#racing bison

[animepopheart]

★ 【Bison倉鼠】 「 Racing Miku 2022 」 ☆ ✔ republished w/permission ⊳ ⊳ follow me on twitter

#racing miku #miku #hatsune miku #VOCALOID #anime girl #artist: Bison倉鼠

[neechees]

Everything I see that happens to Palestinians literally happened & is happening to Native Americans like its insane

#our oppression mirrors each other #theres differences of course bc our histories of colonization & race & religion are different #but thats what makes the similarities so chilling #Israel controlling Palestine's water supply & making escape or defending yourself nigh impossible #& removing all the Native plants like the Olive trees & replacing them with invasive plants #or the extinction of the Palestinian crocodile vs the Plains Bison #how settlers will defend their colonization & how ive seen a settler say that Israel 'uses the land properly' #everything I've seen settlers say defending Israel is the exact same thing I've seen settler Canadians & Americans say

[reasonsforhope]

Article Link

"Minnetonka first started selling its “Thunderbird” moccasins in 1965. Now, for the first time, they’ve been redesigned by a Native American designer.

It’s one step in the company’s larger work to deal with its history of cultural appropriation. The Minneapolis-based company launched in the 1940s as a small business making souvenirs for roadside gift shops in the region—including Native American-inspired moccasins, though the business wasn’t started or run by Native Americans. The moccasins soon became its biggest seller.

[Photo: Minnetonka]

Adrienne Benjamin, an Anishanaabe artist and community activist who became the company’s “reconciliation advisor,” was initially reluctant when a tribal elder approached her about meeting with the company. Other activists had dismissed the idea that the company would do the work to truly transform. But Benjamin agreed to the meeting, and the conversation convinced her to move forward.

“I sensed a genuine commitment to positive change,” she says. “They had really done their homework as far as understanding and acknowledging the wrong and the appropriation. I think they knew for a long time that things needed to get better, and they just weren’t sure what a first step was.”

Pictured: Lucie Skjefte and son Animikii [Photo: Minnetonka]

In 2020, Minnetonka publicly apologized “for having benefited from selling Native-inspired designs without directly honoring Native culture or communities.” It also said that it was actively recruiting Native Americans to work at the company, reexamining its branding, looking for Native-owned businesses to partner with, continuing to support Native American nonprofits, and that it planned to collaborate with Native American artists and designers.

Benjamin partnered with the company on the first collaboration, a collection of hand-beaded hats, and then recruited the Minneapolis-based designer Lucie Skjefte, a citizen of the Red Lake Nation, who designed the beadwork for another moccasin style and a pair of slippers for the brand. Skjefte says that she felt comfortable working with the company knowing that it had already done work with Benjamin on reconciliation. And she wasn’t a stranger to the brand. “Our grandmothers and our mothers would always look for moccasins in a clutch kind of situation where they didn’t have a pair ready and available to make on their own—then they would buy Minnetonka mocs and walk into a traditional pow wow and wear them,” she says. Her mother, she says, who passed away in 2019, would have been “immensely proud” that Skjefte’s design work was part of the moccasins—and on the new version of the Thunderbird moccasin, one of the company’s top-selling styles.

[Photo: Minnetonka]

“I started thinking about all of those stories, and what resonated with me visually,” Skjefte says. The redesign, she says, is much more detailed and authentic than the previous version. “Through the redesign and beading process, we are actively reclaiming and reconnecting our Animikii or Thunderbird motif with its Indigenous roots,” she says. Skjefte will earn royalties for the design, and Minnetonka will also separately donate a portion of the sale of each shoe to Mni Sota Fund, a nonprofit that helps Native Americans in Minnesota get training and capital for home ownership and entrepreneurship.

Some companies go a step farther—Manitobah Mukluks, based in Canada, has an Indigenous founder and more than half Indigenous staff. (While Minnetonka is actively recruiting more Native American workers, the company says that employees self-report race and it can’t share any data about its current number of Indigenous employees.) Beyond its own line of products, Manitobah also has an online Indigenous Market that features artists who earn 100% of the profit for their work.

White Bear Moccasins, a Native-owned-and-made brand in Montana, makes moccasins from bison hide. Each custom pair can take six to eight hours to make; the shoes cost hundreds of dollars, though they can also be repaired and last as long as a lifetime, says owner Shauna White Bear. In interviews, White Bear has said that she wants “to take our craft back,” from companies like Minnetonka. But she also told Fast Company that she doesn’t think that Minnetonka, as a family-owned business, should have to lose its livelihood now and stop making moccasins.

The situation is arguably different for other fashion brands that might use a Native American symbol—or rip off a Native American design completely—on a single product that could easily be taken off the market. Benjamin says that she has also worked with other companies that have discontinued products.

She sees five steps in the process of reconciliation. First, the person or company who did wrong has to acknowledge the wrong. Then they need to publicly apologize, begin to change behavior, start to rebuild trust, and then, eventually, the wronged party might take the step of forgiveness. Right now, she says, Minnetonka is in the third phase of behavior change. The brand plans to continue to collaborate with Native American designers.

The company can be an example to others on how to listen and build true relationships, Benjamin says. “I think that’s the only way that these relationships are going to get any better—people have to sit down and talk about it,” she says. “People have to be real. People have to apologize. They have to want to reconcile with people.”

The leadership at Minnetonka can also be allies in pushing other companies to do better. “My voice is important at the table as an Indigenous woman,” Benjamin says. “Lucie’s voice is important. But at tables where there’s a majority of people that aren’t Indigenous, sometimes those allies’ voices are more powerful in those spaces, because that means that they’ve signed on to what we’re saying. The power has signed on to moving forward and we agree with ‘Yes, this was wrong.’ That’s the stuff that’s going to change [things] right there.”"

-via FastCompany, February 7, 2024

#indigenous #indigenous artists #indigenous art #moccasins #thunderbird #native american #native american art #cultural appropriation #indigenous peoples #cultural representation #minnesota #minnetonka #minneapolis #red lake nation #ojibwe #anishinaabe #reconciliation #fashion #fashion news #good news #hope #indigenous designers #native artist #indigenous artist

[gracieheartspedro]

Cool About It

joel miller x fem! reader

Description: you've only patrolled with him a couple times, which made you kind of hate him. but after a night of subtle flirting at the tipsy bison, tons of alcohol, shooting pool, and making fun of some guy's tattoos, you realize you're really into joel. after you get him, you realize maybe you shouldn't want him.

Part 1/3

PART TWO IS HERE

Word count: 5.3k

Warnings: MINORS DNI! this is 18+, post!outbreak joel, drinking, playing pool(?), possible age gap (not specified really), very smutty, unprotected p in v, fingering, oral (f receiving), overstimulation, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, joel is a menace a bit, ellie is also a little shit haha

hi lovers, how's it going? this is going to be a three-parter, inspired by Boygenius' song "Cool About It". it's gonna be smutty in all three parts so be ready (: please reach out if you have any requests or just wanna talk! I'm friendly I promise lmao

Met you at the dive bar to go shoot some pool

And make fun of the cowboys with the neck tattoos

Ask you easy questions about work and school

I'm trying to be cool about it

Feelin' like an absolute fool about it

Wishin' you were kind enough to be cruel about it

Tellin' myself I can always do without it

Knowin' that it probably isn't true

You keep your head held high while you walk into the Tipsy Bison, the only bar in Jackson. You were not familiar with the walls of the establishment, but the plan was to get out of your comfort zone. You were good at being a social outcast, and Maria, the only friend you had here, told you to try to break out of your shell. 

So here you are, at a bar. 

Immediately you recognize a couple of familiar faces, including the Millers. 

Tommy and Joel were the patrol leaders for Jackson. You always felt comfortable around Tommy. He was more laid back and funny. On the couple of patrols you did with him, he always made sure the time went by quicker. While serious in times that are pressing, he brought light to darker situations. Maria, his wife, was the first person to introduce you to life in Jackson. She got you set up in a house by yourself and had you start patrolling when she realized you were an excellent shot. She was kind, always making sure you were looking out for yourself and invited you to family dinners sometimes.

Joel was different. 

Very quiet and deadly serious when he was speaking. He made you feel insecure about your abilities, always double and triple checking things behind you. You couldn’t bring your own horse out of the stable without him checking your pack and ensuring you packed extra bullets. 

“You never know what’s out there, girl,” He would tell you. 

You find an empty seat at the bar. Only one seat away from Joel. 

The bartender approaches you, asking what you’d like. You gesture towards Maria.

“Whatever she’s havin’.” 

Maria finally takes notice from beside Tommy and waves at you with a huge smile plastered on her face. It warmed your cold little heart. 

“Hey pretty lady,” She hops out of her chair to give you a half hug, “Glad you are doing this.”

Tommy was looking at you from beside Joel, a smirk playing on his face.

Joel stared forward with no emotion, not even daring to glance your direction.

“How’s it goin’?” Tommy asks, scooting his chair back to begin his way over to you, taking a spot next to Maria. 

You nod, “It’s going.”

“You were on that patrol with the raiders a couple days ago, right?”

He was referring to two days ago when a couple of shitty raiders took down your partner’s horse and almost shot you through the back. You guys got the upper hand, of course. You never went without packing two guns, so you had quickly slid off your horse to find cover behind a downed tree and used a hunting rifle to take two headshots. Your partner wasn’t so lucky. He was an older man and he fell hard when his horse went down. You had to race back to Jackson getting him into the infirmary as quickly as you could. Turns out he broke his arm and a couple of ribs. He would be off patrols for awhile. 

“Sure was,” You reply, “Luckily Eugene got out with just a broken arm. I was happy to be there for him.”

Before Tommy could reply to you, Joel quips up. 

“He told me you got both of the guys between the eyes,” He mumbles, “That true?”

You shake my head positively. You didn’t even want to speak to him in fear that you’d say the wrong thing. He would overanalyze you at the drop of a hat. 

“That’s impressive,” Tommy remarks, “Glad you got out of it unscathed.”

“My girl here is a badass,” Maria pats your shoulder, “Glad you are doing better. I know you were a rattled a bit.”

You take a sip of my drink, noting the intense burn, “Yeah, me too.”

You guys make more small talk, mainly about some recent patrols and what you found. You try to act interested, but the truth was you wanted to go home and read. Your mind was better occupied with made up stories than the stories that were playing out before you in real life. 

“I think we should get home to Ian,” Maria says to Tommy, referring to their newer son. He was about five months now, very cute, and chunky. He resembled your nephew before the world stole him and his mother from you. So you always refused to hold Ian, knowing it would send you into a spiral as soon as his little fingers found yours. Maria understood, telling you she knew exactly how you felt. She’s felt loss like that before, too.

“Ellie probably wants to be relieved of her cousin duties,” Joel grumbles from beside Tommy, “Poor girl doesn’t know what she agreed to.”

“Ian’s sleepin’,” Maria says putting on her coat, “She is probably bored.”

“Tell her to head home when you see her,” Joel comments. 

You have met Joel’s girl more than once. She was kind of stand-offish, intially. Now that you’ve met her a couple times, she was more chatty and goofy. She was a spitfire towards Tommy, which always made you laugh. 

From what you understood, Joel had a daughter before the outbreak. Tommy and Maria keep her name on a little memorial above their fireplace, with Maria’s son’s name scribbled beside hers. You didn’t know the backstory behind Ellie, but you realized the last time you were around all of them, she doesn’t call him dad. Just Joel or old man. Maybe she adopted?

Maria pulls you out of your thoughts, nudging you a bit. 

“Stay awhile, have another drink.”

You nod giving her a gentle smile, “I will. Get home safe.”

“See you around, girl,” Tommy says, giving you a half hug. You turn back to face the bar, noticing Joel’s still sipping on his whiskey. 

You two sit in awkward silence when they leave, not saying much to one another. You drink your second round quickly, calling over the bartender for another one. Joel says he wants the same. Once you get your pours, he finally decides to talk again.

“You still with that one guy?”

You look at him curiously, not sure who he’s talking about. You rack your brain trying to figure out who he’s referring to and then it hits you. 

“Kendrick? Oh no, he’s not anything,” You respond. 

Kendrick was one of your patrol partners. You two hooked up once and realized it was too weird. He was younger than you, which didn’t mean much. But that was a huge factor in his performance. He wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t know what foreplay was, which meant the sex was dry and not pleasurable in the slightest. 

“It seemed like something the other day,” Joel notes, “Wouldn’t stop staring at you at the town meeting.”

You could not help but notice the slight venom in his tone. 

“Interesting you’re taking notice to other guys who look at me. You jealous, Miller?”

He turns to you finally, his eyes a bit glassy. The whiskey was making him bold, you could tell. 

“Just observant,” He remarks, “He doesn’t seem like your type.”

“Oh, now you know my type?”

He shakes his head at your response, “I imagine you like them a bit older than him.”

Maybe you were overanalyzing the situation, but it seemed to you that Joel Miller was flirting with you. You felt like he was suggesting you were into him. 

Truth be told, you did like them older. You liked a rugged man who was a bit of a mystery. You also liked assholes. All things Joel Miller was. So maybe you were into him.

You lean in to speak to him quietly, “Are you trying to suggest something?”

“Not at all,” He murmurs, “Just answering your question. Am I wrong?”

You purse your lips, “Not wrong.”

Another awkward silence. 

“Wanna play some pool?”

You furrow your eyebrows, not knowing how to respond. You think his goal was to change the subject and avoid more silence. So you just nod, hopping off your barstool. The two of you make your way through some occupied tables to the one empty pool tables. You grab a stick while Joel starts to corral all the balls and set them in place.

You’ve played pool before, but you were never good. Your ex found a pool table once while you two were traveling and he spent hours teaching you how to play. It led to a screaming match. You decided after that, it just wasn’t for you. 

Joel was patient, watching you line up the white ball and hit it with hardly any force, not breaking up any of the balls. You just shake your head in disappointment. 

“You ever play?”

“Yeah, I just suck.”

“Fair enough,” He replies, taking his shot. You guys go back and forth. You getting no balls in the pockets, him getting all the balls in the pockets. 

You ask him about patrols he’s been on recently, trying to make light conversation. You really just wanted to see if your conversation would lead back to where it started. 

It didn’t. 

Instead you two got more rounds of drinks and played more pool. He became more chatty, standing behind you every time you tried to take a shot, giving you advice here and there. Once you stood straight up after finally getting a ball in a pocket, he leaned in a bit. 

“You see that guy over there?”

He gestured towards an older gentleman at one of the far tables. He seemed like the type to have a Confederate flag hanging outside his house. He also seemed like the type to call a woman a slur if they turned down his advances. Maybe you are just a bitch and assuming all of this. Or your assumptions about a man were right, per usual. 

You turn to Joel, glancing up at him. He was close, his face centimeters away. 

“Mhm?”

“He’s got all those tattoos,” He looks towards the man again, “The one on his neck is a skull with one of those Native headdresses. Looks fuckin’ dumb.”

The way he says it sends you into a fit of giggles. He starts to laugh, too. It was the first time you saw him genuinely smile and damn did it look beautiful on him. His eyes crinkled a bit, his shoulders falling in a very relaxed way. 

You finish up your round of pool and decide it’s time for the both of you to retire back to your houses. Conveniently, your house was right off Rancher Street just like his. You grab your coat off the one barstool, watching Joel put on his. 

“We are going the same way, do you mind walkin’ with me?”

“No problem.”

-

You two walked side by side, your steps almost in sync. It was much darker now, the sun set hours ago. You felt like you went through a time jump. You didn’t feel like you spent tons of time at the Tipsy Bison. 

Joel’s house is before yours on the street, so when you arrive in front of his steps, he stops completely.

“Here’s me,” Joel mutters, “You comin’ in?”

“Should I?” You question, stupidly.

“Well I invited you, so yeah,” He suggests, “You should.”

He walks in front of you, reaching for his front door. His house was comfy and warm. Looking around, you could tell he kept it well maintained. It was clean, only a couple dust bunnies lined the hallway baseboards. He had pictures on the walls and blankets littering the couch.

“I ain’t done this in awhile,” He says, sliding his boots off at the front door. You follow suit, not really taking in the words he said. He stares at you carefully, waiting for a response.

“I’m sorry, what exactly?”

He approaches you slowly, his demeanor shifting. He looks down at you, his stature a lot bigger than most of the men you’ve been with, you note. He was broad and brilliantly tanned. His dark chocolate hair was speckled with grays. He had some fine lines on his face, especially where he furrowed his eyebrows 24/7. 

“Brought a girl home.”

His brown eyes grow ever darker, his arm enveloping you for a moment. You don’t pull away, letting him bring your body closer to his. You feel butterflies in the pit of your stomach, something you’ve not felt with a man in years.

“Feelin’ a bit rusty?” You suggest, your hands resting on his chest.

“Don’t know about that,” He mutters, “Do know I’ve been thinkin’ about this for a while.”

His comment takes you back, completely sobering you up. The warmth from the alcohol subsides and you blink at him for a minute.

“What do you mean, a while?”

His face centimeters away from yours, again. You instinctively wrap your arms around his neck, having to get on your tiptoes to do so. 

“Meanin’ every time ’m around you, I think of how amazing your ass looks in those jeans.”

Your heart skips a beat. 

“You’re only now telling me this, Joel?” You ask, playing up that you were annoyed. You were kind of, because what the fuck, you could’ve had him sooner?

“Didn’t think a pretty young thing like you would want me,” He says, “Now I know better.”

He leans down, his lips hardly touching yours. You assume he’s waiting for your move, so you give in first, capturing his lips against yours. It was gentle at first, until he takes notice to how you’re pulling him down further.

He deepens the kiss, pressing your back against one of the walls nearby. His lips were soft, his mustache tickling you a bit. He adds tongue seamlessly, feverishly grabbing you everywhere. Your hips, lower back, your butt. 

I can’t believe I’m making out with Joel right now. 

Your brain stops for a moment when you realize one thing you never thought about before. Where’s Ellie?

It brings you out of the kiss. You pull away slowly, trying not to alarm him too much.

“Is Ellie home?” You mutter, your eyes fluttering open to meet his. 

He looks to the side, glancing out the back window. 

“Probably, but she stays in the garage out back. She has uhm,” He gestures towards the backyard, “Has a whole set up in there. She never comes in here, don’t worry.”

It reassures you enough to bring him back into the kiss. His hands return to your waist, pulling you closer. You couldn’t help but grip his arms, feeling his muscles through his long sleeve. 

“Bring me to bed, Miller,” You moan between kisses, “Need you now.”

He doesn’t say anything before he leans down, hiking your legs up around his waist. He carries you like you’re a light little feather. You use this time to attach your lips to his neck, giving him soft kisses up to his earlobe. 

Joel may be a bit older than you, but he carried you up the stairs like no other 50-something-guy could. He didn’t even fumble, his steps heavy and calculated. Once you two get to the landing, he readjusts you, his hands now holding you up by your ass. 

“Let’s get you out of these clothes,” He murmurs in your ear, walking you into his bedroom. It smells like fresh air, which throws you off a bit. You notice the one window in the corner is cracked slightly, letting in the springtime air. 

He tosses you on his made up bed, making you a bounce a bit. He’s standing over you looking a bit dishelved, his eyes dark with desire. 

He unbuttons his shirt, shaking it off his shoulders. You watch the piece of fabric fall away from him. His upper body is toned, some areas of his stomach and shoulders are littered with scars. The moonlight highlights them, but honestly, they made him hotter. He looked more dangerous, more unattainable for a girl like you. 

