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.Rise Young Titian.

Trampling through the forest shaking trees and leaving foot prints twice the size of the body print left in my bed..

With the echoing sound of words being said 

Arise Young Titian your time is here..

As I keep rambling through the forest and giving structure to the play house of my mind.. my imagination beings to run free…

Like a new born in the groove of crawling.. the thoughts emerge and grow! 

Arise Young Titian is what my Soul Screams keeping me firm and sharpened for the Demons that are to come..

I’m prepared..

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It’s all question marks out there. Seriously. Everywhere you look and more… every day.

Question marks in the worst way possible.

And if that scares you… you’re not alone.

Which is my point.

Here’s the thing: the way scared and alone looks in real life is that you wanna crawl into the deepest hole you can find and, once you’re in there, you wanna pull that hole in after you. And right now… there’s everything to suggests that’s the most rational response to this moment in which we find ourselves. And for the forseeable future, it may be the most rational response no matter what anyone says.

Because when we’re gripped by fear and doubt and despondency…

It’s hard to think about anything else.


The feelings of loneliness we bear don’t always reflect the reality in which we live.

The feelings of loneliness we bear.

Don’t always reflect.

The reality in which we live.

Especially today.

Especially tomorrow.

And all the days after that.

I wasn’t kidding about the “hole” analogy, by the way. I know any number of people who climbed in, pulled the hole in after them, and are huddled in darkness alone and out of sight.

And for each of these, there are many friends doing exactly the same thing.

Now I don’t blame anyone, anyone, for pulling the trigger on this impluse. What they’re responding to is overwhelming and disappointing and relentless.


Our feelings of loneliness don’t always reflect a reality of being alone. And right now there are a lot of people who are otherwise connected, otherwise friends, who’re alone in the dark. Which is why we’re working harder than usual to maintain social proximity while keeping our physical distance.

This is no time to be less emotionally available. This is no time to lose track of each other. This is no time to leave anything unsaid.

With me?

Because I’ve said all of that just so I can say this:

If you’re alone in a deep, dark hole and you call a friend today, or even just someone to whom you’re connected today, chances are real good you’re gonna find out you’re talking to someone who needed that call. You’re gonna find out you’re not alone and… they’re gonna find out that they’re not alone.

And most importantly, you’re both gonna find how there is strength in numbers.

There is.

Strength in numbers.

Even with all those question marks out there.

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And there you go again,

Up in smoke,

Dying in pain,

But leave it now,

Old Soul they say,

But I’m just tired,

Or may be just differently wired….

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“This is the verse” by Philip Larkin

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.  
   They may not mean to, but they do.  
They fill you with the faults they had
   And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
   By fools in old-style hats and coats,  
Who half the time were soppy-stern
   And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
   It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
   And don’t have any kids yourself.

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So me and my husband have been on an abstinence based addiction recovery programme since I got pregnant last year and now we have had our daughter and she is 3 weeks old, I’m struggling with Postnatal depression and am having cravings for the drugs we used to focus our lives arround.

I’ve been so proud of myself for doing this well so far that I feel so fucking shit for craving that escape again.

I love my daughter more than anything else in the world and she is the one thing stopping me from relapsing but fuckkkkkkk is it hard.

I don’t wanna do drugs anymore. I don’t wanna be a fucked addict with no money and living on the streets again. But sometimes the PND gets so bad it’s all I can think about.

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from a speech by Rabindranath Tagore in Tokyo, 1941
I believe that there is an ideal hovering over the earth - an ideal of that Paradise which is not the mere outcome of imagination, but the ultimate reality towards which all things are moving. I believe that this vision of Paradise is to be seen in the sunlight, in the beauty of the spring-time, and the repose of a winter morning. Everywhere in this earth the spirit of Paradise is awake and sending forth its voice. We are deaf to its call; we forget it; but the voice of eternity wells up like a mighty organ and touches the inner core of our being with its music.
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Fever Ray

Memory comes when memory’s old
I am never the first to know
Following the stream up North
Where do people like us float

There is room in my lap
For bruises, asses, handclaps
I will never disappear
For forever, I’ll be here

Morning, keep the streets empty for me
Morning, keep the streets empty for me

I’m laying down, eating snow
My fur is hot, my tongue is cold
On a bed of spider web
I think of how to change myself

A lot of hope in a one-man tent
There’s no room for innocence
Take me home before the storm
Velvet moths will keep us warm

Morning, keep the streets empty for me
Morning, keep the streets empty for me

Morning, keep the streets empty for me
Morning, keep the streets empty for me

Uncover our heads and reveal our souls
We were hungry before we were born

Uncover our heads and reveal our souls
We were hungry before we were born

Uncover our heads and reveal our souls
We were hungry before we were born

Uncover our heads and reveal our souls
We were hungry before we were born

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