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I was going to put this in a long elegant post but my brain is fried so please just imagine Fahc Jack stealing that one ruined ‘restored’ fresco painting of jesus just to gift Fiona because “Look Fiona, it’s a meme” and Fiona just bursts into tears yelling how that gift is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for her. “It’s so fucking ugly I love it so much” she says as she immediately and proudly hangs it in the heist planning room for all to see and gaze upon

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(So. Maybe not to the heart of the prompt, but the happiest I’ve ever been was simply existing with people I loved.)

19. things you said when we were the happiest we ever were 

“Goddamnit Jeremy!” Matt’s voice rings out through the apartment, loud and vaguely angry. He’s in the kitchen, which means he has just stumbled upon what Jeremy has done. “I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you.”

Jeremy glances at Trevor, sitting beside him on the couch. “Any chance you wanna take the blame for this one?”

“Depends.” Trevor doesn’t take his eyes off of his character on screen. “What did you do?”

Before Jeremy can respond, Matt stomps into the room, empty cereal box in hand. “You knew I was looking forward to this!“ On the last word, he gestures aggressively with the box. ”Asshole.“

"Matt, look-” on screen, Jeremy’s character dies, and he tosses the controller onto the coffee table. “In my defense, Trevor did it.”

“Oh no no, don’t involve me in this.” Trevor leans to the side, an apparent effort to make his character do the same. It doesn’t work, and he dies too. “Fuck.”

“Sounds great, but a little difficult on an empty fucking stomach.” Matt says drily, hand on his hip. “You owe me a box of cereal, Jeremy.”

“Matt, come here.” Jeremy reaches toward him, but he doesn’t move. “Matt please.” He makes a grabby motion at him. With a heavy sigh, Matt extends his hand and allows himself to be pulled onto the couch. “Listen, why don’t the three of us go out to eat, that way you’re not eating cereal for dinner like an animal-”

“Well that’s just mean for no reason.”

“And on the way back I will buy you more cereal.” Jeremy finishes as though Matt hadn’t interrupted him.

Matt eyes him suspiciously, as though he’s waiting for the catch. He looks to Trevor as well, who holds up his hands in ‘I don’t know, I’m just here’. Finally, he nods. “Fine. But you’re paying for me.”

“Sure Matt.” Jeremy says with a patient smile. “I’ll buy you dinner too.”

“Hey Jeremy,” Trevor begins, resting his arm on Jeremy’s shoulder. “Since you’re throwing around cash like you have it, remember that time you tried to blame me for eating Matt’s cereal?”

“You mean literally three minutes ago?” Matt says, chuckling.

“You guys are the worst.” Jeremy leans back into the couch, crossing his arms firmly.

“Says the cereal thief.” Matt says with a pointed look at him.

Jeremy tries his best to stare back, to hold an intimidating, or at least neutral expression. He fails after approximately three seconds. He’s got Trevor giggling in one ear and Matt looking annoyed at him. Even the strongest man couldn’t do it, and he is few from strong when it comes to them. He breaks into a grin, and Matt shakes his head.

Asshole.” But he looks away, and Jeremy knows he’s smiling too. That’s all he can ask for.

Matt wakes up to the sound of the bedroom door opening. He has had one arm wrapped around Jeremy’s waist, and he tightens his grip ever so slightly. If someone is here to kill them, he won’t be much of a defense, but it’s still his instinct to try and protect his best friend. He cracks one eye open to find that it is in fact Trevor in the doorway, finally getting home.

“Hey Trevor.” He says quietly, hoping not to wake Jeremy. It doesn’t work, and Jeremy shifts beside him, lifting his head to also peer at the door.

“Hey, you made it.” He mumbles, head falling back to the pillow.

“Yeah, I’m sorry I’m so late.” Matt hears the sound of Trevor dropping his keys and wallet into the dresser, and then the sound of the closet door. “You wouldn’t believe the shit that went down after you guys left.” 

“Hmm. Can’t wait to hear this. We’re all ears.” Despite his words, Jeremy turns himself toward Matt, curling into his chest. Matt rolls to his back, bringing Jeremy with him.

Trevor re-emerges from the closet, presumably in pajamas of some sort. He slips into bed beside Jeremy, and Matt makes his best effort to reach an arm toward him. “What happened?”

Trevor’s hand finds his in the dark. “Just… remind me who put me in charge of Michael and Gavin?”

“That would be you and Geoff, I think.” Matt squeezes his hand gently. “At least you’re home now.”

“Yeah, barely. You know they somehow got involved in a three hour police chase?”

“Jesus Christ.” It’s not shocking by any means, and they’ve all certainly had worse, but still. The aftermath of Michael and Gavin chaos can be a real shitshow.

“They got away, obviously, but Jack and I are both thinking we lay low for a few days.” Trevor squeezes Matt’s hand one last time before pulling away, opting instead to curl himself around Jeremy.

“Makes sense to me.” Laying low may not be his favorite way to operate, but he trusts Trevor’s judgement. If he and Jack think it’s necessary, it must be. Odds are, it’ll be the three of them holed up in this apartment for a week, the rest of the crew in various homes across the city. 

“Wha-“ Jeremy shifts at the touch. “Shit, Trevor, I’m sorry, I missed all of that.”

Trevor only chuckles. “You’re good, man.” Matt feels Trevor’s hand slip between his chest and Jeremy’s. “Go back to sleep.” He hears Trevor press a kiss to Jeremy’s shoulder, followed by a fond, contented sigh.

Maybe laying low won’t be all bad. Boring, sure, but at least they’ll be together.

“You know I love you both to death, and I’ll support anything you guys want to do, but if you think that wall is structurally sound, I- I really don’t know how to help you.” Trevor is standing in the middle of the living room, one hand on his hip, pointing at two precariously leaned pillows.

