Not something I usually post about but I made a big step today in my life. I made my first therapist appointment after struggling with depression and anxiety for many years. My mental health has not been the best these past few months and has affected my life for the worse, especially my relationship with friends and things I used to love doing. I’m proud of myself and am ready to accomplish so much more now that I have the help to get better. You don’t need to interact with this post but I felt the need to vent somewhere
I’m thinking about recovery 🥺
trigger warning: self harm
idk if someone needs to hear this but
i used to work at an amusement park and at the rides i would have to check the wristbands. a lot of the teenage and young adult customers had scars on their wrists and every time i saw them i thought they were really brave. some scars were old, some were fresh. some seemed worse than others and some people wore long sleeves and some tank tops. but the end of the day they showed me their wrist to get on a roller coaster or a carousel and i think that’s brave.
being on meds is like i don’t feel everything as intensely with my whole body as much but more like my third eye has completely opened and i don’t know how to quit absorbing everyone else’s emotions like a sponge
4 months 11 days clean and sober
i’m proud of you for making it through today. you did great.
✨Today was just a day full of classes. Woke up at 8:15 and went and dropped off a few things at the post office. Then got coffee and came back home for my 9am class. Then had classes until 4:15pm.
✨After those classes I hung out with a friend for a few hours and watched 2 episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer with her! She’s never seen it and she loves it so far!! So I’m excited to rewatch the series with her!!
✨When she left I made myself dinner, then baked a cookie from scratch (so so good!!!!! It’s fudge brownie!) and am now curled up in bed, eating said cookie and watching Carrie next to a winter scented candle. Perfection is an understatement!
✨After this movie I’m going to bed bc I am getting up at 5:15am to go to the climbing gym before work. Not excited to be awake at 5:15, but very exited to go climb :)
✨I hope you’re all doing well! ❤️
Hungry. And I’m in pain. And I feel weak. But I’ve only really been able to force down water and a total of 4 stewed baby carrots. And those where at least 2 and a half, maybe 3 days ago.
Everything else has been soup and jello and numbing otter pops, and I’ve stopped eating jello for a while because it stings, I barely get any broth down, so I’m really only getting Otter Pops, water and pain pills.
And pops and pills aren’t exactly meant to be food replacements….
I can’t wait to eat.
Might fuck around and actually try to stay sober
damn that’s crazy
10 miles yesterday in the park, too busy to post about it, 10 miles tonight again in the park. Getting back into the running routine, starting back up to the daily 10’s, but that also means I’m sore and tired. You take the good with the bad, or is it the bad with the good, I could never get that right… I’m looking at some races coming up next winter/spring… it might even be an ultra….I don’t know… I need to shoot for something soon….
“Do anything you cherish, but let it produce joy.”
— love, yours sincerely.
my ed’s really coming in to hit me like a ton of bricks this week woohoo
love when one target behavior gets better and another one gets worse