming,

“Are you kidding me Rafael!? Maldito idiota!” You let out a heavy groan, “You’ve been getting threats for the better part of a year and instead of reporting them, instead of telling your girlfriend, who may I remind you is a fucking cop, you give your actual address out to someone who threatened to kill you? How stupid are you?!”

“I didn’t want to worry you.” You rolled your eyes, “I wanted to keep you safe, keep you out of it as long as needed until it blew over.”

“Well I’m in it now!”

“I’m sorry.” Your body language softened at the true remorse in his expression, moving in between his legs against the bar stool as you loosely linked your hands behind his neck.

“Apology accepted.” You met his lips for a soft kiss, humming in satisfaction at the way his hand cupped your cheek gently, the other arm resting on your hip. “You’re still an idiot.”

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“Oh I know you will.” You flashed him a mischievous grin, “Put all this away and come to bed, that way you can reallymake it up to me.”

“I will gladly take that offer.” You laughed at the smirk he shot you before tightly pulling you to him in a much more heated kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you always.” You murmured against his lips, tugging him to stand, following you back to the bedroom.

Rafael was down at the precinct a couple of days later, they’d managed to track down and bring in the perp who’d threatened him and he needed to make an I.D with Carisi and Rollins.

“Where is everybody?” Rafael asked, gesturing to the relatively empty bull pen, ‘Congratulations Dodds’ banner still up along with a half eaten cake.

“Doin’ a closin’ job at Munson’s.” Sonny replied, dropping down into his desk.

“All of them?”

“Fin’s with the vic. It’s new policy with close jobs, one body per group of civilians, Liv, Dodds and Y/N, one gets the kids, one handles the wife, one handles Munson.” Rafael grimaced at the thought of you out there with someone like Munson, especially on a close job, he reminded himself that you always reassured him you could take care of yourself, but something just wasn’t sitting right.

Back in his office he had the news on in the background, an attempt to try and keep up with the case from the media’s perspective. His head shot up from his opening argument when a breaking news case broke through the screen, Munson’s mugshot splayed across the screen, the anchor mentioning that in a turn of events the man had taken his wife and two NYPD members hostage and shots had been fired by the man, conditions of the others currently unknown.

He felt his heart drop into the absolute pit of his stomach, his pulse instantly began to race as the panic coursed through his veins. His brain flashed back to the conversation about guns you’d had earlier that year, how you used all plausible options before firing your weapon and in that moment, God did he ever wish you were one of the trigger happy ones instead. Barely thinking he grabbed his phone, tossing his jacket back on as he raced out of the D.A’s office, Lincoln Hospital was the closest one to the Bronx, the closest to the Munson’s house, it had to be where you were. His phone called you on repeat the entire twenty minute drive over, each time it hit your voicemail he felt his entire soul breaking. How on earth had he been so stupid to not tell you just how much he loved you each day he spent with you, that he loved you more than he could ever imagine, more than anything in the entire world.

His gut of where you would be was right on the nose as he sped into the waiting room, brass was everywhere, he spotted Olivia with Tucker, heading straight to them.

“Where is she?” He didn’t realize how out of breath he was, nor how shaky is words came out. Olivia barely glanced up at him, still in a daze of guilt, not properly thinking.

“‘Round the corner, second door on the left.”

That was at least something good, it meant you weren’t in surgery, it meant if you’d been hit you might be out for a while, but at least you were closer to being alive than he’d worried. Rafael didn’t even notice racing past Sonny as he exited the door Liv had specified, he practically collided right into you as you moved to the doorway.

“Raf-?” The only way you could describe the sound he let out was a choked back strangle of a cry. Your front was nearly completely covered in blood, a smear of it still on your neck you hadn’t realized was there. He roughly pulled you to him, wrapping his arms around you in the tightest hug possible, one of his hands cupping the back of your head, fingers tangling into the messy bun. You felt his body nearly shake against you as he melted into you, holding you there until he’d managed to control his breathing again, feeling that you were in his arms, that you were safe, not open on an operating table somewhere.

“Why the fuck haven’t you been answering your phone? I thought you were hit. Are you okay?!” He pulled back and you could see the tears brimming in his eyes. Your hand reached up to stroke his cheek gently,

“Oh Rafa..I’m fine.” Your lips met his cheek, holding there for a moment, letting him realize you were real, and that you were really okay, “I was just giving blood, Mike’s…lost a lot..things aren’t looking good.”

“I’ve been calling you non stop for half an hour!” Your face scrunched,

“My phone never went off..” You stepped over to a nearby chair, rummaging through the bag a nurse had given you to throw your blood soaked blazer in. You’d whipped it off as fast as you could to try and stop the bleeding in Mike’s abdomen at the Munson’s. Digging through it your hands hit both pockets, then shook the blazer out over the bag. Nothing. Your hands patted down the minimal pockets of your dress pants, double checking you hadn’t shoved it into your bra, you turned back to Rafael with a look of apology on your face, “I…I don’t have it. It must’ve fallen out at the house. Mi Amour, I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you like that.” Your hand grasped his, pulling it to your lips quickly before wrapping your arms around him once again, “I’m here, okay. I’m fine, I’m safe. I’m with you, and I love you always.”

