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masterthespianduchovny · 3 years

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I’m going to be honest: I dislike Nate right now.

And that’s perfectly fine.

I understand that this show loves to redeem people, however, as I said in another post, you can only redeem someone if there are negative feelings and/or you believe that person wronged someone or whatever. If you have positive feelings and excuse what they did, what exactly are they being redeemed for?

Despite loving Rebecca’s character, when I rewatch season one, I don’t like her at times. I dislike a lot of what she did back then. It doesn’t matter that I know she tells the truth eventually, the stuff she did was still fucked up. I’m not going to preemptively excuse her actions because I know the end goal.

Take Jamie for instance, his behavior was not okay. We know why he behaves that way, but it still wasn’t justified. We are still allowed to dislike him and what he did then. We talk about the negative effects of the bullying Nate received from the players, yet some try to excuse Nate’s bullying and his actions?

Wrong is wrong. Jamie being verbally abused by his dad didn’t justify how he treated others just like how Nate’s father (and bullying by others) is emotionally abusive doesn’t justify Nate’s behavior.

Although we understand the context, Nate IS being a fucking backstabbing asshole right now. Some may hate to hear that, but this isn’t an unfair opinion or unflattering light of him. This is exactly how he’s behaving.

There are some who has a ton of sympathy for Nate, but I’m not one of them. Please believe, I do hold some sympathy for him, but I have a limit.

So here’s reasons why Nate is on my shitlist and I’ll wait until he’s actually redeemed to forgive him.

1. Calling Rebecca a shrew. It’s not the fact that he literally called Rebecca this, but that he immediately verbally attacked the woman. We can say, “oh no, she’s the owner so he had reasons to think…”

No, Nate literally attacked Rebecca for no reason at all. She had little to no interaction with him and has never disrespected or harmed him in anyway, yet he has these intense feelings of dislike in the moment based off what exactly?

Nate attacked Rebecca because she is a woman. If you disagree, what other reason it might be? The reason I believe it was due to her gender is because she’s been defanged so to speak. So he doesn’t fear her like he used to. But Nate also practices in casual misogyny ie his shoe remark to Rebecca and Keeley. That may not seem like a big thing, but how is that an involuntary response??? With him believing he got fired, he doesn’t wait for answers, he immediately attacks her. And I had to ask myself, would he have done this with a man? With someone like Rupert? No fucking way. Nate can’t even directly challenge Ted who is a ray of sunshine, but attacks someone who he literally ran away from in fear in the pilot. Although Nate respects power, he respects male power the most. He skipped over Ted and Beard and went straight towards Rebecca. The fact that this even happened has always been disturbing to me. And Nate is fucking lucky that he hasn’t said any of his comments to old Rebecca (not age, but personality. 🥺) because she would have fired him. Only due to her relationship with Ted and him getting to let her guard down and find her old self that she frowned and shrugged Nate’s comments off. Most bosses at the very least would’ve talked to Nate and he didn’t get even that.

2. Projecting his daddy issues onto Ted. I understand that nate is going through some tough shit and has been for literally decades, however, that doesn’t mean make someone your stand in dad because they were nice and kind. Ted treats Nate like he does the other coaches, but Nate wants a special and unique relationship that will never exist. Ted is not his father and he didn’t ask for the job or the responsibilities.

I understand that people go through shit and latch onto those who made the rough times easier. I get that. However, all this animosity, scheming, and resentment because Ted isn’t giving the attention he wants. That fucking unfair to Ted. He didn’t ask or sign up to be Nate’s father figure. Yet he’s being punished for not being something he never wanted to be. Never even thought about it.

And because I’ve seen/partially experienced this shit, people getting mad at you for not being who they projected onto, it makes me upset at Nate. Because people like this really do become resentful and manipulative and that is not okay despite their own hurt that they’re dealing with. Why does the person you projected on have to suffer for something they’re unaware of and have no obligation to fulfill?

Nate isn’t just trying to blow up Ted’s professional career, he’s doing it via one of the cruelest ways: using his mental health against him. Thereby exploiting Ted’s trust in him.

Ted has literally changed Nate’s life for the better and rather than have a man to man talk with him, he cowardly tries to sabotage Ted in one of the worst ways imaginable.

3. His cognitive dissonance about how coaching works!!!

This seriously irritates me because, on some level, Nate knows that the very system he’s criticizing is how it works across ALL team sports and with reason.

He wants to be a damn head coach soooo bad—does he think ideas, plans, plays, etc only comes from head coaches???

What does he think assistants are there for?

For those who aren’t familiar with sports and coaching, literally every team sport has a head coach and then assistants under them. These assistant typically specialize in a given thing.

In American football, I believe there are like defensive coaches, strength and conditioning coaches, etc. there are coaches who watch a lot of tapes to learn the opposition and how to make plays to hold them exploit their weakness and tailor plays around that.

Like on the professional level there are so many types of coaches and, hell, not all of them want to be head coaches. Some of the greatest coaching minds aren’t head coaches.

For example, the American basketball team the Chicago bulls fired their coach Doug Collins in like 1989, I think. He was a good coach, but one of his assistant coaches had a basketball IQ out of this world. Doug refused to listen to him, but management fully supported this assistant coach. Now the other assistant coach they were grooming to take over, Phil Jackson, if you’ve heard of him, DID listen to this basketball genius. So much so that when he became head coach after Doug was fired, he continued to implement The Triangle offense that came from this basketball genius, which Phil was known for until he retired.

Nate’s upset that Ted gets all the credit for if they win, he does realize that Ted also gets all the blame for if they lose. Ted has always highlighted his coaching staff and everyone who helped him. He has always stressed that he wouldn’t be where he is without them. And when he loses, he takes full ownership. He doesn’t pass the blame at all.

Does Nate seem like someone who’d take ownership for losing?

Does Nate seem like someone, at this moment, who’d appropriately give credit to assistant or anyone else who helped him?

Would he even listen?

What makes Ted a great coach is that he gives others opportunities to step up to the plate and if/when they succeed, he allows them to shine.

Ted sees the fuller picture, for the most part, and knows how to address his weaknesses and who’s stronger than him in what area. He realized that the team needed a presence like Roy on the team. He knew he needed someone like beard who could absorb insane amounts of knowledge. He saw that Nate had potential coaching ability.

But Nate doesn’t understand the importance or value of this. He also doesn’t understand how instrumental Ted’s philosophy has been in transforming the culture of the team. That this is also a reason why the team is playing better.

So like, yeah, I’ll forgive Nate when he’s redeemed. But these three things are what really irks me about him. Just because I understand why he is acting this way doesn’t mean I have to excuse it when he’s being a dick to others, complaining about shit only due to his ego, and doing fucked up shit like leaking someone’s mental health struggles so he can gain an advantage over them.

Does he think that if Ted leaves/gets fired that he’s getting the job??? I mean hopefully whatever he has going on with Rupert works out (before it inevitably goes wrong) because this isn’t going to turn out how he thinks it will.

#ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #Nate Shelley #I wonder if Rupert is trying to get Richmond back and has some big master plan #I do not want that to happen of course #but what is he planning #probably trying to steal Nate away #and if that’s the case #good riddance #lol #Nate can come back once he calms down and gets himself together

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utterlyinevitable · 3 years

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Hi! I really like your fics! Especially 'The Conference'. I have a fic request: Ethan x MC revealed to only the gang - not the whole hospital. It's totally fine if you don't do it! Thanks for considering my request! 💞

Sorry for taking a million years to get to this. Also sorry that it’s trash ♥

Telling Friends

Paring: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Rebecca Lao) Rating: T+ Summary: It’s sometime after the toxin incident and Becca tells her roommates about her budding relationship. Though one of them has some issues with it... Trope: Fluff, People Find Out About Them; Platonic Gang

________________________________________

Becca walked carefully into her apartment, immediately greeted by the sweet aroma of chocolate chip muffins and the sight of two of her roommates on their hideous, thrifted yellow couch that makes this place a home.

“Oh, good. You’re all here,” She sighed with a contented smile as she kicked off her shoes.

“Think we should be more shocked you’re here,” Jackie retorted, barely looking up from her phone.

Normally Becca would roll her eyes or respond with something snarky, but not today. Today the roommates had something to talk about; all of which revolved around why she’s barely been home lately.

“Where’ve you been?” Elijah added, the whites of his teeth sparkling in the midday sunshine peering through the window.

“And in yesterday’s clothes,” Jackie followed up.

“That’s what I wanted to talk about.”

Becca dropped her bag and coat by the door before bounding across the room to take her place on the sofa between her two friends.

“There’s something you guys should know. And I need you to keep it secret.” She glared pointedly at Jackie.

“Did you pull a heist without us?”

Elijah added, “Yeah because if so, no, I will never forgive you.”

“No. I would never. It’s just…” Becca trailed, moving to settle further into the cushions. She took a deep readying breath. Exhaled. And continued; “Really sensitive and important, and I don’t want to do anything to screw it up. But I also don’t want to keep sneaking around…”

“Are you back with Raf?” Jackie questioned with a raised eyebrow. “Since he kind of imploded his life for you?”

After the incident, Rafael Aviero broke things off with his childhood sweetheart because of the lingering feelings he still harbored for her. Now he wasn’t moving away, he didn’t have Sora, and he didn’t have...

“Um… no,” Becca responded, looking down at the cushion.

Before her guilt could set in fully, the room erupted in a high-pitched, delighted squeal.

“Oh my god!” Sienna rounded the kitchen island quickly, her battered hands clasping around the wooden spoon, “Really!?”

“What?” Jackie asked at the same time Elijah questioned, “What’re we missing?”

The two girls locked eyes and Becca made the slightest of confirming motions.

Becca took a deep inhale, eyes never leaving Sienna’s. The absolute delight in her best friend’s dark eyes were giving her all the courage she needed. “I’ve been spending a lot of time at Ethan’s. We’ve been dating for a while.”

“Since when?”

“The memorial, basically.”

“Shit,” Jackie lamented. “I’m happy for you, Bec. But damn” - a coy smirk appeared on her lips - “No wonder that guy’s been friendlier than usual.”

“Finally!” Elijah exclaimed in a rush of air, like it was a breath he’s been holding in for far too long. All three pairs of eyes were on him. “Sienna and I caught Dr. Ramsey leaving the morning after her hearing.”

Jackie’s jaw dropped past the floor and into the basement.

The rest of the gang brought her up to speed on how that ended up happening and how no one knew Ramsey slept over, and of course the unfortunate ending to that tale.

“How’s that going to work?”

“Strictly professional at the hospital.” Becca affirmed the sentiment with a flippant wave of her hands and the smallest of smiles. “Nothing’s going to change.”

“Except for how soft he is around you.”

“He’s not soft on me. If anything he’s harsher with me because of our relationship.”

The roommates talked more about the logistics of her relationship and how often Ethan will be staying over. Jackie set some ground rules for that, to which Becca rolled her eyes and agreed they would never ever have sex anywhere other than her bedroom when in the apartment.

When the conversation waned Becca asked;

“I was thinking about inviting him to Thanksgiving. Unless that’d be weird?”

Elijah chuckled, “It’ll definitely be weird.”

Sienna waved him off and grabbed her friend’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “We’d be happy to have him, Becca.”

The two girls shared a moment. It wasn’t a question that Sienna was overjoyed at Becca’s happiness - this was everything they’ve been dreaming about happening since early intern year. Though there was something quite bittersweet - Becca got a second chance with Ethan, while Sienna will never know what could have been. In their tightened grip neither could forget Danny.

Becca’s lips parted, about to whisper condolences and affirmations that things are going to get better. But Elijah spoke first;

“Getting to know Dr. Ramsey will be a real treat. Think he’d be down to watch the MCU in succession?”

As she turned towards him a broad smile took over Becca’s features. “As long as there’s scotch I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“I can’t believe you’ve been sneaking around with him.” Jackie lamented once more.

“What’s Dr. Ramsey even like outside the hospital? He doesn’t seem like fun.”

“Ethan’s a lot -”

Aurora emerged, cutting Becca off with a disbelieving, “You’re dating Dr. Ramsey?”

Something in her new friend’s tone threw Becca off kilter. So much so she threw up walls as quick and high as could be, ready to defend defend defend. She was afraid of her friends not taking to the news and Aurora’s tone really confirmed Becca’s worst fears.

“Uh, yeah,” was all she could respond.

“Gross. I’m happy for you but... gross. Are we forgetting he dated my aunt for years?”

“Oh shit. Yeah,” Elijah muttered from the sidelines.

Quickly Becca added, “They were never serious.”

She was going to say ‘in love’ but thought better of it. She loves him dearly and knows he feels the same way, but they haven’t said it yet. The first time she uses that word next to his name it should be to him and him alone.

The retort was swift and icy, “Are you?”

Aurora didn’t anticipate the answer, she knew her friend and thought this was just another one of her impulses. Becca had a tendency to bounce from interest to interest, heart to heart; and after everything that’s happened recently maybe she’s just finding comfort in the man who kept her alive.

Both sets of deep coffee-colored eyes met, both Aurora and Becca’s features schooled so stoic and unwavering in their position. A simple “Yes” dancing off Becca’s tongue. The word accompanied by the splendid thought that Ethan Ramsey was hers.

Aurora Emery didn’t miss the tug of a smile tugging at the corners of Becca’s mouth.

“Fine,” she conceded. “I’ll support you, but this is weird as fuck.”

***

Later that evening Aurora was in her room, sitting on her bed with a textbook in her lap. A knock sounded from her ajar door, and not a few seconds later Becca’s head peeked through the crack.

“Hey, can we talk?”

Aurora shut the book. “I think we need to.”

She shifted on the bed to make room at the foot among all her papers.

Once settled, sitting cross-legged, Becca broke the small flits of tension. “I’m sorry this is weird for you.”

“Thanks.” Aurora forced a small, reassuring smile. “I’m sorry about the outburst. I don’t know enough about your relationship to comment.”

“I don’t know enough about their relationship,” Becca admitted shyly. She fiddled with her hands in her lap. “Ethan doesn’t really talk about it. Just that he appreciates and respects the fuck out of Dr. Emery.”

“Aunt Harper didn’t talk about it either. All I know is what I’ve overheard and saw. They go way back - I remember them together before I got into med school.”

They let that sink in for a moment. Becca chewed on her lip as she mindfully ran through the semi-apparent timeline. “So this is weird,” she stated.

“Really weird,” Aurora agreed with a chortle.

Some more time passed by on a pause. The two amicably working through this oddity in their lives. Both their thoughts taking them in many directions. Though Becca’s moving further and further into territory she knew Ethan never wanted to wander back through.

“Was he around a lot?” she finally asked in the smallest of voices.

If Aurora picked up on her friend’s insecurity she didn’t make it apparent.

“Sometimes,” she began. “He’d spend some holidays and milestones with the family. I don’t think he ever enjoyed it. A bunch of doctors eating and drinking all the time, everyone knows how much he hates spending time with colleagues.” Aurora tried to brush the last remark off as a joke to lighten the mood.

She could see the ghost of a smile hanging on Becca’s lips.

“He went for her.” It wasn’t a question

Aurora simply nodded.

“He’s a good guy,” Becca sighed. She looked up at Aurora with the most lovestruck look the young Emery has ever encountered. Right then and there she knew that this certainly was not one of her friend’s whims. It was, and had, the power of a whole new universe.

“What the two of you see in him I’ll never know,” Aurora scoffed in feigned mockery.

Becca was just about to comment - to say just how much of a different man Ethan was to Dr. Ramsey - when Aurora added;

“But you shouldn’t worry about me, you should probably talk to Bryce.”

Becca’s eyes went wide and her jaw stiffened.

If anyone was going to address the other blatantly obvious elephant in the friend group, Aurora realized, it had to be her. Might as well kill two birds with one stone whilst they buried the hatchet.

“We all know you’ve been hooking up for a while.”

If words could kill Aurora was certain she just decapitated Becca. The poor girl went stark and ghostly. It was as if she hadn’t even considered telling her booty call she’s seeing someone else.

Aurora trailed, “I don’t know exactly what went down but...”

Neither wanted her to break Bryce Lahela’s heart.

___________________

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fan4196 · 3 years

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Happiness

Evermore

"- Ok, bye." Alex hangs up his phone after the probably weirdest call he ever had to take. This call makes him feel every kind of emotion mixed together into one big snowball of emotions - joy, happiness, excitement, but also regret, sadness, even anger and shame. Out of all of them shame is probably the strongest - shame that he again is the reason that another person has to suffer. He hates himself for always dragging other people down with him. That he's the reason they go crazy, get cancer, leave him or end up hurt. The last person he dragged down with him was the one person he never ever wanted to entangle into all of his problems, but she turned out to be the only person that was always more than willing to help him through all of his crap and loved him unconditionally with all his flaws.

He keeps looking down on his phone for a few more seconds, before he puts it down on the coffee table and buries his face in his hands.

"Who was that?" Izzie asks as she walks into the living room, a plate in her hand from the snack the twins just had in the kitchen.

"Jo." He answeres quietly, as he looks up again but avoiding Izzies look.

"As in your Ex-wife, Jo?" Izzie askes surprised, fiddling with the plate in her hand.

He nodds before he watches Izzie standing in the door between the kitchen and the living room.

"You should sit down." He suggests quietly, stroking his hand through his hair.

"Ok?!" She walks into the living room and sits down opposite of Alex, waiting for him to start.

"She- she's pregnant." Alex begins, not knowing how to continue, while a million thoughts run through his head.

"Ahm. Ok? Well good for her. That means she moved on rather quickly. That's good, right?" Izzie answeres, pretending to be happy for Alex's ex-wife, even though she has no idea why his ex felt the need to call him and rub this under his nose.

"No, Izzie. It's mine. I'm the father." He explains to the woman on the other side of the coffee table, "She said she had all the symptoms, so she took a test this morning and it was positiv. She also did a blood test at the hospital during her lunch break and it came back positive too. She also saw Doctor DeLuca, the OB/Gyn at Grey-Sloan, when she was done with her shift and had her first ultrasound - she's already thirteen weeks. She said she wasn't sure if she should call me but she wanted me to know - she wanted me to know that she's having my baby. And that it was up me if I want to be in their life or not. She has a whole damn village taking care of her, but she would never keep me away from my kid. She's due at the end of June and if I want to be there she would be ok with it. Her voice was so happy, you should have heard her. I always knew that she would be a great mom. She never believed me considering her past but I knew that her past only made her stronger and prepared her to be the best mom possible for our kids. And her laugh, I missed her laugh-" He stops after the last sentence he said.

