#really hope tumblr isn't still doing that thing where it hides your post if you make a lot of posts with the same tag

[tali-zorahs]

he [redacted] that old man

#critical role #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #shadowgast #my art #thank you liam for creating caleb but you are wrong #they grow old together and everyone comments on what a cradle robber caleb is #also in case anyone wondered about the essek color scheme #that sweater is definitely stolen from caleb #really hope tumblr isn't still doing that thing where it hides your post if you make a lot of posts with the same tag #bc my luck is probably wearing thin if so #1k

[vacayisland]

I have the largest hyper fixation on Floyd right now. Funny little troll being way too cute for it to be legal.

do you think you could write a story where a male / Non-binary reader that's like, a large person thing, (You can make them part animal if possible, I like the idea of Floyd hiding in the readers fur for comfort.) is reunited with Floyd after he was stick in the diamond perfume bottle for 2 months. And they just give Floyd a bunch of comfort cuddles and other stuff.

Take all the time you need to rest and drink water, if you can't do my request, that's perfectly fine. I hope you have an amazing day / night!

-A non-binary bee 🐝

@!; Floyd with a part-animal Reader! Floyd / Half-animal! Half-Troll! Reader

"Summary"! Couldn't tell if you meant big like tall or big like cubby... so why not both? :D Anyways, there are more headcanon style with little stories in it. Dunno when I'll post this (I have like 5 other stories backed up b/c my mind can't decide what to write); But I hope you like it Bee! Tags! Floyd literally being everything, no pronouns mentioned so feel free to use your own, hurt-comfort, NOT PROOF READ... also wrote in one sitting... in one day. AND TUMBLR KEPT GLITCHING ON ME AND THE PITCTURE BORDER ISN'T WORKING ON DESKTOP-. anyways please enjoy <3

@!; Floyd has known you since his band days, which was a shock to his brothers when they finally met you. Not only are you taller than an average troll (a foot or so) yet you're also different; and mostly in a good way, but take what you will about the fact that Branch noticed your differences first. When Floyd first met you, it was 2 months into his boyband career with Brozone. He went out on a walk to clear his head before a big show, anxious feels were never good to go on stage with and his brothers didn't help much. Mostly John Dory, who kept speaking about his "perfect" plan to the show. Just thinking about messing up anything made Floyd more nervous than preforming, he really didn't want to let his brothers down; as he's seen them preform before he was able to join on the scene. So while JD ranted, Spruce worked out, and Clay was fitting into his costume, Floyd went out on a needed walk. That's when he found you;

You were stood up top a mountain cliff near the Pop troll village, looking down with your majestic eyes and ears relaxed down by your side. Floyd stood by the village though hid in the shade of the plants nearby to watch. He didn't want to scare you off, especially since he's never seen anything quite like you. You seemed memorized by the lights of the Pop troll village, if not maybe a little intoxicated by them; like a moth to the flame. Floyd was memorized by your shiny coat, which he could barely see against the night sky and the bright colors of the village. You didn't seem to notice him at all as you laid down at that cliff, crossing your paws and laying your muzzle down on them. Floyd wasn't sure why but watching you watching the lights of the village calmed his nerves. Even though it was still a little nerve racking thinking that an animal so big knows were the village was; an animal who could possibly eat Trolls. Yet, that thought was quickly wavering out of his mind the more passive you seemed. @!; Floyd almost missed the show that night, Spruce had to go find him before JD blew a fuse. He was questioned like hell the few seconds before the show and then afterwards, yet he couldn't exactly tell his brothers that he saw an animal watching the village and that's what he was doing. They would be both over worried and a little relentless in scolding him for getting so close to something that could eat trolls. His absence of an answer, and his general dodging of the brothers questions (when that was so not like Floyd) led them all to assume that Floyd met a Troll that had caught his eye. Floyd tried to protest against this, yet was a little flustered at the fact that all his brothers seemed to jump on that conclusion train so quickly. So, that only solidified his brother's theories more and thus began the hunt. All his brothers kept an extra eye on Floyd, trying to see who the lucky Troll had been who caught there ever so sensitive brother's eyes. Despite all their "sneaky" tracking and slight stalking, they came up with nothing. Floyd was determined to let them not know what, or maybe who, he actually saw that night. So he didn't see you again until his brothers gave up on their little hunt and let Floyd to his own devices. Especially after he almost messed up a show due to nerves from not being able to go out on a walk without his brother's bombardment; JD wasn't happy. 3 months after first seeing you, Floyd was able to catch a glimpse of you again. Before a show, he looked out the window (not needing to go out on a walk that night) and saw your figure again in the distance on the same hill. You were relaxed again, laying down and looking intently towards the Village. In some weird sense, Floyd had a funny thought that you were here to listen to the concert; seeing as he didn't see you on any other night than concert nights. Yet, he shook that thought out of his head really quick, not thinking that you could like Brozone music. Not that it was because you weren't a Troll, but because he thought it was too loud for your ears; he's read somewhere that animal ears tended to be more sensitive than Troll ears. But then why would you be so close to the Village? The thought stuck in Floyd's mind all throughout the performance and when he checked if you were still at the cliff after the show, you were gone. He couldn't tell if it was because of the noise or because the show had ended; but he felt a little disheartened.

@!; Floyd would play this one-sided game of eye-spy for months before he spotted a night when you weren't you. He had began to make it a habit to leave you a little plate of food (well little for you) before every Brozone performance. His personal thank you for watching the show despite your (maybe) sensitives ears. He was going to go place the plate of food at the top of the cliff when he stopped midway through his hike to see a Troll standing at the top of the cliff. At least, it looked like a Troll? Yet they seemed taller, even more so when Floyd slowly approached closer. Your hair also was more abundant than other Trolls, even for adults. He was cautious as he approached you, keeping the plate of food close to him as he tried to scope out who you were before he interacted. Yet before he could figure out who you were, you snapped your head around to stare into the dead of night . . . directly at him. Floyd froze, not sure if you could see him or not and not wanting to find out. Though it was light you weren't even a Troll for a second, taking in a sniff before your hair stood up for a moment; prickling like a cat's hair standing up when frightened. Slowly you approached him with heavy footsteps, your height slowly growing in the moonlight as your shadow was drawn out. For a moment Floyd thought he was as good as dead. He didn't know what to do! Frazzled, he quickly shoved out the plate of food he had indented for his friend and not this stranger about to commit (possible) cannibalism. And that's when he heard your footsteps come to a stop and a heavy huff from someone's nose hit the top of his head, causing him to cautiously open one eye. And he felt like fainting as soon as he did that. Though he couldn't help opening both eyes in complete terror seeing a Troll tower over him in an unnatural height. Your eyes pierced down at him, their glow in the moonlight somehow familiar yet Floyd could not piece it together at this moment of panic. "Please don't eat me!" Floyd blurted out, the only thing between him and you being a plate of food. Yet you didn't answer, at least not right away. Your silence was as terrifying as your glare and staggering height. "I promise you I don't taste good!-" The words fell out before Floyd had even realized he had said them, watching with terror as you leant down. He wasn't sure what you were doing, but he hoped it wasn't serving your next meal's horror before deciding whether or not you should eat him. Yet there was something in your eyes that softened, a small smile that seemed to creep onto your lips. And for once after meeting you in this form, Floyd felt like he wasn't going to get mauled. Which was a good thing, a really good thing... For him at least. "So you're the one who's been leaving me food!" Your voice was not at all how he imagined it, as it seemed to carry some sort of friendliness he's not even heard from some Trolls. It was also a bit rougher, your English oddly unperfected for a Troll for the age Floyd guessed you were. "I-.. uh, what?" Though what did you mean Floyd was leaving you food? Maybe you were confusing him for someone else, or maybe you were eating the food he intended for his friend. Either way he tried to clear the confusion, "I'm sorry no, I don't think so. I've been leaving food here for.." "Yes, for me." You interrupted Floyd before he could finish, giving him a rather big grin. Yet, no matter how friendly you seemed, your words caused him to become that more confuddled. Even more so when you held out your hands flat, as though you were expected Floyd to just hand you the plate ... really incorrectly. He thought for a brief moment that you may be related to the animal that perches itself at the cliffside, though he didn't think too long on that possibility; as would it even be possible?

Either way, to save some trouble for now, Floyd carefully handed you the plate of food; watching as you held it from the bottom flat in your hands and grinned brighter before rushing off to the side of the cliff. He wasn't sure if he should follow you or not. "Come, friend! We eat to show!" You gestured for Floyd to follow as you sat at the iconic cliff he's seen the animal so many times. And despite his hesitation, and his logicality telling him not to, he deiced to join the Troll. I mean, what could be the harm? Floyd almost missed his performance that day. JD wasn't happy yet, oddly enough, something inside Floyd made him rather indifferent. Not uncaring, because he always cared about his brothers feelings and letting down JD was last on his list; yet, he didn't care as much as he should have. And that caught him by suprise. He wondered if it had to do something with you...

@!; The day the band broke up, Floyd went to seek you first. You two had grown close after the countless nights you spent upon the cliff, chatting and eating. Floyd just couldn't stand being able to leave without giving you a proper goodbye, you have been his closest friend outside his family after all. He found you lower on the cliff this day, still stalking in your animal form. Your ears were completely pinned back, and he was sure you had saw what had happened during that performance; it was the biggest disaster storm ever. "Hey! H-" Floyd didn't even have to call you twice before you perked up, snapping your attention over to him. He grew sheepish seeing your sudden smile, and he could only guess you had been utterly worried about him since the performance. Though he didn't expect you to be so worried you would bound towards him on all fours, causing him to yelp and quickly brace for impact. Yet, you never hit, and Floyd heard as you skidded yourself to a stop right in front of him and plopped down on your bottom. Letting out an excited yelp before licking him once, then twice. Causing him to laugh and try to push your snout away, a silent signal for you to turn back into a Troll. Which you didn't seem to get the hint for instantly, as you licked him thrice before standing up and twirling in a circle. Laughing, Floyd covered his eyes and let you turn back, opening them only when he heard your voice again; "Floyd! What in the hell happened out there?! One minute you guys were doing fine and it seemed like-" Your voice was as lovely as ever, and Floyd instantly felt a pang in his heart knowing he wouldn't be able to hear it as often anymore. His face became rather gloomy at that sudden realization he hadn't thought of before now. Maybe visiting you wasn't- no, he can't think like that! You deserved the truth as much as Branch did. He can't simply walk off and keep you sitting here, watching and wondering where he had gone for years on end. That wasn't right. "(y/n)!" Floyd jolted at the suddenness of his voice, and how firm it sounded. He didn't mean for his words to come out so harsh, though your ranting didn't do much to help his heart... or the decision he knew he had to make. Oh and your eyes, the way they shone in the moonlight. Floyd could see how startled he had made you, as he's never used such a voice with you; yet it had done the job and hushed you up, even for now. "I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to scare you. I just-" Floyd's lip twitched as he thought for the easiest way to blow this to you. The easiest way to let you down after all the nights you had spent together. The easiest way for him to accept everything that was happening and everything he had to do and everything that needed to be done.. but oh poor Branch and poor you, neither of you deserved this- "Floyd.. it's okay." Floyd was brought back to his thoughts, snapped back with the feeling of your hands grabbing his and your voice echoing in his ears. He opened his seized eyes and glanced up at yours; you were leaning down again, and Floyd laughed through the tears he didn't realize were spilling down. "You're doing it again.." Floyd mumbled, his voice wobbly. Your hands raced to his cheeks, cupping them and undoubtably feeling the hot, wet tears streaming down as you began to clear them. Floyd dropped his hands to his sides, they felt all to heavy right now. "No you're doing it again." Your voice was uncharacteristically steady, none if it's usual fluctuating like a dog excited to see it's owner. "You're overthinking and... and thinking of everyone else before you think about yourself! Floyd, whatever you're going to say to me, whatever you're keeping in that mind of yourself, you're going to tell me now, okay? And you're going to tell me and you're not going to worry about how I feel and you're going to be firm on your decision... because you're strong and we're friends and I won't be mad with you no matter what you tell me."

@!; That night, Floyd knew, for sure, that he was in love with you. And that made telling you all that harder as his heart yelled at his brain to stay, but his brain knew that they couldn't go back on their choice. He had to leave, even if for a week or month or year. He knew he needed space from the Village and everyone inside.. but not you and Branch. Defiantly not you. And oh the broken look in your eyes got him, but the way you tried to smile through it and agree that the space is what he needed made him fall even more in love. You were so strong, you kept to your word... Maybe Floyd could stay one more night. And he did, he cuddled up with you for his last night in the Village; you both watched the stars, all cozied up in your hair. And god, has Floyd never felt a Troll's' hair so soft. He almost couldn't pull himself out from it in the morning when you were still clinging onto him, trapping him with both your body and your hair. He felt tempted to doze back to sleep, yet knew he had to leave now (while he still had the will power) then wait before you woke up. He knew if he saw your broken look again, that look in your eyes that you could never hide, he couldn't bring himself to leave. So when you woke up in the morning, you found yourself alone; completely alone in a middle of your blanket made of your hair. Floyd had left before you had woke up and you would find yourself sulking in that position for longer than you would have thought.

@!; You didn't see Floyd again, yet you heard from him up till a few years into his exploration of the unknown; journeying to find himself in the chaotic world beyond the village. You didn't leave from the outskirts of the Pop village, as that's were you had figured out you could thrive the most without interacting with other Trolls or animals. So when Floyd's letters began to run dry, you knew it wasn't because he didn't know where to send it. No that's never been a problem before, especially with the bugs that were used to deliver the messages so they never went through Troll post. You had first thought that he had forgotten to write a letter that day and he would send you one tomorrow. He didn't. You then figured he was just somewhere where he couldn't right or get a bug to deliver the letter. But after a month of sitting and waiting anxiously, you figured that couldn't be the reason either. Floyd never stayed in a place for this long, and the letter he had sent you last made it sound like he was going to a place where he could continue to send letters. Another option came to mind, what if Floyd had just stopped sending letter because he just grew tired of you? He found someone else who captured his attention better than you did! Who could write in pretty cursive and spell words and speak correctly. Who could bake for him pies and cupcakes, who could sing and dance with him in the proper way that a Troll could. That was the first day you ever felt truly alone ever since Floyd left. Sure, you missed him dearly; Missed his smile and his caring ways and his company but never did you ever feel truly lonely. The type of lonely that made you upset and aggravated. The type of lonely that stung more than a throne in your paw, or a bee sting. The type of lonely that made you think back on all the memories you had with Floyd and made you think two different thoughts all at once: What was the point? Can I get those times back? It was torture. Two months of agonizing torture that ate you up inside with no remorse.

@!; Two months inside that horrible diamond prison, Floyd was finally free. Sure he had some white in his hair now, and felt fatigue come onto him easier when singing, but he was free; Free and with his brothers heading back to the Pop Troll village where Brozone (kind of reestablished) was going to chill for a minute before maybe going back their separate ways. "Oh my god, did we ever tell you that Floyd use to have a crush in the village when he was younger?!" JD turned around from the console of his caterpillar-like trailer, a snicker plastered right across his face. His comment instantly flipped the attention of everyone else, who had been lounging around the 'living space' of the trailer and chatting about nothing exciting. At least, nothing exciting to John Dory. "Oh! I almost forgot about that!" Bruce started as Branch looked between his brothers, noticing as Floyd let out a small groan and covered his face. "Oh not this gain..." Floyd mumbled, though not completely under his breath. "What?! JD you have to be joking right now!" Poppy jumped to a start, Viva seemed to be right beside her; jumping to her sister's side, placing her hands on Poppy's shoulders with such interest you would think JD had just brought up party plans. "Oh I'm so not joking." JD couldn't help but laugh, crossing his arms. "Floyd used to sneak off before the start of every show and see his little crush! It was so cute." And there was the teasing tone that Floyd could never forget. He hadn't hoped they didn't bring up this topic, but now he wished he had begged on his knees to anything above that his brothers had forgotten. "Oooh~ Floyd! Who was the lucky troll?" Viva questioned, mirroring her sister's excitement yet with a slight more mature feeling. "Well-" Floyd couldn't even begin before JD took over again. "We never got the chance to see them!" "Oh yeah, and we tried hard too. Stalked Floyd anytime he went out to see if we could find any sort of glimpse on who this Troll was. But we never found them." Clay informed, leaning back against the couch as an amused glint crossed his eyes; he glanced over to Floyd, who was still hiding his head. "Can we PLEASE change the topic?!" Floyd begged, but he guessed that his humiliation was much too entertaining to his brothers (mostly JD). "Nope! Never got the chance to see them. It was like- the biggest mystery in all of BroZone history." JD made this sound more ominous than it needed to be. More mysterious than a unclosed murder case that was more boggling than answerable. His serious tone didn't help it either. "Oh my god, Viva!-" Poppy turned to her sister, who held a knowing look. "To the clue board?" "To the clue board! Don't worry we'll find this troll." Poppy exploded like a star as Viva and her rushed over to the clue board that Branch had set up. They didn't waste time before they began to excitedly chat over possibly candidates and theories. Floyd felt more embarrassed than the day his brothers had started that whole mess, and he wasn't sure how that was even possible! Branch watched the two sisters for a moment before turning over to his brothers, thoroughly confused, "Wait... why did no one tell me this?!"

@!; Floyd wasn't sure how he would break this news to his brothers, but all he knew is that he needed to get to you first. He knew you just as you knew him, and he knew his disappearance would have a cause for concern... or maybe alarm or distress. Everything that Floyd didn't want you to feel when you thought about him because he should be your safe space and you had been his. "Guys! I'll be right back." Floyd shouted to his brothers when the caterpillar bus had came to a stop in front of the Pop village; And Floyd was sure he literally flew out the door with more force than necessary before he began to run down the village. "Bring them home for dinner!" Floyd could hear JD's sly remark before he was no longer in earshot of the van. Though he was sure he could hear something about "Kids growing up too fast" and some shared lighthearted laughter. Floyd couldn't care at the moment; not when all his brain buzzed about was finding you and making sure you were okay. What if you had gotten hurt during your time of no communication. What if you began to think that Floyd no longer cared for you or that something had happened to your or- Floyd's mind raced faster than he could keep up with and it felt like he was no longer racing against time yet against his own thoughts; not thinking about the fact that he had crossed the village in record time or that his brothers watched him rush straight into the woods by that cliff he had found a friend on and then love. That cliff where he had stargazed with you and shared thoughts he hadn't shared with anyone else. That cliff where you had showed him your way of life and let him closer than any other Troll had been with you. That cliff were everything happened in a secret silence that felt just right. That cliff were time seemed to stop. That cliff where he first found your eyes and saw your face last when he left. That cliff.. That cliff. That cliff!- Floyd was jolted away from the edge of the cliff, something he didn't realize he was just about to run off due to being lost in his emotion. A firm grip on the back of his pants had yanked him away, throwing him down onto the floor as now someone was between him and that cliff. "Are you crazy?! You were about to throw yourself off!-" Floyd didn't expect his baby brother's voice to shout at him and snap him out of his flurry of thoughts. He didn't expect Branch to be the one to stand there between him and the cliff. It was meant to be you. Not that he was meaning to throw himself off a cliff to find you, he would never put that type of trauma onto anyone or even think about such as thing. But you were meant to be here, meant to greet him on this cliff, meant to... where were you? Floyd didn't answer his brother as he scrambled onto his feet, numb from the running. He didn't care. He couldn't bring himself to care. He began to look around frantically, up and down the cliff, left and right. He rushed to some bushed and trees and tried looking more in depth as Branch stood there; never having seen his brother so disorientated and frazzled. "Floyd? Floyd!" Branch tried to get his brother's attention, "Floyd what are you looking for?" You. Where were you? Floyd didn't realize he didn't answer his brother; he had thought he had, but he didn't. He simply jumped off a rock and to the lower side of the cliff before he continued his search. Branch cautiously followed him, slowly lowering himself down from the rock and onto the ground. He watched Floyd look everywhere before Floyd jolted to a stop and stared in front of him. "(Y/N)!" It was a pained cry as Floyd rushed forward, pushing himself off of a tree to give himself a boost. "Floyd!" Branch yelled, following his brother in a panic. "Floyd you can't run into the forest around the village they're dangerous! Flo-" And Branch paused seeing who his brother approached. "Floyd!"

