#really my entire adult life

[humans-are-tasty]

#marshall d. teach #blackbeard #blackbeard pirates #one piece #whitebeard pirates #my art #so sometimes i think about how teach stayed on WB ship for close to 30 years #now i know he was fighting and doing his part but still he never tried particularly hard and he was basically living under his dads roof #for his entire adult life #and would have continued to do so if not for the yami yami no mi #anyway after talking with a friend it got me thinking about him as a neet so there #really loose concept and this is just me procrastinating but kind of funny i thought #neet au #about marco since someone mentioned. since he was ship dr and 1st commaner i wouldnt consider him a neet #marco had a lot of responsibilities while teach was just a regular member #so marco would be the more mature and successful older bro #anyway with this i finally drew bb with tired eye bags #like this man doesnt sleep. he should look tired as hell #i feel like im going crazy #i want to draw highschool luffy and discord mod teach having a brawl on the street

[bogkeep]

idk why there's so much discussion around the ~*morality of traumadumping*~ when it's a VERY solvable social conundrum. all you need to do is ask something like "hey is it ok if i talk about this thing? it's kind of heavy" and respect the answer

#it's both very normal and good to talk to people about stuff that's weighing on you #AND it can be very uncomfortable to have someone unload a lot of really heavy things at you at once without warning #this is not a zero sum game? #????????????? #i guess sometimes the problem is that ppl have a different measure for what counts as 'traumadumping' #i personally associate it w the time i was a volunteer at a summer camp and one of the teens asked me if they could get my advice #and when i was like yeah sure they proceeded to tell me their entire life story which involved several deaths and horrible things #which left me in a very awkward position of Um What Did You Want My Advice For Specifically #but like i was fine!! i was the Responsible Adult who had signed up for this #and they were a teen who needed someone to listen to them!!

[blujayonthewing]

if a human asks a gnome when gnomes reach adulthood, they'll probably pin it somewhere between 20 and 40, depending on how they're interpreting the question; if an elf asks, they'll say "oh, we don't"

#speaking of 'getting mad because people don't meaningfully engage with fantasy lifespans' #EVERYONE overlooks the cultural nuance in dnd that elves are /physically/ mature not much later than humans #but are not considered an adult until some self-declared point of maturity usually around the age of 100 #that is. DIFFERENT. than 'a 50 year old elf is basically a literal child' no it ISN'T! it's a CULTURAL RECOGNITION #elves don't think it's possible for humans to mature into a really meaningful adulthood because they literally don't live long enough #'poor things have to settle down and work and marry and have children and die before they can even figure themselves out :/' #gnomes don't subscribe to this because of course they don't it's a cultural viewpoint but also they largely think it's stupid #oh yeah? you're all done growing up after 100 years? nothing left to learn about yourself as a person? #you Become An Adult when you're Wise And Mature which is a single static thing that happens in the first 1/6th of your life? #wow amazing it must be cool to be so enlightened 🙄 #... I need a general worldbuilding musing tag agsjkfdhsj #I guess for now #gnome thoughts #it's almost entirely elf thoughts but that's my only relevant established tag :'D #gnome stuff

[fruitsyrups]

I think it's so interesting to think about the unique social implications of things on the islands. Like, the animal hats & how they originally existed for the practical purpose of protection & they kept wearing them even after that wasn't a factor anymore. & how the hats we see in the present day (when Finn & co visit the islands) don't really resemble animal hats, do they? & maybe that's just to make the significant human characters (who do still wear animal hats) seem more distinct but you best believe I'm going to make it into something bigger. Oh I'm so bad at putting my thoughts into words but it's something how the hats evolved into a new meaning. & when robo susan rips friedas hat off its like a very violating moment. Something something hats, the lack thereof, vulnerability. I don't know. Sorry. I was going somewhere with this but I don't know how to explain it. You get it though. Hats are interesting.

I like to think that (when everyone got sick and lots of them died and the rest moved to a new island) there was a bunch of small shifts & the animal -> abstract hats was one of them. And Frieda still wearing her dog hat shows her still holding onto the past in some way. There we go, that's something. This isn't a total nothing post after all

