#realistically I know it would’ve gone relatively the same way but I feel like there could’ve been potential there

[eatyourdamnpears]

Dear Alexandra Bracken,

I need to know how the Dairy Queen scene would’ve gone if Liam hadn’t gotten back his memories yet

#realistically I know it would’ve gone relatively the same way but I feel like there could’ve been potential there #Clancy purposefully targeting Liam with his abilities and Liam being like #‘‘WHY ARE YOU TARGETING *ME*??? I DON’T KNOW YOU’’ #and Clancy being like ‘‘you don’t KNOW me—oh Ruby you bitch’’ #the darkest minds #alexandra bracken #tdm #never fade #never fade spoilers #liam stewart

[aminiatureworld]

Disappearance III

Character: Childe, gn!reader

Word Count: 2,581

Warnings: None

Premise: In which there is an argument and the reader disappears.

Author’s Note: Childe my favorite character, how I love to torture you.

But genuinely I really like how this one came out.

Childe

Childe craned his neck to stare at the clock on the wall behind him. Sighing at the lateness of the afternoon he turned back towards the papers in his lap, trying desperately to focus, to not let his thoughts drift off to the argument that had taken place in the morning.

It had started out simple enough. Childe had informed you that he might be gone for some time, as the Tsaritsa had requested a high-level reconnaissance mission, and Childe was to be the one to lead it. He thought that you react much the way that you always had, assurances of his success, light-hearted reminders to stay safe, and a goodbye kiss as you two settled back into a normal routine before the day of departure. Instead however, your lips had slanted into a frown, and you stopped making your breakfast to turn and face your partner.

“Childe, I wish you wouldn’t always take things on yourself.”

“What do you mean darling?” Childe felt a wave of surprise wash over him. After all, what else was he supposed to do?

“I mean that you’re being entirely too reckless Childe. You know that you have too high a profile to be doing stuff like this. I… I would like you to sit this one out. Just this one.”

Childe couldn’t help but laugh, whether out of irritation or genuine amusement he wasn’t sure of. “As much as I appreciate the concern, I can’t do that. No leader worth their salt would send their underlings off alone, even if they are some of the weakest underlings in the world. No one’s been able to pull the wool over me yet darling, it’ll be perfectly alright.”

“You’re not listening to me,” your voice picked up in intensity. “Childe I really try, I try to remind myself that you’re a Harbinger and able to take care of yourself; but sometimes it’s just too much. This is too much.”

“You’re being silly,” Childe said, trying to keep his tone light. “I’ll be fine. Besides, I can’t disobey the Tsaritsa. She wishes me to do this so I will. It’s as simple as that.”

“The Tsaritsa is far away, she has hundreds, thousands under her command. She won’t bat an eye at your safety.”

“Like you said, I can take care of myself.”

“But what if one day you can’t? What if, what if one day you don’t come back. Please, just this once; just this once don’t go.”

“I know that the length of time is upsetting, but you can’t react like this every time I have to go away for a while. I promise that you’ll have me all to yourself afterwards.”

“It’s not about that Childe! Please, please listen to me. I’m worried about your safety. I’m worried one of these days you’re going to end up in a fight too big even for you. What will you do then? What will your underlings do? What will I do? Please, tell the Tsaritsa you have to stay and make sure the Bank stays out of trouble, or that nothing happens in Liyue. Please, don’t go this time.”

“You’re being irrational.” By now Childe was definitely irritated.

“No, I’m being realistic. You don’t take care of yourself enough.”

“You’re just underestimating me. Besides, I’m a better fighter than you’ll ever be. It’s not like you can protect me even if I stayed here.”

“What?”

“It’s not like staying in Liyue would be any safer, better to face things head on. For the Tsaritsa, for Snezhnaya, that is the most important thing. If you can’t see that, you’re just being stupid.”

Although Childe regretted the words almost immediately after they left his mouth he could see that saying that would’ve had no effect. So instead he watched silently as your face clouded over and you stormed out the door, not bothering to grab your food as you slung your pack around you back and walked out. A part of him wanted to call after you, but he knew that even if he did you probably wouldn’t listen. Even if you did, what could he say? After all, he had simply spoken the truth; even if you couldn’t accept it as such.

Now Childe sat on the couch, eyes glazing voer as he stared at all the paperwork that needed to be done before his mission. He had already spent a hectic, uneasy day at the bank. Though he knew that none of his underlings would be foolish enough to try to pull something while he was gone, Andrei would make sure of that and Childe would make sure of Andrei, it was still tedious, boring work. This was in no way helped by the lingering ill will from his fight with you earlier. Though Childe ultimately forgot fights relatively quickly the time right after was always an uneasy one, filled with sudden flashes of irritation replaced suddenly by the wish for it all to have never happened.

He had hoped that you might be home by the time he arrived, but your absence wasn’t truly much of a surprise. Besides the fact that you were still probably angry with him, something Childe couldn’t really fault, you had recently been involved with some project near the Chasm, and it was hardly surprising that something that big caused you late hours. Still he couldn’t deny the fact that he was somewhat disappointed, or maybe disheartened was a better way to put it. He hated fighting with you, especially fights that lasted. Even if he was irritated with you, even if he thought that you had demanded something impossible, he still regretted snapping at you. He just wanted you to come home now, that way he could apologize and explain the situation better. That way he wouldn’t leave with any ill will behind him.

The clock was excruciatingly slow, but the insult of that wasn’t registered until Childe dozed off. Waking up in the middle of the night he was surprised at your continued absence. Though he had expected that sleeping on the couch might’ve happened, your total disappearance was certainly something that threw him for a loop. Making his way to the bedroom and flopping down on the bed Childe closed his eyes, pushing away the anxiety that clustered at the edge of his thoughts.

Perhaps you’d ended up staying with Hu Tao, or maybe you’d gone back home to your family. He had been awfully mean after all, and you were never the kind of person to take his insults sitting down. Still, if that were true why hadn’t you packed more, or come back to collect your things? It didn’t make any sense. Questions and half baked reasonings floated through Childe head as he tried to delay the inevitable pull of sleep. The last conscious thought he could remember was the knowledge that at least you would be back tomorrow.

You were not, in fact, home tomorrow. The Harbinger’s time spent at the Northland Bank was almost completely useless, the meeting with the people he’d be going on his mission with even more so. Though Childe wasn’t necessarily the most attentive listener, often letting his mind wander when his fellow Fatui members fell into arguing about the most insipid things, he knew that paying attention to a plan as a whole was critical to its success. Even so he couldn’t bring his mind to focus on the maps and profiles that sat in front of him. Where were you? It seemed like such a silly question, but the longer it floated in Childe’s head the colder he felt.

Finally the meetings and the menial tasks ended and Childe could go home. Sprinting down the winding streets of Liyue, not bothering to hide the fact he was in a hurry, Childe burst into the apartment. His heart sank as he was met with the same image he’d seen when he’d left that morning.

Afterwards Childe wandered around the docks of Liyue, trying to keep the quickly fragmenting pieces of his mind together. He knew that he was probably overreacting, knew that you were simply staying away because of what he said, knew that it wouldn’t be forever – you would have definitely told him if that were the case. Still he couldn’t help but feel dread crawling over him, saturating the cracks of his brain as he wondered how he’d managed to fuck everything up so much. He had underestimate how much his words must have affected you, and that only made him feel worse. Finally exhausting his walk along the pier Childe set off towards the edges of the city and into the vast wilderness of Liyue. He needed to find something to fight.

The nightmare continued on into the next day, then into the day after that. Childe could barely remember what he did during those days, walking around as if possessed, unable to concentrate on anything for more than a few moments before his thoughts inevitably found their way back to you. Mostly Childe ended up sleeping, dozing off at his desk or on the couch, papers fluttering from his hands onto the floor. Mostly Childe dreamed of you.

They weren’t dreams of any particular note, their contents incredibly mundane. Not that it matter to Childe; within those dreams he felt nothing but happy domesticity, a calm that washed over him as he walked with you to the market or lay next to you under the stars. Always you would appear in his dreams suddenly, and always he would throw his arms around you, clinging to you as if even an embrace wasn’t enough. Always he woke up with a sense of desolation so vast it threatened to consume him.

Finally on the fifth day Childe couldn’t take it anymore. Waking up at almost the crack of dawn the Harbinger rushed to the Bank. He wouldn’t stay long, only enough to inform Andrei that he’d be out for the day. Then he’d go to the Guild and check and make sure everything was okay. Then, well he’d figure out what to do then. It seemed pathetic to chase after you, not to mention gross. He wouldn’t become a stalker, wouldn’t let himself fall into such pathetic behavior. Still, he had to make sure you were at least okay. As long as he did that, well, the rest could come later.

Striding into the Bank Childe was met with a surprising sight. Normally Ekaterina stayed firmly tucked inside her receptionist cubby, even more antisocial than the likes of the Balladeer or the Fatui that guarded Dragonspine. Now however she stood at the front of the booth, wringing her hands this way and that as she stared at a piece of paper in front of her. Feeling a sudden sense of dread Childe walked up to her.

“Ekaterina?”

“Oh!” Ekaterina whirled around, look on her face one of utter anxiety. “My lord, I was horrified to hear of the news, tell me, do you know if they’re almost free?”

“What are you talking about?” Childe narrowed his eyes.

“Why, your partner. I only heard today from Nadia; no wonder you’ve been so distant recently, if it’s not too much for me to say so. I only hope that they’ll soon be rescued, I’m sure you know about the situation better than I do though.”

“Ekaterina, what in the Tsaritsa’s name are you talking about?”

A shadow passed over Ekaterina’s face, a look of utter dread. Swallowing slightly she stared at a spot in the wall right to the side of Childe. “You partner, my lord, I’ve been informed that they have become trapped in one of the caverns of the Chasm. I thought that you knew about it, it’s been five days after a–”

Childe didn’t hear the rest of what Ekaterina had to say. Whirling around the Harbinger slammed his way out of the bank, aiming towards the nearest waypoint. Cold dread washed over him and with it desperate determination. He’d rescue you. If he had to tear apart the entire Chasm and raze all the mountains in Liyue to the ground so be it.

  Approaching the Chasm Childe felt a rush of adrenaline wash over him. He was terrified. By the Seven, he was utterly terrified. Images of you flashed in his mind, images of you cowering in the dark, stuck at the bottom of an endless pit, lying on the ground with no air or food or life in you. How could he have let this happen? How could he have not known of this before? Anger burned within Childe, anger at himself. He should have never let you walk out of your apartment without apologizing first. He should have enquired after you after the first night you didn’t show up. He should’ve been the first person there for you, instead of the last person to know. He was so utterly stupid.

Approaching what must’ve been the site of the accident Childe felt his stomach drop to his feet at the sight of you. You were covered in dirt, cuts spread across your arms and legs as you slumped against a Guild member, dragging your feet in an awkward shuffle towards the stretcher that must’ve been meant to bring you to the apothecary. There were a variety of Guild members flocking around you, along with one of the doctors of Liyue, who was scribbling notes down furiously. Your expression was utterly dazed, as if you weren’t exactly sure of what was going on, something that tore Childe apart.

Stepping towards you Childe called out your name. At the sound your head jerked up, and you gave a hoarse sort of cry before turning to make your way towards him. Sprinting towards you Childe stepped backwards as you fell awkwardly into him. Steadying you for a moment before wrapping his arms around you Childe felt all his emotions crashing over him, so intense that he couldn’t control them anymore. Ignoring the tears that tracked their way down his cheeks the Harbinger let out a shudder.

“Thank the Seven, thank the Seven you’re safe. I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. You don’t have to forgive me, alright? You don’t have to forgive me, but by the gods I’m so sorry.”

“I wish you had been there,” you mumbled softly. “It was so dark, I couldn’t see anything. I thought, I thought that I might never see you again.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I said all those things to you, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine. You should’ve fold so easily you know, you should be really, really angry at me.”

“I don’t want to be angry at you though, I just want you to stay.”

“Then I will,” Childe tightened his embrace around you. “I promise I will.”

“Okay.”

Having apparently said everything that had to be said you let Childe sling you onto his back, refusing to be carried to the hospital in the stretcher. As you appeared to doze off on his back Childe made a promise to himself. Even if he couldn’t disobey the Tsaritsa, even if he couldn’t change who he was, he would never leave you when you needed him to be there.

You would never find yourself needing him to be there without the chance of your need being met. That he promised you.

#genshin impact fanfiction #childe x reader #childe #genshin impact #genshin childe #requested #fanfiction #scenarios #my writing

[iamnotawomanimagod]

If I Can’t Have Love, I Want Power - A Reluctant Ranking of Every Track

Disclaimer: This entire album is incredible, truly no skips, and I also think it’s an album that is hard to separate into individual tracks, because it all goes so well together. But I still wanted to try! This is just my personal opinion, and it’s subject to change. (Also I surprised myself. And I bet I’ll change my mind by tonight.)

Please feel free to do your own and tag me in it!! I wanna see!!

13. Girl is a Gun

It’s not that I dislike this song, it’s just a sound that I didn’t expect on this album. I think it would’ve fit in better on Manic. I don’t love how it kind of just repeats over and over again, especially on an album so full of complex, intricate lyrics. But it’s a really upbeat, sexy song and I bet it’s going to be so fun live.

Favorite lyric: 

Time is a blessin', to me, it's a lesson And I can't be stressin' to give you attention 'Cause, oh, it's never enough, so I'm givin' you up And you'll be better with a nice girl, darlin'

12. Lilith

Similar to “Girl is a Gun,” I simply wasn’t expecting this kind of sound on this album - could’ve seen it on Hopeless Fountain Kingdom though! The bass is amazing and I love the rhythm.

Favorite lyric:

You know I get too caught up in a moment I can't call it love if I show it I just fuck things up, if you noticed Have you noticed? Tell me have you noticed?

11. Darling

This song is so sweet and charming, especially if you compare it to “More,” which I think it acts as a sort of sequel to. Something about the melody hits me just a little wrong. When they start singing, I can’t help but hear the verses of “Hopeless.” That might’ve been intentional, but I can’t get past it to hear this song as its own thing.

Favorite lyric:

Never knew the feeling of a stable home Been a couple years of living on the road Couldn't really tell you where they'd leave a stone To visit me when I am dead and gone

10. The Tradition

I love the haunting piano and vocals. It feels like a song that was written for the film specifically. (Was it even in the film, lol?) I really love the sound of it, but the lyrics don’t do very much for me.

Favorite lyric:

And I hope what's left will last all summer long And they said that, "Boys were boys", but they were wrong

9. The Lighthouse

This song reminds me the most of a Nine Inch Nails song - fitting that Trent Reznor provides backing vocals on the final verse. I love the grimy guitars, and and discordant beat, and the way it builds up. The melody is cool and liquid. The final verse really feels like waves crashing. It’s a well-written song that really shows off Halsey’s alternative side.

Favorite lyric:

Well, that should teach a man to mess with me He was never seen again And I'm still wandering the beach And I'm glad I met the devil 'Cause he showed me I was weak And a little piece of him is in a little piece of me

8.  Ya’aburnee

This song makes me really emotional. It makes me think of all the people I love the most and it makes me want to cherish my time with them even more. That’s an incredible feeling for an artist to create. It’s such a bittersweet song. I wanna cry but it also makes me smile.

Favorite lyric:

But what's worse? Telling you my feelings or to die without revealing That you crawled inside my head and set a fire there, instead Letting all my insecurity Devour me with certainty

7. honey

If you’ve ever felt this way for someone, this song stings in the best way possible. I love the rhythm and the drums and the guitars - this is peak pop punk and Halsey fits right in. I love the honey imagery, especially that she included some imagery about bees and the way honey clings.

Favorite lyric:

And now she's impatient and I'm complacent With just a little taste of wasting time Looking for honey But she stings like she means it She's mean and she's mine

6. 1121

Now this is the sound I expected from this album. Cinematic, dark, dramatic. The piano is so haunting and so beautiful. It evokes so much imagery through sound alone, even with the lyrics being relatively simple. And their voice is so incredible. The song overall reminds me a lot of Evanescence, which is high praise. And I really appreciate the “self-loathing in love” theme, I can relate to it a lot. I’ve already been singing the chorus at the top of my lungs whenever I play this song.

Favorite lyric:

Take one in the temple My tongue is a vessel I try to be careful with The thing inside my chest You shoot for the memory So you can forget me I'd leave if you let me, oh

5. Bells in Santa Fe

Ever since we heard a snippet of this song in the first film trailer, I’ve been desperate to hear the rest of it. It didn’t disappoint. I love her lower register vocals, the tinkling piano and the frantic rhythm. And I relate too much to the message of the song - loving someone so much but refusing to accept that they want forever with you, insisting that they’re better off without you, warning them that you could slip away at any moment. It hits me where I live.

Favorite lyric:

Jesus needed a three day weekend To sort out all his bullshit, figure out the treason I've been searching for a fortified defense Four to five reasons But, Jesus, you've got better lips than Judas I could keep your bed warm, otherwise I'm useless I don't really mean it, 'cause who the fuck would choose this?

4. I am not a woman, I’m a god

This song fucks. Claiming their power to create life - recognizing that as godly and divine, while also insisting this is not a power that makes them a woman. I can’t wait for it to become a smash hit and for people to be singing about a nonbinary/trans experience without even knowing it. I honestly have trouble even articulating why this song is so awesome, it just is. I’m pumped every time I hear it.

Favorite lyric:

Oh, I just wanna feel something, tell me where to go 'Cause everybody knows something I don't wanna know So I'll stay right here cause I'm better all alone Yeah, I'm better all alone

3. You asked for this

I really like the 90s alternative sound of this one, it reminds me of Alanis Morrissette and certain No Doubt songs. I think it’s a very realistic depiction of how settling down in life can be very bittersweet, and the things that we ask for are sometimes not what they seem to be. But we also come to realize that settling is a part of growing up. Still, Halsey sings about wanting everything, knowing there are contradictions in that. The chorus is fun and easy to sing to, and the final verse is so amazing.

Favorite lyric:

I want a beautiful boy's despondent laughter I want to ruin all my plans I want a fist around my throat I want to cry so hard I choke I want everything I asked for

2. Whispers

This one hits hard, but god, it’s so good. The way they whisper certain phrases. The simple piano under the first verse, the way it becomes more complex, the way the beat comes in. You want to dance and cry at the same time. The lyrics - I know so many of us can relate to them. The themes of self-sabotage and self-loathing are so strong in this album, which definitely hits me right in the chest.

Favorite lyric:

I've got a monster inside me That eats personality types She is constantly changing her mind on the daily Think that she hates me I'm feeling it lately Might have to trick her and treat her To 70 capsules or fly to a castle So at least we could say that we died being traveled

1. Easier than Lying

I’ve had this one on repeat since the album came out, and that surprised me at first, but god, this song is addictive. The crunchy guitar at the beginning, the driving rhythm, the way her voice contrasts with that. The scream-singing on the chorus. It’s the kind of song you want to drive way too fast to. The bridge!! Aaah! It’s just so badass and listening to it now gets me too hyped!! Also the way it can kind of be seen as a sequel to “Lie,” - the growth of going “if you don’t love me no more, then lie” to “losing you is easier than lying to myself” is so meaningful and so empowering.

My heart is massive but it's empty A permanent part of me, that innocent artery Is gasping for some real attention Some undivided hypertension I tell it "quiet down, you're being loud" But it beats harder every time you come around But do you love the sound?

I’m gonna tag some mutuals, just to share, and also to see if anyone else wants to do this! Also you don’t need to go as in-depth as I did if that’s intimidating or too much, I’m just wordy.

@demonzplay @easiersthanlying @ttpane @yoursalwaysleo @anarkyandmadness @feelingsiwontforget @tolerateit @tommyhardyx @elysiems @imacreepygirl @finallybeautifulstranger @inthenameofloveforthesakeofpower and I know I’m forgetting some folks, I’m sorry! Please feel free to steal this and also tag me in yours!

#stephspeaks #halsey #iichliwp #if i can't have love i want power #suicide tw #for some of the lyrics

[epicspheal]

Sonia Deserved Better

I’ve been thinking about Sonia’s arc and character in Sword and Shield and while I adore her character, after thinking about it, I feel she was also shafted in terms of development.

I’ll start with the good, Sonia has a very relatable backstory in being a young adult that has no idea what she wants to do with her life. And seeing her childhood friend Leon and her good friend Nessa go on to be successful household name also hits close to home in the age of social media when you can see people you grow up do great things while it seems like your own life is stalling. This setup I think I was really great and probably the best thing about her character. I can relate to her a lot as I’m sure many others can as well, it’s a backstory that makes people want to root for her character. She also actually does make a name for herself which is what she wanted in the end.

But that’s where in my opinon it ends as far as good things for Sonia in my opinion as the narrative tends to take away a lot from her in the story.

She doesn’t get to battle: Now there’s nothing wrong with having non-battlers in Pokemon be a part of the main narrative. But there is an issue when a narrative continuously makes a deal about Sonia being a former gym challenger and once-rival to the then unbeatable champion and not allow the player to battler her at least once. That information primes the player to expect a battle with her to see why she was Leon’s rival yet the fact that it never happens just ends up making this fact of her “telling rather than showing” (this is something that plagues many SwSh characters). She doesn’t have to have level 70+ Pokemon or anything, but her character would’ve benefitted greatly from this not to mention this could’ve helped Hop to in realizing just because you’re not the number one trainer in the region doesn’t mean your bad and that you can still have fun. What’s worse is that there has been evidence that she was supposed to be battleable based on datamined battle poses for her. 

She lacks agency in her goal: One thing that had bugged me is how in the end she only really starts her arc because she’s yelled at by her Grandma to do something because a couple of kids are starting their journey. Especially when if you talk to her again after her initial introduction in the Wedgehurst lab, you’ll know that Sonia herself has been feeling quite restless. Sonia’s overall arc would have in my opinion been a lot stronger if she herself had of decided to go out and do the research and not be yelled at by Magnolia (which realistically would’ve likely demoralized her rather than motivate her). We already know at this point in the story that there’s a lot to uncover about Dynamaxing, that Magnolia is old, and that Sonia is restless. Perfect moment to give Sonia a chance to say “You know what I want to prove to my gran that I can be her assistant so I’m going to finish up some loose threads on her research that I find interesting”

Her Flaw In Giving Up Too Easily is Never Exploited: Something that is brought up on Opal’s note is that Sonia has a tendency to give up too quickly. The type of person who instead of adapting to challenges, runs away. Again this is a flaw that lot of people can relate to. But this is never exploited to give Sonia meaningful character development. Unlike Bede who has a undying loyalty to Rose which backfires spectacularly and Hop who’s initial arrogance backfires spectacularly on him, Sonia being too quick to give up NEVER comes into play while she’s doing research which I call major BS on as a researcher myself.

