#reasons I want to stay alive

[erregiulydraws]

*thinks about vol 19’s sleeve illustration*

*thinks about vol 19’s sleeve illustration*

*thinks abo

Bonus:

#jshk #toilet bound hanako kun #tbhk #tsukasa yugi #jibaku shonen hanako kun #i was not planning on drawing HIM again but i have had realizations #i've been wondering about why he would be wearing traditional clothes when they are something he probably never wore when he was alive #turns out that's kind of the point #it's funerary wear #he has been sleeping in a literal coffin for 50 years #that's why his fingers are greenish too! and why he resembles a ghost despite being a yorishiro #because that's how hanako sees him #as a dead person #the person HE killed #at the same time he's alive just enough for the tought of erasing him to feel like murdering him again #also unrelated but i love how aidairo suddenly decided yes his eyes work exactly like a cat. there is no reason for this btw #also can't be sure this was intentional but the way his shirt stays slightly open on his chest kinda resembles a slit...like a knife wound #anyway i hate him i wanted to draw mitsukou /hj

[writinggremlin]

How's about a whumpee who desires pain?

A whumpee who wants to be stressed and panicked and hurt. Everything's been too good for too long, and maybe that frustrates them a little bit.

Why do they feel this way? They don't know. All they do know, is that that risky and/or hurtful scenario is looking quite tempting.

If nobody's going to make them worse, they'll do it themself.

#whump #angst #whumpblr #whumpee #caretaker #whump prompt #whump prompts #whump ideas #whump idea #kinda going through it rn ngl. dont really get why. probably just need to sleep. i did stay up super late last night ngl lol #I think i just kinda wanna feel alive y'know? i yearn for the pain of my heart squeezing in my chest. I want a problem. i want pressure. #eh. doesn't matter. like I said- I'm probably just tired. if somebody's seeing this for some reason- I hope you're having a lovely day/night #imma go to sleep now lol. night!

[angelmush]

i got a goose tattooed on the inside of my forearm today and it was a flash piece but it's my favorite tattoo already it means everything to me i could sob

#i love geese so much and so deeply i named my dog after them #goose is my black dragon dog and my loyal faithful companion and my entire world #i just love these birds #they are so misunderstood as aggressive and scary when really they just are sensitive to spatial pressure #and they need a wider diameter than humans are often willing to give #but they are so beautiful i love their long graceful necks and how i can recognize their sounds anywhere #and that no matter where i live i see their little v's in the sky #and of course wild geese by mary oliver is one of the first poems i fell in love with #my english teacher deborah read it aloud to us in high school and it made me want to go outside and to stay alive #and when my gf and i first started dating i knew i loved her for lots of reasons but one of them was that she also loved geese #she told me she had a shared folder with her family members titled “geese i've seen” that she would put her goose photos in #so her entire family could witness them with her #i remember when i was sick with anorexia a few weeks before i was hospitalized a v of canadian geese flew over me on my way into work #and these big fluffy snowflakes were falling down and i could hear them calling #and it made my eyes well up #and i hoped they would get somewhere warm enough for winter #whether or not people have respect for them is a wonderful metric for gauging somebody's character #at the grocery store i worked at when i was 18 the only coworker i grew close to had a similar affinity for geese #she had a necklace of one #a little silver glinting goose in flight :'') #personal

[mixedbag-o-beans]

listen there a lot of reasons why having a dead friend sucks. but currently the #1 reason is THERE IS TEA ABOUT SOME WEIRD GUY SHE TALKED TO AND I CANT TEXT HER THIS NEW DEVELOPMENT! like wtf girl, i wanna kiki but NOOOOO YOU’RE DOWN THERE KICKING IT WITH THE GRIM REAPER.