He really tries to be as happy as he could for his kids - which he is, he's happy to be in their lives but nevertheless there's something missing. He knows that but he doesn't want to admit it. His kids should be enough to make him completely happy, right? But he's not, not entirely and he hates it. He hates that a piece of his heart is still in Seattle. He feels so selfish for wishing that she was here. That she was here with him. That she could meet his kids and that he could see his kid growing inside of her.

Just the thought of Jo with a cute little bump, that she hides under his shirts lets his heart flutter. Since the day he knew he wanted to spent the rest of his life with her he often found himself day dreaming about their future - about her lying next to him in bed, snuggled into his side while he paints circles on her big baby belly, calming the little one inside of her down so she could sleep after a long day of work. Something he was also almost one hundred percent sure of - that she would work until the day of her due date. He could see himself getting pulled out of a surgery because she went into labor while she was in an OR herself. He had already painted everything out but now everything is different - completely different.

It's silent in the living room. Izzie's not saying a word. Noticeably shocked, not knowing what to say right now.

"Are you sure?" She asks the first thing that comes to her mind.

"What?"

"Are you really sure it's yours?" She clarifies her question, a little annoyed because he wasn't listening.

"Are you serious?" He can't believe that she really asks this right now. "Of course I'm sure. She's thirteen weeks along, I'm here since ten weeks. Even if it wouldn't add up, I believe Jo if she says that I'm the father-"

"What if she's lying? Maybe she's further or fewer along than she says. Maybe she cheated on you and now tries to tell you that it's yours just to get you back into her life. Or she's not pregnant at all. What if this is just a trick to get you back?" Izzie asks, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Ok stop right there. What the hell, Izzie?" He replies angrily, ruffly pushing himself up from the couch. "I will not listen to all of this crap. What the hell? I will also not accept you talking bad about Jo. Hell no!" He's about to walk out of the living room, not wanting to hear any more of the crap Izzie has to say.

"But-"

"NO, IZZIE THERE IS NO BUT. FOR ONCE THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. THIS IS ABOUT ME. MY LIFE. MY JO. MY KID. THIS HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, SO YOU HAVE NO SAYING IN THIS." He screams angrily, letting everything out that he had bottled up inside of himself for so long.

"Of course it has something to do with me. It means I'm losing you to her."

"Oh my God. It's exactly like that one time I thought Rebecca was pregnant with my child. Back then you also tried to talk everything bad. And even though Rebecca's pregnancy was fake, Jo's isn't. Jo's pregnancy is real and if you like it or not I will support her. I will be there for my kid, no matter what you say. Because she's pregnant with my child and I will be the father that kid deserves, because Jo made me that kind of guy. Also Jo would never lie to me about something like that. She's not like that; she knows how much I would give for every single one of my children." He pauses for a moment, when he realizes something.

"Alex- It's just- I'm afraid that I'm losing you now that I just have you back." She answers with tears in her eyes.

"Izzie you are not losing me, because you never had me. I came here for one reason and one reason only - my kids. If it would have only been you I would have never left my wife because you told me so many times that I'm not good enough for you. I tried so hard to be good enough for you - I changed so much and pretend to be someone I'm not, but it was never enough for you. And now that you had my kids you want me back? Now all of my flaws don't bother you? No. You only want me because you have no one else and that's no one's fault but your own. Jo on the other side always wanted me exactly how I was. She never changed me, she never tried to, she never told me that I'm not good enough for her. No, she always told me that I'm too good for her. She accepted me like I am. She respects me so much that she puts my needs before hers. God, she told me to stay here to be with my kids, other than begging me to come back home to her. She's freaking pregnant with my child, she would have every right to tell me to get my ass back home, but she doesn't. She wants me to do what's best for me. She loved me enough to let me go and live with my kids instead or her and my baby."

It's silent again. No one's saying a word for a minute.

"So you are staying?" Izzie asks, breaking through the awkward silence.

Alex is not answering, everything he would say now wouldn’t be nice. So he storms out of the house into the frontyard, where his kids are playing. He sits down on the porch step and watches his kids, when he hears the notification noise of his phone, he pulls it out of his back pocket and looks down on it. It's a message from Jo, which he immediately opens and his heart skips a beat as soon as he sees the picture in front of him - an ultrasound picture with Jos neatly handwriting underneath: Someone wants to say 'hi'.

He can't but smile.

"Daddy, what are you smiling about?" His daughter asks as she sits down beside Alex on the steps, a little out of breath from running around in the frontyard.

"Nothing, Alexis." He answers with a smile, locking his phone while he puts a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"But I want to know, daddy. I wanna smile too." She begs, looking at him with her big puppy dog eyes.

"Well- I told you about Jo once, right?" He asks, getting a nod from his daughter.

"Yes, she looks just like Bell from Beauty and the Beast." She answeres.

"She called me today and told me that she is having a baby. And that makes me really happy." He explains, unlocking his phone and turning it towards Alexis. "Look she send me this picture of the baby. It's still very little, you almost can't see it. It's still in her tummy, that's why the picture looks like this, it's an ultrasound picture." He tells his daughter child appropriate so she understands everything.

"We should visit her, daddy." Alexis tells him simply still looking at the picture on his phone.

"But the baby isn't born yet. It will be in Jo's tummy for another six months." He replies.

"I don't mean the baby, daddy. I mean Jo. She makes you happy and I like that." His five year old says, smiling at her dad.

"If it would be that easy, Alexis." He sighs, putting one arm around his daughter, holding her tight while she tips on his handy.

"It is easy, daddy. We go to the airport, get into the right plane and fly to her. And then you are as happy as you were here." She points towards Alex phone, the picture of their ferry boat wedding showing.

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space-girl-and-droids-art · 3 years

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Clone Wars: Stories of Light and Dark- Book Review

“Clone Wars: Stories of Light and Dark” Is an anthology of stories narrating some of the arcs of the clone wars from the perspective of the characters. It gives more details and depth to some episodes, as well as giving us information that makes us have a different view of the events.

This is not exactly a review, but mostly my reactions to reading the book. I do recommend it, if you loved the clone wars and want another perspective on some of the arcs this will be a good read. That said, this does contain spoilers for the clone wars.

#1 “Sharing the same Face” -Jason Fry (from the episode “Ambush”)

Okay this was once one of the most light-hearted episodes of the series and now I ended up crying. I did not expect an order 66 reference here. Every time Yoda addresses Dooku is painful. Seeing how Yoda perceives the clones is really heart-warming, but knowing how it all turns out in the end is really sad and during the whole text you are really aware of that. In the show you kind of forget about what’s going to happen for a while, but this text just keeps you thinking about it constantly. It was a good read, I loved it. I found it really interesting knowing Yoda approaches the clones the same way he approached his students at the temple, and knowing what his opinions on the clone army it was a good detail. Loved this one.

Did I care that much about this episode before? No. But watching it right after reading this made me cry for half an hour. (I am a really emotional person, so take this with a grain of salt.)

#2 “Dooku Captured”- Lou Anders (From the episodes “Dooku Captured” and “Gungan General”.

This was a funny read, and the fact that the events are narrated by Dooku Himself made it even more hilarious. It’s supposedly a holorecording Dooku was doing for Sidious, and you can tell by his words that he was so done. Poor Dooku deserves a meditation day after it. You can tell how annoyed he was by the whole situation and his perception of Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi. They really are bothering for the count. I’m surprised he didn’t retire after this event, man’s gotta be really tired. Also, when they were tied together, they just shared a braincell and most of the time, Dooku was the one carrying it. The love he had for Qui-Gon does not extend to rest of the lineage, clearly.

At first it was really slow, but after they get captured by the pirates it just gets funnier. Good story to read after the sadness the previous text gave me.

Also, the fact that Dooku canonically records himself venting to Sidious is hilarious to me. Like, can you imagine being Palpatine and receiving daily vlogs from your apprentice ranting and complaining about Anakin and Obi-Wan? Dude was tired, of course he would let Anakin decapitate him in the end.

#3 “Hostage Crisis”- Preeti Chhibber (from the episode “Hostage Crisis”)

For an Anidala shipper this is a must read, because you will know exactly what Anakin thinks of his wife and how he views Padmé. This text was more Anakin centric (I believe the next one is Padmé centric) and it was a delight. I haven’t read much in canon about stuff that involves Anakin’s feelings so this was really good.

The scene from the beginning of the episode? Is hotter when you read it, trust me. For a clearly SFW text, this was intense. I’m pretty sure I can guess all of Anakin’s kink only by what was implied in his thoughts. Is also really sweet to see how much she cares, but also know why everything went downhill at the end. Good retelling.

#4 “Pursuit of Peace”- Anne Ursu (from the episodes “Heroes on both sides” and “Pursuit of Peace”)

I really love Padmé Amidala. My favorite senator. If you have seen my review of Queen’s Peril you KNOW How much I love her, and even when this text was written by another author, I still got the same feeling about her. Padmé is amazing. This arc is one of my favorite of the Clone wars because it’s the arc that let you see that it wasn’t a black and white kind of situation, both sides were being played. An none of them were really worrying about their people, they were in it for the money. I love reading Padmé’s thoughts on the whole situation. Also, the way this story is written makes what went down with Padmé and Anakin in the third episode make more sense and more in character. She is a strong, good, and smart politician. But she is also motivated to see the light in the dark and preserve the light, it gave me major Qui-Gon from “Master and Apprentice” vibes. It did make me tear up a little, because when I finished it, I realized everything she did was for nothing. She was too kind in a galaxy already so corrupted.

Also, Palpatine stop calling her “my child” you disgusting sith lord, I know you are responsible for her death and so do you, so shut the f up. Padmé was doing everything right and she hasn’t done anything wrong in her life whatsoever.

“Just because there’s darkness in something does not mean you do not love it. You show it love, you show it light, and you hope it chooses the light”.

She was talking about the senate but you just KNOW she isn’t really talking about the senate.

This story re-telling broke me, just as the first one. I am not ready for the next one. Do I have to? Man, I really don’t want to go through Umbara again.

#5 “The Shadow of Umbara” -Yoon Ha Lee (from the episodes "Darkness on Umbara," "The General," "Plan of Dissent," and "Carnage of Krell”)

I was, indeed, not ready for it. It doesn’t really add much to the story… except pain. Rex’s pain, to be precise. Let my man mourn Hardcase :C I just wanted to give him a hug, him and all of the clones to be honest. Fives was as good as always, but re-reading his lines knowing what happens to him made me sad. I hate Pong Krell, get you dirty hands off my babies. I don’t think this re- telling made me sadder, but that’s only because it was just as painful as the episodes.

Dogma my beloved, you deserve everything.

I love how this arc develops Rex character and his attitude towards the war in general.

#6 “Bane’s Story”- Tom Angleberger (from the episodes “Deception”, “Friends and Enemies”, “The Box” and “Crisis on Naboo”.)

Is Cad Bane the Regina George of the Bounty Hunters?

The answer is yes. Yes, he is.

I wasn’t really excited to read about Cad Bane at first, I felt that everything that had to be said about the guy had already been stated in the show. He was just a mean bounty hunter in space. But this was actually pretty funny to read, specially because it’s narrated in first person from Bane’s perspective on what happened with Kenobi. And it’s hilarious.

He is basically re telling the events to Boba and Bossk while he is in jail again. During his story you can learn a few things about him as well, specially what his thoughts are in relation to some important topics. You would think he is only concerned about the money and blasting people, and you would be right. But he also does have an opinion on what’s happening on the galaxy at large, on the jedi, on Palpatine and Dooku. But those opinions don’t affect how he gets the job done. It was really interesting seeing him internally judging Kenobi for being a liar, and knowing something is wrong with the jedi order if they pulled that off. He knows everyone is being deceived, but doesn’t know how. That’s why he doesn’t care, and doesn’t get involved on anything unless you offer to pay him. Money moves him, but not the people who has it.

It was a good story, and I also liked to see how Bane respects Boba and sees him as the one that’s going to take his place eventually.

We know from the deleted episodes that Cad Bane was supposed to be killed by Boba Fett, but we haven’t seen that in canon yet. I really hope they answer what happened to Cad Bane in the current canon, I would love to see that in a comic, or in a book.

#7 “The lost nightsister”- Zoraida Cordova (from the episode “Bounty”)

I love Asajj Ventress for a million reasons and this story just made me love her even more. It’s the same story from the episodes but with an insight of what Ventress is thinking about. Which is unsurprisingly very depressing but the story itself turns out to be pretty uplifting.

It’s about her thoughts on what happened after the massacre of her sisters, her family, and how she deals with everything she had already lost. How lonely and worthless she feels. But during the course of the story, we see her reconnecting with who she is, and learning her value. Learning she is a powerful person, master or not.

It was also really sad to see how she compared herself to others. She was really sad and angry that nobody cared about what happened to her people, no one that cared about her. She saw how people wanted the girl in the box back and thought about how nobody would ever do the same for her and it was sad.

I also find very depressing that she couldn’t mourn her family.

But then she said this:

“What made her so special? What made her worth—No. She couldn’t think that way. This girl’s worth didn’t diminish her own. “

And like, I’m 100% rooting for her here.

Also, I love that once she realized the girl from the box was being smuggled to be essentially a child bride, she didn’t hesitate to scam the old creep. She may be an assassin, but during the course of this story you learn that she is disgusted by men who take advantage of female beings. I also love her internal monologue after the guy was bothering her in the cantina and how she just knows that if she can defend herself, she will do it with no hesitation.

Lovely story, I love knowing more about Ventress. Beautifully written.

#8"Dark Vengeance”-Rebecca Roanhorse (from the episodes "Brothers" and "Revenge")

It’s so on brand for Darth Maul to have his entire story be about Kenobi. It’s narrated by him, but directed towards you, like he is telling the reader a story. That in some stories could be like an awkward thing, but here it was well done. I love Maul and like, I could picture us having that conversation, well, me listening to him monologuing.

I really liked that he started telling the story from the events that happened on Naboo. You get to really see what happened from his perspective and understand why his hatred of Kenobi only grows over time.

Also, Darth Maul was like “I can excuse murder, but I draw the line at being rude”. Which is so morally wrong, but very fitting to his character. He is really upset at Kenobi for not caring about what happened to him. From what I gathered of the info that he let us know, he would probably like it more if Kenobi killed him instead of having to spend all those years in the garbage. Nobody cared for him enough to go and check up on what happened to him. That doesn’t excuse murder though.

The interactions he had with Kenobi let us know that it was not very jedi like the way he treated Maul, ignoring his rage and letting it consume him. Obi-wan just kept adding fuel to the fire because he was also really angry at Maul for the murder of Qui-Gon, not realizing that that would only make Maul be even angrier. And we know how that ended up for Satine Kenobi.

Final thoughts: Savage, I love you.

#9 "Almost a Jedi"-Sarah Beth Durst (from the episode "A Necessary Bond")

I thought this story was going to be from Ahsoka’s point of view. It was not.

I’m not mad at it though.

The story itself does focus on Ahsoka but it’s narrated by Katooni. It’s basically about how much she adores Ahsoka and wants to be like her, but also doubts herself a lot. She thinks she is not good enough to be a jedi. But her experiences both with Ahsoka and with Hondo Ohnaka makes her change her mind.

I want to say that I love the fact that it’s canon that she drew a poster of Ahsoka for her room because she really admired her that much it's so wholesome. It’s cute, and also let us see the perception the younglings had of Ahsoka.

Also, the bond between Hondo and Katooni is really wholesome. This also made me realize that this encounter with a young jedi is the reason he is immediately friendly with Ezra in Rebels. Ezra and Katooni do share similar personality traits sometimes.

Deep diving in Wookiepedia after reading this I found out that Hondo’s ship in Galaxy’s Edge is called “The Katooni” and now I’m sad thinking he was probably devastated when he learnt about Order 66 and what Vader did to the younglings. Great now I’m angsty about a chaotic evil space pirate.

I think it was confirmed by Dave Filoni that those kids are dead now. May the force be with them, they were good enough jedis.

#10 "Kenobi's Shadow"-Greg van Eekhout (from the episode "The Lawless”)

This is the re-telling of one of the saddest clone wars episodes. The episode just lets you think that everything’s going to be alright, that they are going to survive together, lets you hope that they take off just in time… and then it doesn’t happen. I’m still not over Satine’s death. And this made it even sadder. There were so many points their story could’ve gone differently, but their story was already at an end.

This is in third person but heavily focusing on Kenobi’s thoughts along the way. He really was close to turn to the dark side, but his love for Satine and his grief made him not surrender to it. But he felt an anger, a justified one, but an anger that I have never seen in a jedi other than Anakin Skywalker. And we all know what happens to him.

It was a good but sad reading. I won’t be reading this one again. It’s too much. I knew what was going to happen and it still hit me hard. I wish things would’ve gone differently for the both of them. I wonder if we will get flashbacks to this in the Kenobi show.

Also, I really need an Obi-Wan Kenobi and Satine book of their time on the run.

#11 "Bug"-E. Anne Convery (inspired by the episode "Massacre”)

I can’t talk openly about this story because it’s not actually featured on the clone wars. It’s a really good story, specially if you want to expand on the lore regarding Dathomir and the Nightsister in the new canon. It’s perfectly executed, and even when the story isn’t about any of the main characters it hooked me from start to finish. Definitely one of my favorite stories of the book and If I had to pick one story from this anthology to read again it would be this one.

It has more gruesome details than the others and the atmosphere is dark, and I loved it. I would read a whole Dathomirian Nightsister novel written by this author if it was in this exact same style. I really liked it a lot.

In summary, I really enjoyed reading this Anthology. I would really recommend it to anyone who is fond of the Clone Wars or the prequels era. Adults, Kids, Teens, Young adults. I think I would’ve enjoyed this book as a kid as well, and I enjoyed it a lot now in my early twenties. It contains a little bit of everything and that makes it a really complete anthology.

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ucflibrary · 3 years

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Pride Month has arrived!

While every day is a time to be proud of your identity and orientation, June is that extra special time for boldly celebrating with and for the LGBTQIA+ community (yes, there are more than lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender folx in the queer community). June was chosen to honor the Stonewall Riots which happened in 1969. Like other celebratory months, LGBT Pride Month started as a weeklong series of events and expanded into a full month of festivities.

2021 is also the 5th anniversary of the Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando where 49 members of our community were murdered on June 12, 2016. On the main floor of the John C. Hitt Library there will be display cases with items from the University Archives relating to Pulse memorials as well as a display wall honoring the lives lost. Both of these library memorials were created in partnership with UCF LGBTQ Services. UCF will also be hosting several events in June to help the community remember, grieve and grow stronger. Full listing of events is available on the Pulse Remembrance event calendar.

Additional Pulse memorial events will be hosted by the onePULSE Foundation. An memorial archival collection from the first anniversary of the shooting can be found as part of the Resilience: Remembering Pulse in the STARS Citizen Curator collection.

