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queen-of-writing-bad-things · 2 months

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Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 5

Episode 23: Sister Twister Part 1

Season 5 Masterlist

~In the Man Cave~

Friends. You can't beat them. But, sometimes, it's so very tempting.

That's what Charlotte thought. She, (y/n), and Henry were in the Man Cave, chilling and hanging in out as they waited for the next disaster to happen, which was nice--for some.

The heroine was sitting on the couch, some cheesy romance novel in her hand, so she occasionally let out a squeal when she reached a good part. As if her life wasn't filled with romance already, what with Casanova Ray swanning around the place or wherever he was. Before he left, he'd gone off someone for something supposedly essential but didn't neglect to give her a parting kiss.

At least it made her happy, something which the girl sitting at the computer desperately hoped for. Not an icky boyfriend, no, but some peace as she read off one of the monitors. Well, she said she was reading, but nothing was sticking in her brain, possibly because of her oh-so-lovely friend poking his head over her shoulder.

Henry - did he know how annoying he was being?

"So, whatcha reading?" he asked as she flicked from webpage to webpage, hoping he'd get the hint from her frosty aura, but, as ever, Henry couldn't read body language or pick up a hint from a girl.

"It's this really interesting article about how annoying it is when someone reads over your shoulder," Charlotte replied sarcastically, assuming something would finally cement in that thick skull of his, but clearly, Henry was just dumb.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hate those people--oh, real quick! Click on that link right there! Ten Celebrities You Didn't Know Were Double-Jointed? What? How'd they know that?" the boy gasped, the only laughter in the room coming from him. Charlotte rolled her eyes as (y/n) chuckled, amused by the situation as she turned a page and kept reading about a woman torn between seven lovers.

Talking about lovers, the secret door opened without warning, causing everyone to glance over and see Ray frantically run out from behind it. He wasn't running back due to a (y/n)-attention deficiency since it'd only been half an hour since he'd wandered off, but whatever it was, it had sure excited him.

"Henry! Sweet girl! Swellview needs us!" He exclaimed as he skidded across the room, stopping only to throw them their gum tubes.

The sidekicks reacted immediately, knowing they had to get ready first and ask questions later, so novels and online reading were abandoned for action, but it would be nice to know what they were doing a little bit. After all, it's not like they didn't have their own gum tubes stuffed in their pockets.

"What's going on?" The kid asked as he caught his tube and took out a ball anyway. (y/n) sidled over to her doofus and lovingly pressed a kiss to his cheek after not seeing him for ages, mimicking his actions of necking some gum.

"No time to explain! Let's chew with urgency!" The hero growled, spurring his sidekicks into moving faster since it sounded like something serious was going down.

"We don't know the emergency..." (y/n) retorted as she swallowed some gum, ready to follow her handsome hero anyway, even if they knew nothing. She was sure he'd explain before they got there - it's not like Ray was full of bad ideas.

"Good one!"

"Thanks!" She smiled when Charlotte recognised her talent for coming up with a quip in no time, and they shared a brief, friendly smile before things got serious. Standing in a line, the trio chewed their gum thoroughly before blubbing three luminescent bubbles, snapping into their super-suits as usual--only nothing was ordinary about the little or big additions they seemed to be sporting.

"Dear god, what is that Raymond?" (y/n) was the first to spot it. As always, they each shook out after transforming to get used to the new fabric, but when she then looked at her doofus, too in love to look at anyone else's face first, her bright smile fell into a deep frown - because of what was strapped to his collar.

A cape - the one thing she refused to let him wear as a superhero.

It was long, a deep scarlet colour, lined with gold thread, and trailed down his back until it reached his ankles in a swoop of majesty. Well, that's how he'd describe it; to his sweet girl, the cape was a waste of her best bulletproof material and a damn tripping hazard if she'd ever seen one. What was he thinking?

"Oh, noooo..." Charlotte, too, wasn't inspired and instantly bit her lip before she got herself fired, not that (y/n) would stand for that. Everyone knew how she felt about cloaks, capes and ponchos since she made no secret of her dislike for the useless, big-headed morons who swanned around wearing them, laughing when they fell over or sniggering when they befell unfortunate ends because they got snagged.

Capes were trouble—the end.

"Is this the emergency? You wanted to show us your new cape?" Henry sighed, seeing how the woman next to him was growing agitated, a state he found growing in him too. It wasn't like he'd been busy before, but he didn't get much time to himself either, so he hated Ray crying wolf--especially for something he knew would set fire to or shred in the end.

"No...I wanted to show you our new capes," Ray smirked, causing his precious girl's face to darken even more as Henry's brows twitched.

"What?" He gasped, wondering what he was talking about. He wasn't perverse to capes, per se, unlike (y/n), so he felt a glimmer of curiosity in his tummy before extinguishing it. He couldn't let himself think things like that, not when he already felt sorry for the poor soul who thought capes were a good idea in the first place.

"Yeah!" Ray exclaimed, thinking they'd be thrilled, but there was a big difference between his cape and theirs. A huge difference.

"What?! Wait--what--what is this? Doofus? These aren't capes! Are you kidding me right now?" (y/n) growled as she and the teen twisted in circles to try and find out what he'd sneakily done to their uniforms with his stupid new gum. In the end, they had to use each other to grab hold of them because all they had were small, square flaps of red silk stitched onto their shoulders - hardly a quarter of what Ray boasted.

"I am one hundred per cent serious, darlin'," her lover replied throatily, facing her with a smouldering look born from the confidence he oozed in his majestic cape. His hands gently settled on her face, thinking he'd be able to appease her about the shortness of their capes since he'd long since mastered the art of making his precious girl weak at the knees.

If only he remembered the first rule about superheroes.

"Why? You know how I feel about these--these death traps!" she spat, feeling like a fool as she tried to angrily gesture with her cape in hand, only to discover she could do that without looking like she was having a stroke. So, in the end, she settled for grasping the red material of his, yanking at it as she pushed away his tender touch.

"Sweet girl..." Ray whimpered and launched his not-so-secret weapon. Fluttering his eyelashes, he gave her his best puppy eyes, hoping they'd be enough to subdue her since they made him look all stupid and adorable - like a doofus - which usually melted her heart into forgiving him. Usually.

"Don't sweet girl me, Raymond! No capes!" (y/n) huffed, prodding his chest with an angry finger as her lips pursed. Did she need to remind him of all the great heroes who'd met with sticky ends because the capes they loved to show off with got stuck or sucked into something? Or should she mention Henry's first day and uniform fitting when she put her foot down about a caped costume?

If this was how he was going to be, then it was going to be a very long, challenging day.

"I've made up my mind on this, sweetheart," Ray told her tiredly, walking off as though he didn't want to argue anymore, but it would simply end there. Just because he swished his cape around and felt all cool didn't mean they were done; even if capes were allowed, why was his so grand and theirs so puny?

"You don't need a cape if you don't fly!" Henry exclaimed, reaching around his neck to try and rip the offending square from his back, but like his fellow sidekick, he couldn't reach.

"You don't have to fly to have a cape. You just need to own it," the hero scoffed as he climbed onto the back of the couch, where he thought his cape would look the most beautiful. Why he got these silly ideas in his head was anyone's guess, and as he stood up there in all his pompousness, (y/n) tried her best to be stern...and not check out his hulking body.

"Doofus, every superhero who's ever had a cape ended up getting caught, killed, or looking stupid!" She snapped at him, looking up with her arms folded as her eyes dragged across his broad chest, down his trim waist, to his beefy thighs. Under any other circumstances, she'd be melting, but all the red ruined it.

"And why are ours so much smaller than yours?!"

"Yours and Henry's are smaller because you're the sidekicks...and I'm the hero," he replied in a low, gravelly voice, crouching down to her level to give her his smoulder again. It worked--it so very nearly worked as he tilted her chin up at him and used his Captain Man charm to steal her breath and make her heart quicken, but then, she remembered what she was fighting for.

"I don't want a stupid, tiny cape, doofus, and neither does Henry!"

"Yeah, dude!" The boy joined in with her protest, glaring at his boss as he spun around in circles like a puppy trying to catch its tail, only he was trying to grab a corner of the dishcloth stuck to his back.

Ray was sympathetic to their disposition; he figured that his sweet girl would come around to the idea of wearing them - something else to highlight her beauty - so he came up with a compromise, which went well.

"Well, maybe we can come up with a system where you could earn extra inches for your cape by doing things like being a good listener...or giving me a kiss and making me a nice pie," he suggested, sounding as if he genuinely believed the utter drivel falling from his lips as their faces became stony.

"Do we look like girl scouts, Raymond? Or better yet, do I look like a nineteen-fifties housewife to you?" (y/n) asked in a sweetly sarcastic voice, watching with narrowed eyes as he sat on the table, thighs deliciously spread far apart - perfect for her to stand in between as the pie baked and she kissed h--no. No, no, no, he was doing it again - he was being too perfect for his own good.

"Ooh, you'd look all cute as a girl scout, sweet girl. I wonder if they do sweet girl sizes..." the man mused, a broad smile spreading as he took everything as a joke. It planted a seed of irritation in her stomach, which would undoubtedly begin to grow hideous roots if he continued to be annoyingly rude, but she ignored him and his poor, smutty flirting for now.

"Well, you won't be getting any of my cookies tonight if you don't drop this thing," they bantered back and forth, growing increasingly icky with their clever comments, which always hid subtle flirting no matter what, and Henry and Charlotte wished they had no ears.

She was meant to be annoyed with him, but even so, the heroine couldn't help but tug the cape before stroking Ray's cheek, meaning she wasn't so stern after all.

"Just get these things off us before I puke, dude!" Henry interjected, his lips twisted into a sneer as his boss angled to sneak a kiss. His charms were working, and he smiled at his sweet girl as she stood there, pouting and puffing in protest - did she know how she had him wrapped around her finger?

"I found the fan you wanted!" She would if he wasn't such a show-off today. Everyone turned to the secret door again as it opened, and this time, it was Schwoz. As usual, he was in high spirits and doing some menial task set by Ray, wheeling a large fan across the tiles typically used to circulate air in the seldom-visited rooms.

Only now, Ray wanted a slight breeze to emphasise his cape, which endeared him to his family even more.

"AH! Prepare to be blown away!" The man giggled at his pun and clapped his hands as the genius pushed the fan in front of him, meaning it captured his attention and not his precious fiancée. (y/n) huffed and pouted some more as he stepped past her, whipping the right side of her body with that glorified towel and leaving any girl scout-related flirting as he did.

"Aw, this is going to be good. You're going to want to get your phones out," he said to Kid and Miss Danger, who didn't look impressed at the command.

"I'm not doing that."

"Yeah, I'll pass on that, doof," they scoffed and shared a dry look as Ray quickly faced Schwoz again, eager to look at his glorious machine whilst they fanned his vanity.

"Oh, do you have a slow-mo setting?"

"No."

"You're going to want to take a picture of this. It's going to be the best thing ever!" Ray insisted as they stood there, half-amused, half-irritated by his whining for a photo. Neither moved to take out their PearPhones and waited for the so-called "best thing ever" to start.

With crossed arms, (y/n) watched as her lover posed in front of the fan like a model, body tensed to bulge his muscles whilst Schwoz flipped the on-switch.

The fan roared to life and steadily increased its wind power from a slight breeze to a wind strong enough to make Ray's silken cape dance in the air behind him. In the name of fairness, one might say it gave him a mighty, perhaps even impressive air, given how he placed his hands on his hips and became a figure of all things manly, but Henry and (y/n) wouldn't know. They could see anything but red silk lined with gold thread.

"Do you love it?" The arrogant hero shouted above the fan's racket, hoping his pretty girl swooned over how good he looked since she looked extra beautiful today. He didn't know what it was, but he wanted to take her into his arms and have her all to himself - much like every day, so he was eager to get her approval, even if it would never come.

