#referring to myself as disabled. believing i do have a disability. like i have a weird thing abt that. internalized <3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ilgaksu · 2 months

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i will now be referring to this situation as weimargate, because i must laugh or i will dissolve into the void.

aka i have had a VERY weird experience of it in fandom lately, and it has escalated to memes in lieu of interpretative dance*, but also i want to talk about it because i think, in more general terms, it's relevant for discussion about how fandom is evolving.

(*as illustrated by @difeisheng because i am personally intimidated by photoshop. interpretative dance would've only had me to blame.)

so. hi! if you don't know me, i am an ao3 writer who goes by the pen name ilgaksu. i have 179 fics on my ao3 account, and of those, 46 of these are for DMBJ or grave robber's chronicles. i've been writing in this fandom for roughly three years, which means according to the laws of mathematics and my own inability to stop posting about my favourite blorbos, that's a new fic every 3.39 weeks. i have not counted chapter updates in this count, but given several have multiple chapters, i think we can see there's....a lot. one ongoing series is currently sitting at about 200k, word-count wise. i like to write, overall, about disability, reclamation, legacy and memory. i also overuse semi-colons.

i am also a very private person at this point in my fandom career. this will be the first post i've made in a while talking about myself where i have allowed there to be reblogs on it. this isn't intended as an affront to anyone else in fandom. my ask box is open, sans anon, and in the last few years, i chose to reply to every comment i could to make sure i still get to engage about the characters i love without compromising my own desire for privacy about my personal life. i choose to work under an explicit persona - because we all do on the internet but i have made mine obvious and enunciated and almost a brand - because i think there is something freeing about allowing myself that experience. it's allowed me to write work that i relate to deeply without having to divulge my life to be analysed by strangers on the internet. generally, i like to post my silly little stories, talk to people about them, and then go about my day offline.

anyway, so this week, i seriously considered walking away wholesale from my current fandom, and i'd actually like to talk about why, and talk about me as a person as opposed to the narrative of persona that i've crafted.

because the reality of a persona is that a real, living person is required to animate it. if i am the person who is small and human and anxious to even speak about this, then i am also the reason the operation is running. it's a one-man show. as much as i want my work to speak for itself without my need to justify its meaning or worth, without my experiences, research and choices about my time, the work would not exist. that's just fact. it's fact for every writer and artist and podficcer and person who labours out of love you see. i also deliberately consider myself a writer as opposed to a content creator, because i believe that label mimics a wider culture i have no interest in - that of someone creating a consumable, ownable object. my fanfiction is a hobby. it cannot be owned by other people. unlike my original work, where it can be bought, there is no formal, explicit contract between me and the reader. there is, however, in fandom, an implicit social contract of equality and collaboration, where we are all equals. i am fundamentally no better than someone who never writes fic and never wants to and never will. i reject the idea of superiority among fans because i do not engage in subculture to mimic the dominant culture, the one that tells me stories are something only certain people are allowed to see themselves in, or even tell to others; that production is the only means of social capital and intrinsic worth.

i am aware, also, that by being private the way i am, i end up sacrificing some experiences that i could have by being more accessible, but i want to reiterate that i have never gone out of my way to conceal my tumblr, nor ignored people who contacted me directly to talk about my fic. in fact, if you show up to talk about my fic, i will probably be so thrilled i'll never let you leave - especially since, when it comes to a majority of it - i spend a lot of time on research, something i enjoy, and deliberately cite my research in the notes because i want to share it as part of the experience of my writing. clearly, i want ideas i have come up with to be enjoyed and loved and shared, because otherwise why would i take the risk of putting them out online, where i then cannot control how they're received or transformed?

however, since about a year ago, i've maintained a policy of works based on my own that i've had outlined clearly in my profile on ao3 here:

as someone who is playing in someone else's sandbox for free myself, my only request is if when you use an idea, usually a headcanon, which is one i created, which you can as much and in whatever way you want because that is the nature of collaborative fandom and the reason i love it so much, you cite that i was the originator of the idea. and secondly, that you let me know. this is a personal request based on how writing can be a very lonely project, even in fandom. you put your work out into the world, with no sense of who it will reach and if it will mean anything to them, and you have to work on the faith that even if it doesn't, the work itself was worthwhile. but you hope it will, because everyone hopes it will.

all of this is outlining so it's understandable to people that read this how i was completely off my face bewildered when i found out a headcanon of mine had reached the level of fanon popularity where it's been mistaken for canon, and has been for over a year at the very least, and i had literally no idea this had happened.

which, frankly, was both hilarious, in a very bizarre way, and completely, deeply sucked.

i know this is my idea because of how distinctive it is, and how much it contravenes canon - namely, that a character, hei xiazi, was a medical student in berlin during the weimar republic. i know it's mine because the timeline with the canon we're told by the actual writer of the source material doesn't match up, which i was aware of and chose to retcon. it was designed and fitted to a personal interpretation of canon material i had been working on for years, and involved a lot of time and research and intense love for the era, the character, and the ways a story about being alone in a foreign country had intertwined with my own personal life. ever since i wrote it, i assumed that the one or two people who had used it with credit were the only ones who had, and because they had honoured my request i was honestly completely thrilled. i still am that those fics exist. that's because it was collaborative.

i want to be clear: nothing about the situation as it stands has been collaborative. a writer being the last to know about the commonality of their own idea in a small fandom is not collaborative. and while it might not bother everyone, it's bothered me to the point i've had serious consideration for several days about whether i should walk away from the fandom.

but ilgaksu, surely you should be flattered that people liked the idea so much?

yes. this was never about the use of the idea. it's about the way this idea has been isolated and used with an assumption that i would have no interest in knowing, or that i would even need to know. i'm not sure what has caused this - whether the persona element of my work has led people to believe i would not have any emotions about finding this out, but i am not, actually, a persona. i am the person who uses it. and as the person who uses it, this is how it felt to find this out. it felt, and still feels uncomfortable, hurtful and isolating to find out your idea has been so beloved but that nobody considered whether you would like to know. it feels like the collaborative element of fandom has been severed from you, specifically, and that your fanwork has been treated as entirely other from you as a fan. i hope nobody else making work feels like this, and i've been told this situation is so strange as to ensure that's hopefully not the case, but i think this is an ongoing issue more widely - the idea that writers are separate from fan culture, and their works are products as opposed to the shared results of a hobby.

do i think this was deliberate? not at all. do i think this was intended to be hurtful? not even in the slightest. but i want to be clear how personal this feels.

i don't have an answer for this situation. the cat is out of the bag, ilgaksu knows about the fanon, and hei xiazi is, despite all canon, going to medical school in 1920s germany. expressing my discomfort with how this has gone down feels important to me anyway, and it's also important to me that i do it in this very detailed way so that people who were unaware do not feel personally at fault, or feel like by me expressing this i am taking this idea back from them. i always wanted this idea to be loved and to be shared.

i also always hoped this idea would find people who wanted and needed a story about someone a long way from home following an ambition, and how much fear and hope and desire goes into the decision to do something like that, and what it means to be a disabled person in a foreign country, and what it means to be queer in a foreign country, and overall what it means to be a stranger in a strange land. i want to be clear that while i wrote this for me, i also wrote it for everyone who has also lived that. i want my work to feel like someone is holding your hand, not that they're at a distance and disregarding you, the reader, and the relationship we have together during the time you read my work.

i hope in future that if you use my headcanons and are aware of that being the case, you let me know. i don't have to read the work itself if you find that intimidating. i will not go out of my way to find it. whatever you've done with the idea, i will fundamentally see it as a compliment and evidence of an exchange between us as a fandom. but i want to know because otherwise, all i see is you taking something i loved and wanted to share and enjoying it with a door firmly shut between us. i am too old to care if i'm not invited to a party, but if the party is themed around a concept i put so much thought and love - for the source material, the people who were going to read it and myself - i can't help but care. it's hard to feel like a vending machine, even if the process of making the fic is so joyful for me that i won't stop until the joy is gone. it hasn't gone yet, but this week it's been dented a bit.

anyway - if you got to the end of this, thank you. please be considerate of how much this has taken for me to express, regardless of your own feelings on it, and how unusual it is for me to make a post that is able to be shared. if you use the idea in future, you do so with my blessing, which was always there. if you want primary sources, places to start, or anything like that - fashion, language, visuals - i want to be clear you can ask me and i will be beyond thrilled to help. i always have been and i'm concerned that because of this that hasn't been clear. but i also feel like if i don't state this experience in this way at this time, and how it was experienced by me, odds are i will now forever look over my shoulder and wonder if this will happen again, and i love writing for this fandom so much that i will not allow something like that to dim that love. i know you love these characters so much too - it's why you're here. i actually used to make a lot more meta posts like this, about fan culture, and i've been considering if i will again - just less personal and less anxiety-inducing to post next time. until and beyond then, i just hope we can all consider things like this in future - that i can treat you with the same grace - and understand the pressures and anxieties of writers in fandom at this point in time especially. a lot of us have hearts far more made of glass about the things we love, like our work, than can be immediately apparent.

anyway, i'm going back into hiding now.

your friendly local cryptid fanwriter,

ao3 user ilgaksu <3

#personal #fandom #okay to reblog

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p1xelpc · 3 months

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Wait, You Exist?