In honor of Pride Month, UCF Library faculty and staff suggested books from the UCF collection that represent a wide array of queer authors and characters. Click on the read more link below to see the full list, descriptions, and catalog links. There is also an extensive physical display on the main floor of the John C. Hitt Library near the Research & Information Desk.

All Adults Here by Emma Straub Emma Straub's unique alchemy of wisdom, humor, and insight come together in a deeply satisfying story about adult siblings, aging parents, high school boyfriends, middle school mean girls, the lifelong effects of birth order, and all the other things that follow us into adulthood, whether we like them to or not. Suggested by Rachel Mulvihill, Downtown Library

All the Young Men: a memoir of love, AIDS, and chosen family in the American South by Ruth Coker Burks & Kevin Carr O'Leary A gripping and triumphant tale of human compassion, is the true story of Ruth Coker Burks, a young single mother in Hot Springs, Arkansas, who finds herself driven to the forefront of the AIDS crisis, and becoming a pivotal activist in America’s fight against AIDS. Suggested by Megan Haught, Student Learning & Engagement/Research & Information Services

And the Band Played On: politics, people and the AIDS epidemic by Randy Shilts An international bestseller, a nominee for the National Book Critics Circle Award, and made into a critically acclaimed movie, Shilts' expose revealed why AIDS was allowed to spread unchecked during the early 80's while the most trusted institutions ignored or denied the threat. One of the few true modern classics, it changed and framed how AIDS was discussed in the following years. Suggested by Becky Hammond, Special Collections & University Archives

Big Gay Adventures in Education: supporting LGBT+ visibility and inclusion in schools edited by Daniel Tomlinson-Gray A collection of true stories by 'out' teachers, and students of 'out' teachers, all about their experiences in schools. The book aims to empower LGBT+ teachers to be the role models they needed when they were in school and help all teachers and school leaders to promote LGBT+ visibility and inclusion. Each story is accompanied by an editor’s note reflecting on the contributor’s experience and the practical implications for schools and teachers in supporting LGBT+ young people and ensuring they feel safe and included in their school communities. Suggested by Terrie Sypolt, Research & Information Services

Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman The sudden and powerful attraction between a teenage boy and a summer guest at his parents' house on the Italian Riviera has a profound and lasting influence that will mark them both for a lifetime. Suggested by Rebecca Hawk, Circulation

Fun Home: a family tragicomic by Alison Bechdel Meet Alison's father, a historic preservation expert and obsessive restorer of the family's Victorian house, a third-generation funeral home director, a high school English teacher, an icily distant parent, and a closeted homosexual who, as it turns out, is involved with male students and a family babysitter. Through narrative that is alternately heartbreaking and fiercely funny, we are drawn into a daughter's complex yearning for her father. And yet, apart from assigned stints dusting caskets at the family-owned 'fun home, ' as Alison and her brothers call it, the relationship achieves its most intimate expression through the shared code of books. When Alison comes out as homosexual herself in late adolescence, the denouement is swift, graphic, and redemptive. Suggested by Michael Furlong, UCF Connect Libraries

Gender Queer: a memoir by Maia Kobabe; colors by Phoebe Kobabe In 2014, Maia Kobabe, who uses e/em/eir pronouns, thought that a comic of reading statistics would be the last autobiographical comic e would ever write. At the time, it was the only thing e felt comfortable with strangers knowing about em. Maia's intensely cathartic autobiography charts eir journey of self-identity, which includes the mortification and confusion of adolescent crushes, grappling with how to come out to family and society, bonding with friends over erotic gay fanfiction, and facing the trauma and fundamental violation of pap smears. Started as a way to explain to eir family what it means to be nonbinary and asexual, this is more than a personal story: it is a useful and touching guide on gender identity--what it means and how to think about it--for advocates, friends, and humans everywhere. Suggested by Megan Haught, Student Learning & Engagement/Research & Information Services

Heaven's Coast: a memoir by Mark Doty The harmonious partnership of two gay men is shattered when they learn that one has tested positive for the HIV virus. Suggested by Claudia Davidson, Downtown Library

Hurricane Child by Kheryn Callender Born on Water Island in the Virgin Islands during a hurricane, which is considered bad luck, twelve-year-old Caroline falls in love with another girl--and together they set out in a hurricane to find Caroline's missing mother. Suggested by Rebecca Hawk, Circulation

Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo Seventeen-year-old Lily Hu can't remember exactly when the question took root, but the answer was in full bloom the moment she and Kathleen Miller walked under the flashing neon sign of a lesbian bar called the Telegraph Club. America in 1954 is not a safe place for two girls to fall in love, especially not in Chinatown. Red-Scare paranoia threatens everyone, including Chinese Americans like Lily. With deportation looming over her father--despite his hard-won citizenship--Lily and Kath risk everything to let their love see the light of day. Suggested by Claudia Davidson, Downtown Library

Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me by Mariko Tamaki & Rosemary Valero-O’Connell All Freddy Riley wants is for Laura Dean to stop breaking up with her. The day they got together was the best one of Freddy's life, but nothing's made sense since. Laura Dean is popular, funny, and SO CUTE ... but she can be really thoughtless, even mean. Their on-again, off-again relationship has Freddy's head spinning - and Freddy's friends can't understand why she keeps going back. When Freddy consults the services of a local mystic, the mysterious Seek-Her, she isn't thrilled with the advice she receives. But something's got to give: Freddy's heart is breaking in slow motion, and she may be about to lose her very best friend as well as her last shred of self-respect. Mariko Tamaki and Rosemary Valero-O'Connell bring to life a sweet and spirited tale of young love that asks us to consider what happens when we ditch the toxic relationships we crave to embrace the heathy ones we need. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

LGBT Health: meeting the needs of gender and sexual minorities edited by K. Bryant Smalley, Jacob C. Warren, K. Nikki Barefoot A first-of-its-kind, comprehensive view of mental, medical, and public health conditions within the LGBT community. This book examines the health outcomes and risk factors that gender and sexual minority groups face while simultaneously providing evidence-based clinical recommendations and resources for meeting their health needs. Drawing from leading scholars and practitioners of LGBT health, this holistic, centralized text synthesizes epidemiologic, medical, psychological, sociological, and public health research related to the origins of, current state of, and ways to improve LGBT health. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

Lived Experience: reflections on LGBTQ life by Delphine Diallo A beautiful series of full-color portraits of LGBTQ people over the age of fifty, accompanied by interviews. Suggested by Jacqui Johnson, Cataloging

Love is for Losers by Wibke Bruggemann When Phoebe's mother ditches her to work as a doctor for an international human rights organization, she is stuck living with her mom's best friend, Kate, and helping out at Kate's thrift shop. There she meet Emma. Phoebe tries to shield her head and her heart from experiencing love-- after all, love is for losers, right? Suggested by Pam Jaggernauth, Curriculum Materials Center

Man Into Woman: an authentic record of a change of sex edited by Niels Hoyer This riveting account of the transformation of the Danish painter Einar Wegener into Lili Elbe is a remarkable journey from man to woman. Einar Wegener was a leading artist in late 1920's Paris. One day his wife Grete asked him to dress as a woman to model for a portrait. It was a shattering event which began a struggle between his public male persona and emergent female self, Lili. Einar was forced into living a double life; enjoying a secret hedonist life as Lili, with Grete and a few trusted friends, whilst suffering in public as Einar, driven to despair and almost to suicide. Doctors, unable to understand his condition, dismissed him as hysterical. Lili eventually forced Einar to face the truth of his being - he was, in fact, a woman. This bizarre situation took an extraordinary turn when it was discovered that his body contained primitive female sex organs. There followed a series of dangerous experimental operations and a confrontation with the conventions of the age until Lili was eventually liberated from Einar - a freedom that carried the ultimate price. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services

On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong This is a letter from a son to a mother who cannot read. Written when the speaker, Little Dog, is in his late twenties, the letter unearths a family's history that began before he was born -- a history whose epicenter is rooted in Vietnam -- and serves as a doorway into parts of his life his mother has never known, all of it leading to an unforgettable revelation. At once a witness to the fraught yet undeniable love between a single mother and her son, it is also a brutally honest exploration of race, class, and masculinity. Suggested by Rachel Mulvihill, Downtown Library

Queer Objects edited by Chris Brickell & Judith Collard Queer lives give rise to a vast array of objects: the things we fill our houses with, the gifts we share with our friends, the commodities we consume at work and at play, the clothes and accessories we wear, various reminders of state power, as well as the analogue and digital technologies we use to communicate with one another. But what makes an object queer? 63 chapters consider this question in relation to lesbian, gay and transgender communities across time, cultures and space. In this unique international collaboration, well-known and newer writers traverse world history to write about items ranging from ancient Egyptian tomb paintings and Roman artefacts to political placards, snapshots, sex toys and the smartphone. Suggested by Megan Haught, Student Learning & Engagement/Research & Information Services

Real Life by Brandon Taylor A novel of rare emotional power that excavates the social intricacies of a late-summer weekend -- and a lifetime of buried pain. Almost everything about Wallace, an introverted African-American transplant from Alabama, is at odds with the lakeside Midwestern university town where he is working toward a biochem degree. For reasons of self-preservation, Wallace has enforced a wary distance even within his own circle of friends -- some dating each other, some dating women, some feigning straightness. But a series of confrontations with colleagues, and an unexpected encounter with a young straight man, conspire to fracture his defenses, while revealing hidden currents of resentment and desire that threaten the equilibrium of their community. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

Riley Can’t Stop Crying by Stephanie Boulay While his sister tries everything to help, a young boy isn't sure why he can't stop crying in this transitional picture book. Suggested by Pam Jaggernauth, Curriculum Materials Center

Supporting Success for LGBTQ+ Students: tools for inclusive campus practice by Cindy Ann Kilgo This book aims to serve as a one-stop resource for faculty and staff in higher education settings who are seeking to enhance their campus climate and systems of support for LGBTQ+ student success. Included are theoretical frameworks and conceptual models that can be used in practice. Suggested by Terrie Sypolt, Research & Information Services

The City and the Pillar: a novel by Gore Vidal Jim, a handsome, all-American athlete, has always been shy around girls. But when he and his best friend, Bob, partake in “awful kid stuff,” the experience forms Jim’s ideal of spiritual completion. Defying his parents’ expectations, Jim strikes out on his own, hoping to find Bob and rekindle their amorous friendship. Along the way he struggles with what he feels is his unique bond with Bob and with his persistent attraction to other men. Upon finally encountering Bob years later, the force of his hopes for a life together leads to a devastating climax. The first novel of its kind to appear on the American literary landscape, this remains a forthright and uncompromising portrayal of sexual relationships between men. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services

The Invisible Orientation: an introduction to asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people's experiences in context as they move through a sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones. Suggested by Dawn Tripp, Research & Information Services

The New Testament by Jericho Brown The world of Jericho Brown's second book, disease runs through the body, violence runs through the neighborhood, memories run through the mind, trauma runs through generations. Almost eerily quiet in even the bluntest of poems, Brown gives us the ache of a throat that has yet to say the hardest thing-and the truth is coming on fast. Suggested by Claudia Davidson, Downtown Library

The Prophets by Robert Jones With a lyricism reminiscent of Toni Morrison, Robert Jones, Jr., fiercely summons the voices of slaver and enslaved alike, from Isaiah and Samuel to the calculating slave master to the long line of women that surround them, women who have carried the soul of the plantation on their shoulders. As tensions build and the weight of centuries—of ancestors and future generations to come—culminates in a climactic reckoning, masterfully reveals the pain and suffering of inheritance, but is also shot through with hope, beauty, and truth, portraying the enormous, heroic power of love. Suggested by Rachel Mulvihill, Downtown Library

The Ship We Built by Lexie Bean A fifth-grader whose best friends walked away, whose mother is detached, and whose father does unspeakable things, copes with the help of friend Sofie and anonymous letters tied to balloons and released. Includes a list of resources related to abuse, gender, sexuality, and more. Suggested by Pam Jaggernauth, Curriculum Materials Center

Tinderbox: the untold story of the Up Stairs Lounge fire and the rise of gay liberation by Robert W. Fieseler Buried for decades, the Up Stairs Lounge tragedy has only recently emerged as a catalyzing event of the gay liberation movement. In revelatory detail, Robert W. Fieseler chronicles the tragic event that claimed the lives of thirty-one men and one woman on June 24, 1973, at a New Orleans bar, the largest mass murder of gays until 2016. Relying on unprecedented access to survivors and archives, Fieseler creates an indelible portrait of a closeted, blue- collar gay world that flourished before an arsonist ignited an inferno that destroyed an entire community. The aftermath was no less traumatic--families ashamed to claim loved ones, the Catholic Church refusing proper burial rights, the city impervious to the survivors' needs--revealing a world of toxic prejudice that thrived well past Stonewall. Yet the impassioned activism that followed proved essential to the emergence of a fledgling gay movement. Fieseler restores honor to a forgotten generation of civil-rights martyrs. Suggested by Andy Todd, UCF Connect Libraries

Transgender: a reference handbook by Aaron Devor and Ardel Haefele-Thomas This book provides a crucial resource for readers who are investigating trans issues. It takes a diverse and historic approach, focusing on more than one idea or one experience of trans identity or trans history. The book takes contemporary as well as historic aspects into consideration. It looks at ancient indigenous cultures that honored third, fourth, and fifth gender identities as well as more contemporary ideas of what "transgender" means. Notably, it focuses not only on Western medical ideas of gender affirmation but on cultural diversity surrounding the topic. This book will primarily serve as a reference guide and jumping off point for further research for those seeking information about what it means to be transgender. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services

Transnational LGBT Activism: working for sexual rights worldwide by Ryan R. Thoreson Thoreson argues that the idea of LGBT human rights is not predetermined but instead is defined by international activists who establish what and who qualifies for protection. He shows how International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission (IGLHRC) formed and evolved, who is engaged in this work, how they conceptualize LGBT human rights, and how they have institutionalized their views at the United Nations and elsewhere. After a full year of in-depth research in New York City and Cape Town, South Africa, Thoreson is able to reconstruct IGLHRC’s early campaigns and highlight decisive shifts in the organization’s work from its founding to the present day. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

Upright Women Wanted by Sarah Gailey Esther is a stowaway. She's hidden herself away in the Librarian's book wagon in an attempt to escape the marriage her father has arranged for her--a marriage to the man who was previously engaged to her best friend. Her best friend who she was in love with. Her best friend who was just executed for possession of resistance propaganda. The future American Southwest is full of bandits, fascists, and queer librarian spies on horseback trying to do the right thing. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

Walt Whitman's Songs of Male Intimacy and Love: "Live oak, with moss" and "Calamus" edited by Betsy Erkkila This volume includes Whitman's handwritten manuscript version of the twelve "Live oak, with moss" poems along side with a print transcription of these poems on the opposite page, followed by a facsimile of the original version of the "Calamus" poems published in the 1860-61 edition of Leaves of grass, and a reprint of the final version of the "Calamus" poems in the 1881 edition of Leaves of grass. Suggested by Rebecca Hawk, Circulation

#ucf library #lgbtqia+ pride #featured bookshelf #one pulse

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shakespeareanwannabe · 3 years

Text

Drowning

Santiago Pope Garcia x F!OC/Santiago ‘Pope’ Garcia x Rebecca Cooke

Summary: Santiago follows through with his escape plan, only to find that his freedom comes with a heavy price.

Warnings: Drinking/Alcohol Consumption, Swearing, Benny being Benny, references to war time injuries, references to Anxiety if you squint, ghosting, nightmares, crying

A/N: Hey y’all. Sorry it’s been a while. Some stuff came up, but I was inspired to write this chapter anyway! Here’s chapter 6. Please enjoy!

**********

Santiago Garcia was one of the best of the best. One of the top ranked soldiers in the US Military. Delta Force, Special Operations…his team was the one you called when things got bad. And things often got bad.

Tom ‘Redfly’ Davis oversaw the team. Laser focused in the field and a brilliant tactician who always seemed to be able to get his team out of tight spots, Redfly saw Delta Force through multiple missions, as well as two tours of Afghanistan and Iraq.

Santiago ‘Pope’ Garcia was his right-hand man, his second in command. Where Redfly focused on the minor details, Pope was able to see the big picture. Combined, their abilities to plan and execute earned them the respect and admiration of their team.

William ‘Ironhead’ Miller was third in command. His cool head and philosophical manner ensured cohesion in the group of macho men. While the team was busy fighting the enemy, Will was busy making sure there was no fighting amongst the team.

Francisco ‘Catfish’ Morales was the pilot. The most intelligent of the bunch, he was often overlooked when it came to lauding praises, even if Pope would always claim that it was because of Frankie’s skillful maneuvering and calculating nature that they made it back in one piece.

Benjamin ‘Benny’ Miller was the youngest of the team, the most hotheaded, and the most emotionally vulnerable. Added to the team after their original fifth member was killed in action, Ironhead automatically took it upon himself to protect his baby brother, while the rest of the team protected Ironhead.

Together, they were the most successful, most ruthless, most cunning team to ever wear the United States flag on their shoulder. Ironhead, Catfish, and Benny trusted their fearless leaders to see them through any mission, no matter how bleak. Where they led, the team followed, no questions asked. Well, on the battlefield, that is…

“You fucking what!?!” Frankie exclaimed angrily while Benny and Will stared at him in astonishment.

Santi felt himself shrink. While he knew that his plan of action wasn’t the best, he didn’t know what else to do.

“I can’t drag her into all my bullshit, ‘Fish,” Santi sighed, dragging a hand down his face before chugging from his nearly-empty beer bottle.

“So, you thought that ghosting her was the best thing to do?” Benny exclaimed, leaning around his brother to get a good view of his former lieutenant. “Are you fucking stupid, Pope?”

“Ay, watch it, kid!” Santi grumbled. “You’ve seen her! She’s fucking perfect. I’m not ruining her. No way, man.” Santi chose to ignore Frankie’s mumbling in their shared mother tongue and cast his fishing line out into the lake once more.

It had been two weeks since the wedding, 13 days since the last time he saw Rebecca, and it was killing him, even if he knew it was for the best. So, when Will had offered up his fishing cabin in the woods for a boys weekend, he had jumped at the chance to get out of that big empty house, away from the clinic that he was slinking around under Charlie’s hateful glare, and far enough away from Bex’s building that he wasn’t tempted to just get up and drive there and beg for her forgiveness. It would be good for him. Clear his head. Get her out of his system, even if he was waking up every morning hard as a rock with thoughts of her smile and her softness and her heart at the forefront of his mind.

“Well, that fucking explains why Charlie went from crying over your speech at the wedding to asking me if I’d be okay burying your body in the backyard,” Frankie finally spoke in English.

