#racing jobs sydney

[youunravelme]

to all the girls you've loved before part six

author's note: okay......so i can explain. i know it's been like four months, but i swear it wasn't on purpose and tbh i lost track of time. so here's it is after months of waiting. i promise i didn't forget about it, i just had other projects i was working on (like the 30k words i wrote for two separate fics) that really took up most of my inspiration. there is a time jump in this, but not a huge one. but enough excuses! here's to part six (which is 9.4k words, i figured y'all deserved it)!

pairing: single dad!mat barzal x reader

summary: being a nanny for rich people was probably the worst thing that ever happened to you, until you started working for mat.

warnings: children, rich people, fear of falling in love, moving into angst city baby

day forty-five

you woke up in an unfamiliar place. disoriented, you looked around, noting that it was still dark outside. there was a weight around your waist that was familiar in the sense that you'd felt that sensation before, but unfamiliar in that it smelled like someone new. your heart started racing at the feeling, until you recognized it for what it was: an arm.

your heart rate settled for a moment until you blinked and realized that while you were at home, you were in a different room and considering there was no crib, you could only make one leap in logic:

it was mat's room.

jason's words came back to haunt you almost immediately.

he'll get bored of you eventually. people always do.

your hands felt clammy as you slowly slid out of mat's hold. your knees were shaking. the air was too thick to breathe evenly, but you knew if you started hyperventilating in mat's room, he might wake up and freak out with you.

so you took some shaky breaths and then booked it back to your room.

you stared up at the ceiling for two hours until ella woke up. immediately, you got up, thankful for a distraction from the conflict brewing inside your chest.

when you opened your bedroom door, mat was standing across the hall in his own doorway. his hair was disheveled and his white tee shirt was askew, but it was clear he had the same thought as you.

the two of you stared at each other until one of ella's cries snapped you both back to reality.

"i'll get her," you said quickly before darting into ella's room and ignoring the feeling of his eyes on you. they burned into your back like someone was steaming the clothes hanging off your body.

in the crib, ella was kicking her legs and flapping her arms as much as her sleep sack would allow. and for a moment, you forgot the momentary discomfort at the sight of her gummy smile.

"good morning, sweet girl," you crooned. you reached into the crib and unzipped her sleep sack before picking her up and into your arms. she immediately snuggled into your chest, tucking her head under your chin.

you changed her diaper before heading out to the kitchen where mat was cooking eggs.

you wouldn't look him in the eye, just focused on getting ella into the high chair. mat walked past you, putting her plate of fruit on her high chair tray. it was the closest you'd been since that morning in his bed. and while it was technically innocent, it didn't feel innocent.

as much fun as he was, you'd forgotten that mat was still technically your boss, a friend too, but your boss nonetheless. and sleeping in his bed, regardless of how much you believed you needed it, was a mistake.

you couldn't lose this job, lose ella, lose sydney, but you didn't think you could handle losing mat. not entirely.

so you'd settle for losing the smaller moments of closeness. you'd stay professional with him if only for the sake of keeping your heart and income safe.

god, you hated thinking of him just as an income, but jason's words rang in your head like a small town church bell at noon. was he just waiting to sleep with you? was he just taking pity on you?

it was too early to get a headache.

you sat in a chair next to ella and checked your phone for any messages when a plate was placed in front of you with eggs made in the way you loved and a piece of toast.

"it was all i could manage without giving you food poisoning," mat said sheepishly.

you said a quiet thanks and turned your attention back to your phone, missing the way mat's face contorted into a frown.

"what do you have planned for today?" he asked, taking the seat across from you.

you shrugged, not feeling too keen on going out in public after what happened the night before. you weren't stupid, logically you knew new york was a large city and the odds of running into natalie or jason were slim, but you saw them last night and you weren't too eager to chance repeating the same thing.

"i think we'll just take it easy, stay home and hang out," you said. the words what about you were sitting on the tip of your tongue, but you kept your mouth shut.

mat hummed as he took a bite of his toast. "i'm gonna go work out with tito before practice, and then i think we have some interviews or media to do," he said.

you nodded but said nothing. when ella finished her breakfast, which looked like her tossing eggs onto the floor, you scooped the plate up and hurried back into the kitchen, excited to do something more than just sitting in a room with mat. you started washing the plate, not even thinking about the dishwasher three feet away.

"i can get that," he said, reaching around you and grabbing the plate straight out of your hands. he placed in in the dishwasher before grabbing the broom and sweeping up the eggs on the floor as he cooed at his daughter.

your heart lurched in your chest at the sight, at the view of him being so gentle and doting. you cleared your throat and dusted your clean hands on your pants to keep them from doing something stupid like pulling mat to you and asking him to hold you like he did last night.

"i hate to rush off," mat started as he placed the broom back in its corner and washed his hands. "but i told tito i'd actually be on time today." he got ella out of her high chair and kissed her chubby cheeks. "dada loves you ella bean," he said before approaching you.

you did your best to prepare for eye contact. but the bottom line was as soon as you met his eyes, you couldn't move, couldn't breathe.

he was the prettiest man you'd ever seen, with an even bigger heart.

you snapped out of it when ella reached for you, focusing on how her downy brown hair was growing longer, instead of how she was a complete carbon copy of her father.

for a second, you almost felt bad for her birth mother, nine months of being pregnant, all that labor, only for ella to look just like mat.

but then you remembered that same woman dropped her daughter off with him with just a note, and any lingering feelings of empathy and pity immediately vanished.

you took ella and scampered off to her room, ready to get out of mat's presence.

the two of you were playing with some of her toys when you heard mat call out a goodbye before the door shut behind him.

it wasn't until the lock clicked that you could finally breathe.

day fifty-five

"are you coming to the game tonight?" sydney asked over the phone.

you had your cellphone tucked between your shoulder and your ear as you prepped ella's lunch for the day. the baby in question was babbling to herself when she wasn't stuffing her face with the cheerios you gave her until you could give her lunch.

"uh..." you hesitated, trying to play it off like you were too focused on mashing up bananas.

"oh come on," sydney said. "i feel like i haven't seen you in forever."

"you saw me last week."

"that was seven days ago. you didn't even come to the game earlier this week. what was that about?"

the words were on the tip of your tongue, the truth dangled in front of you like low hanging fruit, but you couldn't get yourself to say it. not in his home, not when he would be getting home shortly, not in front of ella, even though she would never be able to repeat it.

sydney said your name. "are you there?"

you sighed through the receiver. "i'll be there."

"great! i'll pick you up!" she said before hanging up.

you and ella ate in silence until mat came through the front door. ella immediately squealed and threw her bananas in the air, some of which landed in her hair, other pieces ended up on the floor.

"ella bean!" mat smiled as he dropped his things on the ground.

he walked over and you shot up out of your seat to walk into the kitchen under the guise of grabbing paper towels to clean up her mess.

"how was she?" mat asked, taking over your job in supervising his daughter eating her lunch.

you shrugged even though he couldn't see you. "she's been fine. it's been a normal day."

"are you coming to the game tonight?" he asked. truthfully, he'd asked you earlier that morning, or maybe the word begged was a better word to use. you could tell he was disappointed that you hadn't gone to his game earlier that week, but he was never going to pressure you.

"yeah, we're riding with sydney."

"do you have anything to wear?" he asked.

your back was turned, so you didn't see the hopeful gleam in his eye. so when you shrugged and said "sydney said she would get me a shirt," you didn't see the way his shoulders sagged and how the corners of his mouth turned down.

when you turned back around, he was back to looking happy.

you started cleaning up the banana off the floor while mat handed ella her water cup.

"she takes a nap right after lunch, right?"

you looked up at him to find him already staring at you. his hazel eyes felt like they could see right through you, like they could tell you were pulling away and wanted to know why.

you nodded, rendered speechless by his gaze.

"i'll put her down, i've missed her." he booped her nose which made her immediately shriek and squeal. "i don't have to be at the arena for another two hours, so you're free to do whatever."

you expected as much, after his first long roadie, mat wanted to do everything concerning ella. considering he got back earlier that week before having a home game two days later, he hadn't been as present as he would like.

and the result was always a clingy mat.

"sounds good," you said.

maybe you'd text sydney to hang out at a coffee shop for the time being. or maybe you'd lock yourself in your room under the guise of napping while you stared at the ceiling and wondered how you got into this situation.

as ella finished up, the idea hit you immediately.

erin, the woman who you nannied for first.

when mat put ella down, you snuck out the front door and across the hall, praying she would be home. you knocked and waited, fully expecting to turn around and go back to mat's apartment.

you stood outside for all of five minutes before turning back around and heading back into mat's apartment.

"everything okay?" mat asked when you walked back inside the apartment. he was just coming from putting ella down if having one of the baby monitors in his hand was any indication.

"yeah, i'm fine," you said. "i'm just gonna go lay down for a little while."

"oh," he replied. "thought we could watch one of those reality shows you like. felt like i haven't seen you in awhile."

you gave him a small smile. "rain check? i'm really tired."

mat smiled back, though it wasn't as confident as it usually was. if you looked hard enough, you could see the edges of it shake, like he was doing his best to keep up appearances.

but you headed back to your room before you could do something stupid like apologize for the emotional distance and ask for forgiveness.

you got got into bed and stared at the ceiling, only taking your gaze off of it to turn your baby monitor on. you weren't sure how long you were in that borderline comatose state, just repeating jason's cutting words in your head, when ella woke up.

you got up when she cried, fully expecting mat to be gone by then, considering it had been an hour and a half. but you walked into ella's room to see him pulling her out of her crib in his game day suit.

and it should've been illegal to see him snuggle and kiss her cheeks. to witness him cooing back at her as he changed her diaper. you leaned against the door frame, unable to keep your heart from soaring at the sight. just to think, a month and a half ago, he was terrified, now he was changing a diaper like he'd done it his entire life.

he didn't notice you until he turned around and nearly jumped ten feet in the air at the sight of you standing there. "jesus fucking christ," he said. "you scared me."

you couldn't help yourself. "you don't say," you quipped with a grin tugging at the corners of your lips.

mat closed the distance between the two of you and passed off ella. "i hate to run, but--"

"you don't have to explain yourself to me," you said. "we'll see you later."

he nodded and booked it out of the room, but not before pressing a kiss to the side of ella's head.

you heard the door lock behind you a beat later.

you and ella spent the rest of the afternoon lounging around before it was time to start getting ready for the game. you had her dressed in her barzal jersey and a coat while you slapped on a pair of jeans and a tank top, waiting for sydney to bring you the shirt you'd end up wearing.

it was a quarter to six when sydney knocked on the door. she had her daughters with her. winnie immediately went to see ella, who was sitting in her playpen with one of her toys in her mouth.

"you look cute," sydney commented before tossing the shirt at you. without even thinking about it, you tugged the shirt over your head and threw on the jacket you had laid out on the couch.

"so do you," you replied while slinging the diaper bag over your shoulder. you quickly scooped ella up and looked at sydney. "you ready?"

she nodded as the two of you got three kids out to her suv. you had ella in one arm, her car seat in the other, with her diaper bag weighing heavily on your shoulder.

fifteen minutes had passed by the time you got all the girls in the car and strapped in yourselves. you thought everything was normal until sydney turned the music on a little louder and looked at you from the corner of her eye.

"what's going on with you and m-a-t," she spelled out his name probably as a precaution to prevent winnie from picking up any details.

you froze, but tried to play it off. "what do you mean?"

sydney rolled her eyes. "don't play dumb. you asked me for a shirt to wear tonight instead of raiding his closet like you usually do. you didn't go to the game earlier this week under some flimsy excuse."

you sighed, knowing you had been caught.

but sydney wasn't done.

"not to mention, m-a-t asked me what happened at the bar because you'd been distant ever since and hadn't talked to him about it." sydney sighed. "i'm not mad," she said. "i just want to know what's going on with you, i thought things were going well. you two seemed..."

you looked over at the blonde. "seemed like what?"

she shrugged. "just thought you two were a good fit is all."

you groaned. "syd--"

"but we don't have to talk about it, i just think you need to have a conversation with him sooner rather than later."

whatever you had to say was cut off by winnie screaming out the lyrics of baby shark.

the five of you arrived with an hour left until the puck drop. thankfully, the wags rented a suite which meant you didn't have to contend with a huge crowd and ella didn't have to feel confined to just one seat the entire night.

grace along with the other wags greeted you and ella with grace offering to take ella from you in exchange for a margarita, an offer you couldn't turn down.

when the boys came out for warmups, you went with sydney and her daughters and ella down to the ice. ella fought the headphones on her head, she kept reaching for them but you had to pull her little hands away so she wouldn't hurt her ears.

it took a few seconds for matt martin to spot the five of you before he was skating over and waving at his daughters and wife. he smiled at you and ella, tapping the glass once before continuing his warm ups. it was seconds later when your mat showed up with a big smile on his face. ella shrieked, and though the sound was lost in the ruckus of the arena, mat looked happier.

your eyes met and the noise died down, even if it was for a brief moment.

you okay? he mouthed.

you nodded and gave him your most convincing smile. it seemed to do the trick because he was beaming back at you as he skated away backwards, eyes locked on yours.

you turned away and caught sydney staring with a smirk. and while she didn't say anything, you could almost hear her train of thought.

when the game finally started, you were all back in the suite. ella was clinging to you, refusing even the idea of being held by someone else. you couldn't blame her, it was getting close to her bedtime and she was always clingy around that time.

you did your best to pay attention to the puck, to the other players on the ice, but your eyes kept finding 13 whether he was on the bench or the ice. he kept glancing around the ice, probably following the puck like you should be, and occasionally talking to his teammates.

you turned when someone nudged you. grace was standing there with a cup of ice water in her hands. "do you wanna sit?" she asked. "i know your arm is getting tired." you smiled and nodded thankfully, following her over to a pair of seats.

she let you sit in silence for just a moment before she started talking. "are you okay? you seem lost in thought tonight."

part of you wanted to be annoyed with the constant interrogation. no one had ever asked you this many times if you were alright. but that thought alone had your heart lurching.

no one had ever checked on you this many times like sydney, grace, and mat had. it was an unusual feeling, and one that made your heart beat faster in your chest while also making your stomach turn.

"i've just got a lot on my mind," you said, hoping the answer would suffice.

grace nodded, like she could recognize when it wasn't worth the effort to keep pestering. "if you ever need someone to talk to, i'm here. i know running into an ex is never fun."

you kept a straight face even though grace hit the nail on the head.

the game continued on with the islanders winning 6-2. but you had been so out of it, if anyone asked, you wouldn't be able to tell them who the isles played against.

you made your way down to the locker rooms with ella sleeping against your shoulder and the diaper bag slung over the other shoulder. you would've put her in the car seat, but after an earlier attempt ended in her crying and screaming for ten minutes before she fell back asleep, you decided to just hold her. grace had the car seat in one hand so you wouldn't have to carry it while holding winnie's hand with her other one so sydney could carry her diaper bag and her youngest.

the three of you waited with the other wags, making small talk amongst yourselves like you had all night.

anders came out first and kissed his wife before greeting everyone else. matt came out shortly after with casey. his attention was immediately drawn to winnie who ran into his legs with zero hesitation.

you waited for ten minutes before your mat came out with his game day suit on and wet hair. it felt as familiar as your mother's homemade cooking.

he smiled when he saw you, anything anthony was telling him didn't matter anymore.

"what'd ya think?" he asked.

"you played a good game."

his gaze drifted from your eyes to your lips then to the baby on your shoulder. his brows creased in confusion. "she didn't sleep in the car seat?"

"we tried, but she screamed and wouldn't settle unless i was holding her."

he nodded before adjusting the bag in his hand so he had a free one to scoop the car seat out of grace's grip. he nodded towards the diaper bag on your shoulder. "want me to carry that?"

"you saying i'm not strong enough to carry it by myself?" honestly, you were supposed to be keeping things professional between the two of you, but you just couldn't help but quip back at him. not when he made it so much fun.

mat rolled his eyes and took the bag off your shoulder and slung it over his own. "let's go home."

day sixty-eight

with christmas approaching, you were spending all of ella's nap times, packing your bags and wrapping presents. thankfully, you had the foresight to ship your family's christmas presents to your parents' house.

it was just a matter of wrapping mat and ella's presents.

you might've gone overboard with ella's presents, spending too much money on books and a stuffed animal you thought was cute. mat's present was different.

it was always gonna be different.

originally, you weren't even sure if you were going to get him a present considering you were trying to keep things professional. but sydney let it slip that his present to you was really thoughtful, so you immediately left the apartment as soon as mat got home.

in the end, the tie felt a little impersonal, but you added a note, heartfelt enough to not be insulting, but maintaining an air of professionalism. you kept the presents in your room, knowing mat wouldn't try to guess what you got him if it was out of sight.

mat had roped you into decorating for christmas, a tradition he hadn't honored since moving out to new york, but with it being ella's first christmas, he was going all out.

with ella's first christmas approaching, mat's family made plans to fly in two days before to attend the game. you made plans to leave the city so his family didn't have to get a hotel room and you could miss the christmas eve traffic.

your bags were packed by the door while mat got ella ready.

"who's driving you to the airport?" he asked at the dinner table the other night.

"no one," you said after you'd swallowed your food. "i'm taking an uber."

mat made a noise in the back of his throat. "no you're not. i'll drive you. what time do you have to be at the airport?"

"mat, it's not that serious."

"it is to me. so again, what time do you need to leave?"

mat came walking down the hallway with ella all bundled up against the cold weather that was raging just outside the window. snow flurries were falling down at a rapid rate, something that might've concerned you had mat, a canadian, not been the one to drive you.

he handed ella off to you before scooping your bags up in one hand and opening the front door with the other.

"you don't have to carry my bags, mat."

"well, you're carrying my child, so why would i make you carry bags on top of that?"

"you could've carried ella!"

"not when i was planning on carrying your bags! now let's go, you don't want to miss your flight, now do you?"

the three of you headed out to his car and loaded it up. mat placed your bags in the trunk while you strapped ella in before you both hopped in the front and headed towards the airport.

"you excited to see your family again?"

you nodded. "it'll be good to see everyone again."

"you don't have any relatives you'd rather avoid?"

you couldn't help it, a laugh burst out of your mouth without your permission. "actually not this time around but--"

an alert on your phone cut you off.

flight BA4739 has been cancelled due to a mechanical issue.

"you've gotta be shitting me," you said.

mat glanced at you before quickly turning his eyes back to the road. his attention, though, was still on you. "what happened?"

"my flight's cancelled."

mat eased into the right lane and began the drive to the apartment. "are there any flights you can catch?"

you were a step ahead of him, checking every possible flight out of jfk and shaking your head when you came up empty handed. "it doesn't look like it." you sighed and pressed your head against the head rest. "god, i'm sorry mat. i know your family is coming in tomorrow and this puts a dent in things."

he scoffed. "it's fine, just means they'll have to get a hotel, but i can take care of that easy."

your eyes shot open. "mat, don't put them in a hotel, i can find someone to stay with."

"i'm not kicking you out of our home. that's ridiculous."

you clenched your jaw to keep it from dropping at his statement. mat said it so plainly, it was almost like it wasn't a big deal.

"mat--"

"listen, you're not going to a hotel, that's final. when we get home, we'll check for the next flight out and i'll buy the tickets."

"you don't have to--"

"consider it my christmas present to you," he said like there weren't presents under the tree with your name carefully written on them.

you rolled your eyes, but there was a smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

when the three of you got back to the apartment, you grabbed ella while mat took the bags. the second you three were settled, you were pulling out your laptop and double checking for flights. when you couldn't find anything, you sighed and resigned yourself to a white christmas in new york.

day sixty-nine

you and ella were dancing to christmas music in the living room when the barzals came in through the door.

"let me see my grandbaby!" nadia said, dropping her purse on the couch.

you handed ella over immediately, though you hung around for a second to see if she would cry. but ella just smiled and stuck a fist in her mouth.

liana came through next, hugging you briefly before turning her attention to her niece.

a man who you'd never met but knew to be mat's father walked in carrying bags of his own with mat following behind him. you fully expected to be bypassed in favor of ella, and you wouldn't even blame him. but he stopped in front of you and placed the bags on the ground at his feet. with a heavy hand he'd placed on your shoulder, mike barzal began to speak.

"thank you," he said. "thank you for taking care of my son and my grandchild. when we heard the news, my wife and i were trying to figure out what to do, but then mat called a few days later and sang your praises." he squeezed your shoulder gently. "i can't tell you how much it means to us knowing that you're here taking care of ella and helping mat."

you managed a smile, not really having the words to communicate how much having mat and ella has changed your life.

mike squeezed your shoulder one more time before walking over to where his wife and daughter stood.

mat approached you next, the bags he carried in were resting by the door.

"i can sleep on the couch, or go out and buy an air mattress and sleep in ella's room," you said. "just say the word."

mat rolled his eyes and elbowed you lightly. "quit it. this is your home too, i'm not kicking you out."

"i hope i didn't hear you offering to vacate your room," nadia turned around and faced you, quirking an eyebrow. "we're not going to make you leave."

"you wouldn't be making me do anything, i'm offering--"

"and we're denying the offer," she said matter of factly. "there's a nice hotel not too far from here."

"i don't want to split up your family for christmas!"

nadia approached and with the arm not holding ella, she reached out and squeezed your hand. "sweetheart, you've been taking care of my babies, you're family to me now."

you swallowed the lump in your throat.

"i'm sorry you don't get to spend christmas with your family," she started. "but i'm glad i get to watch you open the presents we got you in real time."

your jaw dropped. "mrs. barzal you didn't have to--"

she shook her head. "you deserve to be appreciated, sweetheart." then she directed her attention to ella. "isn't that right, baby?"

liana turned her attention to you. "are you going to the game tonight?"

you shook your head. "i'm going to grace's to help with last minute decorations for the team christmas party."

"are you taking ella?"

you shrugged. "i figured i'd leave that up to you. i can take her if you'd rather focus on the game and not a cranky baby.

nadia pressed kisses to ella's cheeks, enough that the little girl shrieked with laughter. "let's play it by ear, if she's cranky before the game, she can go with you, if that's alright."

you smiled and nodded.

as the day went on, ella stayed in pretty high spirits, even when mat left to head to the arena. she took a lengthy nap which gave nadia enough confidence to take her to the game. you ubered to grace's house, a secret that was meant to stay between you and liana, who saw you ordering the ride.

you arrived at grace's house five minutes before the puck dropped. in true hockey wife fashion, she had the game pulled up in the living room so you could watch while you worked. sydney's daughters were camped out in front of an ipad, watching bluey while their mom came in and out of the room with bags of groceries. grace's daughters, you were told, were already in bed.

"where's the baby?" winnie asked when she saw you.

you couldn't help yourself and laughed. "she's at the game."

"why aren't you with her?"

you smiled and squatted down to look her in the eye. "her grandparents are watching her, so i came over here to help."

winnie furrowed her brows, scrutinizing you. "but you're her mom, you're supposed to be with her. my mom is always with me."

"i'm not ella's mom, winnie. i'm her babysitter. like when your parents go out sometimes and they have a babysitter watch you? that's my job."

"then where's her mom?"

you opened and closed your mouth a few times before you realized the words just failed you. there was no way to say the truth other than plainly.

so you shrugged and said "i don't know."

sydney and grace rounded the corner and smiled when they saw you, greeting you with hugs.

"so it shouldn't take too long," grace started. "we're just adding a few decorations, sydney's gonna help me in the kitchen with prepping some of the food for christmas." her attention turned to you. "do you think you can handle the decorations around the house? it should just be the downstairs and the railings up to the second floor. nothing too extravagant."

you looked at the totes of decorations numbering in three total on the floor. "i can do that," you said.

grace smiled wide. "thank you, thank you, thank you!"

you smiled back and immediately got to work. it wouldn't take you long, the house was already pretty decorated, but grace had gone about and beyond and insisted on getting stockings for every player's family still in town, which was more than half the team. there was a table in the front entrance where you put the players' stockings and laid them out in neat rows.

on the stockings, there was the last name of the player with names below it being members of their family. marty's had sydney's, winnie's, and alice's name below his own. sorokin's just had his own name. but you hesitated when you pulled mat's out of the tote.

barzal was in big letters with ella's name underneath.

and then your own.

you blinked over and over, thinking maybe you were hallucinating.