“Marry me.” You almost didn’t hear the words muffled against your skin, pulling your head back to read his face.

“What?”

“I thought I’d lost you today, and the only thing I could think of the entire time was that I never told you just how much I loved you. Carino you’re the only person I want to be with for the rest of my life. I love you more than anything, and I’ve known that for a while now. Abuelita knew you were the one the moment she met you, it may have taken me a bit to catch up, but I know she wasn’t wrong. Marry me.” You were doing the best to control any amount of confusion or awe from expressing itself on your face, you couldn’t control the smallest of smiles, the tears brimming in your eyes at his admission. You knew you loved Rafael more than anything on the planet, and that you always would, you just had no idea he’d been on the same page.

“Is..is this because of..” You gestured slightly, insinuating to the whole hostage, getting shot situation.

“No.” He grasped your free hand in his, “Well, kind of, but the ring’s at the apartment. I had this whole plan for next week for our date, but I don’t want to wait any longer. I needed you to know now.” He felt his heart rate pick up again, but this time because he suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable. He’d laid his feelings out on the table and it was your choice that would either crush them completely or elate him more than he could ever imagine.

“Oh Rafael…of course I’ll marry you!” A small giggle escaped your lips as he pulled you in for a kiss, this one more passionate than the others, “Te amo siempre.” You murmured against his lips, happy to have this little private moment to yourselves.

Truthfully, your little bubble of happiness remained just that. A few hours later, when Dodds was finally in the ICU, he ended up having a massive stroke and was declared legally brain dead. Rafael held you tighter when the news came in, knowing that your brain was racing through every moment in that house, the million things you could’ve done differently to end up with a different outcome, not to mention the shot could still have hit you in the heat of the moment. The squad reluctantly left the hospital in a sense of complete exhaustion, both mentally and physically, everyone coping with it in different ways, it always stung harder losing one of your own.

You and Rafael decided to keep the news of the engagement under wraps, out of respect for Mike and the Dodds’ family, it wasn’t exactly the time to be celebrating. While he did give you the ring the next morning, you only wore it around the house, making sure to stash it back in the little blue box before heading into work.

It was actually on accident nearly a month later, you’d been out running a couple errands, diamond on your hand when Liv called you in for a case. You had to drop everything and head into the precinct without the time to go home first and hadn’t even realized. You were in interrogation talking things through with the perp while she watched through the glass, smirking at how much you talked with your hands, the diamond ever so obvious. She turned to Rafael when he showed up, smile on her face,

“Congratulations.”

“What? The bastard that stupid?” She laughed, nodding towards the window,

“That’s one hell of a ring.” Rafael felt his cheeks flush, a grin breaking out on his cheeks as he realized what she was talking about.

“Yeah, well, she deserves it. She deserves everything.”

“She really loves you, you know.” Liv smirked over at him, “I can always tell when she’s distracted texting you when she’s supposed to be working, the silly grin’s a dead giveaway.” Rafael couldn’t help the laugh at that,

“Sorry. I promise I’m not trying to distract your detectives.”

“‘S’long as you’re only distracting her, I’m fine. You make her happy, incredibly happy. And I’m happy for the two of you, really.”

“Thanks Liv.” He gave her a soft smile before turning his attention back to the interrogation room, his eyes lingering on you before fully tuning into the conversation.

You made him so happy his heart nearly hurt, he couldn’t remember feeling like this in years, you’d swooped into his life and nearly stolen it all away. He knew how incredibly lucky he was to have you, how lucky he was that you said yes, that you excitedly put that ring on your finger, and now, would be able to proudly wear it.

The rest of the squad was pretty quick to find out at that point, everyone congratulating the two of you and teasing you about how you were stuck with Barba for the rest of your life now. You laughed it off, saying you wouldn’t have it any other way. Amanda of course was quick to suggest a night out to celebrate it, and honestly, thanks to the months prior, the squad neeeded something to celebrate, to be happy for, so you agreed. A night out with the team and Rafael at Beekman, you were quick to insist on no decorations or any kind of bullshit like a ‘bride to be’ sash, this wasn’t the bachelorette party or anything. Though you didn’t miss the gleam in Rollins’ eye when you mentioned that, you knew you were in for it.

Lucia was over the moon, ecstatic that Rafael had finally made the move and couldn’t wait for the wedding, which you quickly reminded her would probably take a while. You were leaning towards a longer engagement, both of your schedules so constantly busy and up in the air you figured you’d use the small amount of time off both of you had to decide on smaller things before booking a venue or setting a date, where was the rush anyways? You both loved each other more than you could imagine, a silly ceremony and piece of paper wasn’t going to change that

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