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oursecretescape · 2 months

Text

Forgotten

words: 7.5k

genre: angst

If my fate is to disappear like this, then this is my last letter - Let go xx TW: Mentions of anxiety, panick attack. Trad: anjinho = little angel. a/n: Hello, my babies. This story is the translation of ''Forgotten'' that I recently posted. I tried to make it as angsty as possible, hope I have achieved my goal. My apologies before hand for any grammar erros. English is not my first language. I suggest you all read it along with the saddest song you like. Well... with all that being said, I wish you a happy reading (or sad? lmao. dunno). Tell me later what y'all thought. ♥

"Hey! We'll be there soon. Sorry for the delay. Today's rehearsal took longer than expected. We're leaving now."

Received at 5 in the afternoon.

I take a quick glance at the clock, and it shows eight in the evening. A heavy sigh escapes my lips as I feel my heart drumming slowly in my chest, each beat amplifying my growing sense of unease.

I get up from the couch and reach for the umbrella swaying gently in the wind coming from the window. I shut my eyes and take a deep breath, attempting to manage the sudden surge of fear and despair growing in my chest. My heart is racing, and my mind is in overdrive. A sense of mortality and suffocation, all rolled up into a single emotion: anxiety.

I sit down, sliding along the corridor wall. I try to control my breathing while attempting to steady the pounding of my heart. I think that dying in the hallway of a building would be so pointless and dull that it makes me laugh. A laugh, strained and devoid of emotion, but functional.

Heart rate normalizing. Labored, but controlled breathing. Mind stabilized.

I feel my face wet with tears. I wipe them away with trembling hands. When did I start crying? I rise from the floor, swaying a little. I take another deep breath and press the elevator button.

Dad always said that thinking of ridiculous things in difficult moments would help distract me. He was right, as he always was.

The cold, damp breeze of Seoul's streets warmed my soul. Its black skies, like darkness, covered with thick clouds, carried heavy raindrops that, upon impact, met my umbrella, creating beautiful melodies. It was comforting to hear the drops hitting the hard concrete; they reminded me that I wasn't crying alone.

It was thundering when I arrived at the destination. Bright streaks in the sky made the monument even gloomier. I found it ironic how everything matched my feelings. As I entered through the doors, I could already hear muffled cries. Sadness and suffering permeated the air, leaving me melancholic.

After a few more steps, I could see the person I love the most in the world greeting me with a beautiful smile. His eyes were shining like true rays of sunshine. I sit in front of him, sliding my fingers where his name rests. Lee Joon-Ho.

"Dad, I miss you so much," I say aloud, my voice cracking with emotion. "It's been incredibly lonely without you here. You have no idea how much I long for your company," I said, feeling the salty taste of tears. "I'm sorry I couldn't bring my friends to meet you like I promised. They're all caught up with their own lives, you know how it is. But don't worry, I'll bring them next time when they're less busy," I chuckle, with no emotion.

I hear footsteps behind me. I stand up excitedly, my heart pounding, but this time as a sign of comfort. They didn't forget. I feel my face stretch into a small smile, which is quickly dissolved.

"Hello, young lady. Good evening," the guard gives me a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry to disturb you, but I need to ask you not to linger too long on your visit today. The rain caused some minor leaks, and we'll have to close a little earlier."

"Oh okay, I understand," I responded in a whisper.

"I'm sorry. You have 10 minutes. I'll leave you alone," he said, bowing and leaving promptly.

I turn again, sitting on the floor.

"Dad, today I have to leave a little earlier. But don't worry, I'll be back soon," I feel the tears fall like the drops falling from the sky. "I love you so much," I say between sobs. "I miss you."

I stand up in desperation, running out the door, feeling the drops fall freely on my body, without the protection of the umbrella. It was as if I was washing away all the bad feelings flowing from my being.

Arriving home, I take a hot shower and change into comfortable clothes. The room were in dense darkness. It was just the rain and me. And my cat, who was rubbing against my leg, lay on my lap."

I feel my chest inflate with comfort at the presence of the little being and smile at the gesture.

With the phone in hand, I try to distract my restless mind. I see the Twitter icon and feel my heart pounding as if I shouldn't do this, but I do it anyway. The blue screen shining amidst the darkness of the room soon turns into white, leaving my vision blurred. I switch to dark mode and continue scrolling through my feed.

Within a few seconds, I see something that breaks my heart even more. Among the bursts of excitement from Armys, there are videos of the boys, my boys, having fun in a restaurant with her. They forgot about the visitation day because of her. Again, the reason why I was put aside is her.

Knocks on the door make me forget the feelings of jealousy and anger that burned in my body like fire. I hesitated to remove the furry creature from my lap, as it seemed so comfortable. With a little effort, I get up and walk to the door. Upon opening it, I see Adora's face in a comforting smile. Seeing a friendly face, I feel my tears fall freely on my face once again. She immediately drops the bags she was carrying and envelops me in a loving hug.

I can't say for how long we hugged. What I can say is that it was exactly what I needed at that moment. I feel my chest getting lighter as if all the bad feelings had been carried away by the embrace, and I feel grateful to Adora for that.

Slowly I pull away, and I can see her smile return twice as big.

"Better?" she asks, making me nod.

I step aside, and she enters, placing the food bags on the coffee table. I close the door and follow her.

"What did you bring?" I ask curiously, making her laugh.

"I knew food would cheer you up," she laughs. "I brought a lot of junk food. Sweet and savory cookies, ice cream, sweet and sour pork, hamburgers, and sodas."

"Soda?" I wonder. "Since when do you like fizzy drinks? You always said they gave you gas," I hold back a laugh.

"The soda is for you. For me," she reaches into the bag, pulling out two green bottles of soju. "I brought alcohol," she says sticking her tongue out as she shakes the bottles.

I smile at her little dance, but seeing her gummy smile reminds me of him. I feel the sadness wanting to return when I remember the videos, but I cast aside any bad feelings as I grab the ice cream container.

"I didn't want to bring it up, but I'm really sorry I wasn't there. You know how it is at BigHit. I couldn't leave the production until the work was finished," she explains, and I smile.

"It's okay. I understand," I whisper. "The important thing is that you're here now."

"About the boys..." she starts to say, but I quickly cut her off.

"No, it's fine. I don't want to talk about it."

"But you need to, Cassie. You know that. Keeping it all inside will only make it worse. You know you can trust me. Vent it out. I'm here," she holds my hand.

I close my eyes, nodding. I search within myself for the strength to let out everything I'm feeling. Everything that's hurting me. I bite my lower lip and open my eyes. It's going to be okay.

"It's been some time since my friendship with the boys started cooling off," I begin, feeling her squeeze my hand in comfort. "You know I met Tae before he became famous, and he's the one who introduced me to the rest of the boys. Since then, we've had a very strong friendship. We weren't always together, especially with the tours and my work, but we were close, like a real family. No matter how long we went without seeing each other, nothing changed, until recently," I sigh. "Park Ji-Hye showed up about 2 months ago, a few weeks before my dad passed away. She auditioned for the dancer position and passed the test," Adora nods.

"Yeah, I saw her audition," she says.

"So, since that day, I saw her getting closer and closer to the boys. They were always talking about how cool and funny she is, and, you know, I was happy for them. A new friendship is always good, especially for them, who are famous and always have to be careful with opportunists. But it never crossed my mind that she would take the place I had in their lives," I smile sadly. "They started visiting me much less. Calling me much less. Inviting me to the dorm or out much less. Until the day I literally became nothing to them," I look at Adora, whose face is red with anger.

"These..." I interrupted her.

"You don't want to lose your job, right?" I ask, laughing. "And you can't blame them either. She became their official dancer, which means wherever they go, she's with them," I shrug. "She's with them all the time, and that surely made them closer to her. Even more than me," I feel my eyes welling up. "I don't want to lose them, but I feel like I already did."

"Hey," she shakes me. "Calm down, breathe. I know they messed up. And they messed up badly, but it doesn't mean they've forgotten about you," Adora says, trying to comfort me.

"They forgot me the day my dad died, Adora. I'll never forget that. I feel like on that day, I died twice. I remember calling them in desperation, crying, not knowing what to do, feeling like my world was falling apart," I pause as I feel all the emotions returning. "And they said they were coming, but they never showed up," I continued after a few seconds of silence. "After that, they sent me a message explaining that Park Ji-Hye had gotten hurt dancing and they were with her at the hospital," Adora nods.

"Yeah, I remember. She just fell on her butt, but she made a scene like she broke her back. Everyone was freaking out at the company, even Bang PD. But in the end, it was just drama," she laments.

"After that, they didn't even visit me. Not even once," I laughed with no emotion. "Right after, they forgot my birthday. I understand that I wasn't excited at all because of my dad, but it wouldn't hurt to receive some supportive or congratulatory messages from them. I was so upset that I sent some sad texts. In less than thirty minutes, they were knocking on my door. We cried a lot, but I felt like a part of me had come back to life and that everything was going to be okay," I sarcastically laughed. "I couldn't have been more wrong, could I?" I asked.

"Cassie..."

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything. After today, I finally understood," I grab a spoon. "They found someone better than me. Someone who can be with them all the time and help them when they need it. I'm just sad that person isn't me. Not anymore," I shove the spoonful of ice cream into my mouth, to prevent the tears stuck in my throat from coming out.

For the rest of the night, Adora didn't bring up the subject again, and I was grateful for that.

A random movie played on TV, but my mind was far away. I looked to the side and saw Adora sleeping with her mouth open. A piece of cookie rested on her cheek while her hand lay above her head. I silently chuckled, covering us and then turning off the TV.

A distant ringing sound caught my attention. I tapped around the couch until I found the phone under the cushion. My eyes automatically closed from the sudden contact with the bright screen, but just as they closed, they widened.

After the first notification, thousands started to show up. My heart throbbed in my chest as my body was flooded with nervousness.

"Min PD: Cassie, please tell me you're there."

"Joonie: Please respond. We're sorry. It wasn't our intention not to show up..." The message appeared cut off because I hadn't unlocked the phone yet.

"Hobierto: Believe us, Cassie. Please, we know you're awake. Answer us."

"Jinnie: Cassandra, we would never do anything to hurt you. Please let us explain."

"Mochi: Answer the phone."

After that message, a group call popped up on the screen. I stared at it, battling the urge to answer. I sighed deeply and threw the phone back onto the couch because no matter how much I wanted to talk to them, I was still hurt. I didn't want to answer and end up fighting. Saying things without thinking and ending up in a worse situation. The best thing to do now was to rest.

I made myself comfortable on the bed we had arranged on the floor, and put the pillow over my head to block out the notifications. When I didn't see any changes, I pressed the power button on my phone and confirmed it right away. I lay back down and took a deep breath. Tomorrow is a new day. Everything will be okay. ——————————————————

It wasn't even dawn when I heard knock after knock. Disoriented, I got up, searching for where the noise was coming from until my feet led me to the front door. I looked at the clock hanging on the wall and got irritated to see it was six past two in the morning.

I swung the door open, ready to argue with whoever had woken me up so early after going to bed so late, but I lost my voice when I saw the seven people I loved most staring at me ty forlornly.

I felt two arms embrace me tightly, followed by two more until I lost count. Desperate whispers for forgiveness echoed in my ear, making me feel loved... until a certain moment. Memories of what had happened the night before made me wake up from the sleep I didn't know I was in. Slowly, I distanced myself from the seven, able to see the tears streaming down some of their faces and sadness emanating from the others.

"Cassie..." Jimin starts. "I'm so sorry. It wasn't our intention to leave you alone in such a difficult time. Please, believe us."

"We didn't come here to lie to you, Cassandra..." Namjoon says. "It really wasn't our intention. I know this is going to sound completely wrong, but we made a promise to Ji-Hye. We promised to take her out to celebrate her birthday since she's far from her family and would probably celebrate alone," I try to hide a grimace.

They couldn't miss her birthday, but could miss mine.

"As soon as we finished eating, we were going to come straight here. And we really were, Cas, really. But the company called saying we had to go there to finalize the last details for the album. It was then that we sent several messages in the group, but you didn't see any."

"That's why we're here," Taehyung says, interrupting Namjoon. "Cassie, listen to me. You're one of the most important people in my life. Sorry if lately my actions haven't shown that, but please, please, Cas, don't be mad at us. I couldn't bear to know that you're upset because of me," he whispers.

"Go to the dorms tonight. Let's talk about this calmly," Hoseok suggests.

I remain silent for a few minutes.

"Come on, please. Hum? Hum?'' Tae shakes my arm. ''You'll go, right? Say yes," he asks.

"Okay," I sigh deeply. "I'll go."

I feel arms wrapping around my body again, and I relax, enjoying the contact. This time, the hug lasted only a few seconds. The boys said goodbye, saying they needed to be at the company in a few hours.

"Tonight at 7. We'll be waiting for you," Yoongi said and then left.

I closed the door, trying to contain my excitement and the obvious smile on my face. As I turned to go back to bed, I was startled to see only Adora's head peeking out from behind the couch. She had a radiant smile on her face as she looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"Shut up," I say, making her laugh. ——————————————————

I look at the clock on the wall. It's 8:07 in the evening. Damn, I was late. I could already hear Adora's voice slowly emerging in my mind, saying that I should have listened to her and picked out my outfit earlier. Shaking my head, I focus on finishing getting ready. The last thing I needed right now was a lecture from my own mind.

I hear knocks and the doorbell ringing repeatedly.

"Shit," I mutter as I hop over to the door.

I try to put on my sock while walking to the door, but my unfailing plan soon becomes fallible when I trip over my own hand and fall on the floor. The knocks and the doorbell grow louder, and I feel irritation creeping in. "ALRIGHT, I'M COMING," I yell and pick myself up.

I walk back to the door with a pout and my hair completely tousled, covering my face. I take a deep breath, fix my hair, put on a fake smile, and finally open the door. As I see the seven people I love most in the world looking at me with confused faces, I feel my smile turn genuine, and the earlier irritation vanish as if it had never existed.

"Is everything okay? Why didn't you come?" I hear Taehyung ask as he scrutinizes me from head to toe."

"What happened? Something serious?" Seokjin asks, and I shake my head.

"No, guys, sorry. I almost died trying to choose a good outfit to wear and ended up running late, sorry," I explained laughing.

''What do you mean you almost died?" Jungkook asks as I watch their faces turn into a grimace."

"It was nothing, really," I reassure, taking a quick glance at Jungkook, who was holding back his laugh.

He knew it. I am sure he did.

"Are you sure you didn't... you know... fall on your ass?" he smirks. "I'm sure I heard a huge..."''

"Hobi," I said excitedly, "What do you have there?" I pointed to the bags he was carrying while Jungkook laughed.

That little prick.

''Food," he says, shaking the bags. ''We know how much you love eating''.

I chuckle and make way for them to enter. In a few minutes, the food was already on the coffee table, and an improvised bed was set up on the living room floor. I change into more comfortable clothes and join them.

"Look, before we start, we want you to know how sorry we are," Yoongi says.

"Yes... Sorry for not being there on the visitation's day," Jimin adds. "If there's anything you want to say, anything that's bothering you, please let us know. We'll fix it all, Cassie. ''he holds my hand.'' We want things to go back to how they used to be."

"We're here for you, Cas," Jin finishes, and I smile weakly.

I pause for a moment, feeling that it still wasn't the right time. So, I just sigh and shake my head.

