#reena rants

[reenarules]

so in the two weeks i have been inactive on tumblr, i've had a total of about 24 nsfw/porn accounts follow me its official, my hyperfix on ace attorney is sexually appealing

im fucking tonight, gamers >:)

#reena rants #have to make light of this somehow #cuz why

[purplesurveys]

1610

Habits

Do you tend to speed when you drive? Never. The pandemic and it forcing me to stop driving for a while apparently took the aggression out of my driving habits and I rarely overtake or go anywhere above 40-50 now.

Do you smoke cigarettes? Theoretically I could still accept a stick or two socially, but I just never smoke now. I don’t see the point or enjoyment in doing so and just entirely prefer vaping.

Does your temper flare a lot? It only kind of does at work situations, like when I’m under a million deadlines or if the people around me aren’t doing as well or as fast as I’d want them to.

Do you get emotional easily? I find that I’m as emotional as a rock these days. But occasionally I’ll still get my bouts.

Do you get obnoxious when you’re drunk? Back in college this was the case, but not anymore. I’m more of Drunk Fun Aunt Robyn these days, just regularly making sure everyone is still having fun and included in the conversations lol.

Which shoe goes on first? Whichever’s closer to me.

Are you lazy? Sometimes.

Name one thing you do that people always tell you about. That I am a raging workaholic.

Are you superstitious? Not at all, which I find so incompatible with Filipino culture lol.

Do you get bored with relationships quickly? Well with the last one I didn’t. I’m not sure what I’d be like in any theoretical future relationship I’d get myself into 

Can you sleep without blankets covering you? Yes, especially in the hotter months.

What position do you sleep in? Side.

What do you do when you’re angry? I rarely feel anger these days tbh, but when I do, I am pretty non-confrontational. I just rant to whoever, like my sister or Angela.

What do you do when you’re sad? Most of the time I just stop what I’m doing, look out the window and process my emotions while tuning everybody out for a few minutes. I used to listen to RM’s mono to calm down, but since Indigo came out I’ve been turning to that instead.

Who do you call when you have a bad day? Nobody; I just deal with it in my own way until it passes.

Your ABCs

A - is for the last person that made you ANGRY. I honestly can’t remember. I’m very hard to piss off these days.

B - is for BEER you prefer. Not a fan of beer. I don’t even have a preference because they all taste the same to me.

C - is for do you have a CAT? I do not.

D - is for can you DANCE? Nope.

E - is for do you have your EARS pierced? I do and impressively enough they haven’t closed despite the fact that I haven’t put on a pair of earrings since I was 10. I still put on accessories on my ears from time to time but they’re clip-on now; I accidentally ripped my left earlobe piercing open years ago so wearing a pair of earrings is impossible now.

F - is for your best FRIEND. Angela, Reena, and Andi.

G - is for did you ever watch GUTS on Nickelodeon? It doesn’t ring a bell, so probably not.

H - is for the last person who HUGGED you? My mom. I - is for close your eyes.. what IMAGE do you see? I can ‘see’ the brightness of my laptop screen but otherwise it’s just dark.

J - is for have you ever been to JAIL? No. I’ve visited police stations before but I haven’t had to spend time in jail.

K - is for when is the last time you flew a KITE? Grade 5. 2009. We made kites for science class.

L - is for the LOVE of your life. First thing I thought of was Kimi.

M - is for the last piece of MAIL you got. Not mail, but packages - last items I received were the Christmas presents I got for my cousin and his fiancée (a film camera) and my dad (a Fitbit watch).

N - is for do you remember NERF guns? Yeah. We never had our own as toy guns weren’t our thing, but we had cousins who had them when they were younger and we played Nerf guns with them too.

O - is for do you OWN a car? It’s technically not mine (my parents bought it) but it’s designated for me. Case in point, if my mom and I ever have to use that car on the same day I’m usually given priority for it.

P - is for your favorite PASTTIME. Going to museums or doing anything BTS-related.

Q - is for do you like peace & QUIET? It can definitely be calming when I need it, but generally I prefer some hustle and bustle in the background.

R - is for do you like the color RED? Sure! I prefer darker shades of it though.

S - is for how many hours of SLEEP you need to function? 6-7 if I have to work the next day. Anything fewer than that and I’d feel like shit.

T - is for what TIME is it? 6:46 PM.

U - is for what is UNDER your bed? I’ve got a loft bed now, so technically what’s ‘under’ my bed is my workspace and my reception area for when I have friends over.

V - is for what you did last VALENTINE’S day. Ooh, I can’t remember. It was a weekday if I’m not mistaken? so I just reported to work that day and didn’t do anything special.

