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tinyverse-writes · 2 years

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you're in every lyric that i write (ravn/ kim youngjo)

pairing: songwriter!ravn x songwriter!reader

genre: angst (slight fluff i guess)

synopsis: memories bring back when you and your highschool crush met again after a very long time but your reunion doesn't make you feel those same thing that you felt before, especially now that he's in every lyric that you wrote. unbeknownst to you, you're in every lyric that he writes as well but it's now too late for it.

word count: 3.9k words

grammatical errors and mistakes ahead

"yes.. i'll see you there.. thank you for giving me this opportunity to work on your song.. yes.. bye." your call with the artist that you agreed to have a collaboration with ended, telling you to meet at a certain date and place for a meeting along with another songwriter that he invited as well. you then went to list this down into your schedule before you continue to prepare for your lunch.

this is already a part of your career as a songwriter, an artist (or their management) contacts you, asking for you to write songs and once agreed by both parties, a collaboration exists. you already wrote a lot of songs for different artists and aside from writing for them, you write for yourself as well— performing them under the name of c.lover which is the screen name that you use as a songwriter then uploading them to various music platforms. you started writing songs ever since you were in highschool. most of their lyrics are about your feelings that you have for your crush at that time and there are some of them that is about how hard and boring school life is but still you have to get through it. at an early age of being invested in songwriting, you started to showcase your ability until you gained the career that you want at an early age as well. you've never expected to collaborate with big artists and heck even a collaboration with an artist is something that you don't even expect of. speaking of collaboration, the artist that you're going to meet next week is a big artist as well and even though you already collaborated with a lot of big artists, you're still anxious plus the fact that you're working with another songwriter.

the day of the meeting came. you arrived a bit early at the venue of the meeting which is at one of the meeting rooms of the entertainment company the artist is in. the artist and his manager welcomed you and gestured you to settle down when you arrived, telling you that the meeting will start a little later since the other songwriter that you're going to be working with texted that he'll be a little late because his car stopped on his way here and is now at an auto repair shop. while waiting for the other person in this project, you and the artist shared some stories with each other- talking about how both your career started, how and when you two discovered the talent that you have and such.

"so what was the first song you wrote about?" the artist came to ask. you don't usually tend to overshare your stories to anyone but since this is a part of your job and serves as a means of conversation with your client, you shared the story behind the first song you wrote- telling the artist that it's basically about your highschool crush. in the midst of your storytelling about it, the door of the meeting room cracked open which is then followed by a figure stepping inside- a figure that is rather familiar to you.

"hello i'm sorry i just arrived. i just took a bus on my way here since my car's under repair." speaking of the devil, it's your highschool crush, the one who just stepped inside.

"it's totally fine ravn good thing you told me beforehand. ah- by the way this is c.lover and the two of you are going to work with me on this project." the artist said, introducing you to him as if you and this guy who just got in haven't met yet. you immediately get it that he's the other songwriter that you're working with. ravn is not a terrible choice of a name, you thought. you were about to reach out a hand for a handshake not until he says your real name, a hint of surprise stitched at his voice.

"you guys already know each other?" the artist asked, looking at each of you and was surprised as well.

"y-yeah we do. actually-" and before youngjo- or ravn- speak any further, you butted in.

"we were best buds in highschool- well technically every history class since we're seatmates who don't even bother listening to the class- but yeah we're friends. right youngjo?" that was actually true by the way except for the part that you guys are still friends since you completely forgot the relationship that you both used to have.

"yeah you're right y/n. we were. great seeing you after such a long time." he said, flashing a smile. that damned smile.

"same goes for me."

"oh wow so this must be your little reunion then?" you almost forgot about the artist's existence for a brief moment. "what a small world! never would've thought that ravn here is a friend of yours!" no mister, he's NOT just a friend. he's the highschool crush that you two have been talking about minutes ago.

then the meeting started and it actually went smoothly. you talked about what the artist wanted the song would be, what's its lyrics, the message it conveys and such, things regarding the timeframe when the project will start and will end and how long would it last, and etc. once the meeting ended, the artist and his manager left instantly, saying that he has some urgent matters which makes you and youngjo left in the meeting room.

as soon as the presence of you two are left in the room, a hint of awkwardness seeps in the atmosphere of the room. you, who wants to escape from it and wanna go home immediately (and probably scream a ton in your home upon seeing that goddamned face of the guy you once liked), bid your goodbye to him.

