#realizing the enormity of the issue had me feeling even more scared

[easierreadthandone4711]

Day One

Well. Last night sucked. The heater didn’t work so I woke up every hour trying to readjust to warm up. It was miserable. I messaged my supervisor about it and he said to try turning it off and back on. 😐 I did that … so we shall see tonight if it worked.

The walk into work was short and sweet. I made a new work friend and she’s made this transition bearable. I realize it’s only day one but you know when you just vibe with people? This was one of them.

Later in the evening, I made it back to my room and it finally made it to 80 degrees. That felt so nice…. At first. And then I started burning up 😮‍💨 I was too scared to turn it off but I had no choice - I had already stripped down as much as I could. I moved it down to 73 and hoped for the best.

😒 DAY TWO

0100

Woke up freezing again, it dropped to 63 this time. I gathered up my cozy pjs again and did my best to sleep. I’ll admit, the anger had woken me up so badly I struggled to fall asleep again.

Once again I woke up every hour just doing my best to get warm again. Curling into a ball made me feel like a child again.

On occasion, I would struggle as a child when my parents would leave me with a sitter and would do my best to stay awake by the window waiting for them to return, even if I had the knowledge that they weren’t coming for me until the next day. When I couldn’t stand it any longer or the sitter busted me, I would end up curled up in a ball, crying and begging whoever was listening to not let anything happen to them, please just let them come back. I realize now how early on my abandonment issues had begun.

Needless to say, my last two nights here have been a cruel reminder of those nights and more than anything, just like those nights, I just want to go home.

I spoke to the boss man about my heater and they said they would ‘call and see what they can do’ 🥲 I would love for my heater to be fixed though I know the easier answer is most likely going to be being moved. I’ll do what I need to do to avoid these types of nights but damn.. moving rooms is gonna be annoying.

- - -

I’ll be honest, Today is a low day. When I stepped out of my room today it looked straight out of a painting. It wasn’t too cold, which I was grateful for. It almost sounded like it was starting to rain but there was no water marks on the ground, I realized then that I could hear the leaves falling… a similar sound to raindrops.. I could hear the leaves hit the branches and once again when they landed. Was the morning that quiet or are the leaves on max volume here ?

Back home in Colorado, I have an enormous tree outside my bedroom window. I keep thinking back and wondering if i could silence the city… would I be able to hear those leaves too? I’ve gained a new appreciation for silence. I hear the earth just a little bit better here and it calms my heart a bit.

Only a bit though. I’m honestly fighting back tears.. the feeling hasn’t gone away. I just want to be home. I want to be with my babies. I want to hear my son cursing at his video games… I want to hear my youngest laughing her head off watching silly videos. I want my oldest to wander into my room just to say hi and ramble on about anything on her mind. I just need to be home. Not the condo I live in… them. I want them with me. It’s almost winter break and I wish more than anything I had a million dollars to fly them out here. We could crowd into my room and it wouldn’t matter what we were doing, my heart would feel safe again.

I wonder about my abandonment issues… I never feel secure with anybody.. except them. And selfishly, I’m so happy they love me, even though I know, it takes the MOST type of shitty parents to make a child not love their parent anymore. I’m grateful they love me, I’m grateful I have them. Despite knowing that I’m their mom and of course they love me.. they’re the only example I have of unconditional love and security.

I just want to go home. 🥺

#massachusetts #travel #vintage #nantucket #sadgirl #missing home

[alliebomb]

It’s #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth and I thought it would be a good time to share some things with all of you 💗

I try to be open about my internal struggles, which isn’t always easy. There’s still a huge stigma surrounding mental health issues.

I think the thing people don’t talk about much when struggling with their mental health is how exhausting it is. How you so desperately want to feel “okay” and not locked inside the confines of your own brain. You put the work in every day and yet you still find yourself struggling, fighting against the tidal wave, whatever that tidal wave looks like for you. Mine has been the crippling anxiety and the enormous fear that if I’m not anxious I will fall backwards into depression.

So, I made the decision recently to ask for more help. I realized that even though I was putting in the “work”, doing all of the daily things that help, I was still deeply struggling and truly exhausted.

I fought the idea of medication for a very long time. Like so many, I was scared of what people would think. I was afraid it wouldn’t work. I had many fears surrounding it. But I realize now how much the fear was holding me back. So, I decided to go on medication. And I’m slowly starting to feel better. The loudness is starting to soften. The crippling anxiety is starting to lessen its grip. And I’m starting to feel like myself. A version of myself I didn’t think I would ever find.

I want the stigma surrounding mental health issues to GO AWAY. So many people are struggling and it’s OKAY for us to talk about it. You don’t have to suffer in silence. You’re not alone.💓

#mental health tw #depression tw #anxiety tw #long post

[mariacallous]

Alexey Navalny’s death in an Arctic Russian prison has left a lot of Russians feeling utterly powerless. Even Navalny’s own exhortations to never give up now feel like cold comfort to many of his mourners. Journalist Shura Burtin has taken an even more pessimistic view: he believes that in Russia’s current situation, having a hopeful vision of the future is actively harmful. Burtin outlined his reasoning in an essay for Meduza, which we’ve translated into English. It’s been lightly edited for clarity.

Only in the wake of Navalny’s murder has it become clear how much we were living in hope of a “normal” future. We badly wanted to believe that everything happening around us was some kind of temporary mistake. Despite the voice of reason in our heads, we had a hazy image of this better future in our minds — and it was guiding our behavior. Navalny staked his life on this future and, by doing so, made it feel tangible to us. Now Putin has bluntly shown us that this future doesn’t exist.

I believe it’s important for us not to sink back into that illusion. In reality, the evil we’re facing is more horrific than we’re able to comprehend. Leaving flowers and posting photos of Yulia Navalnaya won’t make this future appear; all it will do is comfort us.

In the video where Navalny tells Russians not to give up, he speaks of the strength we supposedly have. I’m not so sure. Maybe he felt his own strength and was projecting it onto the rest of us. I think it’s important that we feel our weakness. To see clearly that we don’t have a future and that we’re very weak. To see how divided we are and how little we can do to help each other.

Hoping for anything remotely normal to happen with Russia in the foreseeable future is dangerous. We’re dealing with a very bad, malignant process that isn’t going to end anytime soon. Because Russia is an enormous country with a huge amount of power.

I think this murder was a message to the West. But I think Russia heard the message as well. For Russia, it sounded like this: “Traitors will be killed.” Putin had said this before, but the traitors in those cases were people who had betrayed his personal gang. This time, he means traitors to the motherland. And this isn’t some kind of order. It works differently: everyone at all levels has gotten the message that the guardrails have come off. Only three years passed between Kirov’s assassination and the Great Purge.

At a rally in Tbilisi over Navalny’s murder, some young women started chanting, “We’re not afraid!” I wanted to tell them, “You should be.” We’re locked in a cell with a psychopath, and we should be scared of him. We need to be clear-eyed about the fact that things are going to turn out badly, and not just in Russia. The war is most likely going to escalate. Strangely enough, when I heard about the murder, my immediate thought was that they’re going to capture Georgia — simply because they can’t stop. I suddenly realized that the Lithuanians, the Latvians, and the Georgians, who had panicked about the threat that Russia posed, had seen everything clearly, and I hadn’t. Because we were looking at it subjectively, from within ourselves, while they were seeing it objectively, from the outside.

Essentially, Putin is only worried right now about squabbles with the imaginary West. It’s clear that he also hated and feared Navalny, but he’s working out his issues with the West in his own head, within his delusions. He’s feeling great right now — everything is working out at the front. And he’s telling the West, “Hey, you assholes, you think there’s some other Russia, some Navalny? You thought you’d get to negotiate with him afterward? No, it’s me you’re going to talk to, you got that?” He needs them to cave in and respect him, and he’s going to raise the stakes and escalate the situation. There’s nobody to stop him. We don’t have the strength for it, and in reality, we never did. But the world doesn’t know how to stand up to evil, either. Putin’s madness is just one of its manifestations; war is creeping up from all directions, and we could easily be swallowed up by it.

Most likely, we’ll all have to save ourselves individually. The opposition is divided and powerless. Even in freedom, in exile, its members don’t try to do anything together; the opposition doesn’t try to defend the interests of the millions of Russians who have fled. And I can’t imagine a way to change this.

Right now, hope for the future does more harm than good. There’s no point in fooling ourselves: there are very few of us, and we’re very, very weak. The only thing we have is the present, and we’re in the middle of it. We need to realize that our situation is lousy and that we don’t know what to do.

When I heard about Navalny, I wanted to call everybody. Right now, that’s the only thing in my mind: to be closer to each other. To make a deliberate effort to be closer, to pay more attention to each other. To carefully consider what the person next to you might need. I think that now is the time to switch into emergency mode and to try acting differently. We need to consciously try to unite people around anything possible — even if it’s just cooking dinner together. It’s important not to close ourselves off, to be open to suggestions, and to trust each other.

When Russia started bombing Kharkiv, the cashiers in the few remaining supermarkets immediately became more attentive and polite, because they could feel that these people had just been standing in lines that could have been hit. That’s how we need to be. It seems to me that Navalny’s death is a sign not that we need to rush into battle (we’ll chicken out anyway) but that we’ve failed to do something important all along, and that’s why we’ve ended up so weak. Like we always do.

I don’t believe in pulling showy stunts during fascist elections, but it’s very important right now to support the initiatives of good people, even if they have a different perspective. We ought to impose a moratorium on bickering among the opposition — that’s just foolish right now. We’re very bad at supporting one another, not just in politics but in general. If we don’t want to die foolishly, then we need to learn. It’s clear that we’re used to living in normal life, where society doesn’t let you just disappear. In my opinion, we need to understand that the situation has changed.

I’m afraid that within a few years, it will become dangerous for the majority of my friends, who aren’t doing anything subversive, to stay in Russia. When Navalny was killed, my friend and colleague Andrey wrote a desperate post urging everyone who could to flee. The last line was this: “I still couldn’t bring myself to want to.” My dear Andrey, few people want to, but you’ll find it’s easy to want to as soon as you or your loved ones are in danger. It’s not about everyone leaving prematurely but about not being stupid — not letting the monsters devour even more people. Wanting to leave isn’t the issue — the issue is how to live abroad. This is very difficult for a lot of people; they need help. We need to think seriously about this while we still have time.

Our infrastructure isn’t great, but at least we have some. We ought to do more to actively help the organizations that are doing something. It doesn’t matter whom — we just need to be more actively involved in shared endeavors. And the organizations should try not to isolate themselves. The stronger our infrastructure gets, the more chances we’ll have. It’s good that people like Alexey Navalny and Yulia Navalnaya try to unite us, but in reality, relying on leaders to do this is harmful — it’s self-deception. Infrastructure is the only thing that works.

We need to write to political prisoners while we can. It’s important to restore ties with Ukrainians. It’s hard, but we need to try, to write, to call, to help. After the murder, a colleague from Kyiv whom I barely knew called me to offer his condolences, even though I didn’t know Navalny personally, of course. He said there’s a lot of stupid hatred in Kyiv, but that it’s important for him to say that he stands with us. And I’m terribly grateful to him.

It’s important to me not to forget the horror that struck me when I first learned about the murder. I think that was the moment when I saw everything for what it was.

[rabprabp]

My Wrong Idea of 'Working' (1)

Working or even the idea of working at a company or working for someone have caused me anxiety for some time now. It feels like getting nervous and fear, slightly or excessively, of difficult tasks, someone’s disappointment with my work result, being underperformed, not trying enough, if my work quality is below expectation, if I don’t try hard enough, if I don’t put my best effort, doing or saying something wrong, and many other things. 

I knew it was getting worse when I had excessive worry and guilt if I went home on time and not worked overtime, and stayed late working everyday and I blamed myself for taking a rest physically or emotionally. I became conscious and not long became anxious everyday and every time I was sober. I had always checked my phone and always been “on-guard” because work-related problems could face me anytime. In my mind, I told myself that I should focus, I should give my best, I should participate to make the workplace in which I work in a better place.

Notifications. Yes, notification really scares me. It started as a bit uneasy but it has been more toxic, like now I say I hate my phone. I turn-off my phone due to unreasonable fear and anxiety.  And it costs me my life, my time, my health, everything.

So I felt like working under (enormous) pressure most (all) of the time. I lost my happiness and no longer enjoyed my work or the idea or activity of earning money, when the work demanded me to work extra long miles. I actually despised it. I lost interest in work, and then in life. At this point, you can see that it’s not only about pressure at work or even peer pressure, it’s also about me carrying unaddressed emotional baggage which was getting heavier each day. 

 Yes, it’s getting wrong. Something is off. Actually, everything is off. 

Right after realizing the problem, I think I took the wrong way-out. I did nothing and got carried away. I changed nothing and ignored the ‘alarm’ my body gave me. I didn’t try to change anything. So it kept going on. I thought I had the capacity to endure it. I thought time would heal. I thought it was normal. I thought this was how adulthood should be. Then, it made the situation worse. I fell down.

I became more fearful, I detached myself from good habits. I got more anxious, my mind worked harder but I produced nothing. I could not set my priorities right, everything was a priority. I turned into a pushover. I worked until late and dawn everyday. I had trouble sleeping. I could not get out of my bubble.

Right now, I am still working on my healing, as I have been for the last 10 months. As my emotional issues once led to physical health issues, I need not only address my physical health but look into my own self and be brave enough to get out of the ‘bubble’ and change what was wrong. So far it takes a village to get better, I need my loved ones, professional help, physical wellness, time and, of course, courage.

#working #mental wellbeing #mental health #self contemplation #emotions #experience #personal post #personal thoughts #my writing

[tyb1]

Daddy Issues

Words: 1445

Character: Seth Clearwater

Request: Hi! Can I request were the reader is Sams younger sister and their dad comes back in town. The reader gets creeped by him and Sam or Seth fights him.  P.S can we have a bad boy Seth! 

*seth is a tad aggressive*

~Sorry it took so long :)~

BTW thanks for requesting!

I snuggled deeper into Seth’s chest when I felt the breeze of the fall air enter my room. I always adored it when Seth came over for the fall and winter times. We’d always lay in my bed watching movies or playing board games (which he sucks at). 

“(Y/N) if you snuggle any deeper you will cave in my chest.”

I giggled, smacking his chest lightly, “I’m really cold and hungry.”

He wrapped his arms around me pulling me on top of him. His lips were placed on my enormous forehead that he glorified. “You’re always hungry (Y/N).”

Sam and Emily were downstairs getting lunch prepared. The pack was coming over just to hang out and eat some lunch. It has become a mini tradition that everyone comes over and plays games or watches movies then at night we’d sit around the campfire. Even Bella has come over with Jake which really surprises me every time I see her.

“(Y/N) come open the door my hands are full,” Sam shouted from the bottom of the staircase. I groaned at the sound of Sam’s voice. I didn’t want to leave my personal heater and plus the movie was entering its good part. 

“I don’t hear any footsteps (Y/N), our guests are getting cold out there,” Emily shouted.

“I’m coming, Emily! It’s literally only the guys outside!” I lifted my body from Seths, the cold air nearly knocked me back down to him. One side of my body was warm and tingly from him while the other was cold. 

I walked downstairs, the smell of grilled food engulfed my nostrils. I could push Sam off of the grill right now and rob him of all of the ribs. It wouldn’t be the first time I tried that though…….would not be the last either. 

“The food smells good Sam!” I yelled out to him as I reached out for the door. I heard him thanking me in the distance. I opened the door revealing everyone. Leah was the first to enter, she handed me a bowl of her Sue’s famous potato salad.

Leah bent down to my ear whispering, “Don’t let the boys see this, or else it’ll be gone in an instant.”

I nodded my head hiding the potato salad behind my back as the boys began to enter.

“What’s up Scar!” Jared gave me a harsh slap on the arm. Sometimes he forgets that I can’t handle his strength. 

“Ouch Jared and my name isn’t Scar.” I grabbed my arm, it began to pulsate from the impact. The guys moved past me rubbing my head as they entered. Paul went as far as to grab my head nearly squeezing my eyeballs out. 

I pushed the door closed when I heard someone shout from behind the door. I looked outside to see Bella on the porch, she stood there awkwardly trying to utter out some words.

“Hey (Y/N), there’s a man near the entrance who said he's looking for you.” She pointed her finger in the direction of the main road. I glanced down the dirt road looking at the figure as they leaned against their truck. 

“Okay, thanks.” I moved to the side so she could walk into the house. I laughed, I walked because I knew that they were trying to play a joke on me. Jake didn’t come with Bella so I knew he was the figure at the truck trying to scare me. 

“Jake you can’t scare me.” Then I realized the man was too buff to be Jacob. The closer I got the more freaked out I was. It wasn’t Jake at the car nor was it someone that I had recognized. 

“Excuse me, someone mentioned that you were looking for me?” I stopped in the middle of the dirt road. I kept my distance from the man so he couldn’t try anything. He turned to look at me, his eyes stuck out as if he was surprised to see me. The cigarette that he held in his hand fell to the ground fully ignited. 

“Wow, you’ve really grown.” The man took a step towards me while I took a step back. He really gave me an eerie feeling. The air shifted around us, I’ve never felt more uncomfortable in my life. There was a creepy smile that was cast upon his face that made me want to gag.

“If you’re not here for anything you can leave.” I turned to leave, he was such a creep. He smelt like cigarettes and beer. He really didn’t show any emotions, he was only shocked for a second then that same horrific smile appeared again. 

“(Y/N) Uley, that’s your name.”

“How do you know my name?”

“Why wouldn’t a dad know his daughter’s name. I’m Josuha Uley, your father (Y/N).”  

He stuck out his hand for me to shake but I just stared at it. The words kept echoing throughout my head. I felt so nauseous, I ran to throw up in the nearby bushes. Sam told me ever since I was little how dad abandons us. He left Sam when he was little then came back to conceive me then left before I was even born. He missed 18 years of my life, the only father figure I had in my life was Sam. He was nothing to me, I owed this man no respect at all. 

I felt his foreign hand on my back rubbing it. He asked me something but the only thing I could hear was my racing heart. I shoved him away then slapped him in his face “Get away from me. Don’t you ever touch me again?” 

“I just want a relationship with you (Y/N).” Joshua tried to hug me walking closer to me with open hands. I could see tears on the brim of his eyes. I knew they were fake, mom always told me that sweet-talked people to get his way.

“Get away from me you creep.” The cold air that was surrounding us didn’t make it any better. The tears on my face felt so cold. I just wanted him to leave me alone and let me live a life without him. 

“(Y/N)”

“Didn’t she say leave?” 

I turned to see Seth standing behind me. He placed his arm around my waist pulling me behind him. I’ve never seen Seth stand so tall in my life before. He stood his ground in front of my dad. 

“Who are you?” He laughed mocking Seth, I could feel how tense his body was. Not out of fear but out of anger.

“It doesn’t matter who I am. She asked you to leave so leave.” 

Joshua laughed again, he walked to us staring down at Seth. “You have no authority over me. You’re just a little pup. You couldn’t protect (Y/N) if you wanted to. You’re a sorry excuse of a boyfriend. Let me guess he imprinted on you (Y/N).” He scoffed in front of our faces. 

“This is puppy love.” 

“It doesn’t matter what you think. Neither of us gives a shit. Let’s go (Y/N).” 

Seth tugged me back towards the house. We left Joshua where he stood until he grabbed me from behind. I screamed as I felt him drag me towards the car. “We’re not done with this conversation (Y/N).”

Seth forcefully ripped me out of his grip. He grabbed Joshua’s face pushing it into the car window. “I will kill you if you ever touch her again.” 

Seth flung his bleeding body into the dirt. Joshua took this opportunity to shift. He growled at Seth then charged. “Seth move!!” 

I watched in horror as Joshua charged Seth. Seth jumped slightly to the left and Joshua was met with another big black wolf. Sam charged at him ripping at his fur with his teeth. I was shocked to see Sam appear that fast. I always heard stories from others about how dad names or presents would make Sam rage. 

He pushed him further into the woods father away from us. Paul, Jared, Jake, Embry, and Quil were also in their wolf form. They ran behind Sam howling into the air. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m okay. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine but I got to go. Leave the window open like you always do. I’ll be right back.” 

He grabbed my face kissing me. I wrapped my arms around his neck to help me deepen the kiss more. He placed his forehead on mine winking at me before running off in the woods shifting.

“That wink was so cringy Seth Clearwater!!” 

#seth clearwater #seth clearwater imagine #seth clearwater x reader #seth clearwater one shot #seth clearwater fluff #seth clearwater fanfic #sam uley #jared cameron #paul lahote #jacob black #embry call #leah clearwater #quil ateara #twilight imagine #twilight x reader #twilight wolves #twilight wolf pack #wolf pack imagine #wolf pack x reader #wolf pack one shot #wolfpack #wolf pack #bella swan #paul lahote imagine #sam uley imagine #jacob black imagine #twilight embry

[zealous-whispers-of-us-redux]

someplace new

Summary: "There's a whole world out there for us! There are cold and shallow seas! There are deep seas with strange creatures and seas with mounds of earth that spit out water! There are huge coral reefs and fish of all colors and seas with the bones of enormous ships lying in the sand!"

🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

She was not a friendly creature, Bucky thought of the siren he had recently acquainted himself with. She preferred to spend her days swimming and singing her song for any human that she could entrap. She could dive into deeper waters than Bucky, who hated her whenever she left him alone for even a moment. Mer were never alone, and it was a difficult adjustment for Bucky. He was used to sleeping next to his brothers or hunting with his father. His The siren preferred to hunt alone, and whenever Bucky tried to sleep next to her, she would wiggle away. Touching was a different issue altogether. She swam away anytime that Bucky would even brush against her. That was difficult too. Bucky was used to touch and being touched by his pod mates. It must have been a lonely life to be a siren. Although she sure was a remarkable thing, Bucky couldn't deny that. The lights that glowed from her at nighttime drew him in, and he was beginning to see why it was easy for human males to fall under her spell. She was beautiful in a terrifying way that thrilled Bucky to his very being. Her claws and teeth were much sharper than his, and her tailfin moved like that of a shark. Her eyes were too big for her pretty face. She rarely spoke, but when she did, Bucky yearned.

They had been together for two months now. Bucky was unable to leave her nor coax her to come with him back to his pod. She was continuing to starve; he could see it. Fish didn't satiate her in the way they did him. Bucky's worry rapidly increased day by day as he watched her grown gaunt, and her skin turned hazy blue rather than silvery grey.

"You okay?" he asked her one night as she swam underneath him, singing in frustration.

"No," she said.

"Will ya come back up for a minute? I wanna talk to you about somethin.'"

"No."

"Just for a sec. Please, my pretty one?" Bucky whined. "I miss ya."

"I am hunting."

"It's been two tides. You've been swimmin' down there in the dark for ages."

He heard her sigh:

"I will be up soon."