"It's okay, guys. Really," I open with a smile. "Let's just watch this movie already. I'm dying to see who'll be the first one to cry and shake in fear like a little kitten." I say, trying to change the subject, and smirk when I realize it worked.

"I am sure it won't be me," Hoseok says with confidence. "Cause you know..." he shows off his muscles. "I'm a man," he pauses for a minute.

It doesn't take long until Hoseok's laughter fills the room, making everyone laugh.

"Who listens to him talking like this, doesn't even think the Gladiator sandal outside belongs to him," Jungkook says, making Hoseok look at him flabbergasted.

''Hey, what do you mean by that?'' he asks shookedt. ''It's fashionable''

"Yeah, Hobi. Sure is," Yoongi says, patting his shoulder.

''Why I don't believe you are being honest?'' Hoseok asks putting his finger under his chain. ''I'm going to expose you on Twitter. Or should I say X?''

''What? Are you into Xvideos?'' Namjoon asks as he returns.

Everybody stops and looks at him. When did he even leave to begin with?

"What were you doing, Joonie?" I ask, smirking at him. "Were you in the bathroom?" he nods as the rest of the boys laugh.

''Now we know why you are thinking naughtiness'' Jimin says.

Namjoon's face turns red as he shakes his hands nervously. He tries to sit down on the couch but somehow ends up falling on the ground. We can see his cellphone flying around the living room as he throws his arms in the air in an attempt to regain his balance, but it doesn't work, as expected.

''No need to be nervous, Joonie'' I say. ''Everybody masturbates once in a while.''

''Do we?'' Yoongi looks at me suspiciously.

"I mean," I chuckle nervously. "How did we even get to this conversation? Let's just watch the movie for God's sake."

"Nah, nah. Don't you try coming up with excuses," Tae says abruptly. "What do you mean by that? Are you dating someone?" Jungkook seems to be having fun as he opens a beer can.

''What? Me? Dating?'' I laugh. ''Not even close. But I can't say the same about Jungkook, can I?'' he chokes.

''Uh? What you on about?'' he asks as he cleans his mouth. ‘’Seven days a week, huh?’’ he burst into laughter. He pauses for a minute before smirking. "Hm, why's that, baby girl?" he says, leaning in my direction. "Are you jealous?" he asks, putting a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Do you want me to…" he bites his lower lip. "You know," he says putting his finger on my lips. I can already feel the cringeness and second-hand embarrassment traveling throughout my body as the rest of the boys laugh. This prick. ‘’You really need to get out from twitter,’’ I say, shoving him away. ‘’The next step is to put up a black and white profile picture and call yourself a webdom’’ He raises both of his middle fingers in my direction before turning his attention back to the beer can. ‘’Are you guys done? Can I finally play this damn movie?’’ Yoongi asks, making everybody nod.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Time passed quickly, and before I knew it, it was time for them to leave. Unfortunately, they couldn't stay overnight. They had to leave very early the next day due to their schedule.

I hesitated to get up; I didn't want to accompany them to the door out of sheer laziness, and feeling Taehyung shaking me with his foot made me even more sluggish.

"If you keep doing that, I swear I'll fall asleep," I say, making him huff.

"Come on, sloth imitation. Take us to the door," Jimin says, but gives up when he sees Jungkook lying next to me.

"Jungkook, I'm sure you really like your video game, right?" Seokjin asks, and in a jump, Jungkook gets up.

"Are you really not taking us to the door?" Yoongi asks, and I remain silent. "Okay then."

When I open my eyes to see what he was going to do, I feel an arm gather and squeeze my legs while a hand starts tickling my feet furiously.

"JESUS!" I scream in surprise.

I heard laughter as I fought for my life. The strange feeling that tickling brought made me confused if I was laughing because I found it funny or if it was fear messing up my nervous system. The laughter increased as I writhed and screamed for help.

"YOONGI, YOU JERK!" I said without realizing that I was actually yelling.

"Weren't you sleepy?" Yoongi asks. "So, I'm trying to help you."

"WAIT UNTIL I GET UP, YOU PIECE OF BROWN SUGAR, I'M GOING TO END YOU."

"Are you going to take us to the door?" he asks.

"OKAY, OKAY, I'LL TAKE YOU, JUST STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD," I yell.

I feel my body calm down and my brain start functioning again as the tickling ceases. I looked at Yoongi who was laughing while sniffing his hand.

"Ew, you have smelly feet," he says, and I get up.

"Come here, you little jerk," I chase after him as he runs away mocking me.

After a few seconds, I could already feel that the 70% of water in my body had evaporated and the air in my lungs was scarce. When did my body become so sedentary?

"Idiot," I curse Yoongi who laughs. "I hate you."

"I love you too, beautiful thing," I hear him say.

Finally, I accompany them to the door. After a lazy farewell, I see them about to leave, but a click in my mind makes me stop them.

"As you know, I graduated from college, but since it was at the time when my father died, I didn't have any enthusiasm to celebrate. Adora recommended that I have a celebration the day after tomorrow night, since it's the weekend. Just to not let it go unnoticed. So... you guys are invited."

"We'll be here, don't worry," Namjoon says, and I smile nodding.

We say goodbye again, and this time, I see them leave. Seeing the elevator door close, I go back inside the house. The smile on my face never leaves me for a second, and finally, after so long, I could feel that things would really be okay.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Thanks to Adora, everything was organized on time. The food was ordered since neither she nor I wanted anyone to die from food poisoning. The time we ended up in the hospital the day we cooked for each other was enough. No need to repeat the dose.

I check the time on my phone and see it's 8pm. They would arrive at any moment, so I sit next to Adora on the couch to chat until then.

☂ ☂

Some time passed, and the boys still hadn't arrived. I look at the time again and see that it's 9:46. I try not to think the worst and choose to believe they would be here soon.

☂ ☂

I sigh deeply at seeing what time it is: 11:14. I try to ignore Adora's pitying look and get up from the couch. I suppress the tears once again. I am tired of crying. And more than ever, I realize that they don't deserve my tears.

"Cassandra..." Adora calls me, and I look at her. "I'm sure there's an explanation for this. Something must have happened at the company, and they couldn't let us know." I shake my head.

Something inside me told me that wasn't it, and I decided to trust my intuition.

"Adora, can you take me to the dorm?," I ask softly. "I don't think I'll have the courage to go alone," I weakly smile, and she nods.

"Of course, my love. Of course..." ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

The car journey lasted less than I wished. My mind was constantly clouded by memories, anxiety making the painful memories hurt twice as much. I laughed in disbelief. I wondered what I had done wrong to deserve this.

"Thank you for bringing me," I look at Adora. "And thank you for always being by my side in difficult times. If I felt supported and loved, be sure that it's all because of you. You're an amazing person, Adora, and I hope you know that." she smiles.

"Regardless of what happens there, remember that you are enough. Not for them, but for yourself. Don't belittle yourself for them, Cassie, and don't let the love you feel for them speak louder than your self-love. If you survived two hellish months without their presence, be sure that you can live your life and be immensely happy in the future without them. I guarantee you that," I feel her hand squeezing mine for comfort, and I smile. "I'll be waiting for you here," I nod.

I get out of the car, feeling Adora's words take effect. I walk bravely towards the towering building, ignoring every feeling of nostalgia trying to invade me. I couldn't lose focus now.

Arriving on their dorm's floor, I feel my heart skip a beat. I pause for a moment and try to put my thoughts and feelings in order. Seeing no result, I lean against the wall and try in every way to avoid a panic attack that was about to come. As if it were a heavenly help, I feel my phone vibrate. With trembling hands, I pick it up and see a message from Adora.

"Don't forget, you are strong and capable. And never for a moment think you are alone, because I'm here for you."

I clutch my phone tightly. Adora is right. I am strong and I am capable. I can do this because regardless of what happens, I will be okay.

I take a deep breath, gathering all the strength and courage from my being, and knock on the door. I freeze when I realize what I've done, but I quickly compose myself. I will be okay.

A few seconds passed and no one answered, so I knocked again. But just like the first time, there was no response. After the third attempt, I decide to enter. Typing the password on the door, I entered the dormitory.

Upon realizing that there was no one in the main hall, the pounding of my heart calmed down. I begin to walk through the dormitory, recalling every good moment I had with my boys. I feel the sadness emanating in my chest once again.

I really didn't want to lose them.

As I walked down the corridor, I heard voices coming from the kitchen. I started walking with firm steps, but I felt my legs waver when I heard a female voice among their voices. It was her.

"Jungkook-oppa, you're so silly," I hear her delicate laughter, feeling jealousy burning in my chest.

It should be me there.

"The silly you love," I hear Jungkook reply.

I could hear the happiness in his voice. It was as if they didn't need anyone else at the moment but her. And that made me hate her, but my own mind scolded me. She is not worthy of my hatred. She is as innocent as I am in this story. She did nothing to hurt me, so why would I hate her?

"Hinnie," I hear Hoseok's voice.

Hinnie...

"Try it and tell me what you think."

There was a moment of pause until applause and sounds of appreciation were made.

"It's amazing, oppa," she says. "You really keep improving in the kitchen every day."

Unable to bear it anymore, I think of simply turning around and leaving, but something catches my attention. And it was precisely there, in that moment, that I regretted staying.

"Why do I feel like we're forgetting something?" I hear Taehyung say, and I feel my body tremble.

Once again, there was a pause until someone shouted.

"Shit, really," Jimin said. "We forgot to take the drinks out of the freezer."

I feel my heart break, as if that were possible. I let out a disbelieving laugh and finally come out from where I was hiding.

"And try more of this," Hoseok suddenly stops. "Cassie..."

I hear the sound of something falling to the ground. Soon, everyone was staring at me wide-eyed. I repress the urge to laugh. I realize how messy my whole body was the moment I wanted to laugh and not cry.

"Oh no," Jimin says, as if remembering something. "The party."

With that said, everyone becomes even more desperate. Seeing them approaching, I panic.

"Don't come near,"

They quickly stop. I see them not knowing what to do. And it wasn't just them. I end up getting disoriented with so much pressure. Where did my courage go when I needed it most?

"Um... what's going on?" she asks, and I close my eyes.

It's not her fault. It's not her fault...

"Ji-Hye, could you leave us alone for a moment?" Namjoon asks.

"Yes, of course. It's time for me to leave anyway," she gets up. "I'll see you later," she says bowing both to them and to me.

After she left, silence hung in the air. I tried to hold back my laughter, but when I saw everyone's confused faces, I knew I had failed. When I noticed that no one was going to say anything, I took the initiative.

"Do you know what's more disappointing? It's that I really thought this time would be different," I shrug. "I guess I was wrong, wasn't I?"

"Cas..."

"Do you remember when you asked me if I had something to say, Jinnie? If something was hurting me? Well, I do, and I hope I won't be interrupted."

With no response, I continue.

"I feel like I died. It's been a while since I am just surviving," I start. "The fact that you didn't come to the visitation isn't the part that hurts the most, it's that you weren't there when my father passed away. I remember how desperate I was, and the only people I could think of were you. But you weren't there. Damn, you didn't even call." I whisper as tears fall freely down my face. "When I found myself alone in the hospital, realizing that the person who adopted me and chose me to love had died, that was my first death. The person who loved me, who looked beyond language or race barriers, and who taught me everything I know had suddenly left, without even giving me a chance to say goodbye. Do you know how I felt? Devastated."

I pause for a moment. Melancholy takes over my body as I recall all the feelings I felt that day, and for a moment, I allow myself to cry all I needed. I sob so much that I thought I might choke. Without caring about looks or pity, I just allowed myself, knowing that everything would be okay.

"When I called the only people I thought I could count on, and they told me they were coming, I didn't feel so alone," I let out a humorless laugh. "Until I realized that those people never arrived. The people who always said they would be there for me weren't there when I needed them the most. That was my second death," I look at Jin. "Don't say these things to anybody if they are not coming from your heart. Don't hurt anyone else by saying you have their backs or that you will always be there for them when in reality it's not the truth."

I look at each one. Their gazes were distant, as if they were reliving every moment.

"You know, I don't want you to think I'm mad at Park Ji-Hye. Actually, quite the opposite. I was really happy when you said you met someone nice. Someone who really cared about you and genuinely wanted your friendships. I know how tough it is for you to find real friendships with all the fame, so I felt fulfilled too. I remember telling daddy excitedly, and he laughed at my excitement, happy for you and for me. Right after that, I lost him, and little by little, I lost you too, like I was meant to be alone," I smile weakly. "I am sorry if I'm being selfish, but that's how I feel. You guys forgot my birthday. Forgot the visitation days, and to top it off, you forgot my graduation party. It's like you replaced me as if I never even existed in your lives, and that really hurts. Really.''

I finish, and only then I realize they were crying with me. Some didn't have the courage to meet my gaze. We spent a few minutes without anyone saying anything. The only thing filling the air was the sound of our sniffles and sobs.

"On the day your father died," Namjoon begins. "We felt like we had lost a family member because he was, in fact, one. I am truly sorry, Cas, but for me, Park Ji-Hye's fall was an escape. I didn't want to face reality. I wouldn't know how to react to the loss of someone so special, and I also wouldn't know how to act with you," he looks at me.

"On your birthday, we thought you would like to be alone. It would be the first without your father, so we didn't know what to do, Cassie. We panicked," Jimin sighs. "But now I realize how you felt," he laughs humorlessly. "My God, I never thought I'd be such a horrible friend. What a disappointment," he whispers, covering his face with his hand.

"On visitation days," I look at Hoseok. "I confess that I clung to any opportunity not to go, Cas," he cries. "Not because I didn't love you. I love you, and I love you very much, but I never knew how to react to death. The only two times I entered a cemetery, I spent the rest of the week feeling bad, with depressive thoughts. I also couldn't let Armys worry. I didn't want their 'Sun' to lose its brightness. I am so sorry for not being able to tell you this before. I didn't want to seem selfish."

I suppress a disbelieving laugh.

"Hearing all this, I realize how futile our apologies seem," Yoongi laughs weakly. "But they are true, Cassie... I understand what Hoseok says. You know about my history with depression, don't you?" he asks, and I nod. "It's the same thing for me. If I enter a cemetery, my thoughts don't stop. Some come in a worse form, and I feel like I'm going crazy."

"We were selfish, Cas," Seokjin says. "I was. I didn't want Armys to see us sad because I knew the chaos it would be. I have no words to express how special you are to me," he pauses. "Cassie, you are my sister, my family. You weren't crying alone; I cried with you. I just couldn't show it. I knew it would be worse if I saw you cry, just like I am seeing now."

There was a moment of silence. Until his voice broke.

"I am sorry," Taehyung says. "Damn, I don't even know what to say, Cassie. You are one of the most precious people I have ever met. I remember how you stayed with us through thick and thin. I also remember how happy you were for us at the beginning, and I know the genuine happiness you felt when we received our first award. You stood by my side when my grandma passed away. How could I not be by your side too? My God," he puts his hand on his head in an act of despair. "You stayed by our side when we thought about disbanding. It was you who helped us see why we are here, who helped us find reasons to stay," he looks at me anxiously. "How could I be so selfish?"

"We thought that regardless of anything, you would always be by our side. That you would understand us, even with our deplorable attitudes. We always thought we would have you next to us, so we neglected you," Yoongi shakes his head. I feel like he answered more to Taehyung than to me. "Damn, anjinho, I'm sorry," I lower my head as I hear him call me by the nickname I loved so much.