"i hope i didn't overstep!" grace's voice startled you out of your stupor. "when mat told me you were staying in town for the holiday, i went ahead and added your name. do you know if his parents and sister are joining us?"

you shook your head. the plan was you'd be with the barzals christmas eve and christmas morning, but christmas night, when you went to the lee's house, nadia, mike, and liana would stay back. as far as you heard, anders had extended the invitation, but they declined it, not wanting to impose.

grace nodded. "okay, sounds good then!" she made a move to walk away but stopped when she saw the look on your face. you weren't quite sure what she was seeing from her perspective, but your mind was racing and your feet felt like lead. "are you okay? you seem in your head."

you shrugged. "just trying to figure things out."

"is everything okay with mat? you two seemed fine not too long ago."

and you were. but you hadn't told sydney or grace about how you slept in the same bed as mat the night you ran into your ex. and you weren't going to share that now. they'd both read into it, think things were different than they actually were.

"i just miss my family," you said.

it was clear she didn't believe you, but thankfully, grace let it go. she walked back to the kitchen while you continued to lay out the stockings.

you finished with the stockings shortly after, not sparing another glance to the one with your name on it.

it took another thirty minutes to finish the decorating before you joined grace and sydney in the kitchen. you took a seat at the bar and watched them prepare some of the dishes for christmas. it was mostly just chopping and putting things into pans and oven safe dishes.

you were halfway listening to the chatter happening between the wives when your phone buzzed.

liana told me you ubered to anders'?

mat.

you texted back, a small smile on your face. sydney was already here, i didn't have a ride otherwise.

could've asked me to drop you off.

two hours early? no thanks.

well, stay there until the game is over. i'm picking you up.

you rolled your eyes, but still couldn't keep yourself from smiling.

"what's mat saying now?" sydney asked.

"huh?" you asked, head snapping up to see two smirking blondes staring back at you.

"mat," grace said. "what did he say?"

"how did you--"

"you only smile like that with him," sydney explained. "certainly never smiled like that around your ex, the one time i saw him with you."

at the mention of jason, your stomach churned, but you kept up appearances.

you, grace, and sydney were chatting on the couches when the front door opened with matt, anders, and mat walking in. winnie, who was originally dozing off, popped up from laying on the couch to see her father standing there. she smiled and ran over to him.

anders walked in the living room and kissed his wife.

which just left you and mat, staring at each other across the room and not saying a word.

"how was the game?" sydney asked.

all three of the hockey players shrugged in unision. "fine," anders said before collapsing on the couch next to his wife. "how was your night?"

grace looked at you and sydney before smiling and turning to her husband. "i'd say it was productive and fun." you and sydney hummed in response.

matt came and sat next to his wife and a sleeping alice who was in sydney's arms. which just left an empty spot next to you and mat who was still standing in the doorway.

"barzy, you gonna come sit or stand there awkwardly?" anders chirped.

almost like he was snapped out of a daze, mat walked over and took the seat next to you, leaving about four inches between your hips and his. almost immediately, he threw his arm over the back of the couch behind your head.

you turned and looked at him for a moment, forgetting about the other people in the room. "ella with your parents?"

he nodded. "i offered to take her, but my mom insisted on putting her down."

"did you score at all tonight?"

he grinned and nodded yet again, but it was marty who cut him off.

"should've seen him! two goals, one assist."

your jaw dropped as you looked back at mat. "that's insane!" he immediately beamed at your reaction. your eye contact was broken up when his phone vibrated. mat's face twisted into a frown before he stood up and offered you a hand.

"hate to rush off, but my mom just said ella keeps crying and won't go to sleep, so we gotta go."

marty and sydney stood to their feet, each carrying a child. "we should also be heading out," matt said. anders and grace stood up a beat later, offering to walk all of you to the door.

matt and sydney exited first, with you and mat trailing behind them. mat's hand rested lightly on your lower back, something that had your knees trembling.

grace and anders hugged all of you goodbye and promised to see you in two days. they stood on the front porch and watched as all of you got into your respective cars.

mat didn't say anything until he was pulling out of the neighborhood. unlike the times before, the silence wasn't tense or awkward, it was just calm.

"did you have fun?" he asked.

"yeah, it was nice seeing them outside of hockey games and bar meet ups." you yawned.

"missed you at the game, it wasn't quite the same without you there."

"you scored twice and assisted on one goal, i'd say you did fine without me."

"could've gotten a hat trick if you were there."

you furrowed your brows, but there was a small smile playing at the edges of your lips. this felt normal, like nothing had changed, just you and mat. "how do you figure?"

he shrugged. "i always play better when you're there."

you almost did it. you almost asked him why. but you were scared of the answer, scared of what it would change.

scared that it wouldn't change a thing.

he's not gonna fall in love with you.

it was only a matter of minutes before you were back at your apartment. the two of you took the elevator to get to your floor.

you could hear ella's cries through the front door as mat hastened to unlock it. the second the door was open, every head turned towards the two of you. mat shut the door while you walked over to where liana was holding a crying ella.

ella immediately reached out for you, rubbing at her eyes when she finally settled on your hip. "sorry," you apologized to mat's family.

"what're you apologizing for, sweetheart?" nadia asked. she squeezed your arm before ushering her family to the front door. "we need to get to our hotel and get some rest. we'll see you three tomorrow."

"bye mom," mat kissed his mother's cheek and hugged liana and mike before walking them to the door and locking it behind them.

you stared at him, even as he turned around and made eye contact with you. you finally noticed a line on his forehead that you missed earlier.

you gestured to your own forehead. "you have a line right here..." you trailed off.

mat reached up a hand and felt for it before rolling his eyes. "it's from my helmet, dumbass."

you gasped and covered the one ear of ella's that wasn't pressed against your collarbone. "in front of the baby?"

"you said worse two days ago when you hit your hip on the kitchen counter."

you rolled your eyes, which seemed to be a recurring theme between the two of you that night. "i'm gonna try to take the queen to bed, wish me luck."

"i can put her down if you want," he said but you were already walking down the hallway and waving him off.

it took twenty minutes to settle ella down enough to go to sleep, and by the time you hit your mattress, you were out like a light.

day seventy-one

you woke up when the sunlight peeked through the blinds. your heart immediately shot to your throat when you realized you couldn't hear ella's sound machine through the baby monitor. the panic didn't settle when you turned over and realized it was off.

you jumped out of bed, barely remembering to throw on a sweatshirt over your tank top, and threw the door open.

you were immediately greeted with the sound of christmas music coming from the kitchen. it wasn't until you rounded the corner and saw mat making eggs with ella on his hip that you finally relaxed.

mat turned around at the sound of your heavy panicked breathing. his brows were furrowed and he moved the pan off the stove when he saw you were winded. "are you okay?"

"the monitor was off, i'm so sorry i thought i turned it on last night but i forgot--"

"i turned it off this morning," mat said. "figured you deserved a chance to sleep in."

ella smiled at seeing you and reached for you. mat didn't hesitate to walk her over, probably to make it easier to cook breakfast. you took ella and cherished the snuggles she gave you.

"when is your family coming over?"

mat tapped his phone, presumably to check the time or his texts. "fifteen minutes or so?"

you spared a glance outside. "will they be okay in the snow?"

"uh oh, mama bear's coming out," he teased. "we're literally from canada, my family will be fine."

you nodded, feeling heat crawl up your neck at the slight overreaction and concern.

the three of you sat at the table, eating the eggs and sausage mat made. normally, when you were with your family, you'd eat homemade cinnamon rolls, but maybe this year was about changing traditions and embracing them.

you picked up your phone and called your mom, waiting for her to answer. when she didn't pick up, you just shot her a quick "merry christmas" text and telling her to call you back when she gets the chance, that you couldn't wait to see her tomorrow.

by the time the three of you finished breakfast, his family was knocking at the door, greeting the three of you with an excited "merry christmas" when mat opened the door. while they got settled, you took ella out of the high chair and carried her into the living room.

you sat on the floor in front of the recliner and plopped ella in your lap while mike and nadia brought their wrapped presents in. mat and liana were the ones to pass them all out while their parents got situated on one end of the couch.

you were surprised to see some presents for you written in handwriting you knew did not belong to mat, part of you fully expecting nadia to have been bluffing two days ago.

when the presents were passed out, mat took the seat behind you in the recliner, even going as far as to let you lean against his shin for support.

"now, i don't know how you do it in your family, but in the barzal family, we going youngest to oldest, and we record everything," mike said, holding his phone up. "our sweet ella, though, is the first person to take away liana's long standing reign over opening presents first."

mat got out of the recliner, choosing to sit on the floor on your left, seemingly to help ella open her presents. you scooted back to use the recliner as back support now that mat was sitting next to you.

you heard a beep, presumably of mike's camera starting to record.

"let's open this one, ella bean," mat said to his daughter. he started ripping it at the edge, carefully placing the present in front of her and waiting to see if she did anything with it.

ella stared at it, but otherwise seemed uninterested

"look ella," you said, reaching around her and tugging the paper a little more.

she was uninterested until she heard the distinct sound of ripping. then she tried it for herself, laughing and clapping her hands when it made the noise she liked.

her first present was a puzzle made up of the letters of her name from liana. her next present was from nadia and mike, a box of playpen balls. you couldn't wait to open them, to get her settled in her playpen with them and watch her entertain herself.

mat helped her open the books everyone had bought her. he must've told his family she'd gotten into reading lately, because you weren't the only one contributing to her library.

mat's present to ella was a walker. she'd started crawling a few weeks ago, and mat was determined to get her to start walking before the end of the year.

your last present was the last one for her to open. it was just in a gift bag, and ella thoroughly enjoyed taking the tissue paper out once she got a hang of it. but nothing could've prepared you for the shriek that left her mouth when she saw the stuffed hippo.

you didn't think you'd ever seen her smile that big.

she reached for it with grabby hands, bringing it to her chest when she got it.

"guess we know her favorite gift," mat chuckled.

the rest of the morning was filled with the other presents being opened. you ended the morning with cute sweaters and a barzal jersey.

"so you can stop wearing mat's," liana had said. "figured you'd at least want something clean to wear to games."

mat had mumbled something under his breath, but when you asked him to repeat himself, he just pressed a kiss to the top of ella's head and kept his mouth shut.

when it was mat's turn to open gifts, you could feel yourself flush with embarrassment when he opened your gift. you didn't know the platonic way of saying "i got this because it would bring out your eyes," so you settled with "i thought you'd like it."

and he did, he swore it would be the tie he'd wear in the first game of the new year when you got back in town.

nadia made a wonderful christmas lunch. it was light because she knew you were going to the lee's in a matter of hours, but still better than anything mat could've cooked up.

it wasn't long before the three of you were saying your goodbyes with mike, nadia, and liana all promising to come see you soon, and to thank you for taking care of their newest addition.

just like any other time the three of you left the apartment, you carried ella while mat grabbed the diaper bag.

ella sat in her car seat, snuggling her hippo while mat drove.

"you must be pretty proud of yourself for that hippo gift," he said.

you smiled at him, reveling in the way he'd occasionally take his eyes off the road to look at you. "i am. i have an extra one in my closet just in case this one gets messed up."

his jaw dropped. "you're a fucking genius."

you weren't the last ones to get to anders' and grace's house, but you surely weren't the first. there was a line of cars parked on the street, none of which you recognized.

"are we taking the car seat inside?" you asked when mat put the car in park.

his hand paused over the door handle. "do you think we should?"

you shrugged. "we could always come back out and get it if we need it. but i'm willing to bet that she's gonna be passed around like a hot potato tonight."

mat rolled his eyes but sighed anyway. "as long as dobson doesn't hold her, it'll be fine." with that, he got out of the car and opened the back door to grab the bag.

"wait why?" you asked, getting out and unbuckling ella. "what's wrong with dobson?"

"he's like 23!"

you blinked. "am i missing something? why is that a problem?"

"he's too young to hold her, he'd do something dumb like drop her."

you rolled your eyes as you picked ella up, but said nothing.

the three of you were immediately accosted by christmas music and food smells when you walked through the front door of the lee house.

"you made it!" grace exclaimed, coming out of the living room to greet you. "grab your stocking and head to the couches, i think my husband is gonna do a toast and then we'll get started on dinner."

you nodded along and turned to look at mat who hadn't said anything. your heart dropped straight to your toes when you saw him pick up the stocking that made your mind go blank the other night. his fingers traced over his last name, then ella's name, then yours. he hesitated on yours though, fingers running over it like it was something delicate.

it felt weird to watch that moment, like you were intruding on something private, but before you could look away, he looked up at you. "did you see this?" he asked.

you nodded. "saw it the other night. are you mad?"

he quickly shook his head. "nope. just caught off guard." he glanced back down at the stocking before looking up at you and smiling. "let's get on with this, shall we?"

the night started with anders toasting to the team, but more importantly the wives and girlfriends and support behind each member who'd played a large role whether they realized it or not.

mat nudged you at that moment, which earned him an elbow in the side and a wink from anthony who stood next to him.

when they broke off for dinner, mat offered to take ella so you could get your plate first, but you declined, saying you could wait a few more minutes.

while he was gone, sydney approached. "so, how was this morning? get caught up under any mistletoe?" she nudged you. "get any sentimental gifts?"

when you thought about it, you didn't really. the gifts you got, while amazing, weren't tear jerking, which was surprising considering sydney had said mat's gift to you was thoughtful.

but what was thoughtful about a spa gift card and some bath bombs?

"nope, just the typical gifts, you know?"

sydney's face twisted a little before it righted itself when mat came back with a plate of food.

"got you what i thought you'd like," he said, handing the plate to you.

your brows furrowed. "i thought we agreed you'd eat first."

but he smirked. "no, you did."

"mathew. go eat!"

he shook his head. "not before you. now, let's trade, i'll take my child and you take the plate and go eat with sydney and the other wives if you want." mat handed the plate to sydney before taking ella and walking away before you could say anything.

you watched him walk away for a moment before turning to your friend, only to find her already looking at you. "what?"

she had a smirk for reasons you weren't sure you wanted to know about. "oh nothing."

the night continued on without much fanfare, with you and mat leaving around the same time as the martins again because of the children all three of you brought.

you'd made it back home before midnight. mat this time, wanted to put ella to bed, making sure to leave the hippo out of her crib.

you were in your room packing the last bit of your things so you could leave tomorrow and fly home. you were in the zone until you heard a throat being cleared. when you turned around, mat was leaning up against the doorway with a box in his hand.

"i know you're probably tired, but i have one last present for you."

"mat--"

"i didn't want to give it to you in front of my parents and liana, just seemed too personal." he offered no other explanation and just handed you the box.

you took it carefully, going to your bed and sitting down on the edge to open the present. when you pulled the lid off the box, you were staring at tissue paper until you pulled it away to reveal a photo album.

oh god.

it was the thoughtful present sydney had talked about.

you immediately pulled it out of the box and started flipping through it. the photos were some you'd never seen before, but they were all of you and ella. until you got further in, the photos went from just you and ella to you, mat, and ella.

you looked like a proper family.

sydney or grace must've had a hand in it, because half the photos you didn't remember being taken and they were all candids.

you could feel your eyes water, you noticed the pressure. but you kept wiping at your face to prevent them from falling onto the album itself.

you looked up at mat who looked the most unsure of himself since that first night he had ella. "i hope it wasn't over stepped, i just figured you would like to see how important you are to me, to us, me and ella." he gestured at the book. "some of the photos i took, others i got from grace and syd. i hope it's not weird or anything--"

but you were already up and crossing the room towards him.

a beat later you grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled his lips to yours.

he responded not even a split second later, his mouth moving against yours. mat's arms came around your waist while your hands made a home in his hair.

was kissing always supposed to be this charged? to feel this right?

you had no idea how long you stood there, kissing mat, before you both pulled away to breathe. your eyes opened slowly, only to meet his hazel irises almost immediately.

and then reality hit you.

jason's words haunting you at just the right time.

he's not gonna fall in love with you. you're a no good bitch who didn't know what she had when she had it.

you pulled away instantly and stumbled back into your room, dodging mat's hold when he tried to reach out for you.

"what's going on?" he asked. "what just happened?"

you shook your head and grabbed your bag, moving past him without making contact. "this was a mistake," you said. "i have to go."

god you felt sick to your stomach.

mat was calling your name, but you kept walking, out the front door, down the stairs, and onto the street where you hailed a taxi.

it wasn't until you got in that you exhaled.

what the fuck had you done?

taglist:

@nicoleloveshockey @thg02 @fallinallincurls @bbbbruins @random-readers-world @sydsxoxo @jhughesy @whenmypartysover @sunflowerhood @spencereidbasis @icanfsplel @avareadsthings @zegraswrites @matthewkniesys @heyitsmeimdead @kashee-h @bordelhoe @diary-of-jj @literatureluster @dani746 @barzyblogbabe @tomhollandsbabymama @wickedlovely121 @coldheartedmar @oh-my-ladymay @heartsforhischier @brrbrina @sebsfeverdream @cathamnsns-diary @coldheartedmar @wickedlovely121

#mat barzal #mathew barzal #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal imagine #mathew barzal imagine #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #nhl blurb #mat barzal blurb

[gnnosis]

i have a theory about the bear & carmy’s artistic talent and no one else (that ive seen!) seems to be talking abt this. gotta get it out there so if it happens i can say i predicted it

carmy is going to leave the restaurant industry. we see time and time again that carmy is not happy in the industry, and maybe never has been. he’s traumatized by the fancy restaurant he worked at. he wanted to work at the beef, but only to be with mikey. he took over the beef because he (felt he) owed it to michael — and because he had the skills — not out of some great love of cooking. he only got to his level of skill out of a self-professed “fuck you” to mikey! carmy’s not happy. “this shit’s not fun for me,” he says to richie. make no mistake — he’s really, really good at it. but he’s not happy. the industry brings out the worst version of him, every single time. the stress of the kitchen turns him into the bear from the 1x01 opening, into his mother.

contrast this with syd and richie, tina, even marcus. even under stress, even with everyone yelling at each other, the kitchen brings out the best in them. they’ve improved their skill levels because they feel they owe it to themselves. richie thrives under the pressure of being a concierge, he’s a new man, he wears suits now. tina is a transformed person because she’s begun to believe in herself (and knows others believe in her). marcus (although thwarted by his own hyper-focus sometimes) delights in the craft of being a pâtissier, creates spectacular, thoughtful dishes — he flourishes.

and sydney. sydney, under stress, opening night, is throwing up in the bushes, like we know carmy did in a job that was Bad for him. but it’s not the stress of the job per se that’s getting to syd, but the pressure she’s put on herself to do well enough that her dad will see the bear as she sees it — her very own place in the industry she loves above all else, a place to practice her beloved craft, to take care of people, to pour everything she has into this one thing. it’s not the job making her physically sick, like it did carmy, it’s the pressure of showing how much she loves the job, of her dad thinking she’s doing well enough to deserve to love and devote herself to it as much as she is. and in the kitchen, under pressure, with carmy locked in the fridge, syd doesn’t panic, doesn’t yell and scream — not really. she collaborates with richie, delegates as necessary, steps up — and leads. she shines.

carmy as a chef is doing what he’s good at, performing the skills he’s cultivated. it might be the only thing he feels he’s good at. it’s all he’s ever really known. but it’s not healthy. it’s killing him. it’s ruining his relationships with everyone important to him. he needs to get out.

i predict that sydney and richie will take over the bear. probably with nat’s help behind the scenes. they love it. it gives them purpose. it makes them thrive.

and carmy… will go to visual arts school. (or simply become an artist. do people still do art school these days? if so… like… he could do worse than SAIC)

i don’t think the show has been dropping all these references to carmy’s artistic talent for no reason. the pants he designed (thom browne’s!), the drawings of claire they mention and then flash during his panic attack, the speculative drawing of the bear he gifts michael in 2x06, and the menu drawings that sydney gushes over. the painting he hates that’s hung in the restaurant? could you do a better one, carm?? in the future, will that get replaced with one of yours, carm??? his artistic talent is lingered on too much to not be indicating something about what carmy really loves. a talent he innately has but doesn’t seem to realize the depth of. what he’d spend his time doing absently before he got caught up in the rat race of the restaurant industry. he talks about art like it’s something he’s compelled to do, like it’s something he loses himself in. a flow state.

carmy can flourish too. it’s just that he’s going to need to go somewhere else to do it.

#if it happens i predicted it. if it doesn’t happen……it was still a good idea #the bear #the bear meta #the bear theories #the bear theory #the bear season 3 #the bear season two #the bear season 2 #the bear analysis #sydney adamu #carmy berzatto #richie jerimovich #carmen berzatto #the bear fishes #sydcarmy #syd x carmy #long post

[yannaryartside]

SydCarmy vs Lucus

AMBITIONS AND PERSPECTIVES ON ART

This is a long one. Is about the series's themes on pursuing the arts, and the reasons that this ships work as symbolism for it.

When thinking about the reasons Marcus and Sydney were not going to work out (as far as we can see), I read a comment saying: "they are not on the same level" and the more I thought about it, I realized it not only meant they are not equal in culinary expertise, but they also have different ways to "live" their path in the culinary arts, almost opposite philosophies about it. And all of it is explained in their conversations with their (possible) romantic interest. 

WHAT IS AN ART PHILOSOPHY?

When you enter a path in the arts, any part, at some point, you will have to make decisions about how you are going to transit this path because there are very different ways to live a creative life, to make money out of it, and how feel fulfilled about it. Many people will enter their path with an idea of what success looks like, probably modeled after an artist that you admired, the desire for your art to be recognized as good, or as "the best," or even to disrupt what came before you. Shortly, art philosophy is how you value your path in the arts: What makes it good art? What point of your career is gonna bring you satisfaction? What guides you to it?

CARMY AND SIDNEY : "LET'S BE THE BEST AND REACH LOST OF PEOPLE"

They both want to be "the best," their definition of it equals stars, reviews, magazine interviews, and restaurant numbers. The creative impulse is only as valuable as is booming, and a chef is only as good as the size of their kitchen.

They both want exterior recognition and aspire to a big audience, and their satisfaction in their craft depends on that; what makes their unbearable jobs worth it somehow is if "people loved the food." They both have wounds and bonds formed around food and love making people happy with the food, but they have selected a perspective of what "the best" is and is an ambition they run almost blindly to. You can think the burger place on your block has the best food in the world. There are cooks utterly content with that, but the Michelling stars are telling otherwise.

Of course, this is the most tangible way to measure success in arts, the singer with the most loved songs, the book with the most readers. Quality is supposed to be evident by popularity, and they want it, decorated with the prize of succeding in such a competitive industry. They have tried to win the culinary rat race and have regrets about it.

Carmy (motivated by the rejection and abandonment from his brother) worked his ass to unhealthy levels to climb the culinary ladder, living to best everybody around him and run the best restaurant on the planet (which, if we believe his monologue, only took two fucking years). Sydney is presented to us as somebody with equal creative powers, intelligence, and instincts as Carmy, which is particularly obvious in their brainstorming sessions. But she hasn't been offered the same opportunities. Her previous bosses described her as "incredibly talented, impatient, and green." and one friend told her as "always trying to be the best." There is much to say about how her impatience may sabotage her ambitions. Still, it may be because she fears getting stuck, labeled, or never recognized by her talents.

These two have 3 things they prioritize in their art paths:

Creative expression+people love the food

Exterior recognition based on the industry standards (stars and big kitchens)

A rat race (sense of urgency) and your ability to play on it.