#like if only i could write my dream longfic about susan&frieda with big focus on frieda's relationship with the islands especially after #susans betrayal (using the word betrayal lightly because of course it wasnt her fault but i think that was the way it felt to frieda) #and susan reconciling her childhood memories with the life shes built for herself #its so interestinggg theyre so inferesting 😭 #bc theyve both got 2 perspectives all on their own. the one they had growing up and the one they have as an adult #frieda wanting freedom and then 'accepting' not having it... and susan being all about upholding the system #and then having that taken away from her by literally losing her memory. and gaining a whole new perspective entirely divorced from her old #one. soorry im just saying a whole lot of words. anyways #thats my dream introspective dual character study longfic that i would write if i could #but alas i cannot even write a shortfic. and ive got tooo much schoolwork i need to catch up with anyway #sorry but the islands are SO FUCKING UNDERRATED??!? under-talked about. its crazy im crazy seriously they gave us all these crumbs #and can u really expect me NOT to think about it just so much. im still thinking about it #<- only thinks about it somdtimes #i get overwhelmed when i think about things im like unironically bad at thinking

[sleaterkinnie]

adults in my house arguing at toddler level with zero maturity and 100% pettiness and making the rest of the house stressed and have to walk on eggshells and im tempted to just go on a walk to get food and turn off my phone and not tell anyone where I am or that I'm leaving and freak them out so badly that they lock in and focus on the real world and its problems instead of themselves and some ridiculous beef that could've been a constructive conversation

#my entire life ive been surrounded by adults who do nothing but scream and argue abt shit that could've been a simple conversation #and girl!!!! im EXHAUSTED!!!! #like yall are really not normal this is not normal behavior. get therapy and leave me out of it youre making me wanna go to work for fun

[raccooncityriots]

Honestly the people saying that they’re sorry to SEED fans because the movie feels like a teen drama fanfic is sending me, guys did you watch the series. I was expecting nothing less.

#even with its faults ​SEED/Destiny will always have a place in my heart #SEED was my introduction into Gundam as a kid #it was such a bonding point between my brother and so many of my friends #it was the entire start of my friendship with Ariel #I bought my junior prom dress because it was the same color as cagalli’s dress #I’ve read my gundam seed fanfiction than I have read any other series #the hours I used to spend looking at fanart and in Rp communities because of it #it really shaped a lot of my life #I’ve watched the series start to finish easily 15 times #and while as an adult I can say it’s no longer my favorite series and the writing is questionable at best #I still love it #I’m so excited for the movie #it has 3 lover triangles?? two of which they made up just to cause needless drama for the movie? #a two seater gundam that I’m pretty sure is going to have no reason to be two seater other than for romantic reasons #I heard someone say athrun and Kira both punch shin in the face because they’re mad at each other and he tells them to calm down #and I don’t even know if that’s a joke or not but that’s the level of ff.net bullshit we’re on let’s fucckin goooooo

[sonknuxadow]

"x character would HATE y character!!" as if mario isn’t the closest thing sonic has to a dad after vector

literally people are always saying mario and sonic are enemies. no theyre not mario and luigi are literally sonic and tails' uncles . i know them personally and they told me

#i dont really think vector is a dad to sonic though i think if anything hes like . one day vector just goes #''oh my god im the only person above the age of 18 in this entire friend group. and most of these guys dont even have parents #or any sort of responsible adult figure in their life. well . time to activate cool big brother/uncle figure mode i guess'' #even though hes like barely an adult and doesnt exactly have his shit together either #asks

[termagax]

i hate to make the cr thing sound like a dumb ship war but they canonically had beauregard confess to being in love with her best friend, the party member she was objectively closest to and had the best chemistry with, to whom she was the turning point for her entire major character arc, and then immediately walked it back to pair them up with the characters they flirted with in episode 1 and had no chemistry with. and then spent the rest of the series making arguably lesbiphobic jokes about it.

#NO CHEMISTRY AND IN JESTERS CASE SHE HAS AN ENTIRE ARC ABOUT HOW SHE DIDNT ACTUALLY WANT TO BE WITH #THE GUY THEY PAIRED HER WITH. LIKE SHE HAD A WHOLE ARC LIKE WOW IM PROJECTING ONTO FJORD BECAUSE I WANT A STORYBOOK #ROMANCE BECAUSE ITS WHAT I BELIEVED I NEEDED TO BE A REAL ADULT WITH A FUFILLING LIFE NOT BECAUSE OF ANYTHING ABOUT HIM #AND WHEN HE RETURNED MY ADVANCES I WAS UNCOMFORTABLE BECAUSE I DONT ACTUALLY WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM #I WONDER WHAT THIS COULD POSSIBLY INDICATE ABOUT MYSELF AND HOW I SEE RELATIONSHIPS. HOW DO I FIND WHAT I REALLY WANT. BEAU YOUR MUSCLES #LOOK REALLY GOOD TODAY. BEAU IM SORRY EVERYONE SAYS YOURE MEAN I DONT THINK YOURE MEAN. BEAU YOURE THE ONLY PERSON I FEEL LIKE IM ALLOWED #TO BE MYSELF AROUND BEAU YOU MAKE ME FEEL FREE TO EXPRESS MESSY EMOTIONS THAT SCARE ME BEAU LETS GET MATCHING TATTOOS #and then. wimp.womp shes back with fjord because for some reason weve decided beaujester isnt a viable endgame option :T

[sleebyfrogs]

Okay so just imagine like. You’re just a little guy. You have no parents and your grandfather who raised you has always disparaged and disapproved of the very fact that you exist, for reasons utterly beyond your control. People enjoy your presence because you’re polite and charming the same way they enjoy flowers in spring, which is to say in passing and ultimately without any real connection.