"The fact that we started a new friendship also influenced us," Jungkook says. "We were so excited that someone, besides you, wanted a friendship without interest that without realizing it, we put aside the one that had been with us from the beginning," I hear Jungkook say muffled, as his two hands covered his face.

"We don't deserve you, Cassandra. We left you at the most difficult moment of your life, and yet you never stopped loving us," Yoongi pulls his own hair, a habit he always did when he was nervous. "We can't let you leave thinking that we don't care about you because, Cassie, that would be a complete lie. With the stress of the comeback, things only got worse. It was rehearsal, recording, agendas to fulfill, productions, trips, tours. Our minds were a mess, and Park Ji-Hye tried to help us from there. We know she's not the one to blame, and it's not your fault either. It's ours and only ours. I know this will seem like a lame excuse, but I didn't want to let you go thinking that you aren't precious to us. You are Cas. And you always will be."

I close my eyes and try to control my breathing. If before I felt bad, now I feel ten times worse. It seemed like I didn't even know them anymore. The feeling of comfort they made me feel was replaced by anguish. By sadness.

I open my eyes, and for the last time, I look at my boys. I realize that Taehyung understood my gaze.

"Cassie, please... Please don't..." Taehyung starts, but is interrupted by Seokjin.

"Don't you dare say what I think you're going to say."

"But I can't lose her, Hyung. I can't lose her," Taehyung says, crouching down.

I think about going to him, but then I retreat my body. If I do that, I know my heart will weaken, and at the moment, the only person I need to think about is myself.

"I'm sorry, hyung, but I'll be selfish," Namjoon says to Seokjin, and I look at him confused. "I don't know what your decision will be, Cassie. I'll support you, even if you choose to leave without our friendship. But I beg you... Cassandra, I implore you, try to find in yourself a little piece that doesn't want to give up on us. It doesn't have to be now. I want you to heal, and I don't care how long it takes. The only thing I ask is that you don't forget us and don't give up on us. Come back to us when you feel ready. I don't want to lose you, Cas. I..."

"I really hope you find a way to forgive us, Cassie. But understand that if you don't, we'll understand. You, more than anyone else, have every right to hate us," Yoongi says, interrupting Namjoon. "I hope you don't forget about us because, with all my heart, we won't forget about you."

I feel my heart shattering with every tear that falls on their faces. I smile weakly. I will really miss them.

I bow in a sign of respect, and as I return to my normal position, I raise my hand to my heart.

"Thank you, my boys. For all the good moments. You were a very important part of my life, which I will carry forever. I will never forget about all of you," I smile faintly. "How could I forget my first true friendships? My first loves?" I whisper.

I take a breath and smile. A true smile. A smile of gratitude.

"Regardless of what happened, you guys deserve nothing but love and happiness. Don't let anyone say otherwise. Even far away, please remember I will always be cheering for your success. And whenever you feel unloved, remember I love you. Very, very much.'' I can hear their sobs getting stronger. ''Don't think I blame you for what happened; I think I finally understand that life has its ups and downs. People come and unfortunately go," I see Taehyung desperate, trying to find something to say. I look away. I need to be strong. "I hope that every day your friendship with Park Ji-Hye grows, and that you take from all of this a lesson.''

I take a deep breath, looking at them for the last time.

''From the bottom of my heart... I wish you to be immensely happy."

In a gesture, I send thousands of kisses. I see Tae wanting to approach, so I turn around and start walking towards the exit, and this time, I don't cry. I feel the weight of sadness in my chest, but the weight of peace for having put everything I felt out was greater. And for the first time in two months, I believe it when I say that everything will be okay.

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rrxnjun · 11 months

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liebestraum [park jisung]

if anyone asked park jisung if he believed in ghosts, he would say yes– for he saw longing grow legs and follow him.

pairing: park jisung x fem! reader genre: summer break au. coming of age, slice of life, angst, fluff warnings: mentions of parents' divorce, swearing word count: 11k (11.190) playlist: liebestraum - franz liszt / the gold - phoebe bridgers / our summer - txt / could cry just thinking about you - troye sivan / burning love - elvis presley / if not for you - maneskin / we'll never have sex - leith ross / christmas kids - roar / raindrops (an angel cried) - ariana grande / ceilings - lizzy mcalpine / the loneliest - maneskin / about you - the 1975

a/n: this is mainly for you, liebestraum anon <3 thank you so much for being the most supportive friend, i really enjoy talking with you. hope the wait was worth it and hope the fic doesn't disappoint. i think that if it wasn't for you, this fic would never see the light of day HAHA

Laying on the floor of his aunt’s living room, listening to the vinyl his aunt popped into the record player just a few minutes prior to leaving the room to get some tea for the guests that are arriving soon, Park Jisung wishes for the ground to swallow him whole and for the ceiling to fall down and bury him in the deepest depths of this house. His head starts to spin as he dives in deeper to the music, the classical tunes almost making him overthink more than he has before. He wonders what would happen if he just left the room, left his aunt’s house and ran away so far no one could ever find him.

He finds himself fantasizing about stuff like this a lot lately. Listening to classical music– because of course his aunt listens to music from the 19th century, she’s almost as old as the composers themselves– he wonders what came through the mind of the author of the song when he wrote such trivial melodies.

Laying on the floor of his aunt’s living room, listening to the vinyl his aunt popped into the player just a few minutes prior to leaving the room to get some tea for the guests that are arriving soon, Park Jisung drifts away to a soft slumber, deep enough to make him more tired, but light enough to wake him up when the doorbell rings and the obnoxious laughter of his dear aunt pierces through his ears.

His aunt wakes him up with a screech. Frankly, it hasn’t been that long since he’s fallen asleep and he truly doesn’t really know if it was his position on the floor that made her scream, or the fact that he’s embarrassing her in front of the guests by sleeping on the floor in the living room, but nonetheless, he’s quick to stand up and bow to the guests, trying hard to be respectful.

His aunt nervously chews on the inside of her cheek. Her smile is a little too forced when she introduces all of them to him, but he tries hard to ignore the fact that she looks like an utter clown, pretending her house is a beautiful, welcoming shrine, because laughing out loud at her antics would surely do him no good. See, Jisung doesn't like to anger his aunt. It’s not that he doesn't enjoy the silent treatment she gives him, finally letting him breathe in the quiet– the feeling of suffocating escaping him for once in a while– but he simply just doesn’t enjoy it when she only glares at him and doesn’t speak more words than a single sentence announcing when the dinner’s ready. It only serves to make him feel more alienated.

“Jisung, these are my friends from university,” his aunt recites, sounding rehearsed, and he bets she acted out the scene in her head a thousand times before falling asleep last night, so it’s all perfect when the actual moment happens in real life, “their names are Jinyoung and Nayeon, they met in university and got married a few years later.”

He hums, scamming the adults from head to toe, noticing the neat way they present themselves. He wonders if this is how his parents looked to strangers when they used to visit their old friends. The truth is, they never looked as neat and as in tune with each other as this couple does in his eyes– but maybe he just wasn’t able to perceive them this way due to the image he made of their marriage when they were at home.

Eyes traveling to the person behind them, the fringe falling to their forehead, he gets captivated by a mysterious look in their orbs, hands hidden in the pockets of their jacket. Jisung’s not too sure if his aunt caught him staring at the unintroduced guest– now, he will admit that he stared at the person, for they were a stranger to him and for no other reason– but he know for sure that they did, from how they squint their eyes at Jisung and offer him a teasing smile.

“Oh, and this is Y/N,” his aunt says, nudging the person closer to his nephew, as if to present a thing meant to solve all of his problems, “their child. They are staying for the summer, so I expect you two to hang out often, since you’re the same age and all!”

Looking at his aunt, a dead look mirroring his eyes, he hears the person– you– with a voice sweet but a little prickly, just like the smell of a Christmas tree his family used to have in their living room during December, ask a question that is easily able to beat him down to the ground in one second, despite not really knowing you long enough to be this affected by a single strand of words plastered together.

“Does this mean we have to be friends?” you say, eyeing his aunt. Jisung doesn't know if you two have met before, because he himself hasn’t been around his aunt this often, but the familiarity in your eyes tells him that this shouldn’t be your first time being around his aunt. He has no way of proving it, and since he doesn't care enough to ask, he may never actually know.

“That’s- that’s not what I was hinting at, but I’m sure you two would make good friends!” his aunt chirps, making him suddenly wonder if her friends even agreed on letting their child spend time with a boy they just saw for the first time, sleeping on the floor of his aunt’s living room. He doesn’t think his aunt actually cares about their opinion, though. He thinks she just desperately wants him out of the house sometimes. Truth be told, he doesn’t blame her. It wasn’t her fault that he had to suddenly waddle into her house, eat her food and sleep in the spare bedroom for the summer– if he was in his aunt’s shoes, he’d want his comfort back as well. She didn’t ask for this. And he doesn’t even know why she agreed in the first place. “You are quite similar and have a lot in common, is what I meant,” his aunt finishes, and Jisung cringes under her gaze, because in reality, how could she even know?

A sigh escapes your lips, eyes rolling as you look over at your parents and snicker. “Am I at least getting paid for hanging out with this loser?”

“Y/N, watch your mouth!” your mother snaps, an apologetic look in her eyes.

Truth is, though, the comment doesn’t affect him. At least not in the way it should– it doesn’t offend him, it doesn’t hurt. Instead, he grins, looking you dead in the eyes, already liking the foreign excitement in his bones that dares to make his life feel much more lively than it has while he was locked up in the spare bedroom of his aunt’s house.

“I’m Park Jisung.”

Your lips widen into a cheshire grin, Jisung’s surroundings suddenly disappearing into thin air, the adults in their own universe now, not heard of and not seen. Staring you into your eyes for a heartbeat, another few words escape his mouth as a premise, unknowingly setting the tone for the two of you already.

“Let’s hang out. Show me around. If I have fun, you get a tenner. If it sucks, you’re not getting paid for being friends with me. Deal?”

He doesn’t know if it was the money on the line, or if you saw something in him that interested you enough to keep on giving in. And after all this time, he doesn't think he’ll get an answer– it’s too far out of his reach, too far back in history. But somehow, in that moment, you took his hand and shook it, starting off something that made Park Jisung who he is today. The contact of your hand with his felt like electricity to the boy, the sudden courage disappearing right as he feels the softness of your palm, and when your eyes lock, he physically feels his knees buckle under him– that’s the effect you have on the boy.

Your roles are soon reversed when you’re brought back into reality by an adult’s voice, your hands losing contact as you break away, looking at your mother with a glare in your eyes.

“Look, Ms Park has a piano! Go and play something for us, sweetie.”

A pained sigh escapes your lips, seemingly already knowing you won’t get out of this no matter how hard you try or plead, slowly walking over to the instrument settled in the corner of the room, cracking your knuckles and humming to yourself, thinking of what song to play.

“Jisung plays too, actually!” his aunt chimes in, and he sighs, halting in his movements,

because one, he can’t play the piano, and two, the song rolling off your fingers is so beautiful, so melodic he secretly starts to hope that he did.

Park Jisung can’t believe himself in the very moment when he’s standing at the rocky beach with you, clearing his throat and scratching the back of his neck every few seconds in a poor attempt of calming down his nerves and the erracting beating of his heart. He’s only 18 and has no experience with girls, so he thinks this is the sheer effect of the fact that he can’t swim well and he’s afraid of embarrassing himself in front of you– he bets you’re not strong enough to bring out his drowning body out of the depths of the lake anyways, so it really must be fear that’s holding him down from undressing in front of you and jumping into the refreshing water.

“Come on, Park Jisung, what are you waiting for?” you jab at him, a sharp finger pointing straight to his ribs. Your top is already off, a peach-colored bikini top catching Jisung’s attention that he instantly averts and focuses on the shiny water instead, worried he’d get caught if his eyes lingered a bit more. Again, Park Jisung is only 18 and he barely leaves the house– the only girl in a bikini he’s ever seen were the actors in the movies he watched on TV or the characters in the anime he once binged watched in the middle of the night, and those curves were drawn-on, on top of that. He doesn’t know what to do around a girl, and holding a conversation is suddenly that harder when his eyes keep drifting towards your body.

“I- I can’t really swim,” he mumbles out, another set of scratching his neck taking place, the slowly burning skin on the sharp sun making him shift in discomfort.

“Fuck’s sake,” a curse escapes your mouth, the word catching the poor boy off-guard even more, since he’s not used to anyone speaking in that tone around him– with the exception of his parents when they argue, of course, but he’d rather not bring up the memory– and his big eyes scan you again, surprised and almost a little worried of your next actions, “well, I’m not getting 10 pounds this way, am I? Didn’t know the uptown boy can’t swim…” you mutter under your breath before you shake your head in disbelief and shrug off your shorts, throwing the clothing towards the beach towel sprawled out on the shore.

Now, Jisung tries really really hard not to look at your bum. That would be really embarrassing– truly humiliating– and he’s a gentleman, of course. And it doesn’t make it better that the whole journey here, you were rambling about your day and about how bored you are in this little village, and he found the scrunch of your nose so adorable, because now he has the crushing reality dawning up on him that he’s 18 and finally having a sexual awakening. No, he won’t stare at your body. He’s simply not allowed.

“What are you waiting for? Are you gonna go into the water in your clothes?” you ask again, looking him up and down when he doesn’t move.

“Oh, I was just thinking I could… you know, stay here and hang out by myself until you’re done swimming, or something…” he says, and the more words that spill out of his mouth, the more embarrassed he feels, because your gaze suddenly locks with his and you seem so amused by his rambling, you find his words so hilarious, he doesn’t miss a heartbeat before he sighs more-so to himself and takes off his shirt, clearing his throat awkwardly when he finds you staring at his naked skin.

“Glad you got the memo,” you muster up, shaking your head in disbelief and tying your hair up into a neat bun. “I swear it’s not that deep from the corners, you’re not gonna drown. Your aunt would kick my head off if I left you here to fry,” you mumble and Jisung hates how it sounds like you’re truly only here because you have to, because the more seconds he spends staring into your eyes trying to predict your next move, the more he wishes you were here because you were only slightly interested in spending time with the new kid in the village– him.

“Alright,” he mumbles, and when he’s finally only in his swimming suit, taking cautious steps and following you towards the water, he finds his anxiety levels rising, because the truth is, he’s never swam in a lake before. Sure, he’s been in pools– but those aren’t so scary. He can almost always feel the bottom of it under his feet and he knows they don’t get as deep. Surely, there is a little to no possibility of him drowning in a swimming pool. Lakes, however, are a different thing. He can’t reach the bottom, and if he does, the surface is disgusting and slippery and won’t help him to his feet– if he really got too stiff and panicked, he could die. And that’s perhaps what scares him the most as he takes the first step on the slick rock at the very edge of the water, the slight stumble of his feet only making him more aware of the reality that’s in front of him.

“You’re such a scaredy cat,” you tease him when you look at him from behind your shoulder, a grin on your face acting like a sucker punch towards Jisung’s gut. And the truth is, he’d be more relaxed if you just gave him a minute– to collect his thoughts, calm his erracting heartbeat as he’d tell himself that there’s nothing to worry about and that the water here truly isn’t as deep yet and the worst thing that could happen is that he lands on his ass, but you don’t give him a chance to do so as your hand slips into his– trying to steady him, as you walk deeper into the water.