Floyd had no hesitation rushing over to an enormous beast that laid in the middle of a field, soaking in the sun. The beast had clear patches of its fur bitten off, and Branch couldn't tell whether it was self inflicted due to nerves or if it was from a fight. It perked its ears, then its head as it heard Floyd' shouting. It scanned the field and Branch felt himself rushing over to his brother. "FLOYD!" Branch's yell fell short as he saw the beast jump to its paws and rush over to his brother. Branch felt adrenaline rush through his body as he was sure he was about to watch his brother get eaten by a rapid animal. And Branch wasn't in range to catch the beast's muzzle with his hair, and Branch was sure that Floyd wouldn't attack it for whatever reason, and- wait... what? Branch kicked up dirt as he skidded to a stop, watching at the beast popped into an unusually tall Troll who grabbed Floyd in bear hug before spinning the two around. Branch watched with so much bewilderment that he questioned what JD had put in the drink he had given him. He had to be seeing things. That beast didn't just transform into a troll, right? Branch let out an airy bit of laughter as he watched the taller Troll trip on their own legs, causing the two of them to crash down and laugh loudly. Laugh like long lost lovers or crushes who had just found each other again, some sort of star-crossed lovers situation you would only find in books. Branch let out a small huff before carefully walking over to Floyd and you on the floor, laughing like maniacs. "What happened to you?!" Floyd reached up to cup your cheeks, worry rushing to his eyes as he noticed the bits of your hair that were fried and clearly chewed off. "No! No what happened to you?!" Sure, maybe you should have answered Floyd's question before asking one but you were too worried! This man disappears off the face of the planet for 2 months with no explanation then comes back like nothing ever happened?! You wouldn't stand for it, nor would you sit or lay for it either. Your hands rushed up to his, cupping over his hands which were cupping your cheeks. "I asked the question question first!" Quipped Floyd with a cheeky, beaming grin. Oh, how you've missed that grin so much. You could just squish his cheeks and kiss him at this moment. "I'll tell you what happened to me when you explain what happened to you." "Dea-" "How about you both explain what is happening?" Branch cut in, standing nearby with crossed arms and an amused smile. Floyd shot his head up, you simply turned to the side, to see that smile and oh- Floyd for a moment thought Branch was about to use this for some sort of blackmail against their brothers. "Branch!" Floyd sat up with a startle, having forgotten his brother had been here... and that he kind of saved Floyd from running off a cliff earlier. "Who are you?" Floyd heard you ask from under him and he knew he had a lot of explaining to do in that moment. But hey, if all he had to do was introduce you to his family, and hope they would accept you for your differences, then he would do that. He would do that and more to be able to be next to you, in your arms and in your reach. He would do anything to be able to keep you close. And next time he left the village, Floyd was not leaving without you.

@!; BONUS SNIPIT

"Wait, so you're telling me you got captured by some evil green-haired people who put you into a glass bottle made of diamonds and the only way you escapes is because your family made the 'perfect family harmony'?" You asked Floyd with a childlike wonder and a mature skepticism. You both were laying in Floyd's bed, inside his bod, as crickets chirped outside a sweet melody of the night. Floyd knew it sounded unbelievable but, "I'm telling you, this story is 100 percent real." Floyd couldn't help but keep in his laughter at your expressive wide eyes. Taking advantaged of your bewilderment of the situation, Floyd attacked you by snuggling closer; wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer, resting his head against your chest. He didn't have to look up at you to know you were cocking your eyebrow up in a questioning way, trying to think the logistics of the story over in your head. Yet you still wrapped your arms around Floyd's back, your hair stretching out to wrap the both of you in its fuzzy and cozy warmth. Floyd let out a deep sigh, you felt it against your chest; he missed these moments, and you did too. Moments that seemed to stand still, yet not in a boring way. In a way where Floyd got to soak up every second of being with you, and you got to soak up every second with him. Where you could feel like time was racing by, yet checked and it had only been a few minutes and you had more time to cuddle and just talk and be together than you had thought. Moments like these were the best feeling in the world. "I still don't believe you." You jokingly poke Floyd in the back, causing him to yelp and arch away from your pointy nail. You watched as he looked up at you with the most playfully challenging look; an eyebrow cocked upwards and his eyes glittering in the small light of the dimmed lamp. "Well it happened! I don't know what to tell you." He sassed back, rolling his eyes in a playful manner before he laid his head back against your chest. You tightened your arms around Floyd, which caused him to smile softly. No matter what happened, what had happened. Floyd was back now and neither of you were leaving each others side again; at least not now or in the near future unless it was forced.

.ᐟ this work is published and owned by @vacayisland. please do not plagiarize, copy, or steal this work; like, reblogs, and saves are appreciated :D

#brozone x reader #floyd trolls x reader #trolls band together #floyd x reader #floyd trolls #dreamworks trolls #trolls fandom #trolls 3 #trolls #trolls dreamworks #brozone #clay trolls #trolls world tour #queen poppy #trolls branch

[suzukiblu]

i am literally for real obsessed with your timberkon pink kryptonite fic so i definitely would love to see another sneak peek, but i'm also loving all the superfam stuff you're putting out!!! something that i wish you would write because i love your works (and have since the darcy lewis stucky days) and i think you would do amazing things with the pairing is jaytim, but i know thats not everyones cup of tea

(i realize now that you were probably aiming for an ask rather than a reply so here it is in your inbox too hskdhsh)

Thank you! ❤️ And oh, asks and replies were both fine for this, no worries. I try to just specify in-post whenever I have a preference but it's not gonna bother me either way.

I DO like JayTim to read, but I've never really felt a particular bug to write it myself? At least not yet, anyway, that may one day change. Though I miiiiight still put Kon in the middle because I am who I am and all, haha.

I'm planning to update the pink K fic on AO3 tomorrow, though I'm pretty sure I've already posted enough of chapter two in excerpts on Tumblr to have posted basically all of it by now and I'm trying to avoid doing that with chapter three, sooooo instead please accept the beginning of this very niche Superfam omegaverse pack dynamics AU instead. I've been looking for an excuse to post this whole big long thing anyway, lol.

Read-more for length, 'cuz there's kind of a lot here, haha.

.

The representative from the wet nurse agency shows up fifteen minutes early with an unusual-seeming omega who can't be a day over nineteen, being generous. Bruce makes a note to look into the agency's hiring practices a little more closely. The current situation is something of an emergency, unfortunately, and he's only had time to run the intermediate-level background checks so far.

Maybe this isn't the prospective wet nurse, he halfheartedly hopes, and they're just another representative; one who's in training or just here as backup. The kid smells like milk, though, and also why the hell would the agency send out an omega representative? Omegas are typically secretaries and clerks and almost all do in-office jobs, where they're "protected" from the outside world.

The practice is stupid and demeaning and borderline abhorrent, but it's a step up from the days when an omega couldn't get any job that wasn't as a nanny or a sex worker or some fucked-up combination of the two. Clark being an actual reporter is something that was practically unheard of two lousy generations back, and even now Clark is still an unusual exception in his field. Typically, an omega writing for a newspaper would be doing gossip or advice or something domestic, not investigative journalism.

So no, there's no way that this particular omega is anything but a wet nurse candidate, unusual-seeming and concerningly young or not. And Bruce had insisted on the candidate coming to meet them in person, even when the agency had very unsubtly implied that it would be better to just have the milk delivered.

Bruce is absolutely looking into this agency's hiring practices. An omega this age should barely be presented. One who's already allegedly producing enough milk to be a viable wet nurse for what they're requesting . . .

It's concerning, yes.

"Master Bruce, the representative from the Waterton Agency and her associate," Alfred introduces politely, gesturing between Bruce and their guests. He doesn't look or smell disapproving, even in the mildest notes, but Bruce knows he is.

Of course he is, with an omega who might be being either abused or taken advantage of or outright trafficked in the manor.

Bruce should've run a better background check.

"Hello, Alpha Wayne. My name is Ellen Travers," the agency representative greets tightly as Bruce steps into the parlor. She's a harried-looking blonde beta with graying hair who looks very unhappy to be here and is doing a very bad job of hiding the nervous dissatisfaction in her scent.

She doesn't introduce the omega.

Bruce puts on his stupid "Brucie" grin and strides right up to Travers, sticking a hand out to shake. She puts on a weak attempt at a polite smile in return and takes it.

"Hello there, Beta Travers, thanks so much for coming out here on such short notice!" Bruce greets her with a lie of cheerfulness, but Travers continues to smell nervous and upset and her smile is no less forced. And the omega . . .

The kid smells downright sullen, which is not a typical scent to catch off an unfamiliar presented omega and doesn't do anything to make him seem any older.

And yes, he's definitely unusual. He's much taller than Travers–about Bruce's own height, in fact–and has a very broad build and a surprising amount of muscle on him on top of that. Bruce knows full-grown alphas who'd kill to be built like this kid. He's also much more "handsome" than "beautiful", and frankly couldn't look less like the kind of sweet and pretty little things the agency had advertised on their website if he tried, much less the soft and maternal type Bruce had been expecting to actually have show up, given the specific requests he'd made.

Well, it does make sense. Bruce obviously wasn't going to provide the agency with either a Kryptonian genetic profile or a Kryptonian pup's exact dietary needs in search of a suitable wet nurse, but the nutrient requests that they'd made would likely necessitate an omega of a similar build to Clark's to supply–hell, the kid even resembles him a bit, funnily enough. They've already had four agencies tell them that they simply didn't have an appropriate candidate on staff, and the milk samples they'd been able to provide hadn't proven very helpful.

Bruce has no idea how the Kents ever fed Clark, but Martha had at least had the advantage of having a pack bond with him. A packmate's milk always does miles better by a pup than a stranger's or any kind of formula ever could.

Though she'd had some very odd cravings while nursing him, she'd told them. And Clark had still grown up underfed, even with formula and yellow sunlight to supplement–the Fortress had observed marked evidence of childhood malnutrition in him, he'd said.

Occasionally Bruce wonders what a properly-nursed Kryptonian raised under a yellow sun from infancy would've actually turned out like.

The thought is . . . well. A thought.

A thought that still makes him leery of how Jon Kent might grow up, sometimes.

Those concerns aside, though, the really unusual thing about this omega isn't either his physique or his face. Bruce is perfectly used to omegas with "nontraditional" looks after knowing Clark and Diana this long, to say nothing of various other Justice League members or other superheroes and villains he's known, or of both raising and reuniting with Jason. But this omega isn't as demurely dressed as mild-mannered Clark Kent would be; he's wearing opaque sunglasses and an alpha-cut studded leather jacket and alpha-style jeans and an inconveniently inaccessible plain black T-shirt with no sign of a nursing bra underneath it, nothing soft or appealing in either his clothes or his posture. If anything, he looks aggressive; tense and guarded and ready to start some shit. Even Jason usually puts up a temporary illusion of traditional omega mannerisms when he's meeting strangers as a civilian, if only so he'll be underestimated. This kid isn't even pretending to make the attempt.

And the kid smells completely and undeniably stray, too. Bruce can't catch a single note of packscent coming off him. Not even the scent of whatever pup got him milked up enough to qualify for this job. Unbred omegas sometimes lactate in heat or when under stress or if someone in their pack either has or adopts a pup, but a stray who doesn't smell particularly distressed or anything like he's on his cycle shouldn't be producing any milk at all.

At least not without using the kind of stimulants that Bruce explicitly forbade when filling out the agency application, anyway. Those medications are necessary for some omegas, obviously, but in this situation . . .

Kryptonian pups don't respond well to getting anything like that in their milk, they've already very thoroughly learned.

The omega also has spiked stainless steel piercings in his ears, snake bites under his mouth, and two curved barbells in his left eyebrow. All his other jewelry is heavy alpha-styled rings and bracelets, and his nails are painted a chipped black. And he is, notably, not wearing any kind of collar or necklace, and his neck is completely unmarked.

Bruce is in no way oblivious to the obvious message that an uncollared and unbitten omega's neck presents when left so obviously bared. Especially on a stray one who's dressed like an alpha and standing like he's expecting a fight.

He cannot imagine why this kid is working as a wet nurse.

None of the theories that come to mind bode particularly well, though.

"This omega is our most fitting candidate for your needs, Alpha Wayne," Travers says, her smile turning increasingly forced. Bruce thinks he can safely translate that expression as that of a beta who did not in any way agree with that assessment but was stuck following orders. "She fulfills all of your nutritional requests, including the necessary iron content and the prioritized fats and proteins, and, of course, is not taking any manner of lactation-inducing stimulants or supplements."

"He," the omega corrects, sounding dubious. Travers's mouth tightens. Bruce knows a lot of old-school traditionalists who won't call a male omega "he" or a female alpha "she", no matter what said omega or alpha's preferences happen to be, and makes another note about looking into this agency more thoroughly.

Much more thoroughly.

"She isn't available for direct nursing, unfortunately, but her milk is a perfect match to your requests and she produces both excellently and reliably; her supply will be more than enough for your needs," Travers continues as if the omega hadn't spoken, and the omega's lip curls in obvious annoyance as he rolls his eyes with no attempt to hide his exasperation even in the presence of an unfamiliar alpha.

Bruce thinks of Jason with a brief pang, and pushes the thought aside. It's not the time.

Maybe he could've asked Jason for help with this, if he'd been a better father. A better alpha. A better . . .

But he wasn't, so now there's an annoyed stranger standing in his parlor instead of a content packmate curled up in their nest.

"Really?" he asks, tilting his head and blinking down at Travers with a deliberately surprised expression. "The consultant made it sound like you'd need multiple donors, for the amount we're asking."

If one goddamn barely-presented kid is actually producing enough milk to even half-feed a Kryptonian pup . . .

"This omega produces sufficient quantities for your needs, Alpha Wayne," Travers replies with another forced smile. She must know how ridiculous a statement that is, when she's talking about a stray kid and not a fully mature omega with at least a couple of litters under their belt who's well-established in a stable pack, but she says it with conviction all the same.

"Oh, good!" Bruce says brightly, because he's supposed to be a stupid knotheaded playboy who wouldn't know a damn thing about nursing either way. "That'll be convenient, then."

Frankly, he only wishes one omega could produce what they need right now, but requesting that much milk from one agency for just one pup would be immediately flagged as suspicious, and definitely turned down outright. They're still looking for other candidates under false names, but at the rate they're going, they're going to need to keep supplementing with formula, which already hasn't been going well.

If Clark could get milked up himself, this wouldn't be a problem, of course. A Kryptonian omega could easily produce more than enough for one Kryptonian pup, especially under a yellow sun. Clark nursed Jon without a problem for years and was actually overproducing when he was, Bruce knows very well.

Unfortunately, that's not an option anymore. Not since . . .

Clark would never forgive himself if something like that happened again.

Never.

And Kara and Karen are both alphas, and Jon's a beta and only ten anyway, and the only other living Kryptonians they know of are either remorseless criminals imprisoned in the Phantom Zone or the sickly little pup who's slowly wasting away upstairs.

Formula and concentrated yellow sunlight haven't been enough. Clark can't get milked up anymore. They haven't been able to synthesize any appropriate supplements either in the Fortress or in working with the Justice League or STAR Labs or even in collaborating between them.

And the pup is just getting weaker, and quieter, and sicker.

A human wet nurse probably won't even help that much, at this point, but . . .

Well, it's the best chance they have to keep the pup alive until they can synthesize something. Maybe the only chance, now.

"We strive to provide to our clients' convenience, Alpha Wayne," Travers says, and the omega rolls his eyes again. Bruce is less and less convinced of him being an adult in any way but the presentation of his pheromones.

It's rude to address an unfamiliar unpacked omega directly, especially as an alpha. Technically Travers is chaperoning them in a professional situation, though, and Bruce has increasing suspicions about this omega's personal standards so far as "manners" go anyway.

And everyone knows Brucie Wayne is stupid and shameless, of course.

So he flashes the kid a grin, and he says, "Well, it's great to meet you, we appreciate you making the trip! What's your name, Mr. . . .?"

The kid blinks at him, clearly surprised both to be spoken to and to be called "Mr." instead of "Miss" or "Ms." or even "Omega". Travers looks absolutely scandalized.

Bruce really doesn't approve of the kind of traditionalists who won't introduce an omega or use their stated pronouns, though, so fuck if he cares.

"Her name is Carly, Alpha Wayne!" Travers interjects quickly, her tone a little bit too bright to be genuine. "Short for Caroline."

"Just Carl," the kid corrects, shaking his head. Travers's mouth tightens again. It's not a very typical omega name, so no surprise.

It occurs to Bruce to wonder if Carl might be a trans alpha, which he probably should've thought to wonder as soon as he saw how he was dressed and got an impression of his personality. Obviously the kid's at least not currently on HRT if he's working as a wet nurse, but that doesn't rule out the possibility of him being transgender all the same.

Actually, affording gender-affirming care is definitely a reason that a kid like this one would be working this job, especially if said kid's family weren't supporting them. Wet nurses make more money than most other fields that omegas without a diploma can expect to get into, at least short of sex work, and Carl is very obviously too young to have graduated college yet.

Actually, Bruce still isn't even sure if he's old enough to have graduated high school yet.

He's going to burn down this whole damn agency if they're knowingly employing a minor as a wet nurse.

"Nice to meet you, Carl," he says easily. Carl's eyes narrow consideringly, and then he folds his arms and smirks, crooked and casual.

"Sure," he says. "Nice to meet you too, Wayne."

Travers looks agonized. The last non-alpha stranger who called Bruce "Wayne" instead of "Alpha Wayne" was a beta terrorist who was in the middle of kidnapping him, and he's not sure any omega who wasn't an active supervillain ever has, so he's not surprised by her reaction.

Carl is still watching him with the same cocky smirk, though, an obvious challenge in the expression and his posture both. Bruce puts another point towards the possibility of him being a trans alpha, though he's not stupid enough to actually ask if he is, especially not in front of someone the kid works under. Presentation aside, Carl might not be out, and Travers is currently at least professionally following traditional manners, so Bruce doesn't have much hope for this agency being all that progressive and doesn't want to accidentally get the kid fired.

Though if Carl is a minor, Bruce is going to have to see if he can't slip him a business card and find him another job. Especially if he's going to be burning down the agency he's working for.

"Why aren't you available for direct nursing, if you don't mind me asking?" he asks in a curious tone, because he still can't smell a pup on the kid and most wet nurses who aren't nursing their own pups do direct nursing, and he wants intel about the agency's typical practices. Carl shrugs.

"Stubborn tits," he replies, pushing his chest out as he gestures at himself with no apparent sense of shame or self-consciousness, and Travers looks increasingly agonized. Bruce is just increasingly missing Jason, himself. "Milk flows too slow and the pups always get all fussy and stress out about it. Which, whatever, pups are weird anyway, they're not really my thing."

"'Weird'?" Bruce repeats, carefully noting the lack of possessives in reference to any potentially dysphoria-triggering anatomy. Still not a confirmation, but another point. Carl shrugs again.

"I'm afraid Carly doesn't bond appropriately with pups, Alpha Wayne," Travers interjects quickly, and Carl scowls at her. "She has an unfortunate detachment disorder."

"I 'attach' fine," Carl grumbles sourly, jamming his hands into his jacket pockets. "I just don't like kids."

Travers grimaces. Bruce keeps pretending to be an oblivious idiot. He has met omegas who don't like children. They exist.

They're just all deeply, deeply traumatized people. Or clinically insane.

Or both, frequently.

So . . . "detachment disorder" seems likely, yes.

Bruce doesn't consider either sex or gender to be the end-all be-all of a person, of course, but there are certain biological imperatives that no one can deny as existing, and a lactating omega faced with a theoretical hungry pup–really, just about any omega faced with a theoretical hungry pup–is not ever going to say they "just" don't like kids. Usually the problem with omega wet nurses is them liking kids too much, in fact, and getting distressed or depressed when the parents wean the pups and they won't be seeing them again. The decent agencies have psychological support for that in place and typically offer paid leave between long-term clients. The Waterton Agency does up to a month, which is one of the reasons Bruce chose it.

So yes, Carl is almost definitely traumatized.

Though really, a wet nurse who won't be around much isn't the worst thing, considering. Neither Clark nor Jon started developing any especially noticeable powers until they were older, but they can't assume anything based off a sample size of two, especially when said sample size is made up of biological relatives. And even if they didn't have to worry about that, well, the manor is frequently full of vigilantes and the cave is right underneath it. There's a lot that a regular guest could notice, especially over however long they might need to be nursing. Especially because nursing is a quiet, out-of-the-way activity that takes a while, and it would be very easy for someone to forget to keep their voice down or to not do a damn quadruple-backflip off a chandelier at the wrong moment.

And there's a reason Clark and Lois brought this problem to the shadows of Gotham, as opposed to staying in bright and sunny Metropolis with it. They've got something to hide right now, and a lot to figure out.

Plus if even a molecule of kryptonite gets involved in this situation, even secondhand . . .

Power Girl and Supergirl and Steel are the ones taking shifts watching Metropolis right now, and everyone is just going to leave it at that. Superman isn't coming out for anything less than the apocalypse.

"Well, the Lane-Kents will probably want you to meet the kiddo either way, if you don’t mind," Bruce tells Carl, offering an easy shrug. "Peace of mind, you know how it is."

"Not really," Carl says. Bruce debates slipping the kid a psychiatrist's business card, but he'd probably take it as an insult.