#if y’all wanna hear it i’ll tell you #but i want her to hear it so BAD #this bitch is gonna make me pull tarot cards or something atp #how rude #grief #dark humor #dead friends #reasons to stay alive #you won’t be able to join the debrief

[deus-and-the-machina]

I think an underlooked part of what shaped jin’s mindset was how even back in Torna, he was considered “property”. He and Lora spent their whole lives avoiding the authorities of Torna because they believed would straight up execute Lora to get Jin back, and no one ever denies it. and this has seemingly been a fear since Lora was a child. Jin had to hide his face everywhere he went. Maybe Torna wouldn’t have been cruel enough to execute a child, especially since the king seemed decent(?) enough, if not a bit distant. But the fact it was even a fear at all for Lora since she was so young is just awful to think about. 

According to his past self’s journals, Jin and his old driver fought in a war of independence for Torna, perhaps what made him a hero to begin with. and because he’s a war hero for deeds he doesn’t even remember, the kingdom considers him owned by them. Which is on the nose in two different ways ngl. Both in how the Blades are seen and a wider metaphor of soldiers/state. idk it’s just very sad to think about

#I think a lot of people (esp people who dont really interact with the actual story of 2) boil jins motives down to lora too often #like yes her death sent him spiraling but his actual motives dont like. actually have much to do with her directly. it contributed to his #bad mental state that allowed him to get to that point but he still has plenty of reasons to hate how blades are treated and hes right! #its also why 'lora wouldn't have wanted this' doesnt really matter to him. yeah she wouldnt have. she's also been dead for ages so what does #it matter? like hes definitely not coping healthily mans is constantly retraumatizing himself by keeping her body around but like #he knows she's dead hes accepted it so hes doing better than N at least! jin hates being immortal but he stays alive to keep Loras memory #alive. but the longer he lives the more and more awful shit he sees and the more it breaks him. but he cant die bc then the only person left #who really knew lora would be gone (Minoth is alive too but he knew her for like several weeks at most alsfjakfjljfsa) and thats the curse #xenoblade #xenoblade chronicles #jin #siren says

[8rujaa]

i feel so happy i have the urge to get on my hands and knees and worship something

#i’m emotional because i feel like recently i’ve been actually like genuinely happy #i thought i was going to feel broken forever. i thought i was going to feel like half a person forever #i’ve made so much progress #looking back i don’t know how i got through certain things i really don’t #i was being traumatized while also being severely tortured daily by my body pain #i hadn’t talked to my family or friends in months #i lost my mobility and i lost my independence and i lost everything i worked hard for #i felt like a dog and my nightmares still make sure to remind me how terrible it was #and the healing journey afterwards was somehow even worst because i was reliving it constantly. i feel like i fought so hard for my peace #i know i thought about offing myself multiple times #i don’t know what kept me alive… #i think i stayed for all the wrong reasons/people…. but either way i’m glad i stayed #i’m struggling with letting myself be happy because life has a way of taking everything from you just as you were getting comfortable #and i know bad things can and will happen wether i worry or not so the only thing i can do it try to savor and enjoy these beautiful moment #as best as i can and maybe these moments are what will keep me alive in the future #this year i don’t ‘want’ anything per say…. i just don’t want to lose anything…. like god i don’t ask for anything else…. just don’t take #anything from me that i love please 😭😭😭😭😭 #brain vomit

[ratskool]

I’m like Johnny Truant in the tags of every goddamn post I make or reblog on this site and I’m not apologizing. If you want me to apologize come over to my house and you can talk to the minotaur about it

#House of leaves #im literally going insane these days I should go back to journaling but I’m also afraid of how far off the deep end I’ll go #Literally I am losing it and I’m being serious #I’m so fucking tired of being lonely and being left out and not being able to make connections #Sometimes I feel as if im doing things without realizing and no one is telling me about it #Other times it feels like I must have something incredibly wrong with my face or body and no one will say anything #People make plans and don’t bother to ask me if I want to join and then when I find out there’s a group chat that all my friends are in #Except me and when I asked if I could join I was given a bunch of reasons that were frankly bullshit why I couldn’t join #Are they talking shit about me? I know everybody there it’s not like I am a stranger #Am I just a stranger in this world as I unllikeable? I try my best to be nice and charitable but what am I missing? #Do I black out and say things and do things? Am I more mentally ill than I know? #The only reason (or one of the very few) why I stay alive is because of my horses because I know they would miss me and I already feel bad #Not seeing them everyday #I’m tired of being the odd one out I’m tired of being entertaining when necessary #I don’t want my only friends to be horses because it further alienates me from the rest of society and I just want to be accepted I’m not #Looking to fit in I just want connection and friendship and I can barely seem to manage that #Maybe I’m just not worth it.