“Alright, it’s not done yet-“ Matt begins, shooting him an exasperated look.

“Yeah, and we’ll thank you not to judge us until our vision is fully realized.” Jeremy says, voice monotone. Immediately, he breaks into a giggle. “God, can you imagine if I talked like that?” he picks up his beer from the coffee table, taking a long sip.

“See, I don’t like that because it really sounded like you were doing an impression of me.” Matt says, kneeling down next to the compromised pillow wall. He tries to adjust it slightly, and it collapses, taking three more pillows with it. “Shit.”

“I don’t wanna say I told you so, but…” Trevor trails off into laughter.

“Alright Mr. Fuckin Engineer,” Matt sits back and gestures broadly at the mess of pillows and blankets surrounding him. “You figure out how to give pillows integrity.”

“Well first off, don’t build walls out of pillows.” Trevor mutters, sitting cross legged beside Matt on the floor.

“Trevor, it’s a pillow fort.” Jeremy emphasizes, waving his beer around. “What are we supposed to use, concrete?”

“No,” Trevor says, squeezing the various pillows that have fallen, searching for the firmest ones. “but also don’t use the softest pillows we own as a base.” He takes the one he’s least satisfied with and chucks it in Jeremy’s direction, hitting him squarely in the chest.

Trevor!” Jeremy stares at him incredulously, mouth slightly hanging open. “I did nothing to you!”

“Maybe that’s the problem.” Matt deadpans, and now Jeremy whips the pillow back at him.

The entire situation dissolves quickly from there, going from the very ambitious fort plan to an all out pillow war. It’s all obscenities and insults and laughter, pillows flying in all directions. Jeremy claims the couch, yelling something about height advantage and fairness. Trevor full on falls multiple times, trying desperately to jump over projectiles. It absolutely doesn’t work. Matt tries to take shelter under a blanket, which is a poor choice. The other two truce long enough to dogpile on him, and then they’re three idiots wrestling on the floor.

When they’re all tuckered out, they wind up just staying down there, constructing something that’s less pillow fort and more pillow nest. Regardless of what their original plan was, Trevor is inclined to think that this is better. Its nice to just have fun, be a little silly with the two people he loves most. He can’t think of a better way to spend a a Tuesday night.

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(This is less things you said at 1 am and more the lads being fools at 1 am. Id like to think they’re one in the same.)

1. Things you said at 1 am

“If you two idiots don’t shut the fuck up I’m out of this relationship.” Michael’s voice floats back to them in a hiss.

“Michael-” Jeremy begins, not sure how he’s going to defend the quiet argument they’d been having.

Micool!” Gavin whispers, almost simultaneously.

“You be quiet, you’re not helping.” Jeremy says with a firm poke between Gavin’s shoulder blades. To be fair, Gavin is blaming this all on Jeremy, which is ludicrous.

“Jack is gonna fuckin kill us.” Michael says grimly.

It’s a very late Monday night, and the lads are sneaking into the penthouse because they’re teenagers again, apparently. The unfortunate part is that somehow, despite being three grown men and successful criminals, they don’t have one key among them. They’d attempted to get in via window, but that had proven to be a flawed plan.

“Jack’ll be annoyed but just roll her eyes at us. Fiona is gonna murder us if we wake her up.” Jeremy says. He’s crossing his fingers that she wears earplugs to bed or something. They’re making their way back down the fire escape, and somehow he’d wound up in the back.

“Nah, Fiona would never hurt me! We’re Team Chungə!” Gavin glances back at him, a bright smile on his face.

“You need to be part of Team Shut The Fuck Up.” Michael is in front, climbing down yet another ladder.

“Michael that’s not a real team.”

“It would be if you would just-”

“Shut the fuck up?” Jeremy supplies, voice dissolving into a quiet giggle at the end. He’s trying his best not to lose his cool up here. Heights are not exactly his favorite thing.

“Fuckin thank you, J. You know what, you get to stay.” They’re about halfway down, and it’s not getting any easier.

“You guys are the worst boyfriends ever.” Gavin says, and the pout in his voice is clear.

They lapse into a comfortable quiet, just following one another down ladder after ladder. That none of them, there members of the most notorious crew in the city, can’t figure out how to pick the lock is astounding. That they couldn’t even remember a key might be worse.

“We should’ve just called Matt, he’s probably still up.” Gavin says just as they’re reaching the third story.

Michael stops just short of the ladder, Gavin and Jeremy stumbling into him immediately. He turns back to stare at Gavin. “Why the fuck didn’t you say that when were at the front fuckin door?”

“I didn’t think about it til we were already trying the window!”

“Gavin.” Jeremy reaches up, puts a hand on his shoulder. “You know I love you more than life itself, and I think you have a lot of moments of brilliant clarity-”

“I don’t like that you’re already backpedaling.” Gavin interrupts, voice doubtful.

“But you do realize Matt also could’ve opened the fucking window, right?”

There’s a moment of silence, save for the general noise of Los Santos. Gavin breaks into an embarrassed smile. “Oh. Yeah he probably could have.”

“Fuckin oh!” Michael turns back to the ladder, but Jeremy catches the exasperated smile he has. “Idiot.” He mutters fondly.

They troop down the rest of the way without incident, and Jeremy calls Matt when they’re back in the elevator. There’s a bit of grumbling from Matt’s end, something about not understanding “how three grown ass men don’t have a single key between them.” Regardless of his aggravation, he lets them in and the three morons head to Michael’s room.

“At least I thought of Matt eventually.” Gavin is saying as he launches himself to the middle of the bed. “Jeremy was ready to break down the damn door!”

