#real life example

[daisywords]

One of my biggest nitpicks in fiction concerns the feeding of babies. Mothers dying during/shortly after childbirth or the baby being separated form the mother shortly after birth is pretty common in fiction. It is/was also common enough in real life, which is why I think a lot of writers/readers don't think too hard about this. however. Historically, the only reason the vast majority of babies survived being separated from their mother was because there was at least one other woman around to breastfeed them. Before modern formula, yes, people did use other substitutes, but they were rarely, if ever, nutritionally sufficient.

Newborns can't eat adult food. They can't really survive on animal milk. If your story takes place in a world before/without formula, a baby separated from its mother is going to either be nursed by someone else, or starve.

It doesn't have to be a huge plot point, but idk at least don't explicitly describe the situation as excluding the possibility of a wetnurse. "The father or the great grandmother or the neighbor man or the older sibling took and raised the baby completely alone in a cave for a year." Nope. That baby is dead I'm sorry. "The baby was kidnapped shortly after birth by a wizard and hidden away in a secret tower" um quick question was the wizard lactating? "The mother refused to see or touch her child after birth so the baby was left to the care of the ailing grandfather" the grandfather who made the necessary arrangements with women in the neighborhood, right? right? OR THAT GREAT OFFENDER "A newborn baby was left on the doorstep and they brought it in and took care of it no issues" What Are You Going to Feed That Baby. Hello?

Like. It's not impossible, but arrangements are going to have to be made. There are some logistics.

#idk what to tag this #worldbuilding #writing fiction #historical fiction #fantasy #a real-life example: my dad (a pediatrician) was once entrusted with the care of a baby who was born with a rare condition #this was in a place without great hospital/medical access and anyway they were going to fly the baby over #and he specifically asked them to bring the mother and baby #they show up with baby and...the baby's uncle #and he was like. y'all. do you think I asked for the mom to come just for fun??? We don't have formula here. what is the baby going to eat?

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[theygender]

The more I learn about judaism the more I wonder where tf christianity got all its bad shit. Why is divorce a sin in christianity when judaism has recognized the right to divorce for nearly a millennia and has codified religious laws for it. Why does christianity consider sex to be dirty (to the point where puritans considered it a sin to enjoy having sex with your own spouse) when in judaism it's considered holy and it's a literal mitzvah to have sex with your spouse on the sabbath. Why does christianity consider it a sign that you're faithless if you question your religion when in judaism that's considered an essential part to developing your faith. I'm probably stating the obvious here but I still can't get over the fact that there's no historical basis to any of this shit before christianity started, it's like christians just said "hey guys what if we took the torah and built a new religion around it but this time it was actively hostile to human life"

#rambling #disclaimer this isnt about individual christians im speaking about the religious trauma i experienced in my own life etc etc #these are just a few examples that I've noticed but they're definitely something #the part about sex in particular shocked me bc sex is pretty much viewed as actively evil in a lot of christian denominations #like you should only do it to create children and if you take pleasure in it (even if its with your own spouse) youre a dirty sinner #there arent as many examples like this nowadays but if you read puritan laws about sex it's like #you're allowed to have sex with your wife basically 10 times a year but you have to be fully clothed with the lights off #and you cant have sex on a holiday or a sunday and you cant touch each other and you have to try as hard as possible to hate it #literally WHERE did that mindset come from?? like for real #in judaism having sex with your spouse is basically considered a celebration of everything holy #and if you have sex on the sabbath (the holiest day in the jewish calendar—above every holiday) #its considered TWICE as holy #make it make sense #this is one of the things people mean when they say that lumping judaism in with christianity as 'abrahamic' religions is meaningless #theyre literally nothing alike #the only similarity is the torah but thats only half of the christian bible and one third of the jewish one #AND christianity interprets most of it completely differently from how judaism does #im tired #greatest hits #hall of fame