I do research as a day job and let me tell you, research is hard. You make wrong hypotheses, your experiments flat out fail, you go weeks even months without making any headway. Everyone I know who has done research has had that moment where you want to quit even the most persistent of people. Sonia was not ever put in a position where her flaw comes to bite her in her butt. With the type of research she was doing in game, I could easily see a situation where she just doesn’t have leads for a long time making her discouraged (something that with the whole historical coverup thing would’ve fit easily). This could make her want to give up but she eventually finds her resolve to keep going because maybe her doing historical research rather than looking at the physics of Dynamax is more her thing, thus making her graduation into being a professor feel actually earned. Not only that it would show that she’s doing this research for herself and not just because her grandma asked her to.

Good Plot Points Go Nowhere: Sonia has three things that are mentioned in game that could’ve great aided her characters and others that is never expanded upon. The first is her soured Rivalry with Leon. It’s clear the Sonia/Leon rivalry is supposed to parallel the MC/Hop rivalry and show what could’ve happened if things went differently...except we never find out what happened that made it soured. It’s especially jarring when you consider that the first onscreen interaction between Leon and Sonia is kind of tense (again leading credence to the soured rivalry and friendship) but scenes afterwards gloss over it.  A cutscene or a bit of dialogue that explained it would’ve gone a long way in fleshing out Sonia’s backstory and also would’ve benefitted Leon’s character as well.

The second point is that she is under professor Magnolia’s shadow. It never really gets the attention it deserves which is a shame because this is a perfect way for her to bond with Hop who is also dealing with the same being in Leon’s shadow. This could’ve allowed the two to bond and give them both the chance to realize they don’t have to be exactly like their family members in order to be successful. 

The final point is the fact that when she was younger she wandered in the slumbering weald and came back “in a state”. Yet this is never brought up again. Considering that Sonia’s arc revolves around the history and mythology of Galar you would think this would be brought up again. This ties back to her lack of agency as her wanting to find out what happened during her time in the weald could’ve been added motivation for her to get out and travel herself, rather than have Magnolia yell at her to do something. Let her be motivated by her own experiences rather than being shoved out the door

So yeah that’s where Sonia’s arc just doesn’t do well for me. The sad part is I feel like the fixes are relatively simple. Just:

Give her a chance to battle to show why she was a trainer that could be Leon’s rival and earn Opal’s praise

Allow her more agency in choosing her direction rather than her being sent out by her grandma

Let her struggle with the research and her tendency to quit and let her find her resolve so she can show she’s not the same kid who gave up on her gym challenge

Explore her past rivalry with Leon, her dynamic with her grandmother and her experience in the weald to flesh out her character as well as other characters

All it would’ve taken were a maybe a couple of cutscenes or extra dialogue bits to really make her act the best that it could be. 

#pokemon sonia #rival hop #champion leon #professor magnolia #pokemon swsh #gamefreak do better at writing your characters

[morningfears]

Nontraditional Graduation

Rating: PG

Summary: Calum feels bad that you have to miss graduation so he takes it upon himself to give you the best nontraditional graduation he can. || ((The class of 2020′s graduation isn’t exactly looking like the traditional graduation and as a member of that class, I was a little upset about it. So, here’s my take on a comfort fic.))

Word Count: 2.8k

Quarantine was, for lack of a better word, strange.

There were parts of it, namely spending your days with Calum and Duke in some sort of domestic fantasy, making up for lost time, that were almost nice. Not having to leave your home and go out into the world was almost nice, too. Under any other circumstances, you would’ve relished in these things. However, life felt a bit surreal and reality weighed heavily on your shoulders.

The street you lived on was never busy but as neighbors hunkered down and waited, the street (and city itself) was quiet. You saw the occasional neighbor out for a walk, never straying too far from their own home, and the mail carrier making their rounds but the streets felt eerily quiet. Life, understandably, felt like a movie that was placed on pause in March and forgotten about. 

Time had always felt like a stable concept, something dependable and easy to count on, but it no longer felt that way as days passed with seemingly no rhyme or reason. Four in the morning felt no different than four in the afternoon, Monday no different than Friday. If it weren’t for Calum’s weekly video chats with the boys - on Thursdays, of course, as Thursdays were for the boys -, you were afraid that you wouldn’t even know what day it was.

Before quarantine began, you’d been good about keeping your schedule written in a planner. Your work schedule was always there, right beside your class schedule, and your assignment due dates were even color-coded. It was helpful, a way to keep your hectic life in some sort of balance, and you’d managed to keep up with it for the first few weeks of quarantine. However, all of your organization flew out the window as the fatigue and discomfort of the situation really began to set in.

March and April had come and gone without so much as an indication of their passing and May’s arrival hit you much harder than you imagined it would.

Thankfully, your final semester of college was a light one. You’d planned it that way from the beginning, thanks to your advisor, and had ensured yourself a light course load that was supposed to leave you with time to job hunt and hang out with friends before everyone inevitably went their separate ways. You were grateful to your past self for that decision as you’d only had a few short Zoom meetings and a handful of easy assignments to submit in the month and a half between spring break and graduation.

If you were honest with yourself, graduation was something that you’d been looking forward to since August. It was a major achievement and you were excited to walk across the platform and gather the degree you’d busted your ass to earn. You and your friends had taken cliche photos in front of campus landmarks with a silly sign that read ‘Last First Day’ before classes began and had planned to make one that read ‘Now what?’ for after the ceremony. Your more artistic friends agreed to help decorate graduation caps, something you’d been looking forward to, and you’d even planned a Disney trip for the weekend before so that you could take photos in your cap and gown.

To make things even better, Calum had been able to book a later flight than the others so that he could stay in LA long enough for your graduation before heading out on tour with you by his side.

On paper, your plans were picture perfect. Everything felt like it was falling into place, like it was meant to be, and you were beyond excited. You were ready for something, anything, to celebrate the hard work you’d put in over the years - the late nights holed up in the library, studying and writing; the breakdowns over grades; the stress from trying your best to earn a degree.

But the universe had other plans.

You’d been the realistic one of your friends, cancelling plans and coming to terms with the fact that you most likely wouldn’t get a graduation the moment stay-at-home orders were announced, and spent the majority of your time trying to stay positive. There was nothing you could do to change what was happening and you knew that the cancellations were happening for the best.

Everyone was safer at home.

However, the positivity came at a price. Every time a negative emotion began to bubble, you swallowed it. Whenever you felt sad that you would no longer have late night dinners with friends after a rough class, whenever you felt disappointed that you had to cancel a road trip or a Disney trip, whenever you felt hurt that you wouldn’t get a graduation ceremony despite the hard work you put in to earn your degree, you bit them all back and reminded yourself that things could be worse.

You didn’t allow yourself to feel the emotions that were festering beneath the surface because they made you feel guilty. Feeling anything other than grateful for your health and comfort in the fact that you knew this situation wouldn’t make you or break you lodged an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach so you avoided those thoughts altogether.

However, as desperately as you avoided the negative thoughts for yourself, you were quick to comfort your loved ones and encourage them to experience their emotions fully. Calum, especially.

You knew that he was heartbroken - as were the others - that their plans for the album had had to change so drastically, so quickly. They’d all been so excited, so ready to release the album they’d put so much of themselves into, and things came to a grinding halt. You knew that they were devastated that the release of such a personal album had to be under such conditions. They couldn’t celebrate with the fans and, even worse, they couldn’t celebrate with one another.

Calum never complained but he did acknowledge his feelings. He talked openly, to you, about how disappointed he was that things were going the way they were even though he understood it all. He got it off his chest and moved on. You understood, he’d worked hard and deserved to have the album release they’d all been planning for. You told him as much in the days immediately surrounding the release, words of comfort leaving your lips as you ran your fingers through the blonde curls you were praying he kept.

And that was why he was completely and utterly baffled when he learned that you didn’t feel you deserved the same.

You’d never outright told him that you were upset about having to cancel your travel or that graduation was cancelled - in fact, you’d joked that you were glad because it meant you didn’t have to deal with crowds or packing - but he could tell just how much it was hurting you. You avoided bringing up those topics yourself and when you only offered enough words to move past them in a conversation, he learned to leave them alone. He could tell that you felt guilty for feeling sad and it broke his heart.

You’d worked so hard for graduation, for the things that were coming after, and to see you trying to pretend that it didn’t matter that they were cancelled worried him.

You were upset, more so than he realized, and he wanted to do something to make your nontraditional graduation a little easier on you. You’d been so kind and understanding when he was upset over the album release, when your friends were upset over their own cancelled plans, and to him, graduating college was an astounding accomplishment that deserved a celebration.

So, with the help of friends, he set out to make it a day that you would never forget.

Distracting you in order to set up for the impromptu graduation ceremony and party he was planning was much easier than he’d imagined it would be. You forgot that it was even supposed to be your graduation day - to be fair, you’d forgotten what day it was generally - until the calls from your family started rolling in.

You spent your morning on the phone, thanking relatives for their well wishes, but as everyone lamented the loss of a traditional ceremony on your behalf, he could tell that even though they meant well, the calls weren’t exactly helpful.

He knew that you didn’t want to talk about it, not yet,  and that you wanted to be alone so he encouraged you to go for a walk with Duke around the neighborhood. He sent you off with a kiss and he was glad to see that you felt better when you returned thirty minutes later. Your shoulders were lifted and your eyes were lighter as you watched Duke settle onto the couch for a nap after his adventure but your movements were still sluggish as you wandered around the house in search of something - anything - to entertain you.

In an effort to keep you out of the backyard for just a little longer, he guided you to the couch and encouraged you to take a nap with Duke, to cuddle up and watch television - binge something now that you were officially done with school and had time to properly enjoy it without the guilt of putting off schoolwork. It was easy, getting you to settle in, and he felt his heart break slightly as he watched you fight tears.

He took a little over an hour to finish decorating the backyard, each piece of his elaborate plan falling into place finally, before he returned to the living room. The first thing that Calum saw was you, curled up on the couch beneath a heavy blanket a friend had given you for Christmas, with Duke lying on your stomach and tears in your eyes as you watched a scene that would have pulled a few tears from you, already sad or not.

He bit back a laugh, both at your emotional investment in the show and at Duke’s annoyed huff as you made a noise at the scene, before he crossed the living room and kneeled down beside the couch. He waited a second, just until the credits began to roll, before pausing the television and nudging your shoulder.

“You okay, love?”

His words were soft, quiet in the still air of the living room, and he knew that the answer was no but, as expected, you nodded. “I’ve never seen this episode. All the good characters are leaving the show,” you answered, a pout on your lips as you shifted to glance at him.

He smiled, a barely there quirk of his lips, and shook his head before he stood from beside the couch and offered you his hand. “Come on, let’s get some fresh air. Give you time to process those feelings before you start another episode,” he teased, a grin on his lips as he watched you lift Duke and place him back onto the blanket as soon as you were out from under it.

“I don’t want to keep watching but I’m too invested in the story to stop now,” you mumbled, your voice muffled as you wrapped your arm around Calum’s and leaned into his side.

“You want me to hate watch it with you? I’ve been told my commentary’s excellent.”

“Your commentary is excellent, when it’s directed at the boys and not my television shows. Only I’m allowed to make fun of how bad it is. Deep down, I still love it,” you defended, a laugh leaving your lips as you followed Calum out into the backyard. He stopped, right by the door, and it took you a moment longer than it should have to notice. But when you finally lifted your head, confused as to why he’d paused before you made it to the swing, you were awed by what you saw.

The backyard had been transformed. Calum’s laptop sat on the table near the swing, a Zoom call open with the boys and family - both yours and his -, and beside it sat a box from your favorite bakery. There were balloons and string lights and shiny black and gold confetti littering the area and it brought tears to your eyes as you took in the amount of work Calum had done to give you some kind of celebration.

“It’s not the same, I know,” he began, gently tugging you closer to the setup, “but you deserve a celebration. You worked hard for your degree and I’m sorry you don’t get a traditional ceremony but we’re all really proud of you. Is this okay?”

It was hard to answer his question with the tears threatening to spill so you nodded and threw your arms around his neck in a tight hug. “Thank you,” you whispered, your voice low as you tried to fight your emotions, and Calum nodded his acknowledgement as he gave you a smile.

Although it wasn’t the traditional ceremony, far from it, the graduation that you got was one that you knew you’d never forget. Your families didn’t stay long, only long enough to watch Calum hand you a rolled up piece of paper with a wide grin and for you to toss your cap into the air after turning your tassel, but the boys and their respective girls - and Mali - stuck around after to celebrate.

“We’re all really proud of you,” Ashton commented, a smile on his lips as he watched the others nod their agreement. “You’ve worked really hard and this isn’t the party we wanted to throw you but it’ll have to do for now. It was really inspiring to watch you put your all into getting your degree and all of your hard work has paid off.  I’m excited to see what you do next because I know it’s going to be amazing. Congratulations!”

“When we’re allowed to see each other again, we’ll do something fun,” Michael agreed, “but for now, just know that we knew you’d get your degree and put us dropouts to shame.” Michael’s comment was teasing, he had a grin on his lips as he raised his drink in a toast, and Calum muttered a faux-offended ‘hey!’ by your side. “Seriously, we’re really proud of you and happy for you. Congratulations!”

“I don’t know what I can say that they haven’t already said,” Luke laughed, “but it’s worth repeating that this is an accomplishment and we’re really proud of you. You did it! You graduated college! I’m not going to ask what your plans are now because no one has any plans right now but I know that whatever you do next, you’ll do it just as well. Congratulations!”

You leaned into Calum’s side, a wide smile on your lips, as you watched them all toast to your graduation. It was surreal, celebrating such an event via video call, but you were grateful for your friends as they all shared stories and jokes with the goal of making you laugh in mind. You spent nearly two hours chatting with them, your mood lifting significantly, before it came time to end the call.

When the last person was gone, Calum turned to you and offered a sincere smile. “I hope that made missing graduation at least a little easier. I know it was hard on you but you achieved something amazing and I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you,” you repeated, your heart light for the first time in weeks. “I was really upset about having to miss the ceremony but I think this more than makes up for it. Except I’ll be really glad to get my actual diploma, not a-“ you paused, taking a quick glance at the paper Calum had used, “oh my god, Cal! Not an instruction booklet that came with your awful wifi router.”

“Hey, it was the only paper I could find,” he defended, laughing just as hard as you as he realized what he’d handed you in lieu of your diploma. “But I’m glad this was a suitable stand-in. Michael was joking but it really is impressive. I dropped out of high school and here you are, getting your degree. You never let anything get in the way of achieving your goal and I’m really proud of you for working so hard.”

“I love you, you know that?”

“I do,” Calum nodded, a soft smile on his lips as you leaned in closer to him, “and I love you, too. Congratulations, love.”

In the end, you never could’ve predicted your graduation would end up turning out this way but the love and support from your friends and family, and from Calum, made your nontraditional graduation one that you would never forget.

___________________________________________________

Author’s Note: Yesterday should’ve been my graduation day. I technically did receive my MA but there was no ceremony. Even though I’ve already experienced one college graduation, having to miss this one hit me really hard and I spent yesterday in a bit of a funk. But, as I said, I’ve already had one college graduation so I consider myself lucky. To the class of 2020 experiencing their first graduation, I’m really sorry things didn’t turn out the way you were expecting. Just know that everyone is incredibly proud of you and it’s okay to be sad that you didn’t get a ceremony. I hope this is at least a little comforting. This isn’t the best but my mental health has been on the decline, as has my writing. I, of course, don’t mean to make light of the situation. I understand why graduations were cancelled,  I really do. But I still felt a loss and know that I’m not alone. So, to the class of 2020, congratulations and good luck on your future endeavors. I believe in you!

Tag List (like this post or message me if you want to be added!) : @toolazymyguy , @irwinkitten , @jamieebabiee , @glittersluke , @spicycal , @lusbaby , @everyscarisahealingplace, @brokenvirtualheartcollector , @if-it-rains-it-pours, @blisshemmings , @calumscalm , @lovemenowseemenever , @ijustreallylovezebras , @rhiannonmichelle, @p0laroidpictures , @tomscuddles , @loverofmineluke , @harrytreatspeoplewithkindnesss , @blueviiolence , @loveroflrh , @empathycth , @luckyduckydoo , @tobefalling , @bandsandbooksaremykink , @watch-how-she-burns , @megz1985, @wokeupinaustralia , @lucidlrh , @canterburyfiction , @cal-is-not-on-branding , @t-i-n-y-d-i-n-o , @jaacknaano , @findingliam-o , @mindkaleidoscope​ , @idk-who-i-am-anymore1 , @sammyrenae68 , @flowerthug , @calumsphile , @caitdaniels, @drummerboy794 , @writingfortoomanyfandoms , @x-lover-of-mine-x , @miliefayy , @sunaaii , @canterburyfiction , @sebrox40 , @nati-nn , @opheliaaurora23 , @bitterbethany , @sunnysidesblog​ , @333-xx​ , @thesubtweeter​

#5sos imagine #5sos imagines #calum hood imagine #calum hood imagines #5 seconds of summer imagine #5 seconds of summer imagines #5sos stories #5sos fanfic #5sos fanfiction #calum hood fanfiction #calum hood preference #calum hood fanfic #5 seconds of summer preferences #5 seconds of summer preference #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer fanfiction #calum hood x reader #calum hood x you #calum hood x y/n #calum hood blurb #calum hood blurbs #5sos blurb #5sos preferences #5sos preference #5sos blurbs #5 seconds of summer blurb #5 seconds of summer blurbs #mine

[twisted-eels]

Enduring:: Vil Schoenheit X Reader

✦ This was originally meant to be part of the 7 Leaders, 7 Prompts challenge by @rainebowkitty​. But I got carried away and didn’t properly stick to the prompt (it’s inspired by it though, does that count?)

✦ The random dorm leader I got was…. Vil Schoenheit

✦ The number generator I used resulted in this prompt number four. You’re at this dorm leader’s funeral as their friend/lover as you remember them and the times you shared fondly. Don’t get too attached to this prompt, this doesn’t really focus on memories

You’ve been like this for days. You see a familiar smile, or a glimpse of his blond and purple hair. Everywhere you go you see pieces of him. You see his walk in the strangers on the street. His pristine makeup in the advertisements littering the cities. He haunts you without needing to be a ghost, your mind does all the work for him.

The Pomefiore dorm is the worst place for you. Everywhere you look there’s a reminder of him. A painting draws to mind his voice, you remember a harsh criticism of the unbalanced brushstrokes. The hallways have the click of his heels resonating throughout them. Even though you know that his shoes are all neatly packed into boxes, alone and untouched in his room.

His room. Perhaps his room is worse.

The scent of his cologne lingers in his room, whether real or imaginary you can’t quite tell. His favourite makeup products are lined up on his vanity table, first by brand, then by function. Some of them are half empty from use, not your use, but his. Every now and then you pick up one of the various bottles, the weight in your hands. Some of them you recall gifting to him, recommendations that came straight from your own beauty routine. Others came from his many sponsorships, modelling had its perks.

However there’s always someone reminding you that he’s gone. Despite all these traces of him, Vil Schoenheit is no longer around. It appears in the looks Pomefiore students give you, filled with sympathy. It appears in Rook, now the dorm leader, and Epel, who he took under his wing as the new vice leader. 

The moments when Rook appears to escort you back to your dorm always manages to fill you with tears. Each and every night has been spent crying like this, ruining the makeup that Vil would have wanted you to preserve.

People say that it gets easier over time, but the grief you feel hangs over you like a thick cloud. One that you don’t think will ever go away.

You almost didn’t want to go to the funeral. It would’ve been too much for you. The thought of seeing his body in the coffin, the thousands of fans mourning outside the church… but you had to go. 

One look at the coffin, a transparent glass that showed him as beautiful even in death, and you wanted to leave. It’s too much for you to bear. Vil is dead. Even if he looks like he’s simply asleep. You half expect him to wake up and scold you, tell you that your glum expression ruins your pretty face. Realistically you know that it will never happen. A small part of you hopes for it though, for it would mean that he’s well and truly alive.

A hand is placed on your shoulder, a show of comfort from a well meaning relative of his. 

“It’ll all be ok dear, he’s watching over you.”

You didn’t realise that you were capable of laughing as bitterly as you did upon hearing that. It’s no comfort. If Vil were watching you, he’d only be disappointed by how completely destroyed you’ve been over his death. Your emotions have been dragging you around in the most unseemly way, tarnishing what he valued most about you. Your beauty. 

He’d want you to remain dignified, even when weeping by his coffin. You know that well enough, despite never asking his opinion on the matter while he was alive.

You kindly dismiss their words, excusing yourself to the restroom before the funerary service begins. 

One look in the mirror shows that you’re beyond a mess. You thought you used waterproof eyeliner and mascara, but black waves of makeup are cascading down your cheeks. Uneven eye shadow adds insult to injury. To go near Vil, dead or alive, like this would be the gravest insult, especially when you always ensured you looked perfect for him. It’s a good thing he got you into the habit of carrying makeup around. This is exactly the kind of situation he wanted you taking this precaution for.

When you emerge from the restroom you look like a completely different person, both in appearance and demeanor. Each footstep feels like a herculean task, even though it looks like an effortless glide to those in attendance. You manage to make your way to the church pew, and sit down. Inside you’re still the same torrent of emotion, but externally you’re unflinchingly stoic. People could mistake you for the corpse, you’re so still and unfeeling.

This is your own way of respecting his memory, by continuing on as he would have wanted. You will endure the feeling. You will struggle, you will cry. There will be days where it’s all too much, and days where you can feel the pain fading. 