[petr1kov]

My ideal Petrigrof endgame would be kind of like the Bubbline route taken in Obsidian: together again, just working through their shit together with to to grow

yeah tbh i did wish they were given room to work things out in their relationship in a relatively normal, non-catastrophic way. i mean, they obviously had their issues, mainly due to miscommunication, but i still stand by the fact that what truly ruined their lives were situations that were outside their control (simon getting cursed and the apocalypse happening). for all that they were/are obsessed with each other or whatever, we can't really ignore the fact that 'letting go' of one another means, on their case, moving on with their lives while knowing that their partner is suffering under a magical curse, like, right now, at this exact moment. i'd say it's a bit hard to just shrug that off, so it's no wonder that they were never able to 'get over' each other

#ask #fionna and cake #at #petrigrof #like we can't ignore the setting when we're discussing their relationship tbh and the setting completely fucked them over #simon's curse is entirely due to bad circumstances while betty had some agency on her downfall #still though betty's actions were more reactions to a bad situation than anything else #like i'm sorry but if the love of my life told me that he wanted to die instead of staying cursed forever #and the only reason they stayed alive and cursed was because i made him do it and promised i'd save him #and then everyone kept saying i should just give up and accept him the way he is now because that's better and healthier #well. i would've turned into the joker too

[einaudis]

Okay, new scenario: Oscars next year. Saoirse Ronan gets another Best Actress Oscar nomination. She finally wins... AND it's Cillian Murphy the one who hands her the award.

#did I find a new reason to stay alive until next year? seems like it! #please gods let this happen pretty please #random #personal #my shitty English #Oscars #Saoirse Ronan #Cillian Murphy #I'm gonna be honest here: I don't want to die before Saoirse FINALLY gets her Oscar

[the-pit-of-space]

you gave up everything to be here, not all you thought it'd be?

it's lonely being god, huh

#joshua kiryu #twewy joshua #twewy #NEVER gettibg over joshua. i have brainrot #he was just. a kid. a fucked up kid who saw a chance to gain power in the ug nd didnt have a good enough reason to want to stay in the rg #to stay Alive. the adrenaline rush of the game of finally Knowing what hed been seeing of that being a Good Thing mustve been so intense #knowing what he needs to do. putting everything on the line and Winning #the silence of the throne room after mustve been deafening #i have so many thoughts about him i have So many thoughts about him

[twpsyn-who]

OMG I I wgehejej I was writing a post about some soulmate AU and and while writing it just occurred to me-

Both Jean and Marco lost their gear during Trost. They both got in a situation where a Titan was going to kill them while having nothing to protect themselves.

Marco was there to help Jean get hold of a gear and survive. Jean wasn't there for Marco aka why he died.

Omg. I'm not crying you are

#I know is obvious but for some reason it hit harder this time #I actually can't remember whatever or not Annie helped too. I know she and Connie were there cuz yk Marco asked them where's Jean #But yk with the assumption that Annie helped... Like damn man. Annie helped Marco save Jean and she helped Reiner kill Marco #THE PARALELLS MAN #i love parallels #The fact they are both good leaders but in their own unique ways <3 #I think... I think there's no way for them both to stay alive. One of them must die for the other to research his full potential #Yes it goes both ways Marco's wake up call can only be Jean's death sorry no sorry #Anyway something lowkey happier : in a universe were Jean dies in Trost not Marco during the fire when Marco sees Jean in the fire he sees #the moment Jean mocked him over his reason for joining MP. And yk maybe that makes Marco want to prove Jean wrong so he joins SC. Or maybe #He thinks he can no longer join MP not without Jean. Maybe he sees Jean in the smoke and feels guilty for not being there to help him #Ok but Eren probably has such a hard time trying to decide who to keep alive between the two man (everything would've worked out with #either of them) he truly wanted Marco to survive Trost but damn who would've looked over Mikasa yk. It truly hurt him #Gosh is 4 am I am TIRED don't mind me #aot #Aot JeanMarco #aot jean #aot marco #jeanmarco #jean kirstein #jean kirschstein #marco bodt #marco bott