[lesbaurinkos]

i dont think people on this website who think of riverdale as, like, Straight Media understand that a) the magic and genius of it comes from the mind of one of our society's foremost homosexuals roberto aguirre-sacasa himself and b) i once tried to make a list of all the gay characters in rvd with speaking roles and gave up once i hit like 40 bc that was the point in the 50s timeline archie's homophobic uncle who was calling him gay for writing poetry (there was also the fact archie and reggie were having mutual onscreen bisexual awakenings about each other after watching gay porn together but thats like, less gay than the writing poetry thing) anyway archies homophobic uncle started fucking gay kevin's cop dad. luckily the two of them were killed by betty's gay serial killer brother-in-law chic (not to be confused with her gay serial killer BROTHER charles, who chic married in a beautiful gay serial killer wedding in the normal timeline) (do you even understand core four polycule was quite literally canon at the end of the day? do you know that?) (do you know that cheryl blossom is not just the best lesbian but the best CHARACTER who has ever existed in the history of all media and you could not in fact ever handle her? c) they dont even know about archies weird fantasy. so whats the point

#by the end of the shows run it was literally on a mission to make a new character gay each week idk like it was crazy..... u know nothing #riverdale is Not straight people media it is literally the world's number one example of camp..... u people know nothing..... #how fake camp enjoyers look when REAL camp comes at them idk!! this is a site of FAKERS #if u cant enjoy the cults and gangs and the aliens and the endless timelines and timeloops and evil d&d where's your FUN. your ADVENTURE. #go watch Actually Entertaining Television for once in your life...... go watch some riverdale and get back to me. get some WHIMSY i mean it #there is quite licherally no experience more fun. it's cinema. it's television. it's a blast. it literally has cheryl blossom. #at the end of the day as always to be a riverdale enjoyer is to be a modern day cassandra... they do not listen to our words... but we know #we know the truth of this world. and the truth is camp.

[waystarresourceco]

Kieran Culkin on Roman's playboy image and the way the actors/writers understanding of backstory fits together. (x)

#thought it might be interesting to throw this out there #I think “playboy” is sometimes used in connection with Roman by Jesse/Mark in a way that can be read as a split from Kieran's view #and that's totally fair #or it can be read as consistent in that that's the image Roman works to project #which i tentatively think may be the implication for what his life looked a little like pre-series but still thinking through that #I think that's what makes Roman so interesting to watch when he's in those party environments #he's clearly good at people in a way his siblings aren't #and he knows how to be in those spaces (even if there's a discomfort with drugs and sex) #see for example how he is with Lawrence in S1 and that he knew about Rhomboid #but at the same time that's clearly not all of Roman or even an accurate reflection of his internal life #and it's unclear how frequently he actually goes out #anyway I think the point is just that Roman is interesting haha #and I think both reads support the fake playboy thing and not like...a real one lol #roman roy #succession #cast interviews #hbo succession #kieran culkin

[nikoisme]

Okay so a little thing I noticed is how this random citizen flinches and calls Nimona "freak" when he sees her. This is actually a lot of people's reactions when they see someone using this style (punk rock ig, vibrant colors). And in my experience a lot of queer, especially trans people enjoy this style. You can see that Nimona's design is much different than those of the citizens', even when she is in her "human" form trying to blend in. Everyone is dressed pretty casually, like you could walk down the streets and see someone wearing their clothes. But Nimona stands out. And a lot of people are judgmental purely if someone stands out and doesn't follow their traditional beliefs, norms and roles.