"Er, yes, Alpha Wayne," Travers says awkwardly. "Actually, we were expecting Alpha Lane to be with you . . . ?"

"Lois is currently stuck in Metropolis traffic thanks to Metallo bashing up half of downtown this afternoon and Clark is upstairs getting the kiddo around. Little guy just woke up from his nap," Bruce replies with a pleasant smile, making another note of how Travers left off the omega member of the couple's last name, and also apparently doesn't expect to be meeting said omega at all. He is increasingly regretting choosing this agency, though he may yet manage to do some good in the world by subtly dismantling it. Or maybe just by buying it outright and doing a little restructuring.

Or a lot of restructuring.

"Wait, it's not your kid?" Carl asks, wrinkling his nose with a puzzled expression. Travers looks pained. The Waterton Agency isn't Gotham-based, so Bruce isn't sure why she apparently expects Carl to be up on the Wayne pack's current members, especially considering how she keeps talking over and outright ignoring him. Bruce has a hard time picturing her bothering to provide the information herself, at this point.

"Oh, no, just doing a favor for some visiting friends," he replies smoothly, still wearing the same pleasant smile. Which is a lie, of course, because actually the Lane-Kents are part of his secondary pack and "visiting friends" therefore in no way covers what they are to him. The Wayne pack is both his primary and his family pack, obviously, and the Justice League is a loosely-connected tertiary pack, but his secondary pack lacks both an official name and public recognition, because explaining to the public why Brucie Wayne's secondary pack is two award-winning reporters from Metropolis, a random museum curator in Gateway City, a decorated Navy SEAL, and occasionally a cat burglar with commitment issues is just not going to work out for anyone's secret identities.

And that even without counting how everyone knows about Lois Lane and Steve Trevor's respective very public connections to Superman and Wonder Woman, much less ever explaining anything about Selina. Bruce, meanwhile, still isn't sure how he ended up in a pack with any of these people. Clark and Diana definitely have a lot to answer for either way, though.

Mostly he blames Clark. Diana has more decorum. Clark is just . . . Clark, so now Bruce gets a scarf and cookies from Martha Kent every Christmas, never mind that he's technically Jewish, because God forbid he ever tells her that and she starts sending him Hanukkah presents instead. He cannot handle eight nights' worth of Martha Kent's colorfully-wrapped scarves and lovingly-packaged cookies. That's just not a thing he can do.

He doesn't even celebrate holidays, except when Dick cons him into it. Which admittedly he's been doing more often again the past few years, but–

This is off-topic, Bruce reminds himself, but then gets distracted as Carl cocks his head a little and frowns over something. Bruce instinctively wants to brace himself for trouble at the sight, because that frown actually very strongly reminds him of Clark's "what the hell weird and concerning thing did I just notice with my super-senses" frown, but A) Carl doesn't have super-senses and B) Bruce just heard the stairs creak, which means the actual Clark is finally on his way down to meet them. No one else in the manor would ever make the steps creak any way but deliberately except for Lois or Jon, and Jon is out on a walk with Damian and Titus while Lois is, again, currently stuck in Metropolis traffic. So: Clark, definitely.

Also Clark tends to make the stairs creak a lot louder than either Lois or Jon do, given the very notable size difference there.

"Has Alpha Lane authorized you to make decisions for his pup's care, Alpha Wayne?" Travers asks with another forced smile. Bruce is resolving to check specifically her background too, at this point.

"No, no, that won't be necessary, good ol' Clark's right here," he says, waving a hand dismissively. "It's his pup too, and he knows much more about ones this age than I do anyway."

"Yes, well, omegas tend to get a little . . . irrational about the idea of sharing their pups with a wet nurse," Travers says "politely", like she thinks she's stating a fact. Bruce would say something cheerful-sounding and subtly insulting back, typically, but Carl's frown is deepening and he looks a little bit . . . odd, maybe, or . . .

There's a strange little pup-call from the stairs, very quiet and echoing in unusual registers but still recognizably one all the same, and just as recognizably resigned-sounding. It's a pup-call that clearly expects to go unanswered, at this point, which is something that Bruce would like to never hear again in his life, given the option.

Though it's better than a pup who's given up on calling at all, he supposes.

He tries not to grimace at that thought, though he's sure Clark's grimacing enough for the both of them right now after hearing a call like that. The pup is starving, and they just can't feed him properly. At this point sending him back where he came from might be kinder.

Honestly, if Bruce didn't know exactly who his parents were, he might've already insisted on that.

It's just–

The pup calls again, even quieter. Travers looks perplexed.

"Er," she says. "I apologize, Alpha Wayne, but is the pup ill? We can't be around them if they are, it's against agency policy."

"Oh, the kiddo just sounds like that," Bruce replies dismissively, and then lies, "Vocal chord deformity, apparently. We're not sure what caused it, pediatrician thinks it's something genetic."

Well, it is genetic. Jon calls in exactly the same registers, and according to Martha and Jonathan so did Clark.

So it's genetic, yes. Just not a deformity.

Carl's expression looks–odd, still. Bruce isn't sure what to think of it, but it makes him a bit wary. A detachment disorder doesn't imply an actual negative reaction to the presence of a pup, obviously, but . . .

Clark steps into the parlor with Lor-Zod sitting on his hip, the pup no older than two or so and looking small and listless in his arms, his dark skin all washed out and his previously bright eyes gone dull and tired. When he first crash-landed in Metropolis in the rocket he'd been wrapped up inside, Clark said he'd popped out of it energetic and excited and clamoring for attention in toddler-level Kryptonian, but he's been slowly fading ever since, wasting away without the nutrients that they just can't provide him. He's probably only made it this long thanks to the sun.

Again, Bruce has no idea how the Kents ever fed Clark, though he was already at least three by the time they got him, which probably helped. A pup Lor's age is capable of eating solid food, obviously, but milk or formula is still a major part of a pup's diet until they're four or five, if not older, and the longer the better. Hell, most kids still at least semi-regularly nurse for as long as their dam can manage to stay milked up, or even until they present themselves. No one can wean a damn toddler and expect them to thrive.

Or even survive, in Lor's case.

Lor opens his mouth in another weak, resigned little pup-call, and Clark's own mouth tightens as he restrains himself from answering it and giving the pup false hope for milk he just doesn't have, and Bruce steels himself to–

Carl croons.

Travers startles. Bruce is . . . surprised, a bit. A detachment disorder doesn't really imply the kind of omega who'd croon at a pup they've never seen before in their life, after all.

It's an unusual and unpracticed croon, as if it's a sound Carl doesn't make very often, which Bruce supposes would make sense. Lor responds to it immediately, though, shifting weakly in Clark's arms and pup-calling again.

Carl, with absolutely no manners or decorum whatsoever, sweeps right past Travers and Bruce and Alfred and just plucks Lor straight out of Clark's arms. Which–forget the kid calling him "Wayne"; that's a damn etiquette breach. Hell, Clark probably only didn't take Carl's head off for snatching up his pup without permission because he's so clearly dumbfounded that he actually did it.

Bruce is slightly less dumbfounded due to having spent five seconds in the kid's presence, but still, what is he–

"Carly!" Travers chokes in horror. Carl very obviously doesn't even hear her and just starts purring at Lor and cuddling him close in a way that really doesn't even slightly imply "detachment disorder".

And then Bruce figures out what was "odd" about Carl's expression, before.

"Huh," he says, a little bemused. "Did he just go into feral drop?"

"Alpha Wayne, I assure you, this is not the Waterton Agency's standard of behavior!" Travers sputters, sounding even more horrified, and Clark just blinks and tilts his head.

"I think he did, yeah," he says, looking perplexed. Carl continues ignoring everyone in the room except for Lor and just purrs louder at him as they both nuzzle into each other. Lor makes more very distinctly Kryptonian pup-calls at him, and Carl croons back with no apparent concern over their strangeness, sounding absolutely goddamn enamored.

That is definitely not a detachment disorder, Bruce thinks. There is no possible way that an omega with a detachment disorder just went into full feral drop over a pup at first sight.

Or possibly first sound, he's realizing.

Bruce is perfectly aware that omegas can feral-bond with distressed pups whether they mean to or not, but he's never seen it happen this fast outside of a warzone or a natural disaster. He's heard hearsay and read studies about particularly compatible sets that have done it under less stressful circumstances, but distressed and starving pup or not, he wouldn't have even expected a human omega to be capable of bonding with a Kryptonian pup like that.

Or at all, frankly. Deliberately created and carefully cultivated pack bonds are one thing, but . . .

Lor chirps, the sound still a little quiet and fragile, a little weak, but also undeniably hopeful, and Carl gives him a low, rumbly purr in reply and yanks up his inconveniently-cut T-shirt to expose his chest with no trace of hesitation or modesty. He's already leaking sweetly-scented milk, already adjusting his grip on Lor to let the pup get at his chest as easily and comfortably as possible, and Lor latches without a moment's hesitation and immediately starts to nurse.

And then Lor purrs. Carl just watches him with undeniable adoration, still paying no attention whatsoever to anyone else in the room.

Alright, then, Bruce thinks carefully.

Well, that just happened.

"Thought you didn't like kids, Carl?" he inquires casually, putting on an easy grin, and Carl finally seems to come up enough to remember that the rest of them exist, though he still doesn't actually take his eyes off Lor.

"I would literally become a supervillain if this kid asked me to," he replies dreamily, keeping Lor cradled in one arm and tracing a finger down the pup's cheek with a soft, besotted expression that's unmistakable for what it is even with the sunglasses on. He looks like he might just burn down the world if someone tried to take Lor away from him right now, and his pheromones are so all-encompassing and so cloyingly sweet that Bruce genuinely might need to see a dentist after this.

"Well usually I'd say we keep Batman in the loop on that kind of thing around here, but if the kiddo asks, it only seems fair," he jokes with a laugh.

"I would drop-kick Batman off a roof for you," Carl informs Lor lovingly as he strokes his cheek again and then skims a fingertip along the little barely-visible scar splitting his eyebrow. Lor keeps purring sweetly and Alfred coughs to conceal a low chuckle. Clark looks a little pained to be watching one of his pups nurse from another omega so easily and eagerly, but his mouth quirks in amusement at the comment anyway. Bruce doesn't dignify any of them with a response, because he is an alpha with dignity and also is in no way threatened by a passing comment from a barely-presented kid who clearly isn't even combat-trained.

. . . although he also isn't going to be stupid enough to try coaxing Lor away from the omega he just feral-bonded with just yet either.

Then Tim walks by the doorway, takes one look at Carl with Lor, and trips over literally nothing and into a full faceplant on the foyer floor. Bruce pauses, then raises an eyebrow.

"Alright down there, Timmy?" he asks. Tim scrambles back to his feet, looking more genuinely mortified than he's ever seen him.

"Fine!" he blurts. "Fine. Everything's fine. All the things are fine. Uh. What? Who?"

"This is Carl," Bruce says, gesturing to the kid. "Wet nurse from the Waterton Agency. And his escort, Beta Travers. Carl, Beta Travers, this is my son, Tim Drake-Wayne. And also Clark Lane-Kent and his pup, Chris Lane-Kent, who I'm assuming you've figured out are your prospective clients."

"Yes, Alpha Wayne," Travers says with a grimace. "We gathered."

"Ngh," Tim says, looking at literally everything but Carl and Lor. His face is bright red, which is an unusual amount of embarrassment for him to be showing just over tripping. Typically he masks that kind of thing a lot more effectively. Bruce would almost think he was actually embarrassed by watching Carl feed Lor, but Tim's literally never been affected by anything but passing curiosity when seeing a pup nurse before, so that seems unlikely. And he's a male beta, if still an unpresented one, so it's not like he's got any reason to care all that much about it anyway.

So his reaction does seem a little odd, yes.

Hm.

"Chris," Carl coos adoringly down at Lor. Bruce is in no way stupid enough to think that he absorbed any of the rest of that introduction or has even noticed Tim's presence at all. He wouldn't even put money on him having noticed Clark's presence, in fact, except as a pup-delivery system. The kid is very clearly in love with the pup in his arms and doesn't give a damn about any of the rest of them at all.

Detachment disorder. Sure.

#bruce wayne #kon el #clark kent #chris kent #tim drake #superfamily #timkon #lowkey but it's there lol #omegaverse #not sfw #this-was-a-terrible-idea #rinfic #wip: the wet nurse omegaverse

[penvisions]

return the favor {chapter 19}

Pairing: Post-Outbreak! Joel Miller x Smuggler! Reader

Summary: Recovery isn't linear and neither is mending mental fences that have been slowly deteriorating for two decades. On the cusp of something life changing, Joel's growing anxiety fuels your own and the tentative bridge you've constructed with the man begins to fall.

Word Count: 7.9k

Warnings: canon typical language, canon typical violence, canon typical gore, description of injuries, description of anxiety, symptoms of anxiety, tense situations, argumentative language, foul language, disrespectful language and insinuations, trauma, depictions of past trauma, ptsd

A/N: first chapter of the new year! my city has been shut down for nearly a week due to winter storms and about 8 inches of show that is slowly turning into ice. so it was good mood setting for this chapter! slowly getting back into things, really hoping to get out of my head soon and off of medical leave to get back to posting on a more regular basis, i love y'all and miss sharing things. tried to maintain the tag list but tumblr was fighting me on half the links, im so sorry if anyone who wanted to get tagged didn’t!

ao3 || series masterlist || main masterlist || ko-fi

“Fuck.” You whispered under your breath, watching the screeching figures rush by after the figure of Joel leading them away from you. Ellie had tripped, causing rubble to tumble over cracked asphalt and alert them of the fact that people were within the city limits and exploring through the remains of what was once a decent metropolis. Your arm stung a little from where you were still healing, the injury of your broken arm two months old now. But you were able to use it, no longer confined to a sling. Your lungs still a little sore from the plunge you had taken into a frozen lake one month ago now.

Traveling had been hard, the harsh winter not letting up but seemingly getting worse with every day. Ellie found more of herself, falling back on snark and puns in a way that helped to bridge the gap that had begun to form between you and the man currently risking his life to give you both a chance to hide and seek shelter in the torment of the snowstorm raging on.

“Bookstore or library? City looks too small for one, but everyone used to have a library at least, right, Bean?” Ellie’s voice was barely audible behind you, her gun rattling slightly as her hands shook despite the gloves and heavy layers scrounged up along the way to Wyoming.

“Yes, Gremlin. We just have to find a map or something about the area.”

“What happened to yours?”

“Gave it to Joel.” You stood from your crouched position, knees popping audibly. You peered around the corner of a crumbling building, your longer hair fanning out from beneath your beanie. The curls getting ratty with the harsh reality of backpacking around the desolate land of what was once civilization. Ellie’s wasn’t much better, tangled in a ponytail that you were sure would hold its shape even if you cut the band from around it. Similarly, Joel’s steel locks had begun to curl around the back of his neck and around his ears, a darling curl falling over his forehead when he glanced down or seldom relaxed his watching gaze on everything.

“What…what’s been going on, Bean, please tell me.”

“Ellie, it’s not…nothing happened. I really don’t know, but you have nothing to worry about, we’re both going to keep doing our best to look after you.”

You both quietly moved through the city streets, ducking behind cars when any noise was too close, or the shuffle of the Infected echoed off crumbling buildings. Cody was a decent sized city, not quite a metropolis but was spread out over a good dozen square miles. Big enough to get lost in, big enough to fall victim to with how overrun it was. There were so many Infected, the Clickers and Runners hiding within the interior of buildings that were trying to withstand the test of time. But far too many for comfort, Ellie was close on your heels as you lead her toward where you suspected the library would be.

The whole, slow way your thoughts were focused on the task at hand, instincts taking over. The niggling feeling in the back of your mind concerned with the way Joel had been pulling from you recently. The spikes of anxiety you could read from him, feeling as if you were experiencing them firsthand. Which you had been as well, the journey through the harshening winter something that was testing you all in ways that you hadn’t expected to be so difficult.

‘Gasping for air, your entire body tensed as unconsciousness was ripped from you like a blanket by an exasperated mother the morning of a school day. Hands were wrapped around you, rigid but comforting and holding you still as you began to rouse.

“It’s okay, just breath, you’re okay.” A deep, baritone voice tried to sooth you, syrupy sweet and soft close to your ear. You vaguely recognized it, mind scrambled.

Words failed you, getting stuck in your chattering teeth as you shivered so hard it felt like convulsions.

“Took a dip in the lake, not the best decision you’ve made, but we got you on the mend.” The voice continued to talk softly to you, comforting you the same way that the arms around you were.

Shifting, you realized Joel was curled around you, making you the little spoon as he tried to get you warmed back up. His chest bare just like your back and the hush of the hair that he adorned noticeable as your senses slowly came back to you. Your hair was damp, so it must not have been too long ago when he pulled you from the water. You tried to ask but your teeth clattered against each other too loudly.

“Sweatin’ from head to toe, despite the chill settled in your bones, darlin’, had to strip down to try and get your body heat up. I assured Ellie it would be okay with you, made sure to change you into dry underwear beforehand. Didn’t want her thinking I was doing anything…bad.”

“G-good call, on-only way.” You stuttered out, feeling the thickness of his thighs pressed up against your own. It seemed that every blanket between the three of you and what had been in the cabin were draped over both of your forms. The fire crackling close as you lay on the floor in front of it.

“You scared me, you scared the hell outta me.”

“Tried to take him out, he tackled me and we rolled onto the la-lake.” It was hard to talk, to get the words out past trembling lips. But the warmth slowly seeping back into your skin and settling there allowed you to try. It was lulling you, the warmth on both sides, all around. The jolt of awareness fading fast as your body realized how hard it was fighting to stave off the cold, aided by the warm body wrapped tight around you with a tight grip.

“I don’t think I could handle loosing another person.” He murmured into the back of your head, lips buried in your hair as you nodded back off.

I would be something that echoed in your mind.’

He had hovered, that first week after the incident, insisting that the cabin remain a home base of sorts, he had hunted, hung up what he could to try and preserve it for travel. Ellie staying behind when he went to check the traps, telling her that you needed someone to watch after you. But you knew what he was doing, he was distancing himself. He was marking the sand around him with deep lines that should not be crossed. But the thing about sand is that it shifts, it can be swept up, it can consume you, it could damn you as well as any boundaries you tried to mark into the vulnerable surface.

For the first week back traveling on foot, he set up his sleeping bag close to yours. An arm’s reach away in case you shivered too harshly or coughed too loudly. Your arm hadn’t been damaged in the fall or the following struggle back to the surface, but it had set you back on needing to redo the stitches you had just removed the day before.

Shaking your head and focusing, you turned the corner of a building made of brick. Bloody handprints painted across the pale pink of the faded bricks catching your eye as you spied the sign for the library in the distance.

“C’mom, gremlin. Almost there.” You whispered to her, catching sight of too many bodies clustered on the ground not even ten feet away. They shied away from the sun when it peeked through the dense overcast that seemed to become a permanent fixture. Some looked to be standing, or even sitting against the building. The ones that were didn’t shift when the sun shone down on them but groaned all the same. Squinting, you could just make out that they were attached to the wall by long fibers that spanned over the side of the building. Large bulbs had sprouted up among the veinlike display, some directly on the bodies overtaken by the fungus.

Spores.

It had evolved into spores.

“Ellie, pull your collar up over your mouth and nose. Now.”

Looking back toward it, you pulled the bandana you had tied around your neck up to cover your own face. Ice coated it all, though the Infected, melting slightly in the sun that was now shining down through the split in the low cloud coverage.

The crunch of glass underneath a boot had you whipping around toward the entrance you had tried to barricade. Ellie ducking beneath one of the few standing shelves further in the building you had taken your time to clear and make sure was safe. The local library of Cody the agreed upon meeting place so many days ago it felt like a lifetime ago, between different people than who were now using the strategy in the face of a too real notion you had voiced about separation.

Joel’s broad form came into view from the shadows of the entrance, looking disheveled but intact. The layers he was bundled up in making him an imposing figure. His eyes frantically scanning the inside of the building, an anxious twinge gleaming in them before they landed on your cautious form peering from behind a pillar. You couldn’t tamp down the instinct to move toward him, wrapping your arms tight around him. He couldn’t seem to resist his own instincts to bring his arms around you to return the embrace, tight hold that brought you flush against him.

Surging up, you placed a chaste kiss to his chin and then both of his cheeks, one last gentle one to his lips despite the adherence to touching he seemed to take up slowly toward you. But it didn’t feel perfunctory, it felt like a welcome home that would fall from his lips if reality were different, if you had been home before him and he finally crossed the threshold back into a space you both shared. His cold lips moved against yours, pressing back to deepen it and his tongue swiped at your bottom lip in a silent question. You were just about to part your lips for him to taste when Ellie realized the coast was clear and came out of her hiding spot.

“Gross, y’all gotta keep it PG, I’m still a child!”