"No!" The boy and woman replied together, faces screwed up as the cape tickled their skin. Perhaps she'd have a change of heart if she saw how epic it made him look; after all, it was no secret that she, the Swellview Tech graduate, qualified engineer and kicker of evil ass, could become a babbling idiot if he looked hot enough.

"I am currently loving it!" Charlotte butted in as she reclined on the supercomputer's chair and observed the whole thing. It was all right for her; she had a good view and could appreciate how the cape complimented Ray like a rippling red sea spread out behind him. He looked good, so it was probably good that her friend couldn't see him - they'd have to pick her tongue up from the floor.

"Charlotte loves it!"

"Don't encourage him, Char!" (y/n) shouted as she battled with the flapping cape, spewing and spluttering when it whacked her in the mouth. Honestly, she didn't need to see the front to know he looked hot - she knew that from both experience and how his biceps looked from behind, but she wouldn't cave. No capes!

"She can have mine!" Henry joked, causing his friend to raise an eyebrow at the thought. She'd seen those handkerchiefs when they turned around and snorted at how ridiculous they looked. So, on this occasion, the boy was more than welcome to keep his kindness to himself.

"I'm good!" she quickly replied, just as an emergency call flashed on the monitor behind her, ending Ray's fun since he had to knuckle down and focus on something severe. However, he didn't deflate; instead, he saw it as an opportunity to look fabulous in front of the paparazzi and his adoring fans.

"Emergency call!" He shouted, only to fall over when the breeze became too strong and the red silk too heavy. He would look fabulous if he didn't get twisted up in his cape and fall over like a nincompoop.

"That's why I don't like capes..." (y/n) giggled, watching with little sympathy as he plopped onto his butt, face smothered by the thick material as he clawed to peel it from his eyes, which was no mean feat when Schwoz still had the fan blasting him with air.

"Schwoz, turn it off!" With no further dallying, the genius hit the button to save himself from the hero's wrath and swiftly skedaddled with Charlotte behind the secret door so whoever was calling didn't see their identities. Meanwhile, the pompous hero and his sidekicks gathered around the computer, some straightening their fancy capes whilst others rolled their eyes at his fussing- no guessing needed.

"Hey, Vice-Mayor! What's up?" Henry answered politely as the sulking man appeared on the screen like a grumpy bulldog. He hadn't been overly fond of the heroes since their fuck-up with Mob Boss Rob Moss, but he was learning to put it behind them since the city had no other heroes. If only he'd take the time to learn Miss Danger's name--or at least properly acknowledge her role within the troupe.

"I need you at City Hall right now!" The politician demanded, leaving no room for arguing as Ray comfortably slipped an arm around his sweet girl.

The movement coated her in his cape and cologne, which always seemed to permeate through all fabrics, even if he'd only worn them for five seconds. It made her feel warm and safe - knowing he was standing right next to her - and she rested her head on his shoulder as she thought about how capes had one positive. Only one.

"Uh, could you ask politely? Manners cost nothing, y'know..." (y/n) frowned, crossing her arms in defiance of Vice-Mayor Willard and all his moodiness. He might've been the guy who ran the place and paid their paychecks, but she hated being manhandled--unless Ray was doing the manhandling.

"Or maybe notice my cape?" Speaking of Ray, he still obsessed over his new garment and tugged it over his girl's form until it nearly covered her entirely, highlighting the rich material and quality stitching.

"Oh, it looks great!" Willard exclaimed, a little smile stretching across his features as he analysed the cape covering the hero and...uh, Miss Danger, ma'am. Of course, he was nice to Captain Man; he was the muscle; the other two were like mere decorations - backup, at the very least.

"Thank you."

"Good for you, dude," Henry sneered to his boss, who gazed at him with a shit-eating grin as he basked in the Vice-Mayor's praise. Finally, someone liked his cape, and in his excitement, he pulled his sweet girl closer, turning her around so he could scatter tiny, affectionate kisses across her cheeks.

And as he met her lips, it gave the politician a great view of what she and the kid had pinned to their backs, which was humiliating.

"And your tiny cape is adorable, Kid Danger!... And, uh...yours too, Miss Danger, ma'am."

"It's not--I don't want to be adorable, okay? I'm a man," Henry told the statesman, growing agitated at the thought of being bundled up like some baby. He could tolerate his mom and even (y/n), who still saw him as that cute little blondie, but he'd grown since then. He'd grown a lot.

"Well..." Captain Man and Miss Danger, however, disagreed. He'd grown, definitely, and perhaps he wasn't a child yet, but saying he was a man pushed it. He was too gangly for that, couldn't grow a beard, couldn't drive a car, lived off instant noodles on his own, and still squealed at the first snow of the year. Man? No. One of (y/n)'s little babies? Just about.

"You're still adorable, sweet girl. So cute and soft...so precious," Ray murmured in the woman's ear as Henry sulked, too caught up in his pubescent mood swing to become too nauseated over the sight of his boss nuzzling his nose behind his friend's ear.

The hero practically purred as he did, inhaling deeply to take in her floral scents as she giggled and writhed in his arms - ticklish and highly aware of how the Voce-Mayor glared at such frivolous behaviour. Y'know, Captain Man used to be much more attentive before she came along, but he went on strike whenever the City Council complained.

"Captain Man, I ask that you put your lady friend down and get your butts down to City Hall! I'm the Vice-Mayor, not the say-it-thrice-mayor. So, that's the last time I'm going to say it!" Willard snapped before clicking off the video call angrily.

"Jeez, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," (y/n) muttered as the trio were left in silence, Ray's embrace awkwardly loose around her after getting told off by the Vice-Mayor of all people. He didn't care, and even if Willard had threatened him, he'd continue to pack on the PDA whenever, wherever.

"Whatever. You heard what he said we should do with our butts. Let's go!" The large man exclaimed, patting his sweet girl's ass once as a silent, secret fuck you to the Vice-Mayor. He'd never see it or know about it, but they would, and as he ran toward the tubes, cape fanning out behind him, mischievous smirks spread across their faces.

"All right, just give us a second!" Henry called out, and it was only when he was loitering on the right tube pad that Ray realised his sidekicks were lagging. He watched in horror as they took their laser controllers from their belts and helped zap the pathetic flaps from their backs in a coordinated pincer movement.

"What are you doin'? Those capes were gifts!" He hissed as the squares fluttered the floor, singed, unwanted and left behind.

"Relax, we're coming with you," Henry said cooly as they trotted up to the tubes and took their respective positions. To calm him down, the boy ushered (y/n) into his arms, and Ray gratefully received her as always, bringing her in close so they could both fit--and so he could enjoy the proximity.

Tapping their belts, the glass lowered around them, cramming the couple into the cylinder with seemingly less room than usual, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing in their case, but (y/n) still blamed his cape. Not only was it getting stuck under their feet and the tube's metal rim, but it made his shoulders feel too padded - as if there was hardly any muscle there.

"But what about your capes?"

"No capes!" She repeated firmly as he held her figure to his and rested his chin on her head, glum at the thought of his kindness being rejected. He took it way too personally, even though it wasn't like that at all - she would always love him, even when he looked like a moron.

"Up the tubes!" Henry quickly shouted before any arguing could ensue, and they shot off at the speed of light. However, a minor factor that Ray hadn't taken into his calculations was that his cape was so grand and weighty that under the tube's suction, it was like a parachute.

As he and his darling girl took off, the material pulled back against the whoosh until the vacuum became too much, and the stitching gave way. Ray cried in anguish as he felt the warmth quilting his back pull away, leaving a puddle of scarlet satin under them and him as dull as he was before. Still, some minor losses can be victories for others.

"Awww, m'cape!"

"HA!" (y/n) cackled as she felt the cape swish around their legs and then disappear. He'd sulk when they got to the top, but she could work with that; the only thing that mattered was that her lover was now a lot safer and, in her humble opinion, even more handsome, if that were possible.

He didn't need ornaments or clutter to make him mighty - his actions had already proved something he should've remembered.

And if he wanted to find a new way to Miss Danger's heart, then spending hours at her sewing machine, using her best threads and materials to embellish himself, wasn't going to help either.

(y/n) fell in love with the man, what he did, what he fought for and what he believed in, not what he wore or what others thought of him. But, for the love of god, if he only ever remembered one thing from their relationship, whether long or short, she wanted it to be this.

No capes.

~Some dirty, backstreet alley, Stank Street~

"God, this is disgusting..." (y/n) grumbled to herself as she shimmied through the end of the tube, stuck behind her doofus and Henry.

In fairness to the boys, they'd done the decent thing and let her go last; after all, those in skirts... But no one could save her from the grime that coated the tube inside - one of the oldest and least used in the system. It wasn't visited regularly for a good reason; Captain Man wanted some secret exits to be genuinely secure, so this tube end came out in the middle of a back alley, strewn with garbage, discarded food and a broken-down car.

That was the disguise. Schwoz had managed to dump the car and fit a hole through its hood, creating the perfect illusion and cover for the heroes to come and go as they pleased--except they weren't.

Henry hated being in the middle, especially since he had to follow Ray's butt once the suction pushed them into the final stretch and left them to do the last climb.

Ray hated it because of his dilemma. On the one hand, he sorely wanted his sweet girl to go in front since he'd never complain about getting to stare at her butt for a duration, but that would mean putting her in the firing line should there be an ambush waiting. There wasn't; no one ever used the alleyway, given how grotty it was, but he refused to take the chance, so he went first—no butt-staring for him.

And (y/n) hated the smell. And the dirt. And the crawling. And the idea that someone might see them sneaking out of the car and get curious. According to Ray, that was highly unlikely, but she didn't like taking chances, so she grumbled the whole way there about the dirt, smell, crawling and so on.

"Don't worry, darlin'. We're here," Ray chirped, throwing a grin over his shoulder even though only Henry could catch a glimpse of it. There was no way he'd pass on the message; he'd probably have to throw in a kiss or something too, and he was above that, but at least they'd finally be able to breathe fresh air.

"Coast is clear!" The hero announced as he lifted the car's hood and looked briefly to see if any hoodlums or bums were loitering. Nope, not a soul, just as he thought, so he wasted no time stepping out into the open, relieved to be out of the confined space with no fiancée near him.

"Did you actually check to make sure the coast is clear, or did you just say that?" Henry asked as he poked his head out, albeit with a little more caution than his boss had. Ray was impatient, but even in a shitty alley like this, the kid hated the idea of someone discovering a way into the Man Cave.

"It's Stank Street, man. No one's ever here," Ray replied, watching as his overly way sidekick clambered out of the car. Then, to his instant joy, (y/n) looked over the top, looking as cute as a little meerkat as she thoroughly checked from left to right before slowly emerging.

"You can't be too careful though, doofus," she said, stumbling as her heels wobbled upon breaching the hole's lip, so Ray leaned forward to hook his hands under her arms. Carefully, he lifted her up and out, bringing his darling girl to his chest, so her feet touched the ground gently, and they stayed that way even when it was time to pull away.

"Sweet girl, coast is clear is just one of those things that people say like, look both ways or stay in school," he told her as they gazed at each other, noses rubbing as he refused to stop cradling her small form against his massive one.

Henry sighed at the sight they made and wasted a few seconds by closing the hatch, so their secret tube was hidden again, but when his eyes returned to them, they were still at it.

"You're such a doofus, doofus," (y/n) giggled, the cutesy sounds stifled when Ray placed his lips on hers, too entranced by the warmth and comfort she provided to let go. Her arms looped around his neck to pull them closer together - if that were even possible - and they sighed as they melted into the kiss, oblivious to the impatient boy and chaos around them.

"Dude? Dud--hey, by the way, dude, why'd you tube us out at Stank Street?" Henry butted in, raising his voice when his initial attempts didn't cut through the love haze. Ray didn't look happy when his lover pulled back, and he soured even more when she rubbed the cherry lipstick from his mouth, but Henry didn't care.

"There's tons of other exits in Swellview that don't stank."