[ Plain text: Wait, You Exist? ]

Recently I wrote about abled perception of (visibly) disabled people. I wrote of their disrespect and dehumanization. I thought that I had gotten all of my words about that out. Then I read some posts from my English professor.

I want to preface this by saying that I do not believe that he wrote these things with ill-intent. He just didn’t think about us. He forgot that we exist. Or maybe he just never learned that we exist. Maybe he’s never had our existence shoved in his face to prove that we are alive. That does not change the impact.

“If you are lucky and haven’t had a job.” This is probably meant to refer to people who are financially stable. Probably supposed to be about people that chose not to get a job. But they aren’t the only people that don’t have jobs. This man works at a community college. Most of the unemployed people there aren’t going to be rich. We attend community college because it is cheap and accessible. Take a guess at why we wouldn’t have jobs.

Visibly “different” people (whether race, gender, disability, whatever) do not get the same opportunities as people that fit the standard. As soon as we are noted as “different,” we have less of a chance to get a job. And that’s for those of us able to work. I am attending school in the hopes that I can get a job that is even close to accessible to me. Because currently? My heavily accommodated schooling is barely accessible.

“I assume you are taking this course online because you are all busy folks with lives.” This one is probably true for a lot, or even the majority, of his class. But that shouldn’t be his only assumption. I am taking online courses because in-person classes are a lot harder to accommodate for me.

I require a carer at all times outside of my home. I cannot leave the house multiple times in a row, and frequently I am only able to leave once or twice a week maximum. I can only shower once a week, peers would have complaints. I am unable to speak. I can’t walk safely. I can’t propel myself reliably. I need help to understand speech and to work out responses. Leaving the house is a rarity usually reserved for necessary doctor appointments.

I am not a busy person. I barely have a life! Almost 100% of my socializing is online. Same with shopping. And creating. Hell, I can’t even remember what an abled life looks like. Exercise maybe? Regardless, most of my day is spent in bed, in a mostly dark room, playing and socializing on my phone or laptop. Some days I may write or design something. But mostly I just play and socialize. Less emphasis on the socializing. I’m not complaining. I still enjoy the life I do have. It just definitely is not what he is talking about.

There are so often little bits like that in what I read and see. Wording that an abled person wouldn’t ever clock as ableist. Assumptions that ignore disabled people. It’s knives small enough to slip past shields and stab directly into me. They aren’t helped by context. Ableds just don’t like to pay enough attention to us to figure out what ableism looks like.

There are other little things too. Making everyone write using Times New Roman (I can’t read that font). Dropping late papers an entire letter grade (I have bad time blindness). Not allowing people to work ahead (yet posting everything on day 0).

The first assignment includes music and peer review. That seems almost fine, almost like nothing to complain about. Except that I cannot understand music that I have not intensely studied and I cannot intensely study music that hurts my ears (which is a lot of music). Also music and its meaning is so deeply personal that peer review is nearly useless for what he wants to use it for. My allistic classmates are not going to understand why I chose this song to connect to my experiences. Neither are my autistic classmates. I have to choose between authenticity and being understood to pass that assignment, which seems to go directly against what he is trying to teach us.

He describes his teaching as less “out-dated” and yet it is still incredibly exclusive. Then again, he didn’t even write his own description.

#pix writing #this one messier than others #thoughts are too big to organize right #ableism #disability visibility #wheelchair user #disabled #disability #high support needs #middle support needs #nonverbal #nonspeaking #unemployment #abled privilege #actually autistic #actually disabled #idk tags

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flowercrowncrip · 1 year

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Can’t believe we’re doing this again, but someone calling you a slur because you belong to the group the slur refers to is different from being called a modified slur because someone wants to insult you by comparing you to a group they know you’re not a part of. If the second thing is what’s happening, that slur isn’t yours to reclaim.

If someone calls you a “mental cripple” they’re making a comparison – that your psychiatric or developmental disability makes you a bit like one of us gross, dependent, burdensome physically disabled people. It doesn’t give you the right to abuse that slur. If someone says their anxiety is crippling they’re making the same comparison about themself.

Are some conditions simultaneously neurodivergences and physical disabilities? Of course – humans are messy and boundaries are blurred. That said, are there some neurodivergences that aren’t physical disabilities and will never get you called a cripple straight out? Also yes – I have a couple myself so I know.

When I get called a cripple/ crippled (which is real thing that happens btw – this isn’t just an online discourse word for a lot of us) it’s never because of disorders of thought, emotion or behaviour. It’s because I can’t walk, have fucked up looking poorly functioning hands and am very obviously physically disabled.

You don’t have to believe in mind body dualism to recognise that some forms of embodiment get you called a cripple and some don’t.

#cripplepunk discourse #cpunk #cripplepunk #cripple punk

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your-subby-creature · 1 year

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Intro Post:

Hi! I finally remembered to make one of these, let me know if I missed anything :^)

Last updated: 04/09/24

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Basics

Names: Creature or Hal/Halogen

Age: 20

Pronouns: he/it/pet/they

Gender: Genderqueer Trans Man

Interested in: anyone of any gender, especially other queer and trans people <3

Relationship status: Single and unowned (and a relationship anarchist so eh who really cares in the first place)

Role: Submissive Verse (leaning bottom)

DNI: Minors, Pedos (MAPS/NOMAPS/PEARS),bestiality/zeta, bigots of any kind or those who fetishize them, ED / weight blogs, self-harm (SH) blogs, no age in bio/pinned, anyone who doesn't believe that consent is always and forever the highest priority

Non-kinky interests: queer & trans community and history, art, crochet, baking, podcasts, nonfiction books, disability and neurodiversity, paganism, psychology, language/linguistics, history (I'll love you forever and also never shut up if you ask me about my research <3)

What I look like: Since I don't post or send pictures I should probably describe myself. I'm a white 5'0" (152.4 cm) fat and invisibly disabled guy. I'm entirely hairless due to an autoimmune condition (alopecia!), have grey eyes, and wear glasses.

DMs: Open

Asks: Open

Taken Emoji Anons: 🐑, 🍯🐾, ☆, ✨️,🎀, 🦴, 🐺🦊🐶, 🦊🕳, 📸

Tags: #Creature originals (original posts), #Creature responds (asks) #Creature scenes (based on scenes in dms or requested) #Creature rambles (misc thoughts), #Creature Studies (academia), #Creature polls (polls) #Creature denial (denial challenges) #puppy playtime saga continues (exactly what it sounds like)

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Kinks

Favorites: cnc, obedience, (cock)worship, control, praise, (loving) degradation, humiliation, objectification, hypnosis, free use, training, pet names, pain, impact, bruising/marking, cockwarming, discipline, sexual torture, ownership, oral fixation, dehumanization, boywife, petplay, orgasm control, body writing, domesticity, cages, corruption, experimentation/scientist kink, anal,

Soft limits: blood, detrans/misgendering, light choking or breathplay, heavy piss, light burning, kidnapping, rimming, needles, bratting, wet and messy, lactation, vomit, primal chasing, spitting in my mouth, heartbeat/cardiophilia

Hard limits: Raceplay, scat, abdl, bestiality/zeta, snuff/gore, pregnancy / birthing, sissification/feminization, hard breathplay, drowning, real incest, feederism, guns, fat fetishism, bald fetishism, SH fetishism, ED fetishism, farts/eprocto, abandonment, fuckpig, sub/sub competition, prolapse, ocular trauma

Presume anything not listed above is something I am neutral to / okay with. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask!

