#real talk: i am really looking forward to 2020

[jinruihokankeikaku]

2024.03.21: Ten Years (At Least!)

「夢はつまり　想い出のあとさき」 ―井上陽水、『少年時代』

Well, here we are. I started this blog (under the url "aelphvyne") on 21 March 2014, making today the blog's 10th anniversary. The blog has changed a great deal, I think, as have I, in many ways, over the past decade; but, in many ways, I really haven't.

(me c. May 2014 / me c. today)

This blog has changed my life in a lot of ways, which feels weird to say, but it's true. There are a number of people I'd never have met were it not for our Posting on here - I won't tag anyone to avoid being obnoxious, but! I'm really glad I met you! Sincerely! A number of ideas i never would have encountered (for better or for worse). A number of places - like actual literal places in the real world - I might not have gone. Books I might never have read, songs I might never have heard, films I might never have watched. The list goes on. But why did I come here in the first place?

I started this blog to be closer to people I liked and in some sense I guess that's still the blog's raison d'être. This site is, after all, where I've spent the most time talking to people for the better part of the past decade. It's also become the de-facto hub for various projects that have rotated in and out over the years - the Homestuck stuff in 2020, an (unfinished) novella in 2021-2022, and most recently, the Evangelion Annotation Project (which I promise is still ongoing & will update...soon-ish).

And since it's been going on for so long, I guess the other thing this blog has become is an archive. A record of various moments in my life. A lot of the stuff I've posted and reblogged over the years I wouldn't stand by or endorse today. A lot of it I would. (Some of it I don't remember having posted in the first place; but I am reminded, when I look through this archive every now and then, that these, too, are remnants of who I was at some point.)

I like to take photographs every now and then, of the sky outside my window, of rain on leaves & the moon & things like that. I guess I've been doing that since around the time I made my proper return to Tumblr in 2020. If there's one really important thing on this blog, one thing that I feel really good about, it's that; those pictures are the kind of record that I really wish I had kept in earlier years, and that I hope to be able to continue to keep going forward.

And I will keep going forward. I've thought about leaving this place on a few occasions; and, I suppose if the Internet continues on its rather sad present trajectory, I may have to soon enough. But until then, "the show must go on" - at this point, I have no plans to leave any time soon. In a way, it's a line of continuity between myself 10 years ago and now. When I look back ten years from now (God willing!) I'll remember that we both liked doing this - rambling self-indulgently on the Internet to an audience of mostly strangers but - importantly - some friends, too. Some good friends. After all, who else would we have said all that too? Would we have said it at all? I think, in any case, that having said it is preferable to the alternative. By a mile.

[nyctoheart]

Okay... I'm definitely not ready to say anything about this elsewhere so what u read here stays here PLEEEAAAAASE 🙏😭 I'll split it into sections so its easier to digest LOL

Okay, I finally admit it aloud:

Reading orion's reply to this post about me having "I turned my hobby into a task"-itis really struck me. I've felt it to be true for about a year now but kept it inside...

When writing my super doc in April, I thought "I can't wait until I never think about Daybreak Town again." And the idea of me restarting all over with KHML if it gets overly-complicated too... ugh

So I think in a year at the earliest, I'm going to try leaving the KH community. I will keep this beloved blog and still play future KH titles, but I want to focus on my real life. I want a career, but I'm 26 and have made no strides towards it at all. I want my driver's license and an onsite job! I don't want my life to revolve around sitting at my computer anymore.

what this means for my projects:

But I can't stop now since I'd let down people I made promises to. I said I would release all of X-position as videos, and I literally just started a new podcast with my friend Hannah like 2 weeks ago... Both projects I said yes to while still thinking about how burnt out on KH I am... What is wrong with me!

the podcast: I double-checked to see that Hannah doesn't follow me here because I really I don't want to hurt her, I love her and don't want to let her down. I want the podcast to continue at least a year before breaking this to her. I counted our topics up to DDD, and that already gives us 50+ topics, plenty for a weekly release. Plus, I do like the idea of helping new KH fans learn without being spoiled, it's why I said yes to begin with!

as for my youtube channel, I'll make an announcement after X-Position is entirely out. I will give my Patreon a heads up beforehand, so they can decide to keep supporting until the end or not, but I will close it entirely when the channel ends. I planned other videos outside of KHUX, but they'll have to be good-ol'-fashion text analyses here.

And as for my webcomic, this hurts too because I LOVED writing it! I want to finish the 7th chapter I started long ago, then release the entire story as text, and then finally release a certain chapter that I was really looking forward to illustrating.

leftover feelings:

It sucks too because my IRL friends are new KH fans, so they're all learning things I've known for years, making jokes I've heard for years. They think I'm still in it for the long haul, one of them just bought all of us matching seasalt icecream charms 😭 How do I break it to them that I want to move on from KH. I feel like a movie where a washed up gunman wants to retire LOL

I have journaled (and sometimes cried lol) about this almost daily for the past 2 weeks, but that comment orion made (with multiple seconding replies!) made me go ".... ok yeah I have to talk about this." It just feels SO cathartic seeing people say aloud what I have been feeling. It gives me the courage to continue until the end and not like... fake my death online LOL AAAAAA—

if this was 2019 I would have thought "yeah I'll just stop, people won't mind that much" because my philosophy was what I did online wasn't THAT important to people (tone I truly say this with: at peace, content, meditative). But ever since 2020, it feels like the internet is so important to people's values and focus, it's scarier to leave things!

#ANYWAAYYYYYY #life was easier when I just made gifs and the most complicated game was DDD LOL

[wind-becomes-lightning]

Bye to Wind and Lightning

TLDR: I AM WHINY AND IM GOING TO MOVE BLOGS TO A SMALLER ONE WHERE NOBODY KNOWS ME. EITHER @kikuneesama FOR GENERAL STUFF OR @konohamaru-sensei FOR ANIME STUFF.

Did you know that in 2020 when the pandemic held us all in a chokehold I decided to reread One Piece and Bleach, but consciously decided not to touch Naruto, as if I knew that I'd be sucked in real bad if I read it again? I was right. In 2021, I randomly thought "No, I will read it now" and then I did and boom I talked about nothing else for that summer and to channel my thoughts I made this blog right here separate from my main and not as a sideblog. I wanted to start completely over at a different place.

I had a terrible summer in 2021, constant mental breakdown. I don't want to bore you with the details because you don't care, but just being back doing the stuff I loved when I was 16 was such a blessing. I was truly happy in the first months here, especially with the discord servers and the oc talk and the friends I made. My boyfriend commented on it all the time, that I looked so very happy. And I was! But these things never stay.

The problem with me is, I want community, I want to talk headcanons and to bitch about characters I don't like and promote ships I love and cry and laugh and hug all of you for liking the same things as me and at the same time I'm terrified of rejection, of people hating me, of people spreading lies behind my back. I guess school does traumatise you in some way.

I can't survive in a cutthroat fandom like this one, I take things too personally too quickly. I don't understand that if you, a normal person with your own wishes, likes a thing I don't like or dislike a thing I like it doesn't mean you automatically hate me. You are just a different person and that is ok! It's not you. It's me. NO I'm not just saying that. It really is me.

Did you know that when I started out here I didn't tag my stuff? Especially not my OC stuff (and I still rarely tag it). The fear that someone might find it, hate on it, send me hate, make fun of it etc, sits so deep that I rather have my work not be seen at all. Yet, I need the attention to keep going because without the reblogs and likes and asks I feel like an utter failure.

My boyfriend says I am not good with the public eye on me and he is probably right. I envy those of you who can stand their ground and be self confident in their arguments. I envy those who don't care what others say, who can block and move on, who don't get a knot in their stomach when someone they had nice interactions with unfollows. I shouldn't care, but I do.

On my first tumblr blog I never looked at my followers, I never got asks either or was deep in fandom or anything, but I reblogged my stuff and posted my thoughts and was feeling good. I love tumblr, its the best social media out there for a reason. Yet, with this one, I got so self conscious about my followers, about what I can and can't say. If my presence would offend or not etc etc.

I was kinda looking forward to 1000 Followers because it is an insane number, but now at 997 I'm throwing in the towel. Isn't that like giving up before the finish line? Maybe, but I'm so tired and I want to be unknown again. I want to be nobody again. I want the naruto fandom to move on and forget I was ever here.

So I'm leaving! Sorry, I guess! At least for a good while. I might be back to finish the requests still pending on this account and then disappear again, but I don't know if I'll ever permanently come back. If you by any chance really, really really care about my presence, you can find me under @kikuneesama as a general spam blog with all sorts of things and under @konohamaru-sensei for anime-only stuff. This is also where my Naruto posting will be moving.

If you are a moot I will follow you from Kikuneesama again.

Thanks, I guess, for over two years of hanging out. I'm sorry I am such a lame loser.

One thing is for sure: Though I am moving to a blog named after Konohamaru, Kakashi will always be my love.

tschüss und auf wiedersehen, ~Nisi

PS: I'll q this a couple of times so I'm sorry if you have to see it a few times in the next few days. I swear I'll be gone after that.

#nisi rambles

[lokislittlesigyn]

This past weekend I had .. A truly lovely experience. One that will stick with me forever, I believe.