They were needed at City Hall, and he'd hate to think of the shitstorm the press would create if they saw Captain Man wearing Miss Danger's smeared lipstick, even if he wore it with a smirk. God, the embarrassment...

"It's the one closest to City Hall," the large man told him frostily, feeling a little miffed that his girl wiped all the evidence from his face, but he quickly got over it, "Besides, it's near the store that sells...things."

"Do you mean capes?" (y/n) asked, folding her arms as Ray stared at her boots and shuffled his feet. A smarmy expression crossed his face as if he was fighting a smile, which ultimately failed when he glanced up and saw her pretty eyes.

"I dunno..."

"What's the place called?" Henry asked, curious to see if they could drag it from the man's lips, although he wouldn't go crazy like the woman once they did.

"Nothing But Capes!" Ray revealed excitedly, grinning like a kid at Christmas as he thought about running down the cape-filled aisles with his credit card raring to go in his wallet. (y/n) sighed tiredly, feeling the same old annoyance creeping up within her again at the thought of such reckless spending on something so...stupid, ruining the sacred moment.

It wasn't like they were saving for a wedding, and it wasn't like weddings weren't expensive. It wasn't like she'd sworn the whole cape thing was over once they'd left the Man Cave. And it certainly wasn't like she wanted to be in a relationship with a grown-up, just one time.

"You're a child," she told him flatly, crossing her arms to show that she wasn't in the mood anymore, not when he seemed more interested in running around, pretending he could fly than discussing wedding details.

They still hadn't picked the flowers. He hadn't given her the cheque for the third payment chunk for her dress. They hadn't worked out a colour scheme. None of the invitations had been written. He still hadn't told her who he wanted to invite from his family. They didn't have a venue, a date, a hope in hell.

And yet he was smiling in her face like the happiest day of their lives wasn't in tatters at their feet.

"Who will soon have a cape!"

"An enormous child!" She growled and stormed past him, enjoying the mad click-click of her heels against the concrete as she headed for City Hall. Ray gleefully followed her, ignorant to her darkening mood as he let out a childish "wheeee!" and skipped behind his darling girl, dreaming about how he'd soon be splashing their cash on matching capes.

"We're not wearing capes!" Henry called out behind the couple, hoping to mediate between them. Just because Ray couldn't read women didn't mean Henry couldn't--well, he could read (y/n) and hear the anger in her every footstep. So, he ran after them, praying they'd behave in the Vice-Mayor's office and save whatever was brewing for home.

But things wouldn't be all too peachy there.

Another lesson for Ray to learn; always check if the coast is clear. Like Piper, you never know who might have fallen over behind parked cars. She didn't mean to eavesdrop on their conversation, really she didn't, but it's hard to switch off when you hear the unmistakable voices of Captain Man, Miss Danger and Kid Danger.

It wasn't her fault she was in Stank Street, either. The stupid judge just had to give her community service in the grossest alley in the city, and she just had to fall over after taking off her gross orange jumpsuit too.

If anything, her hearing and seeing where they'd come from was Captain Man's fault - he should've looked instead of making out and bickering with Miss Danger, who wore her hair in a very familiar style today, although the girl couldn't work out where she'd seen it before for the life of her.

She didn't dwell on the fact or how her red lipstick reminded her of someone else, and instead, she tiptoed out from her hiding place, peeking down the alleyway to see the heroes retreating toward the city.

It wouldn't hurt to take a peek at the car, right? She rattled her knuckles against the hood in a few experimental knocks, finding it as hollow as she thought. They'd climbed out of it. Therefore, there had to be something inside, so to satisfy her curiosity, she lifted the lid, glancing over her shoulder to ensure Captain Man wouldn't shout at her for snooping through his secrets.

A gasp tore from her throat as she saw the tunnel, expertly hidden within the car where the engine should be. She shouldn't snoop; her mom taught her better than that, and from the looks of things, it was impossible to tell how deep the fucking thing went.

"Hello?" She called down the hole, hearing it echo through the tunnel until it travelled too far for her to hear. Miles and miles of blue plastic-lined walls and not knowing where she'd end up.

"Curiosity killed the cat," she thought to herself, pausing when she truly realised how deep the tunnel was and something in her mind told her it would be safest to pull back now that she'd stuck her nose in.

"But satisfaction brought it back," another voice whispered, egging her on to look closer. It was nothing major; stick her head in and shout to see if someone called back—no harm in that.

Deciding to go with the latter, Piper leaned in, wrinkling her nose when the contained smell of Stank Street wafted up from the tube, but in some ways, that was a good thing. A draught meant something was on the other side, so she leaned in more, hoping to find some more clues as to what the mysterious hole was - but then, she went too far.

Her hand slipped as it rested against the propped-up hood, and she fell forwards. With nothing but smooth plastic suddenly around her, the girl had nothing to grab onto as she slithered face-first down the tube, hearing nothing but her scream and the slam of the heavy metal falling shut behind her as she zoomed down.

She learned her lesson: never be curious.

The satisfaction wasn't worth the trip down...or so she thought.

A couple of hours later, the trio were finished at City Hall. The Vice-Mayor had told them some convoluted story about a porch package thief and how he wanted them to do something about it, but it was as Ray said.

They were superheroes. They dealt with a severe crime. The petty, run-of-the-mill stuff could be left to the cops so that they did something worth the taxpayer's money. It didn't make Willard happy, but that was a him-problem, so they strolled out of his office with confident smirks, glad that they'd stood their ground and refused to cave for one common misdemeanour.

A quick stop at the local fried chicken place made the trip worth it, and then, it was back to Junk-N-Stuff, where they could wait for a real emergency to come in. Henry wasn't complaining; Ray graciously bought him a mini bucket, so he couldn't, but he swore he only went to get the food so he could feed (y/n) and see her bright smile when he dabbed the crumbs from the corner of her mouth. All annoyance over the capes was forgotten, and their roaming hands proved all was right in the world again.

It was almost enough to put him off his fried chicken, but then he remembered this was his doing, and he had to admit he wouldn't have it any other way grudgingly. They'd stay in love forever if it were up to him; he just wished that Ray watched his damn mouth sometimes. He really knew how to screw things up.

"Ahhhh, my face!" Jasper yelled as they chatted and walked in - before all the upset. It was all right for Charlotte, who stood at the cash register with electric hair clippers in one hand and a comb in the other as she trimmed a funky plant. It looked like a man with a busy, green afro and eyebrows, and it was her job to neaten it up whilst Jasper cleaned the soot and grime from the dinosaur head's teeth. Very different tasks, very different danger levels.

"Oooh, whoopsies."

"Sorry, dude."

"Curly, are you okay?" the three heroes cringed as they froze in the doorway, instantly feeling guilty as the T-Rex breathed fire like it always did, but this time, Jasper was in the way. The right side of his poor face took the full brunt of the flames, singing the hair there until his eyebrow looked cleanly shaven, not that he knew.

"Is it bad?" he asked innocently, looking at his friends with a hopeful expression like he was praying the scorching temperature made his skin sore and left everything else all right.

"Nah..."

"Well..." At least Henry and (y/n) were subtle and considerate, reluctant to tell the boy he looked weird with just one eyebrow, but as always, Ray didn't pick up on their cue and reverted to his typically blunt manner.

"Did you use to have two eyebrows?"

"I think so..." Jasper replied pensively, looking as though he was deep in thought over such a trivial thing. Meanwhile, Charlotte took her hair clipper and carefully removed her clay head's right eyebrow, trimming the delicate leaves until it bore a remarkable resemblance to her clueless friend, who could be left in ignorant bliss as the weary heroes came in to eat their chicken.

"So, why'd the Vice-Mayor need you guys at City Hall?" The girl asked as the boys took seats on two wooden stools, eager to sit down after such a pointless trek. (y/n) predictably sat on Ray's knee, snuggling into his side as she took another leg and began munching on it, softly smiling when Ray's arm curled around her waist to keep her steady.

"Somebody stole a package off his front porch," she told her friend through a mouthful of chicken as she squirmed from the feeling of Ray dotting kisses down her shoulder line. He smirked against her skin, triumphant that he could evoke such a reaction from her, although he had to stop when she offered him a bite of chicken. How could he refuse that?

"Yeah, a box full of neckties with his face on it or something," Henry shrugged as he snacked on his own food, ignoring how affectionate the couple were so he didn't barf before he could enjoy it.

"Anyray, we told him we'd get riiiiight on it," Ray nodded, acting as though he was bothered by his promise to Willard, but he didn't seem too eager as he languished kisses from his sweet girl's cheek, down to her jaw, down her neck, and to her shoulder. Anyone would think he had all the time in the world, something that made Charlotte wonder since (y/n) didn't make a move, either.

"Doesn't sound like you're gettin' right on it. And you won't find the thief inside (y/n)'s mouth," she retorted, eyeing how her boss pecked at her friend's lips a few times before lingering. She could make out the movement of his tongue against the woman's lip, making her wrinkle her nose in disgust, wishing they'd give it a rest.

"It's not worth our time. We're superheroes. We don't care about some package thief," Ray told her once he pulled back, with an enchanted smile at having the best girl in the world all to himself. He couldn't be happier or more chill at that moment, feeling on top of the world as his fiancée leaned into him and relaxed.

"Yeah, the police can get off their butts and sort it out. We're happy waiting here for something serious," (y/n) added, leaning in to kiss her lover again as if to confirm her words. They'd move when a real job came in, but for now, it was just them, their chicken and plenty of sweet kisses with nothing to ruin it.

But goddamn, they wouldn't order from that fried chicken place again. Her tummy was feeling all weird - woozy and topsy-turvy like there was a washing machine inside, and even though it fried her nerves, she did nothing about it. After all, no one saw it coming when Henry's phone beeped.

"Whatcha got there, fella? Little text?" Ray asked casually after pulling back his sweet girl, intrigued by the kid knitting his eyebrows together in thought. He had that blank stare that all kids have when texting, and when Henry went to reply, he didn't even think about his answer, speaking robotically despite the touchy subject.

"Yeah, it's from my mom," he replied and (y/n) tensed instantly. It was reflexive, a natural defensive for when anyone mentioned that woman because she was...floozy material. She didn't have proof, she didn't have witnesses, and she didn't have any leads, but there was history and her gut to tell her that Mrs Hart consorted with her doofus. She'd seen them whispering, and no one could forget Ray's endless flirting both before and after they got together, so the woman practically brought her out in a rash. If only she would do something to tarnish her perfect reputation, so she didn't feel horrible when deeming Henry's lovely mother a bitch.

"Nice..." she held her tongue and punched out the acid-coated word as she deposited the stripped bone back into the bucket. Her appetite wasn't what it was all of a sudden, her stomach lurching at having to cross paths with Mrs Hart again, even if Ray remained perfectly calm behind her and gave her no reason to worry.

"Yeah...she says that, uh, her new hairdryer was supposed to get delivered today, but it got stolen off the front porch," Henry explained, briefly glancing over the text and thinking nothing of it, despite the connection to Vice Mayor Willard's request. It should've been no big deal; after all, they didn't deal with that shit as superheroes, but you'd think the end of the world had come if you saw Ray's reaction.

"Saddle up and ride, Henry! There's a thief needs killing!" The hero spat, abruptly standing up, so the bucket of chicken and (y/n) tumbled from his lap. At least the woman managed to save herself, unlike the food scattered across the floor for either Charlotte or Jasper to clean up, but she wasn't concerned about that. She couldn't care about anything when her heart lurched from her fiancé's telling reaction to a crime against the beautiful blonde.

It was one rule for one and one rule for hot moms - and that broke her heart.

"What the fuck, Raymond? The chicken! Me! What?!" She spat, and Jasper and Charlotte joined her protests about the wastage, but they weren't focusing on the bigger picture - like he was obsessing over Henry's mom again and adding colour to her nightmares.

"This is no time for greasy, delicious chicken, (y/n)! There's a crime wave, and it just hit Henry's mom!" Ray growled, not realising he said her real name or how that wounded her even further since she turned her back on him to hide the tears pooling in her eyes.