What makes your food the "best" is comparing it to everyone else and "winning" in a particular category. 

Not to mention, they are both deeply aware of the logistics and money sides of the restaurant life. It is not like they don't value inspiration, but their ambition is the defining force behind said inspiration. 

MARCUS AND LUCA: "LET'S BE INSPIRED AND EVOLVE"

Luca was introduced to us as someone who was "trying to keep up with Carmy, who was much better than him," the same way the audience feels Marcus is someone trying to impress and keep up with Syd. Luca knows the culinary world, has traveled, and has a privileged position making high-end desserts (possibly in a place with stars). He is the Carmy to Marcus's Sydney. 

Btw, there are some crazy parallels here too:

Marcus and Sydney have a wound/fear related to their mothers.

Luca and Carmy have strained relationships with their siblings (Luca has a sister he cannot find).

Both Carmy and Sydney got into it because of early childhood passion

Marcus and Luca got into it by "chance," discovering a passion that they never expected to love this much or be good at.

Mentor x student relationship.

Back to Marcus and Lucas's perspective of art. Notice how Carmy was trapped in a sense of urgency environment, with many people working for him, in NYC, a chaotic city; while Luca seems to work entirely by himself, in a pretty chill environment, in a rather peaceful city. Luca and Marcus thrive on this environment, which is about thought and delicacy, unlike the "efficient, fast run kitchen" Carmy and Sydney established.

Marcus had no philosophy about his craft because he was barely starting. Still, he adopts Luca's philosophy, which has 3 parts:

You may never be the best. Some artists have to let go of the idea of being "the best." There is a lot to say about this. But I want to express this using an example of the craft that I aspire to get into: writing. A friend once told me that some books are not meant to reach millions because they have a very specific audience, and what makes them good is how "memorable they are." More of it, some artists are never recognized in their times. The industry may not be made for them, or it may be just luck. Limiting the value of art by the industry standard is depriving the world of art that needs to be more exploratory, spontaneous, or just free. 

Since industry validation may not be available to you, instead of "being the best" against others, you can decide, "My only competition is me from yesterday." This perspective is super important because it gives you something to aspire to, ensures your creative growth, and allows reinvention.

It is not about skill but being open to the world, yourself, and other people. It is not about fancy techniques or recognition but about being inspired. 

To Luca and now Marcus, the creative process is as good as is honest, and a chef is as good as the effort he puts into it. The "self-exploration" and the recognition of the people surrounding him allowed Marcus to create his desserts: The Copenhagen sundae, for his ultimate school (and Luca), "Mum's" honey bun, Sidney's donut (the first one in believing in him and when he recognized his dreams), and "The Michael" the one that put him to make bread, and the tribute that needs to be made.

#sorry I just love stories about making art #the bear is a love story #carmy berzatto #sydcarmy #carmy the bear #the bear meta #carmen berzatto #sydney x carmy #carmy x sydney #luca the bear #marcus the bear #lucus #chef kiss

[deanwinchestermydaddy]

We All Go A Little Mad Sometimes

Billy Loomis x ???

Word count: ~ 2699

Warnings: (18+) MINORS DNI! cursing, violence, murder, mention of suicide, blood, stabbing, fluff (if you squint but its Scream so idk), knife and weapons, parental deaths mentioned,  mentions kidnapping, mentions sexual activities, dirty talk, daddy kink, childhood trauma, unhealthy relationship, bad ending for some (rip the people that died), slut-shamming, dark themes touched, Billy Loomis (always kills me with that finger licking) sweet! Billy, unexpected ending (I guess) LET ME NOW IF I MISSED ANY WARNINGS   DON’T READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU GET UPSET OR TRIGGERED EASILY BY ANY OF THE WARNINGS.  

SUMMARY: it takes place right when Billy is cornering Sidney.  Follows the movie and some stuff is added to make sense ( for me lol). Hope you guys enjoy it!

A/N: this is the first really dark fic that I wrote wish surprises me a lot. Might make this one into a series still thinking about it tho. Let me know what you think or if I should do a series based on this! thank you loves!!

Billy turns to Sidney who is not standing that far away from him and the look that he is giving her is unrecognizable. They hear screams and more panic sets in Sidney. Billy's eyes are on her and he sticks his tongue out and slowly licks the dried blood tasting it, "corn syrup. Same stuff they used for pig's blood in CARRIE" Billy says as she slowly takes a step back moving into the kitchen; he lurches as she takes another step back in horror. She continues to back up until she goes into the arms of Stu, "Stu... please... help me..." she says as he just stares at her with a subtle smile and holds a voice changer to his mouth, "surprise Sidney" he whispers into the thing making her realized both of them were the killers.

Since they were busy focused on Sidney you ran to where they were, "HEY! LEAVE HER ALONE!" you yell catching their attention and allowing Sidney to run to you letting her get behind you, "thought I killed you" Stu says as Sidney's mind was racing while your body fills with adrenaline and you felt your clothes soak and drip blood into the floor. Squeezing Sydney's hand you pulled her as you bolt into the living room to create some distance between them, but they stand in the entryway trapping both in. "where y'all going? It's not over yet. We've got one more surprise... Stu I believe it's your turn" Billy says as if it was something to be proud of, "Oh yeah" Stu answers as he disappears into the kitchen, "what's wrong? Both look like you've seen a ghost" Billy says as the noise comes from the kitchen with a dragging sound. Stu comes along dragging two bodies and rolls them into your's and Sidney's feet, "Daddy!" both yell for both of your dad's at the same time, "close enough" Billy says as Stu places a cellular in Mr. Prescott's shirt pocket.

"Guess won't be needing this anymore," Stu says as he and Billy lurch to scare both and in a quick movement you turned and hugged Sidney to shield her from their attacks, " you should've died with your mom" You whispered on her ear and you stabbed her around 6 times in the back.  She started screaming and trashing in pain; you let her go but not before taking the knife out and she drops to the floor bleeding, "why are you doing this?" she asked looking at you as you backed up towards the guys. "It's all part of the game" Stu answers, "it's called GUESS HOW I'M GOING TO DIE!" Billy says looking straight at her, "FUCK YOU!" Sidney says to Billy as she was slowly and painfully bleeding out, "Oh Sid, that's my job. Isn't that right baby?" you said as Billy grabbed you by the hips pulling you closer to him and started kissing your neck without stopping the eye contact with Sidney, "right" he answers, "you're crazy... all of you" she said as her eyes move back and forth between the three, "the official term is 'psychotic' " Stu said matter of factly as she is trying to hold her posture but there was so much blood.

"You'll never get away with this," she said as she was struggling even more, " tell that to Cotton Weary. You wouldn't believe how easy it was to frame him" Billy said as Stu continue, "Yeah, we just watched a few movies. Took a few notes. It was fun". The three relish the madness as Sidney looks at yours and her dad to see them cry, "why did you kill my mother?" she asked with a determined look making you laugh, "Why? WHY? Did you guys hear that...Hmm... you don't really remember me do you?" you said kneeling in front of her taking the knife into your hand as she shook her head, "I don't understand..." she said fighting the tears that still were running down her face, "we did your mom a favor, Sid.  The woman was a slut bag whore who flashed her shit all over town like she was Sharon Stone or something"  Billy explained, "so we put her out of her misery, I mean let's face it, your mom was no Sharon Stone" Stu says cracking up over, while Billy turns very serious, " is that motive enough for you? or how about this. Did yoy know you slut mother was sleeping with my dad and she's the reason my mom moved out and deserted me" Billy said as Sidney stares, "or even better? The whore of your mother started sleeping with my dad as well making this asshole abandon us, causing her to feel that she had to kill herself to get out of the misery your fucking mother put her through. And you know what's the funniest part, Sid?... Is that  I saw her do it when I was a 6 fucking year old" you said slicing her cheek as she is rigid with shock, both testimonies resonating the truth of her mother.

"What?" she said, " think about it, Sid. On the off chance that we get caught, motives like that could divide the jury for years," you said standing up and kicking her in the process, "you took our mothers, so we took yours. Big sympathy factor. Maternal abandonment, mother loss, childhood trauma, and paternal abandonment cause serious deviant behavior" Billy said as he grabbed your hand to guide you to where yours and Sidney's dad were, "NO DON'T" she yells with the little strength she has left, "I wouldn't waste any more breaths, Sid. Cause if my grandpa taught me well you are about to die in a few minutes" you said laughing, "YOU ARE INSANE" she said spitting blood, "yet I'm not the one bleeding out on the floor" you said moving your sight back to your dad, "please let them go" she begged, "come on, Sid. Think about it. Your father is the chief's suspect. We cloned his cellular. The evidence is there, there is no point in begging" Stu says as he gets closer, " what if your father snapped? your mom's anniversary set him off and he went on a murder spree killing everyone" Billy continues, "except for me, Y/n, and Billy... we were left for dead" Stu says holding another knife in his hands, "and then he saw the poor bastard that his wife cheated with, kidnapped him, kill him and you. Then shoots himself in the head. The perfect ending" you said as Billy places the gun on your hands and gets behind you, "see you in hell bastard" you said as you shoot your dad dead, "you looked so hot baby, it's making me really hard" Billy said spinning you around so he could face you, "if we didn't have matters to attend I would let you fuck me right now daddy" you said and he lowered his hands to grope your ass as both started to make out heavily, "don't want to be a cockblock 'cause I would love to watch that, but I think we have other things to do" Stu said making both stop and Billy looked really pissed clenching his fist and jaw making Stu raise his hands in defense.

You let go of Billy and he takes the gun setting it down on the table near the foyer. While you decided to look for the landline to make the desperate call for help as Billy moves to Sidney's dad, "grab the gun, I'll untie pops" he said to Stu, "where'd you put it?" Stu said searching the foyer for the gun, "it's on the table" Billy says, "no it's not" Stu answered as Billy hobbles over. The gun is gone. "Where the fuck is it?" Billy says, "Right here asshole" Gale Weather said and Billy and Stu look up at the same time to find her standing at the front doorway, gun in hand and she looked a mess, "I thought she was dead," Billy said to Stu, "she looked dead. Still does" Stu answered while Gale holds the gun firm in total control, "I've got an ending for you. The reporter left for dead in the news van comes to, stumble upon two dipshits, finds the gun, fumbles your plan, and saves the day" Gale says not paying attention, but Billy notices a familiar figure stepping behind Gale, " I don't like that ending tho" you said stabbing her twice on her side making her drop the gun to hold her side as her knees gave out, "you?" she said as she drops completely to the floor and tries to reach for the gun but you ste on her hand allowing Billy to grab the gun, "cool move" Stu said making you smile, "let's finish it all" you said stepping away from Gale and holding your hand out for the gun and then shooting Gale in the head, "this time I'm making sure she's dead" you said turning to Stu and then moving to Sidney's dad who looks like he has given up.

Taking out the gag from Sidney's dad allowed him to talk, "Why are you doing this?" he asked as he hadn't heard the whole speech given previously, " I'm getting tired of people asking the same stupid question, but I'll indulge you since is your last request. Everything happened since you couldn't keep the bitch of your wife off others man's dicks" you said handing the gun to Billy as Stu left the room, "good night pops" Billy said and shot him in the head and then placed the gun on her dads after cleaning it.

You pressed the phone to your ear, "911, What's your emergency?" they asked and you started to act, "PLEASE! HELP! HELP! THE KILLER IS HERE I SAW HIM STAB MY FRIENDS, PLEASE SEND SOMEONE I'M BEGGING YOU!" you said both Billy and Stu chuckling at your acting, "we are sending help right now sweety, everything is going to be okay. Just calm down" the operator said as she heard you cry, "can you find a safe spot?" she asked, "I'm...I'm gonna try," you said sounding scared, "can you take the phone with you?" she asked, "yes. I'm trying to go to a safe spot....OH GOD NO! THERE IS SO MUCH BLOOD!" you said sounding scared and fake sobbing, " listen to my voice sweety and continue walking alright. You are going to be okay" she said trying to calm you but she didn't know that you were acting. You started screaming for help as Billy got behind you grabbing the phone and dropping it, "NO PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! " you said with terror as Billy couldn't keep his hands to himself and pulled the voice changer, "SO TELL ME WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SCARY MOVIE?" he said and you started to scream and then he stepped on the phone disconnecting the call. "and the Oscar goes to... Y/n" Stu said clapping his hands as you rolled your eyes.

"okay let's figure out who stabs who?" you said walking near the guys, "wait! you should do it! no offense Billy but she knows where to" Stu said as he handed you the knife, "I'll  guide him Stu, and either way they are on their way" You said causing Billy and Stu to both eyed each other as you stood behind Billy putting the knife on his hands, "ready?" Billy said looking at Stu, "Yeah..." Billy pulls the knife back and brings it forward quickly with your hand guiding his movements slicing into Stu. He stumbles to his knees, wincing in pain. "Jesus..." Stu says as blood gushes, real blood, a dark, deep red. Stu inspects the wound to his side then he smiles, "good one" he said as Billy slashes at Stu's arm, two quick cuts making him double over, when Billy was going to slice him again Stu stopped him, "That's it, Billy. I can't take it anymore. I'm feeling woozy". You took the knife from him and looked at Stu who looked in major pain as he staggers a bit to get away, a couple of seconds later you hear him drop to the floor. "come on baby just do it. I trust you" Billy said standing in front of you, " I love you baby" he said placing his hand on your right cheek making you looked at him with surprise. It was the first time he told you that he loved you and it was the worst moment, " I love you too" you said as you pushed the knife into him and pull it quickly puncturing him and he doubles over, "Jesus... fuck that hurt" He said and you looked at him worried, "I'm fine don't worry" he said squelching the pain, " I'm ready" you said ready for him to stab you just like he did to Stu. Billy with the knife now in his hands placed it directly where you told him, he leaned down to kiss you as the knife pierced your skin and took it out quickly. "I think you went a little too deep Billy," you said as your blood gushed out faster than theirs, "Fuck! I'm sorry," he said and you saw the panic in his eyes as your knees started to give out. "is fine I can hear the ambulance I'll be okay, baby," you said as he slowly put you down and then he lay on the floor a few steps away from you as everything went black.

~TIME LATER~

Beep, beep, beep was all you heard, slowly you opened your eyes and saw someone with their head resting on their crossed arms that were placed on your bed, “Billy?” you said with a raspy voice making him look up and smile, “hey sleepy head” he said as he got closer to you and kissed your forehead. As he got back into place he winced, “I'm okay” he said as he saw the look of worry in your eyes, “how long was I out?” you asked and he grabbed your hand, “for a week, they said that you lost a lot of blood” he said feeling guilty since he was the one that stabbed you and went too deep.

Before you could say anything else a Doctor walk in, “I see you woke up Ms.Y/L/N. And Loomis you are here again still” the doctor said making you look at Billy, “I couldn’t leave my girl alone Doc” he answer making you smile, “Well that’s sweet of you, but right now I have to talk with Ms.Y/L/N about her condition” the Doctor said and Billy started to get up to leave but you held his hand tighter, “he can hear” you said and the Doctor nodded, “okay, that’s good with me... So the stabbing didn’t hit any vital organs by just an inch, you lost a significant amount of blood but we were able to stabilize you and save both your’s and the fetus's life” he said and you had to do a double take just as Billy, “what?” you said as you felt Billy’s hand turned into a fist, “yes, you are pregnant about 8 weeks pregnant” he said you just starred at him in shock, “I'll let you process everything” the Doctor said as he walked away and tears started to run down your cheek, Billy raised up and walked away and started to throw stuff to the floor making you cry harder, “I’m sorry Billy, I’m sorry” you said sobbing and he turned and rushed to your side grabbing your face kissing it, “no, no, no I should be the one saying that baby. I could’ve lost both of you that day” he said as actual tears rolled down his cheek, “The Billy Loomis is crying” you said and he gave you a look that made you shiver, “move to the side so I can cuddle my baby mama” he said making you smile.

There laying in the hands of Billy you felt that everything was gonna be alright and that the madness of both was completely gone or was it?

#billy loomis x reader #billy #billy loomis #loomis #ghostface #billy loomis imagine #billy loomis x y/n #stu macher #billy loomis x you #billy loomis x female reader #scream

[beauspot]

why can’t black women have a romance holy shit. every person who hates sydcarmy is talking about some “why can’t men and women ever just be friends” like that’s not all we’ve been allocated for decades. i understand that a lot of women particularly 👋🏻 women want stories that don’t revolve around romance, and hey i like those stories too! BUT black women have not had the same oppurtunities to just be love interests in the same way y’all have. We’ve been relocated to undesirable best friend roles or oversexualized booty calls. Y’all swear we have so much representation and yet can only name like 10 shows spanning over DECADES to prove us wrong like if there’s so much romantic content with black women as leads why the fuck are you talking about the flash and the walking dead?

and then we have the marcus and sydney brigade. the ONLY reason y’all want marcus and sydney together is cause they both black, they have zero chemistry. prove to me otherwise, quickly. I understand that people are tired of seeing interracial relationships (which is not really a problem but that’s a post for another day 😒 y’all swear that “the media” is trying to trick black women into marrying out or something stupid like that when we all know black women marry in their race more than any other demographic. imma just say black women should go where they are loved and fuck the noise) but y’all do this with nearly every show. Pairing characters together cause they’re the same race even though they have nothing in common. Nonblack people love doing this which i know why but again not the post.

But what REALLY pisses me off is calling Chefs Kiss a mentor/mentee relationship and then proceeding to ship sydney and MARCUS???

like you can’t be serious. carmy so clearly sees syd as his equal proven by the fact he wants to revamp his BUSINESS, his LIVELIHOOD with her. someone he’s known the least amount of time.

We’ve discussed this before but we know why Jeremy is probably wary about romance because of how hypersexual his previous job was and i get that, but I have yet to see a sydcarmy fan who wants them rawdogging on the kitchen floor. Idk it’s strange the way this show is edited and the music choices, and the script is written if they intended to go no romance for them. I’m really interested to see what their dynamic is like next season if they’re going to change it moving forward to dissuade fans from shipping by separating the two(like stucky vibes) it won’t work but that’ll be very annoying.

The WORST thing the show runners could do is insert a new love interest, that would piss me off to no end and i would stop watching the show. In the latest article they said(writer or show runner don’t remember) they wanted a show with no romance plot so they better fucking stick to it. I don’t want carmy to get to a later season and they’ve introduced a palm colored love interest for him. i swear to god i will turn the show off.

Now I personally will continue to ship them i’ve done so with other ships with far less, but that doesn’t mean i’m not a little annoyed. I hope they stick to their word if that’s the case.

ALSO we need more black women as romantic leads so go read the brown sister novels (chloe brown, dani brown, and eve brown) and hype them up so we can get movies( or in a perfect world a TV SERIES 🤭) based on them

TLDR: it’s dumb to hate sydcarmy cause you personally hate interracial relationships, if they mean no romance they should do no romance, that article was dumb and didn’t need to come out when we’ve already heard from both lead actors they don’t like the ship. we got it the first time. also read the brown sisters and spread the word so we can get a tv show about them thanks.

#the bear #the bear fx #the bear hulu #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #sydney adamu #syd adamu #carmy x syd #syd x carmy #sydney x carmy #carmy and sydney #chefs kiss #slow burn #the brown sisters #chloe brown #dani brown #eve brown #get a life chloe brown #take a hint dani brown #act your age eve brown #black women

[goldielia]

cassandra jones

aka. cassy, cass, jonesy, darl, darlin’

born on april 2nd 2001 in melbourne, australia

grew up going to the australian grand prix with her dad nearly every year

is an only child

daughter of a nurse and a car mechanic

started dancing ballet when she was really young because she loved dance academy so much

still takes classes every now and then when it fits into her schedule

studied motorsport engineering in sydney

has been steadily applying to mclaren engineering jobs ever since she graduated

her grandpa is from new zealand which is the reason why she wanted to work for bruce mclaren’s team (he’s a kiwi) so badly

never mention the fact that mclaren plays the british anthem for race wins to her, she’ll go on and rant about why it should be the new zealand anthem for hours

jack has made this mistake multiple times

loves baking

wants a cat really badly but her lifestyle can’t provide a good life for it (traveling etc.)

knew she wanted to spend winter breaks in new york because of the christmas decoration and new year’s party

fell in love the second she touched down in new york and doesn’t want to leave anytime soon

thought it was fate when she met jack who lives & works in new york

they met at the 2023 canadian gp when mclaren invited him, cole and trevor to watch from their garage - jack just couldn’t take his eyes off of the hot red head-race engineer

starts a podcast with her best friend christina eventually

loves casual fashion and thrifting

#jack hughes x reader #jack hughes imagine #jack hughes x oc #cassandra jones #goldie's untouchable au #jack hughes

[myf00djournal]

A chronological post run post.

Iiiiiii had a hard hard time man. In hindsight, I always knew our race was at 4pm so perhaps doing long runs at 6am was never going to help but I was so optimistic for cool weather in April. Nope 31 degrees. My worst fear. I was on pace and on the game plan up until around 8km which is when the course went from some shade to full sun. Told my running partner to push on without me which I had to say 5 times before he did listen 😛 I hate holding people back. The rest was an absolute slog. I thought about a DNF. I found a second wind around 13km and settled back into consistent trotting. Got through. They told us at the start the course was 20.5 which was a shame as it was advertised as a HM and then I saw a girl who was about a km ahead of me usually (because everyone we snaked past each other we did cute girl high fives) going in an opposite direction and I said don’t we turn left again? And she said nope the course was actually 18km. What the heck. Look my performance was not my best but I would’ve dragged myself another bit. Crossed the line and kept going with some other die hards who were also trying to make up km but I got to 19.8 and called it. The water station people were like oh we have cleared the course how much longer will you be and I was like you know what I’m done.

I’m annoyed because the organizers have a whole calendar of events and yet they were so shambolic. They delayed the start time, changed the course and then cut off a considerable distance for everyone. Also WHO KNOWS why the run was at 4/4:30pm in western Sydney but that’ll do me.

The 10km started an hour after us and then 5km after that so there was people always out on course but for a big event there was seriously maybe 60 people in each. So many DNS because we are legit flooded at the moment so I guess people couldn’t make it. A few people DNF. I saw the 5km fun run and wish I went in that because the first woman was 28:10 🥹 but I know it’s not about that.

My average km was around 7:30 which isn’t too bad considering I did a lot of walk/jog intervals for about 6km all up but Runna had me working at 6:25-6:30 as my goal which I was on but it really did fall away. My running partner did a great job and held around 6:40 which I am so happy for him.

Maybe next time I should do more than an 8 week training block. What am I saying with next time 🤦🏽‍♀️ haha never let me again please!!!! I just want to be a parkrun girly and maybe 10km???

Best of all Josh surprised me at the start line to see me off ❤️❤️❤️

The end. Also yes enjoy my post run glow - day ones will recognize the mirror. @taoistimmortal thank you for telling me to increase my cals by 500 cos yeah it’s going noice 👌🏻

#gymlife #training #strength and conditioning #nutrition #personal #Runna #running #endurance

[witchthewriter]

𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐩 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐒𝐲𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

⤷ gender neutral, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading. Reader can also be platonic or romantic, up to you!

a/n: GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH ✦ 

SFW🌿

⭑ It was another change at the shop that not too many people were happy about

⭑ “We don’t need no waitress!” Tina retorted, hearing the news

         “We’re a goddamn sandwich shop, Carmy!” Richie yelled, his hands raised in the air. 

⭑ Carmy only ignored them ... you weren’t just a waiter, but another pair of hands to do the odd jobs. The shop needed an upgrade, and you were a part of that

⭑ You're really good friends with Sydney. Almost like you are both on the same page, same wavelength. Both newbies, trying to discover not only their job but themselves.