"it's-uh.. it's great seeing you again youngjo- after erm a long time." you cleared your throat mid-sentence

"it's great seeing you too y/n." he said with a smile curving on his lips. CAN HE PLEASE STOP FLASHING THAT GODDAMN SMILE OF HIS??!

"yeah.. i gotta go home now youngjo. s-see you around? i guess?"

"uhm-actually my car is still in the repair shop so.." he sucks a breath. "mind if you give me a drive? let's take this as a mini hangout after the reunion that we had today."

"sure no problem like- who am i to say no?" a person who used to have damn feelings for him and is writing songs about him genius.

and with that, both of you left the building then head to where your car is parked before you start to drive off. throughout the ride, and with him by the shotgun, you guys started to talk about how your lives have been. how the two of you started at the career of being a songwriter, how you came up with your screen names, and such.

"ravn huh? not a terrible choice of a name you got there." your eyes are glued on the road as you steer the wheel.

"i actually came up with it because of my favorite character in x-men."

"mystique? no way!" you gasped lightly.

"yeah i just removed the letter e to make it seem cool." he said with a chuckle. "how about you? how did you come up with that name?"

"you know the four leaf clover, right? my name's pronounced just like that. it's not 'see-lover' but it's just simply pronounced as 'clover'. just added a dot between c and l for it to seem cool as well. and also i like clover among all the cards in the deck so-" you laughed lightly which he did as well.

it went silent for a brief moment not until he starts to speak again.

"do you still remember that time when we were love chained during our last years in highschool?” ah yes. when both of you were love chained one time during your last year in highschool. love chain is one of the shenanigans that the school’s student council pulls off annually during valentine’s day. students fill up the form with their names and whom they want to be love chained with, or they simply put a random student’s name just for fun and that’s actually how you and youngjo ended up love chained during that time.

a student knocks on the door of your classroom then calls out both of your names and the next thing you knew is both of your wrists were tied together with a cable tie (instead of chains or handcuffs) by that student which turns out to be one of the officers of the student council. the whole class cheered and teased as you sat next to each other and the rest is history.

you remember it well. in fact, you even made a song that its title is none other than love chained and it is about none other than youngjo and your feelings with him, the typical subject.

“yeah i do remember that.” you smiled faintly. “still got no idea who listed our names there.” both of you laughed it off before the atmosphere in the car turns awkward for the rest of the ride to his house.

everything you told earlier about you and youngjo when he arrived before the meeting starts are all true. you two used to be friends and seatmates in your history class back in highschool. one thing that you didn’t say earlier about him is that he was your highschool crush. you actually confessed to him before and youngjo, a good friend he is, understands your feelings and also your intention to not make things awkward between you two so he maintained your friendship until the rest of your years in highschool.

were you glad upon seeing him again? yes. but you can't help it but to feel awkward especially for the fact that he’s the main subject of some of your songs that you wrote. unbeknownst to you, youngjo felt the same. he wants to tell you something that he probably must’ve said years ago before you took your own paths.

“there- just park it right there..” youngjo points at a vacant area where to park your car to drop him off. he unbuckled the seatbelt after a sigh then bids his goodbye to you.

“it is so great upon seeing you again y/n.. it’s been ages.” he said with a faint smile.

“me too.. see you at work then?”