“Kicking in and breaking down are two very different things, Gav.” Jeremy wants it to be clear, just in case Trevor or Geoff should ever catch wind of what almost happened. He settles himself between Gavin and the wall, as per usual.

“Equally dumb though.” Michael laughs. He pauses in front of the dresser. “Uh guys?” He starts laughing again. “I have some fucked up news.”

“What?” Jeremy asks, kicking off his jeans. Maybe he should’ve gotten undressed before he laid down, but alas. There’s a quiet moment before it dawns on him. “Michael no.”

Michael turns around slowly. He’s struggling to get the words out between giggles. “So, remember the other day when I stuck my key in my wallet for safe keeping?”

Michael!.” Jeremy cannot believe this has happened.


Oh my god!” Gavin says, in what can only be described as a quiet shriek. He rolls toward Jeremy, burying his face in his chest. Just before he makes contact, Jeremy can see tears in his eyes from laughter. “We’re so stupid.” He mumbles.

“We- we really do belong together, don’t we?” Jeremy says, hooking an arm around Gavins waist.

“We almost make one responsible adult.” Michael says before clicking off the light and slipping into bed beside Gavin.

“Almost.” Jeremy echoes.

“We’re not quite there, but if one of us remembered shit? Man, we’d be unstoppable.” Michael says with a laugh.

There’s a bit of shuffling as they all get comfortable, blankets moved up and down until they’re all happy with it. Michael curls himself around Gavin’s other side, and they all breathe a sigh of quiet contentment. After a few moments, Jeremy is nearly asleep.

Gavin breaks the quiet one last time. “Guys?" 

"Yeah Gav?” Jeremy keeps his voice pitched low, unsure if Michael is out yet.

“We’re dumb.”

Jeremy only chuckles, pressing a gentle kiss to Gavin’s forehead. Truer words have never been spoken. At least they have fun.

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(This is a bit of a mess, and it’s basically 1k of Jeremy’s brain going !!!! But I hope you enjoy nonetheless!)

11. things you said when you were drunk

“You know Gav, you’re a real piece of shit.”

Jeremy.” Gavin says, pouting down at him. “That’s mean.”

“Says the guy sitting on my fuckin chest.” Which is not actually a bother to him, exactly, it’s just the principle of it all.

“You started it.” Gavin hasn’t moved, still has Jeremy’s wrists pinned to the carpet. He could get out easily, could turn the tables in a heartbeat if he wanted. Gavin grins down at him. “Really, this is your fault, Lil J.”

Jeremy makes no effort to change the setup in the slightest. “I have never started shit with you in my life.”

It’s been a weird night.

It had started as a couple of bevs with the crew, a little post heist celebration. Spending some hard earned cash at a shithole bar run by a friend with a zipped mouth. Fun times, right? Right. Until, as is tradition, members of the crew started to fall out, one by one. Then it was just the lads and Lindsay, turning to tequila shots and a fair amount of ruckus. And then they left, and it was just Jeremy and Gavin, and-

Well. Michael and Lindsay should have known better than to leave them to their own devices.

Jeremy plus Gavin plus tequila equals argument, equals shouting, equals getting kicked out, equals Jeremy calling Gavin an idiot, equals tackling in the living room, equals whatever the fuck it is they’re doing now. Which, if Jeremy is being honest, feels a lot like sexual tension on its way to resolution.

Not that he says as much. Instead, he just stares up at Gavin and wonders if his brain is in the same place.

“You called me an idiot, Jeremy, that called for retro- retri-” Gavin sighs and rolls his eyes. “Payback.” he settles on.

“You got us kicked out!” Jeremy leans his head up slightly, as much as he can while drunk and pinned to the carpet. “That’s an idiot move if I’ve ever heard one.” He lets his head drop back down.

Gavin studies him for a moment, worrying his bottom lip. Christ. He must know what he’s doing to Jeremy, right? Must know that Jeremy has lived this moment in a dream far too many times to count, right?

“You don’t really believe that.” He says finally, and maybe if Jeremy were more sober he’d concentrate on how Gavin sounds like he’s trying to convince himself. As it is, Jeremy is too focused on the argument to put much thought into it.

“Oh, I assure you-”

“I talked to Michael.” Gavin says suddenly, as if it’s a gotcha statement.

“Ok? So did I? Like 45 minutes ago?” Jeremy really doesn’t know where this is heading. He can’t imagine anything Michael could have said that would lead to this.

“You think I’m smart.” Gavin says matter of factly. And then, when Jeremy raises an eyebrow but doesn’t respond, he elaborates. “I have ‘an uncanny ability to know when something’s gonna work’. At least, according to you.”

That’s when the conversation he’d had with Michael comes back to him. It was a couple of months ago, they’d been relaxing after a long day of working and reworking heist plans. Jeremy had said something about needing Gavin there, how Gavin would have a weird but viable plan. It had turned into a bit of a moment, Jeremy drunkenly singing Gavin’s praises to a skeptical Michael. They hadn’t talked about it since, Jeremy had figured he’d simply forgotten the entire thing.

But no. Not only had Michael not forgotten, he’d also relayed it back to Gavin for some goddamn reason. Wonderful.

“I-” Jeremy swallows harshly, buying himself a moment. “I was drunk, Gav, you know how I-”

Bullshit.” Gavin says, leaning down further into Jeremy’s space. “You meant every word, I know it.”

“Oh yeah?” Jeremy raises an eyebrow at him, tilting his head up again. “How’s that?” He won’t lie, this whole conversation has a pit of anxiety starting to form in his stomach. Quietly pining over a friend and co-worker is one thing, doing something about it is another.