Joel tensed, his blunt nails digging into the layers wrapped around your body. With a grunt, he broke the kiss and sent a mild glare over your shoulder toward the rambunctious teen. Rash, he thought and you saw It flash over his face at both of your thoughtless actions to reach out for each other. But instinct was a funny thing, threw inhibitions out the window, threw self-preservation out the window, the thin, sheer curtain of privacy out the window, forgotten for a moment.

“Oh, suddenly you’re a child, but back when you wanted stay up for a round of night watch you were old enough and responsible enough?” You quipped back with a teasing smile, detangling yourself from Joel and facing her with your hands on your hip.

“Well-“

“Hush it, go see what we can use that’s still around, but don’t go too far!” You waved your arm at her, the other on your hip as you tossed her a faux irritated look, but the smile quirking up the corner of your lip broke the stern image you were trying to make.

“Didn’t wanna hear whatever mushy crap y’all are gonna say to each other anyway!” She stuck her tongue out at you before turning on her heel and walking away further into the building.

“Joel,” You placed your hands on his chest, trying to get his attention as he watched Ellie’s form.

“I saw it, the spores. That means we’ve all be potentially infected just being in the vicinity of Cody.”

“Infection can show signs as delayed as eight hours. Joel there’s no way to know until we do or don’t show symptoms.” He took your hands in his, feeling the slight tremors in them as your mind worked a mile a minute. Eyes flashing with something that could only be determination as you locked your gaze on his. “But it looked mostly iced over, moving slow but still alive.”

“We gotta move out, too alive for comfort.” He slid his hands from you and put his gloves back on, flipping his coat collar back up to shield his neck.

“Copy that.”

“We’re going to be okay, we know Ellie is safe.”

“Copy that.”

A harsh grunt had your head turning swiftly back toward the clearing you were on the edge of. Trees lining the edges of your vision and their naked limbs reaching out as if to comfort you. But they would damn you sooner than that, exposing you to any threat even this deep into the forest where you had sought relative safety for the night. Joel’s sleeping bag cradled figure was shifting, moonlight showing the anguish he was experiencing even in sleep. A nightmare.

He had been having more and more of them, sleep restless and mumbled words falling from his fitful form most nights or when he nodded off.

“Joel.” You murmured quietly, hand hovering just over his shoulder. He didn’t startle, but woke with a deep gasp, eyes flying open.

“Woah, hey, it’s okay. It’s just me, you were having a fit, just making sure you’re okay.”

“’m fine.” He said as he pushed up from the confines of his sleeping bag. You leaned back on your heels where you had kneeled beside him. Confusion colored your senses before you shifted into a neutral expression. He had been pulling away, the tentative kisses you shared a few days ago the first instance of comfort you both indulged in since the cabin.

“You’re fine.” Monotone agreement to appease him fell from your lips. He shoved off from his spot and you let him walk away, boots crunching in the snow that had built up since settling for the night.

“Takin’ over watch.” He said before disappearing in the thick of the trees, not a glance back toward you or a sleeping Ellie.

“I’m fine too,” You exhaled shakily, sharing in his own lie.

The blinding white landscape stretched out as far as you could see. Packed snow and ice all around for miles and miles as winter claimed the land for its own. You kept glancing over at your companions, worry settled deep in your soul. For the girl whose teeth chattered with the cold, edge of her nose pink despite the layers wrapped around her. For the man whose anxiety was beginning to show the longer the journey took and the nightmares that plagued him every night.

He looked washed out, from far more than the endless brightness of winter shining down. He was exhausted, he was worn out, he was holding the crumbling pillars of himself up with sheer determination and devotion to finding the one thing he knew in this world, his brother.

As you tried to keep your boots from slipping, the hush of snow underfoot, a structure suddenly appeared on the horizon. Smoke calmly billowing from a chimney.

The creak of the door opening had your muscles tensing, hidden behind a wooden pillar inside the warm cabin. Joel was across the space from you, gun positioned right in front of him, a calmness about him that you hoped meant no one would be dying today.

The man who had entered back into his home looked over to his wife, her eyes sliding to the left to silently give Joel’s position away. Her eyes met yours as she continued to face the door, before turning back to her husband as she calmly rocked in the chair with her hands in her pockets. Threatened but at ease, assuming you both to be decent people. To not harm her or what was hers. Your gut twisted at the faith she put in both you and Joel, seeing the desperation for appeasement and an avoidance of true violence. You wouldn’t hurt her, hurt them. Everyone seemed to sense it, only threats were dealt with violence, and she was not one.

Turning back to the door, the man gently placed his bow down atop a table and began to unzip his outermost coat.

“And the gun,” Joel approached, revealing himself full to the older couple. Voice steady but quiet, demanding.

“Who’re you?”

“Just someone passin’ through.” He strutted confidently beside the woman still rocking gently away, his voice giving away his native land, ascent thicker in the wake of another sleepless night.

“Take the gun out, two fingers only, put it outta reach.”

The man complied, with an exasperated expression at the brashness Joel was speaking with.

“Why didn’t you shoot ‘im?”

“The gun’s all the way over there.” Was her simple answer and you felt a smile pull at your lips, the display pulling at your heart. “He didn’t hurt me, by the way.”

“Yeah, I got eyes.”

A few steps further into the room brought the map and abandoned bowls from an offering of soup to the man’s attention.

“You made ‘im soup?”

“Yeah, I did. It’s cold out.” The man’s only response was a grunt as he settled into a chair across the small table from her. Joel’s head shifted to the side slightly, and you took the signal to move in front of the door.

The man’s attention turned to you, gazing at you over his shoulder.

“Well, aren’t you a quiet thing-“

“I’m lookin’ for my brother.” Joel took over the situation, his voice cutting off any further conversation between you and the couple. Letting them know that he was the one in charge, the one who would be asking the questions and controlling the conversation.

A scoff sounded harsh into the air as the old man removed his cap, his silver hair on display now in the comfort and warmth of his home.

“Well, I ain’t seen him.”

“I haven’t told you what he looks like.” Joel’s tone was hard, though you could see how tired he was, his eyes not holding any of the weight his shoulders seemed to as he deflated. Unable to keep up the rouse, unable to not let the doubt begin to slip in. The endless days out in the below freezing tundra finally wearing him down.

“He look anythin’ like you?”

“A bit.”

“Then I ain’t seen him.”

“They’ve got a girl with them.” The woman spoke up, eyes shifting up toward the second landing and giving Ellie’s hiding spot away. You could see her easily from you spot by the door, the way her brow furrowed much like Joel’s at the woman’s easy give up of her presence.

Apparently sensing how calm everything was, Ellie took that as her opportunity to reveal herself.

“Can I come down?” She called from the upstairs, causing you to close your eyes in exasperation of her lack of patience. Joel, similarly, exasperated, turned his attention from the man he kept his gun trained on and looked toward the stairs with a mile glare.

“No,” His demand turned into a calling of her name as she moved and began to make her way down the stairs with loud steps.

“Ooh-wa. A woman and a girl, family man.” The old couple shared a quiet laugh at the quickly shifting interaction. No longer tense, but something else.

“What did I just say?” Joel posed toward her as she came to stand in the space between you both, blocking the stairs from view with her small form as she brandished her own gun.

“Joel, come on, they’re like a thousand.”

“Who’s this little psycho?”

“Never mind her.” Joel shifted forward, using his free hand to push the map on the table closer to the man whose focus was shifted toward Ellie. “I need you to tell us where we are.”

“If you got a map, why you lost?” You could hear the smile in the man’s voice that he was doing nothing to hide, finding amusement despite the barrel of a rifle aimed at him and three strangers in his home.

“Must’ve missed all the street signs in the enormous fucking forest.” Ellie snapped, trying to put on a front to imitate Joel, her voice pitched lower and hard. No sign of the girl who told puns in her as you looked over at her with a sharp flare of frustration.

“Ellie!” You reprimanded, unsure where this unwavering lack of manners came from, hoping it wasn’t her way of displaying confidence in the face of someone who had done nothing to warrant such harsh language aimed at them. Anyone else wouldn’t be so kind or forgiving. “Compose yourself.”

“Ho-ly.” The man’s eyes met yours as you nodded a silent apology at him, moving across the space and coming to stand beside Ellie with a swat to her arm. Laughter bubbled up between the couple again, getting a kick out what was happening after being isolated for so long.

“We’re somewhere here. Where exactly?” Joel tried to get the conversation back on track, an agitated look tossed over to you both as he jabbed a finger at the map. “And the answer better be the same as your wife’s.”

“Did you tell him the truth?”

“Yeah.” She rocked gently in her place, looking for all the world like this was an everyday occurrence.

“Are you tellin’ me the truth?” That same fond smile pulled at your lips at the woman’s easy compliance to the question and Ellie shifted behind you slightly as she saw it, her body relaxing in response to your own ease.

The man glanced at you and Ellie, so close together before he leaned forward and pointed out exactly where his wife had on the map. Joel shared a look with you before holstering his gun and focused on the map fully.

“Well, you found a great place to hide, I guess.” Exasperation and exhaustion taking over him, he pressed a hand to his forehead as he roughly sat down in the chair beside him. Looking for all the world someone who was about to give up.

“Hide? Came here before you were born, sonny.”

Ellie moved to sit beside him, a stool operating as a makeshift side table the perfect spot for her as Joel rocked in his place, emotions riling him up in a way you had yet to see. His anxiety rolling off of him in palpable waves.

“Get the hell away from everybody.”

“I didn’t want to.” The woman added, sharing a look with you, the gleam in her eye telling a story you so desperately wanted to hear.

“Listen, I didn’t mean to upset you about your brother, but if you’ve come this far then you know what’s out there.” Joel’s pale glare, furrowed brow, prompted the man to speak on. “You seen Cody?”

“Yeah, got close enough. It’s crawling with infected.”

“Spores, too. But the weather seems to have killed that off for the time being.”

“Yeah, Laramie and Wind River Reservation. Anywhere people used to be, you can’t go there no more.”

“So you haven’t heard the name Tommy?”

“Nope.”

“What about the Fireflies?”

“We get those in the summer.”

“Not the bugs, the people.” Ellie snapped, though there wasn’t nearly as much heat behind her words this time. Mindful of the presence you exuded as you stood beside her.

“There are firefly people?”

You couldn’t help the chuckle that rumbled from your chest, joining in on the disbelieving laughter of the older couple.

“You got any advice on the best way West?”

“Yeah.” Suddenly serious, the man’s face shifted into something unreadable. Leaning forward to get all of Joel’s attention he spoke without a hint of the jovial tone he just had. “Go East.”

You swallowed down the spike of unease that settled over you, watching as he leaned forward to draw his finger over the map.

“But you never go past the river here. Ever.”

“What’s past the river, sir?” You cut Ellie off, knowing she was about to ask the same thing. You stepped forward, angling closer to him, wanting to understand everything they new about the land but afraid to ask. Afraid of the answers they had that would sever the last string of hope, of the mission Joel had set out on.

“Death.” The woman spoke, her eyes meeting yours. “We never seen who’s out there, but we see the bodies they leave behind. Some Infected, some not. If your brother’s West of the river, he’s gone.”

“You’re not gonna scare us.” Ellie spoke quietly, face solemn as the atmosphere of the room shifted.

“Scared them.” The woman nodded at you and then over to Joel beside her.

A beat passed before Joel reached for the map with harsh movements, folding it in his grip and then stood. You ushered Ellie to follow him, taking a moment to reach into you pack. You placed a small bundle of bandages on the table, locking eyes with both of them before speaking.

“There is medicine wrapped up here, please, take it as a thank you for your help. I’m sorry we had to brandish our weapons at you. Can’t be too careful these days.”

“A quiet, sweet little thing, aren’t you?” The man looked you over, though there was no threat or undertones in his eyes. “Take care of them, they need it.”

‘I’m trying my best, sir.” You turned to the woman one last time, hoping that the heartbreak didn’t show on your face. You wanted them to make it, to live out the rest of their lives in peace. “Ma’am, thank you for the soup.”

And with that you walked through the door and back out into the blinding landscape.

Joel was leaning heavily against a post of their fence line, one hand supporting him while the other was pressed tightly to his chest. Ellie was hovering close to him and speaking too fast for you to make out her words.

“I said I’m fine.” She looked back at her with a weird look, trying to display some sort of control, but he was still leaning heavily against the post. Her soft acquiescence pulling you behind them with quick steps.

“It’s just the…cold air all of a sudden.” He leaned over and looked down, his breathing labored and his body taut. A gentle hand on Ellie’s shoulder had her moving forward through the fence.

“All right, uh…so let’s go and find Tommy and the Fireflies.”

Joel stayed still, jumping slightly when you curled a hand over his shoulder.

“Hey, hey, it’s just me. It’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay.” His tone shifted from quiet to harsh, furrowed brow and hard eyes turning to face you. He shrugged your hand from him with a rough movement and you curled it back to your side with a frown.

“Joel-“

“I said I’m fine!” He raised his voice and you shrunk back a few steps, not sure why he was suddenly so angry. The look in his eyes one you hadn’t seen since your shared time in Boston. At a loss for words, you only nodded, hoping he didn’t continue to yell. Your foot slipped on a patch of ice hidden underneath the snow and you let your body do so, looking up the small slope to Joel as he shifted the rifle from his shoulder and gripped it in front of him before following after Ellie. “Don’t need you trying to fix me when nothin’ is wrong.”

“It’s gonna be easy.” Ellie trilled, trying to control the situation as best she could despite how tense things were. “All we have to do is cross the River of Death.”

He didn’t look back as he caught up with her smaller form.

“The river of death. Scary.” Ellie sardonically announced as the landscape opened up, the map in Joel’s pocket as he lead the way over the terrain. She stopped and loved over the fast moving line of water that weaved it’s way through the beautiful landscape. It had been a quiet day’s travel, Joel and Ellie having small pockets of conversation as they traded places leading. You stayed behind them, trying not to warrant another flare of Joel’s bitter anger.

“Don’t start.” He sidled up next to her, taking in the view while you hovered behind a few paces, feeling like an outsider. He didn’t so much as glance back at you, before speaking. Deciding.

“It’s too close to dark. There’s some caves along the river. We’ll set up camp there, cross in the mornin’.”

“Good. I’m starving.” A pause. “Should’ve stolen two rabbits.”

“We can get our own rabbits.” He almost scoffed, worried about how she was thinking of stealing before trying to provide for herself. Or that he would let her starve.

“You gonna teach me how?”

“Just keep movin’.”

And with that they both began to walk again, seemingly forgetting about you trailing behind them.

As the fire crackled on, rabbit consumed, Joel was busy duct tapping his damaged boots. The sound a background noise as you gazed up at the night sky, a haze of green lights shining among the stars. It was beautiful but it did nothing to soothe the anxiety thrumming through your veins. Something was about to change, the air around you drenched in the inevitable. The hairs on the back of your neck and all along your arms prickled with every howl of the wind and shuffling sound of an animal nearby.

The whistle Joel let out had you jumping in your seat, but you didn’t bother to turn around, back to the set up of the night. You knew it was for Ellie, to garner her attention where she gazed up at the sky in the same fashion as you, but she had scaled the outcropping around the mouth of the cave.

“Come down from there. You’re gonna break your neck.”

“Bean said it was okay. As long as I was careful.”

He didn’t respond, opting to pull a flash out from his jacket’s inner pocket. Your brow furrowed as you heard the sound of it clinking against his zipper. You hadn’t seen him swipe that from the older couple’s cabin. But he hadn’t had it before.

You blanked out, thoughts humming, eyes unfocused as you stared deep into the fire. The flames taking you back to when you had burned down your own cabin, unable to stomach the thought of living out your days with the buried corpses of what was supposed to be your future.

Screams echoed in your ears, plaguing you more and more as winter continued. The snow flashing from pristine white to red with every other blink. Footsteps deep in the snow, following a man who was showing his cracks much the same way you were. You gripped your mostly healed arm tight with your right hand, nails digging into the flesh there as you had snuck it into the sleeve, gloves tucked into a pocket.

The buzz of a quiet conversation quieting had you blinking your eyes back into focus, the fire lower now.

“What about you, Bean?” You didn’t let your surprise at being addressed show, but the feeling of your nails digging deeper into your skin was an all too real reaction.

“Hmm?” Shifting up from the fire, you looked over at Ellie, her face bright in the night. Small smile on her thin lips as she looked back at you. The weight of Joel’s gaze was heavy, making your nerves twitch and you were sure he was reading you as well as you could read him when his own resolve slipped.

“What would you do?”

“What would I…do?”

“If this all wasn’t going on.” The teenager waved her hands around, stray strands of her hair peeking out from her beanie wafting up with the action.

“I want a nice little cottage, protected deep in the woods. Maybe a garden to plant coffee and cultivate it.” The answer was quick, but quiet. Honest. That’s all you wanted now, a place to hunker down and be left alone.

“Coffee beans for Bean.” She chuckled before realization dawned on her. You hadn’t mentioned either of them, saying what you wanted. She took a breath before she breathed out her hesitant question, unable to shake the feeling that everything was not as okay as it seemed. She had to have picked up on the way you and Joel had grown quieter and more agitated since leaving the cabin. “…alone?”

“Yeah, kid, alone.” Your smile was sad as you looked down at where your boots stretched out in front of you toward the crackling fire. You could feel both of their eyes heavy on you as you fell silent, closing yourself off from them once again despite the hesitantly jovial air that had begun to form around the makeshift campsite. Shifting, you stood from your spot and walked over to your pack, unbuckling the sleeping bag from the bottom of it. Laying it out, you settled into it underneath the overhang of the outcropping of rock that had been picked out for the night.

Snuggling down into it, you heard them talk softly to each other for a little while longer, comfortable silences falling every so often.

“Dream of sheep ranches on the moon.”

“With a three-room cottage.”

“Yeah, kid, with a three-room cottage.”

Steps as quiet as possible, you glanced at the map in your hands and then toward the bridge you could see in the distance. The river was still like glass, nothing but the wind breaking the surface and causing it to ripple every so often before it stilled once again. The bridge looked untouched, no visible disturbances in the snow blanketed ground around it or along the expanse of it. But it was a sign of something, of what was once. Blinking against the bright white of everything around, your vision clouded as snowflakes gathered on your lashes. The feeling of unease settled over you as you heard the call of a geese on the other bank. The only sound you had heard since taking up watch a few hours ago when sleep evaded you. It was too quiet out here.

Dread settled in like rocks in your stomach, throat constricted as the old couple’s words sounded in your mind. Turning back around, you rushed to the cave that had been used as shelter the night before.

“I’m responsible for you, okay?” Joel’s voice was audible as you neared the small camp.

“Then don’t fall asleep.” Ellie rebutted. “I was quiet, I checked my six, I looked for tracks. I found the high ground and I kept watch. Like you taught me too. Bean made sure to double check it all before she went off. What can I say, man? I’m a natural.”

He mumbled something and motioned for her to hand over the rifle, turning his attention to your approaching form. At the snap of a bush, the rifle was raised, his eyes not recognizing you through the haze of the falling snow. You quickly raised your hands up into the air and announced yourself, heart thudding.

“Where the hell did you go off to, huh? Supposed to be keeping an eye on her.” His voice was anything but relieved, holding anger and something else you couldn’t quite place.

“Woah, hey, I was checking map, I think we got turned around somehow. Bridge to help up cross the river.”

“You’re supposed to stay put. No one goes off alone.”

“I’ve traveled alone before; I can handle myself.”

“You took the only map, what if you got taken down or lost or fell in the god damn river?”

“I didn’t, I was just trying-“

“Trying to get us all killed, is what you were doing. Exposing us on your little scouting mission.”

“Look, I don’t know what the fuck has gotten into you lately, but we are all tired. We are all feeling the same way, Joel. Do not raise your voice at me. Please.”

He took a deep breath, eye clenching shut. When he opened them back up the gun shifted to his shoulder. He nodded at you in silent agreement. Then at Ellie.

“Wake me up next time.” He admonished; tone not nearly as hostile or frustrated as a few seconds ago.

“Yes, sir.” Ellie tried to lighten the tense atmosphere with a quick of her lips.

“Copy that.” You nodded back at him, not liking the way it was getting harder and harder to communicate with him. He was taking the lead more, making routes on his own more, taking on the burden of wandering through the endless landscape in a way that was hurting him more than helping the group. That kind of responsibility taking its toll on him as the days continued on.

The bridge was larger as you stood at one end of it, facing the backdrop of large snowcapped mountains behind it. More wilderness, more unknown, more unseen threats.

You were trailing behind Ellie, the formation second nature now. Joel in front, rifle at the ready. Ellie in the middle, her hands at her sides, gun easily accessible in her pocket. You behind them both, keeping Ellie’s smaller form protected as much as possible.

Conversation flowed between them as you now walked along the river, the trees dense on the other bank, the one you were traveling along exposed. It made you uneasy, that feeling having settled into your bones from this morning. Cresting over a large hill, the sound of rushing water was suddenly loud, having been so low a hum it didn’t register until now. The snow was mostly cleared on the other side of the rather blue river, the structure of a-

“Dam.” Ellie announced, playing on the double meaning of the word easily.