But no matter what, you always have, and always will, love and honour Vil Schoenheit.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #rae can write #vil schoenheit

[opalescentegg]

I was today years old when I finally learned that the word “tutu” actually originates in the early 20th century, and wasn’t some kind of coevolution with the entirety of 19th-century ballet as I’d vaguely assumed. Specifically, Etymonline (by far the online source I consider most trustworthy for this kind of research) gives the first usage of the word as 1910; Merriam-Webster gives it as 1913.  Other sources, such as the Macmillan Dictionary blog and the Oxford Languages result that typically pops up if you Google something like “X etymology” give the the first appearance of the word as simply “early 20th century,” insofar as it refers specifically to the skirt worn by a ballerina.  (The Wikipedia page for “Tutu (clothing)” gives the earliest recorded usage as 1881, but that date has no citation and appears nowhere else I’ve been able to look, so I’m disinclined to give it any merit.  And, frustratingly, Apollo’s Angels by Jennifer Homans, an otherwise excellent history of ballet, for some reason skips over the origin of the word “tutu” entirely; so unfortunately I can’t appeal to non-digital resources for clarification.)   This would ordinarily be just a fun little bit of trivia, but in the context of Princess Tutu it brings up some Interesting implications.  Like, this means that in order to have a character named “Princess Tutu,” and for that name to automatically conjure in the public consciousness images of a ballerina in a frilly skirt, Drosselmeyer couldn’t have begun writing The Prince and the Raven any earlier than 1910.  Among other things, this indisputably puts the anime as technically happening in the “modern day” (sometime between the mid-1990s and the 21st century aughts, depending on how you measure) --- it kind of has to, for Drosselmeyer to have been writing that late and still be four or five generations distant from Fakir.  Especially since the age of marriage (and presumably occurrence of first legitimate offspring) rose throughout the 19th century, the time period in which Drosselmeyer would’ve been born and probably lived the majority of his years.  Looking at all states in 19th-century Germany, as in this JSTOR article, in 1867 an average of about 74% of men who married at all did so between the ages of 30 and 39, rising to nearly 77% in 1871, then to a little over 81% in 1880; the numbers for women in that same age bracket kept pace, though the percentage of them represented in later marriage seems to consistently stayed a little bit higher. So the old-timey storybook aesthetic seen throughout the show isn’t any indicator of when the anime takes place, so much as simply the “look” of the Story as dictated by Drosselmeyer.  An out-of-time fairytale town, the perfect stage for any number of tales he might spin. More interestingly, this means that Drosselmeyer would’ve been writing his final work either in the years just preceding World War I, or perhaps during the war itself.  Even before that, around the turn of the 20th century, the world of German art (theatrical and literary) had been enamored of tragedy and violence, as Barbara Tuchman expounds on in her thorough and compulsively readable book The Proud Tower: A Portrait of the World Before the War, 1890 - 1914 (though it should be noted that by “world” she’s mostly referring to Britain, France, Germany, America, and the Hague): “Tragedy was the staple of the German theatre [...] Death by murder, suicide or some more esoteric form resolved nearly all German drama of the nineties and early 1900′s.”  So, if writing before the War, Drosselmeyer would have been surprisingly in line with the zeitgeist of the nation.  At the very least, I think it’s safe to say that his brand of storytelling was a solid fit for the time period.  And the specification of “theatre” isn’t a dealbreaker, since many a writer of short stories and novels also dabbled in playwriting, and vice versa --- Oscar Wilde is the immediate example that jumps to mind.  Not to mention that Drosselmeyer himself seems to have something of a preoccupation with theatre in the broad sense, what with all those puppets.  We’re never given enough information about his oeuvre to definitively conclude whether or not he ever wrote for the theatre or was acquainted with anyone who did, but in any case it’s not a far leap to posit that the prevailing aesthetic of the stage likely influenced and informed what went on the page.  If he was writing The Prince and the Raven during World War I, though, we must enter the realm of the more purely speculative (though that is half the fun of applying Real World History to something like this).  We know that Drosselmeyer was killed because the Bookmen, as well as various people who had apparently once come to him to have stories of wealth and power spun for them (“the nobles” in particular are mentioned, which I find interesting), feared that he would use his power to create a great tragedy that would sweep them all along in its destructive wake.  Now, on the one hand, it probably only takes five minutes of talking to the guy to figure out that he doesn’t exactly have humanity’s best interests at heart, so their conclusion didn’t really need much in the way of supporting evidence.  On the other hand, World War I was itself a tragedy in every sense, and a brutal one at that; which tore a great rift between the Old World and the Modern World with such unimaginable violence that the world was irrevocably and forever changed by the trauma of it.  While I doubt that any of the Bookmen or others would have necessarily thought Drosselmeyer responsible for the conflict --- even his considerable story spinning powers could alter reality significantly only in one small town, plus he seems just plain uninterested in “realistic” storytelling devices and genres --- I wouldn’t be surprised if they were all suddenly keenly aware of how he might take advantage of it to craft even more gruesome tragedies of his own.  That realization and paranoia, combined with the ever-mounting cost of the war in terms of both resources and human lives, could have been the catalyst that pushed these people to act to decisively against the possible threat that Drosselmeyer represented.  Indeed, it might also account for the cruelty of the execution, the impotent brutality of the wider war finding its local synecdoche in a mob removing the hands of a dangerous individual, but not the head.  (Although, that’s also assuming that Drosselmeyer didn’t just find out about the Bookmen’s plan and use his spinning to manipulate them into performing an “execution” that would give him time for the whole writing-in-blood thing --- but that’s going from simple speculation to wild speculation, so I’ll leave that be for now.) In any case, looking at all of this evidence across history and culture, I feel relatively safe in stating that Drosselmeyer likely wrote The Prince and the Raven, and of course died, sometime between 1910 and 1918.  (There might also be something to be said about a possible connection between his mechanical clockwork pocket dimension and the emergence of mechanized warfare during WWI as well, I think, but the idea isn’t fully formed and I’ve already gone on long enough as is.)  I might even go so far as to shorten the time frame to no later than 1917 --- that would still allow for the conclusion of 1916, the year that saw the battles of both the Somme and Verdun, two of the most infamously bloody battles of World War I (which would certainly have an effect on the psyches of the general population, and specifically certain individuals who were already fearful of tragedy befalling them).  Hell, maybe even smack-dab in the middle of 1916, it certainly would’ve been stressful enough.  Regardless, it’s strange and a little exciting to have identified a more or less precise time period for the writing of The Prince and the Raven, and all thanks to looking up the history of a single related word.

#princess tutu #my writing #meta #historical context #oh god i just put drosselmeyer in historical artistic context #oh fuck i have Sources supporting my claims #do you ever set out to share a short tidbit of mildly interesting info and end up writing the rough outline of an academic essay? #this is how my mind works someone please either stop me or pay for me to go back to college

[augustheart]

1, 9, 15, 20 for the writing ask meme!

This time around all of these are for fics by the way.

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

Like I said in the last ask at any given time I have a stupidly high number of projects I’m working on but I will take this time to talk about the ridiculously long one I’m putting most of my energy toward now! (The tab is open right now and it is taunting me with that “last updated yesterday at [...]” notification and its 32,427 word wordcount.)

I won’t say exactly what it’s about even though it’s not that hard to figure out and several people already know exact details but progress is generally pretty good! Not the fastest I’ve ever written because I write in fits and starts but it’s going pretty good! (Just jinxed it though for sure.) I’m working on chapter five of a planned ten, and I really hope I don’t overshoot that by accident. It’s fun! It’s definitely more like the things I used to write when it comes to like... the actual angst/“whump” part because there’s a lot of that here, and I’m very really mean to readers with a couple of these cliffhangers. Chapter two and chapter four are especially rude, sorry.

I love all of it. I love that I get to write about people overcoming hardship and coming together and also beating the shit out of people who hurt their loved ones. I genuinely love what I’m writing now and I think it’s probably one of my best works and I’m glad that I decided to write it all out in advance before posting it because I feel like that gives me time to really perfect it. It also makes it easier to go back and seed plot elements through the prewritten chapters, which is helpful because I keep forgetting about a character and going back to make sure that they get to be there because they’re, y’know, the main protagonist of the show. (Don’t worry there is still a character arc and a story she has, it just gets lost in the shuffle a little because there are like... six storylines going on at once that need to intersect. I think six, anyway. There are a lot. Jeez, I think it may be closer to seven, counting the villains...)

Anyway please [Eric Andre “let me in” voice] show me support when I finally post it because I imagine the fandom will be relatively in brumation when I finally do all things considered. 

9. Are you more of a drabble or a longfic kind of writer? Pantser or plotter? Do you wish you were the other?

I refuse to write really short things, it has to be at least 1,000 words for some reason, but I do both! I prefer my longfics, I think they give me more time to write plot and flesh out characters, but I’ve found that a good median wordcount for me is...like...6,000 words? That’s usually what I fall on when I limit myself to something under 10,000 that has the potential for more than just 1-2,000 words. But I do like to read and write both! As evidenced by some of my current projects shaping up to be over 50,000 words at least if they haven’t already left that count in the dust by now (hi, Half Light, you stupidly long son of a bitch). 

And I am the hellish combination of both! I usually know at least how I want it to end, but the entire journey from A to B is a complete mystery to me. Sometimes I’ll have elements I want to incorporate or characters I want to include and I’ll plan for them but I will never, ever write down my outline. The only time I write down outlines it’s when I need to know the concrete timeline for something that’s set in the past or is taking major divergent choices or both (i.e., I made a timeline outline for Heartless leading up to when Eric approaches Dorothy, a timeline outline for Two of Spades when I eventually actually work on that, a timeline outline for what I nicknamed the “I’m no longer baby I want power AU,” etc). Literally every other time I am absolutely flying by the seat of my pants. I don’t know what I’d do without Hedgi who helps me plot at least half the things I write (at least for the fandoms she’s also in), usually after I try to write them and immediately get stuck like a puppy who tried to jump into a lake and found out the shoreline was actually just a bog.

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Oh, it really depends. I’m alright at nailing tags down, unless there are categories I want to use that don’t already have a set tag, but sometimes when I think of the concept for a fic it comes ready-made with a summary and I don’t have to think about that at all, or I’m directly inspired by a phrase/lyric/etc and I can just use that for the title and spend hours deliberating on a summary. Luckily for the project I’m working on now the conceit can just be the summary, and the title took a tiny bit of research but I knew what I wanted the bare bones to be and I just needed the actual names/terms. I do think in general, though, summaries are a smidge harder than titles for me. 

12. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

I really, really want to answer this one to talk about the different hidden references, relationship development, and foreshadowing that I baked into damn near every level of the big project I’ve been talking about because it’s in literally everything right down to the chapter titles (and there’s a hint to pay attention to them when you read, especially once we get to chapters 6-10, which I am extremely pumped to write), but I also really don’t want to spoil anything, so... time to be as numbingly vague as possible, I guess.

I’m foreshadowing that a character will develop powers by the final act, of course, but I’m also foreshadowing that a different character will not only develop them but use them to basically save the life of another character--and related to that, there is intense foreshadowing of a character using certain things to save someone else’s life at around the same time, which is not subtle at all if you know what you’re looking for (mainly because I slipped it into plain sight) but is part of some nice red herrings if I do say so myself. It also really makes me laugh that I decided to do some, um, “homophobia-shadowing,” where I just... imply that a character is homophobic. I dunno why I just think that’s a funny thing to do even if it has real repercussions for certain characters later. 

There’s some character development mixed that I’m really excited for because it allows a character to go in a completely different direction than they do in canon but in a way that I think still feels really right for them. This happens a couple times, actually, but this one in particular is something I knew had to happen the second I realized how to tie this plot thread back into everything else. I think it’s exactly what the character could’ve needed if this had gone down and I’m really excited to write it. The other character should’ve just been allowed to do this in canon because I think it would’ve fucking ruled.

Also, in everything I write that’s comics-based, whether it’s fic for the comic directly or for a show/movie using comics as source material, everything is a reference. That number code? That could be anything from the first time someone appeared in a comic mixed with the publishing date of the comic itself (i.e. if someone appeared for the first time in 1964 but the comic began publishing in 1959 I’ll use 6459 or 5964) to the creator’s date of birth. I think that I use famous writers of the character/potential creators of the character as street names or last names or aliases whenever I need to bring them up is a lot more obvious. Same with how I use writer/artist initials as “random letters” if I think a code would realistically have one mixed in--I just checked a document for an example of this and found “ADBP5519MWGK6419.”

I also reuse direct lines of dialogue if I think they fit the situation--for example, in Butterfly Effect I lifted the “World War I chic” line directly from Giffen’s Doom Patrol run, which I mentioned in the author’s note, and there’s dialogue in my current big project that’s a direct reference to/play on the “I wish you’d died instead of Mom” line in the JSA Infinite Crisis tie-in (Johns is a fuckin’ hack for that one though and it made no sense for what he used it for, a better line would’ve been “I bet you wish I’d died instead of Mom,” but we don’t have time for that), and I’ll probably directly reference dialogue from JSA/JSA at some point in chapter nine or chapter ten. (Think really hard about how that arc opens if it’s one you’re familiar with, lmao, and remember--there’s no time travel to undo things here!) 

#fic talk #long post #can you tell i like to write? yeah #Anonymous

[inactiive-shit]

Life As A Sanders

Chapter 11: Knights And Diplomas\

((Previous))//((Next))

LAAS Masterlist

Read on AO3

Warnigs: None

Pairings: familial DLAMP

Summary: The twins graduate.

Words: 6,082

Ages: 18 & 22 & 12

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you had asked Logan how he felt about being an adult, the answer would have been simple: mostly calm, a little excited. They would have more freedom, but they never really had any complaints about the amount of freedom they got from their Dad. It wasn’t that crazy.

That was before Graduation Day.

Now, sitting in a crowded auditorium and preparing himself to go up on stage and collect the thing he’d been working toward for the last thirteen years, Logan’s opinion had changed:

He was fucking ecstatic.

There was not a calm bone in his body, and he couldn’t help the tremors running through him. He was grinning, so wide it made his whole face feel like it was going to split open, and he wanted to laugh. God, he felt amazing.

“L? You good?” Virgil was smiling as he asked. Logan would’ve stretched his smile wider if he could’ve.

“Yes. I am doing tremendously well.” Logan grabbed Virgil’s hand. “We are graduating, Virgil. We are getting to become real, functioning members of society. We are going to be able to do whatever we want. We can go places and buy things and we don’t have to tell anyone about it first.”

“But we will,” Virgil said. “We’ll tell Dad if we’re going to the store or going to meet somebody.”

“Yes, but we’ll do it because we want to, not because we might not be able to go.” He couldn’t help the energy oozing from every pore anymore than he could stop the blood pumping through his body. This was exciting and amazing and fantastic and wonderful and-

“Yeah,” Virgil agreed. “That is pretty cool.” He leaned back in his chair, looking every bit nonchalant that Logan looked ready to explode. Logan just kept on grinning, vibrating in his seat as the lights adjusted and music played and all those other graduation things happened. He didn’t hear most of it, too absorbed in his own excitement, too ready for whatever he was going to do next. He wanted this to last forever while simultaneously hoping it ended right now so that he could get started on something. It was the strangest feeling Logan had experienced, but it wasn’t necessarily bad.

Then, suddenly, Logan heard his name being called and stood up, walking up the aisle to the stage with Virgil right behind him. Hooting and cheering was echoing from all over the audience despite the fact that the Principal had explicitly asked for all cheering to be withheld until all the graduates had retaken their seats.

Within all the noise, Logan felt positive he could hear Dad and Ro and Dee. It was unrealistic to imagine that their voices would be heard when they were sitting so far up in the seats. But Logan knew what he knew, and that was that his family was every bit as excited about this as Logan was and they were making their excitement heard.

Every step approaching the stage felt like Logan was ascending Mount Olympus to meet with Zeus, or entering the Shire to see the Ring. There was an inflating, buoyant feeling in his chest, and if he wasn’t careful, Logan might just float away with all those ‘Happy Graduation' helium balloons.

He paused on stage to receive his diploma - a rolled up sheet of blank paper with a fancy bow on it because they couldn’t get the real thing until they’d gone to the bookkeeper to make sure that they didn’t have any outstanding fees - and shake the Principal’s hand, smiling up into the crowd. He found his family and beamed at them, resisting the urge to jump up and down like a lunatic. Logically, Logan knew there was no reason for him to be this excited. Not much was realistically changing. He wasn’t even taking his real diploma right now.

But something in him didn’t care about all that. He was doing something big, something huge, he and Virgil both were. They were going to take this step into real life together, and they were moving up to something else. College in the fall or a job, maybe. Logan didn’t know yet. What Logan did know was that it was his decision, and he had so many options.

Logan took his seat beside Virgil again, holding hands, both of them shaking. He didn’t hear the rest of the Graduation Ceremony, whatever people talked about or whichever of their classmates got their diplomas. Logan’s leg bounced up and down, up and down, up and down as the ceremony dragged on for eons. Then the students were standing up and their families were flooding in. There was a bottleneck at the doors, and Logan knew they’d be stuck for a while before Dad and Ro and Dee got to them.

“Follow me,” Virgil whispered, tugging on Logan’s hand. Intrigued, Logan followed Virgil through the crowd, both waving as they passed by Percy and her Mom. How she’d gotten into the main area, Logan didn’t know. Similarly, how Percy had graduated while turning in less work than Virgil was also a mystery, but at the end of the day, Logan was content just to know that it had happened. As much of a pain as their friends could be, and Percy in particular, Logan was glad that all of them had graduated. It wouldn’t be the same if they hadn’t.

Virgil bee-lined for a door being guarded by the physics professor - he actually owned a doctorate, why he was a high school teacher was beyond Logan - and they both paused there.

“Mr. Sanders,” he said, eyes on Virgil despite the fact that Logan was the one who had taken his class.

“Dr. Bhasin,” Virgil responded, giving a slight nod. Dr. Bhasin glanced around before nodding back and opening the door and letting them through. It shut behind them with a quiet snick.

“Virgil,” Logan said, all his questions stopping at the tip of his tongue. Luckily, Virgil got it.

“I didn’t want to deal with the crowd and I figured with the combination of having to get Ro and Dee here, they’d be late and get pretty bad seats. When I found out he was going to be guarding one of the doors for ‘safety purposes’ I brought him a bag of LaffyTaffy in exchange for letting me leave.” Virgil shrugged.

“LaffyTaffy,” Logan repeated.

“Everybody has a weakness, L,” he said. And while Logan wanted to repeat LaffyTaffy for the rest of his existence in complete bewilderment that a doctor who was as revered as his physics professor would disregard rules for candy, he could already feel that helium feeling rising up in his stomach again and he decided rather forcefully that he wouldn’t get stuck on his own lack of comprehension with his teacher’s strange and nonsensical patterns of behavior. He was not going into the humanities for a reason.

“Lovely,” Logan said instead and they ran down the hallway and then down a flight of stairs, ending up outside in the sun. Logan blinked quickly, the light burning his eyes after so long a time of sitting inside and waiting to be able to see his family. Outside, probably three fourths of the students’ families were waiting, like they were supposed to, for their kids to come out. Logan knew it was going to be a pretty long wait for them because so many others chose to try to enter the main part of the auditorium instead of heading outside, but he felt entirely, selfishly glad that Virgil had been able to foresee that particular issue.

“I see Ro,” Virgil said, pointing toward a shock of bright red hair. Logan took off running for it and Virgil followed half a step behind. They barrelled into him at full speed, nearly knocking him over. Then they were engulfed by three pairs of arms and teary laughs and Logan would float away if they let go of him. Luckily, they stayed that way for what could have been hours or days; all he knew was by the time he stepped back the other students had flooded outside also.

“My baby is all grown up!” Dad said, hanging onto Logan’s hand just as tightly as Logan held his. “Both of them!” He cooed and cried over them, grabbing ahold of their faces and kissing their heads. He took picture after picture as he did it, which was rather impressive considering he had tears smudged all over his glasses. While normally Logan abhorred such displays, and especially when they disrupted his meticulously done hair, today was anything but normal. Logan laughed loudly and leaned into it, feeling every sensation with amazing clarity.

“Are you excited for dinner?” Roman asked. For the first time today, Logan remembered: their graduation dinner.

“Nooo,” he groaned, drawing out the syllable. Roman snorted at him but Virgil, the only one with some sense, joined him in his whining.

“This is gonna suuuuuck,” he said, leaning into Logan. “So many people.”

“Ssssssocializzzzzing,” Dee hissed from his spot on Virgil’s back and Logan would deny the way he went right back to smiling at that adorable little snake sound. “Disssssgusssssting.”

“Exactly,” said Virgil. “Dee gets it.”

“Da-ad, they’re corrupting my brother,” Roman said. Virgil punched him in the arm and Roman feigned being mortally wounded. Dee cheered wildly and any semblance of respectability that Logan had vanished as he devolved into a round giggling - not that he would ever call it giggling, but some facts were simply irrefutable.

“Oh, come on, now,” Dad said. “Nobody’s corrupted.”

“Yet,” Roman said, sticking his tongue out at Virgil when Dad started walking toward the car. Logan coughed over a laugh and instead caught up with Dad.

“Who exactly is meant to attend this dinner?” Logan asked.

“Just your friends, kiddo! I promise, I wouldn’t invite anybody that you didn’t like.” Dad smiles at Logan, and Logan cannot for the life of him explain that perhaps, just for tonight, he does not like any of them enough to want to see them. But he knows that Virgil would like to go, and that Virgil is always less anxious with Logan around. So he took a breath and nodded.

“Adequate.” Dad gave him an odd look but opted not to say anything and they got home in relative peace.

Relative peace meaning only that Logan had not gone completely deaf by the time he stumbled out of the car to escape the unfortunately loud music Virgil had been permitted to play. How his twin had not lost all his hearing yet remained a mystery to Logan, but one he knew better than to look into personally.

The last time he had asked too insistently, he permanently lost one of his socks. He did not intend to have a repeat.

Logan wished he could say that he was not even kind of tempted by the blanket fort he saw in the living room when he walked into the house—it was unprofessional, ridiculous, and frankly the structural integrity was so bad it was a wonder it could stand at all. But that would be a falsehood and Logan was far too excited to even pretend that the blanket for was unappealing.

He discarded his shoes and the graduation cap quickly, diving into the fort. Roman laughed on the outside, and Logan would have complained about that too but he was suddenly contending with an armful of little snake.

“Moviesss,” Dee hissed, curling up in Logan’s lap. Dad crawled in after them, grinning.