My body: I am on T but have not had any surgery. Acceptable terms include chest, tits, slit, cunt, pussy, hole, (t)cock, (t)dick, and ___parts (e.g. puppy parts or needy parts, etc.)

Terms: I love masculine, neutral, or objectifying terms! Anything that is not explicitly feminizing (eg good girl, princess) is fine; whore, slut, cunt, and bitch are alright. Do not call me slurs without asking. Never use the words annoying, worthless, useless, or pig(gy) in reference to me.

Safewords: For scenes and role-playing I tend to use the stoplight system (green/yellow/red), but if asked for a unique personal safeword, I use "Fluoride"

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Interacting

Pictures / Videos: DO NOT ASK ME FOR PICTURES OR VIDEOS. Presume that I will NEVER send them unless I initiate and explicitly ask your consent to send them. However, feel free to send me any pictures or videos of yourself or of things you find hot (as long as it's all legal and consensual and doesn't violate my limits.)

Audios: I MIGHT send audios with your consent during role-play through a Vocaroo link that I will delete once the scene ends. This is subject to my own judgement, but you are always welcome to ask. You are free to send any (legal, consensual, limit-abiding) audio whenever you'd like.

Calls: Presume that I WILL NOT call you (yes, even on platforms where I don't have to give out my number) unless I initiate and explicitly ask. This is due to privacy concerns and is non-negotiable.

Asks: Asks are open and I love them! I'll always try to answer them, unless they directly violate one of my limits or ask me to doxx myself in some way.

Messages: Anyone is free to message me! I will always try to respond unless it goes against one of my limits, and I reserve the right to stop messaging at any time. Feel free to role-play, scene with me, etc. You get one strike on misgendering me in messages (e.g. "good girl") before the scene immediately stops and you most likely get blocked.

Role-play, flirting, or scenes: Within the confines of my limits and the understanding that either of us can stop or revoke consent at ANY TIME, feel free to role-play, flirt, or scene with me. Please note: I am autistic and have a tendency to unmask during scenes where I'm being given orders to enact IRL. For me this means following certain patterns of typing, taking instructions literally, and requiring clear directions.

Meet-ups: I WILL NOT meet up with you. Non-negotiable.

#Creature originals #Creature responds #Creature scenes #Creature rambles #Creature polls #Creature denial #Creature Studies

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asmywhimseytakesme · 9 months

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Awhile back I was blocked by someone who said that my depiction of Pheris in my Return of the Thief illustrations was ableist because I made him too young. This person claimed I was assuming he is younger and therefore less capable because of his disability, and that in the book he was clearly older than I depicted him, and therefore my depiction is ableist.

It’s totally cool for people to block me for whatever reason they believe warrants it, and to interpret a book differently where no absolute answer is given in the text. I do of course try not to be ableist in my depictions, especially for a character whose disability is such a large part of their story, so it did bother me… I did feel that Pheris was quite young in the book as I read it, however there was nothing to point to to say who was “right”.

I had forgotten this happened until yesterday when I started re-listening to the Return of the Thief audiobook after having a long break from the series.

It is very tricky when the author specifically avoids giving an actual figure for someone’s age, and I think that whatever age YOU think Pheris is is valid and I’m not trying to say you have to imagine a child where previously you didn’t. But I did find myself noting MANY hints that can support my reading of Pheris as being a fairly young/small child at the beginning of the book. Many of these are VERY open to interpretation, I just think they suggest together that you CAN assume from the text that Pheris is young/a child at this point in the story (regardless of his disability)—that is all.

I’m currently 16% through, so these examples come from only that section of the book.

Melisande calling him her “Little Pheris” (could just be an endearment but still worth noting)

The simple fact that Pheris was chosen to be raised in the palace because he is “young enough” to be raised away from the malignant tendencies of the Erondites clan. To me, this suggests pre-teen.

The fact that Pheris can crawl under the banquet table and MOVE AROUND without bumping people or being noticed.

In fact, he is constantly squeezing himself into very small spaces—under a couch when the king rushes into a side room to be sick, under a chair when avoiding the attention of attendants, between the hedges of the queens garden. Personally, I see a teenager having a much harder time doing this simply due to size.

Also during the incident where the king rushes into the side room, Pheris observes that he can see “nothing but the backside of the man ahead of me.” This suggests to me that Pheris standing is about butt-height to an adult. (I suppose you could interpret “backside” as referring simply to the back of a person… I generally read it as somebody’s butt though.)

When the king chooses Pheris as a companion to go with him into the temple, he observes that Pheris is “hardly even half of one.” I don’t read this as the king, a disabled man himself, suggesting that Pheris is half a person because of his disability. I think it merely suggests that Pheris is half as tall as most adults…a child.

That’s as far as I’ve gotten in my reading and I don’t know that I’ll keep noting these references to Pheris age/size. I’m not saying that the only way to interpret these passages is the way I do. I just feel like the text could be read to suggest that Pheris is a child and that this isn’t due to assuming him less capable and therefore young because of his disability.

Read it how you want though! I absolutely love that these books are open to interpretation and respect that readers will pay attention to the text and make their own inferences.

#queens thief #the queens thief #the return of the thief #megan whalen turner #pheris

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yandereunsolved · 18 days

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In reference to your post about Hylian sign:

BotW Link signing is really popular fanon I think, and I myself like the idea a lot. I wrote a miniscule amount about it a long time ago, but I like the hc that BotW Link's vocal chords were irrevocably damaged during the Guardian showdown and the shrine of resurrection couldn't repair them enough to facilitate speech, so he had to fumble through learning sign after waking up. I also agree with your take about Hylian sign language being relatively unknown.

Not only does Hyrule not have the networks for teaching that we do, (the internet or modern educational tools for example) but it would be harder to spread, and visual languages don’t do amazing in textbooks.

Plus I have a personal headcanon, that due to the elongated ears of Hylians, (meant for hearing the words of the goddess or something) they have advanced hearing, and therefore hard of hearing/deafness is a much rarer affliction and there is much less need for sign language.

As for Nintendo implementing something like this in their games, I agree that it would be an awesome thing to see, but I doubt Nintendo would ever do it.

Portraying a visual language like sign would require them to create conversation-specific character models for every sign made, individualized to each different character speaking (unless they used the exact same character model) which would greatly extend the process of creating dialogue. Not that a AAA company like Nintendo couldn’t pull it off, but it would be a much bigger expenditure of resources to implement than just…dubbing over moving mouths.

(Plus they would be forced to either default to a specific localized sign language for every model or create their own language, which…creating a visual language with rules and syntax and signs is much more complicated than writing an alphabet.

Not to mention that Link has always been a blank slate, even in his gender lol. I doubt they’d apply such a polarizing (is that the right word??) trait to him. Seeing a disabled character in general is probably wishful thinking with Nintendo, but..I agree it’s an awesome headcanon and would be so cool to see portrayed one day.

…Sorry for saying so much lol. I didn’t realize I had so many thoughts on HoH Link..

I absolutely love your thoughts. Like, I do. That's the reason I posted my thoughts in the first place. I wanted to know what others thought ofc.

I do agree about the character modeling. I didn't know much about it so thank you for sharing the info. I do believe the word 'polarizing' would be correct because of how disabled characters are portrayed in media. If Nintendo just said one of the Links is HOH and uses sign language—it would cause an uproar.

I'm not a master in politics or anything but lately anything progressive has been labeled as 'woke' by more extremist and right-wing groups online. Not that I am trying to bring politics into this, but I'm saying that the uproar would be due to mostly grifters hoping on the bandwagon of 'represention evil, they are just doing it to appease the masses.'