#nimona #nimona 2023 #nimona movie #i could be reading too much into it #i don't know how to phrase this but i hope i got the point across #this just follows the example of how the kingdom advanced technologically #but people's mindsets didn't #so anything that stands out or is different is a threat to their way of life #i've witnessed this in real life #could be another trans metaphor idk #or just a metaphor for people who just don't follow tradition in general #and i don't think they know that Nimona is a shape-shifter just yet

[ofswordsandpens]

the show doesn't pronounce Thalia the way I pronounce Thalia I've lost the battle I've lost the war

#its the way I knew in MY SOUL that I was RIGHT #because I had a neighborhood friend named Thalia growing up and thus had a real life example to base it off of #so I always pronounced Thalia that specific way #Tal-ee-yah #:( #idc idc im right the show is wrong #pjo adaptation #pjo #thalia grace #mine

[sulkybender]

Appa flashing back fondly to chewing on a railing with all his homies was the realest thing

#they're just silly little goobers #just like real life animals #for example my cat chewing happily on packing tape #Appa #atla

[aropride]

"no guys i swear the cishet intruders are real this time, they're really invading our community, theyre taking our resources for real this time, trust me, they love getting called slurs and being discriminated against, this is a real thing thats really happening and affects me in real life, my exclusionism is good this time i SWEAR"

#text #discourse #like what fucking world r u living in 😭 'i dont mean trans people' what Do you mean then. #like give me 5 examples of this happening in real life and causing harm to literally anyone #i prommy cishet invaders arent identifying with slurs and intentionally putting a target on their backs like that #especially in this political climate #you are just being.. either biphobic or nbphobic or both most likely. probably some secret 3rd 4th 5th 6th 7th 8th 9th etc things too

[woad-ink]

If the sequel has even half the comedic writing of this one it'll easily be the funniest game of the year. This is all G O L D.

#fantasy life #there are so many more examples i elected not to post #but this could go on forever #everyone in this game was so real

[suntails]

I’m going to paint you a picture of modern communication, and how it is fundamentally broken.

Let’s look at one friend. You chat pretty much everyday, and mostly talk to this person on twitter and discord, with occasional tumblr DMs. That’s three places you talk. But that’s actually not true, because you also have each other’s priv twitters and talk there as well. That’s four. Now account for, let’s say, one post reply per account per person, in addition to your DMs. That’s eight. But that’s ALSO not true, because not only do you talk in discord DMs with each other, but you’re in a friend group server as well! And you talk in those channels together! That’s nine.

This is one friend.

Now look around you. How many friends, how many mutuals are you in contact with. A few, a handful, a dozen, more? How many accounts per person do you have, how many places can you send each other posts, devolve into separate topics and conversations? How many people text you as well. Friends, family, coworkers? What do you do day to day around catching up, what IRL commitments will rip you away long enough to let the pile build again?

I can’t do it. I cannot live an actual life in the real world and balance this much interaction, it’s crushing. I reply to a friend’s post because I’m interested in the subject, I want to have a discussion! I WANT to talk about it with them, but I immediately kick myself for adding another conversation to the pile. Day by day, I ignore messages for hours on end and watch mountains pile around me, to reply en masse at the end of the night to let the cycle repeat. I wake up to six discord DMs and as I clear the third, the first replies back again.

We weren’t meant to have thirty simultaneous conversations. We weren’t. And you know in your bones that the number isn’t an exaggeration.

#hush catríona #this is essentially copy pasted from my twt last week but made a touch more coherent #iiiii spiral about this pretty regularly. i think this is the 4th or 5th time ive gone on this spiel bc its agonizing #i feel horrific guilt for ignoring messages for so long. and its absolutely voluntary. but i cant FUNCTION like this i cant DO it #i have friends where we talk Every Single Day and i LOVE them so much. so unfathomably much. but it KILLS me #hell take my roomie for example. one of my fav ppl in the world. we text- twit dm- discord dm- ig dm- reply to posts. thats five right? #i guess!!! but we also LIVE TOGETHER. i see them in real life and talk to them out loud with my voice and its still this much to add on!!!! #and i feel like nobody else talks abt this shit and it makes me feel crazy. am i the only person completely debilitated by this??? #i dont want this to come across as like ‘boohoo we get it ur sooo popular’ that is NOT what this post means #i think a lot of ppl big acct or small. fandom or otherwise. talk to a dozen ppl online. and i dont get how anyone copes #this is agony. and every single time i ever make a post? its another opportunity to add to the pile #i only reply to comments on posts on twt and this is why. i cant DO it i cant keep up. i see every tag and im so grateful but i cant ever #reach out. i cant add to the pile. theyre already taller than me

[borderlinereminders]

One thing I’ve heard about my posts about asking for reassurance in healthier ways is that my scripts sound so “stiff” and not like real life. I’ve got this comment a few times. And that’s true for a lot of them. You’re not supposed to use them word for word. You’re supposed to change them for what they mean for you.