Santi winced. After a week of actively ignoring his phone whenever it lit up with Rebecca’s name and smiling face, he supposed that Bex had asked Charlie what was up. And, since Charlie knew him well enough to know what nothing was actively wrong, he’d spent the last several of his physio appointments having to shield himself from his friend’s icy glare.

“What are you doing, man?” Will sat back with a sigh. “She’s the best you’re ever gonna get. You know that right?”

Santi clenched his fist around his fishing rod. “You think I don’t know that? She’s fucking perfect! Sweet and kind and unselfish and loving and sexy as all fuck! Who wouldn’t want that?”

“So, you’re either really fucking stupid or really fucking scared…” Benny muttered, leaning back to fetch another beer.

Santi felt something inside him burst. He was doing what was best for her, even if nobody in his life seemed to agree.

“Fuck this.” He threw his fishing rod to the ground and stood up. “I don’t have to deal with this shit. I’m going home.”

Frankie slowly stood up next to him with a few crackles and pops of his joints. “I drove you, dipshit. And you drank an entire six pack on your own. I’ll take you home.”

Frankie ambled over to give his goodbyes to Will and Benny while Santi stood with his arms crossed, staring out into the distance. He had thought Frankie and Will would understand. Frankie, who had to fight tooth and nail to keep the woman he loved after getting his license suspended. And Will, whose fiancée had left him six weeks before the wedding day, claiming the war had changed him and that he wasn’t the same man she fell in love with. Benny, who had loved more people than he could count, had never experienced that kind of love and loss before, and Santi hoped he never did. Everyone around them got sucked into their bullshit, and he wouldn’t let that happen to the most wonderful woman he had ever met.

“Hey,” Santi startled when a warm, gentle hand landed on his shoulder. He turned to meet Will’s warm gaze and placating smile. “We just want you to be happy, man.”

Santi sighed and nodded slowly. “Yeah, Will…I know, but—”

“But nothing, man,” Will interrupted gently, pulling him into a one-armed hug. “She makes you happier than I’ve ever seen you, Santi. Don’t lose that, or you’ll spend your life regretting it.”

Santi watched him walk away as Frankie came up beside him and started ushering him towards the truck.

**********

The two-hour drive home was longer than expected due to traffic on the highway, but the length was exasperated by the silence that was dragging out between the two men. Unlike the drive, the silence was atypical. Santi, who had grown accustomed to Frankie’s quiet calmness, usually filled the silence with stories to get Frankie talking or laughing. Now, the tension between the two was palpable, and Santi wasn’t about to try to break it when he had so much on his mind.

After almost three hours in the car together, Frankie pulled into Santi’s driveway and killed the engine.

Santi sighed, both in sadness and relief, and went to open the door. “Thanks,” he mumbled, hand resting on the handle and the door partially open.

“Listen, man…” Santi turned slightly to see Frankie had removed his cap and was rubbing at his forehead. “If she doesn’t make you happy, that’s fine. No point in making yourself miserable trying to drag out a relationship that just ain’t gonna work. But if that’s why you’re doing this, or if you’re doing it because of some bullshit protector instinct, then why are you so miserable? If she makes you happy but you’re worried about infecting her with your shit, then protect her from that by staying close and working hard.”

“I…” Santi swallowed. “I don’t want to hurt her, man.” He got out of the truck and stood next to the open door. “I won’t hurt her.”

Frankie fixed him with a glare, and Santi saw a flash of the old Frankie for a moment. “And what exactly are you doing right now, cabrón?”

Santi let the door swing closed as Frankie peeled out of his driveway and down the road.

**********

It took another week for Santiago to get his act together. The day Frankie dropped him off, he spent in his backyard, grilling and listening to music. If things were normal, it would be the day the whole gang got together at Frankie’s for food and fun and laughs, but things weren’t normal, so he settled in for some solo grilled chicken and some alone time. He woke up with nightmares around midnight, and when he woke up again around 2 a.m., he moved into the living room and resigned himself to crappy early morning TV until the sun came up.

The next day, on a whim, he started drafting a proposal for a private security company. He still had enough money from selling his weapons collection in Colombia to put together a decent business proposal, and it was better than sitting on his ass drinking all day, so he put his famed planning skills to work. Got Your Six Security would provide state of the art security systems as well as armed guards for those who desired them. The fees would be reasonable, they would cater to both private homes and public settings, and, best of all, they would only employ military or former military personnel. Luckily, Santi had kept in contact with a couple of the surveillance techs from his time overseas, and he knew that a small crew of them had been working on a state-of-the-art closed circuit security system and were looking to market it to high end customers. They had already agreed to work with him, he only needed to get a business plan and a small loan to get it up and running.

The day after that, he had a meeting with the bank, who had met his proposal with enthusiasm. (It helped that it was a company employing veterans, run by a veteran, who already had some capital to put up upfront.) All they asked was that he find his first customer before they signed off on the loan.

So, the following Monday, he straightened his suit and tie and headed into the last place he wanted to be: the art museum where Rebecca worked. It was the only business that had availability as soon as possible, they were willing to pay top dollar, and they seemed fairly desperate.

He met with two of the higher ups of the museum, Douchebag Derek’s mom and the owner of the building, and soon found out why they were so desperate.

“One of our paintings got stolen two nights ago,” Derek’s mom sighed. “We don’t know how, or why, but somebody got in, stole one of the Blair’s, and walked out with it. Our security guard claims that he didn’t hear anything, but the police are looking into it.”

“The point is,” Mr. Carlisle butted in. “We need something more high-tech than a retiree aged security guard. We need something that can send an alarm to the police if someone does get in, but also a few highly trained guards to watch the museum at night, in case someone does get in and the police are too slow. It seems to me that a military grade security system and some highly trained former soldiers are the perfect thing to protect the priceless works of art we house here at this institution.”

“Was anyone in the building when the painting was stolen?” The words escaped his mouth before he could even think. “I mean, besides the security guard.”

“No, thank god,” Mr. Carlisle replied. “Jerry, the security guard, says he saw out the last employee in the building before locking the door.”

“I’m just happy that nobody got hurt,” Derek’s mom simpered, and Santi caught a glimpse of her son’s douchebaggery in her voice.

“We’d be happy to help,” Santi smiled once he regained control of his voice, his shoulders relaxing at the news that Jerry had been alone in the building. “We’ll just need 50% of the cost of the alarm system up front before installation, then we can discuss how many guards you want on premises during the day and at night. Once we’ve got a number, we can go through the applicants together and we can find the ones who best suit your needs.”

It was after they dotted the i’s and crossed the t’s and Santi had received a firm handshake from Mr. Carlisle that it happened.

He was exiting Mr. Carlisle’s office, still facing the occupants of the room as he thanked them for their patronage, when he turned and bumped into something hard but soft and comforting and, even worse, familiar.

“Oof!”

A chill ran down his spine at the sound, the same sound she had made when he spanked her ass that morning.

“Shit, I’m…I’m, uh, I’m sorry.” Rebecca stilled in her crouched position, one hand on one of the loose sheets of paper he had knocked out of her arms. “Uh…here, let me help.”

He started to lower to the ground, wincing at his knees crackling, when she snatched up the paper he was reaching for and stood up. “Don’t bother.”

Already crouching, he let his head hang. He didn’t know how he expected their first encounter to go, but it certainly wasn’t that.

**********

A flash…a painful scream…his legs caught in quicksand…red pooling on the pristine white marble floors…the dull thud of her body dropping…the faceless thief escaping into the edges of his vision…cradling her lifeless body…

Santiago sat bolt up in bed, his heart racing and his chest heaving, his curls drooping onto his forehead with accumulated sweat.

Three nights of the same dream. Three nights of not being able to save her from the art thief. Three nights of sitting in bed, trembling while staring at her picture on his phone, his thumb hovering over the ‘Call’ button but always unable to take that final step.

First, she had bewitched him. Now, she was haunting him. One short, angry interaction was enough to bring her to the forefront of his mind (not that she was ever far from there), and now he couldn’t sleep.

Maybe Frankie was right. Doing the right thing shouldn’t make him this miserable. His heart shouldn’t ache when he thinks of her, he shouldn’t be so depressed when he sees couples together, and he really shouldn’t be dreaming about her death and waking up in tears.

He didn’t think. About any of it. Instead, he acted on instinct, throwing on a pair of threadbare sweatpants and a white vest and collecting his wallet and keys before hopping into his truck and driving the path he knew by heart.

**********

Bang Bang Bang!

Rebecca’s first instinct was to shout at whoever was knocking on her door at three a.m. to fuck off or she would call the cops. Her second instinct was to grab the baseball bat in her front closet and scare the intruder off herself.

She blamed the pint of Cherry Garcia (flavor chosen ironically, of course) and the three glasses of red wine she had drank before falling asleep on the couch for her poor decision-making skills as she stumbled off the couch and grabbed the bat.

“What the fu—”

“Holy shi—”

Santiago ducked away from the door, hands out in front of him as if to calm a wild animal.

“Bex! It’s me, Jesus Christ!”

She huffed. “Yeah, and? After the shit you’ve pulled, being met with a bat is the least of your concerns.” She rubbed her eyes. “What the hell do you want, Santiago?”

He winced at the full name. “C…Can we talk?”

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, bat hanging loosely between her fingers. “You’ve had three weeks to talk to me, asshole. What the fuck could you possibly have to say to me?”

Santi turned to look down the hall, wincing and apologizing as one of her neighbours shot him a dirty look. “Can we talk inside? Please? If you don’t like what I have to say, you can kick me out or call the cops. I really wouldn’t blame you. Just…please?”

Rebecca rolled her eyes, poking her head out. “Sorry, Mr. Chen. Tell Cindy that it’s the asshole boyfriend come to grovel.”

The man nodded knowingly and retreated into his apartment.

“I deserve that,” he mumbled, looking at her pleadingly.

Rebecca considered him for a moment. “You look like shit.”

“And I feel even worse. Baby, I…”

Rebecca cut him off. “If you seriously want to do this right now, I’m gonna need more wine.”

She turned her back on him and retreated into the apartment, leaving the door wide open. Santiago followed her after a beat, making sure the door was locked tight behind him.

“Baby, I—”

Bex held up a finger, pouring herself a large glass of red wine and sitting as far away from him as possible, draping a grey throw blanket over her lap before fixing him with a glare.

He met her eyes and felt himself deflate. “Fuck,” he groaned, raking his fingers through his hair. “I had it all planned out, every word I was going to say to you, and now I’m lookin’ at you and it’s all…” He made an exploding motion with his hands. “Poof. Gone.”

Rebecca burrowed further into her blanket. “Well, try. Because from where I’m sitting, you’re the one who needs to do the talking here. I’ve done my talking. On the half-dozen voicemails I left on your phone, in the dozens of texts I sent you, and in the email I wrote because I was panicking at the thought that you had gotten into some terrible accident and that was why you weren’t responding anymore. Because that is the only reason I could think of that you would suddenly stop talking to me.”

“I know. I know, you’re absolutely right. I fucked up in a major way, and I am so sorry. I know I messed up, but I need you to know that I never meant to hurt you.” Rebecca scoffed. “I’m serious, honey. In my own backwards as fuck way, I thought I was protecting you.”

“From what?” she asked angrily.

Santi felt something snap inside of him. “From me! From this forty-year-old fuck up sitting in front of you! Because I’m not a good man! Because I was shooting people and detonating bombs when you were still in grade school! Because I’ve killed people, good people…innocent people. Because my life is a mile-wide shit stain, and you don’t deserve to deal with that. Because…” Santi took a raggedy breath. “Because when I look at you, I see everything good about the world. And I know I’ve got blood and death on my hands, and I couldn’t live with myself if I let any of that effect you in any way.”

“Don’t you think that’s my choice?” she countered in a cold voice. “Don’t you think I should get to decide who deserves to be in my life? I might be a hell of a lot younger than you, Santiago, but my life hasn’t been all rainbows and unicorns. I know my worth. I know who belongs in my life. Not my narcissistic mother, who used my accident for sympathy from whoever she could get it from. Not my best friend from high school, who managed to turn everything into a fucking competition and only got bitchy when she ‘lost’. Not Douchebag Derek or fucking College Boyfriend Ben. And like it or not, I chose you. You with the bad knees and the greying hair and the blood and shit on your hands. God help me, but I chose you.” She chugged the rest of her wine, placing the glass harshly down on the coffee table.

“I know, sweetheart. God, you’re so fucking amazing, you know that?” he blinked back tears in his eyes. He had promised himself that he wouldn’t get emotional, that he would lay the facts out for her, but just being in her presence screamed safety to him and he could feel everything he had pushed down rising to the surface. “Y…you’re the best thing that ever happened to me, okay? And I know that’s a shitty, corny line, but it’s the truth. When I met you…I was in a bad place. My life had been one shit storm after another, and I thought coming home would fix that. Being around Frankie and Charlie, getting to bond with Mateo, having a home of my own for the first time…I was doing better. And then you crashed into my life, and all of a sudden everything felt good again. Like…the sun was shining on me but all of a sudden I could actually feel it and, for the first time, I wasn’t afraid of getting burned. You turned my whole plan upside down, and I was actually okay with it.” He chuckled, swiping at his cheeks as the first few tears started to fall. “I thought I could live in your orbit and just circle around you, not hurting you or effecting you in any way. But then…” he smiled softly. “Christ, that morning…Fuck, I realized that I was in so deep. Way deeper than I ever thought I would get. I was honestly, genuinely happy for the first time in years, and it was all because of you. And you were smiling at me all soft, and I realized something. I realized that living with you, spending the rest of my life with you, was something I could easily do and desperately wanted. And that scared the shit out of me. Because guys like me don’t get the happy ending. The credits start to roll just as we start dealing with the aftermath of whatever shitshow we just lived through, so that the audience doesn’t have to watch everything fall apart again. I…I couldn’t put you through that. Not when you’ve already got all your own stuff to deal with. Adding my own just felt selfish. And I know that’s a cop out, but it’s the truth. I honest to god just wanted to protect you.”

Rebecca’s gaze softened as her voice enveloped him. “So, why now? Why come to me now, if you’re so set on protecting me?”

He met her gaze. “The break in. At the museum. I-if you had been there, if you had gotten hurt…I don’t think I would’ve been able to handle it. That, plus some of Frankie’s patented wise wisdom, woke me up to what an idiot I’ve been. If I want to protect you, I’ve got to do it by being with you, and god baby, that’s all I want. And I know I fucked up. I basically did the same jackass thing that your college boyfriend did, only ten times worse because I promised I wouldn’t. I know I don’t deserve you, but I swear to god, baby, if you let me back into your life, I will work with you. I won’t keep anything from you, and I’ll always be honest with you, and when I try to protect you, I’ll do it by standing by your side and letting you know that I’m here. Even…” he gulped painfully. “Even if it’s just as a friend.”

Rebecca considered him carefully as Santi waited on bated breath. Finally, she spoke. “You really hurt me, Santi.”

He nodded, clenching his eyes shut. “I know. I know, baby, and I am so, so sorry.”

“Everything I was scared of, happened. I let you in, and you made me fall in love with you, then you left. You fucked me then fucked off. And you didn’t even have the decency to tell me why. I agonized for weeks over what I could have possibly done wrong.”

“No, baby,” he took a chance and shifted to sit next to her, gently cradling her hand in his. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. This is all on me, okay?”

She played with his fingers, rough and callused from his time handling firearms. “It is,” she nodded. “It is all on you…but when I ran into you at the museum, I felt like I could breathe for the first time in weeks. I wanted to be angry at you, but I just felt sad because…because I wanted you to do some stupid, corny, romcom level bullshit like fall to your knees and beg for my forgiveness or sweep me up into your arms and say that you would never let me go again.”

Santiago cupped her cheek, carefully brushing away the stray tear meandering over her cheekbone. “What are you saying?” he asked, trying desperately to keep the hope from his voice.

She sighed. “It means…that I’m too tired to deal with this right now.” She stood, not releasing his hand. “C’mon. You can sleep here tonight, and we can figure this out in the morning.”

He stood hesitantly. “Are you sure? I can sleep here on the couch?” He eyed the leather distastefully. “Or I can go sleep in my truck. I…I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

She was already shaking her head. “No, then I’ll just feel guilty. That couch is not comfortable and your truck with play hell with your neck. You can stay in my bed. Just…don’t worry about it.”

She padded silently into her room, tugging him behind her. Swiftly, she tugged down the meticulously straightened sheets and slid into her side of the bed, Santiago following after a short pause.

He laid there for what felt like hours, staring up at the ceiling, thanking god that he was there with the woman he loved and praying for a chance to make things right.

For the first time in forever, his prayers seemed to be answered quickly.

“I can hear you thinking,” Rebecca mumbled as she rolled over and placed her head on his chest. “Stop thinking, Santi. We can figure out everything in the morning.”

He carefully wrapped his arms around her and buried his nose in her hair, eyes drifting closed to send him into the deepest sleep he’d had in a month.

**********

He awoke the same way he’d fallen asleep, wrapped around Rebecca like he was afraid that, should he let go even an inch, she’d disappear.

He pulled back a fraction of an inch to gaze at her peaceful face before pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.

She released a soft, sleepy mewl before her eyes blinked open.

She smiled softly at him. “Hey…”

The words poured out of him before he could even think. “Move in with me.”

She crinkled her brow. “What?”

He caught her hand and brought it up to his mouth, kissing her palm. “I love you. And I want to prove to you that I’m in this for the long haul. You’re it for me, Rebecca. So, move in with me.”

Her sleepy eyes took him in for a moment, and Santi’s breath caught in his chest. But before he could backtrack or explain further, he felt his heart stop.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

**********

Tags list (open): @darksideofclarke, @writefightandflightclub, @rae-rae-patcha, @himbopoes, @sophoclese, @phoenixhalliwell, @buckstaposition, @who-talks-first, @hkmultifandom, @youhavereachedtheendofpie

#santiago pope garcia x oc #santiago pope garcia x rebecca cooke #triple frontier fanfic #not another fairytale ending fic #santiago pope garcia #frankie catfish morales #Oscar Issac #Pedro Pascal

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lia-jones · 3 years

Text

Growing Together - Chapter Nineteen - Hamsa

CONTENT WARNING: This chapter contains a suicide letter, mentions violence, drug abuse, and rape. I tried to keep it light, but if you are easily triggered by such subjects, avoid the parts in italic.

Let no sadness come to their hearts

Let no trouble come to their arms

Let no conflict come to their eyes

Let their souls be filled with the blessing of joy and peace.

Hamsa Prayer (adapted by the author)

Victor sat in his study, staring at the three folders on his desk.