I personally am always a fan of representation and even if it is wishful thinking, I still think it's a nice wish to have. I'd personally say that as well as what you already said about him becoming HOH. I think the goddesses may have had an unintended affect on it as well. Think about it. Rarely are mortals actually spoken to by the goddesses. Due to the constant exposure of hearing divinity is hearing could have also waned. (The pressure of a mortal hearing divine gospel isn't an easy one. Even if he is the chosen hero.) Second, for specifically BOTW Link I also think his lungs would be weak after a 100 years of sleep, so he wouldn't be able to form words or even groan or grunt correctly until further along in his journey.

Even if it wasn't portrayed in a game it'd be cool to see it in an animation released by Nintendo or at least some more information in something official. It could also just be a fan-made thing. Which would be really cool to see a Fandom come together to do something like that.

I guess I had a lot of thoughts. I usually proofread for grammar mistakes, but I'm tired. So don't mind the mistakes in grammar. :)

#botw link #the legend of zelda #thanks anon for the helpful info #:)#thank you #really #I enjoyed your input #legend of zelda #loz #loz botw #legend of zelda fandom #loz fandom

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anomalousmancunt · 9 months

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i remember being like, 16 and refusing to believe i was at all physically disabled, even though my life consisted of going to school, pushing myself through whatever else i had to do, and then just. breaking down, not even able to sleep it off because i couldn't stay asleep for longer than 2 or 3 hours except on extremely lucky days. i remember thinking of myself as "just potentially neurodivergent, not disabled".

and i remember finding spaces radically inclusive of disabled people, online, and finally realizing that, no, being forced to function (somewhat) even by medical professionals didn't make me any less disabled. that i was allowed to think of myself as disabled, even as physically disabled. and i still struggled, because i didn't want to "take up too much space", when i "could manage" - but those spaces were the ones that helped with those struggles.

anyway. not too long after my ability to function deteriorated (thanks to one summer of sleep deprivation + my bad leg getting significantly worse + one big flare-up following illness that made my baseline of symptoms a lot worse). so i would've eventually had to refer to myself as disabled, i guess. but it did help with the grief, and the (mental) pain, to have those spaces.

as much as specific spaces are necessary, i'm kind of... sad, they don't seem to be as common anymore.

#cpunk #dyspunktional #disability #cripple posting #cripple punk #actually disabled #fibromyalgia #chronic illness #invisible illness #<- not anymore but y'know #physdis #physically disabled #physical disability #unitypunk

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disabledunitypunk · 3 months

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I want to revisit exactly why we founded this blog in the first place.

I was viscerally reminded of it while scrolling an entirely different liberation tag. I found a post that I liked and went to the blog to see if I might like to follow them. The second recent post on their blog was this, which as I was reading I found myself relating to.

Warning for uncensored references to slurs. This is done for readability in the context of talking about them, and the slurs are neither being aimed at anyone nor reclaimed in this context, even where reclaimable.

You know how you look back at past shitty connections, friends, family dynamics, and relationships and you're like "I can't believe I let them treat me that way"? I think it hits differently with disability because when you're disabled you don't always even know that you're being mistreated and/ or abused in regards to it.

I know statistically disabled people are more likely to be abused but sometimes there's an additional type of abuse that's hard to identify even in hindsight because no one tells you how abusive it is.

But ableist abuse relating to your disability can look like:

Pushing you to do things beyond your limitations despite their awareness of them.

Blaming you for the "inconveniences" brought on by things beyond your control (ex: missing a movie because you had to wait for your pain meds to kick in).

Not allowing you to take breaks or antagonizing you when you do.

Bullying or making fun of things you can't help like gait, a lisp, an embarrassing symptom.

Trying to "cure" or "fix" you, often framing it as "helping" you. Sometimes they look similar and you might be able to tell by their reaction towards lack of improvement.

Holding over you the things they have to do for you (cooking, cleaning, driving, working, etc).

Giving ultimatums that demand things of you that you can't do (getting a job, keeping up with multiple chores).

Using insulting terms, language, and/or slurs that you have not permitted them to or in a context where there is intent to harm you.

Interrogating you about your disability or trying to find discrepancies between your experiences and what they've heard/read/seen about it.

Implying or saying anything along the lines of you faking, being lazy, or exaggerating.

Reducing you to a hypochondriac, saying you enjoy being disabled because you seem to like having things done for you, or that you're lazy or abusing them by depending on them for things.

Asking you about it not to learn more, but to use it against you in some way.

Having a martyr complex, acting as if they're a hero for giving you the support you deserve.

Calling you a burden, implying you to be one, or treating you like one.

Acting like you owe them a debt, sometimes even demanding some kind of repayment. Keeping track of money they spend on you that you won't be able to pay back, feeling entitled to things like control, sex, a portion of government benefits, etc.

Self victimizing. They act like you being disabled causes more suffering to themselves than you.

Accusing you of being addicted to your medication. If you genuinely develop an addiction a normal response is concern not rage, finger pointing, etc. if you don't have one baseless claims are very harmful

Trying to force you to stop "depending" on things you need like medication and disability aids

Comparing you to others that are doing "better" than you. Maybe showing you inspiration porn of someone with no legs for example doing incredible things- which is great for them but the "I don't let my disability stop me so you can do anything" shit is harmful. Some of us will get very unwell if we try, and some just can't.

Trying to make others also see you as dramatic, faking, or lazy. Often embarrassing and mocking you as well.

Withholding things you need like medication or disability aids as a punishment

Saying your disability is karma or something inflicted by a divine entity/religious figure. Maybe as punishment for not praying, being queer, or something else they disagree with.

Saying that it's a result of being "promiscuous"/ LGBT. For instance if you have HIV or ME/ CFS that was a result of something like mononucleosis ("kissing disease")

Shaming you for things related to your disability beyond your control or expressing embarrassment over these things. including but not limited to: appearance (general but also things like say a lupus butterfly rash or weight gain/loss), having to lay down in public (ex: with POTS), inability to keep up with hygiene, etc.

Lacking boundaries and acting as if they are entitled to information or intrusion of your space/belongings due to the power they hold over you and assistance they may provide.

Implying/saying you're living an extended vacation. Maybe one they say they wish they had because they have to do x y z while you "sit around"

Abandoning you solely for your disability (ex: because you can't hang out, they don't want a disabled partner, think you're faking, etc)

Note that someone doing one or two of these things a few times doesn't always mean they're abusing you (also depends on which). It's about the patterns and frequency of this behavior as well as refusal to improve once aware that they're hurting you. People who care about you don't want to hurt you and the normal response is to do their best not to repeat the action that negatively affected you

There are more examples and you can feel free to list some

Except it was then, at the very bottom, followed by:

✨This is about physical illnesses and disabilities, please don't derail✨

So let's go point by point, shall we?

Pushing you to do things beyond your limitations despite their awareness of them.

This is universal to all forms of disability, and in fact neurodisabled people are often pushed beyond their limitations by people aware of them precisely because those people think neurodivergence can't be profoundly disabling, rather than thinking a specific individual's physical disability isn't so in their specific case or based on their specific diagnosis.

Blaming you for the "inconveniences" brought on by things beyond your control (ex: missing a movie because you had to wait for your pain meds to kick in).

While this one is universal to abuse in general, I have no problem with a post about ableism focusing on ableist abuse. There is in fact a unique manifestation of this kind of abuse with ableism, where the things that are beyond your control specifically are also causing significant distress to you, as opposed to another aspect of your life like a physical feature or care breaking down or something that is either neutral or external.

However, it is in fact not only not exclusive to physical disability, but in fact one of the primary ways neuroableism manifests, because neuroableism relies on blaming individuals for things beyond their control by pushing the narrative that it would be in our control if we just "tried harder". This is not unique to neuroableism, either; corpoableism very much does this too, precisely because it relies on the sanist ideology that physically disabled folks are not intellectually capable of knowing our own disabilities and limits.

Erasing either type from the narrative would be wrong and lead to a reductive and facile understanding of ableism.

Not allowing you to take breaks or antagonizing you when you do.

Once again universal. Not being allowed to take breaks for neurodisabled people can lead to burnout, PTSD, self-injury, brain damage, traumagenically triggered development of chronic pain disorders and chronic illness, and more.

Bullying or making fun of things you can't help like gait, a lisp, an embarrassing symptom.

Once again universal, and I'd like to point out that gait can be and lisps usually are neurological in nature. They are very much physical manifestations of what are often or even primarily neurological conditions, and are in those cases considered forms of neurodivergence.