“You said it yourself, Lil J. I know things.” Gavin grins down at him, and then he does the thing Jeremy hasn’t let himself hope for. He drops his head down and kisses Jeremy, soft and sweet and everything Jeremy had known they could be.

“Oh hey, you guys finally figured it out!” Comes a voice, and Gavin pulls away to look at the source.

“Trevor, it’s not-” Jeremy begins, even though 'its not what it looks like’ isn’t quite true. But Trevor cuts him off before he can finish.

“What you guys get up to on your own time is your business.” Trevor says, pulling a red bull from the fridge despite it being 2 am. “Just… please don’t fuck in the living room.” He pops the top, leaning against the counter and taking a long sip. “I really don’t want to be sitting on the couch wondering about stains.”

At this point Jeremy has had enough of laying on the floor, and he extricates himself easily from Gavin’s grasp. He hauls himself up and pulls Gavin with him, not letting go of his hand when he does. Gavin beams down at him, and that alone is worth the whole night.

“Uh, thanks Trevor.” Jeremy says, trying to nonchalantly pull Gavin in the direction of his bedroom. “For being understanding, I mean.”

Trevor shrugs. “I mean, crew boss whatever the fuck, you guys are my friends.” He holds up his Red Bull in a toast. “If you’re happy then I’m happy for you.”

Jeremy nods, grateful that they don’t actually have to have that talk with him. “C'mon Gav,” he says, now leading him in earnest. “We’ve got a conversation to finish.”

Whatever they’re going to turn out to be, Jeremy doesn’t know. Maybe they’ll give this a real shot and then crash and burn. Or maybe they’ll be everything. All he’s counting on is the look on Gavin’s face that says he knows exactly how it’ll go. And he’s still doing it. That’s gotta count for something.

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I don’t know what Jackie’s stance is on fanfic?

But if she’s cool with it I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t love the AU where they’re both hitmens/assassins about to be engaged when they get a contract out on each other that leads to typical associated cliches?

Before they get the contracts Fredo keeps trying to propose only to be thwarted by Jackie getting a last minute contract that’s time sensitive, and sorry, hon, gotta go, it’s for work and so on.

Jackie works with Meg, Lindsay, and Fiona and the other three are super sus of Fredo since he’s always off on a “businsess trip” and so on and maybe kinda spy on him when he’s in average citizen, absolutely not a highly trained killer, no way!

Meanwhile Fredo’s working with Michael, Gavin, and Trevor who are like, “Just fuckin’ propose you sad bastard,” when he tells them about the aforementioned thwartings.

Meanwhilex2, Geoff, Jack, Jeremy, and Matt are either cops or feds assigned to this string of seemingly unrelated murders - Jesus, don’t let it be a serial killer who’s decided to get clever or some new breed or whatever - and are met with this lovely couple in the suburbs and their extremely unsettling friends.

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send me a ship and i’ll tell you:

  who reaches out to new neighbors

They’re both pretty good about interacting with neighbors, but Alfredo is the one to notice that someone new moved in. Plus he can be a paranoid motherfucker, so he’s gotta check them out and make sure they’re not like… serial killers or something.

(“Alfredo you’re literally the sniper for the most notorious gang in the country, and I’ve taken more hit jobs than the average person has jobs.”

“Ok but that’s work, that’s different.”

    who remembers to buy healthy food

They both make a conscious effort to eat healthy, try to eat at home, etc. It’s mostly Jeremy though, because he’s usually the one shopping for groceries.

    who remembers to buy junk food

Alfredo, because a treat now and then is good for you, actually, it’s motivation-

“You bought three boxes of Ring Dings!”

“Listen you asked me to come shopping, not my fault if some things jumped in the cart.”

    who fixes the oven when it breaks

They work together to accidentally break it even more before they call Michael to come help.

    who waters the plants/feeds their pet(s)

Jeremy is the plants guy, because they tend to blend into the background for Alfredo.

Alfredo’s got a whole system for the pet food though. It mostly involves keeping the dog from the cats because he’ll eat all of their food if given the chance.

    who wakes up earlier

They usually get up at the same time, and often because of Trevor’s incessant phone calls.

    who makes the bed

Alfredo. Once upon a time he didn’t care, but Jeremy was the one to really introduce him to the wonderful feeling of climbing into a nicely made bed at the end of a long day. There’s no going back now, even when Jeremy’s not as worried about it anymore.

    who makes the coffee

Alfredo starts it. Jeremy is oddly hopeless when it comes to a coffee machine. He’s either got way too many scoops of coffee, or not enough. He does make the individual cups though.

    who burns breakfast

Jeremy, although it doesn’t happen often. He’s a fairly good cook, even if his pancakes get a little over done sometimes.

Inserting this because I do what I want:

  • Their morning really boils down to routine, order of operations. They wake up to some crew notification, while Jeremy showers and gets dressed Alfredo makes the bed/starts the coffee/feeds the pets. They switch off, Alfredo goes to shower and get dressed while Jeremy makes breakfast, pours the coffee, tells Trevor they’re totally on their way (they’re not.)

    how do they let each other know they’re leaving the house

By yelling each other’s names at the top of their lungs like idiots. They’ve gotten more than one noise complaint.

    how do they greet each other when one of them gets home

Also by yelling, but a little more subdued. It’s no wonder they get new neighbors so often, actually.

    who brings home little gifts like flowers/chocolates more often

They both do pretty equally! Jeremy likes to bring home dumb souvenir type t-shirts as a ‘i was thinking about you’ type thing. Alfredo will bring back beanies to keep Jeremy’s bald head warm.

    who picks the movie for movie night

They trade off! They don’t really have a set night, so it’s usually born out of “hey we should watch this tonight!”

    their favorite kind of movie to watch

Pretty much anything that’s not horror or scary at all. There was one night they got about half an hour into the original It, and then Alfredo got too freaked out and they watched Disney movies the rest of the night.

    who first suggests a pillow fort

Alfredo, because “man I just want to be a kid again, forget about clowns and all that shit”

“Oh, like the kids in The Losers Club?”

