#ray understood nothing he said and was letting others talk to him

[weneeya]

HIIII!! I love your writings!!! I really like how you manage the characters and how you make the scenes<3

May I request some Headcanon/scenario of Kageyama being in love for a female s/o?

Bad at feelings

fluff with Kageyama

hiiii omg thank u sm I'm so happy to read this <3 kageyama is my baby, like all the first years ; ofc I can write smth with him!! requests are still open :)

Kageyama Tobio wasn’t really well known for his ability to speak about how he felt. Actually, it was the exact opposite. The boy was so bad with his feelings and his thoughts, because he didn’t know how to express himself correctly. Watch him play with his team and you would quickly understand that talking was his weak point. 

He never really cared, until you arrived. You were friends with Yachi, one of her classmates who arrived in the middle of the school year. This is why you started to spend a lot of time with the volleyball team, soon becoming friends with all of them. You were a real ray of light, always smiley and happy, like nothing could hurt you. 

You were quickly adopted by the team, as Nishinoya and Tanaka made everyone understood around the school. They were giving dark looks to any boy who could want to speak with you, scaring them by clearly threatening them. It was a bit funny, you had to admit. 

Tobio knew he liked you, but he didn’t know how he really felt at the same time. He never experienced love before, because volleyball was the only thing he cared about since he was born. He knew it wasn’t the same affection as the rest of the team, but love? He wasn’t sure about it. This is why he decided to come to talk with Daichi and Suga. 

They were going out after their class, and Tobio was waiting for them outside, standing up all straight in front of the door. The two seniors almost jumped because of the surprise, not expecting Kageyama to be here. 

“Is everything okay? Do you have another problem with Hinata? I told you to-” Daichi couldn’t finish his sentence because Tobio quickly bent in front of him, his voice coming out louder than expected. 

“Sawamura-san, Sugawara-san! I need your help!” The captain and the setter looked at each other before looking back at their cadet. Suga told him to straight back up, an embarrassed smile on his lips. 

“Come here, let’s talk somewhere else,” he said, and the three boys got outside the building in a minute. Kageyama quickly started to speak about his said problem. He sighed slightly before looking at his two senpai. 

It took a long time, way too long in fact. Kageyama was searching for his words, saying the same things again and again, apparently lost with himself. His mind was racing, and his heart as well. Daichi could swear that he almost saw a blush over Kageyama’s cheeks for a second. Arms crossed, the captain looked at his setter who couldn’t help but to laugh at the poor boy’s behavior. 

“Slow down Kageyama, breathe,” started Daichi and the younger boy stopped talking, looking at Suga with a slight frown on his face. Why was he laughing at him? Tobio was clearly not understanding. 

“Our boy is in love,” finally added the third year, and Kageyama’s mind went wild. He looked at them with wide eyes, processing what he just heard. Daichi tried to tell Suga to go easy on him, but the setter kept going. 

“Feelings, romantic ones ; this is what you’re experiencing right now.” Silence. Tobio couldn’t believe it. So it was really love in the end? He never thought he would go through that one day, or at least clearly not right now. 

After thanking his seniors, Tobio left them to go walk alone. He needed milk, nothing would help him more than milk right now. He was in front of the vending machine when he heard a voice next to him. It was you, obviously. He could recognize your voice in the middle of a shouting crowd. 

This is how you ended up walking home together, as there was no training after school today. You had this soft smile on your lips as you were talking about a few different things. Kageyama wasn’t listening, he was too busy staring at you to focus on your words. You finally looked at him, taking him out of his thoughts. 

“Are you listening? You know, you can tell me if I’m annoying…” you said, and a small pout appeared on your lips. Tobio felt his cheeks burning suddenly, and he quickly looked away, his grip tightening a little around his milk. How could you be so adorable? It was too difficult to handle. 

You wanted to add something, but Kageyama suddenly stopped and you did the same, turning to him. “What?” You asked, and the boy took a deep breath. He frowned slightly while looking at you, and for a moment you thought he was going to be angry at you. 

“You… You’re pretty…” He finally said after a few moments of silence, and you couldn’t restrain your surprise. You slowly processed his words, and you felt your ears becoming warmer. You tried to find your words before being able to articulate a small “Thank you” to him. 

Love really was a strange feeling, but Kageyama Tobio was ready to learn about it and how to handle his feelings if it meant staying by your side.

maybe I'll do a second part if you guys like it, I didn't want to make it too long hihi

#kageyama tobio #kageyama x reader #kageyama headcanons #kageyama hcs #haikyuu kageyama #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu fluff #hq #hq fluff #hq headcanons #hq x reader #hq hcs #hq kageyama

[stawbeemilk]

⤷ relationship headcanons – hq

✩ characters: hinata, bokuto, tendou

✩ warnings: f!reader

✩ a/n: i had so much fun writing the first part so i'm doing more!! i love these three so much it's actually insane

⭑ hinata

⤷ you two are so cute together it's almost sickening, you're definitely that couple who everyone is lowkey jealous of because of how utterly infatuated you are with each other

⤷ hinata literally adores you so much, he sometimes annoys his friends and teammates because of how much he talks about you

⤷ he tries to dial it back but he can't help it, he just loves you so much— you and volleyball occupy pretty much all of his thoughts <3

⤷ hinata is literally a ray of sunshine, he always knows how to make you feel better when you're having a bad day

⤷ likes to send you good morning and good night texts when the two of you are apart, it's his way of showing you that he's thinking of you

⤷ he definitely prefers to be the little spoon when cuddling, but gets super embarrassed if you ever mention it in front of anyone

⤷ hinata thinks you look adorable in his clothes, whenever you put on one of his t-shirts and it's all loose and oversized on you it makes him weak in the knees— you're just too cute <3

⤷ he can't explain why but he gets so flustered whenever you wear his jersey and will start blushing and fumbling his words

⤷ loves to randomly pick you up and spin you around, lifting you so effortlessly as if you weigh nothing to him

⤷ lets you do his makeup because he gets to see your face up close, he thinks you look so pretty when you're focused and will have a lovesick grin plastered on his face the entire time

⤷ likes doing chores with you such as cleaning the house or buying groceries together, but every time you go shopping he somehow always manages to get lost and you end up spending half of the trip looking for each other

⤷ hinata is always showering you with compliments, and will call you beautiful at least three times a day

⤷ overall a huge sweetheart <3

⭑ bokuto

⤷ when bokuto falls in love, he falls hard— he adores absolutely everything about you and genuinely thinks the world of you

⤷ he's a very affectionate boyfriend, definitely gives the best hugs and makes you feel so safe when he wraps those beefy arms around you <3

⤷ he loves pda and will happily kiss you regardless of who's watching, but only if you're okay with it!! he never wants to make you uncomfortable and will definitely tone it down if you ask him to

⤷ bokuto can't sleep without you, when the two of you are away from each other he always has to call you and listen to your voice or else he won't be able to sleep

⤷ whenever you're sad he will do everything in his power to try and cheer you up or comfort you— likes to break out the puppy dog eyes if you refuse to tell him why you're upset

⤷ if you have an argument, he's always the first to apologise, even if he wasn't in the wrong

⤷ the first time you took him to a yakiniku restaurant on a date he very nearly got down on one knee and proposed to you

⤷ no matter how busy bokuto is with volleyball, he always manages to make time for you

⤷ he loves when you come to his games and cheer for him, and whenever he scores a point he'll make a heart with his hands at you

⤷ regardless of whether the team wins or loses, you always give him the biggest hug afterwards and tell him how proud of him you are

⤷ bokuto enjoys watching you do your skincare routine and will be over the moon when you ask him if he wants to do it with you

⤷ he would be lying if he said he understood what any of your products actually were, but he loves the feeling of you applying all the different creams and serums to his face

⤷ he's such a golden retriever bf

⭑ tendou

⤷ tendou still doesn't understand how he managed to end up with someone as gorgeous as you, he honestly thinks he's the luckiest guy on earth

⤷ literally worships the ground you walk on

⤷ he still can't believe he gets to wake up next to you, and he sometimes has to pinch himself in the morning to make sure he isn't dreaming

⤷ the first time you called him handsome he cried

⤷ tendou gets so excited if you're someone who also likes anime, the two of you binge watch so many shows together and he'll talk about his favourite characters with you for hours

⤷ takes you on cute little café and park dates

⤷ he's also quite spontaneous and will do things like randomly surprise you with tickets to disneyland or the eiffel tower

⤷ likes to sneak up behind you and scare you for absolutely no reason, he thinks it's so cute when you get mad at him for it

⤷ tendou actually gets really insecure if he catches someone else flirting with you— it's not that he doesn't trust you, because he does more than anything, it's just that there's always a voice in the back of his mind telling him you could do so much better than him </3

⤷ needs a lot of cuddles and reassurance from you, please tell him that he's good enough and that you love him just the way he is

⤷ if you have a sweet tooth, he likes to surprise you by bringing you little chocolates home from work <3

⤷ he's so touched starved, when the two of you first started dating it caught him so off guard when you would show him affection

⤷ but as time went on and he grew accustomed to your touch it wasn't long before he revealed his clingy side to you— asking you for cuddles and kisses all the time and sending you texts while he's at work saying that he misses you

⤷ protect him

⤷ please do not repost my works on any other sites!

#★彡 elle’s writings .ᐟ #hinata shouyou #hinata x reader #hinata x you #bokuto koutarou #bokuto x reader #bokuto x you #tendou satori #tendou x reader #tendou x you #𐙚 ‧+ ̊ ⋅fem .ᐟ

[blingblong55]

Peace- Simon 'Ghost' Riley

A/N: Not much dialogue but I hope you enjoy it:)

GN!Reader, fluff

Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

Simon knew best, that a man like him doesn't deserve a life with you. Your life is so calm and steady and if he were to walk into it, nothing would be blissful. The dark empty hallway that adorned his soul was met with you, a warm candlelight, calling his name. Come home it said to him and that is what he did. Danger was his closest friend and it even slept on the same pillow as he did, he could never offer you more than danger, for that he did not afford. It all started with a lilac flower that you handed to him on one of his usual gloomy days. 

What scared him the most was not death for he had faced it multiple times rather his fear was you, the calm waves after the storm. Skies are clear, brave words said, a bouquet in his calloused hands, shaky words, night terrors and you, that is what he now has. Many times he found himself roaming town alone, wondering if it would be enough if he could never give you peace or all the love this world had to offer. No sanity on his part but maybe here and there he could be sane for you. Tears, whispers, the little kisses you give him, warm hugs and the sacrifices you'd make for him. Peace, a word for those who aren't him. 

Many times, during storms or the nights his PTSD got the best of him, That's when he understood you didn't want peace, you wanted the storm, hail, thunder, snow and heavy waves that came with him. Because life is boring without danger, risk and adrenaline. Life is more than peace and warm hugs, for him life is you, all of you. The doubts and the laughs, silly arguments and the talks after said arguments. Honour to be the man you marry, honour to be the one who runs into a gunfight with a knife and comes out victorious, to be a soldier and your lover, that is his life. 

Peace, after the argument, the silence when you finally understand the other, the family he made with your family, it's enough. 

"R/N," he tries to stop you.

"It's rainy today, let's go out!" 

Silly dances, the fall to the muddy ground, the kiss on the bruise he gave you. That is peace even if thunder falls. It's enough. You handed him sunshine and in return held storms in your soft and delicate hands. You built a fire to keep his soaked clothes warm, kissed his scars, all of them and with each one whispered how much you love him. The shaky cry he gave you after, like a mother to his child, is the hug you gifted him. "I miss them, I miss them so much, R/N." 

"I know, Simon." A kiss on the top of his head, "Please don't leave me." he requested to which you held him closer. "I could never leave you, my dear," you respond. If he falls, you fall too. Never one without the other, that is the silent promise you gave the other months and years ago. There will always be unspoken words said in the relationship but it's the presence, the actions that say the words neither of you dare to say.

He will never be one to believe in god or any mystical beliefs, but you to him are the greatest divine, the one to bless his brittle heart. 

"And now, I pronounce you, spouses for life." His friend from the military, John Price said. He looked into your eyes, his once sad eyes filled with the life you gave, teary but with life, one thing he can brag to his best mate, the Scottish man who was too persistent, the reason you and him now walk down the aisle together. 

He was the hunter for so long in his life, running toward the goal, of living life and dying. Now the only goal he has is to grow old with the one who doesn't see right through him. Anyone will walk away but you stayed and kissed all the scars, and bruises and listened through his mistakes. The unspoken words that turned into three hand squeezes, an 'I love you.' a little thing you two made when in public. The once weak love he could offer is now the strongest love the world will ever have. As long as you are next to him, rain or shine, he is a lover, protector, soldier and most importantly, the vulnerable being that you hold close to your chest every night. A world of beauty, one he never had the privilege to afford now in the palm of his hands. It truly is a wonderful life for Simon Riley. 

#cod mw2 #cod x reader #cod #mwii #task force 141 #ghost cod #simon ghost riley x you #simon ghost riley #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost x you #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost riley #cod fluff #simon riley imagine #simon riley x reader #simon riley #ghost mw2 #ghost call of duty #mw2 #simon riley fluff #ghost simon riley #simon riley call of duty #simon riley x reader angst #simon riley x you #simon riley x y/n #simon riley x gn reader #ghost x reader #ghost x you #ghost x y/n #ghost fluff

[visualtaehyun]

The brothers, Day's anger, and Night & Mork

Disclaimer: not a native Thai speaker, still learning 🙏

This is in part inspired (brainrot-induced? brainrot-fuelled?) by @chalkrevelations's post about the brothers and Day's behavior (go read it first if you're reading this!!) and in part just my usual language rambles observations.

Let's establish a few facts first (all pronouns presented as A/B are to be understood as I/you)

Night is older than Day - by enough that he's older even than Mork! (Mork and Porjai both call Night พี่ /phi/ while referring to Day as น้อง /nong/)

The brothers use กู/มึง /guu, mueng/ with each other, despite their age gap. These are informal pronouns that are actually pretty rude outside of using them with people you're close to because they're overly familiar -> for reference, Day, Gee and August all use these with each other, and Mork and Porjai use them with each other

Between ep. 1 and 2, Night and Mork go from the polite formal ผม/คุณ /pom, khun/ in both directions to Night using กู/มึง /guu, mueng/ and Mork using ผม/พี่ /pom, phi/ - they're friendly with each other! -> for reference, that's the exact same as you hear P'Aof and JimmySea using in the bts- P'Aof uses กู/มึง /guu, mueng/ while Jimmy and Sea use ผม/พี่ /pom, phi/ with him

Same as I've said that Mork and Day's way of speaking is getting sweeter, Day and Night are. uh. kind of the opposite. But also, they barely talk directly to each other anyway.

So let's look at that fight in the car in ep. 8

Night tries to engage Day and an awkwardly-caught-in-the-middle Mork takes up the speaking instead. When Day opts to use Mork as a middleman (just one of many instances of both brothers not speaking directly with each other), Night keeps on trying to engage him to no success. And then he just kinda- 🥴

ส่วนห้องน้ำคนพิการอยู่ทางขวา /suan haawng naam khohn phi gaan yuu thaang khwaa/ -> คนพิการ /khohn phi gaan/ = disabled/handicapped person (don't let the /phi/ in the romanization fool you, it has nothing to do with the pronoun พี่ /phi/)

I wonder since when they've been this distant because Night here isn't looking at Day like he's a person, he's almost looking at Day only through the lens of 'person I need to take care of' - because of the responsibility their mom has put upon him and because he's the older brother - anyone who's the eldest child among siblings and feels seen please raise your hand 🙋‍♀️

Night means well, he cares about his brother - but he's also ignorant and a bit of a klutz with his words. It's being singled out as disabled and the implication of needing special treatment in everything that tick Day off enough to speak directly to Night and start getting rude:

The word here is เหี้ย /hiia/ and it won't be the last time or the only curse word he uses.

Night is saying all the wrong things of course, while Mork is sitting in the back having to witness it all (and maybe being reminded of fights he's had with his own sister).

มึงรู้ปะ ตอนนี้กูเห็นเหี้ยไร /mueng ruu bpa, dtaawn nee guu hen hiia rai/ = You know what the fuck I see right now? กูไม่เห็นเหี้ยไรสักอย่างไง /guu mai hen hiia rai sak yaang ngai/ = I don't see a fucking thing! แล้วทุกอย่างแม่งก็หนักขึ้นเรื่อย ๆ /laaeo tuk yaang maaeng gaaw nak khuen reuuay reuuay/ = And it's all damn getting worse.

แล้วเพราะกูรู้ว่าแม่งแค่ฝันเนี่ยะ /laaeo phraw guu ruu waa maaeng khaae fan nia/ = And because I know it's just a damn dream, แม่งยิ่งเหี้ย /maaeng ying hiia/ = that's even more fucking shit.

Oof. Calm down, kiddo, this is your brother ;;

Day speaks with bitterness and resentment and viciousness. I don't think this started when Day started losing his sight but long before that, the way Day talks to and about his brother:

The only one who's looking out for Night is Mork

We actually get a lot of reaction shots of Mork silently watching and trying to parse the family dynamics, reaction shots of Night looking melancholic because of or happy for his brother, and sometimes it even looks like Night and Mork make sympathetic eye contact via reaction shots:

Night defends Mork several times in front of their mother and later tells Mork that they're grateful to him for making Day happier! And Mork does the same, he mentions Night to Day positively. Day doesn't realize it, for some reason, but Mork and Night talk to each other. And they see how Day interacts with the other one.

So it didn't surprise me at all to find out that Mork had gone behind Day's back yet again, after the brothers had that huge fight in the car. Of course Night knows where they are and that Day is safe. Of course Night knows. Night is constantly making sure that Day is okay without actually showing his involvement - he is just as invisible as Day and Mork were in parts of the story.

#last twilight #last twilight meta #last twilight night #thai bl #local woman harps on about linguistics #this got away from me a bit because it's really three thoughts combined plus some language stuff but i hope it's coherent enough dsjsdhsj #none of these three are perfect and they all make questionable choices and i love all of them for being such flawed realistic characters #i'm lowkey expecting shit to hit the fan soon considering the dad is also suddenly in the picture #i'm expecting day and mork to have a fight because of night and for it to maybe resolve because mork opens up about rung and probably havin #been a shitty brother to her or at least his feelings of guilt

[ephemerallovesong]

Rooftop [HSR Blade x Reader headcanons]

Sometimes life gets so hard that you want to end it all. It seems as if the world around is losing all its colors. But he knows what it's like to wish for death. And he won't let you leave him. Pairing: Blade x gn!reader

CW/TW: heavy topics, reader is really depressed and suicidal, attempt to end life. Do NOT interact if this can trigger you.

A/n: I'm in a depressive episode again and can't visit my psychotherapist right now, so here some comforting HCs. Please, talk with a specialist if you have problems with mental health, you are strong and everything's going to be alright. Not proofread, as a non-native english speaker I'm sorry for any mistakes.

◈ You have always been a ray of sunshine in Blade's life ever since you both met. Even if he didn't talk about it openly. Your care for him made him feel something warm again other than an all-consuming emptiness inside. ◈ But sometimes even the brightest sunny day can be overshadowed by clouds. ◈ You were especially cheerful that evening. So much so that it became suspicious. Especially when Blade noticed how empty and tired your eyes were despite your smile. ◈ You tried not to talk about your depression with other people. Jokes here and there, nothing more. Although Blade still noticed it. And he was worried. Although it was hard to tell from his cold and neutral expression. ◈ "Blade, promise me something? Promise that you can find something good in this life, no matter what." you said with a warm, yet slightly sad smile. ◈ But he has already found it. You. ◈ He just looked at you silently for a while before simply nodding. Your phrase was even more suspicious than your behavior. ◈ And then you left. ◈ But intuition told Blade that something was clearly wrong. He hesitated for a while before following you. Quiet, like a cat on the hunt. ◈ You went up to the roof. ◈ At first it looked like simple stargazing. You stood there and looked up at the dark sky. A light breeze gently ruffled your hair. ◈ "I am so sorry. I'm really sorry. I can't take it anymore." you mumbled to yourself. And there was silence. ◈ But as you confidently walked towards the edge of the roof with a heavy sigh, Blade broke this silence and rushed towards you. He understood what exactly you wanted to do. And he couldn't let that happen. ◈ You barely got your foot over the edge when he grabbed your arm and pulled you closer to him. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest. ◈ "Wh... What?" there was so much confusion and despair in your voice as you were pressed against his chest. "No! No! Let me go! Let me go!" ◈ You've already made up your mind and you can't back out. But Blade held you tightly in his arms. ◈ You cried and screamed and tried to break free from his grip, but it was useless. Your own heart felt like it was about to jump out of your chest. ◈ "I can't let you go." Blade's voice is barely above a whisper. "Not now. Never." ◈ He tightly held your waist with one hand while he stroked your head with the other. You trembled and sobbed and tried to fight. ◈ As soon as you start to sink to the floor Blade dropped down with you. You cried and he held you in his arms as tightly as he could. The thoughts in his head raced at the speed of light. It felt like it wasn't really happening. He could lose you. No. This cannot happen. ◈ With every minute your crying became quieter, and the struggle was weaker. Until you finally go limp in his arms, breathing heavily. ◈ "I'm here. I'm with you. Everything will be all right." his voice was still quiet, he continued to stroke your hair. "I understand how you feel. Like no one else. But (Y/N), I won't let you leave me." ◈ He should have noticed earlier that something was wrong with you. So that it doesn't get to this point. ◈ But he was glad that he listened to his intuition and got here in time. ◈ "You told me to find something good in this life. But I almost lost it. I almost lost you, (Y/N). You are the most valuable thing in my life." ◈ You fell completly silent as you listened to his words. ◈ "Please, I can't lose you. I do not want to lose you."

#honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #hsr blade #blade x reader #star rail #hsr #blade #hsr blade x reader #blade x y/n #blade x you

[itjazzbicch]

2 A.M.

Pairing:  Soft/Upset!Ichigo Kurosaki x Reader 

First time writing for Ichigo so I hope I did well! 

Summary: After saying some hurtful words during the heat of a battle, the reader and Ichigo's friendship is clearly affected by this, not seeing each other for days, when randomly, Ichigo come to talk in the middle of the night...

Warnings:  None! Just fluff

Word Count: 0.9k 

The rain in the night fell like sad tears, hearing the drops even while in the shower. Dead in the night, only the sound of water falling as I stood there, subconsciously washing away the soap that covered my body while I relived a painful memory in my head:

"You're just not strong, Y/N!"

"You're only in my way, so just disappear!"

I understood that everything Ichigo, our friends, and myself had been facing, Aizen and the Arrancars, was a matter of life or death, but all I wanted to do was use my powers to help.

I wasn't sure what the source of my power was, but I was no weakling and surely not a coward. Ichigo's strength was admirable. All of us looked at him as a ray of hope.

All I wanted was to help him, so he didn't have to carry such a heavy burden on his own, and that's what he screamed at me.

I haven't seen Ichigo since that day and they may have been just words, but they hurt my heart as if I could feel my heart-breaking piece by piece when those words replayed in my head.

Even after turning off the shower, water droplets were slowly falling on my feet. They were tears. No matter how hard I tried not to think about it, it was the only thing I could think about.

Like a zombie, I dried off and dressed for bed, tossing my towel into the hamper, making my way to my bed, and fixing my pillow. I was bound to have another restless night, wrapping myself with a blanket before I went to lay down and there were knocks on my door.

It was 2 a.m. Far too late for any guests to come, let alone on a rainy night.

With my luck, it'd be Chad or Uryu, wanting to go kill some hollows, but when I opened the door just enough to look with one eye, that bright, orange hair was my first sight, then Ichigo's big, brown eyes.

"Hey, Y/N," He only whispered, some pain in his voice as he spoke, but asked politely, "I know it's pretty late, but I can't sleep, and I need to talk to you. Can I come in?"

I only nodded, leaving the door open for him to enter, scooting my feet back into my room, laying on my side with my back facing him as he followed.

"What do you want to talk about?" I sighed, curling up into my blanket.

He wasn't responding which only made me anxious, my heart racing, mixing with confusion as I felt his body weighing onto my bed, pupils expanding when his arms wrapped me into a tight embrace, able to hear the shakiness in his voice as he whispered:

"I'm sorry. For what I said. For everything."

I truly didn't know what to say, letting him allow his own emotions to be set free as his hold around me tightened, shaking slightly, even sniffling as he continued:

"I just-; I was so scared of losing you. I just didn't want you to get hurt. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you. It would be all my fault."

"Ichigo," I cooed softly, understanding where he was coming from, rolling carefully to face him, "I know that you don't want anyone, let alone the people you care about, to get hurt. Trust me, I get that because I'm the same way. But-"

Lifting his head, moonlight shimmering past his teary eyes, I had to look him in the eye, to make sure he knew:

"You don't have to do all of this alone."

Tears began rolling down his cheek as he listened to what I had to say, wiping it away and assuring him:

"I know you're strong. Stronger than anyone that I know. Sometimes, strong people need help too and there's nothing wrong with that."

As a response, all he could do was hug me, hugging me so tight and I made sure to return it. His words from before hurt, but I knew now, that he didn't mean it. I'd never even seen him cry before, so that showed how serious he was. All he wanted was to make sure I didn't get hurt by those Arrancars.

"Even by chance, if something did happen to me, that's alright, Ichigo," I whispered with my voice beginning to crack, meaning with all my heart, "You fight with your all to protect all of us. I'd do the same for you. Even if I died doing it. As long as you're okay, I'd die happy."

Now, we were both crying silently, clinging to each other and showing how we felt the same, eyes shut tight till I felt him pick up his head, hand holding my face.

His eyes were still closed, both lungs and brain not working when his lips came to mine, my own eyes closing tight to shake off the disbelief, pressing my lips a bit harder to feel how real this was, not showing it, but desperate for air when our lips parted, our eyes meeting in sequence as they opened at the same time.

"I just never want anything bad to happen to you," He whispered with a deep breath, knowing what he meant, "Never."

"I know," There was never a guarantee of making it out of this safe when the worst was yet to come, but something deep inside of me just knew that we'd all make it out alright, "Just trust me, Ichigo,"

Cuddling back to him, I took the chance to hold him instead, and he hugged me all the same, both of us able to relax for the first time in quite some time, placing a kiss on top of his head:

"We're going to make it out of this." 

#bleach #bleach x reader #bleach x y/n #bleach fanfiction #bleach fanfic #bleach fic #bleach imagine #bleach fluff #bleach anime #ichigo kurosaki #ichigo kurosaki x reader #ichigo kurosaki x y/n #ichigo kurosaki fanfiction #ichigo kurosaki fanfic #ichigo kurosaki fic #ichigo kurosaki imagine #ichigo kurosaki fluff #read and enjoy

[dontyouworrydaddy]

N U M B E R

summary: Kyle wants to get to know you and asks for your number. But suddenly he left because of his Job leaving you alone.

warning: none

• ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗

In the beautiful city, amidst the chaos and noise, there was a small haven of tranquility—a library. It was a place where knowledge and imagination intertwined, where stories came alive in the pages of countless books. And in this sanctuary of words, Kyle found solace.

Kyle was a shy man, a soldier and always on the move. But there was something about the library that captivated him, drawing him back time and time again. Perhaps it was the escape it offered, a temporary respite from the trials and dangers of his life. Or maybe it was something else entirely.

One day, as Kyle perused the shelves, his eyes were drawn to a figure sitting by the window, bathed in soft rays of sunlight. It was you. The sight of you, engrossed in a book, captured his attention like nothing else before. The way you delicately turned each page, the way your eyes sparkled with curiosity—it was mesmerizing. He knew he wanted to get to know you.

In that moment, Kyle made a decision. He couldn't let this opportunity slip away. With a mix of courage and nervousness, he approached you, heart pounding in his chest. "Excuse me," he said, his voice carrying a hint of hesitation, "I couldn't help but notice how beautiful you look when you're lost in those pages. My name's Kyle, and I'd love to get to know you."

A faint blush colored your cheeks as you closed the book, meeting his gaze. "I'm Y/N" you replied, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "It's nice to meet you, Kyle." And so, a connection was forged in that quiet corner of the library. Kyle and you spent hours talking, sharing stories, and discovering common interests. He was enthralled by your intellect, your passion for learning, and the way your eyes lit up with excitement when discussing your favorite books.

Kyle found himself looking forward to each encounter, eager to explore the depths of your mind and heart as weeks passed when you spend time with each other. He marveled at the way you saw the world, the unique perspectives you brought to conversations. With every interaction, he fell deeper, drawn to your essence like a moth to a flame.

One day, as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting an orange glow over the city, Kyle mustered the courage to ask for your number. He knew he couldn't let this connection fade away, couldn't bear the thought of losing the opportunity to explore the potential of what could be.

"I don't want to rush things, but I feel a connection between us," Kyle confessed, his voice filled with sincerity. "I'd love to continue getting to know you, if you're willing. Can I have your number?"

A smile played upon your lips as you reached into your bag and pulled out a slip of paper, writing down your contact information. Handing it to Kyle, you met his gaze, your eyes reflecting a mix of anticipation and fondness.

"I'd like that," you said, your voice filled with warmth. "I've enjoyed our time together Kyle. Let's see where this journey takes us."

And so, your story began—a tale of two souls entwined in the serendipity of a library. Kyle and you embarked on a journey of exploration and connection, each moment bringing them closer. With each text, each conversation, you uncovered the layers of their beings, revealing vulnerabilities and strengths, dreams and aspirations.

As your bond deepened, Kyle realized that it was more than just your physical beauty that had initially captivated him. It was your kindness, your beauty and the way you made him feel seen and understood. In your presence, he discovered a sense of peace, a renewed hope in the midst of chaos. You became his anchor, a guiding light that brought clarity to his tumultuous world.

But life, as it often does, threw unexpected challenges their way. Kyle‘s duty called him away, demanding his unwavering commitment to protect and serve. He found himself torn between his responsibilities and his growing affection for you. But he has responsibilities and left you. Without telling you. This of course left you heart broken because you always waited for him.

Months passed, and Kyle‘s absence left an indelible void in your heart. Each day, you longed for his return, hoping to feel his presence once again. Doubt crept in, whispering that maybe he had forgotten you amidst the chaos of his duty.

One evening, as the sun began its descent, casting a warm golden hue across the horizon, a knock resounded at your door. Your heart skipped a beat, recognizing the familiar rhythm. With trembling hands, you opened the door, and there he stood. Kyle the embodiment of strength and resilience. The man you wanted to talk to again.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you embraced him, the months of separation melting away in that single moment. "I missed you," you whispered, your voice filled with a mix of relief and longing. Kyle held you tight, his grip conveying all the words that were left unsaid. "I missed you too," he murmured, his voice choked with emotion. "I couldn't bear being apart from you any longer."

As you settled into each other's presence once more, Kyle shared his struggles, the weight of his duty, and the moments when he found himself yearning for you. He revealed the battles he fought, not only on the front lines but also within his own heart. "I thought I could protect you by staying away. My Job requires a lot of responsibility and I didn’t know-" Kyle admitted and stopped mid sentence, his voice tinged with regret. "But I realized that nothing matters more than you do. The world may be chaotic, but with you by my side, I find the strength to face it all."

You looked into Kyle's eyes, seeing the vulnerability and love that resonated within them. In that moment, you knew that your bond was unbreakable, forged through adversity and fueled by an unwavering connection.

"You don't bring bad luck," you said softly, your voice filled with conviction. "You bring light into my life, and together, we can overcome any challenge that comes our way." As the night draped its velvety cloak over the world, you both found solace in each other's arms. The weight of the past months dissolved, replaced by the certainty of your love. In that shared embrace, you drifted into a peaceful slumber, knowing that no matter the trials ahead, your connection would endure.

For love, like the steadfast flame in the darkest night, possesses the power to guide, to heal, and to illuminate even the most shattered souls. And in that moment, with your heart entwined with Kyle's, you realized that true strength lies not in being invincible, but in the vulnerability of opening oneself to love.

Together, you embarked on a journey that defied the odds, where love triumphed over adversity, and where the union of two souls illuminated the path ahead. And in that shared commitment, you discovered that love is the most powerful force of all—a force that can overcome the shadows of doubt and bring forth a future filled with endless possibilities.

#kyle gaz garrick #kyle garrick #gaz #call of duty #cod #gaz cod #cod mw fanfiction #cod mw2 #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty modern warfare 2 #fanfic #kyle gaz garrick x reader #kyle gaz garrick x you #he needs a hug #love him

[egonspenglerishot]

sjsndbd you can keep sending me asks i literally do not mind them i love your ideas sm. you're actually helping with muse it's insane.

But since you insist, i had an idea in mind, and then i forgot, and then i saw your reblog and remembered again so !!

could i possibly get another egon x reader (i literally love egon i am not sorry about this) where the reader is a little bit religiously traumatized and they have a call there, but they physically cannot step into the church bc 1) their family went to this church, and 2) everything is coming back after almost forgetting about everything so egon has to comfort them.

Sorry if that's a little dark but that's me being angsty 💀

*rubs hands together* I also have religious trauma so les goooo

“I promise you’re okay Dove”

Egon Spengler x Reader

Warnings: angst, religious trauma, r@pe

Panic set in even before you’d gotten into the Ecto 1. The call you’d received was from a church, the Catholic Church to be precise. The one your parents attended when you were young. Egon knew you didn’t like churches somewhat but he thought it was just because you were a scientist and you didn’t believe the stupid bible stories.

You took your meds and got into the Ecto 1 all kitted up and ready. As Ray pulled up to the church your stomach did flips and suddenly you were back to your 7 year old self.

You were only young, seven years old nearly 8. Your parents were taking you to Easter service at the church near your apartment. You were dressed up in a pretty blue dress with a little bow at the back and your hair curled. You never understood why exactly this was so important but you enjoyed the free chocolate.

Of course you’d never worn a dress of this style to church. It came to your knees and was very poofy and femme. The dresses you usually wore were ankle length, and a peachy colour. You didn’t argue though because good girls never argued. As you approached the church the pastor was welcoming everyone, and though you nor your parents saw, he was eyeing you up.

You sat beside your parents and swung your little legs as the ceremony began. You were old enough to volunteer with the little show they put on and let kids get involved with. Of course you begged your parents and it didn’t take much for them to allow you to. The service itself went smoothly, afterward while children were allowed to play outside on the clear patch of grass and adults were sat around picnic tables talking, the pastor called you over into the church. He told you that you looked very pretty in your dress and that he knew God intended you to find a man soon.

This confused you because you were only 7 and boys were so blehhhhh. But you just nodded and smiled and turned to leave. The pastor asked you if you could show him your stockings because they looked so pretty and you foolishly agreed. You thought nothing of it and never mentioned it to your parents. And that’s how it continued every Easter service up until you were 15 and finishing up school.

He tried to get you to strip, going as far as to drag you into the confessional booth and rip your dress. Without going into to much depth he had his way with you and only after you were able to escape and run out screaming and crying. Your dress was in shreds, you were a mess makeup running down your cheeks, and all your parents said was, “you shouldn’t have been tempting him with how short your dress was”

You hadn’t moved from your seat in the Ecto one for a good five minutes, tears were streaming down your cheeks your breathing heavy. Egon told the others to go ahead and he would catch up. They agreed and he waited for you to calm down and come back to the real world. They had things in the car for if Egon ever had a panic attack. He grabbed a sugary drink and something sour for you and that helped you come back to the present.

He held your hand gently and you looked at him. His heart broke seeing how upset you looked. “It’s okay now my dove, I promise you it’s okay Dove”

When the ghost was contained and you were safely in Egons baggy clothes in his bed swaddled up with your favorite drink and snacks Egon put his favorite music on and worked on some paperwork at the desk inside the bedroom. Not even Venkman had cracked a joke about the church, and that was rare.

#ghostbusters egon #ghostbusters angst #ghost busters #ghostbusters peter venkman #ghostbusters x reader #ghostbusters ray stantz #ghostbusters ray #egon spengler angst #egon spengler x reader

[skylarmoon71]

Bumblebee (Transformers) Chapter 17

The ease of just chilling under a tree with your favorite autobot is very satisfying.

No evil robots chasing you.

Just you and Bumblebee in Sam’s backyard.

Said teen was off on a date with Mikaela. His parents were also out on a weekend vacation that Judy won. She was pretty proud of that accomplishment. So there you lay under the shade of a tree, enjoying the soft breeze and gentle rays of sun that peeked through.

Bumblebee’s optics blinked as he poked your shoulder and you laughed, scooting down a bit to share some of the shade. His engine let out a soft whirring sound and you sigh happily.

“This is the life. Isn’t it Bee. ” You mumble.

Bee nodded.

“It sure is, sport!” His radio responded.

You turned your head in his direction, soaking in the atmosphere.

Just a few weeks ago you’d been so angry at him. Although he had lied to you, there’s a part of you that was more hurt because you thought he just didn’t trust you.

Thinking back you understood. There were so many variables he had to take into account. At the end of the day he’d been following an order from Optimus. Because despite his innocent nature, he was a soldier.

Very loyal.

You admire that.

“Thanks for always looking out for me, Bumblebee.”

His head turned, and you could see the way those blue orbs shined.

“I’ll always be there to protect you (Y/N).”

It’s one of the few times that he talks without the assistance of the radio.

He leans over, one of his hands at the side of your head. You lose your breath when his free hand gently strokes your cheek. He’s just using one finger. Despite the cold of the metal, your body feels nothing but heat. Both at his touch and the strength of his gaze. His finger drifts down, and you find yourself swallowing as his eyes track wherever his hand goes. It runs down your shoulder that’s exposed due to your tank top.

He doesn’t stop there. It’s almost like he’s mesmerized. His head tilts to the side, and you bite down on your lip when his hand changes course. His thumb runs from along your ankle, right up to your knee. You can’t get a word out.

Not one single thing.

His head leans a bit closer and instinctively your hands lay against his chest plates.

“B-Bee..”

You’re hoping he’ll realize just what he’s doing, but he still seems zoned out.

When his hand moves to your inner thigh, you let out a soft sound.

It pulls his eyes away from your body, and you press your knees together looking startled as you cover your mouth with your hand.

He blinks, taken with the sound and that bashful expression on your face. It’s then that he processes your light touch on his chest.

“That was cute..do it again..”

You’re surprised at his words. Before you have a chance to say much, he strokes you between your legs and you jolt, lifting your hips. You can hear the fans of his engine increase as you arch your back. Your thighs part unconsciously and you’re now gripping at his chest. You’re holding on so tight. It’s as if you don’t want this to stop.

You don’t want him to stop.

His other hand finds its way over to your hip and he pushes up the material of your shirt to relish in the softness of your skin. He’ll never get tired of the subtle differences between his race and your own. Although much weaker in comparison, you’re strong willed. Maybe that’s what he admires. You’re much more limited in strength, yet you still faced an enemy to protect him and his family even when you were so clearly hurt by his betrayal. You placed your life on the line.

For him.

His grip tightens just a little and when he sees the blue light that follows along the veins of your skin, he marvels. A shimmer of blue ignites in your eyes and you can’t help but moan. Bumblebee is a bit taken aback. It’s almost like he can feel a spark. His hand drifts to the center of your chest and your heart beat sends a jolt throughout his processes that causes another wanton sound to slip from your lips.

His body staggers and he braces his hand against the grass so as to not crush you with his weight. You’re both now chest to chest and he’s the one in disarray. You hug him tightly, legs trying to wrap around his much larger hips as you press into him.

The sound of Sam’s front door opening is what brings you both back to earth.

“Hey Bee, have you seen my phone?”

Sam calls.

You scramble, and Bumblebee looks a bit panicked. You push him, trying to get to your feet. Bee is just as flustered as you.

“I-I’m sorry! I-I don’t know why I did that I-”

“It’s okay!!”

You won’t look directly at him, and you begin stammering.

“I-I have to get g-going I-I’ll see you tomorrow Bee!”

You practically sprint out of there, and Bee watches your bag that is perched on the table not too far away. You’d forgotten it in your haste to get away. His head drops back onto the ground.

“That was..amazing..”

He can still feel the soft sparks from where his hand touched. The beat of your heart that was almost calling his body closer. He’d never experienced anything like that before.

Mojo just looked over at him, tilting his head.

#bumblebee #transfromers #friends #sam witwicky #feelings #happy #love #bumblebee x reader #cute #humor #fluff

[wooahaes]

under the sun [dk]

pairing: non-idol!seokmin x gn!reader

prompt: darl+ing inspired fic.

word count: 8.7k

warning: a lot of emotional vulnerability between reader and seokmin (angst). skinship. vague food mentions (they cook, so food implied). seokmin and reader both cry on each other multiple times. fluffy idiots who fall for each other and know it. minimal editing, admittedly (its 6 am).

daisy’s notes: im sorry i have 0 impulse control and wrote this in the span of a few hours.

summary: It all starts when you wake up in a field without a name or any memories to define yourself with. Thirteen men take you in as one of their own, and slowly you begin to wonder what is going on within this world... and between you and one of them.

