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pirateprincessjess · 15 days

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When I was a kid my family pretended to get raptured so I would think I was left behind on earth while they all went to heaven.

I was like 8 years old and my sister and mom had gotten really into the Left Behind novels (bible fan fic about the rapture). In the books when the rapture happened the clothes that people were wearing when they got raptured were left behind in neatly folded piles.

One day when I was getting home from school my family decided that they would leave piles of neatly folded clothes around the house, and then hide in the basement.

The intended effect was that I would get home and see the clothes then, think that my family had been raptured and that I wasn’t good enough to get into heaven… or something?

The problem was that I had never read these books, and didn’t really think about the rapture very often. There was no reason that I would see some laundry on the floor and think “The rapture happened and I’ve been abandoned by God! I’ll never see my family again!! Oh nooo!!!!”

I just sat down and watched cartoons and eventually my family got bored and revealed that they were all hiding in the basement.

It’s a good thing I didn’t understand the joke, otherwise that shit would have been traumatic.

#still not really sure what part of this joke was funny?#cuz if the prank had worked #then they would have made an 8 year old think she had lost her family and been rejected by god #which isn’t really much of a joke #Christian’s are weird yall #pirateprincessjess

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sapphic-storm69 · 11 months

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Spiderverse thots

#across the spiderverse #into the spiderverse #across the spider verse spoilers #ALSO GHE COWBOY SPIDER-MAN????? 🩷🩵💖💗#I guess #not really but just in case :)#I fucking loved spider punk #hatred of British people temporarily paused #fuck Miguel #fuck Jess #miguel o'hara #miles morales #gwen stacy #peter b parker #spider man #the word spider doesn’t seem real anymore #god couldn’t have made that movie it was too beautiful for his corrupted hands to tarnish with his sins #god bless the spiderverse #god….. poetic cinema

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collaredkittyboy · 3 months

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#meme #if you dont understand this you probably have really boring shitty sex #not sorry #oml one of my stupid vanilla friends is arguing with me about this #he says because top and dom usually coexist means theyre basicslly synonymous #no #hes dumb and if he didnt live in canada id punch him #thank god i never fucked this guy it would be so boring

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platyroonism · 2 months

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but if I'M a traumatized kid and YOU'RE a traumatized kid... who's playing the game!?

#frisk #chara #undertale #i just think the player as some kind of eldritch entity would be sooooo funny. the eldritch god capable of deleting everything #wants to smooch a ghost #also i'm not really a subscriber of 'demon chara' theory/canon #like thematically they DO represent the player or whatever #but also #.... they are just a silly kid :)#who likes chocolate :)#plart

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kimdokjas · 6 days

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though the movie might be cancelled, yuri on ice will live forever in our hearts. thank you yoi fandom, it's been real ♡

#yuri on ice #yoiedit #yoi #victuuri #ice adolescence #anime gif #*gifs #animangahive #dailyshounenai #userkarura #usergojoana #userhanyi #useralphonse #usertorichi #usermoonz #usericybtch #userheidi #usergokalp #userartless #homuras #himawaari #this is not goodbye this is still my house!!!#devastated but not surprised tbh but i still wanted to channel my emotions somehow and just. express how much this show means to me so here #this thank you goes out to u guys. the fandom #mappa can eat a brick btw <3 #god i wish i could articulate just how special yoi is to me #it truly resonated with me like very few other pieces of media have (i can count them with one hand in fact)#it was sooooo revolutionary and ahead of its time not just in terms of queerness but also in terms of mental health #it truly changed me as a person and i just. really appreciate how earnest and kind it was above all #thank you yoi. you will be a part of me forever <3

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souldagger · 2 months

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you'll have one joke post complaining abt old misogynistic scifi blow up and years later you'll still get people reblogging it with tags like "why i don't touch scifi." hey. im at your door with a pile of scifi in my hands. i'll lovingly read ursula k le guin or octavia butler to you aloud myself. let me in let me in please please please please hello

#[throws up and dies]#.txt #books #man im really glad that the version of that post that mostly gets spread around these days #is the one with the 'for the love of god not all scifi is like that heres a bunch of scifi reading recs' addition 😭😭😭

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randomprose · 1 year

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the "tumblr community invents a whole mafia movie apparently directed by martin scorsese with an official soundtrack, movie posters, screen caps, and all enough to make one question if that movie really did exist at all like a mandela effect" was not part of my 2022 bingo card

#goncharov #this website is on a whole new level of unhinge jfc #love how this turned out tho #and the commitment to the bit #it's like one big inside joke that everyone is in on #oh god imagine how confused the digital archivist in the future will be #like #was there or was there not a movie called goncharov???#did martin scorsese direct it really?? where is it then??#and they'll never find it #text

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cozylittleartblog · 9 months

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@staff if you [change] the [design] of the fucking [dashboard] i will kill you

edit. i want it on the actual post that i am not actually making a de-th threat against the staff. that's shitty. the caption quotes the fucking costco hot dog meme, which i originally said in the tags. if any staff member sees this please do Not take it personally

#dashboard #staff #tumblr update #comic #art #doodles #costco ceo about the price of a hot dog.png #i refuse to believe this is a real problem that site owners think people have #frankly i refuse to believe people had this issue with deviantart before eclipse #i am sorry you have to put about 15 minutes of effort into understanding a new website. feel better soon #my main blog doesn't have it yet but i logged into here to make this post and. i have it #this is fucking terrible. it would ahve been really really funny for april fools day but not as a permanent change #i hate it a Lot. i hate it so fucking much. oh . my god.#edit - guys i amnot actually sending de*th threats to staff it's the costco hot dog meme

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gingerswagfreckles · 10 months

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I hope they find the idiot rich ppl I hope a teenager doesn't have to die a horrible nightmare death and then I also hope they immediately get slapped with a $500,000 bill to repay the taxpayer cost of rescuing them from their idiocracy and then also another $1billion dollars inconvenience fee of making us all hear about this for 3 days straight.