“Yep, kiddo,” he said. “We’re watching movies until it’s time for dinner.”

Roman squeezed in after him and they all had to shift around a little so that they fit comfortably. “I think we should watch Mulan,” he said.

“Vetoed,” Virgil said immediately from outside the fort.

“Virrrrrrgillllll,” Roman whined.

“Roooooomaaaaaan,” Virgil responded, “no.” Roman groaned and threw his arms out, coming within an inch of taking Logan’s glasses off his face.

“Roman, do not underestimate me when I say if you hit me in the face, you will regret it.”

“Oh yeah?” Roman said. “What are you gonna do about it, specs?” Logan kept his face completely blank while he dragged a finger across his throat. That was one gesture that he had found particularly useful in life. It always caused Ro to make a face and stop whatever offending thing he was doing. As he did now, which Logan was grateful for.

“Snow White,” Dee said, hugging his stuffed snake to his chest.

“Ooh, good idea, kiddo,” Dad said.

“I agree with Dee,” Logan said. Dee wriggled happily, almost smacking Logan in the face when he waved his arms a little too exuberantly for the small, weak structure they were sitting in. Logan sighed, moving his face back, and refused to look at Roman when he made Offended Princey Noises and started babbling nonsense about having no allies.

What did he think this was, a war?

(If it was, Logan was totally winning.)

Logan snickered to himself while Virgil set up all their movies and then dragged himself into the fort, nearly knocking it over in the process.

“Got enough snacks there, emo nightmare?” Roman said, swatting at Virgil. Virgil held up a box of snowcaps. “Sorry, thank you, I love you, you are my favorite brother.” Roman snatched the candy away and very nearly hit Logan’s glasses off his face. Again.

Logan sighed and scooted a little closer. If he couldn’t get outside the range of Roman’s arms, he may as well get inside his personal space. An eye for an eye, right?

~~~~~~~

Logan adjusted his tie, in the same shades of blue and gold as his graduation garments had been, and then smoothed his hair back. He fiddled in front of the mirror, examining his outfit as though he thought it might betray him. If asked why, Logan would simply say that he wanted to look his best. He had just graduated, after all, and this dinner was going to make it as official as it got.

In truth, Logan was dawdling.

This graduation dinner was going to kill him if it was the last thing he did. Don’t get him wrong, Logan did like seeing his friends and he had been excited about getting to graduate with his peers all day. And that was part of the problem.

Logan had been excited and very nearly bouncing himself through the ceiling since the previous night. Graduation had gone amazingly, filled with pictures he was sure he’d get tired of looking at eventual (but for now still filled him with that indescribable, inflated feeling.) And now all he really wanted to do was sleep. Or maybe talk to Virgil about some of the things they wanted to do with this new-found freedom.

Instead, he was going to a celebration dinner with friends. It was not bad, per se, but it was not exactly ideal, either. Still, it wouldn’t be terrible to see them and Virgil was more excited about this than he had been about Walking, but he had done it for Logan. The least he could do was support his brother.

“What’re you doing?” Ro cried, barging into Logan’s room. At some point they had switched necklaces so that the pronouns read ‘they/them.’ Logan smiled slightly. He had bought them the pronoun necklace shortly after they came out, and Logan was always made happier to realize how much they liked it.

“Preparing to leave. What are you doing?” Logan said. He tightened his tie again. Ro rolled their eyes.

“C’mon, Poindexter. You can tie that in your sleep and we’re going to be late to your own celebration.” They snagged one of his wrists and began leading him toward the car.

“We are hardly going to be late,” he muttered but did not object to leaving. The restaurant, some pizza place Logan did not bother with figuring out the name of, had been reserved for a record number of people. Logan and Virgil and Ro and Dee and Percy and Dad, and Dad’s sibling Emile, and Emile’s son Kai, and Kai’s datemate Elliot. There were also Ro’s friends Anton and Marco, and Dee’s friends October and Seth, and a few people from Dad’s bakery, including Missy. Logan recalled he had invited his lab partner from Physics, Linda, and his two friends Nate and Corbin. Corbin’s boyfriend, Sloane, might also make an appearance, though Logan would not be surprised if he did. The two were figuratively attached at the hip. Virgil had only suggested two people: someone who Virgil only referred to as dickhead or The Critic, and Remy.

The latter, Logan knew, Virgil liked in a way different from how one liked friends. He also knew Virgil was still recovering from an unfortunate incident a few years prior that had ended with Logan and Ro egging someone’s house. Virgil had not expressed an interest in dating or trusting someone like that again, except for vague allusions to Remy, but it was not yet Logan’s place to be encouraging that.

Though he might. Virgil could be slow to trust and even slower to take a risk for himself. This was a risk that was almost certainly going to pan out in his favor because Remy was just as enamoured with Virgil as Virgil was with them. He would have to consult Ro first, get their expertise and advice on the matter. Logan preferred not to mess with romance. It was outside his realm of desires. As such, he had no idea what steps to take to help Virgil along with it. But he would, regardless.

Once they arrived at the restaurant, Logan was surprised to see they’d been beaten there. By none other than Nate himself. He was known for being chronically late to literally everything he attended, if he showed up at all—and Logan does mean literally. He had never, in all his time, known Nate to be anything other than late (fashionably, as Remy would insist, but what is fashionable about not respecting another’s time?)

“Hey, bro, I was beginning to wonder if you were going to show up,” Nate said, following the Sanders into the restaurant. Logan snorted.

“And I thought your M.O. was to never show up on time, simply to prove you did not have to. Has that changed or is this an anomaly to be discounted when making plans with you in the future?”

Nate smirked, leaning in a little closer to Logan as they waited for the wait staff to bring them back to the party room. “An anomaly, an exception. Who can say? Maybe I misread the time.”

“Or maybe you’re an ass,” Virgil said, shoulder-checking Nate as he walked by. Logan coughed over a laugh and tried to look sympathetic as Nate stared after him, affronted.

“What did I ever do to earn your brother’s ire?”

Resisting the urge to be outwardly impressed with Nate’s choice in diction (he’d been told it was sometimes a rather condescending thing to do), he said, “It’s how he shows love.” Then Logan hooked his fingers through Nate’s sleeve and pulled him along. It took longer than was strictly necessary for Logan to let go, but there were very few people in the world whom Logan would willingly come into prolonged physical contact (or, really, any kind of contact, but physical especially) with, and Logan had never been one to entirely forgo the things he enjoyed without ample reason.

“Oh, like a cat,” Nate said. Virgil turned around and hissed and Logan barely contained the laugh that threatened to escape at Nate’s horrified expression.

“No, not like a cat,” he choked out, adjusting his glasses for Composure™. “Cats are actually very loving creatures. It is merely a matter of understanding their ways of expressing love and reciprocating so that they understand you also love them.”

“Oh, really?” Nate said. He pulled Logan’s chair out without hesitating and took the seat next to him. “How do cats show love, then?”

“You don’t even like cats,” Logan said, leveling his best deadpan look on Nate. He was unaffected, however, and just raised an eyebrow right back.

“Humor me.”

Logan snorted and shook his head, but obligingly opened his mouth. “Well, when a cat bends its tail…”

~~~~~~~

Hours later—or at least, it felt like hours to Logan’s exhausted brain—they finally brought out the dessert. Dessert meant that the event was almost over, and that meant it was almost time for Logan to collapse into his bed and make his plans for tomorrow.

Plans that would likely include driving somewhere (just because he could) to pick up something that he would need, as well as most likely taking Dee along with him because Dee loved car rides and always woke up nearly as early as Logan did.

So, while Logan was not particularly excited about dessert, he did help himself to a cupcake and had to wipe some of the chocolate icing off Nate’s face when he was too enthusiastic with his endeavour to eat it in one bite. (On a dare from Remy, no less, which should not have surprised Logan in the least.)

Currently, however, Virgil was ensconced in a conversation with Remy that was taking his entire focus, Percy and Nate were going head-to-head to see who could eat more cupcakes the quickest (the benefit of having a baker for a dad: unlimited dessert. Even when it was an ill-formed idea), Linda was trying to dissuade them (something Logan knew was futile from so much personal experience), and Corbin and Sloane were barely shy of making-out. With everyone that Logan was worried about or responsible for taken care of, Logan felt content and confident in taking his leave.

He stole out the front of the restaurant, slipping down to sit on a conveniently-placed bench before anyone noticed him moving. It had been a very long day, and while Logan had enjoyed his conversations Nate and Corbin and Virgil and all the congratulations and attention that he and Virgil were being given, he was very tired. A quick break now, and then he’d be able to stomach another cupcake or two before it was time to leave.

The day had been good, and Logan could not have been happier with the outcome.

He was still resting on the bench when a presence settled in beside him. “Are you asleep?” asked a young voice, and Logan cracked a smile.

“Not at all, little snake.” Logan opened his eyes and looked at his younger brother (he’d never had one of those before, and even now the thought made him feel impossibly brighter. Being an older brother, he decided, was a good thing. The thought of the responsibility had been nerve wracking at first, but now Logan could not be convinced to trade it for anything.) “What do you need?”

“I brought chess,” Dee said by way of explanation. He unfolded the board between them and pulled the bag of pieces out. “You said you’d practice with me, and I thought you might want to now since, ya know, you don’t always like loud people so much.” Dee looked up at him big, hopefully eyes and it was suddenly a struggle for Logan to not have to wipe his eyes.

“Of course,” Logan said, and he reached out to ruffle Dee’s hair the way Ro always did to Logan himself. Dee beamed up at him, one lower canine missing from an unfortunate incident regarding a swing set and a badly positioned seesaw. “That was very thoughtful of you.”

“Yesssss,” Dee hissed, up-ending the bag onto the board and watching as the pieces scattered. Logan laughed brightly, resisting the urge to ruffle Dee’s hair again and righting the pieces.

“Do you remember where they go?” Logan asked.

“Chad, Brooke, Charlie, Lilah, John, Charlie the second, Brooke the second, and Chad the second,” Dee said, nudging each piece into its correct place.

“My next question was going to be if you remembered their names, but I suppose that answers that question,” Logan muttered, even though that really did not answer any such question. “What about these guys?” He held up a pawn, the only pieces Dee had not yet put in their proper places.

“Well,” Dee said, barely glancing up, “they all look the same so I just call them the Dudes.” Logan internalized his groan. These antics were probably urged by the combined efforts of Ro and Virgil, though it is something Dad would do, too, because he always said you remembered things better if you gave them names.

Still, it would not fly if Dee wanted to join the chess club at school, like he’d been talking about, and even doing professional competitions. As cute as naming the pieces was, he would have to know their official titles.

But...well, that was something they could work on next time.

“In what directions can the Dudes move?” Logan asked.

“Forward,” Dee said confidently. Then, more hesitantly, “And only one square. But the first one gets a double jump?”

“Very good,” Logan said, and he moved one of his pawns two squares forward. “Which piece in the back row can move over the first row?”

“Is it Charlie?” Dee asked.

“No, but good guess. It’s the Knight. Uhm, I believe you named them Brooke.” Logan pointed to Dee’s horse head piece, and Dee picked up. “Do you know why they can do that?”

“No.”

“It’s because they are horses, and that means they can jump right over the pawn-the Dudes’ heads.” Logan corrected himself quickly, pointing to the two squares on the board that Dee’s knight could go to. Dee giggled, jumping the horse over the pawns and neighing, landing it in the righter space of the two possibilities.

“Interesting,” Logan said, stroking a pretend beard. Dee giggled and Logan moved another pawn into position. Dee poked his tongue through the hole in his teeth while he contemplated the board. Eventually, he scooted a pawn forward to sit next to his knight. He was too new to know any strategy of the game, but Logan couldn’t help but imagine that Dee knew exactly what he was doing, with that cute little concentrating look on his face, and that he had a plan.

Though, it probably would not just be imagining for too much longer. It was no secret that Dee was extremely intelligent. It was only a matter of time before he was figuratively kicking Logan’s butt every game they played.