Story time.

About a month ago I got an unexpected message that Tom Hiddleston would be at NYCC. I'd never heard of NYCC before - though I live within driving distance of NYC. I visited last year to see a Broadway play and visit the Loki figure at Madame Tussauds. But more, in 2019, my parents surprised me with tickets to see Betrayal on Broadway.

When we went to the show, I hoped to give Tom a letter, thanking him for the impact his work has had on my life, and get some art autographed. After the show - which was breathtaking and fantastic and funny and heartbreaking - I stood outside in the bitter cold and watched as Tom stayed outside for 2 hours talking to and autographing things for his fans. I distinctly remember saying his name and him looking me right in the eye - I asked if he'd take my letter. His response? "Of course I will." those words also stuck with me. spoken surely, as though kindness was deserved without question.

I got an autograph from him that day on my Playbill - they didn't allow non-Betrayal works to be signed. But I wanted, very badly, to see him again. Namely for a hug ... And to get that art signed.

In the spring of 2020 I heard about a drivable convention Tom was slated to be at. Tickets to see him were hundreds of dollars, but I was willing to pay.

Then the pandemic hit. Everything was cancelled.

Fast forward to last month. My birthday is coming up and I have no idea what to ask for, I have a steady job and I'm trying to give myself permission to buy fun things so I actually feel something when I get a paycheck. ive legit been getting money and just feeling nothing when it goes into my account. :')

And I did it. I bought a pass. An autograph pass, since the photo passes only allowed a few seconds with the individual - I wanted to talk even for a moment, not stand awkwardly while I try to make myself give a natural smile.

I'll spare you the details of the convention itself - it was huge, and while it was exciting, that wasn't the main draw. Tom was. I finished an art piece and had it printed, and took it with me to give to him. I also wrote a message on the back of it, so there was no risk of the message being lost (I don't know if he actually got my first letter. There's really no way to tell!). That message is private, but the art is not.

It took over two hours to get through the line. As someone with joint and sensory issues, this was .. Quite an experience. if i hadnt had my compression socks on i honestly dont think i would have made it. also i really need to look into what ADA passes they have because there is an ADA line and i continuously tell myself im not disabled enough for that but maybe i am, idk

But I got through the line and went around the corner where they had a curtained-off area, and there he was.

My first thought? "Oh, you're real."

its always surprising to see him in person.

But as happened before, the nervousness and excitement and heart beating out of my chest gave way to a quiet calm.

He took the piece I brought to be signed, and signed it. And I spoke up.

"I made this for you, if that's okay." And I handed him the above artwork.

He took it. Looked at it. "You're very talented."

I thanked him.

And he looked at me again.

Now, it's relevant to mention I am autistic. Eye contact is extremely difficult for me. It feels unsafe, exposed, scary. I can literally get physically unsettled if I look at someone's eyes too long. This man is the only person - not even my mother and father feel safe to look in the eye - that I can not just stand to look in the eye, but actually feel ... peaceful. i think it's because he has lokis eyes.

"Thank you. Have a good rest of your weekend."

He smiled at me, and I smiled back. I thanked him again.

It's a small interaction. It was in the last event on the last day of the con - this man was probably exhausted, and rightly so. I also want to be clear, I don't have any sort of parasocial feelings toward Tom, or even romantic/etc. feelings. Tom is his own person, with his own life and experiences, and I don't feel anything toward him other than a general fondness and gratitude. More importantly, he is married, a husband and a father, and that is so important to remember.

I'm simply grateful to him. Out of hundreds, possibly thousands of people over the weekend, he took a bit of time to look at the art, and say something kind, and to look at me and smile.

Photos weren't allowed in the area, or I would have wanted one. Likewise, there were tables between the attendees and him - I would've asked for a hug otherwise. But I don't regret the weekend, for all its ups and downs. I got to give Tom a present, and I know I'll see him again someday.

And maybe next time, I'll get that hug.

#for context i want to get as close to hugging loki as possible lol #i have hugged the madame tussauds figure #i have hugged disneyland loki #i have even hugged loki cosplayers #tom is the closest thing to loki that remains un-hugged by lokislittlesigyn #she will hug him someday #that is a threat /lh #i'll post the digital version of the art soon #<3 #nycc #nycc 2023 #tom hiddleston #storytime #sigyn goes on an adventure #sigyn loves loki a lot

[prismaticpichu]

