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#ready to take on life

yes to jungkook wearing monochrome black fits, baggy oversized tees with fitted sweatpants n chunky sneakers… timberlands, balenciaga green 2 piece n balenciaga blue 2 piece. black turtlenecks, thick buff bomber jackets, doc martens sandles n doc marten boots … balenciaga trainers, prada goth boots, cargo pants, dangling earrings n curly permed ponytailed hair n undercut to remove 36 years off my lifespan. satin blue shirts, leather jackets n fila street wear, all adorned by rings, bracelets n long necklaces w a side of sheer insanity bcs this man rly wants to install fear into my veins

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also just kind of depressed cos now I have to actually face all the work I’ve gotten behind on and like. the fact that I havent done the assigned readings or paid any attention at all to any of my lectures for the past month. literally one of my recurring nightmares is being months into a school semester and realizing I havent been attending classes or doing the hw and its too late to catch up, and now im basically living that, and it leaves me feeling the worst anxiety being that lost. its study abroad fail semester all over again :(

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I haven’t been able to vibe in a while…

#things aren't looking good tbh, #its all heading down the drain, #been craving physical affection dispite having a fear over it due to trauma, #been feeling like I'm accomplished nothing in life other than driving and barley holding onto a job, #I still have the job simply because its a family business...I would've been fired 100 probably, #I'm slowly killing myself by giving into sugar cravings at night and keeping stashes in my drawer or always having ben and jerrys ready, #my level of basic caring has plumeted so much, #and idk what to do anymore, #I've had pep talks that made me feel like shit, #pretended to call my mom out on all of the abuse and not caring I got molested by her ex bc all she cared about was her feelings, #or calling her out on the several years she's lied to me and others that she didn't break my arm and that I was at fault for being stupid, #over a cheap plastic horse, #or sending me to school with half of a bruised face I had to cover with a scarf, #and ive had these pep talks to myself pretending to call her out on everything. it made me mad, #and it made me feel like shit because I know I'd never be able to stand up to myself bc ive done it before and it ended horrible, #and that imma end up taking these secrets to the grave and no one around her will know the shit she did to me, #I just at least want a hug or smth. idk. cry as I'm told everything is going to be okay., #but I cant because of the fear after all of that, #all I have to substitute are my blankets pillows and plushies to try and get by but it's not the same as a real person, #and it just makes me cry trying to replicate this feeling of being held or hugged with pieces of fabric and cotton stuffing, #so yeah, #....my vibe is just wrong lately, #and honestly? idk if it'll get better. it'll either steady itself or decrease, #vent, #tw abuse, #tw implied suicide, #tw molestation, #ask to tag
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magnusbaeAnswer

50 Types of Kisses - Send in a number and a pairing!

A breathy demand: “Kiss me” - and what the other person does to respond.

626w | mildly heated 🤭 | Enjoy 💖

▾▾▾

It’s a late night after a joint mission, the only noise is the sound of the door slamming shut, Alec’s heavy breathing and the rustling of clothes as their hands run hastily over each other, trying to feel every inch of skin available. As per usual, Magnus’ outfit has way too many buttons and for a moment Alec is caught wondering just how much it’ll ruin the mood if he simply rips it open to get to Magnus’ chest. Probably some. Not a lot.

Alec meets Magnus’ eyes when the warlock snaps his finger to turn the soft yellow lighting of the living room on. There’s the silent ‘kiss me’ on his lips, as there always is when he’s looking at him like this. A pang of heat rushes through Alec’s body and there’s nothing he wants more than to just kiss him, ravish him, feel him. No. Alec draws a sharp inhale and physically distances himself from Magnus, hands dropping to his hips and holding him there while catching his breath. Not today. He decided that weeks ago, just never brought it up.

“Alexander?” there’s a touch of confusion in Magnus’ voice, concern creeping around the edges “What’s wrong?” a warm hand touches his cheek, caressing it, ever so caring and thoughtful. Ever so Magnus.

Enough of this. Alec’s jaw sets firmly as he meets Magnus’ gaze with a sure, confident one. Enough of Magnus always putting him first, always waiting for him to initiate this part of them, always wanting his comfort to come first. Enough of Magnus never being selfish and taking what he wants without asking.

Kiss me” Alec demands, breathy and hoarse, unwavering.

Magnus’ eyes widen, lips parting to speak “Magnus–” Alec cuts any argument at it’s wake, he doesn’t want his sweet wise words, he doesn’t want Magnus to think about it so hard when in reality it’s so simple. He’s his to take. Alec wants the heated kisses, his selfish desires. He wants him to want it so badly that he doesn’t care to stop and think about it. “–kiss me like you want it” it comes out more commanding than Alec realized he could sound like in this sort of situation.

As it happens, it’s all the pep talk Magnus needs.

The last thing Alec sees is the wonderful moment of Magnus’ steely control snapping, his jaw slacking, muscles relaxing and eyes flashing gold.

The next thing he knows is a bruising mouth over his, kissing him so passionately and hungrily that Alec loses himself there for a moment “Mngh-!!” he gasps, shocked by how suddenly and utterly aroused he is when Magnus slams him against the door with all his weight, body flush against his. “Mag–” Alec’s heart jumps, knees going weak, a helpless groan forced out of him when Magnus grinds against his groin, shameless and demanding.

“Magn–ah-! fuc–” Alec tries, he really does try to say Magnus’ name out, in appreciation, in awe, in fear of how damn good he makes him feel. “Magnus..” he finally manages, it’s a whine and he shudders as he feels Magnus’ hand under his shirt, nails running over the skin all the way to his chest.

Magnus grabs one of his pecks and squeezes it firmly, like he owns it. There’s a tiny pang of pain as the warlock bites his lower lip and tugs at it as he moves back, releasing it with a delicious wet sound. The look in Magnus’ golden eyes is almost savage, it’s dangerous and dark, it’s hot and wanting.

“There’s no ifs when it comes to me wanting you, darling.”

Magnus’ voice is velvety, dark and rich– and by the angel, Alec believes him.

Please.” he begs, body nearly collapsing when Magnus leans back in.

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#I hate when they say ''oh all of his roads lead back to you'' because I know. I've always knew that when he got tired of fighting the world, #He would circle right back into me. But I wasn't ready to wait. I didn't want to wait. I shouldn't have to wait from 7 years., #I shouldn't have to go through all the shit I went through because he was fighting he's feelings. Him saying that makes it all unfair., #I knew he loved me. Everyone around us knew he loved me. But it everything would be easier if he didn't., #If it was all in my head I could take it. But this. This ''i have loved you along' crap is bullshit. I hate it., #He cant show up 6 years later when I have a bf a cat and a wedding dress picked out. Not when I have plans for a life that dont involve him, #I don't want the ''we are young you don't know the future. One day we'll meet and it will all fall into place'', #I don't want the bad romance movie where you spend your whole life missing someone just to meet them in a bar and have an ending, #I moved on because I didn't want an ending. I wanted the whole thing. And that was too much to ask at the time, #I get that now. I couldn't ask his 16 year old self for that. I was asking for too much. But I still need so much more than he can give me., #I still think that I want more than he can give me. And I hate that I still think about it., #When you think you met the love of your life at 15 you don't want to wait until life has passed to be with them., #This thing is stupid. The whole thing about everything leading back to me means he actively tried to get away from me., #Him having to come back means that he left and I hate this thing so much. I hate it so so so much., #I can handle him being my friend. I can handle him being my best friend soulmate. I can't handle him being in love with me., #I can't, #I just can't, #I hate it., #I hate this whole situation. I don't want this feelings. I want him to stop looking at me like that.
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