Logan would be willing to bet that time would come sooner rather than later. He couldn’t wait to see it.

~~~~~~~

Approximately two hours later saw Logan and Dee entering their fourth game of chess. Logan was focusing much harder now than he had been before. Dee had managed to take out half Logan’s pieces at least in their first two games - partly because Logan was going easy on him and still trying to teach him - but in the third game, either by some over-sight on Logan’s part or because Dee somehow did know some chess strategy, he had taken Logan’s Queen, or Lilah as Dee preferred, and had very nearly beat Logan.

“Have you been researching this?” Logan asked, allowing Dee the first move.

“Nah,” Dee said, scrunching his face up before moving one of his knights. “Why? Am I doing good?”

“Good?” Logan asked, and he was faintly aware that he was incredulous in the best possible way. “Dee, you are doing phenomenally.”

“Awesome,” Dee said, sounding just as excited about the game as he did when he asked for Sour Patch Kids at the store. He paused before asking, “Is it supposed to be hard? It just kinda makes sense, doesn’t it?”

“For some people, it does. For most people it is a very hard game that takes years of practice.” Logan moved his piece in counterpoint to Dee’s.

“Huh,” said Dee. “Well, that’s weird.” He didn’t say anything else, and neither did Logan, and Logan played the first game of chess in years in which he almost lost not once, but twice. It was an entirely unique experience.

People Logan recognized started pouring out of the restaurant, and Logan realized that they had spent for more time outside than he had intended to. He helped Dee pack up all the pieces and find the rest of their family still inside the building.

“Hey, Lo! I was beginning to think you ran off,” Dad said, wrapping his arm around Logan’s shoulders briefly.

“I think Dee should join the chess club,” Logan said with no preamble. Dad blinked, confused, but then he shrugged amicably.

“That would be great! As long as he still wants to when school starts up next year, there’s not any reason he shouldn’t.” He grabbed one of the empty cupcake boxes off the table and tossed it into a trash bin. “Anything in particular bring this up?”

“Well,” Logan said, helping to collect the trash. Sure, the staff could clean it all up, but they had all worked the bakery with Dad at one point or another. It was always a little pick-me-up when the patrons helped out. “We were outside playing and-”

“I almost beat Lo!” Dee exclaimed, jumping at Dad. Dee was swung up and around, onto his back, and Dad laughed.

“That’s really impressive, Dee,” Dad said. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah!”

“Hey,” said a voice at his shoulder. Logan spun around, startled, and came face-to-face with Nate. “Where’d you run off to?”

“I was, uhm, outside. With Dee.” Logan very suddenly felt short of breath, noticing the dimple on Nate’s face when he smirked. “We were playing chess and got caught up.”

Nate hummed in response. “Did you enjoy your graduation?”

“Yeah, I did. I am exhausted, though.” Logan wondered, briefly, if this is how Virgil felt around Remy. He wondered if, perhaps, he was not in fact aromantic, but maybe something more like…

Demiromantic.

What an unfortunate time to realize he was crushing on his best friend.

“Here, I got you this.” Nate pulled a little box out of his pocket and offered it to Logan. Logan was hesitant to take it - with his rather suddenly realized feelings and absolutely no advice asked of anyone more knowledgeable about the subject, he had no idea what he was supposed to do.

“Uh, thank you,” Logan said. He took the box.

“Wait til you get home to open it?” Nate asked. Logan nodded mutely and stuffed the box into his own pocket. “Cool. Text ya later, nerd boy.” He punched Logan’s arm before walking, slowly, out of the room. Logan watched him go, conflicted. He was not, generally, one to hide his feelings. He would have to confess soon because if not, he would act unbelievably strange around Nate from then on. It would be enjoyable for no one. But for now he was better off waiting to get advice before making any definitive choices.

“What is up with people in leather jackets? Virgil, you. It must be something in the air,” Ro said, appearing next to Logan. Logan coughed over his spluttering while Ro laughed. “Anygay, we’re leaving too. Come on.” He grabbed Logan’s hand and dragged him to the car. It was so reminiscent of exactly what Ro had done to him earlier that Logan felt as though he were experiencing deja vu but in reverse.

You know, if that were a thing that could happen.

The ride home was quiet and Logan excused himself to his room immediately. He was not at all surprised when, no more than thirty minutes later, Virgil opened his door a crack, entered, closed it, and then flopped onto his bed soundlessly. In the dark room, wearing their pajamas, it was easy to pretend that they were both back to being six years old and sharing a room.

“It has been a day,” Virgil said, voice tired but light.

“Most are,” Logan said, and Virgil tossed his hand at Logan in a half-hearted slap. It landed on his face and they both just left it there.

“You know what I mean,” he said.

“Yeah,” Logan sighed. “It was good, though. Productive.”

“You can just say you’re happy.”

“I am ecstatic and also exhausted.”

“Fair enough. I feel ya. What’s the first thing you want to do with our new-found freedoms and diplomas?” Virgil’s fingers began tapping a rhythm into Logan’s face, soft and soothing.

“Store. Buy things I don’t need. Learn more about chess.”

“You have weird priorities, Lo.”

“What are you going to do, then?”

“Sleep in until noon, regret my decisions, and then, possibly something crazy. Something beyond insane. Something absolutely-”

“Are you going to hang out with Remy?”

“Maybe.” Virgil shrugged, shifting Logan slightly. “We’ll see what kinds of dreams I have.” They stayed quiet for a few minutes, Logan wondering what Virgil’s dreams had to do with anything.

“I like Nate,” he said. “In the same way I believe you like Remy.” There was a breath of silence before Virgil responded that very nearly made Logan’s head explode.

“First of all, rude and incorrect. Second of all, demi?”

“I think so. I’m not sure. I’ll have to look into it more.”

“There’s nothing wrong with changing your identity,” Virgil said quietly. “I thought I was gay for years before I realized I was actually pan and just had a lot of stuff about myself to figure out.” He paused, and Logan felt a tension he had not even realized was carrying leave his shoulders. “And, if you don’t want to, there’s no reason you even have to label it. You can just like who you like and leave it at that. Plus, now that you do like someone, I get exclusive rights to make you suffer.”

“Shut up.” Logan laughed. “Thank you, Virgil. That was...immensely helpful. But do not think this means we will not be talking about Remy.” Logan scooted slightly closer to the wall, allowing Virgil enough room to actually be fully on the bed. “Oh. I just remembered that Nate gave me a present. Could you grab my jeans?”

Virgil reached to the ground and found Logan’s pants, pulling the box out of the pocket and tossing it to him. “That all?”

“Yes.” Logan felt the box, weighing it in his hands.

“Come on,” Virgiled whined, “open it. I wanna see what’s inside.”

“Mind your own business,” Logan said, just a touch petulant, but went ahead and opened the box by his phone light anyway. Inside there was a chewable necklace—something Logan had been meaning to get for quite a while. He had a nasty habit of chewing whatever was near him when he was working or thinking—and a slip of paper. Logan did not bother to bite back his smile at the gift as he slipped it on and unfolded the paper.

Logan,

Me and you could go out to the festival Friday night if you want. Meet you there at six.

Call it a date?

Logan did not squee when he read those words, but perhaps a sound somewhere in the neighborhood did come out of his mouth. Immediately he started chewing his necklace (convenient) and smacked at Virgil’s arm. Virgil laughed.

“Ro can help you get ready for your date,” he said. “But you should probably text Nate to let him know you accept.”

“Yes, yes you are absolutely correct.” Logan whipped out his phone, but then paused. “Is there not some form of texting etiquette? To not respond too soon so you don’t seem clingy?”

“I’ve never gotten that stuff,” Virgil said. “You like him, he likes you. You want him to know that, so why pretend to be disinterested? I don’t know. Respond whenever you want. As long as it’s coming from you, I doubt it’ll matter.”

“Okay,” Logan muttered, already quickly texting Nate that Friday sounded like a wonderful idea and that he absolutely could not wait.

“Well,” Virgil said, “now that our emotional shit is taken care of.” He yawned and stretched his arms above his head, repositioning himself slightly. “Night, L.”

“You better go out with Remy,” Logan said.

“Stop meddling.”

“God themself literally could not make me. Night, V. Love you.”

“Love you, too.” Logan fell asleep, and while he could not speak to the quality of Virgil’s dreams, his left him refreshed and excited the next morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @supersoftsupersleep @trashcanego

#sanders sides #life as a sanders #ts virgil sanders #ts logan sanders #ts deceit sanders #ts patton sanders #ts roman sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #deceit sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #ts virgil #ts logan #ts deceit #ts patton #ts roman #ts anxiety #ts logic #ts morality #ts creativity #dlamp #familial dlamp #fanfic #ts fanfiction #my writing #laas #knights and diplomas #part eleven

[verannaca]

so I saw Frozen 2 for the fourth time

i have so many questions.

there’s a relatively negative (and very long) review beneath the cut so pls read at your own risk. and, of course, spoilers.

I’ve seen Frozen 2 four times now and yikes. I’d kinda hoped it would get better with each viewing, but it’s somehow worse??? I really loved the first movie; it literally changed my life in an incredibly drastic way (don’t ask) but it had been very important to me over the past six years, and...I’m so disappointed.

My initial reaction was disappointment, and I should’ve stuck with it. Like, wtf was that? But some parts were also really well done? It left me so conflicted lol

PROS

Vuelie was a good way to open the film; I quite liked the nostalgia :’)

The intro scene in general was good; I liked seeing more of their parents, although idk what their father was thinking telling them such a tale before bed lmao seems like some shit my mother would do

All is Found is my favourite non-depressing song in the movie, and it opens it beautifully. ERW has a wonderful voice.

The animation really is beautiful; it looks so realistic. Specifically the clouds and the one scene of the waves crashing over the pine trees. It looked amazing!

The music is good but not great. FTFTIF is my favourite; it’s so catchy and cheery. I really liked TNRT, and SY is perfect, but these songs just weren’t as catchy as the ones in Frozen?? I’m thankful for AURORA tho, that was a lovely gift.

Bruni was absolutely adorable (even tho he was an obvious cash-grab for merch lol), 10/10 love Bruni. Bruni + Elsa = even better.

Anna looked absolutely breathtaking throughout the entire movie; the redesign they did animation-wise really works in her favour, and now she’s rocking those Emilia Clarke eyebrows which is a hell yes from me. Her final look gave me all the feels; I can’t say I’m a huge fan of the dress and hairstyle?? it seemed a bit too not Anna, but at the same time, it showed her growth and maturity and I’m very happy with that.

As dark as it was, the shipwreck scene was beautiful. It was handled beautifully; their reactions were devastating. There is a huge con here, but I’ll save that for later.

The ocean battle was really neat. The water looked so good, and Elsa looks good wet???

The whole scene in Ahtohallan was well done; I liked the memories. I wish Anna had been there; she deserved to see her history, too, and it wasn’t fair that Elsa got that spotlight once again.

Everything after Elsa freezing was absolutely breathtaking as well. Anna’s reactions, the song, the scenery-- it was tragically beautiful.

Kristoff had the two best lines in the ENTIRE movie: “I’m here. What do you need?” and “It’s okay. My love is not fragile.” It’s so rare to see a good, supportive relationship in tv/movies, be it heterosexual or homosexual, it doesn’t happen. It’s so rare. So this was a beautiful break from that; the faith he had in her was amazing. Thank u. the real mvp.

The scene with Anna as she accepts the fate of her future; as she takes in a breath and realises/accepts that her home is gone, and her blood family is gone. Everything about it was perfect. You could feel her emptiness. Poor baby needed a hug :(

I liked that Kristoff also hugged Elsa when she returned; it showed that they were friends, which is really important for Anna tbh

I think that’s it for pros??? Now for the cons.

CONS:

Gonna start this off simple: the plot was weak. This is unfortunately not an unpopular opinion; it made no sense. It was too convoluted to the point where nothing was explained.

The pacing was off, and it was ridiculously anti-climactic. The layout in general seemed a bit weird tbh I could definitely sit here and justify all of it, but I shouldn’t have to.

They gave us no reason to gaf about this voice that Elsa was hearing. How long had she been hearing it for? Why was she so drawn to it? Why didn’t she think she was just hearing things? Or maybe she did at one point and then realised she wasn’t crazy? 

There was almost no character development. Elsa was the same as she was in Frozen, but this time, it was just annoying. She never learned or grew. Anna was demoted to a clingy side-character even though she’s the protagonist; I have no words for how frustrating this was to watch. I miss the Kristanna bickering. I liked their dynamic overall; I understand their insecurities and lack of ability to communicate because of it, and I liked how non-toxic they were. Overall, they did love and trust each other; they believed in and supported each other, even though they had a falling out (again and again) and were separated for most of the film (again, wtf?) EA had no development together, and honestly, they were annoying asf as a duo. There was no communication and no understanding. I will say that Anna’s fear and frustration throughout the entire movie was absolutely 100% understandable and sensible; she’d already lost too much before, and wasn’t prepared to lose anything else. I just wish she’d been portrayed a bit differently??? And it would’ve been nice if Elsa had stopped for, like, two minutes to be like, “hey, are you okay, you seem clingy and worried” but instead she just kept running and didn’t gaf.

It was over dramatic for the sake of plot, when it didn’t have to be. Elsa didn’t have to continuously try and push Anna away “for her protection.” They absolutely could’ve done the vast majority of things together. Fuck, they could’ve gone to the dark sea together. Anna could’ve stayed on the beach while Elsa tackled the Nokk. Then when Anna saw that Elsa was perfectly capable of protecting herself, they could’ve parted ways then and done whatever it was they needed to do. Or, Elsa could’ve taken Anna to Ahtohallan?? They may have discovered there that Anna couldn’t enter, but then they’d be given the opportunity to communicate, and Anna would’ve at least been included, since this was her history, too.

If this is a movie about two sisters, why the ever loving fuck is it all about Elsa and her origins? What about Anna’s origins? They were her parents, too. Sure, we ask “why does Elsa have magic,” but why doesn’t Anna have magic? Why was Elsa the “gift”? Why is Anna’s superpower “love”?? And why is that “superpower” only valid when it’s in regards to Elsa? Why is Anna so strong, physically? Emotionally? Personally? Is it just her? Why isn’t she an element, too? What’s with this bridge bullshit? Why the fuckkkk is Elsa the “fifth spirit” when she’s ice and ice is literally just water? I have so many questions.

How the heck was Iduna Northuldra? Did she become “whiter” because she remained inside a castle for twenty years? Or was she always “white passing”? Or was she adopted into the forest? Who are her parents? Did anybody miss her when she ran off to the kingdom? Her scarf was from “one of [their] oldest families” and yet nobody seemed to know who she was? And what do you mean “oldest families”? Are there no remaining members of that family? Nobody who was missing her? Nobody who would’ve recognised her daughters who are literally carbon-copies of her????

The shipwreck scene and the following scene pissed me off soooo much in the theatre lol First, it really was beautiful how they did it, but the interactions felt out of character. Elsa brought up the memories of their parents’ demise without consoling Anna at all. Not only did she just do it without at least a warning, she then proceeded to leave her behind in her own fit. Which, okay, yes, to an extent that makes sense; she was over-ridden by guilt. But those were Anna’s parents too. Elsa was all she had, and Elsa left her behind. I just- AND THEN in this moment of severe grief and horror, as these terrible things were revealed, Anna was pushed away again to be left on her own to deal with things alone. She’d JUST sacrificed her own feelings for Elsa, and Elsa’s response was to shove her away. WHY. I just??? hello??? Like, Elsa does care about Anna, right? That’s canon? So why tf would they write her like this?? jfc

Every single new character was wasted potential. Mattias above all else was very interesting, and should’ve had at least ten minutes more screentime??? I liked the scene of him and Anna discussing whatever, but there should’ve been more. They both cared more about Arendelle than anyone; they were both sworn to protect. There could’ve been more of an on-screen relationship there. (and don’t fucking come at me with your gross-ass ships please, tyvm). Honeymaren and Ryder were there for ??? merchandise? A reason for Elsa to stay behind? Queer-baiting??? I don’t get it. They did,,, nothing. Yelena? Did nothing. Why do these name-characters do nothing?? What’s the point???

This was advertised as a “big adventure” but had hardly any adventure. Frohana was apart for most of the damn movie, the action scenes had little consequences, the “climax” was ??? what, Elsa freezing? Who cares?? It’s obvious she’s going to come back. The wave heading for Arendelle??? Yeah, that would’ve been a good climax if it actually did any damage. But no, I guess Elsa can teleport now? aight. and now she gets to play hero again even though she didn’t do shit

The plot(?) was very predictable, and didnt really have a twist. Old white guy kills innocent POC. Okay. That’s real life, yeah? It’s shit; it happens, but why was this whole movie based around that? Was it a political statement? We don’t really need more political movies these days??? People are aware, and things are shit as is; idk it just felt forced. But this is a v controversial subject so imma shut up lol

THERE ARE NO CONSEQUENCES. Unless you’re Anna. Then you suffer severely cuz,,, fuck her, right? The entire cave thing (as beautiful and needed as it was) could’ve been prevented entirely if Elsa had just fucking communicated. But instead, Anna had to suffer again in such a severe way. Her feelings DID have consequences; they effected her severely and even influenced wreckless behaviour. But then?? it’s all over. And suddenly, it doesn’t matter. Suddenly, who cares? Elsa returns and is (for some unforeseen reason) magically forgiven. This ISN’T HOW SISTERS ARE. If my sister pulled half the shit Elsa did, the first thing she’d be greeted with is a slap across the face and a very loud “fuck you.” THEN she’d get a hug and some tears. You don’t fuck with people’s emotions like that. And the fact that there were no serious consequences is infuriating.

Anna becomes Queen without context. Did she want to be queen? Did she suggest it? Did Elsa decided “eh fuck it i’m bored, your turn” and just dump it on her? Anna is a free-spirit. Yes, she was absolutely devoted to her kingdom; her people always came first; she was an incredibly loving and selfless princess, but was she truly prepared to give up that freedom to be Queen? I think she fits the role beautifully; she was absolutely born to rule. But is she happy? Or is she yet again cleaning up Elsa’s mess, since that seems to be all she does?

Why did Elsa stay in the forest? Is it because she felt like she belonged with the spirits? With the people? Away from civilisation? All of the above? None of the above? And how did that conversation go with Anna? How did she explain; “hey, I know I died and fucked you up and promised that we’d always stay together, but I’ve decided I’m gonna leave you behind again and stay here with these people I barely know.” Did Anna object, or did she see the positives of being away from someone so toxic???? It makes no senseeeee, they were so good together in the first movie; it all feels so out of character. Both of them feel out of character.

There were few (very few) moments in which they really were like themselves:

The charades scene.

“You think I’m c R A Z Y?”

Head tilts with Bruni.

Anna laughing at Elsa’s braid-stache.

Elsa making toys for children.

The pleasant Kristanna scenes at the beginning.

Anna’s anger scenes.

Even Elsa’s personal drama???

but that’s it? I’ve seen it four times in theatre, and a few times online (though mostly in pieces) so I don’t think I missed anything. Perhaps I’m blinded by the frustration that this film caused. Overall:

The plot was weak.

The animation was beautiful.

Kristanna wasn’t the Kristanna we truly know?

Elsa was dramatic and annoying because she had no development.

Anna was demoted to a clingy side-character and was given a half-assed purpose.

The music was meh.

There was too much and yet somehow not enough.

It was a mess.

Six years. SIX. I-

ugh.

final note: PLEASE ANSWER MY QUESTIONS IF I MISSED SOMETHING. I think it’s also important to note that if you went to the theatre for 2 hours of entertainment, that’s great, but not the same as those of us that have dedicated six years of our lives to these characters? So please don’t come @ me if you were just a movie-goer. I also wanna say that there were a lot of parts of this movie that I loved and will hold onto, but overall, the movie as a whole was meh. I LOVED Anna & Elsa in Frozen; they had good development and had reasons for being how they were. They had a good dynamtic and worked well together. I hated their relationship in F2; it was toxic and forced in many ways; they didn’t interact nearly enough, and when they did, they were bitching for the sake of plot, which was very frustrating.

This isn’t a hate post so please don’t come at me lol my opinion is entirely irrelevent in the grand scheme of things, but hey, we’re here to chat and share, right?

sigh.

#frozen 2 spoilers #review #anna and elsa #queen anna #elsa #anna #frozen #frozen 2 #frozen 2 review #this is so much longer than i had intended holy shit #i don't necessarily HATE it #but idk if i like it?? #and they didn't live up to expectations #and too many things felt forced and unecessary #i'm glad my ship sailed but at the same time it was all over the place? #hm #sad #kristanna #deserves #better #:(

[mysticsparklewings]

ToonMe

Yeah, yeah, look at me super-late to the latest popular Art Challenge as usual. :P In my defense, this challenge came at like the worst possible time, just after the whole drawing tablet fiasco, and so at first that combined with me not liking posting pictures of myself that often because I am uber paranoid about turning into a True Crime documentary subject, I was pretty convinced I wasn't going to hop on this particular bandwagon. But I kept seeing other people posting there's, and I noticed that quite a few used a few tricks to hide or almost disguise the photo/face part. And after a little while, though still mildly frustrating, I did get more accustomed to the new set up I have for digital art, and well...after more time spent trying to get just the right photo of myself than I care to admit, here we are. The #ToonMe challenge is unique in that it challenged me to find the right balance between my usual style and something more realistic. My proportions are usually very cartoony, borrowing heavy inspiration from Winx Club and Anime. Sometimes my coloring is softer and slightly more realistic, and sometimes I go for hard, cartoony cell-shading. And this isn't the first time I've been challenged with drawing myself, either. The main things I wanted to do/accomplish with my take on the challenge included: • A seamless, almost hard to notice transition between the Toon Side and the Real Side (as I'd seen on others' and taken a liking to) • Capture my physical, real-world style but also not over-complicate what I'd have to draw • Capture my drawing style accurately but without compromising too much of the look of the photo • Make it unique to me. Naturally, a lot of how this process was going to go relied pretty heavily on me getting the base photo just right. I tried a few other looks and some different angles before finally getting the photo I used here out of the mix. And yes, I could've just used a photo I already had on hand like I'm sure many other artists did without hesitation, but I wanted this to be fun and just in general when I take photos of myself I like them to be just so. It's very rare that I take photos of myself, let alone ones where I'm not prepared for the world to see me. I wanted to do this right. Once I finally had a photo I was happy with, then came the real challenge of toon-ifying half of it. (Well, probably more than half, but you get the idea.) Naturally, my used-to-be-bangs didn't want to cooperate with me when I took the photo, so my solution to that was to use my hair part/line as part of the dividing point. This also works out because I feel like dividing the hair more towards the center would've made the overall diving line more obvious. Using the part as a base makes the two halves blend together better when viewed from far away/as a thumbnail. Other than that, I kept it pretty half-and-half, including leaving one cat ear on the photo side and one on the toon side. (And ironically the cat ear and the shirt are the two most realistic things on the toon side.) I found the easiest way to do the toon-ifying was to start by just tracing the real lines for the toon parts, then going back and stylizing/adjusting them as necessary. The biggest adjustments I made were the very noticeable stylization of the eye and bringing my neck and shoulder in to more closely match my usual drawing proportions. And, technically the hair, but as I said I knew going in I was going to have to deviate from the photo to get the look I wanted, stylization aside. (My hair does cooperate and look like this sometimes, it's just when I was taking photos for this it decided not to and I couldn't be bothered to put off taking photos until a day where it chose to behave. If I didn't think it was authentic to me, I wouldn't have done it.) I do wish I had reconsidered my jewelry choices because it was only after I started working on it that I realized the extra challenge I had added for myself in choosing the necklace that I did. Likewise, I know very well the chain is not super realistic, but I could not be bothered to draw all the individual little chain circles by hand. So I took a short cut in drawing two lines, one relatively straight (following the non-existent curve of the necklace in the photo), one wavy, and then erasing the second one as necessary to create the illusion of a chain instead. Also, I specifically wore those earrings because I thought they would be cute and relatively simple to draw. And while I'm very sure I could've made much more complicated choices, I was still a little overly optimistic in just how easy these would be. One of the trickier parts of the lines was actually the lips. A lot of the time I skip drawing lines for the lips, because I normally do full-body drawings where the face is relatively small and it's hard to get the lines to look right on such a small scale, but if I wanted the seamless look from toon to photo, it was necessary here. I must've re-drawn both the top and bottom lines like ten times each before finally getting something I could live with. Additionally, while I could've gone back and added weight to the lines in some places, it seemed more natural here to leave them pretty much as-is. Anyway. With the lines done, I could move on to coloring and shading. And I was actually surprised by how relatively smoothly that process went. It did take a few layers and some back-and-forth, but it wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it was going to be to get the semi-realistic soft shading I needed so the two halves would blend together nicely.   Sidenote: You can hopefully see here that I try my best to be fairly accurate with my color choices when I draw myself these days, right down to the grayish-blue of my eyes. The main things with coloring turned out to be 1. getting the shadows in the right places and 2. getting the line art to be dark enough you could tell it was there without it being too obnoxious. And while I don't normally do this, I found the best way to balance out the lines was to use an airbrush to make the lines lighter in some places and darker in others. I actually had the .png file saved twice, thinking I was finished, only to end up going back and making small alterations to the shadows (mostly on the face) and the lines later. Which, it's kind of a good thing I had to do that because it wasn't until the second time I was doing revisions that I noticed I'd totally forgotten the shadow the necklace was supposed to be casting on the skin. It's very subtle even in the photo, but it would've driven me crazy had I noticed it only after it had been uploaded/posted. I also made a very conscious decision to have the eyelash/brow semi-visible through the hair. The eye is a large part of my stylization, and even though in a normal drawing I would've covered it up, it didn't seem right to just cover it up here. But it also seemed very wrong to leave it at full-color, too. So this was my compromise. Speaking of which, the eyebrow I wasn't really sure what to do with, since normally I either just do thick lines for eyebrows or if I do fully outline them, like the lips, they're usually far away and pretty small, so there's usually not a lot to do with them. Hence why that is easily the biggest and most obvious giveaway on the toon side. I was equally surprised at how easy it was to do sunglasses. I was expecting them to be trickier, being a reflective surface and all with a few notable tiny areas to worry about. But I think in the end they were one of the easiest things to color and shade. And that was pretty much all I was absolutely required to do for the ToonMe challenge. Me being me, though, I wasn't quite satisfied with just that. From fairly early on I had converted the background for the toon side into a digital flat color of my usual "mystic hue," which in reality is what the wall behind me looks like even though it shows as more of a baby blue in the photo. One of the first additions beyond that that I made was a few carefully placed sparkles for a little extra pizzazz, but that wasn't quite enough. I cycled through a few different ideas; making the whole thing into a Polaroid or setting it into a phone frame, etc. Just something to make it a little more special. Still, I ended up coming back around to one of my initial ideas: Wings. I am, after all, MysticSparkleWings. I do have a digital pair of wings closer to the shape/style I tend to use for my signature, but those aren't quite high enough quality for something like this. So I defaulted to the same pair of wings I used to make my icon/avatar ages ago, which were originally made based on a pair of costume wings I actually have in real life. And had I thought this whole thing through a little more, I could have worn them and had one real wing, one digital one. But alas, I didn't plan that far ahead and by the time I had this realization, it was very too late to backtrack it. It's funny. I made that other digital pair from my signature, hoping to make a new Eclipse-friendly icon with them, but they're too high quality (300 pixels) for that (Eclipse icons are 100 pixels, where the old dA icons are 50) and yet too low-quality for stuff like this. They're just not very good for anything, are they?   Even after I added the wings and a few extra sparkles, I toyed with the idea of doing more, but I really couldn't think of anything else that I felt really confident would enhance the art rather than take away from it. So, I stuck my signature on the glasses lens (that seemed like the best non-intrusive place for it), and left it at that. I'm sure it's not as spectacular as it could be, but I think considering I originally wasn't even going to attempt the challenge that it's more than enough. I just wish this challenge has cropped up at a better time. Somehow all the super popular art challenges seem to appear when it's the least convenient for me and thus if I want to join in I end up doing so usually after everyone else has moved on. Ah well. Maybe next time. This one's done and I think it turned out okay. Back to my regularly scheduled non-challenge related art. ____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble |   Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