Trying to "cure" or "fix" you, often framing it as "helping" you. Sometimes they look similar and you might be able to tell by their reaction towards lack of improvement.

Autism S/peaks exists for this exact reason. "Curing" divergences in functional neurology is the entire basis of sanism and therefore fighting it is a fundamental part of the very foundation of mad liberation. This is actually a form of ableism more prevalent against neurodivergence, especially unpalatable neurodivergence, than physical disability. It is even present against nondisabling neurodivergence (that which causes neither distress nor dysfunction), which is an important facet to consider in understanding how ableism functions - even solely against people who ARE disabled.

Holding over you the things they have to do for you (cooking, cleaning, driving, working, etc).

Yet again universal. Somehow I wonder if this person thinks neurodisabilities aren't actually, well, disabling. Neurodisabilities can make you unable to cook, clean, drive, work, make appointments and access care, do paperwork required to receive the "benefits" you need to survive, and more, just as physical disabilities can.

Giving ultimatums that demand things of you that you can't do (getting a job, keeping up with multiple chores).

Again, neurodisabilities are disabling.

Using insulting terms, language, and/or slurs that you have not permitted them to or in a context where there is intent to harm you.

Retard. Stupid. Crazy. Idiot. Insane. Dumb. Sociopath. Bipolar. Narcissist. Psychopath. Schizo. Antisocial.

Just because you refuse to recognize many of these as slurs doesn't make them not slurs, and they are certainly "insulting terms and language". The ones mentioned are specifically often weaponized against neurodisabled people based on various aspects of their neurodisabilities, and not always based on the exact definitional meaning or common usage of the slur. For example, a person with ADHD might be called "insane" for finding their ADHD profoundly disabling, despite ADHD not typically being considered under the umbrella of disorders/neurodivergencies most impacted by sanism.

Interrogating you about your disability or trying to find discrepancies between your experiences and what they've heard/read/seen about it.

Refusing to recognize autism outside of "Rain Man" stereotypes. Refusing to recognize inattentive and mixed subtypes of ADHD. Refusing to recognize cluster B disorders if a person seems "nice". Refusing to recognize OCD outside of excessive cleaning. Refusing to recognize complex dissociative disorders outside of a very narrow definition that excludes medically recorded and accepted presentations of CDDs. Refusing to recognize psychosis and schizospec disorders in anyone who is able to express themselves.

Those are just some of the many extremes that we have personal experience with - never mind the more subtle and insidious forms of this kind of abuse that don't involve outright fakeclaiming and barred access from treatment/support.

Implying or saying anything along the lines of you faking, being lazy, or exaggerating.

Not only is this a primary manifestation of neuroableism, but it is in fact the one that is most prevalent in disabled community infighting and discourse, most typically weaponized against neurodisabled people. This one is particularly ironic for that reason - physically disabled neurodisabled people are called abled or told we are pretending or want to be more disabled than we actually are the instant we dare to talk about how our disabling neurodivergence profoundly disables us; let alone that we AND "physically abled" neurodisabled people do not in fact gain access to abled privilege.

Reducing you to a hypochondriac, saying you enjoy being disabled because you seem to like having things done for you, or that you're lazy or abusing them by depending on them for things.

*Stares directly at pretend camera like I'm on The Office*.

Another one at least as equally prevalent against neurodisabled people, though for this one I hesitate to claim more so. I've found that our experiences with chronic pain and executive dysfunction are near-identical in this respect.

Asking you about it not to learn more, but to use it against you in some way.

Having a martyr complex, acting as if they're a hero for giving you the support you deserve.

Calling you a burden, implying you to be one, or treating you like one.

Self victimizing. They act like you being disabled causes more suffering to themselves than you.

Doing these all together because they're all related.

Autism warrior moms are the most visible example of this, but people who act in any sort of caretaker role to disabled people, related or not, do this all the time. They do this regardless of specific disability. Parents of disabled children and partners of disabled people (and friends and other relations) are all "heroes" in societies eyes, and often not only don't challenge that, but wield it against their children/partners/friend/etc.

Also, the entire concept of "narcissistic abuse" is just this.

Trying to force you to stop "depending" on things you need like medication and disability aids

Withholding things you need like medication or disability aids as a punishment

Grouping these together a bit out of order because they're also related. The addiction narrative is especially common with antidepressants, anti anxiety meds, and especially ADHD meds. My own abusive parent tried to get me off my meds for this reason.

This is also the reason meds like ADHD meds are systemically refused and withheld - the anti-addict narratives, fear of "dependence" and withholding meds as a "punishment" for challenging the narrative that disabled people can't know their own disabilities or that a psychiatric professional might know less or be wrong about them.

Accessibility aids that are necessary for preventing meltdowns and/or shutdowns such as stim toys, light-sensitivity glasses, noise-canceling headphones, and such, are also often withheld because they don't want you to "depend" on them or as punishment.

Yes, and Albert Einstein was autistic. Vincent Van Gogh was suicidally depressed and schizophrenic - and the fact he did some of his best art while actively being treated for these is erased. Edgar Allen Poe, among other things, likely had a seizure disorder - which is a form of neurodivergence as much as a physical disability. There's dozens of examples of this for just about any given neurodisability, whether with someone famous or simply another family member with the same diagnosis, just as there is for a given physical disability.

Saying your disability is karma or something inflicted by a divine entity/religious figure. Maybe as punishment for not praying, being queer, or something else they disagree with.

Another universal one, but especially applies to depression, self-harm, and suicidal ideation.

Saying that it's a result of being "promiscuous"/ LGBT. For instance if you have HIV or ME/ CFS that was a result of something like mononucleosis ("kissing disease")

This is so far, the first one I've seen that primarily affects people who are physically chronically ill (though ME/CFS actually specifically causes neurodivergence in the form of profound cognitive disability - an example of how systemic physical conditions are often partially neurodivergent in nature due to the simple physical organ responsible for consciousness being affected).

While there are outliers, such as trauma disorders resulting from abuse occurring in a queer relationship that you have less recourse and resources for in a queermisic society, I think it's at least possible to have a conversation about this one centered on physical disabilities without excluding a group just as severely and commonly effected.

However, it is neither distracting from a conversation nor decentering the most effected to simply acknowledge that even this is not wholly exclusive to physical disability, and it in fact enriches the conversation and makes measures which fight it more effective to analyze the totality of how this form of ableist abuse is used against people.

That's... kinda the whole basis of the theory of intersectionality.

I'm not sure if this is just a more specific repeat of the second point or a similar but different manifestation of it, but as someone with physical disabilities that come with flushing and rashes, with POTS, and whose inability to keep up with hygiene is as related to their neurodivergence as their physical disabilities: this I would say is more common in terms of appearance with physical disabilities but equally as common in terms of hygiene with neurodisabilities.

Some exceptions include Down Syndrome, FASD, and even some disabling intersex variations in specific contexts for appearance; and it's worth noting that hygiene is slightly more commonly weaponized against those with invisible disabilities than those with very visible ones in either case, though cases of significant acne and other skin conditions are a large exception to this as well.

Lacking boundaries and acting as if they are entitled to information or intrusion of your space/belongings due to the power they hold over you and assistance they may provide.

Once again a very basic form of abuse, but made worse by the inherent hierarchical power imbalance of being abled while you are disabled (or in some cases, being disabled but a parent or disabled but having financial power over you in any relationship). This is actually one of the single most prevalent types of child abuse specifically, but especially against both neurodisabled and physically disabled children.

Implying/saying you're living an extended vacation. Maybe one they say they wish they had because they have to do x y z while you "sit around"

Hm, I wonder if neurodisabled people ever have the distressing and disabling aspects of their neurodisabilities erased while people act like they are on vacation while being profoundly disabled by their brain to the point of being unable to work. /sarcasm

Abandoning you solely for your disability (ex: because you can't hang out, they don't want a disabled partner, think you're faking, etc)

Is your disability disabling? Then this in fact likely applies to you! I don't know a single neurodivergent or physically disabled person who hasn't experienced this, even amongst neurodivergent people that are in their own words not very disabled by their neurodivergence.

