My Experiences with BDSM in a Relationship with a Trans Woman
I am going to try to be as open and honest in this post as possible, as I believe I made stupid mistakes. I would also like to say that I am now anti-bdsm and anti-kink. I don’t believe that it can be done in a healthy way and that it’s destructive. Secondly, I am going to refer to my former partner, a mtf trans woman, with her preferred pronouns. I know many in the radical feminist community would prefer to me to use he/him but at the stage I’m at right now it’s really difficult to use anything else. I hope you girls understand.
I started dating as soon as I had the chance to. I wanted to experience dating and I never had the chance to in high school. I wanted to go on different dates and meet new people. I met a trans woman on tinder and met up with her for a date. She was a self-proclaimed ‘dom’ and a kink hypnotist ‘expert’ (that will take an entire other post to explain :/) After the first date, she told me she had bragged to all of her friends about her new girlfriend. I, having never experienced dating before, didn’t understand that this was unusual. I said nothing and let myself be locked into a relationship that I didn’t mean to start.
I experienced a lot from her. I had to refer to her as ‘mistress’ when she chose. Scratching, slapping, choking, ‘punishments’. She never asked me if I wanted to do punishments. I often got scared by how many of them were doled out. I never orgasmed or cummed. I was never eaten out or given any normal sexual experience. Looking back, I don’t think I ever experienced real pleasure with any of this. I also never said no.
After a week or so of dating my partner ‘revealed’ that she was a ‘switch’. She then began to frequently refer to ‘feeling subby’ and ‘wanting to be dommed’. Oftentimes she would do this multiple times a day. She would tell me not to talk to her unless I wanted to ‘dom’. After only a few days of this, I broke. I told her I would do it.
I feel incredibly ashamed for this now. I’m a pacifist and a vegan. I don’t like any living creature being hurt. The first several times I tried to ‘dom’, I panicked. I couldn’t get my arm to move to slap her. I would freeze. Still, I eventually I started to be able to do it. I never liked slapping her or hurting her. I still felt guilty. Each new ‘dom’ thing that I tried required coaxing and pleading from her but I still did all of it.
I was terrified that I was going to hurt her. In an attempt to reassure myself I started to do as much research as I could on ‘safely’ practicing BDSM. The information I found was horrifying. With choking, it is so easy to hurt someone and even kill them by applying too much pressure or pushing in the wrong place. With bondage, you can easily cause nerve damage by placing the ropes in the wrong place. With ‘physical play’ (punching, slapping, whipping, etc) you can cause permanent nerve damage by hitting the wrong spot.
Even so, I taught myself everything I could and prepared for everything. To help convince myself that I was doing everything possible not to cause harm, I also created a ‘aftercare and safety’ box. This had everything from chocolates, moisturizer, towels, scissors (for cutting rope in an emergency), lemonade, bandaids, chapstick and more. It was as I was working to do all of this that it began to dawn on me that my partner, the self proclaimed BDSM expert, had never cared to learn about the safety or try to prepare for the possibility of danger. When she choked me, she pressed in the places that were vulnerable. When she hit me, she avoid hitting the places that could cause nerve damage. She didn’t prepare for aftercare (the practice of reassuring your partner after bdsm), nor did she preform it most of the time.
I started reading anti-bdsm threads on reddit. I found terms like trauma bonding. It scared me. I told my partner about it. She laughed and told me it wasn’t true. She was the expert. I was just a beginner. Once again, I let myself stay silent.
I’m writing this now because I’m terrified someone will end up in a situation like I did. BDSM never helped me find any pleasure. It hurt, whether I was the one ‘domming’ or the one ‘subbing’. It was dangerous. I feel lucky that I was never hurt in a way that was irreversible. Young women are exposed to this form of ‘sex’ and told that it can be beneficial. The dangers of it are never discussed. How can you consent to something like this without knowing how much damage it can cause you?
BDSM hurt me. It left me with words that I hear in public that still make me shrink up and feel like my lungs are being squeezed. It left me with guilt and regret and bad memories. I wish someone had warned me.
i’ve realized that the people who define lesbianism as “non-man loving non-man” are perfectly fine with defining gay as “man loving man” …. whenever it comes to acknowledging women they immediately go to “non-men” instead of just saying “women” and i can’t help but feel like they’re trying to center men as more important than women & trying to steal/redefine women-only terms as just “not men”; it’s like they’re admitting that they see male as the default & females as a deviation
A Florida lawmaker introduced a bill Wednesday modeled after Texas' new law prohibiting abortions after a fetal heartbeat is detected, or roughly six weeks — before many people know they are pregnant.
Why it matters: Similar bills introduced to the Florida legislature have failed, but that was before the Supreme Court declined to block Texas' law, which is the most restrictive abortion law to be enforced since the Supreme Court's Roe v. Wade decision legalized abortion nationwide in 1973, according to AP.