< day 3 || masterlist  ||

Things were... hard in the beginning. Seokmin knew that just as much as everyone else did. Despite the fact he was always a ray of sunshine, according to everyone who knew him, he struggled when he first showed up with nothing but the clothes on his back. He hid that struggle well, in his opinion, since no one ever seemed to comment on it--more-so on the lack of a struggle. Joshua had once said it was like Seokmin had always been right there with them with how well he seemed to mesh into the group. He just smiled and nodded along, agreeing that the group always felt like family since he stepped into it--but he knew that he struggled a little with feeling... out of place. Maybe it came in part from being the only person there who wasn’t found by Seungcheol. It was something that still stung to think about, in a weird sense that he never told anyone. Like he had tread on forbidden ground, his stay allowed by someone who couldn’t fully guarantee it (but Jeonghan and Joshua had both promised him that he would be cared for, that Seungcheol would let him stay despite the anxiety in the back of his mind telling him that his word seemed to hold more power than theirs). Seokmin learned in time that, while Seungcheol did lead them, he valued the opinions of everyone there. People were allowed to make their case when fights broke out among the group (and they did: Seokmin witnessed so many and partook in some), and Seungcheol listened. But that was something Seokmin learned in time.

He saw himself in you, if he was honest. That same inkling of uncertainty that bled through in certain actions. He saw it in Mingyu when he first came, all hidden behind that happy exterior and a charming smile as he got along with everyone. In Minghao, too, in the way he retreated into himself, too uncertain of the others at first until Seokmin (and Jun--Seokmin knew it was a collaborative effort, even if his initial talks were enough to warm Minghao up a bit) helped build that bridge between them. In Seungkwan, who was brought into his friendship with Soonyoung with ease; in Hansol, who masked it well, too, but opened up when Seokmin prodded him to; and in Chan, who openly spoke to him one night about feeling out of place.

So when he found you outside one night, several days after you learned your name, he wasn’t surprised. Sure, you came out of your shell a little--in part because Chan took you on as his own companion, but Seokmin still saw it. The moments of uncertainty in your actions, more-so when you had to ask for help. He understood it. That was what he did: he understood the hard parts and tried his best to brighten them up so that everyone remembered they weren’t alone.

He stood at the edge of the courtyard, watching where you had sat down in the grass. “Are you having trouble sleeping?”

Your shoulders jerked as you whipped around to face him, and Seokmin could see where there were wet streaks down your cheeks. He understood that part, too. You wiped at your eyes roughly, apologizing without much of a second thought to it.

“I can leave if you need to be alone,” he said softly, but took a few steps forward just to crouch down next to you. “Do you want me to leave?”

He watched you think it over, lips pressing into a tight line before you shook your head. You scoot aside a little, giving him the space to sit down if he wanted to. “It’s okay,” you said. “I’m fine now.”

“Are you?” He sat down next to you, watching you carefully. “It’s okay to cry. We all know this is hard.”

“It shouldn’t be,” you hugged yourself. “It’s just...”

He said nothing. Seokmin just sat there, watching you take a deep breath to keep the tears at bay. If you wanted to cry, though, he would let you. He just needed to know how to care for you if you did, even if that meant leaving you alone to let emotions run their course.

“It’s just hard.”

Seokmin looked ahead, watching tall wheat sway in the breeze. The moon was big and bright, and he wondered if he’d see another falling star. He remembered hearing about one the night of Chan’s celebration. Chan hadn’t shut up about it the entire morning they found you, after all, citing Seungcheol as being right there with him when he saw it. That felt special. Maybe Seokmin would witness something like that with you, if he were lucky. A little moment shared between the two of you might help make you feel more at home.

You reached up, wiping at your eyes again. “I feel like everyone’s just going to worry if I don’t act like I’m fine. I know it’s annoying having to teach me everything.”

“You’re learning,” he said. “Everyone learns differently. No one’s going to be upset with you for that.”

“I know.” You didn’t look at him, just staring straight ahead as you controlled your emotions as tightly as you could. “I don’t want anyone to worry about me any more than they already do.”

Seokmin just stared at you for a moment. He understood that part, too, a little too well. He just put on a smile instead, soft and understanding as he could make it. “It’s okay to be cared for,” he said. “We’re a family. We’re supposed to be here for each other. That includes you.”

He watched you shut your eyes, squeezing them tight, but the tension ease off of your shoulders a little.

He tore up pieces of grass. “But if it helps,” he said, letting them drop into the breeze. “You can come to me, and I won’t tell anyone unless you want me to.”

He could have cited Chan, or Seungcheol, or anyone else that you were probably closer to. Yet... Seokmin felt like he saw himself in you a little more than he saw in the others. Perhaps that was why he felt the need to be there for you. Right when he was about to apologize, to ask if he crossed a line with that, you relaxed a little and finally met his gaze.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you said. “Thanks, Seokmin,” and you leaned forward, pressing a gentle peck against his cheek. “You’re sweet.”

He watched you stand up, stretching in place for a moment before making some remark about how you were going back to bed now. Mingyu was probably missing his cuddle partner. You asked if he was coming, and he waved you to go on ahead. He could use a moment to himself, too. He waited until you went back inside to finally let out a breath, burying his face in his hands for a moment. One little kiss on the cheek was enough to fluster him, definitely because he wasn’t sure you’d be that kind of person. His fingers brushed over where your lips had pressed earlier, and he smiled to himself.

Maybe the two of you would be good friends in the end, if you liked him enough to show that little display of affection in private. He was sure you’d do the same with someone like Chan, and he knew that Seungcheol would dote on you and give you tiny kisses on the top of your head when trying to comfort you (he’d seen Joshua do the same, to be honest). But he felt... a little special in getting your affection like this.

A week later, you pressed a small note into Seokmin’s hand when you passed by him, pausing long enough to ask him what he was doing with Minghao. He pushed the note into his pocket (you lingered behind long enough to watch him do it) and met you gaze with an understanding nod before you trailed off after Jeonghan to go play some card game he’d been wanting to show you. All you gave him was a general time and place (after everyone went to sleep in the gardens), and when the time came, you pulled yourself out of Chan’s embrace. He pulled your little mouse plush into his chest, falling back asleep soon enough while you tiptoed around bodies until you finally left to wait in the gardens. You sat down underneath the peach trees, shivering slightly in the night’s breeze. Normally it was so warm, but maybe it was your mood that was making you feel a little colder. Wasn’t there some science there? You weren’t completely sure.

Soon enough, Seokmin emerged from the church and found you. He walked over, slowly sinking into the spot next to you.

“What’s wrong?” He finally asked a few minutes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You just leaned into his side, shutting your eyes. A swell of guilt rose in your stomach over inviting him out just to vent your own frustrations. “I feel like I don’t belong here.”

Seokmin held back the urge to tell you that you did. That wasn’t what you needed right now, even if he did think that you belonged right there with them. “Why?”

A quiet inhale. A slow exhale. “I don’t remember anything.” You met his gaze a moment later. If it weren’t for the clear skies and the moon overhead, you wouldn’t be able to see his face. “I didn’t even remember my own name. It just feels... wrong.”

“It takes time,” he said. “Even if you never remember, it won’t change how we feel about you.” His hand brushed over your own. “You’re you. We like you.”

“But what about me?” You felt tears beginning to well up, and started trying to blink them back. “How can I like me if I don’t know who I am yet?”

Seokmin’s gaze softened tremendously at that, already reaching out to pull you closer. You folded into his arms without hesitation, eyes squeezing shut as you let go, tears spilling down your cheeks. He said nothing and just held you, slowly rubbing your back as you cried into his chest. Something in his chest ached at the thought of you being unable to love yourself. He hadn’t fully considered that aspect of it. Even with all the support around him, Seokmin could understand the feeling, too, of not being whole and trying to navigate that.

“I think... We have to love the parts of us we have,” he said quietly when your sobs grew softer. “And the people we’re becoming instead.”

You curled your hands into his shirt, fabric bunched between your fingers. “It’s just not fair--” You hiccuped, trying to bring yourself back down from your emotional high. “I just...”

Seokmin’s fingers grazed your shoulders for a moment as he brought you out of his chest, taking your face into his hands. He wiped away your tears. “It’s okay,” he said. “It’s hard... but you can do it. We’ll love you no matter what,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Don’t forget that. We’ll be right here with you.”

Seokmin felt something stir in his chest at that. A need to hold you, to just stay there with you. Was it the familiarity in you? In your words. Seokmin loved himself, that much was true. But loving something incomplete? The way a parent was meant to love their child? The way partners loved each other, or the way friends loved one another until the end point was reached? What was life if not a series of moments loving people who were still growing until you reached the end? His thumbs grazed your cheeks a moment longer before he let go of you, letting you move back into his arms to just stay there and be held. He understood that, too. Sometimes all he wanted was for the others to hold him for a moment, usually excused as him simply seeking skinship. The warmth of another person’s touch, their presence to remind you that they’re alive: how can someone live without it?

He thought about Seungcheol’s time alone sometimes. It flooded his nightmares, too, of a world where he was completely alone. Even his more recent dreams of being in a band with a few unfamiliar faces turned darker when they disappeared the moment he looked away. He’d wake up, sometimes with his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath, and he’d remember he wasn’t alone. But even the thought of him being left alone terrified him most days. To not have Soonyoung to joke around with, or Minghao to sit with on lovely evenings, or fruit to share with Seungkwan... or you, right there in his arms because you trusted him to see the messy parts of you?

Seokmin wanted you to stay right there with him forever, just so he knew he’d have someone in his arms who could understand. He shut his eyes, letting you just hold onto him and snuggle into his chest.

A few more minutes, the two of you told yourselves. And then you’d go to bed after savoring that little moment of warmth a bit longer.

“Mouse.”

You’d been kneeling in the dirt when Minghao approached you, his own work completed. He’d waved to Jun on his way over before tucking his hands back into his jacket. He stood in front of you for a moment, quiet and watching you. You had greeted him in turn, glancing back at the blackberries you’d been picking before watching him for a moment longer. It was evident that he wanted to say something to you, yet... He was hesitating.

“Is everything okay?” You asked after another moment of waiting. “You can talk to me, Hao. It’s okay.”

Minghao glanced back to where Jun was before he turned back to you. “Do you want some help?”

You looked back at the blackberry bush in front of you, and then to Minghao. “I think I’ve got it handled!” You smiled, “Thanks--”

He kneeled down anyway, not joining in on the work at all. “I wanted to talk to you,” he said outright, “so I think I should just... say it.”

You frowned. Minghao didn’t exactly get along with you the way others did, but you didn’t think he disliked you. For the most part, you just tried to be mindful of his boundaries. “Did I do something?”

Minghao’s gaze flickered back up to your face instead of his own hands where he’d been fiddling with the bracelet he wore--something Joshua had made, you thought. It looked like the beaded jewelry he made. “No!” He said, “No, I...” He took a deep breath. “I just wanted to tell you... I think Seokmin carries a lot on his shoulders.”

You furrowed your brow. “Okay?”

“I know the two of you have been talking,” he said. “I... saw the two of you, I mean. I didn’t hear anything, but...”

“You don’t want me to talk to him?”

Minghao didn’t meet your gaze. “You should talk to him if it helps you. I just wanted you to care for him a little more than you care for the rest of us.”

With a glance at your basket of berries, you decided you’d picked enough. You pulled off your juice-stained gloves, setting them into your lap as you settled into the grass. “I don’t understand.”

He looked up after a long inhale. “Seokmin talks to us, but I think he doesn’t do it enough. I was just thinking that maybe... if he isn’t going to talk to us yet, then maybe he’d open up to someone new. Someone different from us.”

Different stood out a little too much to you. But you masked the slight tinge of pain it brought on. “I’ll try,” you promised.

“I know it’s a lot of responsibility,” he said. “I don’t know how to tell you I don’t... expect you to do it? I just want Seokmin to know he can talk to someone. He doesn’t have to hide his feelings.”

“Why haven’t you tried talking to him?”

He pressed his lips together. “I’ve tried,” he admitted, “a few times. We’ve talked a little, and it helped, just...”

“Not enough.”

On one hand, you didn’t understand what Minghao wanted from you. If Seokmin wasn’t going to tell people he was close to about the way he felt, why would he talk to you, someone who was still a stranger to him? Sure, Minghao said that you were “different” from them in some way, but... why you? What could Seokmin tell you that he wouldn’t tell someone like Minghao, or Soonyoung, or even Seungcheol? But on the other hand, you could maybe understand it a little. In a sense, you were a new perspective to certain things. From what you heard, Chan seemed to get the hang of things and fit in with relative ease pretty early on. You were still finding your footing, trying to get into the rhythm of things a little over a week after you came.

“You don’t have to do much,” Minghao said. “Just be there for him if he asks for you to be.”

That much you could do for anyone there. The moment you promised to try, you could practically see the stress roll off of Minghao’s shoulders. He shyly pressed a gentle peck against your cheek, the way others confidently did, and thanked you before returning to his own work. Your fingers grazed over where his lips had just been, and you smiled to yourself.

It was nice to know how much this family cared for one another.

Out of everyone, you liked cooking with Seokmin the most. Maybe it was because of your blossoming feelings for him, but he was nice to stay around. He always asked you about your day and would gently correct you if he needed to, or he’d tell you a story from before you came. It was nice to hear about the way life was before Seungkwan and Hansol found you, or even before they found Chan... Just little stories there, most from that first month of Chan’s joining. Seokmin talked about the time they went swimming together once at that lake. They’d have to take you one day--maybe before your celebration when they all need the break from preparations.

“Seokmin?” You looked up. “Celebrations were your idea, right?”

He hummed in response. “Yes?”

“Why?” You paused for a moment, realizing how harsh that could come off, “I mean--It’s a nice idea. I really like it. I think it’s sweet how much you guys celebrate your time together. I was just thinking about it, that’s all.”

Seokmin’s actions slowed to a halt. “I think... We all deserve to be happy for once.”

“We’re happy without them, though, right?”

He hesitated for a moment, before giving you a curt nod. You could hear the sound of him beginning to chop again, knife hitting the cutting board with each slice. “Right. But before I came, it felt like everyone was more carefree about it. I think we should take the time to really appreciate what we have.”

You had continued working, nodding along as he spoke. “A home...”

“That, but... our family. The garden. We’re all here and we’re doing well,” he paused for a moment. “We’re surviving together. The others survived before we came here, too. And.. we joined,” he met your gaze a moment, “and we’re helping build this community, too.” His eyes were twinkling with joy. “I think that’s something we should celebrate.”

“Why a month?” You asked. “That’s what the others said: one, three, six, and then it was supposed to go by year.”

Seokmin grew a little flustered as he looked away from you. “I think it’s good to celebrate people deciding to stay and making the effort to live with each other. That’s all.”

You could see the appeal. All you did was nod once more, letting out a small hum of acknowledgement for the sentiment. Seokmin truly was sweet and probably one of the most openly caring people there.

“I think it’s important to feel special,” he said a moment later. “And to remember that you’re cared for.”

Again, you ended up pausing for a moment. That was sweet. Seokmin was sweet. You already knew you were starting to fall for him, for how kind he was, but that moment made you fall a little bit more. He thanked you for staying a moment later.

“Thank you for staying, too,” you said in return. “I’m glad you’re here, Seokmin.”

He couldn’t fight back the smile tugging at his lips, face warm and heart fluttering. He pressed another kiss against your forehead before he hugged you tight, thanking you for being a sweetheart. And maybe, just a little, he felt that feeling of needing to be close to you stir in his chest more.

When Seokmin fell asleep that night, he dreamed of fighting with something over something stupid. He remembered the fear of getting hit and backing down. It was familiar--like the silly fight he had with Mingyu once. But... different. The strangest sense of deja vu despite not recognizing the walls around him, the face of the person he was arguing with even though he swore he knew that person.

When he woke up, he saw your sleeping face across from his own. Soonyoung had curled up close to you again, face squished against your shoulder. You had a hand laid, palm-up in front of you as you peacefully slept. He reached up, cautious for a moment, but he gently placed his own over yours. He liked the way your hand seemed to perfectly fit in his own.

Maybe he already liked you. Seokmin was happy to admit that to himself. Maybe he’d tell you, too, sometime soon. When he was ready, he promised himself. 

You had asked Seokmin if he wanted to go on a walk with you one night. While you had no woes to really spill for once (you felt fine, to be honest), you hoped that maybe he’d open up to you this time. If nothing else, you were happy to have him as company. You were always happy to have Seokmin right next to you. He’d been sticking closer to you, too, lately. You weren’t always great at gauging when people had feelings for you--especially in such an affectionate group that seemed to press kisses onto your skin and hold your hand and cuddle close whenever given the chance--but... Seokmin always had this look on his face when he looked at you. It was overflowing with affection, more-so than the way he looked at the others. He loved everyone: that you were positive of. But... something about how tender he would be with you, fingers intertwined with your own so often like it was something he was meant to do...

You had a pretty good feeling about Seokmin. If you were a little braver, you’d ask him outright how he felt. But that could come later.

He had held your hand that night, walking with you alongside the river. Neither of you were going to go too far from the church, but with the moon bright above, you felt no worries about losing your way. Seokmin’s warm hand, palm pressed against yours, only served to make you feel safer. You hoped he felt the same with you there.

“Did someone put you up to this?” He asked after a while.

You looked up. “What?”

“Not the walk,” he said. “I think that was you. But... I know the others worry,” he said. “Was it Minghao? Or Jeonghan? Or... maybe Soonyoung,” he said, voice growing a little quieter, “did someone ask you to watch over me?”

You grew flustered, realizing how easily he saw through you. “No one put me up to this--”

Seokmin stopped, stepping into your way. “It’s okay,” he said. “Like I said... I know the others worry. I promise I’m okay,” he said, pulling his hand free. He took your face into his hands, pressing another kiss to your forehead. “I would tell you if I wasn’t.”

“Would you?”

He nodded, not offended by the slight disbelief in your voice. “It’s my job to help make everyone happy,” he told you. “That’s why I suggested the celebrations. We all struggle sometimes... so I’m here to help make it better.”

You frowned. “Seokmin...” You reached up, pulling his hands away from your face. You pressed your palms against his own, his fingers following your own as you stretched yours. “Then who’s supposed to hold you through your hard times?”

“I can take care of myself,” he promised. “You don’t need to worry about me.”

That... stung. You trusted him. Did he not trust you? “Are you sure?”

He nodded. “Would it help if I promised to come to you?” He drew your hand closer to his mouth, pressing his lips against your knuckles. “If I need you?”

You nodded. “It would.”

“Then I will.” Another kiss against your knuckles. “Can I hold you tonight?”

You frowned. “Seokmin...” You pouted. “Chan already asked, I feel really bad going back on it--”

He laughed. He wasn’t offended by a promise to cuddle with someone else--but you pouting over having to turn him down only endeared you more to him. “Tomorrow, then,” he said. He pressed another kiss to your forehead. “Should we head back? This was nice,” he slipped his hand into your own again, fingers intertwined. “We should do this more.”

“Go for walks?”

“Be together,” he smiled at you. “I like being with you.”

You hid a smile behind your free hand, and the sound of Seokmin’s laugh only made the heat travel back to your face. Even if the night was a failure at getting him to open up, you felt... more certain that Seokmin liked you the way liked him. Maybe something would blossom further between the two of you. If you could have more little dates with Seokmin like this (and something told you, by that cute look on his face, that he’d be the kind of person to follow you anywhere), you’d be happy. Maybe he’d open up to you further as you grew closer.

He let go of your hand when you came back to the church, not wanting anyone to catch either of you in what was beginning to feel more intimate. But you turned back to him before the two of you could head down to rejoin the others, and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Maybe he’d kiss you soon. You made him want to even more.

He watched you trail a few steps ahead, Chan looking up from where he’d changed for bed and been in conversation with Seungkwan, smiling the moment he saw the two of you had returned. He opened his arms out, doing grabby hands for you to come over.

“Let me change, you dork!” You called out, and Seokmin only smiled as he watched you walk off.

Cute. He liked how much you seemed to fit into their family now. He’d end up curled up between Seungkwan and Soonyoung soon enough, but he honestly ached to hold you in his arms again. Something about holding you made him feel safe.

He dragged himself from bed, quietly leaving the room to get a glass of water. The sound of someone coming in pulled his attention away from the tap, and he felt water spill over his fingers as Seungcheol stood in the doorway.

“Is everything okay?” Seungcheol asked once he grew a little closer, leaning against the counter.

Seokmin nodded, wiping off the side alongside his wet fingers. “I couldn’t sleep.”

Seungcheol nodded, arms folded across his chest. “How’s Mouse?”

“They’re--” He paused, hesitating. He figured someone would have noticed the way you two would sneak away to talk at night--and it didn’t surprise him that Seungcheol either would have been told or noticed on his own. You had been struggling before, but he promised he wouldn’t tell Seungcheol without reason.