So out of 27 examples, exactly one is primarily experienced by physically disabled people.

Somehow I fail to see how it is "derailing" to acknowledge forms of ableism as experienced equally by neurodisabled people, but I do find conversations of ableism actually derailed by insisting on not letting a significant portion of the disabled community (including what is a significant portion if not a majority of the physically disabled community) talk about the full extent of their experiences with ableism.

Or, to put it more simply, it is derailing discussions of ableism to insist that they are exclusive to physically disabled people when they are not, and especially to accuse other physically disabled people of derailing if they talk about how their experiences with ableism are intersectional with and even inseparable from their neurodivergence.

I have an example to add to this list after all: DARVO, an acronym which stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and offender. When you deny that neurodisabled people face this ableism (or that they face it at similar rates, to the same extent, etc), attack them for bringing that up, and act like they are being ableist while you erase disabled people's experiences with ableism, you are guilty of this.

This is the whole reason we coined unitypunk and made this account - to address lateral ableism within the community and erasure of both corpoableism from neurodisabled folks and neuroableism from physically disabled folks. The community has been more successfully fractured by this discourse than any fed psy-op could ever have done or even hoped for, and part of fighting that is refusing to tolerate ableism in our spaces and reminding people that we have a common goal - total liberation for ALL disabled people.

When you perpetuate ableism against one part of the community, you reaffirm the structures that oppress us all.

There are in fact conversations to be had about variances in oppression that cause unique forms of abuse towards physically disabled people - such as how the slightest of slopes or uneven surfaces can make a "walkable" city utterly inaccessible to mobility aid users, or even the microaggression of the term for a city that is supposed to be more accessible specifically focusing on those who can walk, a language choice which often shapes the inattention towards accessibility needs when planning these spaces. Another fundamentally interrelated example of this is lack of masking and social distancing during the ongoing pandemic - in another way effectively shutting disabled people out of public spaces.

There's also conversations to be had about the unique forms of ableism that affect neurodisabled people - such as the carceral institutionalization of neurodivergent people for anything from refusing to medicate psychosis whether or not it is causing distress or dysfunction, to being plural, to being suicidal, to being autistic and a hacker, and all the forms of violence and especially suppression of neurodivergent identity that come with that.

I want it to be clear: I chose two examples I am directly affected by that I consider equally serious precisely to illustrate how important both of those conversations are. The utter erasure and apathy towards making even the most tiny of steps that are inconsequential for abled people towards accessibility in public spaces that make them completely inaccessible for us as physically disabled people, and the incarceration of neurodisabled people and forced "correction" of our neurodivergence are massive forms of structural ableism that massively impact us as disabled people on a daily level.

The narratives used to justify these forms of oppression often rely on one another to function, and that's a really important part of the conversation! Disabled people are "crazy" for demanding we be taken into consideration when planning accessibility because either "we already are" (except it's ramps that are utterly unusable or similar that is just an elaborate display allowing abled people to get away with patting themselves on the back for doing less than nothing) or because "the pandemic is over" or similar.

Disabled people need to be locked up "for our own good" to cure us of the sickness ravaging our brains until we are compliant - and mental illness diagnoses are weaponized against physically disabled people and we are enforced to endure CBT for chronic pain and illness as a form of medical gaslighting because really, our disabilities and the ableism we face are just "thought distortions".

This is again, basic intersectional theory. Conversations about transphobia are enriched by discussing where transandromisia, transmisogyny, and exorsexism overlap and interact, as well as how these all rely heavily on and perpetuate intersexism. Conversations about the unique ways pluralmisia manifests based on perceived and actual origin and disordered status and how much of pluralmisia relies on sanism and oppression of mad and especially psychotic people benefit from acknowledging all of that, while also acknowledging that aspects of pluralmisia exist independently of sanism and manifest uniquely for nondisordered and endogenic plurals, as well as for plural non-systems.

At the same time, there are conversations to be had centered on the unique forms of oppression within a marginalized group. In my experience, conversations about exorsexism and ceteromisia in particular need a space to focus on the marginalization of those who aren't binary or binary-adjacent, despite exorsexism overlapping significantly with binary forms of transphobia and gender essentialism and bioessentialism based in those false binaries.

Another example that I can speak less to, but want to acknowledge, is the variations in anti-black, anti-indigenous, anti-AAPI, and other forms of racism. Racism as a rule doesn't map in a lot of ways to other forms of oppression and so comparing them as such is often clumsy at best and actively racist at worst.

Given how much eugenics and white supremacism and colonialism rely on and inform ableism in turn, though, I think it's important to bring up. Examples such as schizophrenia being recategorized to diagnose black civil rights activists as violent crazy people so their imprisonment and experimentation on could be "justified" to white society - where it was previously considered a disorder of white housewives; black asylum prisoners being the primary victims of lobotomies and other experimentation; the overdiagnosis of oppositional defiant disorder and other conduct disorders in (typically autistic) black children are some of the ones I'm most aware of.

I am aware however that my knowledge on the subject is sorely lacking and welcome all people of color to add to this part of the conversation.

All this to say - I started this blog to try and open these conversations up. I have definitely been guilty of being reactive myself (and speaking for other headmates as well) in response to ableism and cruelty. I don't mean to tone-police myself or anyone else, but I do want to acknowledge that we personally want to move away from that and feel that doing so will make us specifically more effective as facilitators in this conversation.

Every time we add a related perspective to a conversation and someone says "oh, yes, and also this", it reminds us that the goal of unitypunk in addressing ableism as it affects all disabled people and rejecting ableism within our communities is possible. Every time someone has the courage to add a perspective we did not consider to our posts, we are grateful that they took the time and effort to foster solidarity and educate us and others on it.

We always wanted to create a supportive community and movement that welcomes diverse experiences and perspectives, and allows the valuable insight of different people to enrich our conversations about and activism against ableism. We've been far from perfect in doing so, but even where we've disagreed on matters that specifically affect us and our specific disability, we have no end of appreciation for every participant who has recognized our humanity and disability.

If you agree that at the end of the day, organizing with the ultimate goal of liberation matters most, and that fighting ableism wherever it occurs is the most important thing, you are embodying unitypunk. It's a movement that refuses to handwave ableism as "disagreements", but also refuses to let true disagreements stand in the way of standinf unified against ableism.

We hope that going forward, we can continue to create a safe and accepting space where all disabled people can have both these focused and general conversations about ableism, while specifically making sure to include everyone affected by said ableism.

#unitypunk #ableism #sanism #neuroableism #corpoableism #neurodivergence #physical disability #cw brief mention of suicidality #cw brief mention of self-harm #cw psych abuse #cw psych hospitalization #cw brief mention of 'narc abuse' (in context of it being ableist)#racism #transphobia #intersectionality

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bonebabbles · 11 months

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Reunion scene analysis

This scene in DOTC is fucking fascinating and such an interesting example of how the writer ableism gets in the way of their storytelling.

So this is right after the forest fire in Thunder Rising, when Proto-SkyClan is taking refuge in Proto-WindClan after they saved the aggressive forest group's lives. Bumble has already been exiled and Jagged Peak's only action during the entire ordeal was to agree that she was fat and useless.

Now, Clear Sky is buttering up to Thunder, seeing that he can hunt and has value as an able-bodied person and possible recruit. It's causing tension between Gray Wing and Thunder, though it's worth noting that the narration only uses "father" to refer to Clear Sky.

They have a tense meal where Proto-SkyClan sits at their little separate lunch tables and glares at their hosts. There's a Quiet Rainkin family reunion here-- Jagged Peak is hovering on the side working up the strength to talk to the brother that exiled him, Clear Sky compliments Thunder and then,

Clear Sky spotted his younger brother, too, and whipped around to face him. Jagged Peak jumped, startled. “And you? What have you done to prove yourself?” Clear Sky demanded, scorn in his voice and eyes. “Well,” he added sneeringly, “you survived. That’s as much as you can do, now.” Jagged Peak’s shoulder fur bristled. “Actually,” he began, “I was responsible for looking after the camp and the cats who—” “So you stayed behind, where it was safe,” Clear Sky interrupted. Gray Wing couldn’t ignore that. He sprang to his paws and padded up to the group. “Jagged Peak is being really useful,” he mewed sharply. “Injured leg or no injured leg. He protected the cats who stayed in the hollow, and in case you didn’t notice, he did an excellent job of welcoming your cats into our camp. We need him, Clear Sky.”