The covers were bare and unidentified so any potentially prying eyes wouldn’t guess their importance, but Victor had gone through them so many times that he could name all three without even opening them, knowing them just by the dents and folds on the cardboard cover. Needless to say, he could just as well set them on fire, he knew their contents by heart.

The first folder on the left contained intelligence regarding his long-time adversary, Lucien Xu. It contained detailed information cataloging his whereabouts and activities before and after the Blackout. Lucien Xu, AKA Ares, like all evolvers, had lost his powers and been given no choice but to live the life of a mere human, appearing to have abandoned the ambitions he had as an important member of Black Swan’s council.

Victor never knew exactly what had happened to Black Swan, as his memories of that time were hazy at best. He was able to recall some pivotal moments, like him being the one that caused the Blackout, or rescuing Mia from the Queen, but not much else. However, from what he did remember, he knew that he had been involved in some violent physical altercations. Consequently, it was easy to assume that a head injury or something similar was making it hard for him to retrieve all the data and connect the dots.

He had looked everywhere for the other members of BS, but only found a few, also leading normal lives far away. The rest of them were mysteriously gone, probably in hiding. Unfortunately, there was no new information that could help him piece together what had really happened. But most importantly, there was no logical answer as to why Lucien had decided to show his face presently or why he had taken such an interest in his wife.

It wasn’t unreasonable to assume that revenge was all Lucien was after, and Andrea was an easy target, given the role she played in Victor’s life. But Lucien wasn’t a careless fool; he wouldn’t risk his life because of a vendetta, especially now that he didn’t have his Evol to protect him. There had to be something else that Victor didn’t know, or worse, something he couldn’t remember. It was imperative that he discovered what it was. Maybe he would have to play some trump cards he would rather keep up his sleeve, but his wife’s safety was at stake. For her, he would stop at nothing.

The second folder’s cover was badly mistreated, due to the many times Victor had gripped it in anger. It concerned a man he hated with all his heart: Daniel, Andrea’s abusive ex-boyfriend. Besides some information about the shady operations the spineless piece of scum conducted---embezzlement and a few indiscretions of a sexual nature---the pages described extensively and thoroughly the progress of his current case in court, including the accusation and defense strategies and the evidence both sides possessed to corroborate it.

Daniel’s legal team had tried to extradite him to Portugal, knowing the bureaucracy that the country’s judicial system entailed would delay the reading of a sentence for years, providing him with plenty of time to either try to retaliate again or simply take all the money he had stolen and disappear. Naturally, Victor would never allow for either to happen, so after a few phone calls and the intervention of the CEO’s own legal team, Daniel’s request for extradition was denied. All that he had to do now was to ensure Daniel would get the heavy sentence he deserved. He would make sure the man who threatened his wife would spend the rest of his life behind bars, where he couldn’t hurt Andrea or anyone else, for that matter.

His wife knew nothing about his interference in Daniel’s trial, and it was critical that she remained ignorant of his actions. Despite understanding firsthand the gravity of the situation, she would never condone Victor using his influence to their own benefit, disregarding someone else’s rights, even if they were the ones of the man that had taken so much from her. Although Victor could understand the sentiment and usually despised such acts of nepotism, in this particular case he felt he was being quite benevolent: for someone who had hurt the woman he loved above any other, and had the audacity of trying to hurt her yet again, Daniel was lucky to see his life spared.

The third file was the most recent one, and the one that worried Victor the most at the moment. It was a background check on Pamela Cole, Owen’s biological grandmother. Victor had to admit, the woman was smart, she had played her cards right. Anyone who had ever read a magazine article about Andrea could see she was highly praised for not only her insightful mind, but also her kind heart, which made her a formidable woman, and also an easy target. Obviously, when the old woman humbly entered Andrea’s office telling stories of regret and hopes of forgiveness and reconnection, his wife’s heart softened. Victor, however, knew better.

It was obvious this woman wasn't concerned about her grandson, or else she would’ve looked for him sooner. Victor also didn’t believe her story of trying to turn her life around, he knew first hand that rarely ever happens. A mother who allows her own child to get molested by strangers isn’t the kind that changes or sees error’s in her ways. And judging by her clean criminal sheet, it wasn’t like she had acted out of suffering or despair. She had been careful; she didn’t want to get caught. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time someone had tried to tug at Victor’s heartstrings for his money. As soon as she got her hands on Owen, she would manipulate him, surreptitiously extorting money from Victor through his son. And that he would not allow.

No matter what Andrea said, that woman would never see Owen. Should she try to obtain visiting rights judicially, he was prepared. Even if her records were clean and he had no way to prove she was a bad influence on his child, he had one thing he could use. He opened Pamela’s folder, retrieving from it an old envelope. This piece of paper contained Owen’s inheritance, the very last proof of his mother’s love, her suicide note. This was his only weapon against that woman, where the girl clearly stated she didn’t want her mother to raise Owen. Victor couldn’t stop his hands from shaking as he unfolded the old notepad sheet, stained with tears. What he read there was cruel and hurtful, but it was also a testimony of Owen’s mother’s love for her son.

My name is Rebecca Cole, and I’m 21 years old. The little boy that you’ll find next to me is my son, Owen. He’ll probably be scared. He loves chocolate milk, so give him some, maybe he’ll calm down a bit.

I never amounted to much, although I did try. My life is full of bad choices and evil people, except for the one that helped me conceive this little boy. I don’t want to name him, he doesn’t even know Owen exists, and that’s for the better. He’s in medical school now, he must be able to move on with his life without paying the price for my poor life decisions.

As you may have already noticed, I don’t have much to leave to my child. In fact, I own nothing that you see. Everything belongs to Stan, he’s buried in the back. I’m sorry, I had to do it. I couldn’t let him hurt anyone else.

There is no will, and no inheritance, just a story. A story that will maybe help you understand why I did what I did, why I left a sweet child behind. His heritage is ugly and troubled. But it is my story, and I want him to understand that I didn’t leave him. When I do what I’m planning to do, I have his best interest in my heart. Mommy loves you, Owen. That will never change. I promise I will always take care of you, even from Heaven, if it will have me.

I was born in the back of a rusty Honda my mom bought to escape her own mother. You see, my grandparents were religious and ashamed that their daughter was pregnant out of wedlock. They forced her to give me away, so she ran away with 20 dollars in her pocket, a duffel bag full of clothes, and the old car she bought with her meager life savings. After she heard my first cry she cut my umbilical cord with a pocket knife, wrapped me in an old sweater, and drove away in the rusty and bloody Honda.

At first, she did her very best to raise me. She worked as a waitress and would take odd jobs here and there to support us. But one day, I must have been around five, she ran into a friend from high school. That’s when she started resenting me. I lost my mother the day that old highschool friend told her she was married, living in a beautiful suburban house and with a baby on the way. All my mother couldn’t have. She wanted more, and I was the thing stopping her from having it.

I could tell you about the beatings, but I don’t want Owen to read about them. I could tell you that I was kicked around the house like a football and treated like I was some monster she had a hard time facing, let alone loving. I could tell you about the men that often shared her bed, only to hours later share mine, after she fell asleep. My mother would turn a blind eye to it, telling me that life was full of men that wanted things for free, and it would be better for me to just get used to it. So I did.

Funny how people sometimes talk about self-respect and dignity with their mouths full. A social worker once told me that I didn’t have to endure violence, but she doesn’t know my life. She doesn’t know what it’s like to be so love-starved that dignity and self-respect are merely ideas compared to the physical pain lack of love brings. I’ve seen men risk their lives with their families, comfortable lives, not because they need to satisfy a lusty hunger, but because they need to fill the holes in their chests.

As a teenager, boys didn’t interest me, as I already had men I didn’t want in my bed. But there was one that stole my heart: the only one that actually showed kindness towards me, Owen’s father. See, when you are love-starved and someone actually gives you love, even in a very limited way, you feel like you can conquer the world. I know he probably didn’t love me as much as I loved him, but he was nice to me. He took care of me and iced my bruises when things were a little rougher at home, and stayed with me by the bridge smoking joints when I was hiding from my mother or one of her boyfriends. And because of that, I gave my body and soul to that red-haired boy. I let him touch me like those other men would touch me, and though I could see he wasn’t as experienced, he was more loving. I got pregnant at 17.

The bad thing about heritage is that it’s like a story that tends to repeat itself over generations. I didn’t escape my mother’s house, but I was kicked out the day I turned 18, my belly large and round as a full moon. I did not have my son in a rusty Honda, but I did have him on the kitchen floor of the diner I worked at, also as a waitress. The cook cut my son’s umbilical cord with his kitchen knife. The owner helped me find a shelter until I could get back on my feet and gave me a small raise to help me raise my baby. In six months, I was able to rent a one-bedroom old crooked house in the suburbs. The owner sometimes would give me diapers and cash for some special favors. I did them all gladly. All I ever did was for my son. We lived happily for a year, sleeping in a queen-sized bed, watching cartoons during my free time. Owen was incredibly smart and learned to talk real soon. His hair grew to have little red curls, just like his father, and he was my true companion. I don’t know if he understood all the things I told him, but he always listened to me.

My bad choice was Stan. I was love-starved. I had only met one man who had ever been kind to me, and it was a boy with hopes and dreams of becoming a doctor. The burden of raising a child was too big for me to bear, and I needed someone to lean on. When Stan came with flowers and a promise of a happy life, although I didn’t love him, I took it. Owen needed a father, and I needed a husband. I didn’t want to become my mother. Her bed had seen more passengers than the city bus.

But Stan had no love to give. Stan was no different than all the other men that came to touch me at night. He only had demands and violence, and a bad taste for drugs. Whatever he had to give me, I took, I needed to numb the pain. I needed the high to stop caring, to stop feeling. But the high also made me stop caring for my son as he deserved. He deserves only the best.

When my son gets old enough to understand, tell him I’m sorry for not caring, tell him I’m sorry I left him alone with Stan so many times. I didn’t know, or didn’t want to believe, and it was only when I saw the bruises in this little body that I fully understood what was happening. That is my biggest regret. That I didn’t see it fast enough.

I could see the red flags rising, my heritage catching up with me, and this time I had to do something about it. I waited until Stan fell asleep and injected him with enough heroin to drop a horse. I know what will happen to me, I know soon enough I’ll be in jail, maybe for a lifetime. And I can’t burden my son with that. And to be honest, I’d rather have a quick death than a slow painful life.

I know Owen can survive my death. He is a beautiful and smart child, he will find someone who loves him. This is my gift to him. A ticket out of here.

This is why I do this. Because I want to end this shitty heritage. Look for no kin, the only one left is my mother, and I don’t want her raising him. This must end with me. With me gone, he gets another chance to be someone else. A bad one or a good one, I have no idea. But surely a different one. Whether he is a doctor like his father, or a waiter like his mother, I hope at least he is not love-starved. If one day he asks why I died, tell him it was because I loved him more than my own life. He should feel loved at all times. Please love him like he deserves.

With all the gratitude in my heart,

Becca

Victor folded the letter, putting it back in the envelope. He didn’t know Becca, but he knew despair. And he knew what it was like to love like that. So deeply that life was meaningless if it wasn't devoted to the loved one’s happiness.

The knock on the door made Victor shift his focus to reality, quickly taking the three folders and putting them in his drawer. A second later, he heard a familiar, loving voice.

“Are you done with work? I’m going to get Owen in bed.”

Without a word, Victor got up from his chair and walked to his wife, taking her in his arms, planting a kiss on her hair.

“Everything ok?” She watched him carefully. “You look tense.”

“And you look tired.” He playfully turned her in his arms so she would face the door, pushing her to leave. “Come on. We need to put our son and then you in bed.”

His whole world fit perfectly in Owen’s bed: the boy in the middle, Victor and Andrea laying beside him. Despite being able to read perfectly at the age of 5, Owen began to appreciate the comfort of a bedtime story and would ask for one whenever possible. Andrea would convince Victor to read it because she loved how he would use different voices for different characters. And although he was extremely embarrassed at first, as soon as he saw the excited look in his son’s eyes and heard his wife’s amused giggles, he fully embraced his part, using the deepest voice to depict a big scary monster or a higher pitch to illustrate a naive princess.

As he reached the final pages of the book, Victor put aside the voices as usual, using his softest tone to lull his son to sleep. That particular night, his technique worked way too well: as he closed the book and gazed at his slumbering son, he found his wife curled against the little boy, eyes also closed, breathing slowly and deeply. He took the time to watch them, sleeping soundly, unaware of the evil in this world.

He would do anything to keep this bliss. His bliss. He would keep them safe, their smiles bright and happy, without the shadows of this world. No matter what it took.

#victor mlqc #victor mldd #mlqc li zeyan #mlqc fanfic #mldd fanfic #love and producer #growingtogether #Growing Pains - Series #victor x oc

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amlovelies · 3 years

Text

a discovery

chapter 14 of Just Another Liability

pairing: mason/f!oc (Serena Willis)

warnings: some angst and cursing. mention of childhood neglect/abandonment issues

words: 3k (I know! this is the longest installment I’ve written by far)

read on ao3

I wasn’t given a choice in the matter. Agent Greene needed me to meet her at the Warehouse, and by the tone of her voice I knew better than to argue. I could refuse to go, but part of me is nervous. I can’t think what would be so important.

The drive back to Wayhaven is stressful. It’s my first time returning, and I don’t know the roads very well. At least it gives me something to focus on. Something besides the gnawing worry about seeing Mason. It took me too long to decide what to wear and I’m sure Agent Greene will be pissed when I show up. I probably shouldn’t have taken the time to apply a little eyeliner and mascara, but I had to.

I need some sort of armor.

I waste even more time at the front door. Everything looks the same. It’s strange to think it’s been almost a month since I was here last.

They’re probably all in the living room; I move through the labyrinthian hallway on autopilot trying to focus more on what could be so important to have me come out here rather than seeing Mason. I mean really, I need to get it together and get my priorities straight.

Besides I should be used to people not loving me. My mom made it clear how much I ruined her life. My dad didn’t even care that I was born. On the scale of things, my fuck buddy not catching feels isn’t that big a deal.

Except it feels like a huge fucking deal when I turn the corner and find him walking towards me.

“Shit.” I feel my heart drop to my stomach. I think this is the first time we’ve been alone together since that night. I feel his eyes sweep over me and I’m glad I took the extra time to get ready.

“Took you long enough, swe—” he stumbles over the word. We both know what he was going to say. “Everyone’s waiting on you.”

“Yeah, well it’s not like I was given much of a heads up. Just a cryptic fucking call. I do have my own life you know.” That’s not exactly true. I worked a few days a week at an agency dispensary for supernaturals in the area, and while I was on friendly terms with the coworkers there, I didn’t have any social life to speak off. The most exciting thing on my calendar would be my bi-weekly visits to the facility to use their training room.

He shrugs, “that’s the agency for you.”

“Let’s just get this over with,” I won’t let myself meet his eyes as I move to walk past him.

He falls into step alongside me. Once or twice our arms brush, and I my skin itches with the proximity. I don’t know if he’s trying to put me at ease, to show me that everything can be normal, but it’s having the opposite effect. Which he probably knows because of his stupid vampire super senses. With any luck he’ll think I’m just nervous about his meeting. Sure, let’s go with that.

I enter the room first, and walk towards what used to be my usual chair.

“How nice of you to make sure Serena didn’t get lost in her old home,” Farah quips and I hear a low growl from Mason in response.

Please don’t let her be like that through this whole meeting.

Everyone is in their familiar places spread out across the room, but there’s a tension in the room I don’t recognize. It’s then that I notice the vaguely familiar looking man standing off to the side. He looks uncomfortable, always shifting his weight from side to side.

“So, what’s so important that I needed to come down here,” I ask as I settle into the chair. Out of the corner of my eye I can see where Mason has perched himself against one of the side tables. I’m torn between my desire to ignore him, to put a brave face on it, and my need to drink in the sight of him. To memorize the placement of every freckle on his face for my lonely days back in the city, but I won’t do that because that would be pathetic.

Dinah speaks first, “it’s my fault, Serena. I told Agent Greene we couldn’t continue without you here. This concerns you too.”

“As you know we took samples and did extensive testing when you first arrived here,” Agent Greene interjects and I stiffen in anticipation for what will come next. Is there something wrong with me?

“Well, that’s ominous. What do I have cancer or something?”

“No, no I can assure you that you are in perfect health,” the man speaks up. “You may not remember me, but I assisted with some of the testing when you first arrived at the facility.

“Dr. Franks also did extensive testing on me,” Dinah says from where she is seated next to Nate. She’s on the edge of her seat. Elbows resting on her knees and staring at me so intently I almost wonder if I have something on my face.

“I thank you both for your cooperation,” the man says before turning to face me. “It’s specially exciting to get to meet the first arrival from a new portal.”

A scoff from Dinah interrupts him and I see Agent Greene stiffen.

“Okay so I’m not about to drop dead, good to know, but that still doesn’t explain what’s going on.”

“Dr. Franks, noticed a pattern between yourself and Detective Greene.” I raise my eyebrow to hear her address her daughter so formally. “As of yet, no one outside of this room has been informed. We already know there are moles within the agency, and for her safety I would like to keep it that way.

“Right, it’s my safety your worried about,” Agent Greene pretends not to hear the outburst from Dinah.

“I was hesitant to include you, given your current status.”

“But Dinah insisted.” I finish the thought.

“Yes,” Agent Greene says as she clasps her hands in front of her and if I didn’t know any better, I would say they shaking. the look she gives me is not a kind one. I’ve never found myself comfortable with Agent Greene, but the effect is worse than usual today.

“So, what do I have crazy super blood as well?”

“No. Your blood doesn’t appear to have any amplifying effect.” Dr. Franks answers.

“Then what the fuck is it?”

“They think we’re related.” Dinah’s voice is soft and it takes me a second to process the words. “We are about a 25% match; it would be consistent with half siblings.”

“Okay, sure, and I’m also long-lost royalty.” I say with a roll of my eyes, but no one laughs. If anything, the tension in the room amplifies. Half siblings. One parent in common. God knows it isn’t my bitch of a mother, Dinah has her own one of those.

“This has to be some sort of mistake. I know who my father is. There’s no way. I’m not ever from this world.”

“Apparently you weren’t the first to come through that portal,” Dinah says her voice like ice and her eyes never leaving Rebecca.

Rebecca won’t meet her gaze. Dinah shakes her head and shakes off the reassuring hand Nate tries to place on her arm, “and I thought we were done with secrets.” She says with a bitter laugh.

“So, what, your dad was actually from my world? But I thought the agency didn’t have any records of other portals?” I ask trying to get all the pieces to fit together in my head. It feels like too much.

“Yes. You are the first person that the agency knows of,” Rebecca says her eyes sliding over to where Dr. Franks stands, “we are all shocked to learn about it. My late husband didn’t talk a lot about his past, and I respected his wish for privacy.”