And then you meet this guy who is just like. obsessed with you. He always wants to be around you and he derives true joy from it without you having to say anything funny or clever or lie for politeness’ sake. He creates art that he loves of you and because of you. Indirectly, you are suddenly able to put joy and beauty into the world, anything into the world, because you inspire him. You never imagined you would leave any kind of footprint the way things were before, because nothing you had was meaningful or lasting. And he flatters you dreadfully, he tells you how incredibly beautiful you are, and whether you realise it or not, you can feel that at least part of this value that he has found in you, that he has given you, comes from that beauty.

And then one day you meet his friend, who is older than you and cooler than you and a lord, and so witty and eloquent that you struggle just trying to keep track of whatever the fuck he’s talking about (and he always sounds like he knows everything about it), and he’s been this guy’s friend much longer than you have, and he also compliments you on your beauty and so seemingly that is the only quality of any worth that you possess, right? And then he waxes on and on about how it’s the only thing worth having and explains that what you have is actually incredibly valuable and fragile and precious, and that you are inevitably going to lose it and there’s nothing you can do. And also he says all this while you’re having your gay awakening because he’s sweet-talking you in a way you’ve never experienced and it’s uhhhhh it’s something. So then while you’re having a complete existential crisis over this your mutual friend calls you over to show you the most exquisite painting you’ve ever seen in your life and it’s of you. You didn’t know you could be so beautiful to anyone, you didn’t know he could create anything so beautiful, you didn’t know beauty on this level could even be captured in art. And that’s how he sees you, continually, without you having to make any effort to please him? Just to be yourself is enough to have inspired this incredible thing? You might cry. And then you realise he created it here and now and of you because on this particular day of June, you are twenty years old, and young, and pretty, and once you age out of that, you will lose the one thing anyone has ever valued in you, and surely also his interest, and you will be alone again, and worthy of nothing and no one. And because you’re also twenty years old and privileged and inexperienced you’ve never learned any capacity for nuanced thoughts and say things that are incredibly rash and stupid and regrettable.

So I’m not saying Dorian did nothing wrong but I am saying in his position I’d definitely have been a vain and terrified idiot too

#The Picture of Dorian Gray #LISTEN. My other point is that yes he should have known better but he was never given the chance to learn how to make those better decisions #The world and people that should have prepared him to be a wiser adult navigating a more complex world failed and neglected him #So in that position with the life he’d had behind him he could *never* have made a different choice even though his past was full of so many #opportunities for him to learn that if only anyone had actually given it the time of day to teach him #Yes Dorian was selfish and cruel and stupid and that is his fault #But it was also wrong of the people in his life not to have shown and taught him how to be anything else #And that’s really what makes him a very tragic character to me #Because all these things that he couldn’t control came together by sheer chance and made him an offer he had no means to refuse #and no idea he was even agreeing to #and it set him up perfectly to ruin his entire life and the lives of so many around him #Doriginal #Lord that was. an Essay and now it’s 4am girl help #Yes it was still a fight he could have won and he lost anyway. #but I do think it’s more than a little unfair that no one who was meant to ever gave him a sword.

[irregularbillcipher]

also found a doodle of kryptos’ “suspiciously unmarried uncle” who i mentioned in my post yesterday. dont think he’s ever gonna show up in my fic proper, but he has been mentioned twice so far, and a few times in future chapters— he’s the one who sends andy birthday money

#rene is a character i think about a lot tbh even though he will never make a physical appearance in my fic #he's the only positive famliy figure andy has but he also like... never comes over and (understandably) spends as little time as possible #around his horrible father and horrible brother in law and less awful but still not very kind sister so he just avoids the entire family #so he also just... doesn't spend time with his nephew and doesn't realize just how much kryptos needs like. a nice family figure #he sends birthday money and is actually genuinely affectionate on the very rare instances andy sees him #but he's not even close to being a constant enough figure in his life for him to be an actual trusted adult #he's also a doctor who deals with irregularity so there's that distance because andy doesn't... particularly trust irregularity doctors! #rene himself is like... more compassionate than the average doctor who 'treats' irregulars and attempts to be as 'decent' as he can be #but that only really goes so far y'know. especially when you're still working within a horrible system #which rene very much is #and it's genuinely great for the occasional patient whose life he improves but he is also complicit in SO many horrible things #and kryptos is just.. aware of that so there's always been that bit of distance especially since he befriended bill #my art

[ordinarytalk]

I FINALLY QUALIFY FOR PUBLIC SERVICE LOAN FORGIVENESS

My initial student loan was $54,935.92.