Henry's mom, arguably one of the biggest yet most unlikely supporters of their relationship, a genuinely lovely lady who gave him sound advice when he still didn't know how to approach a meaningful relationship, had been targeted by some scumbag. And she was family to his family; it made sense to help out now it was personal.

"Now, we're gonna find this package thief, and we're gonna ruin his life," the doofus went on, unaware that (y/n) was spirally further and further into self-doubt and betrayal. She trusted him with her life and heart, but she wouldn't trust that woman as far as she could spit, and rested her arm on the cash register's edge as she held her nerve and gritted her teeth, knuckles turning white from how tightly she clenched the wood.

"Okay, just relax, dude—" Henry, bless his heart, tried to calm his boss as he saw his friend work herself into a frenzy over what might be or have been and how Charlotte placed a hand on her arm to try and ease her mind. Anyone would swear Ray would never betray her like that - the guy was too in love - but it was hard to tell when he clenched his perfect jaw and muscles for someone else's problem.

"I'm going to hurt him until he cries, and then, I'm going to collect his tears, boil them down and use their essence to make a high-end cologne called Not On My Watch!"

"Whoa!" "A little too far!" The teens said through gritted teeth, fighting the urge to shake some sense into the man as the tears finally rolled down (y/n)'s face. She wiped them away even faster, panting to stem the flow since she didn't want him to see her cry or anyone else. It was just a damn pity the kids of all people saw them as they were the last ones she sympathy from, knowing that Henry and Jasper didn't deserve to have her issues dumped on them and that Charlotte swore that no guy was worth crying over.

But Ray was.

"What's our first move?" She asked in a voice that was far too put together for how torn-up she was feeling inside, but Ray was too entangled with revenge to see her red, watery eyes when she quickly turned around like all was okay in the world. Everything was fine; if he wanted to use an Uno reverse card and care about the package thefts, then that was fine - she just wasn't sure if she wanted to be there when Kris threw her arms around him in thanks.

"I'm not done." Oh, good - what piece of her heart hadn't he stomped on?

"Then, I'm gonna cover him in honey, roll him down a hill of fire ants—fire ants that shoot lasers out of their butts—that's when things get real crazy—"

"Orrrr...Orrrr.. or we put a fake package on my front porch as bait. We wait in the surveillance van until the thief steals it, and once he does, we grab him, and we take him to jail," Henry suggested, thinking as rationally as possible in the hopes that they could smooth the situation over without damaging the star-crossed relationship they secretly cherished. It didn't bear thinking about what would happen in the Man Cave if Captain Man and Miss Danger should go pear-shaped in whatever way.

"Okay, love that—you just earned two inches on your cape, buddy!" Ray grinned, chipping another fragment from (y/n)'s heart at how he jumped to help Mrs Hart and showed more enthusiasm for her damn delivery than he'd ever done when planning their ceremony. All those times, it felt as if she was tying him down when clearly, he was meant to fly - probably with a cape.

"Wait, what? I don't want—"

"Two inches to Kid Danger's cape!" Henry tried to get him to quit it or to be serious for once, but it was no good. Annoyance surged alongside the heartbreak, and as her lover turned to march out the door, (y/n) firmly planted her feet on the ground, knowing that if she had to listen to him sing capes' and Kris' praises in an hours-long stakeout, she might go insane.

"Ugh, y'know what? Let's go—you coming, (y/n/n)?" The kid asked, looking at her with a kind, understanding smile since he had to handle the man-child too, but he could see it in her eyes. All the money in the world wouldn't convince her to help his mom, whether she was technically duty-bound.

"Uh, no, I'll sit this one out. Gotta find some burn lotion for Jasper," she lied and gave him the glimmer of a sickly sweet yet half-assed smile. It wasn't meant to convince, just put him off, and Henry didn't push her any further; he could try and tell her Ray was just excited, a people pleaser, and in one of his funny moods, but devoted to her.

It wouldn't change anything, so he nodded and left, hot on Ray's heels as the man yanked the door open and bolted to the garage where the manky, old surveillance van was. Seeing him go was never pleasant, especially when he went to that woman's house, but the time apart would do her good. At least she had something to distract her when the T-Rex breathed fire again, burning the other side of Jasper's face and his other eyebrow.

"Is it bad?" He never had much luck, and the girls winced as Charlotte remained silent and shaved the other eyebrow off her plant head. Her silence spoke volumes, and the teen grimaced at the thought of looking like a mole rat and, from how sore his skin was, secretly thankful that the Man Cave's nurse decided to stay behind.

"I'm gonna need a bigger bottle of lotion...and possibly a stiff drink," (y/n) sighed, dipping her head to them before slinking off into the back room, where it was safe to shed some more tears and curse herself for being so damn jealous.

It wasn't right; Kris was kind, pretty, generous, a good mom and wife, and she'd never done anything wrong, save for the egg incident - hardly worth eternal damnation. Ray was funny, gentle, adorable, a brave man, a good mentor, an even better fiancé, and he'd never crossed any line, save for the odd comment here and there - hardly worth her blazing wrath and fury.

So, Miss Danger swallowed the lump in her throat and skipped off to go and root through her medical supplies, determined not to let the worst side of herself show. She treated Jasper's sizzled skin like a professional before going downstairs to help Schwoz with some repairs like an angel, and to someone who didn't know her, she seemed all right.

But they knew her better than that. In the ten hours Ray and Henry were gone, Jasper, Charlotte and Schwoz saw the doubt in her eyes, the pain behind every smile, and how she checked her phone every five minutes to see if "Doofus ❤️" had texted something mushy to ease her worries. He hadn't, for reasons that wouldn't become clear until later, but she insisted that was fine, just like everything else was.

Everything was fine, but Charlotte sure wished they could return to when fine meant she gagged and retched at the sight of the couple kissing, snuggling and holding hands, back to when she swore she'd trade anything if it made them quit all that icky stuff.

Now, she would trade anything to bring it back if it meant everything would return to being fine.

~Ten hours later~

"Where the fuck are those morons?" Yeah, things weren't fine anymore.

Charlotte cringed as she heard her friend mouthing off while she paced back and forth behind her. The girl stood by the supercomputer, with Schwoz in the seat, hoping to make contact with the idiotic boys who'd gone on a stakeout and then gave them nothing but radio silence for hours after. It made the heroine sick with worry to know that her beloved doofus and fellow sidekick were out there, doing god knows what with god knows who, but every time they tried to call them, there was no answer.

Gone was the sadness; in its place was pure fury, and (y/n) swore she'd relieve Ray of something when she got hold of him. Charlotte wasn't too sure what that something was, but before she could ask, the woman always moved on to another topic to rant about. She was pissed off - obvious - but what was less pronounced, except to her nearest and dearest, was how torn she was, bottling everything up because she could decide whether she was the bad guy here. Ray was in the wrong too, no doubt there, but she was the green-eyed monster.

"I can try them again," the girl told her with an understanding smile, and for a split second, (y/n) smiled at her helpfulness. She hated being like this; mean, rude, bossy and spiteful, especially with her family, but she had to know what was going on in that van and whether they'd found the package thief or not. Whether they'd recovered the hairdryer or not. Whether Mrs Hart had slipped in to reward their valiant mission or not. It was eating her up - not knowing a thing.

What had they been doing? Whilst she tossed and turned in bed, arm stretched across the cold chasm where her fiancé usually slept, rife with the cruel imaginings from the darkest parts of her mind, she couldn't help but wonder - had he thought about her as much as she did about him?

"Man Cave to surveillance van, Man Cave to surveillance van...Ray? Henry? Can you hear me?" Charlotte spoke into the radio, growing increasingly impatient with each passing moment since they should be able to hear her. She turned to (y/n) with an apologetic wince, cringing again when she pinched her nose and released a tired sigh - exhausted from an entire night of little-to-no, nightmare-filled sleep. But then, everything became apparent, and the clouds grew darker still.

"Five more minutes, mom..."

"Thank you...Henry's mom." With the speakers raised to full volume so they could catch the slightest peep, the small group huddled around the computer heard the boys' sleep talk as clearly as if they were in the room, and Jasper, Schwoz and Charlotte could pinpoint the exact moment (y/n) saw red.

Not only was it an insult to them that they'd fallen asleep on the job, which was why it was always best to take Miss Danger with them to avoid such things, but it appeared like they were dreaming of a certain blonde. And that was fine for Henry, but when Ray muttered those four heartbreaking words, it was like the world stopped.

She wasn't a dream-reader; (y/n) had no way of knowing what her doofus was thanking Mrs Hart for, but she doubted it was for anything fucking good. Of all the men she'd ever felt something for, she would never have guessed he'd be the one too...she really hoped he hadn't—wasn't—whatever.

"Hello?! We haven't heard from you in ten hours!" Charlotte snapped into the speaker microphone, seeing how her friend twisted her engagement ring with a stony face that also reflected a million emotions. She felt for her, aware that Ray would never look at, consider, dream, or imagine someone else now that he'd found her, but (y/n) didn't see it that way. She wasn't aware that his eyes were on her at all times, that he smiled when she came into the room, frowned when she left, pined every waking second until she came back - that she was the centre of his universe.

"Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude!" Henry groaned as he slowly woke up and realised the time. He shoved Ray in the chest, which eventually woke him up, too, spluttering and moaning because he didn't remember his darling girl's hands being so rough. And since when did their bed feel so lumpy and uncomfortable? He cracked open his eyes to see the blinking lights of the surveillance van's computer screens, servers and endless cords of worm-like wires, and then, he remembered.

This was stakeout territory, not the cotton-down heaven with the soft-skinned angel he'd been dreaming about.

"I think we fell asleep," the kid grumbled, recalling how he'd only closed his eyes for a second - just to let them rest - and then accidentally let ten hours slip by.

"You fell asleep?!" Ray spat accusingly, whipping his eyes to scan his slacking sidekick. He'd given up a night between the sheets with his sweet girl for this—to help his mom as thanks for giving him so much advice on married life. And he took a nap? Utterly shameful.

"So did you!" Henry quickly responded, glaring at the hypocrite, who snuffled and rubbed his tired eyes with the back of his eyes to clear the sleep from them. They were in this together, and if he felt so strongly about it, Ray was more than welcome to go back to the Man Cave and crawl into bed with (y/n). Hell, he'd do more good there than he was doing here, so very close to his mom.

"Prove it..."

"I just woke you up!" They bickered, the boy too tired for his boss' games, what with his ruffled hair and blurred vision. He couldn't believe they'd slept through the night after preparing so well, but now that he thought about it, warm milk and ocean sounds weren't exactly meant to keep people awake. Oops.

"You know, I was having such a good dream. Your mom was there at my wed—"

"What?!" Henry baulked at the news, not wanting to hear the story's end since it creeped him out to think that Ray thought about his mother in his sleep. Not like that, of course, no way. No, Ray still smiled about it now, recalling how Dream Mrs Hart patted him warmly on the back as she kissed his cheek and congratulated him on his marriage to that lovely girl (y/n). She fondly remembered her wedding and told him there was nothing more beautiful than a bride on her big day and that he shouldn't keep her waiting before the first dance.

Such a shame it had to be cut short.

"Man Cave to the surveillance van, Man Cave to the surveillance van... Can you hear me?" Charlotte repeated impatiently, and finally, Henry picked up the other microphone. It was too late; the damage was already done. (y/n) heard every word uttered by the boys, including about her lover's dream, and felt her insides clench as they turned green - the ugliest colour, making her want to puke.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, we hear you loud and clear."

"Did you two fall asleep?" The woman asked as she took the radio from Charlotte's and mashed the button so hard, it nearly broke. Her tone was curt and frosty, indicative to Henry that she was in no mood for playing games, but to Ray, her dulcet voice was music to his ears just like any other day. It brought a dopey grin to his face.

"No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, we did not."