...he's not. DOTC can never refute this point, because it's constantly defining cats based on their ability to contribute, up until its very last book. Bumble was exiled for exactly this, sent back to an abuser, for the idea that she wouldn't be able to hunt and would be 'another hungry mouth.'

Jagged Peak can't do what he used to. He can't heroically lunge into a forest fire like his nephew Thunder. He is disabled. But the writer here DOES believe that everyone must do work for the Clan at large

And they express that by putting it into Gray Wing's mouth. "No no no! He IS helpful we swear! He... protected the cats who weren't in danger! He welcomed you into camp! We need him, really, promise"

It's hollow, and that makes this whole scene uncomfortable. Gray Wing does not actually refute Clear Sky's philosophy. He does fundamentally agree with it, he's only correcting Clear Sky on technicalities.

"It IS bad to not contribute, but actually, Jagged Peak does justify his existence."

So... what if he couldn't?

Turning toward Jagged Peak, Clear Sky gave him a long look from intense blue eyes. “I’m sorry,” he told the young cat. “I take back what I said.” But Jagged Peak’s gaze was still full of pain and anger. “It’s too late!” he spat, “You clearly think I’m a waste of space. Why else would you have thrown me out of the forest? And now that I’m beginning to prove myself, you need Gray Wing to tell you what I’ve done.” He shook his head. “Will I ever be good enough?”

What the scene is trying to get at is that Jagged Peak feels disrespected, and that his recovery isn't being acknowledged. That his self-esteem was destroyed by being exiled. But, instead, it reads like to me like Clear Sky very callously popped a comfortable bubble that Jagged Peak was living in

Jagged Peak ISN'T contributing like his Clanmates and THAT SHOULD BE OKAY. He is LOVED, He HAS innate worth, and that's the POINT of having a society in the first place.

Instead of challenging the notion of value being tied to contribution, this is about Clear Sky accepting Gray Wing's flimsy argument that Jagged Peak has 'proven' himself, and that he isn't acknowledging that 'progress.'

But why are we here? Why does Jagged Peak need to "prove" his life is worth living? Take note of this framing, and what sorts of values are treated as a given.

“I told you I’m sorry . . . ,” Clear Sky began. But Jagged Peak wasn’t listening. Turning his back on Clear Sky, he limped away to join Rainswept Flower. Clear Sky let out a sigh as he watched him, then turned to meet Gray Wing’s gaze. “I didn’t mean . . .” His voice trailed off. Gray Wing twitched his whiskers in exasperation. “You never do mean anything, do you, Clear Sky?” “I’m just trying to do my best for every cat!” Clear Sky protested, instantly defensive. “By humiliating your brother?” Thunder was watching the two of them, drinking in every word. Gray Wing couldn’t help feeling glad that the young cat was seeing firsthand that Clear Sky wasn’t perfect. But even thinking that made Gray Wing squirm with discomfort. Why do I care so much? Why shouldn’t Thunder be happily reunited with his father? “Well, I can’t help it!” Clear Sky snapped, his neck fur beginning to rise. “It’s not my fault Jagged Peak fell out of that tree. Every cat has to contribute, and weak cats just don’t count.” He gave a single lash of his tail. “It’s about survival!"

I drop the phrase, "Clear Sky's redemption arc was a mistake" a lot. What I mean by that is, the entire arc is built around the struggle for Clear Sky's family to help him become a better person. Instead of refuting what Clear Sky represents as a character, DOTC is stuck in a tar pit that can only focus on him as a person.

He doesn't mean to hurt anyone. He doesn't have any malice. Noo, he was a fundamentally good person the whole time, and Gray Wing is right to always always see The Good in him and fight against any nasty instincts to keep his family away from the eugenicist ghoul

But fuck, this arc could have been FANTASTIC if it didn't bother with trying to keep this character redeemable. If it was about toxic family, cutting off people that hurt you and continue to hurt you, recognizing and challenging the deep assumptions that you end up believing as a result of loving someone like this, breaking cycles of abuse and accepting that some people don't change no matter how hard you try...

But YOU can.

But instead, it's just the same trend we see every time that a male character hurts someone for a self-absorbed reason.

Sandgorse was a hero, actually, and that's why you should remember him uncritically Talltail.

Stormtail just wasn't present, Bluefur, but that's no big deal since he's here for you now.

Ashfur just loved your mom too much, Jayfeather, so him trying to murder you wasn't Hell-worthy

Bramblestar was just worried about ThunderClan, Squirrelflight, and you shouldn't have spoken over him at that meeting

Clear Sky actually loved his Clan all along and everything was hard choices, for survival and because he was so afraid, so you have to accept his apology (even though he never actually changes.)

#bonefall reads dotc #tw ableism #every WC blogger has their white whale and BY GOD this entire arc is mine #I am on a Crusade #Warrior cats analysis

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whitehotharlots · 5 months

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The real problem with 2020 was probably just that the left sucks

Freddie DeBoer and Vincient Bevins have both recently published books that purport to examine the manner in which the left-seeming energy of 2020 dissipated. I have purchased each but not been able to bring myself to read either. Not because I dislike the authors; quite the opposite, I admire them greatly and read their debuts. The problem is that I really, really don't want to admit to myself how much the events of 2020 broke my hope and spirit.

What was your favorite lefty moment of that horrible year?

Was it the time an Hispanic business owner defended his storefront against anti-police protestors with a chainsaw, which caused said anti-police protestors to squeal that they were calling the police?

Was it when Chris Martin Palmer, an NBA reporter for ESPN, first tweeted "Burn that shit down. Burn it all down" along with a screenshot of a large arson in a dilapidated American city while his avatar was a cartoon portrait of George Floyd. And then, the very next day--same account, same avatar--he tweeted "They just attacked our system community down the street. It's a gated community and they tried to climb the gates. They had to beat them back. Then destroyed a Starbicls and are now in front my building. Get these animals TF out of my neighborhood. Go back to where you live."

(Screenshot below. It has to be seen to be believed):

Or, saving the worst for last, perhaps your fondest memory was of Seattle's "Capital Hill Autonomous Zone," typically referred to as CHOP or CHAZ. Autonomous Zones were first theorized by "anarcho-immediatist" poet Hakim Bey, who envisioned them as lawless areas within larger communities that provided "radical safety" to their inhabitants. No laws, sure, but a helluva lot of rules. You can shoot up on the sidewalk or light a car on fire no problem, but if you dare misgender someone, express a forbidden thought, or otherwise just look funny, you are liable to get murdered by one of the self-annointed CHAZ "security personnel," hormone-guzzling freaks armed with assault rifles.

You can guess how this played out. They had their tents, their drum circles, their needle exchanges, and their woefully pathetic community garden. They also executed at least one black child who was joyriding a stolen car within their supposedly law-free utopia. We know this happened because one of their brain dead community members posted a joyful tweet about the "beautiful shot placement" of said hormone-guzzling freaks (although a video of the incident, since scrubbed from the internet, confirmed the murder occurred after the vehicle was disabled).

What was the explanation for this? Not just for the murder itself, but for the celebration afterward? Well, they were scared and also the black kids were doing a minor crime. Literally, without exaggeration, within just a couple weeks of establishing their ideal, radical community, the left had become an even worse version of the murder cops they were supposedly protesting.

And so... I dunno. Maybe the spirit of 2020 wasn't coopted by powerful forces or anything so much as it just sucked? Like, maybe these people are just violent shitheads whose differentiation from the far right is much more a matter of style than of substance? Maybe there's no path forward. Maybe there's no light at the end of our tunnel but just another, shittier tunnel?