I paid over $30,887.83*

My loan is currently at $51,756.93.

I thought I had made all 120 qualifying payments last year. I had to submit and resubmit the PSLF application multiple times, because it kept getting sent back because of problems with how my employers signed the form. It turned out some of the payments didn't qualify, so I had to stick with helljob for at least another year.

I definitely had made 120 qualifying payments this year, so I sent the application in December 2023.

Just got notified now that I have made all qualifying payments. I've made three extra payments, even.

"After we receive the approval, it may take up to 90 business days to process this information."

Three more months of helljob, because I still don't trust this is going to go through and I don't want to quit until I know my loans are gone. I do not have anything lined up after helljob, and I'm terrified of losing my helljob health insurance because I got medical complications. But I hate helljob. I hate helljob so much and my first emotion waking every workday is despair.

At least the loan payments have been paused until the reimbursement is processed. Theoretically I should get reimbursed for the extra payments, too.

* This was only my qualifying payments. The total amount I paid was higher. The website isn't showing me the non-qualifying payments and I have to submit a formal request to get my full payment history. I submitted the request, but it will take a few days to be sent to me.

#This has been a nightmare btw #why yes higher education in the US is a huge scam and utterly inaccessible to most people rn #This wasn't even all of my loans I also got a private loan that I paid off years ago with help from family #I'm one of the LUCKY ones and this ruined my life #student loans #us higher education #what really makes me want to strangle my past self is that I only took these loans because I wanted to be a doctor #like I actually had my bachelor's degree paid off. I didn't need to do this to myself. #But I wanted to be a doctor so I gambled my entire future without realizing I was even gambling let alone that the game was rigged #and I lost it all. Didn't even make med school. #Every single adult I asked for advice on higher education or loans told me 'you're smart and you'll figure it out don't worry' #I've always been a gullible sucker #personal stuff #pslf #public service loan forgiveness

[dngrcpckwithmurdericing]

Having a serious George Michael moment at two am.

#we're having serious family problems #the kind you should call the cops about if you trust the cops #instead i called my dad #i have never asked him for anything #not in like thirty years #and i begged him to come as soon as he can in the morning #i can't be the only adult here anymore #and my abusive dad who has religious delusions is my only option #and for literally the first time in my entire fucking life he's coming to help me #i think i scared him with my crying #i don't think he's ever seen me cry in like the last thirty years or so #i am terrified though #so I'm listening to George Michael because he and Elton are the most comforting music i can think of right now #maybe I'll add some Madonna to this playlist #anyway everything is hard right now and i truly don't know what to do when the systems society has in place for this aren't an option #and my cats are like an hour away #i really might delete this later #I'm just so upset??? #i needed to write it out for a third time in a third place

[theerurishipper]

Breaking my silence because my childhood is ending.

Idk how to feel about this info if I'm being honest. The new designs look good, the new protagonists look like good beans and I think that it is time for a change. Even I'm not sure what more they could have done with Ash anymore. And if I'm being honest, this really is the best place to leave off. Journeys wasn't the best, but that goes to show just how much they didn't know what to do anymore. And at the 25 year mark? This was going to happen. I'm glad we get the 11 episodes to wrap it up and I am going to cherish those.

On the other hand... Ash and Pikachu are my childhood. The reason I kept on with the Pokeani. The characters who were there for me through some really hard times in my life. I've always looked up to them. Two of my most beloved fictional characters, silly as it sounds. I know the Pokeani brings back companions, but this is the end. They're all just gone. This really sounds stupid, I know, but it's how it is. They were my entire reason for watching, and if they're not there? I don't think I want to keep watching. I'll probably check in on the anime every now and then, but other than that? I think I'm done.

This is the end of a journey for me, I suppose. Kind of bittersweet. I've been with this anime for so long, it's hard to see it all come to an end. But Ash is leaving, and Pikachu is leaving, and I'm leaving with them. I always just assumed that the anime would always be there for me because there's no way they would actually retire Ash and Pikachu, but I guess nothing lasts. They had a good run. I had a good run. It's time to let go now. Their journey is over, and mine ends with them.