“You just gonna gawk?” He teases, leaning down to let his lips meet yours again. In between kisses, he tugs down your pants, leaving you just in your underwear and top. He throws your pants across the room, his hands trailing up your bare thighs. 

“Let me get my top off,” You say pulling away from his eager lips. He sits back on his knees, watching you slowly peel off your top and undershirt. The undershirt has a built in bra that hardly keeps your boobs supported, but it was easier than wearing the uncomfortable bras you usually wore. You throw both shirts across the room before you lean back on your elbows again. 

“Jesus fucking Christ,” He says, his hands reaching out to touch you. He finds your collarbones first, before letting one hand trace the swell of your breasts. He was taking his time with you. 

“You just gonna gawk?”

He smiles. 

“I am gonna ruin you, girl,” He spits. You stare at him with your best doe eyes, trying to see what kind of rise you could get out of him. 

He grabs one of your boobs, before pushing you all the way on your back. His lips trace all over your body before ghosting right above where your underwear sit on your lower tummy. 

“Joel-” You begin, until he starts tracing your slit with his fingers, right over your panties. 

“Hm?” He chuckles, his soft touches making you writhe under him, “What, sweetheart?”

“Need you-” You choke out, “Please.”

He chuckles darkly, “Love to see you beg.”

You knew he was going to be dominant, but you didn’t expect him to be so candid. He seemed so quiet and steadfast in day to day life, so when you see him like this, you knew you were fucked. He was the type to talk you through the whole experience, something you’d never had with another man. Everyone you had slept with was so vanilla. No one was like the guys in the novels you read. Dominant, hungry for more, and vocal. 

“Let’s take these off,” He says wrapping his finger around the band of your underwear. You were so giddy now, you lift your ass a bit so he could get them off you. When you do that, your bare pussy gets so close him that you could feel his breath on your mound slightly. 

“You ever been eaten out before, girl?”

You shake your head, “Yes, but I didn’t really enjoy it.”

“Just let me know when you’re about to cum, baby,” Baby, “I know you will.”

You loved how cocky he was. It made the anticipation almost too overwhelming.

He leans down, his tongue flattening over your slit. You watch him close his eyes and instantly get into devouring you. He flicks his tongue up and down, eventually pressing his lips around your mound. You lose all ability to speak, so when he pulls away, you groan in displeasure. 

He says nothing, just put his middle finger and ring finger into his mouth, covering them in his saliva. He looks up at you, those fingers beginning to trace you up and down. 

“You-” Is all you can say before he’s sinking his fingers inside. He reattaches his lips to your clit, sucking as he fucks you with his digits. The wet squelching from the action sends your head into orbit. You cannot believe how good it feels because every other sexual encounter you had the guy would go in dry, maybe giving you kitten licks, and call it eating you out. But not Joel. Joel knew a woman’s anatomy. He knew exactly how to treat it. 

You just moan out his name, letting his actions take you to that familiar heat build up in your tummy. Usually you had to get there yourself. You throw your head back into his pillows, your eyes crushing shut as you take in the feeling. 

“Hey,” You hear Joel growl, “Eyes on me, or I stop.”

Your eyes fly open, watching him return to sucking your clit. As you stare down, you notice him adding another finger into the mix. The pressure felt so good, your walls feeling everything he was giving you. 

“Can I please,” You are about to let go, but you remember you were supposed to tell him, “Cum?”

You can’t even form sentences. 

He pulls away.

“Since you asked nicely,” His lips are wet with your slick, “Cum.”

The magic word that sends you into pure bliss. Your body quakes while he still fucks you with his fingers. You can only chant his name, begging him not to stop. 

He removes his fingers, smiling at your post orgasm face. You blush, suddenly becoming extremely self aware. You had no reason to be timid or shy now, being splayed out like you are in front of Joel. 

He stands tall over you, making you feel so small in his big bed.

“That was so good baby, but I ain’t done with you,” He pulls you by your legs to the edge of the bed, “Need that perfect pussy wrapped around my cock.”

“Jesus fuck,” You moan, still sensitive from what he just did to you. 

He groans, “Name is Joel. No Jesus here.”

He just had to give into the dad jokes. You slap your forehead in disappointment, making him grin a bit. 

“Got you all nice and stretched, now.”

You realize he hasn’t even taken off his pants in that moment, because he pulls down his tented pants to reveal himself to you. He was bigger than you’ve ever had, which sent you gawking again. He pumps himself, watching your widened eyes. 

“You’re too easy to read, girl,” He mutters, “I’ll inch it in, let you get adjusted nicely.”

You lean forward a bit, back onto your elbows, “You’re gonna fucking split me in half.”

He runs his dick between your wet core, which sends shockwaves up your body. 

“Like I said,” He licks his lips, “I got you nice and stretched.”

Him repeating it made you smirk devilishly. He continued to run his cock up and down your wetness, getting ready to plunge into you. 

When he stops right in front of your hole, he stares into your eyes like he’s trying to read your mind. 

“Fuck me, Joel Miller.”

He sinks into you, inch by inch. You groan in pleasure. The stretch is nothing like his fingers, it’s even better. 

He’s taking his time, pulling back a bit before pushing back into you. It’s slow, gradual. After three pumps, he leans down to catch your lips. He continues to grind into you, the mixture so intoxicating. You moan into the kiss, your mouth opening up for his tongue to slip in. He tasted like you, which was something you never really tasted before. 

“Your pussy was made for me,” He moans, “Fuckin’ hell.”

He sits back, bringing the pace up a bit, his balls slapping into you now. The sounds were borderline pornographic. The panting, the wetness, the slapping. 

“You’re takin’ me so well,” He grunts, “I want to hear you.”

You cry out as he speeds up, “Please, d-don’t stop.”

And he doesn’t. He keeps the pace the same as he fondles your boobs. He pinches your perked up nipples, clenching his teeth. You can tell he’s getting close, but instead of chasing that high, he stops. 

He manhandles you, pulling you up like he did when he carried you up the stairs. He somehow keeps his dick inside you as he finds a seat on the bed. He’s holding you above him, completely switching positions. 

“Want you to ride me,” He says, “Need to see those beautiful tits bouncin’.”

You take up the challenge. You rest on your knees first. You circle your hips, dragging your clit across his lower tummy. You never knew you could feel so full before, especially in this position. 

He just stared at you in awe, playing with your tits as you grind down on him. 

You take one of his hands in your own, placing it right below your belly button. 

“I feel you right here, Joel,” You moan, “Fillin’ me up so good.”

You knew he wanted to cum right there because his dicks twitches inside you. 

“You are one dirty girl,” He growls, “You’re lucky I’m even letting you cum again, talkin’ like that.”

You plant your feet on the bed, finding all your strength to start bouncing on him. He steadies you, bringing his hips up to meet yours. This angle hits different, especially when Joel’s thumb finds your clit again. You couldn’t help yourself, chasing that same high you felt before when his face was between your thighs. 

You look down at him with hooded lids, “I’m gonna cum again.”

“Yes you are,” He smirks, “Cum all over me baby, I feel you.”

Your release hits you, making you fall to your knees again. Your hips girate, the spasming around Joel’s cock sending him into a moaning mess. He lets your settle for a moment before lifting you back up. His dicks slides out, which causes him to hiss and you to groan. Instead of laying you face up, he throws you face down into the pillows. 

“My turn,” He says, dipping his cock back into you. As soon as it happens, you realize you weren’t done. That same sensitivity was back, but this time you felt the burning pick back up even quicker. He’s settling into a brutal pace, grabbing both your ass cheeks and spreading them apart. You turn your head, trying to get a view of him. 

He was watching himself plunge into you, over and over again. It had to be the hottest thing you’ve ever seen. He’s dripping in sweat, his body glistening, clenching his teeth at the sight of your bodies meeting. 

“‘m bout to cum,” He moans, “Where do you want it?”

“Fuck it into me, Joel.”

The words slips out so quickly. The tipping point hit you both at the same time, the spasming hitting you all over again. You scream into the pillows, biting into them trying not to be too loud. He releases himself into you, stilling his movements. 

He doesn’t say anything when he pulls out, you both just breathe out loudly. You felt so empty without him. 

You had never cum so much in one night before. 

Joel Miller made you cum three times. 

Without any help. 

You hear his footsteps trail to his attached bathroom, hearing some water run from the faucet. You return to laying on your back, unsure if you could trust your legs to stand. Joel’s figure returns to the room, a damp rag in his hands. He smirks at you all the while nudging your legs apart. He slowly drags the rag around your sensitive area, making sure to get any cum that was leaking out of you. After he cleans you up, he wipes off his dick a bit. 

He tosses the rag into a basket of clothes nearby. 

“You want any water?”

You take note to how gentle and sweet he was being after being so aggressive towards you before. It was a side of Joel you really appreciated. He wasn’t talking down to you, he genuinely took your needs into account.

“I think I’ll be okay,” You respond, your eyes finally shutting, “Don’t think I’ll be able to walk home.”

“You can stay,” He grumbles, walking to the side of the bed, “We both have patrol in the morning anyway.”

Your eyes fly open, “Shit, I do! Wait-”

“Yeah I’m on with you. For the rest of the week.”

You could scream. This man just gave you the best dick of your life and now you had to patrol with him? You didn’t know how you’d be able to contain yourself.

“Fuck,” You place your hands over your face. You settle in the thought that you needed to sleep if you were going to be alive for morning patrol and you’d worry about your horny desires for Joel.

“C’mere,” He says, pulling you further up the bed. He positions you next to him in the bed, pulling some covers over you, leaving your boobs still out for his viewing pleasure. He wrapped one arm under you, letting it rest around your neck. 

His sheets were flannel and so warm. His scent overtook you as soon as you relaxed into the pillows. One of them is the one you bite into earlier. 

You felt at peace, wanting to stay in this spot for as long as possible. 

“I’ll wake you a bit earlier so you can go home and get dressed,” He grumbles, “And…”

You don’t even realize how tired you are. Before Joel can finish his sentence, you fall into a deep slumber, praying sunrise doesn’t come too quickly. 

-

You wake up when it’s still dark outside. Joel woke you up with a gentle nudge. You shoot up, scared for a moment before you take in your environment. You realize he’s fully dressed already. You groan, rubbing your eyes. 

When you start to slip out of bed, you start realizing you’re still completely naked. 

And in Joel’s bed. 

You plant your feet on the wooden floorboards, using the light from the one lamp in the corner of the room to find your clothes. You could not find your panties for the life of you, so you give up and just shove your legs into your jeans and throw your shirt over your head. Joel lets you wake up in silence, not asking you questions until you make it downstairs. 

“I’ll see you at the stables,” He mutters, pouring warm water into a mug that has a tea bag hanging off of it, “You go get changed.”

He was being short, you could tell. You feel a sinking feeling, like he probably regretted what happened last night. Before you could respond, the back door swings open and a smaller frame enters the dark house. 

“Ellie,” Joel hisses, “What are you doing up?”

Her tired eyes are on you. You freeze in your spot, not knowing how to react or what to say. Your head just races with shitshitshitshit.

“I knew I heard your voice last night!” She laughs, “Y’all have fun?”

Your cheeks heat up instantly, not able to think of a response. 

“Ellie!” His voice is stern and borderline scary, “Go back to your room, now.”

It was a demand. 

She just chuckles, grabbing the door handle and pulling it close. 

“See you around, Joel’s lady friend.”

You stand there completely dumbfounded and embarrassed. Joel sips on his hot tea, not really paying attention to your response to Ellie calling you his lady friend. 

“Go get dressed.”

It was another demand. It sent shockwaves through your body. Maybe your sinking feeling was correct. 

Joel only did what he did last night because of the alcohol. It didn’t change how he’d treat or talk to you in real life. You kind of wished he’d just be cruel about it. Like he would just read your mind and tell you how stupid you were to think this would change anything. 

You felt like a fool.  You don’t say anything as you walk to the door and put on your boots. As you walk out of the house, you promise yourself to take it one minute at a time. Don’t overthink everything. Just let it be a one night stand. Don’t make it about your feelings. Be cool about it.

#joel miller x reader #the last of us #joel miller #joel miller the last of us #joel miller fic #joel miller smut #pedro pascal #joel miller one shot #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller angst #tlou smut #joel miller tlou #tlou hbo #tlou fanfiction

[specialagentlokitty]

Zuko x reader - the right side

Looking at the fire nation Prince, then back at the group on the other side of you, your heart raced in your chest.

“Zuko you can’t hurt them.” You said softly.

“Move out of the way (Y/N).” He snapped.

You shook your head as you turned to fully face him, holding your arms out in order to try block his view on any of them.

They slowly backed away, leaving you and Zuko alone so they could try and get away.

“(Y/N) move!” Zuko yelled.

“No! This isn’t what you’re supposed to do Zuko! You can’t kill the avatar!” You yelled.

“I have to restore my honour! For my father! My nation!”

You shook your head as you lowered your arms, slowly walking over to him you placed your hand on the side of your face.

Just the tiniest bit Zuko leant into your touch, but he quickly snapped out of it and backed away.

“What about me?”

“You’re not of noble blood, you’re not important. Just another cog in the machine, and you’re in. My. Way!”

Zuko raised his arm, and you barely managed to deflect the fire he shot at you.

You were stunned, hurt, upset, angry.

“Zuko stop!”

“You’re a traitor to the fire nation!” He yelled.

Again he fire attack after attack after attack, and you couldn’t keep up, because one of them hit you in the chest, sending you flying backwards in to a tree.

You gasped, screaming in pain as you tried to pat out the fire on your clothes.

You gasped for air, trying to get up. But you couldn’t. You’d just fall back down.

“Nephew we must-“

Iroh stopped talking as he looked at you, then Zuko.

“What have you done?!” He hissed.

Iroh rushed over to you, placing his hands on your shoulder to stop you from moving, he looked at your wounds, then back at Zuko who fell to his knees.

“I don’t.. I didn’t… uncle I didn’t…”

Zuko could only stare in horror, watching as his uncle picked you up.

There was only one person who could save you, and he had no idea which way that you went.

He couldn’t tell Zuko though, he had to get Zuko out of here as well.

“Go back to the ship! I’ll… deal with this…”

“Uncle tell me… please don’t say…”

“Go!” Iroh yelled.

Zuko jumped, quickly nodding his head as he ran the other direction back to the ship and straight to his room where he quickly removed his armour.

He was replying that moment again and again and again in his mind, it was playing in slow motion. In a split second his rage got the best of him, he’s killed you.

Iroh rushed you into the forest, your breathing was ragged, and you were in and out of consciousness.

“I..Iroh.. I.. I..”

“Shush, don’t talk okay? You’ll be fine, just a few more moments.”

Iroh kept running with you in his arms, tears in his eyes.

Through his blurry vision he could see the faint flying bison, and he could see the group quickly getting ready to leave.

“Avatar!” He yelled, “wait! Help!”

They all stopped, and it was Aang that jumped back down, meeting Iroh halfway.

“Please.” Iroh begged.

“Katara! Katara we have to help her!” Aang yelled.

Katara rushed over and took a quick look at your wounds.

“Lay her down.”

Iroh did, taking of his cloak to put under your head, and he took a step back to let her work while everyone stood around watching.

“You must take her with you, please?”

“What? Why?!” Sokka huffed.

“My nephew mustn’t know, he needs time to learn, to control his temper, she won’t be safe so long as she keeps protecting you, she’s been made an enemy of the nation.”

Sokka and Aang shared a look, and finally they both nodded.

Iroh knelt down, brushing some hair from your face.

“Do not hate Zuko for this…” he whispered.

With that Iroh quickly rushed away.

Katara had healed your wounds as much as she could, and with some help she managed to get you on Appa and they quickly flew away.

Aang felt responsible, if they hadn’t have ran like you told them before Zuko found them you wouldn’t be on the brink of death.

Sokka and Katara felt the same thing as well.

They flew to a village and asked for someone to take them in while you healed, but as the weeks passed and you didn’t show any signs of getting better, they weren’t sure what else they could do.

“We can’t stay here, Aangs running out of time.” Sokka said.

“But we can’t leave her here either.” Katara sighed.

“You’re right, do you think it’s safe to keep travelling with her?” Aang asked.

“No, Zuko is closing in on us, but we can’t leave her here either.”

They spent the whole night debating it, and finally they decided it would be best to bring you with them until they could find a safe place and someone who can look after you.

After a few more nights of flying and searching, they set up camp, and while they were sitting around the fire they heard you shuffling about.

“Hey careful.” Sokka rushed.

He sat next to you, helping your weak form sit up, and you looked around afraid.

“It’s okay, you’re safe. Are you hungry?” Aang smiled.

He offered you some food that you inhaled, and you downed them water that Katara gave you.

“I..iroh… I… where’s…?”

You furrowed your brows as you tried to get your words out, but they would only come out as hoarse whispers.

“He asked us to take you with us, to keep you safe.” Katara said softly.

You just nodded sadly and looked down at you hands, and you noticed the blue clothes you were wearing and furrowed your brows even more.

“Sorry, yours were burned, Sokka and I pulled together what we had to spare so your shirt might be a bit big. But I changed you.” Katara smiled.

You nodded again, and she grabbed a bag and came over, pulling out some clothes and a cloak.

She set them in your lap, and let you bury your fingers into the fabric, slowly unfolding it to see the burned fabric.

“When we find a town or city that sells the right colours I can fix it for you.”

Looking at them, you slowly shook your head and took the clock instead, bringing it up to your chest as you held it.

“Do you want to keep wearing what you have on?” Sokka asked.

You gave a small nod.

“That’s cool! Katara can fix the size right?”

“Of course!”

You looked at them and they all smiled, but you didn’t smile back.

In fact, it took months for you to finally smile at them, at it was after Toph joined them that you smiled.

Katara fixed the size of your water nation clothes, but kept your fire nation ones as well just in case, and you kept Iroh’s cloak close by just in case you needed it.

You healed, and you started to train again, working out with Aang or Sokka, and practicing your fire bending alongside Toph or Katara while they practiced theirs.

You quickly fell into a smooth rhythm with them all, and it felt right. You were on the right side of history, though you were still picking up the pieces of what had happened.

One morning when Aang woke up, he saw you stood off in the distance, practicing some moves he had never seen before.

“What’s she doing?” Katara whispered as she sat up.

“I don’t know, she wakes up before us, so I think she’s been doing this every morning.”

The pair of them watched carefully and they stared in shock as lighting shot itself from you fingers and into a nearby cliff side, sending some rocks tumbling down.

They didn’t approach you, but as you came back over they watched you.

“You can lightening bend?” Aang asked.

“I’ve only just learned it, Iroh was teaching me when Zuko was away.”

They heard the sadness in your voice, and they didn’t press the matter any further.

Somehow every fight that they had with Zuko you weren’t there for it, and when it came to them going to the fire nation you stood there and shook your head.

“You have to come!” Toph huffed.

“I… I’m sorry.. but I’ll be a liability, everyone will know what I look like there. I’ll find somewhere to stay while I wait.”

“What about an air temple?” Aang asked.

“Huh?”

“Well it’ll take a few hours out of the journey but we can drop you off there, and then come back for you!” He beamed.

You agreed, it was the best option you guys had at this point. With the fire nation pinning the earth kingdom, Azula on your tail, there wasn’t anywhere else that you could go now.

So they help you buy as much stuff as you can, and finally they dropped you off with the promise they’d be back.

It was peaceful in the empty temple, away from all the people, away from the war.