⭑ Your place had fallen through during your first shift at the shop, and you were trying not to fall into a panic. ‘What did you expect y/n?’ you silently berated yourself

⭑ Sydney saw it though, the quick look of surprise and fear in your eyes while you were on the phone with the renters

⭑ “What’s up?” She asked while you were walking in from break

        “Guess I’m sleeping in my car for the unforeseeable future!” You joked, but not quite hitting the humour part of the joke.

 “Your place?” She asked rhetorically and then sighed. “Hey, crash at my place tonight.” 

⭑ And then that one night turned into another and another, and before you knew it, she had asked you to stay. 

⭑ As a boss, Carmy was definitely on the better part of the spectrum. You had come across some nasty people. Especially in the hospitality business 

⭑ And just because some of the workers were initially against you, didn’t mean they were awful to you. Actually, you became really good friends with Marcus and Tina (she became like your work mum)

⭑ Richie was so intimidating, his bravados and vigor, it was a lot. But in  ... an impressive kinda way? He just knew what he was doing but that made it hard to figure out who to listen to. 

⭑ Living with Sydney made working so much easier; you went to work together, and Sydney practically always made dinner - but in the off chance that you made it, you felt so anxious that she would critique everything you did (she didn’t, she loved that you wanted to make food for her!) 

⭑ Marcus always makes you cupcakes, or cookies or cakes 

⭑ You got Richie to be friendly by asking about his daughter

⭑ You offered to babysit for Tina

⭑ And you found your flow after a few weeks of being there 

⭑ They started to be family, rather than just co-workers 

⭑ And Carmy felt like an enigma at times; one second he was there, the next he was gone. Or on the phone, or chasing up produce 

#the bear #the bear imagine #the bear headcanons #carmy #carmy the bear #carmy headcanons #carmy x reader #reader insert #headcanons #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto headcanons #witchthewriter #would include #fanfiction #god i love this show #sydney adamu #sydney adamu x reader #sydney adamu headcanons #headcanon

[cevansbrat0007]

Classroom Confrontations

Summary: After learning that another child called their daughter a racial slur at school, Reader and Andy confront the Administration over their lack of action. Takes place after BiBi's confession in The Conversation: A Follow-up to Friendly Ignorance. Andy Barber x Black!Reader, Bianca "BiBi" Barber

Warnings: Angry Mama Bear Reader, Attorney Mode Andrew Barber, Discussions of Race, Use of Racial Slurs, Snarky Reader, Compassionate Reader, Cursing, Minors DNI

A/N: This fic might be triggering for some. Please heed the warnings and let me know your thoughts. Part of the Growing Pains Series. All mistakes are my own.

___

Once again, you and your husband find yourselves sitting in the Principal’s Office at Bianca’s school. 

“Nice to see you again, Mr. and Mrs. Barber.” Says Principal Curothers. “Although, I must admit that I hate it has to be under these circumstances.”

You and Andy both offer him strained smiles.

“Ms. Robertson will be joining us, correct?” You ask.

“Yes, she will. Actually, she should be here any minute and -”

The woman in question picks that moment to walk through the door. Mr. Curothers motions for the her to sit in a nearby chair facing the two of you. 

Now all you were waiting for were Billy’s parents, Sally and Dante. Or was it Stella and Duke?

Sally comes in a few moments later, without Dante. Damn. You hadn’t seen the woman in a couple of years, but she still looked like she's been sucking on a freaking lemon.

Maybe she ought to go a little easier on the botox… You think to yourself before doing your best to stow your mean thoughts. At least temporarily. 

Principal Curothers welcomes her, and once she takes her seat, the meeting begins. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Barber requested this meeting based on an incident that occurred between their daughter, Bianca, and your son, Billy, approximately a month ago. Apparently Billy called her a very derogatory...term, which I think we can all agree is very upsetting. We’re here to address the incident to see how we can all move forward in a progressive manner.”

“If I may...” Hell, your asking was only a formality. 

“Of course.” 

You watch in disbelief as Sydney rolls her eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” you say to her. “But do you have a twitch?”

“What? No.” She responds rather indignantly. 

“Oh, then is there something wrong with your contacts?” Andy squeezes your hand, silently telling you to relax.

“No.” 

“Then please don’t roll your eyes when I’m speaking, it’s rude.” Her mouth drops open as you turn your attention back to the administrator. 

“As I was saying before my concern for Billy’s mother interrupted my train of thought, our daughter told Ms. Robertson about the incident directly after she was called a nigger. And she was completely dismissed. My husband and I would like to know why.” You can't quite keep the edge out of your tone.

You watch as everyone squirms when you use the actual slur out loud. Even your husband seems the tiniest uncomfortable. Oh well.  

“Well, Ms. Robertson told me that -” Curothers begins. 

“No offense,” Andy interrupts. “But we’d rather hear from the woman herself. Why wasn’t this matter brought to our attention the same day?

Ope, your man had shifted into Attorney mode. Get ‘em, honey.

The teacher nervously clears her throat. “Um, well, while Bianca did come and tell me what happened, I wasn’t around to actually hear their conversation. So I simply chalked it up to two kids having a squabble.”

“So you chose to do nothing. Our daughter was experiencing a very painful moment and instead of doing your job, you opted to ignore her.” Andy scoffs, his nostrils flaring. "Unbelievable."

“I’m sorry,” Sylvia joins the conversation. “But our Billy does not use that kind of language. And I can assure you that that ugly word has no place in our home.” Her delicately manicured hand clutches her chest.

“Apparently it does.” You mutter, unmoved by the woman’s passionate defense. 

“Excuse me!” She hisses. “I will have you know that my Devon and I don’t see color, and we’re teaching our son to view the world in the same way.”

Okay. You blink at her. “So you, your husband, and your son don’t see color, huh?” 

“That’s right.” She says, clearly proud of herself.

“Well then, to quote Trevor Noah…if you don’t see color, then what do you do at a traffic light?”

She gives you a blank stare. “I don’t get it.”

Of course you don’t, you ignorant twit.   

“I think we’re getting a little off topic here.” Mr. Curothers interrupts as he attempts to rein things in a bit. 

��Sorry, but the whole colorblind defense always irks me. It’s not about how you see color, it’s about how you treat color. Maybe try teaching your kid that.” Comes your gruff response. 

“Again that word is not used in our home. There’s no place he could’ve heard it. We don’t even listen to rap music or anything like that.”

That does it. You tell yourself as you actively resist the urge to kick over her chair. You were listening to Big Sean’s “I Don’t Fuck With You” on blast the whole way home. Even Andy liked that song. 

“That word isn’t used in our home either, except to educate.” You inform her. “You see, the only reason our daughter knows about it is because my husband and I sometimes have to have tough conversations with our girls about the color of their skin. Both of our children know what the word nigger means, and they are aware of the hurtful connotations associated with it.”

Andy steps in now, making a point of first looking around the room, leveling everyone with his trademark hard stare.

“I’d like to think that we’re all aware of the hurtful, demeaning, and negative connotations surrounding that word. Which brings me back to my initial question for Ms. Robertson. Why wasn’t this matter escalated and brought to our attention when it first happened? Why are we all sitting here discussing it over a month later?"

Your man turns his icy blue gaze to the principal. "I find it concerning that my wife and I have yet to receive an adequate answer. Regardless of whether or not this woman was privy to their supposed squabble, we all should have been alerted.” His big hand goes to rest on your knee. 

Ms. Robertson shifts uncomfortably in her seat. 

“Why didn’t you do your job?” You struggle and fail to keep the edge out of your tone. “If you can't protect my child when she needs it, the least you can do is answer my question.”

“I - I, um, well…” She stammers.

“Principal Corothers, in lieu of pursuing legal action against your administration and withdrawing our children from this school, we request that Ms. Robertson put on administrative leave immediately. We would also encourage you and your team to undergo some serious diversity training.”  

The other man coughs and looks down at his desk. “I will look into all of those things Mr. Barber. We do not support intolerance of any kind here at Cedarwood Preparatory Academy, and you have my word that we will do whatever we can to remedy this issue. Starting with appropriate disciplinary action, as well as implementing additional diversity training measures for our staff.”

“Oh my God, this is ridiculous!” Shirley hisses as she angrily jumps up from her seat. “I’m not going to sit here and watch you kiss his ass just because he’s some frickin’ attorney. I’ll have you know that this woman is my son’s favorite teacher and I will not let you treat her like this over something that clearly didn't happen!”

How come her eyebrows didn’t move when she talked? Oh yeah. Forgot about the botox.

“Um, sugarplum?" You briefly interrupt her tirade. "He’s actually the District Attorney.” She shoots you a glare so intense it would make a weaker woman melt. “Sorry, just wanted to point that out.”

“Well, good for him. Must be nice to be his kept little housewife, huh?” She sneers.

“Actually, I’m his bodyguard.” You respond with a shrug. "It just so happens that I also have an affinity for pretty aprons and baking. I like to think of it as being part of my cover."

Your husband just shakes his head.

“Argh!” She storms out of the room, only to return a few minutes later with her confused son in tow. “Okay, we’re going to settle this now. Billy, sweetheart, did you call your friend Bianca the n-word?” She asks him. 

“No.” He shakes his head.

The little snot was lying and you knew it. You wished they would give you two minutes alone with the kid. You'd crack him like a walnut. 

You grit your teeth as sighs of relief echo throughout the room. 

“I didn’t call Bianca dah n-word.” He repeats again. "I don't even know what dat means."

“I know you didn’t sweetie, I know. That little girl probably just made it up for attention.” Suzanne throws you a shit-eating grin.

Your BiBi was many things, but a liar wasn’t one of them. 

Andy hooks an arm around your waist to keep you shooting out of your own seat and dragging the woman down the hall by her cheap hair extensions. 

“But I did call her a nigger.” He whispers. The room goes so quiet that you could hear a pin drop.

“Huh? You - you what?” You watch as the woman in front of you begins to malfunction. You allow yourself a tiny moment of demented enjoyment at her expense before regaining your composure. “Why would you..? Where did you hear that?” She turns to look at you. “I’m telling you, we don’t say that word!”

“PawPaw says it all dah time. He says dat dah only good thing a black man can do is shine his shoes.” The little boy shrugs. “Can I haf’ my snack now, please?”

“Billy, that is a very, very bad word.” Mr. Curothers scolds, his mottled face breaking into a sweat. “Why would you ever refer to your friend that way?”

“Cuz’ she made me mad when she took my turn on dah slide. And PawPaw say it ‘s okay tah say bout dah blacks.”

“Well, it’s not! Don’t you ever let me hear that word come out of your mouth again, young man!” His mother hisses. Taking a deep breath, she turns to you both. “I’m so sorry. I’ll make sure he apologizes. I - I’m sorry.”

You and Andy both nod. 

"Devon's father is no longer welcome at our house." She mumbles, more to herself than anyone else. "And, William, I'm taking your iPad away for a month."

"No!" He screams.

"Consider it gone."

"I hate you!" Billy screams again before stomping off, prompting you and your husband to share an awkwardly amused glance.

Standing, you walk over to the woman and extend your hand, which she readily accepts.

“Thank you for the apology, Stacy. I’m sure that wasn’t easy.” The woman looks ready to cry. 

You’d feel a little more sympathetic if she hadn’t so readily accused your BiBi of seeking attention not even five minutes ago, but whatever. 

Andy stands as well. “Principal Curothers, I expect to receive an email regarding the follow-up measures you intend to take before the week’s end. Please don’t make me be the one to have to reach out to you. My wife is already researching different schools for our children. I’d hate to have to start scheduling tours.”

The other man nods, looking ill.

You and your husband hold hands as you exit his office, neither of you saying a word until you’re safely settled in the car. 

Turning to him, you offer Andy your most dazzling smile. “Baby, have I ever told you how sexy you are when you go into attorney mode over our kids?” You press a kiss to your still joined hands.

He grins. “And have I told you how much it turns me on when you go all Mama Bear on people? Makes my dick hard.” 

You take another moment to smile at each other, before your man turns on the car and puts it in drive.

“We make one hell of a team, Andy Bear.”

“That we do, baby girl. That we do.”

And yes, you do blast Big Sean's "I Don't Fuck With You" all the way home, and it's cathartic as hell.

END

#chris evans #andy barber #chris evans black!reader #andy barber black!reader #chris evans woc!reader #andy barber woc!reader #chris evans imagines #andy barber imagines #cevansbrat0007 fics #cevansbrat0007growing pains series #bianca barber #chris evans fanfiction #andy barber fanfiction #chris evans female!reader #chris evans x yn

[witchybiitchy]

c’est ça l’amour | l.n

fic masterlist

chapter 10

“I think it’s safe to say that everyone, both from AlphaTauri and McLaren, are incredibly disappointed in you two.” Dan Brown’s words echoed around Sydney’s head as she blow dried her hair, Alpha Tauri polo and jeans already on as she prepared for her first day of formal press since, what Daisy is privately referring to as ‘The Pash’, occurred. She’d performed well last week getting to P7, so there was no reason she couldn’t perform just as well this week, and that was what she’d tell everyone who asked. That didn’t stop her hands from shaking as she unplugged her hair dryer, nor her heart from beating at 1000 miles an hour as she stepped out of the hotel lobby and into her provided car with Daisy. Driving always calmed her down, but she didn’t think that anything could truly calm her down before this.

“Lando’s nervous too.” Daisy said sympathetically. She needed to give Sydney updates like this as the pair had been ‘formally discouraged from making non-professional, social contact’ with each other. Corporate speak for ‘make this any worse and you will lose your job.’

“He is not about to be called a slut on TV in front of all his colleagues, now is he?” Sydney’s lack of h’s seemed ever so prominent in her time of stress. Her accent had seemingly thickened in one day, as she’d spent all of the previous day on the phone with Pierre in between their individual duties for the day.

“Well, that’s the patriarchy for you, love. Don’t worry, the interviewers will probably feel just as awkward asking the questions as you will answering them.” Daisy replied. All Sydney could see in her head was Olav winking at her after poking his tongue in the inside of his cheek and already knew that wouldn’t be the case.

As soon as she stepped out of the car and onto the pavement of the Red Bull Ring’s driver entrance, she could feel eyes and cameras on her. They were earlier than a lot of other teams, and earlier than most of their team, as they wanted to avoid the majority of unofficial media personnel asking questions, but of course you couldn’t plan it perfectly.

“Are you and Lando like, dating?” A young girl in an FiA top said as she scanned Sydney’s pass for her. Apparently the machines were broken, but Daisy didn’t seem to be having too much trouble.

“No.” Sydney deadpanned before grabbing her pass back and rejoining Daisy. “One question and I am already wanting to go home.” Sydney groaned.

“Just take it one question at a time.” Daisy said positively.

The format of the Thursday was the same as any other. Sydney would complete all her individual interviews, the official Formula 1 press conference with another randomly selected driver, and then anything extra for AlphaTauri. Today, there was also a Grill the Grid to film, which made her feel physically nauseous as they almost always involved the discussion of fellow drivers. And yet, the entire atmosphere was different. Sydney felt like a zoo animal with all the eyes on her, and she even saw Christian Horner whisper something to Max Verstappen as she walked past them at one point. To his credit, Max didn’t seem overly impressed with whatever Christian had to say, and sent Sydney a comforting smile.

“Sydney, fuck, how are you?” Charles said as he was passing by with his team, seeming tentative to give her a hug but doing so anyway.

“I’m fine, I just need to get through today.” Sydney said softly into his shoulder.

“You’ll be great.” He smiled sympathetically before being swept off to another interview.

She didn’t really pay any attention to where they were going until Daisy stopped walking and got out her phone, probably panic checking Sydney’s schedule. They were basically in the middle of nowhere, in the AlpaTauri pit lane garage surrounded by a couple of engineers and mechanics but definitely no press. She gave Daisy a questioning look at their locale.

“Sky want to meet us here for an interview, something about location variety for their cut-shots before the race, I don’t know.” Daisy trailed off, her fidgeting hands revealing that she was nervous as well.

“Who is the interviewer? I do not want a man.” Sydney said as she closed her eyes and rubbed the heel of her palm into them.

“I think we have Natalie, so you’re in luck.” Daisy said just as a TV crew arrived in the pit lane. Two chairs were set up facing into the garage, so that the background of the video would be the pit wall. Natalie beckoned Sydney over as the crew continued setting up cameras and microphones, and she gave Daisy a questioning look before going over.

“Now, I know you’re probably nervous, and that’s totally fine, but I just want you to know that I only have one question about, well you know what about,” Natalie began, and Sydney was thanking the omnipotent powers of the world that this was the presenter she was given. “And it’s so open-ended you can basically give a press-statement on it. I'm not gonna try and make you say something risqué, as much as my boss wants me to. The interview’s mainly to talk about feminist shit, the female experience in F1. But don’t worry, this was planned before Tuesday, it’s not some cover up thing.” Natalie smiled comfortingly, and Sydney tried her best to smile back. Maybe she’d over-reacted, maybe the press wasn’t actually going to be that bad.

God, was she wrong. Her interviews all went by fairly quickly, her anxiety-riddled brain relaxing in relief at the questions that would normally seem brain numbing, and most only asked one or two questions about her and Lando. Grill the Grid was also fine, it was about driver heights and she made sure to group the shorter drivers together so that she wouldn’t have to actually say Lando’s name. They even filmed a few jokey AlphaTauri videos while they were in their racing gear. It was the press conference where the day really went to shit.

Her group was made up of Lewis Hamilton, neutral, Sebastian Vettel, kind but never spoken to him, Mick Schumacher, nice enough, and, even though the driver selections were supposedly random, Lando Norris. She made sure to seat herself in the far right-hand chair, hopefully so that the interviewers would forget about her. That was obviously a feeble wish.

“Sorry to Seb, Lewis and Mick, this could be a bit of a boring one for you.” One of the press conference interviewers said as they all settled themselves down. The five of them chuckled good naturedly, but Sydney thought she might vomit again.

“And we’re good to go. Well, I don’t think anyone will be surprised by this first question. Lando, we’ll come to you first, what do you have to say after that photo was leaked on Tuesday?” There was a slightly awkward moment of silence as Lando paused to readjust in his chair, obviously trying to stall as well.

“Well, I mean, obviously it’s not an ideal situation for myself and Sydney to be in,” Sydney noticed him tack on the end of her name like an afterthought, obviously not wanting to use a nickname on air, “because it wasn’t a public place, you know, so it’s unfortunate that even our private lives aren’t very private, but I suppose that comes with the territory.” Lando seemed like he was done, but a stern looked from Charlotte prompted him to continue.

“It’s also not as if we need to apologise, so I guess all I really have to say is that it’s just a photo from a 21st birthday party and people shouldn’t read too much into it.” Lando sank back in his chair, and no amount of eye contact from Charlotte was going to make him keep going.

“And Sydney, what are your thoughts?” The interviewer turned to look at her. She had to stop herself from instinctually looking over at Lando, needing the support of his blue eyes at a time like this.

“I agree with Lando, I think that it is not a photo that belongs to the public, and it is unfortunate that we cannot behave like normal people our age without a big fuss being made. On the other hand,” Sydney continued, receiving a look from Daisy this time, “I do recognise that I have a great privilege in being a Formula 1 driver, and obviously part of that is being, euh, watched? I guess? And although, as Lando said, I do not need to apologise, I can see why certain people have, euh, issues with our behaviour.”

The interviewer moved onto questions about the race for the other three for about 5 minutes, a fraction of the time they would usually spend on official questions, before opening up to the floor.

“David Croft, Sky Sports F1, a question for Sydney. You said before that you can see why certain people would ‘have issues’ with your and Lando’s actions. Why is that?”

“Well, I need to be, euh, diplomatic, non?” Sydney elicited a laugh from a few journalists, but barely cracked a smile herself. “The reason is that people usually have issues when young people in, euh, with fame, behave the way other people their age do. Drinking, dancing, a lot of people have problems with that.”

“And how do you respond to assertions that you’re throwing away your career, or making a mockery of F1?” Sydney’s head began to buzz, and the long words he was using didn’t help. She inferred what ‘assertions’ meant and carried on, hoping she was correct.

“Euh, well, I think that could be how it seems, but I think that some people are forgetting that it was my 21st birthday, and that I do not do this every weekend, if ever, and that I am still capable of racing well even though I am not just a Formula 1 robot with no desire to have fun.” Sydney tried to stop herself from getting too annoyed.

“I think, what I’m more trying to get at here, forgive me for the insistence, is that a relationship between two drivers could be potentially detrimental to the sport as a whole.” The man continued.

“Well, maybe it could be, but we are not in a relationship so that is not a problem.” Sydney said bluntly.

“Okay, I think we’ll move on to somebody else now.” The main interviewer said.

“Peter Vamosi, Racingline. Sydney, how do you think the presence of both genders in Formula 1 will change the sport, especially given the actions of Monday night?” Sydney had to push down a grimace.

“I think that the presence of women in Formula 1 can only be a good thing. There are too many men in this sport, both on the track and off, and I think that, when girls who are interested in karting see female engineers and female drivers, they understand that this is a real career for them. I also think that sometimes this sport can be, euh, negative in that there is too much, euh, trying to prove that you’re the best. I mean obviously we all want to be the best, we all want to win. But I think sometimes, with all the, euh, I think testosterone is the word, with all the testosterone the competition can compromise safety and can create really negative attitudes towards other teams or other supporters.” Sydney knew that that wasn’t the answer he was looking for, but it was how she really felt, and she wouldn’t bow to his will and talk about Monday night when it was irrelevant.

“Matt Kew, Autosport. Sydney, can you really maintain that view, that there are only positives to come from a female presence in Formula 1, when one photo of you and Lando has already thrown the paddock into such a frenzy?” God, she wanted to strangle that little man.

“Euh, well, yes, of course I can. That ‘frenzy’ is because of an attitude problem in this sport, not because of a female presence.” She had completely forgotten about keeping her cool.

“Christian Nimmervoll, Motorsport Total. Christian Horner has just told my colleague that, quote ‘drivers who behave like drunk teenagers in their free time are a poor representation of the serious athletes in this sport.’ What do you have to say about that, and do you think that that is reflective of the attitude problem you mentioned?” Sydney paused for a moment to gather her thoughts, struggling to stay civil.

“You didn’t address the question, can I answer?” Seb said jokingly, representing the thoughts of the other three drivers. Well, potentially even four, given Lando hadn’t been asked a single question so far either.

“Um, Sydney?” The interviewer said awkwardly, and she could hear Lewis exhale in comedic disbelief next to her.

“Euh, I think that, um, well I do not really know what to say.” Sydney half-laughed. She knew exactly what she wanted to say, but if she began crying sexism up and down the paddock she’d be called hysterical.

“I’d like to answer this question, actually.” Lando said from a few chairs down, and all heads in the room, including Sydney’s, turned to face him. “I think that the attitude problem Syd mentioned isn’t just people saying things like what Christian said, which I have my own thoughts on, but that’s besides the point. I think the attitude problem is perfectly represented in this room. She was asked four questions in a row, all of which tried to insinuate that a drunken kiss between us somehow meant that women shouldn’t be allowed to race in Formula 1, which, pardon my language, is the biggest bullshit I’ve ever heard. At least if all of you were interrogating both of us, it could be written off as gossip for entertainment, but the fact that Syd’s getting the blame for something that wasn’t even bad in the first place is ridiculous, given there are two of us in that photo.” The room fell silent after Lando’s short outburst, and Sydney noticed that Charlotte and Daisy had already left the room. They were beyond help.

“Well, maybe we’ll just end it there for today.” The main interviewer said, awkwardly mouthing something to his colleague. Lewis turned to Sydney sympathetically.

“I know how it feels, don’t worry. Just remember that if you’re driving well, and getting good results, there’s nothing they can really say to you.” With that, the older man stood up and left the room, allowing Sydney to make brief eye contact with Lando before he too left the room. It was going to be a long weekend.