After that, Bucky heard no more from her. He floated aimlessly amongst a school of bluefish tuna as he waited, rehearsing what he would say once she was next to him again. He was going to propose that they move to a new destination. A destination where Bucky was sure humans would be more readily available for her consumption. He knew of a great many places in the seas of the world where no siren had ever been spotted. The humans of this area knew of something evil that lurked in the waters around their town. They'd heard her calls, saw the blood in the water, mourned those that became her victims. She had been here too long, and the humans were growing more innovative every day. Once they moved on, Bucky was sure she would find willing prey.

It seemed to take her ages to swim upwards. Bright pinpricks of white light were what finally caught Bucky's attention. He waited as she rose through the water, her tail swishing lazily. Once in a brighter part of the water, she opened her eyes, squinting as she tried to adjust. Like most deep-sea creatures, she had no use for eyes. Unlike most deep-sea creatures, however, she had the distinct advantage of having them and the ability to keep them closed unconsciously in some way that Bucky didn't know. It was daytime, and Bucky watched as her lights dimmed and flickered under the weak sunlight. As soon as she was near enough, Bucky swam straight through the school of tuna to meet her.

"Anythin'?" he asked.

"No," she said. Her skin looked bluer than ever.

Bucky took a deep breath. "So, I was thinking, and you can tell me to back off if I'm bein' dumb, but I was thinkin' that you're starvin.' It's been weeks since you've had a decent meal an' months since you've even caught a human, which isn't your fault. I just think they know what hangs out around here, an' I know that other sirens have other territories around this area, so I was thinkin' what if we went somewhere else?"

"Somewhere else?"

"Yeah, not this spot, not even this sea."

She looked confused. "There are other seas?"

"Oh," he said because he wasn't expecting her not to know. "Yeah, there are plenty. There's a whole other world out there."

"I have never been anywhere else."

"Would ya like to?"

"I do not know."

Bucky held out his hand. "Will you come with me?"

She went quiet, thinking about his offer for so long that Bucky became restless again. (Mer, unlike sirens, were very impatient creatures). He flicked his tail in irritation, trying to get her to hurry up. Finally, she agreed.

"Yes," she said.

Overwhelmed with delight, Bucky did several unique spins, flipping his hair and showing off his tail in a futile attempt to impress her. She watched him impassively. She was either oblivious or unconcerned with his courtship display; Bucky could not tell which. But no matter. He was taking her away from this place, and they'd live together for the rest of their days! He'd find her shiny things and make a permanent home for her on a bed of the softest kelp, and the warmest sand Bucky could find! Then when the time was right, he would offer her his shell, and they would mate under the golden light of the sun! It was bliss.

"Where are we going?" she asked as they began to swim.

"Anywhere we want! We got a whole world to explore! There are cold seas, shallow and deep seas, and seas with huge mounds of earth that spit out the hottest water! There are huge coral reefs and fish of all colors! There are seas with the bones of enormous ships lying in the sand too!" Bucky said excitedly. "Where d'you wanna go first?"

"Wherever there are humans."

"There are humans everywhere."

"Then it is your choice."

"There is a sea that mer call inhospitable 'cause, we say, the deeper you go, the harder it is to breathe. There are fragments of ships down at the bottom."

Bucky observed her, noticing as some feeling or thought he had never seen before appeared in her eyes. Then, much to his surprise, she smiled. Her lips twisted strangely around her teeth like she had forgotten how to do it, but it was, indeed, a smile. Bucky should have been petrified at how many deadly teeth she seemed to possess, but he wasn't. She was stunning, and Bucky reveled at the sight of her. He itched to get her into a cave, just the two of them. He would bring her shiny things, and she would look at him the way she was now.

"The ships," she said decisively, noticing how strange she sounded.

She realized that this was the first decision (that had nothing to do with hunting) she had made in a while. It made her feel wrong in a way that she could not explain. She wanted to see other places. She was curious, but why was she feeling that way? Was the sway of this beautiful mer already getting to her? Impulsively, as though her body was not her own, she brushed her hand against his just as he did when they first met. She felt his eyes on her but kept hers straight ahead, determined not to look at him. Their hands were still touching, and then he coiled his fingers around hers.

"The water over there is much colder," Bucky said softly, not wanting to scare her with his voice and have her pull her hand away. "An' the salinity is a bit different. Just let me know if you feel weird or anythin', alright?"

"Yes," she answered. Her hand stayed in Bucky's hand. "How long?"

"Few days. I can't swim as fast as you."

She nodded, saying nothing, which was how they spent the next three hours. Bucky continued prattling on, pointing out this thing and that thing. He told her about his little sister Rebecca and his best friends, Steve and Sam. He regaled her in fantastic stories of their adventures and misdeeds in protecting the pod. Mer tended to embellish such tales, and Bucky was no exception as he crafted a story about him fighting off a giant sea monster single-handedly. As he told the tale, he noticed her looking at him dubiously.

"What?" Bucky asked.

"Such a creature cannot exist," she said.

"A Cthulu can't exist?"

"Yes. A creature shaped like a human and an octopus, with the wings of a dragon? What is a dragon, anyway?" she asked.

That was the longest string of words she had said to Bucky in days. He was elated.

"A huge, serpent-like creature that spits fire," he said.

"No creature that lives can breathe fire."

"Humans say we don't exist," Bucky said. "Are ya callin' me a liar?"

She shrugged. "I am not sure what that means."

"Fine, fine, you got me. It was a giant squid."

"I see."

"I did get suckered pretty hard, though," said Bucky, puffing out his chest in pride. "I got the scars to prove it. Ma was scared when I came back all bloody."

"Ma?" she asked.

"My mother."

"You have a mother?"

Bucky nodded. "'Course, everything does."

"I do not."

"But you had one once, right?"

"Once."

"What was she like?" Bucky asked eagerly.

Her lips parted, and she took a deep breath.

"She… She tried to protect me from the human men at first. But they took what they wanted from me and left me to drown. I remember dying and hearing her tell me to be brave and believe in the sea. The Gods blessed me, and I was reborn."

"Oh, I- I had no idea; I'm so sorry I brought it up," Bucky stammered, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment. His poor, sweet siren. She had been through so much.

"I do not remember her."

Again, they drifted into silence. Bucky was upset when she slid her hand from his and began drifting downward into deeper water, where he could not follow. He wanted to beg for her to come back. He didn't mean to talk about such things; he had simply been eager to hear more about her! Knowing what he knew now, he felt anger wash over him. How dare those raiders act that way? What kind of creatures were the humans that did such awful things? Despicable is what they were! They were nothing more than- than- phytoplankton! Small, insignificant cowards that did not care who they hurt! Damn them!

"Are those men still alive?" he spat angrily.

"I killed them," she replied from underneath him.

"I'd kill their descendants if I could."

"Why?"

"Whaddya mean why? Nothin' hurts you! Anythin' hurts you again; you tell me an' I'll kill it, you hear me?" Bucky snarled.

From the deep, she began to sing. It was a new song, one Bucky had never heard from her, and he stopped his ranting to listen. It washed over him, replacing the anger with quiet peace, and oh. She was reassuring him in the best way that she knew how. Warmth bloomed in Bucky's chest, and he felt his face heating for an entirely different reason. She was trying to thank him. He wondered if she knew it too. Bucky smiled, glancing below him to watch as she rose back up to join him.

She continued to sing, taking his hand once again. Once her song was over, and without even thinking about it, Bucky thrust his hand into the pouch tied around his waist.

"Here," he said, shoving his mating shell into her hand, his belly reddening.

"What for?"

Bucky froze, scrambling for a false explanation. Because, just his luck, she had no idea what he had been trying to convey to her. He was too embarrassed to tell her the truth. It hadn't even been three months, and he was already prepared to settle down with her!

"Er, uh, w-well, I told ya that a pretty thing needs pretty things, right? I, uh, I found it an' thought you, er, deserved it? Yeah, I thought you deserved it."

"It is very shiny. Thank you, Bucky."

She rarely said his name. Bucky had fallen hard if only hearing her say his damn name was driving him nuts. He could feel his stomach heating the longer she looked at him. He wiggled a little bit at her stare. She raised a confused eyebrow, looking like she wanted to ask questions Bucky wasn't ready to answer. Instead, he lifted her hand to his lips, flipped it over, and kissed her palm. They both stopped swimming.

"Oh," she said. "A kiss? "

"Mhm," said Bucky, boldly wrapping his tail around hers. "A kiss."

"May I give one back?"

"Please."

She lifted Bucky's hand to her lips and pressed her mouth to the back of it. Her teeth bit into his skin. Bucky winced.

"No, like this, with no teeth," he explained kindly, showing her.

She curled her lips entirely over her teeth and mashed her mouth against Bucky's hand.

"No, not quite. Tilt your head a little an' put your lips like this, see?" said Bucky.

With immense concentration, she tilted her head and fixed her lips, kissing Bucky just right. He couldn't help the shiver that raced down his spine, even though the kiss was only on his hand.

"Good," he said weakly. "Perfect. "

"I am hungry." She was unruffled.

"Wait! Usually, a kiss is on the mouth, remember?"

Bucky's tail tightened around hers, and he pressed their chests together. His hand darted out, and he tenderly cupped her cheek, being careful of her lure. Her skin was hard as a handful of gold coins and twice as beautiful. He watched as she followed his lead, hesitant in her motions.

She wasn't used to touching, but she didn't mind it so much when it was this mer. His skin was soft where she touched his cheek and pressed her thumb into the divet in his chin. She knew her flesh was hard, and she wondered if he hated the feeling of it. Before she could pull away, Bucky kissed her. She stiffened before she relaxed under his lips, following his lead until she felt warm from head to tailfin.

Bucky wasn't faring much better. He was glad that the water was cold and that her attention was somewhere else because his belly was so warm that he was sure it was flashing a bright red. He made a soft noise and melted in her arms. She was a swift learner, the smart thing that she was. Bucky nibbled at her bottom lip and slipped his tongue into her mouth. He found out quite quickly that, just like a shark, she did not have a tongue. It was a strange sensation, kissing a creature without a tongue in her mouth, but Bucky quickly got used to it. He found out that she liked to nip when she caught his tongue between her sharp teeth. Bucky groaned, winding his arms around her and biting her back. Eventually, they broke apart and looked at each other.

"Wow," said Bucky, swooning.

"A kiss, yes?" she asked.

"Yeah. Yes, that was a kiss. Goddamn, you learn fast."

He hadn't let her go. He couldn't let her go, not after that. She was already free of his embrace, although she kept hold of his hand, which was a start.

"Are you hungry?" she asked, sounding nervous.

Confused, Bucky nodded.

"Can I help?"

"Yes," she agreed, tugging him behind her. "Come. "

Following right behind her, Bucky became lost in thought. He may have acted rashly by giving her his shell, but now he was confident that she was the one for him. Still, he had no idea how even to broach such a topic. Did she know what mating was? Was she willing to spend the rest of her days with him? He thought it was not the best time to ask and instead followed behind her, eager to watch her in action.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #mermaid au #fluff #merman!bucky #siren!reader

[pluviophile-imagines]

LOWI CONGRATS ON THE FOLLOWER MILESTONE!! 🥺💞💞💞 u deserve it and so much more!! for the kiss prompt could i get 18 with shinsou ?? 🥺👉👈

TYSM SOFFFF so uh. I’ve been fuckin stupid dkfnskfb my dumbass rlly wrote Shinsou correctly on my master post like a week ago and then still managed to write for Shigaraki instead when it came to the actual piece 😳 so thanks to my handyman brainrot you get two—that’s right, two!—characters for the price of one ur welcome ♥️ I cheated a lil bit so shinsou;s not sitting in the reader’s lap it’s just his head but i think its cute 🥺 also Shiggy’s is like twice as long as ive been trying to write them oops i rlly like the jealous reader premise 👉👈 it’s under the read more bc of that and bc of kiiiinda spoilers? if yall arent caught up to the manga you won’t get it but if u are it’s canonical. Whew that was a lot! Enjoy!

Kisses where one person is sitting in the other’s lap

Shinsou

To say that your relationship with Shinsou is new would be an understatement. You’ve been friends for years—ever since the third year of high school when you’d been assigned to him as his support—but you’ve never been particularly close until recently when you’d once again found yourself working on his hero costume and support items.

He’d only asked you out yesterday after nearly two months of tension-filled glances and fleeting touches. Now, the two of you are watching a movie at your mutual friend Kirishima’s apartment, sitting quite awkwardly on a loveseat and pretending like you don’t want to get closer to each other. You haven’t told your friends yet about your new relationship status, but that’s not entirely what’s holding you two back. If anything, it’s run-of-the-mill first date awkwardness (if watching a movie with six of your closest friends around can be considered a date), too afraid to initiate anything.

The movie’s dull; the two of you have pulled out your phones to snark at each other through text, a strategy you’d begun weeks ago after being hushed one too many times by Kaminari because you were talking too loudly. The bright screens probably aren’t all that much better, but you two are in the back anyway; nobody can see it unless they turn away from the TV.

You risk a glance up and end up locking eyes with Shinsou. Your face heats up, heartbeat quickening, as he gives you a charming smile. You watch him glance around the room, unsure at first why he’s doing it until he turns his attention back to you and slowly, silently, moves over across the loveseat into your personal space.

Your legs are touching now, faces so close your nose is nearly brushing his. One of his hands has come to brace against the armrest you’re leaning on, allowing him to stay leaning in.

“Hey,” he says, little more than a whisper and clearly hushed so the others don’t hear.

“Hey yourself,” you respond, earning yourself a low snort.

Instead of vocally responding, he pushes himself back up to a sitting position and then moves his hands to maneuver your legs until you’re no longer curled up against the couch’s backing but sitting like a normal person.

Then he lays down, head resting on your thighs, and turns to face the movie.

You’re grinning uncontrollably. All possible self-conscious thoughts of the others seeing you are dashed from your mind; you like the weight of him in your lap too much.

You spend much of the rest of the movie like that, easily over half an hour. A few minutes in he reaches down to find your hand and bring it to his hair, encouraging you to stroke it. It’s even softer than you’ve imagined in the past, fluffy and thick and genuinely nice to run your hands though. There’s a surge of contentment that rushes through you, and maybe a little bit of pride at the knowledge that you can do this pretty much any time you want now.

By the end of the film, you’re pretty sure Shinsou’s fallen asleep. He gives you the scare of your life, however, when he grabs your arm as you’re trying to pull away. His eyes open, purple irises trained on you.

What happens next you blame on grogginess, him still not quite being awake. He blames it on you; whenever you mention it, he says he saw you and had become consumed with an overwhelming desire to just lean up and kiss you. Whatever the reason, it’s nice for you.

His hand comes up to the back of your neck, tugging you down just as much as he lifts up. It begins soft, kind of sweet, just lips as the two of you melt into each other—but it doesn’t stay that way for long. Within moments the two of you morph the kiss from a quick peck after a movie to a very passionate makeout, and frankly you’d be more concerned if they hadn’t interrupted the two of you.

You pull away when you hear Kaminari’s wolf whistle, left sitting on the loveseat with a burning face and your boyfriend in your lap, still half asleep.

Shigaraki

You’re not jealous.

No, you’ve been dating Tomura for months. You can’t be jealous when he’s, well, yours, and has been for quite some time. You’re his first relationship, his first everything, and it’s frankly foolish of you to feel this insecure just because some floozy is simpering at him from across the enormous room where you and the rest of the League are scattered about. It’s not like she really wants him, or even knows him; he’s just the hew big-shot leader and she’s decided being his lover sounds good. Too bad that role’s already taken.

Still, there’s a sinking feeling in your chest—an ache in your heart, a burning lump in your throat—that says now that Tomura is Grand Commander he’ll drop you for someone better.

You don’t realize you’re glaring daggers at the woman until she catches your eye. She has no business looking that smug; the only reason she’s allowed in the room is to give Tomura reports. You’re the one lounging next to him as she approaches; he has your legs over his lap, his thumb absent-mindedly rubbing circles on your thigh.

And when she bends down to drop the report on his lap (as if your damn legs aren’t there, you want to scoff) she draws the eyes of every League member except the one she wants, because you’re the one who has Tomura’s attention.

He’s wearing Father, but you’ve long passed being afraid when he looks at you from between those lifeless digits and you can see the expression beneath; those lips tugging down slightly in a pout, brow furrowed, eyes far softer than they have any damn business being while hiding behind the severed hand of his old man. He’s concerned, and a little confused.

Tomura plucks the report from your legs and sets it aside, reaching to pull you fully into his lap. To your surprise he takes Father off, too; he buries his face into your neck to prevent the outsider from seeing, lips just brushing your ear so that you can hear him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Hm?”

“You’ve been pouting ever since the secretary came in, brat.”

Like hell you’re saying anything in front of her. You remain stubbornly silent.

He doesn’t like that, you can tell, but while the secretary’s interest is lost on him he knows you well enough to tell that you’re uncomfortable with her. Presumably that’s why he doesn’t press the issue and kisses you instead.

You don’t expect it. Tomura’s not exactly one to shy away from PDA (you’re sitting in his lap in front of the whole League, for fuck’s sake), but intimacy is something he’s never wanted to take beyond closed doors. When he’s in a sour mood you’ll kiss him sometimes, even in public (he’s invigorated by your affection in many way, but never anything you’d call heated.

This kiss, though, is. It’s anything but chaste, perhaps even downright lewd. He’s all but initiating a makeout with you while Miss Secretary is standing right there. Maybe his affection-motivated ways are rubbing off on you, but it helps more than it probably ought to.

You’re dazed by the time he pulls away. The sound of the door slamming closed snaps you from your trance. The secretary, ploy foiled simply by your annoyed expression, had left. It doesn’t matter. None of this was ever really about her in the first place.

“There,” Tomura says, audibly quite pleased with himself. “She’s gone. Now tell me what’s wrong.”

You sigh, leaning in to tuck your own head into his shoulder. Your voice is muffled when you speak, quiet so that only he can hear.

“It’s dumb.”

“It’s bothering you,” he says simply. There’s an underlying statement there: tell me so I can destroy it for you. In many ways, Tomura is a predictable man.

You know he’s not going to drop it, so you accept your fate. “She was making a pass at you.”

He tenses beneath you, holding you closer. You risk lifting your head from where it’s buried to see the way his nose is scrunched up. “She wasn’t.”

“Yeah, she was.”

There’s a pause, like he’s processing everything you’re saying. Then, seemingly finally registering what exactly is bothering you, his hands move to grip your hips and maneuver you to straddle him, sitting fully on his lap facing him. “Fine. Why’re you pissed about it, then?”

You lean in again, arms coming to wrap around his neck as you bury your face into his chest and try to ignore the tears that are coming. You’d never be able to live it down if any of the others saw you crying over the fucking secretary.

But you know more than anyone thanks to many late nights assuring your boyfriend he’s the only one for you that Tomura can empathize with this insecurity. It’s a little strange how the script has flipped.

“She’s a high ranking MLA member, she probably has some crazy strong quirk. I’m quirkless. I dunno. I guess I’m scared you’ll drop me for someone like her. Like I said, it’s dumb.”

He doesn’t speak for a moment. You sit there, listening to his heartbeat and matching your breathing to his. Then he speaks.

“Your emotions aren’t dumb. It’s okay that you’re feeling this way. Thank you for telling me.” He’s parroting you, you realize; this is what you tell him every time he comes to you for comfort when he’s gotten in a mood. You feel a little fuzzy, warmth flooding your chest. “But I think we both know they’re irrational.”

“Tomura… I—”

“I’m not interested in some lame-ass NPC,” he interrupts, no hesitation and entirely sincere. He doesn’t even need to think about it. “You’re my player two, my endgame. The only thing in this world worth protecting. You really think that secretary can hold a candle to you? I didn’t even notice her. Why would I when you’re here?”

You can’t help it, you surge upward and kiss him, just as passionately as he had you mere moments before. His right hand traces up your spine to find the back of your neck and pull you closer, sending a thrill through your body as your own arms tighten around him.

“Oi! Horndogs! Get a damn room, don’t make us see that!”

You break away at Dabi’s words, panting slightly, and if the sincerity of Tomura’s little rant hadn’t convinced you that his words were true, the look of utter adoration he’s regarding you with would have.

#bnha x reader #bnha imagine #mha x reader #mha imagines #shinsou x reader #shinsou imagine #shinsou hitoshi x reader #shinsou hitoshi imagine #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki imagine #shigaraki tomura x reader #shigaraki tomura imagine #shimura tenko x reader #shimura tenko imagines #myherowritings #ask.🌧 #mine.🌧 #event.🌧 750 follower prompts #char.🌧 shinsou #char.🌧 shigaraki #pluvi’s pals

[thedragonnerd]

Rayaari headcanon - time for a modern military veterans AU

(suggested by this lovely anon)

Namaari struggles to adjust back in the civilian world. The army has been her life for so many years, that even supposedly simple tasks such as registering for dental care is slightly confusing, and the day-to-day pace where there are no orders to give or receive, and no strict routine to follow feels alien. And then of course, there is her arm.

She will never regret the circumstances in which she was wounded, considering it means three of her soldiers survived that day, even if they too will be dealing with life-changing injuries. But sometimes, after a long session of physical therapy where her shoulder burns as if it is on fire, or when she's clumsy with her new prosthetic and accidentally breaks something, she can't help but feel slightly overwhelmed and tired by the enormity of it all.

She knows she's always been considered a fairly attractive woman, and takes the time to reclaim her style after leaving the military by embracing her old, half-shaved hairstyle, and discovering pretty yet impractical earrings to wear. But it doesn't escape her attention that people do a subtle double-take when they see her prosthetic arm, or even blatantly stare. To be contrary, she starts to wear tank tops so she can simultaneously show off her muscled shoulders and send a mental 'fuck you' to the silent stares.

Her therapist advises her to join a support group. 'I'm not really a "sharing my issues" type of person, besides between the two of us,' she tells him, but takes the information he provides her anyway.

Virana agrees that it's a good suggestion, even going so far as to say that spending time around people with shared or similar experiences had helped her adjust when she retired from the army also. Namaari so rarely hears about that aspect of her mother's career, that she listens, and starts to look for a group that same day.

For her first meeting, she is extremely nervous and slightly uncomfortable, trying to join the group discreetly. She wasn't lying when she said she wasn't the sharing type, and being a leader for so long also has instilled in her a sense of having to keep it all locked away, wanting to appear strong for those who look to her for answers.

But as soon as she's taken a seat, another woman drops in the chair beside her. Her facial scars are visible through the light make-up she's wearing, and for some reason, it makes Namaari think of the scars on her arm. 'I'm Raya,' the woman says without any preamble, and Namaari likes her immediately. Raya could clearly sense her desire to bolt, but as soon as they get to talking, it's easy to discover they have a lot in common, and Namaari doesn't even realize that time is passing.

Attending the support group ends up being the highlight of Namaari's week; every time, she looks forward early to seeing Raya again. She even starts to participate in some wider group discussions, encouraged by Raya's own willingness to share (and Raya's confession to her that it took several months before she shared anything about herself when she first joined the group - everyone moves at their own pace).