I don’t believe her for a second. She knew. She knew all this time that I wasn’t the first. I run my hands over my face and try to wrap my head around it all. It’s bad enough trying to consider the fact that there might be other trapped here like me. I don’t know if I can even begin to grabble with the dad stuff. It’s not much of a loss discovering my father is not actually my father. He decided he didn’t want a daughter anymore when I was about four and I hadn’t seen or heard from him.

I remember seeing photos of Dinah’s dad in her office. He had an open face, always smiling holding her tight. Not just Dinah’s dad that could have been my dad.

“I will need to do further testing, but I believe that Detective’s Greene’s mutation may be caused by her unique heritage. If that is the case, there is a good chance that any children you might have would exhibit that same mutation.”

“Any what now?” I ask surprised.

“I would have to do further testing, but there’s a good chance that this is the source of the mutation. We couldn’t understand it before because we believed that Detective Greene had human parentage, but now knowing it is more complicated opens up other avenues of possibilities.”

He’s talking more to himself than us at this point and I tune it out. I run my hands over my face and try and keep above the swirling maelstrom that my thoughts have turned into. Knowing he wasn’t my father isn’t much of a loss. He stopped being a dad to me when I was four, but what did that leave me? Just the mistaken product of a one-night stand? I always knew I wasn’t planned, wasn’t wanted, the only reason for my mom’s first marriage. Was that why they got divorced, did he figure out he wasn’t my father? Maybe I really did ruin her life. It’s getting harder to breath and I think I might throw up.

A banging sound brings me back to the present and I look up to see Mason half way between the side table and my chair. Our eyes meet for a moment and against all reason I feel a little calmer. I lose myself a little in his grey depths and my racing thoughts begin to settle. There will be time to deal with my feelings about this. I say deal as if I won’t just bury it down like I do with everything else. What matters right now is what this means for us now.

“Okay, so say this is really true, what does it change?” I ask looking around the room.

Adam speaks up from the window, “I don’t think you should return to your apartment. I think for the time being you should return to the warehouse.”

I tense up at the thought, “I don’t really think that’s necessary. It’s not like my blood is super powered.”

“Perhaps not, but supernaturals have long lives. They may be willing to wait a generation to have access to the boost the mutation supplies.” Adam says with a grimace.

“Fine.” I concede and the tension in the room eases up a bit. “I’ll need a change of clothes and my stuff though.”

Adam nods, “make us a list and we will go grab them for you.”

“I will accompany Dr. Franks back to the facility and see if there is anything else, we missed in the test.” Agent Greene says signaling the end of the meeting.

Farah nearly knocks me over in her excitement to hug me. “You must be so excited! I told you Unit Bravo was a family, and now look it really is.”

I try and match her excitement. I really do, but it’s not easy.

Now that Agent Greene has left, Dinah is closer to her usual warm self. She hugs me for a long time, talking about how she always wanted a sister, that she had already thought of me as almost a sister.

It’s overwhelming. I think I say the right things. I think I look like I’m fine.

Dinah begins to tell me everything she can remember about her father, our father. How he was such a great dad, how much he cared, how much she misses him, how much she wished she had been able to know he better.

I feel like I can’t breathe. How different would my life had been if he never fell through the portal? What I wouldn’t have given to have a father like him, to feel loved and cherished even all these years later. What I wouldn’t give to remember a parent with love rather than bitterness, to have just one person in my life who looked out for me. But I didn’t get that. He fell through a hole in the world and Dinah got that instead. I feel so bitter I think I might chock on it.

I lie and say I need to go to the bathroom.

I don’t have a plan besides getting away from all the attention. I let me feet guide me and end up at the training room. Hitting something matches my mood exactly.

I fall into a rhythm. The sound of my fists hitting the dummy echoing in the empty space of the training room.

How did I ever get by without this before? Maybe my life wouldn’t have been so messy if I’d just let myself hit things.

I don’t notice him at first. Not until I stop to grab some water and I see him leaning against the door frame. If I wasn’t already winded from my excursions the intensity of his gaze would probably take my breath away.

I let myself look at him really look at him. Is it possible that I forgot how beautiful he is? I thought I could recall him well, the way the light catches in his eyes, the delicate spray of freckles across his golden skin, but my memories pale in comparison to the reality.

“Mason,” I say with a nod raising the water bottle to my lips.

He pushes off the wall and I watch his movements with rapt attention. He turns to face me in the center of the training mats before tying his hair back and sinking into a familiar position.

It’s an invitation.

Sparring with Mason isn’t a graceful dance. It is brutal, and it suits my mood just fine. Oh, sure he’s pulling his punches back, but even then, it still stings when he lands a hit. It still takes me a moment to recover when I land flat on my ass.

I manage to land a few hits, and I don’t know if it’s a testament to my skill improving, or if he’s letting me, but I don’t care. It’s still satisfying. It’s still distracting. It’s still what I need.

The next time he knocks me down I stay on the ground. I’m too tired to keep going, and the tangled knot of emotions in my chest feels less overwhelming.

“Better?” Mason asks.

“Yes, thank you.” I mean it. After all my stupidity, he should be the last person I want to be around, but I don’t know if I could stand being around anyone else right now. Between Farah and her excitement and questions, and Nate’s whole idolization of family ties, I’d felt like screaming.

“Dinah seems happy.”

“Yeah,” I say as I rise to a sitting position.

“but you’re not.”

I pull my legs in close and rest my head on my knees, “I’m too many things right now.”

If this was a few months ago, this would be the part where he offers to distract me. This is where he would say something crass like he’d be happy to make me cum too many times. But he can’t say that now, so he just shifts his weight from side to side looking uncomfortable.

“Thank you for the sparring, it helped, but you don’t need to do this.” I say with a sigh.

“Do what?”

“Stick around, check on me. I’ll be fine. I’m always fine.” Except my voice cracks a little on that last syllable. Once I start crying it hits hard. I can’t even figure out what exactly I’m crying about, there’s just this needy little part of me that’s angry and sad and normally I can keep her under control, but today was too much. Today was too many memories and reminders.

I don’t expect the tentative touch to my back, the weight of his hand, the quiet reassurance that he is there. I don’t know why he is here, or what it means, but right now I don’t care. I just want. I lean against him and let his arms wrap around me.

We stay that way for several minutes, until my tears slow down, until I feel calmer. When he pulls away, he does so quickly. All too soon he is standing several feet away.

“I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t be. Will you be okay?”

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.” I say with a wave of my hand.

His brow furrows before he answers, “I do though.”

Oh, my traitorous heart thrills at that. How little does that fool need to threaten to come bursting out of my chest and follow him as he walks towards the door.

tag list for the au (let me know if you would like to be added or removed): @lord-king-saint, @lilyoffandoms, @tracing-freckled-constellations, @vienocalledmebuddy, @freckles-spangledvampire, @utterlyinevitable, @whippedforethanfreakingramsey

#the wayhaven chronicles #just another liability #twc mason #oc: serena willis #fanficiton #lovelieswrites

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florvinhara · 3 years

Text

my detectives (part 1)

kjahfjhsj i can have a little infodumping... as a treat... anyway this was originally gonna be 1 post but then i got carried away so part 1 in the series of me ranting abt my detectives!

Kira Isabella Song

Romances N, F, or M

Age: 25 at the start of book 1, currently 26

Birthday: February 7

Star sign: Aquarius sun, Taurus moon, Scorpio rising

Height: 5’7”

Hair: Short, ash blonde, a little longer than chin length

Eyes: dark brown

Race/ethnicity: Korean-American

Other appearance details: Several beauty marks on face and body. a few subtle scars on face/legs from falling out of trees, etc. fingers are callused from band practice and left hand fingers are a little crooked from being broken.

Languages: English, Spanish, a few basic phrases in some other languages

Stats:

Charming/Intimidating

Impulsive/Cautious

Sarcastic/Genuine

Friendly/Stoic

Easygoing/Stubborn

Heart/Mind (equal)

Optimist/Pessimist

Team player/Independent

Primary skills: Science & combat

Strengths: Trustworthy, strong, courageous, calm under pressure, compassionate, thorough, clever, good intuition, self-sufficient, sure of herself

Weaknesses: Petty, caustic, distrustful, secretive, lackadaisical, insubordinate, emotionally unintelligent, can be disdainful, uncommunicative, contrary

Personal:

overall body language is casual and unbothered, lowkey her posture is kind of yikes RIP but she has a very fluid way of moving

her voice is smooth and somewhat low in pitch, very even in tone

Loud and/or jumbled sounds sometimes overwhelm her; she usually has noise cancelling headphones with her just in case

Rebellious as a teenager; she started skipping school and getting into fights, did some graffiti and one time she stole a street sign that she may or may not still have

When she wasn’t breaking rules, etc. she was taking boxing lessons, chilling in the library, going on runs, or playing bass guitar in her band

Wanted to get out of Wayhaven as soon as possible after college but was arrested after she came back because she was selling fake IDs and stole a car; absolutely did not want to be law enforcement but Rebecca and the captain essentially made her

The deal was that she would work at the station for 5 years and if she did well/stayed out of trouble she could then quit- she's 3 years into it

deep down if she wasnt a detective she would want to be a paramedic

She shares a lot of mannerisms with Rebecca and they’re way more similar than she’d like to admit

Birds FREAK her out seriously; she’ll deny that she’s afraid of them but she’ll cross the street to get away from them, also hates crowded places and deep water

Scary resting face and has a habit of just... eerily staring at people who are bothering her until they get spooked, but she's not actually that angry or grouchy, she's really just Vibing u know? she's not gonna correct anyone's impression though or they might start like... Talking to her :/

Loves any book/movie/show with a secret society or spy element and stories about a Hero and their Journey, also loves angsty philosophy books; her favorite movies are cheesy but feel-good (The Mummy, Pacific Rim, anything with big CGI monsters)

Doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth but would kill someone for strong coffee; if she’s really tired you can catch her drinking it cold straight from the pot with a straw

Emo/pop punk teen and she definitely cried when MCR broke up, she also listens to a lot of Dixie Chicks, Johnny Cash, Dottie West, Patsy Cline, etc

She’s been drawing since she was a kid- mainly works with charcoal and sometimes pastels. her sketchbooks are like her diaries and she’s never shown them to Anyone Ever

In her spare time, she still plays some guitar, draws, or reads; her library is extensive because she keeps every book she’s ever read or intends to read (it’s one of the few things she’ll drop real money on)

Very tactile person and fussy about textures, she prefers ultra soft blankets/pillows and her bed is basically a nest

Practical, efficient, frugal- she doesn’t necessarily find joy in cooking or anything but she can do it well enough, quick showers, uses cheap soap/shampoo, cuts her own hair

Her hands get super dry/chapped in the winter and it hurts very much :(

Never yells; when she gets angry she’s very cold & will Not hold back; every word is designed to hurt bc she’s purposefully poking at things she knows are sore spots

At the start of the books, she’s kind of... sleepwalking through life? like, she was in a not-great place mentally for most of her teens and didn’t really have a plan for the future but law enforcement was definitely not it? She isn’t feeling super passionate about what she’s doing and it kind of sucks to not have joy in purpose :( luckily that’s changing and is gonna be a significant part of her journey through the series!

Her apartment is cluttered but clean and she knows where everything is, if someone moved one of her things she would not be able to find it and it would bother her until she located it

She’s not stubborn exactly? Like she’ll concede an argument if it’s not super important to her and has no problem with losing or backing down in many cases; she’s pretty open minded in that respect, but if something is central to her values then she will Die before she backs down

On that note she’s overall a very logical person but when it comes down to it she'll follow her heart/first instinct

Does not care about rules or procedures At All, she'll follow them if it suits her end goal but otherwise... nope

Lowkey she… did not care about the reveal? it was a surprise but not her first priority in the moment- she kind of already thought UB was sketchy and didn’t trust them, so mainly she was pissed off that Rebecca had sent them to babysit her instead of actually help solve the murders

Speaking of Rebecca their relationship is kind of yikes. Kira isn’t exactly mad that Rebecca was gone so often, but she does think that she kind of forfeited her parenting rights and was annoyed that Rebecca was interfering with her life; first by getting her on the force and then by dropping UB on her. So now it’s Very Awkward between them because Kira doesn’t want to be like… mean but honestly what is there to say?? They’re trying but neither of them like to share personal information so it’s rough

On the subject of sharing, she just… genuinely doesn’t like to open up. Like, it doesn’t come naturally and in her mind it’s just… nobody else’s business what she’s feeling/what’s going on in her life

Genuinely does not realize that people care about her unless they openly tell her lmao... sad hours but at this point in the story she honestly doesnt think that any of UB cares abt her beyond their job besides the one she's dating :(

"Everyone should be allowed to feel things and rely on the support of the people around them, their emotions are Valid. not me though, this is my personal problem and as such its dumb so i have to get over it alone"

Her primary love language is acts of service, she wants the people she loves to have everything they might need; she’s Soft and really just wants snuggles but also she does not want to address it out loud

Her way of asking for affection is to just... stand/sit there and occasionally glance at the person... hovers like a sad ghost until she gets a hug... literally like 🥺👉👈 sjdhdkn Clown girl

She’s sarcastic and makes a lot of snarky comments, but generally she’s pretty honest unless she doesn’t want to talk about something (in which case she’ll brush it off and deflect or change subjects) which is why it annoys her so much when people are willfully dishonest or conniving

Pretty adaptable and capable of rolling with the punches but she generally dislikes surprises and being the center of attention

genuinely she's pretty chill! and a Huge enabler of chaos as well, like unless it's specifically bothering her she's gonna let it happen and mostly she thinks it's pretty funny to watch from the sidelines

in short she's basically like a feral cat who stares suspiciously at everyone from a distance until they successfully pspspsps their way into her heart and then she would die for them <3 but if she's mad she will make direct eye contact while shoving glasses off the counter

ahdgsksg ok last one i swear she Cannot Sit Properly, always has to be some flavor of lounging or leaning or sitting twisted into a pretzel

#my eternal love for u if u made it thru this whole post <3 #lowkey these are gonna double as my writing notes which are currently scattered between 5 million notes on my phone #ANYWAY #twc

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wallofweird · 4 years

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1. Kevison Analysis: Season 4 Episode 18

I’ve decided to write a series of analysis regarding Madison, Kevin, his ‘relationships’ with her, Sophie and Cassidy respectively. I don’t have a specific schedule for them, I’ll release each post whenever I have enough free time and energy to write it because I want to give all of you something really through, like I did with my masterpost about Justin’s and TPTB’s interviews that hinted at Kevison becoming canon.

I also want to remind everyone that some of the stuff I say here is already established as canon, but some is my interpretation of the events that happened on the episode.

That being said, I want to begin by talking about Madison’s first scene. We learn that Madison is pregnant with Kevin’s child (children) and this is her third medical appointment alone. Her OB/GYN, Dr. Eli Mason, asks Madison if there is anyone she could bring along for support.

Madison explains she hasn’t told anyone because she is not close with her family. Madison also shares that confessing her pregnancy to the one good friend she has is not a possibility. Then, Dr. Mason brings up the father of the babies.

She says:

“We barely know each other. Actually, the only thing I definitively know about him is that he comes from a long line of great love stories... And this... This would not be what he wants... There is no way... There is no way he'd want this.”

Dr. Mason replies:

“Little early to give up on him. Huh? You haven’t even given him the chance to be himself yet.”

I absolutely love this piece of advice and find the words the writers chose for this scene really interesting. He could’ve said something like “you’ll never really know unless you talk to him” or “look, I get it, but shouldn’t you make an effort and tell him? You’re already discarding your kids’ father from their lives without even trying. Give it one attempt, do it for your children.”

Instead, he suggests she gives him the chance to be the person he already is. This advice sums up the way basically the world perceives Madison and Kevin, even a little bit of how they see each other. Everyone has this pre-fabricated idea of them as people who have it all together and don’t have actual problems. Or of individuals that are immature, shallow, clingy and are always seeking attention. They are rarely taken seriously, their cheerful nature annoys almost everyone around them and they are usually not seen as people capable of being responsible or deep. Also, most of their issues only get recognition and attention when both reach their lowest point. So, Dr. Mason’s words describes them flawlessly, the way people treat them and also the ideas they have of one another: Kevin has underestimated Madison before and she doesn’t believe he would want to be part of the his children’s lives.

Madison gives him a shy smile

and ultimately decides to follow the doctor’s advice.

Meanwhile, at Kate’s house, Kevin and Randall are arguing over the fact his brother convinced their mother to undergo a clinical trial even though she had previously ruled it out.

Things are escalating pretty quickly and it almost gets physical.

And that’s exactly when Madison shows up. She greets them and apologizes for being late for the party.

Kevin’ explains that it isn’t a good time. That might have come off as rude for some people, but I don’t see it that way. Randall and him were fighting, he was stressed, the atmosphere of the place couldn’t be worse. However, he doesn’t yell at her or looks at Madison with an angry expression, Kevin simply looks tired and overwhelmed, which he is.

She walks in anyway.

“What’s going on? Where is everyone?” Madison asks.

Nevertheless, Kevin lets her in without protesting and he closes the door without slamming it. Kevin simply explains that was what he meant: It wasn’t a good time, there was nobody there and he was in the midst of a feud with his brother (which Madison got to witness a little bit). In fact, I believe there is some kind of intimacy here, in a way that he is rawly honest with her. He was just being trying to say the atmosphere of the place wasn’t festive anymore.

“Kevin, we need to talk and we need to it now before I lose my nerve,” she announces.

“(Exhales) Look. (Exhales) Just, I'm... I'm not sure what we need to talk about, honestly, okay? Uh, look, you were lonely, I get that. I was, uh, heartbroken. And I don't know why we have to relitigate the whole stupid thing. I just... You know, we made a mistake...”

Again, I don’t interpret this moment as Kevin being rude to her. He was having a terrible day and he was arguing with his brother just a few minutes ago. Not to mention that despite having a better approach to the situation, Kevin is still affected by his mother’s diagnosis and worries about her health. The last couple of months weren’t easy for him and that day was only making matters worse.

Besides, Madison herself has expressed regret for sleeping with Kevin and classified their hookup as something stupid too. She even admitted that she was feeling embarrassed by it.

Kevin was disturbed, he wasn’t thinking clearly. If the situation had been different, I’d say he would’ve figured out the reason she was there right away. It had been nearly two months that they had seen one another and apparently they hadn’t spoken ever since. She had a serious look on her face, not a flirtatious one. He would’ve connected the dots. Still, Kevin was overwhelmed, so he wrongly assumed Madison was there just to add to his stress by making a move on him, which would’ve been the last thing he needed at the moment. When people are having a bad day, they tend to think the world is out there to get them. That’s what happened here. Yet, Kevin didn’t raise his voice, expressed anger or anything, he overall just wanted to avoid talking to people, IT WASN’T anything PERSONAL.