“yeah see you!” you hummed as he opened the car door, stepping out from it then closed it. he was hesitating over something at first but he then just waved goodbye to you which you reciprocated before you steered the wheel as you drive away from his place.

you arrived home safely, slumping on your bed immediately as you stepped into your room.

you’re definitely going to write about that. definitely going to write a song about that. so you rise up from your bed and head to your desk, dragging your little notebook where you keep your drafts of song lyrics onto your desk and open it to a blank page before you start scribbling your pen against it while writing phrases such as “it’s been a while..”, “how are you..?”, or “you still have that same look when you give me that damned smile”.

your mind’s running wild during that night. in fact, you finished writing that entire song about him again since your brain became productive just because of your little reunion with him.

a week or two later, you two met again but for work purposes. it was the start of the project. you and youngjo shared the lyrics that each of you wrote to the artist to which he really liked and gave you compliments. after that, the two of you merged the lyrics that you wrote with the help of the artist himself. since both of the lyrics that you wrote share the same idea, there are only a few lines diminished and removed from the original lyrics. days later you met with them again but this time, to bring the lyrics into life. deciding on how the song goes, its tune, melody, and beat to which followed by production. the process lasted for months or so including the recording.

the whole process in creating the track finally ended in accordance to the time table. the song fades as it ended, anything but silence then comes out from the speakers of the studio. you and youngjo seated on the couch while the artist was on the swivel chair with his manager next to him. a brief silence echoes the room as you both wait for the artist's reaction about how was the outcome of the song.

"i.. this is amazing- i didn't regret upon picking you two for this song." he said which had you and youngjo cheered silently and at the same time letting a sigh of relief. you both thanked the artist who also thanked you two as well. after calling everything a day, the artist offered to have a dinner along with the two of you which you both didn't reject.

after a plate of your puttanesca and a glass of grape juice, you bid your goodbyes to each other to which youngjo did as well. as per usual thing that you and youngjo do ever since this project started, you both decided to go home together. however, instead of parting ways once you drive him to his home, he decided to invite you over to his apartment which is surprisingly wider than it seems to be.

he gave you a tour around his place until you both reached his studio. blue to pink gradient lights dimmed the room due to the LED lights he installed. your eyes scan through his collection of vinyl displayed in the room, a few are familiar to you especially those chet baker ones. his studio feels cozy like you could just sleep in it.

aside from showing him his collection of vinyls and albums, he also showed to you some song drafts he made in his computer and also some of his already released songs. as you nod your head while listening to the third song that he's playing, your eyes land on a notebook on top of a stack of papers. curious to what that is, you ask him while your hand reaches out to grab it.

"ah that's where i write my lyrics" he answered. he explained that some are from the songs he played earlier as you scan through the pages. while reading through the lyrics he wrote, you can't help but to think that he was pertaining these lyrics to a certain person which isn't you.

"oh- that one, i haven't worked on this yet." he said as soon as he saw that you turn to the page where he wrote the lyrics that he haven't start to work it into a song.

"ooh~ i'll go read this and give you my feedback." he nods as he lets you do so, watching how your brows are furrowed as you read it. you on the other hand have your expressions changed as you read further, having really familiar details seen from his lyrics.

"..days when i was dumb to know what i felt each time we're next to each other.." hmm okay, you two used to sit next to each other during history class. but he might be referring to a different person.

"..straps of both our bags are tied just for fun, didn't realize that my heartstrings does as well.." and you both did tie the straps of your school bags before just for fun.

".. didn't know that i got love chained as well.." love chain.. that goddamn love chain.

"o-oh.. this would be intriguing- like the people would be curious if whom you're referring to in this song."

"how about you? do you have a slight idea if who i am pertaining to?" he chuckled.

"is it about me?" you finished your question with an almost awkward laugh to somewhat turn it as a joke.

"you're so clever c.lover. what if i tell you that you're right?"

"there is no way." you chuckled. "like duh~ you told me before that you can't promise a return." youngjo shook his head lightly while approaching you who were seated on his swivel chair, bracing his hands to its armrest as he lowered himself to your eye level.

"y/n.. it's all about you all this time." you roll your eyes while you divert your gaze from him as you thought that this is some kind of prank he was just pulling off.

you scoffed. "oh come on youngjo- you've got to be kidding me right now." he brings both of his hands to cup your face and make you look at him.