After a few weeks, she builds up the courage to thrust her mobile towards Raya at the end of the meeting, with an awkward 'Exchange numbers?' request. She may have faced down enemies on the battlefield, and led groups of soldiers into unknown dangers, but there is something rather nerve-racking about waiting for Raya's response. But she needn't have worried - Raya not only adds her number, but sends herself a silly text from Namaari's phone, in order to capture Namaari's number also.

They meet for coffee regularly outside of the meetings, enjoying discussing things of a more lighthearted nature as they get to know each other.

One day, they are mid-discussion on a movie they've just been to the cinema together to see, when there is a loud *bang* as a car backfires. Namaari flinches slightly, and when she looks across at Raya, she can see the other woman has gone pale and sweaty, staring blankly at something and yet clearly not seeing anything before her. 'Breathe with me,' Namaari tells her, taking slow and deep breaths herself.

She manages to get Raya to copy her, observing as the tremors start to taper away, and then starts asking her to describe their surroundings. 'Flashback,' Raya says, once she is back in the present. 'Hasn't happened for a long time.'

Three days later, Namaari is lying in bed in the dark, lacking all motivation to move. The phantom pain in her arm is making her so uncomfortable, she rolls onto her side and texts Raya: I don't want to go to PT today. Ten second later, and her phone pings a response: Go to PT, and I'll meet you after with a coffee. With that bribe, Namaari goes to her physical therapy session, and true to her word, Raya is waiting for her when she gets out.

Namaari summons up the courage to ask Raya out on a date six months after they first meet. In her mind, she can hear her group of soldiers cheering her on as she knows they would do if they were here, strong in the belief that "Ma'm" is far too badass to be scared to ask anyone for a date.

Raya kisses her instead, and says 'What do you think we've been doing all this time?'

They both still suffer from nightmares and PTSD, but together, they support each other along the road of healing.

#rayaari #raya and the last dragon #ratld #raya and namaari #raya #namaari #raya x namaari #raya/namaari #military au #i am not a therapist #nor am i a doctor #but i did do some research #so hopefully this isn't wildly off #and was respectful #i feel these two girls would bond well in these circumstances #supporting each other #and understanding each other

[buckyownsmylife]

daddy issues - chapter xi

The one where Ransom doesn’t feel ready to become a father, but he should have thought about it before sleeping with a complete stranger.

When Ransom’s latest one night stand lets him know that he’s going to become a father, he finds himself looking for the qualities he never believed to have so he can become the parent he never got to witness as a child.

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Where are you taking me, Ransom?” He just glanced at me, a mischievous smile on his face, one hand on the steering wheel and the other on my thigh. I tried to ignore how it made me feel, how his touch just felt right. It always did, but ever since the night we arrived, when I succumbed to my overwhelming need for the man whose baby I was carrying, it was like there was this magnetic pull between the two of us.

The fact that now he felt free to touch me whenever he wanted, with the excuse that he needed to “sell the ruse to my parents” only aggravated my already constant state of arousal. And I knew he noticed it and relished in it. So I was almost half expecting this impromptu night out to start and end in some hotel room he had rented for the night, finally sick of having to keep quiet in respect to the owners of the house we would still be staying in for the next two nights.

Surprise took over my expression when I saw him park in front of a quaint little Italian restaurant that was all too familiar to me. “Ransom…” I questioned, eyebrows raised high. “What are we doing here?” Instead of directly answering me, he just chuckled lightly, getting out of his seat and opening my door before I could even figure out how to unbuckle the seatbelt on his expensive car.

“You didn’t think I asked you to wear the best dress you had packed just for nothing?” I bit my lip to stop a smile from taking over my face, even though I knew he could perfectly read me.

“Well, if this isn’t nothing, what is it?” It was a challenge, I knew he was aware of it. But he opted not to answer me straight away, not to name this night as what it undoubtedly was and give it a weight that could possibly suffocate us both. I appreciated it, and I appreciated even more the fact that he had obviously listened to what I had said that first night we got here and was trying to get what he wanted by giving me what I needed, instead of just forcing the situation to happen.

“Trust me?” He asked once I had successfully gotten out of the car - with his help, of course. Even though my belly wasn’t really enormous, it was definitely there, hindering my ability to do certain movements and this skin-tight dress that barely still fitted me highlighted it just enough to make it pretty clear to anyone who looked at me that I was very obviously pregnant.

“I do,” I answered sincerely, thinking back on everything he’d done for me ever since I gave him the chance to be by my side for this ride. There was no doubt in my mind that he deserved this trust.

His eyes roamed over my body as we walked to the restaurant hand in hand, and once inside, his body enveloped mine, his chest to my back, his hands over my belly.

“You’re smothering me,” I joked, glancing at his warm brown eyes from over my shoulder. He looked far too elegant for a small restaurant in a small town, but that was Ransom Drysdale, and I can’t say that I hated it. “Is this your way of telling me you’re cold or what?”

He snorted, not immediately answering me as the hostess asked us for the information about our reservation, but once we were being guided to our table, he offered, “Maybe I just wanted to scare off that guy who keeps checking you out?”

I sighed, not feeling in the slightest a sense of curiosity to check on who he was referring to. Not only had I caught a glimpse of the guy already - there was just one other couple waiting with us to get seated - but I highly doubted he’d be staring my way.

“With this belly?” I scoffed, shaking my head at the man beside me. “Impossible.” Ransom just stopped and gave me a long, incomprehensible look. We had arrived at our table by then, but he didn’t seem to want to sit any time soon.

“You really have no idea,” he mused, much to my confusion, suddenly leaning over and capturing my lips in a short and sweet kiss that left me flustered. Damn him and his ability to leave me like this so easily.

“No idea of what?” I asked once he had pulled out a chair for me and took a seat by my side, hand immediately falling over my thigh as the waiter approached us with two menus.

I decided not to point out that he technically didn’t need to kiss me. My parents weren’t there, there was no pretense to keep intact. But it was time for me to admit that I wanted his touch just as much as he wanted to touch me.

“Say, sweetheart… You ever heard of a breeding kink?” The term sent a shiver down my spine, but it was undeniably one of arousal. I bit down on my lower lip, hoping he wouldn’t notice what the term did to me, even though I knew it was a futile plan.

“You’re lying,” I immediately denied it, not believing it was actually a thing men had in real life. “There’s no way! I look huge,” I commented, knowing I was exaggerating even before Ransom rolled his eyes at me.

“You most definitely do not. And even if you did, that just makes men even harder for you,” he whispered in my ear, making me clench my thighs together in desire. He’d been fucking me ever since we arrived in this town, and yet I still so desperately needed him, all the time - and I don’t think the pregnancy hormones were the only reason for it.

Well… if what he’s saying it’s true, maybe it is the reason for his desire.

“And you feel that way too?” I asked, wanting to be sure of it. The predatory smirk on his face said it all, but he still answered me.

“Oh, baby… Just thinking about the fact that it’s my baby inside of you, my seed that got you this way has me straining against my pants.” My heartbeat was out of control as he whispered these confessions in my ear, uncaring for the poor waiter who was obviously waiting for us to make a choice for the evening.

“Didn’t take you for a possessive man, Drysdale,” I decided to play it cool, opting to finally open the menu and stare at it instead of the man whose eyes were trying to pull me in. But beside me, he scoffed.

“I wasn’t.” The words weighed heavily in the mood of the evening, but not in a bad way. My fingers were clutching the card in my hands like it was a lifeline, meanwhile, his fingers clutched me, right on the inside of my thigh, palm sprawled over it in a clear sign of ownership - or at least desire.

I didn’t have anything to say. Everything about the moment had me flooding my underwear, and so I inhaled deeply, trying to focus on the letters before me even though I already knew what I was going to order.

The waiter chose to interrupt our tense silence at that second, and I was almost grateful for it. “Do you know what you would like to have for the evening?” My mouth opened to answer, but before I could, Ransom spoke for me.

“We’ll both have the lasagna.” I didn’t close it as he slowly removed the menu from my hands and offered it back to the patient man, who just nodded at us before taking his leave. It wasn’t until he was gone that Ransom looked to the side and witnessed my expression of shock.

“I’m sorry, isn’t the lasagna your favorite?” He frowned, squeezing my thigh a bit tighter. “I can call the waiter back if you want to.” Forcing myself to close my lips, I shook my head emphatically, eyes still staring wide at him.

“It’s not necessary,” I assured him, even if the gesture was a bit much. “That was my order anyway.” And if it wasn’t, there was no way I’d let this go. But as it were, I realized something that warmed me to the core and left me feeling tingly all over. 

He had actually prepared all of this. The only way he could know that this was my favorite restaurant, the lasagna my favorite deal, was if he had asked for my parent’s help. And the thought just made something deep inside of me awaken, something I wasn’t quite prepared to admit to myself yet, much less to him.

Thankfully, although his smile denounced that he had at least an inkling as to what was going on through my head, he just expertly shifted the conversation into a different direction, leaning over me to whisper, “Thank you for getting all pretty to go out with me.”

Good. This was good, solid ground I could stand on. I silently thanked him for providing me with this opportunity as I teased, “And here I thought I was always pretty.”

Ransom’s P.O.V.

“Oh, darling…” I smirked, leaning over her to nuzzle against her jaw, breathing her perfume in. “You have no idea.” And just like that, she was back to being a flustered little thing. It was adorable, and I would have loved nothing more than to keep her like this for the entire evening, but I knew she would get fessed up with me.

So I changed the subject into an equally interesting one, hoping to get to know her a little bit better than I already did. “So, I was the first guy you ever brought home?” She blinked a few times, clearly not expecting the question, but ended up getting around to it.

“Yeah, well. I never had really serious relationships. No one I thought would be worth the hassle of introducing to my parents.” I tried to hold back my smile at the thought of me being worth that hassle. Of course, I knew most of it was due to the baby. I was going to be the father of her child, it was inevitable her parents would be interested in getting to know me even if they didn’t think we were together.

But I was counting this as a win anyway.

“You know…” She started, and I took a deep breath to prepare myself for what was coming next. I knew she’d try to tease me again. There was just no way she’d let me have the last word - and it was one of the things I liked the most about her.  “I didn’t think you could be romantic, but this is pretty close.”

My heart skipped a beat as I took in her words. They weren’t what I expected to hear. They sounded sincere, almost hopeful, and so they brought hope into my heart when I stared back at her, finding her looking around the restaurant seemingly lost in her own thoughts.

I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t a romantic man, I’d never been, but this is what she did to me. She made me want to try. And because of her, I did give a shit.

When her head turned back to me, I don’t know what it was that she saw in my eyes - if it was all of those thoughts that were swirling around my brain and I just couldn’t voice right then. Whatever it was though, it made her wiggle her way closer to me, dipping her face up until she could catch my lips in hers, and I tried not to sigh at how comfortable it felt to have her like this - almost in my lap, warm body glued to mine, lips moving with my own from her own advances.

“Hmm…” I moaned appreciatively, rubbing my nose on her neck as her fingers spread over my thigh, pinky almost reaching my crotch. “Are you trying to tease me, sweetheart?” I whispered, loving the smirk that spread over her lips while she kept her innocent facade. “Because I must tell you, it’s definitely working.”

She giggled then, slightly pushing me away, but all I could do was smile like a dork at how much this looked like the teenage romance I never got to experience. It felt sweet and pure while it kept my dick hard all the same, and it was just perfect.

The waiter brought our food right then, somewhat interrupting the moment, but it still added to it somehow. I didn’t think there was anything that could ruin how I felt.

“So, Ransom…” She tried to start another subject as we began eating. “I’ve been thinking about what you told me about your job,  and I got a question for you.”

I nodded, eyes momentarily focused on the lasagna as I waited for her to keep going. “Why don’t you write your own book?” I froze, food mid-way to my mouth as I stared back at the woman by my side, not quite believing what I had heard. “I mean, you’re intelligent and I know you have quite a lot to say. I can only imagine how great a book from you would be, and you definitely got the means to get it published.”

She stopped talking when she noticed my reaction, clearly confused, but then patiently waited for any response I might give, which took me a while. I had to clear my throat, have a drink of water, think to myself on what I could say.

I’d given my grandfather quite a lot of excuses over the years whenever he suggested that I should follow his example and write a book. Back then, my main “reason” was that I was too busy living the playboy lifestyle.

Now that my day-to-day life consisted of reading other people’s works, the question had become a constant companion, living deep inside my brain. Why didn’t I write my own book? Why didn’t I give this a try?

There was only one explanation I could give, and even though it wasn’t the easiest thing to admit, it felt important that I shared it with her.

“I’ve thought about it before…” I confessed, seeing the surprise appear in her eyes, paired with a sweet, excited smile. “I guess I’m just… scared. If I never try, I can never fail, you know?” I gave her a tight-lipped smile, reaching out for my glass of water again. I’d ordered it so she wouldn’t feel alone since she couldn’t drink wine, but boy did I miss alcohol at that second.

That was, until her hand got back over my thigh, squeezing it lightly. “I understand, honey.” The pet name made me melt, uneasy feeling suddenly disappearing altogether. “It’s hard to put yourself out there.” Wide-eyed, I couldn’t believe how such a simple sentence had made me feel. It was then that I realized how no one had truly understood me before.

And she did. She did because she cared, she had actively listened, had given me chance after chance of proving myself even when I showed her the worst of me.

Chest filled with warmth, I leaned down to press a quick peck on her lips, going back to my delicious lasagna now that the uncomfortable feeling of vulnerability was gone.

“This tastes so good,” I acknowledged it, reaching out to squeeze her thigh as If thanking her for having this dish as her favorite. There was a lot more I had to thank her for, though. “Still... not as good as you.”

My wink had her eyes rolling, but the sweet smile on her lips made it worth it. She knew me enough by now to know that my mind was always in the gutter. I just had to show her it was all because of her and only her.

#my series #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale reader #ransom drysdale reader inserts #ransom drysdale reader insert #ransom drysdale fanfiction #ransom drysdale writing #ransom drysdale fics

[moon-light-jukebox]

“All you have to do is ask.” Chapter 9 - [Reid x Reader]

previous chapter // series index // next chapter 

Summary: Dr. Spencer Reid is one of the most brilliant men in the entire world...but even geniuses can be dumbasses. Once he realizes he’s made the biggest mistake of his life, the next step is getting Reader to forgive him. 

Pairing: Spencer Reid / (Female) Reader

Rating: Mature

Category: Angst. but then the fluff we all need. 

Content Warning: Talk of drug addiction, mentions of injuries, angst. 

Word Count: 9.4k for Chapter 9 

A/n: I’m sorry I didn’t get this out as quickly as I wanted; I know I broke your hearts in chapter 8. So, please let me and Dr. Reid put them back together. Thank you for sticking with me. 💖 Chapter 10 returns to the smut we all signed up for. 

-- Chapter 9 - “You know why.” -- 

Out of all the compliments I've received in my life, "you're such a strong person" is the one I have gotten the most often.

I was “so strong” for busting my ass through college with dreams of going to the FBI.

My friends told me I was “so strong” when I gave myself a few days to lay around and cry about my ex before I bottled it all up and moved forward.

Everyone said I was just “so strong” for joining the FBI and finishing in the top of my class at the academy.

And when I told everyone I was a profiler that hunted the most dangerous monsters on the planet? I was both “so strong, so brave.”

It’s a nice compliment to receive, but I have never really agreed with it. I’ve never really felt strong. I've always felt resilient. The two words have always felt very different to me. It took enormous amounts of strength to go to college, join the FBI, and then become a member of one of the most prestigious units; but eventually, that strength fades, or it just tires out. Resilience came when the strength was gone when the fight had left your body, but you couldn’t give in, you would endure this pain and any pain after it…because that’s just who you are.

It didn’t take strength to leave the hospital 3 days after Spencer Reid broke my heart. It didn’t take strength to go back to the same apartment where I could feel echoes of him in every room. It didn’t even take strength to not break down and cry.

I kept going because I had to. Because I was resilient.

--

“You sure you got everything you need, mama?” Morgan had been annoyingly thorough in his duties today; Garcia had assigned him to be the person who brought me home and got me settled.

I offered him a wan smile. “I’m fine, Derek. It’s just a gunshot wound. I’m actually surprised how well I’m feeling.” Not good. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel ‘good’ again.

He didn’t look convinced. “Are you sure? Because the last thing I need is Garcia to throw one of her damn shoes at me again. Those things are heavy, y/n.”

I chuckled at him. “Well, you won’t get maimed on my account. I’m really okay.”

Morgan regarded me from his position by the door, his eyes ran over everything from the exhaustion on my face to my arm that was in a sling; he took note of everything before he sighed heavily. “I know it’s not my place to say but…”

“Then don’t say it, Derek.” I brought my gaze up to his, my eyes were pleading. “Please, just don’t say it.”

Reluctantly he nodded. “You call any of us if you need anything.”

I nodded. Because I would call any of them if I needed anything…any of them except the one person I really wished I could call.

--

My life went on like that for a time. On my first night home, Rossi had flowers delivered. On my second night home, JJ came by to bring me groceries. On my third night home Emily came by and helped me wash my hair in the sink because I couldn’t lift my arm yet. On my fourth night home Garcia came over with a stack of action movies and popcorn. I didn’t ask why she brought mindless action movies; I knew why, and I was grateful.

On my fifth day home, the team left on a case. The in-person visits slowed down a lot after that, much to my relief. I loved them all but they're profilers and I was so tired of pretending to be strong when the only reason I was still standing was because I was too fucking stubborn to fall down.

But still, Garcia would schedule the odd visitor every now and then to come to check on me; usually either her, JJ, or Emily. No one ever brought up Reid, and I was very careful not to ask about him. I don't know what they knew and what they didn't…but I just couldn’t talk about it.

I was cleared to go back to work on the second Tuesday after my injury, but I would still be on desk duty until I was 4 weeks out. I had sent Hotch an e-mail on that second Tuesday morning and requested to use some personal time, just until the end of the following week. His response was, “Whatever you need.”

He didn't respond to the e-mail I sent yesterday. The e-mail I wasn't even sure I wanted to send but knew I had to. I had submitted a hardship transfer request.

“Then maybe you should reevaluate your place in this team,” Reid had said to me. Maybe he was right. I had thought my home was with the family inside the BAU…but I had also thought Spencer Reid wanted my heart.

“But I think your judgment has been compromised.” Maybe my judgment was never that good to begin with.

--

Twenty-four days after I was shot and two after I requested my transfer there was a knock on my door. Scheduled visits weren’t a thing anymore. Only Garcia had been coming by; Emily and JJ would send me texts, and Morgan drove me to physical therapy a few times but that was it. So, I was very surprised when I heard a sharp knock at my door at 2 pm that Friday afternoon.

I opened the door only to find the last face I expected to see.

“Hotch,” I said, my brows drawing together.

He just gave me a rare smile. “Not who you were expecting?”

“It’s not that you’re not who I was expecting,” I began carefully. “It’s just that…when I think of cheerful visitors coming to surround me with rainbows and sunshine…I don’t think of you, boss man.”

He scoffed, which I had learned was his version of a chuckle. “Garcia is busy. So, can I come in?”

I waved my arm, offering him inside.

He surveyed my apartment; he’d never been here. None of the team had ever been here before- Stop. Don’t think about it.

“How have you been?”

I gave him a very sour look. “Peachy with a side of keen, Hotch. But that’s not why you’re here.”

He didn’t look abashed in the slightest. “You’re right. That’s not why I’m here.”

We both sat on my couch; I kept my gaze on my hands, but I felt his eyes on me.

“Why are you requesting a hardship transfer?”

I was prepared for this question. “Because there is a personal issue within my team that affects me; I can no longer be an effective agent of the FBI in this unit.”

Hotch gave me an almost smile. “That’s a very political answer.”

“It’s the truth.”

“It might be.” He sounded so thoughtful I turned to look at him. We were both profilers, but Hotch was in charge for a reason; that man saw things in ways I don’t think any of us did. “The reason might also be that Reid is a dumb ass.”

I was in no way prepared for that statement to come out of my boss’s mouth. A laugh, the first real laugh I had had in almost 25 days, burst out of me before I could clap my hand over my mouth.

He did smile then. It was a soft, sad smile. “I figured that’s what it was.”

“He’s a genius, Hotch.”

“And he’s also proof geniuses can be dumbasses.”

That one got a small chuckle out of me. “I didn’t know you were funny.”

“I have my moments,” he said dryly.

I took a deep breath, my eyes moving around my apartment, searching for something to focus on. “I don’t know what you know, I don’t know what any of you know…but I can’t stay. Not like this.”

The older man considered me for a moment, planning out his next words. I knew that the team knew that Reid and I had been…something. I hadn’t asked what they knew; I couldn’t ask.

Hotch let out a long sigh, his shoulders dropping before he spoke again. "Hayley had an affair."  

…I have no idea how I’m supposed to respond to that. “I’m sorry, Hotch.”

He just nodded, his gaze sort of far off. “The team was working a case in Milwaukee; it was right before you joined. I was considering transferring; it was right before Gideon left. I knew it, she knew I knew it. I think that was sort of the beginning of the end for us.”

I just stared at him. Hotch didn’t talk about personal things.

He continued on. “It was never really brought up again until the divorce. You think divorce will end your fights…it never works out that way.” Hotch let out another sigh. “Anyway, I think about this one specific fight a lot now. I just…She was so fucking cruel, y/l/n. She said things she knew would hurt me.”

You can’t call a dead woman a cunt, y/n. You just can’t.

“I think about it so much now because I know she lashed out because I hurt her and she was scared. I picked my job over her and Jack. And she’s right…I did.”

Enlightenment finally dawned on me.

“Hotch, I see where you’re going but it’s different,” I stressed. “Protecting the team is my job. I protected a member of my team.”

He just nodded, his eyes never leaving my face. “You also jumped in front of a bullet for a man who is in love with you, who now thinks it’s his fault you got hurt.”

“He is not in love with me!” I interrupted, not that Hotch seemed to care.

“And you also told him you loved him, for what I suspect was the first time, while we all thought you were dying.”

Hold the fuck up. “You heard me? Spencer heard me?!”

Hotch nodded his head solemnly. “Rossi figured he hadn’t told you. He was inconsolable on the way to the hospital. He rode with you in the ambulance. Morgan had to restrain him when you were taken into surgery.” I felt my lungs seize, there was no more air in the room. “His legs gave out from under him when the doctor told us you made it. He was in your room right before you woke up. He ran out when your heart rate spiked.”

That…that can’t be right. “I…I don’t know what happened while I was under, but you weren’t there. You didn’t hear what he said to me, Aaron.”

“You’re right,” he said softly. “I wasn’t, but I have been around him every day since you were injured. I’ve known him for years, y/n. He’s hurting…because he’s a dumbass.”

I tried to focus on Hotch’s words, I really did. But one thing kept playing over and over in my head. That asshole heard me. He lied to me.

--

-- Spencer POV –

“Because I love you.”

“Because I love you.”

“Because I love you.”

The worst thing about having an eidetic memory is that I never forgot anything. I remember the crushing disappointment I felt on my 8th birthday when my dad didn’t call. I remember how gutted I felt when I found Gideon’s letter in his cabin. I remember the self-loathing I felt when Emily was beaten by a deranged cult leader at Liberty Ranch because she didn’t think I could handle it.