25 for Seph and 6 for Zack <3

Heck yeah! You got it! ❤️ (I actually just answered #6 with Zack so i’ma skip that one if that’s all good! Though main takeaway is that I associate with his unwavering faith in others <3)

~~~

What was your first impression of this character? How about now? ~ ohhhhh YES YES YES i love this question xDD I always hoped for an opportunity to talk about my first discovery of Sephiroth shshdhhd. So! What was my first impression of Sephiroth..? Did I faint? Did I melt? Did I combust into flames at the sheer majesty?

Oh, no. My first impression of him was complete and utter HATRED…

….

For about 2 minutes.

Okie doke so this isn’t as much as a “first impression” as it is my emotions under the circumstance in which I was introduced to him, but I wanna tell the unasked for story anyway lol. So, basically, imagine this: it’s winter or 2020. Little Pichu is stuck inside alongside the rest of the world. There wasn’t much to do, not much to look forward to. But ofc, I always had video games to entertain me. Specifically, Smash Ultimate—a game I played obsessively during lockdown, day after day. Anywho, like I said, it’s winter of 2020. December. And what was coming up in just a few days…? The Game Awards.

Normally, I really wouldn’t care all too much. I never really gave a poo before lol. But this year??? This year, it was different. It was almost guaranteed that a new smash fighter was gonna revealed. And as someone who’s heart and soul was tethered to the game at the time, this was everything to me xD

So! There I am, sitting on the couch in front of the TV. It’s the 10th of December. The Game Awards would be on any moment. Already I’m sitting there and letting my brain trip over all the potential fighters that can be revealed. The anticipation is REAL, man. SO REAL.

The Game Awards start.

The first thing to appear on the screen is a Smash Bros trailer.

Little Pichu is PSYCHED. Heart tenses. Breath hitches. All the characters are there on the cliff. No indication as to who it can be. All options are valid. Every single hope has a chance. They’re about to fight Galeem. The thing prepares to unleash an attack. The music escalates and the god gets sliced in half and—

And…

Whomst.

The F*ck.

Is that.

So, yeah, um, I was very uncultured and had no idea who one of the most iconic villains to exist was x,D It’s actually REALLY embarrassing lol. Anyways, as Sephiroth descended from the sky and that random choir began chanting in the background, all I could feel was RAGE. I’m tell you. It was cold, bitter FURY. How could they add another swordfighter??? We have ENOUGH. Who is this woman??? What??? WHY??? WHY HER?????? WHY NOT SOMEONE I KNOW AND WANTED—!

You know how I said the anger lasted for 2 minutes.

It was prolly more like 55 seconds.

As almost as quickly as I wanted to chuck my remote at the screen, I had turned into, like, a mesmerized sheep. The trailer was (as my vocab would say at the time) freaking EPIC, man! The dude was UNSTOPPABLE. He plowed through anything and everything and holy SHIT DID HE JUST KILL MARIO?—

Yeaaaaah so that’s how it started tor me xD It wasn’t long until I was binge watching memes of Sephiroth’s entrance to smash, scarfing down comics of him and Pichu, and coming to the realization that I actually wanted to know a lot more about this character. I still remember the moment I opened up Google and typed in “Who is Sephiroth?” That’s how engraved this man is into my essence xD Pichu get help. I was brought to a wiki page, and there was literally no turning back lol. I learned that he used to be a hero—a good guy—which absolutely plunged me into wanting to hunt down the Nibelheim Incident and see his downfall. I became so invested in what I didn’t see from his good side that I hunted down an 8 hour playthrough of Crisis Core, as that’s what I discovered was the prequel to it all. Next came devouring fanfic and headcanoning- and, well, here we are today xDD Needless to say I love this stupid psycho to death, and i don’t think that’s changing anytime soon!

…..This has no right to be this long dhdhdhhd.

#sephiroth #ffvii #smash ultimate #ff7 #asks #ty!! #life of pi #chu

[fanficwritersworld]

Fatal Love

Summary: The real reason Nora is working with Thawne. based on episode 18 of season 5

Pairing: Nora West-Allen x Ramon!Reader

Requested: by @neothegayturtle Hope you like it, went a little off sorry.

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: blood, metions of death and dying, barry allen salt

A/N: i kinda wanted to write more but didn't want to get carried away. if anyone wants a part two let me know

Masterlist|Prompt List

Team Flash were quick to open Nora’s journal. While the writing was unreadable to them without the quantum computer. But Barry had seen glimpses of the English written notes and pictures. That’s when they saw one picture in particular. It was a girl they had never seen before. She was smiling brightly as she held up a degree in her hands.

Nora sat in the cell, her sobs echoing around her and she curled into a ball in the corner of the cell. She failed. She failed to stop him and now her father hates her. If only he knew the real reason behind her forced alliance with his worse enemy. If only she had told him about her. About (Y/N) (L/N).

“Has Nora ever mentioned a (Y/N) (L/N)?” Iris questioned, not remembering the name. “No, anything in her journal?” Barry asked, looking up at Cisco. The man search through the entries, and almost every one of them mentioned her” Cisco looked in shock. “What’s so special about this (Y/N) kid?” Ralph asked out loud. Sherloque pulled up a specific entry that he thought Team Flash might need to hear. “It started with music…”

2039 - Central City

Eighteen-year-old Nora walked into her senior prom. She wore a simple lilac dress to her knees with some white gold accents. Her hair was curled as she wandered around. It was normal enough in the future to go to prom alone, Nora slightly wished she didn’t go at all.

She sat by the stage, listening to the band that her school had hired. Even in this decade, real music done by people was very appreciated after the whole A.I fiasco in the 2020s. “West-Allen, what’s got you so blue?” a voice called out from behind her. 

(Y/N) (L/N)

She was Nora’s science partner that year. They didn’t talk much but Nora kinda wished she did. You weren’t wearing any formal wear, just your favourite outfit and a nice jacket. You held a guitar as you decided to sit next to Nora. “I hate these things. I’ve been going to the Policemen Balls since I was a kid so I never really looked forward to these things” Nora explained, shrugging her shoulders. “Well… Nora West-Allen, wanna join me on stage?” You asked very fancily.

Nora rolled her eyes. “I don’t play or sing” She told you. “I’ve seen you listen to music West-Allen, drumming your fingers to the beat as you use everything around you like a drumkit” You told her, pulling her up to stand next to you. Nora blushed at your observation. “I haven’t played in years” Nora tried to lie her way out only for you to put a pair of drumsticks in her hands.

“Come one pretty girl, your playing with me” You told her before dragging her onto the stage.

2019

“So (Y/N) was Nora’s girlfriend” Caitlin spoke, reading the rest of the entry. Everyone was shocked, why hadn’t Nora said anything? That’s when a breach opened up in the middle of the cortex. Stepping out from it was…you. “I still am, where is Nora?” You asked, glaring at Barry. “Look, (Y/N) Nora is-” Barry started to explain before you put your hand up to stop him. “Working with Thawne, yeah I know” You finished, not wanting to deal with your girl’s paranoid father. “She’s doing it for me. Thawne is the only one who could help Nora time travel to help me” You told him, yanking the journal you gifted Nora from his clutches. “Why? What happened to you?” Cisco asked you.

“My powers… I was corrupted by the dagger. Nora’s trying to destroy it so save me” You explained to them, only for Barry to scoff at your problem. “How do we know you’re not the one that put Thawne in Nora’s head” He questions you, walking up to you with his arms crossed. “‘Cause I’m like Nora…a kid from Team Flash. (L/N) is my birth mother’s name. My full name is (Y/N) (L/N)- Ramon, daughter of Vibe” You told him, turning a pin on your jacket. With pixelated cubes, your outfit reveals a more feminine version of Cisco’s suit with his goggles placed on top of your head.

“And it’s time you see the real story” You told them all. Raising your hands above your head, you released a dark (F/C) breach wave before slamming it onto the ground. Everyone's eyes began to glow (F/C).

2049

Nora and her best friend Lia sat at their desk in CCPD’s CSI Lab. You walk in with two big bags of Belly Burger. “I brought the food now spill. What requires my expertise” You smiled, kissing Nora’s cheek and you put the food on the table. “Someone’s stealing chemicals” Nora explained, handing you the police report. “Your girlfriend thinks it was a speedster” Lia snickered, making Nora stick her tongue out.

You gave your girlfriend a ‘really’ look as you closed the file. “I remember some of these chemicals from one of my Papa’s old cases, I’ll ask Joe if I can get access” You told her, seeing Nora looking at her board with her mom’s most famous article. ‘FLASH VANISHES IN CRISIS’ and the last case her father ever had and failed to solve…‘WHO IS CICADA'

“Hey pretty, how about we get those files together?” You offered, placing your head on her shoulder. Nora nodded with a soft smile before bidding Lia farewell. You and Nora walked into the old storage room, searching for the files from 2016. “So how’s Mama Iris?” You asked Nora, closing another drawer. “God, she’s coming back from Keystone tonight. Seemed nervous on the phone though” Nora answered, flipping through the files. 

“You know speedsters haven’t been around since the Flash disappeared right?” You changed the conversation. Nora looked at you with a slightly annoyed face. “(N/N), I know it’s weird that I want to find out who Cicada is but-” You cut the girl off. “It was the only case your dad couldn’t solve and you feel like solving it will bring you closer to him” You finished with a sympathetic look. Nora slumped as you walked over to her.

“I know it’s hard, my mom bailed around the same time but you got Mama Iris and I have my Papa. And we’ve got each other” You told her, kissing her temple. You knew one of the many reasons they asked for your unique expertise was so Lia could get you to talk Nora down when she got a little ‘excessive’. Your gauntlet pinged, you opened the message. “Lia’s got the security footage” You told Nora before you both ran back to their lab.

Nora was right. A speedster with white lightning was stealing chemicals. Let’s just say Lia will not be allowed to forget that for a long time. Now you and your girlfriend were in the Flash Museum looking for evidence about a white lightning-clad speedster. You felt slightly uncomfortable in the room, the reverse flash display made your heart stop.

“Any luck babe?” You asked Nora as she finished the first display. But by then all the monitors showed the closing signs for the museum. “Shrap!” Nora scolded herself as Mr Myles spoke on the intercom about closing. “Also Nora West-Allen please call your mother is calling you and (Y/N) (L/N) wish your abuela happy birthday” Mr Myles spoke after his usual announcement. You both had a minor heart attack by this and were quick to call your relatives.