You focused on yourself, making yourself stronger, healing what was broken and training day and night.

You practiced everything, hand to hand, sword, fire, lightening, breathing techniques to keep yourself warm.

You were meditating when the gang returned to the air temple, this time with a few more people, but you didn’t notice straight away, you stayed there for another hour before you finally opened your eyes.

“There’s more.” You noted.

Sokka laughed and he introduced everyone, and you happily got along with them.

That night, you went to sleep, and while you were asleep you weren’t aware of the guest that had approached, but hearing some hushed whispers outside room you were sleeping in made you wake up.

“Sokka? Aang? Katara? Toph?” You asked.

“We Uhm… we have to tell you something…” Katara mumbled.

“Oh?”

They shall sat down in front of you, taking note of the fire nation cloak clutched tightly in your hands.

“Someone came here last night…” Sokka mumbled.

“Who?”

They shared a look.

“Who came here?”

“Zuko.” Toph replied, “Zuko came here but he doesn’t know that you’re here.”

Your whole world froze, their voices drowned out and all you could hear was the pounding of your heart. Was it fear? Worry? Confusion? You couldn’t tell.

Zuko was here.

He didn’t know you were here, but he was here. They seemed okay with it, so had he changed?

No.

He made it clear he wasn’t going to change.

“Get out…” you whispered.

“(Y/N) let us explain..” Katara whispered.

“Out!”

They nodded and left, and you got up and started pacing.

You paced until your legs ached, thought until you could think anymore, screamed and yelled and threw things, scorching the walls of you temporary home.

All those emotions you had been holding on to for ages, since you woke up you let them coming spilling out.

Finally, you stopped, you looked down at your fire nation clothes, then the water nation ones and tossed them one.

Donned in blue, you left and made your way out to the ledge where you knew everyone would be, and they all went quiet as you approached.

Zuko didn’t notice the silence at first, but when he did he looked around, and followed the gazes of the others.

When his eyes locked with yours, he shot up, bow falling from his hands, shattering as it hit the floor.

“(Y/N)…”

#avatar the last airbender imagine #avatar the last airbender x you #avatar the last airbender x reader #avatar the last airbender #avatar x reader #avatar imagine #prince zuko x reader #zuko x reader #zuko x you #prince zuko #Zuko

[allthecanadianpolitics]

It was a jarring sight for more than one reason: plains bison darting from a cattle trailer onto long grass on land owned by the Louis Bull Tribe.

One by one, the 25 young animals sprung forcefully from the open back gate of the trailer and raced up a gentle hill toward the horizon on a cloudless Monday 90 kilometres south of Edmonton almost as though they’d done it before.

Except it was the first time in generations that bison had seen these homelands. It was the culmination of a four-year effort to reintroduce them to Maskwacis by the Louis Bull Tribe and Elk Island National Park.

Among the people watching the display was Louis Bull Tribe Chief Desmond Bull, who described the historic scene as one of mixed emotions.

“Pride, definitely. I felt a little bit of sadness, but honestly, a lot of hope,” Bull said. [...]

Continue Reading.

Tagging: @politicsofcanada, @abpoli, @vague-humanoid

#cdnpoli #Alberta #First Nations #Indigenous activism #conservation #flora & fauna #Maskwacis #Louis Bull Tribe

[heartilywrites]

could you write a fluff korra x fem reader fic? i loved give in to me!!

omg hi !! im so glad you loved it 🥺 this is my first request, hope you enjoyed it and love it as much as i loved writing it!!!

♡ — Ready? Take 3! ; Korra

resume: Korra had been wanting to tell you how she felt for quite some time now.

content warning: fluff and comfort ; fem and earthbender!reader ; for plotting reasons, Mako and Korra never had a relationship ; a long os 'cause I kinda got excited ; no use of y/n ; the only thing I described from physical looks are the eyes, but because the ppl from the Earth Kingdom have green eyes ;

word count: 2.5k

𝓘 made my mind long ago, but I still needed more time.

Love can be such a magical thing, can't it? Falling in love with someone you appreciate, feeling like you're floating when you are near to that person, butterflies in your stomach when you have them near, an electric touch when their hands are on you, your heart beating a hundred per second. . . Okay, sometimes it may be confused with anxiety, but Korra felt that way with you. In a good way! Korra thought love would be easy to handle for her. I mean, she's the avatar! she should be able to do everything, right?

But it was hard for her to understand how it worked. She knew you since her probending days with the team, between Bolin and you were helping her with her earthbending. She realize she was in love with you on one of the practices where Bolin was absent because he felt asleep.

That time alone with you made her realized how much she loved spending time with you, how she felt complete with you near, how her heart raced when she made you laugh and how she adored having your whole attention.

So she thought about talking about it to you.

Three tries. It took her three tries to say what she wanted. The first one was at the Glacier Spirits Festival.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Who are we staring at?” Asami said over her shoulder, scaring the brunette one, making her jump in her place.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “No one!” she was quick to exclaim, but the pale girl looked the way she was and smiled excited when she saw you scolding Bolin for shoving a whole bird in his mouth. “You know, staring at her won't do anything.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Do what? I don’t know what you're talking about, I don’t want to do anything.” the avatar mumbled, looking away. Asami laugh softly.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Sure you don't.” she smiled, one of her arms passed the brunette's shoulders. “Let's go, I'll take Bolin from her and you can stay and do nothing.” Asami tried to copy her friend's tone while she forced the avatar to walk your way.

When the pair arrived with you, your eyes lit up at the sight of Korra. She was too nervous to notice. “Hey, I need Bolin for a couple of minutes; I brought you another companion in exchange!” the inventor spoke.

Asami shoved Korra to you and was quick to take Bolin by the wrist to take him away with a 'but, my food!' complaint from him. The avatar was quick to straighten after bumping into you, her cheeks were light pink and her smile was nervous. “Hi. . . Uhm, do you want to play the booths?” she asked timidly pointing at one with mini Aangs in it.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I would love to!” you exclaimed and that gave Korra the courage to take you hand and walk to the booth.

The night was great, both of you were having the best time of your lives. Laughing, cheating in the most subtle way possible, eating a bunch of things until your stomach was full. She won a flying bison and a koalaotter plushies while you won a badgermole. At the end of the night, both of you were walking back to the tents where the whole group were staying at.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “You should've seen your face when the ferris wheel stopped at the top!” she had been laughing at you for about five minutes now and you couldn't resist to join her.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I hate heights! Stop making fun of me!” you tried to defend yourself while holding your stomach. It didn't took long to get to the tents. “It was fun, Korra. I had a great night, thank you.”

The southerner smiled fondly at you before nodding. “I had a great night too. . .” both of you stayed quiet while arriving to the doorstep of the tents, but it was a comfortable silence. “Listen, I...”

The sight of your green eyes stopped her words. It was right there, that was the moment, she needed to do it.

Korra took a big breath in.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I want you to have the koalaotter.” she said, cowering at the last second. You smiled big and took the plushie when she extended it.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Thank you!” you exclaimed admiring the plushie while Korra admired you. A moment later you extended the badgermole back at her. “Let's exchange, I want you to have it. I have something from you and you have something from me.” you said blushing hard. She accepted more than grateful and smiled at you.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I'll take good care of it.” she said, getting a small 'I know you will' from you before waving goodbye for the night.

Maybe she had a chance?

The second time was in Zaofu.

After helping prevent the kidnapping of Korra by the Red Lotus, you were the first one to come in once the girl got her mobility back.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “My spirits, Korra!” you exclaimed running to give her a hug which was pretty much reciprocated with a bit of strength from the Avatar. “I'm glad you're okay. I got so scared.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Me too.” she murmured close to your ear. Seconds that felt like hours, Korra spent in your arms, breathing in your scent while she could feel how fast your own breathing was. “I'm here, don't worry.”

You separated a little bit from the hug to look at her face and smiled fondly at her, she smiled back at you. A clear of throat busted the bubble you both were in. “Go get some rest, kids, we'll be making the questioning at first thing in the morning.” Lin said, both of you looked at her and then at each other.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I'll take her to her bed.” you told them before helping the southern stand up, you made her rest one of her arms on your shoulders and one of yours wrapped around her waist so she could lean on you completely.

The walk to Korra's room was slow, you didn't pressure her to walk faster and she thanked that in silence.

Once at her room you helped her to get in and tuck her in, giving Naga a pet when she got closer to make sure her friend was fine.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I'm going to stay here a little bit if you need anything.” you said, sitting by her side in the bed, she smiled.

She looked for your hand which you took without a problem into yours, leaving caresses on the back of her hand with your thumb. Both of you stayed quiet, your eyes looking at the union of hands and her eyes tracing your silhouette, making sure she got your image printed in her head.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I shouldn't ask you to come here with me. It's dangerous.” she broke the silence surrounding you both, you frowned looking up at her.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Don't be ridiculous, Korra. I know when to agree or decline to things.” you said, a bit annoyed at what you heard.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Yeah, but I put you in danger and–” you interrupted her.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I'm here because I like being with you.” she blinked surprised. “If I can help you, I will. I appreciate you a lot, Korra, you're my friend.”

And at the noun used on her, her whole confession faded away. You looked at her as a friend, she thought. She sighed and nodded. “You need to rest, we have people to question in a couple of hours.” the avatar responded, smiling a little bit. You nodded, standing up and making the attempt to walk out. The hand she had intertwined with yours pulled you back, you looked at her surprise. “Let's do a sleepover, yeah?” she made space on the bed.

You thought about it for a second before smiling and accepting the offer, it took both of you a great amount of three minutes to fall asleep, facing each other, feeling at ease with the presence of the other.

The third time was three years after saying goodbye to her, she was going back to the Southern Water Tribe. She said she needed time to herself, you send her letters everyday, getting letter back every couple of weeks and one day it suddenly stopped.

You didn't thought much of it, maybe she was just preparing everything to come back to the city and you didn't had time either to think about it.

Once you were told Kuvira's plan to attack Zaofu, you went back to the city in a try to help Suyin. After all, she helped you learn how to metalbend and you felt like that was the least you could do.

You arrived a couple of hours before Korra, but didn't cross her way since after talking to Suyin you got to an emergency training taught by the twins to make sure your metalbend was sharp.

After that, you got to sleep since the twins got the best out of you in just hours, missing the reunion with the avatar and got woken up by Wing saying they needed help to take Kuvira from the camp outside Zaofu, and so you did. Then got captured.

On your suit you narrowed your eyes at the silhouettes facing Kuvira. They shot back open in surprise. “Korra!?”

The avatar's heart raced, the feelings she ignored all that time resurfaced when she saw you. Trapped. You were moving desperate to get out of the trap. “Dear spirits, no...” she murmured to herself, the girl stayed in line, she tried not to freak out and attack Kuvira at that moment, she needed to come to an agreement.

The southerner could feel your gaze on her, she was desolate trying to win the fight to get you out of there. To have you in her arms and hold you tight. To tell you how much she missed you.

But the luck wasn't on her side that day and she lost. You watched how the flying bison got away with tears in your eyes, wishing, hoping to get a chance with her.

The next days captured with the Beifongs were... An experience. You were so grateful when you saw Lin, Bolin and Toph appear, you were the second one to get out and helped as much as you could to get out of the factory safe.

You were behind Suyin, Bolin and Zhu Li when they interrupted the president's meeting. When Korra laid eyes on you she was quick to hug you, a strong grip between the both of you.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I'm so glad to see you.” you said in a sigh, it almost felt like a weight fell off your shoulders.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I am too... You have no idea how much I missed you.” she said back, after a while you two took a step back. “I need to tell you something.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “It will have to wait, we have big problems.” even though you stopped her from talking and made her pay attention to Zhu Li, you took her hand. You needed to feel her touch to make sure it was her and not another dream.

Since the matter was life or death, both of you were able to put on hold the confessions to have your head in the game and survive whatever Kuvira threw at you. Plans were made, groups designated and goodbyes said from one group to another. It felt like the end of something, but everyone was so hopeful for a good ending.

And you were too, but you needed to do something before.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hey, Korra, I need to talk to you.” you called the southerner, pulling the girl by the hand a little bit farther from the group. “Okay, listen, I've been trying to tell you this for years now, but I just couldn't–”

Your words got caught up in your mouth when you felt the lips of the girl infront of you press into yours. It was a sweet kiss, full of emotions coming from both sides and a bit desperate in the act.

Her lips knew their way around yours, it was almost like you two already knew how to exchange that gesture. Her hands found their way in your waist just as yours rest confidently in her shoulders, she pulled you as close to her as the anatomy would allow.

Once both yours and her lungs where burning in need of air, you pulled away. She rest her forehead in yours, her eyes were still closed for a bit before opening them and stumbling into your gaze. The one she had been loving since you arrived to her life, she smiled.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I love you.” she confessed finally, your cheeks were just as red as hers and you let a light giggle left your mouth. “I love you so much, since you first stomped in my feet at the probending gym.” your face got even more red at the memory. “I'm sorry for disappearing and for not writing you back enough, I just... I needed time to heal.”

You shook your head a bit, reassuring her with a little smile. “It doesn't matter, you are here, you are okay and I couldn't ask for more... I love you too, Korra, I always had.” the avatar could swear her heatbeats were loud enough for everyone on the place to hear them.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Once this is done I want to take you out. You and me alone.” she said before finally taking a step back from you, taking your hand into hers.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Sounds like a date.” you agreed before leaving a small peck in her lips.

And then, the final battle took place.

People were flying here and there. You learned to use the metal wires and took Bolin or Mako up and down when needed, so it was safe to say once the Colossus was defeated and Kuvira arrested you were tired to your bones. There you stood, with the whole group, taking a break.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Alright, excuse me.” Korra said walking to you and hugging you by the waist while giving you a kiss. You could hear gasps, both of surprise and excitement.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “WHAT!?” Bolin screamed with his jaw dropped, Mako had almost a same expression meanwhile Asami, Jinora and Ikki where smiling excited, Ikki was jumping in her place.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I heard we will be going to a wedding.” you said once you both ended the gesture, referring to Zhu Li and Varrick's wedding when Varrick showed off his fiancee's ring while looking for Korra after the portal opened. “Wanna be my plus one?”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Ooh, I would love to.” she giggled before turning to everyone else. “. . .I think we should get out of here.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “AREN'T YOU GOING TO TELL US HOW DID THIS HAPPENED!?” Bolin continued to scream.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Oh, they will. They have to or I'm going to make them.” Asami said, Mako laughed.

Maybe it was worth it to wait all those years for one of you to take the step, all the yearning and adoration for one to another made the result of that waiting so sweet, just as both of you had been dreaming of.

#the legend of korra #korra x reader #the legend of korra x reader #korra x you #korra x fem!reader #one shot #avatar korra #korra fluff #korra fanfic #request

[zyonsay]

Wildfire, Chapter Three MV1

Fem aligned people may read but not f3tishize my work!!

Summary: Someone snitched on you and now you are stuck in a team building camp with Max!

Reader: Male

Warnings: Nothing really? Beer is mentioned ONCE at the very end

Now playing: 'Boys will be bugs' by Cavetown

AN: Im so sorry for not updating this story! I've got a lot going on at the moment. I have lot's of upcoming exams, i've been practicing for a concert i'll have soon and i participated in a horse riding competition last weekend, so yeah, my calendar is FULL. But anyways, this part isn't as long as id' like it to be, but don't worry! You and Max will be staying at the camp for a little longer...

(Here's a little Social Media AU to go along with this chapter)

(Here is the previous chapter)

(Here is the next chapter

Somehow word of your fight made its way to Christian, which was the cause of you now sitting on a bench at a camping facility, squeezed in between mechanics and other team members of Redbull Racing.

Just a few days before, you were sitting in a leather chair in Horner’s office, not squeezed between people but suffocating in the room’s atmosphere. He wasn’t one to get angry with his people, but you and Max’s behavior was a pain in the ass and very counterproductive.

He sighed heavily, “Guys, this has to stop. You’re both adults, behave like it. I know you two are very stubborn, but it’s for the sake of our team.” He gave you both a stern look, you heard Max swallow hard beside you. “Have I made myself clear?”, he looked you right in the eye, then shifted his stare towards your Teammate. “Yes.”

The air smelt fresh and clear; the sun was high up in the sky accompanied by thousands of fluffy clouds. The ranger standing in front of you was explaining a few rules you had to follow while staying at the campsite and its surrounding national park. He looked a little bit like a bison, you thought. His curly dark brown hair had a few strikes of silver in it, making him look old and experienced.

“…lastly, please keep away from the swampy areas, they are indicated with yellow signs.”

Many of your fellow Redbull mates looked bored, no wonder, they have been listening to this man talk for about an hour.

“Does everyone know how to not get killed now?” He looked pleased as he earned a loud ‘yes’.

Christian thanked the ranger, then took his place in front of you guys. “So, fellas, we’ll assign the cabins now!”, he gave you an unreadable look. He fumbled around in the pockets of his jeans before pulling out a crumpled piece of paper. He began reading out names and telling the people to go and take their stuff from the bus and settle into their new stay. Then after a few minutes, more and more people left, and it was only you and Max sitting on the bench.

“As you two might’ve guessed, you’ll be spending a lot of time together on this trip. And I don’t want to hear any complaints.” Horner looked serious, meaning what he said. You were annoyed, of course, but you understood why he wants you two to get along. Max nodded, glancing your way, but quickly looking away as soon as you meet his gaze. “Now, head off. You’ll be staying in cabin 33, here’s the key.”

You pulled your suitcase over the gravelly path, searching for a sign with the number 33 on it. Soon enough you found what you were looking for, the two numbers were burnt into a beautiful wooden sign, decorated with various little details. You unlocked the door, holding it open for Max after entering. He threw one of his Bags on the bed on the right side of the room. “I’m taking this one.”, he stated dryly. You shrugged slightly, setting down your suitcase next to the other bed. The cabin was decorated simply but had all the necessities. Besides the two beds there was a couch with a coffee table and a small bathroom.

The room felt awkward, and you started getting annoyed with Max being unusually quiet. You turned towards your fellow firecracker. “I don’t want to start shit with you, so just stay out of my way.”, he then spoke before you could even open your mouth. “It’s hard to do that when you’re all over the place Max.” He glared at you, definitely not appreciating your words. “We should head back to Christian, come on.”, you swiftly changed the topic.

“Looks like you all settled in! Now, let’s take a look at our first activity”, Horner held up a bag of Maps, “We’ll be doing a scavenger hunt. The price is… well, your dinner. There are clues scattered throughout the Woods and they’ll lead you to an opening with a grilling space. I’ll be waiting for you there!” He then passed around the bag, there was a Map for every group in it.

“Obviously you can’t just all work together, that would be way too easy. Every group has a different route, so you can’t just follow the group in front of you.” Murmuring erupted around you, discussing what the clues might be. You looked at the first clue that was posted to the map.

“Like goliath i tower over them, making them shiver beneath my needles.”, you shifted slightly, showing Max the Map along with the clue. He then pointed towards the forest, where a Pine tree stood, taller than all of the surrounding oak trees. “Let’s go.”

You’ve been wandering around the forest for about 45 minutes, hunting down clues and discovering the national park’s beautiful landscape.

But now? Well, now you and Max were lost. All the trees looked the same, no matter what direction you walked. The map was of no use in the depth of the Woods and your phones would continuously read “No Signal”. Not being able to do anything you two just sort of strolled along bushes and trees of all kinds, hoping to end up on a trail or a familiar opening. Birds were chirping and to your surprise you heard frogs quaking. “Do you hear that?” You turned your head towards Max, still walking. “The Frogs? Yeah, really weird…” Suddenly the thicket spit you out onto an opening, revealing a forest pond, which must’ve been the source of the quaking.