I could remember every single crushing moment of my life with absolute clarity, including the moment when I told y/n I didn’t love her. I could see every detail of her face in that moment whenever I closed my eyes. How pain covered her face for just a moment before it went blank.  

Her face in that moment was all I saw when I was awake, but what I saw at night may have been worse. I saw her happy. I saw her laughing at some joke Morgan made. I saw her smiling at me while I explained the scientific impossibilities of the show we were watching on her couch. I saw how thoughtful she’d looked before she kissed me for the first time.

In the 24 days, 21 hours, and 16 minutes since I made the most painful decision of my life, I had regretted it and rethought it countless times. But then I remembered how her eyes fluttered closed that day, how her blood ran out of her body and down my arms, no matter how hard I pressed on the wound. I remembered how it felt to think I was going to lose her.

The members of my team were all furious with me for my decision; I even felt tension from Rossi and Hotch, though it was more subtle. Y/n hadn’t been with our team long, but she had already carved out a place in everyone’s heart…and she’d carved out all of my heart; now it was filled with almost nothing but her. At first, it was just Morgan who was pissed at me, then Emily started becoming frustrated, even JJ stopped inviting me over for dinner as much. They were all still my friends, but everything felt different.

I hadn't realized there was a giant problem until the last person I ever expected to be mad at me finally snapped. We were in the conference room discussing our last case when I had asked Garcia a question. Looking back, I can see it was a dumb question; Garcia cross-referenced everything and dug into people's lives before we even had a chance to ask. But even my stupid question hadn’t warranted her response.

“Garcia, do you know any of the victim’s extended families have any connections to one another? Even distantly.”

She had clicked her tongue against her teeth, her shoulders stiffening. “Of course I have, Reid. That’s a stupid question…but I guess we should expect stupid questions from you now. Since you’ve suddenly become an-“

“Garcia,” Hotch warned.

“Sorry, sir.” She let out a breath.

“Yes, Dr. Reid, I have checked and found no apparent connections.

She’d been avoiding me ever since.

I knew that I had made a mess of things, but the team just didn't understand. They'd only felt her warmth from afar; I'd actually got to be a part of it. They didn't know how her feet were always cold and how she'd shove them under my leg while we watched TV. They didn't know that she mumbled in her sleep sometimes, or when she was really stressed about a case, she'd grind her teeth. The pain I felt now was indescribable, but I couldn't live with losing her.

We’d gotten back home from a case earlier this morning, Hotch let us all go home around noon. Usually, he'd make us stay and finish our paperwork, but he said he had "something" he had to take care of.

Not being at work was bittersweet. Because work reminded me of her, but at least I could occupy my mind with other things; when I was home, she surrounded me. I couldn’t lay in my bed without imagining her beside me. The look on her face when she told me she was ready to be with me. For the first few days after I could still smell her shampoo on my pillow. That was long gone now.

It was just after 2 pm when there was a very loud knock on my door.

“Open up, dumbass!’

What is Morgan doing here? I got up from my couch to open my door. Morgan was in the same clothes he wore to work, he didn't look injured, but his jaw was set, his teeth clenched together. Uh oh.

“Why are you here?” I sighed. I already knew why he was here.

“I’m here,” he began, shoving his way into my apartment. “To see why you’re still being a dumbass.”

I didn’t bother correcting him. Maybe I am a dumbass.

“Morgan-“

“Nu-uh. You sit your little scrawny ass down and listen to me.”

I’m not that scrawny, I thought grumpily while I sat down.

He put his hands on his hips, coming to stand in front of me. “Reid, what are you doing man?”

“I don’t know,” I mumbled.

“Well, I’ll tell you what the fuck you’re doing, Pretty Boy. You know, we were all content to let you flounder along for a while longer. You’re smart, you’d figure it out. But that was before y/n submitted a request for a hardship transfer.”

My shoulders stiffened. I had told her to rethink her place on the team, but I didn’t mean leave it. “What? When?”

“I’m not sure when,” he replied. “Hotch is at her apartment now trying to talk her out of it.”

So that was his important business.

“Look, kid.” He came to sit beside me on the couch. “I know you’re scared. I know you almost lost her, and you couldn’t bear that. But you’re losing her now too, man!’

“It’s different, Morgan,” I protested.

“Yeah, it is different, because you don’t have to lose her! You didn’t see her when she came home from the hospital. She wasn’t even sad, Reid. She was numb. We all knew she had walls up before…but these new walls, man? They make the old ones look like nothing.”

I put my hands together, lacing my fingers tightly. “But-“

Morgan stood up. “No, Reid! No! No buts. I understand that you’re hurting, believe me. But did you ever stop to use that big ass brain of yours to think for a second that you’re hurting her too?!”

“I know I’m hurting her, Morgan,” I said hotly. “I know! But it’s better she’s hurt like this for a little while then die over me!”

“Oh, come on, kid! You can’t make that choice for her! That’s not how love works!” He let out a sigh. “You’re acting like a coward, Spencer. And that’s not the kind of man you are.”

It’s exactly the type of man I am. “Morgan, she’s…she’s everything to me. She’s the sun at the center of my universe. I can’t let her disappear.”  

“Okay, okay,” Morgan nodded, considering me. “Now, I’m not a genius but I do know some stuff after hanging around your ass for all these years. The universe would fall apart without the sun. But…what happens if the sun dims?”

“What?” My heart refused to work when I processed his words.

“You heard me. What happens to the universe when the sun dims? It’s still there, but it’s nowhere near as bright anymore. Because she may be the center of your universe but she’s still a part of a lot of other people’s…I don’t know, galaxy or some shit.” Morgan flicked his hand around to gesture at nothing, like this somehow proved his point.

“Spencer. I know you’re scared. I get it. But you’re making the choice for her. You lied to her, man. You got her to let you in and then you fucking shut her out when you get scared! Do you think she wasn’t scared to let you in in the first place? She’s never going to be totally free of danger, Reid. That’s part of what makes her who she is; she is always going to put herself at risk to help people, we all are! It’s why we’re on the same fucking team!”

The impact of Morgan’s words was a blow to the gut. What if I wasn’t keeping her safe? What if I was putting her through this…because I was afraid? Did I push her away from me for her? Or did I-

“Oh my god. I’m a dumbass.”

Morgan threw his hands in the air before slapping them against his hips.

“I fucked up.”

Morgan opened his eyes very wide and tilted his head down in a universally recognized expression of “you think, dumbass?”.

“What do I do?”

“You apologize, Reid! You go over to her house and you beg for forgiveness.”

My palms were starting to sweat. “What if she doesn’t forgive me?”

Morgan shrugged. “Then at least you tried, man.”

“Will you give me a ride?”

His face split into a wide smile. “There’s the genius! Let’s go!”

--

-- Reader’s POV --

It was just after 4 pm when there was another sharp knock on my door. I picked up the remote to pause the TV show I wasn’t watching; I had just needed some background noise. With a huff, I pulled myself off the couch and started shuffling towards the door. Hotch hadn’t been gone long, so I just figured maybe he’d come back to impart more wisdom on me.

It wasn’t Hotch. My heart stuttered when I saw that mop of curly brown hair out of my door’s peephole.

He knocked again, more hesitantly than before. “Y/n,” he called. “I know I don’t have any right to ask. But…I need to talk to you.”

My eyebrows drew together in confusion. What could you possibly have to say to me?

I cleared my throat. “Is something wrong?”

I saw his head snap up; his eyes fixed on the peephole on my door. “Yes. Everything is wrong.”  

Oh. “Are…are you alright?”

“No.” His answer was simple and firm. “I know I don’t deserve anything from you…but, please, y/n.”

Taking a deep breath, I cracked open my door. “What do you want, Reid?”

I only allowed a tiny sliver of my face to be seen through the door. “C-can I come in?”

“I…I don’t know,” I mumbled. You’re still everywhere. If I let you in now…how will you ever fade?

Reid just nodded. “I understand. I just…I owe you an apology. I owe you so many apologies.”

I swallowed; my throat suddenly coated in sandpaper. “Reid, I don’t…you don’t…”

His eyes never left mine; he was leaving the choice up to me. “I don’t have to come in. I’ll talk to you through your door. Or I can talk to you over the phone. I’ll send you letters if that is easier. Just…please say you’ll talk to me?”

Very, very slowly, I eased the door open. He was cautious when he walked in, his hands stuffed into his pants pockets. “You don’t have to-“

“Yes, I do,” he interrupted. “That day in my apartment… I asked you not to lie to me. And I’ve done nothing but lie to you for the past 24 days, 22 hours, and 30 minutes.” He shifted his weight from foot to foot.

“I already know you heard me, Reid.”

He just nodded. “That’s one of the things I lied about. But it’s not all. It’s not even close to all. I told you my feelings changed, and they didn’t. They haven’t. I still feel the exact same way that I always have. I’m so sorry I even let you think that I didn’t l-“

“Stop.” I wrapped my arms around my middle. “I-I can’t. You…you can’t say that.” I will break if you say that.

His hands came out of his pockets, his arms outstretched, palms facing me; like I was a wild animal he was trying not to startle. “I won’t, I won’t. I’m sorry. I won’t say it until you're ready to hear it if you're ever ready to hear it. But…you have to know why.”

My teeth dug into my bottom lip; my eyes averted from him. “Why what?”

“Why I…Y/n, I just…I thought that I was protecting you.”

My face fell into a frown. “Protecting me from what?”

He stuffed his hands back into his pockets. “From me.” I opened my mouth to say something, but he hurried on. “I know I contribute to the team in some ways, but I also know other people have to pick up my slack sometimes. I just…I know members of the team have gotten hurt protecting me before.” He swallowed, his eyes blinking rapidly. “I couldn’t let you get hurt trying to protect me too. I’m not worth it.”

I felt anger start to burn in my stomach. “You don’t get to make those sorts of choices for people, Reid.”

He nodded. “I know. I was wrong.” He squared his slim shoulders, pulling his hands out of his pockets to rest them at his sides. “I fucked up. I’ve made the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire life. And I only know one way to fix mistakes this big.” He paused, his throat working when he swallowed. “In Narcotics Anonymous the hardest steps for a lot of people are steps 8 and 9. Step 8 is acknowledging that our actions have caused pain and we need to make amends. Step 9 is making those amends and making them in a way that won’t hurt anyone.”

Hands back in his pockets, he took a hesitant step towards me. “I promise, y/n, I will never hurt you again. This isn’t an excuse, but I was so…I was so scared. I thought that…I thought that your injury was my fault. And I thought if I distanced you from such a…a colossal fuck up like me that you’d be safer.”

My body started to shake, but I wouldn’t let any tears fall. I couldn’t. If the dam broke now, I don’t know that I’d be able to put it back in place.

“Y/n, I don’t deserve the opportunity to make amends to you. But…if you’ll let me, I’d like to try. You’re…you’re everything, y/n. Everything. I even lied before when I said you were sunshine and warmth. You’re so much more than that.”

I heard the tears in his voice, but I couldn’t look at him. I’d break if I looked at him.

“You’re the sun. You’re the center of my universe. And I thought I was keeping you safe, but…I didn’t give you the choice. I took your choice away from you when you’ve always given me a choice in everything.”

I moved my eyes upwards to look at the ceiling, crossing my arms over my chest, my hands rubbing over my upper arms. “I don’t-I don’t know what you want me to say, Reid.”

I heard his shoes on my floor; I felt the air shift in the room when he took a step closer to me. “Just…Just say you’ll…that you’ll at least wait before you push your transfer through. That you’ll let me try to fix this, even though I don’t deserve it.”

A humorless laugh left my throat. “I already told Hotch to hold my transfer request.”

His voice cracked when he spoke again. “You did? When?”

“He came by about an hour ago.” I finally, finally looked at him. I saw his glassy eyes, his wild hair, and the clear pain mixed with a spark of hope on his face. He wasn’t my boy, not anymore. But…goddamnit. “He said…He said you were being a dumbass.”

Reid laughed a bit at that. “That seems to be the general consensus.”

“He asked me to give it some time. To see if working with the team again would actually be a hardship. My first day back is Monday, and I’m cleared to go back on active duty Wednesday.”

He shifted, his hands coming up to push is hair out of his face. “So, you’ll be back on Monday?”

"That's the plan," I said softly. "But…Reid, I don't-I don't know if I can…"

“I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’m just asking you to let me try to make amends for this.”

I brought my hand up to rub my forehead. “What is your goal here, Reid? What do you want?”

His face was as open as I’d ever seen it, his eyes were wide, and his lips were parted. “I want to go back to the moment you started to wake up in the hospital. I want to hold your hand and tell you how much I” he cut himself off, which I was grateful for. “And I want to be the one that drove you home. I want to be the one that helped you wash your hair. I want to be the one that sat on your couch and watched movies with you.” He sighed, his eyes shifting to the side. “But I can’t have any of that. Morgan came by my apartment around the same time Hotch was here…he told me that I was hurting the thing I was trying so hard to protect. And he said you were building a wall around yourself.

Dr. Spencer Reid brought those brown eyes back over to meet mine. “I want you to let me try to knock down that wall again.”

My voice was soft, I could feel my chin trembling, my nails were digging into my arms. “But why?”

For the first time since he entered my apartment, he smiled. It was small but overwhelmingly warm. “You know why.”

I felt something pierce my heart; it was small and sharp, both painful and soothing at the same time. “Reid…I…I don’t know if I can…I don’t know…”

“You don’t have to know,” the man said simply. “You just have to be willing to let me try.”

“But they’re just words, Reid. They’re just words. How am I supposed to believe that you won’t do this again the next time I get injured? Because I can handle being injured…but you gutted me.” I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek, using the pain to help me focus. I couldn’t let the dam break.

“They’re not just words,” he whispered. “I’ll prove it, y/n. I promise.”

I took a very shaky breath, not making an attempt to hide my pain. “I gave you everything, every single part of me and you brushed me aside. You left me in agony when I needed you.”

My choked words lashed at him, but he just took it with a nod. “I know. I don’t deserve another chance. I have no right after what I’ve done. What I’m asking for isn’t fair…but I have to ask. Please?”

“Okay.”

“What?” His words were soft, but the smile that spread over his face was the brightest thing I had ever seen.

I huffed. “You heard me. Don’t push it.”

‘Okay.” He smiled at me again as he made his way around my body, heading for my door. I wrapped my arms tighter around myself like I could somehow physically hold myself together. I heard the lock turn and the door pull open; I heard his feet shuffle through the doorway…before he paused. “Thank you, y/n.” The door clicked shut softly, and I finally allowed myself to breathe.

I wasn’t strong, I really wasn’t. Because if I was strong, I wouldn’t have felt so fucking hopeful.

--

After my conversation with Hotch yesterday, and my surprise visit from Reid last night, I expected my Saturday to be fairly uneventful. Which is why I wasn’t expecting a knock on my door at 8 pm that night.

“Who the fuck is it now?” I muttered, sighing with exasperation.

I thought Hotch was the most unexpected person I would ever see at my door unannounced, but this one caught me more off guard for so. I opened the door to see the bright smiling face of a young man in a delivery uniform. “Y/n y/l/n?” He asked politely.

“…Yes?”

He handed me a plastic bag with styrofoam containers inside. “Here you go. The bill has already been taken care of. Have a good night, ma’am!”

He was already halfway down the hall before I realized what was happening. “Wait, I didn’t order anything,” I called.

"I know, ma'am," he turned, walking backward as he spoke. "The order was placed in the store. A man came by and ordered the food, left a note to put in the bag, and told me to leave before you had a chance to refuse it." He smiled sheepishly at me. "I'm sorry, he gave me a really good tip. Have a good night!"

Frowning, I shut my door and moved into my kitchen, setting the bag on the counter. Sure enough, there was a note on top of the container.

“I know it’s your favorite. S.R.”

The thing about Reid is he had the worst handwriting I had ever seen. Even if I hadn’t suspected this was from him and he hadn’t signed the note, the handwriting would have given it away.

I went into my living room and snatched my phone off the couch before I quickly fired off a text.

“Why did you have dinner delivered to my house?”

His response came a moment later. “You know why.”

--

On Sunday morning, I had one of my last physical therapy appointments. I hadn't sustained any permanent damage to my left shoulder from the bullet. The only real issue was the healing muscle and the artery that was nicked. Even though I was right-handed, it was important in my line of work that I did not lose any strength in my left arm. The physical therapist had made an exception to see me on the weekend since my first day back at work was tomorrow.

The thought of going back to work made me incredibly nervous. I wasn't sure how things would be different. Not only did I have to worry about my relationship with Reid, but I also had to worry about how it would affect the team. I knew they all cared about me…but Reid had been a part of their family much longer than I had. Hotch’s visit on Friday meant a lot to me; I don’t think I would have been able to come back to work without it.

Despite my nerves, after being home on my couch for almost a month, I was itching to get back to doing the work I loved. I had already passed my post-injury psychiatric evaluation, which was pointless anyway as the BAU wrote the questions, but now with this approval from the physical therapist, I would only be on desk duty for 2 days once I returned.

I was so caught up in thought when I got to my apartment that I almost missed the paper taped to the front of my door. It was an envelope that looked some sort of parchment. If the type of paper didn’t give away the sender, the messy way my name was written on the front certainly did.

Calm down, y/n, I thought, reaching up to pluck the note from the door. It’s just a piece of paper. I knew my fear was irrational but trusting him after everything that had happened was terrifying. Because despite my best instincts, I wanted to trust him.

Inside the envelope was a letter, it wasn’t written on standard paper; but, nothing about the man it was from was ever standard.

--

“Y/n,

Before my mother’s schizophrenia became as bad as it is now, she used to read to me all the time. She was a professor of 15th-century literature. My love of reading came from her. Her favorite author is Margery Kempe; and when I was thinking about what I wanted to say to you, one quote in particular from Kempe kept coming to mind.

‘Patience is more worthy than miracle-working’.

The fact that you’ve given me even the slightest chance to apologize to you is the closest thing to a miracle I’ve ever seen. It's not a gift I'm going to take lightly. I know this is so incredibly hard for you. I know tomorrow is going to be hard for you, but I don't want you to feel like you're being forced to do anything before you're ready. I want to make amends, or at least try to, but I don't want to cause you any more pain.

You were patient with me in the beginning of our relationship; you were so unbelievably kind and generous – I think those are the things that made me…feel how I do now. I just want you to know that I’m prepared to be patient too. I never expected you to forgive me, and on the off chance you did, I knew it wouldn’t come easily.

I’d wait for you forever, y/n.

I don’t want to go against your wishes, but I want you to know that I’m ready. I’m ready to tell you now and every moment after for the rest of my life. All you have to do is ask and I’ll never stop telling you what you mean to me.

- Spencer”

--

My hands shook as I refolded the letter, slipping it back inside the envelope. I was dialing his number before I was even fully aware of what I was doing.

“Hello?” His voice sounded slightly apprehensive, almost shy.

“I got your letter,” I said quietly.

“I-I…I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

I let out a sigh. “No, Reid. You didn’t make me uncomfortable.”

“You’ve not called me Spencer since…”

“I’m not there yet.” I closed my eyes when I said it; even now…I didn’t want to hurt him. I’m just not there yet.

I heard him shift around on the other end of the line. “I know. You don’t have to be. I just…I just wanted to tell you how I feel.”

“And send me dinner,” I added dryly. He laughed softly before I asked what I really wanted to know. “Reid…how have you been?” I ran my hand over my forehead. “I mean…before I was…before I was shot I know you were struggling with-“

“Ah,” he mumbled when the realization hit him. “It wasn’t easy…it hasn’t been easy. I went to a lot of meetings after you were…And I spent a lot of time on JJ’s couch trying to convince her and myself that I was doing the right thing by pushing you away.”

I flexed the fingers of my left hand, my posture shifting while he spoke. “But you haven’t…I didn’t make…”

“Y/n,” he said, his voice was so fucking gentle that it almost shattered me. “I haven’t. And even if I did, it wouldn’t have been your fault. No bad choice I make is ever anyone’s fault but my own. My demons are my own.”

I sighed. “I know, Reid, but I don’t want to be…I don’t want to make them worse.”

“You couldn’t,” he said firmly. “Whenever I did think about calling a dealer, doing anything I could to not feel the pain in my heart…I-I kept seeing your face. You looked so understanding when I told you about dilaudid. You made me feel proud of myself for the first time in a long time.”

I had to put my palm over the end of my phone. I didn’t want him to hear how my breathing had become uneven.

“Y/n, I’ll do anything to have you look at me like that again.”

"I don't need to ask why do I?" I asked lightly, in an attempt to defuse the tension.

He laughed. “No, I don’t think you do.”

I found myself smiling, grateful he couldn’t see me. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Reid.”

--

When I arrived to work on Monday morning for my first official day back, I was apprehensive but hopeful. The world wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t as dark as it has been.

Right when I entered the bullpen, I saw something on my desk that made me pause. There in the center of my desk was a large iced coffee from my favorite cafe, the one near my house. No matter how early I got up, I never seemed to have time to stop there before work most days. So, the fact that a cup was there in the first place was cause for notice but that wasn’t the strangest part; the ice wasn’t melted. There wasn’t any condensation on the plastic cup.

I know I’m not a genius, but that can’t happen. Right?

“There she is!”

I turned to see Rossi making his way towards me, his arm's outstretched. He wrapped me in a tight hug, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

“We’re happy to have you back, y/n.”

I smiled widely at him, meaning it when I said, “I’m happy to be back.” He gave my upper arm a squeeze before he started to walk away. “Hey, Rossi. Did you do this?” I asked, gesturing to the cup on my desk.

He just had a sly smile on his face. “I did not, kiddo.”

Of course, he didn't. After taking a deep breath, I turned to the desk across from mine. Reid was already sitting there scribbling away, doing a very good job of pretending he didn’t know I was already here. I marched over to him before I lost my nerve. “The ice wasn’t melted.”

He looked up at me, not the slightest bit surprised at my presence, a soft smile on his face. “Beg your pardon?”

“The ice. In my iced coffee. It wasn’t melted.” I waved my hand around in the air. I’m not crazy, am I? That couldn’t have just happened.

“That’s because I asked them not to put any ice in when they made it,” he said simply. “You don’t like it as much when it’s watered down after the ice melts some; so I just added the ice here.”

My heart started to beat faster. “Why would you do that?”

The smile on his face got bigger, his eyes seemed to soften somehow when he looked at me. “You know why,” he said simply.

I didn’t know what to say. So, with a tight nod at him, I turned and walked back to my desk.

The rest of my first day back went how I expected. When Morgan saw me, he gathered me up in a giant hug and spun around ignoring my demands to put me down. Garcia hugged me like she hadn’t seen me in years and brought me cupcakes. Emily and JJ took me to lunch. Hotch made me fill out forms. And Reid…well, whenever I turned to look at him, I found he was already looking at me.

--

The very next day when I showed up for work, I was suspicious. Every day since that Friday, Reid had done something. But when I arrived in the morning there was nothing on my desk. Nothing appeared out of place. Maybe it’s a fluke. Reid was already sitting at his desk, scrolling through his e-mail.