Your soft hand in his, fingers intertwined, he finds himself holding on to you like a lifeline– because in his tragic imagination, you might as well be one– and the beating of his heart only gets faster when he gets painfully aware of the sweat pooling in the palms of his hand and the very apparent hesitance in his step. If you notice it, you don’t mention it– to which Jisung’s equal parts surprised and glad, and suddenly, his figure is waist-level in the water before he even has a chance to register it and your hand lets go of his, the momentarily hypnotization of your hold escaping him when he has to face you as he stands still in the cool liquid.

You’re staring at him with a flashy smile, expecting eyes waiting for him to react to you in any way– and when nothing comes, you must realize that he’s too starstrucked by your appearance to muster up anything coherent enough.

“You alright there?”

He finds himself nodding, a hum escaping his throat to accompany his response. It’s not enough for you, though, and the truth is, Park Jisung should’ve been prepared for this, since even the two days of knowing you must be enough to get to know the true intentions of your actions– because you tease him again, and even though the boy gets sulky easily, he doesn’t seem to find himself paying it much mind.

“A cat got your tongue?” you snicker, shaking your head at him.

For a second, Jisung debates on acting dumb– maybe more silence or a shrug of his shoulders would rile you up more, get you more annoyed– but he should’ve learned already that you’re always one step ahead of him, in more cases than one, when a splash of cold water hits his heated skin, making him hiss in shock.

Your laughter fills his ears as he watches you stand still in front of him, presumably not expecting much threat from the boy that’s barely able to move in the lake, but the angelic look on your face acts like a dopamine kick for the boy, vitamin D flowing through his veins as he reacts to your teasing with another splash of water, feet delicately chasing you around the lake, screeches coming out your throat like music to his ears on the sunny summer afternoon.

The water fight ends with him tripping over a stone as he tries to run away from you, and the shock on your face is evident– Jisung finds himself feeling endearment at the hint of you worrying about him– when you rush towards the boy and lean over his body sitting in the water, Jisung’s worst-case scenario coming to life right in front of your eyes.

“Are you okay?” you ask, a hand offered to him to get him back up on his feet.

And Jisung takes it, only to tug you down towards him, his body shielding you from the impact, but still hitting the ice-cold water of the lake. With your face only centimeters away from his, your annoyed, yet amused face causing him to grin, he finds himself laughing at your next remark.

“I take it as today’s worthy of a tenner then, Park Jisung. Having too much fun, aren’t you?”

To Park Jisung, summer feels like sleep and the humid air in his little room back home. He’s never really been anywhere on vacations or holidays, because frankly, with his father’s nature and his mother’s low income job, there wasn’t really much space to go somewhere and explore what it’s like to enjoy the summer heat instead of constantly angrily swearing at the weather. For that matter, Park Jisung never really enjoyed summer. He was always locked up in that small room, sometimes listening to his parents’ arguing– which he so desperately tried to ignore every time, but his heart did that weird hammering each time his father broke a glass or his mother raised her voice a bit louder than usual– and when his parents weren’t arguing, the house would be too quiet, making him overthink.

To Park Jisung, summer feels like overslept afternoons and boredom. He doesn’t know any better, and he would even pity himself, but the truth is, he thinks that’s embarrassing. People have it worse, after all– he’s just a teenager with no life purpose. Just like any other, right?

So when Jisung arrives at his aunt’s place for the summer– no longer having to listen to his parents’ arguing, because after 18 years of his life, they finally decided to call it quits and drag their son to the only relative he vaguely knows for the time being, until they figure everything out– he expects nothing more from the old house than what he experienced his whole growing up. He expects overslept afternoons and sweaty pajamas clinging to his back, humid air everywhere and the weird hollowness in the pit of his stomach.

To his surprise– and believe me, he didn’t really expect this at all– the summer before university is completely different, and he’s pleased with the change.

He wakes up late one afternoon, because he doesn’t expect anything exciting to happen in the time he spends asleep anyway, and when he drags his feet to the kitchen, body tense and hurting from the weird positions he found himself sleeping in, his mind is instantly sweeped of all the haziness when he founds your figure in his aunt’s house, laughing at the radio host babbling through the device.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” his aunt greets him from the corner of the room, and he’s suddenly too aware of his bed hair and the fact that his clothing is all wrinkled and his face is puffy, because he feels your eyes on him and he hates to know that you see him in such state. Not that he’s any eye candy any other day, of course– he just thinks you could’ve seen him in a more presentable light, that’s all.

“G’morning,” he mutters as he scratches the back of his neck and looks around the room, trying to grasp the events of 1PM– barely morning anymore.

“If you woke up earlier, you could’ve gone with us,” his aunt chirps in from the stove, swirling something sweet-smelling in a big pot. Her face is fawned over with a glaze of sweat and even the wide-open window does nothing to get the air to clear out– Jisung thinks that’s just the magic of summer. It’s always too hot, and the only thing you can do is complain.

“Where did you go?”

“To the forest,” you smile at him, seeing as he takes a few hesitant steps towards your figure, “we picked berries and now your aunt’s making jam. A classic village-like summer activity, don’t ya think?” you chirp, tugging your hair behind your ear as you pick through the big bowl and put away the berries that don’t look as good, choosing to not include them in the jam.

Jisung hums in agreement, still a little confused, as he takes another few steps around the room. Looking over his aunt’s shoulder, he sees the blood colored liquid boiling at the stove, the air even sweeter right above the steam, and he suddenly wonders if this is today’s activity. Looking over his shoulder at you, dressed in shorts and a tank top, he shrugs to himself– if it means that you’ll be over at his house the whole time the jam’s being made, he doesn’t mind helping out in the kitchen.

“Can you wash these?” you ask, pointing towards the bowl full of berries. He nods to your order and takes it over to the sink, carefully splashing water over the fruit and making sure each piece is clean– he doesn’ want to embarrass himself in front of you. Frankly, he doesn’t know what’s going on or how exactly jam is made, but you seem like you’re a regular in those activities– he doesn’t want you to think he’s a city guy with no knowledge of how the world works. Because that’s kind of true, but you don’t have to know that.

Bringing the bowl over to the table again, he watches as you look up at him from the next bowl you’re currently sorting through, raising your brows in question at his stare. The boy almost wants to look away from being caught, but he figures it’s too late anyway, so he challenges you and waits for you to jab at him or roll your eyes.

Instead, you pick up one berry from the bowl and press it up against his lips, an innocent smile playing with your features as you wait for him to eat it, looking at him with expecting eyes.

“Delicious, isn’t it?”

“Absolutely magical,” Jisung replies, overly-exaggerated, seeing you grin. He steals himself another berry from the bowl, escaping from the playful slap you want to give to the palm of his hand, before he sits on the chair opposite of yours, silently watching you doing your task.

“Now, today’s events might not be as exciting, so you can save your next 10 pounds, but once your aunt’s hands get tired, you can take over and stir the jam while it cooks,” you explain, teasing him with your little inside joke– you’re not actually getting paid for hanging out with him. Not really, although Jisung did buy you ice cream on your way home from the lake the other day. So in a way, you are. Just not with real money.

“So fun!” he says, watching you as you roll your eyes.

The truth is, he doesn’t care much about what he does during the day. As long as you’re present, he’s satisfied.

To Park Jisung, summer feels like overslept afternoons, his little humid room back home and boredom. This afternoon, the smell of berries, the sound of the radio and your bubbly laugh when you tease him joins the mix– and he thinks those overpower the grudge he has against the season with such measures he prays every day feels like summer from now on.

The room is kind of chilly when Jisung rests his back against the tall bookshelf– the side of the furniture, so the shelves aren’t uncomfortable against his back– eyes glued to the pages of the book. He finds himself too immersed in the story to notice anyone coming into his aunt’s living room, too occupied with the sentences to hear the shuffling of your feet as you drag your legs across the house. His aunt always lets you in with no questions– you only knock on the door and smile at her when she opens it, slickly jumping inside and finding who you’re looking for in one of the few rooms of the house– more often than not, you catch Park Jisung off guard, but he is starting to get used to the euphoric surprise.

Jisung is an avid reader. He’s liked books since he was little, and it was the only thing he found himself spending money on growing up. When the amount of books he could read in one month became too big for him to keep buying more and more prints, his mother took him to the town to get him his own library card.

After looking through the bookshelf in his aunt’s house, he was surprised– and a little annoyed– at the fact that there were only romance books in store. He already finished the copy of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy he brought with himself when his parents sent him off, and he didn’t really think of bringing more. Finding his aunt’s bookshelf was like finding a treasure, only if the contents weren’t so disappointing. Still, a romance book is better than no book, he thinks, as he picks a familiar one up and sits on the floor, immersing himself into the story.

“What are you reading?” he suddenly hears, head snapping up to see you watching him from above, eyes skimming through the words.

“A book,” he responds, voice low, before his eyes are back on the pages.

“I can see that, genius,” you snicker, situating yourself next to him and resting your back against the bookshelf, “what book is it?” you pry more, and even though you are almost always the main object of Park Jisung’s attention and thoughts, this time, you are set to the second place as he continues to read the novel.

You are rewarded with silence, a thing that makes your brows furrow and a sigh escape your lips. You’re not used to this kind of treatment, it seems, and when the interested teenager doesn’t give you his time of the day, you have no other choice but to ask for it yourself, no matter how embarrassing it might feel. You’re okay with biting it down– you know he won’t try to tease you about it anyways.

“Jisung, give me attention,” you simply say, jabbing your finger to his thigh.

“I’m reading.”

“I came to visit you!” you act offended, an over-exaggerated sigh escaping your lips.

“I didn’t ask you to,” Jisung mumbles, still reading through the pages, although his focus is now a little thrown-off.

Giving yourself a few seconds to think, chewing on the inside of your cheek, you shrug. “Okay, then. Read it out loud, so I’m entertained too.”

“It’s the middle of the book, Y/N–”

“Come on, I read The great Gatsby before anyway,” you say as you nestle a little in your place, resting your back flush against the shelf again, “read for me so we don’t sit in silence,” you order.

Jisung spares you a glance, a second of eye contact enough for him to be convinced, huffing before he averts his eyes back to the book and clears his throat, reading aloud.

He doesn’t like to be the center of attention. He doesn’t like it when everyone’s eyes are on him and he feels them watching, he absolutely despises the fact that he’s the only thing you’re focused on as he reads through the words and his voice shakes a little at each passage. He feels his face heartening and sweat slowly forming on his forehead, each of his fingertips tingling with the fact that he’s the only thing you’re paying attention to right now, your only object of interest.

“He knew that when he kissed this girl, and forever wed his unutterable visions to her perishable breath, his mind would never romp again like the mind of God. So he waited, listening for a moment longer to the tuning-fork that had been struck upon a star. Then he kissed her. At his lips’ touch she blossomed for him like a flower and the incarnation was complete,” he reads, and when he feels your head resting on his shoulder, your soft hair tickling the sensitive skin of his neck, he almost jumps out of his own skin and crawls under the ground, because somewhere along the way, he admits in shame, in his imagination, you turned into the main character.

Laying on the floor of his aunt’s living room, listening to the vinyl you popped into the record player just a few minutes prior to leaving the room to get some tea from his aunt, Park Jisung no longer wishes for the ground to swallow him whole and for the ceiling to fall down and bury him in the deepest depths of this house. He listens deeply to the music– the loud guitars and the ringing of the drums, so dearly reminding him of the beating of his own heart that involuntarily matches the song somewhere between the verse and the chorus– and when you slip back inside, carrying a tray with two mugs in the very middle, Jisung’s eyes unconsciously watch you as you walk through the space. It’s a weird parallel that makes him snicker.

“Why are you just laying here?” you nudge him with your leg, his figure limp on the floor. “We didn’t come here to lay around, little boy.”

“Just give me a few more minutes,” he hums as he nods, looking at you from below, the curves of your face and the glow on the tips of your cheekbones making his heartbeat stummer for just a beat, an excited glint in his stomach making itself known when you grin at him and your eyes bear into his with an uncertain feeling of mischief and playfulness.

“Are you mentally preparing, or something?”

“Something like that,” he admits, sighing to himself when you offer him a hand and beg him to stand up with your eyes, your skin soft under his touch when he hosts himself up and stands aimlessly in the middle of the room.

You stand in front of him, stiff, for only a few seconds. The eye contact you share makes Jisung feel electrified, but he doesn’t find himself averting his gaze– he’s too scared that you’d find him cowardly, or too shy to meet your glances. And even though it might be true and your whole existence is of exciting importance to the boy, he doesn’t want to show it to you so bluntly, so he chooses to bury those hints and stand his ground, waiting for you to look away first. He didn’t expect you to take it as a challenge– but when his still body annoys you a bit too much, he earns himself a bump to his shoulder, the contact of your tightened fist making him break into a victorious grin.

“Move!”

Jisung takes a step to his left, seeing as you roll your eyes at his teasing manner– normally you’re the one taking the lead in playful banter, but he’s feeling bold today, energized with whatever spirit– and you notice, hating the way he has the upper hand over you for once, deciding to once again take the matters to your own hands and lead him through the situation, grabbing him by his hand and strongly pulling him towards either side of the room, rolling your hips in your place and jumping around, laughing when he doesn’t seem to obey your strategy.

“Jisung-ah! You promised,” you pout, the soft demand in your tone making the boy sigh in defeat and roll his eyes at you, because if you’re good at something, it’s using your words and taking advantage of his weakness for you. And so he does what you want him to, finally holding you more firmly when his hands miraculously find your waist and he dances with you to the rock music– jumping around and twirling the two of you in the middle of the room, because there aren’t many dance moves you can do to this kind of music unless you’re really skilled– and there it is, the wide grin settling onto your face, like a sweet, sweet reward to the boy.

Because even though you really wanted to have fun with Jisung– to get the promised tenner, you said– your mum didn’t let you go to the party in town, no matter how hard you pleaded and tried to reason with her that Jisung’s gonna be there with you to protect you. His aunt knew better than to believe the claim– if there’s someone needing protection, it’s her nephew, and being the one that’s supposed to do the job might be too much pressure for the poor boy.

And when you pouted and mourned about the fact while breaking the news to Jisung yesterday afternoon, he found himself promising you that you can have your own party at his house, dancing around and having even more fun listening to his aunt’s outdated records and drinking chamomile tea that’s surely better than whatever alcohol they are serving in the town.

He’s not a good dancer. The music is not his cup of tea. But hearing your laughter piercing through his eardrums whenever he dips you down or does a silly dance solo just to impress you with his playfulness, he finds himself being content.

He hasn’t laughed this hard in a long while. He says it’s because of your outrageous ideas.

Deep inside, though, he knows it’s because of your sole presence.

“You already finished The Great Gatsby?” you ask, your soft voice cutting through the solemn wind. Jisung glances up at you from his spot next to your figure, the two of you sitting under the tree behind his house, silence enveloping you two like a blanket, only disturbed by the chirping of birds and cicadas in the distance.

He nods. “I’m a fast reader,” he snickers.

“You must have liked the book,” you mumble, your head falling to his shoulder as you nestle in your place a little, the book in your lap still open as you engage in the conversation with him. You’re wearing a summer dress, your bruised knees on full display, and something about the air smelling like strawberries makes him think and wonder of the fact that this feels a little too much like a date, but he’s too afraid to let the thought ring out loud.

“Not really,” he states, “I don’t like romance novels.”