And indeed, a green, slimy frog hopped into the water right in front of you, disappearing in a log beneath the water surface. “Can we stop here really quick?” Max only sighed, but then plopped down on the floor. You sat next to him, gazing over the reflective water. Would you two still find the grilling space before sundown? You hoped for it, at the very least.

“This is nice.” Max closed his eyes and rested the back of his head against the tree behind him, taking in the smell of the forest. His usually tense shoulders looked much more relaxed, and he had a pleased expression on his face. You silently agreed with him, copying his movements.

"You know, i don't actually hate you." The words that flowed from your lips felt fragile and just like glass they fell to the floor and shattered. Your advance was met with a sigh and then a warm silence. You really wanted to try and get along with Max, for the sake of your team's future. But if he was gonna be stubborn, you wouldn't gift him your friendliness.

"Nevermind."

The leaves rustled beneath your feet as you two went back to walking after resting by the pond for a while. The golden light was slowly disappearing from the trees crowns. You really weren’t prepared to sleep under the stars tonight, but luckily you wouldn’t have to. Laughter could be heard in the distance, announcing the presence of humans. Your steps quickened ever so slightly, same for your companion. You two reached the opening and were greeted with the smell of food and the chatter of your teammates.

“Maxie! Y/N! I almost thought we’d lost you two!” Chris came walking towards you, handing each of you a beer. “Come on, join us!”

#f1 x male reader #male reader #gay #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen x male reader #male reader insert #male x male #x male reader #f1 fic

[elsgooglyeyes]

there are 2 different ways i can imagine you and ellie falling in love.

one, is the slow burn. lingering looks and touches, stomach erupting in butterflies when she throws a smile your way. you can’t help but lay awake and think of her at night, what it would be like to just hold her hand and kiss her lips. little do you know, she’s doing the exact same thing, two hundred feet away in her own bed. you can’t help but notice the way she acts around you though, it’s different than the way she acts around dina and jesse. almost like she’s shy and flustered, nevertheless you just brush it off. you talk to each other about mundane things, anything and everything, as both of your hearts unknowingly pound in synch. ellie would look at you as you laugh and sip your drink at the tipsy bison, her eyes grazing over your face and soaking in every feature. they would roam from your eyes, to your hair, your hands, legs, and everything in between. she can’t help but feel like a creep, because certainly you don’t feel the same way and she’s just gawking at you from across the table as you and dina ramble on. unfortunately for her, but fortunately for you, you catch her in the act. her face flushes a dark crimson as she looks away and takes a sip of her drink. you bite your bottom lip, trying to hide the smile that’s creeping up onto your face. while both of you have admitted your feelings to yourselves in your sleepless nights of reveries, neither of you make a move on the other. the days and weeks pass, you placing a hand on her shoulder and letting it linger a little longer than you probably should; her holding eye contact with you more than the average person would. eventually, when one of you finally admits your feelings (most likely you because ellie is a LOSER. sorry that’s harsh but she is :( she never thought you’d feel the same about her), your curiosity of what it would be like to run your hands across her skin and kiss the spots only seen by you are finally fulfilled. the sleepless nights are still sleepless, though now they’re spent together and filled with gentle whispers and grazes. an “i love you” is mumbled in the middle of it as you gently place kisses on one another. a slow burn love that one can only daydream about.

the second, is a quick and passionate love. the second ellie lays eyes on you she knows: you’re hers. she approaches, hands shaking slightly but determination set deep in her green eyes. as she introduces herself, you immediately think the same as her: you’re hers. while neither of you admit it out loud, it’s unspoken. instead of countless weeks and months of lingering touches and grazes, it’s shameless flirting between you two. maybe after one too many drinks at the tipsy bison you would find yourself giggling as you drag ellie out of the building and to a secluded area. hushed whispers and chuckles are exchanged as your hand travels down her neck and her arm. her gaze piercing directly into your soul and her soft smile making your heart race a thousand miles an hour. “you have no idea how badly i’ve wanted to do this…” she whispers in between kisses, you can only laugh in response because you do have some idea. afterwards, you two are inseparable, attached at the hip practically. while it happened quick, you know your feelings for her are true, and so are hers for you. “i love you” comes quickly afterwards, neither of you sure who said it first as it was said when clothes were being ripped off and lips were crashing together. this love is quick and hard, hitting you like a brick wall.

#ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams x you #the last of us #tlou #ellie x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams drabble

[orcasoul]

Joel Miller Head-cannons

Joel's reaction when you tell him you're pregnant.

As soon as those words leave your lips, the world halts on it's axis. A rush of emotions overwhelm Joel: fear, anger, guilt, worry, disbelief. His knees buckle under his own weight and he lands on the dining room chair with a thump. Clasping his hands together, and leaning his forehead onto his thumb knuckles, a string of "No,no,no," leaves his lips in barely there mumbles.

This can't be happening. He can't be a dad again. So many thoughts race through his mind, all worse case scenarios. Would he be able to protect you both? Would the baby be taken from him, like Sarah was? Would you die in childbirth? His temples begin to throb in time with his thundering heartbeat.

Your hand on his shoulder and nervous whisper of his name results in Joel recoiling from your touch as if you had burned him. The look of complete devastation on your face causes Joel's heart to plummet and his stomach to twist up in knots. He know's he's hurt you but he can't focus on that right now. Not when all he can see in his minds' eye is the image of his bloodied daughter, lifeless in his arms.

Before he even realises it, his feet are leading him out the front door and straight to the Tipsy Bison to numb the pain. However, a few drinks in, realisation hits Joel like a freight train; He left you. He abandoned you in your hour of need. He races home to find you crying silent tears on the settee. You won't even look at him!

He drops to his knees in front of you, clasping your hands, tenderly. After a lengthy and very emotional discussion - where he apologises, profusely and exposes his deepest fears to you - you both fall into each other's arms, crying and promising each other that everything will be okay.

The months go by and Joel's already protective nature hit's new heights. He always has a hand at the small of your back when outside, he even holds your arm in a death grip while walking over snow and ice. He keeps a close watch over you at social events, knowing how alcohol can lead to carelessness and is ready to spring at the first sign of trouble.

He told Maria and the council that under no circumstances are you to be rostered for patrol, he won't even let you carry anything - even if it's light - insisting that he and Ellie can do it. When the birth is imminent, Joel is a bag of nerves! He watches the medical team like a hawk, refusing to be more than an arm's length away from you. He may be overbearing but he doesn't care. He'll do all he can to ensure both you and the baby get through this, safe and sound.

Hours later, Joel cradles his tiny newborn son in one arm and has you tucked under his other, his heart bursting with emotions he can hardly contain. You're both here with him, safe and healthy. His anxieties about the unknown still linger, and always will reside in the recesses of his brain. But now, with you, his son, Ellie and Tommy all safe in the fortress of Jackson, Joel begins to believe that maybe, if you want it bad enough, happiness can still be found, even in a damn apocalypse.

#pedro pascal #joel miller fic #joel miller x you #joel miller imagine #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fandom #joel miller the last of us #joel miller tlou

[bizzybee280yt]

i played frontiers of pandora and had a category 43259423854 autism moment

i love my ikran. Katir is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. precious pink baby demon dragon. i’ve got her fully dripped to the gills with sarentu heritage stuff, it’s so fucking great. i love her.

so, who becomes Olo’eyktan and Tsahik of the Sarentu? Nor fucked off after killing Alma’s avatar, Teylan’s a whiny little piss boy and Aha’ri is fucking dead. So’lek can’t be leader, he’s not Sarentu. Ri’nela would be better as a Tsahik seeing as she deals with things around the base and offers council, which is like the stepping stones to leading the clan spiritually. That means that… I’d be Olo’eyktan? considering i led the attack at Mercer’s base and hunt very well and got all the upgrades and tarsyu shits, and all the bellsprigs and shit.

If i’d be Olo’eyktan and Ri’nela would be Tsahik, does that mean we become a mated pair? dialogue from one of the npcs in the game shows that homosexuality is a thing among the Na’vi, with one of the riverside uninteractable people (who is a woman) talking about not being able to talk to this one girl she likes (which was so real of her to say)

So, my dumbass (female) and my ultimate girlboss wife (Ri’nela) leading the Sarentu into greatness when we were once a dying clan?? sign me the fuck up yes MA’AM

i’d kill a palulukan for Ri’nela, on god

also i feel like the way the RDA say “Na’vi” feels like a racial slur, like how people say “Arab” incorrectly to use it as a slur. i really like how this game showed how much the RDA were the bad guys, but reminded us all the time that they’re human. they are human people. the same race as me. i can’t hide behind my mask of being Sarentu when reminded that this is what humanity would be like if put on Pandora.

the way Mercer said that the Na’vi things, like Ri’nela’s feathers or the Songcord from the mother, were ‘dirty’ or ‘primitive’ or ‘foolish’ made me have a immense realization that these tactics were used during the assimilation of north americans into society. only this time, the Na’vi were able to escape.

i feel like the story of humans and Na’vi is like that of the native americans, only the Na’vi won back their land when the native americans didn’t. hunting the tulkun and zakru? just like the bison being mass hunted. TAP? boarding schools.

it feels so jarring to remember how badly white people have absolutely fucked over every other race in the ass sideways on the lord’s altar whilst saying “it’s all God’s will”

…

so yeah, i had some fun analyzing and playing this game. symbolism is my autistic special interest

#frontiers of pandora #pandora #avatar #avatar: frontiers of pandora #sarentu #ri’nela #teylan #nor #aha’ri #so’lek #ikran #thanator #palulukan #palulukan means thanator in na’vi

[lovelettersforthedamned]

thinking about joel miller and his instinct to protect...

joel miller masterlist ⋆ main masterlist

author's edit: hi all!! it has come to my attention that there is a global strike to support the people of palestine. especially since the creator of tlou is a filthy zionist, here are a plethora of links and resources to help palestinians. for the rest of the week, i will not be updating my blog (posting fics, updates) unless it's information regarding palestine in support of this strike.

🍉🍉🍉

link 1

link 2

daily click to help the palestinian people

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

✮ i think that after sarah, his eagerness to protect those close in his life is extremely strong. we clearly see that with ellie. sure, it's a natural instinct to protect those you love, but joel takes it to another level.

✮ he can see first hand how easy it is to lose people. so don't blame him when he holds you close, or when he's always trailing behind you.

✮ joel's mind is racing a thousand miles a minute when he's out with you. he's always a step ahead; planning for potential threats to come out and harm you and ellie.

✮ and even when you three make it to jackson, it takes him awhile to let go of that feeling. he trusted tommy and maria in building a safe community, not for him, but for his girls.

✮ sometimes though, his protectiveness can get a little overbearing. you know what he's been through, and that what he does comes from a place of love, but you still have to sit him down to set your boundaries. it took him a little while to understand where you're coming from, but he ultimately heard you out.

✮ that doesn't stop him from keeping an arm around you waist at social events, especially when they're hosted at the tipsy bison.

✮ alcohol makes men people stupid, so joel will always be there with you at the little bar. although, people don't even try to approach you. joel's fierce watch over you when you're out on the dance floor sends enough signals to those who were smart enough care.

#joel miller headcannon #joel miller x reader #joel miller fic #hbo tlou #joel miller #pedro pascal joel miller #headcannon #tlou #free palestine #free gaza

[mydarlingdyke]

come into the water

an ellie x fem reader drabble

A new yet cold day settled in Jackson, Wyoming. The frost decorating the trees and hanging on the windowsills made its home there for what seemed an eternity; no signs of melting whatsoever. The bite of the chilling breeze on people's faces only reinforced the seemingly permanent beauty of the winter wonderland the town had come to be, the only refuge from it being the glowing embers inside homes, the comforting warmth of hugs and kisses and the consoling burn in your chest from downing a glass of your preferred brand of whiskey.

Yet the only thing Ellie needed to feel enveloped in the warmth of spring in the midst of a snowstorm was to see you. Your bright smile could easily light up a room, melt an entire year's worth of snow from a mountain. Your aura shone like alpenglow, reflections of soft spring colors and summer warmth. You reminded her of the wildflowers she saw on patrol, the vast blue sky over her head, the scent of marshmallows burning at a campfire, the warm waters of the lake the kids would bathe in in June.

She thought of you in every waking moment of her solitude. And this morning wasn't exempt from the way she pictured your smile, heard the laughter that bubbled through your chest, felt your soft fingers against hers when you'd pass her a cup of hot cocoa you made for her. Ellie's mind was racing with you and you only as she sat at her desk, turning on the lamp Joel had fixed for her and opened her journal. Endless scribbles of plants, people and places were etched on the pages, small notes and diary entries complementing them. The graphite markings became softer, however, as she reached the most recent pages.

Everything was, actually. Softer traces, softer words, softer edges... And what a coincidence it was that their contents revolved around nothing else but you. Small doodles of your nose from every possible angle she could recall, trying to capture the way your eyes would shine when you smiled, failing miserably at capturing the soft glow of your skin, or those sweet dimples on your cheeks.

Slowly, but surely, she began to write.

do you wanna be my baby?

are you waiting to touch me?

Ellie had always been bewitched by you. From the second she saw you at the Tipsy Bison, helping out by serving bottles of chilled beer in a hot, summer day. You became friends almost instantly, but the ache in her chest was always present. That weird, aching feeling that wasn't unpleasant, but it sure was annoying. Countless days she'd fantasize about kissing you, holding you, just yearning to feel you against her skin. And when she did, yet only through friendly hugs and playful shoves, her mind would be replaying that moment over and over for the rest of the day.

you look so good but i keep my hands

til you come into the water

Gentle, glowing, welcoming. You were, in her eyes, a lively pond full of fish and colorful aquatic vegetation, brimming with life and sound. And she was... So afraid. Afraid that if she basked in your warmth for a little too long she'd become obsessed, completely neurotic when you were not around. Like a drug, some kind of escape from the cruel world you both lived in.

She held it in for as long as she could. The desire to touch you, to breathe in your scent, to fully immerse herself in you. Because she was also afraid you'd think badly of her if she warmed up to you the way she wanted to. That you'd find her weird, maybe even disgusting. Did you even like girls? She'd never seen you with a guy around town. She'd never heard you speak of a guy in a romantic way... But she wanted to be sure. She wanted to hear it from you.

maybe I'm the same as all those men

writing songs about their dreaming

Ellie was the type to write down her feelings instead of openly talking about them. She would sit on her desk at the end of the day, worn out pencil in her hand, and vent about anything and everything; a behavior that contrasted her usual extroverted self. It'd been taken out of habit, not having anyone to really express her emotions to when growing up— except Joel, but she never opened up to him like that.

So that's why sometimes her words on paper would accidentally rhyme. They'd have a rhythm, felt like they're made to be sung or recited. Usually, those lines were about you. About your hair, or the wrinkles around your eyes when you smiled, about how your voice sounded like a lullaby... It reminded her of all those love songs she heard in those cassettes and vinyls from the old world. She'd borrow them from Joel, or just straight out came over to sit on his chair and listen to tunes about unrequited love, broken hearts, secret love affairs, tender love confessions...

She wondered why these melodies wouldn't resonate with her, why they didn't seem to tug at her heart strings like they were supposed to. She asked herself what was so special about love, about that fuzzy feeling in your gut that those songs described; why people seemed so eager to throw themselves into a flaming volcano, to break every rule of nature, to literally carve their hearts out and wrap them in a bow like a gift for someone.

After meeting you, she understood all that perfectly.

so would you tell me if you want me

'cause i can't move until you show me

Ellie was not just yearning, you see. She was burning. Burning for you. The heat was enough to melt her fingers off when she wrung them in anxiety every time she caught a glimpse of you out and about. Her lip was cracked from the amount of times she'd unconsciously bite down on it, trying to hold herself back from spilling out everything that her heart was holding onto. Desperately, silently, so eagerly swallowing her words into the fiery pit that her ribcage contained.

The warmth that radiated inside her was so unusual, so foreign, it would paralyze her. The urge to touch you, to be engulfed by the flames of your glory, the desire to breathe in the sweet scent of your hair and skin... All of it, turning her to stone. Unable to fulfill her wishes. For how could she? How could she dare approach such a divine creature? It's not like she knew how to either way... She had to be taught. Taught how to explore your delicate curves, how to fly across the pink sky of your mind, how to take care of the gentle flowers and how often she should water them?

She'd be your devoted pupil, for sure.

I  didn't know I had a dream

I didn't know until I saw you

For the longest time, Ellie was alone. She had felt alone, before she met Joel and finally came to Jackson. And maybe after that she allowed herself to breathe in fresh air, explore other possibilities of life that don't involve running and hiding. She allowed herself to love, to care, to laugh, to enjoy. And maybe that was what led her to experience this amount of infatuation for you.

You were the only one capable of giving her peace. Only one glance and her day was made. Only two laughs were enough to make her smile for the rest of the night. Only three words out of your mouth were all she needed to feel like life was worth living after all. Could an ocean be set aflame? Could her usual turbulent waters be tamed by a single ray of sunshine peeking through the clouds? She liked to think it could.

And if only you knew. If only you knew how her heart ached tonight, how her heart had been aching since she met you. You showed her the beauty of living, a concept so unknown to her before. Something she never really had the time to think about. But that when she met your pretty eyes for the first time, all those years ago... It would be the only thing on her mind for the rest of her life.

so would you tell me if you want me

'cause i can't move until you show me

Little did she know, you were lying awake in your bed that night, a million thoughts plaguing her mind. Not the usual worries that would cloud your skies, or the frustrations that would pluck the flowers from your pretty garden, or the sadness that would dampen your fluffy clouds; just a small whirlwind of chilly air that grew bigger, and bigger, until it made snowflakes fall in the middle of April. Beautiful, white snowflakes that when melted would water your flowers, brighten your skies and whiten your clouds, all of them carrying a single name.

Ellie.

#ellie williams #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie x reader #ellie x fem reader #tlou #tlou2 #tlou ellie #the last of us #the last of us part 2 #lesbian #wlw #wlw fanfic #mydarlingdyke #mydarlingdyke works

[tieronecrush]

cool about it

joel miller x f!reader

(part II of water in your hands)

rating: E (18+ ONLY, MDNI)

word count: 14k (i'm sorry, please grab a snack or some water or read it in stages!!)

summary: I'm trying to be cool about it / Feelin' like an absolute fool about it / Wishin' you were kind enough to be cruel about it

You and Joel have been together secretly for months now, sneaking around behind his wife’s back. He hasn’t made a move to break it off with her, and at this point, you aren’t sure if he ever will. That is until he’s forced to face his problems, and you’re left with all the guilt.

warnings: NO USE OF Y/N, adultery/infidelity, marriage, age difference (joel is in his 50s, reader is 20s/30s), use of pet names, mentions of water/drowning, fingering, oral (m & f receiving), one instance of spitting/drooling, praising, undefined relationship turned committed relationship, slightly possessive joel & reader, alcohol use, ANGST, hurt/comfort, separation, degrading language (homewrecker, slut, mistress, etc.), self-deprecation/insecurity

series spotify playlist / apple music

a/n: thank you to everyone who requested a part 2!! i really love these two even though i make them suffer BUT i would LOOOVE to write some more little stories for them so drop any requests in my inbox! i don’t wanna say goodbye to them just yet :(

dividers from @saradika

It was a rare occurrence for your shift to line up with Joel’s. Lately, he’d be working early mornings or overnights, and you would be afternoons or evenings at the bar. Today, however, is a gift from the universe. He’d been assigned a handful of shifts that ended in the afternoon, and for some reason, Tommy scheduled you early to come deep clean and organize the back bar and stock room for the Tipsy Bison. Joel and you could see each other in the light of day, for maybe only the sixth or seventh time in the months that you have been sneaking around with each other.