So thank you, Ash and Pikachu, for the memories and happiness you gave me during my tough times. You helped me through it. Every character gave someone somewhere in the world so much happiness, and you deserve to be thanked for it. So goodbye, you guys, and thank you for everything.

#Pokemon #Pokeani #Anipoke #Ash #Pikachu #Ash Ketchum #Satoshi #My meta #Listen #I know it's just a kids show #But damn it it's been there for me my entire life #I'm really sad to see them go #I'm sure the new kids will be great protagonists #But I won't be around to watch it #My one wish is that they don't make Ash an adult if they cameo him in the new one #Fuck no please don't do it #Holy shit I am actually devastated #I might cry #I usually never cry #Fuck

[strawberrybabydog]

being The Most mentally ill really sucks cuz when u meet other mentally ill people they think they can fix you

ive never seen anyone talk about this before but. this kind of thing really fucks me up. im basically the perfect "i can fix them" storm - im severely mentally ill, almost non-functioning (meaning i have no independance/rely on trusting others for my care and safety) people-pleasing, & the best part is, i'm an infinite source of "playing therapist" because of how unlikely i am to recover anymore. better yet, i already identify as a dog so the whole not-seeing-me-as-a-real-person thing is something you wont need to install yourself

also -- to be clear, what im talking about isnt my friends giving me advice. im talking about a specific cycle where,

i display symptoms of mental illness > my friend, somehow thinking theyre helping me, tries to pressure me into a decision thats not good for me > i say "hey this isnt good for me" > they say "yes it is otherwise you clearly want the bad things that happen to you" > they get angry with me, tell me to my face that my trauma is all my fault and i had 100% control over it and i control every aspect of my life so if im sad its obviously because im not trying hard enough etc etc

shit like this is part of why i think im gonna give up completely on making friends. 1/4-ish people ive been friends with have done this to me & i dont just dont want to try anymore. its not worth being objectified and infantilized & on top of that blamed for the worst things that have ever happened to me

#help #this is gonna seem like im vagueing someone but im not this has literally happened to me for my entire teen and adult life #this happened to me with 4 different people in 1 year once #but like this happens to other mentally ill people right? or people with trauma anyways #usually they focus on ptsd #in my experience they try to force you to do things that trigger you really hard usually in the name of exposure therapy #and u look at them like. um who gave u a liscense to practice lol #and the worst part is u never know theyre doing it until ur already close with them #cuz OBVIOUSLY they wont ask you if you want their #they just assume youre too incompetent to make that decision and make it for you /srs #not dog #personal #big feelings

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

hey friends is it normal to just feel. numb. because I think that maybe it is not. but what would I know anyway.

#really tho it’s like I can barely feel anything anymore. idk if it’s stress?? depression?? #the enormous weight of adult life suddenly and unexpectedly crashing down on me with the weight of the entire planet?? #I used to feel so *much* all the time and now I feel like I can barely feel anything at all… #and everyone around me is living life so much and I’m just here feeling like I can barely keep up with conversations as they’re happening #I’m tired… I feel like God is a far away idea that I’m struggling to hold onto… I feel like my mind is a bent and jumbled mess #like I grabbed hold of it and tried to crush it into the shape I thought it should be and now all I’ve got is a broken frame #I /know/ who I am and what I believe. I /know/ what my life is. but I don’t feel anything. #the only time I feel anything is sometimes when we’re singing at church I just cry at the sense of glory of something I can’t touch #and sometimes I shake with fear at the thought that I’ve ruined everything that could’ve ever been good about me #I’m oversharing on the internet again but I just don’t know what to do. I’m so tired. I want to see something beautiful and feel #the weight and glory of it again. but I feel like I can’t. all I feel is numbness. #I feel like I could sleep for months but every time I wake up I never feel refreshed. and I’ve been having bad dreams too. #adulthood kinda does suck can I please go back to being 5 #gurt says stuff #personal

[viktoriamagrey]

So much of being an adult is realizing that, contrary to what you were taught, a lot of the time, you can just say "I've had enough of this" walk away, and deal with the consequences.

#The last part is important because being an adult (healthy human being really) is also about responsibility. #Making decisions like that without gauging the consequences screws you up. #But believing that your entire life hinges on being shackled to what you once said or thought you had to do- #Or on doing things that are really not the end of the world if you don't do them- #Is a very bad way to view things that stifles your own life and agency. #text post #my text #my thoughts #original text post #one of my least original posts. #but whateeeverrrrrr! <3