She was in the car, in the last minutes remaining of Q3. She would have just enough time to complete one flying lap after this slow lap to let her battery recover. Mattia had told her to aim for the 1:03s, and she had no idea where that would put her but she trusted him. Disappointed my ass, Sydney thought to herself. She’d never qualified so well in her whole life. It was as if a hole had opened up in the middle of the track ahead of her and she was just disappearing through it, the air in front of her splitting like a tunnel.

She rounded the last corner, hitting the apex just right and accelerating out in a way that made her feel as though she had melted into the car and was simply extending her own body parts. As she passed the chequered flag, she heard the telltale crackle of the radio, followed by a cheer that surprised her so much she nearly spun the car.

“P4 SYD! P FUCKING 4!” Mattia yelled over the radio from the pit wall.

“Seriously?” Sydney asked in true disbelief.

“Yeah Syd, well done, well done today.” Mattia continued.

“Fuck me man, fuck, I was not expecting that.” Sydney could feel tears running down her cheeks. If she was Max or Lewis they would’ve been tears of disappointment with P4, but she was elated. A small voice in the back of her head whispered, “Lando had better have done well too, or you’ll look really, really bad.”

“And now, is that Sydney Laurent I see? I think it is.” The voice of Ted Kravitz made Sydney turn her head to face him, stopping her walk through the paddock. She had her hair unplaited and tied into a bun, and her overalls were down around her waist, and she hadn’t taken off the shit-eating grin that she’d been wearing for the past hour and a half. “Well, someone certainly looks happy.” He said in his cheerful voice.

“I think this is the best day of my life since France.” She said happily.

“And France was less than a month ago, you have to be aware that you’re having an astoundingly good season.” The photo flashed through her mind and she winced slightly.

“Well, euh, astoundingly? That was what you said? No, I wouldn’t say that, not after this week. But today, it has definitely improved things.” Sydney laughed.

“Speaking of this week, with you in P4 and Lando in P2 after qualifying, I mean, I think everyone has to eat their words now, don’t they?” Ted said, with a grin still on his face.

“Eat their words? I have never heard that expression before, it is funny. Yes, yes I believe that they do have to eat their words. We are both serious athletes, even if some people don’t think so.” She said, cheekily referencing Christian Horner’s comments from earlier in the week.

“We’d better get going, but it was lovely talking to you Sydney, best of luck for tomorrow.” Ted said, rushing off to find another person to interview for his post-qualifying, post-media show.

Once again, it was more due to the pitfalls in other driver’s strategies, with Lewis’ pitstop taking over 6 seconds and the undercut not working in Checo’s favour, but Sydney found herself walking out onto the podium in third place, accepting her trophy and holding it high above her head. You couldn’t call this a fluke anymore, nor luck, nor anything else. She was just a good driver, and no one could dispute it. But the thing that made this podium even better, that made a grin split her face open in two like a madwoman, was who walked out when they announced second place.

“LANDOOO NORRIS!” Cheers erupted from the crowd as the boy stepped out to accept his trophy. Sydney couldn’t help but stare. His brown curls spilled out from under his cap and his smile was bright enough to rival the sun. Her chest ached for what could now never transpire between them, but she also felt elated at what they had achieved. They had managed to make all the doubt and the criticism vanish in just one fell swoop.

The music began to play and Lando and Sydney began spraying their champagne with noticeably more enthusiasm than Max, but that didn’t stop him from dousing the pair in equal measure. Once the cheering had died down, Sydney lifted the comically large bottle to take a well-deserved swig.

“You two are unbelievable.” Max said, laughing.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lando said, cringing at the taste of champagne in his mouth.

“You have maybe the biggest scandal between two drivers, and I’m literally dating the ex-wife of the driver I replaced, and then you finish the week with a podium for both of you. I just, it’s unbelievable.” Max continued, laughing to himself.

“Yeah, we’re pretty good.” Lando said, and he swung his arm around Sydney’s shoulders as they walked off the podium. He removed it fairly swiftly upon noticing all the cameras that were on them, but at this point Sydney didn’t care. They could shit-stir all they wanted, because they’d proved that whatever was going on between them, which neither them nor the media really understood, wouldn’t get in the way of their jobs.

That night, after she was interviewed, debriefed and showered, Sydney cuddled under her duna, the warmth of her hotel room nearly lulling her to sleep. Her newly founded phone addiction led her to opening Instagram, despite her better judgement. She saw more notifications than usual, all of which were about the same tagged post. Clicking on the first one to pop up, she was taken to Lando’s account. On the first slide, a picture of Max, Lando and Sydney on the podium, grins wide as Max spoke to both of them. On the second, it was the picture from the pub. Not the one taken by some stranger, nor the video taken by Pierre. It was Daisy’s photo, the one of them laughing. His caption? 🥉+🥈. God, she really did blush like a schoolgirl.

#Formula 1 #formula 1 fanfic #formula 1 one shot #formula 1 fic #formula 1 imagine #lando norris #lando norris imagine #lando norris one shot #lando norris fic #lando norris x oc #lando norris x reader

[thethirdromana]

Sydney Atherton's Very Heterosexual Description of Paul Lessingham

I am free to confess,—I have owned it before!—that, in a sense, I admire that man,—so long as he does not presume to thrust himself into a certain position.

Have you been thinking a lot about what positions Paul might be thrusting in, Sydney?

He possesses physical qualities which please my eye—speaking as a mere biologist.

As a biologist, mm-hmm.

I like the suggestion conveyed by his every pose, his every movement,

His every pose? His every movement? You have been watching him closely.

of a tenacious hold on life,—of reserve force, of a repository of bone and gristle on which he can fall back at pleasure.

Isn't the usual expression "at leisure"? Freudian slip?

The fellow’s lithe and active; not hasty, yet agile; clean built, well hung,

No comment.

—the sort of man who might be relied upon to make a good recovery. You might beat him in a sprint,—mental or physical—though to do that you would have to be spry!—but in a staying race he would see you out.

It's important to Sydney that Paul has stamina.

I do not know that he is exactly the kind of man whom I would trust,—unless I knew that he was on the job,—which knowledge, in his case, would be uncommonly hard to attain. He is too calm; too self-contained; with the knack of looking all round him even in moments of extremest peril,—and for whatever he does he has a good excuse.

Quite a sexy flaw, isn't it? He's hot as hell but I just don't know if I can trust him - don't worry, Sydney, we've all been there.

He has the reputation, both in the House and out of it, of being a man of iron nerve,—and with some reason; yet I am not so sure. Unless I read him wrongly his is one of those individualities which, confronted by certain eventualities, collapse,—to rise, the moment of trial having passed, like Phoenix from her ashes. However it might be with his adherents, he would show no trace of his disaster.

VERY SUBTLE FORESHADOWING. But also Sydney goes very quickly from the collapse to the phoenix-like rise.

And this was the man whom Marjorie loved. Well, she could show some cause.

Even more cause? Beyond him being admirable, and good-looking, and well-hung (!), and full of stamina?

He was a man of position,—destined, probably, to rise much higher; a man of parts,

Back to his parts again.

—with capacity to make the most of them;

It's not the size of the boat etc.

not ill-looking; with agreeable manners,—when he chose; and he came within the lady’s definition of a gentleman, ‘he always did the right thing, at the right time, in the right way.’ And yet—!

And yet you think you might still be in with a chance?

Well, I take it that we are all cads, and that we most of us are prigs; for mercy’s sake do not let us all give ourselves away.

Sydney, I fear it's too late for that.

#the beetle weekly

[whatispersonalspacejyp]

Comes animae 3 - Apotheosis

Genre: Mature

Pairing: Chan x reader

Warnings series: Stalking, Kidnapping, Non con,

Warnings chapter: Stalking, curse words, kidnapping

Previous - Next

Chan slams Sunggyu to the ground, choking him while draining his blood. Chan then carries the lifeless body to the lake not far from the school and makes sure to drop him in the deepest part of the lake, with a big rock tied to his leg so he would sink immediately. 

When I was finished teaching the kids one of the teachers came running up to me. “Y/N? Have you seen Sunggyu?” I shook my head. “No, not since after the break. Maybe he went home earlier. But if you don’t mind I have work in half an hour.” She nods and lets me go. So I took a taxi toward the bar that I worked at. “Eight more hours to go and then I can finally sleep,” I mumbled under my breath. I greeted my boss and went behind the bar. “A bloody mary.” I looked at the old man and shrugged. “It’s just four in the afternoon, and people are already drinking.”I made the drink and gave it to him. “So pretty, what’s your name? We can go eat ramen after you are done with your shift.” I leaned over the counter. “Sorry, I have a very late shift and I’m not into old guys.” My boss understood that I said those things, but have gotten a few warnings for my attitude. It wasn’t very busy around this time, so me and my colleague were talking happily. “No Yeji, he asked me out, a dinner date tomorrow! Ah, Sunggyu is so cute. I swear.” Me and Yeji decided to start working again, as with time the place got busier by the minute. “God I hope it would be dry once we’re off, cause this weather will drench me from head to toe.” 

Chan sniffs the air. “Where are they…” He mutters and pulls his hood on, walking through the two and trying to pick up their scent again. From a distance, Chan could hear them talking and picked up the words. “Sunggyu.” and ‘cute’. Standing at the back of the building he smirks to himself. “Now he can be his ‘cute’ little self down under where he belongs…” ‘and you’ll realize there’s only one person you ought to think about…” Chan is patiently waiting outside until Y/N shift is over. Hours will just feel like seconds for him anyway. While he does that, he’s also keeping an eye out for all kinds of men walking into the bar.

Once the clock hit 2 a.m., I got off. Grabbed my stuff and walked out of the back door, locking it while Yeji locked the front. “This is going to be terrible.” Cause the moment I stepped out I was already drenched because of the rain. “Sydney should be asleep by now,” I mumbled to myself while looking around the alley. Suddenly my heart started racing as I saw a man standing there, a shiver ran down my spine while I turned to walk the other way. 

Chan pulls his hood more down and follows after them, keeping a safe distance and hiding whenever they look behind them. He managed to be inside the apartment before they could and awaited them at the door with a cloth in his hand. “You’ll be mine.” He breathed out. I quickly walked inside the apartment, locking the door behind me, and then moved towards the windows to close them too. Then I ran towards Sydney’s bedroom only to realize she wasn’t there. “Shit, shit, shit.” I ran into my room and grabbed my phone, trying to call my missing roommate before calling the police, not noticing the man behind me. “Now now, doll, not now.” Before I could even call the police, Chan stood close behind me and pressed the cloth against my mouth and within seconds I was out. Chan catches my unconscious body and lays me on the bed, quickly collecting the stuff needed alone with the phone. Then he carries me over his shoulder and runs at full speed to the cabin. When he got there he tied my wrist to the bed, along with the ankles, tight enough that there was no way of escaping. Chan smirks at this job well done and stares down the body, taking in every detail. 

I woke up around an hour later. “What the hell.” I mumbed. I tried to sit up but without any success. I started to panic, looking around the room until I looked at the man standing near the bed. “Who… Who are you, what do you want from me?” I screamed, in the slightest hope someone would hear me. “Now now doll, there’s no need to struggle.” Chan laughs. “No one will hear you anyway, don’t strain that pretty voice of yours. And to be fair, I want a lot of things from you. Your body, your blood, basically everything that makes you as you are.” In the moonlight, Chan’s fangs shine through as he grins. “You… You’re a vampire.”I said with a shivering tone. “Why me?” I whispered, before noticing he was checking out my body. “Hey, my eyes are up here asshole. And you will never have me!” I spat at him, pulling on the restraints. “That sweetheart,” Chan’s eyes glow red, and crawls on top of the bed. “is where you are wrong.” He holds my shoulders down, so he has better access to my neck and quickly bates down before I can even struggle more. “I knew that you would taste this good, and that was all for me.” He growls and starts sucking the spot. I screamed at first. Bucking my hips to try and get him off of me. Once he stopped sucking I let out a moan. Breathing heavily and at the point of passing out, since it felt like needles were inserted, was one of my biggest fears. “Sleep tight, my little doll.” Chan licks the remaining blood off my neck and pecks my lips, painting them slightly red. He then gets off the bed and grabs the phone as it buzzes, reading a message from Sydney. ‘I hope your doll is just as amazing as mine, she’s so sweet.’ Chan smirks as he reads the message coming from Jungkook. ‘More than amazing, They’re feisty, I’ll tell you that much, but that makes them even more desirable.’ He sends it back.

I fought against the sleep, and after I while, I was fully awake again. “People will look for me! Don’t think you’ll get away with it. I’m not even going to sleep with a creep like you in the room.”I said, afraid that if I yelled I would get lightheaded. “And I’m not your doll, you freak!” Chan puts the phone in his pocket. “You know, that one night. I could’ve just let you and your little friend die.” Then he walks closer, this time with a handkerchief. “Truth be told, I don’t fancy your foul mouth. Now be a good doll.” He leans down and ties the handkerchief around my mouth. I screamed at him, but my voice was muffled. “I would rather have died than be here.” At this point, I just wanted to test him and push his limits. So I looked at him angrily. “Is this the best you could do? Putting a dirty cloth in front of my mouth and biting me! What’s next spank me?” I used my whole body and tried to get it out. Chan merely smirks at me, not really bothered. “I’m actually saving that for later.” He bursts out laughing and roughly grabs my chin. “You have fire in you, I’ll give you that, no wonder your blood tastes exquisite,” I growled at him, then looked passed him and saw my painting hanging there. It looked exactly like him. “What’s your name? I should have the right to know who kidnapped me.” I mumbled, backing down. I couldn’t get out, at least not today.

The name is Bang Chan. Rightful member of the Stray Kids clan.” He grins smugly and leans against the wall. “Nice to meet you.” I just nod. “Could you remove the handkerchief please, it’s uncomfortable. Also, can I eat something I haven’t eaten all day?” ‘come on, befriend the guy, that could get me out faster.’ “Only because you said please, but when you’re struggling again, it goes right on,” Chan said in a serious tone and pulled the handkerchief from my mouth. He then leaves for the kitchen to grab something to eat. I relaxed, my wrists and ankles hurt from trying to get out. “God… Why did I do that.” I threw my head back in pain as I felt it through my ankle. “here you are. Oh that’s right you can’t move.” Chan laughs as he comes back with a bowl of soup in his hands.  I laughed sarcastically. “Can you loosen my hands? Or are you going to feed me? Also, can you free my left ankle? I sprained it the other day and it’s hurting really bad.” I said staring at Chan, while he looked at me in amusement. “Oh I know what you’re doing and it’s not going to work on an obsessed vampire, doll. No, you’re just going to stay like this, the way I want.” Chan reaches the spoon towards my mouth. “Unless you want to starve, you better open that bold mouth of yours. “Fine, but could you please do something with the ankle?” The restraints felt heavy on the already hurting ankle. I opened my mouth and let Chan feed me, I wanted to complain about many other things like my clothes, but decided against it knowing that maybe one too many requests would make him do absolutely nothing. “That we’ll discuss tomorrow,” Chan said and kept feeding me until the bowl is empty. “That a good doll.” He gives my head a pet and goes back into the kitchen.  I closed my eyes after the food. “Could this be even worse? I’ll never sleep tonight, my clothes are to long and tight to even be comfortable in and the pain in my ankle just feels unbearable.” I mumbled to myself, while Chan stood in the kitchen listening while cleaning up the bowl and spoon, waiting for me to finally fall asleep. Chan walks back into the bedroom after I fell asleep and changes me into one of the outfits he brought with him. Feeling somewhat bad for my ankle after examining it, he decides to just let it loose and bandage it, before going off to his own room to wait for my awakening. 

#straykids #bang chan #bang chan imagines #bang chan smut #stray kids scenarios

[ageofnations]

Table For Two - Part Thirteen

In collaboration with @welightthefire

Jake Kiszka x OC x Josh Kiszka

Summary: “What started out as a new job unexpectedly became something more for Sydney Baker. There’s only room at the table for two… How will she navigate her feelings and come to a decision? How can she choose between two sides of the same coin?”

Warnings: angst, anxiety, tiny bit of platonic fluff (let us know if we should add anything)

Word Count: ~5.4k

taglist // playlist // masterpost

A/N: thanks for being so patient with us and we hope we can make it up to you!

Part Thirteen

The view that stretched out before him resembled something like that of a nature documentary he had found himself time and time again mindlessly watching at three in the morning. The vast canopy of verdant fauna seemed to roll in waves across the dips and rises in the valley below. The sun was blinding, illuminating everything in its wake in a grand display of color. 

As the heels of his boots sunk into the rocky earth beneath his feet, he let his eyes wander further. His gaze spanned the width of the rocky ledge that jutted out before him, stopping once they landed on her figure. Her bare toes threatened to curl around the jagged edge of the basalt as her long hair swept in the soft breeze behind her. The sun shone directly over her bare legs, the tanned hue of her complexion somehow glowing as she bathed in the light. He couldn’t help the shiver that crept its way along his spine when he noticed the denim fabric hanging off her shoulders. 

His chest hurt as he watched her motionless form gaze out over the sight before her. Her body language was the epitome of peace and grace, yet the soulful connection he had formed with her over the past months led him to feel her inner conflicts. 

Jake knew she was beating herself up and he hated that he couldn’t do anything but stand there and watch as her arms moved to wrap around her middle and her thumb twisted against the ring on her index finger. He could feel her anxiety and her sorrow, her remorse and her regret, her confusion and uncertainty just as if they were his own emotions, and in a way, they were. 

He wanted to hold her, kiss her. He wanted to reassure her that everything would work itself out, that it would be fine. That one way or another, they could figure it out together. 

But he couldn’t. The marks embedded in the dirt from his weight seemed to ground him, glue him to that one spot. His pulse raced as he watched her fingers trail up along the path of passion left on her breast up towards the sweet spot behind her ear. A place where she couldn’t see but remained a reminder of the early hours they shared together, wrapped up in each other’s limbs. 

In the distance, he could hear the piercing call of an eagle cut through the sound of the wind blowing through the trees. Then, that same breeze, it kissed the bare skin of his arms in such a way that it caused his flesh to crawl. There was darkness amidst the light, greater than any feeling shared along the invisible red string between the two. 

He wasn’t welcome here. 

No matter how beautiful, how heavenly, how wondrous this escape to nature was, he couldn’t shake the horrible feeling that was burrowing itself deeper inside his gut. There was an inescapable dread that threatened to climb up his throat and escape his lips in a silent scream. 

Something was wrong. 

Maybe it was his presence in such a beautiful place, somehow tainting the air around him. Perhaps him being there was the reason Syd stood as still as a statue while her mind ran rampant. 

He wished he could be the lighthouse in her harbor, the anchor that weighed her down and kept her at the shore. The terrors she was feeling inside… He wished nothing more than to take them away so she could find peace. 

But that was all it was. 

Wishful thinking. 

Before he had even realized it, he found the familiar hum buzzing along his throat as his voice carried across the space between them. “Slip.”

Jake took a few short steps towards her, his dark irises eyeing her intently as her shoulders fell from their tense position. He swore he saw the apple of her cheek swell from his viewpoint, but he couldn’t be sure. 

“Baby, please,” he pleaded, not stopping his footfalls until he was right behind her. Close enough to touch, but he wasn’t brave enough. Her broken emotions that seemed to flicker like a picture show through his mind held him back. 

As she abruptly turned her head to face him, the familiar aroma of vanilla lifting up towards his senses, clouding his mind in unbridled comfort. For just a moment, her eyes held a certain kind of sadness, one of longing for a lost lover. 

He wished her expression would fall, change into something brighter. He wished a meek smile would turn the corners of her lips upward, but they stayed. 

“Jake,” she breathed with tears evident in the glossy coat that caused her eyes to sparkle in the late-afternoon sunlight. 

“Hi, baby,” he smiled sadly, his own tears silently creeping over the defined structure of his cheekbones. 

It hurt him to see her like this and to know that he couldn’t take it away. There wasn’t anything he could think of to do, except to exist there within her presence. 

He watched as the tension lifted from her shoulders once more and she began to relax under his gaze. It was for only a second that her arms fell to her sides before they were wrapped around her torso once more. 

“I miss you,” he spoke, hesitantly, fearful that if he said too much, he would scare her away. 

Make her leave again. 

Her silence was deafening as she opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, seeming to try and find the words that wouldn’t come out. She stuck out her tongue and swiped it along the plane of her plump lower lip, intaking a deep sigh after what seemed like hours but was only mere moments before her body crashed against his like a tidal wave. 

‘I miss you,’ Syd’s voice sang through the creases and crevices in his brain, sending neurons firing left and right at the sound. ‘I’m here. You don’t have to miss me, because I’m here.’

Her arms snaked around his neck as she pushed herself up on her toes to press her chest flush against his. The floral scent of her shampoo intoxicated him as his nose kissed the hollow of her cheek. Her action froze any and all attempts at a reaction from him towards the embrace that she was holding him in so tightly. It was all he could do to steady their bodies by holding firmly to her waist. 

As the pair stood there, Jake’s breath grew uneven and staggered. He wished he could feel at peace in this beautiful place with her. He wished he could take away all of the hurt and sorrow he knew she was feeling inside, but was too proud to admit to. 

He couldn’t help but feel as though this was some sort of goodbye. His chest hurt, overflowing with his own pain. A dark and twisted kind of emotion that snaked and constricted tighter and tighter as it threatened to suffocate him completely. The feeling wasn’t panic. In fact, it was something else entirely.

It was the fact that he felt her slipping away from him. Her voice in his head was nothing but a wishful response to what he wanted her to say.

Needed her to say.

Jake couldn’t imagine a day without her shy smile filling a room, her witty remarks stunning him into silence, the soft touch of her fingertips against his arm a gentle reminder that she was there. After so many moments in time where they found themselves together, they had gotten to the point where they could share themselves unabashedly. 

So much work, so many memories.

Little conversations that turned into special blips of mind space stored away to find happiness within the melancholy. 

The tears slid down his cheeks in a slow trickle, losing themselves within the strands of her dark hair. He didn’t want to lose her, but he didn’t know how to make her stay. There was an innate fear deep within him that any word spoken about that morning would cause her to flee like an unsuspecting deer caught in a field. 

So he kept quiet, kept his thoughts at bay. 

But someone else couldn’t help it. 

“Why?” The raspy voice sounded, coming from neither Jake nor Syd. It was Josh. 

Jake could feel his twin’s eyes boring holes into the back of his skull. It caused a feeling of unease to arise in his chest, ceasing the constriction but heightening the pressure. It was a wonder why Syd couldn’t hear his heart begin to pound, and if she did, she didn’t let on. Josh was watching them, observing their embrace, scrutinizing their intimacy. 

The grip he had on Syd’s waist tightened as he paused his breathing, waiting for his brother’s words that would never come. He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt Syd’s body shift, her torso bumping against his as she rose to stand on her tiptoes. Jake choked back a whimper as Josh spoke again. 

“Why?” He repeated. “Why, why, why-?”

Jake could feel the hair on the back of his neck stand on end at the chilled, dead tone of his brother’s voice. He didn’t have to turn to see the man staring, not at them, but almost through them. The visual of Josh displayed clearly in his mind.

Usually tan, glowing skin gone pale.

Warm, chestnut eyes grew dark and cold.

Bouncy curls fell flat.

Tall, confident shoulders sunk low, defeated.

Yet, Jake still felt threatened. Syd could see them both and he knew she was watching Josh from over his shoulder. The shift of her shirt against his didn’t go unnoticed by him. 

He could feel her bury her head into his neck, her shoulders shaking just enough to indicate that she was crying. The gesture only made him feel that much more intimidated by his brother’s presence. It seemed as if this were the end of the hug he had quickly lost himself in. As if her movement foreshadowed her impending departure. He felt as if she was letting him bask in her presence while he still could, crying only because of the pain she would cause.

“You can leave, if you need to,” he croaked out, voice hoarse as he tried to keep his composure. He didn’t want her pity, not if it meant she suffered in the meantime.

Still, she shook her head. And for reasons he couldn’t understand, she clutched onto him tighter.