“They don’t know I’m talking to you,” he said. “You don’t have to tell me anything they trusted you with, Seokmin. But... is there anything the rest of us can do for either of you?”

Seokmin caught that, too outright for him not to. “I’m fine,” he insisted further. “I think they’re having a rough time. They’ll come to you when they’re ready.”

Seungcheol nodded, busying himself with straightening up. “What about you?” 

“Cheol,” Seokmin frowned. “I promise I’m okay.”

Seungcheol looked up. “You can always talk to us,” he said again. “I just wanted you to know that--”

“I know you worry,” he said. “I appreciate the concern. I promise I’ll come to you if I need you.”

Seungcheol drifted a step back. “Okay,” he said. “Sleep well. You know we’re here for both of you.”

Seokmin thanked him as Seungcheol began to head back to bed, and he called out a goodnight to him before he left completely. He sighed, feeling as though his mask was slipping a little too much nowadays. He had heard Seungkwan venting frustrations to Hansol the other night, talking about how much of his previous life felt like it was right there at the tip of his tongue. He heard Soonyoung swear that Jihoon’s songs reminded him of something. That Jihoon was getting frustrated again, because now he was struggling to write lyrics in general--and even though he never managed to finish those songs, something blocking out any inspiration to do so, it was... more frustrating this time.

Seokmin decided he would be the sunshine they all needed to clear away the rainy feelings. He could deal with his own feelings later. But when he went back to bed, to curl up next to Seungkwan and Soonyoung again, he looked back at your sleeping form. Chan’s arms were wrapped around you, your back pressed against his chest so he could bury your face in his shoulder. Mingyu was on the other side of you, holding your hand. That little stuffed mouse you slept with was nestled close to you, too.

Maybe Seokmin could tell you, first. You’d been open enough with him. Maybe it was his turn to open up.

There was a little pressure to do things well whenever Seungcheol was working with you. Most of the time, you realized it wasn’t necessary. While he would check in with whoever was on the same chore as him, he wasn’t going to hover over your shoulder and chastise. Sometimes he’d catch mistakes, but they were always met with a firm correction and an explanation on what you were doing wrong if you needed it. But most days, he’d go off and work on harvesting his own things, or he’d focus on his own share of the laundry. He was a leader, yes, but he still had to complete his own share of the chores every day.

Yet he stayed close to you that day, watching the way you were pruning plants the way he taught you. Just to observe, he told you. Yet he stayed kneeled nearby, picking his own share of fruit from those bushes while you dropped yours into the basket between the two of you. Sometimes clipping away at the dead leaves that had shriveled up enough that you could safely remove them. Seungcheol watched on with the slight sense of pride in his eyes that you had listened well.

After the longest time of not talking, save for the occasional note of praise, he spoke up again: “Is everything okay?”

You said nothing, caught off-guard by the sudden question. Did Seokmin say something...? Had you said something worrisome by accident? You weren’t sure. You hadn’t had any problems lately, after all. Was that what worried Seokmin...?

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk to me about it,” he continued on after a moment, not looking up from his own gardening. “But you should know you can always come to me if you need to.”

You nodded. “Right. Thank you, Seungcheol.”

He frowned immediately at that, looking over at you with a pout. “Cheol,” he corrected you, only slightly whiny as he did so. “Don’t call me Seungcheol...”

You almost laughed at how cute he could be sometimes. Despite being the leader of this rag-tag bunch, he still had his moments where the “strong, responsible” leader melted away and revealed him to be someone stubborn and sweet. You hadn’t seen it during your first week there, and you assumed it was because he was still in his “leader” mode to make sure you were comfortable with your new surroundings. But he wrapped his arms around you two separate times before, complaining about how the others (Seungkwan, once, and another time it had been Chan) wouldn’t tell him that they loved him back. He had smiled, teasingly asking if you’d say it back.

You had laughed a little, but you told him both times that you loved him. He giggled, pressing a kiss to your temple before saying that you were his new favorite. It was sweet. You were glad to have someone like Seungcheol guiding the group.

“Sorry, Cheol,” you said, trying not to laugh at how he was still sulking over your slip-up. “I guess I have a lot on my mind.”

He nodded. “Are you talking to someone here...?”

Shit, would it offend him that you only talked to Seokmin...? “Sometimes Seokmin and I talk,” you confessed. “Is that okay?”

“As long as you have someone you’re comfortable talking to, I’m happy.” He stopped in his work, looking up to meet your gaze. “I know it’s still hard, but we’re all here for you whenever you feel ready to open up.”

You didn’t think before you started to speak. “It’s hard to open up when it feels like no one else wants to.” You tore your gaze away from his, going back into your work. “I mean... Sometimes Seungkwan will talk about his feelings, and so do a few others, but it feels like we’re all still holding everything close to our chests. I know you want us to be open and honest with each other, Cheol, but I think it’ll take more than just telling people we have the space to do so. We’re fourteen people,” you dropped a berry into the basket, and then plucked a dried-up leaf that’d fallen in. “It’s hard to bring up things without feeling out of place,” you tossed it away. “Like we’re intruding. Vulnerability is hard.”

Seungcheol watched you carefully. “Is there a way we can help with that?”

You swallowed the doubt you felt. Hopefully you didn’t cross a line. “Maybe you should lead by example, Cheol,” you finally looked back up to watch him. He was serious now, taking in every word you were saying. So you continued on, “I think we all look up to you. If you talked about what’s on your mind... Maybe it’d help all of us feel more comfortable, too.”

He nodded, letting the words sink in. He reached out, bringing you in to press a kiss against your temple. “I’ll try,” he said, although it felt... too quiet. Too light, too airy. Like it was a lie in its most obvious form, but surely Seungcheol wouldn’t lie so obviously to your face. “If you think that’ll help...”

“I do,” you insisted. “I think he looks up to you a lot. Maybe it could... inspire people, I guess.”

Seungcheol watched you for a moment longer, just studying the way you gazed off into the distance. He knew. “You’re worried about someone.”

“Huh?”

“It’s okay,” he said, voice soft. “But... Mouse?” He smiled, “Promise me you’ll pursue what makes you happy.”

You blinked in confusion, and then once more. “What do you mean?”

Seungcheol didn’t answer you, giving you a gentle pat on the head as he stood up. You could already hear the sound of someone--two people, actually--running through the trees. You looked up to see Seokmin and Soonyoung standing there, smiling and out of breath as they caught sight of you.

The two greeted him casually enough, and then Soonyoung looked at you. “When you’re done, you should come join us--”

“They’re done,” Seungcheol said, casual as can be. You immediately looked toward him, fully aware you had more work to do. “I can carry these inside, Mouse,” Seungcheol told you. He nodded for you to go on, to join the others, and you said nothing.

Soonyoung looked from you to Seungcheol, not oblivious to the fact that you were clearly not finished. But Seokmin held a hand out to you, happy to help you to your feet before he started helping you dust yourself off. He was already explaining the card game he wanted to play with you and Soonyoung, and Soonyoung took one look at Seokmin before it clicked. He met Seungcheol’s eyes, and the leader merely smiled at him and nodded toward the direction of the church.

The three of you headed back toward the church, and Seungcheol noticed the way Seokmin tightly held your hand in his own. He looked back at where you had abandoned your work, and sighed. He shook his head. Maybe he shouldn’t take over for you--at least not make a habit of it--but... What was one more day of picking up the slack if it meant you could be happy? He saw the way you lit up when you saw Seokmin had come to find you. If you smiled at him that way...

Seungcheol sighed once more, and smiled to himself. He hoped you’d take his words to heart in the end. Even when he was carrying both your and his parts of the day’s harvest, he could hear the way your laugh carried down from the attic. You were calling Soonyoung a cheater, and trying to get Seokmin (who was laughing, too) onto your side.

He wondered when you’d realize that Seokmin was already right there, and that he’d likely stay right there if you’d let him.

Seungcheol was the first to confess a few days later that he worried about his leadership being enough. He spoke up in the middle of dinner, surprising most of you aside from Jeonghan and Joshua--who seemed to be fully aware of this in advance. Everyone fell in to support him, praising him or giving him critique about how he can do better if he truly felt that he needed it. It led Jihoon to admit he was worried about his own talent. About whether he was chasing something empty by writing so many songs, even though he’d never finish a single one. He felt like he was getting a part of himself back.

Soonyoung understood the feeling. Sometimes when he danced, it felt like he was closer to something. Chan could understand the feeling--as did Jun and Minghao. Hansol could, too, when he worked on his own lyrics.

All Seokmin did was provide support throughout all of it. Not everyone shared something they’d been holding to their chest (Joshua said nothing, and neither did Mingyu or Chan aside from any feelings they could understand), so it didn’t feel obvious that Seokmin was holding something back. But he met your gaze soon enough when you admitted to feeling... incomplete.

“It’s hard to love someone incomplete,” you said. “But I think I understand how other people do it. I just need to learn how to love myself again, I think.”

People loved and supported you in that, just as Seokmin knew they would. Yet...

He wanted to say something. The words were lost in his throat, letters bundled up tight and staying lodged there no matter how he tried to word them. Maybe another night, he told himself. Tonight was everyone else’s night, perhaps. Seokmin didn’t need to add too heavily to it.

Another night, he promised himself. When he was ready.

A few nights later, Seokmin sat with his back against the wall of the church, legs tucked up close to himself. Most nights, it was easy for him to go on a walk to clear his head and cope with the feelings building up. That nasty, bitter taste of not being enough. He made others happy, sure, but what about himself? Seokmin was happy. He loved being there with everyone, with you, but he understood your own plights too well. The desire to remember more, no matter what pain it might bring. Forgetting could be seen as a blessing, especially if the world had ended and left you fourteen behind. Not remembering his mother’s smile or babies he used to make laugh, his school teachers growing up... That would be a blessing, wouldn’t it? Yet he yearned to have part of himself back. Perhaps some might call it selfish, especially if this was it, but he wanted to know.

He shut his eyes, taking a deep breath, and let himself rest a little. To let that happy air down, to make way for a pensive moment just for himself. Yet he heard footsteps, and the quiet groan of someone pulling themself up into the church. The fabric was folded back.

“Seokmin?” You called out to him. Of course it was you. The one person he felt like saw through him and called him on it too often now. You had told him that he could be vulnerable with you: he let you be vulnerable, after all.

“Mouse.” He looked up, forcing a wavering smile as he saw you. This was not how his night was supposed to go, yet he felt the exhaustion build up too high. His walls too short to prevent the onslaught of emotions that were rising further and further inside him. “Are you okay?”

“Are you?”

His smile wavered a little more, the corners of his mouth twitching. Even without his answer, you started making your way over to him, and all he could do was raise up a hand to try and stop you. “I’ll be fine--”

You kneeled before him, and opened up your arms. “C’mere.”

And that was all he needed. He felt his breath catch in his throat, and he immediately dove into your arms and held on tight as he felt the tears well up as words started spilling from his mouth about everything he felt he needed to swallow and keep to himself. His job was to help take care of everyone, to make things happy. That was why he suggested the celebrations. Yet before you, he was reduced down to a whimpering man whose hot tears were staining your shirt as his emotions reached their crest and crashed over his walls. You rubbed circles onto his back, letting him cry as he needed to.

Seokmin wasn’t a man afraid to cry, and you knew that. But when was the last time he let himself truly break down and let everything go? He couldn’t remember.

“It’s hard,” he soon said, voice muffled by the fabric of your shirt. “It’s so hard sometimes...”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Your voice was gentle, no anger or accusations of him hiding things. Just the desire to understand.

His fingers bunched up the fabric of your shirt into his palms, eyes squeezing shut. “Everyone had enough to deal with,” he admitted, breathing evening out. “You had enough to deal with, too. I didn’t want to add to that.”

“Seokmin...” He watched you frown as he drew away from you, his hands resting at your waist. You were so warm and real underneath his fingers. If he let go, would you stay there? Would you disappear into stardust or light, like a lost memory? He liked knowing you were real and right there with him. “It’s okay to struggle,” you finally said, hands covering his own. “You don’t have to struggle alone. We’re all here.” You squeezed his hands. “And I’ll always be here, too, if you aren’t ready to tell the others yet. Or you can talk to Minghao, or Jeonghan, or... or anyone. You don’t have to talk to all of us. But we’re here,” you took his face into your hands, “and we love you, and we want to support you. You just have to let us in.”

He watched you, gaze flickering to your lips for only a moment. He wanted to kiss you, to tell you that he’d fallen for you. Not tonight, he told himself. The time to tell you was later, during a good day. He didn’t want you to think he was confessing because he was upset and not thinking straight. You deserved to know just how much he’d grown to love you.

His lip quivered, though, and he felt the warmth of being loved rise in his chest. He squeezed your hips again, and shut his eyes as you leaned in, lips grazing his forehead.

“We’re right here,” you promised. “All you have to do is ask.”

He loved you. It was all he could think about: he loved you with everything he had. He knew that was the kind of person he was. “I know,” he breathed. “It’s just... hard. Everyone’s hurting,” he said quietly. “It’s hard to take care of yourself when others’ have worse problems.”

“I know.” You sank down a little further to be on eye level with him. “But it’s okay to admit you’re hurting, too. It’s not a competition.”

He nodded. Despite the ache in his chest, the pain of being vulnerable that peeked through the warm love he carried for you, he could feel other thoughts clouding his mind. The desire to kiss you, to hold you, to tell you and be vulnerable in a different way. “Thank you for being here,” he said instead. I love you. Please don’t leave me alone. “Can you cuddle with me tonight?”

Seokmin watched the way your eyes crinkled when you smiled. “Of course,” you had said, “If that’s what you want. I’m happy to be here for you.”

He held you tight in his arms that night, as if you’d disappear if he let you go. Despite confusing dreams of tired nights and days with hot, heavy lights pointed at him (maybe his thought that he was an actor in his past life wasn’t too far off, after all), you served to be his guiding light. The person who made him feel complete as he was, like life was crystal clear when you were around. He missed so many things about himself, yet those feelings seemed bearable when you were right there with him. He woke up when Minghao curled up close to him, an arm draped around him as a reminder that he wasn’t alone. That everyone in that room loved him.

If he was the sun, then you were the moon: reflecting the light back to him and reminding him that he wasn’t the only star in the sky.

Being vulnerable with you was hard in itself. But he spoke up days later, fully admitting to the others during dinner that he felt.. lesser. Like he had to make up for everything by carrying the burdens of everyone else. It was met with genuine care and conversation in return. No moments of making him feel like his feelings were wrong, like he shouldn’t feel like that.

“You’ve brought us all a lot of joy and comfort,” Seungcheol told him gently. “We want to be here for you, too.”

Everyone agreed. Even you, who pretended that you hadn’t heard any of this before, gave him a reassuring smile. He whispered to you to meet him in the attic half an hour after the group dispersed, before he disappeared to talk with a few others a little more. The full group had listened and validated him, yet Seungkwan had asked him to sit with him and a few others a little while longer. They, too, felt the guilt of wanting to remember despite knowing that forgetting could have been a blessing.

“I think being honest is hard,” he admitted to them. Hansol had nodded along as Seokmin continued, “but I think I need to start being completely open from now on. Even when it’s hard.”

Soonyoung knew. “Then you should go wait for them,” he hugged his knees close to him. “Right? That’s what you wanted to do.”

Seokmin hesitated. “I don’t want it to seem like I’m running away from you all--”

“You don’t,” Hansol said. “Go confess or whatever,” he smiled. “We’ll all be here for you whenever you want to talk more, alright?”

He was thankful for people who understood. Seokmin returned to the church, climbing up into that sun room. You hadn’t come up, thankfully, giving him time to think about what he wanted to say it. Should he even say it? He didn’t want to waste time anymore. He needed you to know how he felt. If he waited, he’d back down and make up excuses for a “better time” in a world where they never knew what day would be their last.

So he had to do this. He had to tell you.

He could hear the ladder buckle slightly, the sound of you making your way up it. Soon enough, you peeked over the top, and then climbed in to face him. His name was already on your lips when he turned to face you, back to that sun-window that was painting the room in orange hues from the dying light of day.

“I love you.” He watched your eyes widen in surprise, and steeled his nerves. “You make me feel confident in myself. If it weren’t for you, I don’t think I would have decided to open up like this to the others. And I know it’s sudden, but I wanted to tell you that I love you.”

“I... love you, too?” You paused. “Seokmin--”

“Not in that way,” he said. He knew he’d said it before to everyone. He’d heard you say it, too. “I’m in love with you. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same,” he curled his fingers into his palm. Stay strong. Tell them outright. “I just wanted you to know that I love you and I’m glad you stayed. I... I don’t think my world would be the same without you. Thank you for being you.”

You took a slow step toward him, and then another. “Seokmin, I...”

His chest ached at a lack of response. Maybe it was foolish, but he needed to tell you. If he didn’t, he felt like holding that feeling in forever would kill him. “It’s okay,” he said. “I understand--”

And then you kissed him, closing that distance too quick for him to process. His hands fell to your hips, holding you against him as he kissed you back. He shut his eyes, savoring the warm feeling of your body against him. Yet you pressed a little harder against him, and he staggered back, almost falling onto that bed as he steadied you. You drew back, barely getting a chance to apologize before he pulled you back in for another kiss.

You drew away fully soon enough. “I love you, too, by the way,” you smiled at him. “Thank you for being my sunshine.”

He felt his face heat up. “Can I... kiss you again?” He almost felt bad for not asking before, but you had stolen the first kiss. Was it a crime to steal one in return?

He’d steal as many kisses from you as he could, in the end. He didn’t have to convince you to stay with him up there for the night, just so he could hold you close without anyone else intruding. Other nights he could sleep with you close and someone else nearby, because Seokmin was more than okay with still cuddling with the others (he was a touchy person, after all). He just wanted to fall asleep with you next to him for once, and maybe again in the future when he wanted to steal you away for alone time. Your head rested on his shoulder, arm draped across his chest as he held you close.

“Are you still awake?” His voice was quiet in the calm of the night, and he felt you stir a little next to him. He almost wanted to call your name to ask again, but you yawned and settled back in next to him. “Thank you for being my night.”

He could feel you smile against his chest. If you’d be the calm night to end the day, he’d be your morning sunshine from now on.

general taglist: @wonuziex

under the sun taglist: @shiningstar-byulxx @twogyuu  @maijunejuly  @strawberri-uyu @junhui-recs  @bbmyungho @thedeeppoet @min-tata @silvsie @heeseung-lover686 @lilactangerine @jeonncafe  @bfwonu @junsimpsquad @fifty-shades-of-mischeif @wh4txium1n  @svt-rouge @blackwhiteandshadesofgradient

#wooahaes.uts #wooahaes.fic #seventeen imagine #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #svt x reader #svt imagine #svt x you #seokmin x reader #seokmin x you #dk x reader #dokyeom x reader #dokyeom x you #lee seokmin x reader #lee seokmin x you

[hyunlixsbbygirl]

❥Drama Talk

Only Friends episode 9

✨I am not prepared✨

I like that Top isn’t bombarding Mew with details of the party and is just making sure that he’s okay for now.

Seeing both Sand and Ray look so… hurt and tired is heart wrenching. They both need the comfort of the other but I have a feeling that they won’t let the other in. I love that Ray is admitting that he’s finally understanding his feelings though - he doesn’t specifically say his feelings are for Sand but the way he looks at him just screams it.

This whole “if you want to hit me then do it” is not the vibe. Like I know Sand won’t hit him (push maybe) but we all know Sand is a lover first and a fighter second - only fighting when needed. Ugh, why can’t they just kiss and make up already?

😳Nevermind…

The desperation in this kiss though! They have been CRAVING that connection for awhile, like the way Sand didn’t even hesitate to kiss him back and how they both are just grabbing onto each other as though they are long lost lovers finally reunited - it’s just amazing.

WHY DO YOU ALL JUST GRAB THE DAMN PHONE AND START RECORDING WHENEVER YOU SEE SOMEONE KISSING?!?!?!?!?!

Like bro… I don’t care if you know the person. You just don’t record them for your personal vendetta! Jesus…

Okay, does Boston have like a massive dick or something? Like why are all these guys (who see the red flags clear as day) all end up trying to go back? Boston literally lays it on the damn table that he is not into relationships and only wants one night stands and yet for some reason these guys just decide to ignore the warning sirens going off and fall for him anyway! Like bro HAS to just be like well endowed.

Ooh! Roomie camping trip! Our boys honestly needed this - like they’ve both been through hell and deserve to just rest and relax for once without worrying about anything. Time to really think over their feelings and what they really want since no one seems to actually tell them to do so or even care about their needs. Granted, them being masochists honestly makes so much sense.