"Good morning, darlin'!" The doofus interrupted in his cheeriest voice, snatching the mic as she had with Charlotte, only when her tummy tingled with butterflies, her heart stopped, and the butterflies fell dead. It always came back to this, does he or doesn't he bullshit. She wasn't one for going in circles, but she'd always return to him, her fatal flaw.

"Yeah, hi, doof. And, yes, you did, Hen. Don't lie to me," she returned his affection half-heartedly, scared to show her love again for fear of getting it wounded again, but he made it show easy. She'd always fall for his unending, adorable charm - that was the problem.

"We didn't fall asleep, sweet girl. We were just resting our eyes," Ray replied smarmily, perhaps in a brattish manner. He recognised her subdued response and felt his heart deflate a little at the lack of warmth in her nickname, but he didn't dwell on it. The clock had barely struck eight, and he was in a crabby mood from the early start away from her; maybe she was tired too.

"Okay, well, if you didn't fall asleep, then what's the status of Henry's lovely mom's lovely package?" she questioned bitingly, her voice light and sweet as she pictured Mrs Hart smiling and glowing in her mind. On the other end, Henry snatched the microphone back, glaring at Ray as the man slumped into his chair - dejected that his lover wouldn't flirt back.

"Uh, the package...yup. Let me see," the kid mumbled as he grabbed a pair of binoculars and glanced across the street. He zoomed in on his porch and the spot where Ray had left the box in plain view, only to come across a slight problem.

"The package is...gone." Schwoz chuckled at that whilst the girls rolled their eyes and groaned. They had one task and nothing but a simple solo mission, but it seemed even that it was easy to screw up for the hero and sidekick, who didn't appreciate being laughed at.

"Shut up, Schwoz!" Ray snapped and tossed the microphone down, so he didn't have to hear the taunting noise. However, Schwoz wasn't so dumb and quickly dialled his boss on his private PearPhone, which Ray was dumb enough to answer.

The embarrassment was real, and there was no escaping it, but Ray didn't care about that. He was more concerned, dare he say irritated, by his fiancée's crabby mood. When she was angry, he was furious. When she was sad, he was miserable and strived to cheer her up to be his happy, smiley girl again.

But for his life, he couldn't work out what was wrong.

~In the Man Cave~

Needless to say, the embarrassment had stewed when the boys made it home. The journey to Junk-N-Stuff was brief but painful, especially with Schwoz cackling for the entire five-minute drive, so Henry and Ray were steaming by the time they got down to the main room.

Things only worsened when Ray walked up to his sweet girl, wanting some affection to perk up his mood. As always, he leaned in for a kiss, badly needed fortification after going ten hours without one, only to feel his stomach plummet when his lips met her cheek and nowhere else.

He despised the cold shoulder - hated it with every fibre of his being, but he couldn't even call this that. She didn't avoid him, didn't ignore him or walk out of the room; instead, she clung to his side like she always did, allowed him to hold her hand and gave brief, gentle smiles when he looked down at her.

She was his sweet girl, as always, but she was holding out on him, curled up, protecting herself in her shell as she did all those years ago. She didn't want to talk, and he hated that even more.

A storm was coming.

"Ahhhh! How could we fall asleep?!" The man bellowed from up on high, near the sprocket. If he couldn't relax in her arms and melt his anger with her kisses, then he figured shouting it out was the best alternative. Henry copied his actions, spurred on by his boss' pettiness and foot stamping and the tension between the couple.

"How could we let that guy take the package right from under us?!" he asked, pulling a growl from Ray's throat. Meanwhile, (y/n) and Charlotte were being clever - as usual - taping a box shut since it was part of their foolproof master plan. And it gave the woman a distraction from her grief, which she didn't want to unleash on her doofus if he pushed her away.

"I am so angry!"

"So am I!" They yelled, pacing back and forth in some weird competition on who could become the angriest in the room.

"I'm angrier!"

"That is a lie! Because I am the angriest!" Henry argued as Ray stomped, torn between his rampaging and pulling his sweet girl to the couch. Maybe if he did that, she'd smile and tell him to let it be because where would being angry get him? But then again, she could also frown, thump his chest for being so rough and march away, offended. Angry it was, then...

"No, I am King Andor! Ruler of Mount Furious!" Now, it was just getting strange. Ray seethed as he looked down upon his kingdom, neck pulled so tight, the veins and tendons there pulsated through his skin - pining for his queen.

"Yeah? Well, I am Rage! Vengeful God of Anger!"

"Well, I am (y/n), queen of are you guys done being angry? Because you're giving me a headache!" The heroine interrupted, shouting over their nonsense since she could feel the pressure mounting between her temples.

"Does it sound like we are?! Does it sound like we are (y/n/n)?!" Henry growled and held his ground, refusing to come down when he was enjoying acting like a five-year-old. People should shout and scream and complain like this more; he loved it.

"Can't you see us stomping?!" Ray snapped, too and shuffled over to the couch where she was standing so she could hear his sneakers drag across the floor. And just for good measure, he kicked the spongy back a few times as he showed his pouty face to her amused one, hoping his tantrum would earn him a scrap of the attention he so desperately craved.

"Yes, I can see that, but you look like a constipated chicken, Raymond," (y/n) told him flatly, crossing her arms as she waited for him to finish. He held eye contact with her, refusing to break it since she'd been avoiding his eyes since they came back, but Ray was disappointed to see nothing in those pretty peepers - not even a smidge of sympathy and comfort for the man-child within.

"Well, she only asks because we're done making another bait package to put on Henry's porch," Charlotte piped up, drawing the two out of their trance, so they looked away.

People always say that eyes are the windows to the soul, and (y/n) prayed that wasn't true because if it were, her doofus would've been able to see the envy, insecurity and despair rise behind her (y/e/c) pools upon the mention of sending him back to the lioness' den.

"What?"

"Well, THANK YOU!"

"That's actually incredibly helpful!" They replied haughtily, too stubborn to drop the angry façade but not rude enough not to give them credit where credit was due. Suddenly, the red haze fell, and the boys didn't need to shout so much, making them feel pretty stupid after all that mouthing off, so to save their blushes, Ray stomped over to collect what they'd so lovingly prepared.

However, when he wrapped his beefy arms around the box...it wouldn't budge. Not even Captain Man,, with all his super strength, could lift it without doing something serious to his back, so after a few seconds of straining and grunting, he pulled away and looked at his precious girl with a baffled expression.

"This package is too heavy, sweetheart!" He whined, trying to come across as all tough and moody still, but he was more like a puppy as he whimpered and growled, too soft for her to ever use any malice.

"Why's it so heavy, swee--I mean, (y/n)?!" Henry quickly asked and corrected himself even quicker when he copied his boss' gross nickname in his grumpiness.

"Because we put Jasper inside," she replied, giving them a courteous smile as her tummy fluttered from her fiancée's attention. She wished he wasn't going back out there since everything was terrific until Henry's mom came into the picture.

"Hey, guys! I've got a taser in here!" Henry and Ray stared at the box in shock as they heard Jasper's muffled voice coming from inside--and then the unmistakable buzzing hisses of him messing about with the taser. Yeah, giving it to him in such a tight space wasn't a good idea, but it was too late now.

"Ow!... It works!"

"That way, he can jump out and tase the package thief in case you two fall asleep again," Charlotte explained when Ray gave her a dirty look for involving that moron. It was a great plan, but they didn't take too well to her accusations; they didn't know the meaning of sleep; how dare she?

"Fall asleep? Fall asleep?"

"Oh yeah, we're going to fall asleep two times, Charlotte! King Andor does not sleep! He stomps!" They shouted as Ray jumped in front of the girls and started thumping his feet against the floor in a mad display of his petulant stomping and arm-waving.

"Yeah, I'm just getting chicken vibes again, doof," (y/n) giggled, feeling her heart grow lighter than it had since yesterday, and for a brief moment, Ray gazed at her with hope in his eyes. Oh, how he'd longed to hear that giggle when the van got cold at night.

"How could we possibly fall asleep when we are this angry?!" But Henry came in and ruined the moment, yelling until his throat was sore, and when he stomped, so did Ray. Watching with unamused faces, the girls stood and waited for them to calm down with folded arms.

They left eventually, roaring about victory and drinking their enemy's blood or something as they hauled the Jasper Package into the elevator. He warned them not to be so rough with his delicate little body, but Ray hurled him in any way.

He had more important things to do, like sidling up to his sweet girl and promising he would return soon. (y/n) tried to give him her most convincing smile and pulled him into a tight hug before Henry groaned and called for Ray to step into the elevator.

"Time to go, darlin'," he murmured as he reluctantly pulled away from her arms with his same-old cocksure smirk and leaned to peck at her lips. She sighed into the agonisingly brief kiss, wishing she could freeze time and keep him there forever when he loved her and didn't think about anyone else.

Kris Hart didn't know how lucky she was - that she had such a brave man wanting to give everything to help her out...and that she hadn't had her face ripped off for straying too close to the green-eyed monster.

~Later that night~

"Where are they?" (y/n) grumbled as she strolled around Junk-N-Stuff, hands wedged deep in her pockets to look casual. It wasn't working; three times she'd circled the centre display, five times she'd sat down on the manky, old couch to stand up again, and seven times she'd counted the money in the cash register.

She couldn't sit still, not the sunset, and the darkness fell. Ray and Henry had been gone all night and day, camped out in that stupid van, but they weren't answering the radio. The last she'd heard was a goodnight text from "Doofus ❤️", but that was hours ago. Many hours ago, enough to make her go grey and become so worried that Charlotte caught her nerves.

And she was usually the level-headed, unflappable one.

"I'm trying to call them," she told her friend, tapping Henry's contact again, only for it to immediately go to voicemail. His phone was turned off - the same for Ray's - and whenever they tried to call, no one would answer. It drove them insane not knowing, but then, Schwoz came in, looking all innocent and friendly like he always did as he came up to "see how they were doing".

"Oh, Schwoz, have you heard from Ray and Henry? We've not had a single message from them, and I'm getting wor--" the heroine explained, not looking up from her cell as the genius approached, so neither of them saw his mischievous smirk until it was too late.

"No greenie, yes peenchie!" he squealed in his funny voice and reached out with both hands to pinch them on the arm. They gasped from the brief yet excruciating pain and glared as they rubbed the sore patches he'd given them for seemingly no reason.

"Ow! That hurt!"

"Ow! What the heck, Schwoz?!" They yelped. It wasn't so bad for (y/n) since the pain and subsequent bruise healed almost instantly, but Charlotte would feel it for the next ten minutes. What was wrong with that fuzzy coconut?

"It's Avocado Day!" He told them happily as if it was apparent, something everyone knew, and they were being dumb.

"Eh?

"Avocado Day!" he told (y/n) with a gentle eye roll as she frowned in confusion, "If you're not wearing green, you get pinched on your skin!"

"No, that's St. Patrick's Day!" Charlotte corrected him as she quickly swatted his hand when he went in for round two. Yeah, he didn't like it when they returned the pain...or when they pointed out that he had his green-based holidays mixed up.

"What the heck is Saaaaaaynt Paaaaaaytreeeeck's Daaaay?" The genius asked, his eyebrows knitting together as he tried to pronounce the funny words, but (y/n) wasn't playing ball. He could say 'day' at least - he wasn't that bad.

"Saint Patrick's Day is the day when Saint Patrick died. Y'know, the patron saint of Ireland? It's a big thing, Schwoz. I'm surprised you haven't--" she began to explain after carefully enunciating the name for him, but she was cut off when something alarming stepped through the door.

At the tinkle of the bell and the breathing fire of the T-Rex, everyone looked at the door, expecting a customer or, y'know, something normal. What they didn't expect to see what Ray and Henry were stomping into the shop, covered from head to toe in glitter.

From their hair to their faces to their shirts, they were doused in glitter - the fine, annoying, powdery stuff that clung to everything it touched and refused to come off. Only, it did come off sometimes - onto whatever they felt. A sparkling trail followed behind them as they entered swiftly, giving a unicorn a run for its money at the stardust left in the air whilst (y/n) stared at them in shock.