I knew what he had done the second I sat down. For as long as I had worked at this desk in the BAU bullpen, there was one wheel on my chair that was wonky. It never wanted to roll, and it always drove me insane. No matter what I tried the wheel never worked this well, and especially not this smoothly. Did he-?

When I looked over, he was already looking at me, that same soft smile on his face.

--

On my third day back at work there was nothing on my desk when I arrived, there was nothing anywhere. But I knew him, I knew he wasn’t done yet; there had to be something.

That something was on my desk when I got back from turning in my return to active duty forms to Hotch. There was a single sunflower in a vase sitting on my desk. I walked up to it and touched the petals softly. It was beautiful, but I was confused.

Walking over to his desk, I didn’t bother trying to hide the confusion or apprehension on my face. This time he wasn’t pretending to be doing something else; his eyes had been on me since the moment I walked out of Hotch’s office.

“It’s beautiful,” I began. “But I don’t understand the symbolism.”

He tilted back in his chair, looking up at me. “Sunflowers always want to be looking at the sun…and so do I.”

Because he thinks I’m the sun.

“But don’t sunflowers stop turning towards the sun when they get older?”

He just nodded. “They might, but I never will.”

I ran my tongue over my lips before I pulled both of them in between my teeth. I felt tears prick the corners of my eye. “Why?” I asked, my voice slightly thicker than normal.

Spencer stood up then; it looked like he would reach for me, but he quickly put his hands at his sides. “I’ll stop if it hurts you. Y/n, I promise to never hurt you again.” His words were earnest, his eyes were pleading. “But ‘why?’ You know why.”

I just nodded my head slightly, blowing out a shaky breath. “Thank you, it’s lovely.”

I don't know why Spencer said I was the sun because his smile at that moment was the brightest thing I'd ever seen. "Is it too much if I throw in a cheesy line, like, 'it's not as lovely as you?'"

“Brat,” I muttered, turning quickly so he wouldn’t see my smile.

That bright smile was still on his face when we all met in the conference room 20 minutes later. I saw Rossi clap him on the back when he walked in. JJ shot him a very sweet smile, it was almost motherly, like she was proud of him. Prentiss just winked.

Morgan wasn’t subtle. I’m not sure he knew how to be. He held out his fist for a fist bump, laughing openly when Spencer just wrapped his hand around it and shook.

“Alright,” Hotch said from the front of the room. Fuck, even he is smiling a little bit. “Let’s get started.”

--

Less than 30 minutes later, I was boarding the BAU jet for the first time in more than a month. We were off to Arkansas to assist the Hot Springs police department to catch a suspected serial killer.

I was one of the last ones on board; I smiled awkwardly when I saw everyone’s eyes on me.  

“What kept you, Pretty Girl?” Morgan asked with a grin.

Oh, I’m Pretty Girl now? Subtle. I shot Morgan a look to indicate I wasn’t amused. “I had to talk to Garcia.”

Rossi looked at me expectantly “…About?”

They were all just staring at me, and they weren’t even trying to hide their amusement. I sighed. “I couldn’t just leave it on my desk, you assholes.” Garcia might have squealed loudly when I brought her my sunflower and asked her to watch over it for me.

Every one of them laughed…except Reid. Reid just bit his bottom lip and dropped his gaze. He looked so much like my nervous boy that it made me ache. That was the first time I allowed myself to admit how much I missed my darling boy.

--

I was in the middle of going over victimology when a cup of coffee was sat down beside me. I mumbled my thanks, not even glancing up, just reaching out to grab it. It wasn’t until my fingers wrapped around the cup that my head snapped up.

“Morgan,” I called. “What’s this?”

His smile was very, very bright. “It’s your coffee.”

I picked up the iced coffee, giving it a once over. “Are you or are you not the same Derek Morgan that has said multiple times, ‘I ain’t no damn barista if you want special coffee you go get it your damn self'?"  

He nodded, his smile never wavering. “I am, so don’t get used to it. But when my boy has finally stopped being a dumbass and is trying to win his girl back?” He winked at me. “I’ll make an exception when he asks for a favor.”

I heard JJ laugh softly from the other end of the table. I scrunched my face into a mock glare at both of them. “Don’t you have a murderer to catch?”

He turned before leaving the room, putting a hand to his chest in a very dramatic fashion. “Pretty Girl, you should know SSA Derek Morgan can multitask!”

--

I still don’t know what it is about towns in the middle of nowhere, but it never fails, one of the cops from said town will try to weasel his way into my bed the second the case is over. I was packing up after the unsub was booked when someone cleared his throat behind me to get my attention. This time it was a tall, slightly out of shape Officer named Reynolds. His smile was greasy but at least he didn’t try to touch me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, offering what I hoped was a polite smile. “I have a boyfriend.” I always tried to be diplomatic when this happened, just because I didn’t need to Hotch reprimand me for threatening a member of the local police…again.

Officer Reynolds’ scoffed. “He doesn’t have to know.”

The smile dropped off my face, my eyes hardening. Fucker. “That’d be pretty fucking difficult since he’s a member of my team and he’s sharing a room with me.” I picked up my bag and tossed a sarcastic “nice working with you” over my shoulder before I hightailed it out of the conference room. I didn’t stop until I got to the main entrance of the precinct, where I planned to wait for the rest of the team.

“So, am I the boyfriend you mentioned?” A voice asked from behind me.

Of course. I turned to see Dr. Spencer Reid looking very pleased with himself. “I also didn’t know you wanted to share a room with me tonight. We each have single rooms though, so we don’t have to swap with anyone else…” he trailed off pretending to think. “So, who’s room are we taking?”

I rolled my eyes. “Reid, if it got some slimy cop off my back, I’d tell him you were my husband. I will throw you under the bus to save myself from a very awkward conversation that would probably lead to me punching someone.”

His face changed, he no longer looked overly pleased with himself. He looked like the same man that sat on the couch with me all those weeks ago and asked me if I kissed my submissives. He looked like the Spencer that used to be mine.

“You act like I’d mind,” he said quietly.

“Mind what? Being thrown under the bus?”

“Being called your husband.”

I froze, my eyes immediately dropped to the floor. I couldn’t look at him, I couldn’t. I let out a very shaky exhale, a sure sign that I was about to cry. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t. Why is he doing this to me?

I saw his beaten-up converse move into my field of view. He was close to me now, but he didn’t touch me. “I’m sorry, y/n,” he whispered. “But I promised I wouldn’t lie to you anymore.”

JJ walked around the corner then and he broke away from me. I just stared at my hands the whole drive back to the hotel.

--

The clock on the bedside table blinked 11:47 pm. I had been lying in bed since 9 pm trying to fall asleep. When we arrived back to the hotel, I didn’t speak to anyone, I just kept my head down and walked straight into my room. Once I was inside, I tore my clothes off and got into the shower, turning it on the hottest temperature I could tolerate.

I felt the tears; they were right there, I felt them pulsing underneath my eyes. I didn’t know how to do this. I didn’t know how to deny myself everything I had ever wanted when it was offering itself to me…I was the reason I was in pain right now, and it was all because I was so fucking terrified to trust him again.

I glanced back over at the clock. 11:49 pm.

Taking a deep breath, trying to pull some sort of courage into myself, I picked up my phone.

He’s probably sleeping, I reasoned, giving myself one last chance to back out.

But then the phone was dialing. I listened to the ringing and held my breath. Because what was I supposed to do if he didn’t answer? What was I supposed to do if he did?

“Y/n?” his sleepy voice asked, sounding disoriented but urgent. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Everything. And no. But I couldn't get my mouth to open. I couldn't say anything. If I opened my mouth, then everything would spill out. All the pain, all the secrets, all the hopes, and fears…and it would all be bared to Spencer Reid.

In the way that Spencer knew everything, he knew what I needed then. “I’ll be right there.” I heard a rustling on his end of the line, but he never hung up the phone.

Before I was ready, I heard the same hesitant knock on my door that I heard every night he came to my hotel room just because he missed me; the same knock that I had heard that first day at my apartment. The knock was the final crack that broke the dam I had built around my emotions in an attempt to hold them back so they wouldn’t sweep me away.

I don’t remember walking to the door, I don’t remember unlocking it; all I remember is Spencer standing on the other side in the same Caltech t-shirt and sweatpants he wore in my apartment when we sat on my couch on our first real night together.

“Y/n?” His eyes ran over me frantically. He came into the room, shutting the door behind him. His hands reached out like he would grab me, but I saw the indecision on his face. “Tell me what you need, baby. Please?”

The moment that I was so afraid of happened then. The tears finally flooded my eyes and my jaw unlocked. “Spence, I’m scared.” I swallowed, trying to control my broken voice. “I want this so much but I’m terrified.”

His arms enveloped me before I was finished speaking. One hand in the center of my back, the other on the back of my head. He smelt like coffee, laundry detergent, and my Spencer. My body shook in his arms. The pain from his words at the hospital, the pain from him not being there when I woke up, the pain of losing him, and the pain of having to turn him away for almost a week when he was all I wanted; all of that pain just poured out of me while I sobbed into his chest.

“I’m so sorry, y/n,” he whispered against my hair. “I’m so, so sorry. And I will do anything-I’ll do everything to prove to you that I will never hurt you again.”

He kept holding me until my tears finally quieted, my body almost went limp in his arms. The weight of all of that pain was so heavy for so long, and now that I didn’t have to hold it, I was so tired.

“Spence?” My throat felt raw, my eyes were puffy.

“Hmm?”

I didn’t lift my head to look at him. “I’m ready to hear it now.”

Spencer froze, I’m pretty sure he stopped breathing for a moment. Then he leaned back, pulling his chest away from my face. Both of his hands cupped my face, his thumbs moving over my cheeks softly, wiping the tear trails away. Spencer held me like I was more fragile than glass like I was made of something that would crumble into nothing if he so much as moved wrong.

“Are you sure?” he asked quietly, his beautiful golden-brown eyes searching mine.

I nodded. “Yeah, I think so,” I said, giving him a small shaky laugh.

He tilted my head up slightly before his lips brushed against my forehead. “I loved you before you were ready to hear it; I loved you before you even knew I existed.” He pressed another kiss my cheek. “I loved you since the first time you smiled at me.” He kissed my other cheek. “I will never stop telling you how much I love you.” He trailed his lips over to my mouth. “I will love you forever…because no one has ever loved someone the way I love you,” he whispered, his breath washing over my lips.

I leaned forward and brushed my mouth against his. I felt the final layer of my resistance crumble. “Please don’t hurt me again, Spence.”

He pulled away to stare in my eyes. “I will never hurt you like this again. I’m so fucking sorry, y/n.”

“Just kiss me, Spencer.”

He gave me a tiny grin at the command. “I thought you didn’t kiss your submissives,” he teased.

I brought my hand up to hold his face. “You know I break all my rules for you, my darling, nervous boy.”

--

--

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[saviorsbookcafe]

The Savior’s Book Café in Another World: Chapter 7

INDEX || PREVIOUS || NEXT

Chapter 7: A Changing Heart

Translated by: sydney Proofread by: Necro

I return to the café and go upstairs to my personal living space, collapsing onto the couch with a sigh.

Even now my emotions are all mixed up, but it’s not a bad feeling.

“Maybe I should just wait and see for a little longer.”

I may just be avoiding the issue, but I know that pushing myself to come up with an answer isn’t going to work.

I wonder if I like Ill as a friend or in a romantic way.

I want to come up with a better answer before I decide what to do.

If I were in my teens like the other Saviors, would I have rushed?

Thinking of that makes me smile.

After that, there’s only one more thing to worry about.

“A monster, huh.”

It’s been several months since I came to this world, but I still haven’t seen one, so it doesn’t quite feel real, though I’m well aware that that’s a dangerous way of thinking.

Even if it doesn’t feel real, the danger is real.

A chill runs through my body as I feel the impact of Ill’s warning to me and the reality of the situation come over me.

Unable to stay still, I pull out a magic encyclopedia from a bookshelf in the room and begin flipping through the pages.

Isn’t there any spell like, that can make a barrier activate automatically?

I know enough barrier spells, but there’s no chance I’ll be able to use one in time in a high-pressure situation like that.

If it doesn’t activate automatically in the face of danger, it won’t be of any use to me.

This book isn’t a textbook but a encyclopedia, so it won’t have instructions for casting the spell, but the types of magic should be listed.

I flip through the section on defensive magic, but I don’t find anything similar to what I’m looking for.

My eyes started getting tired after a while, but eventually I found one that looked close to what I wanted.

"Barrier charm magic?"

This is advanced magic as well, incredibly advanced, to the point that it’s on a completely different level from spells like recovery magic cast on drinks.

It requires an enormous amount of magic and control, a spell so advanced that less than ten people in the world are able to use it.

“Let’s see, ‘it puts a barrier around the user, which has a healing effect on any life-threatening injuries. Its healing ability and the strength of the barrier depend on the magic of the person who casted it,’ huh....”

This might work.

But something nagged at me, and I read the description once more.

“...hm, life-threatening injuries?”

How would you be injured if the barrier goes up automatically? I wonder.

I find another book to look for more details.

“‘The conditions for barrier charm magic to activate are that the person carrying the charm must be on the verge of death’?!”

In other words, the stone with the barrier charm magic spell, the person holding it has to have an injury that puts them on the brink of death, and when it looks like they’re about to be hit once more in that condition, the barrier will activate.

If you’re attacked when you’re fine, then the barrier won’t activate, so in other words, the conditions are that you have to take one hit and survive.

“What, well then there’s no point. But since there’s nothing else.... Maybe I’ll make one as a last resort.”

If there are so many offensive spells, then why are there so few barrier-type spells like this?

Probably because someone who’s used to being in a fight would be able to put a barrier up in time by themselves.

For now one spell is better than none, so I decide to pull out a magic textbook and test it out.

“‘First you need a stone to use as an intermediary. The harder the material, the easier it is to put a strong barrier into, but depending on the user’s control, it’s possible to put a strong barrier into even a glass bead,’ huh.”

I find a box of glass beads I had thought would be nice to decorate the café with, and pull one bead out, deciding that that would suffice for practice.

The book says if I don’t have enough control then it’ll break, in which case I’ll switch to something harder.

"Any barrier spell is fine, so I’ll do the strongest one. If I get to choose, I might as well pick one that also has a powerful restoration effect."

Once I’ve prepared everything I need, I follow the textbook’s instructions to try to cast the spell.

Around the glass bead in my hand, a magic circle appears, and a breeze moves my hair.

The magic circle gradually shrinks, eventually disappearing as if swallowed up by the glass bead.

When I peer into the glass bead, it looks like the magic circle is inside.

“Huh, I was trying to put a fairly strong barrier spell in it, but it looks like it worked fine with this glass bead?”

It seems the increase in control God mentioned wasn’t a lie.

I follow the textbook to check if it really worked, and it responds the way the textbook says, so it definitely worked.

“But this is...a last resort method, huh.”

At any rate, the prerequisite is getting injured.

To me, who doesn’t want to get injured, it really is a last resort way of keeping me alive.

But something is definitely better than nothing, I think as I put the bead in my breast pocket and look at the time, realizing Ill should be here soon.

Quickly, I take the box with the remaining glass beads that I was planning to decorate the store with downstairs.

After he took his time to warn me before I came home, he’d be worried if I weren’t here when he arrived.

I placed the box of glass beads on the shelf near the entrance as decoration, noticing that Ill hadn’t arrived yet, when the music alerting me of a customer rang in my head.

When I look up, I meet eyes with Ill, who had just come in, and we both smile at each other.

“Welcome.”

“Thanks.”

Ill’s smile is the same as always, but today I feel my heart beating a little harder.

I’ve always thought he was handsome, but I’m now realizing that his smaller mannerisms are becoming strangely visible to me.

I’m trying to ignore his hand touching mine as I hand him the menu, desperately trying to keep a calm smile on my face, when--

BEEP! BEEP!

A loud sound I’ve never heard before drowns out the gentle music in the café.

It reminds me of the piercing alarm on a smartphone during a disaster, putting me on edge.

Ill’s expression, which had been a calm smile, instantly hardened, and a dangerous aura appeared in his previously relaxed eyes.

He pulled a small machine-like thing from his pocket.

It seemed to be the source of the sound, and as Ill put a little bit of magic into it it quieted down, but his expression didn’t change.

“Ill?”

“...sorry, I have to go.”

“Did something happen?”

“A powerful monster appeared near the country’s border. That sound was a call for an emergency subjugation.”

“Huh?”

I knew that I hadn’t fully accepted the idea that it wasn’t peaceful here, but it was only then that I realized exactly how unprepared I was.

Ill’s atmosphere shows that this is an undeniably hostile situation.

My reading companion, and the person I like.

The person closest to me in this world is the Knight Captain, who often leads dangerous missions.

I knew that it was because of his skill that this country was so peaceful.

For a moment, I’m scared.

Not of something unexpected happening, and not because of the fear that danger and death are so close here.

It’s because I’ve realized that if he loses his life during this mission, I’ll never get to see him again.

I might never see him again, the person I spend all of this relaxing time with.

As Ill begins to leave, I frantically run over to him.

“W-wait!”

He stops, turning to look at me, and I grab a glass bead from the box I had just placed on the shelf.

“I’m sorry I don’t have anything more,” I say as I imbue the glass bead with magic, placing a barrier spell inside it.

I didn’t think that spell would come in handy so soon.

A spell that, when the carrier of the bead has a potentially fatal injury, not only puts up a barrier just before an attack, but heals fatal wounds to an extent.

It’s a spell that would probably come in handy for him, who has to defeat monsters even when injured, unlike me, who’s afraid of even getting injured in the first place.

Ill looks at me with a surprised face, and I press the completed barrier charm into his hand.

“I only just learned this spell, but I think the effect will match the ones on the market.”

“...thank you. I think the subjugation will take about two or three days, but once it’s over I’ll come back.”

As he said that, he squeezed my hand with the barrier charm in it.

My hand felt hot, perfectly fitting into his.

He looked straight at me, his gaze not leaving my eyes.

But before I could say anything, he let go of my hand, taking the barrier charm with him as he left the café behind.

I watched him begin to ride off on his horse, a sight I was used to, and frantically called out to him.

“I’ll be waiting! Be careful!”

Seeming to hear me, he waves a hand to me in response, and I watch him ride off before retreating into the café.

I shut the door with my hands behind my back and slid down to the floor right there.

I can still feel the warmth of his hand on mine.

His hand was big and calloused, likely from swinging a sword.

I’m apparently weak to a man’s hand.

Perhaps because his hand was so distinctly bigger than mine, my heart is pounding.

An unease bubbles up in me, almost as if to cover that nervous feeling.

He should come back safely, he’s strong enough that even other countries have acknowledged him.

Wanting to shake off this unease, I shake my head back and forth.

“Maybe I’ll stock up on the books Ill said he wanted to read, for when he comes back,” I intentionally say aloud.

I’m sure he’ll come back just like normal after two or three days, just like he said.

Speaking of, he said before that his horse goes with him for subjugations.

“Maybe I’ll add more types of grass in the paddock for when she comes back too,” I continue aloud, trying to make this vague unease go away, before standing up.

It’s okay, it’s okay.

This is the first time for me, but he’s probably done plenty of subjugations.

I’m sure in a few days I’ll be able to laugh at how worried I was.

At least, that’s what I thought.

I stocked up new books, and prepared fresh horse feed.

I practiced making more barrier charms, thinking they might be useful again.

The café continued like normal, but his usual seat stayed empty.

...a week later, he still hadn’t come.

I was supposed to spend time with her again like normal.

I had briefly wondered why I was relieved that the man I saw yesterday wasn’t on the other side of the door today, but the comfort of the chair and the smile she gave me were the same as always.

If anything was different, it was that we saw each other that morning as well, and that I remember her behavior at the time feeling a little off.

It wasn’t a bad feeling, just strange, but I was just thinking I should ask her if something happened when the alarm for an emergency subjugation cut through the air, drowning out the café’s music.

She looks uneasy, and I tell her that a monster showed up, and quickly get ready to leave the café.

Even though there haven’t been any subjugations bad enough to make an emergency call lately.

Anger rises up in me at the fact that I was finally about to spend time with her, and at the terrible timing of it.

As I’m about to leave the café, she frantically stops me, and imbues a glass bead with a barrier spell right in front of me, telling me, “I’m sorry I don’t have anything more.”

I never thought there would be a day where I watched someone cast an advanced barrier spell onto a glass bead.

It’s difficult enough to put a basic barrier spell into a crystal, but she has an incredible sense for magic.

She offers it to me, a considerably high-level item.

Something like this would never show up in a market, and even if you could buy one from an expert magician, it would cost an enormous sum, so it’s completely out of reach for someone like me. This is something that might be held by a member of the royal family as a last-resort effort to protect themself.

She offers it to me without a second thought, pressing it into my hand.

Without thinking, I grasp her hand with the barrier charm in it, and while she looked surprised, she didn’t pull away.

I held onto her hand, looking right at her as I felt in my heart, I don’t want to let go.

The subjugation should be over within two or three days.

I’ll make sure the subjugation succeeds so I can come back to this quiet space again.

With a new determination, I take the barrier charm and mount my horse.

I left her gaze and her words behind, along with the café.

On the road back to the castle, my horse seems on guard, as if she’s read the situation.

I grip the reins tightly.

I could still feel the sensation of her hand in mine, making me think of her again.

Her hand was small, perfectly fitting into mine.

Come to think of it, that’s the first time I’ve ever really touched her.

I want to hold her hand again, I want to be worthy of holding her hand.

It seems I’ve long since had the answer for all of the things I’ve been feeling lately.

“Oh, so that’s what it is.”

My voice is washed away by the wind from the force of my horse running.

If I think about it, the answer to all my uncertain feelings is clear.

I see, is that it.

Now that I have the answer, it’s too simple, and I stroke my horse’s back and smile.

“Let’s finish this subjugation quickly and go back, to see her.”

It feels like my horse’s neigh is another affirmation of my feelings.

At first I was going for my horse’s sake and to read.

As I kept going, it became more comfortable.

I became friends with her, and I enjoyed talking to her.

I was happy to read books and talk to her about them.

Now...I’m going to that café because I want to see her.

I squeeze the barrier charm that’s in my breast pocket, and hurry back to the castle.

Along the way, I meet up with Beork, also on his horse, and he tells me where the tent for the subjugation is, and I change directions to head that way.

“It looks like the monster that was spotted was related to that snowslide,” I say.

“Yeah, and this time the larger monsters are leading some smaller ones. Looks like we can’t take care of this the easy way by just scouting out the area and setting up an ambush,” he replies.

“Did the snowslide happen because of the smaller monsters stomping around when the scouts were there?”

“Most likely.”

We exchange information as we head to our destination, our horses running in sync.

The other knights should be meeting up about now.

“Hey, Ill, I meant to ask you yesterday but didn’t get the chance. After the subjugation’s over we gotta talk.”

“What is it? You can ask me now.”