On the other hand, Madison doesn’t back down and spills that she’s pregnant.

She continues,

“You’re the father...

It’s the question I would ask,

and...

You are.

I’m sorry,” she murmurs.

Madison adds,

“I know I am a complete stranger to you.

I am just your sister’s friend and...

I honestly know nothing about you other than how much you love your high school girlfriend.

(pauses)

I’ve decided I’m gonna go through with this.”

Kevin is too paralyzed to say anything yet,

but he nods, giving a slight indication that he is supportive of her decision.

“You don’t know my medical history, but this is kind of a miracle for me.

But I need you to know I will not ask anything of you.

Emotionally, financially, all of it.

You can still find the great love story you deserve,” she reassures him.

I absolutely love this part, because Madison is afraid she and the kids could get in the way of Kevin’s dream life, and I doubt it is because she has feelings for him, I believe it might have something to do with her family. Like, maybe they resent her because they’ve never wanted children and she is projecting that idea onto him.

However, you can see Kevin closing his eyes, wrinkling his forehead and shaking his head. As he listens, Kevin seems to be offended, even hurt by the fact Madison would think so little of him and, I dare to say, herself.

His reactions suggest that he finds what she is saying to be a complete absurd.

And he just can’t take any more of it. “Madison,” he interrupts her.

And Caitlin’s performance here is so on wonderful, because Madison is so nervous that she barely has it together. She gasps and almost skips a heartbeat. She seems to be on the verge of losing it.

Nevertheless, Kevin is still unable to say anything. “I think I might pass out,” he admits. “I'm just... I'm gonna...” he rambles as he is about to walk out the room, but Kevin doesn’t feel good about leaving her like that and you can conflict on his face.

“I'm not walking away from this conversation, okay? I just... I need a minute to... I'm sorry. Just... One second,” he explains to her.

I’m very fond of this moment as well, because Kevin has a lot in his mind, not only the pregnancy, but Rebecca’s health condition, the argument with Randall... He needs a few minutes to process what’s just happened. It’s a great example of Kevin emotional intelligence, he knows he needs a moment to assimilate everything because he wants to be as focused and serene as possible when they get back to their conversation and he needs to take a breath for that, but it’s still important to him to reassure Madison that he will definitely come back. He’s basically saying, “look, I’m sorry I’m not in my best state right now. I’m having this horrible day and I need a second because I want to clear my mind before I talk to you, but I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

Madison doesn’t protest

and Kevin guarantees it won’t take long and apologizes one last time with his eyes.

Kevin steps outside and takes a deep breath.

His brother interrupts it.

“Randall, please, I can’t do this right now,” Kevin raises his hand and begs, because he is trying to focus on returning to his conversation with Madison.

Randall doesn’t listen and restarts their fight.

Kevin throws back, but changes his mind and decides to enter the house.

His brother keeps pushing and he ends up coming back.

“You want to do this now, finally, after all these years? Let's do it! You know, this whole narrative that you keep spinning, this narrative that you took care of the family, where the hell did that come from? Huh? 'Cause all I know is, if I had been there, I would've walked through literal fire, and I would've pulled that man out,” Kevin shouts.

Randall adds fuel to the fire, “Well, Kev, I guess we'll never know, because you weren't there. And he died ashamed of you.”

He rubs some of his brother’s deepest wounds, “And I think... I think that's the part that really gets you, isn't it? The shame that he felt for you and the pride that he felt for me? I mean, you're not even chasing dad's shadow, Kevin, you're chasing mine. But you'll never be him and you'll never be me, because you'll never know what it's like to devote yourself to anyone other than yourself. And you'll pretend, but it'll all just be a performance. A tired, stale performance. Like all of your performances.”

And Kevin decides to get back at Randall, “You know, I used to think the worst thing that happened to me was the day that dad died. It's the day they brought you home. Hand to God, Randall, the worst thing that ever happened to me was the day they brought you home.”

They both look miserable. Randall leaves.

Kevin shows to be hurt and remorseful as well.

He spends a few seconds regretting his actions.

And is stopped by his phone ringing.

Kevin reads his uncle message.

He gets back to reality: Madison is still there and he needs to go back inside.

He sighs because he didn’t get to clear his head like he intended to. Instead, he just ended up getting even more disturbed.

Now, Kevin seems to be a little reluctant to talk to Madison, because his brother mentioned of his biggest insecurities: not being able to take care of his mother. And it’s not even the first time something of that nature happens: his sister once mocked the idea of him being a father too. It’s something that he’s really self-conscious about: not being capable of taking care of his loved ones. So, I guess that here Kevin had just entered a self-doubting mode.

Ultimately, he seems to realize Madison just needs him to be there and goes back in anyway.

Kevin enters the room:

The beginning of the sequence was BY FAR my favorite part of the entire episode. I reckon it's very intriguing the way they played everything out: they showed Kevin entering the room and the glances he exchanged with Madison. Which, if you think about it, would normally be a really monotone, not special and weird thing to focus on. However, there is something different about the way the actors deliver the scene, specially Justin, since the camera is primarily on him.

I personally find there to be something really enchanting on scenes that are done with the least amount of elements as possible. I have a special admiration when actors are able to deliver their performances with almost or no makeup at all and no lines or footage.

For example, I love clips where character A is listening to character B on the phone or a tape and you don’t get to see character B, but you are able to feel the emotion and the intensity the scene requires only by the way their voice sounds, the hesitation, the pauses they take and all of that.

And I’m also fond of silent sequences where everything that needs to be said is in the characters’ eyes, the way they move, their gestures and the rhythm of their breath. I LOVE paying attention to all of these little details.

And here Kevin stares at Madison with an amount of sensitiveness, understanding, empathy and softness that he had never given her before. In fact, I might be wrong, but I don’t recall him E-V-E-R looking at someone in such way, much less THAT intensely.

And there seems to be a lit bit of nervousness too.

Which reminds me of a thing Justin said about these two:

“I think if you know Kevin and the way that his mind works and the way that he goes about his business and the way he attacks situations, when he commits to something, he’s all in. (…) Now, things have changed. She’s pregnant with what she says are his twins and with the information that he has, ‘OK, she’s carrying my two children,’ so now everything has changed. Everything looks different, right? What Kevin saw before was this flighty sort of annoying friend of Kate’s. And then it turned into this one moment that they had together where they were sort of sharing in their own misery, right? One was lonely and one was sad and depressed and it was a perfect storm and that’s kind of all it was. (…) And then the unintended consequence of all that is she’s pregnant. So when she says things to him like, ‘This is kind of a miracle’ for me, I think everything changes. He sees her in a different light, obviously. (...)”

And I don’t know if that were scripted or just the actor’s approach (I really wish I could, though, because that sequence was simply brilliant), but it seems that Justin really wanted to incorporate this idea of Kevin seeing Madison in a whole new light.

In a way, it’s like he is seeing her for the very first time.

Kevin is also taking exceptional caution in every single move he makes, even with an action as simple as shutting the door. He closes it smoothly.

And they really focus on Kevin gazing at Madison.

While none of them is saying anything

and he approaches slowly

with just such a gentle look.

There’s literally around T-H-I-R-T-Y freaking SECONDS of this scene just dedicated to these quiet moments before Kevin finally says a word.

He calmly sits down in front of her.

Madison waits for him to say anything.

Yet, he looks away and his face assumes this thoughtful countenance.

Then, Madison stops staring at him and looks down.

It’s only when Madison is not gazing at him anymore that Kevin sets his eyes on her again. There’s just something so pure, fragile and delicate about this entire sequence that I consider really touching.

“I’m so sick of chasing ghosts. I’m tired of doubting myself,” he shares.

There’s also something implicitly significant about this. He is genuinely confiding in her. It’s another example of that raw honesty that Kevin seems to have with Madison and not even to be aware of it. It just looks like he voices his thoughts and feelings so easily with her. They don’t have a lot of scenes together yet, but there are already two substantial clips of them talking. And on both moments, he spontaneously gives her unsolicited information about himself. It’s like Kevin doesn’t feel the need to censor himself around her, it seems like he subconsciously feels comfortable enough with Madison to show his weariness, sadness and overall vulnerability.

And Madison doesn’t seem to be annoyed by the fact he starts pouring his feelings out to her instead of talking about their current situation. She doesn’t turn him away. Madison remains quiet, pays attention and just gives Kevin the opportunity to share whatever he needs and wants.

“I’m all in, Madison. Whatever you need, I am all in,” he promises.

Madison's eyes widen in surprise

and he gives her this very subtle smile.

Kevin continues, “I want this.

And maybe I, I, I didn't think it would b...” He refrains himself from finishing that sentence, because it could’ve given Madison the wrong impression: that he will not love his child (children) the same way he would love them if the pregnancy had been planned and the baby (babies) was (were) a result of wedlock.

Which is most certainly not the case and he lets her know his priority from now on will be his family, not the past.

Kevin glances softly at Madison one more time.

“I wanna be a father,” he murmurs. Again, Kevin is confiding in Madison. He is opening up to her and saying things that he doesn’t have to say nor she has the obligation or necessity to know, but he still shares and she still listens to all of it attentively.

The way Justin delivers this line is so special too. He pronounces it with a low, quiet voice. He shows us that Kevin is venting to her, because that is something he has craved so badly for so long and was almost losing hope of accomplishing.

And Madison gives him a comprehensive and compassionate look, because she gets it. People usually don’t see her as a profound or mature person. Her relationships don’t even get to the point where discussing kids becomes a possibility. The last guy she dated broke up with her because he couldn’t picture them having a future together. Her medical history is complicated as well and the odds of her having children naturally were almost null. She not only understands it, but also has lived all of it through the years.

“I think I’d be great at it,” he tells her.

Kevin just keeps pouring his heart out to her, because a family of his own is something he has really longed to and and for over an entire year he’s been frustrated with the idea of not fulfilling this particular dream, specially since he feels he can do it and just needs the opportunity to prove it to himself and everyone.

By then, Kevin is already talking about it with a dreamy voice and look on his face.

“The love of my life will be my child,” he concludes, reinforcing that he is serious about it.

“Children,” Madison corrects him.

It appears Kevin doesn’t know what to say now: he slightly trembles, but there’s still some kind of exhilaration in his eyes. It’s like he is asking her: wait, are you saying what I think you’re saying? Is this actually happening?

“It’s twins, Kevin!”, she reveals.

There’s something also very special about the way Caitlin delivers her line. Madison says it in a way that is so soft, because she still can’t believe this indeed happening, but there is emotion and enthusiasm too and she pronounces those words in a way that sort of sounds like she is singing. Like something Madison is still getting used to, but she loves repeating to herself and being reminded of.

And Kevin doesn’t know how to respond to that, but you can see his face slowly light up like a child.

There is this pure, dreamy and joyful look in his eyes all over again.

It’s not a large smile just yet, because he also can’t believe that’s actually happening, but Madison is able to read him and she sees in him the mix of surprise, thrill and barely being able to react or say a single word, because that simply sounds too good to be true.

By that moment, Madison is already feeling relieved and comfortable around Kevin and she gives him another smile and shrugs. He doesn’t need to say anything out loud, because Madison understands what that silence means: she has become familiar with that mix of emotions as well. She feels it, she k-n-o-w-s.

PS: Feel free too add your notes, I’d love to know your comments on their scenes from this episode. :)

#kevin pearson #kevison #this is us #what about WHAT YOU GUYS THINK? :)#btw it took me 3 days to put this together so I hope it's good

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virtchandmoir · 4 years

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TESSA VIRTUE ON LIFE IN A NEW ARENA + HER MAC MAKER LIPSTICK

One of the most decorated Olympic figure skaters of all time chats with Beautygeeks about adjusting to a less structured life, finding a new "safe space," and navigating her beauty journey.

April 28, 2020

Tessa Virtue is one of only two best-ever ice-dancing athletes on the planet. Scott Moir, her on-ice partner of 22 years, is the other one. Together the duo shattered multiple world records and racked up an unprecedented number of awards, national and world championships, and five Olympic medals, including gold in 2010 and again in 2018, after which ESPN called Tessa one of the most famous female athletes in the world. Since retiring from competition, Tessa's been busy with a number of projects and contracts with brands including Mattel, Nivea Canada, Colgate, Sick Kids Hospital, Adidas and more. Last month, she celebrated the launch of her first lipstick with MAC Cosmetics, which gave us an excuse to have a good chat about how her life has changed since stepping away from the ice...

BEAUTYGEEKS Makeup and skincare must have started early for you; you've been skating since you were quite small. (Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir became ice-dancing partners in 1997, when she was seven and he was nine.) TESSA I remember having conversations at a really young age with coaches and advisors, trying to figure out what was age-appropriate for a Latin-style program and how we do makeup and costuming and everything that works for 10-year-olds. One of my coaches, Rebecca Babb, used to do my makeup for competitions. That was always something that I really looked forward to. I think there was an awareness early on about how I presented myself in the skating world, simply because it's judged and it's such an aesthetic sport. It's part of the entire package of telling a story. As I evolved and grew as both an athlete and a performer, I really came to enjoy and appreciate that element of it because it's really what sets figure skating apart from most, especially winter, sports. That balance between art and athleticism – and part of that was the costuming, the hair, the makeup, the ability to take the ice and get into character, and make someone feel something. The makeup routine became part of my mental preparation, too – meditative. I would get into the zone as I was applying makeup, and also have fun expressing myself in different ways.

Tessa Virtue in Barbie form; at Toys R Us

BG Now that you're into another life chapter, what's your beauty routine? TESSA You know, it's funny, I'm at both extremes, and I used to say this about my wardrobe. I was fully athletic wear or black tie. There was very little in between. Friends would ask me to go for coffee and I would rock a power suit or something because I just didn't have that sort of casual in-between mode. Maybe that's part of being an athlete: you compartmentalize and you're a bit of an extremist. And now with makeup, I'm either working with some of Canada's best glam teams or I'm wearing nothing as I travel or do my own. Mascara, blush and lipstick is sort of my go-to every day. Stepping away from skating and having fun in the beauty industry and in fashion world in a different way has been really liberating because I've tried to take some risks, explore different looks and aesthetics. I think like most of us, when I'm doing my own makeup, I'm so tempted do the same routine. Picking up tips and tricks from others along the way has been really great. I've also learned that the getting-ready process is actually the most fun part of any event.

BG When you're sitting down for hair and makeup, do you have photos to say "let's try this" or do you consult with your team? Has the process changed now that you're in a different arena? TESSA Often I'm getting ready to do something work related. In some way I'm always focusing on what my task is and what I have to offer in the upcoming event, strategizing on how I can maximize that for whoever has hired me or whatever I'm representing, whatever charity I'm trying to help. I use that time to talk with my team about that. So when I sit down in the chair, I completely put my trust in the people around me. I've worked so closely with those artists, and I've realized that they become your family; they're some of my closest friends. I value their expertise. And I think there's fun for them with that too, because they're empowered to try anything and everything.

BG Those are good friends to have. And your time with them is so intimate. TESSA I feel so lucky. Sometimes we're on set and there'll be a hundred people who all have an agenda of their own, who all have someone to answer to and are all trying to accomplish something in their own right. It's nice to have the security of a glam team or a stylist or someone to come back to – that's your safe place, where you can sort of recharge, get energy and then put yourself out there again. There's a vulnerability that comes with stepping into a spotlight, so to speak. I think that's taken on greater meaning as I put myself in different work positions too.

BG So in some respects, members of your beauty team are touchstones as well. TESSA Exactly, yes exactly.

BG I love that. Let's hit skincare: has yours evolved since leaving the ice or was it particularly involved beforehand? TESSA I realize now just what harsh conditions I put my skin under when I was training. And that was partly because of the cold and the dry arenas, but also the sweat and, in my case at least at competition, having to sweat with makeup on. I'm still conscious of hydrating, but I find less and less need for that. Although I suppose I'm on airplanes and traveling quite a bit, so that sort of replaced the arena. I've always been of the less-is-more mindset when it comes to skincare. That's thanks to my mom. She always told me to touch my face as little as possible. So I'm pretty simple with micellar water and moisturizer. I make sure that I get all my makeup off at night so my skin can breathe, and if I'm traveling, I don't really put anything on my face.

BG It's also a good thing that your skin was at its peak when you were training and performing – you had so much natural hyaluronic acid, collagen and resilience because you were so young. You're still really young. (Tessa turns 31 in May.) TESSA Well, thank you. But you know, there's also stress, hormonal changes and everything that goes along with competing and performing. That's not easy. Sometimes when you're battling stress, hormones, not feeling confident, and then to continue to put yourself out there... But yes, thank you. I do feel pretty fortunate. I know a lot comes down to genes, so I can thank my parents for that.

BG How important is sleep to you? Do you need a specific number of hours? TESSA I'm still stuck in that athlete mindset of needing eight hours a night, at least. What I miss are those mandatory naps that were part of our daily disciplined routine! I'm probably sleeping much less now because I'm on the go – and every day is different. That more than anything has contributed to a sense of, depending on the day, either unease or complete liberation. There was a time when I was training that I could have told you that eight years from now, on March 1st at 2:30 PM, this is what I'll be doing. That sense of structure is so incredibly important as an athlete. And now every day is different, and I'm really trying to embrace that. I think it makes it a little bit harder. Things like sleep, fitness, easy nutrition – it's harder to find a routine in that realm. But I do feel pretty lucky that every time I leave the house I get to do something I love to do.

BG You've had 22 years of an incredibly goal-oriented lifestyle. How have things changed for you now that that goal has been not only met, but surpassed? TESSA That was a hard transition. But I found it was harder to go from being a competitive athlete to a performer. I was so focused for decades, saw everything through the lens of "how can this make me a champion?" Whether that was a meal, an event, a sponsor, a friend – everything was filtered through this very simple mandate of "how can I be my best?" and "will this assist or prohibit me from becoming my best?" That was a singular focus, and then suddenly I was thrust into this place where I was wearing a hundred different hats, and I felt like maybe I wasn't doing anything all that well. At the same time, that support network – the sports psychologists, the trainers, the therapists, everything, this whole safety net that we had built – on February 21st, 2018 was gone. And I felt so alone. At a time when everyone expected me to feel a certain way, I just really struggled. There's an inherent low that comes after any kind of high. Whether it's a competition, a wedding, a degree, any monumental occasion is often followed by a bit of a crash, and so I just had to live that at a time when everyone thought I was living out this fairytale. It was an interesting thing to reconcile. You started the question with something about goals. I think that's been a saving grace for me: I've set new goals. If you give me a task, I can figure out a way to work towards it. That's when I feel confident and competent and more settled.