W - is for do you drink a lot of WATER? I barely get to eat and drink throughout the day, but I do catch up come dinner. I drink so much water throughout the evening lol.

X - is for have you ever had an X-RAY? Yes.

Y - is for the last person you YELLED at. I was telling Dev to get her shit together because I was assigned to drive her home, but having had one too many drinks she was being too rowdy and clumsy and I didn’t want that kind of behavior in my car, much less in the shotgun seat.

Z - is for have you ever watched ZORRO? Nope.

Random

Who do you wish you could hang out with right now? Eh, nobody. I was with my family the entire weekend and also spent most of today in a car, so I want to spend the rest of the evening on my own. I even gave my family a heads-up that I no longer plan on leaving my room once we get home and to please not disturb me lol.

Name one thing you absolutely can not stand. Clients with unrealistic or extreme requests.

Where do you spend most of your time? If not at home, you can typically find me at a Starbucks.

If you could fly, where would you go first? I’d go to Seoul.

What was the best vacation you’ve ever been on? My East Asian cruise was awesome and I want to do it again just so that I get to go back now that I have a deeper appreciation for both Japan and Korea.

Have you ever hit a squirrel when you were driving? Well we don’t have squirrels here, but I’ve also never run over an animal.

Did your car ever break down? Not break down, but it did run of battery one morning while on the way to work. I was very fortunate to have been at a gas station when it happened because then I had people to help me out and let me know the next things I had to do.

What’s your favorite thing to do on the weekend? Rest and catch up on content to watch. Occasionally I’d head out on my own to go somewhere random.

What radio station do you listen to most often? I usually go for either 93.1 or 99.5, but I haven’t listened to the radio in a while as I connect my phone’s Bluetooth to the car stereo instead.

Pick one: Papa John’s, Dominoes, or Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut. I had one very salty experience with Papa John’s and haven’t felt like trying it again; and Domino’s doesn’t really scream anything special to me so I haven’t felt the need to try it out.

What is the longest amount of time you’ve been awake? A little over 24 hours. What would you do if you found out the world was ending in one week? Spend the remaining time with family.

Do scary movies make you paranoid when you watch them alone? It depends on the plot. Like I’d get paranoid if horror movies would make the littlest of things a plot point, if that makes sense? Right after I watched The Ring (as in, credits just started to roll), the phone rang and it damn near sent me into a frenzy lmao - this sort of thing is what I mean. But stuff like The Shining, Midsommar, The Exorcist, etc I’m fine with.

Name one thing you’ve lied about recently. Saying I’ll check out this Disney+ recommendation given to me by a relative when I knew I wasn’t gonna be able to fit it into my schedule. What is the worst movie you’ve ever seen? I’d say The Notebook was pretty cringey from the get go.

Who was the first person to ever give you flowers? I had a ‘7 Roses’ segment on my 7th birthday party (similar to 18 Roses) where my male relatives and family friends handed me flower plushies...so them, I guess.

[bat-bae]

OK IK THIS WAS LIKE THREE DAYS AGO AND I FORGOT TO POST ABOUT IT HERE!!! BUT GA/MAPS NATION RLY WONNN !!!!!!

#IMM???? #I HONESTLY DIDNT EXPECT THAT #OR ANY GOTHAM ACADEMY CONTENT FOR THAT MATTER #THANK U KARL #WE LOVE U KARL #AAAAAAA #maps mizoguchi #gotham academy #reena rants

[yutende]

If any kind hearted angel could please PLEASEE share yuta’s selcas from lysn with me,, i would be eternally grateful :((

#gonna go sell a leg and a kidney just you wait #FUCK CAPITALISM #reena rants

[inacrowdofchoices]

The Royal Finale, chapter six 👑

#bradshaw RANTING about mc made me laugh so much #(also margot also lost because my mc chose reena lmao) #the royal finale #playchoices #play choices #pixelberry

[fangirlwithasweettooth]

welp it’s 1am and we’re here getting weirdly emotional over ~names~ welcome to my brain

#i found an author on Twitter that has the same name as my mom #(why is that such a big deal? I hear you asking WELL…) #I’ve only ever seen someone/something that shared my mom’s name one (1) other time #that was about a month ago reading a YA realistic fiction romance book #(one of the side characters) #and this got me thinking #maybe that’s part of the reason why I want to try out so many names?? #because even with all the media we have #I’ve still never been able to point at a person or a character and say ‘hey they have the same name as me!’ #neither has my mom #and I know that I should probably feel ✨special✨ and ✨unique✨ because of that #and sometimes I do #but other times… it almost hurts? #I want to be able to point at a character that I love and go ‘we even have the same name haha!’ #but instead I get teachers mispronouncing my name for 18+ years #‘reena? rehna? rhianna?’ it’s *really* not that hard #and it’s not like I have an easy nickname locked and loaded every time this happens #(seriously look at my name and see if you can come up with a nickname for that. I’ll wait.) #anyway now I’m crying so that’s the end of this rant goodnight #no one cares rhena #rhena speaks