Ah. The first mention of this “daddy Dan” person this episode. I genuinely want to know what kind of person he’ll be - similar to Boston in that he just lures people to bed and ditches them or similar to Top in that he was once a play boy but fell for one of his prey?

Hmm… a new boy toy for Mew?

Oop enter Top stage left. Honestly, thank goodness. I feel like Mew would have left with that guy if Top hadn’t been there to step in.

And enter Ray stage left - like what happened to wanting Sand? You said you understood your feelings now and yet you went to Mew knowing that he’s not the person you really want. Like you are more confused than me in math class.

The way Ray looks at Mew is completely different than how he looks at Sand. With Mew it’s just comfortable, it’s like he’s not quite forcing himself to commit to this two year crush but he’s also not fully into it. With Sand, he looks like he just met the one person that could save him for good and is just really into being with Sand in every possible way. I will say that I’m surprised Mew let Ray kiss him without Top being there - like he just seemed so turned off by the idea of them kissing at the party.

I think the reason Ray got so mad about Mew not sleeping with him is because it’s forcing him to see that he’s just a rebound. Mew doesn’t actually love him the way he wants him to - Mew loves him as a friend but nothing more. Ray wanted to believe that this wasn’t the case but Mew is proving it by stopping him from progressing past a short make out session. It’s also forcing Mew to admit to himself that he still wants Top though, even though he wants to forget about Top.

I know it looks like Ray is going to Sand for sex but hear me out… I think Ray was testing Mew, he wanted to see if Mew really loved him or not and he got his answer so now he wants to test Sand and see if Sand truly likes him or not - it’s his way of sorting through his feelings; if Mew rejects him, he can finally move on and be with the person he really wants to be with. If Sand rejects him then he didn’t really like either of them. If Mew had slept with him, he would have stayed with Mew believing he really loves him just like if Sand accepts him, he’ll know that he really wants Sand. Just wait…

HOLD UP….

NICK….

Don’t tease me… didn’t I just say last week that I wanted to at least see Sand and Nick make out? ISTG

I LITERALLY DID! DONT EVEN TELL ME THIS IS HAPPENING!

Okay…

Now that I’ve stopped screaming. I will say that while that kiss was honestly really good, I’m glad they realized that they would never work as boyfriends. I mean Nick and Sand are cute but they just don’t work in that sense. I love that they’re laughing it off while cuddling too, it’s just so wholesome and sincere.

Ray actually drove to Sand…

Does Ray have like a threesome fetish or something 😂 my man has brought this up three times already like boy get out of here! I can’t with you. I will say that Ray cuddling up to Sand like a monkey is adorable though.

Top is incredible - going after Mew’s moms in order to win him back. Honestly, job well done my dude!

WAIT! Sand and Ray have been sleeping together this whole time?! Since when? Like since the first time we saw them or like did they stop and then start up again sometime around when Sand showed Ray that audio clip? Like I need this story!!!

Yes Sand baby! Put up those boundaries! I am so proud of you for speaking your heart and mind and letting Ray know that you aren’t going to be his side piece!

I understand where Ray is coming from though; he likes Sand and wants to be with him but Mew is special and has been for years - letting go of his feelings for him won’t be easy no matter how much Ray wants to let go. I was in that position before and up until about 3 years after he dumped me - I would have gladly ran back to him even though I had feelings for someone else at the time. It’s hard to let go of familiarity in order to have something that brings you true happiness.

YAS TOP! That is how you win someone back! Not with dirty tricks but with showing your true feelings and offering nothing but respect for them until they feel like they can forgive you!

Nick 🤝🏼 Rain “Daddy doesn’t mean father in this case” It means you’re hot and please fuck me

Oh so Boston was there hmm? I think he saw Nick and Dan kissing so he put on a show with another guy just in case Nick saw them. Boston wants Nick to be jealous, he doesn’t know why but he knows he does. My theory is that Boston really loves Nick but refuses to admit it because he’s scared of committing to someone who has the potential to hurt him.

Oh… Nick’s speech to Boston is heartbreaking but like it needed to happen. Nick needed that closure for himself to no longer hurt but you can tell it hurt Boston in a way that he wasn’t expecting. I mean he actually left his hit it and quit it situation to go after Nick. Something about those words got to him. Interesting.

This conversation between Sand and Ray though; you can tell that Ray is asking these questions to see how much Sand cares for him - the more he realizes that Sand really loves him, the more he’s letting go of his feelings for Mew and finally allowing himself to feel the love he has for Sand. Them confessing that they’ve never been like this for anyone though?!?! My heart is racing!

THIS BED SCENE!!

This isn’t just two people having sex - they were making love. They were putting their feelings for each other into that and really giving themselves to each other finally. Those cheek kisses afterwards too though! Like if they don’t become end game I will cry for the rest of my life.

See, Mew isn’t even mad that Ray picked Sand. He even admitted to using Ray to piss off Top. They both saw the signs and still tried to force themselves to be with each other because it made sense at the time. I am glad that they can walk away from this as friends and even joke about it. It shows that their bond as friends was truly strong.

Who is this now?!

Going to Top’s apartment too? Like sir, who is you and why are you hot?

THAT WAS BOEING?!?!?!?!? EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?

Bruh! What was that preview though?! I am not ready for this! Like I’m glad Boston is realizing how much of a shitty person he is but like why is dragging Nick into it?! Also are Top and Mew end game then? So Ray actually goes to rehab for Sand?! I AM SIMPLY NOT READY FOR NEXT WEEK

#only friends #only friends the series #drama talk #Thai bl #sandray

[hirmienworld]

LET'S WATCH ONLY FRIENDS EPISODE 11

4/4

OH PLEASE THIS SUCKS.

Cheum and Atom are unjustifiable. Their entire plot is devoid of sense and morality. In the end they are the only two who really don't deserve to have others as friends. I might vomit.

Top and Mew, my loves. I honestly think living together is a great idea, at least in their type of relationship, where Mew has this constant need to be cuddled and taken into consideration, spending more time together is wise. Besides, you don't really know what a person is like until you live with them.

However, beyond a lack of unequivocal attestation from Sand that Ray is his boyfriend, I can understand everything else about the situation with Boeing EXCEPT the fact that he is sending Ray away.

In a normal situation, with a clear conscience, the right thing to say would be: "There's nothing we can't talk about in front of my boyfriend."

Again, now that Sand and Boeing are talking about concerts, what's the point in avoiding saying that he intends to go but with his boyfriend?

What I understand is that there was a time when Sand was very much in love with Boeing, then Boeing left him and Sand was left heartbroken. So it's certainly difficult to face a proposal like "could we get back together?" but it should be hard for the first 30 seconds, then that's it, because you were literally the one telling Ray that you can't live without him. What the hell kind of inconsistency is this? "I can't live without you, just until the alternative presents itself before my eyes"?

Is this the same Sand who said for 10 episodes that he would never be anyone's second best?

And again.. How, excuse me? "Can I come to your house?" and your problem is that it's not a good idea because you have a roommate? SAND WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU.

Ooooh here's Ray! Part of me wants a fight, part of me would leave Sand to his own actions and responsibilities, it's not fair that Ray has to remind him how to behave when you have a boyfriend. And this time the provocation of a threesome wouldn't hold up LOL.

Fuck, what kind of power play is this? The scene in the pool gave me chills. My heart went crazy. I understand Ray perfectly, because even though he still has to completely redeem himself, now that he has understood that he has value and that he can be important to someone, we can be sure that he won't give up easily but neither will he beg Sand to stay with him. We are now beyond this.

"You can't live without me? I can't too and I'm proving it to you every moment, now it's your turn." This is where we are.

#only friends #only friends the series #bl drama #sandray

[voleurdesoleil-archive]

The lines we shouldn’t cross

part 1/2 - I’ll be holding on to our favorite song

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Ship: Ushijima Wakatoshi x Tendou Satori

Word count: 10.6K

A/N: this is a companion fic to this fic, that gives you a little bit more context, but both can be read independently from each other. Songs quoted in this fic are:

Distance - Ruel

Holding on - Francis Karel (also the title for this part)

Handle with care - Francis Karel

read on AO3

You were dressed up in the same fit

That you wore back when I met you

I couldn't hide my smile when you walked in

Swear that it lit up the room

It’s raining. In a movie scene the sky would have been a clear blue one, or a ray of sunshine would have broken through the clouds just as he turned the corner. But this is not a movie scene and the sky is heavy with dark clouds. 

He's walking towards the store, but he hasn't seen me yet, standing in front of it. 

His eyes are set on the sky and I know he’s happy. Not because of the way he’s almost skipping under the rain but because he's always loved the way each layer of clouds moves in a different direction and at a different pace during rainy days.

I still remember that one day, back in high school. He stayed over the night because it had started pouring after our date. We slept in the same bed for the first time that night, but when I woke up the next day, he was sitting by the window buried under my weighted blanket, his hands wrapped around a cup of hot chocolate and he had the most gleeful smile on his face I had ever seen at that time. It had rained so much during the night that we couldn’t go to class because the streets were flooded, so we cuddled up all day and watched a few movies. We talked a lot too. But he always gravitated back to the window to look at the sky and, when I asked why, he answered that he always thought those big clouds that barely moved reminded him of himself, while the ones who were going fast reminded him of the people surrounding him; never sticking around. That day, with that simple sentence, I understood I would never be able to let go of that guy. So I know this is the perfect weather for him, because ever since that day it has also been mine. 

His head is bobbing left and right to the music, his fingers are on his thigh, tapping to the rhythm of the song. He’s mouthing the words of the song and because of that I’m guessing that he’s listening to the Ratatouille song. He has been trying to learn the lyrics for the past couple weeks, claiming that this is going to help improve his French. Yet three days ago, when he was convinced he knew it by heart, he sang it to me because Elliott had said that it sounded nothing like French and he wanted another opinion. So I listened to him, but what came out of his mouth that day sounded nothing like the song. Yet he was so proud of himself that I didn’t have the heart to tell him.  

His hair, which he cut short back in uni because he didn't like wearing hairnets, has grown back since the last time I saw him and I know he’ll probably ask me to cut it while I’m here. He’s been living here for almost 4 years and still hasn’t found a hairdresser he trusts enough to cut his hair, so I always end up being the one cutting his hair because he’s still too scared to do it by himself.

He's wearing the shirt I gifted him on his first birthday we spent together; the one he grabs out-of habit when he doesn't know what to wear.  And I am always amazed with the fact that he hasn't outgrown it yet or that it’s tearing apart because he wears it so often that it’s completely discolored. 

He waves to the elderly lady coming out of the apartment building and greets her with a warm smile. She's one of his regulars, always coming to buy chocolates for her grandchildren or simply to chat a little. She handed me an umbrella earlier when she saw me standing in the rain. She glances at me now with a gentle smile. 

He apologizes as he bumps into a passerby when barely avoiding a trash can. 

His socks are mismatched and I know he either didn't hear his alarm or he turned it off before going back to sleep for another 5 minutes that turned into another 30 minutes and that he had to rush out of the house; like he already did back in uni. 

He stops and I gaze back up.

Our eyes meet. He saw me.

He breaks into a wide smile. A smile so blinding and that I haven't seen in so long. 

His nonchalant walk turns into rushed steps until he's running to me. He's saying something but he's still too far for me to hear what he's saying but I know he's asking what I'm doing here. 

He doesn't falter when he jumps into my arms, because he knows they'll be here to catch him. They've always been and they always will be. His arms cross on the back of my neck and his forehead comes to rest on mine. His lips are so close, I can feel his breath on mine but he doesn't kiss me. Not yet. Not when he hasn't processed the fact that I'm standing here, in front of his store, in a street in Paris, when I should be in Japan training for the upcoming game against the MSBY Black Jackals. 

I know he's taking in the scent of the cologne he bought me for Christmas last year. Just like I'm taking in the scent of chocolate lingering on his skin. 

His hands come to rest on my cheeks as he moves away to take a better look at me, my name softly leaving the barrier of his lips, and it's the most beautiful thing I've heard in months. 

"You're here…" he says, his voice barely more than a whisper.

"I am."

"How?" 

"I took a flight." 

He laughs and I think my heart skips a beat. "I know that Ushijima, but why?" 

"Because I missed you Tendou-" I let him down on the ground, my arms instinctively wrapping around his waist. I need to keep him close, to keep basking in that sweet scent of chocolate mixed with the almond scent of the soap he uses, "-a lot. A little too much. Way too much"

You're right there

But I won't say that I'm standing

I'm right here, when I see you I panic

That's when it hits him. That this moment in time is real. That it isn't some daydream. And his lips crash on mine. 

My heart swells with elation as his hands find their way under my coat and that his fingers send shivers up my spine as they graze against my skin when he fumbles for the belt loops of my jeans and draws me closer. 

Running out of breath, I part with him before I slip my hands on the back of his neck and pull him back in, deepening the kiss. Igently pry his lips open a bit more, wanting, no, needing to taste more of him. 

But the kiss is cut short as we hear someone clear their throat beside us. A girl picked up the umbrella I dropped when Tendou jumped into my arms and is now standing next to us. She gives us an apologetic smile.

"Sorry to interrupt Boss but the store's opening in five minutes and I need the keys to go in." She looks at me, wondering if she should say anything, that’s when I recognize her. She had been standing in front of the door, taking a peek inside or knocking on the door from time to time, and although her face seemed familiar, I couldn’t remember her name. She finally decides acknowledging my presence might be better. “Nice to see you.”

“Good to see you too, Margaux.”

Without looking at her Tendou hands her the keys, but as she walks back to the store’s front door, he calls her out.

“Wait! Isn’t Elliott supposed to be inside? Why didn’t you go in already?”

“He is, the light is on at the back but I’m guessing he’s either elbow deep in chocolate and can’t look at his phone or he’s once again blasting music and can’t hear his phone because I’ve been texting and calling him for 10 minutes but he hasn’t answered.”

Tendou drags a hand across his face and sighs. “I swear I’m going to kill that kid if he’s once again blasting that weird ass song!” As he follows the girl inside the store, he grabs my hand and tugs me along with him. 

Just as we enter the shop a boy I don’t recognize, barely younger than Tendou, comes rushing from the back room, holding his phone in one hand and a set of keys in the other, but when he sees us he stops right in his tracks and turns back on his heels, rushing back into the kitchen. 

Tendou runs after him. “Elliott! Come back here! For fuck’s sake what did you do? Elliott!”

Margaux, unfazed by the chaos going on around her, turns on the lights and starts quickly taking down the chairs from the tables.

“You can sit at the counter if you’d like, or you could help me. I don’t know, do whatever you want. But just don’t stand in the entryway, you’re going to scare people away.”

“Oh, right! Sorry!” I say, reaching for the chairs nearest to me and finishing to take them down as she grabs a towel to wipe the tables. “Are they always like that?”

“Pretty much yeah… Not in front of customers of course, but I mean you know the Boss…he’s a little…how do I say that without offending you? He’s a little “extravagant”...” She throws me a doubtful look, but I have to give it to her. Tendou can be a handful at times, so I nod and she continues. “Well Elliott might be just as extravagant so when Arthur, the other chocolatier, you’ve probably met him before, isn’t here to intervene it’s always a bit of a mess, but they surprisingly work well together. They’ll calm down in a minute, you’ll see.”

And she’s right. A few minutes later, as we're setting the still warm pastries on the glass shelves, their little quarrel dies down in the kitchen and they come out, each holding a tray of freshly baked pain au chocolat. 

Tendou hands the one he’s holding to Margaux while Elliott helps her to finish up before they open the doors for the clients already waiting at the door. He walks up to me, wraps his arms around my waist and stands on his tiptoes to land a quick peck on my cheeks.

“What do you want to do? You’re probably tired, do you want my keys to go rest at my apartment and we’ll see each other tonight?” His grip on my waist slightly tightens as he says those words. “If my other chocolatier was here I’d take the day off, but I can’t leave Elliott and Margaux on their own…”

“I know and I’m not asking you to. I’d like to wait for you here if that’s okay with you. I slept almost all the entirety of the flight so I’m not really tired.”

“I don’t mind you staying here at all, but don’t try to distract me with your pretty face, okay?” 

“I’ll make myself as discreet as possible. I promise.” I say, trying to stifle a yawn. Thankfully Margaux makes for a good distraction when she chimes in.

“You’re gonna have a hard time being discreet. A few customers would like to get your autograph.” She informs us, pointing at people waiting expectedly at the counter.

***

I had been signing autographs all morning when Margaux sat down at my table with her lunchbox, setting down a sandwich in front of me.

“Thank you.” I say in between yawns. 

“You’ve been working hard all morning, that’s the least I can do. And if you want more coffee or anything let me know, it’s been pretty busy so I’m sorry if I can't really check up on you.”

“You have been keeping me awake and well hydrated so far, so I have no complaints.” 

She laughs. “Good to know.”

We both start exchanging anecdotes about Tendou as we eat lunch. She tells me about work stories and I tell her about High school ones. We��re sometimes interrupted by customers she has to serve or by people wanting an autograph.

As a matter of fact, I’ve just finished signing one for a young man, when I ask Margaux the question that’s been haunting me all morning. “If you don’t mind me asking, how come so many people recognize me? I mean, on my way here, apart from a few Japanese people on the plane, no one knew who I was, same as I was standing in front of the store this morning. So I am a bit confused with the sudden interest, especially since this never happened when I visited before and because Tendou said volleyball isn’t really big in France.”

“Yeah, you’re right, people do tend to prefer soccer, but I’m surprised you haven’t noticed that the answer to your question is right there.” She says pointing at the wall behind the counter and that’s when I see it. 

I had been out of it all morning, trying to stay focused on people striking a conversation or just straight out trying to stay awake so I didn’t notice it earlier. 

Right behind the cash register, in a frame, between two shelves of bread loaves, is one of my first jerseys of the national Japanese team. The one Tendou had asked me to sign last year, always refusing to tell me what he would do with it. I had supposed he wanted to keep it for himself, like he’s been doing with each of my jerseys since we started dating. Although I was a bit confused about him asking to sign it that day, it’s now starting to make sense.  

But the jersey isn’t what catches my eyes, it’s the picture under it. It was taken after my very first official game with the Japanese team. Tendou had flown back home for the occasion after months spent away from each other. As I was going around the court with Kageyama, signing autographs for kids, I felt a tap on my shoulder and when I turned around he was standing there, smiling. Pulling him into my arms I lifted him off the ground and held him tight against me as he wrapped his legs around my waist. 

I don’t even need to get closer to know that both our faces show a wide smile in the picture, or that Tendou is holding my face in his hands about to pepper kisses all over it. That we’re both holding back tears, and I can almost feel his breath against my lips when he told me how much he missed me and when I answered with a simple “I love you”. 

If it wasn’t for a journalist capturing that exact moment, this picture would have never existed. We do not have many pictures together in our everyday settings due to us living so far away from each other, even if this picture went around all the tabloids in Japan, I still cherish it and have a copy of my own in our shared house.

There’s a legend underneath but I’m too far away to be able to read it, but before I can stand up Margaux says. “It reads ‘This is a picture of me and my husband, Japanese volleyball player, Ushijima Wakatoshi’. Everyone here, all of our regulars, know who you are. You’re the Boss’ pride and joy and never once have I seen him get tired of mentioning you every time he can. I mean, we had to stop him from turning that one wall into a shrine for you.” She takes out her phone. “I think I have a video somewhere of him rambling about you to a customer. We’ve had to interrupt him so many times or he’d scare the customers away. To this day, the only times he sounds fluent in French is when he talks about you, and we both know how bad he is at French, so it says a lot.” She looks up at me, and I can’t help but chuckle. 

Unfortunately for us, Tendou exits the kitchen just at that moment. “Pardon?! My French is excellent! I was born to speak French!”

“I’m sorry Boss, but quoting Ratatouille doesn’t make you fluent in French…” Margaux lets out before escaping to the kitchen. 

“Is that what you’ve been doing all morning? Dissing my perfect French with my employee?” Tendou says loud enough so that Margaux, who’s standing behind the kitchen doors, can hear him, but he can’t help a smile to grow on his face. Even though they tease each other a lot, he’s quite fond of his employees and knows that if it weren’t for them he would have struggled so much more when he decided to open a chocolaterie here. 

He serves the customer coming in and walks to the table I’m sitting at when they leave. Not bothering with grabbing a chair he just sits on my lap.

“You still haven’t told me what you’re doing here.” He wraps his arms around my neck, his hands playing with the hair at my nape. 

“I did this morning. I said I missed you.”

He stops fiddling with my hair and stares at me until I have to look away. “There’s more to you just missing me, right?”

“No.” I lie through my teeth. 