“You can,” he insisted. As much as it hurt him to let her go a second time, he would do it a million times over if it was what made her happy. 

He had heard that dreams were the mind’s way of processing things. Preparing for possible situations, accepting that which has passed. And with that knowledge, he made his decision. He’d fully lean into what was to come. What had already happened.

He’d accept the fact that he lost her. He’d come to terms with a reality that was just as bitter on his tongue as the name of any of his past lovers. He would let her leave.

And with Josh’s voice becoming clearer and clearer, more dangerous and disgusted, it felt as if her departure would arrive sooner rather than later. Her fingers twisted into the fabric of Jake’s t-shirt the moment Josh’s open palm connected with his brother’s shoulder. 

In an instant, Jake’s arms tightened around Syd’s frame to keep her pressed flush against his as the earth fell out from beneath their feet. As her eyes widened with surprise but not with fear, they descended through the free fall.

Together.

—

It had been two weeks…

Two weeks of living in the confines of his wandering mind, spinning in circles as if he were a lost puppy in search of its favorite human. There was a sense of listlessness as Jake went through his days, repeating the same old actions from muscle memory.

He would wake up to the sound of his alarm blaring a monotonous tone, but instead of getting up once it was silenced, he would lay there staring at the ceiling as images of Syd danced before him. Jake spent his mornings longing for her, imagining what more he could have done to make her stay. 

Each moment, every memory of her, replayed in his mind like an old home movie. The bittersweet sense of nostalgia creeping in and anchoring him down into his mattress as the weight of wonder sat heavily atop his chest. 

That first fateful encounter on the curb out behind the diner while her dark lashes glistened in the orange light. 

When Syd slipped and fell in the diner and earned herself a special nickname, cheeks painted red from embarrassment while a silly grin turned her lips upward. 

The car ride home from Green’s when she kept drunkenly repeating her address aloud to him in between giggles as if she would forget it. 

The morning after she spent the night and Jake played and sang her the song he wrote, and she sat there soaking up every moment with wide, adoring eyes. 

When they danced in her kitchen so gently, it was as if neither of them were moving a single muscle. 

And the morning before everything went to shit, when he laid there soaking up all of her and traced swirls and loops along the surface of her skin with his calloused fingers. 

It all seemed like ages ago. 

As the days turned into a week and that week turned into another, he seemed to live through those little moments in time before things changed. He’d rather be there than in the hell he was currently living in. 

The diner was dull without her bustling around, yet the elephant in the room added a layer of tension that was seemingly unavoidable. Occasionally, he’d still look for her when he placed an order in the window, anticipating to see her trotting to retrieve it with a smile on her face. Instead, it was always his little brother, and Jake only hoped he understood why his expression would fall. He seemed to be the only one that was hopeful of her return.

Josh was much quieter nowadays. His laughter and boisterous attitudes were now stamped out by anger. He was quiet, only responding when absolutely necessary, sometimes even going out of his way to relay messages through Sam instead of talking directly to his twin. Jake tried to not take it personally, but deep down, he loathed the situation. He hated how something so trivial could alter his brother’s spirit, and ultimately, change their relationship completely. He wished he could find the same resentment that Josh had, the bitterness evident in each corner of his demeanor. 

That bitterness that resided until Josh saw her. The new girl with the shorter, dark curls that had been hired on to take Syd’s place. The girl who was doing everything she could to fit in but seemed to be a ghost of her predecessor. Even some of her features resembled Syd’s. From the soft slope of her nose to the small stature she stood and many small things in between. She was wonderful at her job, great with customers, kind and charismatic, but just not Syd. 

It was enough for Josh, though. He had latched on to her as soon as she was hired, greeting her each day with a warm and welcoming smile. Carrying on conversations anytime they were near, much unlike the niceties he’d grant his brothers. He seemed to have an easier time at work because of her - able to forget everything that had transpired and gotten his brother and him to where they are now - just because of her. 

But Jake couldn’t forget. He didn’t want to forget. 

Sam seemed to be doing everything he could to juggle the questions and suspicions that Jake would present to him. Anything that pertained to Syd in the least bit - concerns about her wellbeing, inquiries of her current situation, attempts to know more about her - were all returned with vague responses and nonchalant answers. 

“Is she okay?” Jake had asked, desperate for any information he could squeeze from his brother. He had seen her image flash across the screen of Sam’s phone mid-shift, and the sound rang through the diner before he had rushed outside to take the call in a more private area. As soon as he returned, though, that need for privacy was disregarded.

Sam sighed. “Jake, I already told you-.”

“No, you told me that she’d be fine. Not that she was okay, not that she was safe, nothing.” Jake followed him as he weaved through the area. “You won’t give me any more than that?”

He didn’t flinch. He didn’t return any indication that he had even heard Jake’s questioning. He simply carried on with his tasks.

“Sam, seriously, this is getting ridiculous-”

“I think you have a few orders you need to work on, don’t you?” 

His words were cold, unrelenting - avoiding the discussion at hand. He paid no mind to the anguish that was laden in his brother’s tone. He seemed to only care about the measly duties that the diner provided as a distraction. 

What Jake didn’t know, is that it was quickly becoming just as hard for Sam as it was for his brothers. He had spent months accustomed to seeing his best friend essentially every day. Months of inside jokes and teasing, ranting and gossiping, all replaced by the occasional text or phone call. 

Of course, he found it difficult to avoid the slew of questions that Jake came to him with, but in reality, Sam knew much less than the others thought he did. Syd talked to him some, but not nearly as often as she would before. He could only assume she was trying to save him from the burden of her secrets. 

She had told him about the new job she had landed, the bookstore that she had frequented on the other side of town. After texting Danny and apologizing for the such short notice of her resignation, she had immediately searched for another job to occupy her time. Sam knew that once she arrived and presented herself for recruitment, the owner hired her on the spot. Sam knew that she still lived at the same address - not minding the extra distance to travel for work nowadays - but that was all. 

He didn’t know how she felt detached from her new reality. How nothing seemed right to her anymore. How she had to force herself to become familiar with this new routine, and how she moved through her days as if she were a robot, programmed to live through the hell she had made for herself.

Her work schedule looked different now, her shifts now taking place every morning of the week. One might’ve complained about such a transition, but for Syd, less time to herself was seen as a gift.

She would come home to cuddle up to Delta, who always seemed privy to the situation and change in her demeanor, and cycle through whatever she could find to distract herself with. Within minutes of watching a new movie, she’d find herself thinking back to Josh’s fascination with film and Jake’s gesture of constructing the pillow fort for their movie night - eventually having to abandon the activity altogether. Reading was never the same, the consideration of Josh’s potential interests in the book caused a turn in her stomach and pain in her heart. 

Even the simple hobby of listening to music was different now. Instead of the song at hand, she would only hear Jake’s soft strumming and singing. She even felt herself rocking back and forth as they had in her kitchen, the movement both comforting and agonizing.

To say that she missed them was an understatement. She was consumed by the sense of longing left by her thoughts and memories with them. Although her first and last interactions with Josh were less than sweet, she cherished everything their relationship had blossomed to become. They bonded over quirks and shared interests, and eventually grew to the point where they relished in the company of one another. Josh pushed her limits. He pushed Syd out of her comfort zone to find the beauty outside of her normal routine. He encouraged the pursuit of spontaneity, and his presence was her reward.

But Jake. Jake’s presence was her solace. 

Jake was the embodiment of acceptance, of home. He had shown interest in knowing her, and in learning everything that made her unique. As she opened up to him - allowed him in the depths of her worries and anxieties - he welcomed her with no judgment. He pulled her in and surrounded her with love and intrigue. And that’s what she missed the most. 

How different they were, despite their similarities. The push and pull. Yin and yang, day and night. 

With both, an offer of friendship and intimacy, but a requirement of choice. And how could one choose between the sun and the moon?

As obvious as her choice should have been, she couldn’t bring herself to hurt one by choosing the other. It seemed irrational to her, to reject Josh because of the possibility of there being more with her and Jake. It wasn’t reasonable to deny the obvious feelings she had garnered for the eldest, simply because of her infatuation with his counterpart. But in a way, not choosing was a decision in itself. A decision that led her here. To be alone and hurting. 

She had no one.

Occasionally, she considered what she could be doing with her time if she had made the choice she had longed to make in the beginning. She imagined how her nights of working at the diner would play out, stealing kisses and glances when she could. She could envision nights full of teasing and taunting each other, playful banter and innocent touches. Carpooling to work to “save gas” when deep down it was just another excuse to see one another. Coming back to either apartment and unintentionally falling asleep together, waking in the morning to do it all over again. 

If she had only made that choice, she’d be in his arms Sunday morning instead of trudging along at work. A folded-up piece of notebook paper weighed heavy in her pocket, a reminder of what could be. 

As Syd stood amongst the musty bookshelves in the shop, boxes of inventory scattered around her, she looked over her shoulder to find her boss busy at the desk working on the computer. The quiet man wouldn’t mind if she took a few moments to give in to her curiosity, right?

She pulled the note out and fingered the corner of the page that was left on her doorstep just that morning. Her name was scrawled across the front in Jake’s hand, written in dark ink that was smudged just slightly. She had found it resting on the doormat when she had fumbled and dropped her keys while trying to keep Delta from escaping the confines of her home.

The instant recognition of his handwriting struck a sense of irrational fear into her core and she swiftly shoved it into the pocket of her jeans in hopes of forgetting about it. However, that wasn’t the case. As the minutes turned into hours, creeping by at a snail’s pace, the flimsy piece of paper burned a hole through the denim. 

She couldn’t get the thought of it out of her mind. The contents of the note were unknown to her, but held the promise of closure. The words he had written were from the heart, regardless of what they were. She could feel the embossed imprint of his heavy hand from where he filled the page as she rubbed her thumb over the blank back of the lined sheet. 

If she could close her eyes and separate herself from where she stood, for just a moment, she could imagine watching him from afar while he scrawled the words onto the paper and folded it carefully. 

In her mental image of him, she could see him chewing on his bottom lip, an obvious sign of the anxiety and fear he was desperately trying to hold in. She could see his trembling hands, him wiping his sweaty palms on the fabric of his pants and getting frustrated by how clammy they felt. She could see a bouncing leg, the movement shaking the knick-knacks on the surface of the desk.

But she could also see tears in his eyes, threatening to fall with every blink, and although it was only her imagination, her heart yearned to be there with him. To hold his hands in hers as she knew he would if it were the other way around. To rub soothing circles along his skin. To wipe his tears and hold him close.

But would he want her to? Maybe he was writing his final words to her. Maybe this note was his goodbye, his acceptance of how things panned out and finalizing the end of whatever relationship the two had nurtured to this point. Maybe this note would be her last memory of him. She was unsure of what to anticipate.

Syd hadn’t realized she was holding her breath until her lungs began to burn. She took a sharp breath and peeked over her shoulder at her boss. He still sat at the same spot behind the desk, busying himself with whatever task was in front of him. With shaking hands and a lip sucked between her teeth, she opened the letter to reveal its truth.

“Syd,

I couldn’t leave, and I don’t see how you did it. You left without a word, without even the slightest glance. I know you felt like you had to, like everything was falling apart and you had to run before it all caved in on you. I know you felt hopeless, alone. But you weren’t. You aren’t. And I wish you would’ve just stayed, Syd. I wish you would’ve let me tell you that before you let your thoughts get the best of you.

I hope you’re okay.

You won’t answer my calls and I’m so fucking scared. I hoped you would at least tell me where you went. I hoped you would tell me that you’re okay. I need you to be okay.”

As she read, she could hear his gravelly tone echo in her mind as he spoke the words. Even though she was standing there reading and analyzing his writing, all along he had been observing her, learning her. A sharp pang shot through her chest as she came to the realization that he had taken his time earning her trust. Jake had done more than anyone else ever had to understand her and accept her exactly for who she was, not what she could be.

Even now, as his pain and confusion were bleeding through the page, it was clear to her that while choosing one of the brothers would inevitably hurt the other, not choosing was just as hard on at least one of them.

The guilt of leaving crushed her, now more than ever. Knowing that it caused such an intense reaction from him, knowing that these words could only express half of what he was feeling. It was all too much.

She almost stopped reading then and there. She could feel the tears begin to well and her heart begin to break. Especially as she forced herself to continue looking upon the page in her hand.

“I love you, Slip. More than the stars in the sky. More than life on Earth. More than guitar or music or the air that I breathe. I love you so much that it’s scary, and that fact has never changed. It will never change. I don’t care what happened. It doesn’t make me love you any less, and I just need you to come back. We can work through this together, if that’s something you’d want. God knows I do. I want you. I want us. I’ll never stop wanting that, and I’ll always be here whenever you’re ready. If ever.

All my love,

Jake”

He loved her.

Jake loved her.

She thought she would always remember the first time she heard the words fall from his plush lips. She thought she would have the time, date, and setting stamped into her mind forever, molding her into a new person as soon as the words danced in the air. 

She didn’t think that she’d have the words permanently written on a piece of paper, multiple times. She didn’t imagine this being the circumstance of why the words were being said. Things were supposed to be different. The words weren’t meant to be spoken out of desperation, in such a pleading manner with a sense of uncertainty behind them. It was supposed to be them and only them.

But she somehow still managed to fuck that up, too. 

Syd couldn’t believe the last few lines of the note, no matter how many times she read them. He claimed he wanted her, them. He insisted that he would always be there, waiting for her return with the same amount of love that he had blessed her with before everything. But how could he?

How could he forgive and forget so easily? How could he move past the fact that she had shared such an intimate part of herself with his brother? How could he love the person who came into his life and destroyed his relationship with his twin and left him alone to deal with the aftermath? 

It seemed impossible. She couldn’t even give herself the same amount of grace.

The soft bell of the shop’s door opening was almost unnoticeable, but the gruff sound of her boss’s voice was what drew her out of her thoughts and brought her back to reality. She heard his greeting and a mumbled “thank you” from the customer that entered, causing her to fumble with the note as she stuffed it back in her apron. 

She hurried to grab one of the books she was supposed to put away, much too focused on looking busy that she didn’t notice the customer getting closer and closer to where she stood. 

She glanced back to the empty spots on the bookshelf that awaiting their fulfillment with the new novels in the box before her, checking multiple times that the tag matched the title of the book in her hand. Her frazzled state made her second-guess herself, but eventually, she was convinced that she had the correct placement. Just as she raised her arm to set the book down, though, she heard the soft sound of footsteps growing louder behind her, the owner of the noise clearing their throat as they approached.

“Excuse me? Ma’am?” 

The voice caused her to pause her movement, stalling once more from getting the task completed. Despite the last syllable being more pointed and sarcastic than one would normally use when acknowledging an employee, it sounded inviting, familiar. But it couldn’t be- 

“Could you help me find a book?” Finally, a full sentence to confirm her suspicions, a wide grin already forming on her lips. “Maybe one on how to text your best friend back?”

A sigh of relief and a quick turn later, she was met with Sam’s bright-eyed expression, a kind smirk adorning his features. Somehow, he looked different than the last time she had seen him, the day feeling like years prior.

The book fell from Syd’s grasp in a flash, and without an ounce of hesitation, she wrapped her arms around his neck. She strained to keep her balance with her body stretching to meet his, but he welcomed the embrace, sighing as his arms enveloped her to return the hug and hold her close to him. 

“You-” she spoke into his neck, laughing in disbelief. “-are such an ass, Sammy.”

A soft chuckle rumbled from his chest and landed into the strands of her hair. “I missed you, too, birdie.”

—————————————

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[julez-fiction]

Top 10 Movies You Probably Haven't Seen about Time Travel and Parallel Universes

If you are a fan of time travel movies, this list is for you. This list includes some gems you probably haven't seen but are totally worth a watch. Included on the list are movies with themes about time loops, alternate realities, parallel universes and time travel itself. So go on, get lost in time with this amazing list. Sorry, couldn't help it 🤣

1. Coherence, 2013

Sci-fi/ Thriller

IMDb: 7.2/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 88%

Director: James Ward Byrkit

Starring: Emily Baldoni, Maury Sterling, Nicolas Brendon, Elizabeth Gracen, Lorene Scafaria, Hugo Armstrong

Synopsis:

Eight friends at a dinner party experience a troubling chain of events due to the malevolent influence of a passing comet.

Google Synopsis:

2. Parallel, 2018

Sci-Fi/ Drama

IMDb: 5.8/10

Rotten Tomatoes: -

Director: Isaac Ezban

Starring: Aml Ameen, Martin Wallström, Georgia King, Mark O'Brien and Alyssa Diaz

Synopsis:

A group of friends stumble upon a mirror that serves as a portal to a "multiverse", but soon discover that importing knowledge from the other side in order to better their lives brings increasingly dangerous consequences.

3. Triangle, 2009

Horror / Thriller

IMDb: 6.9 / 10

Rotten Tomatoes: 80%

Director: Christopher Smith

Starring: Melissa George, Michael Dorman,Liam Hemsworth, Henry Nixon, Rachel Carpani

Synopsis:

Five friends set sail and their yacht is overturned by a strange and sudden storm. A mysterious ship arrives to rescue them, and what happens next cannot be explained.

4. The Endless, 2017

Horror / Thriller

IMDb: 6.5 / 10

Rotten Tomatoes: 92%

Director: Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead

Starring: Justin Benson, Aaron Moorhead, Callie Hernandez,Tate Ellington, Lew Temple, James Jordan

Synopsis:

Two brothers receive a cryptic video message inspiring them to revisit the UFO death cult they escaped a decade earlier. Hoping to find the closure that they couldn't find as young men, they're forced to reconsider the cult's beliefs when confronted with unexplainable phenomena surrounding the camp. As the members prepare for the coming of a mysterious event, the brothers race to unravel the seemingly impossible truth before their lives become permanently entangled with the cult.

5. The Mandela Effect, 2018

Sci-Fi / Drama

IMDb: 5.8 /10

Rotten Tomatoes: 20%

Director: David Guy Levy

Starring: Charlie Hoffheimer, Aleksa Palladino, Robin Lord Taylor, Clarke Peters

Synopsis:

A man becomes obsessed with a phenomenon where facts and events have been collectively misremembered by thousands of people. Believing it to be the symptom of something larger, his search for answers brings him to the brink of insanity when a startling revelation forces him to make a difficult decision that, if he is right, could have consequences for the entire world.

6. Looper, 2012

Sci-Fi / Action

IMDb: 7.4 / 10

Rotten Tomatoes: 93%

Director: Rian Johnson

Starring: Bruce Willis, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Emily Blunt, Paul Dano, Noah Sagan, Piper Perabo, Garret Dillahunt, Jeff Daniels

Synopsis:

In a future society, time-travel exists, but it's only available to those with the means to pay for it on the black market. When the mob wants to eliminate someone, it sends the target into the past, where a hit man known as a looper lies in wait to finish the job. Joe (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is one such hired gun, and he does his job well -- until the day his bosses decide to "close the loop" and send Joe's future self (Bruce Willis) back in time to be killed.

7. Madelines, 2022

Horror / Sci-Fi / Drama

IMDb: 3.9 / 10

Rotten Tomatoes: -

Director: Jason Richard Miller

Starring: Richard Riehle, Brea Grant, Perry Shen, Sydney Steinberg

Synopsis:

While working in their garage, Madeline and Owen discover the secret to time travel. However, a mistake in their code causes a copy of Madeline to appear every day, and the pair must kill her to prevent the universe from destroying itself.

8. The Alternate, 2021

Sci-Fi / Thriller

IMDb: 5/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 75%

Director:Alrik Bursell

Starring: Ed Gonzalez Moreno, Natalia Dominguez, Syra McCarthy

Synopsis:

A man discovers a portal to another dimension in which he has everything he has always wanted.

9. Synchronic, 2019

Sci-Fi / Thriller

IMDb: 6.2 / 10

Rotten Tomatoes: 79%

Directors: Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead

Starring: Jamie Dornan, Anthony Mackie

Synopsis:

When New Orleans paramedics and longtime best friends Steve and Dennis are called to a series of bizarre and gruesome accidents, they chalk it up to a mysterious new drug found at the scene. But after Dennis' oldest daughter disappears, Steve stumbles upon a terrifying truth about the supposed psychedelic that will challenge everything he knows about reality -- and the flow of time itself.

10. Synchronicity, 2015

Sci-Fi / Thriller

IMDb: 5.4 / 10

Rotten Tomatoes: 47%

Director: Jacob Gentry

Starring: Chad McKnight, A.J. Bowen, Brianne Davis, Michael Ironside

Synopsis:

A physicist (Chad McKnight) travels back and forth in time to prevent a seductive woman (Brianne Davis) and a ruthless tycoon (Michael Ironside) from stealing his invention.

#Youtube #time travel #parallel universe #best of movie lists #movie night #movies #youtube #alternate universe #movies about time travel #movies about parallel universes #movies about alternate realities #mandela effect #coherence #parallel #triangle #the endless #looper #madelines #underrated movies #top ten movie lists

[unluckyhoneybee]

See you on the streets. (Daniel Ricciardo)

Someone like him shouldn't be there, but he loves watching Rose race. Smut.

Note: Requested. After all the confusion with the request and all the suggestions and help from very nice people, I did my research job and put some imagination on it. The race system will be explained on the fic.

Street Racer Au

Main character is OC: Rose "Ro" Hammond.

Warning: Illegal stuff (illegal race + other stuff being named); +18: Fingering; oral (for both); penetrative sex (p in v); kind of public; unprotected sex.

"Are you nervous?" I heard Jimmy said.

"When have I been nervous?"

"Well, you have a passenger today"

I chuckled.

"And?"

"I don't know, I was just curious"

"I'm not nervous." I said leaning on the car. Jimmy was working on it. "How is the clutch?"

"Perfect. I changed it"

"Nice. I don't want to lose again"

"You won't. You are Ro Hammond"

"I did last week."

"You better win this week. You have a million dollar passenger today." Stuart, the race director said walking closer.

"That's what they paid?"

"A bit less. But he paid a lot."

I bit my lip. Everyone knew about him, about the money he had paid and his request to ride with one of us, with the leader. But no one knew who he was. It turned out that I was the leader, so... Yeah. The guy would ride with me.

The championship was secret. One of those secrets everyone knows about but nobody dare to even name. Only a few lucky people was able to attend to the races, people with money, people with talent, car owners, racers... Some of the worst pricks in the world were here each three weeks. The system was easy. The last one to finish the race, would be eliminated. Out of the championship. 20 races for 20 cars where only 1 could finish. Only if you were talented enough, or stupid enough, they'd let you race. You could race freely if you had a car, or race under someone else's orders if they had a car. The races happened in cities or roads. It didn't matter. The cars were different each one had their own particular things. If the organization wanted to make the race on a dirt road and your car wasn't ready for it, good luck next time, then. They always happened at 3 am. O' clock. If you were late, good luck next time. There were no regulations for the cars. The only rule was no not kill anyone. It was too fucked up already to deal with dead people. Street circuits were the most common. The thrill was bigger. Tokyo, Sydney, NY, LA, Barcelona,... Even Amsterdam. The organization had a good bunch or brilliant minds working on it. They always managed to get the correct people to collaborate. Somehow there was no police on race nights, they never left the station. By now, in the middle of the championship, there were 10 cars left.

I was excited for today. Las Vegas. The city that never sleeps. Big casinos, people, lights, glamour, luxury... It was Las Vegas and I was hungry for a win. I had only lost one race. The past race. Bad luck with the gearbox. An old clutch. And bam. I lost it. Having won already 8 races had given me money. Bets on me, "sponsors", random people who owed favors. I was lucky enough to have money for the new pieces. And here I was, ready again. Ready and hungry.

People's voices became louder. There was music and the roar of the engines could be heard. We were outside the city, we would start there, at the doors of Las Vegas.

"Don't kill the man. He had been around recently"

I nodded and turned my back to him. The bosses were rich men. Rich men with lots money but not enough morals. They had no fear. They had no mercy. A bad word to the wrong person and you'd simply disappear.