[cabbagearting]

My partner and I are both sick, him more so than me, and he keeps complaining about the fact that the phone screen is hurting his eyes but he keeps messaging me anyway. Idk whether to be like ‘aww too adorable’ or ‘omg you bloody idiot go tf to sleep’. Both? Both. Both is good.

#reena rants #my love #^_^ #we've been going out for almost a year now and still going strong #so grateful #alhumdulilah

[zer0mile]

leonorathefirst 👉 zer0mile

#i need to change cuz im getting a hunch that smn i know irl has found m blogs #i dont wanna risk x #reena rants

[bedlamsbard]

I get asked about my Very Serious Rebels S4 thoughts on a fairly regular basis and have never given them out except in bits and bobs, partially because of the reason I put up every time -- I am genuinely too angry about it to think coherently except when I’m in a very specific mood and the planets are in alignment etc. -- but also because I do have an S4 AU fic in progress and I’d rather get those thoughts out in fic if I’m putting it out to the general public rather than just raving at my long-suffering friends (who get to hear me like a broken record every few months).  It’s not necessarily because I think my fic is more accessible (my fic is not more accessible than whatever semi-deranged twitter thread I’ve penned this week), but it’s because I’m happier putting it out that way. If I have to think about it, then I want to think about it in a way that’s at least moderately productive.

also people are less inclined to fight with you about your fanfic than they are about your throwaway ravings and/or serious meta. Backbone is a direct response to S1 but people very seldom come to fight with me about Rebels about it. It’s happened! But not very often. People fight me on Gambit and Wake all the time but almost never about what I was actually responding to in canon in either one. 

also on some level I feel like if I’m actually going to do a serious post rather than scattered ravings I have to go at it with RESEARCH and EXAMPLES and COHERENT GRAMMAR and y’all, I’m an academic, I do that professionally about things I’m moderately less emotionally invested in, or at least which have fucked me up less emotionally. I’d rather get it out in a way where at least there’s a guaranteed happy ending and makeouts rather than straight negativity (unless I’m in the mood for that).

anyway I did get Reena to promise to record me the next time I go on a rant about Rebels S4, so at least there’s that.

#your girl #bedlam watches rebels

[reenarules]

need to bitch about this rq if i get One More youtube video recommendation of somebody reacting to fullmetal alchemist brotherhood SOMEBODY is getting crumpled up like a paper ball the original anime is RIGHT THERE REACT TO IT YOU COWARDS!!!!!

#reena rants #literally this shit is All i get recommended nowadays in regards to fma #i seethe everytime one pops up in my rec #there are like 2 channels i know of whove actually did reaction vids of fma03 and theyre like #a couple years old #i NEED people to give 03 more respect NOW

[witchofrvnswood]

a thorough rant on why i despise awwp // part 1

TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDERS, FATSHAMING, AND BAD BODY IMAGE ARE DISCUSSED IN A LATER SECTION OF THE POST

It’s been a long time coming guys,,,

But here it is.

I don’t know how this is going to end but it won’t be pretty.

So, AWWP is the sequel to SGE, a book in which the author claims he addresses themes such as feminism, girls vs boys, and what not. 

I feel like the book fails on many counts and does not even follow what Soman Chainani has described it as and intended it to be.

The first part of this rant will be centered around the themes of this book. The next part will touch on the plot and some of the characters in this book.

Let’s dissect this, shall we?

Toxic Feminism

God, this one drove me beyond insanity and is probably the worst plot point this book has to offer. I don’t even get what the author achieved by writing this ?? Instead of showing girls being progressive and realizing their true individual power and potential after an entire school year of being told they were objects and being trained to be beautiful and submissive to buys, he decides to show extreme feminism where girls just disown anything, ANYTHING that relates to femininity. 

Of course they don’t have to wear makeup. Of course they don’t need long, luscious locks. But to claim that girls only have these assets to impress boys is sexism in itself. “Third, we debeautified makeup as a pawn of patriarchy designed entirely to attract men,” the teacher went on.” Not to mention, Evelyn Sader, the woman pushing this agenda, isn’t following any of these rules herself and is running this sexist school while trying to trap two teenage girls just to get a man’s favor ??? What ?????