“Jeremy why”

    who builds the pillow fort

Jeremy, as both an apology and because Alfredo refuses to turn his back on any dark shadows in the apartment.

“Fredo it’s not even real, the closest we’re gonna get to a murderous clown is Fiona in the Po costume.”

“But what if we’re wrong? I’m not taking chances dude.”

    who tries to distract the other during the move

Alfredo, out of payback for making him watch even part of a scary movie. He makes numerous attempts to scare Jeremy, grabbing his shoulder or yelling suddenly. It backfires, because he somehow ends up scaring himself more.

Jeremy still throws popcorn at him to make him feel a little better about it.

    who falls asleep first

Jeremy, because by the time Fredo gives up on the jumpscare thing, he’s fuckin exhausted. Turns out building a fort takes a lot of him. Plus like… He’s had a few beers, he’s nice and warm, and Alfredo is tucked into his side like he still needs protection from Hades on screen. He could not be more content and relaxed.

    who is big spoon/little spoon

Other than nights like these, when Alfredo is still picturing Tim Curry’s face, they kind of alternate. One of them will roll over in bed, reaching out for the other. Just this little moment of 'hey we’re here together, I love you, I want you close to me.’

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Listening to Alfredo geeks out over computer/graphics specs and whatnot is always entertaining given the way he generally acts like a doof?

But, like.

That FAHC AU where he’s brought in to look after hacker!Gavin and hacker!Matt…because reasons and they’re like, oh, c’mon, Geoff, they’ve been over this, they don’t need a babysitter.

(To which Geoff could point an angry, defeated finger at all the shit the two of them got into without a minder? But whatever.)

Keep reading

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I know that some people will still be able to separate characters of Ryan’s in their fanworks, so I am not going to delete things from my blog or from the ao3 myan feed, but I don’t think I’ll ever be doing works for myan again - obviously to no fault of Michael. (I WILL be deleting anything that is not GTA AU from my AO3.)

Stay in touch, myan shippers, and if you need to talk, I’m always around and I love you.

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send me a ship and i’ll tell you:

who reaches out to new neighbors

Matt, because he always likes having information sources. Jeremy just… “What information are you getting out of the soccer mom next door??”

“Good gauge of who’s an asshole, Lil J.”

“See! Gavin gets it.”

who remembers to buy healthy food

Gavin and Jeremy because they both try to be conscious of what they put in their bodies.

who remembers to buy junk food

Matt, naturally, but also Gavin? He’s always calling out fast food places to stop at.

who fixes the oven when it breaks

The repairman they call because none of them really know where the fuck to even begin. Matt pokes at it once before shrugging “Alright, I give up.”

who waters the plants/feeds their pet(s)

The three of them are such unorganized chaos that they have a calender on the fridge to try and remember when to water the plants. It only half works.

They have another calender next to the cats’ food because the cats have absolutely tricked them into multiple dinners on several occasions.

who wakes up earlier

Gavin, hands down. He always says “sleep feels like such a waste of time, I wanna go out and do shit!”

Jeremy and Matt, on the other hand, will just roll into each other and sleep until someone forcibly removes them from the bed. (Read: Trevor calls them each 3 times to tell them they’re late.)

who makes the bed

No one, they are all walking disasters who cannot be bothered.

who makes the coffee

Gavin usually, although its often cold by the time the other two get up. Matt will still use it to make iced coffee though.

who burns breakfast

Whichever one of them is actually feeling generous enough to make breakfast. Needless to say, it doesn’t happen often. They all just usually grab a granola bar and/or a banana on the way out.

how do they let each other know they’re leaving the house

On a regular day they don’t, much. Occasionally Jeremy will send a text from the grocery store asking if they want anything and that’s how they’ll realize he didn’t just fall asleep in the house somewhere.

On heist days though, that’s a different story. Jeremy and Gav are the ones out and about, and they always make a point of hugging Matt tight and promising to be home soon.

how do they greet each other when one of them gets home

They all yell nonsense at each other for no apparent reason. It’s ridiculously endearing though.

When Jeremy gets home with groceries he’ll call out to announce it, and then call out whatever specific thing will get them to come help. (“Matt, I bought ho-ho’s!” And Matt appears almost instantly.)

who brings home little gifts like flowers/chocolates more often

None of them do all that much, except Jeremy buys the snacks they like and Matt and Gav bring him ugly knick knacks on occasion. “Seemed like your style, Jeremy.”

“…you guys are assholes.”

who picks the movie for movie night

Gav, because he’s got the best taste in movies. The other two just leave it to him.

their favorite kind of movie to watch

Comedies, because Matt keeps a running commentary that’s to die for.

who first suggests a pillow fort

Gav. “It’ll be fun!” He says.

who builds the pillow fort

Oddly enough, not Gav. Despite coming up with the idea, he manages to avoid having to actually build the thing. Matt and Jeremy threaten to ban him from the fort due to “lack of fucking helping, you dick.” but Gav can be… persuasive when he wants to be.

who tries to distract the other during the move

Jeremy spends most of the movie throwing popcorn at Gav and generally being a nuisance.

who falls asleep first

Gavin, easy. The guy will just sit in one of their laps for five minutes and then be snoring on their shoulder if hes not entertained enough. Jeremy thinks it’s sweet. So does Matt, except when it happens while hes trying to work. It’s sometimes like dating a puppy.

who is big spoon/little spoon

Depends what order they make it into bed. Most often, it’s just a dogpile on whoever happens to be in the middle. Probably why Gav is always trying to work his way to the center of the bed.