Soon they called the drivers to the line. I would start seventh. Your position on the last race would say we're you'd start. I drove there, Jimmy talking next to me and explaining Las Vegas and it's streets. We didn't know the track before the race. It was all a surprise. More adrenaline.

"Have you heard anything else about the passenger?" I asked when I stopped the engine.

"No. He is wealthy. He has a lot of money. And he is man. A fan of yours, people say."

I looked at him.

"There are not fans in here"

"He is not from here"

I frowned.

From here meant from this world. From the street races.

"No?"

Jimmy shook his head and got out of the car. I followed him. Soon I saw Stuart. He was walking on my direction, a tall man following him. As he got closer, Jimmy turned his face to me and gasped.

Daniel Ricciardo. F1 driver, Daniel Ricciardo. Daniel fucking Ricciardo.

"Ro Hammond..." Stuart started "Our little money machine... Let me introduce you to your passenger today"

I nodded. To be fair, I was nervous.

"I know him" I had seen him around sometimes, half hidden and in the VIP areas. He was famous, he was an important man, nobody could know he was here but at the same time everybody did. "Weird to see you down here"

He chuckled.

"Yeah. I wanted to feel it on my skin"

"Treat him well, Lady. He paid too much to drive with you." Stuart said touching my hair. I moved back. "And win. Daniel has big hopes on you"

I simply nodded, shooting a look to Daniel. He was so fucking handsome. That nose, that clothes, that aura he had... He was surely my type

"Ro" I said reaching my hand to him.

"Daniel" He said shaking it.

"Get into the car, we are starting soon"

Starting seventh wasn't ideal. It really wasn't. And to have a passenger on one of my most important races wasn't what I would have asked for.

Stuart left and Jimmy looked at me.

"Take care. And treat that new clutch well." He shook my shoulders. "Remember what we talked about. Las Vegas is straights. But I hardly doubt they will use them."

I nodded.

"It's 90° turns."

I smiled.

"My favorites"

We bumped our fists and I got in the car. I was ready for this. Daniel Ricciardo opened the door and whistled before sitting on the passenger seat. He looked around and then reached to the belt.

"The car is pretty."

"It is"

I looked at him. He was handsome as hell, even more than on TV. He had his hands on his thighs. The shirt he was wearing was half open, showing some chains hanging from his strong neck. And fuck, that smile...

Focus, Rose...

The lights lit and the engines started roaring.

"No speaking while I'm driving. And everything you hear while you are here... You didn't. Okay?"

He nodded. He looked nervous. Ricciardo, former Red Bull driver, the Honey Badger... It made me chuckle.

"First illegal race?" I asked half joking.

"On the car? Yep" He chuckled "I'm excited"

I made the engine roar.

"It'll be fun"

"I'm sure." Daniel shot me a cheeky smile. I couldn't believe I had someone like him on my car. "It sounds so good"

The lights went out and I pressed the gas. My car had power, it was a strong machine and Jimmy worked hard on it. I had passed two cars as soon as we started.

"Fuck..." Daniel gasped.

I moved to the right and passed another one.

"Oh shit"

He was grabbing everywhere. For being a race driver, he seemed pretty stressed to be in a car.

I saw one of those signs. You had to pay attention or you would missed them, luckily I was fast enough to identify the direction. Pressing the clutch and changing the gear, I took a turn to the right, barely missing the car that was next to me.

"F-fuck"

We were now in Las Vegas. In the city. Main Street. The casinos lit the sky at the end.

"Jefferson has taken Doodie out" I heard Jimmy on the radio. I took it and pressed the button.

"What?"

"Doodie is currently inside a TV store. Jefferson pushed him"

"Fucking prick. Do you know where he is?"

"Third. He pushed when he was being overtaken"

Suddenly another sign appeared. Again, clutch, gear and turn.

Once the car was straight again, I pressed the button but Daniel took the little machine away.

"No fucking talking and driving" He groaned. "Hey Jimmy. It's Dan. I will talk to you tonight."

"Sorry mate, our car is not as modern as yours" I said.

He simply laughed. The man was still grabbing into the door for dear life. But then I tried to overtake the car in front of me and he tensed.

Overtaking here was so much difficult than what he did. Cars were aggressive, they pushed to the limit, and if they pushed you out of the track here they pushed you into a building.

The car in front of me started dancing and moving in S. And suddenly...

"The police. The fucking police. Get out. They are in the Bellagio. You are going in that way." I heard Jimmy. My heart jumped on my chest. "Get out, Ro. Get the fuck out. They can't catch you with Daniel Ricciardo in the car"

"Fuck!" I hitted the steering wheel and looked at the mirrors. Then at Daniel. He was looking at me and he was scared. He was a famous driver and I understood what would mean for him to be seen in a race like this. "Okay, change of plans"

I looked to the right to turn and in the next street, but somehow Jefferson was there.

"Shit"

He tried to hit me and suddenly I had a hand on my thigh.

"Fuck!" I groaned.

"Hey, Ro. I have to leave. Go to the desert. See you tomorrow, okay?" I heard on the radio. I was to worried about Jefferson, but it made me gulp.

"Daniel, please"

"Yeah"

I heard the button of the radio.

"Take care, Jimmy. See you"

"I want you alive. Bye"

"Fucking shit" Daniel whispered.

"Okay, Daniel. Things will get dirty. I'm sorry for this"

"Just drive, don't worry about me"

I looked at Jefferson's car and pressed the brakes enough for him to pass me. Then I moved my car to his left and press the gas. I would take the next street and drive around the Bellagio on the other side to avoid police. Then, using the handbrake, I made the car slightly spin and turn to the left.

"Wow!" Daniel shouted making me chuckle.

I was out of the track now, driving way to fast for a city.

"That was fucking awesome. That Jefferson can suck my balls"

I laughed and look at him.

"You look impressed." I smiled.

"Because that was impressive, baby" He said.

Suddenly, I remembered his hand on my leg and and my skin burnt.

"I fucking knew I had to bet on you"

I rolled my eyes.

"Let me tell you that the race is over and you probably lost it"

"It wasn't that much. I have wine bottles more expensive"

"Oh wow"

I looked at him for a second. A too long second. A police car appeared out of nowhere.

It happened fast, we almost crush but somehow I managed to avoid it. We went from more than 120 km/h to stop in the middle of the street right in front of them.

"Reverse, reverse!"

"I know!"

I put the car on reverse and press the pedal. The police start moving towards us, but I pulled the handbrake and the car turn. Then I changed the gear again and drove to another street.

"We will distract them"

"I trust you. But be careful"

I chuckled.

"It's not my first time, Ricciardo"

"You are hot" He smiled.

"Well, thank you"

I took two turns to the right and one to the left and he looked through the mirrors.

"Yeah, you are so hot. We have lost them. That's talent, girl"

It didn't took us long to leave the city. I went to some secondary road, avoiding places where the police could be and driving at a normal speed to not call unnecessary attention.

"Fucking shit. That was awful." I whispered.

"Your friend..." He sounded a bit scared.

"Jimmy? I just hope he is okay" I said grabbing the steering wheel hard. "He probably had time to leave."

"What did he meant with that thing about not being catched with me in the car?"

I sighed.

"You are rich, we are not. I don't know. You can pay a better lawyer I will just die on jail or something"

"Nah, we are like Thelma and Louis now" He tapped my thigh and finally retreated his hand.

I laughed.

"I'm going to the desert. We will wait for a bit and then come back to Las Vegas. I can't just drive around there with a car like this."

"Nice, yeah. I have nothing better to do."

"Run from the police after an illegal race sounds like a good plan" I laughed.

"It is" He chuckled. "You are an amazing driver, by the way"

"Thank you. I'm honored"

We drove past a big truck and Daniel looked at it. I took the opportunity to look at him. He had a thin layer of sweat on his forehead and his curls were messy.

"What are you doing here, Daniel? Why risk a career like yours in this way?"

He took a deep breath and his head fell against the seat. He had rolled the window down and the wind was moving his curls.

"When you have lots of money you do stupid shit, Ro"

"I see"

"I saw you in Sidney" He said not long after.

"I won in Sidney"

"I know. You were amazing. They had nothing to do against you"

I laughed.

"You see me with good eyes"

"No, it's true. You were out of this car before the others had crossed the line. I was there."

"And how did you got in there? Who told you?"

"Don't tell anyone" He pointed a finger to me.

"I won't."

"Jenson Button"

I crocked an eyebrow.

"Button? Jenson Button really told you about this?"

"Yeah. He was like: hey, I know this place. And he fucking took me to this illegal race where this amazing woman was leading in the most fucking awesome car ever"

I blushed. I fucking blushed.

"And I got hooked" His hand returned to my leg and his fingers grazed the inside of my thigh.

I bit my lip.

"And how did you got in this mess, Rose Hammond?"

"Money. I needed money. I was good with cars. I knew Jimmy who is an amazing mechanic. I am a professional driver too. You can call it that way. I work for rich people. I saw this man's garage. Fucking awesome, Daniel. It wasn't easy, but I stole this beauty."

"Stole? This thing is stolen?"

"I drive illegal races for money. I can't pay a car like this. Steal a car was the easy way"

"You don't have a boss?"

I shook my head. I was alone. I didn't drive for anyone. It was just me and Jimmy.

"Fuck..." His fingers moved down to my knee and swallowed hard. "I thought someone paid for you to drive"

"No."

"Then?"

"Well, I think you will like this part" I giggled. "I told them I had money. I told them I could pay for a place in a race. I didn't even had a car yet. Those stupid men looked at me and laughed at my face. So I got angry. I called Jimmy and told him. Then we planned it. It was perfect. Nobody noticed when I took the car out of the garage. The next day it was gone and no one had seen anything. Not even me. I told them. I went to the boss like... The car is gone. And they believed me. Meanwhile, Jimmy was working on it. He transformed it. He did everything to change the appearance and gave him the strongest engine he could find. Next week, I went back and offered them the money I didn't have. I showed them the car and they believed me. They let me race, I won and payed my place. It was funny to convince them" I sighed proudly "I fucking won my place on the races"

He was looking at me and it was so fucking intense.

"Rose, you should stop the car"

I bit my lip. "Why?"

"Because I need to fucking kiss you"

And as soon as I could, I stopped the car on one side of the road hidden behind some bushes.

I hadn't even stopped the engine when he cupped my face and crashed his lips on mine. He was fierce and desperate, devouring my mouth with such a passion that our teeth clashed once or twice. He was hungry and when he pulled back we were both panting. "Get out of the car"

I obeyed fast, turning the car off and leaving it. We met in front of it. Daniel cupped my face and dive in. He kissed me slow now, his lips bruising mine and taking my breath away. I ran my hands through his curls and slid my tongue on his mouth.

This is not what I was expecting for today, but fuck... It was even better.

His fingers ran down my face to my neck and chest, avoiding to touch my breast and digging into my waist. He pushed me until I was between the car and him. And then he pushed you up and sat you on the hood.

Daniel looked at you.

"I was dying to kiss you... I haven't stopped thinking about you since I saw you winning in Sidney" He bit your lower lip and pressed you close to him. "Now I'm going to fuck you over you car, okay?"

I nodded. I was panting, blushing and probably already wet.

"Has someone ever done it? Has someone ever fucked you on this pretty car?"

"No"

"No?"

Daniel ran his lips down my throat, lapping on my skin and biting softly on my pulse point. I whimpered.

"Do you want me to?"

"Yes, Daniel"

"Yeah?"

I nodded again. He ran his nose up my neck and cheek again before leaving a kiss in there.

"Yeah. I want you to fuck me here"

He smiled and I felt it on my skin. Then bit down on my neck and I moaned.

"Those pretty sounds... I can't wait to hear more of it"

His lips came back to mine and I moaned on his mouth. Every touch of him felt good. Every single one. His fingers traced shapes on my sides and laid me down on the hood. I gasped when he press his body against mine. He was hard on his trousers.

"Can you feel it?" He kissed my chin and then my neck. "Can you feel what you do to me? I have been like this since that fucking race started" His hips rutted into mine and I let a little moan.

Daniel lifted my t-shirt to my armpits and then moved the bralette aside. Without a word, he put one of my nipples on his mouth and I whimpered.

"Danny..."

I felt his smile before he gently bit. "O-oh shit" Then he sucked again and I let my head fall against the car. Would it be that bad to let this stranger do whatever he wanted?

He started traveling with his kissed down my belly at the same time he pushed my trousers down.

"I kept coming only for you" He whispered between kisses. "I have been here on each race since Sidney" He bit the flesh under my bellybutton and I whimpered. "Only because I needed to see you"

His fingers hooked on my underwear and he pulled down. The fresh air of the desert night hit my core and I shivered. But soon it was replaced by his wet and warm tongue. "Oh fuck"

He gave me soft tentative licks and pushed my legs up and closer to my chest. He dive in like an starved man. His plump lips were talented and his tongue worked wonders on my clit. I simply let myself fall on the pleasure. We were in the middle of the desert in Nevada. The stars were clear above me and I had Daniel Ricciardo fucking eating me out in the most amazing way.

I took my hands to his hair and gently pulled. I earned a low moan that vibrated through my core and made me see the stars for a second.

Daniel decided to use his fingers then. Those long fingers that had felt so good on my thigh minutes before. And oh fuck, he was good with them. I closed my eyes and pressed him further into me, my hips moving on their own and riding his face. He simply let me do it. No grabbing my hips and stopping my movements, no keeping me still. He left me on my own doing whatever I wanted with him. So I did. I rode his face and fingers until my orgasm approached.

"Oh shit, Daniel... Shit... Aaagh" I bit my lip and closed eyes. He was good, so good. "I'm gonna cum"

He moved his fingers faster and sucked my clit as his life depended on it. And I came. It was intense, hard and I saw white. Y was completely splayed over the hood of my car and I had no energy to move. I couldn't stop smiling as he lap the the juices off me, humming and enjoying it.

Then Daniel pulled back and grabbed my face. I didn't had time to do anything. He had kissed me with passion, his tongue dancing with mine and letting me taste myself on his mouth. He pulled me closer to his body till our chest were flat together. I hugged his shoulders and grabbed into his back.

His kisses were consuming. He stole my breath with each one of them.

"F-fuck me..." I managed to say between kisses.

"Do you really want it?" He said cupping my chin and making me look into his eyes.

His pupils were wide and his skin had a pink shade. There was a thin layer of sweat on his forehead and neck and he had never looked more kissable.

"Yes, Danny."

Daniel kissed me again, more deep and slow. He laid me back on the hood and pressed his hand on my chest. His fingers traveled to my neck and gently pressed around it. I gasped and he bit my lip.

"You don't know how much I wanted to have you like this" He bit the side of my breast and I let a strangled moan out. "It has been months... I couldn't stop thinking of you..." Then he bit the flesh of my stomach and I gasped. "I want you so bad..."

A truck passed by on the road but the loud noise of the honk didn't disturb us I was too lost on the feeling of his teeth on my skin and his hand on my neck.

But then both disappeared and I opened my eyes. His t-shirt fell next to me and I smiled. He was a beautiful man. Only for me, even if it was just a night.

"Tell me you want me too" He said opening his belt. His black tight trousers did nothing to hide the bulge inside of them.

"I want you, Daniel." I was desperate to have him. "I want you so bad"

He smiled and pulled his trousers down. I bit my lip and looked at him. I could see the shape of a thigh tattoo peaking. He has insanely hot.

"Open those legs wide for me, I'm gonna make you feel good, baby"

I obeyed.

"Good girl"

He slowly dragged the tip of his member up and down my core and I whimpered. It was enough for him, he pushed inside and I moaned his name.

"Oh, baby... Fuck... I knew you would feel good, but not this good." His hand came back to my neck and the other found a place on my hip. "Look at me while I fuck you, okay?"

I nodded and bit my lip, unable to speak as he started moving. Slow and deep trusts. Shit. I could feel him everywhere.

"Oh baby, you are wonderful..." He groaned. He increased the pace and I gasped. He was so deep...

Daniel slip two fingers on my open mouth.

"Wet this fingers for me, baby"

I grabbed his wrist and sucked his fingers, running my tongue over them and giving him a hint of what I could do with my mouth. I earned a few harder thrusts that made me squeeze my eyes for a second. He pulled his fingers back and gave me a sloppy kiss. Then he put his fingers on my. Lit and started playing with it.

I was done then. The pleasure was inmense. Daniel was beautiful, the sky was beautiful, the adrenaline was still kicking on my veins, the fresh air was leaving goosebumps on my skin... He was deep, fucking me hard and touching me just as fast. I couldn't even think straight. Just moan and whimper. No words came out of my mouth, only pleasure sounds and his name. And he was looking at me like that, like if I was the only woman in the world.

"I know baby, I know" He said looking into my eyes. "Are you gonna cum for me again? I can feel you clenching. You are driving me insane."

I whimpered and tried to grab into him, but only managed to run my nails over his hard abs.

He groaned.

"C'mon baby, cum for me? Eh?"

I nodded fast.

"Fuck... Yes. Cum for me, baby"

I only needed his fingers around my throat again to cum hard, harder than before. So hard that I saw stars behind my closed eyes and for a moment forgot about everything else as he kept fucking me.

"So good, you are so good" I heard him saying, but he sounded so far. "I'm gonna cum soon, Ro..."

I regained my senses a bit, opening my eyes and trying to speak.

"Cum in my mouth..."

"What?"

"L-let me..."

He pulled back and I whimpered at his lost. "Sure?"

I nodded. He was fast dropping his shirt on the floor. I felt shaky and weak when he helped me to get off the car. But soon I dropped on my knees and looked at him, so desperate to cum and feel me, looking like a fucking God and just waiting for me to do something.

With my hand on his balls, I put his cock on my mouth and ran my tongue over it, tasting him and myself on it. He groaned and threaded his hand on my hair.

"So fucking pretty with my cock in your mouth"

I moaned and took him deeper. He cursed under his breath and pushed a bit. I closed my eyes and started bobbing my head, showing him everything I knew. I was delighted by the most beautiful noises and tender touched on my face as I let him fuck my mouth.

"Fuck yes... You are hot, so hot." He noted.

Only a few seconds later, he tensed and groaned.

"R-rose..." He came on my mouth, keeping me still as he rode his orgasm.

When he pulled back, he was smiling, cupping my face with his hands and breathing hard. I smiled and swallowed, then showed him my tongue.

"Fucking shit, Ro..." He kissed me hard, almost knocking me to the ground as he devoured my mouth.

When we pulled back, we were panting. The look on his eyes was intense. I felt like jelly, both because of the previous orgasms and the way he was treating me.

"You are the prettiest thing I have ever seen, Rose Hammond"

I smiled and blushed hard, but I was unable to speak.

He gently grabbed me and helped me standing. Then, he also helped fixing my clothes, slowly massaging my legs on his way.

What I wasn't expecting was him putting me back on the hood and snaking his arms around my waist. I put mine around his neck and he pressed his forehead on mine.

"Thank you for this night, Rose."

"The race was fucked up" I answered with a little smile.

"You know what I mean. It was amazing. Everything."

"You are invited, whenever you want. I just hope you are not a bad luck charm or something"

He chuckled and cupped my check. Then kissed me. We spent so much time like that, lazily making out on my car, in the middle of nowhere and high on feelings. Just us in there.

When he pulled back and hid his nose on my neck, the sun was already peaking behind a mountain. I felt tired and sleepy, but incredibly happy.

It was the radio what pulled us out of our little bubble. The window were down, so I could hear perfectly.

"Ro? Ro, are you okay?"

Daniel pulled back and I jumped from the car, my knees almost giving up. Daniel laughed and I showed him my middle finger.

"Hey Jimmy" I said grabbing the radio through the window

"Oh shit, you are free. They got Jefferson"

I saw Daniel throwing a fist on the air and I laughed.

"Fuck him"

"Are you OK?"

Daniel came behind me and pressed himself against me, leaving a couple of kisses on my neck.

"Perfect. You?"

"Yeah, I'm safe. See you on the usual place?"

"Yeah. Call a cab for Ricciardo"

He bit my neck and I smiled. Fuck, I would give everything I had only for this night to last longer.

"Okay. See you"

"See you"

"I hope you let me drive this beauty now" He said touching the car.

"You have too, I'm exhausted."

He chuckled and turned me around. Then kissed me again and again and again.

When we were driving back to Las Vegas, he kept my hand on the gear stick with his. No one had driven this car since it was mine. Only him. And I would let him do it whenever he wanted.

When he stopped the car where I told him, he gave me a look and then touched my nose.

"Take care, Rose Hammond."

I smiled and grabbed his hand. I kissed his knuckles and the number 3.

"I will. I promise but..."

"But..."

"I want to see you again. On the next race. I want you there cheering for me"

He chuckled.

"Just tell me where and when and I'll be there."

I smiled.

Jimmy's van stopped in front of us.

"I will need your number for that"

He took my phone from its place and wrote it. Lucky charm.

I giggled.

We heard Jimmy saying hi slightly confused.

When we came out of the car, he looked at me.

"Why was he driving?"

"Because he is Daniel Ricciardo, Jimmy"

I hugged my friend, happy to see him free and alive.

He gave me a weird look but went and hugged Daniel.

The driver looked at me half laughing.

"I'm a fan, mate. A huge fan. It's a pleasure"

Daniel laughed and gave Jimmy a pat on the shoulder.

"I will take a Pic with you next time"

"Next time?" Poor Jimmy was so confused.

"Ro invited me" He winked at me and I smile.

Oh, fuck. This man.

A cab appeared a few meters away.

"Right. I should leave. It has been a pleasure, Ro."

I chuckled.

"Yes it has" I went to shake his hand, but the fucker pulled and crashed out mouths.

I could hear Jimmy's gasp as I dive in the kiss, letting go and enjoying on last time.

"See you on the streets, Danny" I said giving him a last peck on those beautiful lips.

"See you on the streets, Rose"

Jimmy and I watched him walk away.

"Care to explain?"

"What do you want to know?"

"Huh, everything?"

"Yeah, well. Jefferson tried to hit me, then the police almost catch us, we run away to the desert. Like fucking Thelma & Louise"

"And..."

"He fucked me like a God itself"

"Oh shit"

"Yeah, oh shit"

Here it is. I hope it was worth the wait. I fucking love it.

#daniel ricciardo #Dr #Smut #F1 #Fic

[welightthefire]

Table For Two ~ Part Eleven

In collaboration with @allieboop

Jake Kiszka x OC x Josh Kiszka

Summary: "What started out as a new job unexpectedly became something more for Sydney Baker. There's only room at the table for two... How will she navigate her feelings and come to a decision? How can she choose between two sides of the same coin?"

Warnings: arguing, physical altercation, little bit of blood, crying, anxiety, slight fugue state, ANGST

Word Count: ~5.6k

taglist // playlist // masterpost

A/N: sorry for the late post! we hope you enjoy it :)

Part Eleven

The brass of the door knob was chilly against Jake’s palm as he twisted it. His eyes went to the wooden flooring of the small front porch, expecting to see a package, but instead seeing nothing except the worn ‘welcome’ mat. The spring breeze was much warmer than anticipated, eliciting a slight shiver to cross his skin from the contrast to the comfortable temperature of Syd’s home.

He glanced up when he saw a shadow out of his peripheral vision just as footsteps sounded hollow against the stairs. A very familiar head of shaggy, chestnut curls faced away from him, paused at the same moment Jake had opened the door. 

His eyes knit together in confusion. “Hey- Josh?”

His twin turned around, stopping mid-stride with one foot on the upper step. “Jake? What are you-“

Josh tensed up entirely, something that didn’t happen often. His eyes trailed from his brother’s messed up hair, to his naked chest, down to where his sweatpants hung loose on his hips, covering all but his bare toes. He didn’t struggle to connect the dots, he just hoped it wasn’t what it looked like. 