 Nora walked ahead of you as you dial your Abuela’s archaic phone. “Hola abuela, feliz cumpleaños... Lo siento Nora y yo estamos en el trabajo... No, aún no he preguntado ... Dile a papá que traeré la cena... La abuela deja de preguntar ... Perdón por mi tono te amo demasiado adiós” You hung up quicky, seeing Nora pressed against a wall.

“Querida? You okay?” You asked her. Nora looked at you with a defeated smile. “I’m okay, Lia has someone at OLLINS who can help with why the speedster is stealing the chemicals” Nora changed the subject. You stopped her from moving away, “Nora, you can talk to me” You told her. “I know” Nora smiled, kissing your cheek.

The scientist at OLIINS told you three that whatever the speedster was using the chemicals for, they could only be used based on a structure. “Total bust” You kicked air as you three walked out. “We can’t wait for another lab to get hit” Nora told you both. That’s when a bright flash of white passed you three, knocking you onto the floor. Nora was quick to help you up.

“Holy Shrap!” Nora and Lia squealed, running back into the laboratory. The scientist was on the floor as the speedster stood before them. He was silent, his eyes were covered by the black holes of his mask. You were quick to stand in front of Nora and Lia. “Oh my God” Nora gasped. 

“Yes, I am a God” The speedster spoke menacingly. “The God of Speed” He snarled, lightning manifesting from his palms. “Girls go!” You shouted, holding your arms out to block them. Lia ran but Nora stayed put. “Nora go!” You shouted at her.

It was too late, you both were thrown back into the shelf behind you, breaking the glasses filled with chemicals. The last thing you did was reach out for Nora, “Queri-” You tried to speak before your eyes shut.

You could hear…Lady Gaga? You opened your eyes, feeling lightheaded as you tried to sit up. “I knew an oldie would do the trick with you two” Lia smiled, turning off the music. “Don’t freak out but you're in a hospital. Me for this burn and you too for passing out” Lia explained, Nora stayed calm while you were the first to panic. “No, no, no hago dos cosas. Hospitales e insuficiencia cardíaca” You rambled, jumping out of the bed. You went straight over to Nora, making sure your girlfriend was ok. “ Mi vida, are you okay? I can call the best doctor in the country if you don’t feel okay” You asked her, checking her temperature with eh back of your hand. “You know the best doctor in the country?” Lia rolled her eyes, thinking you were exaggerating. You looked at her seriously. “Yeah, she’s my godmother” You answered before Nora decided to sit up.

“Baby I’m fine. I feel fine actually, my fingers are a little tingly but other than that I feel good” Nora told you, resting her head on your shoulder. “And you (Y/N)?” Lia asked. “Dunno, I feel like someone of blasting music right into my veins. It’s a vibe” You answered, rubbing Nora’s shoulder. “Good, I was so worried. The doctor said you were hit with 500 billion Jules of lightning…so don’t get mad” Lia slightly cringed before the doors opened up.

An older-looking Cisco Ramon. His hair was tied back loosely with a few thick strands of grey. He wore a nerdy jumper as he ran towards you. “Mi hija! Estás bien? Estás herido? Necesito llamar a tu tía Caity?” He asked you, holding your face in his hands.

“Papá, estoy bien, realmente no hay necesidad de llamar a la tía” You told him, giving Lia a side eye. Your dad had enough worries to supply the nation. “Gracias a la fuerza” He sighed, kissing your forehead. “Um, Mr Ramon the doctors need you to fill out some forms” Lia spoke up timidly. Cisco nodded before bidding you farewell.

“Chica, first you call my Papá and you then kick him out?” You raised your eyebrow at the blonde. “Yeah because while Mrs West-Allen is nonstop calling me, I didn’t tell your parents about these” Lia was careful as she held up two glass cylinders with a burnt-out metal thing in each.

“What are those?” You asked, taking one in your hands. “Piece of shrapnel maybe? They had to use the defibs on you both. When they did they found those underneath the scars on your shoulders” Lia explained. 

You stood up, recognizing the piece of metal. “I need to talk to my Dad!” You shouted before running out of the room. You ran up to your father the cylinder in hand. “Papá!” You called out grabbing his attention. The second you grabbed his arm, you zoned out. You could see Vibe fighting in the past and your Dad being killed by a speedster. You gasped as you let go of your father, dropping the cylinder. Cisco caught it before it reached the floor. Cisco looked at you with worried eyes as blood trickled down your nose.

“Mi hija, hay algo que debes saber”

The entire vibe stopped, everyone was back to seeing STAR Lab’s cortex. You however didn’t look too good as you dropped onto the floor, blood gushing from your nose and the corner of your mouth. “Long…story short. That speedster killed our friend. My powers were affected by the remains of the dagger causing me to be like this. She’s only working with Thawne to save me. As long as that dagger is intact, the more my powers will hurt me. But that’s not why I came here” You coughed up blood, struggling to get up. Cisco went to help you, seeing his kid from the future hurt because of him.

“Why did you come back?” Iris asked you as you struggled to stand. “To stop her. That dagger is the only thing keeping Thawne in his cage. I can’t let her choose me over everyone else” You told her, coughing once more.

Nora hated the dark. Ever since she was a kid. But with you, it made the darkness more bearable. You would hum lullabies your Abuela taught you, holding Nora safe in your arms as she listened to your heartbeat. Now, you were going to die because of her.

The sounds of her cell being brought forward took her thoughts as the light began to seep through. Barry and Cisco stood in front of her, solemn faces as she stood up. “Are you gonna send me home?” Nora asked her father, who still had a look of disappointment on his face. Barry didn’t speak as he opened the cell, making Nora tilt her head. “Dad what ar-”

Nora found your face, a soft smile as you looked at her with tears of joy. “Mi amor” You spoke softly as Nora used her speed to run into your arms. You held Nora tightly, burying your head in the crook of her neck. “I’m sorry” Nora sobbed, clinging to you as her own life depended on it.

“It’s okay mi amor, it’s okay” you told her, kissing her head as you held your crying girlfriend

Translations:

Hola abuela, feliz cumpleaños... Lo siento Nora y yo estamos en el trabajo... No, aún no he preguntado ... Dile a papá que traeré la cena... La abuela deja de preguntar ... Perdón por mi tono te amo demasiado adiós - Hello grandma, happy birthday… Sorry Nora and I are at work… No, I haven't asked yet… Tell Dad I'll bring dinner… Grandma stop asking… Sorry for my tone I love you too goodbye.

Querida - Dear

No, no, no hago dos cosas. Hospitales e insuficiencia cardíaca - No, no, I don't do two things. Hospitals and heart failure

Mi vida - my life

Mi hija! Estás bien? Estás herido? Necesito llamar a tu tía Caity? - My daughter! Are you ok? Are you hurt? Do I need to call your Aunt Caity?

Papá, estoy bien, realmente no hay necesidad de llamar a la tía - Dad, I'm fine, there's really no need to call Auntie

Gracias a la fuerza - Thank the Force

Chica - Girl

Mi hija, hay algo que debes saber - My daughter, there's something you should know

Mi amor - my love

#nora west allen imagine #nora west allen #nora west allen x ramon reader #nora west allen x reader #the flash season 5 imagine #the flash

[cxyotl]

//grooming

this shit with dream. honestly, i got a few thoughts about it. i’ve spent the last day or so reviewing the evidence and checking both sides. this might be a long post bear with me. also read the whole thing, or at least read my conclusion, before commenting.

-initial allegations:

i have decided to respect the alleged victim(s), and as dream’s only statement as of today, October 14, 2022 (MST 19:08), has been a whiney priv twitter thread, i’ve elected to place that dream has not made any real statements regarding the allegations. i will further explore his defense when he gets home and takes this seriously. i’m honestly disgusted by his initial response. if he makes no genuine response, i will assume he doesn’t take these matters seriously and that will be evidence enough for me to quit respecting him.

-faked or inefficient evidence:

i have seen plenty of evidence so far against the provided proof of the first victim, but at the same time i have seen other evidence in support or her proof. for example, her having the same story about this for two years. the bigger problem here is inefficient evidence. dream has not come out yet with any proof whether or not they did have communication. theres too little here for us to know definitively. the next part will continue.

-definition of grooming:

based on the released messages of the original poster, i see no real instances of grooming. i am seeing that he is being cringey with an overuse of heart eyed emojis. there is no coercion, no threats, and no power play going on in the provided proof. that being said, things like this can be one-sided and uncomfortable to experience. i would not define this as grooming, rather, a misreading of boundaries. this is still a problem, for a content creator and fan to have this misunderstanding, but it is not equivalent to grooming. historically, dream has had issues with understanding other people’s boundaries. the “16 is legal in the uk” joke thats going around is proof of that. thats an uncomfortable joke, and tommy obviously didnt like it, but its not solid proof of pedophilia. i’ve always believed, and will continue to believe, that he needs to work on this moving forward.

-racism, antiblackness, and antisemitism

with this being talked about, im seeing a lot of people talk about other things dream has done. i can only really speak on his comments about mexicans, but recognize that hes been in the wrong before by blocking people educating him on antiblackness, collaborating with notch, etc etc. personally i believe it is unfair for him and especially for the victims for this to be turned into a “look at All the shit hes done!” thing. the conversation should be focused on the stories of the victims right now. i encourage these callouts on him, especially with his lacking apologies, but now is not the time. i say this as a victim of sexual assault and grooming.

-“dream in these stories acts out of character”

you do not know him. parasocial relationships, although they are a joke now, are still serious as hell. i’ve watched dream since 2020 and i’ll admit, some of these things don’t add up to what we know about him. the biggest thing, being that he face revealed to this fan. that does not track with what we have seen about him. with that said, *we don’t know this guy*. the only people who will confirm if these actions are out of character are his friends, and that’s it. we cannot do that.

-conclusion

“believe victims always” and “believe victims first” are two different sayings, and neither should be the first thing to come to mind. always take things with a grain of salt. that being said, express empathy and RESPECT to the victims coming forward. to dream stans: do NOT jump to the conclusion now that dream is innocent, and do NOT say shitty things to or about the victims coming out. to antis: stop celebrating this shit. it’s disrespectful as fuck, strays the conversations, and makes it harder to find the evidence if its all buried under your shitty memes about it. i am choosing to not make any conclusions until it is confirmed OR denied by further evidence.