[a-world-in-grey]

Life Debts and why Nyx's is a Big Deal

@secret-engima because I've been thinking on this and have Feelings.

Y'all can find SE's original post on Debt Braids here, but a short recap:

Debt is taken very seriously in Galahd. If you owe a debt, it's expected that you pay it off as soon as you can - via goods, services, etc. Very large debts between families can be settled through marriage, but as it requires both potential newly weds to be completely willing (Galahdians don't do divorce, you're married until one of you die), that sort of arrangement is rare.

A Life Debt is declared when a Galahdian believes they owe a debt they cannot repay, usually because the debt is so large, so personal, that a value of the debt cannot be given. In such a scenario, the Galahdian will declare a Life Debt and weave a Debt braid into their hair. A Life Debt is declared on that Galahdian's life. Only they can pay it, and once they die, the debt is fulfilled.

Now, this is where we get to just how serious declaring a Life Debt is. A Galahdian who declares a Debt is declaring that they owe this one person so much, that said person essentially now holds their loyalty over even the Galahdian's own clan and Chief. That loyalty stays until the Galahdian dies. If the person holding the debt dies, the debt passes on to their heir. When the heir dies, the debt does not pass on to anyone else, but even then, the Galahdian is not free from the Debt. Instead, they are free to choose how they will fulfill the debt until they die.

Because Life Debts are such a serious thing, no one can demand a Life Debt as payment. It is only ever voluntary.

So now we get to Nyx's Debt to Regis.

(I won't go into why Nyx declared a Debt - canonically we know Regis once saved Nyx's life, but exact details are for everyone's personal headcanons.)

On the surface, it's not that big of a deal. Oh, it's significant. It's a major commitment Nyx can never take back, but it's not really a problem.

Three things make Nyx's declared Debt significant, even by Galahdian standards. 1) The holder of his Debt is the Mainlander King. 2) Nyx is a Clan Chief. 3) Nyx is the absolute Last of his clan. Any single one of these wouldn't be remarkable, but together they turn what would be a significant but standard Debt into a nightmare.

Regis being an Outsider would normally not be an issue. Oh, there are Galahdians that sneer in private over Nyx declaring a Debt to an Outsider, because they believe Galahdians don't owe Outsiders jack shit. (Is it xenophobic? Yes, but Galahdians have a strong insider-outsider mindset and there will always be extremists in any culture.) But they keep their opinions to themselves because commenting on someone's declared Debt is just asking for a broken nose. Even Regis being a king wouldn't be anything other than an unusual detail (because just what happened that caused Nyx to owe a king a Debt?). The biggest thing about Regis being an Outsider is that to fulfill the debt, Nyx pretty much has to leave Galahd for Insomnia until the king and his heir die or one of them gives Nyx explicit permission/orders to return to Galahd. Which sucks, but that's what Debts mean. Regis - and later Noctis - will hold Nyx's first loyalty until Nyx dies.

Nyx being a Clan Chief is where things start getting sticky. A Chief's first duty must be to their clan. Chiefs, as a rule, do not declare Life Debts. They can't, not when they're first loyalty has to be to the clan, instead of a single person outside the Clan. In the very rare cases a Chief feels they must declare a Debt, they step down from their position as Chief. At least, they should. There's no clan law stating someone with a Life Debt cannot be Clan Chief, but a Chief in such a position will either neglect their clan or their Debt. Neither is something Galahdians regard favorably. There's never been a case where a Chief has refused to step down after declaring a Debt, so none of the Clans have ever had to decide what to do, but it's likely it would not end well.