He cleared his throat, his thoughts running rampant. “What are you doing here?”

“I-“ Jake stalled, the constricting feeling of being caught arising in his throat. “I came over after work last night.”

“And you just… stayed?” Josh’s voice was small as he replied. 

“Yeah, it was late, so-” Jake cut himself off, unsure as to why his brother was even there or why he felt the need to explain himself. “What are you doing here?”

“I-” Josh halted his speech, taking a moment to gather his racing thoughts. He ascended the rest of the stairs and stood up straight in front of his twin, hoping to gather more confidence by the change in elevation. “We had plans,” he corrected himself.

Jake took note of the hesitance in his brother’s voice. While appearing self-assured with his stature, the wavering tone in his voice gave way to the uncertainty of his actions, his plans. 

“She didn’t say anything about that. She’s still asleep.”

Josh scoffed in response, letting a dry chuckle escape his throat. “Jesus, does she have to tell you everything?”

The defensive tone of Josh’s words caught his brother off guard, that same odd feeling of wrong overtaking him again. “No, I just-”

Jake was cut off by a soft voice, still filled with sleep, yet sweet in every way. It was innocent, unknowing of what was occurring in her doorway. 

“Weren’t you the one who wanted to stay in bed-” Syd’s voice carried.

Josh’s eyes moved from Jake’s face to the young woman behind him. His jaw fell slack in shock, all of the pieces fitting together and confirming his suspicions. Syd was wearing Jake’s wrinkled denim shirt, buttoned up just to the middle of her breasts, one side of the collar threatening to slip off her shoulder at any moment. Her hair was draped over one shoulder, completely messed up on one side. The ends were matted, the normal voluptuous waves dull compared to normal. There were fresh red marks trailing along the length of her throat that disappeared beneath the fabric of his brother’s shirt, made more vibrant by the contrast of her golden complexion. Her legs were completely bare, exposing small plum fingertip bruises towards her inner thigh. It was as if she didn’t care who saw her in such a post-fucked out state.

Delta was curled up in her arms. He was lying on his back as she opened and closed her fingers against the thick fur of his stomach. His head was arched back over her forearm as he observed his surroundings. Upon seeing Josh, the feline twisted out of her grasp as he jumped down from her embrace and ran to find sanctuary elsewhere. Her arms instinctively moved to cover her chest as she locked eyes with Josh in the middle of her sentence.

“-Oh, fuck,” she all but whispered, unable to break the eye contact.

Josh let out another laugh, this one in disbelief. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Jake turned to his side, the only one standing between his twin and his lover, as his eyes darted back and forth between the two of them.

There was tension, Jake could feel it. There was something more that he didn’t quite understand. He could see it in the way Syd’s body stiffened, and he could feel it in the way his gut twisted. He could sense Josh’s affliction before he was even aware of what was going on. 

A pained smile overtook Josh’s features, never reaching his eyes. “So much for ‘slow’, right? Together?”

Syd couldn’t move, couldn’t speak.

She wanted to explain, to come up with a lie that would justify the state she was in. Yes, she was in a shirt that looked like one of Jake’s, but no, it’s not his. Yes, there were blemishes that trailed down her body like stepping stones to her most intimate parts, but no, Jake didn’t make them. Yes, the pair were almost completely bare, but no, they hadn’t undressed each other. 

She wanted to tell him that it wasn’t what it looked like. 

But it was. It was exactly what it looked like. 

And Josh had used her own words against her, even though she had meant every syllable. 

She wanted to take things slowly. She wanted to figure out how to make things work with Josh, if they were meant to work. She had found something deeper within the friendship they had nurtured, and she truly wanted to explore the feelings he had planted there.

But that was before.

That was before she knew that Jake felt the same way about her as she felt about him. That was before she got the taste of affection and domesticity that she had been craving for months. Everything with Jake had been natural, comfortable, effortless. It had all fallen into place just as easily as she had fallen for him. And they both had grown so accustomed to this new chapter before she could figure things out with Josh. 

But how was she supposed to say that?

How was she supposed to tell him that she was going back on her own word? That as strong as her desire was for him that night, she wanted Jake much more. In more ways than physical.

He shook his head at her wide-eyed gaze. “Was it just ‘cause it was me? You really could’ve just told me you didn’t want to sleep with me.”

There it was. The baggage she had been much too afraid to share with Jake herself. The scandal that she was sure would cause his affection to turn into anger, make him regret ever meeting her. The affair that she believed would make him walk away and never turn back. She winced at the words, disgusted at their utterance and disappointed with herself. 

She chanced a glimpse at Jake, hoping she’d find comfort, but instead, she saw the pure look of hurt flash across his features. Their eyes met, sharing a look of glistening desperation before she tore her gaze away. 

He wanted to understand. He tried to sort through his mind of things that Josh could’ve possibly meant with the accusation. He wanted to stand up for Syd, and discredit Josh’s words. He wanted to believe that this wasn’t some sick ploy to win her over, steal her away from him right when things seemed to be going well. But there was nothing that could’ve explained his words away. There was nothing he could do but to take Josh’s words just as they were delivered. 

Syd and Josh… slept together? 

Had they been sleeping together this whole time? 

He thought back to that night at the party. He remembered how close they were, how natural it seemed for them to be in such close proximity to one another. Josh’s hands on her, his lips ghosting her skin. How fast things seemed to have progressed within a few songs, how he had to tear his eyes away from the pair before he made himself sick with… jealousy. 

This would explain that night. This was his answer. There was something going on between them. 

Jake’s eyes stopped moving between the pair, finally settling on Syd as she rubbed her hand along the stretch of love bites left on her collarbone, anxiously twisting the silver ring that banded her thumb. He couldn’t help but look at her expectantly, hoping she had an answer that would explain what Josh was talking about.

She glanced up to look at Josh, and swallowed harshly. The sound was audible as she spoke through it, trying her best to reason not just with herself, but with the two men in front of her. “Josh-”

“Is this what you had to ‘figure out’?” He snapped, daring to take a half step forward.

Jake turned back to face his brother, giving him a curious expression this time. “What are you talking about?”

“You’d like to know, wouldn’t you?” He seethed, his breathing starting to grow uneven with the varying emotions coursing through his soul. Josh looked directly at Syd, nothing but betrayal in his glimmering amber eyes. “You told me you stopped me because that wasn’t how you wanted it to happen. You made me feel like I had a fucking chance.”

Syd let her gaze rise up towards the ceiling, trying to will the tears away that threatened to escape the corners of her eyes. It felt wrong for her to cry. Her heart was breaking for Josh, but she wasn’t in his position. She was the one who put him there. She hated herself for thinking this would be easy, even unavoidable. She thought she had more time to figure it out. Not what she wanted with Jake, but how to let Josh down easily.

Sam was right. One of them was going to have to deal with not having her and now here she was, put in a spot where she didn’t have to choose. She didn’t have to choose because all along, it was Jake. It had always been Jake. That was the easy part. Syd had put herself in the perfect position to break Josh’s heart in the worst way and it was fucking hard. 

Her chest constricted as her anxiety grew. She was beneath the brightest spotlight and it felt like the entire world could see how horrible of a person she was. The walls seemed too close. The fabric of the shirt she wore felt too hot. She felt too naked, too transparent. Syd squeezed her fist, digging the sharp edges of her nails into her palm as Josh’s voice grew louder.

“But I didn’t, though, did I? From day one, I didn’t have a fucking chance. All ‘cause I’m not him.” His volume had risen with each word spoken. He was shaking, his voice quivering as he tried - and failed - to control himself. “It was a joke to you. I was a fucking joke. To you, it was just a game. And you were only playing it until he got the balls to make a move.”

“Hey, what the hell?” Jake raised his voice and stepped forward to push a sturdy palm into his brother’s shoulder, forcing him to take a step back. Syd let out a short, audible gasp as she took a step back from the brothers. 

“What!?” Josh shouted out to his twin. It seemed as if the dam had been broken, all of his thoughts and words spilling together and out into the open. “You think that just because she finally gave you the attention you wanted that it’s your job to stick up for her? Just because she let you fuck her-”

There was a dull thump, accompanied by a sharp crack, but it fell unheard by Jake. Blood immediately began to pool atop Josh’s lips, but it was unseen by Jake. 

For a moment, he wasn’t himself. He wasn’t the calm, collected character that he normally was. No. 

He was blinded by pure unbridled rage. 

He had never hit someone before, at least not in a way that would cause bones to crack and skin to bruise. He’d especially never imagine doing so to his own twin. Their sibling scuffles had always been just that. Momentary altercations that never resulted in serious injury. 

This was different. This was unlike him. 

The thought crossed his mind like a flash of lightning. Quick, yet unavoidable. It was only a part of his consciousness for a moment, but once it was there, it was all he could think about. And as if it were the thunder that followed the strobe of light, he felt a pulsating pain in his right hand.

Everything had happened so fast, Jake’s thoughts were moving just as quickly. 

In fact, he didn’t even understand his own actions once they occurred, failing to realize just what he had done until Josh staggered back and brought his hand to his nose. 

As they moved away from his face, his fingertips were covered in scarlet, and his features contorted into an expression of confusion before it returned to the same look of hurt and anger as before. 

Jake debated on apologizing. His immediate reaction to causing pain was accepting the blame and working to control the damage he had done. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t apologize because he wasn’t sorry. 

Not until he came to and heard the choked sob escape the sweet lips that he had just kissed moments prior. A sound she had made before in the midst of lust and desire, now created by fear and hurt. A sound that would haunt him for the rest of his days. 

By the time he was able to turn and look at where she once stood, Syd had already turned on her heels and rushed out of the room.

Josh wiped a finger against the tip of his nose, smearing a slow stream of blood across his Cupid’s bow. “You’re just as stupid as she is,” he laughed dryly. 

Jake debated on following Syd, hoping that he could comfort her with his presence, but he knew that he was partially responsible for her flee in the first place. Instead, he glared back at his twin, anger still prevalent in his features. 

“Why the fuck did you talk to her like that?” Jake snapped. No amount of confusion over the situation could take away from how deeply he cared about Syd. 

“It’s bullshit. It’s all bullshit, and she just couldn’t handle being called out on it.”

“Josh, you-“ A loud thud echoed throughout the quiet space around them, from Syd’s bedroom, momentarily distracting Jake. “You need to leave.”

Josh crossed his arms in defiance as he replied. “No, she needs to explain herself.”

“Josh, go.” Jake warned, taking his twin by the elbow and starting to move him towards the open door. 

—

The door shook the house as Syd slammed it shut behind her. She leaned her back against the frame, her chest heaving with each shaky breath as she bent over trying to calm herself. Her nails dug their way into the flesh of her thighs. She hoped the physical pain would be a distraction from the constricting feeling she felt in her chest. 

It was hard to breathe, hard to think. 

Her head felt clustered, too heavy. The thoughts and feelings whipped around like a tornado, creating a level of cataclysmic chaos to the point where she couldn’t focus on any one thing. It was too much. 

Too much. 

Why did Jake have to open the door? Why was Josh there? Why in God’s name did she sleep for so damned long?

There were tears in Josh’s eyes…

A look of desperation in Jake’s…

There was so much going on all at once, yet it wasn’t anything she shouldn’t have been so blind as to not anticipate. The emotions she had kept secret, completely out in the open. Misconstrued perceptions of what had actually transpired, burned into the minds of the two men she cared so much about. 

Josh saw her as some cheating whore, as some bitch who played him. Who just wanted to string him along until she got her kicks and would crawl back to him.

The look on his face displayed clearly in her mind. Those big, sweet sunshine eyes darkened by hurt, betrayal. His relaxed nature, clouded by the instinct to fight for answers. The underlying desperation as his brow knit together, almost pleading through his anger for her to change the story, to deny what happened even though the evidence was clear for anyone to see. 

And Jake-

Jake…

Syd moved across the room and crumpled down on the floor beside her bed, too ashamed with herself to lay in the sheets where she had found unbridled love just hours earlier. She pulled her knees up to her chest and stared at a nondescript spot on the door of her closet. Her nails found the meat of her legs again, little half-moon shapes already creating bruises alongside the bite marks she was just now noticing. 

Jake saw her for what she was. Confused, stupid. Unable to make up her mind. Hopelessly pining over both him and his brother without a care in the world for the consequences. 

The truth of the matter was Syd never thought about the consequences. She never let herself. The ignorance was easier to face than the reality of what she knew would come. What had happened in her entry way. 

She felt disgusted with herself. A victim of circumstance, but oh, so guilty. Why couldn’t she have just been up front with Josh? She should have told him about Jake right then and there. Explained that the night at Sam’s party meant something to her, but it wasn’t enough. That Josh wasn’t enough. 

How did she get from point A to point B? The puzzle pieces were falling into place so perfectly. Being with Jake was like a dream she never wanted to wake up from. 

Tender little moments in passing that shifted into whispers of sweet nothings and feather light kisses as his lips danced across the surface of her skin. The warmth and security of his embrace a beacon in a tumultuous sea. The look of unconditional love each time his gaze passed over her, he was home. 

But was it truly unconditional? 

Syd looked down at her chest, eyeing the single line of scattered bruises between her breasts. The glimpse of a smile started to make its way towards the corners of her lips as she envisioned the passionate moments when they were given to her. The marks climbed upwards to where she couldn’t see them, but knew they were more visible. Inconcealable.

Unlike her encounter with Josh. 

The heated, fiery memory of the display that she tucked down and hid away from the world to make herself feel better. She wished she could have blamed it on the alcohol. She wished she could have taken it back, done things right. 

She felt sick. The guilt she had felt over the situation made her physically ill. Weak at the knees, bubbles in her belly. 

The freedom of the shirt she wore made her feel naked, exposed. Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to take it off as she stood and fixed the buttons up in an attempt to hide her indiscretions. 

Her shaky hands made the task difficult and she was almost certain she had misaligned a button or two, but she didn’t care. The feeling in her chest wound tighter as the tears finally came. She couldn’t face them like this. 

Not with Josh’s livid energy and Jake’s confusion. Not with the thoughts racing through her head at a million miles an hour. Not crying like a fool over the guilt of her own actions, the loss of the pure happiness she found within Jake, the darkness that clouded her judgment.

She grabbed the backpack off the doorknob of the closet door and started rifling through dresser drawers to gather what she needed. There was only hope that she was seeing correctly with her blurred vision. 

Black jeans and a matching long-sleeve shirt. 

Socks, underwear, sports bra. 

Her favorite cardigan. 

After she had shoved her belongings in the sack, she moved over to her bed in an attempt to find her shorts. In the midst of digging through the mess of tangled blankets, she grabbed her phone with one thought on her mind, at last. 

Sam. 

She accessed her ‘favorites’ and pulled up his contact to initiate the call, finding her shorts and roughly pulling them up to cover her legs. It didn’t take long for Sam to answer, his usual chipper voice filling her head. It caused a brief moment of calm before she started crying harder, standing still in her room with her backpack slung over one shoulder. 

“Sam, I-“ she sputtered out as her tears ran down her cheeks and soaked into the collar of Jake’s shirt. 

“Hey, hey slow down,” he cooed, his voice gentle. “What’s going on?”

“I- Jake and-“ Her voice couldn’t break through her sobs as she choked out her words. 

“Syd, do I need to come get you?”

She shook her head fervently in response, momentarily forgetting that he couldn’t see her. “N-no.”

Silence. Then a hesitant, “...Are you okay?”

The question made her sobs more consistent, only allowing her to repeat her stuttered “N-no.”

“Syd, let me come get you. It’ll be just a min-”

“I need to leave now,” she rushed. “Can I stay?”

As soon as she heard his permission, she ended the call, foregoing any formal explanation or goodbye. She would see him soon enough.

Syd turned her body around, trying to gain the courage to open her bedroom door. Through the walls, she could still hear the twins’ muffled conversation. She didn’t want to face them. She didn’t want to see their faces, hear the emotions play in their voices. 

But the sooner she exited her bedroom, the sooner she could get away. She’d see Sam, and she’d be able to escape the living hell that she had created.

So she attempted to do just that. 

She flung open the door before she could talk herself out of it, hurrying through the space and keeping herself on track. She noticed that the twins had moved their conversation outside, although the front door was still wide open. She tried to rush the gathering of her keys and work shoes before they noticed her reappearance. Her stealth was successful until her shoulder bumped the doorway, knocking a shoe out of her grasp.

It was almost immediate, their reactions to her. They were at Josh’s car, but their heads snapped up to look at her moving frame. She kept her head down, trying her best to ignore them, and scurrying with a complete disregard to the fallen shoe. 

She could hear Josh first. His words still full of malice and pain, his volume still higher than necessary. 

Then, she heard Jake. His soft pleads somehow overpowering his brother’s loud words. He asked her to stay, to talk to him. He promised to get Josh away, as long as she would just stop and talk. 

It didn’t work.

She didn’t let it work.

She didn’t deserve his grace, and she didn’t deserve his forgiveness. So she kept walking. She kept her mind on the plan, and completely ignored the noise in the background begging her to stay. 

Soon enough, all she heard was the roaring of her car’s engine. All she could feel was the car’s A/C. All she could think about was getting to Sam’s.

And like always, she’d think about the consequences later.

–

Sam didn’t ask many questions once she got there. It didn’t seem reasonable to do so. The answers to everything he could’ve asked were right there in front of him.

When she called, it was hard to decipher much over her countless apologies and tear-filled words and sniffles. He could’ve put the pieces together then, but especially once she stepped out of her car.

He had waited outside for her as soon as she ended the call, not knowing what state to expect her in once she arrived. But not much had changed during the short drive from her place to his. She was still crying, her face blotchy from the tears she shed previously. Even as she scrambled to grab her backpack from the backseat, he could see she was shaking. She hadn’t bothered to put on shoes, seemingly coming as soon as she could. And as she wordlessly rushed passed him to get inside, he noticed the bruises and love marks that peeked under the shirt she wore, Jake’s shirt. 

Sam knew they had spent time together after work yesterday, and he was pleased to know that things seemed to have gone well. A hint of a smile threatened to grace his lips at the knowledge that his best friend was happy with his brother, and vice versa. But he fought back the feelings of contentment, knowing that there was still a reason she was crying. 

Something had gone wrong.

He wanted to ask what happened, what he could do to help, but he knew. Even if he didn’t have the specifics of what had caused her tears and frantic state, he could imagine that both of his brothers had something to do with it. He knew that she needed space to sort through it all, and she’d talk about the details whenever she was ready. If she was ever ready.

She had told him stories about being in this position before. In the middle of some cruel love triangle that was destined to crash and burn for at least one person involved. She just hadn’t known that she would be the person it crashed and burned for. 

Syd had been strung along back then, hopelessly pining for someone she had met in some art club at her high school. She talked highly of him, saying a multitude of things about how creative, eloquent, and expressive he was. They had hit it off almost as soon as she had joined the club, but he was never straightforward with her about what he wanted. He bounced around the subject of a relationship, never quite putting a label on anything while also accepting the attention and affection that Syd granted him. But she wasn’t the only person that had been drawn to him, nor was she the only person that gave him such attention. 

She just wasn’t enough.

It was why it hurt her so much to go through this, all over again, with brothers nonetheless. She knew how it felt to be on the receiving end of the heartbreak doomed to happen at some point, and to put that pain on someone else? She didn’t think she could forgive herself, especially if it damaged the relationship the twins had with one another. 

But she couldn’t help herself. Sam knew that. Jake and Josh were one in the same, and if she fell for one of them, she couldn’t help but fall for the other. She found comfort in things that were familiar, similar to things she had once loved in the past. There were those qualities in both of them, just as there were within Sam himself. 

He also knew that neither of the twins could help themselves either. They were different in many ways, but they were still twins. Just as their features resembled one another, so did the subjects that piqued their interests. 

Sam could’ve imagined what would happen between the three because he knew them all so well. He just hoped that they would all figure things out as they transpired. 

But it seemed like, whatever happened between them, occurred much too quickly for any rational thinking to occur. It was Sam’s turn to step in. Not to delegate, but to support. 

He had seen the various highs and lows of Syd’s love life for as long as they had been friends. It was rare that she put herself out there to be loved, but once she did, she put her all into nurturing the potential relationship. And whenever it began to fall apart, she had always come to Sam for the strength she no longer had. She’d reach out first, explain later. They’d spend nights together partaking in whatever dumb activity or excursion he’d plan to get her mind off of things, then she’d tell him about the situation that had caused her heartbreak. Whenever, if ever, she felt like it.

That time would come eventually, but for now, he decided he’d focus on controlling the situation overall. 

Syd had made herself at home on the couch. Her backpack had been discarded in the path she took to get there. She had dropped it on the floor, indifferent about where it ended up landing. Sam retrieved it for her, gingerly picking it up and placing it upright in the recliner in the corner of the room. While he was there, he grabbed the fuzzy blanket that decorated the back of the chair and made his way back to her. 

She seemed to have begun to space out, staring at the blank screen of his television while final tears streamed silently down her cheeks. His heart ached for his best friend, yet he knew that this was all part of the process. 

He noticed marks on her exposed thighs that matched the ones on her neck before he draped the blanket over her lap. She absentmindedly began to fiddle with the fabric as soon as it came in contact with her, but she still never looked at Sam. She’d thank him later.

All she could do now was focus on the pitch black television in front of her. Its emptiness, the desolate void that it encompassed, reminded her of the pit that had burrowed deep within her gut and was making its way to her heart. She felt just as vacant as the screen’s color. Insignificant. Undesired. Disappointing. 

She had once felt the joy of being loved, truly wanted for who she was. But she knew that was gone now. There was no coming back from this. Especially after leaving the way she did, running away from the issue she had created. Ignoring the two men that she had fallen in love with. Disregarding each of Jake’s pleas. 

“Syd, wait-”

“Slip, please, don’t go.”

“Can we talk about this?”

“Baby…”

Despite everything, he still spoke gently to her. With love and adoration, care for her wellbeing. Even though she hadn’t even given him the courtesy of explaining herself. 

She didn’t deserve him. 

The clamorous sound of the blender in the kitchen made her jump slightly, forcing her to get out of her head. Out of the hole she had quickly placed herself into. 

She blinked, suddenly aware of herself and her surroundings. It was almost amusing to her how she always found solace in Sam’s company. From the first day she had ever met him, he had been the brother she had always dreamed of having. And even in her darkest days, she somehow found herself here, with him, seeking comfort in a place that felt much like her own. 

Sam appeared in the corner of her eyes, and for the first time all day, she looked at him while he approached. He was tentative, yet still his obnoxiously goofy self. He was holding a glass, carrying it carefully while he walked. A bright, red cherry sat atop a mound of what looked like whipped cream at the top of the glass’s contents. A pink straw poked out the side, already bent and ready to be used. 

“I’ve heard vanilla is the best,” Sam noted with a smile. “Or at least that’s what a friend of mine once said.” 

Somehow, a soft laugh bubbled out of her. “I wonder who said that,” she quipped sarcastically. 

He hummed, pleased that she could return the banter that seemed so normal to them. He placed the milkshake into her outstretched, still-shaking hands. “I don’t know, but whoever it was, obviously hasn’t tried butterscotch.”

“Butter and scotch just doesn’t sound good together.” She paused to take a sip and sighed once the cool liquid touched her taste buds. The treat seemed to do well at providing additional comfort, even after one sip. “Everyone loves vanilla, it’s a classic.”

They slipped into another silly and fruitless debate about which ice cream flavor was best, not making any progress due to stubbornness. The conversation was successful at getting her mind off of the events of the day and calming her for the time being. Eventually, she was lulled to a restful state, sitting in relative silence and barely watching the shitty reruns that materialized on the television. She didn’t have an issue of racing thoughts and guilt-filled burdens. She was able to shut off her mind and just exist. 

She didn’t have to think about what would happen when she saw the twins at work the next day. She didn’t want to. But maybe she should have. 

--------

part 12>>>

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