“No, I want to have time to talk. After is fine. It’s about the woman you gave a present to.”

“Huh?”

I look over at Beork, caught completely off guard by his words, to see him grinning despite the nerves of the upcoming subjugation.

“You’re the only one who didn’t notice,” he says. “That day at the castle when we were shopping and you bought something for a woman, once you left everyone was talking about it.”

I wonder if he’s also trying to get rid of some of the nerves before the subjugation by continuing on so enjoyably.

The pleasure in his voice sounds a little more forced than usual.

Of course, he could also actually be enjoying it.

“It was a pretty big deal. The Queen and the Princess wouldn’t stop talking about it, and the King was delighted, saying how now there’s no need for him to talk to you about marriage interviews. The Knights were also all extremely curious about who you were giving that gift to. Before, there wasn’t a single rumor about you, who refused all marriage interviews and was so focused on reading, but now everyone’s talking about who the Knight Captain’s partner might be. The Princess told me to do anything and everything to figure out who it is, and the rest of her family is starting to join in with her. It turned into such a big commotion that everyone there completely forgot about the Savior’s existence.”

I stare at Beork, having been completely unaware that any of that was going on.

With that grin, he certainly seems to be enjoying this.

“And then today, during your break this morning. For someone as serious as you, even if you were on a break, everyone’s gonna notice if you leave your post to call out to a woman and talk to her with a smile, especially when she’s wearing the accessory you bought. Even I saw it from far away and ran over, but because of that statement about the monster sighting I couldn’t even bring it up, and the next thing I knew that woman had disappeared while I wasn’t looking and you were on your way to report to the castle.”

I suddenly understood why everyone was looking at me after that.

Certainly, up until now, even if I was on a break and ran into an acquaintance, I wouldn’t have gone so far as to leave my patrol to start a conversation.

“So that’s why, after this subjugation job is over, you have to tell me what’s going on.”

Perhaps because we could see the tent off in the distance, that was where the conversation ended.

Even if we do talk, Tsukina and I aren’t together.

I still haven’t done anything yet, and I still don’t know how she feels.

Yes, yet.

Once this mission is over, I’m going to go see her.

Everything will start then.

We managed to have a full set of tents set up after a day, and the knights were energized about keeping the monsters away from the town.

There were reports that the crowd of monsters was closing in, and thanks to the members who could use magic, there was a map floating in the air with the monsters’ current location clearly marked.

All of the weapons were ready, and there had been no issues with the preparation itself.

Giving orders to each of them, I motivate myself in preparation for the coming time.

I avoid looking at the tent that the other members are also pointedly avoiding looking at.

From the tent comes a spoiled voice saying, ‘I’m scared,’ and Beork’s and my faces twitch.

“Why is she here...,” Beork mutters under his breath, and the other knights around us nod deeply in agreement.

Despite the fact that this is an emergency mission, the Savior girl is here.

Since they were young, the Princes had learned how to wield swords from the Knights, in other words, from us, and had sometimes participated in subjugations, but no one could have anticipated the Second Prince would bring the Savior to one.

This is completely different from the routine subjugations, they were lectured, but neither the Prince nor the Savior girl drew back.

The Savior who said, I want to see the Prince in action! and the Prince who smiled back at her, charmed by her words.

They were told to at least stay in the tent, but how far we’ll be able to protect them is unknown.

That said, we don’t have the time to lecture them or take them back to the castle anymore.

The impression of the older Prince, hanging his head in regret and frustration as he apologized, lingered.

That unpleasant atmosphere was immediately dispersed by the sound of a patroller’s voice.

Everyone readied their weapons, distancing themselves from the tent and running to their post, waiting as they watched where the monsters were expected to appear.

I draw the sword at my side and let out a breath.

It’s a powerful monster, but this isn’t the first time we’ve fought a monster of this class.

We won’t lose, I thought, gripping my sword as I opened my mouth.

“Just like we planned, go!”

The advance party fired their magic, and we’re immediately confronted with the first monsters flying at us.

“The battle’s begun!” Beork shouted beside me, kicking off of the ground with me.

The pack of monsters surge onto us, and then it’s a melee.

I steadily cut down the monster in front of me, advancing forward to avoid the next incoming attack.

The strategy for this kind of subjugation is always about the same.

The knights scatter the monsters around us, and either Beork or I go for the leader.

That’s how we’ve always done it, so we were planning to use that same strategy this time too.

That is, until the Second Prince jumped into the front lines.

I only realized too late.

First was the Prince, flung aside by the huge forefeet of the giant monster, followed by the Savior, trembling so much she couldn’t even move.

No one needed to ask why the two that were supposed to be in the furthest tent were here now.

The knights’ hateful gazes were suddenly directed towards the young Savior girl.

The thought, Honestly, why don’t we abandon her? drifted through the air.

But they couldn’t, because of the Prince.

The ones who had taught the Prince to use a sword when he was young were us, the Knights.

Since his childhood, we always watched out for the Prince, who had been a hard worker until the Savior arrived.

The Prince, who would come to the knights for advice despite the status difference, who wasn’t the type to assert himself, but was serious and always thinking of his family.

It’s not like we were ordered to, but all of the knights ran to the front lines to cover the Prince.

From then on, everything happened in an instant.

Several of the knights who had first leaped in were thrown aside and knocked unconscious.

Where we had been pushing them back, suddenly we were being pushed back ourselves.

“Ill, get the leader first! If the bigger ones are taken care of, they’ll break apart!”

“I know! Draw the others away!”

“Got it!”

Beork, who can use a little recovery magic, began using it little by little on the more severely injured knights, while simultaneously drawing the monsters away from the Prince.

Just when the other knights were drawing away the smaller monsters’ attention and I was guiding the leader towards myself, the trembling Savior let out a scream and ran away.

After I had just gotten the leader’s attention, it turned towards the Savior’s scream.

In the blink of an eye, the monster closed the distance between itself and the Savior, and as it brandished its claws, the Prince jumped in, and there was a spray of blood.

The falling Prince, and the retreating girl, dragging her body away in an attempt to escape, as if the Prince’s blood itself would burn her.

The dazed older Prince lets out a small Why?

Everything happens in slow motion as the monster moves to make what would likely be the killing blow on the Prince.

The next thing I knew, I was holding the Prince in my arms.

My back, face, and arms and legs felt hot, and there was a disgusting feeling of something flowing out of my stomach.

The Prince looked at me in surprise, and it almost looked like his eyes had returned to how they were before the Savior arrived, and I couldn’t stop myself from speaking.

“Good grief, you’re more trouble now than when you were young.”

“Wh...why...?”

As I try to respond to the Prince, something rises up in the back of my throat, and I cough, the taste of blood spreading through my mouth.

“Ill!!” Beork yelled out, louder than I’ve ever heard him yell before, and from the breeze behind me I sensed the leader’s attack coming.

I shove the Prince out of my arms and away from the attack, and support my unstable body with my sword.

That was probably the last of my strength.

My body won’t move, I can hear the sound of blood dripping onto the ground, and my vision is flickering and fading.

The ground is swaying, and I feel sick.

Is it over, is this the end for me?

Even though...I’ve finally, finally realized.

As my vision fades, the smile I’ve seen almost every day comes to mind.

After she told me she’d be waiting, and to be careful.

My chest feels terribly hot, as I think, I can’t die yet, I can’t let myself die.

“Tsu...kina....”

As soon as the words fell from my mouth, everything goes black.

#savior's book cafe #savior's book cafe translation #bookcafenovel #chapter 7 #a changing heart

[imagination-mess]

Distance between you and I (Sousuke Baji)

DON"T COME AT ME! I googled it if there was MP3 in the 2000s. There are.

Baji Sousuke put a distance and purposely ignored Shinichiro in public and school. He kept his mp3 in his pocket blasting his music through his headphones. Takeomi would try to step in front of him, which most of the time. Sousuke swipes his feet off the ground with a harsh glare and speaks out music lyrics.

As soon, the gangs found out. Sousuke was a free agent. He would get into fights on a daily basis with their strongest members in an attempt to force him to admit to their gangs. He always refused and showed no interest in joining a gang.

Who wouldn't want the legendary Hellhound from the Black Dragons?

People want his talents in their gangs. He was the perfect candidate when it comes to finding people and beating people for information with his brutal strength.

But this was what Sousuke wanted to draw all the attention to him instead of the Black Dragons. There were still rival gangs going up against the gang, but not as many. It was people who thought they were the strongest. Sousuke wasn't worried because they have Wakasa and Benkei.

He kept an ear out about anything of the Black Dragons. Shinichiro spent most of the time trying to pry the information out of his younger brother where he is living. Since Sousuke was ignoring him as if he never existed.

Shinichiro came to the realization that he has never been to Sousuke's home. Most of the time, they would hang out at Sanos, his friends' homes, and public places.

So he had sneaked into his grandfather's room to find his address since it was required for him to work under him. When he arrived at his supposed address, he was completely taken back and confused.

It was a rich side of Tokyo with a beautiful area that held enormous houses. However, the sound of loud music played in the back of the home where there was a fence.

Shinichiro sneaked to the back to see Sousuke punching repeatedly with bandaged hands. He was beating up the already busted sandbag that was taped up. Shinichiro walks over to the radio blasting punk music to lower the volume causing the male to glance over.

"What are you doing here? But the more important question is How the fuck you got my address! I know it wasn't Keisuke. Poor kiddo doesn't even know how to write his own address correctly." Sousuke retorts at him placing his hands on his hips.

"Why did you quit without warning? I know what you did was to protect me and the others, but you went too far." Shinichiro speaks to only receive silence from him.

Sousuke immediately twirls and kicks the sandbag to only combust and rips from the metal chain upon the ground releasing all the sand from it.

"If you wanna talk so darn badly." Sousuke walks over to the back door to only out with two pairs of boxing gloves. "Here."

Shinichiro gulps nervously before catching the bandages from Sousuke. "I will only talk to you if are willing to exchange punches unless you are scared that I will kill you."

Sousuke was staring at him as if he was a predator in the woods and waiting for the right moment to attack his prey. He was looking at him as if he was a complete stranger to him instead of his best friend.

But Shinichiro knows better. He is intentionally trying to scare him off because this isn't how he behaves with him ever. Sousuke always puts a wall around him when he thinks he isn't good enough to deserve kindness or care for.

Sousuke is a sensitive person behind all that brute strength and intimidating posture. He has trust issues which are why the others aren't close to him compared to Shinichiro. Sousuke only reveals his true colors when he is comfortable and can put his guard down. He has been hurt too many times.

He is similar to his younger brother, Manjiro when it comes to venting their true feelings. They prefer to use violence or practice by themselves as a coping mechanism. Both of them prefer to not talk about it and rather want to deal with it by themselves.

Baji Sousuke / The Hellhound of the Black dragons Masterlist

#tokrev shinichiro #baji older brother #sousuke baji

[hongism]

mists of celeste ➻ four

➻ pairing: ??? x fem reader ➻ genre: space au, pirate au, space pirate!ateez, angst, eventual smut ➻ Word Count: 4.1k ➻ Rating: M ➻ Warnings: language, violence, guns and weaponry, blood, future warnings tba ➻ summary: Sneaking aboard the ship of a renowned space pirate may not have been the best idea, but you’ll have to make do with what fate has handed to you

⇐ previous | next ⇒

mists of celeste act one ➻ part four

​

The air around you is stiff and unmoving, cold as ice yet you don't feel goosebumps rising across your skin. A dark night sky looms above you with its scattering of bright stars. Near the center of the indigo sea lies a brilliant red moon; bright in it's blinding color. Something about the scene is familiar, the clearness of the sky reminds you of something from your past. No clouds, no breeze, no sounds of nightlife.

It's a sense of complete and utter peace. Something damp seeps through your clothing, touching your skin and leaving you cold. You sit up and press your palms to the ground below you. Instead of meeting solid ground, however, you're met by water. It splashes against your bare legs, and you withdraw your hands from the surface in an instant.

Water?

You bring your chin up, glancing across your surroundings. It's a lake, a shallow one yes, considering that your legs aren't fully submerged and you seem to be placed in the middle of it. A chill runs down your spine. You know exactly where you are. The water beneath you runs black, and the enormous moon hanging in the sky is only present on one planet. It's only then, when you discern where you are, that you realize you're in a dream and not reality. You push yourself to your feet, nearly slipping on the slick mud beneath the layer of black water. With a quick glance down at your body, you see that a thin white garb clings to your skin. It's something you would never wear willingly, and seeing as there's an old man perched at the opposite side of the lake, you know that he must be in control of this realm.

You wade through the water in the direction of the man. As you get closer, his features become more clear under the vibrant red moonlight. A familiar face to go along with the familiar scenery. He prods at the pebbles along the shore of the lake with a crooked stick, paying you no attention even as you splash water across the rocks with your steps.

"It's been a while since I've seen you, old man," you greet, soft tone carrying through the air with ease in the absence of a breeze. The rugged form before you doesn't move. He continues to prod at the stones near your feet and pushes black water against your ankles. You wait a moment in the hopes that he'll look up at you and respond, but he still acts as though you don't exist.

"Daichi," you try again in attempts to garner his attention. It works this time.

His chin snaps up, a wrinkled face becoming clear before you, and blue eyes stare into yours. Piercing and cold, just as you remember from your last encounter with the aged man.

"Ah, Umiko." His wrinkled lips stretch into a smile, unveiling yellowed teeth that are only accentuated by the moonlight above your heads.

"That's not my name," you refute. Daichi continues speaking as though you didn’t say a word, eyes falling together as he smiles without cease.

“It’s been quite a whi–”

“I said that’s not my name,” you repeat with a bit more venom creeping into your tone. “It hasn’t been for a very long time.”

“Hmm.” He hums, looking up at you with those perceptive eyes. You can almost see your reflection in them, between the clear blueness and the gleam of the moonlight coming down on them. “Do you remember what it means?”

“Child of the sea,” you answer without hesitation, the words ingrained in your brain after hearing the phrase repeated over and over.

“Child of the sea. I wonder if your new name is as fitting for you? Y/N, is it?”

“It’s far more fitting than Umiko ever was,” you mutter in response, turning your head away from the old man.

“Have you done well, child?”

“As well as I could, and things are as good as they can be given the… situation,” you respond with a flatness to your tone that Daichi mimics with his next words.

“You’re not safe where you are now.”

“Here I thought you didn’t give two shits about my well being.”

“Umiko, listen to me. This is ser–”

“Stop calling me that and maybe I’ll listen!” Your voice booms throughout the clearing. The black water under your feet seems to quiver as you speak. Daichi’s eyes flit down to the ripples across the lake, then back up to you.

“Someone near you is a dangerous threat, one that you’ve never encountered before. You must be careful. Guard yourself wisely.”

“Worry about yourself, old man,” you reply, tone falling back quiet once again. “Besides, it’s pointless for the dead to worry about the living.

“You’re always so sure of yourself, aren’t you? So confident that everything will work out your way? Tell me, Umiko, did things work out your way on Eros the first time you were there? The second? The third?” Daichi pushes himself to his feet. He towers over you as his back straightens, the age seems to ebb away from his body as he moves closer to you. You tilt your head back to get a better look at the man. In his eyes lies disdain. It’s not the first time you’ve seen the emotion from the man. “I said tell me, Umiko?”

“And I said to stop calling me that.” You take a shaky step back, foot nearly catching on the slide of the mud again, but you manage to steady yourself before falling.

“A Siren is nearby, Y/N. You must be careful. He could invade your dream space at any minute. Don’t you realize that? This haven, this paradise, this dream so close to your heart is vulnerable. Guard yourself against him.”

“I don’t need your advice anymore, old man. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m an adult now and old enough to make my own decisions and give myself advice.” You spin on your heel, toes digging into the mud as you move, and face the opposite direction. Blinking down at the swirling waters under you, you take a deep breath before sharing your final words with Daichi. “There are no Sirens left. All they are is a myth, one that needs to die like every other myth in existence.” Your reflection in the water looks back at you, ripples across its face before you kick it away in anger.

Your words earn you no response from the old man behind you, although you weren’t expecting much in the first place. The dream is beginning to fade, darkness swirling into one large mass, but before the serenity around you can disappear entirely, you catch sight of something new. Amongst everything that is familiar and known, this is completely foreign. A new figure, shorter than Daichi for certain, but also bearing dark hair. He stands off at the other side of the lake, near the shore like Daichi had been, but his back is facing you. He bears garbs like yours, white and flowing despite the lack of a breeze.

In all the dreams you’ve had similar to this one, no one other than Daichi has paid you any visits. You know it’s too late for you to investigate now, the dream is dissipating too quickly, but that doesn’t keep you from breaking into a sprint in his direction. Feet splash against the water, bringing it up against your legs. Your running serves no purpose in the long run; before you even near the figure in the distance, your dream fades away and bleeds into white.

You jolt as though shocked, body lurches forward, and you find yourself surrounded by white all the sudden.

“Holy fuck!” The words, surprisingly, don’t fall from your lips. Instead, it’s the kind and gentle doctor from before, standing at your side as you come to again. “You scared the hell out of me!”

You don’t manage to respond, chest heaving as though you’ve just sprinted a mile in your sleep, and all you can do is lay back on the bed slowly.

“Are you alright?” Yunho inquires, one hand coming to rest on your shoulder as you fall back against the bed.

“Y-Yea, yea. I think I was just having a nightmare.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re finally awake now. I was worried I had accidentally put you in a coma or something like that. Your heart rate seems to be awfully low still – well it was before you woke up at least – but it’s not causing any issues. How are you feeling?”

“I feel fine, yea. No issues here.” You glance around the room with wide eyes. Things are still a bit hazy seeing as you just woke up, but it’s all clearing up rather quickly. “How long was I out this time?”

“What?” Yunho turns away from you, fiddling a bit with the tablet in his hands. “What do you mean by “this time”? This is the first time you’ve woken up since I conducted the operation.”

“No? That’s not right,” you refute. “I woke up some time ago and tried getting up but… something happened. I think someone stopped me? Someone with dark hair? He used a sedative shot on me.”

“Well over half the crew has dark hair, so you might need to be a bit more specific on that one.” Yunho chuckles at his own comment. When he notices that you aren’t even smiling, he clears his throat and redirects the conversation. “Your vitals were all stable throughout the day. I never noticed anything out of the ordinary, and neither did my assistant. It must have been a dream due to your fever since it didn’t completely break until yesterday.”

“Yesterday being?”

“Yesterday was day 3 of you being unconscious and day 7 aboard the ship.”

“Ah… so why – why did the captain withdraw his time limit?”

“Oh, he was never serious about that!” Yunho laughs again, then sets his tablet down. “I finished operating on you in 17 hours so I guess he was a bit impressed, but he was never going to actually stop me from helping you. He always says things like that but is never serious. Just wary of strangers on his ship, you know?” Yunho glances over at you as he speaks, and you nod in return. He moves closer to the bed, long fingers dancing over your forearm and toying with the catheter sticking out of your skin. “Your vitals are all stable and steady, so that means you’re pretty much good to go. I just need to make sure you’re all functional and such. Routine checks, yea? Same routine I use for every crew member.”

“What do you mean by crew member?” You ask with a slight tilt to your chin.

“Hm? I didn’t say that?”

“I-I – no, I’m pretty sure you di–”

“Let’s get you to your feet.” Yunho disconnects the IV from your catheter, tugging it out gently, then holds you by the forearms as he pulls you up from the bed. “I need you to walk to the end of the room and back, okay?”

“Why exactly?” Your legs feel a bit like jelly when you get up, but staying in the same bed for three days straight probably doesn’t help one bit. “It was my arm that was shot not my leg.” Yunho laughs as though you just made the best joke in the universe.

“That doesn’t matter. This isn’t about seeing if your arm works. I’m quite confident in my abilities as a healer, thank you very much. This is just to test your strength and see if your body matches your mind, not a test of the recovery of your injury. That will come later with Hongjoong and the Lieutenant.”

You relent with a sigh, twisting your arm so that you can grip Yunho's elbow in case you begin to fall, and move forward with hesitant steps. Yunho stays close to you as you walk, thanks in part to the death grip you have on him.

"How are you feeling so far?" He asks after you've taken a few steps.

"Just fine." The steps are coming easy so far but that relief doesn't last long. By the time you reach the midpoint of the room, the muscles in your legs are beginning to feel weak and shaky. Yunho moves with you as you stumble on your next step, his free hand darting out to latch onto your arm and support you further.

A ding and whoosh resound behind you two, and Yunho snaps his head towards the door. You follow suit a moment later. It’s San – the little Cheshire with the streak of white hair – who stands in the doorway, eyes narrowed and piercing as he scans the room before his gaze lands on you.

“Captain wants to see you, Healer,” he announces while keeping his gaze fixated on you. “If Y/N is up, that’s even better because he wanted to speak about her.” San nods in your direction but his words are unmistakably meant for Yunho.

“Couldn’t Captain come to the med bay instead? Y/N still isn’t strong enough to walk around much since she’s been bedridden for so long. Besides she only just woke up today.”

“Listen, I was just sent to fetch you and check up on her,” San says. He lifts his arms as though to defend himself, finally dragging his gaze off you.

“It’s not your job to check up on patients, San,” Yunho argues as he releases your arm and takes a step in the other man’s direction. “Here’s your checkup though: she’s not well enough to walk all the way to the bridge of Captain’s quarters.”

San’s expression remains stony as he blinks back at Yunho without moving. The silence is deafening until San decides to respond, matching the vehemence in Yunho’s tone. “I’ll inform Captain then.”

Yunho huffs when San spins around with an added flair of drama. Once the door slides shut again, you opt to speak up on the ordeal that just transpired.

“Are things always so tense between the two of you? This isn’t the first time I’ve witnessed you argue and I’ve only been awake for a grand total of 3 hours at best in your presence.”

“Just… a difference of personalities.” Yunho drags his tongue over his teeth, turning back to you. He rests a hand on your back and guides you back to the bed. “I save people. San kills people. That’s how things work. Our jobs. It’s what we’re supposed to do, what we’re here for, why Hongjoong recruited us in the first place. We’re polar opposites.”

“San and I aren’t much different then,” you say, tone quiet and eyes watching Yunho’s face for any change in expression. He shakes his head a few times.

“Quite different actually. San has killed people I could’ve saved in the past. Taken my patients from me and killed them without reason. You haven’t done that.”

“Is it the other way around as well?”

A laugh breaks through the tension of the room, and Yunho throws his head back. “Yes. If I’m going to save someone, then I will do just that. I’ve stopped San in the past.” He eases you onto the bed, moving to pick up the IV. You blink at him, only now noticing that there’s a certain brightness to him that wasn’t present when you first met him.

“Wait…” His hands hesitate near your catheter, eyes darting up to meet yours. “Has – has your hair always been blue? I thought – I could’ve sworn it was different when – was it just my fever?”

Yunho laughs again and continues his motions. “At least your senses are still intact even if your muscles aren’t. It was different a few days ago, yes. I just changed it because another crew member asked me to dye his hair, so I went ahead and joined in on the fun with him.”