#toonme

[boldlygowriting]

Book Review #1: Aurora Rising

Aurora Rising published in April of 2019 is the first book in the Aurora Cycle series by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff is a sci-fi adventure. The second book of the series is set to be published in 2020.  Kristoff describes the book as a “Breakfast Club meets Guardians of the Galaxy YA sci-fi, action, adventure thing.”

Synopsis: The story starts with Aurora Academy Goldenboy, Tyler Jones, the day before the Draft. Since our best boy is well...best boy at this space-bound military academy, he gets first pick of his future space crew. Or he would’ve if he hadn’t gone out in space to calm his nerves and ended up rescuing a girl named Aurora who’s been cryogenically frozen for over 200 years. 

Bestboy Jones misses the Draft and ends up with whoever is left over ie. the people no one wants.  A space elf with anger management issues, a socially inept, trigger happy genius, and an alien techwiz with a physical disability who doesn’t know how to shut up--known as Kal, Zila and Finian respectively. 

Bestboy Jones also has his twin sister, Scarlet, and his best friend, Cat, who definitely doesn’t have a crush on him. (Books words, not mine, okay). Who are also especially good at their respective jobs as diplomat and pilot. 

Aurora sneaks aboard their ship during their first mission, murders and a cryptic message from the higher-ups set them up for a journey across the galaxy. The fate of Aurora and the rest of the worlds now in their quirky, all-to-capable hands. 

A lot is going on with this book and this is my first book review in this format so bear with me. 

The Pros

It’s fun. This book is really fun. Like watching Guardians of the Galaxy, you can have a good, pretty stress-free read of this book with little trouble. While reading this I found myself enjoying the adventure aspect of it, and I think they do it really well. 

Easy to follow. The book is action-packed that’s more interested in what’s happening than explaining all of the confusing lore that some sci-fi and fantasy novels can fall into. It’s not bogged down by a lot of space jargon and takes the time to explain the parts that a reader wouldn’t immediately understand. I appreciated that it kept things simple. 

Diversity*. Kristoff assured there would be diversity race-wise and in sexual orientation. Which is true. Aurora is half-Irish and half-Asian, Zila is black, and Finian has a physical disability and is either bisexual or pansexual (I’m not exactly sure. I mean, he is an alien so like I don’t know...look, all I know is I’m bi and black, I’ll take the representation where I can get it.).

The humor*. Think about it, 7 eighteen-year-olds stuck on a spaceship together. It’d be impossible for there not to be humor and banter between them. Not all the jokes land and there’s more than enough of nudging and winking in the prose, but there are definitely some chuckle-worthy moments. They also use humor really well when it comes to breaking up tense and heavy moments even if they don’t entirely land. 

The romantic subplot. I can’t say who obviously, but they’re pretty cute together. It was cliche, but, I think that by the end it was genuinely sweet and I appreciated the way they went about it by the end. It’ll definitely be expanded on in the following books and that’s what I like the most because it really is a subplot and they’re taking their time with it like a realistic crush turn relationship.

There are some things genuinely done well in this book that made me almost enjoy it, but for every action, there’s an opposite action. Starting off the Cons is my biggest issue with this book. 

The Cons 

The characters. I’m sure you could tell by my cheeky synopsis, I’m not exactly a huge fan of all the characters. In fact, I downright hated one. (Despite calling Tyler  Bestboy all the time, no, it was not him. I just wanted to clarify that).

I could honestly break down every character and talk about why I did or didn’t like them, but I think that’s getting too far into biased opinion. However, even for the ones I did like, they were still flawed...and not in the fun way. 

The characters are a huge weak point, part of that reason is that they’re all pretty flat. Flat, in this case, doesn’t exactly mean boring. A flat character is one that stays relatively the same from the beginning of the book to the end, and all seven of the protagonists are pretty flat. Even if it’s the first book of the series, knowing there’s time to develop characters, all seven protagonists shouldn’t be relatively the same by the end. 

There’s a lot of potential in most of them, but the time for their development is often rushed by and cut off by action. There are some real, genuine moments, but they mean very little in the overall scheme of things, especially when the team that’s supposed to be a group of misfits never feels like a group of misfits. 

The team is played up as a group of outcasts (or half outcasts), but they never feel like it. Both those movies the author compared the book to have a moment where they genuinely bond. There’s no point where the squad bond as a group beyond a few shared chuckles in between intense moments.

The skirmishes and arguments between them don’t really go anywhere and no one’s feelings are genuinely hurt for longer than a few pages, so when they already work pretty well together, I barely noticed any changes in their dynamic. I hope in the future books the authors expand on the group dynamic and the characters themselves because they could be really interesting, if I’m honest. 

Most of them had a glimmer of something, but a glimmer wasn’t enough to keep me from realizing they’re just semi-archetypal shells. 

This is a side note: this book switches the POV between the seven characters, and honestly, you can’t really tell much of a difference between who’s speaking. If switching POVs is not your bag, I wouldn’t recommend this book for you.

The humor. You know, it’s not so much the humor itself that’s a problem. The humor itself s pretty juvenile, but they’re 18 years old and I have a filthy, sarcastic mind so if you can stand a million sex jokes you’ll be fine. If not then you’re probably not gonna laugh much. The problem with the humor comes in the writing. There’s a lot of ‘winking and nudging’ involved. Finian (alien/techwiz/ can’t shut up), delivers a good portion of the jokes and after he says something, either he, the narrator or another character will comment on it. 

I once read when it comes to comedy, a joke isn’t funny if you have to draw attention to it. And if this is your kind of humor it is funny, but a lot of jokes aren’t allowed to stand on their own...making them, well, not funny. 

The plot and pacing. I’m not going to write a whole lot about the plot, partially to avoid spoilers. Tthe more I think about this book, the more I realize it’s a straighforward space adventure. The plot is simple because the adventure is what matters, but the fast pace of the book, while engaging, doesn’t spend a lot of time on it. One thing happens, then the next thing happens, and so on. 

At one point, I almost got the sense that quiet moments couldn’t last too long without another plot piece falling into place or something terrible would happen. The squad never flounders long despite how often they talk about how in over their head they are and how dangerous everything is. 

That might be a whole other gripe, but oh well. 

I said it was fun and it was easy to follow, but that’s probably because everything happens so quickly you aren’t allowed to think for very long. 

The pacing and plot go hand-in-hand because one bowls over the other and you get what I call the ‘you can infere events.’ 

These are events that you can infere obviously. In this case, they acquire a lot of items without actually showing how. I’m all for getting to the good stuff, but slowing down to show some things could’ve been a chance to expand on things like worldbuilding and the characters.

The worldbuilding. We’re getting into the minor stuff now if I’m being honest, but it’s a sci-fi story so I felt I couldn’t not write about the worldbuilding, which is a little lackluster. I’m pretty sure one of the planets is a Valerian rip-off. (I know that was harsh). 

Diversity. I debated talking about this too. I don’t know anything about the authors but I know readers say they’ve been inclusive in the past. I think they were here too, and maybe I’m spoiled or asking for too much, but I have to get some things off my chest.

First, Zila. 

I went back and forth on this a lot, but she kind of suffers from Princess and the Frog syndrome. Essentially, she’s a POC or LGBTQ+ character who is put into the story, but they either a.) don’t matter too much to the story or b.) are basically invisible. 

I went back and forth on this because Zila is quiet. She doesn’t speak a lot, she’s an observer. Sometimes I forgot she was in the book. I think having her be quiet and observant works in other character’s POV because no one really understands her. In her own POV it should be a different story. 

They opened that door so I have to comment on it. The chapters in her POV are significantly shorter than every other character. If her thoughts aren’t necessary to the story, why have them in there? It felt like she was there because they needed another warm body to advance the plot. I hope in book 2 she gets more than what she got. 

Second, the representation. Period. 

Tyler, Scarlet and Cat are the three members of the squad that stick together because they have a close bond. They’re not the misfits in this group. They’re also all white and presumably heterosexual as of this book. Zila, Finian and Kal are the outcasts of the group. Having the black girl, non-heterosexual alien with a physical disability, and the space elf with anger managment issues be the weirdos that the golden trio are saddled with doesn’t exactly read well on paper (pun intended). 

Third, queerbaiting? 

Don’t get your hopes up, I didn’t add the question mark because I think this might change. I added it as a Disclaimer: I’m not the authority on all things rainbow and beyond. Very few things raise my hackles when it comes to media and represenation even though there’s a lot that probably should. 

That being said, this might jimmy some people’s johns so I thought I might as well mention it.

We’ve all heard the “why don’t you two just kiss and get it over with line,” (yes, the book uses this line) and I’m kind of over it unless it actually ends in a relationship. Just a warning there kiss between two people of the same gender, and that line was directed at them but I can assure you it’s not going anywhere, it was a one off, and it wasn’t serious. After so much BS from other books, movies and TV shows, I know that’s enough to piss some people off, and if I mentioned Zila and the representation, I had to mention this.

That was weird. So much time is spent making sure you know how attractive every single main character is. Like...a lot. I was genuinely wondering if this would end with some kind of orgy thing. No matter what POV it’s in everyone was drop dead gorgeous with killer dimples and voices like melted chocolate and luxurious push-up bras. 

Consensus:  

I found this book on the 7th floor of my university library. Why they have a random YA space romp from 2019 up there, who knows? The important question is: Do I regret picking it up? 

Well…No and yes. 

Let’s just say I’m glad I didn’t shell out the $18.99 plus tax for it. (I’m a broke college student, okay? I get anxious spending $15) 

Like I said, I had fun reading this. I laughed. It had me turning pages faster than Aurora can say “Holy cake!”However, this book isn’t clever and it doesn’t have a whole lot of heart, not all books do, but to be a space adventure with misfit characters...if you want to keep people engaged, maybe it should? 

Everything is sacrificed for the execution of this quick-paced, adventurous romp. The worldbuilding and lore, the characters, the plot, everything. All of it was obliterated for something quick and momentarily entertaining. 

If a quick, substanceless adventure is what you’re looking for (and there’s nothing wrong with that, not every book has to be a nail-biting, bloodbath), you’ll definitely find it in this book.

If you’re looking for a book that’s going to affect you and make you feel like you’re part of “the squad,” you should probably look elsewhere. 

TLDR: 

Pros:

It’s fun

Easy to follow

The humor*

The diversity*

The romantic subplot

Cons: 

The characters

The plot and pacing 

The worldbuilding 

The humor* 

The diversity*

Overall rating: 5.5/10. 

#aurora rising #book review #bookblr #goodreads #ya novel review #diversity #character with a disability #woc in science #amie kaufman #jay kristoff

[kingedwardviii]

What are your thoughts on the narrative regarding David/Edward and Wallis portrayed in The Crown? Sorry if you’ve been asked before!

Hi! I was asked something like this a while ago, but it was before season 2 which kinda changed my view on the show a little bit. 

I’m actually still working on a pretty substantial series of posts for my other blog about the various allegations in episode six of season two, which are a mixture of complete bullshit and things deliberately taken out of context. But here is my latest post, with actual citations, about the various Nazi related rumors and the problems with that narrative. The odd thing about The Crown is that unlike most fictional portrayals of the royal family, you get the feeling that the research was done but then kinda ignored to make the plot go in the direction the writers wanted it to. 

Other than the fundamental issue of whether or not the Windsors supported the Nazis (tldr; they didn’t) after the jump are my pros and cons about the accuracy of their portrayal in both seasons. It has been about six months since I’ve watched any of it, so I might be missing a few things, though I did refer to some notes I had about season two. 

Pros:

-There was an impressive attention to detail when it came to recreating their clothing, Wallis’s jewelry, and some of the details in how they decorated. A lot of research and effort must’ve gone into it, and I was happy to see Wallis’s cross bracelet, the pug pillows, and many of David’s real outfits replicated. 

-There was a definite ring of authenticity to David’s letters home to Wallis, at least for the season one episodes. Since the season two plotline of him coming home during Billy Graham’s visit and being banished by Elizabeth was 100% fake, obviously the letters there weren’t based on anything factual. Apparently for reasons having to do with copyright, the letters in season one were rearranged and a lot of it was rewritten, but as someone who’s read the real letters and pretty much knows them backwards and forwards I was fooled at first into thinking they were real letters just cut up out of context. The nicknames were real, though I think the show implied they were more malicious than they actually were since David and Wallis had nicknames for *everyone*. He did call her Peaches, a detail other dramatizations have missed. 

-Wallis and David could both be kind of petty, bitchy, overdramatic people, especially when it came to the royal family. This came from a genuine place of deep hurt which you need some level of background knowledge to understand, but that is certainly a very realistic aspect of their personalities and their dynamic as a couple that comes through when you read their letters from any point after the abdication. 

-There aren’t really any fictionalized portrayals of David and Wallis that go into their life after the abdication, and even less so if you’re talking about after the war. I think The Crown did a good job showing their relationship in a realistic way, and showing the complexities of his feelings; though she didn’t get as much depth. It seems to be hard for some writers (both of fiction and “non-fiction” that is more like fiction) to wrap their heads around the fact that the Windsors, her especially, were bitter about living in exile, had their share of regrets, but also did genuinely love each other. They most certainly did not live happily ever after, and even had tension in their relationship over the abdication, but also showed a lot of affection for each other and tried to make their marriage work. Though I think some of this was the realistic chemistry and it’s more of a credit to the actors, who probably studied over old photos and videos quite a bit, rather than the writing or directing. 

-Considering they got a relatively small amount of screen time, the depth that we got of his characterization was pretty impressive. Peter Morgan does have something of a gift for telling you a lot about a character in a relatively small number of scenes, which is noticeable with other characters such as Tony Snowden and Jackie Kennedy as well. 

-David and Wallis Windsor were 100% the sort of people who would’ve thrown a birthday party for one of their dogs. I have no evidence something like this happened but if you read how they write about their dogs in their letters, it seems plausible. 

Cons:

-Wallis’s character is not given much agency or a voice of her own. She gets less screen time as David and has no real relationship with the protagonist of the story, so this makes sense on some level, but I also feel like there were some missed opportunities there. For instance, along with David’s letters to Wallis, we have her letters back to him which are an incredibly important, but often ignored, source of insight as to her personality and her feelings towards her husband. The royal family seemed to view Wallis as a one-dimensional villain character, and the media at the time and even today treats her as more of a plot-point than a complex human being. Even though The Crown at least shows her as affectionate towards David (which is accurate) and not totally lacking in humanity, there is no real attempt to subvert or reexamine the incredibly misogynistic narrative the royal family and their supporters built around her and some of the inaccuracies I’m about to mention play into this.

-Wallis is shown as being present during the abdication flashback scenes in season one, even being in the same room as Queen Mary in one of them. She wasn’t there, she was out of the country during most of the abdication crisis and, crucially, Queen Mary refused to ever meet her at all, during or after the crisis. The closest they came was over a year earlier when Wallis, at a series of large events David had gotten her into, was in the same room as King George V and Queen Mary and was briefly presented to them. I am guessing this is just a case of bad historical research; any biography of the people involved, even a bad one, would’ve set them straight. But it creates a very misleading impression because they missed something very significant to understanding David’s attitude towards his family: Queen Mary considered Wallis so far beneath her she refused to even be in the same room as Wallis once she knew David wanted to marry her. After the abdication, the rest of the royal family mostly followed her lead, so at the time both seasons of The Crown are set, Elizabeth II has only ever met Wallis once (or maybe twice), fleetingly, when she was a little girl. This was also widely covered in the press, so Wallis had to deal with the fact that not only did her in-laws hate her and blame her for the abdication, but the entire world knew that. Also, though the show doesn’t touch on the tension between Wallis and David over the abdication (except perhaps that weird exchange at the party in season two), which is probably the right choice given the time period covered, to make a very long story short if you want to understand Wallis’s side of that story the fact that she wasn’t there when David abdicated and he didn’t tell her until it was already put into motion is pretty fucking crucial. Making her seem more involved in that situation also serves to make the royal family’s treatment of her seem more justified than it actually was.

-That they even referenced (much less treated as factual) the ridiculous story about Wallis sleeping with the Nazi diplomat Joachim von Ribbentrop is pretty disgusting. This is a somewhat distinct issue to the fundamental problems with the Nazi narrative as a whole that I covered in the post linked above. Not only is there no evidence whatsoever for this story, but it can be directly traced back to a misinterpretation of another false rumor that Wallis was overly friendly with Ribbentrop’s predecessor Leopold von Hoesch, Wallis at least knew Hoesch, who it’s worth noting was not a member of the Nazi party. Ribbentrop only met Wallis a few times, fleetingly, at parties. Of all the ridiculous “affair” stories, this one is the least credible (and none of them are credible), doesn’t really make any logical sense, but is also the most widely repeated. The reason for that is this particular story uses the decades of baseless slut-shaming that has been heaped on Wallis to give credence to the extremely flimsy narrative that she was some sort of Nazi agent. And because Wallis isn’t given a ton of agency or characterization, the viewer might find this allegation believable even though it seems to contradict what little we are told about her. Whatever pre-conceived notions you have about Wallis that might stem from misogyny, either through false allegations or taking an overly judgmental attitude to things that are true, will make you more inclined to believe the Ribbentrop story, and then that story in turn props up an entire narrative about her being a Nazi collaborator. It’s bullshit, but it gives people a more socially acceptable reason to hate her in this day and age and prevents any sort of feminist reexamination of how Wallis was treated. 

-Though we see a few bitchy comments from the Queen Mother, by and large the royal family’s nastiness towards David and Wallis is downplayed in season one, and then given a completely bullshit justification in season two. The entire plotline of the episode in season two, as it pertains to David asking Elizabeth if he can return to England and her telling him off because for being a Nazi, is completely false. It goes to show how much of an impact that The Crown has had on how the royal fandom views David and Wallis that people now seem to genuinely believe Nazi sympathies had something to do with the royal family’s banishment of the Windsors. The royal family viewed the Windsors as negatively (or possibly more negatively) before the war, than after it, and their vendetta against Wallis started before the visit to Nazi Germany, even. Their complaints about the Nazi Germany visit, to the extent that we have documentation of them, center around it being a publicity stunt rather than it involving the Nazis. David and Wallis were allowed in Britain more often after the war than before it. In the 1960s, Elizabeth II finally agreed to meet Wallis, agreed to let the Windsors be buried in Britain, and actually invited Wallis and David as a married couple to an official engagement; this was the closest to a “reconciliation” that ever happened and all of it was after the Marburg papers were published (which if you skipped the link earlier, didn’t exactly say what Peter Morgan would have you believe they did), and after episode six of season two of The Crown is set. I am going to guess season three of The Crown will not cover any of that because they doubled down on the Nazi angle to such an extent that it’s not only incredibly historically inaccurate, but pretty much rules out any reconciliation between David and Elizabeth unless they want to retcon some of it. Elizabeth II was mostly following the lead of her parents when it came to her views on Wallis and David, and her parents were pretty open about their feelings: they were bitter and angry about the abdication and how it impacted their lives, and they also held a lot of backwards, sexist views about Wallis, views that were not kept secret either in public or private. To the extent that Elizabeth’s attitude towards them changed during the ‘50s and ‘60s, she became less hostile to them because of changing attitudes about divorce and women’s rights, not more hostile to them because of anything to do with Nazism. 

-Around the time of David’s appearance in season two of The Crown, he was writing a book (Windsor Revisited, published in 1960) which he did go to Britain to research. Furthermore, at this point he’d already written his memoirs (A King’s Story, published in 1951) which were an international bestseller, so the idea of him coming to Britain to work on a book should hardly have seemed surprising or questionable to anyone. Also by this point David had basically given up on ever being given a position in Britain again; when George VI and Queen Mary died and nothing changed, he basically gave up because he realized the Queen Mother’s attitude was not doing to change and she would remain an obstacle even if her daughter was nominally head of the family. 