And of course. The whole enslaving boys thing. So many people falsely believe that feminism is about hating boys and that girls are supreme which is why so many people scoff at it. Because if this is the way feminism is being represented in media, in a CHILDRENS’ book, of course people are going to misunderstand it! This puts such a bad name on feminism and is just downright insulting to everything the feminist movement has worked for and now the author is pushing this idea into young children and teens. 

This entire book is set up to tell the readers that girls cannot be independent because they’ll end up enslaving men which cannot happen because they need men and can’t live without them! This idea is even pushed by Hester, HESTER of all people, who is said to hate boys. The way she says it makes absolutely no sense to her character whatsoever. ““Shut up,” Hester boomed, spinning back to Agatha. “No one likes boys! Even girls who like boys can’t stand boys! They smell, they talk too much, they mess up everything, and they always have their hands in their pants, but that doesn’t mean we can go to school without them! It’s like stymphs without bones! It’s like witches without warts! Without boys, LIFE HAS NO POINT!” 

What,,, why,,,, why would you make Hester say something to that effect ? She basically said that girls need boys to function and that “their lives are pointless without boys”. I’m sorry,,, I just,,,, guys, I lost it at that point. Take a shot every time this book makes me lose brain cells, much?? :p

The ending really defines this theme in this book. The last book ended with two girls choosing each other and this book went on and on about how that was WRONG, how only a girl and boy could be together. And then this book ends with a girl and a boy choosing each other and now that is supposedly “the right ending”. We know it’s not from Book 3, but does what’s said and done in Book 3 even matter since they ended up together anyways??

Overall, I just,,, I just don’t know where Soman was going with this. I just don’t. He doesn’t seem like an anti feminist but I feel like what he does is, he takes a controversial issue, puts his own problematic spin on it, tries to write it as overdramatic and satirical and just ends up writing a really close minded take on it which ends up affecting his readers, whose age demographic is usually 8-12.

He means well, he really does, and I know that. But he needs to step up his game. I honestly don’t know why his editor, who is a woman, let him publish awful messages like these,,, maybe he’s really convincing? We know he can’t take criticism though (*cough* instagram live *cough*)

But this leads to my next point: The body image messages in this book.

Body Image

TRIGGER WARNING: I DISCUSS GLORIFIED EATING DISORDERS, FATSHAMING, BAD BODY IMAGE, ETC. IF ANY OF THESE ARE TRIGGERS FOR YOU OR MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, STOP READING. THE RANT ENDS AFTER THIS SECTION.

Whew wee, where do I start. 

Here is another example of how Soman’s self claimed satire goes way too far and ends up being destructive.

The way the Evergirls are looked down upon by Sophie and Agatha for starting to eat more and not care about their weight or beauty is appalling to me. Sophie has always prioritized looks, which makes sense for her character to be disgusted by the Evers (not okay though!) but Agatha’s disgust makes no sense. This girl refused to take showers or brush her hair just a year ago, so I don’t know why she’s so disgusted by the Evergirls carelessness of their appearance.

Reena is even described with clear disgust in the book about how she had acquired a large bottom by eating chocolate and even candy is found repulsive by Sophie and Professor Anemone and the judgement they show towards the Evergirls for eating these is just awful. This message is really destructive and choosing whether or not to consume sweets is every individual’s own decision. Adding in the idea that eating sweets will make you gain lots of weight to your book is so harmful to young minds. And writing about how the protagonists, who the characters the readers look up to, are disgusted by girls putting on weight is horrible.

But the biggest victim of this theme is Dot. Dot, who was bullied endlessly for being overweight in the previous book. Dot, who somehow lost so much weight over the course of nine months that she went from being rotund to skinny with hour glass curves.

Okay, let’s break this down: there is no way, absolutely no way, that a person can lose THAT much weight in less than a year and still be healthy. Dot was not shown to have any health problems. When explaining how she had done this, she claimed she was “hungry all the time” and was solely snacking on vegetables such as carrots or celery. She further claimed that all of this was “worth it” as she is now popular and has a great social life.

I’m not,,,, I can’t even,,,, this. This is what you call glorifying an eating disorder. Are you going to read that above paragraph and tell me that people won’t feel inspired by Dot? That a self conscious girl won’t read about Dot’s “amazing” weight loss story and how “amazing” her life is after becoming skinny is not going to feel jealous and most likely try something to that affect,,,, I,,,, Soman, WHERE is your tact?