Nyx being the very Last of his clan means that there aren't any other Ulrics he has a duty of care to as Chief. He is the only one affected by his declaration of Debt, so him remaining Chief Ulric isn't actually a problem. Where him being the Last becomes the final nail in the coffin is if anyone ever joins Clan Ulric. Because unless the Clans somehow find an Ulric that escaped the Burning, Nyx can't step down as Chief.

Nyx's first commitment must be to Regis. Then to Noctis. Not to his people. Not to his friends or any personal relationships. Not to rebuilding Clan Ulric. Any spouse/children/clansmen would always come second unless Regis/Noctis allowed it.

(Do I think Regis and Noctis would allow it, if Nyx asked? Yes. In a heartbeat. But Nyx would have to ask. Might even have to explain, and as a whole, Galahdians tend to be... reluctant, to explain their culture to Outsiders.)

I don't think Nyx really thought about the long term consequences of his Debt, when he made it. He might have, and could have decided that the situation was such that he was honor-bound to declare a Debt regardless. But Nyx has a reputation for not really thinking before he leaps into action, and depending on when Nyx declared his Debt? If it was after the Burning, after Nyx lost literally everyone, he probably wouldn't have been thinking clearly even if he had taken the time to think the decision over. And that's assuming he would have realized the implications in the first place - if Nyx wasn't raised to be Chief, it's very probable he wouldn't have.

Every other Clan Chief would have caught the implications. They would have known, from the moment they saw Nyx's braid, that the Last Ulric would never return to Galahd (not when the likelihood of Nyx outliving a boy 12 years his junior was slim to none). That the Last Ulric would likely remain the Last, condemning the Ulric Clan to die with him.

#ffxv #worldbuilding #galahd culture #galahd #Nyx Ulric #braids #working on my various Sola aus and realizing what it means for Nyx to declare that Debt #in most aus is doesn't end up being a problem because either Regis dies and Nyx transfers the Debt to Sola as his chosen queen #or Nyx never bonds as Sola's Sword before either of them die and is never confronted with that particular crisis #but in Sunshine-verse *Selena is still alive* and *still a child* for about four years after the Burning #...oh I work with that I can *definitely* work with that #then there's the Memories-verse when Nyx finally meets Sola again after Sola's supposed death (and actually *knows* it's Sola) #and he's smacked in the face with the realization that he can't stay with Sola because Sola doesn't want to return to Insomnia #and Sola has very good reasons for not wanting to go back but Nyx *has* to go back *because he declared a Debt* #and that Debt will go to Noctis on Regis' death because Sola is still 'dead' and Sola (now going by Rhea) doesn't want to be Sola anymore #so Nyx can't tell Regis or Noctis about Rhea because they'd want Sola to come back but Rhea *can't* be Sola #can't be the daughter and sister she was before she fell down Taelpar Crag #before Taelpar Crag it could have worked - Sola's first loyalty will always be to Noctis so she would have understood and accepted #Nyx being unable to give her his first loyalty even as her Sword (which is how it works in the fusion with SE's Blood of my Blood-verse) #(and in the fusion with SE's Nox-verse though Sola does ensure that Nox is aware of Nyx's situation when the two are courting) #it's unlikely I'll ever have Regis or pre-Crystal Noctis learn that Nyx declared a Debt or what it really means

[enrapture]

stay alive.