The Florida bill, introduced by state Republican Rep. Webster Barnaby, allows private citizens to sue others that either performed or “aided or abetted” the procedure.
Florida's bill would allow people to sue others six months after an illegal abortion is performed unlike the four allotted by the Texas law. In both cases, the state would financially support the plaintiff in the lawsuit.
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis and several other Republican lawmakers said earlier this month that they could support an abortion law like the one in Texas.
the conservative, religious idea that a prostitute is a sexually deviant harlot who sells her body because she loves to sin and the liberal “sex positive” idea that a prostitute is a sexually empowered woman who sells her body because she loves to fuck are the same idea.
they both place the blame on the prostituted woman, they both ignore the existence of pimps and johns, and they both paint a picture of a mythological woman who simply does not exist.
neither considers that the woman is a victim, that she is being raped, and that the men who exploit her are to be blamed.
What’s even more pathetic is that this kind of douche is exactly the reason why women don’t want to be around men in the first place, lmao. Comparing our wanting to feel safe and not be sexualized to literal racism. It really shows how much they’re uncomfortable with/hate women’s boundaries.
Anyways, I can’t imagine how much more relaxing it would be to work out around women only. I’d definitely be way more into it instead of worrying about other things. If only there was a place like this near me 😭
i think what forever will be the weirdest thing for me is when men compare something mundane and innocent on a woman to something obscene on themselves instead of like... the same thing or something actually comparable
like for example how men compare womens pit-hair to their own ballhair instead of their own pit-hair
or comparing breast feeding to ejaculating instead of feeding a baby
or comparing a bra strap to THEIR WHOLE ASS COCK AND BALLS instead of the elastic of their own underwear
how is this under any context funny or acceptable? this is so out of line. she didn’t even necessarily express an insecurity or desire for a boob job, he just felt the need to assume that. and the fact that videos like these draw girls who have insecurities about their chest size to them, just for the top comment to be from a plastic surgeon promoting breast augmentation. the fact that plastic surgeons have massive platforms like these all over social media and are endlessly promoted by women to young girls is sickening and borderline dystopian. fuck this.
The entire personhood and humanity a fetus has is projected onto it. Its humanity and personhood doesn’t actually exist. If a fetus is wanted, then fine, have at it; you’re imagining a future where the fetus has become a baby/person and has had its potential of personhood and humanity realised. But if a woman(or girl)doesn’t want the fetus; she is under no obligation to humanise it or listen to your ideas of imaginary personhood that you’ve projected onto it
Prostitution goes beyond the streets or only fans or sleazy strip clubs. At its core, prostitution is the idea that women's bodies are a commodity to be purchased via financial transactions. These transactions can be in money but also in gifts or travels, dates even. If prostitution is a thing then a male friend can ask you out and expect sex because he paid for your meal. A boss can give you a raise and expect a blowjob. A professor, a good grade and a nude in exchange. Your husband can rape you because he put a roof over your head.
Allowing prostitution is allowing the right for men to buy women. Any woman at any moment. Because there is no difference between the prostituted women and women but a difference of time, of moments. You can be prostituted as long as prostitution exists. And men know all women are potential prostitutes as long as they can buy any of us.
Abolishing prostitution not only helps freeing trafficked women and girls but also liberate us as a class. Because if the concept of exchanging yourself for financial gain does not exist, then no male can expect sex, a blowjob, a nude after giving you something.
every modern pop feminism idea can be explained by this one chimamanda meme though?
queer theory? sex work is work? bdsm and hardcore kink as feminist acts? twaw? the idea of makeup being empowering? bimbo feminism? girl brain and boy brain? choice feminism? men can be vulnerable babies let them cry uwu? rape didn't exist in indigenous cultures before colonial influence? fgm affects men too because a penis can be a female organ and fgm = circumcision?
Can we talk about how women are still expected to not look muscular even when actively trying to be muscular?
I like lifting, and I want to look muscular. This is just something that I’ve always tried to do, but I didn’t really know where to start. So, I did a quick google search. “How to get bulky as a female”
I distinctly wanted to find information on how to bulk up as a female. Instead, I found this nonsense! All these articles implying that if a woman wants to become stronger she must not look so, and looking strong as a female is bad. A woman must not be big, she must not be muscular. A woman should exercise to lose mass, not gain it! A woman should be small.
In my next google search I omitted the word female. Of course, all of the results were directed at men.
Men don’t get told they’re too big. Men don’t get told they’re too muscular. Men aren’t encouraged to not exercise too much lest they become bulky.
Women are expected to exercise to get smaller. Men are expected to exercise to get bigger. These are not the same.
Is this professor going to get the unutterable J K Rowling treatment? Is he going to get accused of vulgarly reducing men to their dick and balls? Is he going to be told there's no such thing as a universal manhood experience? Is he