I love the ponytail dib au... can we have a bit of fluff to balance out some of the angst? Much love to you and your art btw 💕
OPERATION: GET THE DIB SOME STEW
Goals: Manufacture a nutritious meal for the Dib human to consume over several days, with the hopes of improving his overall health, body mass and (hopefully) mood. Deliver it in a way that would make Dib trust it enough to consume it.
Human grown foodstuffs
Human cooking utensils
A recipe for an adequate meal that suits the goals (recipe selected: Beef Stew)
Several human subjects to test the food on to assure it’s quality and appealing factor
An empty human habitation space (preferably a house)
Human paraphernalia typical of a standard housing unit (in different stages of use)
Taxidermized wolf paw.
Dog hair. A lot of it.
PATIENCE AND RESOLVE
PHASE ONE INICIATED
Acquired a suitable recipe from the Inter Net. Made sure the recipe is as easy to follow, clear and foolproof as possible.
Acquired necessary materials and ingredients.
Test one: the resulting concoction was coal black in color and smoked thoroughly, unlike the advertised result in the Inter Net Video. Kidnapped Child Taste Testers (KCTT) number 1 through 5 scowled at the taste. 6 and 7 were passed out, so no assessment made.
Test two: resulting mixture looks less dark but consistency is much less liquid. KCTT 1 through 6 complained of a “burnt and overtly salted taste”. Number 7 would not stop screaming for long enough to taste. Administered sedative.
Test three: Finished product looks A LOT less liquid than advertised. KCTT 2 through 6 complained about it “being impossible to chew on”. 1 and 7 were screaming again. Administered sedatives.
Tests 4 through 8: Assessment of the product by KCTT 1 through 6 varied from “too spicy”, “too sugary” “doesn’t taste like nothing”, “I can’t eat starch” and “stomach hurts”. Tester number 7 would not stop screaming/crying. Reconsidering the idea of kidnapping human larvae under the age of 3 for future projects.
Testers began complaining of hunger, will start leaving the rest of the meal with them after each test.
Tests 8 though 20: Progress is steady with the taste assessments becoming less obnoxious and more encouraging. Tester number 7 has been classified as a nuisance by everyone present (myself included) and thus been relocated back to extraction site after thorough memory erasure.
Taste test number 21: The perfect stew has finally been achieved!! Unanimous assessment by all KCTT was that “it is the best beef stew I’ve ever had!” “I wish my mom cooked this good!” and “can we go home now?”. Due to now having become useless to my ends, all Testers have been disposed of.
PHASE TWO INICIATED
Located a suitable abandoned house to install the Bait.
With the materials provided by Gir’s raids I was able to replicate most of the furniture a regular human house would have if the inhabitant were living under the poverty line.
Gave Gir permission to slash most of the furniture using six knives (three in each hand). Had to stop him by force before he broke everything down to pieces.
Took two hours to regenerate lost chunks of flesh. Gir has been reprehended and sent back to base.
Cleaned the blood spilled, dusted the floor back up.
Reheated the big stew pot on the in-site stove.
Covered my foot tracks with dust, left several marks with the wolf paw all over the area. Sprinkled all the dog hair gathered all over the place (but not on the stew!!!!!)
Turned the stove off, left the lid covered and vacated the premises.
Sent the Dib an anonymous encrypted message about the secret location of a werewolf den inside the city.
Returned to base and followed Dib via camera-drone
The Dib Human reached the location 32:06 minutes after message was sent, walked in stealthily with camera in hand. Quickly discovered the place was empty, continued to film until spotting big pot of stew on the burner. Putting camera away after confirming he was alone, grabbed the big spoon beside it and took a tentative sip. He smiled GLORIOUSLY, quickly grabbed the whole pot and took it back to his car. After installing a few cameras on the place he went back to his apartment to reheat himself a big plate of stew.
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honestly, I'm a pretty big believer in that dan has a gf. I can't name all the proof, but it's out there. example-wise: in the australian blog when dnp visited the animal zoo, there was an unidentified woman with them (not talking about cornelia). idk, I just really think dan must have a gf
anon i’m going to answer this with several direct quotes from my friends over at @dailyhowell
wow it’s almost like it’s a public zoo
amazing? other people there? obviously phan is phake
they’re probably just crew who came along for the day not every random girl is automatically dan’s gf (this was me)
although maybe every random girl you talk to could be your gf and i’ve been living life wrong (also me)
then again does that only go for m/f relationships bc it sure seems that way (me again i have a lot of opinions)
(because dan and phil literally go everywhere together and they’re apparently not dating but some random girl spotted once in a public place is suddenly dating dan okay then)
why would that be dans gf and not phils
oh my god,,,, there’s??? bypassers??? where dan and phil are??? No. That Cant Be. it is only Intentional when people are near dan and phil. it is all a Show. ONE OF THEM MUST BE DANS GF
that girl looked over,,, she must be dating dan,, not at all interested in the cAmErA pointed NEAR HER
also i don’t think dan’s husband as well as his houseplant children would appreciate him having a gf (oh look it’s me again)
also isnt it hilarious that the people who will say that are the same people that will tell people who believe in phan that theyre reaching,,, isnt it coincidental,,,,
moral of the story anon, not every random girl you see in a video in a PUBLIC PLACE is necessarily one of their gfs and if that is in fact how gfs work then i should have been told this a long time ago because then my gay ass would have had a gf long before now
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