“You don’t?” you ask, the statement taking you off guard.

“No.”

“Why?”

“They’re not realistic,” he mutters under his nose.

“You don’t believe in love?” you ask, your eyes locking with his in a curious manner. The more he bears his eyes into yours, the more he watches as the glimmers in your orbs swim around and hypnotize him, the more he wishes he could say yes, the more he yearns to tell you that he does, he always has and he always will believe in love, but smiling to himself, more out of despair than out of anything, he shakes his head in disapproval and sees the shadow casting over your face, breaking him.

“Why?” you ask, the tone of your voice almost hurt, as if it was a question of life and death.

“Because… it doesn’t seem real. It’s all an illusion, a chemical reaction, even, it’s- it’s not forever, you know? It messes with your brain and makes you feel dizzy for a while, and then after a while, you realize you don’t feel the same anymore and it was all just a lack of judgment. I don’t think love exists,” he says, “or at least, I don’t think it can last.”

Your eyes watch him with a newly found sense, something in your brain turning fast as you chew on the inside of your cheek, and he can see it in your eyes– you want to disagree with him, you want to tell him that he’s stupid and silly and he doesn’t know anything, he’s just too burdened with what’s going on in his life and that he judges everything by the image of love that was fed to him by his parents; the love that didn’t last, the love that didn’t exist– but you don’t say anything along those lines, maybe in a quiet understanding, knowing it won’t change his mind, knowing it’s not your place to tell him otherwise.

Instead, you only bear your eyes back into the pages of your book and sigh. “I disagree. Because, Jisung, tell me,” you say, sighing before you continue, “how could it not be real, when everyone writes about it? When everyone sings about it, yearns for it and so desperately wants it? How could it not last when this book is older than any of us, yet it’s still considered one of the most trivial parts of romance?”

He watches you from above, the crown of your head now in his point of view when he listens to your voice. “You should be kissed often, and by someone who knows how,” you read, “isn’t that beautiful, Jisung? Isn’t that love? Don’t tell me it’s all an illusion.”

Your eyes don’t meet his when you speak those words. Not able to focus back on his own reading, he becomes painfully aware of your head on his shoulder again, the soft tickling of your hair against his neck– and he finds himself thinking that if love is an illusion, a chemical reaction, a lack of judgment, even– if love doesn’t last, if it’s all just a drunkenness that makes him dizzy, he doesn’t mind.

At the end of the day, what matters might just be the present moment. And if this doesn’t last, he’s content with how he’s feeling for you now– even though it might fizzle out, he’s grateful for the things you’ve taught him.

Park Jisung’s summer is filled with him staring at you in your summer dress, with him watching you when you ramble on and on about something that makes barely any sense in his brain, with you dancing around the room and playing the piano in his aunt’s living room, the melodies sometimes lullying him to dreams filled with your scent and your voice calling from him when he wakes from his slumber.

Your face is the image that fills his brain when he thinks of sunny days, and somewhere along the way, he stopped trying to conceal the subtle infatuation he has over you, for you no longer tease him for his gentle stares and allow him to admire you in silence.

Today, much like all other days, he finds himself in your company. Sitting in the meadow, side by side– you convinced him he’d like the sight, but he finds himself watching you smile instead– the smell of strawberries fills his nose when you take out your lip balm and put it on, your soft lips suddenly glistening with the moisture, a pinkish tint like a subtle overlay over your smile. Indulged into the motion, Jisung can’t seem to look away, and he could play it off as him so desperately wanting to know if the lip balm tastes as delicious as it smells, but suddenly, all he can think about it how he wants to kiss you and how if he doesn’t look away soon, he won’t be able to control the urge.

But Jisung’s always been too weak when it comes to you. Eyes glued to your lips, still talking about philosophical themes the boy could never wrap his mind around, never in a million years, the stream of words is suddenly cut off your lips when he presses his against them, tasting the sweetness off your skin. And his suspicions were correct– the lip balm is as tasty as it smells, yet, even better than he could expect, tasting more of strawberries dipped in honey– but in his mind, the sweetness you and not the lip balm, and when your palm meets his cheek and holds him in place, he feels close to falling apart right in your hold, a fragile pot full of love and affection for you only, eyes pressed shut from nerves.

He doesn’t think he’s a good kisser. It’s his first time and he never really thought about the action before– never had the opportunity or the right person to prompt the thought into his head. He tries hard to ignore the thought of him being bad at the action, because he doesn’t want to ruin this memory for himself, and as you pull away for a heartbeat and then press yourself into him once more, he finds himself forgetting the time, space and the whole universe– there’s only you, you, you.

And he could lie to himself and convince himself that he kissed you just to taste the strawberries on his tongue, but it’s far from the simple reality– he kissed you just to kiss you.

Not thinking of the future this holds to him, not thinking of the fact that one day, you’ll have to say goodbye. Not thinking of much more, not expecting any difference in your dynamic. Deep down, he doesn’t even really want things to change– he likes the stillness, the security it holds. He kissed you just to kiss you– it was that simple. The desire was too strong to hold back. It was gentle, it was sweetness, and he found himself wondering how come it took him such a while.

Laying on the floor of his aunt’s living room with you, listening to the silence ringing in his ears and making his brain wander, Park Jisung wishes for the ground to swallow him whole and for the ceiling to fall down and bury him in the deepest depths of this house. He hasn’t felt like this in a while, too enchanted with your presence to realize the weight of the situation, too immersed in the blissful unknowingness than paying attention to the stresses that even brought him to his aunt’s house in the first place, but his head starts to spin as he dives in deeper to his thoughts, letting the fear swallow him. He once again wonders what would happen if he just left the room, left his aunt’s house and ran away so far no one could ever find him– it’s a familiar tale now, but he’s never really quite reached the end.

“What are you thinking about?” your voice breaks him out of the tense slumber, his eyes growing wide as he snaps his head to watch you next to him, your orbs filled with tender care and worry. The outside world is slowly turning into a little less vibrant one, the summer nights growing colder with the undeniable fact of the season ending soon, autumn taking its place and Park Jisung’s own departure slowly burning at the tips of his toes.

He doesn’t like to think about it, but it’s inevitable. Maybe he should pay it more mind.

“Home,” he mumbles, squinting his eyes as he turns his head back straight and watches the spiderwebs in the corner, the weight of his words making the atmosphere thicker. “It’s not gonna be the same,” he adds, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

The silence doesn’t go away as your hand envelopes his, your fingers playing with his in a calming manner, yet still having a playful aura to it as you tug on the joints of his fingers and wave them around in the air, eyes focused on the way his palm fits into yours. “Isn’t that a good thing?” you ask.

“I don’t know,” he answers.

And it’s true. He doesn’t know– fights and anger and bad temper is all he’s ever known, all he’s ever been used to. The silent treatment and the petty arguments are what raised him, and now that it’s gone, he wonders if it’s gonna make him feel better. The truth is, sometimes, feeling like this can feel essential. It feels safe to be so miserable, for when the bright times of him and his parents being okay and getting along happened, he’s always felt unsure, like the storm was about to happen each time; like he couldn’t be happy for long, because it felt uncomfortably unsafe, having the hunch that it’s gonna get bad again any time. Feeling numb was safe. It couldn’t get worse than that– it’s what made him comfortable with his sadness.

And if it’s true that it’s gonna be better now, just because his parents are gonna be separated and they’re not gonna be in contact, is it really okay for him to feel happy about that? Is it really the end? The calm after the storm of his childhood and growing up? And is it okay to feel secure in loneliness? To feel okay with seeing his mother wither away and his dad turning to alcohol every time he visits him in his new house? Because he can picture it now– he sees it clear as day, that this is how the situation’s gonna end up, and he doesn’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing.

“It’s gonna be okay,” you mumble, a poor attempt at soothing the boy.

He finds it hard to believe you. Sometimes he thinks you know everything– you’ve seen so much and taught him so much and told him so much about the world. But can you really know anything about a situation you’ve never encountered?

Still, his hopeless heart swells at your words, the comfort of your hand in his guarding him to reality. He thinks he made you up sometimes– he longed for something to comfort him so hard and for so long that the longing grew legs and followed him around, brightened up his withering days.

“I’m scared to come home,” he whispers, the tone barely audible in the so still room. He’s scared of what he’ll find. Sometimes he thinks he’s scared of the silence, for he was brought up in violent screams and doors always left a bit open– just in case. Is it going to be fine for him to find peace after the violence?

You lean up and watch the boy with eyes bigger than the whole universe, a soft smile playing with your features when your fingers trail the curve of his cheek. Jisung watches your lips and dreams of them on his, but there’s no use when you only trace the arch of his cupid's bone with the pad of your thumb, voice barely louder than a whisper, as if confiding him in a secret. “You’re gonna be okay.”

And with that, you’re gone. Like a dream. Your touch fades and your scent is forcefully dragged away from his nose.

After a few seconds, you play the piano for him again. He recognizes the song to be the same one you played on the first day you two met– and he wonders if it’s your favorite, or if you just don’t know how to play anything as well. The melody is often slow, romantic and idyllic, but builds into an intense complexity. Towards the end, the initial melody returns, bringing a sense of resolution and tranquility. He doesn’t know the name of the song– he’s never heard of it before meeting you– but in his soul, the feelings of love, longing and enchantment remain as he listens to the harmonies and passionate melody.

Laying on the floor of his aunt’s living room, listening to the song you play for him on the piano, so many words unsaid but hanging in the air, Park Jisung closes his eyes and feels a stray tear rolling down his cheek. The air smells of autumn when the breeze flows into the room through the open window, making the hairs on his arm stand up in attention, and his head starts to spin as he dives in deeper to the music, the classical tunes almost making him overthink more than he has before. He wonders what will happen if you left the room right now. If he’ll ever find you, wherever you are.

Laying on the floor of his aunt’s living room, listening to the song you play for him on the piano, so many words unsaid but hanging in the air, Park Jisung closes his eyes and lets himself fall into a soft slumber, the same way he did the first time you walked through the door to his life. During the sleep, he dreams of love.

Park Jisung opens his eyes on the last day of summer and feels coldness seeping into his bones. It’s not cold yet, the season hasn’t even ended, but there’s something about the aura of the morning that makes him crawl in his own skin and dread the day in front of him. After today, he’s supposed to come back home– he’s going to leave everything the summer taught him behind, in this little village, with his aunt he’s grown to adore more than he initially thought he could. It’s kind of depressing, if you really think about it, but Jisung would rather not think at all.

He sits up on the bed, burrowing his head into his palms and huffs heavily at the thoughts running through his brain. He’s not a morning person, sure, but he thinks perhaps his sudden mood change is the result of something completely else– something he doesn’t yet know and can’t quite put his finger on, can’t quite name.

Standing up and walking out of his room, naked feet in contact with the hardwood floor, the clique of the door feels unusually cold against his hand when he reaches for it, opening it and getting ready to face the day. He hasn’t said goodbye to you yet, but he knows he’ll have to today. It’s the last opportunity before he walks out of summer break for real, the last opportunity to see your smile and to hold you in his arms like he always yearned for whenever you were in his close proximity.

Yet, as he gets ready to take the first step out of the room, his feet come to contact with something sharp, a block-like object waiting for him outside of the door. Squinting below his toes, he finds a book on the hard tiles, picking it up and moving it closer up towards his nose. Reading over the title and the author’s name, his heart drops to his stomach, an unreasonable feeling of fear settling in his fingertips as he turns the page and reads through the contents, something scribbled on the first, worn-out page of the book catching his attention.

To my Jisung. Think of me when you read through the pages. You said you didn’t like romance novels, but I know you’re secretly a sucker for them. Always in your heart, Y/N.

A kiss mark in bright red is settled below the inscription, the lipstick stain he rarely ever seen you wear does nothing else than makes his heartbeat quicken and his fear intensify. He doesn’t have it confirmed yet, but in the depths of his mind and soul, he already knows– he knows it’s too late and you didn’t say goodbye before you left.

Still, his feet act before his brain does, his blurry vision ignored when he runs out of his aunt’s house and makes a jog towards the one you were staying at through the summer break. He puts on the first pair of shoes he finds at the doorstep and takes off, his aunt’s concerned yells ignored as he clutches the book to his chest, something about the beaten edges reminding him of the fact that it’s the one you always read in the shade under the single tree in the whole meadow, and it’s confirmed when he gets to your house– your parents’ car nowhere in sight, the windows shut and everything so intensely lonely.

And that’s when he allows himself to break– to fold at the grass in front of your house, to open the book and randomly find the sentence you quoted to him once, breaking his heart into a million different shatters. “You should be kissed often, and by someone who knows how,” he reads, and when his eyes trail over the next pages, he sees each one annotated, words scribbled on the sides of the pages, pretty quotes underlined. You left a piece of you with him, for him to keep, and he should feel lucky, for he has something to remember you by even though you’re long gone, but he just can’t get past the melody you played on the piano replaying over and over in his brain, reminding him that

you left without a goodbye and he doesn’t know what he’s going to do once he moves back home and you’re not going to be there, and oh how badly he wishes you kissed him for the last time yesterday, for he can’t remember how your lips felt against his anymore and he fears he may never feel the way he did when he was kissed by you ever again.

Rustling through the book, there’s a lone sheet of paper tucked behind the last page. Slowly walking home, head hung low, his eyes scanning the music sheet, the title of the song sits unfamiliar on his tongue when he repeats it under his breath like a broken mantra made to bring you back.

He promises himself to learn how to play it on the piano one day, just so he could hear it again. There’s an inkling feeling in him that the song might be important.

Wobbling through the classroom, happy that the bell finally rang and he can go home, Park Jisung hears his name called from the mouth of his Creative writing professor, much to his dismay, making him stop in his tracks and follow his voice with a low sigh. It’s Friday and it’s raining outside, meaning that if he won’t catch the last tram home, he’ll have to run through the rain without an umbrella, and that really wasn’t on his checklist for the week.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like he hates this class or his Creative writing professor in the slightest. It’s quite the opposite, really– this class serves good to his vivid imagination and the daydreaming he practices every night before sleeping and sometimes even when he takes a long shower. His professor is nice as well– young enough to understand the minds that are filling the classroom, only getting his master’s degree recently– but still mature enough to lead the class in a way that makes everyone respect him in a healthy way. But today, on a rainy, gray Friday, after the last class of the week, Jisung really doesn’t feel like talking to Mr Kim in the slightest.

“Did you want to talk to me about something?” Jisung asks as soon as the classroom empties itself out and he is standing face to face with his professor. The man nods, taking his glasses off and putting them onto his desk, quickly turning around to his student again and only starting to talk once he makes sure the classroom is completely empty, just to stay confidential.

“Yes, I did,” he says. Humming under his breath as he turns around again, he searches through the papers sitting on the desk, seemingly looking for the ones that belong to Jisung, and clears his breath as he faces the boy again and furrows his brows at the writing on the paper.

“Is something wrong?” Jisung asks, full of concern. The truth is that the Creative writing class is one of the only classes that maintain his grades below the lowest level– the one that gets you kicked out of the university– and the face his professor’s currently making is surely not a one that seeps of satisfaction. It’s only natural for Jisung to feel worried, because with how badly he’s doing in Physics, he surely can’t afford to get a bad grade even in a class that’s supposed to come easily to him.