i have no problem unsubbing from dream if this is true— understand that i have basically abandoned his content out of boredom and literally not watched a single stream or video of his since like 2021 (aside from the face reveal). im by no means a dream stan. i watch and engage with dream smp content, and thats the extent to what i do concerning dream. i also don’t hate him. thats why i’m hoping this post is portrayed as neutral as possible.

if you are overwhelmed by this, i am also supporting you. my support and empathy does not end with the alleged victims. take care of yourself, stay off twitter, and know my dms are always open.

#dream discourse #discourse #dreamwastaken #dreamwastaken discourse

[sirenoma]

And today I want to tell you about a cartoon, that I currently watching, and how one good (and just second) reason to watch this cartoon came to me over time.

Finished the first season of Foster's Home (took a day and a half). In fact, the season ends with Halloween episode (as I think, judging by the horror), cuz there is no real end of the season, so I guess the division is conditional.

I watched Foster's Home when I was a kid (5-8), but it was not so interesting and catchy to me, so I more appreciated MORE COOL AND ALL THAT (COOL) SHIT (IN POSITIVE MEANING) LIKE GENERATOR REX AND BEN 10.

Foster's Home is pretty interesting, funny, sometimes, of course, the essence of the conflict is repeated, but still looks different and still it's interesting. Humor is funny, not naive, authors know their limits and where they can go beyond. I can say that they're pretty self-aware, and understand that this cartoon can watch not only the kids from 6 to 10, but anybody else. It's more for 12+ kids, even though the teens in cartoon are portrayed quite toxic and aggressive (at least one 13 year old Mac's brother), but it understandably even adds to the charm of the show. And to be sure about my opinion - it has jokes that kids will don't understand or they will HIT DIFFERENT or sort of this stuff. It's not Gumball or Adventure Time/Fiona and Cake, but pretty near. Now I regret that I ignored it as a child, although then I did not understand many of the jokes, and considered it childish and boring, but it turned out the opposite.

So why I decided to watch it now? Well, there's two reason:

1. Frankie. GOD DAMN YOU INTERNET I FUCKING HATE YOU AND BLESS YOU FOR ARTWORKS WITH HER. Like, really, I remembered her from my childhood, but I didn't like her much. Looks nice, red-haired, but almost nothing more. I remember her personality even worse than she really is in the cartoon.

Then, I forgot about a cartoon for a... I don't know, let me think... Last I saw it in 2014, so for 2 years I forgot about it. And then, in 2016, I'm still an young kid, and dived too deep in YouTube recommendations, and saw a video with name in unknown for me back then language, and on a thumbnail - a Frankie's in bed, she's covered with a blanket, and you can see she's got no clothes on. I was fucking really freaked out and scared at still young years old by that, and quickly got off YouTube. I think it looked like an original cartoon style, but I'm not sure. Maybe I was so scared of it, so I saw a thumbnail not right, and it wasn't her at all. But okay, whatever happened, happened.

And god bless and not bless the fucking internet in second time - in 2020 I saw an art with Frankie, where she is in a pretty night costume, and she's kinda THICC. And then, I go to the commentaries - AND THIS ART IS BASED ON HER OFFICIAL LOOK FROM ONE OF THE EPISODES! WTF??? I freaked out again, like what the actually fuck? I NEVER saw this episode. In more older age, but still not 16-18 years old - it freaked out me again. Like my childhood (not the meaningful part of it tho) was cutted with a gun with chainsaw, cuz I never saw anything like this. I even texted my friend when I forwarded this art to him, like what the fuck, they're breaking my childhood! Art is pretty good tho, but still - back then it was like you... I don't even know what I can compare to this, it was a such a strong blast with a nostalgia, some anger for no reason (there is literally was nothing bad in the art, it was more strange me) and... Winds of change? When you was a kid, you saw a friendly content, and now it's breaks apart into slightly more mature arts and stuff, that you couldn't imagine. And you cope with that and even enjoy it. And we're talking about not just cartoons. Maybe I started to realise something. Or am I just placing a lot of importance on a fictional character (or it's just my horny part trying to justify itself, and I just like her look and personality, and that is not an exception). But still, it was a reason to watch a cartoon, cuz damn she is pretty nice, and I wanted to know more about her, and just to see if I remembered her correctly or not, as with the rest of the cartoon - with a clear head to remember and watch it from scratch.

FAIR TO SAY THAT AFTER I WATCHED FIRST SEASON - I STARTED TO APPRECIATE OTHER MAIN CHARACTERS, AND NOW I'M WATCHING IT NOT FOR JUST FRANKIE. All characters in cartoon is great and memorable btw, that's one of the best side of this cartoon (best of the best is creativity and art style of it)!

Eduardo actually looks like (and have some traits from personality) one of my best friends!

2. Nostalgia (kinda). Yeah, this reason is referencing to first (strange) reason, cuz damn - it was a quite interesting that I didn't watch this cartoon normally and fully, It's always was in a background when I played in toys. So I didn't even have an opinion on it - it's bad, it's boring, or it's kind? Or it's interesting? I don't knew it.

So that's the reasons why I started watching Foster's Home.

#foster's home for imaginary friends #cartoon #2000s #2010s #nostalgia #cartoon network #craig mccracken #memories #frankie foster #currently watching

[jiinjiinjarra]

BTS // Japan // Japan Official Fanclub Magazine (JPFC) // Vol. 8 // 2020 // Pt. 5

Photo Cr. Comma // Scan Cr. b2smilebhappy // Translation Cr. BtsJapanese & iIlejeons // Full Interview - Source: 1, 2 & 3

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Q: BTS are close just like a family. What kind of existence are the members in your life (1st pic question)??

🐰: When I was a child I lived with my parents but I feel I have spent more time with the members. So they aren't different from a real family. They are the people whom I adore from the bottom of my heart, the people I work with. I was able to come this far because the members were with me.

🐹: Literally a family. Or otherwise Oxygen? It's obvious to have them around that they are a natural existence besides me so even if we meet each other after a long absence we say to one another "It's really been a while but it feels like I just saw you yesterday". *laughs*

All Members Special Interview (4th pic questions):

Q1: When do you feel like the BTS family is special?

🐰: When we're distributing parts, we make sure the person that fits the part the best naturally gets it. 

🐹: We have different ranges/ type of voices, so the line distribution is chosen to naturally match the song's style.

🐰: Even if there is something that concerns any of us personally, we will talk it out together. That's why things are resolved immediately, and I think that's how we deepen our bond more.

Q2: If BTS were a real family, what kind of family do you think they'd be?

🐹: I think we probably would stay at home all the time 

🐰: While peeling tangerines together (laughs)

🐹: It will always feel like New Year's with them.

Q3: If you're an ARMY?

🐰: I'd probably be the same one as SUGA hyung. I want to go to all the concerts. I want to scream "WAHHHH" and enjoy the show.

🐹: I'd be the type of ARMY that does everything to support from home. Like leaving comments on weverse, collecting photos of the members...

Q4: Starting with BangBangCon and other online events, there are many ways to experience BTS from anywhere in the world. Do you have any memorable reaction from ARMY that enjoying the content? 

🐹: As I watch our old videos, I thought that we really worked hard. It becomes my motivation and I thought I need to work hard in the future as well.

Q5: BTS and ARMY have been walking for 7 years together. Can you imagine 7 years in the future?

🐰: It's already been 7 years before we knew it 

🐹: BTS and ARMY being together has become normal so it's very natural.

Q6: What kind of relationship do you think BTS and ARMY will have 7 years in the future?

🐹: I think nothing will change even 7 years in the future. Just like how our relationship with ARMY hasn't changed over the past 7 years. Everyone thinks the same thing, so I think things will be the same in 7 years.

🐰: I think simply being happy is enough for me. Both BTS and ARMY.

Q7: Give some words for ARMY that always send you many love.

🐹: Recently, I've been working hard to fill myself with happiness. I hope ARMYS reading this magazine would feel the happiness and be as happy as I am.

🐰: I hope that ARMYs will gain strength from this magazine, even if it's just a little. We're working hard to practice and preparing a lot of presents to give you. Please look forward to them. Please take care of yourself, be healthy, and always stay full of energy!

Jungkook's Answers (2nd pic questions):

Q1: What advice would you give to ARMYs facing a hard time to stay positive?

🐰: If you have a dream and there's something you really like to do, you don't need to listen to others' opinion. Of course, if it's a bad thing, you're not supposed to do that. But don't ever give up on your dream because you're worried about peo- ple's opinion. It's important for you to think about what you genuinely want, what makes you really become who you are.

Q2: Do you have an episode of the members cheering you up?

🐰: When I'm having a hard time, the members would come to me one by one. They comforted and cried with me. I feel so grateful back then. They gave me the strength to move forward. It's a memory that feels like gold to me, I sometimes still think about it now.

Q3: Do you an episode where you feel like ARMYS helped you?

🐰: I always get helped by ARMY. There are people that give me advice, people who talk to me seri- ously, and people who are supporting me. All of that becomes my strength. It means they really care for me, and I'm happy for that. I'm working hard on producing songs so that I can play it for ARMY

Q4: Jungkook, who sang "I feel like I've become a grown-up faster than anyone else". Do you feel like you're an adult at heart?

🐰: I'm an adult by age, but I don't think I'm an adult yet, mentally. I still don't have anything that makes me able to say "I've matured". It might be a self-satisfaction, but I think you can say you've become an adult when you feel proud of how you matured. It's too early for me to say I've reached the "realm of one's coolness" but I do want to be one someday.

Q5: This year, ARMY and BTS has the precious number, "7". What would you eat if you could only eat only one food for seven days straight?

🐰: I would go for Kimbap. Kimbap contains all the carbohydrates, meat, and vegetables. I really love it. The other option would be chicken salad with sweet potatoes. Eating only one kind of food is bad since it has unbalanced nutritions, so if it's for a whole week, i'd go with those two

