forgive yourself. forgive yourself for all the versions you couldn't become. forgive yourself for the wrong things you said. forgive yourself for not knowing any better at certain point of your life. for fucking things up so much that the grief still haunts you. forgive yourself for the darker and shadowed parts of you. you have to learn to integrate all parts of you, even the ones you desperately want to disown. it'll be alright.
The truth is, sometimes you will hurt people. Sometimes, you will hurt people, and then life will move on, and you won’t have any way to apologize, or make up for it. But, your past mistakes do not define who you are now. You are allowed to move on without guilt haunting you over things you might have done years ago. You are allowed to come to terms with the things you did that were wrong, to change, and to grow from those experiences; you will never be stuck in one spot if you will yourself to own up to it, pull yourself up, and start again.
Dear body, I'm sorry for all the harm I've put you through. I'm sorry for not caring for you as I should have and for taking for granted how you carry me through life.
I'm sorry I never thought you were good enough.
Dear body, you are good. You are enough.
I (will learn to) love you.
Based on the post by cocaino.tumblr.com (please do not remove comment)
You are allowed to have space. You can have time away from your partners and friends, and have spaces without them. Everybody needs time on their own sometimes, or time around various groups of people. It doesn’t make you cold, or selfish, to not devote a hundred percent of your time to specific people in your life. Don’t hang onto people who don’t give you any room to breathe, whether it be a friendship or a romantic relationship; it isn’t romantic, it isn’t something you need to force yourself to be okay with, and it’s okay to be uncomfortable with it for any reason.
When I restrict, I lose more than just weight. I lose:
- my energy to do the things I love
- my smile
- brain space for learning and growth
- relationships. They always suffer.
- joy and excitement around my favorite meals/food
- any bit of love and acceptance I may have for my body
- the ability to be active because my muscles are weak and my brain is foggy
- my ability to concentrate at work or in conversations with people I love
- self compassion
- meaningful time spent with family and friends because my brain is stuck on ED thoughts
- enjoyment of meals out with friends/family
- having a life and identity that doesn’t surround my ED
- spontaneous ice cream runs
- overall health and wellness
I’m using this list as a reminder right now to not give in. The minute I do, the minute a happy part of my life begins to suffer.
20 Things I loved as a tween that I miss
1. glitter pens
2. Blankets with cute designs on them
3. Lava lamps
4. My pencil and fuzzy pen collection
5. Colorful wardrobe
6 . Glittery or sequin shoes and outfits
7. Dog posters and Barbie posters in my room
8. Lisa frank and Bratz and Hello kitty backpacks purses and lunchboxes
9. My cow print rug
10. Hello kitty bedroom
11. My old canopy bed
12. My confidence
13. Being able to eat anything and not gain any weight
14. Barbie movies and Barbie dolls
15. Bratz movies
16. Back when Disney channel was cool
17. Hannah Montana !!
18. Movie nights with mom
19. Going trick or treating
20. All my dog stuffed animals
Balance; stability found at the centre of acceptance.
Two things to remember in life:
Take care of your thoughts when you are alone, and take care of your words when you are with people.
this is your reminder to start slow and gradually lean into consistency rather than to change your entire routine one fine day. it's okay to start wherever and whenever you feel ready. please don't compare yourself to the highlight reel of people on social media. i promise it's never too late to work on your goals. you don't have to make a drastic change just because it's a new year. time is a social construct and i want nothing more than for you to truly enjoy life at present without worrying too much about the future. you are completely able to achieve goals you have set for yourself, but take it step by step. please avoid burnout and please take rest. wishing you all the best!!
Recovery is culture note #2:
You are going to get through this. You have survived 100% of your worst days so far, you can and will survive this too.