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send me a ship and i’ll tell you:

who reaches out to new neighbors

Matt, surprisingly. He’ll bring up some new name that Jeremy doesn’t recognize, who then asks who the hell he’s talking about.

“You know, Sharon? The woman next door? She moved in a few months ago?”

“Somebody moved in?”

who remembers to buy healthy food

Jeremy, because he actually gives a damn about staying in shape and all that. Matt is always shocked to find like… Apples and shit in the fridge

who remembers to buy junk food

Lmao MATT no question

who fixes the oven when it breaks

Matt tries to tinker with it before they ultimately call someone. It’s always a brief argument bc Matt feels like he should be able to do it, and if he has enough time-

And Jeremy just “Matt I love you to death but we will starve by the time you figure this out.”

who waters the plants/feeds their pet(s)

Matt’s actually big into plants ever since Jeremy forced him to have “some form of goddamn life” down in the basement his lair his office

The cats are an equal thing, Jeremy feeding them in the mornings and Matt at night. They both accuse the other of spoiling the cats too much, but they’re equally guilty.

who wakes up earlier

Jeremy, because Matt stays up so late he’s basically nocturnal.

who makes the bed

Matt, because he always gets up later. Used to be he didn’t care about it, but it’s the least he can do.

who makes the coffee

Neither, the fridge is stocked with Red Bulls and Bangs.

who burns breakfast

Matt burns the toast every single time he makes an attempt at making breakfast. At this point Jeremy thinks it’s ridiculously sweet that he keeps trying.

how do they let each other know they’re leaving the house

Jeremy tells him as he’s pulling on a jacket, be it drinks with Michael or Trevor asking something of him. Regardless, Matt will tell him to be careful.

Matt on the other hand says absolutely nothing, only responding to Jeremy’s “where the fuck did you go?!?!” text about fifteen minutes late. He forgets, sometimes, what it is to have someone who loves and cares for him the way Jeremy does. He’s trying to get better.

how do they greet each other when one of them gets home

Matt will often greet him with “Oh my god, Jeremy, guess what?” Like something big has happened. It’s always nothing, just “I got donuts!” or something like that. Jeremy just groans because he absolutely will not be able to resist them

Jeremy always greets him with a cheerful “Hi Matt!” when he gets home, throwing an arm around his shoulders and leaning down to peer at Matt’s computer. “What'cha working on?”

who brings home little gifts like flowers/chocolates more often

They do it pretty equally, Matt finding anything purple and orange or animal related, knowing Jeremy will love either. Jeremy will bring home assorted snack foods that he knows Matt loves.

who picks the movie for movie night

They alternate, usually tossing the remote at each other when they get tired of scrolling through Netflix. Eventually, whoever has the remote will close their eyes, scroll a bunch, and pick something randomly. It has never resulted in a good movie.

their favorite kind of movie to watch

When they do actually choose a movie, it’s Disney or some shitty movie Michael told Jeremy about. Honestly, it doesn’t even matter because they’re just happy to be spending time together.

who first suggests a pillow fort

Matt, because of they’re gonna watch shitty movies all night they might as well have fun with it.

who builds the pillow fort

Also Matt, because according to Jeremy “I’ve seen you play Minecraft, man, you’re the builder here.” which Matt rolls his eyes at but supposes is fair. Doesn’t matter much anyway, because after five minutes Jeremy joins him all “Alright, Matt, what’s the plan here?”

who tries to distract the other during the move

Tries might be a strong word, but Matt does make a ton of sarcastic comments under his breath, which send Jeremy into laughing fits constantly. As far as Jeremy is concerned, Matt is the funniest person on the planet.

who falls asleep first

Well. See. The easy answer is Jeremy, because he goes to bed at a (roughly) reasonable hour. But, whenever he can drag Matt away from work before midnight, Matt is out within seconds of his head hitting the pillow.

who is big spoon/little spoon

Jeremy’s absolute favorite thing in the world is to wake up to Matt’s arm wrapped around his waist, chin hooked on his shoulder. It’s comforting and sweet and just… the happiest place he could be.

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send me a ship and i’ll tell you:

who reaches out to new neighbors

Weirdly enough, Gavin. As nervous as he can be around new people, the other two are East Coast bois and want zero to do with anyone they don’t already know. Gavin is also always curious about… Well, everything, so he’ll make a point to learn whatever he can about neighbors.

However, as soon as he has whatever info he wants, hes kind of over the small talk thing. This is where Jeremy comes in, always cooking or baking too much and sending it over to the neighbors.

He sends Michael, who of course protests every single time but does it anyway.

who remembers to buy healthy food

Jeremy, though Gav is a close second. Jeremy does most of the cooking because he likes to, and he’s always worrying about staying in shape.

who remembers to buy junk food

Michael, hands down. It annoys the shit out of Jeremy because he cannot resist. Michael is also the one who suggests they stop at McDonald’s at every opportunity.

who fixes the oven when it breaks

It used to be Michael, because his former career before the crew makes him really good with shit like that. But ever since he’s had the means to, he’d rather pay someone to do it instead of spending an entire Saturday trying to figure it out.

who waters the plants/feeds their pet(s)

Plants are a Michael thing, because he’s the only one who can actually remember. The cats are equal responsibility, though it’s Jeremy and Gav who tend to spoil them.

who wakes up earlier

Gav. He’s always ready to start the day, get into shenanigans as early as possible.

who makes the bed

Michael. Gav maintains that it’s a waste of time, they’re only gonna mess it up again, and Jeremy’s pretty indifferent.

who makes the coffee

Gav, because he’s the only one who actually drinks it.

who burns breakfast

Uh, whoever’s working in the McDonald’s kitchen honestly. They almost never do breakfast at home, they’re always too busy to take the time.

how do they let each other know they’re leaving the house

Michael calls out “hey assholes I’m leaving!” Followed by a quiet “love you.”