“Ushijima Wakatoshi, I’ve already told you, you’re a terrible liar. Plus you wouldn’t skip training, just because you’re missing me, especially when you have that charity game against the Black Jackals coming up.” He gently lifts up my chin forcing me to look him in the eyes.  “Now, if you don’t wanna talk about it now because we’re in public, I get it, but tonight I wanna hear all about those feelings of yours that made you come here, okay?”

I nod and he smiles. 

“That’s my boy! Now come here, I’ve missed that pretty face!” He says taking my face in his hands, starting to pepper kisses all over it. 

“Margaux and Elliott could see us.” I say as his lips delicately brush against my cheek. Against the other one.

You would talk 'bout how your weeks been

Then you'd hit me out of the blue...

“I don’t care.” He whispers as he places a soft kiss right above my ear. 

On my forehead. 

“Your customers could see us.” This one lands on my jaw. 

On the tip of my nose. 

“My customers aren’t here.” He lets out under his breath as this one finally lands on my lips.

... With a kiss that doesn't really tell

Way to put me under your spell

And he’s kissing me. Once, twice, until our surrounding turns dizzy. Until I’m nothing more than this one kiss, swiftly becoming more than just a peck on the lips. His fervent mouth is parting my lips, asking for a bit more. And I give it to him. The rush of warmth on my face flows down my whole body like a growing tide and I’m clenching his shirt as he pulls on my hair, deepening the kiss. His hands are everywhere, and yet I can’t get enough of him. I will never get enough of him.

He leaves me breathless as he pulls away, rising from my laps with the most satisfied grin. But I need more and before he can walk away, I grab his wrist and sit him back down on my thighs. He lets out a gasp when my hand reaches for the back of his neck as I bring him closer for another round. 

“Now what was that for?” He says, panting, when we finally pull away. 

“That first one was really good, so I wanted another one.”

“I thought you were scared my customers could see us?”

I lean in, my head resting on his shoulder. “That was before I got a taste of those sweet lips of yours.”

My arm slithers around his waist as I place a peck on his jawline. 

We’re interrupted by Margaux loudly putting down a tray of chocolates on the counter as she comes back from the kitchen before a client gets in. Tendou promptly gets up, his cheeks a light shade of pink.  

“Are you sure you still don’t want to go home?” He asks straightening out the apron he’s wearing. 

“I think I like the view here more than the one I’d get at your apartment right now.” I answer just loud enough for him to hear. 

“What does that mean?”

I stand up and bring my empty plate to the counter. As I get back to the table and brush past him, I tilt my head down and whisper into his ear: “Let’s just say that Margaux picked the right table for me to get a view on the kitchen and that those pants fit you quite well.”

Tendou keeps a straight face as the customer walks past us. “I have to get the new batch of chocolate out of the fridge.” He lets out, before I can feel his breath as he hums into my ear, “But you’ll have to tell me more about that when we get home.”

***

Later that night, when I get out of the bathroom, Tendou is in the kitchen, preparing snacks, his back turned towards me and I have to take a moment to take the sight in. I lean against the doorway and watch him take bowls out of the cupboard or reach for food in the fridge after whispering to himself: “Oh, Ushijima likes those!” or “I need to make him try that!”. The sound of the knife hitting the cutting board as he’s slicing different types of charcuterie or cheeses, and the sound of his voice as he hums along three different songs at the same time fill me up with so much joy that I have to take a deep breath not to start crying. 

He only notices me when I come to rest my head in the crook of his neck and that my arms drape around his waist, swinging us both to the rhythm of the song he’s humming along. His hair, still wet from the shower, is dripping on his collar and I press a kiss on his cheek, before using my own towel to finish drying his hair. “You’re going to catch a cold.”

“Feeling better?” He asks as he leans back into the touch and that his body comes to rest on my naked chest. 

“Yes, although I would have liked it better if you had stayed a little longer in the shower with me.” I had always been fond of the fact that Tendou allowed me a few minutes of alone time after we had come down together in the bathtub, or in the shower, but tonight, those 5 minutes I spent alone in the bathroom had felt like an eternity without him. 

He turns around and wraps his arms around my neck. “I think we can remedy that tomorrow by taking another, longer, shower together. What do you say?”

“I say that I would really like that.” 

“Great, now go put on a shirt or you’re the one who’s gonna catch a cold.” 

I do as he says but not before stealing another gentle kiss from him. 

He has moved on to opening a bottle of wine when I get back from the bedroom with a shirt on and the weighted blanket, so I start unfolding the pull-out couch, and turn on the TV as I wait for him to finish. I close the curtains, and turn off the lights before I make myself comfortable on the couch and start picking a movie. As I’m scrolling down on the streaming platform, I catch a glimpse of a few ones we’ve talked about watching together some time, but I scroll past them and pick one of his favorites. 

“Et voilà!” He announces with the voice of a magician ending a trick.

He barges into the room with a tray of random snacks, and two glasses of rosé almost filled to the brim. The glasses wobble as he puts down the tray on the coffee table and I don’t know how he manages not to spill anything. If it was me, I would still be in the kitchen, walking no faster than a slug, spilling rosé everywhere or breaking a wine glass. 

“Wait, how did you know I wanted to watch Ratatouille?” He exclaims when he sees the TV screen. 

“You’ve been mentioning it quite often lately so I figured you had been meaning to watch it.”

“You’re the best!” He says, grabbing my face with both hands and pressing down a loud smooch on my cheek before cuddling up to me. “I love you.”

***

We’re barely 20 minutes in the movie and I’m starting to doze off when I notice that the bruises on his neck are already turning a darker shade of red. They'll be a bright purple by tomorrow morning. But even though I love the sight of them on his collarbone, I can't help but worry that I was too harsh on him. My fingers brush against them.

“Does it hurt?”

“What?” He asks before realizing I’m talking about the hickeys on his neck. “Oh! No, they don’t and if that’s what you’re wondering, no you didn’t hurt me when you gave them to me.” He sits up. “But let me take a look at your back, though. The marks I made seemed quite red in the shower, but I couldn’t get a good look.”

Before I can say anything, he’s pulling me up. I shiver when he throws away the blanket and takes off my shirt. “That’s not really bad but we should probably disinfect that. Just to make sure.” And so he runs to the bathroom and comes back with gauze and a little bottle of disinfectant.

He stops right in his tracks on his way back. 

"What?" 

"I just got stunned for a minute by how pretty you are." 

And I'm a blushing mess. 

I pause the movie as he sits behind me, landing a peck in between my shoulder blades while he’s at it. 

I wince a little as he sprays the disinfectant on my back and wipes it using the gauze, but he often stops to make sure I’m doing okay, or simply to place a kiss on any part of me he has access to. 

“This is the last one. It’s the only one that’s slightly bleeding, so it’s gonna sting a little.” He warns me before spraying it. “Do you want me to put a bandaid on it? The bleeding is really sparse but your shirt might stick to it a bit during the night.” He asks as he puts away the gauze and puts back the cap on the bottle of disinfectant.

“Yes, please.”

 “Okay, I’ll go grab one.” And so he is off running away again and coming back at lightning speed with a mischievous smile on his face and I don’t even need to see the bandaid to know that he has picked one of those kid ones with a silly pattern. “When are you going back?” He inquires as he applies the bandaid. “And I’m done!”

“Daichi booked me a ticket for the day after tomorrow, late afternoon.” I reply, putting my shirt back on as he moves to lay next to me. I grab the weighted blanket and pull it back on us before I scout closer to him, my arms instantly finding their place around his waist. And I hold him tight, as tight as I can to bask in his warmth, to hear his heart beating in his chest despite the movie playing again in the background. I need to feel his body against mine, to revel in his presence. I almost don’t hear him when he speaks again.

“So, we have almost two whole days together?”

It takes me a few seconds to process his question and query: “Don’t you have work tomorrow?”

“I do, but you’ll come by, right?” There’s a hint of doubt in his voice when he asks that and my heart clenches in my chest a little. “I really liked having you there. I mean, we didn’t see each other much today but just knowing that you were in the next room felt great.”

I got skin as thick as stone, but a heart made out of glass

And I let my temper show then wish that I could take it back...

“Yeah, I know what you mean…” And I do. I know exactly what he means. I reminisce on the few months we spent together after he came back to Japan for a while after he graduated. After our wedding. And I can still hear his laugh when we had to turn off the fire alarm three times in a row because he had tried a new recipe and let it burn on the stove. Or when I was working out and that I could hear him laugh while watching a variety show in the next room. Or when I came back from work and saw the note he had left before going to work saying he would be late that night because he had a dinner party at work. Just simply knowing that he was living there in the house made me happy. But this was almost four years ago. 

My hold around his waist tightens a bit more as those memories flow before my eyes.  

His fingers stop racking through my hair. He tilts up my chin and I know he’s about to ask me something I’m not sure I’m ready to answer. That he’s debating whether he should bring it up or not. I brace myself for the question that’s coming but it doesn’t come and instead he lands the gentlest, most careful kiss on my lips and my heart breaks a little.

I already know what he wants to ask. I’ve worked out the answer already, so why is it so hard to talk about it? We’ve always talked about everything with each other. Never kept secrets. Not when he started feeling the need to leave Japan. Not when I started having more than friendly feelings for Daichi. Not when he had one night stands here. So what’s keeping us from talking about the fact that we obviously miss each other?

... It's hard to find someone to open up to

When your walls were built so tall

That no one's brave enough to break through

So I try to make it easier for him. Easier for us. 

And I say: “Go ahead, ask your question.”

He clears his throat. “It’s just that, earlier, at lunch, you said you missed me, but there was more to that, right? So what was it?”

I sit up in front of him, holding his hands in mine. “It wasn’t much more than missing you, really. I mean, it is a little bit more complicated than that, but it’s hard to explain.” And I'm being honest when I say there isn't much more to that. Because this is what those big feelings of mine are: just longing and yearning for the one man I wish I could spend my every waking moments with. 

“Try anyways” He encourages me in a soft voice. 

And the dam breaks upon those words. Every single thing I've kept for myself during the past few weeks gets out. “It’s just that lately I’ve really felt your absence in a way. I mean we text and call or facetime each other everyday, but I see all my friends going on dates with their partners, going home to their partners and I think I’m kind of jealous of all my friends in a way because everyday I’m coming home to empty rooms. And I can’t sleep because all I think about is the time we had together after our wedding, and how, now, we only spend a couple days together here and there, if we’re lucky a couple weeks. And I know we made this choice together, fully knowing what it meant for us, for our relationship. I knew it was going to be hard at times, but I can’t help wishing I could wake up next to you. 

“Before, I could talk about it with Kageyama because he was going through the same thing with Hinata, but now that Hinata is back and it feels like I have no one to talk to about that kind of stuff anymore. No one who is able to really understand what it really feels like to be craving someone's presence and only be able to hear their voice through a phone.” 

I don't know when I started crying or even when he sat on my lap but when the emotional flood stops he’s holding my face in his hands and wiping away the tears with his thumbs. He pulls me to his chest, one of his hands is rubbing my back while the other is in my hair. He’s grounding me back, soothing bits by bits the pieces of my heart that had been  barely holding together. He’s telling me we’re going to be okay and right now in his arms I want to believe him. I want to believe that he’s right and that we’ll be able to overcome that.

But I'm not beyond repair

I'm just a little lost out here

I'm not as tough as I appear

So if we go there

Handle me with care

***

When the movie ends, Ushijima is fast asleep in my arms. I brush away a strand of his hair and take a moment to gaze upon his face. 

This is the first time, since I saw him this morning, that he looks at peace. His hands are firmly grabbing onto my shirt and I think about what he said earlier and wonder how long he had been feeling like this for him to book a flight on a whim, him who usually plans our vacations by the minute. So right now as I’m holding him in my arms, I wonder if I did something wrong. If I did something that made him feel like he couldn’t talk to me about this. 

And I start thinking about the past few weeks and the things I should have noticed. The fact that he was texting me more often even though he had never been a huge fan of texting and always preferred calls over texts. The fact that these calls were lasting longer and that he had trouble saying goodbye and yet when we video called he was avoiding my gaze. And yet, with all that he was quieter than usual. 

He was giving me less details about his days or forgetting about events I had mentioned before, even though he’s the type to write them down in his calendar app and set a reminder a few days before the event. Him being really flirty earlier today should have given me a hint too. He's not the type to flirt in public. He'll sometimes go for a quick peck if we’re surrounded by people we know, or an eager one if we haven't seen each other for a while. But that second kiss he went for, that was out of character and so were his flirty comment. He only does that when he's drunk or really sleepy. 

I should have seen those signs. I should have noticed that there was something wrong, something he wasn’t telling me. Especially because I know him so well. Because I know that he’s always found it difficult to talk about his feelings. That he’s the type of person who would rather keep everything for themselves and blow it out of proportion by overthinking. And I think about this one time when we had just started dating, when he worried himself sick over the fact that he had trouble with skinship and he was scared to tell me because he thought I would break up with him because of that. And I’m relieved that we didn’t reach that point today but still I can’t help but blame myself because I should have made it easier for him to talk to me.

But I was so caught up in trying to get the new line of chocolates ready for Christmas and getting everything ready for his Christmas present that I did not pay attention to the one person who really needed me.

My arms tighten around him. I press a kiss on his forehead and even though he can’t hear me, I apologize. “I’m sorry Ushijima. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, but I promise you won’t be hurting much more. I’ll fix that, I promise you.” 

And almost as if he had heard me, he lets out a content sigh and a smile grows on his face. He moves in his sleep and I don’t want to wake him up, but I do nonetheless.

“Mon coeur. Babe.” He buries his head in my chest and mumbles something I don’t understand, so I press another kiss on his forehead. “I know you want to sleep right now, but as much as I’d love to be able to do it, I can’t carry you to bed, so you’re gonna have to help me out on this one.” 

I pull my shirt away from his hold, but he locks me in his arms before I can move so I throw away the blanket, hoping that’ll help. It doesn’t. He tugs me closer, nuzzles up in the crook of my neck and I swear I almost give up, right then, when I feel his warmth grow on me. When I feel his lips brush against my skin when he whispers that he doesn’t want to move, but I shake my head.  

“Ushijima, mon amour, I’m not letting you sleep on the couch tonight, not after the day you spent, so help me out, okay?” I lift his chin up, preventing him from pressing more soft kisses on my neck. “You’ll get to cuddle up all you want once we're all warm and cozy in bed, buried in blankets, okay?” I land a small peck on his lips, hoping it’ll play in my favor. 

And it works. He begrudgingly opens one eye. I give him another peck on the lips. He blinks and I'm left staring at his doe eyes, forgetting what I'm trying to do. 

“One more please.” He pleads in a whisper. 

“And you’ll come to bed with me if I give you another one?”

He nods and I give him another quick peck on the lips before reaching for the back of his neck. I pull him in for a gentle and reverent kiss. 

Satisfied, he lets me go and sits up on the edge of the couch, before making grabby hands at me after I get up and my heart melts. I take his hands and help him up. 

We stagger to the bedroom and he’s already half asleep on me as I pull out the sheets. He lets himself flop on the bed and I tuck him in before joining him under the sheets. I can barely cover myself with the sheets that he’s already pulling me to him.

“Please don’t leave.” He mutters before falling back asleep. 

***

The next day I wake up to an empty bed, so I get up calling Tendou’s name but get no reply. I make my way to the kitchen to find a note on the fridge.

“I’m the one doing all the prep today so I’ll be at the store when you wake up. There’s rice in the rice cooker, leftover soup in the fridge and eggs if you want. The blender is in the bottom cupboard on the left of the fridge if you wanna make a smoothie. Text me when you’re up. Love you!!! ♡”

I take out the soup and put it on the stove to heat up while I go put the note in my bag and take my phone to find out that he already texted me. 

10:38 -Hey, sleepyhead! Surprised you’re not awake yet, but I hope you’re getting a good sleep. You better dream of me.

10:44 -I just talked with one of my regulars, she said she saw you waiting in front of the store yesterday and asked if she’d get the chance to meet you again before you leave. She had a mischievous look on her face, I bet she just wants to spill all the tea with you! You better not show her my middle school haircut if she asks!!

10:45 -Nor my baby pics!!!

10:50 -You’re gonna have to try the new line of chocolates and candies I’m creating for Christmas this year!! I’m so excited to show you!

10:52 -You should bring some back home for the boys and for Daichi!!! I’ll prep a few boxes for you!!

11:14 -If you’re awake I was wondering if you’d like us to have lunch together today but if you’re not, we could have dinner at a restaurant tonight. Just let me know so I can book a reservation. 

11:56 -Damn love! Am I gonna have to come wake you up with a kiss like Snow white?

11:57 -I was kidding, but I wouldn’t mind a kiss when I see you

11:57 -Or maybe a dozen

11:58 -Wait no!! I want thousands! I wanna get as many kisses as I can get before you go back!

12:23 -Are you going to pop by the store today? You don’t have to, that’s okay if you wanna rest, but I’d really like having you there.

12:24 -Though I do have to warn you people are asking after you, so if you don’t wanna deal with people I’d understand. 

12:24 -Anygays, I love you Ushijima Wakatoshi ♡♡♡

I reply to every single text as I’m eating breakfast before I jump into the shower. I pop a couple different fruits and oat milk in the blender, go through every cupboard to find a reusable cup. I rummage through Tendou’s closet, looking for his red scarf and when I finally go out the door, the digital clock of the oven reads 12:57. 

It takes me less than 20 minutes to walk to the store where I’m greeted by Elliott who is behind the counter this time, serving customers. 

“Bonjour! Oh, it’s you! Tendou’s at the back with Margaux and Arthur, I’ll go fetch him for you in a minute.”

“Please, take your time!”

I take a seat while he finishes up with the people queueing. He pops his head in the kitchen and not even 20 seconds later Tendou is barging out of the kitchen, making everyone in the store jump in their chair. The lady closest to the kitchen drops her cup and Tendou rushes to help her.

“Oh mon dieu! Je suis désolé! Excusez-moi! Vous allez bien? On va vous refaire un café, ne vous inquiétez pas! Elliott, tu veux bien refaire un café pour madame et mets lui une ou deux viennoiseries aussi s’il te plait! Encore une fois désolé, madame! Ça va aller?”

She nods and he finishes wiping up her table. He tries cracking up a couple jokes and she smiles, but I think it’s more of an awkward one rather than her liking his jokes because he quickly finishes up and heads to the table where I’m seating. He sits in front of me with a sigh, his head down. His shoulders start shaking and at first I think he’s crying but he bursts into laughter, his cheeks a bright red. He buries his face in his hands. 

“I’m so embarrassed! I made that poor lady drop her coffee.” He lets out in between two bursts of laughter. 

“I know, I saw that.”

“Oh my god!” He tries to stifle a laugh but fails miserably. “What if she had been drinking? She would have spat it all out! She’s never coming back here again! I’m so ashamed, you have no idea!”

I take a peek where the lady is seated. “She doesn’t seem to be rushing out, so I think you’re alright. Elliott is apologizing again, I think. And she’s laughing, a real laugh, not a strained one like when you tried to make a joke. Also that’s the first time I’m hearing you speak French with such ease. I’m really proud of you.”

He whips up his head and wipes the tears coming up at the corner of his eyes. He takes a couple deep breaths and says: “I love you so much, but you could have picked another time to diss my hilarious sense of humor!”

“I love you too. And you know I think you’re the most hilarious person on the planet-” I reach across the table and he leans in. I whisper “-but I don’t think that lady shares my opinion.” 

Tendou lets out a loud chuckle, but quickly hides behind his hand when a couple of people turn around. “I’m gonna lose so many customers because of you…” He clears his throat and sits up, trying to act like all of this didn’t happen, but I see him throwing sidelong glances at the customers around us. “So! Where do you wanna go tonight? I was thinking either our usual Japanese restaurant, or maybe the new restaurant that opened down the street near my apartment, what do you think?”

“I think our usual one might be the best since I’m heading back to Japan tomorrow. I don’t want to risk food poisoning on the plane.” 

“Okay, I’ll make a reservation. But anygays, did you sleep well? You were really tired last night and you were sleeping so deeply when I left you were even talking in your sleep. I hope I didn’t wake you up with my texts this morning, though.”

“That was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a while. And no, you didn’t wake me up.”

“How long have you not been sleeping well?”

I have to take a moment to think because I actually don’t recall the last time I’ve slept that well, so I’m taking a guess when I answer: “I think two weeks, maybe three.”

“Oh, Ushijima…” Tendou sighs

“I know! I know... I should have told you, but I didn’t want you to worry, especially with all the things you have to do to get ready for Christmas. And I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet either.”

Our discussion is interrupted by Arthur asking Tendou to come back to the kitchen.

He gets up and starts leaving. 

“Am I not allowed even a small peck today? I thought you said you wanted thousands of kisses before I left!” I tease him. 

He runs back, gives me a quick peck and walks to the kitchen, once again apologizing to the lady who dropped her coffee. 