Jin's Answers (3rd pic questions):

Q1: What is the reason you started doing surpris- es for ARMY?

🐹: It all started when I saw a hanger before I went up to the stage, it stood our me, so I brought it up (to the stage) thinking "Should I try to do some- thing with this?". But recently the staffs ask if they can film me preparing the surprises.. (so) I'm working on various ideas.

Q2: Jin, who is the eldest member in BTS. What kind of existence do you want to be for BTS?

🐹: I haven't thought that much about it, but I do keep a close eyes on my cute dongsaengs, and I think I have grasped an understanding of each personalities. Each of them has different way of playing around and things that makes them happy (laughs). I don't know what my dongsaengs think of me, but I would like to stay as a kind hyung (for them).

Q3: If you're about to cook something for J-AR- MYs, what kind of dish would you cook?

🐹: There's a dish called Jajangmyeon (black bean sauce noodles) in Korea, and it's really delicious! I'll work hard to learn many tasty recipes so that I'm able to show the deliciousness of jajangmyeon to a lot of ARMYS someday!

Q4: What do you do during your day off? What are you into recently?

🐹: Even it's a "day off", I usually clean the house, do the laundry, also do the dishes. I make my own meals and eat it, play games, and sleep when I get sleepy.. kind of like that (laughs).

Q5: This year, ARMY and BTS has the precious number, "7". What is the habit that all seven members have?

🐹: We check our schedule and think about how we can manage it so that we could do things in the most efficient way, and work hard to finish them on time. Of course, we don't spare an effort. During those kind of times, everyone shows an incredible amount of concentration.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

#bts #bts jin #bts jungkook #jin #jungkook #jinkook #kookjin #bts japan #bts Japan Official Fanclub Magazine #Japan Official Fanclub Magazine

[gunsatthaphan]

damn if we get the Jungle and Find yourself for real qe will have 5 shows airing at the same time😱

I am watching HS wich onestly I loved even tho it remind me of a trashy reality show form my country wich has a school where kinda problematic children go(they do it mostly to get clout tho) were there are strict teachers that punish them if they missbehave, especially with the food!

I am watching BMF wich I am enjoying a lot more than I thiught, it isn't the best but I will keep watching, tho I do have a bone to pic with the time traveling

Lonliness society I have yet to start it but it would be a good counterbalance for the heviness of HS

I am exited for the Joungle I wanna know what they do and after BBS×ATOTS NanonMix is a duo that I quite enjoy, also all the girls😍(I am more exited for them than the guys onestly)

I have to say I have no recollection what Find Yourself was about😅

I mean gmmtv usually has a show airing every day of the week so that's not unusual 😅

but yesss I really hope we're getting The Jungle soon, although they wrapped filming a while ago so I think it's coming!!! NanonMix is definitely a fun duo and I'm excited to see what dynamic they will have in this one! I wasn't sure about the plot when I saw the mock trailer for the first time but after rewatching it a few times and seeing all the bts content I'm actually really looking forward to it lol. Also yes to the girls!!! 😩 The cast is just A+ honestly and I can't wait to see them all again!

As I said I'm not sure about Home School, my issue is that it feels like a copy paste of shows like The Gifted and Blacklist and all that so they're gonna have to hit me with something significantly distinct to keep me holding on lol. But we shall see.

I agree about BMF; I don't wanna talk about it too much for obvious reasons but I do appreciate the effort they put into developing this plot and so far it's working very well and that includes the time travelling. I'm not feeling the GK-chemistry just yet but their characters are likeable enough for me to enjoy the show for the time being.

Loneliness Society is exactly what I thought it would be which is a classic boy-meets-girl-in-unusual-circumstances lakorn lol but like you said it's a nice counterbalance to the darker and more complicated stuff during the rest of the week 😅

Find Yourself is a remake of a Chinese series from 2020 and idk I think it looks interesting. Also Earth, Podd and Neen are in it so like,,,,, it's a no-brainer lmao.

xxx

#gmmtv #the jungle series #find yourself #cant believe im putting my hope in the str8s lmao but the bl market is letting me down #so until only friends airs #this will have to do lmao

[somebody-in-this-world-who-lives]

Coping my Dear Even Hansen talk here because no one cares on twitter

I havent listened to waving through a window in years, fuck everytime It hits harder and harder thirteen year old me related to that now I **relate** to that If I listened to that in like 2020 full on sobbing would be involved

I know people dont really praise deh that much anymore but gosh kath at 13 was not equiped to feel the fear that youre going through your life not making impact on anyone because you dont interact with people well and that one day youre gonna just die and no one will even notice

Like I think I didnt even know the "if a tree falls and no one is around, did it make a sound?" was a popular philosophy hypothetical since I was still learning ethics or smt. Also sorry to all the people that thought the tree acident was on purpose back then, It makes sense now.

It doesn't have to be a consious thing to be on purpose, sometimes you are in pain and you just do things that hurt you since feeling hopeless so many times. Also I feel like that doubt of "did I actually do it on purpose?" is extra fucking traumatic as if being injured with no one to call to for god knows how long wasnt enough.

It also makes sense why he would focous on what IF he had someone to turn to and what would he do then to cope (god knows I do this shit) and why in the end it isnt about erasing what happened and living that ideal scenario (that wouldnt have made sense because that person he imagined wasnt really him, the real him didnt have any friends and felt like he could open up) as truth but to actually put himself out there, get hurt and hurt a lot of other people and heal in a way, or at least feel like he could move forward.

Am I projecting since when I was young I avoided the final song like the plague because I hated that a character I related to didnt get a perfect happy ending and I really needed stories about people like me being happy? Maybe, but I think that most of this is the intended reading before everyone got really pissed at the story and stoped analising it further then "the main character hurt everyone around him". Idk I feel like this songs still have meat to analyse. Plus my Requien and Good for you art still makes me happy and Im not trowing it away because Ben Platt looks his age now.

#dear evan hansen #dear even hansen the musical #musical analysis

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update

hey gamers, happy Pride Month Eve. I don't have any more time to make small talk, I've read so many fucking books since the last time we did this and I need to get started immediately.

what the fuck have I been reading?

The Memory Librarian: And Other Stories of Dirty Computer (Janelle Monáe, 2022) - I don't know if you guys know this about me, but I am... obsessed with Janelle Monáe. Dirty Computer, the album, changed me as a person. I have a bisexual pride flag hanging in my room that I can never wash because she touched it one time. my living room contains more than one decorative cushion with their face on it. a couple of years ago I almost willingly went broke to bid on a pair of the vulva pants from the Pynk music video when Mx. Monáe raffled them off. I love Janelle Monáe in a way that I rarely let myself love artists, and going into this book I really only had one fear: what if Janelle Monáe's book is bad? well, fear not: the book is pretty good, probably because Janelle Monáe was smart enough to hire actual experienced science fiction writers to collaborate and help her build out her world from song and screen to literature. the result is stories that are still sitting heavy in my mind even though it's been approximately a very busy calendar month since I read them, with new meanings crystalizing and arriving all the time. I will freely admit that the collection feel a little uneven in places, but then I'll immediately follow that up by talking about how hard it rips that there's a story about [spoilers] an idyllic little queer refuge from the evil authoritarian government being betrayed by a cis woman because she doesn't trust the AFAB nonbinary member of the crew, and decided that selling out the whole commune to a violent attack would somehow make all the "real" women safer than just letting someone use they/them pronouns in peace. Janelle had some things to say, y'all.

Short Talks (Anne Carson, 1992) - this is going to seem so short after all the rambling I just did for Janelle Monáe but it feels right. literally all I have to say is that I wish all poetry read like this. devoured in one sitting, delighted in every single page of it. Anne Carson, you deserve the hype.

Complaint! (Sara Ahmed, 2021) - I was lucky enough to get to watch Ahmed give a virtual lecture about this book before reading it, and as always her principled feminist rage was a delight to behold. Complaint! details research conducted by Ahmed after leaving her university position due to mishandling of student complaints, talking to other people about their experiences making institutional complaints - about professors, about bosses, about students, about policies that furthered deeply entrenched biases and hierarchies. her results were often disheartening, but Ahmed never gives in to despair. her work affirms injustice's existence but also the validity of raging against it; as someone working in a university setting and frequently unhappy with it, I felt more reinvigorated reading Complaint! than I have in a long time.

Before the Coffee Gets Cold (Toshikazu Kawaguchi, trans. by Geoffrey Trousselot, 2020) - I was really looking forward to this book, which sounded like exactly the sort of cozy, low-stakes fantasy slice of life shit I love. there's a café in Japan where people can have conversations with people from their pasts, but they only have as long is takes for their coffee to cool down - isn't that fun? I was prepared to really love it, and also cry a lot. in the end, I didn't love Before the Coffee Gets Cold as much as I hoped I would - maybe because it was adapted into a novel from a play, and the transition doesn't feel especially smooth? as I've already said on this blog, I would really like an opportunity to see this performed as a stage show if anyone ever does it in English - especially the ghost woman who lives in the café, I want to see that.