Jeremy makes a point to tell them where he’s headed and when he should be back.

Gavin paces while he waits for a ride, and then calls out an obnoxious “Love youuuu” when he finally does leave.

how do they greet each other when one of them gets home

Jeremy always says something to the effect of “well. Look who finally made it home.” As if he’s mad or something. Which always gets a response of “Shut up, Jeremy, I went to check the mail.”

Michael greets them with “what the fuck are you two doing?” Because they’re always involved in some sort of shenanigans. He immediately joins in.

Gav will just come sit near them or bump shoulders, this little fond smile on his face.

who brings home little gifts like flowers/chocolates more often

Michael, hands down. He’ll find something that reminds him of them amd bring it home with a “this looked like some stupid shit you’d like.” It’s extremely sweet.

who picks the movie for movie night

Michael, so he can annoy Jeremy about his lack of movie knowledge.

their favorite kind of movie to watch

Jeremy is always gunning for Disney, which they indulge him in sometimes. Other than that they’ll usually watch a comedy or some shitty action movie.

who first suggests a pillow fort

Gavin, although technically it’s a joke. They’re watching Mulan for maybe the hundredth time, and says “what’s next, are we building a pillow fort?”

Which Jeremy is adorably excited about, and thus the plan is in motion.

who builds the pillow fort

They all pitch in, gathering all the pillows they can find in the penthouse, up to and including the one Geoff was using, what the fuck??

Gavin hinders the process more than he helps, which is a damn shame because he has the knowledge to make it structurally sound, he just doesn’t have the patience.

It’s a lot of Jeremy and Michael arguing about safety pins of all things, a bit of wrestling amongst the blankets and several beers before they finally get it done.

who tries to distract the other during the move

Gavin tends to get bored, even in the comfort of the pillow fort. Jeremy and Michael spend the entire time trading jokes back and forth, and Gav pays more attention to those than the movie itself.

who falls asleep first

Gavin, because he’s warm and cozy with the people he loves, just so content, he nods off during the beginning of The Little Mermaid. Jeremy is second because beer. At some point it’s just Michael and two sleeping idiots.

who is big spoon/little spoon

Two sleeping idiots he wouldn’t trade for the world, that is. He’s got Jeremy to one side, head on his chest but sprawled out as much as he can. Hes got Gavin half laying on him, snoring quietly into his ear.

It’s less about spoons and more just… Cuddling with the two people he loves most. That’s all that matters.

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Listen this is our world, if we say he’s got sweater paws then by god he’s got sweater paws!

Like assorted members of the crew will walk in to find the two of them fast asleep on the couch, Jeremy curled up in Michael’s jacket, the tips of his fingers just barely peeking out of the sleeves. Meanwhile Michael is leaned against him in that yellow shirt, Jeremy’s purple jacket on him like a blanket.

Clearly what’s happened is Jeremy fell asleep, Michael came in with Jeremy’s clothes to get a rise out of him, was in fact so endeared by Jeremy napping in his jacket that he decided to nap with him.

Michael staunchly denies this. He says something about “eh, we were drunk, I was trying to show him how terrible his fashion choices are, I swear!” But security cams tell a different story.

A few months into them dating, and approximately ten thousand ‘Rimmy Tim colors are ugly haha’ jokes later, Jeremy mentions maybe changing up his look.

“I know the colors are awful, that’s the point, but maybe I’ll try something else for awhile-”

Which Michael immediately shoots down with a nonchalant “Nah, J, they’re awful but they’re a staple, they’re almost iconic at this point.” But the truth is, as much shit as he talks about the assault on everyone’s eyes, he loves the Rimmy Tim look solely because Jeremy loves it so much.

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Jeremy is an absolute fool and I love him for it.

I imagine it going like that scene in Easy A, when her brother is like “but I’m adopted” and Stanley Tucci’s character SLAMS the cabinet door and yells “WHAT?? OH MY GOD, WHO TOLD YOU??”

And Fiona’s like “Last week when Rimmy Tim was accused of stealing art from the museum you said how dare someone accuse you of making art less available to people, you only steal from private collection jackasses.”

“Ok but I corrected myself! He wouldn’t make art less available!”

“Jeremy you dumbass the entire costume is hanging in your closet.”

“Maybe I was fucking Rimmy Tim! How would you know?”

“We all know youre too busy fucking Michael to pull that shit.”

“….i hate everyone.”

Like yes this man who disguises himself as a neon tornado may not be as inconspicuous as he thinks, shocking I know.

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(Cut to another flashback of them giggling to each other on the couch at two am)

(Cut to numerous flashbacks of Michael hanging all over Jeremy at every given opportunity)

(Cut to a flashback of Jeremy drunkenly telling everybody how much he adores Michael, what a great person he is, how they’re all so lucky to know him, how Jeremy specifically cannot believe he’s so lucky to have someone like Michael by his side)

(Cut to a flashback of them literally snuggled up in a hospital bed because some things went wrong during a heist)

(Cut to a flashback of Michael walking out of Jeremy’s room in the morning, wearing his bright yellow heist shirt and no pants)

Fiona, also completely deadpan: yeah it’s real crazy that we figured it out

Also to continue you your specific thought, Anon, I imagine it’s some night that Jack and Trevor happen to be up late trying to make some semblance of a schedule for the following month. They’re sat at the kitchen table when the front door opens, and all they hear is

“No, fuck you Jeremy, no way you love me more. I took a fucking bullet for you like two weeks ago.”