“You’re no Will Livingston.”

“Yeah, yeah, but who is?”

“So that made electricity?”

“Yeah.” He looked over at her, brow already furrowed. “Don’t ask me. I don’t have a clue.”

“Joel…the dam…it’s running.” You stepped forward, breaking into the bubble the two of them had unknowingly created.

“The water wouldn’t stop running through it, even if it was abandoned.”

“No…but that doesn’t explain the lack of snow all around it. Almost like it’s been cleared.”

“Just didn’t snow as hard in this area, nothing stuck.” He dismissed you, moving on.

Ellie was watching the movement of the river’s current, having stopped ahead of you both and you quickened your pace to catch up to Joel. Reaching out a hand to hook around his upper arm. He let you turn him, a frown on his features.

“Joel, please, this doesn’t feel right. Between the sparse snow despite the storm last night and how quiet it is, something-“

“Everythin’ is fine, you’re reading too much into it.”

“Remember when you trusted me? Heeded my instincts as well as your own?” You snapped, roughly letting go of his arm and shoving him back. “Remember when we were equals?”

“You’ve been out of it more often than not, seeing things where there isn’t anything. You double take at every turn of direction, eyes glazing over and losing focus at night when we settle. Jumping at every little sound in the night.”

“So have you, I can tell when you’re breathing heavier, overrun by anxiety.”

“I’m fine, but you aren’t. Not since the cabin.”

“I’m fine, Joel. Just like you’re fine, right?” You used his own words against him, hoping that they stung him when they landed. They did, you could see the shift behind his eyes from frustration to acceptance.

“I’m not gonna apologize, but, darlin’…you really have been out of it more than here with us. I’m just…I’m trying here, okay?”

“I’m trying too, it’s…it’s this time of year, it’s harder. But I’m trying, Joel, I swear to you I am. When did I let anyone get the drop on me when it was avoidable? When did I failed to get Ellie to safety? When have I failed to reconnect after getting separated. Please, Joel, I’m trying.”

His broad chest expanded with a deep breath; hands held out to you in a silent offering of peace.

“I’m just picking up the slack, trying to keep us all alive, I didn’t-“ His words were fast, twang thick as he tried to back track. His trauma showed in ways different than your own, something he still had to learn about you, learn to help you with. Return the favor of you allowing him to work through his own.

“We’re fine, okay? I just…I need a minute, please. I just need a moment to myself.”

You stepped toward him to grip one of his offered hands with both of yours, cradling it. Looking up at him, you could see that he was as worked up as you were. Both of you feeding off of the other’s intense emotions in the worst way. He slowly lifted his other hand to caress your cheek.

“We’re okay, yeah?”

“Yeah.” You untangled from him, offering him a wan smile, and walked away, gazing out over the river.

After a beat, you began to follow behind Ellie as Joel continued on at a slower pace.

“Look at that river. It’s crazy blue.” She fell silent for a moment, looking down at her boots as she thought something over.

“Hey Joel…what is this is the River of Death?”

You both paused at her words, realizing that this was in fact a secondary river. You looked up and locked eyes with the man as he turned, hair ruffling in the breeze. The map was quickly pulled from his coat pocket, and he unfolded it as you closed the distance, coming up close behind them both, head on a swivel as he tried to center your current position.

The whiny of a horse had you bumping into Ellie. Too late to do anything about it or even announce it as the sound of hoofs thundering across the fallen snow blanketed all around you assaulted your senses.

You could feel it reverberate through your entire body, teeth clenched tight and eyes wide as they took in the fast-approaching group cresting over the hills of the landscape.

Joel scrambled for Ellie, pulling her behind him. He chanced a look over at you, your eyes meeting for a brief moment before you were surrounded on all sides by people on horses, two dogs pacing around them all with the river’s bluffed bank behind you all.

Joel reached for her hand and she reached for yours, scrambling to huddle close and maneuver with a dash that wasn’t quick enough. Allowing for the group of saddled horses to surround you on all sides.

“Get behind me.” He ushered, realizing it was too late to run or even think of making a getaway with the ten or so people now aiming their guns on you in a misshapen circle.

Hands going up in surrender, you didn’t dare close your eyes as you took in a deep breath of the stinging cold air.

“We’re not lookin’ for any trouble,” Joel was calm despite the buzz of adrenaline that was lighting you up, no doubt mirroring his own. “We’re just passin’ through.”

“Drop the guns.” The demand was calm, controlled. “And the blade.”

With slow movements, you removed the colt from the harness inside your largest coat, the shing of the blade following the thump of it to the ground.

Eyes moving from each imposing figure, you noticed that they were all armed with rifles. The glint of secondary handguns on their hips. Every single person was armed to the teeth and concealing their faces with masks made of scarves, bandanas, and scraps of clean fabric.

“You,” The same man spoke to Ellie, his eyes trained on her. “Take five steps back.”

“And you as well.” A woman spoke to you, her eyes calculating. Tracking the way you were scrutinizing the entire group with quick glances all around you.

“How ‘bout we just talk this through?” Joel attempted to bridge the gap. But they weren’t having any of it, cutting him off before he could even get the words out.

“How ‘bout you shut the fuck up?”

“Okay, easy.”

Glancing down at Ellie he assured her she was going to be okay, the hope that they wouldn’t harm a child allowing the words to sound genuine. He glanced over his shoulder at you, paces behind them both having already heeded their commands.

“You been near Infected?”

“There’s no Infected out here.” Your voice was strong despite feeling anything but. Overpowered, out manned and out gunned. Not letting it show that you were absolutely terrified for the two people spaced out in front of you.

“The hell there ain’t.” The man argued with you, tearing apart your feeble attempt at complying with them but also sticking your own ground.

A barking dog was lead out from behind the man, as he declared it the last chance for a swift death.

“If you’ve been infected, he will smell it, and he will rip you up.”

“Fuck.” You muttered under your breath; eyes trained on the back of Ellie’s head. What if they could smell the dormant cells in her body? Suddenly, it looked like this wasn’t going to end well at all.

The dog was going insane, barking up a storm with intermittent growls from deep in its ribcage. Struggling against the leash it was being held onto with. But it wagged its tail as it loosened and approached Joel. You could see the increase of his breathing from your spot, though the man hadn’t been near Infected since Cody. A tense moment passed as it deemed him safe after sniffing around him and standing up on its hind legs to get a sense of him too close for comfort.

“Like I said, we’ll just move on.”

“Now the woman.” Dogs always made you nervous, having been on the receiving end of a rather bad bite at a young age. But you kept your eyes open as it approached you and did the same inspection. A deep breath in, held the entire time, and exhaled only when the dog was backing trotting away from you. You could only hope Ellie remained as calm as it cautiously approached her, growling as it did so.

Growls turned to happy yips as Ellie giggled, the two finding peace as she pet the suddenly friendly animal. You head knocked back your head as you sighed in relief. The man speaking for the group was smiling, you could see it in the way the wrinkles around his eyes creased despite the mask. Much like when Joel allowed himself to relax enough to do the same around the fire at night.

“You just bought yourself ten more seconds. What are you doin’ out here?”

“I’m just lookin’ for my brother.” The truth, you hadn’t known he was going to say it. But you felt your heart soften as he did. “That’s all, nothin’ more.”

The woman who had been watching you pushed forward and demanded his name, gaze locked on his.

“Joel.”

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dividers by the lovely @saradika-graphics

taglist: @narcissa-anastasia @ayamenimthiriel @rosaaeles @sawymredfox

#dev writes #fic: return the favor #tlou #tlou fic #tlou fanfic #the last of us #the last of us fic #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller series #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #angst #canon compliant #platontic ellie williams #post outbreak joel #hurt and comfort #hbo tlou #tommy miller #maria miller #ellie williams #jackson era #ao3 #ao3 fic #ao3 link #archive of our own

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for a Fic...

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1. hii for the next itmf do you have any recommendations for fics in which sizhui is wangxian biological son? any au or length is fine thx <3

you can have the best of me, baby by stiltonbasket (Not Rated, 9k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Pre-Relationship, Dual Cultivation, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Sunshot Campaign, Getting Together, a-yuan is wangxian’s baby, Happy Ending)

five years gone by quillifer (E, 14k, WangXian, Mpreg, a/b/o dynamics, Alpha WWX, Omega LWJ, Breakup/makeup, Miscommunication, Pregnant Sex, consent is king, soft sad and horny, Happy Ending, Bottom LWJ, Top WWX, Hurt/Comfort, Modern AU, Unplanned Pregnancy)

🧡 Many Lan babies Series by LuckyMoonly (Varied, 414k, WIP, WangXian, Story collection, Mpreg, Pregnant WWX only, Family Fluff, Found Family, Kid fics) has several where A-Yuan is Wangxian's biological son

Nothing but your heart by airinshaw (E, 21k, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O Dynamics, Implied Mpreg, First Time, Getting Together, Angst and Drama, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anal Sex, Whump, Breeding Kink)

Until The End by abCEE (M, 365k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, war changes people, resulting to OOC, no pinning, Established Relationship, Mpreg, Good Uncle LQR, a little grey LWJ, a bit of JC bashing from LWJ, BAMF JYL, 16 years of yearning, mainly CQL verse but has scenes from the novel as well, LSZ is WangXian's Child, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Canon Rewrite, Happy Ending, Fix-It of Sorts)

My Pride and My Prejudices by Erbyrose, TitanPandora (T, 122k, WangXian, ZhuiYi, Father-Son Relationship, Canon Compliant, Misunderstandings, Bonding Over Dead Parents, Character Study, Sizhui calling WWX Mom, Family Drama, Survivor Guilt, Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mpreg, Suicide Attempt, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Grief/Mourning, Major Character Injury, Male Lactation, but it's not sexual, REALLY LONG CHAPTERS, Attempt at Humor)

Transcendent by AkatsukiShin (M, 162k, wangxian, fantasy au, demons, half-demon WWX, pining WWX, mpreg, childhood memories, angst w happy ending, fluff, hurt/comfort, mystery, action/adventure)

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2. Hiiii! Lovely blog, you’re a godsend truly!! Anyways I was hoping that for the next itmf you’d rec some fics with identity shenanigans?

Like, it could be wwx in mxy’s body but only lwj knows so everyone else is all confused because ? Hanguanjun moved on form wwx? Impossible! Or maybe a fic where they mix it up a bit and it’s lwj that’s disguised or something like that! Basically a good old fashioned identity porn fic. Wangxian please! Thank you so muchhh

By Any Other Name by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 31k, Wangxian, Canon Divergence, Crossdressing, Misunderstandings, Identity Porn, Identity reveal)

🧡 a paper friend by soft_wanning (G, 4k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fluff, Paperman!WWX, Identity Porn, Meet-Cute, Different First Meeting)

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3. Hi! This is my first time doing this, sorry ^^. Itmf lwj kind of repeating his parents story, by marrying wxx and hiding him in cloud recesses (before he dies) and maybe putting himself in seclusion? The more angst the better, but preferably one where lwj isn't toxic, just really really worried. Idk if i should ask for more or less specific things, but thanks either way! I feel like I've read every fanfic like this (I've found like, 3) and I crave blood and tears. Thanks for the opportunity ^^

it's a webcomic and it's still ongoing, but House of Gentians by Pakhnokh on tumblr is amazing

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4. Hi! First of all I want to thank you for your hard work, I have found so many great fics through this blog. <3 And now I’m in a mood for a (preferably) established relationship wangxian fic where WWX is the one taking care of LWJ. Maybe some hurt/comfort and protective/possessive WWX? That would be my jam if any fics come to your mind~

hello my old heart, how have you been? by ravenditefairylights (M, 10k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Temporary Amnesia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Trauma, Unreliable Narrator, Pining, Hair Washing, Hair Brushing, Hair Braiding, Soft WangXian, A lot of prose, wangxian are MARRIED and they have a SON, LWJ Needs a Hug, Sleepy Cuddles)

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5. Hi! I was hit with the unexplainable need for some fics with ghost WWX who's searching for something (a family member or he's connected to one of his things and people don't realize it maybe), like looking for one of his siblings or for A-Yuan or one of the Wens and just like haunting everyone everywhere (or just one place), I don't know if there's even fics like that, there should cause it's a good plot in my humble opinion lol. Thank you mods! @jiangclaritybell

scatter and sunder by silversshadow (T, 15k, XuanLi, WangXian, Temporary Character Death, Canon Divergence)

💖 Ghosts Shouldn't by ShanaStoryteller (Not rated, 15k, wangxian, canon divergence, grief/mourning, angst w happy ending)

asymptotic by chinxe (T, 26k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Misunderstandings, Pining)

The Ghost of Lotus Pier by daiki (G, 3k, JL & WWX, JC & WWX, ghost WWX) Its ghost wwx but for me he is more guardian angel than ghost

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6. If possible, could I also get fics with NMJ and NHS being involved in the płot or fics taking place in the Unclean Realm for one of the IITMFs? I dont wanna swamp you guys with request messages so I wanted to combine them, hope that is fine. (rest of ask in a FF)

1PB2PB3PB4 is a good author for NHS and NMJ-centric fics

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7. Hello, I hope you're doing well. This request is for the IITMF.

Fic(s) where WWX is politically powerful in the cultivation world; but not as a sect leader. I mean

He's a sect heir;

Or a head disciple, but with power and authority of the same, not as how he was canon, with only responsibility but no authority.

Only canon era please.

Please only rec fics where he's a cultivator as I've read a few where he was a non-cultivator but politically powerful.

Thank you for your time 🌼🌼 @utxqia

All Things Belong by kuroi_atropos (M, 64k, WIP, WRH & WWX, WangXian, WWX is a Wēn, Abuse, Whipping, Manipulations, Warning: WRH, Smart WWX, Possessive Behavior, Warning: JGS, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Rape/Non-con)

Lynchpin by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 103k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Fix-It, Lynchpin [PODFIC] by Opalsong, [PODFIC] Lynchpin by Gwogobo)

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8. Hello everyone can you recommend wangxian or quartet time travel fic

❤️ Tragedy is Not the End by Hobbsy3 (T, 358k, wangxian, Time Travel, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Golden Core Reveal, Canon Divergence from Qiongqi Pass, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Yunmeng sibling bonding, good dad wwx, good dad lwj, JZX Lives, JYL Lives, Junior Quartet Dynamics)

does the requestor know about the time travel comp? that way I don't rec stuff on it already

How Much Love Has the Inch Long Grass by Vainwyrm (M, 12k, WIP, WangXian, ZhuiLingYi, XuanLi, Time Travel Fix-It, Permanent Injury, Disability, Canon Disabled Character, Physical Disability, Non-canon disabled character, Self-Worth Issues) if the requestor is okay with ‘triplet’ instead of ‘quartet’ then How Much Love Has the Inch Long Grass by Vainwyrm has a lot of interesting things going on in it for a time-travel AU

parent trap by tongzhi (T, 23k, JL & LJY & LSZ & OYZZ, wangxian, JYL/JZX, time travel, cloud recesses study arc, humor, matchmaking)

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9. Do you know any fanfic where Lan Zhan is kind of rude to Wei Ying (or like, he rebukes all of WY's attempts to befriend him) only to end up regretting it when WY finally leaves him alone?

the earthquake in the room by phnelt (E, 39k, WangXian, College/University, Modern: No Powers, Canada, Getting Together, Mentions of lwj/others, inter-faculty romance, strangers to lovers to frenemies to lovers, mostly book characterisation)

Of Bunnies and Sleeves and All Happy Things by moonwaif (G, 3k, WangXian, two dorks, failed attempts at flirting, Lan Zhan is jealous, but he doesn't know it, unresolved romantic and sexual tension, Mutual Pining)

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10. Hello! Idk if this is the way but I’m looking for fics where lz of the past time travels to the future and finds himself married to post canon wwx. I love those type of fics but I can’t seem to find them now :’(

An Arrow Through Time by syrus_jones (M, 166k, WIP, WangXian, Crack Treated Seriously, Time Travel, Reverse time travel, into the future, Potentially a Fix-it-fic?, Mistaken Identity, WWX is a Little Shit, POV LWJ, Angst, Gay Panic, Falling In Love Humor, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergence, Post-Canon)

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11. I’ve been playing “I say no” from heathers the musical on loop for a few Days now and now ITMF xiyao heathers-inspired? I hope someone knows one, thanks!

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12. Hello! Itmf WWX being a badass swordsman? People being in awe of how well he fights: twining through enemies, sword flashing, people stopping in awe at his capabilities (like "oh, he isn't just a badass with talismans and dark energy, he was head disciple of Yunmeng Jiang for a reason!"). Thank you! (Bonus points: him wielding other cool weapons like daggers or a whip!)

A Glimpse of Past Glory by masked (T, 1k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Swordfighting, BAMF WWX)

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13. Hi do you know any fics where Lan Xichen is called out for his hatred of Wwx because he thinks Wei Ying ruined both his and Wangji's life. Like it can be anyone calling him out, i just want to see him feel guilty about it.

When has silence saved anyone? by Vrishchika (T, 6k, WangXian, Post-Canon, LXC Critical, Gūsū Lán Sect, Not for LXC Fans, novel canon, Salt, Angry LWJ, Angry LSZ, Family Feels, WWX Protection Squad, LXC Gets Scolded, Based on Chapter 99 the Novel)

break by justdoityoufucker (T, 3k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, LXC Critical, JC Critical, Canonical Character Death, Guānyīn Temple Scene, BAMF WN, Protective WN)

💖After Truth Lies the Honest Path by Vrishchika (M, 10k, wangxian, canon divergence, truth serum, WIP)

aftereffect by justdoityoufucker (T, 3k, wangxian, LXC & LQR & LWJ, LWJ & LXC, post-canon, canon divergence, politics, LXC critical, JGY survives a bit longer)

Bitter Recompense by mondengel (M, 1k, LXC & LWJ, Angst)

Wasting Time, Asking Why by mondengel (Not Rated, 1k, LXC & LWJ, LXC & JGY, WangXian, Angst, Character Study)

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14. ITMF for something really intense and intimate. Like the fic is written so well and intense the you get overwhelmed. Preferably canonverse, but i don't mind otherwise. Please let it really be intense and intimate. @whateverweilanlovechild

Damn I wish The Roots Grow Riotous was still on ao3 for #14. Really intense and strange but beautiful with a hopeful but not typical ending. I have it if op wants to try but mind the tags. Modern au. The Roots Grow Riotous by hansbekhart (E, 104k, wangxian, modern, fashion au, garment company, casual sex, group sex, implied/referenced cheating, switching, recreational drug use, angst w/ happy ending, single dad WWX, panic attacks, implied/referenced self-harm, grief/mourning, catharsis, body horror, floral horror)

Tempo Rubato by Spodumene (E, 107k, WangXian, Modern AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Romance, persuasion au, Separations, Mutual Pining, Depression, Miscommunication, Emotional Roller Coaster, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Reconciliation, Eventual Smut, Jane Austen Fusion, Underage Kissing)

💖 love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, immortal WWX, slow burn, pining, arranged marriages)

Vagabond by xantissa (E, 65k, WangXian, Slow Burn, Mystery, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Frottage, Case Fic, murders, Supernatural, Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, extreme fluff, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, badass!LXC, top!LWJ, Bottom!LWJ)

i don't love you (but i always will) by sixstepsaway (E, 71k, WangXian, XianQing, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmate AU, wangxian endgame!!, handjobs, this ends wangxian and happy i promise, Angst with a Happy Ending, i had to give lwj an oc soulmate, Blanket Permission, Infidelity, Emotional Infidelity, Cheating, Pegging, Bottom!LWJ, top!WWX, Bottom!WWX, slight femdom!wq, Implied Consensual Somnophilia, Cockwarming, implications of consensual polyamory, undernegotiated polyamory, internalized ableism, Grief, Pining while fucking)

simple love | 簡單愛 by auberjing (E, 19k, WangXian, Modern AU, Hurt/Comfort, Slice of Life, Getting Together, Falling In Love, Strangers to Lovers, Caretaking, Angst and Feels, Grief/Mourning, Eventual Smut, Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Nude Photos, Nude Modeling)

lotus flowers rising from the dark mud by nu_breed (E, 122k, WIP, WangXian, WWX/Others, MingXian, LWJ/Others, JGS/LWJ, JGS/WWX, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Courtesan WWX, Courtesan LWJ, Pining while fucking, Palace Intrigue, Rape/Non-con Elements, Dubious Consent, Non-Consensual Sex Work, Top/Bottom Versatile WangXian, Minor Original Character(s), Light Dom/sub, Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, Light Bondage, Hurt/Comfort, Warprize WWX, Period Typical Attitudes, Values Dissonance)