“No, no,” Mr Kim shakes his head in a hurry to quickly calm his student down, “it’s just…” trailing off, his eyes swiftly moving across the letters Jisung finished writing a few weeks ago, just a day before handing the first part of his assignment in, reading the first few lines over one more time. Jisung finds himself feeling irritated and frustrated, for his professor should be the one that’s good with words, but in this situation, he feels like he’s not telling him anything.

“What is it, then?” he asks, diving straight in. If he gets it out of him now, he might even catch the last tram, as long as he runs to the tram stop…

“Look, Jisung. What I’m going to tell you now might not make you happy, but I think it’s crucial for you,” he says, looking kindly, yet still firmly at the boy, “your writing… I like it. Quite honestly, I find it phenomenal. You have a way with words that just… when you explain feelings, you go into depths and details, and I find that really interesting from a boy like you.”

Jisung doesn’t know what the premise of his words are, and the sudden praise catches him off-guard, since he thought he’s going to get scolded. Furrowing his brows and muttering low words of appreciation, his professor continues with his little ment, finally clarifying his intentions. “But I have an issue with this,” he says, pointing to the papers in his hands, meeting eyes with Jisung again, “it’s not that it’s bad. Not at all, I said what I said, I really find your writing the best in this class. However, I think it lacks something.”

Stepping from one foot to the other, Jisung chews on the inside of his cheek, confused. “And what does it lack, sir?”

“Emotion,” he deadpans, looking straight into his eyes. The words surprise him, making him furrow his brows at the explanation, mumbling in confusion.

“But… but you just said I describe emotions well?”

“That’s true, Jisung, however… Your works are full of emotion, but I don’t think those emotions are yours. You’re describing something you don’t feel, something you don’t understand, and that makes me feel like you’re trying to sell me something you’re constantly having to make yourself believe is real,” Mr Kim answers, switching his tone into a more considerate one, “I like your imagination, I like the plot, however, this all means that your writing lacks any real depth.”

Jisung gasps at the harsh words, the reality of them making him sink a little in his place. “I thought a lot about the plot and the intentions of the characters, I really don’t know what I did wrong–”

“If this was any other student in this classroom that handed in this work, I��d praise them for outdoing themselves. It’s good. It’s almost perfect, I’d say, and I mean that. But when it comes to you, Jisung…” he trails off again, trying to find the right words, “I think you can do better. I know you can do better, only if you actually cared a bit about the things you write. Did you enjoy writing this? Did you like this work?”

“I… I did- I think I do?” he stammers, answer sounding almost like a question,

Mr Kim stares at him for a while, almost as if he’s trying to make the boy realize the lies he’s telling from his own mouth right now, but when it doesn’t come, he just sighs and offers him the papers, watching the boy take them into his hold and stare at him, completely oblivious.

“Jisung, you’re writing like you have to do it. It doesn’t mean anything to you. At least this story doesn’t. And you know, I can see it in your words, it’s- you’re describing everything so deeply and so beautifully, but at the end of the day, you don’t like or care for anything you write, and that’s why it feels extraordinarily empty,” he says, watching the boys eyes widen and his lips form into a pout, nodding softly at his professor’s words.

“Does that mean… I’m gonna get a bad grade on my final assignment?” Jisung asks, lost.

Sighing, Mr Kim shakes his head and gazes at his student with eyes like an endless pool of honesty. “I want you to hand in something else. Don’t worry about getting in the deadlines, I’ll wait for you and grade this at the end of the semester. All I want is for you to write a story that means something to you. Don’t worry about the prompt, even, if that’s what’s making you feel limited. Just make me believe what you’re writing, Jisung.”

Nodding, Jisung finally understands the whole point of what his professor is telling him. Truth be told, Mr Kim is right– he does not care a bit about the story he wrote. While he can admit that he did a good job on it, he did well at writing about ghosts– the prompt for this semester’s final work (they focused on horror and mystery in literature this year)– he is ready to throw the papers into his drawer and never think of them again, for he just wrote what he was supposed to without giving it any minor significance. He might have described the emotions of the characters well, he might have used pretty words and astonishing abbreviations, but at the end of the day, if someone asked him how much the story he wrote means to him, he’d tell them that it mattered to him no more than a homework he had to complete.

“I understand, Mr Kim. I’ll… I’ll try again,” he says, nodding.

He’s rewarded by a gentle smile coming from his mentor, an expression full of understatement and honest care for his student. Taking a step back from him and leaning on the desk, the professor hints that he can go now, offering him one last sentence of condolence before he sets him out of the classroom.

“I’d hate for your talent to go to waste, Jisung.”

Smiling, although a little tight-lipped, the boy slowly walks to the door, nodding one last time before he leaves. “I’ll try not to disappoint, sir.”

The halls of the university are dark due to the stormy clouds shielding the sun from offering the light to the world. Sighing and checking the time on his phone, Jisung notices that he missed his last tram and the only way he can get home now is to jog through the pouring rain. Opening the glass door of the university building, grunting as he puts the hood of his jacket over his head, he runs through the falling raindrops, still thinking of the words his professor told him in the classroom just a few minutes ago.

Not looking in front of him as he runs, his body bumps into someone, making him utter honest, yet quick apologies as he jogs off after making sure the person is okay and didn’t drop anything, hating the way wet clothing sticks to his skin, making him feel almost a little claustrophobic. In the frantic hurry to get home as soon as possible, the boy doesn’t notice he dropped something on the floor–

the papers containing the latest story he wrote for the final assignment of his Creative writing class. Sitting in a puddle, somewhere in the middle of the street, the letters wash away with the afternoon rain, metaphorically erasing everything he wrote and didn’t care about in the past, moving him forward into a new direction.

Still, he looks behind his shoulder, ready to collect them from the ground just in case he might need them for something in the future, only to find the back of the person he just bumped into running away, a stack of white, water-stained A4 papers in their hands. Their walk is all too familiar to Jisung, the back of their head reminding him of something he’s experienced in the past, the sway of their hips and the jolt in their step making warmth erupt in his stomach at the fond memory that makes itself creep back into the boy’s head.

“It can’t be…” he mumbles.

The thought still fresh in his brain, the speculations making thoughts run around his mind faster than the speed of light, he opens up another Word document on his laptop as soon as he takes off his shoes in his mother’s new apartment, fingertips on fire. To write about something he cares for? Putting his everything into words that would mean something to him? It doesn’t seem as difficult right now.

Ghosts. The topic he found difficult to write about, for he’s never experienced anything paranormal before. He only tried to mimic everything he’s read about.

If anyone asked Park Jisung if he believed in ghosts, he’d tell them yes, however– for he has seen longing grow legs and follow him.

To write something he cares about, he decides– he’ll write about you.

He’ll write about the summer that even now, after so many months, feels like a dream.

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autodiscipline · 1 year

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Les Soirée 夜の舞踏会/洗礼の章~生誕篇初回限定 -Birth Arc, Lt. First Edition-, 1999

On the eve of Bastille Day ominous thunder rumbles

In the near-freezing rain the knighted Crie Niere VII laments, "A Love, cursed by fate, is the price of my blood," "I kneel before thy corpse & offer a covenant of blood"

Is it raindrops or rather tears of tragedy running down those cheeks?

The moon just shudders narrowly & answers not

The pair, bound by blood, forbidden to each other, slowly go mad.

Underneath the blessing of fluttering poisonous feathers,

Echoing in the church's cathedral is a beautifully sinful song, is it an eternally undesired love?

　　　　"Thou shalt have thy son, my son, surely born as a noble angel or a god."

　　　　"Surely born as a monster or a demon."

The morning of Bastille Day, hymns are sung, feeble gazes towards the child

A bewitching banquet for those who praise, and disobey God

Beneath the window adorned with rusted candlesticks, time flowed silently through muddy waters

Out of love cursed by immorality, a child was born

In the sky, quivering in despair, a flock of crows gathers & the black hounds howl as though possessed

In time with the noontime bells, in the square of town, the execution of a criminal took place

& the people were ominously blessed with the birth of a child

The gods lament, the demons rejoice, the midwife, the priest & the nobles, conceal their faces in horror,

The child cried out for the first time, like a shriek

　　　　...Go mad ...　

#aliene ma'riage #my scans #translation #(a snippet from SUICIDE～洗礼の章)#long post for aliene ma'riage fans^^#love the forbidden and tragic incestuous lore

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itsbebebrainrotting · 4 months

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Like within minutes of seeing forevers tweet i started sadly listening to ariana grande. Anyway raindrops (an angel cried) by ariana grande is a 4halo song now i think

#qsmp forever #4halo #i think it could also be frubbo song too #cuz of the random rain at freds funeral #but this is more currently relevant

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sugarwbread · 2 years

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[MONKIE KID] MAYOR X fem!READER

Warnings: yandere, falling in love, mentioning magic (ritual), abduction, the reader is a girl, mistakes in the text. Headcanon - Mayor's name is Ernest (just don't ask)

「Let me hold you tight Through the day and night Rolling out of sight so silent」

Walking through the evening park, you feel someone's annoying, shivering gaze on you. You look around, realizing that there is no one next to you. You swallow the accumulated saliva, smile to yourself (at least you try) and walk on with a slow step.

-Sorry, - the voice behind you made your heart stop for a moment and beat in a frenzied rhythm, and you – to make something like a wheeze and turn around quickly.

The voice that scared the hell out of you belonged to a middle-aged man in a formal suit. He was smiling broadly, his turquoise eyes sparkling with fun.

-You dropped it, - he hands you a notebook that most likely fell out of your bag.

-Oh, thank you, - you take your little thing from him, smiling nervously.

-You're welcome. Have a good evening, - he bows to you and leaves.

You look after him, clutching the fallen notebook to your chest, and an alarming thought flashes through your head.

There was no one in the park.

「I'm for all the sakes Taking all it takes Wanna break the walls inside ya」

You were perfect. You were an angel in his dark, gloomy, hell-like life. You were his perfect weakness.

The mayor has been watching you for a month. Knew everything about you: where you live and work, your family, your hobbies, with whom you communicate. You had a boyfriend, which really annoyed man. To see the way you smile, laugh and kiss that brat.. makes him want to kill your boyfriend with his own hands so that he suffocates in his own blood. He is not worthy to be near such a wonderful flower that belongs only to the Mayor.

And now, looking at your time in the cafe, the desire to shed someone else's blood only became clearer.

-Come on, Ethan, let's go to the park, - you drawl, looking at the guy with a pleading look.

-I'm sorry, but I have to go somewhere on business. How about tomorrow? – you nod, and the smile disappears from your face.

Ernest grits his teeth. If you were his girlfriend, he would immediately go to the park with you just to make you happy. And your "loving" boyfriend makes you sad. One more thing to kill him.. Well, nothing will stop the Mayor soon.

Leaving with a guy, you turn your head for a second, noticing the man who scared you late at night. He noticed your look and smiled amiably, waving his hand. You nodded and quickly turned away. Something about him scared you.

「God is all you’ve got Let me help you out You won’t make me stop Hiding in your heart and call」

You are looking into the distance with detachment. A fine rain drips down your face, but you don't care. A few days ago, your boyfriend.. Your sweet Ethan was found dead in a suspicious neighborhood.

The funeral was over an hour ago, no one was there, but you continued to stand. The tears no longer flowed from your eyes – you have cried them out these days.

Suddenly the raindrops stop dripping on you. You throw off your head, seeing a black umbrella over you.

-It's not worth it for such a beautiful lady to stand in the rain, - a cheerful and too familiar voice comes from your left, where you immediately turn around.

The same suit, the same bright-colored eyes, only the hair is a little disheveled. You smile at him like crazy.

-This is the third meeting with you, right?

-Yes, - it's a lie. You understand this, because you've seen him somewhere in passing more than once. And he always smiled and waved at you.

You shudder slightly when a man's hand grabs you by the arm, pulling you along.

-Eh?! Where-

You don't have time to be indignant, trying to keep up with him.

-Wait, - an attempt to shout to him turned out to be useless – he hums a simple song without looking back at you.

You silently allow yourself to be led, looking at the stranger's broad back, wishing that he would stop and explain himself. And your wish came true when the black-haired man stopped next to the car. He opened the door with his free hand and walked away a little, hinting at you to get in the car. But you stand still, nervously looking at the man.

-You'd better sit down, my dear Y.n.

You jump into the car with lightning speed. It wasn't the "threat" that affected you, but his knowledge of your name. You watch with fright as he sits down next to you and turns to you. At the same moment, the car started moving, forcing you to jerk a little.

-Uhm.. Mister, where are we going? – you try to move away from him, wondering if it would be a good idea to open the door and jump out of the car.

-To my house, - he grins, driving you to the window itself, -You better not do anything stupid, my flower, - he takes your hand and presses his cheek to it, covering his eyes. You swallow, frantically searching the interior of the car, - Oh, yes, call me Ernest better. And you should get some sleep. The road will be long.

And before you can protest, your eyelids get heavy, your body becomes wadded up, and the last thing you see is Ernest's glowing eyes.

「For love. For love. For love. For love. Call for love. Call for love」

-My bird, you're so beautiful, - he coos, lifting your chin. In the mirror you see a beautiful girl, and behind her is a demon.

The demon who killed you mentally (it's a pity that not physically), made you suffer and love him.

-Why do you have tears in your eyes, my dear? – you watch how the Mayor lovingly collects your tears. You close your eyes so as not to see this caring look. How you hate him! – Don't cry. It's time to do the ritual, my Y.n.

You feel someone else's hot breath on your lips, and then someone else's lips. Ernest kisses you tenderly, reverently, putting his feelings to you.

You wonder: why are you? What attracted him to you? Why did he choose you out of all the people in this world?!

-You're beautiful, - he weaves his palms with yours. You look with indifference at your hands, where the glare from the paired rings flicker – a gift from Ernest, as proof that he loves you, - You are an angel, - he looks with admiration at your long eyelashes, trembling every time you sighed, - And you are only mine.

The whole room is enveloped in red smoke, reminiscent of cigarette smoke, but instead of a pungent smell – sweet, apple. The Mayor's eyes are shining again, as on the day of the funeral.. whom? You don't remember.

You are both lifted by an incomprehensible force. A man's arms wrap around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

-I love you, - he whispers, and the smoke fills you from the inside, - I love you, - he repeats again. You feel a burning sensation in your chest, right where your heart is, - love you, - you look at bright turquoise eyes, - love.

-love, - you say involuntarily, being afraid of this. See how your "lover" is grinning.

The hatred for him gradually disappears. Instead she comes.. love? This can't be happening! You can't love him! Not him!

But the words coming out of your mouth say the opposite. No! No, it's not you! It's that damn demon doing something to you!

-Ernest, - you say softly. He looks at you questioningly, slightly tilting his head. You reach for his face and kiss him. You feel his grin on your bitten lips, and then – a wet tongue.

Breathe hard. The Mayor's eyes become normal – the ritual has worked, as evidenced by your kiss. You close your eyes, plunging into darkness and feeling the gentle hands of your beloved (!) man.

Oh, how lovely you are, his charming flower.

You were the right choice.

「Hate me and crave me Beg me and slave me Loose and obtain me Let me, just let me」 - [Call for Love - KHAYAT]

#lmk mayor x reader #lmk mayor #lmk x reader #lego monkie kid #the mayor #monkie kid mayor #mayor #male yandere #yandere #monkie kid x reader #lego

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sparrowofthedawnsworld · 6 months

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GVF As Ariana Grande Songs:

A/N: Ariana is one of my guilty pleasure artists, if you will… Idk, I just love her music.