This is so disgusting and I am so sorry to anyone who was affected by this. If you don’t know, there was a movement of sorts on Instagram where the sge fans confronted Soman for how his way of writing eating disorders and weight problems seriously affected them and ended up making them self conscious or develop their own eating disorders.

This is all made worse by the fact that he just laughed it off, said he wrote it for humor, and was offended we even accused him of writing bad body image into his stories because he’s been teased for being skinny before.

This book has the worst problems with body image and glorifying eating disorders. This itself is enough to ruin the book for me.

Dot is a kind and humble character who’s only addressed in the story through her weight, it’s made into such a big plot point in her character arc, her weight and how she gets bullied for it, or how skinny she is, and what she did to get there. Her entire character is defined by her body and that is not okay.

This book did her and the other Evergirls so much injustice and it is so upsetting.

I would like to say this is it for the rant, but no, there are a lot more qualms I have with this book, ahaha :/

Stay tuned for Part 2: my issues with the characters in the books :)

#awwp #a world without princes #soman chainani #me explaining why mr. author is a coward :) #the rant is finally here

[finalgirlagatha]

you give me reena, alya (from miraculous ladybug), mara (from she-ra) vibes hh

me? mara? let me go get my inhaler really quick this is amazing 

i’ve only seen a view episodes of miraculous ladybug but it was rlly good! can confirm i am a bespectacled nerd obsessed with superheroes lmao. and reena? you guys are so nice i wish i was as cool as reena 

i associate you with wendy from gravity falls bc you’re vv cool, batgirl/ barbara gordon/ oracle because you’re right about everything you rant about, and hestadil (yes the two of them because you have their combined vibes) 

#🏵️shatvika🏵️

[bat-bae]

Is Jason stan tumblr still alive?? If you like my lil homecoming date Jason, I’ve posted him and most of my other artwork under @//intergalacticspacepants on IG and @//zukoscabbages on Twitter c:

#i wanted another excuse to post this lol #he’s so 🥺🥺 #i love him #jason deserved to go to every hs dance smh #depending on how well this post goes #i might be active here again #mayb #but yeah #jason feat eyebrow slit freckles AND the lil cut from DITF??? #chefs kiss #death in the family #red hood #Jason Todd #Robin #my art #reena rants

[yutende]

170712 YUTA is 💕💘🌸💖💛💓🌼💫💞💜💝⚡️💓💫💘🌟🌷💞🌻💘💗✨💕

#170712 is National Yuta Day #the softest day in human history #reena rants

[chaninfused]

You're definitely not the only one!!! 💀 there are few exceptions where the movie adaption has turned put pretty good actually (lotr for example) but something is ALWAYS butchered up in conparison to when you read it. The original medium is a book, so everything in this book is exactly how the content creator wanted it to be and when you as the reader love the worlds and characters and plot they have created alone with words and sentences, when you have built your own picture of everything, of COURSE the imagination of someone else (additionally restricted by the medium film cause while movies obviously grant other possibilities than books, e.g. music, the story wasn't made for it) is not equivalent to the world one has created by themselves. Also this might just be me but 99% of all times the actors do NOT fit the visual of the characters I have thought of and this - at least for me - takes a big part of the fun (for examply Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice or the cast in Emma). ALSO when the script cuts minor (or even major scenes ugh) and they sometimes even have the sheer audacity to change the story and add their own plot??? ALSO when the whole atmosphere of the movie is so very different from what I felt while reading because of the director's personal interpretation (here I'm thinking about Polanski's take on Oliver Twist which was so dark and gruesome because of his own ghetto experiences) hjvtr I'm quite sorry, this became a whole rant but it's a topic that often annoys me deeply 😭🤣💀

no, no, no please rant because this is one of, if not the, biggest pet peeves of mine and it makes me so frustrated every. time. >:(

the thing is, something will have to change, as you said, and that tips the balance more often than not. I understand that directors have the creative freedom and blah blah but PLEASE just call the thing a spin-off if you’re gonna change so much 🤦‍♀️ I hate it. I hate it so much 😭

[big rant ahead whoops 🤪]

