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#ravenpuff rambles

What would it be like, to have the time and the energy to write all of the stories running around in my head? To not have to worry about school (which I grow to hate more each day), or anything else in the world. To not feel so deep in an emotional void that I cannot see the way out, every emotion is exhausting and most of the time I do not feel any of them (certainly not the way I used to). To not be so exhausted that even getting out of bed feels like too big of a task, let alone basic self care and all the school work that just keeps piling up.

What would it be like if my biggest worry was writing, bringing to life the stories I so desperately want to share? If I could spend my life using my words to make others happy, and feel like even for a moment that they are seen.

And other musings of a 7am Elliot who has yet to sleep (but really I’m about to I promise).

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I’ve fallen back into listening to country music which I think should tell you everything about where I am currently.

I do not know much new country though, so like if anyone has recommendations (I realize this is a slim chance. I accept that), please drop them for me. Preferably specific songs because that’s easier for me to tackle and listen to them just like an entire artist.

Mostly I’m listening to some of my old favorites. A lot of them that are kind of stupid, maybe the lyrics are a little more jokey, or the videos are funny, and they just make me smile.

Or they’re very sweet and deep love songs and wow you wonder why I’m a hopeless romantic

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Hi lovelies! Happy International Pronouns Day! Here are my thoughts on pronouns, as discussed via my Insta Story. I hope you’re all having a wonderful day, and remember that pronouns are super important and if you need to respect them.

And if you have any questions about my pronouns or any pronouns on general, please feel free to ask me. I’m always open to talk.

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trying to find a gender neutral term I like for boyfriend/girlfriend is hard.

Like I know there’s partner, but I don’t particularly like that. And S.O./Significant Other is good but it’s also long.

I thought about maybe just shortening it to “his others” but I dislike that also.

I think soulmate works in certain contexts, but I write so many actual soulmark series idk if I want to use it

Maybe heartmate?

I think before I’ve had a character just call his SO’s “my heart”. So I could see that.

Heartmate is cute…

But I don’t know.

I know a lot of words exist but none I can think of vibe with me.

But if anyone has suggestions please lmk.

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Can’t sleep

But hey

I can finishing editing the first of my fics that need to be done. Think just for my own joy I am going to be also making Gavin and Jeremy nb here because why the fuck not.

I still… am not fully sure if I want to repost or just edit the existing fic. Maybe by the time I finish I’ll know what’s right

I feel like it’s important to add the first fic I decided to go back to edit was my Christmas fic because one, it was probably one of the easiest, but also I’m fucking ready for the holidays and enjoy the idea of posting a Christmas fic in the middle/end of October.

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Guess who is being tested for COVID for the… 5th time tomorrow?

This is what being in school is like. You have to get the test to exist on campus and then they implement random testing and you keep getting picked.

Anyways can I just say I hate the spit test? It takes forever and you can’t eat/drink 30 minutes before. And like I get super dry mouth/throat (which is why I carry water with me always) so that’s hell, and it takes me forever to get them the spit so I’m just sitting there. Alone. Spitting. Which is gross.

And it comes with the added bonus of being told at every step that I need to use hand sanitizer and then getting a range of looks in return when I inform yet another person I’m allergic to hand sanitizer, as this is not something they have ever come across and clearly I must be lying for some weird reason.

Because that’s something people lie about.

Like sorry I have eczema and it’s already flaring up from stress and the weather and everything else so I don’t want to make it even worse and cause an allergic reaction on my hands just to make you feel better.

Also I have to try and make it through the test in between two classes that are like an hour apart so that’s added fun.

I understand why they’re doing this but also I’m annoyed and would at least like to go back to the nose test. It was faster and easier.

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Stupid things that made me smile tonight:

I gifted Matt a few subs and when he saw my name he laughed and called it a great name.

Just occasionally, hearing people appreciate stuff I come up with like “RaeOfGayshine” is a very nice thing indeed.

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Trying to decide if I should fully take down stories and upload them again to scrub him from my content, or just edit the current story up on ao3 and change the tags and just do it that way.

I don’t want to loose the comments on one hand but also some of them definitely mention his name

And the Vagabond was never him but I did use his name before and I don’t want anyone to think there’s still a connection there, that I’m like in any way on that fucking asshole’s side because I’m not

Ah what to do what to do.

These are the questions that plague me and keep me awake when I should be sleeping

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My life is getting emails telling me that I am getting something in the mail, or me receiving things in the mail, and me having absolutely zero memory of where it is coming from, when did this happen

And the best part is I’m not home to recieve stuff, so I just have to sit around waiting and wondering even longer than normal until my mom decides to send it to me.

One day my memory will return from the war. Maybe. I hope.

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Oh anon I think this is the second closest I’ve been to crying over this entire ordeal


That song definitely helps. Definitely going to be playing that more when I have the time to actually feel emotions (you know, when I don’t have to push everything back because school has to come first).

Thank you for the song.

If anyone has any others that have helped them, please send them my way because music is definitely a big help to me always but especially right now.

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Hey does anyone know if there’s a way to get predictive text to stop suggesting something?

Because I’m real fucking tired of every time I go to type love or any word close, I get popped up the chat name I used for him before all of this in one of my series.

I’ve thought a lot about the ways in which he will fucking linger because I don’t have the time or energy or even ability to fully scrub him from my everything, but this is one I have to deal with constantly. Because I express my love a lot.

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Well, that’s one chapter edited. One of many.

But hey, it’s a start.

Still fucking love the name “Logan Theodore Ipomoea Alexander Flynn”. I cannot wait to get to break the full version out.

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