#ramblingsofbee

[beeslippers]

Got so insane about hgsn for a moment that I started imaging what everyone’s stats would be if they were characters in the board game betrayal at house on the hill

#Yoshiki would of course have the lowest sanity #and highest intelligence to balance that out #I haven’t even played that game in years why am I suddenly obsessed with the thought of combining it with my interests #when I said lowest sanity and highest intelligence I meant compared to everyone else #ramblingsofbee #hgsn

[beeslippers]

If my blood test comes out negative I’m going to explode the world

#ramblingsofbee #please please please let it not be another undiagnosable condition I am decaying

[beeslippers]

My main motivation right now to recover from my cfs is to be able to catch up with all of mp100

#for a sec I watched a few episodes with my mum but then I crashed again :( #ramblingsofbee

[beeslippers]

When I love something the way I tell people is literally just describe the thing exactly as I experienced it. Like I will tell you the entirety of a movie and all it’s scenes in order if I liked it and you haven’t seen it yet

#my mum knows almost the whole plot of danganronpa (even the things I hate about it) #and I had to stop myself from describing the entirety of everything everywhere all at once to her so she could watch it spoiler free #ramblingsofbee

[beeslippers]

Ughhh I am Dehydrated and I might not be able to get housebound status because doctors never take ME/CFS seriously 🫠

#gotta wait two weeks to get a home visit blood test to see if I am dehydrated #don’t think people realise that cfs can make people paralysed #I went from between moderate and severe to full on severe I am trying very hard not to become very severe #Powerade please hydrate me #ramblingsofbee

[beeslippers]

Despite all my seemingly obvious symptoms that are very similar to diabetes all my blood tests came out normal 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

#my only relief is that this is all happening during winter and not during a time where I would also be boiling to death #my doctor said I would be tested for rarer conditions if these tests came out normal so at least she didn’t seem like she would immediately #give up on me #but my cfs is taking a nosedive and I’m scared I’m going to become very severe #to the point of not being able to eat or talk or move #in conclusion. EVERYTHING SUCKS #ramblingsofbee

[beeslippers]

How the hell did 9 year old me fully beat cave story and by fully I mean that awful hell level and everything

#tried playing it again a bit ago and man even the first parts are hard #I was super powered as a 9 year old #ramblingsofbee

[beeslippers]

I wish I could magically explode and then go back to normal again I just think it could benefit my mental health

#stress stress stress #ramblingsofbee

[beeslippers]

Just got motivated to draw an amazing art piece inspired by my hatred of doctors and their neglect but alas I am too disabled to draw out my anger

#and now I’m too restless from the inspiration to properly rest so basically rip to future me #ramblingsofbee

[beeslippers]

I just LOVE when I’m looking into how to gain weight due to being underweight and immediately seeing 50 warnings on how bad being fat is. I’m sure this will do no harm to people with problems gaining weight /s

#not to mention whenever I look at recipes being bombarded with diet drinks that make you shit half your weight #I’m gonna start hunting fatphobes for sport especially the doctors #ramblingsofbee

[beeslippers]

Ajfnkenfkejf fighting myself not to look up fan content for a series I haven’t finished yet to avoid spoilers

#on episode 4 of umbrella academy and I wanna look it up so bad help #this happens everytime I start something even games #ramblingsofbee

[beeslippers]

Cooking wipes me out for basically the rest of the day but it is also so rewarding

#learned how to make takoyaki and it’s pretty good #sadly god saw my cooking skills and had to nerf me by making me crash everytime #but that will not stop me <3 #ramblingsofbee

[beeslippers]

Just thinking of my latest appointment for my chronic pain with a new doctor and how I was thinking “maybe none of these doctors are doing shit cause they don’t realise how bad my pain is” so I told her how I was basically bedridden 95% of the day and instead of making her want to help it just made her suggest exercise and I never felt like I failed a doctors appointment so badly before

#also tried to make me scared of relying on my cane :))))) #she didn’t know how to answer me when I told her I was in contact with a physiotherapist and asked her if she had ANY other thoughts #doctor: oh ill tell this patient who’s had pain for 7 years to exercise I’m sure they never heard that before :) #ramblingsofbee

[beeslippers]

My fatigue may be getting worse…

#I might have to quit my job which would be really sad since I love it #uuuhhhhggg what do I do #gonna try to work at least a week more before I decide on quitting since the holidays might have just made me like this #and I’ll bounce back #but maybe not… #CFS SUCKS AAAAAH I can’t even bring myself to do anything but go on my phone #all my unread books and hobbies like knitting that I just can’t do #ramblingsofbee

[beeslippers]

I want to date in a very aroace way (and kiss I’m very kiss deprived) but the guilt I’ve had in past relationships before I knew I was aroace is already telling me that it’ll fall apart if the other person isn’t also aroace

But hhhhhhh I want kisses and cuddles

#whenever someone likes me I feel so guilty that I can’t return their feelings the same way #but I’ve also never had the chance to explore a real relationship because anytime I’ve dated I’ve broken it off within a week out of guilt #I know I’m saying guilt a lot but words are hard #ramblingsofbee

[beeslippers]

Had to change all my piercings so I can have an mri at 8 in the morning and ajnfkejfjiiejdkjfjjeicjjsjfjgkcushrng

#why don’t I have more retainers why why why #lost one of the rare ball I had that was non magnetic while trying to test if it was non magnetic #and I have to wake up at 6 in the gODAMN MORNING #I’m on a buying spree for retainers so I never have to do this again #it’s almost ten and I’ve been stressed since 7:30 #ramblingsofbee #I am in pain and exhausted but also keyed up from stress #which is making my muscles tense therefore making my pain WORSE