What the hell had happened?

"You will never guess what happened to us!" That's what she said. Ray growled as he came to stand in front of her, sprinkling her jeans and sweater with glitter as he got so close their chests bumped together. She didn't mind the proximity - welcomed it - but when he stepped back, and she was left coated in silver specks, too, she wasn't too happy.

"You fell asleep again, then the package thief delivered the glitter bomb to the surveillance van, and you opened it without realising what it was, and now you look like a unicorn pooped on you?" Charlotte suggested, taking a step back and analysing the situation briefly before coming to a sound and uncanny conclusion.

"No..."

"Maybe...why'd you have to be so smart all the time?" The boy replied coyly, scuffing their feet against the ground, so it too became glittery, and upon clocking what he dusted her with, (y/n) jerked away from her lover with a gasp.

"Oh, doofus! This stuff doesn't come off, and you've got it all over me!" She whined as her hands frantically brushed her sweater to no avail. Despite only touching him for a second, the glitter found its way between the fibres and, once there, refused to move even when she plucked and flickered and prayed for it to go away.

"Oh, sweet girl, let me--" Ray gasped, seeing the mess he'd made across her chest and immediately reached out to help clean it up. The problem, however, came when he failed to remember what was on his hands until it was too late and an even bigger streak of shining glitz stretched across her clothes.

"Thanks," (y/n) said dryly, sighing in defeat as his hands stilled on her ruined sweater, meaning she had to swat them away because whilst he had no issues standing with his hands on her boobs, she did - especially when others were in the room. She loved that sweater, and now it would have to be tossed out, which stoked the fires of fury within her even as her lover sheepishly apologised.

The clouds were growing darker.

"No greenie, yes peenchie!" And, in the worst possible moment, Schwoz snuck in between the hero and sidekick and pulled the same mean trick he'd done with the girls. As if Ray wasn't in a steadily declining mood, he nipped his skin between his forefinger and thumb - hard - drawing a sharp "ow!" from the man before the pain faded. It hurt like hell but then he remembered... "Is it Avocado Day?"

"Yeah!" The genius replied with a playful grin.

"Man, I forget every year!" He grinned, seeing the fun side of the situation, even though it trickled into his growing pool of annoyance. He didn't show it, but that pinch would fester, as would the glitter in his hair, shirt, and pants. Hell yeah, it was in his pants; glitter was coarse, rough, irritating, and it got everywhere, but worse was he'd have no one to help him wash it out later if his sweet girl kept giving him that scolding expression.

"Okay, what is Avocado Day?" Henry asked, perplexed by their bizarre interaction.

"No greeny, yes pinchy!" Ray squealed, imitating Schwoz's voice, though it would never be precisely the same. Although the pain Henry felt when his boss leaned forward and pinched him roughly on the arm was the same - mean-spirited, excruciating, perhaps even a bit cruel.

"Ow! What the heck, Ray?!" He whimpered as the man retreated, appealing to (y/n) for help with his best "I'm one of your babies. Please come help me against your doofus" looks, but she merely shrugged. There was no way she would get any more glitter on herself, not after a couple of days she'd had.

"It's Avocado Day. You're not wearing green, so you get pinched."

"But that's St. Patrick's Day," the kid disagreed, giving the large man a skeptical look at how he'd hurt him for a misunderstanding, which was more common than it seemed. Well, common between repairmen and doofuses.

"Stop making up fake holidays!" Ray shouted back, disliking all the sudden insubordination going on around him. The atmosphere felt mutinous, and made him uneasy, not that he'd ever suspect anyone in his family of betraying him. His mind told him theoretically everything was safe, but his heart and gut were saying something else, and it led back to...

"Stop shouting at Henry, Ray! It's not his fault you mixed up your holidays!" (y/n) bit back, jumping to the side of her blondest baby since she didn't like the accusatory of her beloved. She didn't know why but it was one of those days, having finally figured out where she was so furious.

It was just a day out of three-six-five when he pushed her buttons more than usual, not for any reason, but things had pooled together and stretched her thin as not enough jelly spread across too much toast. She couldn't be everywhere, do everything, and please everyone, but in the Man Cave, that was her job, and some days, she was sick of it.

"We gotta find a way to stop this package thief, (y/n)!" Ray hissed, looking down on her, not at her, for the first time in a long while. Every couple hit rough patches every once in a while, and they were no different since they drove each other crazy by being crazy for one another. They were opposites, too so both hindered and helped to push them together, even when circumstances conspired against them.

"You're right. You're right..." Henry nodded, patting the woman on the shoulder to say thanks and call her off. He loved her mother bear instincts but not when they led to bickering, so she stepped away and left it for the sake of him and Charlotte. But that didn't mean she was finished.

"Well, step one, stop falling asleep!" She told them sternly, pointing a finger straight at their faces as if to say, "I mean it". And that was fine; Henry knew they couldn't nap through another package thievery, or this would never be put to bed, but Ray, suddenly finding himself in an accusatory mood, fought back with the dirtiest of tactics.

"A—a—choo!" He sneezed violently, feeling it creep up his spine with no warning - that bit wasn't his fault; after all, Mother Nature moves in mysterious ways. However, he wasn't faultless when he pointed his snot rockets in his sweet girl's direction, not to mention poor Charlotte - the victim of circumstance - and, contrary to how his mother brought him up, sprayed her in his droplets and snotlets.

His head shook from the force, meaning not only was she showered in his saliva, but a fine dusting of glitter settled over her and Charlotte like the first snow falling. If she thought the sweater incident was terrible, then this was horrific. Glitter on their bodies, hair, and shoes - it was like they'd been victims of the bomb too, except they were merely victims of a doofus who fought like a child when he wasn't happy.

"No—Raymond Manchester! That was deliberate, you...you...god! I cannot believe you!" She growled as her chest heaved and her hands froze in mid-air - useless in their attempt to shield her body. Upon hearing her friend's drawn-out "ewwwww!", the girls retreated to the counter, where they stored some alcohol wipes and tissues, grumbling about how stupid boys stupidly spray it and don't say it.

"Now, to catch a package thief, you got to think like a package thief," Ray smirked at Henry once they were somewhat alone, despite his heart roaring at him to shift his ass and apologise. There was no need for that, and honestly, he had no idea why he'd done it after feeling the powdery glitter tickle his nose, but it was too little too late. He hoped flowers and a box of chocolates would make up for it.

"We start stealing packages ourselves!" Henry suggested, thinking like his boss and not his usual, rational self. Jeez, he had to stop hanging out with Ray; he was starting to rub off on him.

"Okay, love that! Gas up the van, warm up some milk and let's roll!" And Ray being Ray, he loved that idea, so they shared a grin, a high-five, and made for strolling out of Junk-N-Stuff, leaving nothing but a trail of magic and a wounded sweet girl behind them.

"Uh, guys," Charlotte butted in, having something much more straightforward in mind, which she thought would work out in their favour since the lovers could stick together. Sure, they were going at it like a cat and dog today, but they always faired worse when separated and even if they wouldn't sit down and talk it through, at least they could be near each other and feed off that. "I have an idea."

"Wait!"

"What's up, big dog?" Henry was there immediately, halting when Ray called for it since he was a good, obedient sidekick expecting to hear his friend out. But no...

"I got a better idea!"

"Listening..." he nodded, all his attention on the leader, despite his brain telling him that history had taught him Charlotte's ideas were nearly always better than Ray's. The girl rolled her eyes as he completely blew her off and shared an exasperated look with (y/n), who, for once, was powerless to help since she wasn't exactly feeling peachy with her doofus either.

"We go down to the Man Cave. We get Schwoz's pot of gold—"

"I'm sorry, what?" Henry frowned the minute said that features contorting in bafflement since it sounded so strange. Schwoz, who incidentally was wearing green for "Avocado Day", owned a pot of gold like some literal leprechaun at the end of the rainbow. This he had to see.

"We get Schwoz's pot of gold. We leave it outside the store as bait—"

"Schwoz has a pot of gold?" The kid asked, too shocked to care about Ray's plan now that he'd received the news. He knew the guy was weird, but riches beyond belief were far out there - perhaps a little too far out there.

"Pfft! A pot of gold! I'm not a leprechaun! Why would I have a pot of gold?" The genius scoffed, playing coy, so they didn't suspect him, but he wasn't a brilliant actor. Henry could smell a liar a mile away after being Kid Danger for so long, and it seemed like something Schwoz would have, from whichever land he hailed from.

"He does, though...fiddly-diddly-dee," (y/n) smirked, staying quiet at the cash register, but she couldn't help but sprag on her friend. Not in a mean way, that wasn't like her, but Schwoz was a liar and loved to show off his pot whenever he could. It was only when someone wanted it that it suddenly went missing, and the fear of Ray getting ahold of it was enough to make him bolt.

"You can't have my pot of gold!" He exclaimed angrily and like an angry little leprechaun, skipped off to hide it away from prying eyes and grabbing hands. He looked so funny as he scampered through the beaded curtain, causing (y/n) to giggle silently and shake her head - he was never good at hiding things.

"We'll get it," Ray hissed to the blond boy, proving her point, although she refrained from smiling at him. Her heart said yes, yes, yes, smile at soulmate now, but her brain said no, no, no, we're supposed to be mad at him, you can't have it both ways.

"Uh, I said I have an idea!" Charlotte called to them, trying her luck again once the genius disappeared, but like every time before, it seemed she was invisible or they were rude. No, they were rude.

"Okay, so we get Schwoz's pot of gold, maybe run some electrical wires through it..."

"We warm up some milk, and wait for the package thief to show up!" Ray grinned at his young sidekick, who seemed to be full of unique ideas today,. The girls looked on, exasperated at how life had landed them working/loving such morons and why they hadn't yet received a medal.

"Do some meditation, get in that zone, you know what I mean?"

"Listen to songs of the humpback whale?" The hero suggested, sounding like he was in severe pain as he imitated the whales and their lonely song. Henry was the only person who liked it, unaware that outside their little bubble, they looked and sounded ridiculous with their oo'ing and awwing.

"You guys!" (y/n) snapped abruptly, slicing through their conversation with pure frustration at how her poor friend hadn't gotten a word in edgewise, and all they wanted to do was make whale noises. Instantly, they looked at her, taken aback by her sharp, uncharacteristic tone because she never yelled like that and certainly not at one of her babies or her beloved doofus.

"Charlotte has a plan that doesn't involve whales or milk or Schwoz's pot of damn gold!"

"Thank you, (y/n/n)," the girl inhaled calmly, bowing her head at her friend as she massaged her temples before carrying on with her explanation, "I put an ad online yesterday that says Junk-N-Stuff buys things now."

"So?" Henry asked, confused at what she meant by that. So what if they bought crap now? Didn't matter to him.

"So, the ad said we'll buy stuff, pay cash, and not ask where they got it from," she smirked with a mischievous glint in her eye, feeling so intelligent and smug for the trap they were leaving. It was all legit and the perfect way to lure in the thief, who had to be one clever bastard if he knew where to return the glitter bomb package after noticing he was being watched. Now, if only Ray could understand that...

"Uh, I did not authorise that, so I will subtract the cost of the ad from your paycheck," he told the girl with an air of authority that didn't wash with his sweet girl. Usually, she loved it when he played the big, strong, hot leader as it reminded her of his strength and extermination, but now he was coming across as arrogant and dictatorial. Plus, she supervised Charlotte all day, said she could publish the ad and even called it a great plan. What about her authority?

"Yeah, well, I authorised it, so I will add the cost back into her paycheck for doing our job for us," (y/n) folded her arms as Ray stood in front of the cash register. Now they were getting into the ridiculous part of the argument, where they questioned each other on stupid stuff, and as she gave him a complex, challenging look that no one else would ever get away with, he found himself biting his lip and glaring back.

"You didn't ask me first?"