#the happiest people can be going through shit #the saddest people #the meanest of people #all walks of life you could never know what they’re dealing with #life is so hard so fucking difficult #I didn’t think I would be here #so many years before this one I didn’t think I would be alive at all #honestly? I didn’t think I’d live to see today a few days ago even just the other day I felt it #it’s really hard to stay tonight even with a good thing like meeting my favorite band right now on the 31st #internally I won’t share these feelings and thoughts allowed y’all don’t care about that or even wanna hear what I feel and what I think #but yeah #I just wanna share this because I’m struggling with it sand sometimes it’s a good and bad thing to keep finding reasons to stay #but you should stay because you want to be here to experience life with others and to help others #that life wouldn’t be life without you and you would want to see your near future self happy among your childhood past near past selves #evolve and be happy you’re staying and relive your childhood and grow as a person #you’re meant to be here if no one else tells you that #means a lot being heard and understood #staying is just a. little difficult rn #I never thought I’d make it this far and I don’t like the act of growing and I don’t like how life is a lot of the time #but that’s a story for another time if desired and shared #I’m gonna hop off now #bye #internally I won’t share these thoughts #these feelings aloud because y’all don’t care y’all don’t wanna hear about the dark parts that stay and stick in my head or pass through #but I just wanted to share it for those that needed a sign to stay #to stay because I too am one of those that could use it #spread love #be there for those that struggle #life is so fucking hard #take it one day at a time

[aceofthegreenajah]

Thinking about Mountains of Mourning got me rereading it again for the millionth time. Every time I think, 'surely by now it has no hold of me? I know every turn it takes, can damn near recite parts of it.' And here I am, sobbing.

The story itself is beautiful, the language is gorgeous, but there is also something in the setting that speaks to me personally.

Our family farm is in a community smaller than silvy vale, and has been in the family for at least a couple of centuries. It's in the least populated and most backwater part of the country. And my country itself is small and insignificant, sparsely populated, mostly wilderness. In the eyes of some we may be backwater forest folk, tough as our land and just as stuck in our ways.

And I am a very tied-to-the-earth person. I am at home barefoot in the forest, fishing in the lakes, foraging in the swamps, working with animals, chopping wood. These forests are my forests, this land is my land. I was born on it and if I have to be buried, I want to be buried in it. I've never wanted to leave for better pastures. I've wished I could hold my home and my people up.

So though I cry for the beauty of the language and the message, and the grief of the plot, I also cry for the happy ending that Silvy Vale receives.

#Ah I miss our family land #I remember staying there for months as a kid and never once seeing an outsider #the community has been bleeding out people longer than i've been alive #when my mom was a kid there was still a school and a general store in the closest town now those are gone too #no-one wants to stay where healthcare may take hours to get to and there are basically no jobs #catching/gathering our own food during summer was what we did when i was a kid because we were poor #(mom and me in spesific not all of the family #but none of them were rich) #but doing it year-around is a shortcut back to starvation times #anyway i get why people wanted away - i don't live there for several reasons - but i wish it was different. i wish i could move back. #i wish there was someone still running our family farm. it's still our land - though some of mom's cousins own it now - but it's abandoned #(it is also a place where once upon a time #hurts and crimes could only be committed by family #and could go unanswered just like in the tiny Dendarii mountain towns. Mom's therapist knows all about it.) #vorkosigan saga #mountains of mourning #mountains of mourning spoilers #vorkosigan saga spoilers #probably

[orchideae]

I have so very much to catch up on, my sincerest apologies, seriously— there's been mental madness going on behind the scenes, including this weekend. Please, let December be the month where normality starts and stays.

And on a more IC note, I often talk about solitude and isolation (and its origins in a very specific kind of loneliness) that is chosen and accepted, but I don't know if I ever talk about what that looks like exactly, and why, quite frankly, it's a little... for lack of a better word, concerning. Do me a favor, if you're in Genshin, turn your clock to nighttime, then go out into any of the cities, villages, camps, footholds and look up, no matter the nation you're in. How many characters are able to do that, and see a night sky that is nothing but void of any and all bounds and limitations? How many of them see that endless array of stars that illuminate it, and how many feel the cool fresh air that tickles their skin? For many, they can leave the four walls that house them, and experience that sight and sensation, because all of us to an extent, crave that. And honestly, so can Yelan— but she also, if not more often so, chooses to see something else. And the unusual concept of choosing that, is a driving force to my decisions for her and why I deem them so incredibly important: it's about the state of mind, it's about the mental that drives her.