-The idea that the royal family was (or even still is) trying to cover up some sort of connection between David and the Nazis isn’t really backed up. Churchill, who had been a close friend of David for many years, did try to suppress Nazi documents that mentioned him, as did President Eisenhower, who was friendly with the Windsors, but also who was involved with capturing the deposits of documents to begin with and felt the Nazis didn’t tend to make very reliable sources. Bertie, on the other hand, said the documents probably should be published. Two of the men involved in sending the documents to the American researchers, insuring their publication, were closely tied to the royal family. One, John Wheeler-Bennett, who found out about the “missing” documents and insisted they be included in the publication with the help of American historians, was subsequently chosen by the Queen and Queen Mother to write the official biography of George VI and later was knighted by the Queen for service to the royal family. The other was Tommy Lascelles, and according to Wheeler-Bennett, he actually made the microfilms of the documents that were sent along and later published. More damaging than anything that has actually been published is this idea that there is more of it out there that the royal family is still concealing. Not only is there no reason to believe there is anything more out there or that the royal family has “covered” for David and Wallis, we know that the one chance they had to do so, they weren’t cooperative and may very well have helped undermine Churchill’s attempt to do so. And they really didn’t have a motivation; the narrative now is that David and Wallis were Nazi sympathizers or even collaborators, and perhaps that now is slightly damaging to the prestige of the monarchy, though it’s not like they didn’t have their share of questionable figures already and it’s not like other monarchies in Europe haven’t faced similar allegations, most of them more credible. But in the late ‘40s and ‘50s, if you read contemporary newspapers and magazines, the Duke of Windsor was still a relatively popular figure and polls suggested the public thought he should be allowed to live in Britain again. Even when he died in 1972, there was a large public showing of grief and sixty thousand people waited in line for hours to view his lying in state. For the main branch of the family during that period, it probably looked much better to encourage the public to think David was a bad apple and they kicked him out of the country so he couldn’t do any damage (especially if Wallis is blamed for corrupting him) than to say there was a decades long family feud where everyone (including George VI, the Queen Mother, and Elizabeth II) behaved badly and they kicked a popular member of our family out of both public life and private family events because of personal drama and attitudes about divorce that look more out-of-touch with each passing year. 

-The back story between Churchill and David is largely left out; their one major scene together in season one seems to hint at it (one of Churchill’s lines suggests he’s helped David before and it didn’t end well), but the little bit we see of Churchill in season two doesn’t hint at it at all. And theoretically that would’ve happened first; even though the whole show is written by Peter Morgan it almost feels like two different writers, one of whom knows that Churchill was a friend of David for decades and his primary supporter during the abdication crisis and one who either doesn’t know that or is choosing to go in a different direction. I am leaning towards the latter idea since I feel like David’s plotline in season two was written entirely in response to criticism from people who largely don’t know that history who thought the show was being too sympathetic to David and Wallis. I’ve seen some of these same people treating this as a plot hole, wondering why Churchill would’ve had dinner with David “knowing” all of these supposedly horrible things David did, but in real life they did remain friendly and Winston and Clementine Churchill had even went to stay with David and Wallis in France during the period he was out of office. Though arguably there’s a lot of back story relating to David and Wallis in general that perhaps should be included but isn’t. Especially for a show that loves giving back story about characters to try and explain their actions.

-Wallis never smoked, but weirdly most period dramas seem to want to show her as a smoker. She didn’t smoke, she hated the smell of it, believed it was unhealthy, and was constantly nagging at David to cut back. But if you’re someone that just likes to watch period dramas about her instead of reading books, you’d probably think she did smoke because almost all of them make that mistake. Or it may be some sort of deliberate stylistic choice because smoking while dressed in period clothing with period hair and make-up looks cool. Plus in old movies, “bad girl” characters always smoked and that is usually how Wallis is portrayed. 

-David and Wallis were in New York when he was informed of George VI’s death, which he found out about from the press rather than his family or the local consulate. They were also in New York when he was informed of Queen Mary’s illness and left to go see her. David’s sister Princess Mary, who doesn’t really exist in The Crown except a few off-screen references, was visiting New York at the time, and they travelled to Britain together to come see her. Princess Mary was the only person in the family who remained on good terms with David, and actually boycotted Elizabeth and Philip’s wedding when he wasn’t invited to it. Wallis was also in New York for the burials of both George VI and Queen Mary, not their house in France. 

#Edward VIII #Duke of Windsor #Duchess of Windsor #this is a LONG one lol #The Crown

[thesportssoundoff]

“Friday Night With Marlon Moraes” The UFC in Utica Preview

Joey

May 28th, 2018

A casual perusal of the Fight Night in Utica, reveals a nothing special lower level card to the average eye at least. It's very light on star power on a not normal UFC night from a place nobody probably equates MMA with (sorry Utica!) without the usual big hook and sell to it. After watching a PPV with some big names then the first MMA card in Chile and then the biggest free WW fight in quite some time in Till/Wonderboy, it might be hard for some folks to then turn around and get giddy over a show in Utica on a Friday night. Making matters worse? Its headlined by bantamweight which is still one of those weight classes struggling to find some acceptance. Having said all of that? I really like this card. It's not a great show by any stretch of the imagination but the main event is sublime, there's a few debuts I'm excited about on the card and there are some damn good action fights on it. It's not going to compete with UFC 225 for card of the year or anything but I believe it's well worth checking out on a Friday Night. Maybe you'll be able to say you saw the next bantamweight champion debut live.

Fights: 13

Debuts: 4 (Jose Torres, Nate Wood, Sijara Eubanks, Chance Rencountre)

Fight Changes/Injury Cancellations: (Bryan Barberena OUT, Ben Saunders IN vs Jake Ellenberger/Leonard Santos OUT, David Teymur IN vs Nik Lentz/Niko Price OUT, Chance Recountre IN vs Belal Muhammad, Hector Sandoval OUT, Jose Torres IN vs Jarrod Brooks)

Headliners (fighters who have either main evented or co-main evented shows in the UFC): 1 (Jake Ellenberger)

Fighters On Losing Streaks in the UFC: 6 (Ben Saunders, Jake Ellenberger, Gleison Tibau, Desmond Green, Walt Harris, Jessica Aguilar)

Fighters On Winning Streaks in the UFC:  6 (Jimmie Rivera, Marlon Moraes, Belal Muhammad, Gregor Gillespie, Vinc Pichel, David Teymur)

Main Card Record Since Jan 1st 2016 (in the UFC): 26-17

Marlon Moraes- 2-1 Jimmie Rivera- 3-0 Vinc Pichel- 2-0 Gregor Gillespie- 4-0 Walt Harris- 2-2 Daniel Spitz- 1-1 Ben Saunders- 2-3 Jake Ellenberger- 1-3 Daniel Teymur- 0-1 Julio Arce- 1-0 Sam Alvey- 6-3 Gian Villante- 2-3

Divisional Breakdown: Lightweight- 3 Welterweight- 2 Bantamweight- 2 Light Heavyweight- 1 Flyweight-1 Featherweight- 1 Heavyweight- 1 Women's Flyweight- 1 Strawweight- 1

Too High Up- Jake Ellenberger vs Ben Saunders

I feel bad for kicking two guys when they're down, I really do. Ben Saunders and Jake Ellenberger probably shouldn't be fighting anymore but this is MMA and you have to basically go out feet first. The winner of this fight will probably wind up getting fed to another dude way higher up in the food chain than them.The loser probably fights Michael Venom Page in Bellator. Both guys are on losing streaks with Ellenberger in particular rocking a nasty 3 wins in his last 10 fights. All of this paints the picture of a really sad fight on the main card because both Saunders and Ellenberger are still "names".

Too Low- Nik Lentz vs David Teymur

So why is this here on the prelims? Nik Lentz since moving up to 155 lbs is a cool 3-1 with wins over Will Brooks and Danny Castillo. David Teymur is 4-0 in the UFC with wins over Drakkar Klose and Lando Vannata plus he's normally good for either a snazzy finish or an exciting fight. Lentz isn't the same dude who would lay and pray his way to wins, dude's improved as a striker, has tremendous grappling chops and still brings pacing and cardio to all his fights. Color me bummed this one is buried on the prelims package since it's not even the prelim headliner (Sijara Eubanks vs Lauren Murphy is in that spot).

Stat Monitor for 2018: Debuting Fighters (Current number: 11-16):  Jose Torres, Nate Wood, Chance Rencountre, Sijara Eubanks

Short Notice Fighters (Current number: 12-6): Jose Torres, Chance Rencountre, David Teymur, Ben Saunders

Second Fight (Current number: 16-15): Jodie Esquibel, Julio Arce, Daniel Teymur

Cage Corrosion (Current number: 10-16, 5 straight wins):  Jessica Aguilar, Jake Ellenberger

Undefeated Fighters (Current number: 18-13): Gregor Gillespie, Jose Torres

Keeping An Eye On But Not Really:

The UFC Win Check Test The records of fighters who have 4 or more UFC fights (or three full calendar years in the organization) but 0 wins against people still in the UFC: Nik Lentz. I would've been SURE that Gleison Tibau would be here but Tibau has two insanely impressive in hindsight wins over Francisco Trinaldo and RDA. Dude was really good once.

Twelve Precarious Ponderings

1- Every fight is its own story and journey through the careers of two athletes. I'd be remiss if I didn't point out how friggin' insane the "How we got here" for both of these guys is. Marlon Moraes was 7-4 going into a fight with Miguel Torres on the first WSOF show, he was there to lose but apparently didn't get the memo. After beating Miguel Torres, Moraes was put up against WSOF's prized signing Tyson Nam. He finished Nam who was coming off an upset over Dudu Dantas which in turn made Moraes a bit of a fan favorite as this super underdog beating all of the hyped dudes. Moraes is now 20-5 which means that since his time as "the opponent" vs Torres until his UFC debut, he went undefeated and racked up 11 wins all over relatively quality competition. It's easy to accuse a dude on a run like his of can crushing but Sheymon Moraes, Josh Hill, Carson Beebe and Josenaldo Silva are quality regional fighters (Moraes has the ability to be a lot more). In the UFC, Moraes' lone loss is a "What can ya do?" split decision vs Rafa Assuncao who basically neutralized him as he tends to do. Since then Moraes decisioned John Dodson in a close scrappy fight and became the only man to finish Aljamain Sterling when he ruined his life with a step in knee. Moraes has proven his worth and his reward is his first ever UFC main event less than a year into his run with the organization.

The road was equally weird for Jimmie Rivera. Rivera's pre-UFC career is littered with fighters you'd know (Jared Papazian, Brian Kelleher, Willie Gates, Carson Beebe) in big time organizations (Bellator, WSOF, ROC and CFFC) but he never really stuck or found a home. Bellator used him frequently but for some reason, never featured him as a name. Perhaps that's because he was a guy who went to the decision more often than secured a dominant statement win. Maybe Rivera is just difficult to negotiate or deal with (more on that later) or perhaps he was just overlooked. He tried out for TUF and fought up a weight class in deference to his friend Louis Gaudinot. That decision proved to be the wrong one as Rivera drew Dennis Bermudez and lost by TKO in the try outs. Rivera eventually did make it to the UFC----as a short notice replacement on an international fight card. Since that point, RIvera has gone 5-0 with wins over Thomas Almeida, Pedro Munhoz and Urijah Faber. Jimmie Rivera has proven his worth in the UFC and his reward after being "the opponent" for what seems like his entire UFC run is his first ever main event spot in Utica.

There's a pride in this, I suppose. We see guys debut, get hyped and get main events far earlier in their careers than Rivera. We've seen guys be "the favorite" long after they've proven they're not the guy for the job while guys like Moraes have to just keep winning. For two guys who had to really earn it, I'm glad they're in a main event spot no matter if it's a Friday UFC event or a Fox spotlight. These guys earned it and in a sport where earn and deserve is more about timing and opinion, it's nice to have two definitive cases of "earning it" colliding at the same time.

2- I'd ALSO be remiss I suppose if I didn't point out how long it's taken this fight to come together. Both guys claim they were supposed to fight on the regional circuit but those sorts of "You might fight X" type rumors are what they are. What we DO know is that Moraes was offered the opportunity to fight Rivera in December as a fill in for Dom Cruz. Moraes said he couldn't make weight and depending on who you ask, he either needed to fight at 145 or higher to fight Rivera. The fight fell apart and THEN it was rebooked for UFC in Orlando. According to Moraes at least. Rivera has said that he wasn't offered a contract or wouldn't sign it or etc etc etc. Whatever the case may be or may not be, we've got it now. The whole back and forth created legitimate realistic tension.  Sometimes it's nice to have dudes who dislike one another a little bit.

3- Jimmie Rivera is currently the slight betting favorite and while that might seem controversial for some, I think it's insanely realistic that he can take a decision. Marlon Moraes' weakness has been guys who can counter strike with him, force him to think and react more than he wants to and challenge him with either a size or a speed advantage. Rivera can fight going forward and backwards, has all sorts of versatility to his game and carries consistent pop in his hands. He's not a fight finisher by any stretch but we've seen him drop dudes like Thomas Almeida and Iuri Alcantara. He's also far more likely to be active during the lulls where Moraes seems to just be trying to patiently stalk a dude down for power shots. Conversely Moraes winning this fight by KO is pretty possible as well given that Rivera loves to exchange, often times abandons defense and security for swangin' n bangin' PLUS Moraes really does hit fucking hard.

4- Is the main event a #1 contender fight? The winner will probably have a hell of a case for the shot, no? The alternatives are Raphael Assuncao who I'd bet the UFC would rather cut than put in a title shot if they were given only those options (although Rapha vs TJ/Cody winner sounds like a fantastic way to kick off your ESPN run), Dom Cruz or John Lineker.  Lineker is a guy who people assume is a draw but never really generates any numbers worthwhile of backing that up. Both Lineker headliners at BW did pretty poorly which, I suppose, helps create the mythos that BWs can't draw viewers. I also can't imagine an audience being that giddy for Lineker vs TJ 2 if Dillashaw wins again. You could make the argument that Dom Cruz has a case over both guys but if Garbrandt wins then whats the point? We've been there and Cruz was soundly handled by Cody. Cruz vs Dillashaw 2 might be a lot more intriguing a second time around for some folks? Still I couldn't count on Cruz to make it to fight night again since 2016 seemed like an anomaly across the board for him health wise. Perhaps the ultimate question mark is Rob Font who seems to be finally getting his act together en route to a clash with Raphael Assuncao in July.

5- So just WHO necessarily is it that the UFC is attempting to hype up and develop in the famed "special showcase third fight" slot? Will Harris is 34 years old and he's already been in the UFC for close to six years now on and off. Harris is coming off two straight losses and while he deserves credit for stepping up vs Fabricio Werdum on like thirty minutes notice, his performance vs Mark Godbeer was hilariously heavyweight. Is the focus on Daniel Spitz? Spitz is a newbie HW who has a 1-1 record in the UFC  with a win over Anthony Hamilton and a loss to Daniel Spitz. Was this just a case of wanting a big guy in a key spot because you've got a bantamweight and a lightweight up top?

6- Sijara Eubanks attempting to make the cut to 125 lbs again seems....dicey. I suppose conversely the same could be said for Lauren Murphy as well so let's just hope everybody makes weight healthily.

7- It took me 7 spots to talk about Gregor Gillespie and at first it kind of bothered me that I had forgotten about. In hindsight, I guess I just don't know what would make him worth remembering to begin with. As a fighter Gillespie is fantastic and while he's slowly creeping out of his athletic prime (he turned 31 in March), he's pretty much dominated everyone he's faced. The only thing a detractor could cling to would be a short brief moment where he was hurt in a firefight vs Jason Gonzalez, a fight he ultimately won in the second round. He's a tremendous wrestler with serious control on the ground plus his hands are really powerful. I just don't know what else there is to really comment on about him. Seems like a nice enough guy, am I right? He fights in an insane division where thus far he's wiped out everybody he's faced----but it's likehe's the world's biggest afterthought. He's really good and really forgettable at the same time. I hope this fight vs Vinc Pichel showcases more of why we SHOULD be excited about Gillespie's prospects. Pichel is one of those guys who exists just below the level of good but way above the level of opposition Gillespie has faced thus far. I'd like a bigger step up for Gregor but in a showcase fight with a moderate step up in competition, you could do a lot worse.

8- If you pay your $9.99 for UFC Fight Pass, your reward for such is the debut of two fascinating prospects who figure to be players in the lighter weight classes. We can begin with Nate Wood who is the easier of the two to explain. Think of everything you liked about Brad Pickett and then make him slightly less chinny and slightly more athletic. The wrestling improvements (or lack thereof) will determine his upside his ultimately. I think he has a more fundamental game than Tom Duquesnoy but I feel more confident on Duquesnoy turning into a bigger deal. On the same card you have the long overdue debut of Jose "Shorty" Torres, a tremendous prospect who has shades of everybody from Chris Weidman to Kelvin Gastelum in his game. He has tremendous pop in his hands, great cardio, a stalking power style on the feet and the ability to absolutely mix it up on the ground as well. I don't know if Torres will be as good as a lot of us think he can be but he's the most excited I've been about a lighter weight fighters debut since probably the aforementioned Duquesnoy last year. Shorty is a really good fighter who I think can comfortably be a force at either 125 lbs or 135 lbs. Both guys get tough matches as Nate Wood gets Johnny Eduardo and Jarrod Brooks welcomes Jose Torres to the UFC.

9- If Sam Alvey vs Gian Villante leaves the first round, I think you're within your right to spend the next 10-20 minutes doing something more important.

10- Daniel Teymur with a full TC is going to give Julio Arce more problems than people imagine. I think that speaks more to the qualities Teymur has than it does about Julio Arce.

11- We're six fights into Belal Muhammad's UFC career and I have zero idea what kind of fighter he really is at this point. I know he's good (wins over Randy Brown, Jordan Mein, Tim Means proves you're quality) but I have no idea if he's anything more than a placeholder in an aging 170 lb division. The Niko Price fight would've told us a lot about him but now he's facing the pretty good Chance Recountre; a regional fighter who would've probably found his way onto the DWTCS eventually.

12- Is Demond Green contractually obligated to just fight massive wrestlers in the UFC? Four fights in he's had Josh Emmett, Rustam Khabilov, the oversized Michel Prezares who was basically fighting at MW vs him and now Gleison Tibau.

Under Pressure

1- Jake Ellenberger

We might as well start here. Ellenberger is no longer the dude who flirted with title contention on multiple opportunities. Those days are long and gone. What remains? Well....it depends. We can start with the cynical view; the raw numbers aren't pretty. Ellenberger is coming up on close to 50 pro fights before the age of 35 in the USADA Era where the dramatic "he's turning back the clock!" runs aren't going to happen. Since the start of 2014, he's just 2-6 with only one decision loss. He's taken damage in his losses and of his two wins, he's Matt Brown changing his mind again away from having 0 current UFC wins. He's chinny, spotty with his offense and it's fair to wonder if he's just been figured out by better fighters who have evolved quicker than he has. An optimistic POV? Ellenberger was far too good for far too long to fall apart this quickly. The quality of competition hasn't helped either given his losses are to genuinely top tier dudes like Rory Mac, Robbie Lawler, Jorge Masvidal and Wonderboy. Even in the losses, he had some moments of life to make you believe that something STILL is in there. In his most recent fight vs Mike Perry, it sure felt like the "old" Ellenberger was back----right before Perry exploded his face with an elbow. He had glimpses vs Masvidal and I felt like he did damn good vs Tarec Saffiedine as well. What if this is just a really bad ugly sort of slide that'll eventually even itself out? Maybe against weaker competition even? Ben Saunders is really the last in the line for Ellenberger. It's win or go home.

2-Jimmie Rivera

Jimmie Rivera's 5-0 run has been fantastic during his time in the UFC----but outside of the cage? It hasn't been as smooth sailing. We detailed the Moraes fight scuffle but beyond that, Rivera sort of got put in an awkward spot as his wife and Aljamain Sterling had a back and forth on twitter that was pretty cringy. Beyond that Rivera has been known to turn down fights in the past and we know that puts a spotlight on a dude. He's not the guy the UFC "wants" so to speak as much as he's the one they got. Rivera has his main event in what is essentially home turf against an opponent with a ton of buzz. You gotta step up and show out.

3- Sijara Eubanks

The Eubanks we saw on TUF was a hell of a lot better than the Eubanks from Invicta. Even with that said, she got yanked from the event the day before fighting for the title due to an awful weight cut. She might've had enough to beat Nicco Montano but alas and alack, it's back to the drawing board. Lauren Murphy is a really tough go of it in your UFC debut but if the TUF Eubanks shows up? Good chance she pulls this off.

4- Jose "Shorty" Torres

It's short notice and that normally is the caveat needed. This is a different situation though. It's not just some prospect but arguably MMA's best unsigned prospect. We're talking about a guy in Jose Torres who is too good to not have these sorts of expectations put on him. He has the ability to be a genuine lightning bolt in a struggling 125 lb weight class or a blossoming 135 lb weight class. It's a lot of pressure to put on somebody making a short notice debut but again, Torres is a different kind of fighter and a different kind of prospect.

5- Vinc Pichel

He is the opponent. Gregor Gillespie is the guy that everybody is excited about which leaves Pichel in the spot of "don't lose too badly!" which is always a bad place to be. Pichel is the sort of fighter who presents enough stylistic questions for Gillespie that even if Gregor is better, you're still looking at a guy who has the ability to give Gillespie some problems.  The pressure is on Pichel to not get blown out here and test Gillespie.

Five Can't Miss Fights

1- Marlon Moraes vs Jimmie River

2- Jarred Brooks vs Jose Torres

3- Walt Harris vs Daniel Spitz on the Walt Harris factor alone

4- Julio Arce vs Daniel Teymur

5-  Nik Lentz vs David Teymur

#MMA #UFC #Moraes #Rivera #Teymur #Ellenberger #Saunders #Utica

[abigfatbug]

Adimyos, Land of Greenery and Giants Ch. 1

This is technically Chapter 2, but I’m treating the first post as just a prologue.  That post is >>>here<<< This is not where you want to be if you want realistic stuffing and more moderate size/weight gain.  This is a story about royalty, Big Fats, and serious musclechub, plus fantasy elements. There’s gonna be sort of kind of an actual plot coming up soon, just with a lot of obviously kinky stuff thrown in. As before, there’s a Google Docs version >>>here<<< if you don’t wanna deal with reading something long on tunglr.hell.  From now on, this will link to a folder containing all currently available chapters of Adimyos.

Tanos woke up one morning in a huge, extravagant bedroom with mostly white walls and a large, very sturdy balcony with sliding glass doors that let in a great deal of light.  He had a soft, luxurious, expansive bed that seemed rather awkwardly enormous for just him, as he’d been expected to grow into it.  He was only wearing loose, puffy white pants, with bare feet and no shirt.  He stretched, rolled to the outer edge of his bed, and sat up, feeling almost immediately hungry upon waking up.  He was actually glad for that as he gave his soft, modest pot belly a squeeze, trying to see if it’d gotten any larger or softer lately.  He’d been working hard on his appetite, so hopefully he’d see progress soon.

    As usual, it was a hot, humid, sticky sort of day, but it was pleasantly cool in the castle.  With the sheer mass of Adimyosians, especially the Adimyosian royalty, avoiding overheating was a big concern even with the fact that they were used to heat and high humidity.  Fortunately, they had an excellent ice trade going with a northern region, and there were both some mages capable of magically inducing cold, as well as some tamed beasts with the natural ability to do the same.  The royal family in particular had access to many of their own ice dragons and mages, although they always had to be foreigners or using foreign relics of arcane power, because Adimyosians were never born with the ability to use elemental magic.  Cold-enchanted stones, each a bit larger than someone’s head, were placed throughout the whole castle to help cool it.  They were exceptionally high quality, so the magic in each stone could last a few years without any issue.  To an outsider, the castle might actually be a bit chilly, but it felt heavenly to the Adimyosians.  

The magic possessed by Adimyosians was subtly and passively interwoven with their natural biology instead, helping to explain how they could accrue so much height, fat, and muscle without ill effect, or how they could gorge themselves to such incredible extents.  When very hungry, even an average Adimyosian man could eat thirty to forty pounds of food in one sitting without discomfort, or more if they pushed themselves.  And in spite of their completely indiscriminate eating habits, even eating things that could poison other races, all Adimyosians were very hearty and healthy.  Regardless of gender, they were as strong as oxen, and they’d gone centuries without a notable plague, even when outsiders carried foreign bacteria and parasites.