***

Later that day, as the traffic slows down a little, I’m sitting at the counter, speaking with Margaux while she makes me a hot chocolate. I had been signing quite a few autographs today as well, although a bit less than yesterday, but as the sun is starting to die down outside, there’s only a couple of people left in the store. There’s a student who has been revising for the past 2 or 3 hours, forgetting about his drink, which is probably cold by now. There’s another person who got here not too long ago and started reading a book. And there’s the person behind me who has been here for almost as long as the student who turned out to be a writer. We had a nice conversation where they told me about the plot of their story and I must admit it seemed enticing. But seeing those people, each doing their thing, I understand why Tendou loves that place so much.

Margaux pulls me out of my own thoughts “You know, I think he hired Elliott for you.” 

“What do you mean for me? I live in Japan.” 

“Exactly!”

“I’m afraid I’m not following you right now.”. 

“I think he's settling things up to leave. To go back to Japan. For you.”

“What do you mean ‘go back to Japan’? Did he say anything”

“I’m not quite sure, he hasn’t said anything to me yet, but he’s been whispering a lot with Arthur. And the fact that he hired Elliott is a bit weird in my opinion. I mean we didn’t really need him. Sure, the store is getting well known and we’re getting more customers but it could have waited a bit. He wouldn’t have hired someone right now, just before Christmas, if he wasn’t planning something. But he hasn’t told me anything, so maybe I’m reading a little bit too much into this.”

Before I can answer, the machine beeps and she goes to get the cup of hot chocolate. But I can see she has an idea when she brings me my cup a little too quickly. 

“Maybe you could try to get more information out of Isabelle if she comes back today!”

“Isabelle?” The name rings a bell but I can’t remember to whom it belongs.

“The old lady who gave you an umbrella yesterday morning.” Margaux explains, and it comes back. She’s Tendou’s regular. “He weirdly opens up to her more than he does to us, at least when it comes to feelings. When it comes to business he always goes to Arthur first, but you’re gonna have a hard time trying to speak to Arthur alone, so Isabelle might be your best option here. Ah, quand on parle du loup… Isabelle! Comment ça va depuis ce matin? Je parie que vous êtes revenu pour le joli coeur accoudé au comptoir!” I don’t understand what she’s saying but I’m guessing she’s talking about me because the old lady walks up to me.

“So it was you yesterday! You’re the husband of the lovely owner! I thought I had recognized you but I wasn’t sure…”

“I am. It’s nice to finally meet you! Tendou talks about you a lot!”

“Indeed, it’s nice to finally meet the person I hear so much about. Although sometimes it almost feels like we’ve already met a couple times because that boy’s stories never end when it comes to you.”

Margaux saves us from an awkward silence when she asks where Isabelle wants to sit.

“Would you like to join me?” I suggest. “I’m going to wait here the rest of the afternoon for Tendou so I’d really appreciate some company.”

“I would be very glad to do so, but may we switch to a different table? Those high chairs aren’t really comfortable for me.”

“Of course! I have been sitting at that table over there!” I say pointing to the table where I’ve been signing autographs since yesterday. 

We both sit down together and exchange pleasantries. To my utmost surprise she switched to Japanese when we sat down and I learned that she had been a French teacher in Tokyo when she was younger. We’ve moved onto sharing anecdotes about Tendou when she asks. “You have something on your mind, don’t you, my dear?”

“How do you know?”

“Let’s say Tendou was right when he said your face was as easy to read as an open book. So what’s bothering you, sweetheart?”

“It’s just that Margaux mentioned something earlier and she said you might be able to help me understand what she meant…”

“I can try, but you’re going to have to tell me what it was if you want me to help.”

I take a deep breath, trying to find the best way to word what has been going on in my mind. “She said Tendou might be thinking of going back to Japan. Permanently.”

“Oh…”

The awkward silence that follows is enough of an answer to tell me that Margaux was right. “So, it’s true?”

“Well…” She hesitates and I’m guessing she isn’t sure she’s allowed to tell me but she must be feeling my concern because she continues anyway. “Your husband hasn’t figured it all out yet, he’s still trying to decide what to do with this place, but yes. He’s pretty set about going back to Japan.”

“But why? I mean he’s doing well here, so why would he want to go back? He spent years trying to make it here and, now that he has finally fulfilled his dream, he wants to give it all up?”

“I’m not your husband, so I can’t say for sure, but I guess the answer is pretty obvious. I mean it is to me. We talked about it again this morning, actually, and the answer is you. You’re the reason he wants to go back to Japan.”

She tries to explain, tries to tell me about Tendou’s plans, and I want to tell her that she’s wrong, that she must be mistaken, but when I open my mouth nothing comes out. So I’m sitting here, listening to that lady telling me about Tendou wanting to go back home as every sound becomes a blur and I watch my world crumbling apart because Tendou made a promise and now he’s breaking it.

***

I don’t remember going back home. I only remember bits and pieces of our date at the restaurant. I remember cutting his hair, but everything in between is blurred. As I lay in bed, I feel myself coming back. The conversation I had with Isabelle is stuck in my head, and I can’t sleep.

When did I get so obsessive?

I'm obsessing over nothing...

Pushing away the blankets I get out of bed before I suffocate and go to the bathroom; maybe freshening up will help. So I splash water on my face. Once. Twice. It feels like I'm drowning. This is clearly not working. I need something else. If I was in Japan I would go on a run, but I'm not and I don't know my way around Paris, so going for a run is not an option. I decide that maybe a glass of water will help so I head for the kitchen.

...I wish I could erase our past

'Cause now I'm sticking through this overpass

There’s a picture of us on the fridge that catches my eye. It’s partly hidden by bills and another picture, but I can still see us clearly, posing in front of his store on the opening day. 

I can still recall the joy on Tendou's face when he told me about this new project. The absolute glee in his voice when he called me to say that the renovation work was complete and they would be able to open up soon. But most of all I can clearly recall his first words when he stepped into the chocolaterie on the opening day: ‘This is a dream come true.’

And now Isabelle's words echo in my head and they don't make sense to me. We promised each other we'd never get in the way of our dreams, that was our rule. That's why we've lasted so long. We've both been fulfilling our dreams and making our relationship work. So hearing that Tendou is thinking about giving it all up because of me. Especially just after I told him I'd been missing him so much.

That's exactly the reason I didn't want to tell him what was going on. Because I don't want to be the reason he doesn't fulfill his dream. I don't want him to end up resenting me for having to give up his dream because I couldn't stay alone in a house. I don't want him to give up the thing he worked so hard for. The thing that makes him happy. The thing that made his childhood easier to bear. That makes his bad days a little better. The thing that makes his eyes shine when he gets new ideas. 

I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to impose that on him when I hear footsteps behind me and I realize that I got here for a glass of water and that I’m standing in front of the fridge with my glass still full, not knowing how long I’ve been standing there. I turn around and I’m met with a sleepy Tendou, looking at me with his eyes half open. 

He drags himself across the kitchen and stops in front of me. His arms find their place around my waist as he rests his chin on my chest. He looks up at me with a pout.

“Please, come back to sleep. I’m cold without you.”

I chug down the glass of water before cupping his face in my hands and placing a gentle peck on his pouty lips. 

He wraps his arms around my neck as I squat down to grab the back of his knees and his head rolls in the crook of my neck when I lift him off the floor. I can feel his breath against my skin as I carry him back to the bedroom and when he whispers:

“I wish you could stay a little longer.”

“I wish I could, too.” I answer as I let him down on the bed.  

***

When I wake up the next morning, the bed is cold beside me. Ushijima isn’t here and I’m carefully tucked in bed. I call for him but the only answer I get is the calm silence of my apartment. Maybe he went to the bakery. Last night, at the restaurant, he did say he had missed being able to eat so many pastries and he often plans a trip to the bakery whenever he visits so he can bring back pastries to Japan. This always comes as a surprise to me because Ushijima never had that big of a sweet tooth but he’s a sucker for pastries. I still remember the first time he tried to bring some pastries back to Japan. I was still a student, I think it was the first year we had been away from each other, and that was the first time he had visited. I remember him calling me when he got back to his apartment, to tell me about the airport security pulling him aside because they thought the contents of his baggage was suspicious so they wanted to take a look. It turned out he had packed too much food and they had to take away a bunch of the pastries he had tried to sneak into his baggage, especially the ones that had custards or other types of similar filling because they weren’t packed in the right containers. So I wouldn’t be surprised if he was raiding the bakery down the street of all their pastries.  

So I got up and took a shower, thinking that he’d be back when I got out of the shower. Except, I take my sweet time in the shower, and when I get out of the bathroom about half an hour later he’s still not back, so I start to worry.

Talked about it last night, thought I was fine

Helped you pack your things, put your bags in the hallway...

He hasn’t answered the text I sent him before getting into the shower, so I try to call, but he doesn’t answer. Maybe he went on a run. I try not to panic. He had been restless all night, waking me up a couple of times because he kept tossing and turning in bed. And when I found him in the kitchen he looked lost in his thoughts. So I go to the kitchen because, if he did go on a run, he would have left a note in the kitchen, next to the coffee machine, because he knows that's usually the first thing I do when I wake up. So that’s where I’m headed, cursing myself for not doing that today, but there’s nothing next to the coffee machine, neither on the fridge nor on the kitchen table. And I start to panic this time. What if something happened? He doesn’t speak French and French people do not speak English and even less Japanese. So I try to call him another time, but this time I’m greeted by a voice that tells me the user I’m trying to call cannot be reached at the moment. And I’m submerged by anxiety.

He’s alone, somewhere in Paris, and his phone is off. So I rush back to the bedroom to grab a coat and that’s when I see it, sitting on my bedside table.

...Maybe in a past life, problems aside

We could make it home, I'd hear you when you're calling

And my heartbeat slows down for a second until I realize the piece of paper sitting on my bedside table is too big to be just a note. I sit on the side of my bed and grab the paper. I unfold it to discover it’s a letter written in Ushijima’s awkward handwriting. 

“Dear Satori,

Four years ago, we made a decision. We chose to live away from each other: you in France, me in Japan. We had done it before so how hard could it be this time around? We did it once, we could do it twice, right? But today I’ve come to realize that we were wrong and that we made the wrong decision that day and I’ve been holding on for too long.

Missing you isn’t the reason I came here and, even if it’s an undeniable truth, that’s not the real reason. The real reason is that I’m tired of missing you and I don’t want to keep living like this.

I don’t want to keep waiting for you to walk through the door every evening. I don’t want to keep living surrounded by empty rooms that scream your absence. I don’t want to keep living my life as if everything is going well when the only thing I want to do is scream until I cannot utter a single sound. 

I’m sorry if this comes as a shock to you (guess I’m a better liar than you thought I was). But I'm done acting like this doesn't affect me, because I'm tired, really tired Tendou. I know that we've come a long way, that we overcame so much, but this doesn't feel like something we're going to be able to get through. 

I meant to tell you earlier. I meant to tell you face to face, I thought I could do it. But having you in front of me made every speech I had prepared fly out the window and I couldn’t summon the courage to say it out loud and so instead I’m doing the shittiest thing I could possibly do: writing you this letter. 

But now I can finally say it: I’m letting go.  

Ushijima Wakatoshi.”

#haikyuu!! #ushijima wakatoshi #tendou satori #ushiten #ushijima x tendou #haikyuu!! fic #haikyu #haikyuu fic #ali's writing

[mysteriesmuse]

Houseboat Holiday!🌊⛴️☀️!

There was nothing more exhilarating than a long awaited summer vacation with your childhood best friends. The annual houseboat holiday with your three families. The Bakugous, Midoriyas, and L/Ns. This tradition started a long time ago when your parents were all young adults fresh out of college. In fact, the tradition started out as a lifestyle where your mothers had all decided to split the cost of a houseboat rather than dealing and living in the inflated Japanese apartments at the time. Plus, life on the water had less crime and was safer for a bunch of single women. And now it’s become a tradition for your expanding families.

And Now here you were fresh out of the college semester for the summer. A young single and educated woman just like your mothers were, and here you were. The only representative member of your family coming on the trip this year. Your parents being called for some emergency quirk training for your nephew who just inherited a quirk much like your fathers.

A 2-year old with some form of x-ray vision was definitely cause for missing a vacation. Your poor brother and sister-in-law kept you regularly posted on the terrible twos. So when your family shared the news that only you could make it everyone understood.

“Oh! Inko, darling, get up here it’s Y/N!” A familiar shout greeted you as you saw familiar figures moving around on the family houseboat. A blonde woman made a mad dash off the boat and down the wooden planks - thats when you dropped all your luggage.

You flew into her embrace, “Auntie Mitski!” “Look at you! Your Mamas little girl!” She stood back and held your arms, peering around at you every which way, “let me get a good luck at you!” With a giggle you did the routine and pushed your sunglasses up, flashing your big sparkling eyes and thick fluttering lashes.

Mitsuki let out her rackous laughter and slung and arm around your shoulders steering you to the boat, “Could still make my boy hand over his desert like when you were kids with those eyes.” you rolled your eyes gently nudging her in the ribs.

“Oh - right . . .” your aunt turned to the boat and shouted for her husband, you still in tow, it was same old, same old. You passed him on the boat as he went to grab your luggage’s mouthing your routine ‘thank you’ as he went to grab your bags and Mitsuki talked your ear off. “ - like I said in my text, the boys are probably gonna be here late tonight -“

“I just got off the phone with Izuku and he said that they were well on their way to the city by now, so they might be earlier . . .” you gasped, your auntie slipping her arm off your shoulder so you could embrace your other aunt who just came around the corner. “oh my gosh Inko you look incredible!” “She’s been working out son the weekends with Izuku. Such a dutiful son. Now she’s got that summer body back!” “oh it’s not been that big a deal,” she blubbered, “I mean look at our girl’s baby girl. You’re so gorgeous.” you pulled back as she dabbed her eyes with tissues that you know Mitsuki must have supplied to her behind your back. “But honestly, Aunt Inko you look great. Im super proud of you.” she sniffled as Mitsuki slug an arm around the both of you, “hey and you know she’s been back in the dating scene and you’re never gonna guess who she’s getting lucky with y/n.” “Mitsy!” Inko turned bright red. You gasped, “uh Aunty Inky excuse me? I haven’t heard anything about this from mom. Who is it?!” “oh I’ll let her tell the whole story herself later tonight,” Mitsuki ensured, chuckling with her best friend and daughter of her other best friend at her side, “you haven’t gotten a pedicure have you?” “nope, just as promised, I know the ritual.” ————

Then later that evening came. With your Uncle Masaru dutifully supplying y’all with snacks: charcuterie, popcorn, chocolate truffles that were to die for, and a splashing of champagne as you participated in the matriarchs first night get-together ritual; painting each others nails. . . Auntie Mitsuki raised her glass to her lips with a coy smile as she encouraged Aunty Inko to spill the tea about her recent dating life to you. The three of you flopped onto the couch. Inko inbetween the two of you brandishing a bottle of orange mandarin nail polish. She had the steadiest hand and they’d always given you the honor of going first, especially as the only daughter out of three. your freshly shaved legs were thrown over Inko’s lap with a smattering of charcuterie goodies on your plate. Meanwhile Mitsuki held onto the bowl of popcorn. “so y/n, it really all started back when Izuku started school - “

Mitsuki shoved a handful of popcorn into her friends open mouth, “ - it’s a real slow burner.” she swiped the polish over your nails, “ahem as I was saying it started back then. This dashing man who had become a teacher and mentor to Izuku at school had started coming over monthly for house checks when they had all those villains at the school. Of course I got updates from Izuku - thristy.” Mitsuki grabbed a glass from the table with a straw and held it to her mouth.

you happily crunched away on your cheese and crackers as Masaru peeked his head around the kitchen, “you ladies need more drinks?” “yes please!” You chirped as he brought you another bottle of soda. “- anyway, the school continued these meetings even when the students moved to the dorms and eventually within some time I realized he had such a interest and love for my son that I couldn’t help but wonder about the man himself. And well, then we started chatting about our life’s our interests our hobbies, everything under the sun and not just Izuku. But I was too shy and embarrassed to date a man like that. A retired hero!” Mitsuki poked the bottom of your foot with her ‘this is the good part’ face. “I mean he’s an icon! All Might. The All Might had been visiting me for two and a half years now, loved my son, and showed nothing but kindness, admiration, and respect. Well, after last summer I decided I wanted to bring some of that confidence back and so Izuku and I started walking every weekend and he helped me start a at home workout routine. Oh- He’s huge now, my Izuku! Never would have thought, but that’s what it takes to be a hero.” At this point your eyes were as big as saucers as you stared at Mitsuki for confirmation. To which she only nodded. “So you’re telling me that you two haven’t been dating this whole time?” You asked incredulously. She looked up from her lap, “What no, of course not! We’ve waited for Izuku to graduate and then for me to feel ready to be comfortable to date.” “I can’t believe this. Izuku’s been telling me that y’all have been dating since his last half of highschool!” “WHAT?!” “oh Inky you really ought to have seen it from his perspective. It was so obvious to the rest of us!” “wait what? Really?!”

Slam. The three of you barely heard anything between your playful teasing, but Masaru had heard and gone upstairs to help the last holiday guests arrive. “hey!” You shouted as popcorn flew across the air, “No fair I have zero ammunition!” you were getting pelted with popcorn. Inko in the cross fires. “Well isn’t this a delicious battle zone!” Inko giggled catching the assaulting popcorn in her mouth with a crunch. More thuds moved down the stairs.

“Oi.”

“Mom! - Mitsuki! Y/N!”

“ - already yelling without us, huh, what’s life come to?” Mitsuki vaulted off the couch to pull her son into a loving headlock, “Oh my adult brat has come home!” It’d been about two maybe three years since you’d last seen them, between graduation and training camps the last few summers consisted of your family and their parents. Now you had you admit they both looked totally grown up. And almost intimidated-ly so . . . you blinked trying to take it in. Katsuki still dressed like he had a rap album to drop. Thank ‘might he grew out of that one goth phase. Sporting a tight, really tight fitting black t-shirt and matching joggers. And Izuku wore an equally tight “Shirt” shirt with khakis. Always much more summer appropriate. The t-shirts left none of their reps to guess. None of there victories or losses unaccounted for. you blinked, you knew about these, heck you’d seen pictures of them but the different scars littering their bodies still caught you off guard. It’s nothing compared to seeing the real thing. It made it much more real. I mean it still surprises you that these two kids you’d grown up with were real heroes.

. . . until you watched Katsuki let his mom wrestle him into a noogie before throwing an arm around her as she rested her head on his shoulder. well, Mitsuki could wrestle just about any giant. Meanwhile, Izuku walked over to the couch and gave his mom a hug. so they were the same childhood dorks you’d grown up with. you giggled as your legs got caught between, “Hey Izuku!” He broke away from his mom, “And Y/N wow! It’s so good to see you!” You grinned opening your arms for an Izuku hug. As he pulled back he smiled sheepishly, scarred fingers gently brushing through your hair, “you’ve got popcorn.” “yeah I’m not as talented as your mom.” “oh yeah, no one can beat her at her own party tricks,” he shrugged. Your blonde childhood friend sauntered up beside the green bean. immediately the house lights were blocked out from their, still surprising, bulky pro-hero frames. “Hey n/n, good to see ya’.” you smiled up at katsuki, “nice to see you too. Hey wait - where’d you get that Kats?” In his hand was a chocolate truffle that wasn’t done yet. You could have sworn that Masaru was still whipping those up in the kitchen. Katsuki grunted, “doesn’t matter to you,” before hastily plopping the treat into his mouth and crossing his arms as he chewed, “can’t let you make that face anymore, it won’t work on me.” “Aw come on Katsuki, we’ve been waiting on those and you just got here. Plus what ever happened to ladies first?” You teased. he turned his face away, “nope, can’t make me. I won’t get you anything from the kitchen this time . . . and neither will “

Izuku already disappeared muttering to Masaru in the kitchen to fetch a tray, “she’s trapped my mother in a pedicure and she can’t even get up because her nail polish isn’t dry.” Katsuki hissed in defeat, “damn you nerd.” meanwhile the rest of you cheered thanks for Mr. Bakugou for baking and Izuku for being kind enough to help bring a batch in. “ oh my god honey these are to die for ~ !” “shut it ma’ you say that every single time he makes them.” “hey! it’s true!” “yeah, plus that’s her catchphrase sweetheart.” “and so another year, the same Bakugou family script. It’s gonna be a wonderful trip,” Inko giggled, now flanked by you and Izuku who feed her a truffle. “that it is.”