Rethinking Sex: A Provocation (Christine Emba, 2022) - oh man you guys, this one was a DOOZY. a friend alerted me to this book's existence months before it was published, and the premise sounded intriguing enough: Emba posits that the simple model of "yes means yes, no means no" isn't a sufficient sexual ethic, and fails to provide a reliable framework for treating sexual partners respectfully beyond obtaining basic consent - and she's right about that! I do agree with Emba on that particular statement; I think current understandings of consent are a very rudimentary baseline and frequently fail to account for the many nuances of human interactions. that is pretty much where Emba and I stop agreeing on almost anything. this book takes some stunningly regressive stances on sexuality in the name of equity, gang. Emba insists that some sexual desires are inherently worse than others, although she conspicuously fails to elucidate on what these might be while suggesting that porn is to blame for normalizing such "risky" kinks as anal sex and polyamory, which hilariously (and sadly) seems to suggest that she isn't clear on the difference between polaymory and group sex. she states in her intro that the book is absolutely meant to be inclusive of gay and trans readers, then goes on to spend a chapter talking about how silly it is to pretend men and women are the same when their innate biological frailty and predisposition to pregnancy makes women inherently more imperiled by sex. she insists that it's unlikely anyone actually enjoys "casual sex," providing choice quotes from interviews that support this stance, and upon encountering a woman who maintains that she did enjoy a shallow sexual relationship pivots to question why a person would even want such a thing in the first place. this book is a hot ass mess, y'all, and while I did take a certain perverse pleasure in sending the yikes-iest segments to a friend to scream in mutual horror, I cannot say I'd actually recommend it.

The Halloween Moon (Joseph Fink, 2021) - hey, one of the Welcome to Night Vale guys wrote a middle readers book and it's really cute. The Halloween Moon has the same unhinged energy as Disney Channel Halloween movies from the nineties and early 2000s - you know, the ones where everything going on was really silly but also holy shit someone might kill that 11 year old for realsies? think Hocus Pocus, that's the right vibe. yeah that was my SHIT as a kid, and remains my shit as a weird adult. if you know a weird kid, I'd strongly recommend passing this along to them.

Batman: The Long Halloween (Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale, 1996) - I didn't mean to read two back-to-back Halloween-ish books in May, it just happened. life is weird that way. anyway yes I DID read this because it was specifically cited as a heavy inspiration for The Batman (2022), no I regret nothing. I've been avoiding Big Two comics for years, but like... fuck. I missed this. this is so fun and dumb. every other page is Batman emotionally taking a deep drag on a cigarette and monologuing about how rancid Gotham City is followed by someone getting murdered on Saint Patrick's Day and having a leprechaun statuette left on their corpse. it's ridiculous it's noir out the ass I loved every second of it. it's perfectly self-contained and I cannot recommend it enough if you don't mind grisly murder. consider yourselves warned that I'm getting back into comics in a big way.

Hench (Natalie Zina Walschots, 2020) - you guys might recall Hench as the winner of my second-ever reading poll, beating out three other books on my TBR. and you know what? you guys were fucking right. Hench is the story of Anna, a temp who does data entry for supervillains - it's a living, you know? until she gets horrifically injured in a fight between her latest boss and a guy who's, uuuh, he's definitely not Superman. don't worry about it. Anna develops a metric to calculate how much property damage and loss of human life superheroes are actually causing - and a huge, HUGE grudge. she finds a new, cooler evil boss and gets to work ruining superheroes' lives, and oh MAN is she good at her job. I don't often pine for sequels, but if one happened to come along for this book I would NOT be disappointed. frankly Anna's boss Leviathan is the monster boyfriend that dreams are made of and I think she deserves a second book purely to try to kiss him on the mandibles. let a bitch live vicariously.

Time Is a Mother (Ocean Vuong, 2022) - one thing about Ocean Vuong is that he's going to reliably fuck me right the fuck up, emotionally, and there was approximately a 0% chance that a poetry collection meditating on the death of his mother wasn't going to be ruinous. what can I say, I was raised by a single mother who currently lives very far away and has complicated health problems that seem to get worse with each passing year! some things are going to set me off! I returned this book to the library before writing down the names of specific poems that got to me, like an idiot, but there's one that's very simple in its devastation: a collection of things Vuong's mother ordered from Amazon, detailed month by month, showing a woman's attempts to continue living a normal life even as her health worsens to the point of preparing for her own funeral. I love a poem that's just a list of shit given meaning, and it took me right out.

Nightmare Alley (William Lindsay Gresham, 1946) - "oh like the Guillermo Del Toro movie" yeah exactly like the Guillermo Del Toro movie, this is the book it was based on. this probably won't shock you if you've seen the movie, but oh my god this is fucked. like, significantly more than the movie, Mr. Del Toro was really sparing our delicate feelings with his adaptation. if you watched Nightmare Alley and said "I just don't think Stan was enough of a fucking freak bastard," oh boy do I have good news for you. also if you watched Nightmare Alley and thought "this is interesting but I wish we devoted a lot more time to Stan developing his career as a phony spiritualist and we got to see him spend several years running a full fucking church while claiming to commune with the dead" hey, we've got that too! Stan spends most of this book running around doing terrible things while Yakkety Sax plays behind him, all the while running an internal monologue about power and manipulation that's truly vile. if you like a book about a wretched guy having just a terrible time (one of my favorite genres, btw) you're gonna love this.

Yoke: My Yoga of Self-Acceptance (Jessamyn Stanley, 2021) - I'll freely admit that I was very hesitant going into this one. Jessamyn Stanley is a very cool yoga instructor who I first learned about in a way that was pretty much "check out this fat Black queer yoga icon!," and I've sort of passively admired her ever since. I was worried that reading her personal essays would be a bit of a case of "don't meet your heroes" - what if she has some stupid ass phony influencer opinions that leaves a sour taste in my mouth about her whole deal? SHOULD NOT HAVE WORRIED. first off, this bitch is a good personal essay writer and funny as hell. secondly, she devotes a good chunk of time to dissecting the burden of being The fat Black yoga icon, the difficulty in unlearning to urge to seek approval from white audiences, and how the necessity of viewership inherently taints and complicated her relationship too her craft. she also has some very real and gorgeous thoughts about the American yoga industry's problem with cultural appropriation, and where she fits into that as a Black instructor teaching a Indian practice. she's inspired me to take another crack at meditation (not easy!!) and has some thoughts on posture and breathing that have really shaken up my whole relationship with yoga for the better.

Cultish: The Language of Fanatacism (Amanda Montell, 2021) - definitely one of my favorite nonfic books I've read this year that isn't an essay collection/memoir. Montell (the daughter of a man raised in the Synanon cult, it bears mentioning) takes an engaging look at the way cults use appealing, exclusive language to bind people and ensnare them, making it difficult to leave. the approach to cults is sharply critical, but Montell looks at cult members with an empathetic eye, reminding readers many times that there's nothing to back up the idea that those who fall into cults are less intelligent or more ignorant than the general population. instead, she examines the ways in which charismatic leaders cleverly use words to present an image of something desirable - and then make it difficult to back out. to me the most interesting part of the book is way Montell draws comparisons between real, well-known cults to groups such as CrossFit, multilevel marketing schemes, and the followers of "wellness" influencers on Instagram. Montell makes clear that she's not accusing, say, Tupperware salespeople of being exactly as harmful as Jim Jones, but that she thinks there are similarities worth examining - and she's right! a smart, easy read; strongly recommend for anyone seeking something curious and fun.

Little Rabbit (Alyssa Songsiridej, 2022) - a book about a relationship, which Sonsiridej herself calls a coming of age story and one of my favorite writers Carmen Maria Machado calls a "horny love letter to bottoming." it is indeed both of those things, and it's very good at both of them! the novel follows a 30 year old writer in her pursuit of a 51 year old choreographer, and the struggle to make sense of their power dynamics once she gets him. what does it mean that he's so much older? that he's divorced from a rich wife and has resources she can't imagine? should she be flattered or affronted that he wants to help her advance her career? does dating an older cishet man mean she's turning her back on her queerness, as her roommate keeps insinuating? what does it mean that he feels uneducated compared to her and her literary friends? and what is our protagonist supposed to do about the fact that she's just discovered she's one hell of a sub? isn't it problematic to want an older man to hurt her? maybe so, but she's enjoying the hell out of it. this is a coming of age story like I've never seen before, but I hope to find a lot more like it because it was simply exquisite.

Portrait of a Thief (Grace D. Li, 2022) - the premise is simple: five Chinese-American college students get hired to heist stolen art out of five Western museums and return it to China. the reward? 10 million dollars each. the stakes? oh my god, astronomical. all of their lives could be absolutely ruined - and it's not a spoiler to say that absolutely nothing goes how they expect it to. a fun and fast-paced book, one that I would definitely recommend for, say, a day of reading on the beach or on an airplane.

#bookblr #reading updates

[safarigirlsp]

How do you feel about adding Serge from Megalopolis to your roundup? (Personally, I'm not going super crazy over the pics and the little bit I've read about his character, but I suppose it'll depend on how he's revealed in the movie.)

Hi and thank you for your message!

I was seriously excited when the Megalopolis news dropped. Francis Ford Coppola made the sexiest Dracula movie ever and even managed to make Gary Oldman kind of hot! I assumed he would make AD smoldering hot! I even read the script myself and although I wasn’t blown away, I thought it could be fun and had potential. I even like the name Serge. And I definitely love and prefer anti-heroes, villains, and bastards!

It was a bad day for me when those pics of that absolutely hideous hair dropped. Omg I was and am so pissed about it! What a fucking travesty to butcher AD’s hair like that - a man who has some of the best hair out there. It’s criminal. It’s like one of my best friends has said — Paul Giamatti exists and he’s a superb actor, so if you want someone who looks fugly but can act, get someone who’s fugly and can act! Don’t get one of the hottest men in the world and turn him into Paul Giamatti!