On many days and nights especially, this is what she sees, and this is only if she doesn't descend further into the Chasm (which we know that she does), closer to the Abyss and to the Celestial nail itself that rests at its heart. And yes, it is beautiful in its own way, a pathway illuminated by the light of the moon and the nail, but it's also a cruel reminder of just how far the surface, and humans that live there (that she is by all accounts a part of, of course), are. But then, when she returns her gaze to the ground, her surroundings are void of light and dare I say, void of hope. The Chasm isn't just one of the places where you can get the closest to the Abyss, but it also consists of ruins of more than just one civilization. We see glimpses of Khaenri'ah (which we explore more closely through Dain's quest), but we know there is 'fauna' down there, even deeper, that is referenced as belonging to an even more ancient civilization that predated it. The Chasm is surrounded by reminders of death, ruin, and in that, it feels as if it's the direct foil of the world above it. The Chasm was almost the end of Liyue five-hundred years ago during the fall of Khaenri'ah, just as it had, apparently, once been to a civilization before it (please remember, the impact of the meteorite/fallen star that created the Chasm occurred roughly 6000 years ago), and its creatures wouldn't have stopped at its borders. The Chasm is the engulfing darkness in direct opposition to the light of life overhead, and the hope that humanity holds in the palms of its hands. It's dark, it's grim, and it's cold in more ways than one (See one, two, three, four).

And this place is a choice that Yelan makes to venture to and stay in, yes, yet calling it a choice is where it gets so interesting. Once upon a time, long before she got her vision, she was part of a team that surveyed the surroundings of the Chasm, and like many others before them that have descended into it, all members of this team, excluding her, died. The circumstances aren't clear, but following Yelan's line to Ning, I'm lead to believe that the Chasm's surroundings, which are all rather clearly threats to non-vision holders in specific (which Yelan also was at the time), were directly responsible for their demise. I'll note my hypothesis on what could have happened to them in a different post in the future, as I don't want to go far off-topic, but despite having likely witnessed what occurred to them, seeing the ruins of the Chasm, the threat of the Abyss and barely understanding what the Abyss even is, she continues to venture down there because the possibility of what could happen to the people of Liyue, is more important than her own existence and/or survival. And this bears even more weight following the events of Perilous Trail part 2, where she witnessed just how much the Chasm is capable of. Is this walking engima of a woman also drawn to equal or greater mystery than herself, much like a moth to a flame? I think that's part of it, but I definitely think it's infinitely more multi-layered.

Mostly, I think that this plays into the heart of what Fontaine has shown us that 'hydro' seems to represent: it's not merely a sense of responsibility (and/or justice) or selflessness, but a semblance of self-sacrifice either during the duration of one's life or at its end, either literally or figuratively. But keeping that in mind, what I really want to shine a spotlight on, is what kind of self-sacrifice seems to be the case with Yelan, and the way in which she seems to not just be at peace with it, but has truly accepted it almost as something akin to normality. And more importantly, note how this isn't normal behavior. An acceptance of solitude in such depressing surroundings is incredibly saddening, because it's not something that we ever crave by any means or should ever come to crave. Any regular individual, even most vision-holders surely, would find what she does insane to some extent. And yet, she walks the depths of the Chasm, of all places, with a similar routine as a Millelith guard patrols the outskirts of the harbor. Regardless of her clear reason for it— god, I have difficulty explaining what I'm trying to say; how does someone get to a point where they no longer do something so depressing out of necessity, but because it's... normal? That's her. The Chasm isn't... as eerie to her as it is to others, even if she knows better than most what these surroundings are; the Chasm it isn't as dangerous, even if she knows that it is and it's why she's there in the first place, to her as it is to others. Perhaps it's simply an acceptance that regardless of its dangers, that her fate lies in those depths as it did for her ancestors, that the Chasm's ruins will include her own legacy one day. But again, how does one come to terms with that? How do you come to make the decision that you will sacrifice yourself for others, especially when it means resigning yourself to a place like the Chasm, a place that is home to a pathway to the Abyss, which inherently holds the power to drive mortals to madness and death. Many wouldn't do this, or rather, many couldn't do this, not until they had no other choice and even then, think of Boyang, and even Bosacius, granted the latter had lost his mind by then. And that's where I think she's unique, because she technically has a choice, unlike individuals like Xiao whose... direct 'responsibility' and contract it is to do what he does. She could walk away tomorrow if she willed it, but she doesn't. Yes, responsibility plays into it, but the Chasm really hits differently when you tie it into that.