#oceangate #gingerswagfreckles #titanic #they wont find them tho theyre dead :// or will be soon #i really dont find this funny at all but god what a mess

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mangozic · 1 day

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my dead goth son and his friendly neighborhood personified concept of insanity

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polarsirens · 1 year

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This is death itself. This is the biggest and baddest thing in all of fairy tale, and you want to set it free.

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #neverafter #neverafter spoilers #ylfa snorgelsson #little red #big bad wolf #from one wolf to another!#heavily referencing moro from mononoke hime in the first page #i think i pulled a muscle in my shoulder #from drawing those god damn chains lol #fanart #my art #okay i'm really done! is it wednesday yet #(technically it's thursdays for me because of timezones but anyway)

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listen-to-the-inner-walrus · 9 months

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so in an attempt to actually use positive thinking, anytime i fuck up and my brain reacts as if ive cause a minor apocalyptic event, i compare my fuck up to the 4 minute fuck up committed by the crew of the uss william d porter.

and only today, as i was having to explain what happened to my mom when i was explaining the whole comparison thing, did i realise that most people dont know about it and ive decided that needs to change because its objectively hilarious.

...which is a weird thing to say about an event that occured on a warship in 1943, specifically november 14th.

see the uss william d porter was a fletcher-class destroyer but you dont need to know what that means, just that she had guns that went bang bang and that she was escorting another ship, the uss iowa, to cairo.

while they were on their way there, they performed some gun trials like testing the anti-aircraft guns or the torpedos. and while they were running a torpedo drill, the crew of the porter managed to fire a live torpedo straight at the iowa which you know, in terms of a list of things to do while escorting a ship, shooting a torpedo at them is not on that list.

especially if the president of the united states is on board.

yeah so fdr was on board and the gun trials were actually his idea, and part of the trials was that they were conducted under radio silence.

and that means the crew of the porter couldnt just call the iowa to be like "move out the way, we accidentally shot a torpedo at you."

but they did have signal lamps and you know, the signalman on board was trained to signal this exact kind of message.

...and uh never mind, the signalman did manage to successfully tell the iowa that a torpedo was coming toward them but wasnt as successful when it came to the direction the torpedo was coming from.

not all hope is lost though because the signalman could still use the signal lamp to correct his previous mistake and-, never mind, he announced that the porter was reversing, which she wasnt.

yeah so at catastrophic mistake number 3, they broke radio silence to warn the iowa and she managed to turn out of the way just in time which meant no one got hurt. and even though the inquiry into the incident led to chief torpedoman (fantastic job title btw) lawton dawson being sentences to hard labour, fdr intervened and waved away his sentence, saying it was all an accident.

but yeah, so thats my new measure for "how much did i really fuck up?" and when i compared accidentally picking up a pencil case without a tag on it in wilko, turns out it was a very minor fuck-up. yes, the cashier had to ask another worker to grab a duplicate so they could scan the barcode, but i didnt nearly kill the president during wartime via accidental friendly fire

#kai rambles #so like #i enjoy ships and learning about them and looking at them but like #i dont really care for warships #i dont hate them viscerally like i do cruise ships but i never really care for them #apart from the ones that were just like either ridiculously designed like the hms captain or the vasa or the novgorod #or the ones where just insane shit happened like with the william d porter #like this isnt even the extent of the porters unfortunate incidents like shr was sank by a kamikaze attack that MISSED #but somehow ended up below the ship and exploded and just like yeeted the porter out of the water #william d porter #uss william d porter #ww2 #world war 2 #world war ii #warships #again warships are really not my thing but god some of them are so fucking funny #uss iowa #fdr #franklin d. roosevelt #this suddenly got so many notes in like less than 24 hours what the fuck #shipposting

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forgetful-nerd · 5 months

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The real reason we’ll never get another Turtles Forever is because if these three met then they would absolutely destroy everything in their paths.

Also they’d verbally eradicate any villain’s self esteem in like 10 seconds.

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catsharky · 11 months

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Presenting: King Sidon, his wife Queen Yona and his boyfriend Link.

Yona is very supportive of everything except Sidon forgetting his ceremony cues.

(I had an atrocious week and TotK has been coming in clutch for keeping me sane.)

#totk spoilers #loz totk #sidlink #link x sidon #totk yona #totk link #totk sidon #tears of the kingdom #I love Yona I adore her design oh my god #If I were to create a Zelda-sona it'd basically just be her with different clothes so I'm contractually obligated to love her #But Nintendo trying to give Sidon a case of the not-gays with her is hilarious #The man greets his fiancée like a coworker and then turns around to explode with adoration over Link in the same breath #This is either a Lavender Marriage or a case of 'every royal Zora finds Link irresistible'. I like both but prefer the former #Like. Yona meets Zelda once things are settled and gets all flustered and tongue tied #and neither Sidon or Link have any idea what's going on because they share 1 braincell #which is used exclusively for fighting really good #sharky art #zelda comic

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cowboythewizard726 · 1 month

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THE TOUDEN SIBLINGS, THE TOUDEN SIBLINGS!!!!1!!!11!!!!!2!1!!! REJOICE REJOICE EVERYONE GATHER AROUND THE TOUDEN SIBLINGS OH HEAVENLY TOUDEN SIBLINGS!!!!!!1!!!!!!1!!!!11!!