I’m a huge fan of a series of unfortunate events, the books obviously, and oh my god, when I tell you the netflix series made me angry, I’m not exaggerating. the opening sequence was good, I’ll give them that, but other than that, everything about the show made me upset (my sister was a huge fan of it, which is why I was forced to watch it and grumble about how this and that were different in the books 🥴). characters that were supposed to be dead were alive, side characters in the books suddenly became crucial acting characters in the plot, original events were altered or entirely removed, new events were added, the original sequence of events was put in a blender and then laid out- and I can go on and on about how the series largely differs from the actual books, but that’s not the worst part. a series of unfortunate events was fun to read because of the series of unfortunate events that occur relentlessly (you can guess where the title came from wink wonk 🤪) but also because of the narrator. the books are narrated by the author, lemony snicket (that is not his real name, lemony is also a character in the series), and his narration added so much to the books. the style, the rhyme, the metaphors, and the references, reading a series of unfortunate events was an experience because you don’t find that kind of narration everywhere. that, unfortunately, was not present in the tv series and it took away so much from the story. it made the series bland :/

and yes, visual representations! let’s talk about that. what’s with directors ignoring character descriptions 😐 it’s fine if your actor isn’t an exact replica of the character, but it’s questionable when the actor doesn’t even fit most of character’s main physical traits 💀 it shows how half of the people responsible for making these adaptations don’t even read the books. and yes I’m talking about the casting for agatha in the school for good and evil and I’m not sorry about it. the girl has been described one way throughout the series and illustrated as such on the covers only for the casting director to pick the exact opposite 👁👄👁 why? I feel personally violated because these are characters I grew up with. next thing I know they’ll make reena white 💀 it’s like all this time, the descriptions in the books were telling you something and based on that you created this character in your head then bam! your entire world is a lie. and it’s even worse when they put these inaccurate actors’ characters on the covers of the books...just don’t do it. it’s cringeworthy, and it has to stop. please. you can ruin things on the screen but leave the goddamn books alone, I’m literally begging 🤲

OH AND ALSO? THE CHEAP AND POOR REPRESENTATION OF CLOTHING. IF YOU WANT TO ADAPT FANTASY THEN YOU BETTER BE READY TO MAKE CLOTHES THAT DON’T LOOK LIKE COSTUMES FROM DAISO. FULL STOP.

another thing that bothers me so much is the media’s need to create romance and sexualize things, it’s a thirst at this point. through books, delicate and complex relationships are portrayed in a way a screen can’t show you in limited time, amid crammed events. there is a certain beauty in the way some characters interact that’s easy, so easy, to mess up on screen. the unnecessary sexualization just destroys it. the random romance ruins it. there’s almost no respect for these relationships. take kaz and inej from six of crows as an example. the two have traumas that hold them back and they try to overcome them throughout the duology for each other. in the end, they don’t kiss, they don’t [censored], but the intimacy between them is illustrated through kaz cleaning inej’s wounds with his bare hands, through inej letting him do that for her, through kaz not holding her back and instead using his resources to aid her dreams, through inej knowing that kaz will come for her whenever and wherever, through them being vulnerable with each other. it’s something so fragile, beautiful, and pure and I know, I just know, they will be having a heated make out scene in the second episode of that future netflix series, and it makes me so upset. 

and I get it, it’s exciting for some to see their favorite characters on screen and be able to share this with the wider non-reader audience but 😔 I just think it’s sad and frankly offensive to the readers when this so called adaptation is nothing like the books. and yes, movies will never do the books justice, which is why I never watch them if I’m a fan of the books. I don’t want to have them ruined by someone’s quick cash grab project 🤐

#aaaa im just >:( every time i hear that one of my fav series is becoming a show or a movie #it makes me feel like a downer or a boomer sometimes but honestly #i didn't spend all that time and money and patience reading and following up w a series to have it ruined by some cheap netflix project #i didn't form bonds with these characters and grow attached to them only to have idk who ruin all things sacred 🤐 #and that's on adaptions of books. pls start making ur own movie ideas and leave the books alone juice ayo #farashat 🦋 #sundooq 💌

[angelfishreveal]

FRANKFURT UPDATE / DISORGANIZED RANT ABOUT TRUTH AND ART AND FASSBINDER

by Camille Clair

I spent the strict quarantine following my arrival in Frankfurt studying German in the mornings, and watching Fassbinder in the evenings. The time between morning and evening was spent...nervously. 

I watched so many Fassbinder films during my quarantine that I began to feel his cabinet of actors were my companions (quarpanions). We were all crying and grinning and swallowing our pills together. 

I am one of those people that believes that pain/discomfort/anxiety is necessary, important, a catalyst. That is one of the reasons I left, have left in the past, will leave again. Sometimes the next best life move involves ripping your heart out! Sometimes it isn’t quite so abrupt, and your heart will sizzle in the pan for months. You may even grow to cherish the sensation because it means you are working toward something. You may recognize your true self in that pain. And in that truth, your mission, which may, or may not be, your art. 