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cr-pplepunx · 3 months

Text

i, a 19 year old disabled trans man at 11 weeks of pregnancy, am scheduled for a surgical abortion tomorrow at 2pm.

i suppose i just wanted to speak on my experience.

i am scared

i am sad

i am grateful

and i am sure

**massive trigger warnings for mentions of addiction, substance abuse, the pro-life movement, and domestic abuse.**

personally, this feels somewhat as a loss. i am of the belief that a baby is always a blessing (meant non-religously, somewhat spiritually, but up to interpretation). and if i had the resources to bless this child back as a parent, i would with immense joy. i have never intended to have a child; however several of my siblings, as well as myself, were unplanned and i have seen the miracle of a child firsthand. to have the chance to welcome one into the world would be a beautiful and well-worth experience to me.

however, i am an addict. before and after discovering my pregnancy, i have smoked weed, used MDMA, and drank alcohol. i have left myself dehydrated, malnourished, and extremely stressed out due to a current abusive relationship. not to mention, i live with currently unmanaged chronic and mental illnesses and can barely take care of myself. i do not have a job, and have an extremely hard time getting hired due to my circumstances. i am off to residential rehab soon. i am not in a place to raise a child, and it would be entirely unfair to both them and to myself at this point in my life. i am making the best educated and kindest decision i possibly can for both myself and this life inside of me.

i am extremely sure of my decision. but this oppourtunity for love and life being lost does mean something to me. and i think it is strange and unfair the way that so much pro-abortion activism is done so aggressively and with no compassion or consideration to the people who's abortions bring on sad and complicated feelings. painting it as a procedure with absolutely no possibility of emotional/physical short or longterm effects. refering to the fetus as a "parasite" even, and with no consideration to it as a possibility for human life. i dont mean this in any pro-life sort of way, i firmly believe it is a personal choice whether or not you go through with the pregnancy. i just think it is unfair to pregnant people to paint this wonderful biological phenomenom as a scary harmful inhuman thing. even some of the support ive recieved from those close to me has referened this idea of a "parasitic" baby i need to "kill". i dont know if its just my pregnancy horomones, or perhaps my sense of humanity, but that verbage and imagery was just sickening to hear.

i have recieved an incredible amount of support, however, that many do not recieve. i am extremely grateful for both the family and friends who are supportive of my right to abortion, and to have been born and raised in a state with access to this right (before 15 weeks at least). my stepmother has had an abortion, shared her experience and support, and she is paying for mine. my father drove me to my initial consultation (as my state's law requires a ridiculously lengthy consultation 24 hours prior to the actual procedure), and even yelled at the protestors outside of the clinic. my partner, despite our relationship's hostility, is aware of this procedure and fully supportive. i am aware of my luck and privilege, and my heart truly does go out to anyone going through this on their own or with less support. as well as anyone living without access to this right.

the process of abortion is very trans-unfriendly in my experience, and ive opted to act as female and accept being misgendered. of course the pregnancy and this process has been dysphoria inducing, but sometimes it's just easier to do certain things like this. my trans homies know what i mean.

it is also very unfriendly overall, as my state's process attempts to coerce or scare you into changing your mind many times before the procedure takes place. not to mention the protestors standing at the sidewalk calling you a murderer and lecturing you about your sins. however, the clinic i went to had volunteers who very kindly escorted me from the car to the door and attempted to shield me from any harrassment. the staff inside was very kind and respectful, as were the patients going through this alongside me. it seemed everyone was attempting to counteract the heavy nature of the procedure and overall unfriendly and anti-feminist process. seeing the humanity and compassion from the people around me has been a pleasant silver-lining.

dont let anyone fool you, abortion is a pretty common thing. i couldnt find an open appointment at any clinic near me. my father drove me an hour and a half to a 5:30 appointment in a clinic (that exclusively did abortion), that was packed full of people in need of abortion services.

this experience has taught me things about myself, and the people around me, and the world. i do not regret my choice and dont think that will change. but even if it does that will be my own journey, which should never take away from anyone's basic human rights. it is appauling, disgusting, and terrifying to me that access to abortions is so limited. it is even at high risk in my state of becoming more limited, or even criminalized. i will always advocate and vote to the best of my ability for everyone's access to abortion. and i hope anyone reading this intends to do the same.

thank you, if you did read this.

#abortion #feminism #radfems dni #pro choice #tw drug mention #pro abortion #trans inclusive feminism #ok to rb

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helianthus-tarot · 10 months

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Hi Julian. Would you please give me some advice on how to be a secure person? In every dynamic I either feel superior or inferior than people. I hate it. And I have lately realised that feeling superior than other people makes me feel secure(safe). I want to change this way of relating to others. I just want to be independent and neutral. Just normal. Would you please share your thoughts and wisdom on this?

Sorry for the late reply, anon.

My guess is seeing yourself as superior is a way of you feeling better about who you are currently and where you are right now, when in fact you are actually insecure about those things. You feel inferior because of the same reason, you don't fully accept who you are and where you are right now. You use a roundabout way to feel better/worse about yourself without facing the real reason why you do it. You sound like you have problems accepting yourself for who you are. You also sound like you over-rely on external validation or 'proof' to feel confident in who you are, where you are standing, what you are doing, where you are going.

Insecurity is a complex problem to solve, simply because there are many reasons and possible solutions, so it's impossible for me to tell you exactly how to solve it. I'm not a professional either, so I can only share what I would do if I were in your place.

These are what I would do if I were in your place:

Change my reference point from external to internal, and look within to define myself instead of looking at other people. I am not better than that random person. I am me, and that's enough. X is what I do best, Y is what I don't do best, Z is something I'd love to be better at. My hobbies, my values, my principles, my dreams, my goals, etc— these represent who I am. I choose these for my betterment, I choose them because I truly love and believe in them. These have nothing to do with what other people value, or how other people judge themselves. Accept your individuality, accept other people's individuality too.

Acceptance and improvement. I would accept where I am right now and who I am right now. My flaws, what makes me insecure, my needs, my unhealthy habits, etc. And then I would find ways to work on those problems one by one, find healthy ways to meet my needs; change ones that I can change, accept ones that I cannot change. If I looked at another writer and felt superior because I secretly had a desire to be a good writer, I would just focus on being a good writer and do things that can help me achieve that. I could look at other writers to learn but my focus would be on applying what I learned, instead of focusing on feeling better/worse about myself.

Have an internal measure of success. I would only compare myself to my past self, I should be better than who I was. I have the same past as my past self, the same obstacles, the same illness and trauma, the same brain and the same body. This kind of comparison makes more sense and is more productive, than comparing myself to a random human being whose past I can't even fully understand, much less how their brain works.

Fix my values. How I value myself and how I value other people. How I define my worth, and how I define other people's worth. What do I base my judgement on, basically? Is it right? Is it healthy? Do I judge people's worth based on their superficial performance? Someone can be shit at a particular thing I'm good at, but they still deserve respect as my equal, because in terms of humanity and our inherent value as human beings, they are my equal.

Improve empathy, put myself in other people's shoes more often. Everyone has their own journey in life, we are given different set of 'resources' and all we can do is make the best of what we have. You may be 'superior' or more successful simply because you don't have to deal with the things they have to deal with— their disabilities and illnesses, their cognitive abilities, their kind of family, their lack of financial stability, their lack of social connection and support— to arrive to where you are currently. Vice versa. They may be superior than you in a particular field, you may have to struggle more to succeed in that area simply because you have your own set of obstacles that they didn't have to experience.

Conclusion

Comparison itself is normal, it's just how our brains work, we do it to understand more about our world. This is bigger, this is smaller, this is taller, this is shorter. Comparison that leads to feelings of superiority and insecurity is the problem here. If you compare yourself to other people's performance to gauge your own performance level, to understand what you do right and wrong, to know the standard or competition in your particular industry/field, that's fine because that can help you learn and improve. But if you do that and instead of learning, you look down on other people or you feel terrible about yourself, you have a problem.

Remember that people can't choose what type of brain they get and what type of family they have. Our childhoods heavily influence the trajectory of our success in this world. Sure there are miracle stories— someone changing their terrible life through sheer force of will and hard work. But environment and genetics influence us so much, luck plays a part in whether you die of starvation or not, whether you can get out of poverty or not, whether you have internet access or not, how fast you can be a millionaire, how many people around you are willing to lend you a hand and make life easier for you, and so on. At the end of the day, you are not the person you compare yourself to and they are not you.

Focus on practicing gratitude and thank the Universe or God for assisting you with luck and the right opportunities, instead of feeling superior. Also learn healthy competition.

#asks #other asks

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