#mysteriesmusing #Houseboat Holiday AU #bakugou katsuki #izuku midoriya #mha fanfiction #bhna fanfiction #reader insert #fem reader #college reader #pro hero katsuki #pro hero deku #I’m so excited to share this fabulous idea that’s been swirling around in my head for the past few days! #id love to know what y’all think! #family friend summer vaca

[thesupersecretparadiseaccount]

A little bit of a ramble, a lot of a ramble, a trauma dump even

My entire life, I have been disabled

That's it, that's the premise of this ramble, ever since I was young I was in constant pain when I was on my feet and despite me being able to walk and run I never understood why it always hurt. Why I always had to take a break in PE during the daily laps around the yard, or why I couldn't explain why I had to take one when kids made fun of me or the teachers looked down at me

My parents certainly weren't helping, my mom knew exactly what was wrong (she admitted this to me when I got older) but she didn't want to get me help or SSDI or anything like that because she said she didn't want me to become dependent on it and she didn't want me to not get a job or go to college and become complacent over it I'm sure I don't have to say why that's not right As I got older my condition worsened as my weight increased and no help was given, I never even went to see a doctor about my issue despite me becoming cognizant of the pain by the age of 7-8 until I was 15. My mother just refused every time to take me, citing my weight or my "laziness and refusal to walk or run" as the cause of it. My father wasn't much of a help either, he only ever wanted me to be a "real man" and despised that I refused to play sports because of the pain and just wrote me off as weak.

Didn't get much better when I did first go to the doctor, they misdiagnosed my issue off of one X-Ray and then pretty much gave me painkillers and patted me on the back and said "Maybe get some orthopedic inserts" which I have been wearing since I could walk, but they wanted me to get custom ones, which in the long run didn't help with my pain at all

After that I finally got into Highschool and after so long determined myself to get a job my senior year, I knew it would be painful but a part of me held onto the toxic belief that I had to prove that I wasn't incapable of anything just because of my disability, so I applied to McDonalds in my small town and got the necessary paperwork

I didn't last a month, I would walk out of there at the end of my shifts with one of my feet almost facing perpendicular to my other foot, the pain was so much that I had to take a 10 minute break multiple times a shift to just go cry in the bathroom and let my feet rest. It was the only time my father ever showed me respect, my suffering was the only thing that could get him to notice me.

Finally though, I turned 18 and I could finally get the surgery that the doctors had been talking about my whole life, the promised neverland that would let me walk and run and do anything I ever wanted with no pain

In hindsight I should have been a bit more skeptical, turns out it was a surgery normally done on people thrice my age, the surgeon who did it had never done it on someone my age, and could only offer a hope that it would work and a backup surgery that would leave me 100% guaranteed paralyzed in a few years but at least it wouldn't be immediate like if the original surgery fell through and nothing was done For context the surgery was essentially a complete reconstruction of everything below the ankle, a plate on the right side of my right foot, and a lengthening of my calf muscles to meet my new foot

After 6 months stuck in bed and another 2 in a boot, I was finally free to walk, I did a month of some barebones physical surgery (didn't even learn how to properly walk on my new foot) and found out right away it was not all what it was cracked up to be. The pain was a lot sharper now and left aches, it was impossible to walk without shoes or slippers or something on, and forget running.

I had to get a CAT scan (which took literally 3 months) to make sure everything was okay, turns out I have osteoarthritis all over the joints below the ankle (nothing new there), and osteopenia all over my foot (actually surprising there) and the surgery had only refused about 40% of the way, way under the doctors expectancy. So I had to schedule another appointment and deliver the results

I never got the chance, my insurance ran out and due to never getting me help as a kid via SSDI or even a written letter detailing my disability, I was left hung out to dry, I haven't been to a doctors in 6 months with my mother scrambling to rectify everything and get me SSDI and back on insurance and getting her food stamps back in order because I was in the eyes of the state a jobless able-bodied adult and no longer able to be claimed

So now I'm here, honestly this turned less into a ramble and more of a dump of a facet of my entire life, but fuck it, we ball

#disabled #i have to ask but is “actually disabled” the tag like #good? or bad? is it like “this is written by someone disabled” or is it “there are disabled people and there is actually disabled people” #trauma dump #life story #well a part of it #there's so much more to this shit show

[kallystah]

~~~ Little Conflict ~~~ Marco x reader ~~~

~~~

The rays of the sun hit hard on the long expanse of water that presented itself to them. Indeed, the crew of Whitebeard had endured a long stay on a wintry island and had therefore decided to sail to a warmer island where bloodthirsty mammoths did not squeeze... Even if they therefore risked from exposing themselves to giant lizards or an endless desert, all of Whitebeard's sons wanted to drop their animal skins and their oven mitts to make way for shorts. Things that some had quickly understood.

The pirates who were not on duty therefore lounged on the foredeck of the Moby Dick, facing the sea, taking advantage of the breeze caused by the sea air. One of the commanders having swapped his kitchen apron for simple shorts so quickly finished his work in order to join his friends who were waiting for him.

- Satch, I too will have to grow a banana.

The named Satch got up immediately, more than surprised by the remark that his brother made to him. He who was however the first to make fun of his haircut.

- Why is that Ace?

- Well, I thought about it, he began more seriously, and I still find advantages in it. Already, you're not hot in the neck because all your hair is in front, and also, it makes you a great cap.

The man with the banana hesitated between hitting his brother for his mockery, or letting it go because this idiot looked very serious. He opted for the second option.

- In any case, I know one who must be hot.

- By the way, where is she? I haven't heard from her since last night.

No sooner had he finished his sentence than a loud, albeit high-pitched voice sounded behind them.

- Anyway, you're just a chicken Marco ! I don’t even know why I’m with you !

- Oh no! That's for me to say! How did I put up with such a clingy, useless kid all this time!

The last words of the second had the effect of an arrow driven directly into the chest of the young woman. In fact, she felt her heart drop in her chest, as if a part of her had broken at that sentence.

She had been cut off, not by choice or by pride, but because the lump that had formed in her throat prevented her from uttering a single word. She knew that if she opened her mouth, only a moan of sadness would come out.

So to avoid her listener the satisfaction of seeing her lose her means, she preferred to turn around and join the hold that housed the women's dormitory. It's out of the question for her to join her bed, the bed she shared with her dear lover Marco, or should she think... ex lover Marco?

The spectators who had witnessed this scene unfortunately could not think that it was a simple little dispute between a couple, because these two had never gotten into each other and had always known how to remain united and on good terms despite the opposition of their ideas on a few occasions.

In short, the atmosphere on the Moby Dick wouldn't be the same as usual until one of the two parties decided to talk to each other.

.

.

.

- Sniff.

- Satch why are you crying? Noticed the Human Torch.

- Because there's a meeting of commanders in a few hours and Marco is going to be in a terrible mood.

- Oh no. I had forgotten.

- Poor us.

- Poor us.

The three pirates who passed by and not having followed the dispute could only be in a state of incomprehension in the face of their commanders approaching such a serious mine, their heads in their hands and crying out in despair.

————

At the same time in the corridors of the whale descended a young woman, the tears beading on her eyes which she tried to retain. But it had been too hard for her. He could have insulted her with all the names, nothing would have hurt her more than what he had said to her. He had no right to tell her that, not after all they had done to get to this point.

Slamming the door of the dormitory reserved for the female sex, she settled in the hammock at the bottom, the one near the mouse hole, the one that had welcomed her for dozens of months before she ended up in the bed of his commander.

No matter how hard she tried not to think about him, he just entered her thoughts. So it was on sad notes that she fell asleep, closing her eyelids in her old hammock which had heard all her dreams of being with her handsome commander.

She woke up after a few hours, it was five o'clock according to a passing nurse. The young woman massaged her eyes, sleeping having cried before, there was no worse awakening for her peepers. And then she felt a headache taking her, no choice, she had to go to the infirmary.

If she had woken up an hour later she would have taken the ailments that were prisoners of her, but as her dear ex-companion was in a meeting she could allow herself a little detour to her workplace, and to her room, in order to resume his business.

Yes, ex mate. The pirate had thought for a long time before going to sleep and she had concluded that Marco's words put an end to their relationship. She couldn't hide it, it hurt her a lot. Especially since the reason for their argument was incomprehensible to him. She understood that she had done something annoying by entering her ex-boyfriend's office without knocking, but she couldn't see how it could have required so much hatred on her part.

Anyway. Her way to the infirmary had gone well and she had even received strong hugs from her nurse friends. This had re-motivated her and she felt able to face the rest of the crew, who would not hesitate to ask questions about the situation. From what her friends had told her, Marco had made his bad mood heard.

Then with a determined step, she crossed the door of the room of the second captain, and did not linger to pick up her belongings. The explanations she had to give to the nurses had wasted enough time.

But she couldn't help thinking, she had been there for eleven long months. During these months she had not given birth to the fruit of their love, but she had made it grow and mature within her heart so that it would be as pure as possible if they were to make the decision to be joined by the personification of it.

His fingers slid on the wooden desk, the one where there were only neatly arranged old reports and well-drawn maps. After she settled in her room, Marco had wanted to leave her a space for her arts, she who loved to paint and draw maps of these discoveries. He only used the office late at night when he had a lot of work but wanted to stay close to his beloved, so he had moved the rest of his stuff to his office in the infirmary.

Then she looked at the bed. What about this bed... he had seen so much. Of their sweet nights of hugs or restless love, of their dreams or their nightmares, all that was now veiled in his head was a white sheet of nostalgia. Why did he have to say those words?

————

He didn’t know it. What had possessed him to shout that to her? To her, his sweet girlfriend. She was the only woman who had managed to take his heart. He had been a hell of an idiot, the fact that he was exhausted and mentally exhausted couldn't excuse the harsh words he had said. But now it was too late.

- You're an idiot Marco.

- I know. He replies in a weary voice.

To the surprise of whoever had started the conversation, he couldn't get his brother, and friend, out of his thoughts. He who had gone so far as to risk his life and insult his superior, had failed in his mission. He hadn't succeeded in getting the commander's attention. It showed others how much he blamed himself for doing what he did.

- Come on brother, think about something else and try to relax, you've been depressed for three days so now you get your chicken ass off your desk and you're going to get some fresh air. Once you've cleared your mind, you can go back and talk to him and try to clear things up.

The glances from his comrades could pass, the few remarks he heard about how he had broken a woman's heart too, an insult from Ace too, but two. Stop. Especially coming from Satch who could follow him to hell to give him his advice on love.

So the second in command swapped his paperwork for a few drafts for a walk in the sun. Feeling the sea breeze would only do him the greatest good. He who wanted to take his beauty for a walk in the light of the moon and the stars, he had been forced to abstain.

Since they had known each other, which is now a good bunch of years, he had never said things clearly to her. He who was however so straight in his work, was a fire in love. He sketched a smile at the old memories that resurfaced.

Since their first meeting, until the moment when he had noticed her feelings, had already passed many months, even years. Now that he thought about it, they must have known each other for at least nine years. And everyone knows it would have taken even longer if not for the shenanigans of Satch and his cronies.

After finally realizing that his flame was burning for someone, he had once again waited several months before discussing sincerely with her. These two had always been great friends, but as soon as he realized his feelings, he fled the battle, the enemy was too formidable for him. Armed with his insecurities about his age, he couldn't beat love to join the young woman.

Two long hours passed and he returned to the huge boat, reported to the lookout that he had seen nothing for miles around, and landed on the foredeck of the ship.

As soon as he resumed human form, he felt a presence behind him, then for a blink of an eye, he felt his hair brush against his face, letting himself go with the twirls of the wind, they strolled behind her. The bewitching scent he thought he perceived was indeed his, but there was like... something changed in his aura.

Being in a better mood and happy to finally see her out, because from his office window he had a glimpse of the people present on the bridge, he decided to call her. Then with a hesitation, his sweet first name traveled the lips of the beautiful bird with blue flames.

- Y/n...

Time seemed to stop for the commander, in fact, the young woman had not stopped. She had to continue on her way and by the time he realized what had happened, she was already gone.

.

.

.

- It took a wind different from usual there, didn't it?

- Downright. His friend replied, sipping the delicious cocktail he had taken care to prepare.

The two gossips still lying on their deckchairs at the front of the boat had once again witnessed the whole scene. Indeed, for a reason that only they knew, they did not worry more than that about the future of their two companions. To tell the truth, they had had a most interesting conversation during the ballad of the firebird...

————

- Y/n! Wait for me ! shouted a loud distant voice in a hallway of the ship.

So the young woman stopped, on the sound of her voice she had recognized the holder and well, some love advice wouldn't do her the greatest harm. In vain she repeated to herself step by step that she should no longer think of Marco, she had even forbidden herself to go on the foredeck because she was afraid to feel his gaze, but she could not help remembering their argument.

The more she thought about it, the more she thought he had been a real jerk, and if she saw him again she couldn't help but give him a beautifully placed right hand.

- Satch. You're going to have to get out of your kitchen and get back to running, old man.

- Sh°t up, you want. I'm here to talk to you about the blue chicken case. Or blue pineapple it's up to you.

- I have the impression, surprisingly, that you love playing matchmaker, dear cook.

- To serve you ma'am. He bowed to accompany his sentence.

- So what part of the case did you want to look into? On the cause of the story? On the fact that he insulted me on this subject? Or wait I know! About me having to go apologize to Marco?

- So, don't apologize, he's the one screwing up. But accept his apology because I know he will come eventually. You've waited too long to join you so he won't let things happen a second time. Afterwards I really want you to tell me the cause of the argument, it will make gossip! He said smiling. I promise you he sincerely regrets what he said to you. He resumed sincerely.

- Ok, I'll accept his apology, if he gives me a good reason to do so. She said in front of her brother's eyes sparkling with joy. But. She resumed. He will have to wait.

- What ! But why ? You are the Romeo and Juliet of the ship, you can't wait for a stupid death to get back together!

- Who is Romeo and Juliet?

- I don't know, I took out two first names at random. Don't run away from the question.

- So I said that I will accept his apologies but not before a good week. His turn to wait. He made me wait for months while the whole crew knew it, even the inhabitants of the islands we were going to saw how he was in love, even I saw him and I dealt with it. I waited again and again for him to accept me when his only excuse was the years of gaps we had. Those stupid ten years apart.

He made me wait for Satch for four years.

So I think he will survive a week without speaking to me knowing that I had to deal with three months of ignorance on his part.

The poor cook with cupid's wings could not respond to so many words that meant everything to him. When you think about it, it was she who had suffered the most from the fear of Marco's age gap. So he resigned himself and went away, throwing a smile at his little sister so that she would calm down.

————

The waves had passed, the winds had passed, and so had the days. Since the first attempt at a discussion that had taken place between Marco and Y/n, although from some point of view, we would call it more a one-sided discussion, or a wind for the others, had followed others. In total only four, one day share in order to leave freedom to the young woman. And it had been two days since the commander had stopped attempting a rapprochement.

So nine days had passed since the argument between the two ex lovers. A figure that did not please some.

- When are they going to talk to each other again?

- This is starting to get long.

- And Marco's mood becomes more and more sad. One of the nurses told me that working in the infirmary was unbearable right now.

The commanders who usually discussed the love affairs of their favorite couple with jokes and mockery over the blushes of one or the nonsense of the other, could no longer bear the evil that was eating away at the ship.

Their father, sitting on his big seat enjoying the warmth and happiness of his children, had heard the conversation of his commanders. So he thought about the fact that he should go talk to his son in order to finally solve the problem that was eating them up inside. But a voice rose among those of the strongest men, a famous cook was not happy with the turn that things had taken. So, unable to wait any longer, he got up and headed to the women's compartment aboard the ship.

He slammed the door, which wouldn't survive a final bang of that power, and headed for the hammock at the bottom of the hold, the one near the mouse hole. Not even checking if there were people inside, because he knew she was there, he pulled on the fabric in order to give her a turn, and in the process to knock the resident out of it.

- Well my little Y/n will have to get out of bed one day. You told me a week, and yet nothing has changed in your situation, the proof, I manage to sleep every night without any plugs in my ears.

- Sh°t up.

- Ha you found the hair of the beast. he smiled. So tell your favorite big brother why you didn't accept his apology.

- Because he didn't come back.

- He came to see you for four days, including the last day of the week! You should have agreed then.

- Yes, but I intended to agree to speak to him on the eighth day... but he didn't come back. I told you he'd get tired of a kid like me.

- You are pros for misunderstandings.

Satch was devastated by all the misunderstandings that gnawed at them.

- Communication. he resumed. Didn't I tell you that was key if you wanted to date Marco?

- Yes. Answered the young woman in front of the sermon which awaited her.

- Perfect. So you better go talk to him yourself if you don't want to be punished with fries on Tuesday.

- No Satch it's not the right! Everything but not that!

- Oh if I have the right, don't worry I always have a vegetable or two lying around for the big childish women inside.

He sketched a mocking smile then the parties joined his kitchen. The evening meal is not made by itself.

For her part, the young woman sincerely reflected on her actions. Certainly, she wanted revenge for everything she had suffered for years, especially the three long months of ignorance that he had offered her. But she remembered that of the two, the person who had ended those months was the one who had caused them, namely, Marco.

————

One last hour. It was the time they had left to sail before reaching the tropical island that they had been aiming for for about ten days. Although some, including a sparsely dressed lazy, were already on vacation to the ailments of their comrades, the official rest days would begin in a few hours. Once there distribution of tasks that they would have to accomplish throughout their stays made, everyone could sail to their summer activities.

Eventually, the pirates had abandoned their ropes and locations to go to the hot sands of the island. They were quickly welcomed by the villagers, this island was not under the protection of whitebeard, but the villagers seemed happy to welcome them. It must be said that the whitebeard crew had a good reputation.

The hours passed at high speed and when the pirate woke up, having slept all day after staying up late with Ace, the boat was empty. So she went into the room of the first commander, in fact since she had again moved into her old hammock, she couldn't find her bracelet anymore. And it was a bracelet that meant all the world to him because it had been given to him by her father for her first birthday on the ship. She remembered it like it was yesterday.

It is therefore determined to find him that she crosses the door of the one who had been her lover. And who shouldn't be in his room right now when all the commanders were with the father partying. Normally. So why was he looking at her with his gray eyes so surprised?

- Ha! Marco, yes, it's normal for you to be here. It’s your bedroom. I'm the intruder. Alright I'm going. And she slammed the door.

Anyone could ask the question, even she didn't know the answer. What had possessed her to slam the door as soon as she saw him? She, who for two days had been trying to get closer to him, had to run away when she got the chance to talk to him. Lost in her thoughts, she didn't hear anyone's voice calling her name.

For his part, Marco was speechless. Had the one who had been haunting her nightmares for several days decided to come back and talk to her? The one who ignored him when he attempted an approach? He wouldn't let Ace tell him he's an idiot of hearts one more time, this time they would have a talk.

————

At the front of the boat, just outside the corridor, two adults were talking, one looking at the other as if he couldn't live without her.

- So Y/n, are you still in a relationship with Marco?

She couldn't answer at first, how was her relationship with Marco? Seeing him so shocked by her presence, and with a veil of happy surprise in his eyes had made her very happy, but she didn't know what they were. Like in the good old days, she quipped.

- I guess not. So how about we go for a drink together? There's a-

The young sailor couldn't finish his sentence, finally, if he did, the gaze that was fixed on him from the end of the corridor would end up killing him. So he changed his mind.

- Well you know what Y/n, I'm going to leave you I have a lot of things to do in fact hi! He stammered before taking to his heels.

- Eh ?

The named Y/n didn't have time to enter into her questioning thoughts when she felt two warm arms wrap around her shoulders. And that smell, oh how she knew that sweet smell. The one she had noticed from their first physical contact, the one that had lasted throughout their nights, the one she felt reassured at the slightest step if she surrounded him, the smell of her lover.

- I'm sorry. They said at the same time.

- No, it's me who's sorry my little bird, I should have understood that you were exhausted from work at the moment and that you didn't need another voice to get you out of your thoughts.

- No, you haven't done anything, usually you always stay by my side to watch me work and it fills me with joy that you're in the same room as me. I'm sorry for getting upset and especially for saying you were a kid. I don't think so at all. You are the strong woman who waited for me despite all my insecurities and made me the man I am today. I like you.

She was speechless. Far too surprised by this statement he made to her. He who had never said clearly what he felt. There he was giving her those words.

- I love you even more my little bird.

.

.

.

- Bird of my two.

- What's up Satch?

- Nothing nothing... Let's say that sleeping without plugs in the ears wouldn't happen any more if they remain so welded.

- Eh ? Said the cook's younger brother, not understanding his brother.

~~~~

I'm sure there are spelling mistakes, sorry, but I hope you liked it : )

👀 My others OS :

https://kallystah.tumblr.com/post/691333316098637824/hi-everyone-here-is-my-masterlist-one-piece-3

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