#regardless you don't have the canon in universe narrative of breaking free of the story | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

snowaftermidnight · 3 months

Text

you're tangled in the great escape

read on ao3

tags/cw: jay merrick/tim wright, major character death, spoilers for entry 80, character study, pov second person, hurt no comfort, slight canon divergence, timeloop, poetry, freeform, title is from a pierce the veil song, tim's pov

isn't it a lovely thing

to be doomed by the very narrative

that brings you life itself?

no matter what paths you go down

or what choices you make

even if you choose to do nothing at all

his fate will never change

he was dead before the story began

it isn't exactly the same

as a tale as old as time

those ancient stories,

they function as the blood

the very bones

of the cage you live in

"someone has to leave first"

"this is a very old story"

"there is no other version of this story"

it's not about being relieved of some great responsibility

to know that nothing will change and so nothing you do matters

no, that will never be the meaning behind this story

because in every version

every timeline

every universe

you try as hard as you can to break free

you cry, you plead, you beg, you bleed

and yet the cycle renews

and you do it all over again

do you remember your past lives? your past attempts?

do you repeat because you don't remember?

because you do?

because you have to? because you have to at least try? because leaving him would tear you to pieces?

or because there is no universe in which you choose to walk away?

maybe it's because this loop of damnation means you couldn't leave if you tried

something will always pull you back here

to hell

to heaven

to home

is it love?

spite?

hatred?

memory?

do you remember anything but this?

do you want to remember?

how long has it been?

you've known him--this small slice of him

(the only part of him you can ever know)

for years

hundreds

thousands

maybe millions of years

he's known you as long as time

from the beginning to the end of his universe

does he love you?

would he love you if he knew?

do you want him to love you for it?

no, that's not what this is about

this dance, this game

this purgatory

are you even doing this to save him anymore?

or is it your own eternal punishment

for the crime of not being enough?

no matter what paths you go down

or what choices you make

even if you choose to do nothing at all

his fate will never change

he was dead before the story began

he loves you

but he'll never tell you

he doesn't have enough time

you've told him you loved him so many times you've lost count

love didn't save him

you're not sure if this feeling can be described as "love" anymore

even so, you tell him

more to reassure yourself than for him

love didn't save him

your love won't save him

it can't save him

but you have nothing else to give

you've been weathered down to blood and grief

and spilled blood is the grief of the universe

and grief is just love with nowhere to go

and you have nowhere to go

love will never save him

no choice you make will change his fate

he was dead before the story began

but you will never leave

you'll never be the one to leave first

no, it's not about being absolved from choice

(because you always end up making the same choice in the end

maybe because you forget how quickly the moment comes

maybe because you're afraid to end this hellish cycle

to leave him behind)

or being free from guilt

(after all,

his blood is on your hands

regardless of how he dies)

no matter what choice you make

(you blame the rest to ignore

how your own guilt threatens to swallow you whole)

the outcome is the same

(you never even see the gunshot

you only ever hear it from a distance

but you know.

you know, and it feels like his wound is your own each time.)

he dies alone

("this wasn't supposed to happen."

that's what still drives you, isn't it?

your hubris tells you that you know his fate better than the universe

and if you make the right choices at the right moments

distill it to a game, a performance

then neither of you will have to leave)

and you wake up too late to save him

(his body is already cold when you find it.

there's too much blood.

how long did he wait to die

between leaving his ghost on the cold, dirty floor

and taunting you with your bitter mistakes?

you hope it was instant.

you know it wasn't.)

it's about the twisted relief in knowing that he'll never be the one left behind.

(did he scream?

did he cry?

pray that you'd save him?

curse your name?

wish that he'd never met you?

wish to die quickly?

does he remember each resurrection?

each death?

does he leave first in hopes you'll forget him?

let him rest?

let him die?

does he hate you for putting him through this?

for putting yourself through this?

for weighing the universe against itself?

for weighing your own soul against a single stray blue feather?)

oh, how wonderful.

(you'll never let go

because you love him

because you hate him

because even if he leaves first

you will never [leave, let yourself leave, leave yourself, leave him]

you'll chase his ghost

and he'll chase your shadow

until your sins are etched into your very DNA

and his spilled blood washes your hands raw

and the cycle will continue long after the last stars go dark

and you will continue to make the wrong choices

and everything will be fine.)

#marble hornets #my writing #tim wright #jay merrick #jam #marble hornets spoilers #marble hornets fanfic #wrote this at like 5 am during finals week and decided to post it finally lmao #last half is heavily inspired by @cleaverdream's comic #i love timeloop angst so much #bitches will see a guy that has lived in the torture labyrinth for his entire life and be like #is anyone gonna put that guy in the torture labyrinth again #its me im bitches #mh

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