Danny:

Dangerous Woman

Everyday

My Everything

Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I’m Bored

Successful

Positions

Let Me Love You

Side To Side

Josh:

Greedy

Tattooed Heart

Honeymoon Avenue

Break Free

breathin

Raindrops (an angel cried)

Thinking Bout You

love language

Sam:

Leave Me Lonely

Daydreamin’

Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart

You Don’t Know Me

fake smile

Just Like Magic

make up

bad idea

Jake:

Moonlight

Into You

Touch It

Be My Baby

Problem

Bloodline

pov

Focus

#gvf as songs #gvf #greta van fleet #jake kiszka #sam kiszka #danny wagner #josh kiszka #jake gvf #sammy gvf #danny gvf #josh gvf #jmk #sfk #drw #jtk

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visjules · 2 months

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I’ve gotta stop associating every Ariana Grande song with Akiangel but anyways this is so akiangel control devil arc

#csm #chainsaw man #akiangel #Angel devil #aki hayawaka #Spotify

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angyvalentine · 5 months

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You cannot fight a war alone The heart is an armor, It saves us but it wears out Sometimes asking for help frightens us, But all it takes is one step Like the first man on the moon Because from the outside, It can’t be seen How many times you’ve cried We are born alone and we die In someone else’s heart We are angels with only one wing And we’ll be able to fly Only standing close to each other [...] Some wounds don’t go away Even with time Deeper than they seem They heal above the skin, But deep down, they change you inside I shed so many tears Until I hated myself But every time I hit rock bottom, You were still there When we are far apart Whenever you cry, the sky cries as well I don’t have much to give you, But I swear that… I will walk just one step away from you And we’ll stop the wind Like inside the hurricanes Superheroes, like you and me If you’re afraid, then hold my hands Because we are invincible when close And wherever I go, you’ll be with me Superheroes, just you and me Two raindrops that save the earth from clouds All I need is a moment and I realize That every scars of yours is also mine I need just a moment to tell you That with you every place is my home

[Mr. Rain - "Superheroes"]

I actually never realized how much this song could be related to Halsin - and his relationship with Rey.

Looks like I found the new theme for a new piece <3

#halsin #halsin bg3 #halsin romance #halsin x rey

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justinmitchellfan · 7 months

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Part 2 of mercedes varnado X Ariana grande love story smut warning of the sweetener session love story and continuing chapter 1

Ariana is born with penis

Ariana sings her 8th song " 🎵 when raindrops fell down from the sky, the day you left me, an angel cried, oh, she cried, an angel cried, she cried!" And Ariana sings her 9th song " 🎵 you keep me in your orbit, well, I know I'm a hard one to please, give it too much importance, my love'll have you fall to your knees, i tell them this too often, know better than to bark up my tree, just for me to fall and leave, nah, I'd rather just watch you smoke and drink, yeah, steering clear of any headaches to start, and if we're being honest, i'd rather your body than half of your heart, or jealous-ridden comments, that come when you let in them feelings, that I don't want, i never let 'em know too much, hate gettin' too emotional, yeah, i'm better off without 'em, i'm better off being a wild one

On the road a lot, had to keep it a thousand, so that I'm better off not being around ya, go on and face it, I'll never be ready for you, ready for you, i swear my love is a curse, make you head over shoes (head over shoes), let's put them topics to bed and go, fuck on the roof, just to say that we did it, you keep insisting I listen to your proposition, i dismiss them all, no offence, yeah, steering clear of any headaches to start, and if we're being honest, i'd rather your body than half of your heart, or jealous-ridden comments, that come when you let in them feelings that I don't want, i never let 'em know too much, hate gettin too emotional, yeah, i'm better off without him, i'm better off being a wild one, on the road a lot, had to keep it a thousand

So that I'm better off not being around ya, i'm better off without him, i'm better off being a wild one, on the road a lot, had to keep it a thousand, so that I'm better off not being around ya" Ariana sings her 10th song " 🎵 back to you, back to you, back to you, back to you, back to you, back to you, i go back to you, back to you, back to you everytime, i get tired of your no-shows, you get tired of my control (yuh), they keep telling me to let go, but I don't really let go when I say so (yuh, yuh), i keep giving people blank stares (yeah), i'm so different when you're not there (yuh), it's like something out of shakespeare, because I'm really not here when you're not there, i've tried to fight our energy, but everytime I think I'm free (yeah), you get high and call on the regular

I get weak and fall like a teenager, why, oh why does God keep bringing me, back to you, I get drunk, pretend that I'm over it, self-destruct, show up like an idiot, why, oh why does God keep bringing me, back to you, i go back to you, back to you, back to you, back to you, back to you, back to you, i go back to you, back to you, back to you everytime, just when I get on a new wave (yuh), boy, you look at me and I slip outta my lace, they keep calling me a head-case, cause I can't make a good case why we can't change, i've tried to fight our energy, but everytime I think I'm free (yeah), you get high and call on the regular, i get weak and fall like a teenager, why, oh why does God keep bringing me, back to you, (back to you, baby)

I get drunk, pretend that I'm over it, self-destruct, show up like an idiot, why, oh why does God keep bringing me, back to you, i go back to you, back to you, back to you (I go back to you), back to you, back to you, back to you (back to you), i go back to you, back to you, back to you everytime, i go back to you, back to you, back to you, back to you, back to you, back to you, I go back to you, back to you, back to you everytime" then Ariana sings her 11th song " 🎵 uh-huh, ooh, yeah, mmm, ah, (it's the rascals), i looked in my rearview mirror and, it seemed to make a lot more sense, than what I see ahead of us, ahead of us, yeah, uh, I'm ready to make that turn, before we both crash and burn

Cause that could be the death of us, the death of us, baby, you know how to drive in rain, and you decided not to make a change, stuck in the same old lane, going the wrong way home, I feel like my heart is stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, i'm under pressure cause I can't have you the way that I want, let's just go back to the way it was, when we were on honeymoon avenue, honeymoon avenue, baby, coastin like crazy, can we get back to the way it was, hey, what happened to the butterflies, guess they encountered that stop sign, and my heart is at a yellow light, a yellow light, hey, right when I think that we've found it (found it), well, that's when we start turnin around (tunrin around), you're saying, "baby, don't worry", but we're still going the wrong way

Baby, you know how to drive in rain, and you decided not to make a change, stuck in the same old lane, going the wrong way home, i feel like my heart is stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, i'm under pressure 'cause I can't have you the way that I want, let's just go back to the way it was, when we were on honeymoon avenue, honeymoon avenue, baby, coastin like crazy, can we get back to the way it was, they say only fools fall in love, well, they must've been talking about us, and sometimes I feel like we've been here before, i could be wrong, but I know I'm right, we're gon be lost if we continue to fight, honey, I know, yeah, we can find our way home, i feel like my heart is stuck in bumper to bumper traffic

I'm under pressure 'cause I can't have you the way that I want, let's just go back to the way it was, when we were on honeymoon avenue, honeymoon avenue, my baby, coastin like crazy, can we get back to the way it was, when we were on honeymoon avenue, honeymoon avenue, baby, coastin like crazy, can we get back to the way it was, baby, you know how to drive in rain, and you decided not to make a change, stuck in the same old lane, going the wrong way home, i feel like my heart is stuck in, traffic, I'm under, pressure, pressure, let's just go back to the way it was, when we were on, honeymoon avenue, honeymoon avenue, honeymoon avenue, honeymoon avenue, avenue, let's just go back, b-b-b-back, back, back" Ariana sings her 12th song " 🎵 let's go, baby, I just want you to be mine (woo!)

Won't you give me a bit of your time, oh, whoa, chasin you, no, I won't stop tryin, just meet me at the borderline (it's loose),(woo), you play hard-to-get, but I know you want me, too (woo!), ain't out here looking for other dudes, so I'ma keep it tight for you, mmm, you know I'm the wifey type, babe (woo!), you know I be one of a kind, oh whoa, once you tastin' my ice cream, I bet you won't ever leave, I know it's hard to believe, boy, you got me all on my knees, (light it up, though, light it up, though), it ain't too hard for me , (light it up, though, light it up, though), stop playing, too hard for me (let's go), baby, I just want you to be mine (woo!), won't you give me a bit of your time, oh woah, chasin you, no, I won't stop tryin, just meet me at the borderline (woo!)

Seems like I'm coming on strong, but I don't want this time to pass (woo!), i know you got a lot of chicks hollin at you, but I bet they cannot last, you know I'm the wifey type, babe (woo!), you know I be one of a kind, oh whoa (let's go), once you tastin my ice cream, I bet you won't ever leave, I know it's hard to believe,boy, you got me all on my knees , (light it up, though, light it up, though), it ain't too hard for me, (light it up, though, light it up, though), stop playing, too hard for me, baby, I just want you to be mine (woo!), won't you give me a bit of your time, oh woah, chasin you, no, I won't stop tryin, just meet me at the borderline, uh, I'm like, you got me so on a chase, got me feeling so out of place

Think bout you all of my days, wish you'd chew on me like fresh grapes, not tryna cuff you or crowd your space, I'm tryna find you words just to say, "dang, you fine, and look at that face", at the borderline, beside me, you lay (woo!), baby, I just want you to be mine, won't you give me a bit of your time, oh woah, chasin you, no, I won't stop tryin, just meet me at the borderline" then Ariana starts to sing her 13th song " 🎵 you can feel it, feel it, yeah, yeah, they say my system is overloaded, (girl, what's wrong with you, come back down), i'm too much in my head, did you notice?, (girl, what's wrong with you, come back down), my body's here on earth, but I'm floating

(Girl, what's wrong with you, come back down), disconnected, so sometimes, I feel frozen and alone, this is for everybody, babe, you gotta take care of your body, yuh yuh, ain't no time to deny it, that is why we talking about it, yeah, we talking about it, so deal with it, don't try to get by it, ain't no time to deny it, so we had to sit down and just write it, want you to get better (woo!), my life is so controlled by the what if's, (girl, what's wrong with you, come back down), is there anybody else whose mind does this, mmm, (girl, what's wrong with you, come back down), down, down, down, down, is there such a ladder to get above this, (down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down), (girl, what's wrong with you, come back down)

Maybe I should ground myself where the mud is, before I'm gone, this is for everybody, babe, you gotta take care of your body, yuh yuh, ain't no time to deny it, that is why we talking about it, yeah, we talking about it, so deal with it, don't try to get by it, ain't no time to deny it , so we had to sit down and just write it, you can work your way to the top, (you can feel it, feel it, woo), just know that there's up and downs and there's drops, (you can feel it, feel it, woo), unfollow fear and just say, "you are blocked", you can feel it, feel it, yuh), just know there is so much room at the top, (you can feel it, feel it, yuh), well here's one thing you can trust, yuh, it takes you and me to make us, one of those days you had enough, I'll be there, yuh yuh yuh, if it ain't one thing, it's another

When you need someone to pull you out the bubble, i'll be right there just to hug you, I'll be there, where are you, are you home, call me right on the phone, i'll be there, yeah, I'll be there, i don't care who is gone, you shouldn't be alone, i'll be there, there, you can work your way to the top (woo!), you can feel it, feel it, woo), (I'm with you, I'm with you, I'm with you, just call me , i'm with you, I'm with you), just know that there's up and downs and there's drops, (you can feel it, feel it babe), (i'm with you, I'm with you, I'm with you, just call me, i'm with you, I'm with you), unfollow fear and just say, "you are blocked", (you can feel it, feel it, yuh), (i'm with you, I'm with you, I'm with you, just call me, i'm with you, I'm with you), just know there is so much room at the top

(You can feel it, feel it, yeh), (i'm with you, I'm with you, I'm with you, just call me, no matter the issue), no matter what, uh uh uh, here's one thing you can trust, yuh, it takes you and me to make us, one of those days you had enough, I'll be there, I'll be there, if it ain't one thing, it's another, when you need someone to pull you out the bubble, i'll be right there just to hug you, I'll be there, where are you, are you home, call me right on the phone, i'll be there, yeah, I'll be there, I'll be there, i don't care who is gone, you shouldn't be alone, i'll be there, ooh, there, you can work your way to the top, (you can feel it, feel it)" then Ariana sings her last 3 songs as she sing her 14th song " 🎵 mmm, yeah, yuh, i thought you into my life, woah, look at my mind, yeah

No better place or a time, look how they align, universe must have my back, fell from the sky into my lap, and I know you know that you're my soulmate and all that, i'm like ooh, ooh, my whole life got me ready for you, ooh, got me happy, happy, i'ma be happy, happy, yeah, i'ma be happy, happy, won't get no crying from me, yeah, gonna be happy, happy, i'ma be happy, happy, i'ma be happy, happy, yeah, gonna be happy, happy, i'ma be happy, happy, i'ma be happy, happy, yeah, gonna be happy, happy, i'ma be happy, happy, i'ma be happy, happy" and Ariana sings her 15th song " 🎵 tell me why you gotta look at me that way, you know what it does to me, so baby, what you tryna say, lately, all I want is you on top of me, you know where your hands should be

So baby, won't you come show me, i got you, I got you dreamin, you close your eyes and you're screamin, play with your mind for no reason, i know you love how I tease it, you know that I'm playin, so don't be mistaken, you already know what I'm thinkin, boy, oh, why'd you have to be so cute, it's impossible to ignore you, ah, why must you make me laugh so much, it's bad enough we get along so well, just say goodnight and go, (ooh, ooh, ooh), just say goodnight and go, (ooh, ooh, ooh), just say goodnight and go, one of these days, you'll miss your train and come stay with me, (it's always say goodnight and go), we'll have drinks and talk about things, and any excuse to stay awake with you, and you'd sleep here, and I'd sleep there

But then the heating may be down again, (at my convenience), we'd be good, we'd be great together, why'd you have to be so cute, it's impossible to ignore you, ah, why must you make me laugh so much?, it's bad enough we get along so well, just say goodnight and go, (ooh, ooh, ooh), just say goodnight and go, ( i know how you want it, baby, just like this, know you're thinking bout it, baby, just one kiss, while you're lookin at em, baby, read my lips, i know what you want, but you can't have this), want to say goodnight, want to say goodnight and go, want to say goodnight, baby, say goodnight and go, want to say goodnight, say goodnight and go" and Ariana sings her last and final song " 🎵 right now, I'm in a state of mind

I wanna be in like all the time, ain't got no tears left to cry, so I'm pickin it up, pickin it up, i'm lovin, I'm livin, I'm pickin it up, i'm pickin it up, pickin it up, i'm lovin, I'm livin, I'm pickin it up (oh, yeah), i'm pickin it up (yeah), pickin it up (yeah), lovin, I'm livin, so we turnin up, yeah, we turnin it up, ain't got no tears in my body, i ran out, but boy, I like it, I like it, I like it, don't matter how, what, where, who tries it, we out here vibin, we vibin, we vibin, comin out, even when it's rainin down, can't stop now, can't stop so shut your mouth, shut your mouth, and if you don't know, then now you know it, babe, know it, babe, yeah, right now, I'm in a state of mind, i wanna be in like all the time