The Murder of Crows by cerbykerby (M, 101k, wangxian, slow burn, pining, yiling wei sect au, fluff & angst, dark, romance, WIP)

Turn Left by kianspo (M, 186k, WIP, WangXian, NieLan, Canon Divergence, Fix-It of Sorts, Friends to Lovers, eventually, references to child sexual abuse, not main characters, Neurodivergent LWJ, Slow Build, Lán Family Feels, specifically, Twin Jades of Lán Feels, lwj-centric, Twin Jades of Lán Dynamics, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies)

If I Could Go Back in Time by Runningbarefoot (M, 122k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Role Reversal, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Grief/Mourning, YLLZ WWX, Eventual Happy Ending, The Twin Jade Brotherhood, Hurt/Comfort, Healing, Character Study, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Dynamics, Slow Burn)

And I Will Call You Home by Spodumene (E, 42k, WangXian, Case Fic, Post-Canon, Getting Together, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood, Ghosts, Suicide, Explicit Sexual Content, Attempted Sexual Assault, LWJ whump, Original Character Death(s))

crossed the world with these empty hands by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 166k, WangXian, Modern AU, Artists, Non-Linear Narrative, POV LWJ, Established Relationship, Pre-Relationship, Getting Together, Demisexual WWX, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Weddings, Separation Anxiety, Family Drama, Dysfunctional Family, Self-Worth Issues, Casual Sex, College/University, Temporary Long Distance Relationships, Relationship Pressures and Stresses, Insecurity)

The Vessel by Solmae (M, 54k, WIP, WangXian, XiCheng, Drama & Romance, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers)

A Life Without Regrets by naqaashi (M, 74k, WIP, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Crack Treated Seriously, musical cultivation, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Murder Husbands, Happy Ending, PTSD, BAMF WWX, Cultivation Sect Politics, Worldbuilding, Módào Zǔshī & The Untamed Combination, No Yīn Iron, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Artist WWX, Musician WWX, Bad Parent JFM, Bad Parent YZY, Cultivation Theory, Sentient Burial Mounds, Dysfunctional Family, Grief/Mourning, Parent-Child Relationship, Angry WWX, Angst, No Golden Core Transfer, BAMF LWJ, Idiots in Love)

every love story is a ghost story by aisthuu (M, 59k, WangXian, Modern AU, Reincarnation, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Post-Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Mixed Canon)

Alter by Solmae (E, 162k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Drama & Romance, Slow Burn, Rape/Non-con Elements, Gang Rape, Forced Prostitution, PTSD, Bottom LWJ, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, Explicit Sexual Content, Sexual Slavery, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Torture)

We can fix that by Spindoctor (E, 35k, WangXianJue, NMJ Lives, Arranged Marriage, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Cock Warming, Caretaking, Light BDSM, Thigh jobs, Everyone Loves WWX, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Frottage, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Starvation, Starvation recovery, PTSD, PTSD RECOVERY, Suicidal Ideation, Scars, Discussion of Surgery,mild body horror, discussion of starvation, body talk, cnc fantasies, Light Bondage, tender fucking, Slow Burn, JYL Lives, BAMF JYL, Erectile Dysfunction, Weight Gain, Chapter Specific Tags in Beginning Notes)

Something at the Door by Pip (Moirail) (E, 50k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Modern Cultivation, Intrusive Thoughts, Horror, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Character Death, Blood, Explicit Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mystery, Urban Fantasy)

爱不释手; never let me go by yiqie (E, 68k, WangXian, Case Fic, Blood and Injury, Demons, Body Horror)

a small change Series by celialoveslwj (T, 92k, JC & WWX, Background WangXian, JC Centric, Angst, Sickfic, yunmeng trio, Canon Divergence, Break-off before Qiongqi Path incident, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Dealing with sickness, Golden Core Transfer Failure?, Bittersweet Ending, BAMF JYL, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Grief/Mourning, Fix-It of Sorts)

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15. Do you guys have a rec list for outsider point of view stories? People reacting to the nonsense WangXian get up to is always great fun!

My chain hits my chest/When I'm bangin' on the radio by x_los (T, 2k, wangxian, modern w/ magic, case fic, competence kink, YLLZ WWX)

boom clap the sound of—Public Displays of Affection by Whispering_Sumire (E, 13k, wangxian, modern, reincarnation au, temporary character death, heartfelt conversations, crack treated seriously, outsider pov, accidental voyeurism, scheming NHS, redemption, angst & feels, family drama, panic attacks, hugging, crying, love, grief/mourning, hopeful ending)

❤️ Attempting the Impossible by Ariaste for williedustice (T, 36k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Post-Canon, Yunmeng Bros Reconciliation, Adoption, Family Fluff, Kid fic, Family drama, Fluff, [PODFIC] Attempting the Impossible by Ariaste by lunatique)

Six in one hand by deliciousblizzardshark (T, 2k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Modern: No Powers, Crack Treated Seriously, Compulsory Heterosexuality, POV JC)

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16. hey do you by any chance know ff where lwj is injured and wei ying gets in his protective husband mode? angst and gore would be preferred

silk threads and precious metal by Sevidri (M, 4k, WangXian, Canon-Typical Violence, Sunshot Campaign, Whump, Blood and Injury, WWX' Canonical Vengeful Streak, LWJ Makes A Beautiful Damsel in Distress, Non-Consensual Ribbon Touching, Protective wwx, Hurt LWJ)

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17. Hi!! I'm in the mood for a fic where jgy is put through torture (preferably at the hands of jgs or jin-furen and preferably psycological) and tossed to either nmj or lxc (or both). @halfwizardprincess

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic recs #i'm in the mood for a fic #the untamed #wangxian fic search #wangxianficfinder #long post

[controversial-blorbo-bracket]

Controversial Character Tournament Round 2: Jaiden from The DSCP, A 17776 Roleplay vs Rose Quartz from Steven Universe

(remember that these characters are fictional and your fellow tumblr users are real. i will block you if you harass others in the notes, please consider sending your unhinged harassment to my inbox instead)

Propaganda under the cut, may contain spoilers:

Jaiden:

HATE: - "OKAY SO. This is Jaiden. In a world thousands of years in the future where humans are immortal and spacecraft are beginning to wake up and become people on their own, Jaiden decides *she* wants to be the catalyst to wake one of them up. For years and years she tries and fails, until she finds CHIPsat, quietly shut down a while ago rather than decommissioned and.. well. taken out of the sky. CHIPsat isn't her first attempt at this, but they're her first *successful* one. She asks the newly-awakened satellite one thing: "Hey little buddy. How are you holding up?" The two are close friends for awhile, and I'm not about to spill ALL the details about EVERYTHING she did but let's just say: in a world where machines are literally people, hacking is NOT the most ethical skill ever. Jaiden's a BITCH nobody likes you jaiden (rusty if youre seeing this dont worry shes a VERY cool character. i just also want to crush her like a bug. hope this helps) also here's the image rusty used for the dani profile: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/783126743191519252/785258702188970014/unknown.png or the image rusty used for the jaiden profile: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/783126743191519252/914301198994116619/1306309_f0CiRxGx-1.png"

Rose Quartz:

LOVE: - "She was the example in the intro post I'm so proud of her. <3 I saw this bracket and I was immediately like "rose quartz my favorite character rose quartz" and lo and behold I was Correct. "UwU space mom victim" is a little simplistic, she has the range. She haunts the narrative. She taught me how hiding yourself because you're afraid that people won't like who you really are leads to continued self-resentment and avoidance. Loving her teaches me that even if you did do something completely irredeemable, even if you did do something worthy of all that hate you hold for yourself, people can still see the entire you and decide to love you anyway. I think even the other diamonds are better-regarded than her, which... incredible pr stunt from them tbh. I don't dislike the other diamonds but come on they made no independent effort to change w/o Steven—there's literally no question in the "who's the better person" department. Of course the "who's the better character" department will always be incredibly subjective but she is so complex, and multi-facteted, she screws up so so much and yet somehow her biggest mistake of all might be her own self-degrading. "What an incredible power... the ability to grow up," said with such longing. Girl look at Jungle Moon, you really think you're still the same gem? You grew so much and you never saw it. She's so selfish and selfless and self-destructive all at the same time and it's captivating. I want to put her in a jar and study her like a bug." - "did she do a lot wrong? yes. do i think she had good intentions at heart but just majorly fucked it up? also yes" - "she has so much depth oh my god" - "look idk I just want to make sure she gets submitted to the bracket because you’re so right that she belongs here" - "Rose gets a lot of shit because we saw her character arc in reverse. The situation is very messy but it’s also very nuanced, and regardless on how the discourse hammer judges her, I will always love her." HATE: - "Yeah" - "Anti : I'm not one her biggest hater but I can't forgive her for what she did to Pearl, and the other crystal gems. I've read some interesting defenses of the character but I can't get past all the lying, leaving and (accidental) abusing." BOTH: - "Is there a proper way to say that I loved her for a while in the show, but the showrunners kept piling blame onto her with less and less justifiable and more and more abuse of power things (without including counterbalancing reminders of how much she loved the planet and helping people) and so I kind of. Love early Rose Quartz, the complicated war leader with a messy past that she's escaping from, but hate Pink Diamond?"

#poll #round 2 #1 submission #8 submissions #jaiden #rose quartz #steven universe #su rose quartz #the dscp #17776 football

[loveroflokiforpoeticjustice]

Hi, I just want to ask about the tags I've seen on one of the Loki posts (screen below, because I dont know what I'm doing, I rarely sand messages on tumblr). Could you explain the S-H part and how it relates to his attire when you have some time (and want to explain of course)? Thank you!

Hello! Thank you for sending me an ask!

So, to explain why I honestly think Loki does self-harm...

Look at Loki's attire in Thor 1...

And then look at The Warriors Three attire...(Images)

And Thor's...

In the scene where we see Loki confess about telling Odin, all of The Warriors Three are either wearing thin clothing or showing skin of some sort. It's also worth noting that they're sitting around a fire in the scene. So, the room that they're in is by no means cold, yet Loki is still completely covered from the neck down. All that viewers, and other supporting characters, are able to see is his head and his hands.

Now, if we compare Loki's attire to Thor's when he visits him at the S.H.I.E.L.D base, we can see that Loki is wearing several layers just like he was on Asgard when, base off of how other characters are dress, it's not necessary. While Thor is on Earth, we see him only really wear a jacket and/or flannel and short sleeve t-shirt for most if not the entire the time he's there. This causes me to speculate that Asgardians have higher body temperatures than humans since he clearly doesn't require several layers to stay warm. (Darcy is literally in the background wearing a skull cap and coat and possibly even a scarf, and Thor is out here in a t-shirt and flannel 🙄).

Keep in mind that Loki is also a Jotun, and the planet that they originate from is colder than the Antarctic. When we see him, Thor and The Warriors Three go to Jotunheim, Heimdall makes a comment that Loki isn't dress warmly enough. Clearly it isn't required for Loki wear much to stave off the cold. This detail most likely means that because of Loki's Jotun biology (and arguably his Asgardian biology), the cold doesn't bother him. Therefore, the amount of layers we see him wear in the movie, again, isn't necessary.

That begs the question...If Loki doesn't get cold, why does he dress the way that he does?

It's simple really, he's hiding something. It's not uncommon for people who self-harm to try and hide their scars from others. People also may self-harm for an assortment of reasons. Whether it be because they are depressed, anxious, seeking attention and/or possibly suicidal (and according to Thor 1, it can also be debated that Loki was/is suicidal as well). My entire blog really is just a series of repetitive in-depth analyses of the psychological problems Loki suffers from because of, really ALL of Asgard but specifically, Heimdall, The Warriors Three, Thor, Frigga and especially Odin. (My Loki Series Analysis summarizes a lot if not all of the main points I make on my blog). The Thor 1 movie just gives you a sneak peak/summary of what Loki has no doubt had to deal with for centuries. Between being talked over, ignored, underappreciated, neglected, misunderstood, isolated, outcast, gaslit and possibly physically abused (Odin's fist raise), coupled with being abducted and being raised to believe that the species he originated from are a race of horrible monsters, how much he struggles in the movie and in his overall life is understandable. Loki is painfully aware that he is different from other Asgardians and this bothers him. In reality, Loki understands that self-harming in not a normal thing for people to do and, based on the fact that he's hiding, he feels embarrassed that he does it. There could even be a fear factor included since he might not know how people would react if he were to tell them, or he may already know that the people around him won't take it very well if they care at all! As a result, Loki hides.

I hope this answered your question and makes sense! Thank you again for sending me this ask! 💌😁

#in defense of loki #loki deserved better #Thor 1 loki #send me asks #og loki #loki 2011

[answrs]

Readmores And You - A Really Great Tumblr Feature!

(this is technically directed at stuff I've seen in a specific tag because of the content of said tag makes it more likely to spoiler things, but it applies to anyone likely learning the ins and outs of a new site. speaking of which, hello! welcome to tumblr!) (this got. longer than anticipated. apologies, I get bogged down in trying to make things as clear as possible. ^^")

I've seen this a lot recently in the VC tags especially, where the post goes something to the effect of "tw bloody animal!" then like six periods and the images of whatever dead thing the post is about.

I recognize this is probably being carried over from some other website (...reddit probably? maybe insta?) but please. I appreciate y'all so much for trying to do what you're doing. but this method of hiding pictures isn't effective on tumblr, but there is an infinitely better option!

"but why? it works fine on other sites?" firstly, a few extra lines typically don't even take up enough space on mobile (let alone desktop) to hide your pics, so even at a glance anyone is likely still seeing at least the top half of whichever picture you posted before even noticing the trigger warning on top. second, because you have to scroll all the way past the images at the bottom of your post anyway to get to the next one on your dash/in the tag/etc. so if someone comes across your post and the trigger warning is applicable as something they want to avoid, unless they have access to a keyboard to use a keybind shortcut that ive been here 12 years and still cant remember, they can't see any other posts after it without either having to scroll through the pics or outright block you. which is... not the most ideal of options I would say.

"but what else am I supposed to do then!?" I hear you ask.

READMORES!

tumblr has a wonderful feature known as a "readmore" that's built into the site! it creates a break in your post, which hides any content - be it words, images, whatever - that you place underneath it, not showing it unless the person viewing it clicks on the words "keep reading" (formerly "read more" - hence the name :D).

Cool, how do I do that?

on mobile you can place one by tapping an empty line and clicking the grey squiggle icon from the selection that allow you to insert an image/vid/link

which will place a squiggly line into the post you're making:

(desktop uses the same icon, it's just in a more compact row of icons.)

you can drag it around after placing it too, just like photos. (note: mobile can get finicky with this and it's usually just easier to remove it -click the big red X- and add it in the new place you want it.)

EDIT: some of the versions of mobile editor are broken and don't show the icons. to add it in manually type ":readmore:" (with the colons, but not the quotation marks) on its own line. Thank you for the reminder, LovingTogetic!

this is also a nice way to keep your blog tidy and not swamped in long and/or spoilery posts (say if you're posting 5k word fics, or extensive meta, or gushing over the ending of the latest game or TV show most people probably haven't seen yet)! it's not required, obviously, but it's generally considered a common courtesy for others that will be seeing your post cross their dashboard.

finally, an example of the readmore in action:

(ta-da!)

have fun out there y'all, I hope this is helpful ^^

as an aside (I wasn't sure where to put this but under the break seemed appropriate), you may also see a lot of personal/vent posts be fully under readmores as well, even if the post is only a sentence or two long. this is mostly so followers don't necessarily see it unless they specifically click, but there's a more frustrating history to it becoming a thing: when a post is reblogged, any content above the break is permanently frozen as it existed at the time, but anything under it will reflect edits made to the post. while not common, a certain type of user sometimes browse the various "do not rb" tags and will purposefully reblog personal posts in order to upset and distress the users. putting those things under a readmore make it so even if that happens, the text can be deleted from all iterations of the post. recently the site rolled out an option to lock a post to reblogs, but you gotta mess with the settings and it's mostly a habit after a decade here dealing with the nonsense.

#tumblr guide #hope it's okay to tag i'll remove if asked but #vulture culture #how to #tumblr how to #readmores #tumblr how-to

[lilly-chou-chou]

(Tw: s3icide and d3ath mention)

I actually do not know where to begin with this because his passing has impacted so many people around the globe. I hope his family, members and friends take as long time as it takes for them to heal from this. When things like this happen we realize how much we take life for granted, it really does make sense when people say things like "resolve things now, who knows if tomorrow you or them will live to see another day"

There are times when things are really difficult and you don't know what to do or how to reach out to others and I want you all to know that it is not your fault. You did your best.

As the years went by I never liked this saying "d3ad people recive more flowers than living" it really made me angry and infuriated me because it is was so unkind and horrible thing to say. I never saw things like that, I always saw it as "they were truly loved and cherished a lot that is why they're getting a lot of flowers" it doesn't matter how they passed on, I always believed that in after life they will get their desired peace and these flowers will build a path for them to look after their loved ones in a different way.

In the the topic of same light I did come across this tumblr post which said "no ones will care about him after few weeks, it always works like this people don't care" can we stop doing this? Because it's so horirble and absolutely worst thing to do. Fans and sometimes even people close to idols have no idea how they are actually doing, as I said Moonbin's situation was a huge shock to all of us. We will never forget about Moonbin, Junghyun, Sulli and Hara. We always remember him. To this every I can never forget 18th December, 13th October, 24th November and now 19th April. These are the dates that I still remember ever since they passed away.

Every year without fail on these days I always take a moment to remember them, we have never forgotten them, we still talk about them. When we talk about them instead of their passing we choose to talk about their happy moments they spent on earth, we choose to talk and discuss about their iconic jokes inside the fandom, their fashion sense, their amazing talents and how ever so they treated their fans and loved ones so kindly.

Talking about someone who has passed on isn't just limited to talking about their d3ath, their lives spent on this earth is also a topic we should talk about more. I still think about Jonghyun's that one video where his mum was calling him after concert and he ever so sweetly said "please wait mum, I am coming", Sulli's extravagant and beautiful loud laugh, Hara's mesmerizing stage presence and now Moonbin's debut with Astro, it's crazy how young Moonbin looked in Hide&Seek I still remember watching the MV when their debuted getting excited about debut of a new group and I couldn't keep off my eyes off of them, they all shined so well.

I hope now Moobin rests well after becoming a star in the sky, when you feel down just look up in the sky and I hope you know there are 4 stars are are shining bright and beautiful telling you "it's okay, don't worry there is always another day"

#astro #moonbin #jonghyun #sulli #goo hara #hara #kpop

[planefood]

hi. i might be going crazy but if i'm not and i recall correctly; a couple months back or so you made a post talking about why you chose the city you did for your ocs and why it didn't take place in america. as a non american who fell into the weirdly common thing of making ocs that are american i really resonated with that post, i've been looking around for it and i can't find it. so i wanted to ask if you deleted it? it's 100% fine if you did i get it. i just want to know if its gone or i should keep looking around for it because of infamous tumblr search broken. thanks :-)

Okay this is tough because my tumblr has a tendency to just, hide posts of mine in the archive or tags (grrr) but I also delete posts a lot if I feel like I was overly emotional in them or if its just stupid tagging garbage but I might've deleted it because I wrote that when I was really upset, I know a lot of people related to it though so i'm really sorry to you guys! I might rewrite it more succinctly if I have the energy but the point in that old post still stands I suppose Sometimes I worry I come across as too patriotic or even, god forbid... "kiwiana" kitsch which would be a NIGHTMARE for me even if most of my followers wouldn't notice something like that. I also don't wanna give off the impression that my work is only for a small population or that I "hate americans" if I don't word it well enough. I probably only feel an obligation to write how I do because I fought so hard feeling recognised for my background after I moved here that feeling it happen again when I speak to people outside of NZ stresses me out. I'm glad other people resonated with it! But me getting so emotional over it isn't what I'd call a typical reaction idk. Really its more out of frustration, I feel like I'll never truly feel at home in any part of the world for multiple reasons, somewhere where I can feel comfortable relating to people just because we're from the same area but that's not really true. I was an outsider in Japan and I felt like an outsider living here. Moving to a bigger city didn't provide me much comfort as I still feel like I'm not apart of the "in group". I know people who haven't even moved countries like me will probably feel this (esp if you follow me cause no regular person would follow me tbh) thats the frustration I try to capture with my writing that I hope more people to can attach to than just "this is Aotearoa bitch!!!!!!!!!". I feel love and also a lot of rage for this country. My stories are less of a love letter for it and just auto biographical, some parts are cozy and nice but a lot is pretty rough and stressful. There's still the kid in me screaming "I WANT TO GO HOME!" all the time while I live here, back then "home" would've just been back in Japan but now I don't really know what that "home" is. I find solice in my characters trying to figure that out too

#ask #my stories rarely feel like they capture authentic nz to me sometimes but idek what that is really #I was gonna go on a rant about how much I hated this country growing up because of how ppl treated me + everything being different #but that can be for another day

[spnfanficpond]

May 2023 Angel Fish Awards

(Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

WELCOME TO THIS MONTH’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE (you don’t have to be a member) CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. Everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that this fun, thoughtful award will do just that. (Click here to learn more about how to nominate a fic for an award!)