Here’s a real life example from today. I’m the “boring treble” (inside joke with my best friend) and I ask for reassurance. (I also want to point out that sometimes I am insecure about her specifically and we’ve talked about those situations. Here’s an example of that situation!)

But you can see in my example that it’s a lot more casual for me in real life! You can see that it’s kind of our thing to call stuff “tragic” and it’s light hearted but also genuine at the same time. And also, even though I asked for reassurance, her response is genuine and did reassure me.

#Gorlfriend the biked #personal #tw menstruation #tw period mention #personal experiences #real life examples #I like sharing these so you all can see I do use the skills I talk about

[romansmartini]

another funny thing to note i think is that michael sheen does have several different gay voices that he uses. but there's a very specific one that he uses for good omens. and he uses that very same one for david tennant like in real life

#shennant #david tennant #michael sheen #well as much as we can consider their public displays of homoeroticism 'real life' #i can't know how they speak to each other in the quiet of their neighboring homes. anyway #the thing is i haven't even watched the videos yet but i know for a fact ms does his gay voice. by the way he moves his mouth #like for example in prodigal son he does a gay voice which is completely different #and i know that because he also does aziraphale voice in prodigal son

[understandingbimbos]

bimbo diversity pt. 2

Disclaimer. Few, if any, of these women actually self-ID as bimbos. I only mean to use them as physical examples which has no bearing on their character or intelligence.

#bimboization #bimb0 #bimbo girl #bimboz #bimbocore #bimbofied #bimbo aesthetic #bimbolife #bimbo life #bimbo examples #real life bimbos #3d bimbos #bimbo irl #bimbo resource #bimbo inspo

[nettlewildfairy]

when you’re baking so you follow the recipe and crack 3 eggs but every single egg has 2 yolks in it? For some reason? So you end up making 6 yolks sweetbread????

HOW

#Devastating things to post online because people are going to be like ‘I don’t believe you’ #and i have to be like ‘I get that. For example it happened to me in real life and I also don’t believe it’ #Egg

[ohitslen]

I am here, once again, with my Ao No Flag propaganda

These two specific panels of Toma were the thing that made me think over a year ago “Man. I want to be like that too” as in KAITO drawing expression because—

The subtle shift of emotion, it’s present all throughout the manga, but this is what sold it for me. For no particular reason, it’s not even the best example, it was just what sealed the deal to me

#it’s the way his eyes open slightly in surprise when Seiya tells him that his friends refused to give an explanation when asked about #what happened in what I think is a way of them showing they care about Toma #and that surprises Toma since I believe he might have been doubtful his friends would forgive him after that #which man. idk maybe it’s because it hit home in some other things. it’s so good #Kaito handles the way the characters express themselves so good I’m always in awe anytime I reread any volume #it’s just. they feel so real in their flaws and mistakes and how they take it. for example our dear protagonist #man he is a wreck. but it’s understandable since he is going through a stage in life where he is still understanding himself! #and KAITO depicts it so nicely and lets him be awful. and let’s everyone be it too. they fuck up yes! but it’s not the end of the world #and he shows that too. how it’s okay to make mistakes but you have to owe them and grow from them not get stuck in them #it’s the little me inside of myself that was making me weep I believe #Ao no flag #blue flag #toma mita #yeah this is about volume 7 too #well i dont know it’s the way Seiya is older sibling anguish that hit me with a bat personally because 🤝. same. #and just. AAAAGGHHHH I’m going insane