He walks straight into the unlocked doors of the bar, an eager grin on the side of his face when he sees you. He beelines for you as you stand in front of the counter, wiping it down.

“Mmm, been thinkin’ about you my whole shift, sugar. Even got a little distracted with you on my mind - got yelled at to keep it moving at one point,” his voice is a little hoarse from booking it over here from the stables, slightly sweaty arms wrapping around your waist and flexing as they squeeze you tight and turn you around, “Was just itchin’ to get over here.”

His lips find that spot under your ear that sends goosebumps over your skin every time, a playful smirk pulling the corners of your mouth up. Your hands rest against the plaid flannel covering his arms, the added warmth necessary for the early spring weather. It reminds you of what he’d been wearing a year ago when he’d started settling into Jackson; sleeves rolled up to show off the delicious veins that bulge when he was working hard. The thought gets you a little light-headed and you take a quick breath to calm your racing mind.

“Well, can’t blame me for you being horny. Gotta keep it in your pants on patrol, sir.” Pulling your bottom lip between your teeth, your eyes shine with a tease as you watch Joel’s eyebrows shoot up keenly at your statement and the polite title.

“I think I can blame you. ‘Specially when you’re the one calling me sir.” His eyes darken with hunger - and the knowledge that you’re going to be the one to satiate it. His arms loosen from their tight hold around your waist, large hands skimming down your back to grab at the cushion of your ass greedily.

“Did you only come to get something from me, Miller? I think I should be offended that you didn’t just want to visit me.”

“Oh, darlin’, y’know I came here to just get a glimpse of that pretty face to keep me going for the day. But then I got one look at you, and you just always do somethin’ to me. Can’t ever get enough of you.” His lips attach to the notch where your jaw meets your neck, teeth grazing skin as he works his mouth down to your collar. He hooks two fingers in your shirt there, pulling it back to reveal the blossoming purple mark that he had left the other night when the two of you were glued to each other in your bed. It was his parting gift as the sun rose, the usual warning sign for him to get back home.

“Can I give you another, sweet girl? Or maybe a couple? And you can wear one of those cute little tank tops next shift. Gotta let those gawking boys know you belong to someone.” His low, syrupy twang sends humidity across your exposed skin. Your head tilts back involuntarily, hands gripping his forearms that rest against your hips, his hands still palming your ass.

“You can give me as many as you want. Just wish I could you some.” Your gaze moves down to meet Joel’s eyes, the slightest pout on your face that pulls him away from your collarbone. He looks at you tenderly, one hand leaving your backside to brush your hair back from your face with care.

“I know, darlin’. I wish you could, too.” His thumb rubs against one of your cheekbones, and your eyes close to focus on the touch and feel the weight of his words. He still hasn’t told you those three words that you give him all the time, still never crossing that line.

The cool metal of his wedding band stings your face when he slips his hand down your cheek and along the nape of your neck as if the universe was sending you a quick reminder about who he was promised to.

“You wanna get out of here, sweet girl? We’ve got a few hours just to ourselves.” Your eyes open again at the sound of his voice, a soft smile spreading his lips as he speaks. He gets a mischievous glint in his eye, eyebrows wagging as his large hands slip into the back pockets of your jeans, giving one strong squeeze.

“Maybe we can have a little afternoon delight? Hmm?” He looks genuinely pleased with his cheeky suggestion, and you can’t help but chortle at the horny teenager energy he’s got.

“Play your cards right, Miller, and maybe you can have a little treat.” You wink at him, opening your mouth again to send another quip, only to be taken by surprise as he captures your lips in a fervent kiss. His tongue licks into your mouth, your front pressing tightly against his to the point where you can feel him half-hard against your thigh.

You pull away from the heated kiss, tsking quietly as you pull his hands off of you.

“We won’t ever make it out of here if you keep that up. And that isn’t ideal for either of us.”

Joel groans, the end of the sound hitching up into a soft whine.

“Fine, fine. You’re right. But I can’t fucking wait any longer. Been waiting all morning…” He trails off in thought, his eyes lighting up with an idea.

“Just come to mine. It’s closer.”

“Yeah, by only like 100 feet, Joel. And what if Heather’s home, hmm? How are you gonna explain your hard dick and me likely bent over whatever surface is closest to the front door?” Your arms cross over your front, eyebrows raised in curiosity.

“She’s teaching today. She’ll be at school all afternoon. C’mon, it’ll be fine. Never get to have you in my bed.”

It’s not just your bed, you think to yourself. Your stomach turns a bit at the not-so-friendly reminder from your conscience. Your eyes flick down to the ring on his left hand, a sigh escaping as you study the shine of the metal before meeting his eyes once more. You could see the eagerness in them, the want. He wasn’t going to let it go, and you knew if you kept arguing it would end up with him propositioning that it’s either here in the bar or the privacy of his house.

“Okay. We’ll go to yours. But it’d better be a quick one.”

Joel smirks devilishly, hands grabbing at your body. He pulls you away from the counter, fishing out his house keys from the front pocket of his jeans.

“You’re gonna be changing that tune once I get you inside, darlin’. Gonna want to take your time.”

Decision made, Joel left out of the bar first to get a head start back home. Finishing up with your last tasks quickly, you closed up and started down your shared street, sending friendly waves to neighbors as you made your way. You came up with an excuse in your head as to why you were walking up to Joel’s door, just in case an overly curious bystander wanted to be nosy.

You send three quick knocks against the wood, peering in through the small glass windows in the door to see Joel making his way over from the kitchen. He grins sweetly when he opens the door, inviting you in. To an outsider, it all seemed to be a perfectly normal, neighborly exchange. Perhaps you were going to catch up over coffee or Joel was helping you out by getting you a tool to borrow.

Little do they know what he was really about to give you.

It was an awkward exchange at first, Joel stumbling around his words as he gave you a sort-of tour while leading you upstairs. You’d been in his house before, invited in by Ellie when she needed help with a gardening project for school and she’d come to you for advice based on the flora in your front lawn. You’d even been there when he and his wife were there, canoodling on the couch. It stung, seeing him laughing and holding her close. Nearly made you snap the pencil you were holding in your hand as you read over Ellie’s project plan.

But now you were here, alone, and he wanted you in his own bed. Their bed. Their literal marital bed.

It gave you a rush of anxiety as he pushed open the door to the room, turning towards you as you give the space a once over. You ignored the touches of her in the room — the throw pillows around the bed, the perfume on the dresser vanity, and clothes hanging slightly out of the hamper. Instead, you focus on the little details of him that you were finally privy to.

A novel on his nightstand, The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemmingway, the small ceramic dish that he now discards his wedding ring in, the owl mug that holds his morning coffee, smatterings of clothes around his side of the room. It all feels very comfortable, reminding you of pieces that you get of him in your own space. These touches of him give you a sense of home and safety; it all feels very Joel.

He pulls you out of your observations, your eyes meeting his lustful gaze. He towers over you, hands holding the sides of your jaw to tilt your head back. He slants his lips against yours, a light kiss turning salacious with want. Your hands find the waistband of his jeans, tugging lightly while his tongue dances with yours. Soft moans escape with the breaths you both take, and he peels away from your lips to pull your t-shirt over your head, mouth attacking your collarbone to leave more marks as he had promised earlier. Your head tilts, eyes opening for a split second when he bites a bit harder. His tongue soothes the nip, but you still feel the tinge of pain when your eyes lock onto the lacy panties haphazardly discarded near the hamper. You can’t look away, bile burning your throat as your mind gives you an image of the two of them together, of Joel enjoying anyone but you. The thought of those not belonging to you and being for him makes jealousy canker across your heart. A new determination is shocked through you - you want to give him a memory of you being the one pleasing him in this room, for him to think about whenever he has his wife in the same position. You wanted him to be moaning your name, praising you, being under your spell, even for a moment.

Pressing your hands against his strong chest, you push him back with a step. His head shoots up from your collar with surprise, a little smirk pulling at his lips. His eyebrows raise in question as you push him to the end of the bed, hands gripping his broad shoulders and maneuvering him to sit. Eager hands find your hips, grazing over to your ass as he looks up at you standing over him.

“Whatcha wanna do, baby? You wanna ride me, hmm?” His voice is lecherous, dripping with desire and satisfaction over you taking some control.

You shake your head at him, bending down in just your bra to pop open the button of his jeans and slide the zipper down as it strains against his bulge. He buries his face in the exposed skin of your breasts that are now eye level, humming contently.

He lets you work his jeans down to his mid-thighs, cock springing free. He still never bothered with underwear most of the time despite the slow, normal life he’d adjusted to in Jackson.

You keep eye contact as you kneel in front of him, his keen stare unblinking as his tongue pokes out to wet his lips. You settle in front of him between his legs, hand wrapping around him and stroking slowly. He looked down at you with hooded eyes, mouth opening in a small gasp at the languid stimulation. A rush of saliva floods your mouth at the thought of tasting the beads of pre-cum that were starting to trickle out of his swelling length.

Giving into your bodily reactions, you lean in and press hot, open-mouthed kisses against the soft skin. Your thumb brushes against his tip, a hiss of pleasure sounding from above. One of Joel’s hands finds the back of your head, tangling fingers into your hair. He doesn’t move to guide you, simply wanting to touch a part of you.

Your free hand gently cups his balls as you press a featherlight kiss to the tip of his hard cock. A kitten-lick swipes up the dribbles of pre-cum that have collected and Joel’s fingers tense against your strands. You hum satisfied with the reactions you’re drawing from him, looking up to see splotches of redness growing across his cheeks and neck at the frustration. He groans out your name as your mouth works to tease him more, not having taken him fully in.

“Fucking hell, baby, quit teasin’.” Joel rasps as he watches your methodical seduction. He applies the smallest pressure against the back of your head when your lips finally wrap around just the tip of him, a moan of relief rolling from his chest.

Your eyes stay glued on his face, relishing in every response that he’s having to your mouth working him. Your head starts a slow bob up and down, growing wet at the weight of him on your tongue. You focus on half of him with your mouth, your hand working what isn’t inside. His noises grow louder and in quicker succession, his cheeks visibly warm and eyes dark with a craving when he looks down at you again.

“Such a sweet girl. Look so pretty with my cock in your little mouth. Think you can take more, baby? Think I can fit in your throat?” His words flood your panties, feeling the fabric stick uncomfortably against you. You shift in your position slightly, a sigh exhaling as your thighs rub together to relieve some of your ache.

The rhythm of your head brings his cock deeper, his tip brushing the back of your throat. You swallow around him and it squeezes him just right, a loud moan coming from him above you. He loses some of his composure, the large hand at the back of your head pushing him down your throat further and causing you to gag. Tears spill from your eyes and spit drips from the sides of your mouth, the blow job quickly turning sloppy as Joel takes more control.

“Fucking hell, darlin’. Taking me so well on your own, being such a good girl for me. You gonna let me fuck your mouth?”

The two of you are tunnel-visioned on each other, with no thoughts in your head except for getting Joel to come down your throat and no thoughts in his other than the sight of you taking his cock in your mouth. Had the two of you sensed anything happening in the house, it might have saved you.

Heather, Joel’s wife, returned home on her lunch break, hoping to run into her husband when she grabbed something to eat quickly. She heard the familiar timbre of Joel’s voice coming from upstairs, not making out any words at first. She climbed the stairs, the sound becoming clearer. Joel was definitely there, but he wasn’t alone. Wet sounds accompanied his pleasured moans, her ears perking up when she stands next to the closed door and hears him ask to fuck the mouth of whoever he’s with. Rage burns, the handle twisting and the door flying open. She’s greeted with you kneeling in front of Joel, his eyes trained on you with a lustful tenderness, mouth agape in awe.

The sound of the door smacking against the wall brings Joel’s attention away from the way you're taking the slow thrusts of his hips as he fucks your face. Immediately, he sees his wife standing in the doorway, shock, anger, and betrayal evident in her expression. His stomach rolls with anxiety, working quickly to push you off of him gently, tossing the throw blanket from the end of the bed in your direction to cover up. He scrambles to shove his still-hard dick back into his jeans and zips them up quickly, hands shamefully covering the bulge as he stands.

His mouth opens to try to excuse the pornographic sight that his wife’s just witnessed, but his brain is coming up empty. His eyes just shoot back and forth between the woman in the doorway wearing his ring and you, standing up from your knees with the blanket around your shoulders and a look of panic in your eyes. His hand twitches to reach for you, to comfort you, and his heart cracks at the glossiness in your eyes when you turn away from him.

The only sound to come is from his wife, her voice flat and resolute as she speaks directly to you.

“Please, get your shirt back on and go home.” She’s calm and resolute, with no malice in her voice as she demands you from her home. You oblige willingly and quickly, grabbing your top from the floor and slipping it over your head. You discard the blanket politely back on the bed, making eye contact with Joel one last burning time before turning to scurry out and back to your place across the street like a reprimanded child. Tears sting your eyes as you exit, the insides of you feeling like a storm at sea, uncertainty of what happens next for you and Joel thrashing around in your gut.

Back inside their shared home, Joel is still at the end of the bed. The situation has shriveled his arousal, the bulge in his jeans no more as his wife stares him down with indignance. She turns on her heel, a silent command for him to follow her as she makes her way downstairs. He climbs down the stairs petulantly, waiting for the other shoe to drop and for her to start screaming at him. He can’t find the energy to fight back if she does; he’d take it if it finally freed him of the mess that was his own creation.

Heather motions for him to sit in one of the wooden kitchen chairs; she leans back against the counter with her arms crossed over her chest. He plops down into the hard seat, a quiet sigh exhaled as he leans back, bracing himself for what is bound to ensue.

“Was this the first time?” Heather asks, voice steady, composed. Her eyes finally look at him, nothing given away from the empty stare in them.

He thinks about lying to spare her feelings, but the thought of continuing to suffer through sneaking around to be with you guides him into an honest answer. He’s going to give her the whole truth.

“No. No, this wasn’t the first time.”

“How long?”

He hesitates, the truth burning his throat as he prepares to confess that he’s never been a faithful husband, not when it came to you.

“Since the week after we got married.”

“Jesus Christ, Joel. Are you fucking kidding?”

He shakes his head, bowing it in shame as he continues his attempted repentance.

“I’m sorry. I know it probably means nothing to you, but I am sorry that I put you in this situation…We met when Ellie and I first stopped in Jackson to find Tommy. Before we went to, uh…I couldn’t stop thinking about her. But I didn’t think that I was good for her; I’m older, I have so much shit that I’ve done, and I didn’t think I could give her the life she wanted. When I came back, I tried to stay away. But when I saw her, I couldn’t help but be drawn to her. It was like a fucking magnet or gravitational pull. And well, eventually, I broke all my resolve. We slept together, out in the field behind the storage barn. I felt so fucking guilty afterward that I ignored her, for months. And, uh, I asked Tommy to set me up. Which is when I met you,” he interrupts his speech with a deep breath as he continues his full confessional, each sentence he speaks feeling like a brick being broken down from his walls.

“And I thought that if I made the decision to move on, to date, to get married, that we would both get over each other. I am so sorry that I did this to you. I just thought that you were a nice woman, you weren’t looking for anything really since you’d lived your life with your husband before. It was easy for me. Selfish, and easier than facing reality. But, when I went to check on her after she didn’t show up to work all week after we’d gotten married, we slept together again. And we kept meeting up in secret, having an affair. Have been for months.”

Heather continues her empty, faraway stare as she processes everything Joel’s just laid out in front of her. Silence falls over the room as he gives her time to formulate a response.

“Do you love her?”

That surprises him. Did she actually ask that? Is this the part where she screams and cries and shows her anger? His head shoots up from its hanging position and hands clasp together between his knees as he keeps eye contact with his wife across the room. He thinks back on all of the time you spent together and finally comes to admit what he’s known since that first conversation.

His voice breaks as he speaks, thick with the emotion that the first time he’s saying this is to the completely wrong person, “Yeah. I love her. With everything I have. I’d do anything for her.”

Heather nods shortly, arms uncrossing and dropping to her sides. She looks around the room, her brain working as she thinks about what to do.

“Okay. I’ll make it easy for you then. I’m leaving. We’re separating, since we were never legally married in the first place. If you can give me tonight, I’ll be out tomorrow. Just, I don’t know, ask Ellie to sleepover at Dina’s and spend the night at Tommy’s or at hers, I don’t really give a shit. Don’t come back until the morning, please.”

“I won’t. I’ll do whatever you need me to. I’m sorry again, Heather. I shouldn’t have made such a stupid, selfish decision.” Joel’s filled with genuine remorse, anguish flooding his gut about how to move forward from this.

She looks at him with pity, then her eyes move to the window in the direction of your house.

“It was selfish. And not just towards me.”

At that, she walks away from the kitchen and upstairs to start packing. Joel takes this as his moment to leave, wandering to go find Ellie to tell her to spend the night at Dina’s. He thinks about going to Tommy’s, to tell him everything even though Joel’s sure that he already knows. Instead, he continues to wander, not quite ready to face you and tell you what he’s been too foolish to admit to himself.

Taps sound softly against your front door, three quick and one lingering - Joel’s signature knock. The nerves tossing in your stomach ease at the thought of him being near again, only to wash right back when you open the door. It’s a split second that you see the heartache in his expression before he’s smiling with tender sympathy, but it sticks in your mind. Did he want to stay married that badly? Was this all just fun for him? Just an affair?

The thoughts tamper in your mind when he steps inside the entryway, brawny hands cupping your cheeks to study your eyes before they drop to your waist and wrap his arms around you in a secure embrace. His gentleness is enough to bring tears back to your eyes, some spilling over as he tucks his head into your neck and takes deep, shaky breaths. One of your hands caresses the back of his head, the other holding tightly to his bicep to keep him close. Nothing is said for minutes, the two of you standing there with the front door wide open.

It’s only when you hear his sniffle muffled against your neck, your immediate reaction is to hold him close and rasp out, “Oh, Joel…It’s okay. We’ll figure it out if you have to stay -- if it’s easier to…” You can’t bare to finish the sentence - if he had to stay with her, if he wanted to stay, you knew you couldn’t last.

He pulls out of the crook of your shoulder, glossy eyes meeting yours with deep contrite behind them. He shakes his head slowly, calloused fingers tracing along your jaw before cradling your cheek. You can see in his eyes the moment his heart breaks just a fraction more, and you’re convinced the next thing out of his mouth is going to be that he has to leave you, for good.

“Darlin’, no. That’s not why - I’m not - Shit, I’ve really messed this up.” He turns away from your stare, your anxiousness returning tenfold with this reaction. He takes your hand, shuts your front door gently, and guides you over to the sofa.

He sits first, delicately handling you into the spot next to him. He cheats his body towards you, hands intertwining with yours. You look down at his larger ones encompassing yours, placed together in your lap. His thumbs soothe your skin, lulling the tightness in your chest to relax some with the comfort of his touch.

“Look at me, sweet girl.”

His croony voice pulls your attention away, following the tender command. The twang of his voice is coming out more with his emotion and it tugs your heart that you only get to hear it at its purest when he’s upset.