Now, I do need to note that I firmly stand against any believe that she a death wish or is thoroughly depressed. She isn't going down there over and over because she seeks an end to her life in some way or because she believes her life to be worthless. Quite the contrary, actually, and one could argue that the reasoning for that lies with her survivor's guilt. But all in all, before I get sidetracked again: Yelan embraces solitude to a rather extreme extent, and yet she doesn't seem to harbor a dissociation from the rest of humanity or dislike of it, but she does seem to place a firm line between non-allogenes and herself (and others who hold a vision). But what I mean with embracing solitude, is that while she is social, and she understands the laws and diplomacy of social behavior, she isn't one to always engage in it, simply because many don't seem to quite... share her headspace.

#[ meta. ] the chances are if i open this door; there can be no witnesses left alive. is that a sufficient reason for you? #[ honestly this is the biggest mess; but i've wanted to touch on this for a while even while this is a mess. ] #[ it's just the concept of-- there's a difference between dynamics where this on surface-level doesn't matter so much. ] #[ but it does explain the differences beween /some/ dynamics and most. xiao and yelan is one of them-- ] #[ but with xiao there's arguably the concept of karmic debt and how dangerous it is to non-allogenes. ] #[ and this sense of solitude is inherently ingrained in him in vastly different ways. but there /are/ some similarities. ] #[ but all in all-- this for example also plays into why i can only ship yelan at present with wriothesley. ] #[ and it's mostly because of the way his life seems to have led him to make a similar decision of likely staying in the meropide... ] #[ for the rest of his life. that's a specific type of decision to make that i think many couldn't make as easily. ] #[ not saying he made it as easily-- but it's this concept of... i think the only ones who really would understand are the ones... ] #[ who are able to make a similar decision or have already. i don't think every characer's 'loneliness' should be supplemented... ] #[ or 'fixed' by another's or someone who's the opposite. it needs to hit right; it needs to click just right for me. ] #[ and this one does. ] #[ it's the similarities with /just/ enough differences that you create a balance in which there's a semblance of peace. ] #[ but a peace that isn't constant. ] #[ i don't know how to word-- i just. 😭 one day you guys will get a proper meta from me on this. ]

[askfallenroyalty]

Since chara’s true name is based off the pun ‘chara’cter would Aslo’s siblings true name be Uma based off of h’uma’n?

that wouldn't really work aslo is a full monster (half boss). aslo more so represents Asriel and Asgore's poor naming conventions. (Asriel is a combo of Asgore and Toriel)

its a nice thought tho! by your logic if chara were to have a kid they'd be name Manny (human) or Monty (monster) since they're not human anymore

#ooc #tbd #not art #NOT that I see my chara ever having kids or at least until they decide to give up their immortality #considering a big part of the reason asriel had a kid was to age alongside Frisk and everyone else they know #since Chara chose not to do that and plans on staying immortal i'd see them fully committing to that #living as a guardian to their family and friend's decedents throughout time #until they decide to finally settle down and most likely donating magic instead of actually having a kid #but who knows what kind of person chara would be 1000 years from now? maybe they would want to be a parent eventually! its so far off into #the future there's no way of knowing what Chara would do then. #but yeah i think its poetic that chara who's entire life changed because they tried to die at mt.ebott (and sadly succeded the second time) #then becomes immortal and wishes to stay immortal #like that? thats growth. they've literally learned to embrace being alive and the future to such an absurd extreme ahah