“Michael. Michael. Michael. I don’t give a shit about bullets. It’s physically impossible for anyone to love someone more than I love you.”

“Then call me the fuckin’ miracle man because I definitely do.”

Cue the sound of something getting knocked over and broken, followed by both of them giggling.

Shit. Well fuckin miracle that, asshole.”

“Nah, I can only use my miracle powers to love you more. It’s a really specific power.”

Both, extremely fondly: “Idiot.”

Jack and Trevor, still desperately trying to get work done but also genuinely happy for and proud of them: “Go to bed, you sappy morons.”

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Who’s up for some Jeremichael thoughts tonight?

  • They always sit next to each other during crew meetings.
  • Like its not even remotely subtle
  • If Michael gets there first he’ll make a point to toss Jeremy’s cowboy hat on the chair beside him.
  • Jeremy is always late because he’s searching for said cowboy hat.
  • On the off chance Jeremy gets in first he’ll kick his feet up on chair and wait until Michael yanks it out from under him.
  • There’s always this little exchange of fond smiles that the others definitely notice but don’t mention.
  • Most of the time only one of them will remember to bring an energy drink but they always share it.
  • They’re definitely each other’s go-to drinking buddy.
  • Everyone else will go to bed at semi reasonable hours but they’ll still be up in the living room, drinking beers, eating McDonald’s and playing some old video game.
  • More often than not Jack will find them in the morning still on the couch cuddling leaned against each other.
  • At first she tried to wake them gently, but now she’ll just yell something like “hey assholes, it’s now your turn to go pick up breakfast. Meeting starts in an hour.”
  • When they first started fooling around they both tried to write it off as just a friends w/benefits kinda thing.
  • The fact that Jeremy would sometimes come to bed wearing his cowboy hat and Michael somehow found that endearing should have told them otherwise.
  • It took two months of Michael not sleeping in his own room to admit that they were something more.
  • This mostly only happened because Fiona sat Jeremy down one day to remind him that Michael is like a brother to her, and if Jeremy ever hurts him no one will ever find his body.
  • Both Jeremy and Michael were shocked to discover that almost everyone knew about their relationship, even though they hadn’t fully realized it and thought they were being sneaky.
  • They weren’t.
  • Trevor is happy to inform them that “We’ve all seen you two play footsies under the table, while paying zero attention to the meeting. You’re not slick.”
  • Matt is the only one who never caught on, until he tuned into the wrong comm channel and heard a bet with stakes he’d rather forget.
  • “So this entire crew is just a bunch of queer assholes? Like every last one of us, huh? Sounds about right.”
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So… Ok. Hear me out.

Jeremy first joins the crew as… Not a fan, per se, but a guy with a minor criminal background who finds the Fakes fascinating. Mostly keeping an eye on headlines, following the police chases on the news. Ok, so he kind of drew their logo for them, what about it?

He’s always figured that the wild shit they get up to is a product of a bunch of big personalities with bigger voices, all combining to result in some batshit heist ideas. Where else would using a fire truck as an getaway vehicle come from? What singular person would come up with some of those codenames? Peef Rimgar? Fedge Gondola? Surely that’s a group of people throwing letters at a wall, right?

And he still thinks that, for the first few months. Everybody tossing in their two cents, and the crew comes to an agreement on what should stick.

Except… Jeremy starts to notice a pattern. At first he thinks he’s imagining it, is just latching on to this thought because he and Gavin didn’t exactly get along in the beginning. Ok, he found Gavin ridiculously grating and full of himself with nothing to back it up. Same difference.

But Gavin does have something to back up his smugness. Because you see, this pattern that Jeremy noticed? All of the best ideas come from Gavin. The best names, too, though maybe less important. Every successful heist stems from Gavin’s input. Every outrageous high they’ve ever ridden… It usually starts with Gavin saying “So, what if we…” and the rest of the crew teases him, Michael calls him a moron, and then they go along with it anyway. It’ll at least make a good story, they always say.

Gavin just has this knack for knowing what will work. He’ll pluck a plan out of thin air that absolutely should not work… But it does. Robbing some fuck-off billionaire’s mansion on a random Tuesday with very little prep should not end well. Except yeah, they’ve managed to show up right during a shift change and all the guards are too distracted with small talk to notice the priceless paintings being marched out by guys in painter’s suits. Anybody else would figure extra guards means extra trouble, but no. Gavin’s right on the money.

In the beginning, Jeremy dismissed every one of Gavin’s left field thoughts, but now?

Now he’s the first one to back him up. Gavin doesn’t have to explain his reasoning or lay out anything for Jeremy- Jeremy buys in the second the words are out of Gavin’s mouth. Because in the end, whatever his plan is, it’ll work out for the best. It’ll be a good take and a better time.

Hell, just the extraordinary experience of knowing Gavin is worth it all in the end.

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Omg yes yes!!! Give it to me!!

Matt’s having a real rough few days after a heist or something or just in general and while most of the others dont know what to do, Jeremy is on top of it. He knows one thing that always helps matt to relax or just feel a wee bit better is someone playing with his hair. Jeremy will go and brush Matt’s hair out and untangle it after he tells matt to shower and wash up. Jeremy slowly towel drying it cause the blow dryer would be to loud and Matt prefers quiet when hes down. Jeremy braiding Matt’s hair, keeping stray buts out of Matt’s face, all the while he hums Matt’s favorite song. After that’s done, they play some Mario Kart and Just bibe together, Matt feeling better with Jeremy next to him and more relaxed after having his hair played with uwu.

Soft boi hours uwu uwu uwu

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