“Did you think I was coming here to tell you I was staying with her?”

The directness of the question steals the air from your lungs, your mouth agape when you scramble to try to cover up the clearly obvious thoughts you were having. It was as if he was inside your head, and at this moment, you didn’t necessarily appreciate how vulnerable it made you feel. He takes your silence as an answer, nodding to himself while he murmurs under his breath. Joel takes a deep breath before his gaze locks on yours.

“She’s leaving me. I told her the whole truth. And now I’m here to tell you all of the truth that I told her. It’s the least that you deserve.”

His eyes have glossed over again, no tears daring to spill out -- he’s trying to keep it all in, but you can see his emotion despite his best efforts. You’ve never seen Joel this unguarded, and it breaks your heart that he’s feeling this pain. You want to tell him that he doesn’t have to tell you anything, that he doesn’t owe you anything. But you also don’t want to close him off again, to brush this all under the rug.

“I don’t want anyone else. I don’t need anyone else. I knew from that first conversation with you. That beautiful damn smile did me in the second I saw it. Hell, I’m pretty sure even Tommy and Ellie knew from that moment. I was so scared. I didn’t want to ever fail you, so I didn’t even give myself the chance to try…But I wanna try now. Completely. No more hiding, no more secrets. Just us. I love you, darlin’. Been in love with you for ages, I just couldn’t pull my head out of my ass long enough to say it to you.”

A jolt of adrenaline is shot through your body, jitters lightening your limbs as your heart beats faster. The words that you have been waiting for, dreaming of, just said so matter-of-factly by him. It feels like a figment of your imagination, so unbelievable to you at this moment that your hands reach for his chest, checking to make sure he’s really there.

A light chuckle leaves his mouth, his hands coming up to lay over yours, holding them against his pounding heartbeat. Once you believe that he’s really there, your eyes trace up from his chest. Pure affection oozes out of his brown eyes, the tiniest smile tugging the corners of his lips as he awaits your response.

You realize it’s been silent for a minute, the surprise of this conversation stealing your words. Hands press harder into his strong sternum, weight supported by him as you shift to kneel over him. You lean down and slant your mouth against his in a ghostly kiss. His mouth chases yours when you pull your head back, eyes locked into each other’s when you finally respond before kissing him passionately.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited for you to realize that.”

It’s been a few weeks since that afternoon. Heather completely moved out of Joel’s, leaving the house with just him and Ellie again. He’s told Ellie, not the full extent of everything that’s happened because she’s only fifteen, but that he and Heather are separated and that the two of you are together. He knows she’s not naive, especially after all that she’s been through, but he couldn’t really find the courage to face her and tell her the whole truth about his stupidity. So, the rest of the gaps are to be filled in by inference or imagination.

He’s told Tommy the whole truth, though. Another reason for Maria to dislike him, especially because she was friendly with his now ex-wife. Tommy is his brother, at the end of the day, and despite him not condoning Joel’s actions over the last year, he’s said that he can’t help but feel relieved that this can all be put behind them. And that his brother, and you, his close friend, can be happy together.

Joel’s asked you to move in about four times now. Each time he asks, he knows the answer, but he can’t help but try again in the slight chance that it’s changed. You always tell him that you will, eventually, but you don’t think it’s the best idea right now. Especially with all of the shit that you have been getting that Joel seems to be ignoring.

Time passing means it’s also been a few weeks since you and Joel have been able to be around each other publicly. To express your affection, hold hands, kiss. It all feels so foreign - like you still have the risk of being caught when people look at the two of you. It doesn’t help with the glares or dirty looks you get from some people of Jackson. It festers the growing mold of insecurity in you, feeling the guilt of breaking up a marriage, even a loveless one.

The worst instances have been when you’ve been at work and Joel stops in, either on his own or with Tommy and some patrol guys. Nothing has changed from his routine before, but now he doesn’t have to hide his reactions to your hands brushing when you pass him a drink or wait around all night just to be able to kiss you and walk you home.

Joel’s handsy, to say the least. Especially with a drink or two in him. He’s constantly running a hand down your side or to your ass when you bring over a tray of drinks to the high-top table he and his buddies are at. Or he’s leaning over the counter to grab a kiss from you when you drop a glass of whiskey in front of him. He’s even gotten to a point where he was tipsy enough to climb behind the bar in the opening at the end, stealthily creeping up behind you as you organize glasses to wrap himself around you and give you a sloppy kiss. He’s cheered on by his cohort and all but chased out from behind the bar by his brother who grumbles annoyances as Joel shoots a cheeky wink in your direction.

All of his displays make you smile, and you haven’t been happier to finally have Joel to yourself and for everyone to know just how in love with you he is. But, it hasn’t made it any easier when you hear all of the nasty things said about you.

The worst of it comes one night when you’re working. Joel’s been put on an evening patrol shift, but he’d promised to swing by the Tipsy Bison to pick you up and take you back to his to spend the night.

Most of the shift comes and goes uneventfully - some friends stop in and keep you entertained for a few hours, the music playing not making you want to bang your head against the wall. Tommy’s working with you tonight, having taken some time off of patrol to help out more around the house and with his now one-year-old son. He approaches you at the bar polishing glasses, nodding to a group of women around a table that are on their fourth or fifth round of the night.

“Think you can take the next round over to them for me? Really gotta take a piss.” You laugh at Tommy’s excuse, nodding and taking the order from him.

“You could just ask, y’know. Didn’t need the extra information.” He rolls his eyes and quickly jets off to the bathrooms. You prepare the cocktails and grab the two beers from the fridge, arranging everything on a tray to make your way over to the ladies.

About three paces away, you tune into their conversation and your stomach sinks to your feet.

“Can you believe that she can still show her face around here? I would be holed up in my house if I were her.”

“She probably feels great about herself. I bet she’s going after the other brother now, have you seen them joking around all night with each other? She’s basically throwing herself at him. What a slut.”

“I think I’ll actually feel bad for Joel if that happens. But, you know what they say, once a homewrecker, always a homewrecker.”

“She probably gets off on being the mistress or something. Adds the excitement since she’s probably gotten fucked every which way at this point in her life.”

Tears prick your eyes and you blink them away, steel expression as you close in on the table. You stay silent as you deposit the drinks on the surface, turning away with the tray under your arm only to hear one of them shout after you.

“Homewrecking whore!”

They dissolve into cackles, the tables around them all now talking in hushed tones as they stare at you. The burn of humiliation creeps up your neck, watery eyes bubbling over. Don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you break, you’re already pathetic enough right now without them seeing your face. Your legs book it into the bathroom after throwing the drink tray onto the counter, the black plastic skidding to a stop in front of the younger Miller.

Tommy’s heard what was shouted, the bullies snickering away and satisfied. Anger bites in his throat and he holds back from shouting across the room. Instead, he saunters over and starts picking up the nearly full drinks onto the tray again, the group staring at him incredulously.

“Excuse me, we’re drinking those?”

He simply shakes his head, smiling politely at them.

“Nah, you’re leaving. Now. And you’re gonna stop harassing people if you wanna come back.”

At that he walks away, dumping the drinks in the back bar sink and watching the group exit in a huff.

When you come out of the bathroom puffy-eyed and see the empty table, the thought occurs to you that Tommy must have said something. You give him an appreciative smile, and he says nothing more of it for the rest of the shift.

Your mind continues to replay all of the horrible things they said about you, starting to wonder if there was a layer of truth to it. You were distracted for the rest of the night and when you escaped back to the stock room to pull what was needed at the end of the night, Tommy took the opportunity to pull Joel aside when he walked through the doors to pick you up.

“Don’t tell her that I told you this, but something happened at work tonight.” Tommy keeps his voice down from the lingering patrons, one arm across his torso, the other holding his hand to his mouth to pinch his lip. His eyes dance around to make sure there’s no one eavesdropping.

“What? What are you saying, what happened? Is she okay?” Joel’s brow furrows, feet stepping towards the back to find you. He worries immediately, his mind used to jumping to the worst scenarios from the shit that he’s seen.

“She’s in one piece, quit panicking. Just, some unsavory things were said. There’re this group of women that were drunk, but I think they said some stuff about her. All I heard was what they shouted at her when she walked away, called her a ‘homewrecking whore.’”

Joel grimaces, his heart breaking at the thought of you being subjected to such torment. His temper swells in his chest, and his first thought was to go find whoever it was and sling insults right back to them. It wasn’t even true, he was the one who got you all into that mess, but of course, to an outsider looking in, they were going to blame the third party involved in a marriage that fell apart.

Joel nods in understanding, not willing to dare repeat what Tommy said, the words sitting bitterly in his mouth while he leans against the counter waiting for you.

Your eyes are trained down when you enter the main room again, counting the stock of the bottles in your hands under your breath. At someone’s throat clearing, your head snaps up and the slightest smile grows on your face at the sight of Joel leaning over the bar with a gentle, boyish grin.

“Hey, sweet girl. Boss man says you can head home early with me.” He jerks his head in Tommy’s direction, his brother smiling with a hand raised in a wave. You smile wider, waving your thanks back as you set the box of bottles on the counter. Making your way out and over to Joel, his arms scoop you up against him with a sigh of contentment.

“Missed you, darlin’. You ready to head home?” His lips press into your hair at the top of your head, the tiniest bit of tension from the night relaxing in his embrace.

“Ready. Let’s go home, cowboy.” Joel chuckles lightly at the nickname, keeping one arm wrapped around you as you both start down the gravel street. He recounts his shift with you, telling you about a family of bunnies he saw to cheer you up and cracking a couple of jokes. You barely smile in his direction, laughing a beat too late when you register that he’s been jesting with you, much too quiet for your normal, bubbly self. You act completely cold about it all, with no anger or emotion burning in you to share with him. It squeezes his chest, the fact that you’re in pain and keeping it distant from him. Those horrible fucking words that he wishes he could just wipe from your brain sit sour in his mouth. All he wants is to block them out so you never have to hear them again because they are the furthest thing from the truth.

He wishes you would tell him what happened tonight; you feign an uneventful evening when he asks about your night. All he wants to do is reassure you, but without you opening up, he doesn’t want to push you if you don't want to talk about it.

The two of you walk into his house, trailing up lazily to the bedroom. Per your request, the room has been rearranged and the bedding has been changed to an extra set you had at home, making the space once again solely Joel’s. Instead of bits of her sprinkled into the space, there are pieces of you lying around that make his heart beat a little faster and a smile crosses his face each time he notices them. Clothes in his dresser, earrings on the nightstand, the book you’re reading on the desk where it’d been left this morning.

Changing from your work clothes, you leave them hanging over the chair. Your pajamas are a pair of boxers that he hasn't touched since moving to Jackson and one of his old t-shirts, the fabric worn in just the right way to make it ideal for sleeping. He strips down, slipping on a pair of grey sweats and staying shirtless. He crawls onto his unmade bed, peeling back your side, and patting your spot, a soft smile on your face as you take the invitation.

Joel’s hands find your waist, bunching up the cotton of his t-shirt to press his palms to your warm skin. He dips his head down to your chest, nuzzling his hooked nose against your breasts. He presses sweet kisses to the soft cushiony tissue, forehead resting on your sternum. He hums against the fabric covering you, lifting his hands at your hips to pull the hem further up. You relax under his affection, quiet, breathy sighs leaving your lips.

“My sweet girl, can I help get you out of your head?” Joel’s question sends a wave of arousal between your legs, his broad frame rolling you from your side to your back. He moves to hover over your form from the side, hands coasting over your curves. Thumbs tweak your nipples through your shirt, a whimper falling from your lips. Your complete trust and devotion stare back at him as you fully comply with his request.

“Please distract me.”

Joel groans at your submission, eyes blown wide with hunger and awe.

“Gonna give you exactly what you need to feel better, baby. Gonna remind you how much I love you.” He pulls your shirt over your head, tossing it over the side of the bed. Lips attach to the supple peaks of your breasts, sucking gently and pulling moans from your lips. He works the opposite one with his fingers, swapping his attentive mouth when he feels you arch your back to press your chest into his face. His lips separate from your nipple, hot open-mouthed kisses trailing down your stomach. Every few, Joel’s tongue slips out and skates against your skin, the sensation rippling goosebumps along the surface.

Once he reaches the waist of the boxer shorts you’ve got on, he sits up to admire your form under him. The spots of his saliva glisten in the low, yellow lamplight, your breasts perked up as they rise and fall with your shallow breaths. His fingers hook into the elastic band, slipping them down and sending you soft praise when you lift your hips for him.

“Good girl.”

The shorts join your shirt, rumpled on the floor somewhere. Joel sits back on his heels, gripping your ankles gently to bend your knees and spread your legs open for him. You mold to his positioning like clay, one leg falling to the side lazily to put your glistening cunt on display for him. His tongue wets his lips as he drinks the sight of you up, wishing he was any good at drawing or painting so that he could reproduce you like the work of art you are.

His touch floats up your calves and your velvety thighs, focus zeroing in on the dripping folds in front of him. He shimmies down the bed onto his tummy, arms hooking under your thighs to pull you closer to him. He rests on his elbows partially, and you watch as his gaze becomes fully entranced by the vision of your wet arousal that is all for him.

“You’re so beautiful, darlin’. Everything about you, but especially this gorgeous pussy of yours. She’s just weeping for me, isn’t she? You want me to take care of her? Show her she’s mine? Show you how much I love you?” His words only cause more dampness to flood your core, soft whines drawing out of you as you move to sit up. You lean back on your hands, desperate to watch every detail unfold of your man worshipping you from between your legs.

“Please, Joel. Pretty please,” you mewl.

A satisfied smirk crosses his face, loving how desperate you get for him. His eyes fall to the space between your legs, his mouth salivating. He leans in, letting spit drip onto the coarse curls that cover your mound, his hardening cock twitching as part of him coats your sex, marking you as his in addition to the love bites waxing and waning in phases across your body. He reaches a hand around your leg, coating his fingers with your wetness and using it to mix and smear his spit and your arousal all over the hair and skin there.

He presses a delicate kiss to your hood, the contact sending a jolt to your thighs and jerking your hips. One large hand pushes down on your stomach to keep you in place as he swipes his tongue from your taint to your clit, the tip of it slipping in to tease your entrance as it skates along through your slick. He savors the taste of you, a sharp sweetness that’s become his favorite flavor.

A groan rumbles from his chest, vibrating against you before his mouth sucks at your clit. Moans tumble from your mouth, breath hitching as you inhale when his tongue moves down, pressing into your entrance slightly. Like eating ice cream in a heatwave, he moves to catch any dripping arousal with his mouth or chin, your name falling from his lips as he feels himself achingly hard in his sweatpants against the mattress. He starts to fuck his hips into the cushiony material, tongue easily slipping in and out as he starts to thrust in your cunt.

“Fucking love your little sounds. Love how sweet you are for me, darlin’. Never gonna get enough.”

Fingers work circles in your clit, the motions tightening the knot in your stomach. Your head falls back with a moan of Joel’s name, chest rising and falling rapidly as you try to keep breathing while your pleasure builds its pressure inside of you. His mouth and fingers swap positions, suckling at your clit with lewd noises while two of his large fingers slide in between your walls. His hand fucks your tight pussy, praises rasped against your mound as he takes a breath to press kisses against the curls there. Another finger is added, the girth of all three working you towards your bliss.

“Fuck, ‘m so close, baby. Gonna come, oh my god. Feel so good.” Your voice is high-pitched, whining as the pressure pushes harder inside of you, taut coils ready to snap.

Joel looks up at you, pupils completely blown wide in ecstasy. His hips still work his hard cock against the mattress, his own release building inside of him.

“Be my sweet girl, come on my mouth.”

With his words and his lips attached to your cunt again, the pressure built in you releases with a mind-clearing, blinding pop. Your wanton moans echo in the room, the bawdy sounds of your pleasure and your wetness mixing together as Joel continues to work you through your orgasm.

His hips move faster as he watches you come undone from his handiwork, the noises you’re making sending him over the edge. He comes in his sweatpants with a moan of your name, dry humping the mattress like a teenager. He feels like he should be embarrassed, but after all that he just witnessed from you, it’s a miracle he didn’t bust when you simply opened your legs for him.

Untangling himself from you, he excuses himself to the bathroom to clean himself up, throw his pants in the hamper and grabs a warm, damp washcloth for you. He patters back over to the bed and takes care of you, discarding the washcloth and gently closing your legs. He climbs back into bed with you, pulling the covers up once again. He nestles in behind you, curling his frame around you protectively. Your mind’s foggy from your orgasm and exhaustion floods over your body, no protest from you as you start to drift. He nuzzles into your hair, pressing a delicate kiss at the back of your neck as he whispers to you.

“It’s only you, darlin’.”

Another month passes after that night at the bar where you heard what was being said about you around town. The gossiping didn’t stop, especially when people found out that you had finally caved in from Joel’s relentless (yet charming) pleads and agreed to move in with him and Ellie.

Everyone seemed to have an opinion on how fast you both had moved, how you were shoving everything in his ex-wife’s face, how you were staking your claim so publicly and like a “whore.” Whatever it all meant, it was heard in whispers at the bar, in the market, in town meetings, you name it. If you were present, people were talking.

It influenced you the more you heard it; the repetition of it all made it sound like truth to your weak mind. You kept these feelings of guilt and shame inside, burying them deep in an attempt to keep everything copacetic for Joel. He was happy these days, smiling more and cracking jokes. He was more involved in the community and Ellie also found her place with Joel behind her and fully content in Jackson. You dreaded being the one to cause any more problems than you already did for the last year and a half, so you shut your mind up in an attempt to compartmentalize.

If Joel didn’t know what all was being said, that was for the best. You weren’t going to be the one to burst the love bubble that he had for you, so you were just going to keep cool and try to get out of your head about everything that was left undiscussed.

But, that only made going into town and going to work hell. You weren’t acting like yourself anymore, no small talk with customers or catching up with neighbors and friends that would come to visit you. You did your job and walked home each night silently, even when you were with Joel. Every shift you would hear some new comment or rumor about you, adding it to the file that you had accumulated in your mind. Your subconscious flicked through it every night in your dreams, pulling out some of the worst to relive when you should have been dreaming of being happy with the man lying beside you.

The guilt was pulling you under, each new comment acting like a brick to weigh you down into the sea of liability and disgrace you were lost in. There was shame over how you were characterized in the outcome of all of this, guilt over breaking up his marriage, anxiety over becoming a burden to Joel and anchoring him down into the depths again. You’d thought it all would wash away with the changing of tides, since you and Joel could be together openly, but it only brought you to the ocean floor while Joel was floating on the waves above you.

It was an evening that Joel had off, opting to stay in and play Boggle with Ellie. You left the two of them to head to work after playing a few rounds yourself, both you and Ellie completely annihilating Joel. The acid in your stomach sloshed around, pressure building in your torso and pushing the burning sensation up your chest and into your throat as your steps closed in on the Tipsy Bison. Your tongue feels heavy and dry in your mouth, breaths jagged as you attempt to calm yourself outside the wooden building. You stand there for what feels like an hour, wrangling all your anxiety into a small lump in your throat. This is where it would sit for the rest of the night until you could finally let it all back out on your walk home.

The beginning of your shift was normal, nothing said to or about you. That all changed, though, when the person you least expected to see comes and sits on the stool in front of where you’re polishing glasses.

Heather.