I do believe that, as an artist, you have to be a bit of a masochist. Your life is sustained via chopping yourself into bits, and, if you’re lucky, stowing those bits in the pockets of the wealthy, the devious. And though you may consider yourself an orthodox Marxist, this seems to be the only way to keep the axe swinging. I would never say aloud that I believe suffering produces great art, but I also must admit I understand the desire to drag oneself across shards of glass a la Chris Burden in Through The Night Softly. I relate to the impulse to bear it all. I want to be torn apart! For art. 

I don’t always want this, but fresh out of my Frankfurt quarantine - following a confounding summer in Los Angeles - I want this. I really, truly want to exhaust myself. 

Though Fassbinder himself may have been a bit amoral, he was, at the same time, so undeniably invested in all that is human. Many of Fassbinder’s characters seem to cave inward, unable to stand erect under the weight of the social, the political, the bureaucratic: the simultaneity, and responsibility of it all. Fassbinder’s characters give into their truth, or they parish. No time is wasted on the performance of goodness, because salvation was never in their cards to begin with. 

What I desire and revere most in art is truth. I want my “self” and my “art” to be inseparable, the same. I want my body to vanish in the company of my art. I don’t really want to exist. I repeat variations of a line from Reena Spaulings in my head all day long: Where does my (boyish, jaunty, smooth, freckle-dusted, foxy, stiff, screen-like) body end and a real event begin, for once? I do a little dance in the mirror. I have never been this alone. Some days I feel stiff with sorrow, so I remind myself that I am a character, and the director expects a performance, and then I stretch. 

Walking home in the rain, I envision Margit Carstensen waiting for me in my flat. I am her aloof lover. Or she is mine. I’ll fall through the door with a sigh, she’ll pour me a little glass of schnapps, and we’ll heartfully console one another. I sometimes play The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant (1972), which starts Carstensen, in the background while I go about my tasks. I speak my favorite of Petra’s lines back to her as part of my daily Deutsche practice. Maybe by Spring, I’ll have the entirety of her central monologue memorized. I love to fantasize about the spring, it’s become one of my favorite pastimes. It is possible to imagine nearly anything happening in the spring because real life has become so severely abstracted. 

I lament…

What is real? Now? And in hindsight, what was ever real? Is it, or was it, ever recognizable or is it just whatever you put into your head on a given day? I scroll through Contemporary Art Daily on acid and feel confused about what it is I am supposed to want. My eyes linger on words that used to resonate, and it stirs some sort of longing. I want it to be physical, I want to get dirty and injured in the process. I want to be so involved it’s disgusting. But for now, nearly everything I want is impossible. Maybe it's a symptom of the current situation, but I want to be overinvolved. I generally find most performance excruciating, but now I feel I would do anything for an audience. I desire an audience. 

I envy Fassbinder’s overinvolvement. In Beware of a Holy Whore (1971), a film about making a film, Fassbinder seems to play himself. He doesn’t play the director, he plays Rainer Werner Fassbinder. Often fussing around or yelling in the background, it’s unclear exactly what his role is in the production, but as a viewer one is intensely aware of him at all times. Upon first watch, I felt envious. I want to be present in that way, shrieking for the sake of, and within, my art. The ringleader, and also, the eager participant. In the opening scene of Germany in Autumn (1978), Fassbinder, dials a call, and says “Ich bin es Fassbinder” into the receiver. We know of course, who the man on the screen is, though we aren’t immediately sure who we are meant to recognize him as. 

In a 1997 eulogy for ArtForum, Gary Indiana writes, “what can you say about a fat, ugly sadomasochist who terrorized everyone around him, drove his lovers to suicide, drank two bottles of Rémy daily, popped innumerable pills while stuffing himself like a pig and died from an overdose at 37? [Fassbinder was]  a faithful mirror of an uglier world that has grown uglier since his death”. Fassbinder knew truth, and truth is as beautiful and precious, as it is vile. 

My sister, who is 17 and only just got drunk for the first time last week, told me she could never watch The Shining (1980)  knowing how much Shelly Duval was tormented in the making of it. I felt I couldn’t argue with her but I also wanted to argue with her. “So you will never watch what is widely considered one of the greatest films of all time?” 

“No,” she said. 

“Okay,” I said. 

Perhaps we are reaching an age in which you really cannot separate the art from the artist. Maybe it’s never actually been possible. But then again, there are so many things that seem to be art by mistake, and so many artists who die without recognition.