Before anything, Tanos went to a large, ornate cage near his bed, where one would expect to see some sort of bird… Instead, it housed a dragon the size of a small housecat, with a long neck and scales colored iridescent blues and violets.  Two long, lightly curled prehensile barbels trailed from the sides of its head. “Morning, Vizzi.”  Tanos said to it, as he opened the cage  The small dragon replied with a high trill before impatiently bringing its barbels together and producing a small shock that hit Tanos on the knuckle. “Alright, alright, I know you’re hungry...”  Tanos said, as Vizzi immediately escaped the cage and got outside through a small opening in the wall about ten feet from the ground, which acted as a sort of “dragon door”.  Although only a tiny thunder dragon, Vizzi was still a very intelligent and prideful creature, so he preferred to get food by himself.  Honestly, Tanos knew the little dragon would’ve unlocked the cage himself if he’d taken too much longer, but Tanos discouraged that because it made him worry about the little dragon.  He needed to be inside when it was dark at all costs.  There were plenty of nocturnal predators awaiting him if he got too sure of himself at night   Tanos went into his personal bathroom to prepare for the day, walking past cabinets full of various equipment for dealing with beasts much larger than Vizzi, and the weapons he liked to train with.  Once he made it, he took a good long look at himself in a mirror clearly made with someone far larger and taller in mind than him. He couldn’t help but sigh at the sight of his body, even though a mainlander would definitely scoff or give him a jealous glare if they ever caught him acting unsatisfied.  But to the Adomyosians, he was nothing but a small, meek young man.  He’d been told more than once that “At least you still have a beautiful face,” in various soft, optimistic, or outright pitying tones. He flexed in the mirror, an action that showed off bulging muscle that would surely intimidate or impress almost any mainlander… But to Adomyosians, they were barely anything special at all.  There’d been plenty of thirteen or fourteen year olds already more substantial than Tanos.  Even scaled down a bit so they’d be at his height, most Adimyosian men would still have larger muscles than him.  Perhaps he was still too active to grow properly…  He’d have to try lowering his activity more and keep trying to push his appetite further. Tanos cleaned himself up and changed clothes, although they were almost the same, just a bit fancier and with the addition of a thin, clingy black top, decorated with ornate gold patterns, showing off most of his arms, and purposely only going to his belly button. Tanos stood and left his huge room through the equally huge door, which opened into the extra wide hallway.  Fine paintings and sculptures decorated the whole length of it, typically depicting fantastic beasts and massively fat and muscular people, often warriors and historical figures. He made his way to the dining room, which was absolutely colossal, and one of the finest rooms in the whole castle.  His parents and siblings all sat around the utterly huge table, which was packed and thickly stacked with all manner of luxurious foods that were nevertheless rapidly disappearing into everyone’s exceedingly round, heavy, corpulent stomachs.  Tanos took an empty, oversized seat next to two of his older sisters and immediately began digging into the massive, fully stacked plate already prepared for him, thanks to the very real danger of them stealing his plate before he could get to it. Attendants nearby had to continually help keep everyone clean and get them refills, as they ate so ravenously that even their relatively “refined” eating style still generated quite bit of crumbs and messiness.  Tanos plowed through his first plate of food without much issue, feeling just the slightest bit proud because it had to have been about ten pounds of food by itself.  After all, it was more like a large serving platter than any dinner plate a mainlander would be familiar with.  He’d packed all manner of rich, fatty delicacies into his stomach, such as thick, sugary jam on rich biscuits, the dense, fatty meat of dragons, tender ham, sausage from only the best fed cattle, sweet, dense bread, an unusually rich and high-carb breed of potato, pancakes with decadent syrup, and dense, creamy milk with an enormous fat content.   Even the fruits on the side were unusually rich in fat and sugar compared to mainland fruit, with their juice and flesh being refreshing, yet thick and syrupy, or sometimes buttery in taste and texture.  Adimyosians were always more than happy to adopt different foods and meal ideas from other cultures, often adding their own twists to make it even richer and fattier. Adimyosian tastes were quite different from the norm, being highly indiscriminate in what they would eat, but having an exceptionally high enjoyment of anything especially rich or dense with calories. Eating was naturally highly pleasurable and rewarding to any Adimyosian, and they were natural-born gluttons.  Even something like a solid stick of butter could be a delicious snack to an Adimyosian’s greedy pallet. Tanos pushed himself to have a second fully packed plate even as he noticed the chefs and servants bringing out a second massive table full of food, and most of his family members had already plowed through several plates each.  Huge belches and pleased moans began to erupt from the others as they continued to gorge themselves.  However, there was barely any talking at all, besides some enthusiastic cries for more. The second plate was already becoming far too much for Tanos, and he had to painstakingly push himself to clear it all.  In the end, he managed to put away about twenty pounds of especially rich food, totalling over 20,000 calories, but that was still rather pathetic compared to the rest of his family.  By time he was finished, his firm, bloated belly looked absolutely pathetic next to his family, all still ravenously devouring more and more food. Meanwhile, he could only sit back and rub his stomach, burping to relieve the pressure. By time the rest of the family had finished, over an hour had passed, and everyone just sat languidly in their huge chairs, unable to move at all.  The servants cleaned up the massive piles of plates and whatever meager scraps were left, leaving the family to digest. With everyone being far too busy during the meal, afterwards was the only real time to talk.  After all, they always ate until they could barely move anyway. “It’s so nice that you don’t eat very much, Tanos….” one of his older sisters started, before pausing to let out an enormous belch.  “It saves food for us!” “Thrin, don’t tease him.  He did a good job this time, he looks more full than usual.  Maybe he’ll finally get his growth spurts soon,” his other sister said, a bit younger but kinder than her sibling.  “Besides, when have we ever not had enough food?” “Honjya, you’re always doting on him. Tanos is the same cute little twig of a brother as always, isn’t he?  Needing to be stuffed just to have a belly half as big as Masu’s empty belly was at that age… No matter how you look at it, he’s just the prince of twigs!” “I am not the prince of twigs!” Tanos said defensively.  “Mainlanders have said I look strong!” “If you’re a twig, mainlanders are nothing but strings!  Being bigger than those pale, scrawny, ugly men is just the bare minimum of beauty!” Thrin countered. “Men from the mainlands aren’t so bad.  It’s really cute how they think so highly of themselves even though they’re so tiny and fragile.  They’re like naive little kids.”  Honjya said. “I suppose so.  One of those depraved skeletons tried to touch me without permission once.  I broke his wrist just by grabbing it.  It really is incredible how they even survive, being so soft,”  Thrin said. “If you’re calling them skeletons, how can you turn around and say they’re soft?  Clearly, we’re much softer than them,”  Honjya said with a laugh, squeezing one of her massive, oozing lovehandles for emphasis.  Just the short laugh made her gelatinous breasts and belly wobble noticeably. “But in a good way!  We’re soft and beautiful, like the most plush and luxurious fabrics.  They’re just metaphorically soft…  Really, I suppose brittle would be the better word,”  Thrin said disdainfully.  “Shriveled, brittle little skeleton men who we always have to play nice with when they’re the ones who came trying to ransack our home in the first place…” “Don’t be so harsh right after a meal, Thrin.  Just relax and let your stomach work, or you’ll become ugly,”  came a deep voice from beside Thrin.. “It would take more than that to ruin the beauty of a princess, Lamtu,” Thrin said dismissively to her older brother.  “Even a twig like Tanos couldn’t become ugly from something so trivial,”  Thrin said.  “After all, he’s still got a few suitors who are confident they can manage to fatten him up!”   “You should be more like the others,”  Lamtu said, motioning an enormous but very plush arm to them.  Sure enough, their five other siblings were asleep after such a filling meal.  Some days, if they could get away with it, they’d do literally almost nothing but eat and sleep. “Mom is asleep too,”  Honjya said with a giggle.  Her mother, the queen of Adimyos, was a gorgeous but extraordinarily large woman, with a height of 8’4 and a weight of nearly 4,000 pounds.  She was peacefully dozing right across from them, her belly gurgling contentedly with the massive several hundred pound feast packed inside.  Really, the incredibly wide and plush woman was still more than fertile enough to continue having healthy heirs.  Due to having some of the finest Adimyosian genes in the land, on top of the natural health and vigor of their race, she still looked almost as youthful as her daughters despite being in her 40s, but she and the king had mutually decided it was best to stop at nine children.  After all, if she got pregnant just once or twice more, the resulting weight gain would surely make her immobile.  She already relied on her great height, extra large frame, and fantastic Adimyosian strength to remain mobile at 4,000 pounds as it was.  Still, it wasn’t an easy task, and she often had attendants following her to keep her steady with each wide, ponderous step.  Immobile royalty wasn’t unheard of in Adimyos, or even particularly uncommon, but the queen wasn’t in a rush to get there. The king was next to her, every bit as incredibly stuffed and overfed.  He was somewhere between being awake and asleep, apparently fighting the desire to go to sleep after a breakfast that partially involved eating a whole roast pig on his own.  He weighed almost the same amount as the queen, but looked somewhat less flabby and elephantine thanks to being a foot taller and having much more muscle on his frame.  So, technically, it was the queen who was the fattest in all of Adimyos, but the king was no less stunning.  His long, wavy black hair was in a thick, voluminous ponytail, and he wore a massive, ornate crown embedded with precious jewels in many colors.  

The king and queen were considered the absolute pinnacles of beauty and desirability.  Every day, their already naturally gorgeous skin and faces would be tended to with only the finest lotions and oils.  Still, it was intentionally not enough to completely stop the formation of stretchmarks, which were merely another sign of beauty to Adimyosians. The queen’s breasts were still unbelievably round and surprisingly perky for how massive and heavy they were, atop a massive, gelatinous double belly with a center fold so deep the queen had a tendency to store extra snacks in it, or in her enormous cleavage.  Her black bra was absolutely enormous, but comfortable and finely decorated.  It was practically the only thing she wore on her upper body besides a thin, skimpy, silky top that was somewhat translucent and didn’t even attempt to cover her stomach.  On her colossal lower body, with hips so amazingly wide and a butt so globular and massive that she needed the widest seat at the table of all,  she just wore a long white floral patterned skirt that had a split from the thigh down so it wouldn’t be outgrown too easily.  She wore a beautiful crown of living flowers, able to be maintained without magic because they were naturally air plants regardless.  They were secured to a tiara made of high quality, finely engraved wood, with valuable gems set into the whole length of it. As Tanos tried to leave the breakfast table, Honjya suddenly seized his arm.  Even though Tanos was far from weak, and he could tell Honjya was being rather gentle, her grip was inescapable. “You’re not finished yet, are you Tanos?  We still need to bulk you up so much!”  Honjya said.  Tanos gulped, dreading what was coming next, but he didn’t resist.  He knew he needed it. Honjya called two servants over, and they almost immediately knew what had to be done.  Tanos watched them with a mixture of anxiety and envy.  They were each hardly even seven and a half feet tall, and yet they both looked much bulkier, better fed, and better suited to be princes than him.  The only advantage he had was a prettier face. They came back in only a moment with some twine and a funnel, along with a massive pitcher of something.  Tanos quickly had his hands tied behind his chair and the funnel forced into his mouth.  He was getting used to it by now, as it’d happened at least once a day for the last month.  It wasn’t anything particularly unusual, he was just taking part in the latest scheme to force him to fatten up. It was working, to an extent.  He’d gained eleven pounds in the last month, but that was hardly anything compared to his siblings, even though he should’ve been able to fatten up much quicker than them without the need to support the nutritional demands of so much fat and muscle, along with the energy required to remain strong and healthy in spite of extreme obesity.

Still, Tanos couldn’t help but wince as the pitcher was tipped into the funnel, and he was immediately forced to pack a thick milkshake into his already full stomach.  He struggled to even breathe as he forced himself to focus on nothing but swallowing.  The mixture was painful and overwhelming before he finally started to find some relief about a third of the way into drinking it, thanks to the herbs inside.  They were designed to soothe an upset stomach as well as relax and elastify muscles and tissues, allowing his stomach to stretch further than it could on its own… And hopefully, leading to permanent capacity increases over time.  Still, it was an arduous and painful ordeal.  There was a whole gallon of the thick shake mixture in the funnel, and it was somewhat denser than water alone, so by time he finally forced it all into his stomach, he’d added more than ten pounds and perhaps 25,000 more calories to his heavily burdened stomach. Still, the main theory as to why he could only grow so slowly with such extreme overfeeding was that his body was in an unusually prolonged unique phase of Adimyosian puberty known as the Great Shift.  Essentially, the Great Shift was a preparation phase.  The body was using up a disproportionately ridiculous amount of energy and not adding much more size or mass during this phase because it was busy converting the young Adimyosian’s body into a stronger and tougher body that could effortlessly endure heights, weights, and digestive burdens that would normally be impossible and highly dangerous and unhealthy, as well as being capable of safely gaining weight much faster, and building far more muscle than would be possible for a normal human. Normally, an Adimyosian was supposed to have already completed their Great Shift in the range of fourteen to sixteen years old, sometimes even sooner, but it seemed that Tanos’ body was simply running very late with it.  Fortunately, they’d ruled out curses or some dormant disease or defect in the bloodline, so now it was simply a matter of waiting out the unusually long Great Shift.  In any case, making sure the subject always had as much nutrition as possible was known to make the Shift conclude faster, so even though the force-feeding was difficult and only making slow progress so far, it would help either way.

Tanos rubbed his stomach and belched loudly, now packed with over thirty pounds of food at once.  His bloated midsection growled and bubbled uncomfortably, still aching and pulsing with mild pain even with the stretching and relaxing effects of the shake.  It looked like he was about to deliver triplets, jutting out a full foot in front of him, but he couldn’t help but feel rather embarrassed.  The servants were merely normal Adimyosians and even they could easily and happily eat the same amount of food in one sitting, with no help from a stomach-stretching painkiller shake, getting only pleasantly full rather than painfully overstuffed. Honjya slowly rubbed his stomach with a large, soft hand.  Tanos often noted that even her fingers were fat.  “You did really good this time, Tanos!  That was the entire pitcher!  Would you like me to carry you to bed?”  Honjya said. Tanos let out another huge burp before answering.  “Yes, please…”  he said, his breathing labored.  He was honestly rather embarrassed by the offer, but he was too full to try and preserve his dignity. “Okay!  Today, you can just eat and sleep all you want…  Soon, you’ll be as big as us,”  Honjya said caringly, as she stood and then proceeded to lift Tanos bridal style, as if he were only the weight of a small child, and not a 240 pound man with over thirty pounds of food in him. “Thank you…”  Tanos mumbled, although his face was burning and he couldn’t look directly at her.  As kind as she could be, it was still incredibly embarrassing to be carried around like a little kid by a 1,500 pound, 8 foot tall sister who was older by only a year and a half.  

It wasn’t exactly the fastest way to travel, but Tanos was back in his room soon enough, as Honjya gingerly placed him on his bed, although it was rather awkward due to her size.

“Sleep well, Tanos,”  she said warmly, before waddling back into the hallway. Tanos, barely able to move on his own while so full, quickly fell into a deep sleep while absentmindedly rubbing his aching, jutting stomach. It was progress, but he still had far more to face than just painful funnel feeding and the struggle to gain more weight.

#bug writes wg #adimyos #chub kink #wg fic #weight gain

[oumakokichi]

Since you've talked a lot about "why Ouma is not Komaeda", would it be okay if I asked you what your take is on Saihara's differences with Hinata?

This is a really fun question, actually! I’vetalked about how Saihara is his own character, as well as his differences fromNaegi and Hinata on a more general level, but I don’t think I’ve ever gone intoexplicit detail about how different he is from Hinata.

I’ve seen a lot of people raisecomplaints about Saihara’s similarities with both previous protagonists. WithNaegi, the accusations are that both of them are “weak” or “ordinary,” but withHinata the accusations are generally more directed towards the fact that bothof them as protagonists are far more depressed than someone optimistic likeNaegi, and both of them struggle with issues like their own self-image.However, the reasons for why they grapple with these things are quitedifferent.

The most important point ofdifference that I would note is that while Hinata certainly “is depressed” overhis own lack of talent, Saihara “has depression.” There’s a world of differencebetween “being depressed” and “having depression,” in my opinion, at least.

At heart, Hinata is not someonewho gets depressed often or easily. Prior to attending Hope’s Peak, we knowthat Hinata was relatively self-assured. He was far more confident than Saiharaever was or has been; his use of “ore” as a pronoun and his lack of honorificsamong his classmates suggests that in a situation removed from Hope’s Peak andtalent, he’s relatively confident and considers himself on equal footing withmost people his own age.

As we see in sdr2, wiped of hismemories and unaware of his own lack of talent, Hinata is able to performadmirably when under strain or duress. He gets much more annoyed and fed upwith his classmates than Naegi or Saihara tend to, but he also holds himselftogether relatively well, confident in his reasoning and common sense. Even asearly as the first investigation in sdr2, he notes that he’s “doing a prettygood job investigating all by himself,” despite the fact that he has noparticular talent for detective work.

These small glimpses of self-assuranceand confidence show that Hinata doesn’t “have depression,” much less theanxiety that Saihara struggles with. Instead, Hinata was someone shaped by thetalent-based society around him. Hope’s Peak Academy and its rules andregulations forced him to feel worthless and inadequate for arbitrary reasons,like not having a specific talent at which he excelled.

Despite all that, Hinata feltas though he very much deserved achance to attend Hope’s Peak. He admired the school more than anyone, and hewanted to attend it more than anyone—and for that reason, he couldn’t acceptthat not being naturally talented was reason enough to refuse him access tothose opportunities. The constant societal pressure and the implication that “talent”was equivalent with “self-worth” eventually made him willing to throw awayeverything, even his own sense of self, in order to obtain that “talent.” Butthe point still stands that he wouldn’t have made that decision if he hadn’thonestly thought that he deserved to have a chance at attending Hope’s Peak.

Hinata’s self-loathing is aresult of societal pressure and the dissonance caused by knowing that he hasworth as a human being but being told otherwise by Hope’s Peak and the worldaround him. When thrust into unreasonable or dangerous situations that he can’tdo anything about, his instinct isn’t to lie down or give up—quite thecontrary, he gets angry. Even in Chapter 1 of sdr2, there are several occasionswhere he simply screams by himself in his cottage, unable to accept thesituation they’ve all been put into.

There are many, many issuesthat Hinata struggles with—but those issues are caused by society itself. Sdr2is a story largely about how Hinata and the other characters are products of thesociety in which they’ve grown up, products of Hope’s Peak, and how others arestill trying to mold them to their own purposes even now. Were it not for Hope’sPeak existing and perpetuating the notion that “talent” is the only “real way”to achieve anything in life, Hinata might very well have lived a perfectly normal,happy life.

By contrast, Saihara is adepressed person by nature. Again, he “has depression”—I don’t think anyonecould go through ndrv3 and argue that he doesn’t have textbook symptoms ofdepression and anxiety, in any case. As Tsumugi says in Chapter 6, and as hehimself says, he’s a “weak person” by nature. His instinct when things gettough is to pretty much lie down and give up, which is a pretty understandableand human reaction. Depression by definition is a disorder which makes it feelas though everything, even the mostbasic tasks, is completely impossible, so it would be better to not even tryanyway.

On several occasions, Saiharatries to simply hole himself up in his room. Right after Kaede’s death inChapter 1, he stays in his room and doesn’t exhibit much interest in eating or eatingwith others; Momota has to come and get him in order to make him join everyoneelse at breakfast. Lethargy, apathy, and lack of sleep and appetite are allabout as textbook as it gets when it comes to symptoms of depression, andSaihara establishes very, very early on that he tends to react this way a lot.

He also panics and loses hiscool extremely easily compared to someone like Hinata, who is noticeably moreconfident and self-assured. Saihara’s anxiety largely stems from his fear ofexposing the truth. Because he feels that he “ruined a man’s life” by exposingthe truth and sending him to jail, he’s absolutely terrified of repeating thosesame mistakes.

This means that he has far lessconfidence in his own judgment, and that situations which pull him out of hiscomfort zone often disorient and scare him. Constantly throughout the game,Saihara displays a fear of the truth, fear of the unknown, and fear of hurtingthose around him. He trusts himself very little, because he knows that he’sweak and insecure, and doesn’t want to “drag down” anyone else.

In Chapter 5 especially, we seeSaihara’s depression and anxiety reach an all-time high. After Ouma shows thewhole group “the truth of the outside world” in order to grind the killing gameto a halt by removing their desire to leave, Saihara’s suicidal nature isreally shown in full, without being glossed over or downplayed at all.

Prior to Chapter 5, there wereplenty of indications that Saihara had suicidal urges—but he often dismissedthem quickly, as though trying not to think about them. After using theremember light in Chapter 2, he remembers thinking “I don’t want to liveanymore. I want to die together with everyone else.” And again, just before theChapter 2 trial, when trying to motivate himself in order to solve the mysteryand survive with everyone else, he tries thinking about reasons he might wantto live, only to come back to the same thoughts about wanting to die again.

He tries fervently denyingthose thoughts, claiming that he does want to live, that there’s no way hewants to just give up and die, but in Chapter 5 we see for the very first timejust how hard it truly is for someone like Saihara to keep living. After beingtold that none of his friends or loved ones are alive anymore, and that theearth itself is completely decimated and ruined, Saihara simply goes back tohis room without even remembering how he got there, lies on his bed, and thinksaimlessly to himself “there’s no reason to live.” And he repeats that thought,over and over again.

He stays in his room for atleast two days without eating, sleeping, or showering. It’s highly implied thatif he had actually had the energy to do so, he would’ve simply killed himself—becausedying seemed like the “nicer alternative” to living with the knowledge that hehad. Himiko exhibits similar traits; when Maki rounds them all up to talk aboutthe remember light she found in the cafeteria, she asks Maki point-blank if she’lljust kill her and put her out of her misery. Maki agrees that she’ll killanyone who wants to be killed, but only if they use the remember light first, andSaihara and the others don’t disagree with this plan at all.

As someone who has dealt withdepression for years now, I can vouch that these sorts of depressive episodes mostdefinitely happen. There have been times myself when I couldn’t leave my room,eat, or sleep. Seeing such a thing presented in such a realistic, raw way withSaihara really hit close to home for me. It’s a horrible kind of feeling, onethat I’m not sure most people could understand unless they’ve experienced itthemselves.

In Chapter 6 as well, afterbeing repeatedly hit with Tsumugi’s “reveals” about the state of their memoriesand the fact that they’re little more than fictional characters designed forthe killing game show, Saihara gives up completely.He’s simply not the kind of person who can motivate himself or inspire hope oroptimism in others.

The reason Kiibo had to take onthe protagonist role from him was because Saihara simply cannot fulfill therole of “inspirational protagonist” in the first place. Being told that hismemories, his backstory, even his feelings were all “lies” made Saihara feelcompletely, 100% defeated. And were it not for Kiibo’s willingness to sacrificehimself and his speeches about hope and optimism (even though that “hope” wasthe wrong choice), Saihara himself says that he would’ve simply given up. Theonly reason he was able to return to his senses and realized the trap inTsumugi’s “hope vs. despair” choice was because Kiibo gave him a reason to keepgoing.

There are many, many times inwhich Hinata becomes angry, upset, or depressed over the realizations that hehas in sdr2, and in which he struggles to find his own path or what he shoulddo after being constantly pulled in all directions by other people for hisentire life. But he never once gave up completely. Hinata’s story has alwaysbeen one of trying to find his own path, of making a place for himself in theworld no matter what the cost, even if it means becoming a different personentirely.

Saihara, on the other hand(along with pretty much all the other ndrv3 characters), is highly implied to haveonly signed up for the killing game in the first place because he was socompletely willing and ready to die. Regardless of how much Tsumugi may havebeen lying about, the outside world in ndrv3 definitely doesn’t seem to be in agood state. I’ve talked in other pieces of meta about why I believe the virus,at least, was real—and the existence of the virus would imply that the meteorcrashes were also real.

There are so many hints andimplications that the world itself is so awful, boring, and ruined in ndrv3that most people are simply desensitized by now. The idea of dying in a waythat’s “interesting” or “entertaining” seems preferable to simply living outone’s life the same way, day after day.

There are several MonokumaTheaters that imply this throughout the course of the game (including one whereMonokuma talks about how he thinks the ones who die in the killing game are the“truly happy ones”), as well as the boy named Makoto, who we get a glimpse ofat the beginning of Chapter 6. Tsumugi’s comments about how she and the othercharacters are people who can “only live within the world of Danganronpa” alsoseem to imply as much. Again and again in ndrv3, we’re presented with the ideathat the outside world is horrible, harsh, and cruel, and that throwing oneselfentirely into fiction is the preferable alternative, even if it means dying.

Saihara, for all hisimprovement, development, and growth, is still anxious and depressed at hiscore. His anxiety and depression remain with him for the course of the entiregame, and are never magically “fixed” or “cured,” because those things are aninherent part of who he is. Unlike Hinata, who was made to feel worthless andunsatisfied with himself because of societal pressure, Saihara is simply adepressed and anxious person by nature—even the fact that he still seemsextremely nervous and on-edge in the prologue, prior to “getting his memories,”implies as much.

He and Hinata might strugglewith similar issues, but their personalities are vastly different, as are thereasons why they struggle in the first place. Were it not for externalcircumstances like Hope’s Peak, I think Hinata would’ve developed into arelatively confident, self-assured person, capable of leading others and makinga name for himself wherever he goes. He’s ambitious, keeps his cool underpressure, and has an abundance of qualities that would make him perform well injust about any circumstance.

But I can’t say the same forSaihara. Saihara is not someone who naturally leads others, nor does he wantto; rather, he’s dragged into the protagonist role due to factors beyond hiscontrol. But he can only truly shine when following someone else’s lead, be itKaede, Momota, Ouma, or Kiibo. He needs support and encouragement in order tokeep going, because otherwise the weight of his own depression and anxietywould be too much to bear.

He is really, truly suicidaldeep down. Not only does he not trust in his own judgment, but he honestly can’tthink of any reason why he should still be alive, because he doesn’t think hedeserves to live, on some level. This is what makes it all the more poignantthat he does survive at the end, despite his absolute willingness to lay downhis life if it meant ending the killing game. Despite his weakness, hisinsecurities, and his willingness to throw his own life away, Saihara at theend of ndrv3 is presented with the opportunity to gradually find his ownmeaning in life, even if that life is “fictional” or “a lie.”

This has gotten quite long, soI’ll stop, but this was really an enjoyable question, anon. Thank you so muchfor giving me the opportunity to answer it! I love Hinata and Saihara both somuch; they’re both fantastic characters, and I’m glad I could talk at lengthabout what makes them so different and enjoyable in their own way. Thanks forasking, anon!

#ndrv3 #new danganronpa v3 #sdr2 #shuuichi saihara #hajime hinata #ndrv3 spoilers // #my meta #okay to reblog #anonymous