"y/n listen- you're in every lyric that i write. i thought this would be the best way to tell you that i came to a realization that i have these feelings for you as well." you gulp. still don't know how to process this because as far as you could remember, you were the one who had feelings for him in the first place and you do believe that whoever has feelings first, they are the ones who are losing.

you let out a chuckle, voice starting to get shaky as you try to speak. "so you just realized that you liked me too? youngjo, you just can't- not when i was the one who confessed to you first!"

"y/n i'm so sorry! i blame myself for being dumb to not realize that i was falling for you as well. i wish i could've just told you sooner."

"but youngjo, i waited. i waited for almost five years and spent it pining over you, wishing and praying that you'll fall for me as well." you don't know what to feel. you want to be mad at him and at the same time shed into tears and both are because of him confessing this late while you thought about those years wishing for him to reciprocate your feelings.

youngjo stutters before he speaks. "but we could give it a try right? am i still there y/n?"

you shook your head repeatedly. "youngjo, i already did my waiting and i became sick of it. now move. i still have to go home.." you said without batting an eye at him.

he now crouches down, bringing both of his hands to your shoulders and all he said is all sorts of sorry. "y/n i really am sorry. i truly blame myself for finding it out too late."

"you know what? you're right. you were really dumb to realize it.. that you didn't might even thought that what if you told me this late when i already ended everything about what i felt about you. you haven't thought about it right?" he remained silent, finding himself guilty since he never really spared a thought on what if you already stopped your feelings for him and he became complacent that you two would finally have mutual feelings.

his hands drop down to yours, holding them and rubbing his thumbs over your knuckles as he looks up at you while you never spared a glance at him. silence lingers across the room for a moment not until some sniffling could be heard. you were sobbing quietly and youngjo hesitantly reached a hand to wipe off your tears but you swat his hand away before you stood up and grabbed your bag.

"i'm leaving." that was your last words before you left him, his studio and his residence. youngjo remained in his spot and kneels with his head down, breath shaking and after a while a tear drops down to the material of his jeans.

he truly blames himself for everything- for him realizing what he feels but it's already late, for making you cry before you walked out, and most importantly, for making you wait for nothing.

he stood up to his feet and occupied the chair that you sat earlier before staring up at the ceiling while he just let his tears run and dry up on his cheeks, contemplating everything. he wished he could go back to the time where you confessed to him or maybe days or weeks after you did. maybe everything would go well if he just told you much earlier before you fell out from him.

you on the other hand stared at the ceiling of your room as well while you lay flat on your bed, tears are already dried on your cheeks. this scenario isn't new to you because you tend to cry over him through the years that you spent pining over him. speaking of years, you begun to think that maybe you didn't wait much longer, that those five years of waiting for him aren't enough. a part of you thought that you're at fault as well, for giving him hope that you two might end up together because of your confession to him years ago and for not waiting much longer.

after a month or so, the artist that you two collaborated with released a new album in which the song that you and youngjo worked on is included and in those months, you and youngjo never talked a single bit. no calls, no messages or whatever. back to the collaboration and the song, you were proud that your name was on the credits especially when the song went up in various charts. that's another achievement that you have. the artist actually sent a text message to you which says "the song goes off the roof! that was a great job c.lover! you guys rock! can't wait to work with you again next time :D" and you found it cute.

the artist wasn't really kidding when he said he wanted to work with you again. what you didn't even spare a thought with is what he actually meant is to work with you and youngjo again. so you found yourself in that same meeting room with him and the artist after a period of almost half a year. the artist thanked the both of you from the previous project before he went to discuss about his upcoming album. he said that he wants this song to have a certain subject so that it would go well according to the season in which he's going to release the album.

"so.." he clasped his hands together. "for the song, i want it to be a bit angsty so that.. you know- it would fit well in autumn. i was thinking that the song would be about.." he tapped his chin with a finger as he gathered the right words. "about something that you regret." you gently nod, a silent 'ah' left your lips.

this would be easy for both you and youngjo. if the song is going to be about something that a person regrets, it would be about being dumb to realize and not telling you what he felt sooner for youngjo while in your case, it would be about not waiting for him longer enough. and for once again, you two are in every lyric that you both write.

- by tinyverse-writes

06/21/22