Ain't got no tears left to cry, so I'm pickin it up, pickin it up (oh, yeah), i'm lovin, I'm livin, I'm pickin it up, oh, I just want you to come with me, we on another mentality, ain't got no tears left to cry, (to cry), so I'm pickin it up, pickin it up (oh, yeah), i'm lovin, I'm livin, I'm pickin it up, pickin it up (yeah), pickin it up (yeah), lovin, I'm livin, so we turnin up (we turnin' it up), yeah, we turnin it up, they point out the colours in you, I see em too, and, boy, I like em, I like em, I like em, we're way too fly to partake in all this hate, we out here vibin, we vibin, we vibin, comin out, even when it's rainin down, can't stop now, can't stop, so shut your mouth, shut your mouth, and if you don't know, then now you know it, babe

Know it, babe, yeah, right now, I'm in a state of mind, i wanna be in like all the time, ain't got no tears left to cry, so I'm pickin it up, pickin it up (oh, yeah), i'm lovin, i'm livin, I'm pickin it up, oh, I just want you to come with me, we on another mentality, ain't got no tears left to cry (to cry), so I'm pickin it up, pickin it up (oh, yeah), i'm lovin, I'm livin, I'm pickin it up, comin out, even when it's rainin down, can't stop now (hmm, oh), shut your mouth, ain't got no tears left to cry, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh, I just want you to come with me, we on another mentality, ain't got no tears left to cry (cry), so I'm pickin it up (yeah), pickin it up (oh yeah), i'm lovin, I'm livin, I'm pickin it up

Pickin it up, pickin it up, lovin, I'm livin, so we turnin up, yeah, we turnin it up" as Ariana finishes singing her last song and the show ends as she heads backstage as mercedes runs up to her friend and jumps on her and gives Ariana a big hug then mercedes praises her best friend "you did great Ariana says mercedes then Pete Davidson comes up and gives Ariana a kiss as mercedes gets jealous of Ariana kissing Pete then Ariana pulls away and forgot that her friend mercedes is still there as she notices something wrong "Can you give me a couple minutes with my friend baby says Ariana "sure thing babe says Pete as he gives Ariana and mercedes some privacy as Ariana has a serious talk with her friend mercedes

"Do you want to go out with me and my fiance Mercedes says Ariana "I'll take you up on that offer says mercedes and before they leave , they go to the dressing room and enter the dressing room and Ariana goes to freshen up and she is now wearing a white shirt with unbuttoned gray leather jacket with black pants and white shoes then both mercedes and Ariana leave the plaza with Arianas fiance Pete and they enter the car and all three get in the car and Ariana sits next to her friend mercedes then Ariana puts her hand on mercedes thigh as both mercedes and Ariana show some affection and some pda then Pete asks his fiance "where do you want to eat baby says Pete "how a Thai pad restaurant love says Ariana as all three go to a Thai pad restaurant

Then they enter the Thai pad restaurant and sit a a table then they order some food and about 10 or 15 minutes later, they get their food and they eat their food "so Pete how much do you love my friend/ your fiance says mercedes "I love Ariana with all my heart mercedes says Pete "you plan on marrying my best friend says mercedes "yes I am says Pete "if you break her heart or hurt her I will find you says mercedes "you're protective of Ariana aren't you says Pete "I'm very protective of Ariana and she is my friend says mercedes as she asks Pete a few more questions and Pete answers the questions "I have to go to the bathroom guys says Ariana as she gets up to go use the bathroom and then she does her business in the bathroom as mercedes has a very serious talk with Pete

"You know I don't like you at all and I don't think Ariana should marry you but if you tell her that I will you says mercedes "I won't tell her and besides you kind if scare me when you are that serious when you speak to me says Pete as mercedes continues to have a serious talk with pete "when you said end me what did you mean by that says pete "I will beat you until you've had enough of me beating you up says mercedes as she continues her serious talk with pete then Ariana comes back from using the bathroom "what were you guys talking about while I was using the bathroom "oh we were just talking about how mercedes is starting to like me and me marrying you says pete as he lied

Then they leave the restaurant as pete pays a 10$ tip for the riecipt as mercedes and her friend Ariana get in the car "do you want to come to my hotel room to hang out with me says mercedes "sure mercedes says Ariana as her fiance Pete enters the car as he is scared abd shaking like crazy and Ariana notices her fiance Pete is shaking and scared amd she checks on her fiance "what's wrong baby says Ariana "I gave him a warning Ariana says mercedes "you aren't going to hurt him if he does anything that would break my heart says Ariana "nothing of the sort says mercedes as the car pulls up to the entrance of the hotel "I'm fine baby and why don't you hangout with your friend says Pete

Then mercedes and Ariana head to mercedes hotel room and they hangout together in the hotel room and as they hangout ,mercedes leans towards Arianas ear and whispers something seductively in Arianas ear "how about we kiss and have some fun says mercedes seductively and both mercedes and Ariana lean in to kiss and as they are about to kiss then Ariana gets a text from her brother Frankie as he is checking in on his sister

Frankie: how are you doing sis

Ariana: I'm doing real good Frankie

Frankie: are you with someone

Ariana: I'm hanging out with my friend

Frankie: who are you hanging out with

Ariana: I'm hanging out with my best friends mercedes

Both Ariana and her brother Frankie text for a bit then mercedes kisses her friend Ariana and deepens the kiss as they tounge kiss as mercedes whispers seductively in Arianas ear "your fiance don't have to find out about us when we have some fun says mercedes seductively and mercedes slaps Ariana across the face "I want you to show me who's boss says mercedes as she takes off Arianas clothes and Arianas hard dick springs up and Ariana takes off mercedes clothes as they have sex "suck my dick baby girl says Ariana "with pleasure daddy says mercedes as she sucks on Arianas dick and mercedes continues sucking on Arianas dick then Ariana puts a condom on her dick

then Ariana puts mercedes on her back as she sticks her dick in mercedes pussy and starts thrusting her dick in mercedes pussy as mercedes moans "Harder daddy says mercedes as she moans "with pleasure baby girl says Ariana as she thrusts her dick a lot harder in mercedes pussy as mercedes moans so very loud and they do the doggy style sex position as Ariana sticks her dick in mercedes pussy once more and starts thrusting her dick in mercedes pussy a lot more harder as mercedes moans real loud "who does your pussy belong to baby girl says Ariana "my pussy belongs to you daddy says mercedes as she moans as Ariana still continues to thrust her dick in mercedes pussy as mercedes continues moaning

then they do the pushing tush sex position as Ariana is on top of mercedes as she still has her dick in mercedes pussy and starts thrusting once more in mercedes pussy very hard as mercedes moans loud as she digs her nails in Arianas back as they kiss and mercedes moans through every kiss as Ariana continues thrusting her dick in mercedes pussy very hard and then they do the Dropbox sex position as Ariana thrusts her dick so hard in mercedes pussy as mercedes moans very loud as she grips the bedsheets and Ariana continues thrusting her dick in mercedes pussy at a very fast pace and 35 minutes later as they do the queen takes king sex position in the chair as mercedes bounces on Arianas dick as she moans

And mercedes continues bouncing on Arianas dick as mercedes moans much louder while still continuing to bounce on Arianas dick then they do the cowgirl sex position as mercedes bounces on Arianas dick at a fast pace then a few seconds later as mercedes cums on Arianas dick and another 45 minutes later as they did about 10 more sex positions and they do 3 more sex positions as they do the seated scissors sex position as mercedes straddles Arianas dick for 25 minutes then mercedes cums for a second time on Arianas dick and

then they do the on the stomach sex position as mercedes lays on her stomach as Ariana gets on top as she sicks her dick in mercedes ass and starts thrusting her dick in mercedes ass as mercedes moans as she grips the bedsheets once more amd Ariana continues thrusting her dick in mercedes ass and mercedes continues moaning and they get on their side as Ariana lifts up mercedes leg as she sticks her dick back into mercedes pussy and starts thrusting as mercedes moans very loud as Ariana continues thrusting her dick in mercedes pussy and 15 minutes later as mercedes cums for the 3rd and final time then Ariana takes her dick out and takes the condom off and cums on mercedes body as they finish having sex

Once they finished having sex, Pete knocks on the door "I'm here to pick you up baby says Pete then both mercedes and Ariana put their clothes back on and fix their hairs then Pete opens the door and he walks in as he notices a used condom on the floor as he walks into the living room to pick up his fiance Ariana as it is 2am in the morning then mercedes leans in Arianas ear and whispers something that only Ariana can hear "call me sometime incase you get bored or want to have some fun says mercedes as they say their goodbyes and I love yous to each other "love you mercedes says Ariana "love you too Ariana says mercedes as she hugs Ariana and Ariana hugs back

Then both Ariana and her fiance Pete leave the hotel as the paparazzi are taking pictures as one member of the paparazzi zooms in and takes a picture of the hickey on the side of Arianas neck as both Ariana and her fiance Pete get in the car as the paparazzi take pictures of the engaged couple getting in the car then the car pulls off from the hotel and the paparazzi continue taking more pictures of the car leaving the hotel then Pete notices a bruise on Arianas neck "what is on your neck says Pete and Ariana lies to Pete "it's nothing, it's just a bruise Pete says Ariana as she lied then Ariana gets a text from mercedes

Mercedes: did you like having fun with me

Ariana: did you leave a hickey on my neck

Mercedes: I did, did Pete notice or not

Ariana: he almost did and I had to lie to him that it was only a bruise

Mercedes: well he also noticed the used protection that was on my floor in my hotel room

Ariana: I noticed but he never said anything about it and the answer to your question before is I did like having fun with you

Both mercedes and Ariana text a bit longer

Ariana: do you want to come to the gym with me tomorrow morning at 8:24 in the morning

Mercedes: I would love to go with you to the gym

Ariana: try to keep your hands off me while we will be in the gym at 8:24 in the morning

Mercedes: I'm not making any promises while I'll be with you in that gym

Ariana and mercedes continue texting a bit more as the car pulled up to Arianas house then Pete notices that Ariana is smiling and he asks Ariana "what are you smiling about baby says Pete as they get out of the car and head inside Arianas house and Pete closes the door and locks the front door and turns on the lights throughout the house then Pete kisses his fiance Ariana but Ariana pulls away from the kiss as she lies to Pete "I'm not in the mood says Ariana as she walks past Pete as she walks upstairs to the master bedroom leaving Pete disappointed and confused downstairs and Ariana enters the master bedroom and she turns the lights on and she closes the door behind her as she walked into the ensuite and she takes off her clothes as she turns on the shower

Then Ariana gets a facetime call from mercedes as Ariana was about to get in the shower and Ariana answers the FaceTime call "did you arrive home says mercedes "I did and I'm about to take a shower says Ariana "where is your fiance anyway says mercedes "downstairs and when he kissed me , I pulled away from the kiss and told him I wasn't in the mood says Ariana "so you left him confused and disappointed and I see you aren't wearing any clothes at all says mercedes "I was about to get in the shower says Ariana "also he asked what I was smiling about says Ariana "you didn't tell him what you were smiling about says mercedes "no I didn't and the thing I was smiling about was me and you having fun in your hotel room says Ariana as they continue to talk on the FaceTime call

Pete shows some love to the dogs as he pets the dogs as Ariana Is about to end the FaceTime call but mercedes stops Ariana "don't end the call and seeing your naked secy body has me turned on says mercedes as she starts teasing Ariana "I want to touch you all over your body says mercedes seductively then after Ariana gets out of the shower and she dries herself and she does her Hygiene routine and she adds lotion on her body as well as her legs and her arms and then she puts on zebra pants as pj's and she leaves the ensuite "I'll talk to you later and I love you mercedes says Ariana "I love you too Ariana, bye says mercedes "bye says Ariana as she is about to end the FaceTime call and mercedes pouts her lips and does her puppy eyes to make Ariana feel bad "can we please talk a little longer says mercedes in a baby voice

Then Ariana teases mercedes "I want you to behave tommorrow morning or else baby girl says Ariana then Ariana ends the 3 hour FaceTime call with her friend mercedes then Ariana plugs her phone in the phone charger and places her phone on the nightstand and Ariana gets in the bed and Ariana lays down in the bed and covers herself with the bedsheets and she closes her eyes and she falls asleep then Arianas fiance Pete walks into the master bedroom very quietly as he doesn't wake up Ariana as he turns the lights off then he closes the door and goes to sleep on the couch without any blankets and he falls asleep on the couch

Then the next morning at 6am as Ariana wakes up from her sleep and she grabs her phone off the charger and she texts mercedes

Ariana: morning mercedes

Mercedes: good morning

Ariana: how are you this morning

Mercedes: I'm doing good

Both mercedes and Ariana continue texting each other then Ariana finishes texting mercedes and she goes into the bathroom and does her Hygiene routine and then she changes into a blue shirt with short pants and shoes and then she leaves the master bedroom and she walks Into the kitchen and she takes a seat on the barstool and she has Breakfast with her fiance and they eat Breakfast together then Ariana scrolls through her phone as she eats her breakfast until she sees a tweet from the sun news "the 25 year old singer Ariana was spotted last night around 2am leaving the hotel with her fiance as it appears that there is a hickey on the side of Arianas neck" as Ariana reads the tweet as the tweet still continues "did Ariana cheat on her fiance allegedly with another person"

Mercedes is wearing a camouflage top and camouflage pants and black shoes

And after breakfast, Ariana gives her fiance Pete a hug and she gives him a kiss on the cheek and they say goodbye to each other and then Ariana leaves her house and she gets in her car and she goes to pick up her friend mercedes from the hotel and Ariana arrives at the hotel and the paparazzi takes pictures of Ariana getting out of the car and entering the hotel then 10 minutes later as they exit the hotel as the paparazzi are taking pictures of Ariana and mercedes holding hands as they enter the car together as the paparazzi are taking even more pictures of mercedes sitting on her friends Arianas lap as Ariana closes the car door then the paparazzi take pictures of the car driving off from the hotel

Then the car stops at a red light as one of the paparazzi member zooms in to get a glimpse of mercedes and Ariana showing affection and pda as another paparazzi member takes a low quality video of mercedes kissing Ariana on the lips from the car then the paparazzi takes another low quality video of mercedes grabbing Ariana as she wraps her hands around Arianas waist as the red traffic light turns green and the car drives away then another group of paparazzi takes pictures of the car arriving at the gym as the car parks at the front en6of the gym and both mercedes and Ariana get out of the car and they enter the gym then they start working out in the gym as the paparazzi continue taking pictures

Then during the gym workout as Arianas other friend dinah jane is checking Ariana out and mercedes notices and gets jealous and she leans in Arianas ear and whispers in her ear "your friend over there is checking you out and I don't like it that your friend over there is checking you out says mercedes and the paparazzi are recording through the window on their knees as they get a glimpse of the wallpaper on Arianas phone

Then after they finish their workout, both mercedes and Ariana leave the gym holding hands as the paparazzi take pictures as both mercedes and Ariana get in the car as the paparazzi continue taking pictures of them getting in the car then the paparazzi take some videos of mercedes and Ariana showing some affection and some pda to each other in the car then mercedes whispers seductively in Arianas ear "let's have some fun in the car daddy says mercedes seductively then they take each others clothes off as they have sex in the car as mercedes sucks on Arianas dick as Ariana grabs mercedes hair and moves it out of mercedes face as mercedes continues to suck on Arianas dick

"You give me real good blowjob Don't you baby girl says Ariana "I always do daddy says mercedes as she continues sucking on Arianas dick then they do the seated rear entry sex position in the front seat as mercedes slides Arianas dick in her pussy and bounces on Arianas dick

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