“Wow, a healer and a hairstylist? Hongjoong got quite the catch, didn’t he? What can’t you do?” You joke as Yunho reattaches the wires.

“Not much, honestly!” Yunho responds with equal humor to his tone. “I’m good at everything really.” He sends a wink your way, and you nearly choke on your saliva. He has no shame. None whatsoever.

“Pardon?”

“You heard me. Don’t act shy on me now.” Yunho pulls back, a smirk playing at his lips and you don’t know how to react other than to swing your foot out. You hit him in the shin, his body bends in half, a choked laugh escaping from his parted lips. “Damn, okay then. Noted. Y/N and dirty jokes don’t play well. Could you try stretching your arms a bit? I wanna see how the right one is doing.”

You do as asked, moving and stretching your arms out to the side.

“If the stitches bother you or start coming apart at all, let me know. I can go in with laser stitching now that it’s been a few days. I wasn’t able to close it all the way initially so I couldn’t do laser stitching.”

“It feels normal,” you admit as you rotate your arm. “A bit sore, if nothing else.” Frankly, if not for the bandage around your bicep, you wouldn’t even know that there’s a hole in your arm; it just feels like you had an awkward fall on it.

“Good, good. I put you back on the IV just to maintain fluid levels. We can probably try to get you some real food and water today after Captain visits.”

“That’d be nice,” you murmur more to yourself than to Yunho. The minimal snacking you did over the first few days aboard the ship was nice and all, but a proper meal sounds much more desirable.

“Is your side feeling alright as well? I almost forgot to ask.”

“What? Oh, uh, I forgot all about that.”

“That’s a good sign! Not forgetting, but it must mean that you aren’t in any pain. I figured out what happened with that by the way. The pneumothorax was caused by a severe force to your left side. You likely got it after you were shot or while adrenaline was still pumping through you since you didn’t seem to be showing any signs of pain there. Do you remember getting hit in the side or anything like that?”

You stare down at the bed, rummaging through your brain for any memory of a close-quartered fight. The only thing you remember is getting in a small scuffle with the dark-haired man guarding the docking station.

He kicked me after I pinned him down, didn’t he? Must have. How else would I have gotten the injury?

“Yea vaguely.”

“Well, the details aren’t important. I fixed it all up regardless.” Yunho hums and moves around the bed to sit atop a small stool. He peers at you in silence for a moment. You stare back, matching his silence.

“Well this is awkward,” Yunho announces after basking in the quiet for a few minutes. “Maybe I should go back to the dirty jokes and innuendos.”

“No, no, no!” You protest in an instant. “Please don’t.”

“Ha! Here I thought they were gonna grow on you. What else is there to talk about? Captain is taking his sweet time walking over here.” Yunho taps his chin, eyes leaving yours to stare up at the ceiling instead. “Oh, where are you from? I’ve… well, there’s no nice way to put this really, so I’ll just spit it out. I’ve seen you on bounty papers before. Frankly, I know next to nothing about you aside from the information on the bounties. Which is limited to a list of your crimes and missing data.”

“That’s because I normally make a point to keep it that way. The less people know about me, the less likely it is for them to find me. Makes sense, yeah?”

“Makes sense but… it sounds like a lonely life. Always living in fear of who might see you or find you. Never telling anyone anything about yourself. Not being able to trust anyone because you worry that they might sell you out.”

“Go out and get a bounty the size of mine on your head. Talk to me about trust after that.” Your words come out with a bit more scathing fervor than you intended, but the point still stands. The difference between you and Yunho is the bounty. Yours is what? Three? Four? Five times the size of his? Not to mention you are wanted dead whereas Yunho is wanted alive.

“It wasn’t meant as an attack, Y/N. Honestly, it wasn’t. I feel for you, that’s all. I wouldn’t wish that kind of loneliness on anyone.”

You pause, eyes trailing over Yunho’s form as he brings his gaze back to you. Sadness lingers in his gaze, a sadness you wish not to confront, and thus you divert the subject again.

“What have you seen on the bounty papers?”

“This and that. They’re all the same, aren’t they?”

“I make a point of avoiding my own bounty papers.”

“Ha, that’s a fair goal.” Yunho chuckles and leans back, gaze moving for the ceiling again. “I’m from Kebos, if you’ve ever been there.”

“Of course I have,” you answer with a slight smile.

“Of course, of course. You’ve probably been to every planet in Aurum’s system.”

“I have, yes, but not to every city on each planet. I’m still too young for that.”

“Hmm, I was about to be even more impressed but I guess I’ll have to rescind that now. I’m from the biggest city on Kebos, Reinig. Have you been?”

“Only shortly,” you sigh as you push your head back against the pillow. “On military business.” None of your memories from the military are pleasant ones, memories you don’t want to revisit, and thankfully Yunho must get the hint that you don’t want to talk about it.

“Growing up there, I used to think it was the ugliest city but in the winter they put up all these lights. At night the lights make the snow change colors and look absolutely magical.”

“I went in the winter but there wasn’t much time to glance around at the scenery.”

“That’s fair, yeah. I think it loses its appeal as you grow older, but I wouldn’t know that for certain. I haven’t been back to see then in well over ten years I think. My mother… she used to take me to the winter festivals when I was little.” There is a tinge of sadness to Yunho’s tone at the mention of his mother. You know that feeling all too well, having been in Yunho’s shoes before.

Yunho’s ego seems to deflate before your very eyes as he frowns at the ceiling.

“Ah but you didn’t come to hear my tragic backstory.”

You open your mouth to respond and reassure the man in some way (even though you don’t know what to say in these sorts of situations), but the chance is stolen from you as another whoosh resounds. Yunho pushes his seat back at the sound and stands up immediately. You move as well, although only with your head.

There in the doorway stands the captain, his platinum hair parted down the middle and fanned over his forehead. He’s not alone either, a much taller man bearing black hair and paled skin at his side. You know that one, and based upon the glare of his eyes as he stares you down, he remembers what you did to him at the docking station. Seonghwa, was it?

You pass a cynical grin his way. “How’s the head, pretty boy?” You ask, drawing a lilt to your tone that’s meant to be snide. The man merely passes a genuine smile back at you.

“Feeling great, princess.” His smile grows as he steps into the room, the shorter captain following suit albeit absent of the pretty smile.

“Lieutenant. Nice of you to join us,” Yunho greets as he steps around the foot of the bed. You instinctively pull yourself up and sit up straighter. “Captain. You as well.”

“Let’s just get to business, Yunho.” Hongjoong steps out from behind the lieutenant’s back, dark eyes boring into you. “I want to get this over with.”

✧  ✧  ✧

a/n: hello hello it’s tuesday yaknow what that means :D i hope you all enjoy this chapter! i pROMISE things will be picking up in terms of speed from now on aofijeoijfdio let me know what you all think of this chappie!

tag list: @faeriewoobin​

consider sending me a ko-fi!!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

#kpopuniversenet #atzinc #atinyforatiny #ateeznetz #kwritersworldnet #thekpopnetwork #mists of celeste #ateez fluff #ateez smut #ateez angst #hongjoong x reader #seonghwa x reader #yunho x reader #yeosang x reader #san x reader #jongho x reader #wooyoung x reader #mingi x reader #hongjoong #seonghwa #yeosang #yunho #wooyoung #san #jongho #mingi #ateez #ateez series #ateez x reader #space pirate au

[jackie5656]

🎄Fa-la-la-late🎄 With; Diego Hargreeves

A/N:Ummmm...hello? First off, thank you all so much for the love on my last couple imagines. Sorry for the hiatus, what can I say junior year is as hard as they say it is. Anyway, I was supposed to be sleeping last night but I was writing this instead. Leave it to me to become inspired at the worst times. This is for everyone celebrating a holiday this year without your family because of the pandemic (which is still a thing btw.) Also, this is very long but I love it. Okay enough talking, enjoy!

TW: None except...Well, Klaus is Klaus. And more random POV change bc I can!

He’s running, sprinting really, brown bag tucked haphazardly under his arm as it’s contents jostle around inside with his movements. Filled with last minute groceries for the evenings event. Never in Diego Hargreeves’ life had he thought he’d be rushing home in preparations for a Christmas party, in a red sweater for that matter. But what can he say, a year into his relationship with her and he’s officially whipped. Ever since the two of you met you had introduced him to an enormity of things he’d never considered important. Whether it be birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, you’ve added so much more to him that he could never really repay you for. So, he figures making a very last minute trip to the ever so crowded grocery store on Christmas Eve is worth it. Having to deal with other crazed and unprepared city people for three types of cheeses, four types of crackers, and a particularly expensive bottle of wine.

Apparently a Christmas party, or any get together for that matter, is simply incomplete without an assortment of appetizers. Right, Diego Hargreeves hosting a Christmas party for his siblings. The same ones who only learned about holidays in their World Culture textbooks during hours sectioned off on their daily regimen instead of actually celebrating them. The biting cold reminds him of the lonely Christmas’ throughout his life, which was at the time any other day of the year to him. He snaps out of the dark thoughts when he realizes he’s made it up the stairs and to the front door, a chorus of clanging pots and curses coming from inside.

He fumbles through the door, reminding himself he’s supposed to be rushing, but the beautifully decorated apartment distracts him from the task at hand. The warm feeling he’s still getting used to fluttering through his stomach as he recalls when you first surprised him with the holiday decor.

“It’s not too much, right? I know you never really celebrated Christmas, and neither of us are religious but my family always made the holidays a big deal and I thought-”

“You did all this?” His brown eyes are wide, gazing up at the assortment of twinkling lights aligning the interior of your shared home, a beautiful tree full of red and green ornaments in the middle of your living room. It’s stunning, to say the least, and Diego’s sure he’s never felt so much at home as he does now.

You’re gazing up at him, eyes nervously darting between your boyfriend and the assortment of ornaments. He walks forward from the entryway to admire the garland above the fireplace and the evergreen that just barely scruffs the top of the ceiling. It’s all new to him, and a bit overwhelming, and suddenly Diego realizes the resentment he’s held toward the holiday ever since he was a child was completely misguided. Because the joy he feels now, the warmth tingling throughout his body is foreign but so comforting.

“You hate it, don’t you? Listen, I just thought maybe I’d try and show you Christmas isn’t all about consumerism and selling shitty-”

“It’s beautiful.” He interrupts again, and you swear there’s a moisture begging to leave his eyes as he finally looks to you with an awed expression.

“I don’t, I’ve never...I always hated Christmas. I guess because I never had a real family as a kid. But this, this is j-just...Thank you.”

*End Flashback*

“You’re late!” You shout as the front door bursts open, a familiar thud of boots kicking snow off their bottoms and then walking towards the kitchen. Diego walks in with hands full with groceries, hair wet and messy with flurries of snow littering the raven strands. You narrow your eyes at the sight of him, dopey smile on his face as he sets the bags down on the counter.

“What’s gotten into you? I thought you’d still be grumpy at the fact that we’re hosting.” You’re less than presentable at the moment, having been cooking all day and leaving getting yourself ready for last minute. You puff a stray hair out of your face as he responds.

“Nothing, and actually I am still upset that my siblings are coming over.” He leans against the counter as you unpack the groceries, eager to finish up so you can look a little less crazy when the remaining Hargreeves arrive. Diego is still staring at you, grinning fondly at how flustered you look. And although he’d rather not have you meet his brothers and sister, you deserve to know why he’s keeping you from meeting. After all, it’s been a year since you’ve been together, and he’s met your family already.

It’s different though, because although they too have their issues, your family isn’t a dysfunctional pack of emotionally-stunted freaks. He’d much rather protect you from their intrusive antics. The warm feeling fades as he realizes what’s to come. He appreciates your optimism, truly, but he suddenly can’t shake the feeling that they’ll manage to upset you and ultimately screw up what you’ve been preparing for all day.

“A little help please?” You ground him once more, gesturing to the bags beside the both of you and the assortment of trays of food on the counters. Diego grabs onto your sides when you try to brush past him to check on the turkey, ignoring your incredulous look as he presses his body against yours.

“There’s still time to call this all off, you know. We can watch all the cheesy Christmas movies you want, and have dinner all to ourselves.” His eyes are hopefully looking into yours, the persuasion in his tone hinting a part of him isn’t really joking.

“Absolutely not. Di, we’ve been together for a year now. I want to get to know your siblings. Besides, you met my family and they loved you!”

“That’s different y/n, you’re family is...Well, they’re not like mine! You guys are normal! My brother is a moon-obsessed, half monkey moron and my sister is a mind-controlling movie star.” You can’t help but giggle at his words even though his frustration is adamant. He backs away from your embrace and runs his a hand through his hair in an effort to calm himself down. The sudden thought of one of them being too pushy or making you upset is overwhelming him now. If it’s one thing he’d like to keep you from, it’s the bad side of him his siblings tend to bring out.

“Diego.” Your voice is soft now, you’re using that love-laced tone that always makes him feel like he’s melting. He shivers as you get closer to him, still somehow getting used to the effect you have on him. And although you don’t notice, you seem to be aware you’re calming him down. “I’m scared too, I don’t want to mess something up or embarrass myself in front of them. Hell, your little-or...Older brother is a time traveling assassin who’s kind of a genius. It’s intimidating definitely, but they’re your family Di. I know you hate to admit it, but they’ve played a huge role in who you are. And even if a lot of times you resent each other, it’s clear you love them.”

He’s gotta admit, you’ve always had a way with words. “Fine, what can I do to help beautiful?”

“you can start with setting the table so I can get ready and actually look beautiful. And use the good China!” You plant a quick kiss to his cheek before rushing off to the bedroom, silently praying the anxious won’t drop a plate or two in the process.

****************************

“Baby, does red or white wine go with tur-woah.” You’re doing some finishing touches on your makeup when Diego walks in, honey brown eyes shamelessly looking over your figure with a smirk as he now leans against the door frame.

You roll you eyes at his ogling, but can’t help smoothing down the silky olive green fabric of the dress your wearing with a pleased smile. Gold jewelry adorns your neck and ears, with matching gold heels to bring the look together. The red of his sweater (he so stubbornly obliged to wearing) compliments the green you're wearing beautifully. A year ago, Diego wonders just how much it would take him to put on anything other than black.

“Cmon, they’ll be here any minute.”

As if I’m cue, the doorbell of the apartment rings. You rush to the front door, Diego trailing behind as he reminds himself how important the evening is to you.

“And remember, no knives.” You whisper to him, turning back around and opening the door.

“Fröhliche Weihnachten!” Klaus pushes through the entryway excitedly, tackling you in a hug in greeting. Luckily, you’ve already met the most eccentric sibling of the bunch. As he often crashes at your place, much to Diego’s disliking (or so he says).

“My my my, that dress is to die for! I’ll be borrowing that soon. And those heels! Please tell me we’re the same siz-”

“Alright bonehead, you can steal her stuff later. Take yourself and the booze to the kitchen.” Diego interrupts, shrugging when you slap his shoulder at his bluntness.

Greeting the rest of the family goes better than expected. Allison and Luther arrived together (an innocent carpool of course) whilst Vanya had come just a few minutes after Klaus, happy to see she wasn’t the first to arrive. She brought along with her a homemade dish, Allison with a top notch bottle of champagne, and Five with a box of Griddy’s  donuts and...Coffee? His odd choice of food making the perfect ice breaker, to his confusion of course. 

“Alright, enough small talk. Diego, how much are you paying this lovely lady to pretend to be your girlfriend?” Klaus interjects your conversation about current events as the rest of the table looks to the pair of you and laughs. 

“Seriously, Allison couldn’t even rumor someone to be this good of a cook,” Luther chimes in. Not having looked up from his plate for a majority of the meal.

Although slightly offended, Diego realizes his siblings have a valid point. You’re blushing crimson as you laugh along, shaking your head and nervously rambling on about when you just last week almost burnt the apartment down trying to perfect said recipes. He’s entranced as you speak, admiring the way you seem to capture all of them with unknown ease. Unknown, truly, because you’re still too modest to see how perfect you are. He doesn’t deserve you, but he’ll spend every day trying to even out the impossible score. It's known he can be quite the competitor. 

“I’m just shocked he’s out of black for once.”

“Says the 45 year old in a school uniform!”

                                          **********************

“Alright, I’ll clear up dinner so we can start dessert.” Y/n announces, just in time to halt a three-way argument between her boyfriend, Luther and Five about some Academy mission from when they were kids. The evening has been lighthearted for the most part, with a majority of the conflict being steered off by Allison or Vanya. The two practically experts at distracting their egotistical brothers. You catch on as they do so, the three of you having shared a few sly smirks between one another a few times throughout the meal. 

“Please y/n, let me. You’ve done more than enough tonight. Besides, I need someone to test out that wine for me.” Allison assures, kicking Diego’s shin and motioning to the kitchen when you’ve given her an appreciative smile and inquired Vanya on her violin skills. 

Allison’s knife wielding brother shoots her a look of shock at her actions, trailing along confusedly after her. Your empty plate and his own in hand as he sets them down in the sink. 

“What the hell? Why-where-you-hiding-her-from-us!) The curly haired woman emphasizes each word with a smack of a stray dish towel to his arm, sure nobody can hear them over Klaus’ obnoxious storytelling back in the dining room. 

“Quit it! I wasn’t hiding her I-I was protecting her from you shitheads.” Diego defends, once again bewildered by his sister’s playful outburst. 

“Diego! She’s amazing, you should’ve introduced us forever ago.” 

“Right, she’s amazing. What do you not get by the word protecting? If you all had met her any sooner you would have scared her off!” He flails his arms as he speaks, unaware of his flushed cheeks as his sister smiles fondly at him. 

“What now Allison?”

“You loooveee her.” She poke his side as she teases, chuckling again when he swats her arm away. The scene is childish, but something about the heat rising through his neck to the tips of his ears makes Diego feel like a kid again. Allison teasing him about girls, just as they had when they were young. 

“Wh-whatever. Yeah, I love her. Can we go back to the table now, or should we paint our nails and giggle about how totes adorbs Luther Looks in that coat?” They both laugh at his mocking, leaving the room and too giddy to remember the discarded plates left behind. 

                                      ***********************

“An espresso machine? Wow, Columbia-brewed K-cups too! You shouldn’t have y/n.” Five is beaming at the gift in hand, wrapping paper still hanging off the side of the box as he admires the machine. His siblings stare confusedly at his jolly demeanor, and he immediately clears his throat before giving said girl a curt nod. “Thanks.” He deadpans, and you laugh with a nod at his change in demeanor. 

Luther and Allison have already opened their gifts, the burly man pointing to his miniature moon replica and lecturing about the craters and valleys to an extremely bored Klaus. Allison has already put on the elegant gold charm bracelet you’ve given her, rolling charm with Claire’s initials and birthstone on it with glossy eyes. Beside her, Vanya delicately peels the wrapping off to a freshly polished violin case, her name inscribed in cursive on the top. 

“It’s beautiful. I-I’m so sorry we didn’t get you anything. If I had known-”

“Nonsense V, I’m just glad you could all make it tonight.” You reassure with genuine smile, glad to see her positive response to the nickname. 

“I still can’t believe you got them gifts.” Diego mumbles from behind you, having climbed over the back of the couch you’re all sat on to have you sit between his legs. He kisses your temple and wraps his arms around your middle, softly humming when yo lean into him. The fireplace is crackling, and the record payer you love dearly quietly plays a Perry Como Christmas album. You close your eyes, taking in the warm feeling and relaxing in Diego’s touch. The two of you jumping when a shout comes from beside you.

“My turn! My turn!” Klaus claps loudly to grab your attention. You chuckle at his childish ways, leaning down to pick up the wrapped present at your feet and handing it off to him. Unlike the others, he eagerly rips apart the wrapping, gasping dramatically when he lifts up the skirt. 

“You’re a bit hard to shop for, there’s a gift receipt if-” The excitable man scrambles up from the floor tug on the fabric, twirling around in it in a fit of giggles before you can finish your statement. 

“Great, he’ll never take that off.” Diego mumbles in your ear, you shake your head with a smirk at his teasing before you’re reminded of something.

“Oh! And one more thing.” You note suddenly, climbing out of Diego’s hold as he huffs reluctantly. You pull a a final present from under the tree, secretly handing it to Klaus to make sure the others don’t see. Though they’re too enveloped in conversation to noticed.

“Another one for me?” He whispers happily, eyes furrowing when you shake your head. Sitting back down in Diego’s arms before you explain. 

“No, well...Yes, sort of. You’ll see.” You ramble, gesturing to the box in his hands as he apprehensively chuckles. You feel Diego’s eyes on you, deciding to place a peck on his jaw instead of elaborating. 

Klaus pulls out a pair of books, readig the well-known titles before looking up at you. You motion to the box once more, biting your nail as he sets them aside and reaches in once more. He pulls out  picture frame with a sharp intake of breathe, hand going over his mouth as he looks up at you once more. Your boyfriend, eager to see what has silenced his rowdy brother, takes the frame to inspect it. 

It’s a picture of him, Klaus, and Ben on the front steps of the academy. Having to be only five or six in the photo. Klaus has an arm around Ben, smiling big for the camera as his brother offers a smaller, but no less genuine grin to the lens. Diego sits a step above them, mouth frozen open in a laugh as he must of been reaction to something only Klaus could make him react so much at. 

“I remember Di telling me Ben read a lot. And...Well, it felt wrong to get everyone else a gift but him. Those are two of my favorit-”

“Wh-Where did you find this?” Diego whispers, arms encircled even tighter around you as he holds up the frame in shock. 

“When we were moving in. I found it at the bottom of one of the shelves at your room at the gym. It was under a bunch of old books you had, I figured it could use a frame.” Just as you finish, Klaus practically tackles you in a hug, a soft hiccup coming from him when he pulls away. 

“Geez Klaus, it’s just a skirt!” 

“Can-it Luther!”

                                     *************************

“You think he’ll be alright?” You mutter from the bedroom hallway. You and Diego leaning against the wall, looking at Klaus whose passed out on the sofa. The others having left hours ago, but you simply couldn’t wake him at seeing how peaceful he was. The picture frame still tucked to his chest as he snored softly. 

“Trust me, he’s fine. I think he’ll be sleeping in that skirt every night from now on.” Diego pulls you to your bedroom door as you laugh, the exhaustion from today finally setting. 

“Hey, would you look at that? Mistletoe.” Your head trails upwards to gaze up at the fruit being dangled above your head as you grin.

“Those are grapes Di.”

“Are they? Hmm, must be from that stupid cheese board I had to run across town for.” 

“It’s a chacuterie, actually. Didn’t you learn French Hargreeves?”

“Yep, but I only seem to remember two words.”

“Oh really? And what might those be?”

“Embrasse moi” He finishes as he connects his lips with yours, holding your face as if you might slip away when he lets go. 

“Smooth, knife boy.” You pull away softly, wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.

“Merry Christmas Di.”