Your eyes widen in surprise and nervousness, the lump in your throat starting to seep its way back into the burning acid of your stomach and the tightness of your chest. Ears brace themselves for either an insult or something degrading to be thrown your way. After a beat of silence, you scramble to resolve the awkward tension.

“I can get Tracy to serve you, she’s just over--”

“No, no that’s not necessary. If you’re fine with serving me, that is.”

You nod quickly to relieve the discomfort, your people-pleasing tendencies rearing their ugly head. You actually don’t want to be serving her, but you also really don’t want more drama to inevitably spread about you walking away to get someone else for her - there’s no chance that it wouldn’t be spun against you.

“Um, yeah no, totally cool. What can I get ya?”

She gives you her order and you quickly make it up, depositing the glass in front of her. Silence falls between the two of you again, but this time she’s the one to break it.

“So, um, how are you? How’s work?”

The questions take you off-guard. You were friendly with Heather before, as her neighbor you would bring over extra garden crops and she would offer to mend clothes of yours. She was always polite and made small talk with you. Well, that was before she knew you were fucking her husband.

“It’s good, I guess. Not much to change around here. How’re things at school? You’re still teaching there?”

You're an idiot. Why are you continuing this conversation as if you guys are long-time acquaintances? You’re trying to be cool about it, just ignore the elephant in the room, but something’s gotta give at one point, right?

“Things are great. We’ve got some open volunteer positions if you’d be interested. It wouldn’t be with me if that’s a concern.”

“No - no. I mean, I’d love to volunteer for Ellie’s class if there’s anything…” you trail off, the thorny pricks of awkwardness becoming too much for you. You start to speak, only to hear Heather at the same time.

“Listen, I really am sor--”

“It’s not all your fault--”

The two of you laugh lightly, tension coating the conversation. Your eyes glance around at anything but Heather’s face before finally meeting her gaze and nodding for her to go first.

She clears her throat, adjusting her position on the stool before starting again.

“It’s not all your fault that my marriage fell apart. I mean, yeah, you’ve got some culpability in the fact that you were having an affair with Joel, but he also told me that you had been with him before we even dated. And, as a woman myself and someone who fell for Joel, my best guess is that you’ve been in love with him since that first time. And Joel told me - what he felt for you the whole time, too. I just, I wanted to say to you that I don’t blame you. Joel is the one who made a stupid, selfish decision that affected both of us. Having an affair with him? Yeah, not really great, but I’ve thought about it for a while, and I would’ve done the same if it were my first husband. He was the love of my life, and I never wanted to lose him. So, yeah. I wanted to tell you that I understand. And I completely despise what everyone says about you. It’s disgusting, and I’m so sorry you have to hear that all the time.”

She’s apologizing to you. The woman whose husband you had an affair with. Granted, she was right that you were together once before they even dated. And that you’ve loved him ever since. But there is actually no sane world in which she should be apologizing to you. Have you made the impression that you were expecting this? Was she feeling guilty towards you?

All of these thoughts eat away at you, crashing around your mind and making that burning pressure alive again in your gut. You chew your lip, eyes wide, and stare a thousand miles away. Remorse overtakes your mind, words caught in your throat.

Why couldn’t she have just come in here guns blazing? Screamed at you? Called you all those names you’ve heard for weeks?

Her being cruel would be way better than her being kind, understanding even.

It makes your chest tighten, air squeezed out of your lungs in a panic.

You have to say something, so your voice squeaks a response.

“Thank you. I’m so sorry, too. I really didn’t want to hurt you, I just-I couldn’t let him go.”

Heather nods, a glint of a past life in her eyes. She presses her lips in a tight line before exhaling deeply. Standing from the stool, she nods again, giving you a quick goodbye and making her way out.

She really only came here to say that to you. To apologize.

You're an utter piece of shit, guilt, and shame finally filling your lungs and stealing your breath away from you.

Quickly, you turn to your nearest coworker, mumbling out an excuse that you need to leave early. Instead of waiting for any confirmation, you all but run out of the building, feet carrying you past Joel’s house with the lights still on, and past your old little cottage that now sits dormant. The overgrown lawn tugs at your heart, begging you to take care of it again. You turn back towards Joel’s, seeing him laughing with Ellie through the window, and the tugs on your heart pull harder towards them.

You pass the residential area, approaching the site you haven’t seen in months. Following around the tattered, weather-worn red siding of the old barn, the open grazing field comes into full view. You climb over the split-rail fence, mind reeling over what tonight has entailed while muscle memory carries you to the small clearing in the tall grasses.

Not even realizing you were holding your breath, a sigh escapes your lips. Dewy earth dampens the seat of your jean shorts, the sticky summer air keeping you warm. Thighs press to your chest and your arms envelope around your knees. You rest your chin in between your kneecaps, eyes combing up to the night sky above you. The lack of light pollution these days has made the stars brighter against the deep blue atmosphere. They blur from the tears welling in your eyes, one blink creating tiny streams on your face. They feed into the ocean of guilt and shame that you’ve made your home, the feeling of it’s waters choking your lungs to breath out sobs.

You sit like that for a while, fuzzy constellations kaleidoscoping in your vision. Your attention is only pulled away from the midnight blue when you hear a twig snap. Turning over your shoulder, the back of you hand wipes your eyes clear to see Joel standing behind you. Hands in the front pockets of his jeans, he stands tense and looks down at you softhearted and doleful.

Without an invitation, he closes the gap between you, groaning quietly as he bends down to take the spot next to you. You’re transported back to countless nights before, Joel and you under the same sky to spend your fleeting time together before sunrise.

“Got real worried when you didn’t come home when you usually do. Checked the bar first, and your old place. Guess I should’ve had the thought to come here a lot sooner.” His voice is low, gentle timbre vibrating the tightness in your chest and giving some slack to the taut pull of it.

“‘M sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you, I just--I couldn’t go home right away. I didn’t want to ruin your night with Ellie…” your own voice is meek, cracking slightly from disuse. You sniffle, the back of your hand swiping under your nose and the heel of your palm rubbing the tear stains from your cheeks. The evidence of your emotion makes you embarrassed; here you were, your anxious fears coming true -- you’re officially a burden to Joel. He’s had to cut his night short with his daughter, traipsing around town to try to find you because you couldn’t bother to swallow your sorrow and head home like normal.

“Darlin’, you don’t need to apologize. It’s okay that you needed time alone, but even if you had come home, you wouldn’t have ruined our night. We love you…” he clears his throat, tender touches tucking hair behind your ears and rubbing the nape of your neck before continuing, “What’s wrong, baby? What’s got you so upset?”

“It’s nothin’. It’s nothin’, I’m fine. Just, tough night at work…” You lie through your teeth, avoiding Joel’s gaze to keep the facade. One look in your eyes and you know he’d see right through you.

“It’s clearly not nothin’ if you’re crying about it, darlin’. You can tell me anything. I wanna help you, be there for you, protect you. Did someone say something to you? Something mean?”

Your eyes snap up to him, the knowing look on his face cluing you in that he’s known about what’s being said around town. You don’t really know what hurts more in the moment - the fact that he knew all of these horrible things were being said and he didn’t comfort you or that you’ve already been a burden to him, already been another problem for him for much longer than you thought.

You think about lying to him, but you know he would be able to tell - he can always tell - instead opting to just break down the damn of everything you’ve been feeling, letting it all rush out at once.

“It’s all of it. Everything that people are saying about me, it feels like it’s the truth. I did break up a marriage. I did have an affair for months with you; you were someone’s husband. I love you, but it doesn’t negate the fact that what happened was still wrong on some level. And what everyone’s saying about what I did, it’s made this sea of guilt and shame and I’m drowning in it. I can’t keep my head clear above water, it’s all consuming right now. And I feel so anxious about being a burden to you. You’ve been so happy lately, with us being together and living together and Ellie being adjusted. You’re so much lighter, floating even. I couldn’t bear to drag you under with me when you finally caught your breath.” It all tumbles out of you in a stream of consciousness, and in the end, Joel is silent as he takes it all in.

The thought occurs to you that you’ve been wanting to know how Joel has felt about all of it. You haven’t talked about it at all; if he felt just the same guilt and shame, maybe it could help you both work to absolve your sins. If you were in it together, then maybe you had a chance to make it to land.

“Sweet girl, I hate that you’ve been feeling that way. And I hate that you thought you couldn’t tell me, just cause I’ve been happy to have you finally and I feel like we’re creating a lil’ family. But, I have to say, I ain’t got any regrets. I’ve got you now, I’ve got you in our home and with my daughter, it’s all that matters to me. I couldn’t care less about anything that people are saying about you, it makes me pissed, but getting angry at ‘em just fuels the fire. We can just move on, darlin’. We should just live our lives, fuck whoever doesn’t want to be happy for us.”

Bile creeps up and scorches your throat, a whirlpool swirling in your stomach and the choking feel back in your lungs. You hold it all in, letting Joel wrap his arms around you and pull you up to take you home.

Does he really have no regrets? Would he still get married if he was given another chance? Would he still choose to put you through this pain that has been a constant dull in your heart for the last year and a half? Would he choose the path that makes you the target of so much contempt, disgust, antipathy from so many?

Those thoughts have plagued you for days now. You had swallowed your searing pain, the guilt cold in your lungs as the hurt settled in your stomach, seeping throughout your body to make your limbs tender and heavy. Every step felt like it took too much effort, every fake smile plastered on your face made your cheeks sore in the wrong way. You had become a method actor in your own life, optimistic contentment used as a mask to hide the truth. You went through the motions of the days off you had, enjoying breakfast with Joel and Ellie, laughing at their bickering, and making them both their favorite way to eat eggs - Joel’s scrambled and Ellie’s over medium. You were a family, just as Joel had said, and you were playing the role of the dutiful, delighted partner.

Once they both left for the day, you deflated. Took off the mask and stared at yourself in the mirror, taste of bitter metal in your mouth as you watched the remorse, the regret crawl out of your chest and into your eyes, across your face. It disgusted you, angered you, yet you forced yourself to study it, punished yourself because everyone had told you that you should.

That was how it had gone for the last handful of days. Today was your first day back at work, and you got ready outside of the bathroom to avoid facing the hideous manifestations of your sins. Exiting your shared bedroom, your face pulled tight again, smile ghosting across your lips and eyes crinkled with subtle joy. Joel was standing at the bottom of the stairs, kneeling to lace up his boots. At the sight of you, he grinned and stood up, hands reaching for your waist and pulling you in for a chaste kiss.

Part of you wondered if he could taste it on you - the bitter, sour feeling that sat in your mouth. How much his lack of regret had crumbled any resolve you had left, any room for forgiveness you had in yourself.

He walked you to work before heading off on patrol. Walking inside, you instantly wanted to turn back and hide away at home for weeks longer. The thought of having to keep up your act for the whole night was making you nauseous. An hour into your shift, you couldn’t take the feeling anymore, so you snuck a shot of whiskey to attempt to take the edge off. The tingle of the alcohol soothed the lump in your throat, warming your cold chest and settling your woozy stomach. It gave you a break, for just a moment.

You chased that moment of peace all night, taking pulls whenever you could. You chatted more with patrons and coworkers, bubbling up giggles as your brain shut off from your inebriation. It was so tranquil to not have that frigid shame in your lungs, the thoughts of all that has been said to hurt you in the last few months silenced, even the voice of Joel saying he has zero regrets about what he’d done is muffled.

No wonder why Joel got drunk all the time at the beginning of this. It’s the only medicine that works for guilt.

By the end of your shift, you’re nearly wasted. Not quite to a level where you’ve lost motor skills but to the point where your eyes lids feel heavy, your vision is blurred on the edges, and your words start to slur together. When you’ve snuck to the backroom to take another swig, pushing the limit of how drunk you can get in the next ten minutes before your shift ends, Joel saunters into the bar. His eyes scan the room for any sight of you, pouting slightly when he comes up empty. Tommy’s working tonight, so he makes his way over to the end of the bar where his brother stands. Joel leans against the counter, nodding a greeting to Tommy and asking where you’re at.

Tommy looks at him, lips pressed together and eyebrows raised. He glances back at the entrance to the stockroom before leaning in.

“She’s back there. Probably downing a couple more shots of whiskey.”

Joel’s eyes widen and his brow shoots up, a look of shock at what Tommy’s said. It’s not like you to drink at work, hell, you barely ever have a nightcap when the place is all cleared out. Joel can count the number of times he’s seen you drunk on one hand, and this is certainly not an occasion that would have you indulging. He clears his throat, eyes focused back on his brother.

“She’s drinking at work? Is she drunk?”

As Tommy opens his mouth to respond, the door to the stockroom swings on its hinges and you stumble out while whistling. The moment would normally make Joel chuckle, the way you’re completely carefree is somewhat endearing to him. But right now, he can’t help but worry that something else has happened to make you upset, and this time you’ve taken a coping mechanism out of his book.

Your mouth forms a perfect circle, surprise washing over your expression as you look around for anyone to share your reaction. A small burp comes from behind the hand you put up to your mouth, down turning your gaze away from him. Feet shuffle along to Joel, arms crossing over your chest as if the warmth in your chest will heat you up like sitting in front of a fire.

“Well, hello there, darlin’. Feeling good?” He chuckles lightly to hide his concern, Tommy backing up from the two of you and quickly making an exit from what is bound to be a bit of an awkward moment.

Painted smile on your face that doesn’t reach your eyes, hand reaching for his as a hiccup shoots from your chest.

“Guess so. Turned my brain off for the night, ‘was nice.” It was just what he was panicked about. That you had done what he had done so many months ago, gotten drunk out of his mind to grapple with all the remorse he had felt constantly.

He hated that you felt the same. He was the reason you were going through this. His actions hurt you, even beyond the time that you were his secret. He failed to pull you out with himself, leaving you to take on the weight of all that he had done, sinking you deeper while he had made it to the surface.

A stiff smile stretches across his face, hand reaching for the small of your back to guide you home.

“Alright, let’s get you home, sweet girl. Think you might need to clock out for the night.” He sends Tommy a wave and you turn to do the same, tripping over your feet. Joel catches you at your waist, righting you on your way out. He keeps a hand on you, eyes trained on your profile to keep watch. You keep your stare ahead, silencing falling over the two of you.

The fresh air has sobered you up some, thoughts infesting your mind again. The alcohol has kept you from getting back into the act that you’ve kept up around Joel, even working your blood to boil with anger towards him for the words that have been branded into your heart.

I ain’t got any regrets.

“Fucking bullshit.” You think out loud and the words stop Joel in his tracks. Brows furrow in confusion as his lips pucker to one side.

“What’s that, darlin’?”

“It’s fucking bullshit, Joel.”

He laughs apprehensively, unsure of where this is going. The words cut with bitterness behind them, and he can see in your eyes there’s pain burning.

“I’m sorry, baby, but I’m gonna need a little more from you.” He tilts his head to the side, the line between his brow deepening.

You can’t hold it in any longer, a river of anguish, guilt, pain, and more rushing out of you.

“How you just can get over it! We can just act like everything’s fine and nothing is fucked up about the way we got together! And you can feel all the relief of not having to hide an affair from your wife anymore and not hiding me, but now I’ve been passed the massive fucking weight. Now I’m known as the homewrecker, the slut, the mistress. You’re still Joel. It’s always ‘There’s Joel and the homewrecker. She’s so bold to be able to be with him after she broke apart a marriage.’ It feels like I’m barely keeping my head above water sometimes like this huge sea of guilt is going to drown me. I can’t understand how you can just have no regrets about it all when it’s hurt me so much. How I loved you, still love you so fucking much despite how much pain you’ve given to me. Purposefully or not, it all hurts the same. I’m so glad that you can show everyone that you love me, but I can’t keep pretending like we’re the picture-perfect couple and make a home together and live life now without addressing all of this shit. I can’t just pretend to be cool about it anymore.”

Tears have poured out of your eyes in the middle of everything, mixing with the runny nose that you sniffle back. You probably look a mess, but you can’t bring yourself to wipe it away. You want the sight to face Joel along with your words. You need him to see it all, to realize how much you’ve been harboring, how badly you need him to take some of the weight off of your chest before the water fully fills your lungs and takes you under completely.

Joel's tears burn his own eyes as he sees exactly what his stupidity has caused. He thought he could help you get over it by acting like he had moved on in hopes that you would do the same. That you guys could start fresh, leave it all behind. It was another stupid choice that he’d made. Of course, you couldn’t leave everything in the past; the way you built your relationship was in secret, hidden away. Of course, you should have been given reassurance when the two of you could finally be together. He should’ve shut everyone up instead of hoping that the insults and rumors would die out. Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve.

He had more regrets now than he ever did.

His voice is thick when he finally responds, hand reaching up to grasp at the nape of your neck and the other on your cheek, holding your gaze in his.

“Of course I have regrets. I said that to try to put that thought in your head. I thought if you heard that I felt that way, you would start to feel it, too. That you could let go, be the carefree, light person that I fell in love with. That I am in love with. I am so sorry that you feel like you are carrying this all by yourself. I have so much remorse for the past. I tell myself every day that if I could go back, I would have never doubted what we could be together. That you loved me completely, that I wouldn’t fail you. I choose you, over it all. I love you so much, and I am so sorry that I’ve hurt you. You don’t ever have to pretend around me. I’m the only other person who could understand what you’re feeling, I want you to tell me everything. Yell at me, cry about it to me, whatever you need to do. But please, don’t keep it from me. I should’ve reassured you. I should’ve been honest with you. I should’ve protected you, told everyone in this fucking town what I think of anything they have to say. I am so sorry that I failed you. You’re it for me. This has to work. I will do anything to make this work and to make you happy, 'cause I have no clue what I’d do without you. I finally have my shot at a life with you, and I’m not giving that up.”

His words drive a knife into your chest - you realize that his biggest fear has come true. He’s failed you. Or thinks he’s failed you.

Yes, his actions have hurt you, but for a long time, you were choosing the pain. And yes, you’ve taken on the guilt for both of you, and you realize you are still choosing the pain, but this time it's all too much to take on alone.

Not once did you think he failed you. You’ve thought you would fail him, dull him, lose him. That you couldn’t work through your own shit to be happy with him. Both of you have avoided communicating and miscommunicated at the same time.

The two of you have been so absorbed in trying to give the other what you thought they needed, that you’ve ended up doing the opposite.

Truth was, that you both needed the same things from each other. You needed the other to fully knock down the walls, to be vulnerable, to be honest. You both tried so hard to placate the other, to make the other one feel better about everything, that you’ve ended up on completely opposite ends.

You can’t help but laugh. Only the two of you could be so troubled with trying to make the other happy, at ease, or content that you end up making it worse. It hasn't been easy for the last year and a half, and as soon as it could be, you've found ways to complicate it.

Joel stares at you quizzically, the sound relaxing his concern. He can’t help the grin that tugs at his lips, shaking his head in disbelief at you.

“Okay, did I say something funny? Or wrong? Is this whole thing about to be over and you’re laughing maniacally?”

That makes you giggle more, tears of laughter now rolling down your perked-up face. You catch your breath, inhaling a few times through your chuckles to finally calm down enough to speak. You press your hands to his chest in reassurance, shaking your head with a genuine smile aching your cheeks.

“No, no. Absolutely not. That was - that was exactly what I needed to hear. I just - I’m sorry, I’m laughing because we are both so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid, sweet girl, it’s only me --”

“Nah, uh huh. Both. I don’t mean to call you stupid, maybe silly is a better word. We’ve just -- we’ve been so focused on trying to spare the other, to make the other happy that we’ve totally missed what we both needed. And what we need from each other is exactly the same.”