In the eulogy, Indiana goes on to say, “there is nothing you can say about Fassbinder that he hasn’t already said about himself”. This line again brings to mind Fassbinder in Beware of a Holy Whore, berating everyone in the vicinity, utterly repulsed by a multitude of things never made explicitly clear. Fassbinder lying dead in the train station after an overdose in Fox and his Friends (1975). Fassbinder lying dead, with a cigarette between his lips and notes for an upcoming film lying next to him, from an actual overdose. A parallel that reveals art is just as intertwined with death, as it is with life.

I realized this year that many of the artists I respect care a great deal about film, about drama. I have found solace in films, because I am alone nearly all of the time, and I don't know when I will see any of my cherished ones again. I am living vicariously through characters, beginning to think of myself as a character, which is admittedly therapeutic. I am the director. And I chose myself from a lineup of nervous red haired girls. I recognised myself at once, and thus, here I am. 

Some artists, or people!, are overly concerned with their own narrative. It can be irritating, indulgent, abject, but it’s convenient, and it may save your life. Though you’re never really alone you may feel really alone. Allein. Alleine... Sometimes there is nowhere to turn but toward yourself. And, once you begin to think of yourself as a character, you no longer bear the full responsibility of your being. You have been put in place to carry out the artistic vision. So, in a sense, all characters are artists, just as they are products of art. It’s reflexive, and Frankensteinian, in that way. 

Maybe as an experiment, try referring to your dismal flat as “the set”. 

Are you at home? 

I’m on set. 

Complain aloud, but to no one, about the uninspired refreshments. 

Stare longingly at everything. 

There is a misanthropic edge to many of Fassbinder’s films. A bleakness. It is often said that his work is about the fascism at play in interpersonal relationships. The fascism that blooms in all of our hearts.There are instances across Fassbinder’s filmography of, not only an awareness, but a patience, for all that is despicable. Human beings are weak, impressionable, they want to be liked but if it doesn’t work out, they’ll settle for being hated or feared. Often, Fassbinder will have a character do or say something that completely skews, if not, obliterates your previous impression of them. For example, in Ali: Fear Eats the Soul (1974), Emmi who is, up until this point, mostly redeemable, chooses Hitler’s favorite restaurant to celebrate her and Ali’s wedding, stating upon entry that she has “always wanted to go”.  In the scene that follows, she mispronounces the names of menu items, the server scoffs, and one can't help but feel a bit bad for her. Is her desire to eat at Hitler’s favorite spot purely aspirational, a misguided highbrow charade? Or is she a sympathetic fascist? This is another fault of the character, any character, their world view is often contrived, never holistic. 

Fassbinder is the Postwar German filmmaker - generally considered the “catalyst of the New German Cinema movement”. In his films, World War II is often alluded to / background / partial context / a shadow, but it is never the subject, or the main event. A character’s idiosyncrasies, or disturbances, could be attributed to the wartimes, but often, their faults seem too deeply intertwined with their truths. But of course they’ve always had a tremor, a temper. Many of Fassbinder’s characters have a hard edge, or have suffered immense loss. They are either in, or narrowly escaping, crisis. 

In Fassbinder’s Berlin Alexanderplatz (1980), Franz Bieberkopf, a rampant dilettante, oscillates between political affiliations. When we first meet Bieberkopf, fresh out of prison, he is a bit of an anarchist, sympathizing with soldiers and workers above all. As the series progresses, Bieberkopf is revealed to be immensely impressionable, confused, vindictive. He exhibits symptoms of several political philosophies, albeit meekly. Bieberkopf even briefly wears a Nazi armband, which, when questioned about, he is unable to defend, and from thereon, is never seen wearing it again. Franz Bieberkopf is similar to Tony Soprano in that way. Selfish, gruff, deeply flawed, indubitably human. Tony Soprano bites into a meatball sub and sauce dribbles onto his shirt and you forget, momentarily, that he's a bigot, because he’s the protagonist. And it is the job of the protagonist to represent a spectrum of human strength, and fallibility. It is arguably better, or more redeemable, to be overtly, rather than covertly, self-serving because then at least one is operating in defense of their own truth.

Truth is constructed daily and could easily be mistaken for anything but. Truth is nearly impossible to represent, and harder still to recognize. Truth is a fallacy, and thus, very lonely. Still, it must be guarded, I have been listening to The Sorrows of Young Werther by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe as I walk around Frankfurt which, in all honesty, fertilizes the melodrama blooming in my heart. Werther is bitterly alone, consoling himself via drawn out descriptions of his loneliness. “I am proud of my heart alone”, he says, “it is the sole source of everything, all our strength, happiness and misery. All the knowledge I possess everyone else can acquire, but my heart is all my own”. 

I am alone in Frankfurt, but I have my heart.