I personally only like men with good hair that is at least on the longer side and facial hair, both in actors and in real life. Almost without exception, short hair and clean shaven is a no-fly zone for me, along with blondes, redheads, and small men 🤣 There are exceptions, of course! But the super short Serge cut is an absolute turnoff for me. I just can’t. There is nothing he could do to redeem himself into being attractive to me short of getting a makeover. I might like the movie and the character, that remains to be seen, and I actually assume I might. But he’s very very unattractive to me. Like White Noise, I actually liked the movie quite a lot, but I’m very not into Jack as an object of attraction lol. If anyone else is into them, that’s awesome and more power to you! But it’s not my thing.

I’m so so happy for and excited by 65! I’m absolutely adding Mills to my lineup and I already have a couple things in the works for him and a bigger story planned. I’m also working on a fun AU for one of my friends who made an AD edit that looks like Cruella DeVille and asked for a thing with him 🤣 After 65 though, it looks like I’m in for a long drought of characters I find hot and am excited by.

As of January 1, I dropped Clyde, Henry, and Charlie from my lineup because I’m just so much more into Jacques and Flip, and I know I’m going to be obsessed with Mills. For the foreseeable future, I’ll be keeping my lineup to them and Kylo AUs. I’ll have my plate full with those four for anything I try to write this year. I also just enjoy writing them the most. And some other guys may show up for cameos here and there or as specials for friends!

My lineup was starting to look like this for a while 🤣

I’ve really been losing steam with the fic business just because it seems like there are much more meaningful and productive things I could and should be doing with my time. I have a novel I’m finishing and another crank out this year, so those definitely take priority, but I’ve generally enjoyed splitting it up with fics. I’ve literally written over a million words in fiction since 2020, and I go back and forth as to whether or not its been worth it or just a pathetic waste of time and cry for help 🤣 It feels like throwing it out into a void a lot of the time. However, at least it’s been good practice, which is why I’ve kept it up!

If you are into or get into Serge, I’m sure there will be plenty of fics out there for him! I expect him to be one of the more popular guys in fics going forward. If you get into Mills, I’ll definitely be your guy for him!

Sorry, that was an overly long-winded answer to your question! Talk about obnoxiously over-sharing 🤣

[haleigh-sloth]

So when did u joined the bnha fandom? Do you regret it?

Lol

My bio reads as

I joined in 2020.

Do I have regrets? Some.

I never thought I'd give a shit about seeing people talk about my fav characters in certain ways that just makes me red in the face lol. Never thought I'd care about character discourse, or shit like that. It feels wild to me that I do, and sometimes I think "Man, does this really matter?" lol.

Butttt

I don't regret it in its entirety. Overall, I'm more grateful than anything. The person who got me into bnha is @ghostofthewhitespire, my bff. She ditched me for One Piece 👎🏼 (still love you) but I'm so glad she forced me to watch two episodes at a sleep over.

Despite how talkative I am on here, I have a pretty busy life with a lot of chaos in it. So having manga leaks to look forward to every week is actually quite relieving from everyday life. Having mutuals to talk to about my blorbos makes real life easier. Having group chats to rant in about freaking comics is fun, and also an escape. No matter how shitty my work day, or work week is--at least I have my little comic to look forward to every week.

The biggest reason I don't regret it--I've made friends! Online friends whose real names I don't know, and even friends I've managed to meet in person. One of them flew from Texas to Colorado to see me, and she's here now. We met because of fandom. I wouldn't change that at all. I've met one other in person that I met through fandom, and hopefully one day I'll meet more.

But honestly no--I don't regret it. Too many things about it I enjoy, too many things about it make following the manga so much more fun. If not for fandom I probably would have dropped the manga. So yeah. I'm glad I'm here.

#anonymous #bnha asks #fandom

[starry-evie]

hello! i’m evelyn. i’d like to talk a little bit about what the 13th doctor and jodie whittaker have meant to me. please bear with me as it’s gonna take quite a bit to get to the point.

it’s funny the things you realise in hindsight. you’ll be thinking about something, and then next thing you know you’ve uncovered this entirely different perspective that gives a new context to your thoughts. i had this experience with the 13th doctor, especially after the previous two episodes. to explain that though, we’re going to have to go a little further back. all the way to 2010. i had just finished watching season 5 of doctor who. the eleventh hour was my very first episode. i instantly fell in love with the show, mainly owing to the doctor himself, matt smith. he was like me. i had never seen anyone like me on tv before. i was quite a shy kid (still kinda am) so you can imagine what this meant to me. the 11th doctor very quickly became one of my favourite characters ever. i went on to watch the rest of the show, and while i loved 9 and 10, there was just something about 11. he was different. he was special. he was my doctor. i knew that one day he would leave, but nothing could prepare me for that. i was in tears when he regenerated. now peter capaldi was the doctor. just like 9 and 10, i absolutely loved 12, but 11 was still my doctor. i went between wanting to be him, (partly because i thought it would be amazing to be able to regenerate) and wanting to travel with him. i often imagined what it would be like to regenerate, and what i’d want to look like. then at one point i thought “what if i could regenerate into a girl?” i would have this thought a lot, and didn’t know what to make of it until 2016. i learnt what trans is, and started questioning my own gender. i didn’t end up with anything definitive though, and it wasn’t until 2020 that i figured it out. i still thought about it during that time, but it was very on/off. fast forward to 2017. the doctor is regenerating again. i didn’t realise it at the time, but watching the doctor, one of my absolute favourite characters (regardless of incarnation), become a woman was incredibly important to me. now that thought i had about “regenerating into a girl” was kinda validated. now it was real. i was seeing this thought i had had for years actually happen. sure, i wasn’t the one who had changed, but watching the doctor, a character i saw parts of myself in and connected with more than anyone, change in that way? that moment means more to me than i ever thought it could. in hindsight of course. i wasn’t really questioning when this happened, so i didn’t realise what was going on. but deep down, i did feel something. when the doctor became a woman, something clicked. it felt right, in a way i didn’t even know at the time. before this, something had always felt the tiniest bit off about how much i connected with the doctor. again, i wasn’t really aware of it, but it was there. that feeling went away when jodie became the doctor. now i truly connected with the doctor. i felt seen. i felt validated. i felt represented. and i didn’t even know it. fast forward to 2020. i’ve figured out my gender, and i’ve realised that i’m like the doctor again. 13 has become so important to me. she has been a crucial part in my journey, and i don’t know where i’d be without her.

but wait, there’s more! we gotta go back a bit. when i first started questioning and thinking about what this would mean for relationships, i always found that nothing felt more right when i pictured myself with a girl, as a girl. i didn’t think i’d ever have this representation. cut to earlier this year. yaz reveals her feelings for the doctor, and the doctor later confesses her feelings for yaz. this is all to say that representation matters. there are so many people out there that see themselves in these characters and look up to them. they should feel seen.

jodie whittaker, thank you. thank you for being a wonderful doctor. you mean so much to so many people all over the world, and we miss you already. one heart is happy for everything you’ve done, and one heart is sad to see you go. whatever happens next, travel hopefully. we know you’ll be brilliant. here’s to your final adventure 💙💙

[heffrondriving]

IM SO GLAD I COULD MAKE YOUR DAY. I’m 100% genuine with that anon! I might send you a message eventually. And, it makes you feel better for being the grandpa, i’m 27. i’m old af 😂 been since i was 11/12/13 idk ages. I rarely use tumblr too 😭 but i’d love to be your friend if that’s okay!!!

sjhshshf you're the sweetest!!! and now you've made my day twice so i offer my love in return twicefold~ 💕 but naww that's not even old at all though!! i mean just look at our beloved manbeefcake band, already in their 30's and still young and dumb and always chasing something hehe :'D i only call myself a Grandpa bc i am one in the sense that my brittle body has a million unspeakable pains, i'm constantly tired and vv grumpy and complain about those goshdarned kids *shakes fist at t//ktok jk* and napping is my passion lmao (╹ڡ╹ )و✧

me 🤝 mr. kendall francis schmidt 🤝 weak knees and aged lower back ( ･ั﹏･ั)

true that i watched btr as a kid (about 9 to 12 y/o inb4 i transformed into my teenage ~edgy emo not like other girls uwu~ pop-hating era. cringe but true 🤠), but i only really got *into* the rusher fandom at age 20 ykyk, praise be to worldwide 2020 for fixing and ruining the core of my very being in one emotional whiplash!!! but the initial existential crises that came packaged with inexplicably being obsessed with a teenage boyband from an old show as an adult is too real. lez not talk about that >_>

worry not for i am the statistical outlier of being a chronic tunglr void lurker duwende—bc most ppl actually got important things to do and friends to socialise with and lives to live unLIKE SOMEONE OVER HERE *glares at a mirror a-la james diamond*

there's absolutely no pressure to, of course!! as long as you're perfectly comfortable with it, i'll be looking forward to hearing from you anytime <3 THE WAY MY DUMB MARSHMALLOW HEART SOBBED FOREVER BC AHHH I WOULD VERY MUCH LOVE THAT TOO!!! ✨ tbh in my mind, you're already a friend bc of how happy your asks have made me (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) if that's not too stranger danger to say ofc. i'm super sorry if it is.....i promise i'm not luring anyone to steal their kidneys,,, (<- suspect behaviours)

#pls vv respectfully have a flying kiss from our favest grampa kenny and also from this not-so-favourable grampa hehe (^3^)~💜 #my apologies for the essay behemoth of a reply too i have Many thoughts and not enough brain to contain them unfortunately (。﹏。) #EVERYONE HERE ARE SUCH ANGELS HGKHKGMK I ADORE YOU ALL SO MUCH???? BUT ALSO I AM NOT WORTHY OF UR LOVEEE ଘ(੭ ╥ω╥ )੭* ੈ✩‧˚♡ #all the windows down #nonnie <3 #btr #big time rush #kendall schmidt #gif #mine #asks #answered #kendork #do pretty girl don't speak #stop it forever