Be sure to read through this whole post because you may have been nominated more than once!

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE THIS MONTH’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nominated by @glygriffe

Best Laid Plans by @thinkinghardhardlythinking

I usually don't read RPF but this came well recommended and it was so fluffy and sweet that I read it all in one sitting. I thoroughly enjoyed every word of it!

Prettiest One by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

I like when Dean opens up about his feelings. And if it takes morphine to do it... so be it! 😊

Foxholes by @thoughtslikeaminefield

The POV of Annie on our beloved characters is refreshing. It has an ethereal and reflective quality really effective in so few words. This is craftmanship!

Homesick by @mrswhozeewhatsis

I have a soft spot for fics that are missing scenes or character inner monologues for canon material of the show. This Sam POV from the pilot episode is just that, with equal parts of fluff and angst.

~*~*~

Nominated by @thoughtslikeaminefield

The Hero Always Gets A Kiss by @fandomoniumflurry

Swooned my face off at this! A little slice of Chestervelle not seen on TV but fitting nicely inside (head)canon — where I love the most.

Smokes and Sex Toys by @wayward-and-worn

This one's been lingering for a little over three years, and I ain't mad about it. I can still hear the rush of the river beside my campsite as I read this for the first time during the second lockdown in the summer of 2020. Perfect Dean characterization, a female character I'd love to hang out with, sexy as fuck, and real.

Local Legends (series) by @crashdevlin

This isn't usually my kinda thing, but Cassie's Dean is such a unique brand that I can't quit her/him! Looking forward to the drama. xox

_______ by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

At just 109 words it's almost an OG drabble and also makes my chest ache with its absolute Dean-ness, its tenderness, and its intimacy.

~*~*~

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

Run to You (series) by @deanwinchesterswitch

I finally got to read this series and I AM HOOKED!!! So far, the relationship has built up with no real complications, and I'm so very ready to see how everything breaks apart! (Before Kym puts it all back together, of course!!) This has delicious smut, and I'm betting it will also have delicious angst and some twisty turns before it's done. I can't wait to see where it goes!!

Go Easy by @negans-lucille-tblr

Bee has been posting a Soldier Boy series that wasn't my thing for a while, so imagine my surprise when she posted this hot and steamy Sam one shot!! I have been missing Bee's storytelling, and this was the best way to get a fix!! Don't read this one in public!! [insert ALL the sweating gifs here!!]

Show Me What You're Hiding by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

This is a short drabble, but it's descriptive enough of all of Dean's, ahem, ASSETS, that it gets the job done quite thoroughly! Lordy, the images this gave me were definitely rated NC-17!!! *fans self furiously*

Like We Used To by @princessmisery666

Stacey did these little ficlets to get her creative juices flowing, and she knocked all of them out of the park! This one gave me Sam snuggles, which is always a favorite for me. *SWOON*

Present Wrapping Problems by @katymacsupernatural

Tumblr took over five YEARS to tell me about this tag, and I'm gonna die mad about it, I swear. IT'S SO FLUFFY!!!! It's a Christmas fic, and I know it's not Christmas now, but if you need some super-sweet Dean fluff, go read it, anyway!

Who's Lost Now? by @glygriffe

This is a crossover with Doctor Who, the first one I've read, iirc, and I might have to find more, now! Dean just accepting so many of the Doctor's idiosyncrasies is just tickling me. He's so good about accepting people when he likes them. And I can't wait to find out the truth about the Doctor's pocket watch! (DW fans will know what I mean!)

~*~*~

Nominated by @katbratsupernaturalwhore

One Day, I'll Say Hello by @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone

That was adorable and heart wrenching and just so great 🙂 I loved it!

~*~*~

Nominated by @princessmisery666

I Promised by @deanwinchesterswitch

This is so descriptive and angsty, I was holding my breath waiting for the end.

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE AWESOME WORK AND GREAT FEEDBACK!

These are not actual awards, as in, there is no competition! This system is set up so everyone has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author in the Pond that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

- FROM YOUR ADMINS AND MANTA RAYS, @MANAWHAAT, @MRSWHOZEEWHATSIS, @MARIEKOUKIE6661, @PRINCESSMISERY666, @THOUGHTSLIKEAMINEFIELD, AND @KATBRATSUPERNATURALWHORE!

#angel fish awards #angel fish awards masterlist #spnfanficpond #fan fiction #fanfiction #fan fic #fanfic #spn fan fiction #spn fanfiction #spn fan fic #spn fanfic #supernatural fan fiction #supernatural fan fic #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fanfic #fic rec #spn fic rec #supernatural fic rec

[cowboysandpilots]

The Love That You Had — Bradley x Reader

Summary: Bradley's college girlfriend shows up, Phoenix knows all the tea, and Hangman is a little jealous and not at all unsure. (Minor hangster/Implied Hangster endgame)

A/N- Hi, I'm so happy you're here. :) If you would like to support me and my writing, please remember to hit the reblog button, as Tumblr has no algorithm and likes (while appreciated) do nothing to get creators work seen. Since Tumblr is hiding all my posts with my Ko-Fi link, THIS is a list of things I need/want while I'm away at Uni if you would like a commission or just to support me. It is beyond appreciated but, of course, not required. ❤️

"Knock, knock"

Phoenix came rushing into the academy with no other context clues, and Rooster, who was used to his best friend's less-than-personable traits, only turns from where he was talking to Hangman, to answer.

"Who's there?"

"The only person who can change your life from, 'things are going pretty good right now to,'" and then she let out a shriek that Bradley's sure he's never heard before.

"The only person who can change my life from 'things are going pretty good right now to'," — He points to her so she can add her shriek as he's not sure he could ever recreate it, "Who?" He finishes.

Bradley's life was going pretty good right now; he and Jake had finally moved past their fighting and fucking stage and finally admitted real feelings. It was new and very delicate, but Bradley really liked where it was going. That is, until the person in Phoenix's cryptic riddle walked in. If they were on a sitcom, everyone was sure there would be a track of people cheering and clapping in the background.

"Hey, Mozart." You give a soft smile and tilt your head just slightly.

Bradley is starstruck. He hadn't seen you since he graduated from university, where he studied music, hence the nickname, and left after he had finally been accepted to the Navy. Phoenix looks awkwardly between the two of you, giving Bradley a look like she's wondering how the hell he's going to handle this.

In all honesty, Bradley doesn't know how he's going to handle this either; he shuffles forward, awkwardly wrapping his arms around you, giving a tentative hug, and you can't do anything but give the same back.

Phoenix is even less helpful. When you both backup, she stands facing the two of you and puts one of her hands on each of your and Bradley's shoulders. "Wow, awkward. I know pronounce you awkward." She chuckles, and you can see Bradley actually grimace. Maybe this was a bad idea.

Phoenix can't seem to stop running her mouth as she turns to you. "Hey, remember in University when he found your backpack after you left it in the library? Remember when he got handcuffed by campus security? That was fun. Remember you and him for four years, but then he asked you to marry him, and you ran away? Huh?" She has a great big smile, like she's trying to make a joke, but it isn't making things less awkward. "Let me show you what that looked like." She says, running out the door and dragging a reluctant Hangman with her by the arm.

You both know they're not gone, neither are subtle with the way they keep peaking their heads around the door to listen in. Still, Bradley soldiers on. "Wow, look at you, you're... here." He chuckles.

"I need to talk to you." You say, figuring it's better to get right to the point and rip the bandaid off.

Outside, Phoenix and Hangman are talking quietly. "I'm sorry." Phoenix sighs. She and Hangman might not be the best of friends, but she can still feel bad.

"What for?" Hangman frowns.

"What for?" Phoenix repeats in disbelief. "That's the love of Bradley's life. She's going to take him away."

Hangman only gives a signature cocky smirk, "I'm not giving up hope yet; I just got it."

—

"I don't know if you heard, but my dad died." You start. So much for ripping off the bandaid.

Bradley can only frown softly, "Oh, I'm so sorry."

You can only answer with a dry chuckle. "Military man," You nod toward Bradley's uniform. "War hero, and he dies in his sleep." You huff softly, blinking fast to hold back the tears.

"I liked him a lot." Bradley offers in the softest voice you've ever heard from the man. You figured if anyone would understand, it would be Bradley.

"Oh, he liked you," You smile, taking a chance and reaching out to put your hand on Bradley's cheek. "Do you... still have that thing where you can see your dad?"

"Yeah, I do." Bradley smiles, "It's crazy; I barely knew him; he died when I was six, you know that, but I can still see him anytime I need him." He blinks like he's being brought back to the situation in front of him. "Why are you here?"

You slowly take your hand away from Bradley's face and go to sit down with a sigh. "I need someone to talk to. It can only be you. How about that?"

"Okay." Bradley sits beside you, no judgment on his face.

"I'm married now," You admit softly, holding up your left hand with a sparkly diamond on the ring finger. "Military man." You admit again, and Bradley flinches.

"So you just didn't wanna marry me then?"

That had been the thing that caused your breakup in the first, Bradley proposed, and you said no because you didn't want to keep having to relocate and didn't want to always be worried that he wouldn't come home. "I wasn't ready." You whisper.

"And then you were?" The hurt is evident on Bradley's face.

"Well, life goes on, Bradley. You know, I think life puts people in front of us, so that we can be prepared for what comes next. I was ready because of you." You smile.

"I hope life knows what it's doing," Bradley mumbles under his breath, but you don't miss it.

"My husband wants to have children. And you know that I've always been scared of being somebody's mother because my own mother left."

"Yeah, we were both broken that way." Bradley's mom didn't leave; she passed a few years after Goose — broken heart syndrome.

"Yeah, now he's trying to convince me that I'd be a good one, and I need somebody who understands me to tell me if that could be true. I mean, I can't talk to my father. He doesn't just show up for me like yours does. You're the only one I can trust with this." That was the honest truth.

Bradley sighs and scrubs a hand over his face. "Have kids, sweetheart. Put more of you in the world. And then sit in a chair and watch them grow. You'd be amazed. We're here to make somebody else happy." Bradley didn't have kids, but he always wanted them— wanted them with you.

"Thank you, Bradley." You smile. "Now, can I give you some advice?"

"I wish somebody would," Bradley snorts.

You lean forward in your chair and look right toward the door where Phoenix and Hangman's heads are still poked out. They don't move even though you're looking. "He yours?" You smile.

"All mine." Bradley smiles back.

"Don't let him go, Bradley. If he tries to leave, chase after him. Let our mistakes teach you something. Life knows what it's doing." You smile again, quoting Bradley's muttering and lean in to give him a soft, only slightly lingering kiss on his lips.

One last goodbye.

#bradley bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw fanfiction #bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #Bradley rooster bradshaw fanfiction #top gun maverick #tgm fanfiction #tgm fanfic #bradley bradshaw fic #hangster #hangster fanfiction #my writing

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

what were a few other url ideas you had?

at first i was thinking of something from the song day after day because i always think "that's me about all of my band boys"

I REMEMBER FIIIINDING OUT ABOUT YOUUUUU

EVERY DAY MY MIND IS ALL AROUND YOUUUUU

LOOKING OUT OF MY LONELY GLOOM(and/or "looking out from my lonely room")

DAAAAY AFTER DAAAYYY

BRING IT HOME BABY MAKE IT SOOOON

I GIVE MY LOVE TO YOUUUUUUUUU

but of course just 'dayafterday' was taken, and day-after-day etc. which isn't that surprising because it's a common thing to say. i wanted a shorter url like that but it's not easy to find one that isn't taken. then "looking out of my lonely gloom" would be the blog name.

i was thinking of using "mymindisallaroundyou" for the url instead or with dashes but decided against it

another one i almost picked was from maybe tomorrow where tom sings "let the light of your love shine through the window of my heart" so my url would have been "letthelightofyourlove" or "let-the-light-of-your-love" and then my blog name would be "shine through the window of my heart". i just really love that line and still applies to my band boys.

i was also thinking of the line from shine on where pete sings "don't think of tomorrow, yesterday is past" because sometimes i get a little too caught up in the past and i think it would be a good reminder to not do that so much.

AND there was a part from tom's demo, love my lady(about his wife which is super cute), where he says "like a sunshine on a rainbow" which would be the url and then the next line i was gonna change for tumblr reasons, he says "black nights, broken ways, got your bed to sleep on" where i would have put "got my blog to post on" at the end instead. my boys are the sunshine on a rainbow

i also considered using "knock down the old grey wall" from no matter what because i love that line and, for me, it would mean like my walls of anxiety in my head that need to be knocked down, and then the blog name would be "be a part of it all" because i want to be a part of things more instead of just hiding from everything all the time.

and and and i was thinking of the start of "i'm in love" where he says "i'm not well can't you tell" but i feel like "i'm not well" in all url variations would most likely be taken so i'd have to include both of those into the url, hope that's not taken too, and then i'd have nothing that i would want for the blog name to go with that.

i was trying to make one from pete's demo ostrich because sometimes i feel like the ostrich in that scenario, but it wasn't working for me.

SO i was stuck between a lot of these and still listening to more songs trying to come up with any different ones that would apply to me without it just being like "i don't relate to this but i like the song" because there are too many of those

i told myself that if i don't choose one by new years day, i'll just pick one that i already had in mind that stands out to me/relates to me the most in the moment and go with it. so i chose this one from name of the game.

it's a good song by the way and i think everybody should go listen to it right now and for the rest of your lives forever

#my mind is in a totally different place now fro #m when i was asked #why did this to cut into a new tag in the middle of typing #anyway when i was asked what i would choose for a url before #before i decided to actually change it #i gave a very different answer #i never know what my mind will do next #also at first i wanted one with a name in it from one of their songs so i could just #go by that name here #because i've been asked what my name is a few times and i don't want to use my real name on tumblr #but none of those were working for a url+blog name match #and nothing was relatable #there were some more options from some other songs but they didn't feel like they applied as much or just didn't feel right when typed out #like perfection and we're for the dark and timeless and dennis and- #i could keep going all day #okay i'll stop typing now

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

Triggers and Transparency

Or the Fall Out Boy title: I Have A Hater, So I Must Be Doing Something Right...

Dear Future Husband,

I reuploaded my last post because someone decided to comment publicly calling me out for "making a chillul Hashem" by posting it publicly, instead of messaging me privately and having a conversation about her feelings on the matter. And then she blocked me so her comments on that post are now hidden to me, but not to others who come across it and can see and respond to them. Fun.

And that is just super petty and manipulative, so I decided to hide those comments from the world too by hiding the post and just reuploading the whole thing.

But I also want to discuss this situation, because I think it's important to respond to what she had to say.

Let me start with this: Nobody has to like me or agree with me. I don't demand or expect that from my readers.

In fact, I don't demand or expect readers in general.

This is my tiny pixel of the internet where I can say what I want/need to say. For the most part I’m venting and yelling into a void anyway.

I've had this account for years. My first post was in 2016 and for the first few years, I didn't even have any followers, not that I really care whether or not I have followers, because that's not why I created this space for myself anyway.

If people choose to interact with what I have to say, that's awesome.

If they get something out of it, that's awesome.

If I get something out of it, that's awesome.

But I write lengthy things.

Sagas. Epics. Novels.

I write dark things.

I write a lot, but I don't share everything.

And what I share is my thoughts and experiences based on my experiences and thoughts.

That's not for everyone. And it isn't meant to be for everyone.

I'd assume most people click the "expand" button, see how long my posts are and nope right outta' there anyway. It's shocking to me if anyone actually cares enough to read what I have to say. Even more so if they choose to respond.

Do I love it when they do? Sure.

We all have that ego, and I'm sure we all post publicly in hopes people interact, as much as we do it for ourselves. If I truly wanted to keep these things private, I'd write in a journal (which I also do on occasion and a lot of that does not get shared), but most of my posts are somewhat of a cry for help (some more obvious than others) and if anyone sees my beacon and responds, it makes me feel less alone. And considering I've been super lonely most of my life, it's nice to share something I experienced and have someone out there say "hey, I get it, and you're not alone."

Now, I’ve been on tumblr in general for like 15 years and I have multiple accounts that I use for different purposes - different fandoms, different thoughts I want to share with different audiences, etc, and I created multiple accounts because when you comment on stuff it’s always associated with your main blog and that’s just wrong for the different ways I interact with different people about different things. Like, I don't want fandom stuff coming back to my religious blog or my food blog coming back to my music blog, etc. But I don’t come on tumblr as often as I used to back in the day, so while these accounts are still active, I don’t use them all that much.

So when I saw that after a small back and forth with this other person on my last post that their comments were suddenly “hidden, blocked, or removed,” I figured that meant for everyone and that she’d deleted them, so I in turn deleted my responses to her, feeling they wouldn’t make sense for someone to come across and just see mine.

But then I tried to send her a private message to discuss the matter and her blog somehow just magically “disappeared”… oooooh, so mysterious. Which made me realize, “oh, you dumbbell, she blocked you, which is why you can’t view the comments anymore.” And then I wondered if it was for sure just me who couldn’t see them or if it was everyone, so I logged into another account and lo and behold! The comments were visible! To everyone! So my deleting my own comments solved nothing and just made it look like I deleted my responses because she called me out, which was not the case. (I’m a fan of context and wouldn’t be that petty.)

So I used one of my other accounts to send her a message and told her I was open to an actual conversation about why that post of everything I’ve ever posted triggered her and she responded and then blocked me again so I couldn’t reply.

I anticipated that.

But in her response she made more accusations and basically called me an idiot (so nice, I know). So I used another account to send a follow up message to respond to one of her accusations and to basically say 'this has been fun, have a nice life.' To which she responded “I’m not even reading this.” And then blocked me again.

Also as anticipated, though I didn't follow up again after that.

But here’s the thing: she was accusing me of being condescending.

(I never claimed I wasn't... lol)

But her biggest issue seemed to be more that I was condescending while “targeting” irreligious Jews with my #tags, essentially inciting their responses and mocking them to their webfaces.

Except, no.

I also asked her why she felt the need to respond solely to this post out of all my other posts and she replied that she had responded to my posts before, and that I only couldn’t see them because she’d blocked me.

Except, no.

Using another account that she did not block I was able to check all the comments on all my posts (after having checked my notes before she blocked me on this account) and she has responded to exactly ZERO of my other posts. So, now we’re in gaslighting territory. Fun.

But I'd like to break down what she had to say and respond for my own edification and also for anyone who happened across those comments while they were live and should have context. Also in several years the whole "argument" will be confusing and I use posts like this for my own context.

So let's start at the beginning:

XXXXXXXX said: I’m frum and the amount of condescension dripping from every word of this post made even me deeply uncomfortable. I’m really not sure how you can claim you were respectful when you literally recorded the ceremony just so you could more accurately make fun of it later. Yikes yikes yikes.

Condescension dripping from every word. Mkay.

I believe she's referring there to the part about my cousin's irreligious wedding, despite me starting that post with how odd or confusing a lot of modern wedding tradition is to me in the religious Jewish sphere and how I'd like to do things when it's my turn.

I also didn't record it so I could mock it later, I recorded it because it was baffling to me while I was experiencing it, and I process things differently from most people, especially when I'm in a moment of heightened stress (which, being around family is for me) and wanted to remember things later and figure out what exactly went on. I do this all the time with other events and conversations too.

The fact that the recording came in handy when I was writing things out for my own processing was a bonus, honestly. I wish wish wish wish wish I'd recorded a lot of things in my life that I didn't. This was just one I wish I'd started earlier in the preceedings. The officiant said some really lovely things about my grandparents and I would have loved to have the recording for that too. I'm not super duper close with my cousins and don't know if I'll ever see the wedding video or if all of that will even be included in the video (since most people go cinematic these days and cut a lot of stuff or overlay music) and it would be nice to have that for posterity.

Just because I didn't outline it in my post doesn't mean there weren't other reasons for recording the event. Also, it's not like they said no recordings or anything before the ceremony. If they had, I would have respected that.

And being respectful to their faces and making "nice" in person is the Kiddush Hashem I was referring to in the original post. Being the religious relatives has always been exceptionally weird for us in so many ways.

Hell, a relative who exclusively reads the NYT believed that we were anti-vaxxers spreading covid to everyone and refused to show up at an event we were invited to, despite never having a conversation with us about it or even asking.

There are always assumptions made about us and how we live our lives and how we won't be part of things and aren't accepting of anyone and aren't courteous or respectful of things that aren't religious. And yes, in my anonymous post on a website none of my relatives frequent, I did express views that could be considered not respectful. But you know what I did in person? I smiled, I said hello, I gave hugs and handshakes, I made it clear that we're open and friendly and kind people, and that family is important to us.