"I didn't think I needed to ask for permission for a stupid online advert." The hairs on the back of her neck bristled at his cold voice, and she huffed at the insinuation that he'd suddenly changed his mind about how everything was run. What was he was hers - that's how things were, and she'd never assumed she could cross any line, but it was plain to see he was being stubborn. As was she.

"Check next time."

"Yes, sir, no, sir, three bags full, sir," she scoffed, unafraid to mock him since he wounded her pride with his haughty instructions, despite telling her numerous occasions that he didn't give a rat's ass about Junk-N-Stuff. She cared more about it. Therefore, he left most of it to her, saying she'd have half of everything when he finally got to call his wife, which would be in a million, billion years if he was planning the wedding.

"Don't be a child, sweetheart," he sneered as he turned away, done with the conversation, but he couldn't help when the nickname slipped from his tongue. He could never use it with malice, even if he were being hypocritical, stupid, and stubborn, so he wasn't ashamed about it as he looked at Henry, just about their poor handling of the situation.

"Me?! A child?! Have you heard yourself? That's rich com—"

"Come on, kid. Let's towel off this glitter, take a quick power nap and steal Schwoz's pot of gold," he grinned at the kid as he cut her off. How they were tired after so much sleep was anyone's guess, but it was probably something to do with the fact they slept in a van; for all his pouting and foot-stamping, Ray could never deny he slept better in his bed, with his precious girl, after tiring themselves out. Maybe it was that that made him so crabby.

"Good call; I am so tired..."

"I know, right? Must be from all that sleeping," they shrugged and grabbed some towels from one of the shelves just as Schwoz dashed through the store with a small cauldron suspiciously full of gold coins. He ran so fast that he spilt a few as he zipped out of the store, practically hissing at anyone who looked at him or his treasure, whether they were a friend...or foe.

"You'll never get my pot of gold!" Ignoring Ray and Henry's promises that they'd get that pot eventually, he bounced out of the store, proving to be a peculiar sight for the guy who walked in as he left. At first glance, he was like any other customer, just a guy with a box of junk under his arm, so the heroes didn't stop towelling as he walked up to the counter.

"Hi, can we help you?" (y/n) asked politely, switching to her demure, perpetually smiling mode as she did for every customer she served. A quick rake of her eyes over the young man and his demeanour made her tummy feel funny, not in that way, he was far too young for her, and as much as he pissed her off, she was a taken girl, but this guy seemed shady - jumpy, maybe. Highly suspicious.

"Yeah, I saw your ad online," the guy replied as he walked up to them and placed his box on the counter. Huh, a glance inside told (y/n) everything she needed to know, recognising the contents instantly, but they pretended to be innocent. No point going in for the kill before getting a confession.

"Oh, did you?" Charlotte asked loudly, hoping the boys were still paying attention, even with the towels over their heads.

"Yeah. Said you'll buy stuff, pay cash, not ask where it came from?"

"You know, that is what the ad said. I bet you came top of the class for your reading skills," (y/n) smiled brightly and ignored when the guy noticed and frowned at the glitter coating her and her helper. She really hoped he wasn't intelligent enough to put two-and-two together, and thankfully, he didn't say anything despite seeing the sparkles, preferring to get in and out with the hot goods.

"Whatcha lookin' to sell?"

"Uhh...I got a bunch of neckties with the Vice Mayor's face on them. You interested?" He told them, holding up the hideous, bright blue ties with Willard's face splashed all over them. The girls hated to think what they'd been ordered for but pushed the thought to the backs of their minds as Henry and Ray slowly stopped rubbing their hair. Neckties? With Vice Mayor Willard's face? Now that caught their attention.

"We are very interested in those. Got anything else?" Charlotte asked, seeing her friends turn around in the corner of her eye as the thief rummaged through his box again.

"I've got season two of Will and Grace on Blu-Ray!" He told them, holding up the DVD so they could see it. It wasn't on their list, but it was stolen. The guy didn't have many morals in that box of his.

"That's a good season!"

"It's a great season!" (y/n) recoiled when the shady guy snapped at her, causing Ray to put his hands on his hips as his anger rose. Whether they were in the middle of an argument or not was beside the point; no one, and he meant no one, yelled at, intimidated or was rude to his sweet girl. She was the loveliest, kindest, gentlest soul he'd ever encountered, and he loved her more than life itself - this guy would pay.

"I've also got this hairdryer specially made for hot moms," he moved on and lifted the hairdryer so they could see it. (y/n) clenched her jaw at the description, wondering why on Earth the hot mom bit was so important and why salt seemed to pour into her wounds every time she turned a corner. Kris Hart this, hot mom that, was there any wonder she hated that she hated that woman?

"That—that is fantastic stuff. Where'd you get it?" Charlotte questioned as the hero and sidekick pulled the towels from their heads. They were dense but not that dense and suddenly aware that Charlotte's plan had worked - the guy came straight to them. Who was dense now?

"The ad said you wouldn't ask where it came from," the thief replied frostily, unaware that Captain Man and Kid Danger were now stalking his ass right as he copped to the entire job. "But whatever. I stole it."

"Oh, wow, and nobody tried to stop you?" Miss Danger raised an eyebrow, curious about what he'd say and her doofus' reaction. The poor guy didn't know he was signing his death sentence as he and Henry loomed over him from behind, jaws clenched as he started insulting them freely.

"Well, there was this old guy and his son in a van trying to catch me."

"Old guy?!" Ray spluttered as he heard the terrible insult. Henry let it go like water rolling off a duck's back, but he knew how touchy his boss was about his age - forever strung up about how he would someday lose his fresh-faced, boyish youth and be forced into retirement. It didn't matter if it happened to everyone; he hated how it was happening to him, and he hated that he already had six years on his future wife when he wanted to spend every second of her life with her, worshipping everything she did.

"Oh, yeah! There you are," the guy laughed breathily as he turned around to see the numskulls he tricked, unaware that the girl and hot lady at the counter were cringing at how he was the numskull, "you like that glitter bomb, old man? EUhhhhhhh!"

As he laughed at his mischief, the others joined in, cackling like he was the best comedian in the world for pulling such a good prank on those trying to hunt him. Whilst they laughed, (y/n) nudged Charlotte, telling her it was time to make herself scarce as Henry went over to the door, intending to lock it so the three heroes could take their revenge on such a gunch.

"What's going on?" The thief queried as the shopkeepers and numskulls kept laughing to the point where it was getting creepy. He didn't understand why the old dude was slowly creeping towards him and twisting the red towel in his hands into what looked like a rope.

"Why's she heading toward the back?" He asked, feeling the joy leave his voice as a shiver ran down his spine. Things didn't seem so funny as he took in the situation and suddenly felt like an animal getting cornered, his instincts telling him to run even when all the exits were covered.

"Why's he locking the door? And why's she coming over here?" He asked again as the fake laughter died down into chuckling and then into silence. The thief found himself staring down Captain Man of all people, with Miss Danger breathing down his neck and Kid Danger looking down on him, but it would be okay, right? They were just three weirdos in a junk store - nothing scary there.

"...Say, friend, I couldn't help but notice..." Ray whispered to him in a husky voice that had (y/n) shivering from how undeniably hot he sounded, even though it wasn't the time or place to go all gooey, "you're not wearing green."

"And it's Avocado Day," Henry hissed, too, staring at the man as he stood in the doorway.

"Sort of..." (y/n)'s hot breath rolled down the man's neck as she leaned in to murmur in his ear, and he jolted at having her so close. Never in his life had he felt so caged, and the thief hated how they all glared at him like that, especially when the old guy with the...huge muscles growled from the lady getting so near and when he realised what Avocado Day meant.

"Oh, god..." he gulped, fearing what they'd do to him as Ray tightly gripped the towel. Oh, he didn't have to worry that much. He wouldn't pinch too hard.

At first.

~A while later~

There was nothing like job satisfaction at the end of a long day. Being able to say that the packages of Swellview were a little safer, thanks to them, made the job worth it for the Man Cave crew, and now that the asshole thief was in a police car on his way to the jailhouse, they could rest easy.

Well, some found it more straightforward than others.

Against her better judgement, (y/n) agreed when Charlotte asked if she wanted to help get the glitter out of Ray and Henry's hair, saying that the man wouldn't let anyone but her touch his. Then, she did some very well-played grovelling, saying all sorts of stuff like how she loved to touch her fiancé's hair, how no one could remove glitter as she could and how she, her poor helpless baby, needed some help from mama bear.

That tugged at her heartstrings, and the woman caved, tearing up at the thought of the girl struggling against two boys and their beloved hair, so they got to work. Saying nothing, (y/n) picked up a hairdryer and began blowing Ray's hair, using her famous patience and perseverance to get down to the root where the glitter caked every strand. They were still arguing, at least in her head because Ray could joke, grin, purr and smirk at her all he wanted, but she was at the end of her rope.

The storm was nearly here.

"Man! How crazy was it that that package thief guy just happened to walk into Junk-N-Stuff, right?" The doofus shouted over the noise from the hairdryer, feeling cocky and victorious after pinching the hell out of that lowlife as his sidekicks held him down. Now, he got to lie back and think of honey-laced lips and soft hands that stroked through his hair so graciously, which was all down to luck. Nothing else. Definitely just luck.

"Uh, he walked in because Charlotte put an ad online," she told him, prodding his head to ensure he was listening, but Ray didn't reply. He stared off into nothingness with a dopey grin because the work and stress were done now, which meant he could quickly patch it up with his precious fiancée. Oh, it was tragic how he didn't feel himself falling until he hit rock bottom.

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again, dude. Luck is a skill," Henry shouted, ignoring the outrage stewing behind him. Neither recognised how arrogant and conceited they were or how cruelly unfair to Charlotte as they sat back and enjoyed the spoils of war whilst those who did the actual work paid them a kindness.

"Yeah, well, lucky for us, we got that skill!" Ray smiled and bumped fists with his youngest sidekick as they boasted about how amazing they were - and that was the last straw for poor Charlotte.

"Well, good luck getting the glitter out of your own hair," she told them in a sugary voice before slamming the dryer down and briskly walking to the secret door. She ignored (y/n)'s calls for her to come back, knowing that she'd end up ripping their heads off if she stayed any longer, wondering how her friend hadn't already.

She didn't care at that moment; she didn't care what was said or done between the boys or between the couple; she just needed some air, so she left them to it. And that didn't go down very well with (y/n), who huffed and death-glared the giggling children on the couch as she too, approached the end of her rope.

"What's her deal?" Henry asked blankly, wondering why his friend stormed off like that, but as a male running off cocky endorphins, he couldn't work it out, and neither could Ray.

"Uh, she gets like this every Avocado Day," he replied with a shrug, not realising he was digging his hole deeper, even when (y/n) copied the girl and turned her hairdryer off. Sometimes, it baffled her how he could be so dense, emotionally stupid and inconsiderate. It made her wonder why she had to go and fall for him all those years ago because, certainly, there were easier men out there.

"Well, who's gonna blow the glitter out of my hair now?" Henry questioned, glancing around the room with a vacant, almost expectant expression. Okay, (y/n) would have to remember to stop waiting on him hand and foot because this was ridiculous. She thought it was bad when her lover sat there with his mouth open and hands out, expecting everything to be given to him, but she wouldn't do it for both of them. Hell, she didn't want to do it for anyone right now.

"Nah, it's all right. (y/n) can do both of us, right, sweet girl?" Ray suggested, tilting his head back so he could smile at her as she stared at him in disbelief. Since when had she turned into the Man Cave's maid?

"Raymond, I am also covered in this fucking glitter. If you think I'm going to run around after you two, then—"

"Ooh, I got an idea!" He cut her off with a high-pitched gasp, causing the heroine to bite her tongue until it risked bleeding. It was like he was using every trick in the book to try her patience, toeing and crossing every line, so she had to reign in her temper before she said something awful, but he was making it so damn difficult.