“And what is that?” His confusion has lessened, but still hasn’t left. What’s vanished has been replaced with a content smirk quipped up to the side.

“Being honest. Being vulnerable. Communicating. I should have told you how I was feeling this whole time so that you could understand, and I should have known that I could come to you even though I thought I would be a burden. I'm sorry I didn't realize that sooner. We're in this together.”

The light bulb goes off for him, eyes brightening as he comes to his own realization.

“No need to apologize, darlin'. Like you said, 'm just as guilty in this mess. We chose each other -- we should be partners, not adversaries. I should’ve been honest about how I felt about everything that happened. I shouldn’t've pretended everything was fine.”

You nod, tender smile as you stare into his eyes. Your expressions have softened, tears have dried, and every bit of pain has been replaced with forgiveness, perspective, and love. Joel chuckles himself, and you break into a fit of giggles together.

“God, we really are a pair of fools, huh?” Joel’s voice is light, teeth pulling his bottom lip under them as he gazes down at you in his arms.

“Wound up as bad comedians mocking our own lives. The creators of our own suffering.”

“Wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else, darlin’. But, do you think we could come up with something new? Maybe something actually fun?”

That makes you laugh again, Joel’s chest warming at your joy. His hands fall from your neck and face, snaking around your waist to hold you close. You nod in agreement with a gentle, content grin.

“Only the good stuff from here on out. Maybe we can even sprinkle in some shitty puns?”

“Oh yeah? Got any on your mind? Hit me, I’ll decide if it gets added to the act.”

You think for a moment, a cheeky smirk twisting your mouth.

“Hmm…how about “You must be a planet, and I must be a moon, 'cause I totally revolve around you!”

Joel’s head rolls back with a grumble of laughter, a grimace on his face once he looks at you again, shaking his head.

“'M sorry, darlin’, but that is so bad.”

“Okay, well you try it then!” The two of you start your walk back to your home, tangled up in each other. You pinch his side at the rejection, looking up expectantly.

“What did Neil Armstrong say when no one laughed at his moon jokes? I guess you had to be there!” He laughs as if it’s the funniest thing, and the dad joke gives you the slightest chuckle.

“Oh, c’mon, how is that any better than mine?”

“Cause it’s actually funny! Can’t help that I’m such a natural-born comic.”

“That is such a lie. You definitely got that from ‘No Pun Intended: Volume Too.’ I know your sources, Miller.”

“Fine, fine. You got me there. Guess we'll just have to let Ellie choose the winner.”

You smile at the thought of returning home to her, warmth in your chest melting some of the guilt away as you reach the door. The two of you tumble inside together, giggling away. You toe off your shoes, and Joel watches from the entryway as he unties his boots. Flopping down on the couch next to his daughter, you’re immediately rolling into the story behind the little competition that she’s going to be the judge of. He takes in the sight under the warm lamplight, happiness swelling in his chest as he watches the two people in front of him start to playfully bicker back and forth about the best kind of joke.

It might not be a sheep ranch on the moon, but it’s certainly his dream come true.

taglist: @joelsversion @swiftispunk @beskarandblasters @aleatoria2000 @thelightnessofthebeing @mangosandmimosas @runestavia @dianaffddz @beee-haw @bigboiseason123 @xyz32 @mrsvedder12 @tuquoquobrute @moriartyyouwhore @justsumtuffstuff @tryingtonotcryconstantly @alymaliktommo @cambleuu @iwrotethissky @pascalislove @pedr0swh0r3 @agentwhiskeysgf @jenna-ortega @juniperandthornz @wildwollff @pascals-djarin @missfeanor @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @lil-stark @gracie7209 @pedrostories @nic0lodean @mymultiveres @v-mack @theelishad @cutie-with-that-booty @danelleee @harriedandharassed @mingiast (tagging some more mutuals, lmk if you want to be removed <3) @johnwatsn @undrthelights @ladamedusoif @pedrit0-pascalit0 @ruinedbylanadelrey @thetriumphantpanda @pedgeitopascal @midnightswithdearkatytspb @dinsdjrn @thepascalofus @pedgito @soaringcloud @somedayauthor @alloftheimagines @pr0ximamidnight

#joel #joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x yn #tlou fanfiction #tlou fanfic #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fanfic #me #writing

[trulybetty]

Strings | II

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!Reader Word Count: 2,175 Warnings: mature content, friends with benefits or more maybe acquaintances with benefits? Mentions of alcohol, angst, p in v (wrap it up) Summary: While it's not unusual for you to cancel a night on your agreed arrangement with Joel, it is unusual for him to have the feelings he's having over your possible reason for cancelling. AO3: Link

x. strings masterlist

Strings II

The Tipsy Bison was busy for a Thursday night, not that anyone these days subscribed to a normal nine-to-five work week anymore. Joel had arrived hoping the drink and the noise would be enough to distract him from your absence. He enjoyed quiet, but the quiet of the house that night had been deafening.

Life in this post-apocalyptic world was filled with the unpredictable, and your arrangement was no different. But, that night, you were not available, you had told him. This wasn't unusual, as both of you had cancelled before. Even though it was rare, it was still part of your arrangement - an arrangement with no strings attached.

Right?

The bright warmth of the bar was a stark contrast to the blistery cold outside. Pulling off his gloves and shoving them in his pockets, Joel made his way to the far end of the aged oak bar. He may have sought out noise and warmth to distract from the silence of his home, but it didn’t mean he wanted company.

Not that anyone in Jackson was falling over themselves to make his acquaintances. 

His gruffness and his discomfort with the ‘normality’ the people of Jackson seemed to live with made him uncomfortable. While he knew his experiences weren’t the exception to the rule, it also ensured that he wouldn’t be so easily convinced of the safety Jackson offered in exchange for keeping his guard down. 

He heard your laughter ringing above the hum of conversation and clinking glasses before he saw you.

He noticed your radiant expression first, framed by a backdrop of laughter and movement, as you were spun around in the arms of a man he recognized from the stables. You let out a vibrant, wholesome laugh as your dance partner theatrically dipped you down and brought you back up again. Your eyes sparkled, and the creases at the corners of your eyes seemed to highlight your joy even more so.

The sight sent a surprising jolt of jealousy through him, a sensation that he had not felt in a very long time. The agreement between you two had been clear from the beginning, yet the sight of your smiling face turned towards another man, set off a surge of possessiveness he hadn’t known he was capable of. His fingers tightened around his glass, a low thrum of discomfort racing through his veins. He watched as the man's hand rested on your waist, spinning you around, your laughter echoing across the room.

The sounds of the bar faded into the background as he lost himself in the sight of your joy. He wondered if that was how you used to be before the world fell apart. 

Carefree. Unburdened.

He took a sip of his drink, his eyes involuntarily drifting back to you despite himself. The sight of your silhouette bathed in the warm glow of the muted lights of the bar really had been a punch to the gut. For the first time in a long time, Joel found himself craving more than the physical connection you shared.

However, your agreement was clear - you were not attached, not exclusive. Yet, seeing you so serene and happy in someone else's arms, it was as if he was watching a part of his life that he had decided he had no claim over, slipping away. 

You deserve more, he thought, a tinge of regret surfacing in his mind.

After all, he had no right to stake a claim, no right to feel possessive over something he had no hold on.

You were laughing again, your hand on your dance partner's chest, your eyes alight with a joy he hadn't seen in you before.

It was a joy he wasn’t sure he had it in himself to give you.

Do I deserve more? The question tugged at his thoughts, and the weight of his past sins pressed down on him like an anchor. He remembered the faces of those he had lost, the pain he had caused, the guilt that haunted him.

He was a man who carried the weight of his past like a cross, a burden he felt he deserved to bear. He had made poor decisions, and committed acts he wasn't proud of, in his mind, he deserved to pay for them. Happiness, he believed, was a luxury he couldn't afford, a reward he didn't deserve.

You deserve someone unburdened.

With a heavy sigh, he pushed away from the bar, as he stood he downed his drink in one go. 

The night air was sharp and bit at his exposed hands and face. The wind seemed to whisper, laughing in mockery at how he ever thought there could be more for him. The snow had started to come down heavier during his short stay inside the Tipsy Bison. The new snow made his feet feel heavy as it clung to his boots as if it were dragging him back home.

Joel didn’t know how long he’d been sitting in the silence of the solitude of his living room, but the knock on his door had been a startling disturbance. It echoed through the quiet, cutting through his thoughts. Opening the door, he was met with an unexpected sight - you, standing in the cold night, eyes determined.

He hadn’t arrived at the Tipsy Bison unnoticed.

Without a word, he stepped aside to let you in, your eyes intense, your gaze heavy with an urgency that he knew all too well. He closed the door behind you, sealing away the biting cold of the night.

You didn't waste any time. Barely a step into the warmth of his house, your hands were on him. Your coat discarded, your fingers pulling at his shirt, your mouth finding his in the semi-darkness. He responded in kind, his own hands reaching for your clothes, your bodies tangling together in a familiarity that had slowly grown between the two of you in the passing seasons.

Torn between his feelings about your arrangement, and what he thinks is best for you both, Joel hesitates. Even as his hands reached for your clothes, even as he pulled you closer, his body betrayed the turmoil in his mind. While it's you who initiated this encounter, he can't help but feel guilty. The image of you, alive with joy at the bar, fuelled a belief that you deserve more than he can offer - someone unburdened by past sins, someone free from the relentless ghosts that haunt him.

Yet, as your lips meet his and your fingers deftly unfasten his shirt, all his words of caution dissolve. Consumed by the moment, he yearns to lose himself in you, to escape the harsh reality of this inner turmoil, if only for one more night.

Just one more night.

You both had barely made it up the stairs and to the door of his bedroom before the majority of your clothes had been shed. With your hands on his belt sliding it through the loops of his jeans, the urgency grew. Joel's hands didn't leave your waist, his lips still pressed to your neck as he led you backwards to the bed.

He stood for a moment, eyes locked on you as you lay against the sheets as if it were the first time seeing you like this in his bed. Rather than feeling the shyness you'd had the first time you'd spent the night in his bed, the once-over of his eyes and the curl of the tiniest smirk at his lips only further increased your want for him.

The room, dimly lit by the glow of the makeshift street lights outside, cast a soft warm light that danced on your skin. The snow continued to fall softly outside, a silent audience to the spectacle unfolding within the confines of the bedroom you both occupied.

It wasn't long until your leg was hooked over his shoulder, his patchy beard grazing the soft skin of your inner thigh, sending a jolt of pleasure through your body. His hands were firm, his touch commanding as he navigated your body, his lips blazing a trail of pleasure in their wake.

Joel's name fell from your lips in a hushed whisper, echoing in the quiet room. It was a sweet sound, one that he would carry with him long after the night was over. 

His eyes fixed on you, watching the way the soft light played on your skin, casting shadows that he longed to explore. He marvelled at the sight of you, at the way your body arched under his touch, the way your eyes fluttered closed, the way your breath hitched in your throat.

You couldn't count how many times you'd been in this same position with him, it was a routine that had played out countless times, but each time felt new. Each time he discovered something different, something so intoxicatingly you. 

The lingering feelings from the bar still echoed in his mind, at war with the want to go slow, to savour the moment. However, urgency won out as his hips moved faster, his fingertips pressing into your hips to keep you close. The fervour of Joel's thrusts, the grunts of his exhaustion filling the room, the scent of sweat, and the heat between you both that pushed the cold away was a heady mix that you soon found yourself getting lost in.

And yet, amidst the tangled dance of your bodies, amidst the heated whispers and shared glances, Joel still found himself yearning for more. Yearning for the unbridled joy he had seen on your face at the Tipsy Bison, yearning for the laughter and smiles he had seen as you spun around, dancing with another man. 

It was a stark contrast to the weary world you lived in, a stark contrast to the man he had become. A man who was too weary, too old, too broken for this.

Your hands let go of his shoulders to push yourself against the headboard of the bed, the fever of his thrusts growing in a delicious intensity meant his strokes felt shallow and you craved the depth his hips were seeking purchase for. He took the opportunity to allow his fingers to find a home between your bodies, his thumb aiding in the pressure against your core. You whimper as a familiar heat starts to build at your hips, which only serves to spur Joel on. One hand is firm on your hip while his other is splayed across your stomach, his thumb still stroking lazy circles which belay the tempo Joel has set with his hips. Your head falls back and your hips move in tandem with his as you reach for your own release.

It didn't take long, and with a final breathless cry, you felt yourself come undone.

But Joel continued, his mind clouding him from finding his own release.

He had allowed this arrangement to become more than it was supposed to be, to venture past the boundaries of your original agreement. The dinners, the shared drinks on the porch, the late-night conversations that were laced with a level of intimacy he hadn't thought possible. It was the comfort of companionship, the comfort of shared experiences, the comfort of being seen and understood.

Tonight, after witnessing your carefree joy at the Tipsy Bison, he realized you deserved that pure, unburdened happiness he could no longer provide. While he had been vigilant about the safety of Jackson, he hadn't been as careful in navigating the true nature of your agreement.

He watched you beneath him, his fingers tracing familiar paths on your skin, his body moving with a rhythm born of shared nights of intimacy. He saw the way you clung to him, saw the way you gave yourself over to the moment. And it filled him with a warmth he didn’t know could still exist, a warmth that seeped into his weary soul, a warmth that was challenging the walls he had built around himself.

Finally finding his own release in the gentle coaxing of his name from your lips, he braced himself above you. He sighed your name as his eyes closed in contentment as your body continued its pulse around him. He couldn't bring himself to move away just yet; just a minute longer.

But Joel was a man who had seen too much, felt too much, lost too much. He understood the fleeting nature of moments, understood the risks of wanting more, and understood the consequences of crossing lines. 

Tonight, he wouldn't tell you. Tonight, he would savour the moment, savour the feel of your body against his, savour the sound of his name on your lips. Tonight, he would let himself dream, let himself believe. Tonight, he would lose himself in the rhythm of your bodies, in the intimacy of your shared secrets, in the heat of your passion. Tonight, he would let himself feel, let himself believe that love could be there for him.

Tomorrow, he would face reality.

Tonight, Joel wouldn't tell you. 

Tonight, he would savour. 

Tomorrow, Joel would cut the strings.

#joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #strings!joel x reader #strings!joel

[gh0vtzb1og]

Cowpoke pt 1. COWBOY AU / SIMON RILEY X FEM READER

‘Cause I drift with the wind, no one cares where I go.’

‘Ridin the Broncs in the big rodeo’

Notes; teasing, degradation, misogyny

(Cowpoke by colter wall goes well with this series, I suggest listening to them:)

(If you cannot tell I am a country boy/girl, I do barrel racing and farm work. I dress completely country)

You hopped out of the pitch black Chevy that had driven you out to this little ranch out in Montana. The sky above you littered with kisses of white fluffy clouds, the sun smiling down upon you as you looked around the ranch. The Silverado had driven off after you grabbed your stuff from it, a duffel bag of clothes, your straw cowboy hat, and that was about it. You didn’t need much.

The gravel underneath your boots crunched as you walked down the driveway and into the ranch, it was a massive plot of land, the owner said he’d pay you to work on it, his name was Simon Riley if you remembered correctly. Big livestock producer, they raised beef cows. Their herds were massive but maintained, having hundreds of acres to roam.

You continued down the road, seeing the neatly kept scenery that covered the main path, you didn’t know what you were in for. A whinny of a horse from behind you broke the silence of you crunching the gravel, you spun around. Your face meeting a bay mare. She snorted in your face, one of the ranch hands stared down at you from their mounted place on the steed.

“Ya lost lil lady? Dont think you were invited out here were ya missy?” He questioned, circling you on his horse. He was a dark skinned male, hair well kept and short. A brown hat laid neatly on his head as he held onto his reins, his mare chewing on her bit. She looked strong, and mean.

“Here for a job, did Mr Riley not expect me to be coming?” You question, his face immediately filled with confusion, like he had never heard that you were coming. The ranch hand grabbed onto his horses reins, starting to walk away.

“Main house is down the path. He’ll meet you there.” And with that the cowboy rode off, never telling you his name, nobody seemed to be friendly here. The deer, the elk, the bears, the wolves, the bison. Nothing here seemed like it wanted an outsider. Sure you weren’t from the city, you were from a small town. But seeing this ranch? It was 10x the size of your home town.

You moved further into the property, once you got near the main house you saw a man with a Mohawk, his eyes landing on you as him and the masked man beside him paused. Staring at you with curiosity, the man with the Mohawk whispering to the masked man, both looking at you.

You step up onto the porch, both men towering over you.

“Is Mr Riley here, I was supposed to discuss with him about me working here, he said to come, so I did.” You spoke clearly, the masked man stepped forward, taking off his hat from his head and reaching out to shake your hand.

“I’m him. It’s nice to meet you (we will decide on a name, leave ideas in comments), I’m sure you will be a great help on this ranch. After you get settled in, in the bunk house, you’ll go to the stable and pick out a horse, course you gotta earn it first. I’m sure you will though.” He spoke as you both shook hands, his hand was much massive than yours. The man with the Mohawk watched you both.

“This man right here is John. He’ll take you down to the stable to get settled in.” Simon nodded to the ranch hand who left the porch. The rancher nodded to you, signaling to follow the Scot.

John stood about 6’1. He was walking at a quick pace, more so curious on how the boys would react to you. Once you both stopped at the bunk house he stepped in first, the building was a cabin like house, once you stepped in you were greeted with a small kitchen, 12 beds, or 6 bunks in all. All the men inside the bunk house stopped to just stare at you. (Soap)

One with a beard. Short hair, he was about 6’3. He cocked an eyebrow at the sight of you, this would be interesting. (Price)

Another man had black hair, he stopped mid conversation to look at you with another bunk mate. His voice was full of a Spanish accent, he was Mexican from what you could tell. Standin at about 6’2 (Alejandro)

The brown skinned male stood by the other guys, he was 6’0ft. A smile on his face which quickly faded at the sight of you, he didn’t seem too pleased. (Gaz)

And then there was an American, he had blonde hair and blue eyes, a scar on his left cheek from a cut wound it looked like. 6’2. (Graves)

And a few other randoms scattered here and there.

“You here to wash dishes? It would give us more time to work on the ranch, you know, the man’s work.” One of them called out, all of them followed with a laugh at the snarky remark. You looked around for free bunks, quickly snagging one and starting to unpack, you made sure to not let your hat touch your bed. Even if it was just a myth, better to be safe than sorry.

The Scot Called out, “(___), this is Kyle, john but he prefers price, Philip or graves, Alejandro, and a few others. Hopefully you’ll settle in just fine, we like our pillows fluffed before we come back in for the night though.” He teased degradingly, gaz graves and Alejandro laughing along with the joke. Like hyenas.

You grabbed your hat, putting it on your head and quickly leaving the bunk house, listening as the men laughed at their awful jokes. You made your way up to the main house, Simon was sitting on the porch.

“You get along good?” He questioned, raising an eyebrow at the way your face looked, disappointed and frustrated. “Hm, I see. Why don’t we go get you a horse, something to your liking.” He stood up, Simon stood at a staggering 6’5 he put his hand on your lower back, noticing the way you jolted away from his hand.

He took notice of that, you seemed skittish when touched. Simon led you down to the stable, “most of these horses are broke, but I’ll tell you what, you stay on it while it’s bucking. I’ll give it to you, free of any charge. But you gotta stay on for 8 seconds.”

-

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