BG So you can recognize yourself again in that particular mini structure. TESSA Exactly, yes.

BG I can't imagine the change. I mean it's 900% more complex than transitioning from working in an office for several years to going freelance, for instance. TESSA I think a transition of any kind is difficult. I was feeling a little bit ostracized, so on my own for a little bit. And then I realized that no, everyone is going through that in some capacity. I mean even Kaylee [MAC's PR director in Canada] coming back from having a baby and getting back to work, like any kind of life transition, takes its toll and, and it's all relative. Right? So don't diminish that change for yourself, that would've been huge.

BG You mentioned it's harder to slot regular fitness into your schedule these days, but do you manage any kind of routine somehow? TESSA I don't have a routine, which is kind of strange, but also necessary at the moment and I'm learning to exercise when I can, because I do need that dopamine hit. I need to sweat, I need to move my body. But I'm also learning to be kind to myself. So if that means taking a day or two off, or having an extended period of time when I'm focusing my energy elsewhere, I try to be gentle and not get too caught up in that. And when I'm working out, it's so interesting. There was a very specific cycling class I did last year and I felt – I'm pretty sure I wrote a note in my phone about the feeling – a tangible weight being lifted off my shoulders. I realized I'm just doing this for me. I'm not trying to be a better ice dancer, I'm not trying to do this so that I can represent Canada. This isn't functional. It's really just so that I feel good, and suddenly I felt a hundred pounds lighter because that mindset had shifted. And I think right now as I explore boxing and spar classes and spinning and peloton and yoga, I'm just trying to figure out what makes my body feel good in the moment, and take the pressure out of needing to do something. Instead it feels like it's a privilege to be able to work out.

BG It sounds like you're having an adventure there, too. TESSA Yeah, I am and I think that's just the nature of my lifestyle at the moment when I'm traveling so much. And also I have to admit that I'm still not in that place where I just go to a hotel gym and motivate myself. For someone whose job for two decades was to work out, I would wander around quite aimlessly. So it's been fun to explore different avenues and try new things that I wouldn't have been able to do when everything needed to be, as I say, so functional.

BG Do you actually have any more leisure time than you did before? Because it sounds like you're incredibly busy. TESSA I'm trying to build that into my schedule now and I think I'm doing that somewhat successfully. But the difference is that being an athlete and having downtime, I mean that's part of the job, that recovery and it was also part of our job to sort of block out the rest of the world and really insulate ourselves in this bubble. And I was very cognizant at the time that there would be no other opportunity, so I really had to do that. But now, I'm planning on getting my MBA starting next Fall, and I know I won't be able to isolate myself fully and immerse myself into that world because that's just not life. People rely on you, people depend on you. You have to carry on. And yet as an athlete, it's quite a selfish pursuit and endeavour. That's been the biggest change as far as downtime. I'm trying to work it in now – self-care is just such a buzz phrase. But we're also in the midst of this busy culture where everyone is busy and that seems like a status thing, or it seems like somehow we're more important if we're busy. I think I got wrapped up in that a little bit and ended up wanting to work, work, work, feeling like it was a kind of validation. Now instead I'm trying to focus more on the things that matter to me work-wise, and also fit in time to be fully present with friends and family. I haven't really had the tendency to do that over the years; they've had to accommodate me so much.

tessa virtue's mac maker lipstick

BG Let's talk about your new MAC lipstick. How did you decide on the shade? TESSA Well, I started with a mood board, unsurprisingly, and just kind of curated this aesthetic, which ended up being actually really beautiful. Just a bunch of different kind of pink tones and shades that I was drawn to. I have to be totally honest: there are three or four lipsticks that have been on my rotation for many, many years and they're all MAC shades. There's Syrup and Mehr, Soar and Brave, and they're all sort of in that shade family.

Next the MAC chemists took my inspiration and did their thing. They came back with about three different testers and from there we made some tweaks and some adjustments. But it was pretty clear from the moment I saw this particular one, which I affectionately nicknamed Tutu, that it's exactly what I wanted in a lipstick. I'm not lying when I say that I've worn it every single day since. It's been a struggle because people ask me what shade it is and I've not been able to tell them! It was important for me to have it be an everyday lipstick, one that works for a coffee run and also for an event, and a shade everyone can wear. That's very MAC too, to be inclusive and welcoming and accessible to as many people as possible. I wanted it to be hydrating, as well, so we chose a satin finish for extra comfort as opposed to matte.

BG Where did the inspiration for the packaging itself come from? TESSA I had instantly thought pale pink – it's my favourite colour – and polka dots. And I'm hesitant to even say this because it seems like an incredibly egotistical thing, but I kind of loved that the polka dots were reminiscent of medals. It just came about really, really, really organically. And it just felt right as soon as I saw the final draft.

BG Good move – if there hadn't been a nod to gold medals, I bet we'd all want to know why not. Do you think you might get involved in more beauty collaborations in the future? TESSA I don't know. I feel, so fortunate. This is something that I never thought that I would have the chance to explore and I'm been able to really dive in and learn about the company and the industry in a different way. And that's been really refreshing. I think what MAC has done, with both the Canadian Originals campaign and with this MAC Makers, has been really inspiring. It's getting back to the roots of an originally Canadian brand and our values that we can all be proud of. It's such a privilege and a joy to participate.

Tessa Virtue's MAC Maker Lipstick is a limited edition; find it at maccosmetics.com.

—beautygeeks

#tessa #off ice #ambassadorship #mac cosmetics #interview: beautygeeks #the polka dots

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breannacasey · 4 years

Note

May I please also have number 38 from One Hundred Ways to Say ‘I Love You’ - “I like your laugh.” for Rebecca/ Brian (Limitless)? Can be angsty or fluffy, entirely your choice!

Laugh With Me

Brian Finch & Rebecca Harris. Fluff. 870 words. Read on ao3

It had been a while since they’d actually worked together and Brian was happy they were back to that. He and Rebecca always seemed to get along and have some kind of common understanding. Even from the very beginning. She always felt he was a good man who was in over his head, and he always knew he could trust her. They’d become good friends quickly and had gone through so much over the past year together, highs and lows, but no matter what they always cared about each other.

So they sat on the floor of HQ! Or Brian sat on the floor and Rebecca sat at the table because she didn’t want to ruin her back with terrible posture. Which was a decision Brian respected, it was very smart of her to take good care of her body. He should definitely consider doing the same eventually. But the floor was just so much nicer to work on.

“Alright, Rebecca, are there any more popsicle sticks?”

“Isn’t there a more efficient way to do this? Do we really need an in scale model of the place? Pretty sure the blueprints and security camera footage gave us all the info we needed.”

“No. Trust me, this is extremely necessary. Pass me more sticks, please.”

He gave her one of his puppy smiles and she sighed, but she grabbed a handful of those little wooden things she’d become too familiar with and handed them to him.

“Give me one reason why I should keep helping you with this instead of doing something more useful with my time.”

“Well, first of all, we have fun together. We haven’t hung out as much lately, we’ve both been really busy, and I missed it. Also, with the model, we will be able to reproduce the shadows we see in the video and figure out the size our suspects needed to be to cast them. I’m sure it will be much more accurate than calculations we could do based on the video because we can more easily interact with the overlapping shadows. And it’s a lot more interesting than maths.”

“Fine. I guess I missed this too.”

Brian smiled and kept working. He was happy. There were times when he’d started to lose hope that he’d ever be, but now he was exactly where he needed to be. He’d found purpose in life and he wouldn’t give up any of it. He’d fought hard for it. And, for once in his life, he believed he deserved anything good in his life.

“So, what will it take for me to convince you to come to game night? I’m hosting this week. Come on, it’ll be great. Rachel always likes having you around. She says you’re a lot more fun than our brothers’ wives.”

“You’ll have to let me pick the snacks. Because you always go with candy or some other weird stuff.”

“You’re gonna bring a cheese platter, won’t you?”

“I might. But that’s my condition.”

“Ok, deal.”

He laughed, thinking how easy it was now, how casually he could invite her to family events. He laughed thinking of his family’s delighted faces when he’d tell them Rebecca was taking care of snacks, and the inevitable comment from his mom about having a guest doing hosting duties.

“I never really told you this, but I like your laugh.” Rebecca said.

“Thanks. I like yours too, you know. And I noticed how it’s been coming out more and more often as I got to know you. I like to think it has something to do with me.”

“A little full of yourself there, maybe?” She laughed. “I don’t know, it’s almost as if I was stuck in a rut, and then you showed up and my life became more exciting. Not always in a good way, but I’ve certainly been enjoying my job more. And life in general.”

“My life improved a lot too.”

“I figured since you used to fall asleep at temp jobs.”

“I also didn’t have someone like you. A friend I can always count on and talk to. Someone to have beer o’clock with.”

“I’m really glad we met.”

“Me too.”

The moment made Brian’s heart swell. He stood and wrapped Rebecca into a hug. She’d gotten used to those by now. She was more comfortable with them. She wouldn’t accept them from just anyone, but Brian was fine.

“I really don’t miss your sweaters. They made hugs scratchy.”

“My sweaters were awesome, and not all scratchy. Just for that, I’ll wear one on game night and give you lots of hugs.”

“You’re a real evil man, Brian. People should be scared.”

They both fell into laughter for a minute or two, relishing in the joy of spending time together. Then they went back to work before anyone else decided to come back. They still had a case to close after all, and not that it was a competition, but Brian did like the two of them having the highest solve rate of the squad. He wouldn’t want to jeopardise that. Though he did believe their complicity might have something to do with it. It made them a better team, the best team.

#brian finch #rebecca harris #limitless #limitless cbs #my fanfic #my post #oneawkwardcookie #that was a productive morning i guess #also it is post canon but it's vague enough that aren't really any clear spoilers #besides what you could guess just from knowing they wanted a second season #you know like spoiler alert the main character survives the season

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my-belladonna · 4 years

Text

The Abditory - Teaser

Hello! Okay! So this is kinda the teaser/ introduction to the series I am writing. Sorry it took a while to post but I wanted to make sure I got a whole bunch of details about the series were done before really starting to write it. But let me include a couple details about what to expect from this series and this blog before you can really get into reading: Not only will you be getting the parts/chapters posted to this blog but I will also be posting character descriptions and pictures of what some characters would look like using inspirations from famous actors who I think would best fit said character. I can also answer questions about the series making sure to exclude spoilers along with explaining some of my inspirations for the personalities of characters from other people I personally know and or characters from tv shows, movies, books, etc. that I have enjoyed or really related to in a way. I am extremely excited about writing this series and I hope that the people who follow me on this journey will enjoy it as much as I know I will. (All characters in this series are OC’s created by me)

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Summary: Xiomara Garcia has always led a seemingly normal life for as long as she can remember. Living with her widowed father in a boring small town, going to a boring normal High school, being messed with by the popular girls, and having her friends Christian and Veronica around. Pretty normal until she finds out the other stuff about her mothers side of the family being a family of witches and wizards. That and a hidden place in the forest where there are creatures that have only existed in fairytales and fiction in the real world. But other than that pretty normal, right?

(Warnings: None)

Abditory - (rare) A concealed location used for storage or to hide items. [mid 17th century]

(Xiomara’s POV)

Shit shit shit shit shit! I mentally curse myself in my head, my heart starts beating fast and my feet take control of my body as I start to sprint in the opposite direction of where I was going. Here comes Rebecca with Felicia, Marissa, and Jennifer, her own little army of perfect Barbie doll friends trying to kick my ass…. Again. It’s a good thing that Veronica and Christian weren’t there for that whole exchange I had with them earlier or they would be just as screwed as I am right now. I swear I’m always fucking something up, I just wonder why I can’t just be like my parents they were perfect when they were my age. Dad was always such a popular and respected guy and mom, well mom was just perfect. She was pretty, kind, and friends with literally everyone, even when she got older everyone still loved her, so you bet they were devastated when she died. I guess I’m overthinking though because there goes Rebecca trying to grab my shirt. Gotta keep running.

(Christian and Veronicas POV)

“Dude I swear to God Mrs. Brown is gonna catch these hands if she doesn’t stop keeping us 20 minutes after the damn bell rings.” Veronica groans dragging her feet out of her 7th-period English class.

“Are you really gonna fight a teacher though Ronnie?” Her friend Christian asks slinging his backpack over his front.

“Maybe if she keeps it up!”

“Oh, there goes Mrs. Brown right there.”

“Fuck!” Veronica ducks behind Christian and he burst out into a fit of laughter.

“I’m messing with you stupid.” Veronica punches him in the shoulder leaving him wincing in pain.

“Damn Ronnie that shit hurted.”

“Yeah shut up,” She opens the school’s front door for him, “Ladies first!”

“You’re so funny you know that?”

“Yup!”

They both walk outside letting the cold fall air hit their faces bringing a slight tinge of pink to both their cheeks as a shiver falls done their spines. Christian shudders setting down his backpack and pulling out his sweater.

“Damn it’s cold.” Christian says between chattering teeth slipping his sweater on over his head.

“Where do you think Xio is?” Veronica asks, but just as the words left her mouth a small figure bolts past both of them sending them almost stumbling back. “That was Xio wasn’t it?” She groans, looking at Christian with an annoyed look secretly hoping that it really wasn’t her.

“Get back here Xiomara you freak!” Rebecca screamed, herself, and her friends running past in pursuit of their prey.

“Oh yeah, that’s definitely our girl.” Christian chuckles and pats Veronica on the shoulder, she rolls her eyes, “You wanna follow them?’

“And risk getting out asses kicked?” She shrugs his hand off her shoulder, “No thanks, well meet up with her later she might be going to the forest anyway.”

(Edwards POV)

“Damn it!” I wipe the sweat off my forehead before grabbing the soccer ball out of the goal, kicking it out into the field in frustration.

“Alright, Eddie why don’t you take a bit of a break you’ve worked hard enough. Go get some water and sit with Teddy.” Coach Bronson says giving me a firm pat on the back. I nod and head over to Ted whose sitting on the bleachers with a broken arm from a past game we played, I’ve known that kid for as long as I can remember.

“You seem, tense dude, what’s the deal?” He nudges me and I let out a sigh catching my breath again.

“I don’t know man I’ve just been feeling kinda weird lately. Nothing too crazy though I’m fine.” I assure my friend tapping his cast a couple of times. “How’s the arm doing today man?”

“Bro it hurts but its great because Maddy writes notes for me now in math so you bet I’m feeling alive with this cast on.” He winks at me and I laugh.

“Your horrible man.”

“Well, I do write with my right hand so-” He squints and looks behind us, “Goddamn!”

“What?” I ask, “What are you looking at?” I try to spot what exactly he’s looking at.

“Is that Xiomara man she’s booking it look at her go!”

“Xiomara Garcia?” I ask finally spotting her being chased by a group of people.

“Yeah man, looks like she pissed off Rebecca again cause there she goes with her girls behind Xio.” I smile to myself as I watch her running off the school grounds there’s always been something about that girl I just don’t know what. She’s so strange but in a good way and she doesn’t really ever seem to care about what anyone thinks. She’s confident and pretty self-assured it seems, it’s cute.

“Yo?” I snap out of my thoughts and look back at Ted whose waving his hand in front of my face, “I said what do you think she did this time?” I look back to where I last spotted her running. She’s gone.

“I don’t know man.” I lean back against the bleachers, “I don’t know.”

(Xiomara POV)

My legs are getting tired, my breathing is heavy, and I feel like I’m gonna pass out. But I’m not going to give Rebecca the satisfaction of catching me, I’m almost there just a little bit more. I can see the stream that connects this world to my own little one. Come on I can make it. I turn my head for a split second to see them still behind me yelling for me to stop running spitting profanities at me. I pick up speed, its right there, and I let my feet lift off the ground. It feels almost as if time just stopped for just a split second. Like everything just ceased until my feet hit the ground again and I continue sprinting for a couple of feet before ducking behind a large rock.

“No way Rebecca!” I hear Jennifer squeal, “She's crazy, and you’re crazy if you think I’m jumping over this stupid river and going after her in those freaky woods!”

“Its a stream you idiot!” Rebecca barks back, I peek from behind the rock to see her throwing her hands up in frustration.

“I don’t care!”

“Yeah Becca come on plus she went into the Windy Woods and I’ve heard a lot of creepy things about that place.” Marissa agrees eyeing the forest, fiddling with her hand in an attempt to calm her anxiety.

“Come on Rebecca lets sit this one out.” Felicia tries to pull Rebecca away from the stream getting her arm smacked by Rebecca in return.

“You guys better hope that little freak gets lost in those woods, lets go.” She turns and stomps away her friends following like lost puppies. I exhale and close my eyes leveling myself between the ground and the rock, my body aching as if my heart is beating in every limb I have. I stand up and walk deeper into the forest, funny how everyone thinks this place is so scary and evil, it’s beautiful. Then again I’m sort of fine with everyone being afraid of it, means I don’t have to worry about other people being here too. But it’s weird how bad or scary things happen to everyone else in this town in these woods but me, I’m not complaining though but it’s strange I don’t know what it is but it feels like I’ve been coming here forever. Like I belong here. I’m ripped away from my thoughts when I hear a twig snapping behind me. Fuck did they follow me? I whip my head around and catch a glimpse of a head of dark purple hair peering out from behind a tree. What? None of Rebecca’s friends had purple hair.

“Hey!” I call out jogging over to the tree I saw the mysterious figure pop-out from. Thinking I was going to catch the stalker I round the tree ready to confront them. “Who are y-” I stop dead in my tracks, no one is there. That’s not possible I didn’t even see them leave the spot behind the tree no sound, no running, nothing. I looked up to see if they maybe climbed up but nothing was there, no signs of a person anywhere. I pull my phone out of my pocket and look at the time, “Shit…” I mutter under my breath. It’s getting late I gotta grab my backpack from school and get home before my dad has a fit. I slowly tread back to the edge of the forest where the stream is, this time deciding to take the bridge that was a little ways down from where I jumped in order to escape Rebecca and her demons. I took one last look behind me at the forest chuckling softly before heading back towards the school. Guess I spoke too soon about weird things happening in that forest.

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Yay you made it! Okay now for a bit of extra clarification the main character in this series is Xiomara Garcia and this first little part is more of an introduction to some of the big main characters Xiomara, Edward, Christian, and Veronica. There are of course going to be more characters to be introduced but they will be introduced later in the future. I will be posting character descriptions and what actors kind of resemble them for Xiomara, Edward, Christian, and Veronica later! So if you have any questions about the series or characters please feel free to ask my inbox is always open! Thank you!

#fiction #ocs #narrative #witch #witchcraft #magic #story #tom holland #Tom holland imagine #original character #original content #orignal writing #my fic #fic

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