#diego hargreeves #diego hargreeves imagines #The Umbrella Academy #umbrella acedmy #vanya hargreeves #allison hargreeves #luther hargreeves #five hargreeves #klaus #klaus hargreeves #tua netflix #netflix #christmas #fiction #imagines #tua fanfic #ben hargreeves

[the-reaper-of-maidens]

Arrival

YEET, some Alcina x OC stuff, because I’m horrible with x Reader stuff. I suppose chronologically, this is the first in my Alcina x OC stories, since this is how my OC met the tall vampire lady~ It kinda ends a bit abruptly, but I wanted the smut to be its own chapter, lol. I know I have the good lady far nicer in this than she really is, but she’s kinda mentally flipped upside down with this nutty OC~ I hope I did the tall vampire lady justice with this, regardless!

TW: mentions of self harm, homophobia implied

The diminutive woman arrived at the castle grounds. Her brown eyes were weary and showed her depression. Her brunette hair was long, flowing freely in the cold breeze, and her jeans were doing a poor job keeping her legs from freezing. She had some nose and ear piercings, so they were especially cold. She shivered and pulled her bomber jacket tighter as she went in, adjusting her duffle bag. She was a bit of a horror blogger, though she ironically was scared easily. Recently, she ended her blog, figuring it was best to end while she was at her peak, so she didn’t tell anyone about her trip to this haunting castle that was reported to be sites of vicious attacks.

Really, the blogger was hoping for one more fright before moving on from her fame, or maybe she wanted to end her suffering, so she hoped to see a monster. Though she was well-liked online, her personal life was… awful, to put it lightly. The blogger certainly felt unsettled, taking a look at the foyer. She thought it was weird that the doors were totally unlocked, though she figured it was different cultural norms, since she was American.

And then… she saw one of them. The blogger started sweating as the witch stepped towards her, she didn’t think anyone still lived here. The tiny woman stepped back, trying not to wig out as the witch continued her creeping. She whipped her head around when she heard another door open, and that was when she started running, dropping her bag.

She didn’t know where she was going, she just wanted to get away from them while trying to explore what the castle had to offer, despite her better judgement. Maybe she should have just turned tail when she saw the witch…

“Well, well… what an interesting visitor we have here,” a low, but darkly alluring voice called out, its owner crouching through a doorway.

The blogger froze like a deer in headlights as she saw what seemed to be an enormous woman towering over her. This woman must have been twice her height. Great, she thought, I have that creepy woman after my tail and now there’s this… hulking piece of… hotness. The blogger blushed a bit, this woman was just stunning, and she couldn’t help but get the hots for her despite being pretty terrified right about now. “S...sorry,” she finally managed to croak out. “I just got curious is all. I’ll just grab my stuff and leave now if you want.”

“How adorable, thinking you can just break in and enter someone’s house willy-nilly,” Lady Alcina Dimitrescu giggled charmingly and sinisterly as she eyed the petite woman, baring her claws. Of course, she felt it was a bit unfair for this especially tiny woman to go down easily; she usually liked giving her prey a fighting chance, it made the hunt all the more exciting. “I’ll give you a chance to run. If you make it out the door before my daughters or I can catch you, you’re free to go~”

Instead of running, though… the blogger just screamed and went down on her knees, cowering in fear. Her stomach was in knots, and she almost felt her breakfast wanting to come back up as she prepared herself for the worst.

The mutant tilted her head in curiosity and retracted her claws. Normally, most people took the chance to run off, but this one thought giving up and staying was a good idea. Alcina was suddenly interested in this strange human. “Hmm… you know what, I’ll call off my daughters. You pique my interest, how about we chat over lunch?”

The blogger was still shaking, though she mustered up the courage to open up her eyes. Though still anxious, she did relax a bit when she realized she was still unharmed. “I… yeah, sure. Lunch sounds good,” she stood up on shaky legs, unzipping her bomber jacket a bit. The adrenaline really heated up her body. Her stomach still felt a bit nauseous, though, so the thought of food didn’t sound appealing to the blogger at the moment.

“Trust me, I’ll make sure my daughters won’t bite. How about you go make yourself… comfortable in the meantime?”

Naturally, the blogger was still on high alert for the next few hours. She looked at her phone, tempted to make a blog post about all that happened, but she decided against it. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to be back in the limelight again… if she wanted to be criticized by her family again. She didn’t have any friends, really, so it wasn’t like she had anyone that would worry about her. She sighed, and Alcina caught the pained look on the blogger’s face.

“So… what brought you to my humble abode?”

“Oh! Sorry! Sorry…” the blogger fretted a bit. “Like I said, I got curious. I also used to run a blog about all sorts of scary monsters and stuff.” Of course, this was all lost on the vampire lady, so the blogger explained more. “A blog is kinda like a digital journal entry, you see. You write it up on your computer and post it up and everyone gets to see what you wrote. Kinda like a bulletin board, but it’s on the Internet.”

“And you… used to?”

“I… yeah. I just wanted to scare people about the things I write about, I didn’t want to be famous. But it happened, and I felt like I had to go along with the ride. Eventually, my folks found out. They’re… not the most supportive,” the blogger divulged. “So ending the blog was a little bit of panic and mostly my choice, because I knew I can’t handle juggling family issues and the blog.”

The mutant woman tsked a bit, feeling an odd sense of pity for the blogger. “How shameful of your family. Do they not have their own business to tend to?”

“Like hell that I care. I cut them off after I stopped blogging. I’ve got enough money to travel around as I please, so… if I’m stuck where I’m misunderstood and demonized, I can just fly off,” and the blogger had anger flash in her eyes for a second, which surprised the mutant vampire. “Imagine being in hillbilly hell, where everyone is a churchgoing fanatic, and you don’t fit what they want you to be. I don’t have friends. My family hates me because of who I love… the guys laugh, and the women? Well, they’re grossed out because I’m a woman and I’m... I’m not supposed to love women.”

“Ah, so you escaped when you finally had the chance,” Alcina wasn’t stupid, piecing together that the smaller woman was waiting for the funds to get out. It was admittedly rather admirable to the vampire, knowing that someone freed themselves of their shackles.

“It took a few years… but you can bet I hauled ass the second I reached my goal. Still, though… I wake up every day, and I’m dragged down by my self-hate. Like my demons follow me wherever I go, and it’d be nice if I can escape for real.”

Alcina shifted a bit, and she grinned mysteriously. “I know a way, if you’re willing to stay for the night,” she offered, hoping the blogger would accept. Perhaps this woman could give her her fix, since it had been a long while since Alcina had any fun in her private quarters. Though she had her witches, she really did see the three as her daughters… she just couldn’t see herself doing such an act with any of them.

The blogger blushed a bright red, trying to decipher what this extremely tall vampire lady meant by that. “...Are you asking me to sleep with you?” she sniped in. She wouldn’t mind it, per se, but she was certainly surprised at the proposal.

“I can tell in your body language, you’re in love with me~ Luckily for you, I don’t care what’s in someone’s pants or how they identify as when I put them to bed. All they need to do… is be a good plaything for me,” Alcina giggled seductively, tossing away any subtlety she might have had.

“I… hold on, just a sec,” the blogger ran off to the nearest bathroom to compose herself. She felt herself flush with heat as she took off her jacket. “Don’t… do anything stupid,” she told herself in the mirror as she washed her face with ice cold water. She was wracked with nerves, but she just couldn’t pass this up. Well, what’s the worst that can happen? It’s not like anyone back home cared about me, she thought to herself. The blogger took a deep breath to compose herself as she zipped her jacket back up and she went back out, her emotions put into check for now. “Sure, I’d like to stay for the night,” the blogger grinned awkwardly when she returned, fidgeting a bit.

“Trust me, you have nothing to fear,” Alcina purred, putting a hand on the blogger’s cheek. Of course, decades of experience meant she knew how to not crush the poor thing during their fun. This woman must have been half her size, if the height difference was anything to go by. “When you’re as tall as I am, you simply have no choice but to... adapt.”

“Hehe, lucky me. I’ve never… did any of that, obviously,” the blogger admitted, blushing as she shifted her weight between her feet.

“Oh? So you’re saying that you’re a maiden?” Alcina was definitely hooked now, leaning forward a bit. Having a new fling was always nice, but having a potentially new source to make another batch of Sanguis Virginis was always even better.

“What? You’re not gonna like, sacrifice me to some demon or something, are you? Or gut me with those huge claws… right?”

“Oh, no, not at all. It just has a rather poetic ring to it is all,” Alcina hummed casually, debating whether to get the blogger’s blood or enjoy the night with her. Then again, there was no hiding from the tiny woman that she was a mutant vampire, so she had to come clean. “Though,” she leaned back in her chair, “I’m admittedly not sure whether to ravish you or turn you into my wine. We need maiden’s blood for the wine, you see, since it’s just so... delectable.” Normally, the countess would have no issue deciding to turn someone into wine, but given the events from earlier that day... the blogger could make for a good plaything instead.

The blogger swallowed nervously. She had a feeling that whatever she would say, Alcina would manage to have her way. “...How much blood? Are you gonna… turn me? If not, can you not… like, kill me? I need my blood to live.” So many questions raced in her head, she was almost regretting accepting the offer. Almost.

“Charming. Don’t you worry, I won’t drain you of all your blood, should you end up being my pet instead~”

The blogger spent most of the day just relaxing in her room after lunch, thinking about her future. The money won’t last forever, after all, so she needed to start planning. So far, her hostess seemed amiable enough, despite the initial scare. “Ugh, think, think, think! What can I do for Lady Dimitrescu to make her enjoy my stay if I have to come back?” Or, perhaps, she could forgo her travels, instead staying at Castle Dimitrescu for the rest of her life in service to Alcina. She felt a cold in the air, the hairs on her neck standing on ends. She slowly turned and her eyes met with Daniela’s, who she learned earlier was one of Alcina’s daughters.

“Mother says dinner is almost ready, plaything~” the witch giggled, a strident laugh that made the blogger feel a pit in her stomach.

“I… thanks,” the blogger gulped in fear, following the witch for what seemed like forever. She still wasn’t sure what to think about Daniela, truth be told. She eyed the mutant vampire, and realized the mutant was still inhumanly tall, though not as tall as Alcina. She gulped nervously, wondering if she’d be tossed to the witch if Alcina decided she wasn’t good enough.

“Ah, our little guest. Thank you for fetching her, Daniela,” Alcina nodded, a smirk revealing her fangs a bit as she waved Daniela off to take a seat. The blogger looked around, watching the maids hustle and bustle, setting food out to the table. She saw two other women similarly dressed as Daniela sitting at the table, and she assumed they were sisters. That still didn’t make her less uneasy.

The blogger’s mouth watered a bit, smelling the food. If lunch was anything to go by, dinner would be spectacular. “Thanks for letting me stay for the night, Lady Dimitrescu. Tonight’s pretty cold, or so it seems,” she took a seat.

“Oh, it’s not an issue at all, and please… you may call me Alcina,” the vampire mutant purred, trying to get a bit more emotionally close to the blogger. She rarely had any romantic emotions, she usually felt they were in the way of the real action, but… she didn’t mind it when she did have romance flare up in her heart, if someone truly was interesting to her. She frowned a bit when the blogger didn’t take her bomber jacket off, even as she started eating. “Oh, come now, how long have you worn that jacket today? Surely, you must be sweating buckets in there!”

The blogger blushed a bit, mid-bite into her chiftea. “Oh, um… you don’t need to worry… Alcina. I’m not hot at all, trust me,” she tried to dodge, knowing the lady wanted her to stop roasting.

“Well, if you get it all over your coat, you’re going to have to wash it anyways. I’m amazed you didn’t do that at lunch earlier.”

The blogger just cast her eyes downward at her food, fidgeting a bit. She knew she was locked in; one wrong choice, and she would be dead, and she’d rather be alive and uncomfortable than dead. “You’re right,” and she took off her jacket, revealing scars and tattoos on her arm peeking out from the rolled sleeves. She shivered in the brisk breeze, but kept eating.

Alcina leaned back a bit, realizing why her guest refused to shed her coat. “Who did that to you? The scars, that is.”

“...I did,” the blogger clenched a fork, her eyes still downcast. “...Most of it, anyways,” she finally looked up and made eye contact with Alcina. “Some of it was from my dad.”

“...My apologies,” Alcina truly meant it. “I had no idea.”

“It’s fine, the scars are all in the past now,” the blogger took a sip of what seemed to be wine, perhaps a merlot or a cabernet. She coughed, she hated alcohol… “Sorry… I get that wine is good for dinner, but… I prefer tea,” she admitted. “Dad was an alcoholic, so… stuff like that makes me uncomfortable. I think maybe an Earl Grey tea with some cream and sugar would be nice?”

Alcina nodded and called for a servant. “Prepare a tea kettle for our guest here. Earl Grey with cream and sugar,” the vampire lady commanded. “My dear guest… I really am sorry for making you uncomfortable. I’ll take note of that next time you come here.”

“Um… actually, about that… I’ve been thinking, Alcina. The money I’ve got won’t last forever, so I was thinking of just staying here… working for you,” the brunette woman rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly.

Each and every hour, the blogger became more and more interesting to Alcina. It was rare for girls to come and willingly work here, unless they had some sort of death wish. “I see. Well, in that case, I will spare you, my dear... if you can tell me what you can bring to the table.”

“I can make music, and I can do art. Think of all the beautiful paintings I’d make of you~” the blogger cracked a grin. “But more importantly… I can help you bring maidens into the castle for your wine.”

“Oh?” That definitely rules out making her into wine now, Alcina thought, though she decided hours ago she likely wouldn’t do such a thing to her little pet.

“If you can turn me into one like yourself and your daughters, I will. I promise. I’ve… when I was twelve, I wanted to become a vampire so badly,” she admitted, snorting a bit. “But... really, Alcina. The maidens I’d hunt for you would be my rent payment, so to speak.”

Alcina seemed to consider it, sipping her wine, and smiling in amusement at that confession. The blogger seemed multi talented, at least, so it would be nice to have some entertainment if she wanted, though it was new that someone wanted to be turned, and she was tempted, though she’d have to talk to a certain Mother Miranda. “You’ll get your chance, my dear. Patience is the key here,” she reached over and gently grasped her guest’s hand. “Perhaps not now, but you can say goodbye to your past… to the pain… soon.”

Dinner was accompanied by lots of talk, mostly of the blogger telling Alcina all about herself. Soon enough, dinner was done, and Alcina invited the blogger to her bedroom. “A deal is a deal~ I promised you that I’d help you escape your self-loathing, and I will,” she offered a gargantuan hand to the blogger.

#lady dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu x oc #fanfic #resident evil 8 #self harm ment // #homophobia imp //

[nctinfo]

[TRANS] Chenle & Jisung’s interview with ELLE June 2020 issue!

It's the first time for Chenle and Jisung to do a magazine shoot together. Both of you seemed to have given your fans spoilers ahead of the shoot. Jisung: Really, the time went by so fast. Rather than a shoot, it felt more like I was just playing around with Chenle. Chenle: <ELLE> is a magazine known by many people. I've known it since long-ago too. So I was even more excited about the shoot. Jisung: Me too! Ah, but how old is <ELLE>? 28th anniversary this year? Wow...

We are much older than you two, aren't we? Is this year your 5th summer together? Jisung: We've known each other since 2016, so yes, that's right. Chenle: We should stop seeing each other (laughs).

Although you get along as friends [same-aged friends], Chenle is in fact born in November 2001. He is one year older than Jisung who was born in February 2002. What was the reason to become friends [to drop formalities]? Chenle: Our birthdays are only two and a half months apart, and since we get along so well, I felt like there was no need for formalities [a hyung/dongsaeng relationship]. Of course, I regret having made that decision now. I mean it. (laughs). Jisung: I jokingly said, "Can't we just be friends?" but he took it seriously. Thanks to this, we can now comfortably talk with each other like this. Chenle: It's definitely more comfortable. In Shanghai, where I grew up, we don't mind much if there's a one or two year difference. And since the NCT team has a lot of members from overseas, the atmosphere is a bit more open. 

Still, it must have felt weird to see your friend Chenle become a legal adult a year earlier than you. Jisung: I've seen the older members of NCT DREAM become adults one after another so I felt relatively indifferent. It's not like people suddenly change when they turn 20 years old. But, since we all debuted as teenagers, it is kinda weird that I'm the only minor left now.

How did the YouTube content 'ChenJi's This and That', that you two do together, start? Jisung calls it 'JiChen's That and This'. Jisung: Thank you for acknowledging it (laughs). It started from the thought that it would be great to make content that uses the advantage of us two who are like real friends. We make gifts for the members, stack dominoes, and also make menus that are popular on SNS Chenle: Although we also bring up ideas here and there, the staff ideas are always more fun. Ah, it was our idea to visit my home in Shanghai.

Chenle went to a lot of rides alone at the amusement park right. Chenle: He says he is too scared to go on rides that are hard, but thinks rides that are easy are lame. Isn't it really funny? Jisung: The easy ones don't look cool (laughs).

You just finished the promotions of your 4th mini album <Reload>. You have achieved many good results such as ranking first in the domestic music chart and music shows, ranking first on iTunes in 51 countries, and selling over 500k albums. How do you feel looking back? Jisung: I always have regrets whenever we finish promotions. Even though I have worked hard and had fun, when I look back, I feel like I could do better? Chenle: I'm completely the opposite. When the album promotions finish, I think 'It was really fun this time again, I'm satisfied!' I think especially for 'Ridin'' the stage was very exciting, and it was even better because I had fun with the members.

'Beyond Live', a live-streamed concert and video call fan signings are promotions that were not imaginable last year. Jisung: I'm glad that we can do something, but it's a shame we can't meet the fans in person. Chenle: It was a new and very exciting experience. Although it was through a video, you could clearly hear the voices and see the faces of the fans like this.

You also performed solo stages on ‘Beyond Live’ Chenle: I prepared our song 'Best Friend' on the piano, but the staff made the stage really cool. On the stage the moon was floating over the sea, it was very pretty and I'm really grateful and satisfied Jisung: I danced but I don't think it was to the extent of 'Awesome~ I did a great job!'.

With you two being the youngest out of NCT’s teenage team NCT DREAM, your growth is bound to be the most impactful. You must be surprised when you watch videos of when you just debuted. Chenle: Actually, as soon as we met today, Jisung had watched an old video of mine and said 'You were so cute back then but why are you like this now?'. Jisung: It was videos of him during promotion interviews for our debut song 'Chewing Gum' and 'My First and Last', and he was so cute. It was also when Chenle hadn't been in Korea for that long yet so he was still bad at speaking. Chenle: I couldn't watch the videos at that time. Still, when I look at the other members, I think everyone was so young and cute.

I heard that Jisung played a significant role in the fast improvement of Chenle's Korean. Jisung: Yes I was Chenle: I admit he helped. Although it's a problem that my weird Korean skills are also improving (laughs).

You have done TV shows and stood on stages before debuting at 15 and 16 years old. When did you feel like this is something you're good at and wanted to do something music-related? Chenle: I love to sing, so I released my first album when I was 7 years old. However, at that time, I thought it was a hobby and an experience rather than thinking of wanting to be a singer. After coming to Korea, I knew for certain that this was the path I wanted to take. Jisung: Rather than realizing it at some point, I think the expression 'right now' is right. While watching sunbaes at SM, my desire to be like that grew and I've come here doing what I wanted to do.

For broadcasts or special stages, Jisung has danced with the hyungs of SM's 'Dance Line' such as Super Junior Eunhyuck, SHINee Taemin, and EXO Kai. Jisung: They are really good at dancing and have a lot of experience on stage so it's really helpful when they watch me dance and talk to me [about it]. It felt like I was taking years of dance lessons all at once. Chenle: For me, I learn quickly thanks to Jisung. These days, Jisung is working hard on learning how to sing so I try to help a little too. I would say things like "I think this would be better?'. Jisung: Don't you tease me when I sing though. Chenle: Me? No, not me.

What song would you like to perform if you were to do an NCT stage together? Chenle: Since there are two of us, how about NCT U's 'Baby Don't Stop'? that Taeyong and Ten hyung did together. Jisung: Uhm, that's kind of a sexy song, don't you think we should do that in a few years? For me, I would like to do NCT U's 'Without You'. I think it's a good song to sing for us together.

NCT DREAM members have often said they still lack the skills and think they can do better. Where does that ambition come from? Chenle: There are times when I feel like I'm not good enough when I watch a video clip [of myself]. Other people might not see a big difference, but I do. In that case, I really concentrate and work hard. Jisung: I think everyone has that kind of desire because we debuted at a young age. When I watch the stage of the sunbaes, I feel like that even more.

How does it feel to be the youngest in a big group called NCT? Chenle: It's so good! Originally, I'm the type to prefer when it’s crowded. It's also fun to chat and play together when we practice. Jisung: I don't have a lot of friends from school. [NCT] is like a replacement for those relationships so I feel reassured. It feels like I have a bunch of people or hyungs who are close to me. Though the dinner costs are enormous (laughs).

What's the reason that two people with different personalities can be good friends and teammates? Jisung: Oh, now that I think about it it's really interesting. We're really the opposite Chenle: I think we get along so well because we are so different. The thing we have in common the most is that we like to play around with each other? And we're the noisiest. My voice is loud and Jisung talks a lot. A while ago he was talking to himself in the car while watching the night view. It's really funny to see it from the side Jisung: If you say it like that it makes me seem kinda weird, doesn't it? (laughs) I love to fantasize. What would I say if I were to go on a program like that? I think I was playing around while thinking about those kinds of things.

Are there any aspects of your friend that you want to be more known? Jisung: There are a lot of people who think of Chenle as a bright mischievous boy with a lot of laughter, but he also has a lot of serious conversations with me. He also has a lot of ambition. Unlike the introverted me, he is cool and outgoing so I learn a lot of things through Chenle. He is much cooler than he looks. Chenle: I'm a chic person (laughs). Jisung is the type of person who worries a lot about himself, and he is also evenly worried about the members' concerns. After taking care of this and that he proudly says 'Ah, why do I look like a leader'.

There are many adults and role models around you. Since you achieved your dream of debuting early, you must be worried about growing up well. Chenle: Instead of following someone with the burden of having to grow, I want to grow up naturally while keeping what I want to protect. I can learn good things and keep regretful things to consult, but I think my own standards are important. Jisung: When I first made my debut, I wanted to be a good adult and a good influence, and I still feel the same now. Sometimes I feel sorry for someone's behavior or words, but I don’t think that anyone can be perfect. Regardless, I try to absorb the good and positive aspects only.

When do you feel like you've grown? Jisung: When I have serious conversations with Chenle and the hyungs. The spectrum of the conversations has widened. I also think I have grown when I'm able to objectively look at myself without being too biased. Chenle: When you're going through puberty, you don't know that you're going through puberty. If you think you're grown up, I think it's because you're still young. I think you've grown up when you can admit to your shortcomings and immaturity.

How will the summer be for you this time? Chenle: First of all, Jisung will have 6 ice creams all at once. Jisung: (Back then) I had them throughout the day!

Translation: Esmee @ FY! NCT (NCTINFO) | Source: ELLE Scans — Do not repost or take out without our permission!

#NCT #chenle #jisung #t:trans #t:interview #ELLE #ELLE: July 2020