"Sweet, dude. I'll warm up some milk," Henry grinned and went to stand up. She couldn't blame him when he was feeding off the boss' energy - Ray was the ringleader, the one barking orders and Henry, bless his heart, wasn't one for being so...fucking annoying. And he'd never intentionally jeopardise their relationship by encouraging his friend's pigheaded behaviour - he'd invested too much time and effort in it.

"No, no, no, no, no, we can't nap our way out of this one, pal," Ray stopped him before he reached the auto-snacker, standing up to take his gum tube from his back pocket. His sidekicks eyed him curiously, wondering what he was thinking as (y/n) impatiently tapped her foot against the tiles.

"Check it out. Pop a gumball, transform into Captain Man, Kid Danger and Miss Danger, and poof! All the glitter is gone!" He grinned as if he'd just solved world hunger, looking from the kid to his sweet girl, who scoffed at the notion of him finally acknowledging her. She'd been invisible all day, or he'd ignored everything she'd said, so now he was including her made her even angrier because it played into his ego.

"Ah, question—do you ever get tired of being so awesome?"

"Don't encourage him, Henry. You'll make his head even bigger than it already is," she told the boy bitterly, causing him to freeze as she glared at Ray, whose entire body tensed up at the ice in her voice. What was her deal?

"Uh, well, actually, I've been tired the past couple of days, so I don't know why you're getting so moody," he scoffed, turning his back on Henry so he could fully face her, which used to make mousy (y/n) (y/l/n) back down instantly, but now, she was ready for an argument - gloves on, fury boiling over, venom prepared to spit.

"Oh, you're tired? Are you tired after sleeping on the job for two days straight? I've been worried sick, running round, and cleaning up all your crap, Raymond, and you dare to call me moody?" She hissed, jabbing the space between his pecs with her finger, and he grabbed it in a tight, rough grip, ready to fight if ,that's what she wanted.

"Yeah, I'll call you moody 'cause my fiancée can't seem to let me do anything without getting her panties in a twist. Don't shout, Ray! Don't eat with your mouth open, Ray! Don't talk to Henry's mom in case she flashes you, Ray!" He growled at her, riling her up with a mocking tone that was supposed to be her, although, in sane minds, neither of them would say she ever sounded that shrill and bossy.

"I don't see why you have to bring her into this!" (y/n) whispered harshly, glancing over her shoulder to see Henry scuffing his foot against the tiles awkwardly. It was like getting caught between his mom and dad fighting, even if that was part of the problem. He could pinpoint the moment the woman internally panicked at being called out, recoiling into her best defences rather than admitting she was nothing short of jealous.

"Oh, please. Do you know how difficult this mission has been, knowing you're at home sulking?"

"Difficult? Try twelve years loving you, and then you'll know the meaning of difficult, Raymond. I've put up with so much shit from you and never complained about it!" She shouted, growing increasingly frustrated and upset as she did her best to hurt him, and he did his best to hurt her. Tears sprang in her eyes at the scowl on his face, knowing it was directed at her as he fought them back, too, knowing he was making her cry.

"Well, why don't you just leave if I'm such a bastard?" He asked cruelly, hating the question the moment he asked it because he didn't want to know the answer. He didn't want her to take it as rhetorical either since that would mean he'd have to stomach everything being over, and he couldn't do that. This would blow over like always, right?

"Because everyone knows you would fall apart without me! This place barely ran before I got here!" It was her turn to brag, gathering what was left of her pride and using it to batter him - a terrible, cruel way of showing him that she wanted to stay because her place was in the Man Cave, as part of his family. She wouldn't leave, even if the shouting match implied otherwise.

"Well, there you go, then. Stop shouting, and you can stay as long as you want, darlin'. I'm sure I can make us forget all about this..." Ray replied with a smirk, feeling his anger melt into cockiness as he interpreted her words as a desperate cry for affection and validation. So, in a terrible misjudgement, he stepped forward and placed his large, warm hands on her upper arms, the smirk never leaving his face as he wiggled his eyebrows at her in the suggestion that they could fuck and this would all go away.

And then the first stab of lightning struck.

"What? For God's sake, Raymond, why do you always have to be so cocky, smug, and annoying?!" She cried, exasperatedly hitting her fists against his chest as his attempts to calm her down made her heart bleed even more. What should've made the tears stop and her words dry up made her feel trapped like she had nowhere to go, but into his arms and for once, she didn't want to be there, not when she felt like this, so she lashed out. And wounded them both.

"God, Ray, I just—-I—fuck, sometimes, I—I hate you!" She screamed as her fist connected with his chest for the final time, and as it did, it was like the world stopped. Ray felt his heart stop as she hit him like she took what she held and crushed it in one simple squeeze.

All the joking died within him, his smirk falling as she held her glare and breathed raggedly, hoping in her anger she'd done enough to be set free, but as his face drained of colour, she knew what damage she'd done.

His fingers became loose and shaky on her shoulders, allowing her to wrench free from his grip so she could turn away from him and walk around the couch to stand alone for a moment. She cut a lonely figure, arms curled around herself to provide comfort as she cooled down and reeled from the argument, where she'd said and done things she didn't mean - but she'd said and done them anyway.

Ray blinked a few times, surprised and expecting at the same time to feel tears in his eyes, and he tried to process those three ugly words.

Only in his nightmares had he heard them, the darkest, cruellest ones that could never be real when he woke up in the morning to find his beloved still in his arms, smiling and in love with him. It didn't feel real, and in another moment, he would've worked out that she said it out of spite and anger, not from her heart, but he didn't want to listen to reason. He wanted his sweet girl, but she didn't want him.

He always knew this would happen.

"Um, let's just pop some gum and get this glitter outta my bum," Henry piped up in a small voice, not knowing what else to do. It was an awkward and clumsy attempt to break the ice, but no one could blame him for trying, not when he'd had to endure seeing that between the strongest couple he'd ever known. They'd never fought this bad, and a part of him was genuinely worried that things had been said and done that couldn't be taken back.

"Y-yeah, popping, kid," Ray replied breathlessly, his hands shaking as he titled his tube until a glowing orb landed in his palm. He shoved it past his teeth quicker than Henry could ask if he was all right—he obviously wasn't, but he didn't know what else to say other than he'd bet his left kidney that (y/n) would rather die than end up hating him.

He wanted to tell him everything as an outside observer, but he couldn't because his dad had an uncanny knack for calling at precisely the wrong moment.

"Sup, pop-pop?" He answered the call as (y/n) begrudgingly trudged over and swallowed a gumball too. In the five seconds, she'd had to think, she knew that this was the lowest point in her life and possibly the one where her future self would look back and curse her for being so careless and cruel. That wasn't who she was; she was (y/n), the girl people went to for her kindness and caution, but in a split-second, she forgot herself and made the biggest mistake of her life.

Telling the man she adored that she hated his guts - how could she ever forgive herself? Would he ever forgive her?

"Hey, happy Avocado Day. I'm looking for Piper." Mr Hart told his son, chirping before growing more serious since he hadn't seen his youngest in days. He couldn't think where she could've got to, but then again, she never told him of her movements or business.

"Uh, when was the last time you saw her?" Henry asked, wishing this could wait until later since he had two broken lovers chewing gum, but he perked up in concern at the news about his sister.

"Been a couple of days, and according to this parenting book I've been reading, I should be worried!" Well, duh, his daughter was missing. Why wouldn't he be worried?

"Wasn't she picking up trash for community service?" Henry suggested, vaguely remembering the screaming match between Piper and their mom about something involving a stolen elephant. He'd had enough of those for a lifetime and felt antsy to get off the line so he could get the morons standing on either side of him to apologise and go back to being soulmates, but it seemed a good enough excuse for his dad.

"Ah! We'll go with that!"

"Yeah, anything else? I gotta go," he told him quietly, glancing up to see the lovers standing uncharacteristically three feet apart and looking anywhere but at each other. That was not how it was supposed to be; they were supposed to be three millimetres apart and looking at nothing but each other, preferably with their eyes shut and their lips touching. Not that Henry would ever confess to thinking the icky sight was cute.

"Yeah. There's a really big package on the front porch. Did you order something?" Mr Hart asked as he circled the mysterious box, which appeared out of nowhere, and his wife swore she hadn't ordered. She was too busy mailing out wedding invites and writing a list of good florists on behalf of her son's nice boss to order anything.

"Um, I don't think soooo—-oh, no, we forgot about Jasper, dude! He's still in the box on my porch!" Henry cringed as he remembered their second failed stakeout and how his poor best friend had sat throughout the night just to be forgotten on his doorstep.

He covered the receiver so his dad couldn't hear anything and looked to Ray for help, but he didn't feel like helping anyone when he pictured telling everyone he'd bragged to that he was no longer marrying the hottest, loveliest, sweetest girl on the planet, all because he pushed her to the brink.

"I'll just open it..." Mr Hart shrugged as the line went quiet and figured that if someone had left it on their porch for so long and not come looking for it, then it was his to explore. Sort of.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, don't open it!" Henry told his dad quickly, keenly aware that Jasper was lurking in the box with a goddamn taser in his hand, but it was too late. Mr Hart pulled his PearPhone away from his ear and reached down to remove the tape from the cardboard. All Henry heard in the final seconds what sounded like Jasper yelling, and the sound of a grown man suffering one hundred thousand volts of electricity before a thud, and the line went dead.

Oh well, hopefully, that problem would sort itself out.

"How—how's your dad? Say anything i-important?" (y/n) asked wearily, her voice shaky and scratchy like she was trying not to cry again because who was she to be upset? She'd done this, no one else; if anything, her doofus should be the one crying because he made the mistake of falling for the biggest bitch ever. She made Kris seem like an angel, and she selfishly felt her heart crack when she dared to glance up and see her steeled gaze - so strong even when she ripped holes in him.

"Not really. Jasper tased him. Piper's missing. Let's get this glitter off," Henry told them, bringing them up to speed so they could finally remove the offending glitz. It would be the first of many remedies, and the kid planned on the second being shoving them in a room until they came out all lovey-dovey again, so even though the melon holy woman looked concerned at the mention of the missing girl, they took their places and began to blow.

The bubbles pushed past their lips as the lovers awkwardly stood next to each other, closer than either would've liked since they were sure the other was wildly uncomfortable. Still, they ignored the tension and behaved like adults, steadily blowing the bubbles until they were nearly ready to pop.

And that's when everything went wrong.

In a shocking, bizarre twist of fate; a sharp squeal came from behind them as a small, dazed figure dropped from the tubes and luckily landed on its feet. Piper.

She'd crawled through those goddamn tubes for days, taking every twist and turn in good humour until her stomach growled for food and her brain melted into mush from how far they went. She was sure she'd never find her way out after two days of crawling from Stank Street and that stupid car (looking inside was a massive mistake), but then, there was a sudden drop, and she had no choice but to go down.

She landed on hard, solid ground - a relief after crawling on her knees for so long and she breathed a sigh of relief as she'd finally made it to the other side, wherever the other was. But then, her breath was stolen as she peered up through her messy hair and took in the bright, wacky room she'd landed in—and that's when she saw them.

Her brother, Henry Hart, standing next to one of her best friends, (y/n) (y/l/n), standing next to her dumb fiancée and his boss, Ray Manchester, each of them blowing a luminescent bubble, and then, they popped.

"Henry? (y/n)?" She asked in confusion, wondering what the hell they were doing down here and what that stuff was they were blowing, but it was too late for excuses. There was no time to run, and there was nowhere to hide. In a flash of light, Piper witnessed it all as the trio stood there in shock, powerless to stop the red and blue uniforms materialising around their bodies as they became those unmistakable figures.

In front of her stood Captain Man, Miss Danger and Kid Danger, in the flesh, in their masks and shock. And she knew who they were. And they knew she knew; there was no denying it as she screamed at the top of her lungs from the pure shock.

Her brother was Kid Danger.

One of her best friends was Miss Danger.

She was getting married to Captain Man - possibly.

And now, the shitstorm was here.

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