Some say that's hypocritical, but when it comes to Shalom, you do whatever you can to ease interpersonal relationships, regardless of how you actually feel on the matter. If they aren't in a place to hear your opinions, you don't shove them in their faces.

And why would I close the door to the possibility of them doing kiruv in the future? If all they see is that their religious relatives are awful, they'd never want to do teshuva. By not expressing everything I'm feeling in person, it leaves them with positive feelings towards us "weirdos" and that leaves the door open to potential spiritual growth on their parts in the future. The positive feelings they continue to have towards people who believe in the Torah IS the Kiddush Hashem.

XXXXXXXX said: And then recording it all in writing and davka putting it in a tag on a website where the vast majority of people who will see it are not frum and likely don’t even personally know a frum person in many cases? There’s a chillul Hashem here, but it wasn’t the wedding.

Take a look at every post in my blog, babe. They're all tagged the same. They've always been tagged the same, going back to my very first post in 2016.

I started it that way because if I ever decided to deviate in a post, I wanted to be able to reference my own posts with relevant hashtags. At the time, I didn't know where things would go (if anywhere) with this blog and wanted that option. And again, in the beginning it was intended to reach an audience of possibly likeminded people who could commiserate with me. At this point, I hardly even think about the hashtags. Hell, one of them is #i am the shidduch crisis. I'm fairly certain I'm the only one who uses that one...

Saying that I davka went out of my way to post something offensive in a place where it would incite anger is just absurd. And if that post is offensive simply by existing in the Jewish zeitgeist, then so is every other thing I've posted and tagged the same way, considering the majority of my life experiences and writings are heavily negative, yet this was the ONLY post of mine she's ever responded to. And most of my posts have maybe two likes and zero comments, so most of the jumblr world couldn't care less either, apparently.

I unfortunately did not take screenshots of my responses to her in the comments, so I don't recall exactly what I said... but it was something along those same lines.

I think we also need to have a conversation about what a chillul Hashem actually is.

Desecration of God's name.

Or using God's name in vain.

You know... kiiiiind of like an incongruous priestly benediction or a bracha levatalah. Or nine of them. (Or 100 of them if you consider that most of the attendants also said the blessings using Hashem's name inappropriately...)

XXXXXXXX said: Wow. You have a very, very close-minded view of the world. Also, not sure if you understand how this website works. When you tag something jumblr, you aren’t just sharing it with 2 followers, you’re sharing it with everyone who follows that tag. By tagging it that way, you are ACTIVELY spreading it to a wider audience. Yeah, it’s your life and you can record it however you want, but you don’t get to pretend that putting something into the public sphere as an Orthodox Jew doesn’t impact how people view Orthodox Jews.

So now my tiny pixel of the internet is responsible for how the whole world views Orthodox Jews. Mkay.

Yes, words have power.

Yes, what I say and put out into the world matters.

Yes, I look to commiserate with people who get it.

But no, I'm not responsible for what people choose to read or ignore.

And again, I hardly even think about the hashtags when I apply them. It's just kind of rote at this point and, again, despite me using the exact same hashtags since 2016, my audience is still basically two people.

The hashtag jumblr has hundreds, if not thousands of posts on it. And people post things there that are offensive to me, but that doesn't mean they're offensive to everyone. If they can post their thoughts, I can post mine too. You can't please everyone.

All of these posts are like greeting cards on a rack at the grocery store. Using a hashtag is like giving it a category like "Birthday" or "Uncle's Retirement." You don't have to read all of them. Literally nobody is forcing you to. If you see one you don't like, put it back and move on with your life.

And again, my posts are usually so insanely long that most people don't have the time or attention span to read them. (Hell, I rarely do when I'm looking back over my own writings for things.) And so, these posts are not for them. They're essentially a diary of my experiences, and everyone experiences things differently. That's totally fine. I don't know why you have to get all up in arms about that just because I see the world differently than you.

It's also kiiiiind of hypocritical to tell me that I have to see the world the same way as you and in the same breath tell me that my relatives don't have to see the world the same way I do.

I did mention in one of my responses how interesting it was that she chose THIS out of aaaaaaaalllllll my 40 posts here on tumblr as the only one to respond to, despite my using the same hashtags since post #1. And that's when this one came:

XXXXXXXX said: And ftr I have replied to other posts of yours before…I’m sorry you don’t recall, but I don’t have to reply to every post you ever write to earn the ability to protest when you put something reprehensible out into, again, the public sphere consisting mostly of Jews who do not have much direct experience with Orthodoxy and whose negative views of that brand of Judaism you are actively reinforcing.

But no, honey, no you haven't. You know how I know? Cuz I checked. You've literally never commented on a single post of mine ever before.

You know what you HAVE responded to?

ONE comment that I made on one of YOUR posts.

That's it.

Ze hu.

Also, you don't have to reply to every post I ever write to "earn" the ability to protest when I write something you disagree with, but some kind of prior relationship would be helpful instead of literally coming out of left field with hostility.

I mean, I followed her, but she never followed me. I didn't even know I was anywhere on her radar.

It's also interesting to me that I'm actively reinforcing negative views of Orthodoxy by being confused by the inconsistencies of people who claim Judaism matters to them, yet have such a lack of respect for what Torah and being Jewish actually means.

Why does being Jewish even matter if you're not going to do anything that shows even one ounce of respect for anything of the tradition of Judaism? We're more than bagels and smear, my dear.

If they wanted to have a secular service, I wouldn't have cared!

If they just wanted a party for family and friends and to exchange vows despite being legally married already, I wouldn't have cared!

Ok, I would have cared a little. It would have been sad, but I wouldn't have written a whole post about it.

And it's baffling to me that someone of Torah values wants me to just ignore the fact that my irreligious family is basically laughing off the whole religious thing as a meme and not something of deep significance for our people.

Intermarriage, especially when it comes to the offspring who THINK they are Jewish but ARE NOT has ramifications***. It literally would have been better if she'd never attempted a conversion at all. Because at least then there'd be honesty, and their kids would know they're not Jewish. This entire thing is built on sheker.

My aunt was literally laughing at the fact that they'd have to remind the non-Jewish relatives to not add crab to a crab cake for a bris. Like, whatttt!?

Just as an aside, these are the same relatives who, when LittleBean was barely a year old and LilSis took her out of her onesie and put her in a bib so she could eat without making a mess at a family event, started making strip club sounds, whooping, and pretending to fling dollar bills. AT AN 11 MONTH OLD.

So, I'm sorry you're offended by my take on the situation. As I said, my content is not for everyone. It's not meant to be and most people won't even read it, so I couldn't really care less.

But all of this was also coming from someone who posts condescending, negative stuff ALL. THE. TIME.

I guess the only difference is that she... doesn't use the hashtag jumblr? Cuz it's not like any of her content isn't public and can't be found by irreligious Jews on tumblr and associated with Orthodoxy or anything... *insert confused shrug gif here*

I could post examples, but I'm trying to be respectful of her block and not cause further machlokes. (Lawd, give me strength...)

Regardless, my message to her from my second account was basically combatting the claim that she had responded to posts of mine in the past ("the lie detector determined THAT was a lie").

I mentioned that it seemed like due to that fact alone that something I wrote was a trigger for her and I was willing to have an actual conversation about why she was triggered. (Mostly for my own edification. My intention with my posts isn't to trigger people and although I'm not responsible for their mental health, if there's something I can do to improve the way I express things I'm open to hearing about it, whether or not I choose to implement it later.)

And I said that if she wasn't interested we could chock it all up to a difference of view and opinion and move on with our lives.

I also mentioned that I bear no ill will towards my relatives who mock the Torah, nor do I bear ill will towards her for her responses towards me and my post.

I started with "Hiya" and ended with "K'siva v'chasima tova." I all-capsed some words to emphasise my points, but think it was otherwise a respectful message.

But she instead hit back with: You can't see my previous comments on your posts *because I've blocked you.* Bizarre that you recognized that was the reason for replies to one post disappearing but didn't make the connection to the rest. Regardless, I don't think you're actually open to having an actual conversation about this topic if your only interpretation of a non-Orthodox rendition of a Jewish wedding is one of "mocking."

No "hi," no "clearly we're both defensive of our positions" or anything, just straight in with a thinly veiled "you're an idiot."

Because it's not like I'm smart enough to use a second account where her comments ARE visible to check and see if she's commented on any of my other posts or anything... Nope, I'm just a moron. Mkay.

Also, I have more than one interpretation of non-Orthodox renditions of Jewish weddings. It literally depends on the context. If they'd been respectful, I would have too. But hon, you weren't there. Soooo.... yeah, my interpretation was the same as my non-denomination GayUncle and his lapsed CatholicHusband's interpretation - it was a sham. Seems there was a consensus among at least a few of us about that, and we don't have remotely the same values or world views at all.

Hell, I once went to a Bucharian wedding for two baalei teshuva who don't have frum families that was vastly different from anything I'd ever experienced before and even THAT made more sense to me that the disjointed mess I experienced this past Sunday.

She then said: These people were not raised with your knowledge base or experiences. They are just getting through life the best they can, and the fact that they ACTUALLY BOTHERED TO HAVE A JEWISH WEDDING instead of doing something completely disconnected from Judaism or letting the legal wedding be the beginning and end of it should show you that they...actually do care. The jump from "these people aren't doing things how I would do them" to "these people hate and mock Judaism" is an absurdly and depressingly cynical one and I just don't think there's a productive conversation to be had if that's how you think about these things.

They "actually do care" about... what?

If they "actually do care" they'd do things properly. And by properly I mean traditionally. And by traditionally I mean the way that even my non-denominational GayUncle and his lapsed CatholicHusband recognize as correct.

They are not "just getting through life the best they can." They're doing things "uniquely."

I mean, you wanna talk privilege... that's it right there, babe.

But I'm open to a "change my mind" segment. Just because I view things in an "absurdly and depressingly cynical" way doesn't mean that with a conversation I couldn't be swayed to see things her way.

Unfortunately, she chose anger and hostility and to block me instead.

Like, babe, you don't know my life.

You've clearly never cared enough to chime in before, so I guess what I've written previously wasn't so offensive as to incite a response from you in the past. But ok.

There was no "hey, this sounds incredibly negative, are you sure this is content you want to put out into the world?"

Or "I don't know if you're aware, but this is directed at a large audience who probably don't see things the same way and you may want to change how you phrase things."

Or "just so you know, these kinds of views may not be well received by the people who use these hashtags, so you may want to change or remove them."

It was just "you're an awful person for the way you see things."

Which means you don't know my lived experiences or what has caused me to have this outlook on life.

You know what's a great way to learn those things? By having an actual conversation. *shocked pikachu face*

But no, she's way happier dismissing me entirely.

And you know what, that's fine. Because again, this content is not for everyone and it's clearly not for her. For everything else, there's Mastercard.

So, if you read this far, then maybe this is the content for you. If so, welcome! I'd love to have you here. Just be warned, a lot of it is dark and often cynical.

Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions on what I have to say. Or don't. Ghosts are also welcome!

And if you've read this far and decided this greeting card isn't for you, just stick it back on the rack and move along. That's really ok too.

-LivelyHeart

--------

***I wanted to add this into the post, but it didn't really match with the flow. There was a story that came out of Israel like a year or so ago about a family of missionaries posing as Jews. And based on what I read and heard, it seems that the way they were able to infiltrate the frum community was by receiving a gett.

I don't recall all the details exactly, but I think the husband had been married previously or something and he was able to acquire a gett for a marriage that didn't have a kesuba, but he was then able to use that gett as proof of being a religious Jew that then allowed him to not only make aliyah, but also end up in a position as a community rav and mohel. So, this non-Jewish, Christian missionary with a frum-looking wife and children with peyos was giving brissim to frum boys.

So when I say these kinds of things have ramifications, I'm being 10000% serious.

WifeLizzy IS NOT JEWISH. But she thinks she is. Which means their children will believe they're Jewish too. This is no joke. Who even knows what kind of ripples that will have on future generations?

Literally, Moshiach now.

#this space left intentionally blank

[bcacstuff]

Thanks for answering all my questions with so much detail. Saves me asking multiple more. I have a question I’m hoping you can answer. I’m fairly new to Tumblr, new to the OL fandom or whatever you might call it. But on tumblr specifically it’s obvious there are groups. What I don’t get is why some will outright block someone if you’re not in agreement with their views OR if you’re unknown. For instance, I’ve not posted anything except reblogged a couple things. That’s it. I didn’t realize you could hide who you follow at first, but have been blocked by people FOR DOING NOTHING BUT READING their blogs. I read many. From many different points of view. How else is one to get information from a time when I wasn’t around? It’s mind blowing to me. I always go to your blog first. You always have great info and straightforward answers. Thx.

Thank you for writing to me Anon. Really like your message and happy to answer your questions.

I think I best answer this question by telling, from my very own experience how I came to end up here myself. By doing about the same you do right now. Reading on a lot of different blogs and platforms, reading several views and trying to draw my own conclusions from it. It's, imo, a healthy habit to read more than one view on things, it gives you a broader view.

I think for me it started on Twitter, end of 2019. If I remember correct, one of the first tweets I saw of him was when he arrived in Paris for the Landcon and getting shite on his hat by a bird. I just looked him up on Twitter, didn't follow him but was curious.

When I looked again, I encountered my first experience of the downside of this fandom. It was during Nola, when a fan was invited on the podium for a little game with the cast, in particular with SH. She made a sort of gesture when she stood behind him, looking like she touched his butt. Someone caught it on video from an angle where it looked like she did. And boy, whole Twitter went bullocks about it. They quickly found out who she was, and the woman was bullied and slaughtered right in front of my eyes. It blew my mind away... Little later on, it turned out she didn't touch him at all, just made a gesture in jest. Another video surfaced from another angle showing that nothing happened. And [here it comes, pay attention!], yes even S came on Twitter to defend the fan saying nothing happened. Still the woman was deteriorated and bullied of of Twitter while I was just watching the whole storm.

Well, that was my first experience and I was wise enough not to interfere, no matter how wrong I thought it was. I shook my head and focused on what was going on in the rest of the world. China was building extra hospitals in a week time while scientists started giving out louder and louder warnings that there was something very wrong with this virus and we all should be prepared.

I watched the OL S5 premiere and a fair bit of interviews about it. Didn't had any particular thoughts about it. But was interested in the show, the story. I started reading the books after discovering the show. Meanwhile, the virus threat was building up, hit Europe, Italy was first and I felt more and more concerned by it. Traveling was discouraged and after spring break we had an outbreak in the Netherlands ourselves. People coming home from ski trips in Italy and people celebrating carnival spread the virus in my country.

And that's where I started to wonder about S, gallivanting around in Portland, Mexico and promoting his BS movie. Theaters were already closing here, other movies that planned to release about that time postponed the release. And there he was still promoting and encouraging people to go to the theater to see his movie. Little by little I saw here and there some tweets, voices that said, this isn't good, this isn't going to end well. But they were silenced by his ardent fans and ... by him, when he RT-d not only the fans that happily tweeted risking their lives by going to the theater for his movie, but also a news article he seemed to have found on apple news, stating the virus was 'just a bad flu'.

That's when more and more people on Twitter came out to set him straight and telling him what was going on in Europe, people dying, corpses on the street in Italy because they had not enough capacity, hospitals, healthcare workers, mortuaries... Meanwhile the WHO already called the issue a global pandemic. Europe went in lockdown, governments calling their citizens to travel back home and stay home. I canceled my (first) birthday in lockdown.

Then he had a Q&A on Twitter, it was then when Nuria asked him innocently where he was spending his confinement.

And it all blew up when Pooks responded...

He was getting flak for it, more and more. He already had it after RT-ing the 'just a flu' article, but now the voices were louder (and perhaps not always that decent...)

There was one tweet that was rather rude and disrespectful (I don't have a screenshot of it) but he received many more to which he could have responded. He chose to respond to the most rude one though...

And set the example to block all that criticized him for going on a vacation during a pandemic.

Meanwhile I discovered Tumblr, as one of his ardent fans was tweeting not to go there cause they only spread venom and hate. I never heard of it, really! But don't tell me to 'not' go read somewhere, it only triggers my curiosity to find out myself if it is worth to read there or not... and so that's where I started doing exactly what you are doing Anon. Reading on several blogs, lurking actually. I didn't even had an account and wasn't planning to create one.

I started to find out about different groups that were quite aggressive to people with other opinions, something that turned me off but nevertheless I gave it the merit of my time to form my own opinion. I was quite appalled to see what was going on on Twitter, the bullying on both sides actually and the aggressive discussions. I found this corner where there was more wit and discussions, though sometimes a little heated were more fun. And I found the more broader view on things that were going on with him as well as in the fandom.

At one point I created an account, still wasn't planning to take part in it all but now and then I felt safe to comment and after all, we were all in lockdown, no theaters, no concerts, no shopping for fun... so 🤷‍♀️

I had a steep learning curve about all the groups, not only here but also in the rest of the fandom and on other platforms. I learned quickly how some bloggers have been searched out and exposed on other blogs of an opposing opinion. So in an early stage I learned not give away too much about my private life, even though I've always exercised restraint of what I put out on the net about myself and with whom to share it.

I know some people also in this corner, block people for not having content on their blog or following certain accounts. Most that I know do this because of a self protection, they've been doxxed. I've been warned to do the same, and be careful, but I don't block in general. Only a few that have proven not to be able to comment in a respectful way on my blog to me or other bloggers that comment on my blogs. I want to keep this a blog where people can differ in opinion and still feel safe to express their opinion. I can however understand that bloggers take precautions to not get doxxed and abused.

I've also been blocked by many, while not even having read their blogs, never went there nor interfered. Bloggers that spread lists about bloggers that, in their opinion need to be blocked, on the list several because they were following me. I don't know what they try to achieve with that honestly. Is it something similar to sticking your head in the sand in order to hope something that is out there goes away? It's pointless and of some childish behaviour imo. It's mindblowing to me too Anon, but that's what this fandom is. Though not everyone is as ardent, and perhaps when people block you because you follow someone not to their liking, they probably are not worth the time of day for you.

[tenelkadjowrites]

i know i gave up on hongmullet, but it served. hwa's red era was so short and unexpected, feels like a fever dream, i often forget it happened then i see a photo or a video and suddenly i remember 😳

twitter is really the worst, tik tok too tho i don't use it. tumblr has its flaws but i've been her for ages, it's my swamp at this point, i won't leave. it also doesn't have a lot of minors and no offense but i don't wanna see opinions of 16 year olds and i definitely don't wanna interact with them and see them simp 🙅🏼‍♀️

ohhhh i used to be a proof reader so i get you! i also wrote articles people requested so it wasn't very fulfilling. taking requests feels like too much pressure and it's unnecessary when you have enough ideas on your own and you have to meet so many expectations, some requests are very specific and detailed too

understandable about not sharing a lot of personal things on this blog, and you have another tumblr account correct? makes sense you wanna keep this one more, hmm let's say professional. like me on twt i kept my hwa account strictly seonghwa related, barely stated my opinions cause that wasn't the purpose of it, also didn't want people to say shit since the account gained quite a lot of followers. i was being myself on my main.

interesting point about not listing fic influences etc, i never thought about it this way! personally i like when writers share some behind the scenes, but i like to read them after i read the fic so it's just a bonus

omg 3 parts? gotta buckle up for that

i also don't use tiktok cuz i have adhd and i know it'll be a time sink of which i won't come back from lol. and yeah, tumblr is just my ideal place right now, i don't wanna interact with minors especially given what i write so i prefer it here vs twitter where, esp kpop side of things, feel like it is full of minors.

and yes, absolutely nothing against requests but i just try to write what i want when i want to write it and i worry by doing requests my work might not be as good? if it's an idea i feel like i have to write, then it shifts back more to that job feeling than a passion project and i worry it'll be bad. i like the freedom of this blog and of writing whatever i would like to write.

yes, i have a main tumblr at @hologramhoneymoon - i just reblog a lot of stuff on there, kpop stuff, movie stuff, things that hit a spot in my brain that i like, etc. i like having this blog separate from that so i can keep this just for the fics and have the other one for my messy, chaotic way of reblogging lol. and that way if ppl really don't wanna see that stuff and just want fics, they don't have to worry about their dashes being clogged up with random stuff. it keeps a sort of barrier up between myself and this blog in which i oftentimes think of myself as a little ghost or cloud that runs it. i post my stuff, i answer or talk to anyone who chimes in, and i leave.

if you ever have any specific fic questions, i can answer them, it isn't a problem - i just am super shy and don't wanna assume ppl care or burst any meaning a reader might have put on the fic from their own heart/brain if that makes sense? so i'd answer them but i'd just put them behind a cut so ppl can skip them if they want and also because i love the false sense of control i feel putting things behind a cut like i am ~hiding lol.

i'm hoping to post part two sometime later this week cuz i am still wrapping up part three and have to edit part two lol.

#asks